#So I’m having some feelings mostly of pure unbridled fucking joy

[jorvikzelda]

I’m getting pizza because I’m actually dying from hunger and who wants to cook when you can play Games but when I have nourished my body I’m going to download Reshade and then I’m going to be U N S T O P P A B L E

#z talks #the laptop rambles will end soon I promise #I just like. I worked. For this #And waited for so long #Literally what I put up with work all summer for #So I’m having some feelings mostly of pure unbridled fucking joy #SO worth it #Can’t wait to load up my writing doc also #Gonna be so much nicer to write on a bigger screen #(this is 16’’ 16:10 my old laptop is 14’’ 16:9)

[stephensponcho]

All the Young Dudes (continued)

It was now official. Paul was in love with John. He was so far gone and falling more everyday. It hurt. John wouldn't want him. Well, he was always flirting with Paul, but as soon as he realised what he was doing, he would stop. It hurt.

John started staying more nights. He would climb through the wide window and pass out on Paul's beanbag chair. One night, Paul had insisted that John sleep in his bed with him, so he did. Paul woke up spooning John with John pressed flush against Paul. There wasn't a spot where they weren't touching. It was wonderful. They continued for a few more weeks.

Then Paul's dad began to take notice. He continuously rudely referred to John as Paul's boyfriend. It was annoying. And, unfortunately, not true.

Then John told Paul something. Something that changed everything.

"Paul!?" John scrambled up the tree and into Paul's room as fast as he could.

Paul laughed as John struggled and nearly fell out of the tree, "What is it, Johnny?"

John eventually made it to Paul's room. He stood in the middle on the floor with sticks and leaves poking out of his hair.

He panted for a moment before talking, "I need to talk to you."

Paul's heart stopped beating. John's normally smirking face was grave and concerned.

"Go ahead."

"I-I... I've got this mate called Stu, wonderful bloke, and he," John mumbled something intelligible.

"What was that?" John mumbled intelligibly again, "John, love, you're going to have to speak louder-"

"He asked me out! Like on a date!" John exclaimed loudly. He buried his face in his knees, "Paulie, what should I do?"

Paul ran his fingers through John's soft auburn hair, "Do you like him back?" John shook his head rapidly, "Would dating him help you in any way?" John shook his head once more.

Paul sighed, "So, I think what you should do is, you should say that you aren't looking for a relationship now but you don't want this to stop you from being friends." John nodded solemnly, taking out his phone and putting it to his ear.

"Hey Stu! About what you said earlier..." He went on to describe basically everything Paul said with a few personal touches. He paced the floor as he talked, becoming more and more wound up.

John eventually hung up the phone, flopping onto Paul's bed.

"Paulie, you are a lifesaver!" He sighed in relief, "I could kiss you!" I wouldn't be entirely opposed to that, Paul thought, just do it already. John stared at him, wide eyed.

"Did I say that out loud?" Paul asked nervously. John nodded slightly, his mouth dropping open.

"Uh... Sorry! You just got out of strange friend-relationship issues and awkward love confessions, you don't need more."

John sat up more, crawling nervously across the bed to Paul.

Moving towards the other boy, he softly asked, "Can I?", his nose nearly brushing against Paul's. Paul nodded eagerly, softening at the fact that John had asked before doing anything. John cradled Paul's face in his hand and began leaning forward.

Before they could do anything, Jim sauntered in and picked up Paul's laundry basket. He looked up briefly, his eyes becoming the size of dinner plates as he looked on the two boys and their suggestive position.

"Oh- I'm sorry!" He stumbled out with the basket and closed the door loudly. John sat back, giggling. Paul had an annoyed look spread across his face.

"Why does that always happen?" Paul huffed. John laughed, slumping against Paul and smiling.

"What always happens?" John asked, grinning.

"Every time we almost kiss, someone barges in and ruins the moment! Twice now!" Paul exclaimed exasperatedly. John nodded thoughtfully. I'm going to take matters into my own hands, Paul thought. He surged towards John and pressed their lips together. John jumped slightly, nearly falling off the bed. His hands found Paul's cheeks. Paul's arms were wrapped firmly around John's back, his stomach jumping and exploding with overwhelming joy.

John broke it off, laughing and beaming at Paul, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"I might have a clue."

John placed his forehead against Paul's, his eyes flickering shut, "Day one, love. I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw you."

"Does this mean you're... Y'know, my boyfriend?"

John smiled, laughing softly, "If you want, then I suppose I could make some arrangements."

"Good. Because now you're stuck with me and I owe George a bunch of money."

John's eyes flickered up, looking hurt and confused. Paul quickly realised what he had said and how that would make John feel without context.

"Oh! George bet that you and I would end up together, I honestly didn't think that it would happen. Mostly because of my dumb immovable heterosexuality routine and because I was convinced that you would never want me." Paul admitted.

"Have you seen yourself? It's ME who shouldn't have a chance with YOU, not the other way around," John assured him.

Paul wasn't convinced, but he was happy. And John was too, and that's all that mattered. John pressed a gentle kiss to Paul's lips.

"You're wonderful and amazing, Paulie."

"You are too, Lennon."

~~~

Roughly a year later (it's like May, so school's not over yet)~

"Hello, love!" Paul called through the window. John's head instantly poked out.

"Paul! My wonderful, gorgeous love who's more beautiful than the stars in all their immense glory!" John called exaggeratedly. Even though he knew John was joking, Paul could feel his cheeks slowly heat up. "Wait for one moment," John told him, shimmying down the pipe running up and down on the outside of his house.

"Johnny, you know what dad said," Paul chided, "You have to use the front door."

John pouted, climbing down the tree and walking to the front side of the house.

Paul stood expectantly at the top of the stairs, staring down the door.

There was a knock. Paul flew down the flight of stairs, tripping in the process.

He made eye contact with his dad, "It's faster than walking." He assured him, picking himself up and opening the door.

John turned around, a huge grin on his face and George at his side.

John brushed it off as, "We both had a yearning to see you, love."

Paul snorted, "Don't say yearning, Johnny. It's fucking weird." John laughed softly, kissing Paul on the cheek.

George coughed lightly, "I have important news!" He declared. Paul led both of them to his room, clasping John's hand tightly.

John plopped on the Paul's floor, pulling Paul with him and into his lap. Paul giggled, kissing John on the cheek. George stood in the middle of the room with a smug look on his face and his hands on his hips.

"What is it Georgie?" George grinned wider.

"I'm going to ask Ringo out," he exclaimed happily.

Paul laughed, "After three years of pining?" George nodded, "When?"

"Right now!" George pulled John and Paul up. "C'mon, moral support!"

They burst out laughing, but obeyed.

George was practically skipping across the street, his messy brown hair and leather jacket flowing in the rush of wind and a guitar securely fastened on his back. Paul was piggybacking on John, grinning and giggling, occasionally kissing John's head.

"John?" Pauls voice asked out of the blue.

"Yeah, love?"

Paul sighed, "What're we gonna do when school's over? Cause I've got to go to college. I mean, I don't know your plans, but you and I are not gonna be able to see each other, and I don't want to have to say good bye-,"

"Breathe, darling, it's gonna be okay. I love you too much to let you slip away. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Paul's throat hitched, "You love me?" His voice cracked substantially.

"Well, yeah," John laughed, "I probably should've saved that for a better, more tender moment than you riding on my back to Ringo's house so Georgie can confess."

Paul held on to John tighter, almost like a hug.

"If I could, I would make out with you right now," Paul told him. John threw his head back and laughed loudly.

"Why can't you?" John asked, smirking.

Paul giggled softly, "Cause we've gotta support Geo."

They both looked at George, who had stopped in front of a house, staring at the door.

"You can do it, George!" Paul called, cupping his hands around his mouth. George gave him a thumbs up. John stopped a few feet away from George and hoisted Paul off his back.

George hesitantly knocked on the door.

"Hey Georgie! What's up?" Ringo asked, leaning against the doorway and rushing his brown hair out of his bright eyes.

George's face faded to a dark red, "I was wondering if... If maybe, you might perhaps, just maybe..."

"Get on with it, Geo," John muttered. George had apparently heard, because he shot a sharp glare at John before continuing to stumble through his words.

"I was wondering if maybe youwantedtogooutonadatewithme."

Ringo cocked his head to the side, smiling confusedly, "Can you say that again?"

George sighed, looking at the other boy with dark, pleading eyes, "Would you like to go out? On a date? With-with me?" Ringo's blue eyes grew huge, he jumped forward and hugged George tightly.

"Really? You mean it?" George nodded rapidly. "I would love to, Georgie." John and Paul clapped and cheered. George stared at Ringo with softened eyes and a bright , lovesick smile on his face. Then, a look of remembrance passed on his face. He took his guitar off his back.

"I- uh, I wrote a song for you," Ringo grinned widely with pure, unbridled joy. "Here goes..." He played a short riff and began singing, "Something in the way he moves, attracts me like no other lover... Something in the way he woos me... I don't wanna leave him now, you know I believe and how," he played the riff again and stopped, "That's all I've got so far," he grinned sheepishly.

Ringo looked on the verge of tears. He hugged George again, "Thank you..." Standing on the tips of his toes, he gently kissed George's cheek.

"I think I have a cavity from how sweet that was," John told Paul. Paul laughed and smiled brightly at him.

"How come you haven't written me a song yet?" Paul asked jokingly.

"Believe me, I've got a whole notebook dedicated to songs for you," John assured.

"Why haven't I heard them?"

John shrugged, "Because."

"Because why?"

"Cause I'm waiting for our wedding," he said nonchalantly. Paul stared at him, shocked.

"What?"

John laughed, "Not yet, but eventually. I mean, I love you and I think you love me. And you're gonna be eighteen next month, so it's not entirely unreasonable..."

Paul kissed him, hard. "You low key just proposed to me," Paul giggled, kissing John again.

John grinned smugly, "Maybe I did."

"Well, hypothetically, if you proposed to me then, hypothetically of course, I think I would say yes."

"Well, as great as that is, I'm still waiting till you're eighteen so that this can technically be legal," John picked Paul up bridal style, kissing his cheek.

George huffed, "Of course I had to be outdone by the McLennons proposing..."

Ringo hooked an arm around his neck, "It's okay, I think you did much better than that half assed kind of-proposal."

George grinned, "Thanks Ritchie, you're wonderful."

Ringo pecked his cheek, "You are, too."

They turned to look at John and Paul, who were now kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. Ringo giggled. George stared triumphantly at them,

"I made that happen, y'know. I forced Paul into his gay awakening and got them together."

"Of course you did," Ringo patted him on the back and pulled him into his house, leaving the McLennons to their devices.

~~~

"Happy Birthday, dear Paaauuul! Happy birthday to you!" The small crowd sang loudly.

Paul stared down at the cake, candlelight shining blindingly in his eyes. He looked up briefly to see his dad and Mike both grinning as wide as their faces could handle. But John looked like he was somewhere else. His eyes were unfocused, and a fake smile was attempting to mask his nervousness.

"What do you wish for Paul?" Mike asked in his small voice.

"I wish that everybody everywhere would be happy, even just for a moment," Paul blew out the eighteen candles, grinning widely. John smiled at him softly before returning to his thoughts. What was wrong with him? Was he going to break up with Paul? No. He can't. Not on Paul's birthday.

Paul graciously accepted the gifts from his aunts and uncles and everyone else. They were mostly simple things like suit jackets and socks, but Ringo and George had pooled their money and gotten him and Elvis record, an old one that was still in perfect condition. Paul's heart swelled and he felt like he was going to cry.

"Thank you guys! It's brilliant," he told them, clutching it like a life raft.

John still made no attempt to speak to him. Paul was nervous. But, he had people to attend to. It was his birthday, after all.

The night went on. His dad brought him a brand new guitar. It was stunning! Paul wasted no time in playing it. He played Elvis and Buddy Holly for what seemed like half an hour.

"Why don't you play one of your own songs?" Paul looked at the person who said it, his aunt who didn't know that most of his songs were love songs written for John.

Paul blushed. "Uhh... Okay." He set down the guitar and took a spot at the piano, John happened to be standing right in Paul's range of vision.

Paul tried to look away from him as he played the opening and began singing,

"Oh, darling! Please believe me, I'll never do you no harm... Believe me when I tell you, I'll never do you no harm," Paul sang, looking directly at John, who seemed to be very interested in the tiling on the floor, "Oh darling, if you leave me I'll never make it alone... Believe me when I beg you, don't ever leave me alone," Paul turned to look briefly at the group, some of who were enraptured in his playing, and some who were off making their own conversations.

"When you told me you didn't need me any more, well you know I nearly broke down and cried! When you told me you didn't need me any more, oh well you know I Healy broke down and diieeed! Oh Johnny!" Paul pronounced John's name loosely enough so it still sounded like darling, but it definitely caught his attention. His soft brown eyes looked up, shocked. They bore into Paul's soul.

"I'll never let you down! Oh believe me darling! Believe me when I tell you, Oohhh! I'll never do you no harm!" Paul ended the song with less intensity than it should be played, but he got the point across to John, who's face had become a tomato.

People clapped and cheered.

"Did you write that for your girlfriend, Paul?" His uncle asked, smiling.

"My boyfriend, actually," Paul said curtly. Some people gasped in shock, some were whispering, one of his cousins jumped up and yelled, "I knew it!"

"He never actually told me he didn't need me, in fact, he's standing in this room," Paul giggled as everyone's heads turned to George, who was shaking his head rapidly, horrified that the attention was on him. Jim was sitting on the couch, laughing to himself with Mike in his lap, Paul grinned at his dad for being so accepting and cool with everything.

Then Paul realised something, something important. John was gone. Paul sprinted out the door, ignoring the protests from everyone.

"John!? John, love, where'd you go?!" He called anxiously from the end of the driveway.

"I could do without you screaming in my face, but I'm here. I just needed some air." John grinned smugly at Paul, "You wrote me a song!"

Paul smiled shyly, "Yeah, dozens. But you didn't hear the end! And you didn't see everyone freak out when one, I said I had a boyfriend, and two, that he was in this room," Paul pouted, "But then my boyfriend wasn't in that room. Care to explain, darling?"

John coughed awkwardly, "Well my feet moved and brought me out of that room," he joked. Paul was unimpressed.

"Why weren't you talking to me? You looked like you were far away the whole time! I need you here with me! Are you cheating on me? You're gonna break up with me, aren't you?! I knew this was gonna happen! You were bound to get sick of me and want someone else! I'm not-"

Paul was abruptly cut off by John kissing him passionately.

"I'm never going to leave you. I promise. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not giving you up. And as for me being distant, I-I had something really important to ask you. Well, I still do." John awkwardly fumbled in his pocket, carefully pulling something out of it. He handed it to Paul.

It was an old, battered, leather bound journal.

"It has every song, poem, and drawing I've ever done for you. I'm bad with verbal words, so I wrote down how much you mean to me." Paul gingerly flipped through the notebook. There was a bookmark poking out of one of the pages. Paul hesitantly flipped to the page.

A gasp forced its way out of his throat. There, in huge, carefully written letters, was a question. The most important question that Paul could think of.

Will you marry me? Paul looked at John, who was on one knee, holding a small, simple ring in his hand.

John had tears tracking their way down his cheeks as he smiled expectantly.

"Will you?"

Paul smiled so wide, he thought his face would rip. He could barely see through the blurriness that was his tears.

"Oh, Johnny! I love you so much! Fuck yeah!" John put the ring on his finger with shaking hands. Paul kissed him, rough and full of passion. John kissed back with equal passion, resting his hands on Paul's hips, Paul's wrapped tightly around John's neck.

The kiss was broken by shouts of excitement and wonder. Paul looked up at the porch to see his dad with a huge smile and tears streaming down his face. George was jumping up and down, practically screaming with joy. Mike clapped happily from Ringo's arms. Ringo himself was grinning painfully wide.

Surprisingly, only two of his relatives looked angry and disgusted, muttering under their breath about queers going to hell etc, as they made their way to their car. Of course they were married.

But you know who else was going to be married? Paul and John. Paul was staring up at John in wonder and joy as John held him bridal style.

"I thought you were going to leave me!" Paul muttered, "But, instead, we're gonna get married!" John smiled softly and kissed his boyfriend, no, fiancé on the cheek.

"I know we're both young, but I love you more than everything in existence and I can't spend another moment without you," John told him. Paul kissed John sweetly.

"I love you, too." He smiled, "Now, let's go tell everyone, even though they already know. We need to start making plans!"

#mclennon #the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #george harrison #ringo starr

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

The Nuptial Necessity - Chapter 27

A 12xRose Human AU

Despite an unglamorous job description, Rose loves the work she does with The Thistle Foundation, a charity founded by her best friend’s great-uncle.  It doesn’t hurt that her boss, her friend’s father, is easy on the eyes.  With a great job, wonderful friends and a loving family, life couldn’t be better – except for having someone to share it with.

All of that is threatened, though, when the great-uncle dies – and sets a strange condition for his nephew to inherit, jeopardizing the Foundation and Rose’s future, sparking a chain of events that might just get her everything she dreamed of and more.

Chapters will be posted on Saturdays and Tuesdays.  Many thanks to my beta, @stupidsatsuma

Rated: Explicit, for eventual smut

@doctorroseprompts

AO3  |  Masterlist

—

Wednesday, cont’d

Hands in his pockets, Malcolm wandered his way through the house, ruminating on the letter Wally had left him.  In no uncertain terms it had laid out the entire plan, his uncle’s intention behind it, and what was expected of him going forward.

He wanted to be mad- he wanted to rage and scream, to curse Wallace for his meddling, to say to hell with it all and leave, never to return.  Unfortunately, the last paragraph removed the righteous cause of his anger, leaving him feeling empty, small, and ultimately sad.

At the end of it all, you are the son I never had.  Watching you grow and flourish, as a father and a man, has been one of my greatest joys.  Your selflessness knows no bounds, nor does your capacity for love.  I recognize that my methods are unorthodox, but I trust you know my intentions are pure.  You and Rose belong together in every sense of the concept, but I know your heart, your fears.  She does love you, you fool, and all the world can see it – except for you.  Though, if you’re reading this, you do now.  I would not have gone to these lengths if you had only forgiven yourself for the past, and allowed your future to begin.

Above all else, be happy – you have a second chance at love, which not all do.  Use it well.  Treasure her always, and think of me from time to time.

Wallace

P.S.  I expect you to name your first son ‘Wallace’, though I’ll forgive you if it’s a middle name.

Without consciously heading there, he found himself standing outside the art gallery.  His great-grandfather had been an art collector, and most of his acquisitions still hung as he’d arranged, in and amongst family portraits.

I suppose we’ll have to have our portraits done as Lord and Lady, Malcolm mused, standing in the hallway with his hand on the doorknob, not quite ready to enter.  He hadn’t meant to go there, but he knew Rose was inside, and had been drawn to her like a moth to the flame.  I owe her an explanation for my attitude today.

Pushing the door open, he stepped inside, equally disappointed and relieved she wasn’t in the first room.  Disappointed because he longed to be next to her always, and relieved to have a few more moments to compose himself, uncertain of what he would say or do when he found her.  Crossing the room in long strides, he headed for the door that connected to the second room, finding it slightly ajar and hearing Rose’s voice from the other side.

He paused to be sure he wasn’t interrupting, heart dropping at Rose’s words.

“But that’s just it, Clar, I don’t know.  He’s been so weird since we got here.  I have no idea what he’s feeling.  I mean, he acts like we’re… you know… in some ways, and in others, nothing’s changed except now we have sex!”  She paused, and could hear the eyeroll in her sigh.  “You’re my best friend and I’m in crisis.  You can deal with me talking about shagging your father for one conversation.  If nothing else, you owe me for everything I had to hear at uni- you were not as quiet as you thought you were.”

He could hear his daughter’s squawk from where he was, though not any words.

“Yes, I love him, but I can’t tell him,” Rose said, with the impatient air of someone tired of repeating herself, making his heart leap.  “What if he doesn’t?  I did make the first move!  I agreed to marry him, I invited him into my bedroom under the most obvious ruse known to man- I don’t know how to make it more obvious without saying the words!  He needs- I need him to say it first.  I can’t.  I just- I can’t.”

Heart pounding, a wide smile on his face, Malcolm backed out of the room; he’d heard all he needed to.

Now it was time to plan.

-

Thursday

“Rose,” he murmured, brushing her face out of her hair.  “Time to wake up.”

She whimpered, turning to face into the pillow, making him laugh softly.

“Wake up, sweetheart.”  Leveraging himself up he rained kisses over her hair, the only part of her accessible.  “I have a surprise for you.”  It had been a solid twelve hours since she said she loved him (though not to him), and he was still in awe of that fact.  They loved each other, truly, and it was time for her to know as well.

“Nooooo,” she whined.  “Shag later, sleep now.”

Malcolm snorted.  “It’s not that, it’s a real surprise.  C’mon, you’ll miss it.”

“Fuck you.”

It may have been a result of his unbridled joy and love, or maybe his lack of sleep, but he found her stubbornness in this moment absolutely adorable.  “I promise it’s worth getting up for, my love,” he told her.

That got him a reaction; face turning slightly, one eye opened to peer up at him suspiciously.  He just smiled in response, and after a moment, she groaned, rolled over to her back, and sat up, pushing her hair out of her face.  “Do I need to change?”

“Yes, but loungewear is fine.  You’re changing for temperature only,” he said, hurrying around to her side to help her out of bed.  “I already laid things out for you.”

With an unimpressed expression, equal parts sleepy and mutinous, she did as he asked, pulling her nightgown over her head without any hesitation.  He focused on helping her find her way through the sweatpants and hoodie; there would be time for ogling later, once she Knew.  Kneeling, he guided her feet into her Uggs, before standing and offering her his hand.

“Where are we going?” she asked, a little more awake now- enough to be suspicious, apparently.  “Wha’s goin’ on?”

“Just… trust me.”

“Fine,” she said after a moment.  “But I’m gonna need tea.”

He just smiled, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.  “I know.”

-

Still yawning, Rose curled around the thermos he’d brought, leaning into his side as he drove down the dark road.

They hadn’t gone too far when he turned off, on the side with the water, and parked the car.

“What’re we doing here?”  She trusted him absolutely, but everything about the situation seemed right out of a true crime show episode.

Perhaps sensing her hesitation, he smiled kindly down at her.  “We’re going to watch the sunrise out over the Sea.”

“The Sea?”  They got out, and he held her hand, guiding her down the path to the water while carrying a picnic basket.

“North Sea- we’re only about 14 miles from the coast.  By the time we get down there, the sun will be almost ready.”

She stopped walking, peering up into his face in the dark.  “You’re taking me out to the North Sea to watch the sunrise.”

“Yes.”  His tone shifted, coming across unsure as he asked, “Is that okay?”

Surging up on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips firmly against his for a fleeting moment, grateful for the dark as her cheeks flushed.  “Very much so.  Now, lead on.”

The dock came into view then, a solitary light pole illuminating the area, and she gasped at seeing the boat tied up.  “Is that a yacht?”  For reasons unknown she’d been expecting something small, perhaps a dinky little rowboat, though in hindsight that seemed absurd to travel fifteen miles out to sea in.

“Technically it’s a ‘cabin cruiser’.  Difference is in the size.”

“That’s what she said.”

He shot her an amused glance as they stepped carefully onto the dock.  “This is the cleverly-named Gallifrey II.  It’s a good twenty years old, but still in good condition.  Jack takes her out every so often, oversees her maintenance.  I promise it’s safe.”

Relatively-speaking she knew it wasn’t particularly large, but it had a little deck at the back, and appeared to have an indoor section.  It looked like something she’d seen on telly, showing marinas throughout the world.  It didn’t show it’s age, looking bright and clean, though if Jack was using it to romance his boyfriend, she would expect nothing less.

“Right,” Malcolm said brusquely, leaning over the side to put the basket on out of the way, “ready?”

A little nervous, but willing to trust him, she let her tongue peek out from between her teeth.  “Depends.  Permission to come aboard, Captain?”

He just laughed, offering her his hand.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

-

Rose burrowed further into the woven blanket, moving the edge of it to cover her nose.  It was cold, sailing out to sea in the dark.  Malcolm was at the helm, steering the boat, and she’d chosen to stay with him, perched on the small seating area on top of the boat, right behind him.  She could barely see him, mostly just an outline, but she still felt safe and cozy despite the temperature.  Her better judgement was telling her to go down into the cabin out of the cold, but she resisted the urge, choosing instead to stay with her husband, watching the lights along the coast zip by.

Her nerves were doing their best to keep her warm though, as she wondered what this all meant.  The idea of it was certainly romantic, and she was hoping for a confession of love, something to put her fears to rest and allow her heart to be free, but she was trying to temper those hopes so she wouldn’t be disappointed if she was wrong.

She wanted to be right.

“Just another minute or so,” Malcolm called behind him as the coast seemed to curve.  “I want to make sure we’re out of the way, but with no view obstructions.”

“Okay,” she shouted back, unsure if he could hear her.  Other boats were in the waters now, ones like theirs, fishing boats, and ferries all starting their day early as well.  She could just hear shouts and calls in the distance, see people greeting each other as if they were passing on the street instead of at sea.  She hadn’t been on the boat all that long, but already she could picture them taking sailing trips, exploring the world by sea, maybe with a few sleepy children pressed up against her, waiting for the sun to rise as they did now.

She liked the image.

The noise of the engine abruptly cut, dropping to almost nothing, as Malcolm made his way back to her.  “Here’s as good a spot as any, I think,” he said, picking up the basket and setting it on the seat next to her.  “Budge up, let me behind you.”

They shifted around, eventually settling with him in the corner, Rose snug up to his front and the blanket encircling both of them.  His arms were tight around her waist, holding her close, and she felt… loved.  The words were on the tip of her tongue when he inhaled sharply.

“Look.”

She followed his fingers to a spot where the darkness seemed to be lightening.  Slowly the sun rose as they sipped at their tea, Rose relaxing back into his comfortable chest and strong grip.  This is heaven.  Those three words hovered on the tip of her tongue; so strong was the urge she said nothing lest they slip out of their own free will.

It didn’t take long for the sun to clear the horizon, bathing everything in beautiful hues of pink and orange, so spectacular it belonged on a postcard.

“What did you think?” Malcolm murmured in her ear, once the best of it was over.  “Worth getting up?”

She turned so she could see him, careful to not disturb their nest of blankets too much and let the cold air in.  “Oh, it was incredible.  Thank you.  I just- there are no words.”  That was a lie; there were three, but she didn’t dare risk ruining the moment.

Malcolm smiled back, but it faded quickly as his eyes searched hers, making her heart pound in anticipation.

Say it, her heart whispered to him.  Tell me, so I can tell you, and we can be happy forever.  Say it.  Please.

“Rose…”

Here it is!

“We need to talk.”

What?

#bbatcfic #ficandchips #Doctor Who #doctorroseprompts #Human!12xRose #Human!Twelfth Doctor #Rose Tyler #Human AU #AU #The Nuptial Necessity

[actuallyvady]

Cross-posting my long-ass trip post from fb

Finally took the time to write out my thoughts on the concert. They're... mostly coherent. Long, so under the cut.

It's really hard to articulate what this weekend meant to me; my feelings are many and varied and some of them so deep that I'm not sure I can put words to them.

I'll start with the easy ones. Traveling is neat, flying alone is wonderful, and I want to go more places and do more things. Not sure I'm ready to go on a trip all by myself but... I'm definitely not going to go another four years without going anywhere.

We stayed in a house, made meals instead of eating out. I got to sit on the porch and have breakfast and coffee. It was wonderful. And I liked being the early riser-- and getting to share a quiet morning with the other early riser. I am not a super social person, I need quiet time amidst adventures, so it worked out really well for me that some of the group slept later, giving me those early mornings.

I had money to spend on merch and other things. Less than I had planned on-- damn automatic payments and my habit of forgetting them-- but still a reasonable amount. I got all the things I wanted and I don't feel bad about the amount I spent... though if i add up how much the trip cost it's a little sobering. But it was really nice to not feel like I had to *worry* about the cost.

Fabric shopping in the garment district is a wonderful, dangerous thing that I want to do more of but should probably be very careful about budgeting for if (when) I do. It is seriously magical. So many things, so much inspiration.

Now for the things which are harder to articulate...

I want to design and make more things. I've been moving towards enjoying original designs for a while; the reception my Things got this weekend was deeply gratifying, and both that and the fabric shopping left me super hyped to do it more. I'm not sure what that looks like, but... fashion design may become a goal.

The ARMY is a lot. To be honest I didn't really know what to expect; I'm new to this fandom and I don't go to concerts much, but I've heard a lot about the ARMY, both good and bad. But! They were wonderful, in every encounter I had with other fans. So sweet, so giving, so creative, so supportive. So excited to share their love with others. Did the screaming make me very glad for my earplugs? Yes. But mostly I loved their enthusiasm. I loved how many people I saw giving away things they had made or put together, I loved the fans we met who were selling pins, I loved the wide variety of fashion for the concerts, I just... loved all of it.

Kudos to the Rose Bowl for their organization of things all weekend. That could have been a HUGE mess but they were really quite well prepared, and I'm grateful for that. Most every staff member we talked to was cheerful and helpful. Very few seemed annoyed by the whole thing and honestly, I'm impressed and a little bit shocked by that, given, well, ARMY.

The concert... that's the hardest bit to put into words. It was... so much more than seeing a band perform music I like.

Given the chance, I would do exactly this again; seeing the concert from far away the first night I think gave me more context for seeing it the second night. Both nights were amazing, and I'm glad I did both, in the order that I did.

From the club level was surreal. It's a huge stadium but somehow the stage doesn't seem that far away, and watching them (rather than the screens showing close ups) I was struck by the thought that they were real people. Just... seven guys, singing and dancing on a stage I could imagine being on myself. For all that we were super far away there was this strange sense of intimacy, for me.

Also when I turned on my ARMY bomb and it started doing the Thing along with the music videos I was giddy as a child. It's NEAT and I am not ashamed of how cool I found it. There may be footage of this, I'm not sure. But then to see the whole stadium filled with them, to see the light show they created... it's very, VERY cool. It really supports the way the guys talk about how the ARMY is connected to them? As a fan, you are literally part of what makes the show spectacular, and that is so cool on, like, a symbolic level.

Sound check was. Um. I was like ten feet away from them? And they all just looked like they were having so much fun. They really do love their fans and love what they do and it's so wonderful to see that joy shine through. Also Jimin is a cocky little shit? Not complaining, dude just had this smug "I know you think I'm sexy so here, enjoy the view" air the entire time he was near us for soundcheck and honestly I loved it. Not as much as I loved J-Hope's pure, unbridled excitement about everything, but it did amuse me.

The show the second night... I am a lot more emotional about it than I thought I would be. It's a weird combination of intimate and larger than life, surrounded by the screaming fans and the confetti and the music so loud you feel it in your bones but able to see the expressions on their faces. I found myself often watching the ones who weren't being featured at the time- in part because they tended to be toward the front of the forward stage when they were the featured one and we were towards the back of it, but also because it was fun to watch the way they interacted with fans when they had a bit more freedom to do so.

This concert was for us. I mean, that's a given, you perform for the fans, but. It felt like they were there to give us a gift, in thanks for supporting them. Every moment they were on stage they presented to the fans like an offering, not of worship but one made out of gratitude. Here, ARMY. We made this for you. We hope you like it. Please share this experience with us. Join us tonight, have fun with us, cry with us.

At least, that was how it felt to me. IDK.

And they treated the screaming adoration of the fans not as their due but as a treasured gift, something they cherished. They seemed overwhelmed by it-- the fact that Jimin literally broke down and cried night two really hit that point home. It's easy for them to say they are blown away but these guys really, genuinely were. I will never forget Namjoon's face as he tried not to cry at the overwhelming screaming for him the second night.

They were all so very real, even in such an unreal setting. That's what I will remember most: how genuine the whole thing felt. I will remember the dorky faces Tae makes when he dances, the joy radiating from J-Hope all the time, Suga's cute little smile, Jin's tears, even Jimin's smug attitude from soundcheck. I will remember the joy with which they watched the wave and the fact that Namjoon had us use cell phones instead of the ARMY bombs and how happy I was that he'd made it so people who didn't have a light stick got to play too.

I'm not sure having this be my first kpop concert was a great idea-- it's going to be very hard for anything else to live up to this, lol. (Though I do think G-Dragon will surpass it, but I'm a little bit biased.) And the whole thing was made so much better by getting to share it with the wonderful people I was with, both those who traveled with me and those we met there. I think they may be surprised by all of this, actually-- I am not a very demonstrative person when it comes to things that impact me emotionally, lol, and was not in tears or anything at the concert. But.

This trip was magical. There is no other word for it. I'm tired, I need to put money into savings to recover a bit, I managed to get a tiny bit sunburned (how did I miss the top of my nose?) but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm honestly not sure how to go back to work, to slip back into a life where nothing has changed. That's a bit of hyperbole but... it does feel like the world ought to be different, because in some way I am? I'm not sure what that even means but it feels true. I feel like this experience has, in some way, changed me. Maybe I'm simply feeling a renewed sense of hope or purpose or happiness or something. I don't honestly know and I can't point to any one part of this trip and say "this is why I feel this way." But it's a very real, very strong feeling anyway.

Like I said. So much more than seeing a band perform songs I like. And fuck if i know how to explain what it was. But I'm so glad, so grateful. So... I don't even know. But it's wonderful.

#bts was amazing #is what i am trying to say

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

California Beach

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff

Word Count:  3781

Summary: Baz and Simon go to the beach, much to Baz's reluctance. Based on "underwater kiss” request.

Read on AO3

AN: I'm back! Well, sorta. I'm still slowly dying from uni ;-; So I wrote this, pure mindless snowbaz fluff, to fill a request and distract myself from the crushing amount of work I'm supposed to do. It's not my best written piece tbh. But it was lots of fun and just cute. Hope you enjoy it :D

Baz

I’m literally rocked awake. Pushed back and forth on the hotel mattress like a rolling pin. The clock right in front of my tired eyes reads 11:00am, which is late for me to get up. But considering the heavy amount of alcohol I drank last night, I’d much rather stay in bed. Plus my head is throbbing. And the loud voice of my boyfriend does not help with that.

“Baz Baz Baz!” Snow yells gleefully.

“What?” I growl.

“You gotta get up. Today’s the day.”

I roll over to face him. He’s smiling so hard his gorgeous face must hurt. He’s all tan from our two weeks in California sun. It makes his freckles even more prominent on his tawny skin. I’d find it adorable if he hadn’t just shaken me awake.

“And what day would that be, Snow?”

“Our last full day in California. And there’s still one thing we haven’t done...” He cocks an eyebrow. I groan and slide a hand across my face.

“The beach,” I grumble.

Simon throws his arms up. “The beach!”

There are very good reasons I’ve been avoiding the beach. The beach is nothing but stinging sunlight, people there tend to be awful, and sand is very itchy. But I promised Snow we’d go to the beach at least once while here in America. And I keep my promises, especially to him.

Snow and Wellbelove sit in the front seat. They’re singing along to some pop song together at the tops of their lungs. As great as it is that they’ve mended their friendship since the Christmas break incident, Simon is a very poor vocalist. My ears ache as he yell-sings. (He’s somehow off key on every single note.) I’m ignoring them as best I can. Bunce is next to me, staring out the window. She’s got a huge floppy sunhat on and and tie dye sundress. I think she’s ignoring just as much as me.

“What do you plan on doing at the beach, Bunce?” I ask.

Bunce flicks her gaze to me and smirks. “I have a date, actually.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a thick book. The red cover reads The Brothers Karamazov in big bold letters. “His name is Fyodor. We’re getting along very well.”

I smirk. “What a coincidence.” I pull out my copy of War and Peace. “I’m seeing a Russian man as well.”

Bunce barks out a laugh. (Thankfully someone appreciates my literary humour. No one else will.) “Well, don’t let Simon know. He’ll be jealous.”

“Don’t let me know what?” Of course Simon is listening at that exact moment. He narrows his eyes at us.

“Nothing, love,” I say, patting his hand. “Just some Russian literature jokes.”

He rolls his eyes, muttering something along the lines of "pretentious gits". He quickly resumes the upbeat ear torture.

I look back out the window. I’m still dreading all this. I try to focus the passing scenery, but it doesn’t shake any of my worry. Soon, my eyes wander to Simon the front seat. He seems so happy. I like him like this, carefree and enjoying himself. He notices me and smiles in the rear view, face glowing and eyes lit up.  My worries lessen just a bit.

The sun is officially not the worst part of the beach. The people are.

Lots of bustling, pushing, loud people, all with very important places to be obviously. I’m shoved four times as I walk across the sandy surface. I growl at them under my breath. Luckily, we soon find a nice spot in moderate shade.

“Perfect,” I say. I unfold the tiny chair and plant it in the sand. I lounge back in it with my eyes closed. The sun hits my eyelids, making me see wonderful swirls of red and orange. Until a shadow crosses in front of me. I groan and crack one eye open.

“You’re blocking my sun, Snow,” I mutter.

He’s standing over me with his arms crossed. He looks a bit annoyed, if his furrowed brow is any clue, but what I mostly see is concern. I wonder what he's so concerned about.“Shut up, you hate the sun,” he says. “Are you going to sit here all day?”

“I said I’d go to the beach with you. That doesn’t mean I have to do any typical beach activities.”

“We came here to have fun.”

I pull out my book. “Tolstoy is fun for me. Pierre is being an idiot again and it’s bloody entertaining.”

He sighs and smiles slightly. He may not understand, but at least he accepts it. “Very well. If that’s what you’d like. But can you at least help me out?”

“Of course.”

He pulls off his baggy white t-shirt, and my breath hitches. I’m transfixed by the muscles moving in his back as he bends over the beach bag. He tosses a plastic tube at me.

“Get my back for me, will ya? I don’t want to burn to a crisp out there.” I do hear his voice, I swear. But he’s stretching his arms over his head and my brain is simply not functioning.

He kicks my foot, jolting me out of my trance. He giggles and shakes his head.

“You’re so easily distracted,” he sighs, sitting on the sand so his back is to me.

“Oh fuck off, Snow.”

“Nope!” He tilts his head back to grin smugly. “You’d miss me too much.”

I sigh, twisting one of his curls around my finger. “Unfortunately. You’re absolutely infuriating.”

“Right back at you, Pitch.” He looks forward again and scoots back. “Now please do this. I really want to get in the water.”

I squeeze out some of the sunblock. I rub it on him slowly, taking my time to feel every muscle. It’s not like I haven’t before. But I still savour how his skin feels under my touch, tracing his moles and freckles as I go. He groans in protest.

“Hurry up, Baz.”

“Am I not allowed to enjoy touching my boyfriend’s back?”

“Of course you are. Just get on with it now. You can touch me more later.”

"That a promise, Snow?"

He looks at me with wicked glint in his eye. "Certainly. But now, please hurry up?"

I sigh heavily and do as he asks. When I’m done, I lean forward and kiss the mole on his neck. “Have fun, love,” I whisper next to his ear.

He hums happily, caressing my arm. “You too, darling.”

With that, Simon jumps up and runs towards the ocean. Bunce and Wellbelove are already in there. (Wellbelove somehow convinced her to not sit and read like me.) I pull my beach cover up closer around my body and pick up my book.

Usually, when I read, the rest of the world sort of fades away. The story plays in my head like a movie. But right now, the film keeps stopping and starting. Every time I start to get sucked back into the tale of Russian aristocracy, something pulls me back out. Hearing Simon’s loud laugh, or Wellbelove’s giggling shrieks, or Bunce’s berating their antics with affection in her voice.

After barely getting through three pages, I look up over my book. Simon is sitting near the water’s edge, making a tiny mountain out of wet sand. His soaked curls are plastered to his head. He’s smiling in a soft way. Not with unbridled mad joy or carefree glee, just sort of peacefully content. I love seeing him like this. And you know, I think I’d rather be out of my comfort zone with him now than relatively safe by myself.

I walk up behind him, then kick a bit of sand next to his leg.

“What are you building there, Snow?”

Simon’s head whips around, face filled with confusion. But quickly he softens and just shrugs.

“I don’t know. Maybe a castle. So far it’s just a lump.”

I sit down opposite from him with my legs crossed. “Need some help?”

“Would appreciate it, love.”

We start playing with sand together. Just lazily tossing the substance between our hands, letting it run through our fingers, adding to Snow’s little lump, which slowly gets bigger. It’s like we’re little kids. And it’s surprisingly fun for such a simple activity. Despite the sun beating down on us and people being idiots. A man walks past us far too quickly, bumping my shoulder. I sneer as he walks past.

“Hey,” Simon reaches out to put his hand over mine. “It’s alright. He was an arsehole.”

“The beach seems to attract those,” I grumble.

He grips me a bit tighter. “You okay? You want to go back to your chair? I’d understand.”

“No no.” I flip my hand and hold his properly.  “I’d rather be here with you. No matter the arseholes.”

The right half of his lip pulls up in a half smile. He squeezes my hand. “Thanks.”

“Hey lover boys!” We both turn to Agatha, who has her hands cupped over her mouth. “Penelope and I hereby challenge you two to a water war! Winners pick what we have for dinner tonight!”

Simon faces me, expression pinched with tentative worry. “You wanna? You don’t have to. I can easily take those two on my own.”

I suck on my fangs (Snow’s right, I definitely do it when I’m thinking). The anxiety and nervousness run cold through me. But the heat of Simon’s hand on mine fights it back.

“I’m not taking off my shirt,” I say flatly as I remove my sunglasses. “Don’t want a bigger sunburn than needed.”

“That’s fine. I’ll meet you out there.” He gives me a single cheek peck and runs into the water. I walk back to my spot to deposit my beach cover on the chair. I pull down my black long sleeve to make sure it reaches the top of my swim trunks. No need to turn completely red later.

I dip a toe in the ocean, and it’s freezing. Not sure what else I expected though. Simon motions for me to come on. With cautious steps, I walk further and further in. When I reach Snow and the others, I’m hip deep in water

“So how does this work?” I say.

“Like this!” Penny shouts, just as she splashes me with salt water. I sputter and gasp. Simon is looking at me nervously, like he’s not sure what I’ll do. But I know exactly what I’m going to do.

“Oh,” I chuckle, “it’s on, Bunce.”

I splash back at her. With my strength, it’s a practical wave that knocks her over. Wellbelove retaliates immediately. She’s quite a formidable opponent. Soon we descend into furious splashes. I aim for Bunce, who is not too strong but very determined. My shirt is quickly soaked through. Simon gets more than a few lucky shots in on Wellbelove. But then he hits her right in the face so hard she has to stumble back a couple feet. He laughs maniacally. Bunce and Wellbelove glare at him, then give each other a knowing look. All their water attacks turn on Snow. He shrieks and yells, arms up in defence against the water.

“Baz!” He yells. “Save me!”

“Sorry, love, I think this is well deserved.”

He stares daggers at me, but I just smirk. A slow, devious smiles spreads across his face. My heart stops. What in Merlin’s name is he thinking? Out of nowhere, a huge crashing wave from Snow’s direction hits me right in the face. I stumble and my heel hits a rock, making me fall back into the water. Everything is blurry, and kind of muffled. A strong freckled hand grips my wrist and hauls me up back into the dry world. I gasp and blink, only to see a curly haired man doubled over in laughter.

“Oh Crowley,” he sputters. “Your face!”

“How the fuck did you do that?” I say, still catching my breath.

He wipes a laughing tear from his eye. “Just cause they’re invisible doesn’t mean they’re useless.” The water around his back ripples. Right, his wings. He’s been learning to use them more.

I chuckle. “You sneaky bastard. That’s cheating.”

“I don’t see how it’s any different from your vampire strength.”

With a few steps, I’m right next to him. I put an arm around his waist. “You have a point, Snow. For once.”

“Oh thank you.”

Wellbelove and Bunce have abandoned us in favour of scouring the ocean floor for seashells. Snow leans his head on my shoulder. I just caress his side, enjoying feeling of his wet skin under my fingers. I want to stay here forever, even in spite of the freezing cold water.

“Hey,” Snow whispers. “Wanna try something?”

“Depends,” I say, looking down at him, “will I be grievously injured?”

“I sure hope not. It’d take a huge fuck up to do that.”

“Mm, but you do specialise in those.”

He pinches my side, and I snicker. “Prat. Just trust me, alright?”

I push some of his soaked hair out of his face. “I always do, Simon.”

Snow smiles ear to ear. “Alright then. C’mon kneel down on the ground.”

He holds my hands as we kneel on the ocean floor. A couple of shells stab my skin. I wince, but simply adjust. Just our heads stick out of the water. I’m still not sure what the point of this is.

“Okay,” Simon says, “on the count of three, dunk your head underwater, alright? And stay there.”

“For how long, Snow?”

“Just wait. You’ll know when.” He’s got a cheeky look on his face that makes me both excited and anxious. “Okay, 1, 2, 3!”

I take a deep breath and submerge my head. The water rushes into my ears and stings my eyes so much I have to close them. I feel what must be a hand curve around jaw. Something softly presses against my mouth. I recognise it as Snow’s lips (I’d know his lips anywhere). He kisses me slowly, probably because the water is forcing him to. I place my hand over his. It feels nice, in a dreamy and distant sort of way.

One problem though: being underwater means we run out of breath very quickly. It only takes a few seconds before I need air. I pull back and rocket to the surface, taking  a huge gulp of air into my lungs. Simon follows only moments later. We’re back to kneeling in front of each other.

“Underwater kiss?” I say, still breathing harshly. “Really, Snow?”

He shrugs. “Always looks so romantic in the movies.”

“Movies don’t account for the need for gas exchange, obviously.”

“I guess so.” He looks a bit disappointed, and very embarrassed. I bet dollars to doughnuts he’s picking at his damn nails again. I grab his right hand, lacing our fingers together.

“It was a lovely idea, Simon. And very sweet of you. If I’m going to do stupid rom-com shite, I’m glad I’m doing it with you.”

His face softens, the . “Thanks, love.”

I tug forward, making him yelp. We’re nose to nose. “Now how about kissing me up here, where we can breathe properly?”

He smiles deviously, like when he wing splashed me, like whenever he has a wicked idea. “Very well, if you insist.”

Simon’s mouth crashes on mine. Not in slow motion, but fast and hot. I grab at his hair, running my fingers through the soaking wet strands. He wraps his legs around my torso, practically crushing our chests together. I moan softly as his tongue flicks against my bottom teeth. Scratch my earlier sentiment. This is where I want to stay forever, with Simon Snow in my arms, kissing me until I’m breathless.

“Hey!” The sharp voice snaps us out of the moment. We both turn to see Bunce with her hands on her hips. “Is not even the ocean safe from your snogging?”

“When are you going to learn that nowhere is safe from our snogging, Bunce?” Simon laughs heartily, letting his forehead fall against my shoulder.

“You two are disgustingly cute, y’know.” Wellbelove says, smiling softly. In another time, I would’ve sneered at her. Been insulted by her words. But we know each other better now. Merlin, we might almost be friends. What an unpredictable occurrence. I know she has no ill will.

“That’s the plan!” Simon shouts. “We’re aiming for the ‘cutest vampire-dragon man couple in England’ award!” The girls roll their eyes at us simultaneously.

“That’s not even a thing, Snow.” I say with a smirk. He looks at me with his glittery blue eyes and matching grin.

“No, but we can damn well try.”

“I certainly can’t disagree with you there.”

He kisses me again. Short and sweet. I still feel it everywhere in my body. He pulls back, playing with a piece of my wet hair.

“You’re amazing,” he sighs, voice wistful and dreamy. “I love you.”

“And you’re terribly sappy. But I love you too.”

He leans back, arms still wrapped around my neck and legs clinging to my waist. “Wanna look for seashells? It’d be a great present for Mordelia.”

I scoff. “I doubt Mordelia would think so. But it would piss her off, which would be infinitely more entertaining.”

Snow giggles as he disentangles himself from me. “You’re the worst brother.”

“Now you sound like Mordelia. Stop it.”

He keeps snickering as we run our fingers across the ocean floor. But it’s not long before my left hand is holding his right. Yeah, I’d rather be doing that than looking for silly shells.

It’s not until much nightfall that we head back to the hotel. We stayed at the beach later than planned, and then got dinner at a burger joint. (There was a great row over who won the water fight, until we agreed that we all wanted greasy American burgers.) Bunce sits in the front this time. I don’t mind being in the back though. It means Snow can doze off on my shoulder. He keeps one arm wrapped my stomach, snoring softly into my shirt.

When we reach the hotel room, having bid goodnight to Wellbelove and Bunce, I’m half dragging Snow. His feet are catching on the cheap carpet. Thank magic for vampire strength. I manage to get him into our bed. He flops unceremoniously, legs hanging off. I sit next to him on the end.

Only now do I recognise the stinging sensation across my legs. I touch a finger to my thigh, and feel raw scratchy skin. Looking at the redness of my flesh, I know exactly what’s wrong. Damn. Guess three layers of FPS 100 still isn’t good enough for a vampire.

“You alright, love?” Simon mumbles sleepily, leaning up slightly.

“Nothing terrible,” I reply. “Just a sunburn.”

He sits straight next to me. “Thought you put on sunblock.”

“I did. But that stuff is made for humans with normal UV ray tolerance.”

Simon dashes over to his suitcase and starts rummaging. He soon scurries back, holding a small plastic bottle filled with clear gel. My heart seizes.

“That better not be what I think it is, Snow,” I say as calmly as possible. “Because today has been a long day and I don't think either of us are in the mood.”

He rolls his eyes in an almost perfect imitation of Bunce. “No, you dirty minded git. It’s aloe vera. S’pose to help with sunburns. Now sit against the headboard.”

I do as he says. He squeezes some of the liquid out onto his hand. When it touches my skin, the rush of coolness spreads through my body. I sigh under my breath. Snow may have a point. This feels quite soothing. He rubs up and down my left leg first then my right, spreading the gel as he goes. Despite his apparent exhaustion, he’s good at taking his time, making sure he doesn’t miss anywhere. I let myself melt into the sensation. The burned, raw feeling fades under his soft hands. Crowley, if I wasn't so tired, I would jump my amazing boyfriend right now.

“Feeling better?” he whispers.

“M-hm,” I hum out. “Very much so. Please don’t stop.”

“I would happily contintue. But I think we both need to sleep.”

I groan, head falling back. “Sadly can’t argue with you there.”

Snow’s hands leave my legs. He tugs off my shoes and shorts and t-shirt. (This would be much sexier if we weren’t both so knackered.) He rummages around in our suitcases, and tosses my fleece pyjamas at me. I put them in with great effort. Flopping down flat on the bed feels like falling on a cloud. Snow clambers in after me, the mattress sinking with him. He holds me from behind, an arm across my middle. He’s careful not to touch my legs. I hold his hand on my stomach.

“Thank you,” he whispers against my neck. “For everything today.”

I scoot closer to him. “I promised you the beach, Simon. And I told you, I keep my promises.”

“No, it’s just that, I mean-” he sighs, regaining his composure. “Thank you for trying. You know, stepping out your comfort zone back there. I know it wasn’t easy, but I had a lot of fun with you today. So I want you to know how grateful I am. It means a lot to me.”

My heart is beating incredibly fast. Simon may not be good with words most of the time, but when he finds them, Crowley, they’re always so beautiful. I flip around so I can look at him properly. The moonlight dances across his skin and shiny smile. I reach out to stroke his cheek.

“Well, thank you for waiting for me to come to you. It was very considerate.”

He taps his forehead against mine. “It was worth the wait. You’re worth the wait.”

I look down. “Stop, you’ll make me blush.” I chuckle to hide the nervousness in my voice.

“Y’know,” he says as he knocks my chin up, “that sarcasm doesn’t really work when you're actually blushing.”

“Oh shut up, Snow.”

He giggles as he pulls me against his chest. I just let him, snuggling closer into his too big t-shirt. We’re too tired for anymore banter.

“Goodnight, Baz,” he mumbles into my hair. “Love you.”

I trail my fingers up and down his back. Today has been unexpected and unplanned in so many ways. Which was nice, but I’m glad it’s ending like this. Laying here, in Simon’s familiar, comforting embrace. And I really hope to end many others in the same way.

“Love you too, Simon.”

AN: Request filled! Just Simon and Baz being good supportive bfs and attempting stupid rom-com bs. Also I picked War and Peace because that book is surprisingly awesome and very funny. Highly recommend it. Even if it is 1400 pages lol.

So the next kiss fic probably won't be posted for awhile honestly. Reading week is coming up, which means I'm going to actually have to start writing my essays (hahaha kill me). I plan to work on and post the last two around Christmas. Hope you liked this little beach adventure :)

#snowbaz #carry on #carry on fanfiction #simon snow #baz pitch #agatha wellbelove #penelope bunce #beach #fluff #mysnowbazfic

[theseventhhex]

Kelly Moran Interview

Kelly Moran

Photo by Timothy Saccenti

Composer, producer, keyboardist and multi-instrumentalist Kelly Moran made an early name for herself in New York collaborating with dance performance and composing for long-term John Cage collaborator Margaret Leng Tan. It was with the 2017 album Bloodroot that Kelly Moran began to reach wider attention. Now, on her Warp Records debut ‘Ultraviolet’ she continues to interpret these wealth of inspirations into a sound all her own and pulls off a nearly impossible feat: the annihilation of experimental music’s imposing, esoteric, über-academic status quo in the name of pure, unbridled intuition, of human joy. ‘Ultraviolet’ plays to a wide, arresting array of stylistic influences: dazzling inflections of jazz and dream pop, classical composition and black metal, darkness and light, encapsulated in a single, mystifying LP… We talk to the delightful Kelly Moran about overcoming anxiety, running daily and her beloved cat Wendy…

TSH: How valuable is it between projects for you to turn your brain off and reset with a new approach towards your music?

Kelly: I think it’s good for anyone who’s in a creative discipline to examine what their process is every couple of years. It’s key to revisit how you approach doing things just so you don’t get stuck in a rut and continue to make the same thing, which is a problem that I’ve had for years. I always had the same approach to everything and I felt like I wasn’t growing as an artist. However, when writing new music lately I’ve been finding that the methods I used for ‘Ultraviolet’ are not really working for me right now. I feel like I need to constantly defamiliarise myself with my musical habits and set to default again. It’s good to step outside of your comfort zone and see where it takes you.

TSH: Tell us more about your latest EP entitled ‘Origin’...

Kelly: With the exception of one track, all of the pieces on ‘Origin’ came before ‘Ultraviolet’, hence the name. This EP predates ‘Ultraviolet’ and almost all the songs are the actual demos that I improvised, recorded and had been working with. The versions of ‘Autowave’ and ‘Water Music’ that you hear on ‘Origin’ are the actual versions of those songs.

TSH: Is your music impacted much at all by the current affairs in America?

Kelly: Well, living in America, our politics have been shit for a long time. We had a bit of a break with Obama but things have been bad since Trump took office. People thought great art would arise out of the political turmoil with Trump in power, but it didn’t. I find that politics in general is distracting and overwhelming for me. I need to separate from the current political state - not in a way that I don’t know what’s going on - but I have to knowingly detach in a way because if I don’t, it can be really difficult to even exist because of how shit and terrible it can be out here. For me, when I pursue art and music, it’s mainly an escapism from the dregs of reality.

TSH: Does being immersed in music help you to overcome your anxiety and stress hurdles?

Kelly: At times, yes. A lot of my anxiety in the past was about performing or not reaching my potential and maybe not working hard enough, but I feel like I’m in a good place with all these factors now. I feel very confident as a composer and with my musical abilities. It is funny though because I suddenly have a much bigger platform after being signed to Warp. I do feel more exposed to the world in many ways than I wasn’t before. I am now dealing with new anxieties that I have to contend with...

TSH: What sort of issues have you been facing?

Kelly: Well, now that I’m a little more known I’ll get a lot more weird messages from people online. For example, during the recent Warp 30 announcement I got so many random DMs and rude Twitter messages. Also, sometimes if I read the YouTube comments for my music videos people say stuff like ‘Is this what Warp has become? It’s going so downhill.’ It’s weird because people never used to reach out to me to say random things like that but in the past year it’s happening more regularly. I’m dealing with these little new problems now.

TSH: It must still be so rewarding that individuals connect with the way that you communicate your music...

Kelly: Yeah, it’s a double edged sword I guess. It is nice when people connect to my music - it really is great. I mean I try to be an accessible person on social media. I try to be very open and speak with people directly when people tweet at me or send me messages, but sometimes I do feel very emotionally drained by it. There are messages I don’t want to have to respond to, in addition to the mean messages. The thing about the internet is you can get a thousand nice comments and one bad comment, but you’re gonna focus on the bad one, haha! I’ll have to just develop a thicker skin.

TSH: What do you recall about fleshing out the excellent track entitled ‘Helix’?

Kelly: Like all of the pieces on the album this one started out with improvisation. The original piece I created of ‘Helix’ was very exploratory because I had figured out how to play piano in a more percussive way where I was alternating between my hands. This discovery of me playing the instrument in this new way led to a very minimalist pattern that drives this song. The improvisation has similar patterns to what you hear on the original version and I ended up transcribing it trying to be as accurate as possible .When I recorded it I listened back to it and streamlined it a little bit. To me, figuring out the underlying chord progressions that I was implying in addition to figuring out a bass progression really gave this piece direction and drive - it was so crucial.

TSH: Did you select ‘Radiant’ as the album closer quite early on?

Kelly: I kind of knew it would be the closer because I like ending albums on a gentle note. I like for the last song to be the most simple and like its saying goodnight to people - sort of like sending them off with something delicate. ‘Ultraviolet’ was already an intense record and not many of the tracks are relaxed so I wanted to give the listener a break as the record was ending. It’s funny because the original of this track was more busy and hectic; it had more piano arpeggios and additional melodies.

TSH: How important is running to your daily life?

Kelly: It’s very beneficial. I’m one of those people that really strives off having a structured schedule. Unfortunately for me I picked a career that really does not enable this whatsoever, ha! For me, running is the one way that I can have this sort of consistency to my schedule. I strive for this factor, especially when I go on tour. I always bring my workout clothes and it’s an added bonus if I stay at a hotel with a gym. I just think the endorphin rush you get from running and also having a ritual a day helps me to get in the right mental space.

TSH: Are you still listening to a lot of hip-hop when you run?

Kelly: Haha! I haven’t actually been listening to much hip-hop whilst running recently. I’ve been listening to Aleksi Perälä, who is on Aphex Twin’s record label, as well as K-pop and even some Miley Cyrus from the Black Mirror soundtrack.

TSH: Is it hard to leave your cat Wendy behind when you go on tour?

Kelly: It really is! It’s definitely one of the most challenging parts for me because I’m very attached to her and she’s my little daughter. Unfortunately, I have a high maintenance cat who doesn’t like many people - she only likes me. So I feel really guilty when I leave for my travels as I think she’s not getting the right attention. She’ll stay with my mom and she’s been warming up to people but she’s not a friendly cat at all. I’ve had her for 5 years and only been travelling for the last year or so, therefore she must be wondering what’s going on. I never used to leave my apartment and now I’m out of the country every month. I guess I have to earn that money if Wendy’s gonna keep eating those fancy feasts!

TSH: Being a huge figure skating fan, how proud were you to witness the great Yuzuru Hanyu win Olympic gold on your birthday?

Kelly: Yes, he won his second Olympic medal on my birthday. I remember watching him win and being like ‘Holy fuck! This is absolutely incredible’. It’s funny because for my birthday party the next day I had a bunch of friends over and we were drinking and listening to the new Oneothrix Point Never record whilst also watching recaps of the figure skating.

TSH: What factors do you mostly consider exploring when it comes to collaboration?

Kelly: Well, there are so many artists that I look up to and respect that I would sell my right arm to collaborate with someday. When I first got signed to Warp the first thing I thought was if I ever have an opportunity to collaborate with someone else from the label that would be so cool. I basically worship everyone on this label. The kinds of collaboration that are important for me is to work with people that I’ve looked up to and who are respected. I’m also really interested in working with people who are just completely different from me and can push me outside of my comfort zone. For my next record I want to have a few collaborators from totally different genres to enable interesting results.

TSH: What matters most with your musical endeavours as you look ahead?

Kelly: I think my biggest drive is to keep improving and to keep surpassing myself. I always try to hold myself to what my own standard is. My goal is for my next album to be even better than what I’ve put out before - I want to push myself to reach new places musically. A lot of people describe me as a pianist who does prepared piano but in the actual timeline of my musical activity prepared piano actually occupies a very small part of that timeline. It’s really only been 3 years in my entire career that I’ve worked with prepared piano. There’s this part of me that wants to show people that I can do a lot more than that. As a pianist I feel really free because there are so many ways that I can translate what I do to other genres, it would be very easy for me to do techno, hip-hop or even black metal. I feel that my biggest strength is my malleability as a performer and as a composer, so I just want to show people that I have many different sides as an artist and not just one thing as people know me as now.

Kelly Moran - “In Parallel”

Kelly Moran - “Water Music”

Ultraviolet

#Interview #Kelly Moran