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moodymurda · 6 years

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shanemundi forever and ever

tw: mention of death

i knew i was going to want to come here for this but i kept putting it off. thinking about this and everything else it makes me think about hurts so bad. i honestly don’t know where to fucking start. idk. I’m going to try.

so shanemundi. my fucking niggas. my fucking family. my babies. all that shit. shanemundi is what the fans of the shane show are called. (i write this shit like someone reads it, no one reads this shit. download the shane show app tho. they’re also on the podcasts shit if you have an iPhone.) i became aware of who shane was and then the show obviously like mid 2015 thru being subscribed to golf media and listening to golf radio on dash. (for some reason tho i didn’t realize that there was a whole ass community of fans and shit on twitter until 2016. i truly do not know how i had no clue fr. i deadass live on fucking twitter). but anyways, the shane show quickly became one of the most important things in my life. it became something that got me through the day. i’d listen to the live show and then re listen throughout the day whenever i felt like i needed to. even then tho, i don’t think i realized just how much that show was going to mean to me. I’m just thinking back to the headspace i was in in 2015, i would not be able to comprehend what the fuck happened. i wouldn’t believe this shit.

so anyways like i said, i realized there was a whole ass community of fans on twitter in 2016. i followed a couple people, i really wish i could remember who i followed first and all that. i know it happened around the time where everyone was taking over the shane show snap. i know my takeover was march 7th, 2016. It’s crazy that I was sitting last night and realizing i dead remember that day. like i rememberrrrr that shit, i remember what i did that day and how nervous i was when dc dm’d me the password for the snap bc i was 100% sure my snap takeover was bout to be weak as FUCK. anyways. I remember ru had quoted my tweet and said something along the lines of “i enjoyed your takeover” or something. i remember some of the replies people sent to my snaps and shit. and a couple people dm’d me bout some shit i was talking about on snap, saying they could relate and shit. anyway. I’m all over the fucking place. but recalling this shit is, fuck i don’t know. it’s just like we were innocently just encouraging each other while basically being fucking strangers. we just knew for sure that the shane show and OF were two things we had in common. fuck the fact that that shit is damn near the foundation for all this shit is fuccking crazy.

anyways. we have a twitter group chat for the show now. i am so assy at timelines bruh i can not remember how shit happened i just know what the fuck happened. other shit happened between there but imma make this shit short and sweet so I’m skipping to the twitter gc. i think it got started early 2017. i know it was after cfg 2016 had already happened. it was so that anyone could be in the chat and it wasn’t about like who’s s100 and who isn’t and shit (I’m not going into explanations about what the shane 100 is rn. i don’t have the time i got too many thoughts flowing rn and i gotta get these bitches out. I’m already bad with words and this shit probably don’t make sense already). anyways by this time i had already bonded with some people but honestly the bonds i had grew stronger after this chat was made and i gained some new ones. the chat is a fucking mess to say the least. i say that in the most loving way possible. so many disagreements have gone down in that bitch. full out arguments. so much shade (yassss honey i LIVE!!!!). but one thing you can’t question is how much we all love each other. i really grew to love everyone like family. like i was talking to my mom today about me graduating next yr & my grad party. deadass my main concern was who would be able to make it and how much i just want my friends to be there. I’m thinking about it and i’ve dead talked to these niggas damn near everyday. that shit is fucking crazy. i traveled alone for the first time and i did it with them. fuck. thats crazy thats fucking crazy.

but yea anyways. i guess i gotta get to what i’ve been avoiding now. so a lil while ago someone had added ru back to our chat. now that I’m thinking about it i don’t remember when he left or for what reason. everyone was like “where have you been” etc etc but he never responded. thinking back on it I’m wondering why i didn’t think anything of him not responding to us…. anyway. last night lost came in the chat and was like he hadn’t realized ru was “gone”. when he said gone my first thought was “fuck do you mean we just added him back to the chat”. and i checked to see that he was in fact in the chat. and then i looked at his twitter account and realized his last tweet was december 15th i think. then i started to reconsider exactly what lost meant by “gone”. like “fuck does he mean gone like gone gone” i don’t know bruh. i didn’t want to believe that he meant gone like.. ya know. and i don’t know. i didn’t reply to the chat when i saw it because i just.. i don’t know i don’t know i do not know. i can’t remember who asked what he meant. he sent an article though and the article had a video of a news report attached to it. which i put off watching because i felt like if i didn’t hear it then it wasn’t real. i watched my friends be like “wtf” “is this real” etc in the chat but i was just like nah this can not be for real right now.

i haven’t had to deal with the death of someone that i knew a whole lot yet. the first death of someone in my family that i actually knew and was close to was november 2016. that shit was rough as fuck for me because it was the first ya know. for some reason i thought that the next time i had to deal with it, maybe i wouldn’t take it as hard. boy was i fucking wrong. the thing about death that i guess I’m not understanding is that it’s final and that it kinda just creeps up on you. whatever all of our (meaning shanemundi) last encounters/conversations with ru were, we didn’t know that would be the last one. shit he didn’t know either. makes me wonder like what if, what if niggas knew ahead of time ya know? maybe we (as people. like society) would appreciate shit more. idk. anyway. one part thats super hard for me is that we found out damn near a month later. i guess thats the trouble with internet friends. the only way we know whats going on with each other is when we decide to get on our phones and post some shit. and truly i be checking for my internet friends on social media more than my local friends because they’re less accessible to me and I’m a mom friend at heart. i need to know how everyone is doing. (hi friends if you are reading this. i stalk all of you. like i be seeing all y’all’s tweets and snaps and shit. i love y’all okay. anyway)

ru was probably one of the most dedicated fans to the show. he had a whole ass meme account where he made meme’s related to episodes of the show. that was highkey something i looked forward to, seeing what meme’s he’d make. he was a fucking witness for the world record show. (s/o shane & vanger. they fucking killed that shit. also s/o all my other friends who were witnesses). he went to vanger’s games to support him like.. so much shit. fuck. I’m sure he made sure everyone around him knew about the show. he shit on my music opinions a lot to fuck with me. and he’d always tell me nas was better than jay (nas was his fav, jay is mine.. so you know how that goes) that shit used to be so funny. fuck man.

i feel like at this age a lot of us feel kind of invincible. i truly don’t realize that any day could be my last.. whats going to stop me ya know? i’m 20, i’ve barely gotten to live yet. I do what I’m supposed to, what could possibly go wrong? i didn’t realize that was my mindset until shane kind of said it on the show today. life truly is so precious and we don’t ever sit back and realize that. on top of that, we impact others lives so much with out even knowing it. the HARDEST part about this for me is not my own sadness but knowing that my friends are hurting. Seeing everyone reminiscing in the chat and on the timeline just makes me think did ru KNOW. did he know how much he meant to everyone? and do we realize how much we all mean to one another? There have been times where i’ve felt down & I didn’t bring it up to anyone because I’m not always up to talk about how i feel. But somehow one of them said something in the chat that inspired me, or simply made me laugh & realize whatever was wrong wasn’t THAT big of a deal.

i don’t entirely know what i’m trying to say here because i’m feeling so many things at once. what i do know is that we should all cherish our lives and make the most of it. we should also cherish and love one another because friends/family is all we’ve got. to this day it still amazes me that the shane show brought all of us together. i gained close ass friends from having a fucking radio show in common. HOW THE FUCK.

Rest in peace Ru. Thank you so much for being a friend to all of us, I’m glad to have known you. If any of my friends are reading this, I’ve said it a million times already at this point but I love all of you so much. I hope that you all keep growing and learning and prospering. You can literally have whatever the fuck you want in this world. You guys are deadass the coolest group of people I’ve ever met and I’m so inspired by all of you in different ways. I'm not just saying that, I'm deadass. Shanemundi for fucking ever. I can’t wait until i get to see and hug all of you again.

#RIPRU #MISTER818 #shanemundi #me #ni

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