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spencessmile · 3 years

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Mi Amour

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary - Spencer finds out what Valentine's day actually means to you.

Warnings - Slight mentions of death, but mostly fluff.

Word Count - 1,791

And all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and/or post it without my consent. Feedback and Comments are welcome. Happy reading!

A/N - HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Requests are CLOSED!

“Spencer!” You kicked the door with your foot, “Come on, I can’t feel my damn arms,” You were juggling 4 bags of food on one arm as the other held enough alcohol to serve 100 people. “Spen-” The door flew open, revealing Spencer as he fixed his hair. “Help me!” You shoved past him, handing him the alcohol. You set down the food on the table, pulling out the chair and having a seat.

“We could have just ordered this stuff, you know?”

“We could have but I haven’t left my apartment in four days and I needed some fresh air.”

“How much food did you buy?”

“Oh, you’ll probably have loads of leftovers. Like Papa Rossi always says more food is better than less food.”

“Did you happen to go to the grocery store and buy -”

“Double stuffed Oreos and whipped cream? Yeah, the first thing I crossed off my list.”

“You’re the best,” He beamed, skimming through the bags.

“Oh,” You chuckle. “I know.”

“How were the grocery stores?” He asked.

You shake your head as Spencer looks at you in amusement “Everyone is so giddy and full of fluff.”

“Fluff?” Spencer laughed at your choice of word.

“Yeah, holding hands, kissing in public, smiling with their teeth, being extra freaking nice, buying all the damn chocolate and different colored flowers in the world. Don’t even get me started on the damn stuffed teddy bears.”

“Who did you buy these for?” He pulls a nice yellow bouquet out of the bag alongside a vase.

“For you.”

“Why?”

“Because you need some colour in your life besides this were half off and I felt so ridiculous standing in that damn aisle. So, make sure they live longer than a week.”

“On it,” You watched Spencer fill the case with water, adding the flower food, mixing it up, cutting off the ends of the stems, adding the flowers in the vase as he placed it in the middle of his small dining table.

“Mmm,” Spencer stood behind your chair. “They do look nice.”

“Yeah, they do.” You nod.

“Did you bring the movies?”

“Oh yes!” You reach for the bag on the far end. “It’s Disney night.”

“101 Dalmatians, Aladdin, Alice in Wonderland, Bambi and Bambi II, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Dumbo, Finding Dory, Finding Nemo, Lion King, and Coco,” Spencer reads out all the movies.

“Just some of my favorites.”

“These are just some?” Spencer raises his eyebrow at you.

“Disney and Disney Pixar have the best movies. Hands down. Don’t even argue with me on this.” Spencer nods, “Listen, I could have rented out the whole shelf at the shop but I controlled myself.”

“I bet.” He nods. “Alright, which one should we watch first?”

“I picked last time so your turn,” You watched Spencer flip through the movies until he landed on Coco.

“I’ve never watched this one,” You looked at him shocked. “What?”

“Oh my god, where do you keep your tissues?”

“What why?”

“Trust me, you're going to need them. You're going to need lots of them.”

Spencer and you sat on the couch, after watching the movie, boxes of sushi in both of your laps, eating in comfortable silence. You could feel Spencer’s eyes on every once in a while.

“What is it, Spencer?” You asked.

Spencer set down his drink and rubbing his neck. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot,” You replied.

“Why don't you like Valentine’s day?”

You had a feeling that Spencer would ask this question but you weren’t quite sure how you were going to answer it without breaking down, you didn't expect yourself to.

“You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to but I just always wondered. I’ve known you for 6 years and every year we do the same thing. You come over to my house with way too much food and alcohol. We sit here together and watch movies.”

“Are you saying that you don’t like my company?” You pretended to play hurt, just to pull Spencer’s leg. He immediately set down his sushi box and faced you.

“N-No. That n-not what I meant. I didn-t mean to hu-hurt your feelin-” You laughed at how quick he panicked at your words. “Why are you laughing?”

“No reason,” You set aside your box, grabbing your wine glass and settling down on the sofa again. "When I was younger my mom would love celebrating Valentine's day and she would celebrate it with everyone, not just my dad. I would wake up to the smell of bacon, pancakes, her famous buttery and cheese eggs, and cherry pie. My siblings and I would help her set up the table. Once everything used to be set, we'd make our way to their room and wake up my dad. We'd have a tickle war and jus-" You feel the tears pressing as you take a deep breath before continuing. "I remember laying there for several minutes, taking in the comfortable and peaceful silence of our little family. We'd have breakfast, play games, and simply spent the day with one another. We did the tradition every year growing up. When I was young, I asked my mom why she always celebrated Valentine's with us and never just our dad and she said 'Valentine's day isn't meant to be spent with just one person you love, it's meant to be shared with everyone you love. That there is always enough love within you to want to share it with others.' I mean, they could have dropped my siblings and me off at my grandma's and left to celebrate the day on their own, but she never did. She always chose to include us."

Spencer was intently listening as you continued. "Every year I used to look forward to this stupid day, but one morning I woke up and my life changed forever." Spencer grabbed onto your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I was at my grandmother's the night before Valentine's, my parents and siblings were coming to pick me up but when I woke up in the morning I remember my grandma looking at me and without her saying anything, I just knew. It has never been the same since then."

"Y/n," Spencer moved closer. "First off, I'm sorry about your family," You nod, you never once mentioned them to anyone on the team, it was far too painful for you. "Secondly, even though you're not going to believe me, what happened to your family isn't your fault."

"Isn't it?"

"No," Spencer shakes his head as the tears come streaming down your face.

"They still would have been alive Spencer! If it weren't for me, they'd still be here. They'd be here with me, today. I would have been at home but now I don-" Spencer wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back. You stay like for a minute before pulling back. "Sorry, I did-"

"You don't have to apologize."

"The following year on this day I remember being so upset because I woke up to nothing. It was just quiet. I felt so empty and it just hurt so much. I just hated the fact that the one day that bought us together as a family was the same day that ripped them away from my hands. Ever since then, I've had this love-hate relationship with this day."

Even after all these years of you convincing yourself that what happened to your family wasn't your fault, you couldn't help but think it was your fault. If they weren't on the road that morning, then you'd still have them.

"I sulked around every year on Valentine's day until one day, I realized that my mom would have been so upset to see me doing that. She always celebrated that day with music, food, movies, and love. So, I decided to celebrate it just like she would have. Before I joined the team, I used to go out buy loads of takeout, grab a couple of my parent's favorite red wine bottles," You raise your glass. "I'd play our favorite music, watch the same movies we'd watch together, and stuff my face with food. It sort of became my tradition, my thing."

Spencer's inside exploded as he noticed your smile getting bigger as you talked about your family. "I like that."

"What?"

"That you kept the tradition alive."

"Me too." You beamed.

"But why did you decided to share your sole tradition with me?"

"I know that you and your mom probably spent loads of holidays and special days together up until you had to make the tough decision to put her in a care home. After that you probably didn't spend many special days with her," Spencer remains silent at your words. "So I took it upon myself to share the love with you because if my parents knew you, they'd love you. Even though it was rarely said I knew that my parents and sibling loved me a lot, so I decided to share some of that love with you because god Spencer, you deserve it."

Spencer's heart was bursting at your words, he never heard anyone say anything sweeter. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For sharing your love with me," You smiled.

"They're proud of you, you know that?"

"I hope," You chuckle.

"They should be because they raised one hell of a human being. Going through what you did and still having love to share, that's a difficult thing to do."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Let's toast," Spencer raised his glass.

"To what?"

"You shared your love with me so now I'm going to share my love with you," You looked at Spencer confused, he put down both glasses and leaned forward, your faces inches away from one another. He rubbed the tip of his nose with yours, giving you enough time to pull away, but you don't, instead, you wrap your hands around his neck. Soon after, his lips clash with yours as he pulls you closer. You wrap your legs around his waist. Pulling back you rest your forehead against his, "What was that?" Your heart was racing, eyes a little blurry as your mind was a little fuzzy from the wine.

"Just sharing the love, mi amour."

All you have to do now, is listen to your soul - Seeker

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #bau #bau x you #bau x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds masterlist #spencessmiles fanfics

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yodamn · 4 years

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I'm adding on to my soft post about older siblings and parents to clones.

a head nurse who tells a particularly stubborn clone to get back in bed. Does the Mom Voice AND counts to three and he immediately goes back to bed.

a nurse who had a few little sisters. And since mom was always a little too busy, THEY were on Hair Duty. So maybe tup is in Med Bay and hella uncomfortable and his hair is just ugh all over the place. So big brother/sister is like Braid Time! And Tup. Just. Melts. And falls asleep.

bounty hunter hired by the republic to train clones. Little did the Kaminioans know is that they had a soft spot for kids. And maybe they come across a cadet or baby clone whos upset for one reason or another and they calm him down and cuddle him and maybe do that nose stroke like in Frozen 2

ive noticed that sometimes peoples families are really different. Mine is really close knit and physical with each other, meanwhile a friend of mines is just not as touchy feely. Well maybe theres a nat-born whos really physical and you know. We all know how touch starved the clones are. So like maybe at one point the nat-born sees a clones just laying and automatically just lays across him in cat pile fashion. Not even thinking about it. And then all the Clones are like Ö can we? And the officer is like ??? Of course? Like just, cuddling bro.

an older sibling officer who sees a Clone or Jedi who's got that look. Like a look of "Im just done, I'm so tired, I just want a hug but I'm not gonna ask for it bc i have to be professional and serious" and they are like alright guess I gotta. Guess its big sibling time idk. Come here you big emotionally constipated lug lemme give you a hug, a warm drink, and a soft blanket. Im here to listen.

or or or just like. Momma Bear. Someone sees a clone being yelled at or just like bullied or whatever and they go full get the FUCK away from my baby so help me God ill rip you THREE new ones. And once again clones are like Ö you did that for us?

Like maybe in the Senate someone is like clones are just weapons they are lower than low. And senator is a parent or older sibling and sometimes. Sometimes you can tell what they are thinking by body language. Especially shinies who havent fully gotten a hold of like hiding emotions. Senator sees that and like anger fills them. How dare you. How dare you.

A civilian sees a couple clones playing a their younger siblings or kids and its like well guess i gained a few new fully adult and armed kids/guess I have new siblings idk.

OR I saw someone sent in an ask to () about Pet Foolery and about Pixie and Brutus. And how Brutus was like Wolffe. And its. Like. What if. Wolf Pack gets a little stowaway or plo gets a new itty bitty padawan, a lost kid or you know SOMETHING. Kid becomes legit attached to Wolffe and the rest of the Pack and they get just as attached to them. Start calling them their "pup". Kids like !!! Look! Look at this cool rock! And these adult men are all like ÖÖÖ Cool Rock! Cool! Or plo brings them sweets and they are like ÖöÖÖ candies? I jus I love it. Or maybe conversely the Wolf Pack is like ugh its a brat but the kids either like FUCK you we are friends now or is too starry eyed at these huge guys to realize they dont like them. And maybe a whole "you mean you dont like me?" Scene happens like in Finding Nemo where baby gets upset and as SOON as tears start welling up theres 300 Clones Arming up to defend them and scare whoever doesnt like the babychild. Babychild falls asleep ON them and they cant move jus UGH so cute.

little kid goes to wrecker and says "I love you THIS much" and stretch their arms as wide as they possibly can and wrecker is like Ö and does the same and the kids like thats alot! And wreckers like Yeah!

kid gravitating to clones who Dont Like Kids. Bc kids are Like That. Like Cats.

kids, younglings, or padawans drawing pictures for the Corosaunt Guard or other clones and giving it to them. Them keeping Every. Single. One. And putting them all over their barracks.

Some pictures that were drawn specifically for THAT individual clone are kept with them even in battle. Like maybe one youngling in the creche was enamored by Cody when Obi Wan came to visit and was nice. Next time the kid saw him they gave him a picture of the two of them with the word friends spelt wrong under neath the two smiling figures and legend says Cody still has it to this day.

kids giggling and playing with the clones helmets, running around pretending to be them. Or making their own "armor" from cardboard or scrap pieces.

one really feisty kid having NO problem telling someone off for being rude, doesnt matter who it is. One time Anakin got snippy and kiddo walks up and says with all seriousness and courage "Youre Mean and a Bully". Ahsoka thought it was hilarious, Rex was honored by his courageous knight in shining robes and tiny pigtails.

Older siblings not really forcing the clones to accept their help but still like "Hey I'm big sister/brother and you gotta deal with it, I'm here if you need me" like if they see they have something on their faces and dont know the older sibling will wipe it off with mass protest. Coordinating with older clones to harmlessly embarrass younger clones. Or to get them to calm down.

I cant write for shit but im gonna have to try bc I gots some ideas. Ive got mostly fluffy soft domestic stuff but still 👀👀👀

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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593

Horror movies: the bloodier, the better. Right? Not necessarily. Gore is generally great, but some horror movies do bank on psychological horror, which doesn’t always have to rely on blood but still ends up just as great. Have you ever seen the movie Turistas? No. I think I’ve already heard of it, though. What do you think of people that smoke pot? I honestly don’t know how that works or what it does to people, but you do you. Would you rather have an iPod or a Zune? iPod. I’ve never even heard of Zune...lmao I think my Gen Z-ness is showing. Would you ever go surfing, if you don't already? I probably would in the future. I’ve had chances to take surfing lessons whenever we stay at beachside hotels, but I always get too conscious to ever try it out because I know my balance is awful. But who knows, maybe I’ll try it someday when I finally stop caring about what bystanders think.

Would you rather have it raining or snowing? Raining, only because I’ve never seen snow. Do you own any Volcom clothing? I don’t. Do you like honey wheat pretzels? I’ve never had those but I’m craving for snacks right now and those sound good so I might as well say yes, I like em lmao Do you like any weird food combinations? French fries with hot fudge sundae. It has a bit of a cult following here in the Philippines but I’m not sure what the rest of the world would think of it. Do have pests in your house? (ants, termites, etc) We have ants, but here in this country we don’t really count them as pests because they’re so common, they can show up anywhere. Strictly speaking, we don’t have pests in the house. If not, have you ever? We had termites for a bit and they ruined our stairs, but it’s been taken care of. Do you own any milk crates? If so, what do you use them for? No, as far as I know we don’t. Don't you hate when gum loses its flavour really fast? Yeah that’s why most times I get too lazy to eat them hahahaha. I don’t like how they lose their flavor after like, 20 chews. What brand of gum, in your opinion, loses its flavour fast? Gum in tablet form, in general. That’s how it feels for me, at least. Were you/are you in band or orchestra in high school? Nah I was never musically inclined. Have you ever driven a tractor? No. Have you ever had to do community service? Nope. Have you ever been on probation? In any sense of the word, no. Where does your family buy bath towels? I have no clue. My mom bought all our towels but I wasn’t with her when she got them. What is normally on your Christmas list (if you celebrate it)? For the longest time it used to be Starbucks planners for the incoming year. Eventually I realized I’m never able to finish any so I stopped asking for them. These days I don’t really ask for anything... the last thing I (read: me and my siblings) asked for is a Nintendo Switch, but as for me individually I don’t really announce a wishlist anymore.

Are you sleepy? A little bit, but I miss taking surveys so I’m still up doing one. What CD do you think has the coolest album artwork? Paramore’s Singles Club cover has always resonated with me. That was a bit of a chaotic and sad time for fans of the band, and seeing the three bars on the cover kinda forced us all to think that what was happening is real life, but that it’s okay. Do you like KoRn? I don’t feel anything towards them. At what age did you stop wearing diapers? Not sure, although I think I was 2. We have home videos of me when I was 3 and I was no longer in a diaper. Would you ever spend the night in a house you knew was haunted? I’d probably pussy out at the last second HAHA What family member do you get along with the least? In general, my uncle (one of my mom’s brothers). In terms of opinions, my maternal grandma. I love her to bits, though; her political affiliations just drive me insane. Do you know how to make a daisy chain? Nah, I haven’t tried it either. Did you play hopscotch when you were little? Of course. I was always the one with the chalk and drawing the court.

How about four square? I only know the website lol. Must be an America thing. What do you think of dodgeball being banned at some high schools? Y’all are debbie downers. Do you enjoy doing yardwork (such as planting flowers, weeding, etc)? No...I’m sure others love it, but that kind of activity just sounds boring to me. Would you do yardwork if you got paid? HAHAHAHAH, probably. When you were little, did you pick up worms? No. I was awful though, I’d step on some of them :/ Do you pick worms up now? No. Do you look at yourself in the mirror often? Only if I happen to pass by one. Would you ever gauge your ears? Hell no. Is your house normally hot or cold? It more of corresponds to the weather outside, so it will always depend on the general temperature. At this time of the year, obviously, it’s colder. Do you always have a lighter on you? Never. Do you constantly mess with your hair? Not really, it’s a mess as it is most days. Would you ever ditch a friend just because they are gay? Fuck no. This survey is showing its age, haha. Heads up, it’s 2019 – nearly all my friends are gay. Do you rip things out of magazines and hang them on your walls? I did that one time when I wanted to do some art up on my wall. But it’s not a regular thing at all for me. What do you use to hang posters on your walls (tape, thumbtacks, etc)? Tape. Did you like the movie Finding Nemo? Yes, I watched it many many times as a kid. Partly because I enjoyed it and partly because it was one of the few Disney movies we had on DVD. Who is your favourite comedian? Not a huge comedy fan. Would you ever go see a stand up comedian? Sure. If you have younger siblings, do they play sports? My sister was good at volleyball but she never pursued it; my brother likes playing basketball but only as a pastime. Do you go watch their games? Do you own any Michael Jackson CDs? I don’t think we do. What social networking site, in your opinion, is most addicting? TWITTER. Do you have a Twitter? Yep. If so, do you follow your favourite celebs or bands on there? No, I like keeping my circle to the people I personally know. Do you update it from your phone? Phone or laptop, whatever I happen to be on. Do you wear those neon-coloured skinny jeans? Nah, generally not a fan of neon-colored anything.

#survey #surveys

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kerfufflies · 6 years

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one o those get 2 kno me thangs

(im tired but lets do this!)

tagged by the lovely @ella-animine!

rule #1: tag people you want to get to know better

@ everyone and anyone because i want 2 know u

rule #2: highlight true statements in bold

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (ah yes the bane of my existence)

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing (ears, no choice in the matter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I have blonde hair

I have or have had braces (im suffering)

I love meeting new people (meh,, i dont even know how to start a conversation,,)

People tell me I’m funny

Helping people with their problems is a big priority to me (yall are important to me aight??? friendship package with me automatically includes me busting thru ur doors at 3 am to deal w ur problems)

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges (”dont tEST me”; also gives up 10 mins later)

I’m playfully rude to people I know well (sure? i think ? idk im tire)

I started to say something ironically now I can’t stop saying it (bless you??)

There is something I would change about my personality

I can play an instrument (uahdkfh give me a violin an d be ready to hear the worst tunes of ur life)

I can sing well (bich the karaoke machine says yes but i say n o0 especially after i get better from a cough or whatever because my voice box just never recovers)

I can do 30 push ups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well (personally i think NOT but people say otherwise and im like??? thanks im flattered but really i dOnT kNoW hOW TO D r A W)

I have a good memory (hm. lets see,, anemone an enemy anemone an enemy anemone anne nemo and another me - hm maybe but my mind is clouded 24/7/365 so not really what did i have for breakfast again)

I am good at doing math in my head (nope -glances at “medals” [they are paper circles w strings] won for mental math practices in first grade- still nope gotta count on those fingereresrses)

I can hold my breath underwater for a minute (hey yea i used to b a swimmer but idk if i can do it now ;-;)

I have beaten at least two people in an arm wrestle (but im WEAK)

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (i will not touch that frying pan until my mom teaches me the ways of the cook)

I can throw a punch (badly, but i can try)

I enjoy sports (give me that good runners stitch and we’ll see about it)

I have learned a new song in the past week (??? uhhhh sure?? learned the lyrics to [whats it called hold on] say you won’t let go by james arthur bc its good aight)

I’ve gone running at least one week in the summer (running who is she idk her)

I work out at least once a week (me, getting on the floor, doing one push-up and failing: alright thats enough im good i did exercise back to tumblr)

I have drawn something in the past month (IVE BEEN TRYING TO DRAW THIS ONE THING THATS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS BUT THE LIGHTING AND THE POSE AND THE SHADING AND BACKGROUND IS SO ABOVE MY LEVEL I WANT D E A T H)

I enjoy writing (yea bu t i cant do writing well, maybe ill try later not rn)

I have done martial arts (no but i know people who have does tht count)

I have had my first kiss (rip)

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (HA dedication)

I have had alcohol (complimentary just-a-sip teens get from their parents :/)

I have scored a winning goal in sports (uhhhhh ONCE dont ask how idk how it happened either)

I have been to an overnight event (!!! hell yah gotta love overnight field trips)

I have been in a taxi (listen ive lived in ny for 3 years i probably did but dont remember it)

I have been in a hospital/ER in the last year (not much other than the Knee Incident [growth spurt my ass] and that wasn’t even an ER it was just a physicians place) (+ moms a nurse so being in a hospital just for visiting purposes)

I have beaten a video game in one day (again, dedication,,)

I have visited another country (ayy Philippines)

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

I have at least one person I consider a best friend

I live close to my school (used to, not really anymore)

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling (wish her a happy birthday, 12/22)

I live in the US

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with friends in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s (they’re not /mine/ but it is likely there are cds lying around here somewhere)

I share my room with someone

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know (atm, feelings are weird and im not feelin much rn [theres potential in there somewhere but for now ehhh])

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily (used to till the Six Year Incident happened, now im kinda dead inside)

I have had a crush for over a year (Six Year Incident)

I have been in a relationship for over a year

I have feelings for a friend

I have break danced

I know a person called Jamie

I have made a new friend in the past year (yea!! yall are great <3)

I have had a teacher with a last name hard to pronounce (hahahahaha dont test me)

I have dyed my hair

I am listening to a song on repeat right now (wow not on repeat but how’d ya know?? im listening to my playlist rn)

I have punched someone in the past week

I have known someone who has gone to jail (udhfaksdkfh yea??)

I have broken a bone (no snap crackle pop here)

I have eaten a waffle today (i wiSH)

I know what to do with my life (I REALLY DONT)

I speak at least two languages (yo no hablo espanol??)

#mine

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #76

“yeah, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good.”

do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship? we each made mistakes, and i feel more certain of this now that jason and i have talked. i, for one, gave up on life while still being alive. on jason's end, he, too, gave up on me instead of trying to rebuild me. do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes, colleen. she goes by her middle name, but her "real" name is elizabeth. you have to get a piercing, what do you get? vertical labret on my lip. would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? a standard poodle. ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? no. mom denies it and got pissed once when i mentioned it, but we once lived in sharpsburg, and that was totally the ghetto. do you own a gun? as i'm mentally ill/have had suicidal tendencies, i legally can't. my mother even can't because i live with her. would you rather sleep with someone or alone? with someone. while it's less comfortable, it's comforting. are there any songs that remind you of falling snow? or any songs that remind you of winter time but are not necessarily about that? dude, i have noooo idea why, but for whatever reason, "dreamer" by ozzy osbourne definitely brings to mind winter for me personally. is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? hmmm, i don't think so... but then again, i live under a rock and am not informed on what's coming out so- wAIT IS OUTLAST 2 OUT YET what is something you wish you had learned earlier that you know now? how would this have helped you if you'd known it then? i don't know if there's anything, honestly... i used to say i wish i'd known jason would leave me, but i guess i don't now. because i loved, beyond explanation. i loved with such a naive innocence, and i don't regret that. when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? according to my history, i do. what was the last compliment you received? someone liked my hair. i got compliments on it non-stop at the hospital. do you have any siblings? are they older / younger?   including half-siblings, tiffany, misty, bobby, katie, and ashley are older. nicole is younger. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it has been pierced before, and i plan on doing it again very soon. favorite shoes you have EVER owned? the finding nemo once i had as a kid were fly as FUCK allergic to? pollen and silver favorite fruit? strawberries who was your first prom date? jason where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s house? i lived with jason, amanda, and jacob. if you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? in almost all cases, yes. the only situation where i wouldn't is if i was with jason at this very moment and he wanted to have sex, and he didn't have any. just apply the pull out method, and besides that, i shouldn't be ovulating right now, so i wouldn't get pregnant. do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? no, i'm an adult. have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? i sure have. how long do you think you will live? eh, probably early 80s, maybe even 70s... i'm not the healthiest person, mentally and physically. have you ever been stung by a bee? i have not. do you like the snow? very much so. how old are you? do you feel as old as you are? i am 21, but i certainly don't feel it. does the quality of a video, on youtube or a television, matter to you? at least very mildly, sure. it needs to be watchable at least. do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? is it a little bit of both? i tend to embrace my mood with the music i pick. are there any books or films that have influenced your philosophy? if so, is there one you could name in particular? "johnny got his gun," i r8 8/8 what is the cutest animal? meerkat pups, oh my GOSH what seasons seems most fitting to your personality? in what ways and why? autumn, because everything is dying. :'D do you think you would be a good parent? i don't know, honestly... blue, black, or red pens; or another color? black do you like watching people play video games? yes, i do!! idk why, it's just entertaining to me. when was the last time you swam in a pool? years ago what are your parents views on sex? err, in regards to what about it exactly? have you ever babysat before? yeah, for the neighbor. if your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do? i'd be pretty devastated, honestly. if your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? well that'd be a problem, as she's married to a man. i'd be pretty concerned about what she'd do. have you ever dreamed about your wedding? i have. do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of facebook? nope. j and my pictures are still up there. ever plaigarised? no. i have too much respect as a writer. do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? i do minor adjustments, of course. i was a digital photography student, we know aaall about the mandatory deception of editing. :P what's your middle name? marie what's your wallpaper on your phone? lock screen is the bogeyman from "silent hill: downpour," but the artwork is from "anne's story." home screen is pyramid head from the white hunter comic. favorite tv commercial? the dirty mr. clean commercial mAKES ME SOB YA'LL SHOULDA SEEN ME THE OTHER DAY I WAS DONE what is your favorite type of cat? hmmm. persians, sphinxes, ragdoll, etc... what religion were you raised in? are you still that religion, if you had one? catholicism, and no. i'm christian now. would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? nooooo. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? once. do you prefer to spend more time with your SO, family, or friends? why? in my history, my s.o. jason really just touched this part of my brain that just REALLY made me happy. if you see a homeless person asking for money, do you give them any? i'm not going to lie, no. i don't know that person, and WAY too many assholes are deceptive little shits. what will immediately disqualify a potential SO? smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, abusive past, and i'm certain there are others i'm forgetting... i am honestly VERY picky. when was the last time you really panicked? when i overdosed a few days back. do you ever get eczema? nope. have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? i have not. is there anyone you would do literally anything for? honestly, yes. i'd kill for jason. it's very unhealthy and i wish the mentality would stop, but i honestly can't do much about it... do you enjoy corn on the cob? i do. in your opinion, what's the ideal age to start having children? about mid-20s. what's the longest you've ever slept in one go? it HAD to be almost 12 hours. jason and i were up almost the entire night being horny whores and when i fell asleep, i was GONE. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? no. does caffeine affect you, or not so much? not very much at all. would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? no. but then again, they both dropped out of/didn't go to college, so... guess i'm not too far off. do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? *sexual moaning* if you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? i sure won't. is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? what? just gonna say there's a reason they're divorced. do you act differently around the person you like? i mean, i'm happier. kissed someone you didn’t like? on the cheek, never on the lips. ran a red light? no. experienced love at first sight? nope. pointed a gun at someone? no. had a gun pointed at you? no. dumped someone? yep. lied to avoid a ticket? no. ridden in a helicopter? no. made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? i woulda preferred you to rip my fucking heart out. eaten snake? omg no. puked on amusement ride? no. been in a band? nope. been in handcuffs? i've been in full-body shackles on one occasion. i was going from the mental hospital to the court. what is your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. who do you (romantically) love? my ex, jason. do you enjoy kissing? sure, yeah. what about making out? i r8 8/8 m8 where are you most ticklish? MY FEET HOLY SHIT where do you want to get married? gothic-styled mansion or similar building pls do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? yes. have you ever slow danced to a song you didn't know? no. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? south africa. i want to photograph the meerkats at the kalahari meerkat project. describe your perfect partner. his name's jason. would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? vampire, i think. the werewolf transformation seems painful. most embarrassing moment? borderline having a panic attack because i was like really close to having an orgasm for the first time and i didn't understand what was happening to my body lmao. jason was super cute and sweet about it though and helped me calm down. would you ever consider getting married? i want to get married. if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? if it weren't so bad for them, i'd totally have a meerkat. what is your least favorite thing about your appearance? my stomach. ew. have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? no, but that sounds cool. do you listen to music while driving? it has to be VERY quiet. or else i can't concentrate. have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? no. can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? i have. is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? black as my soul. would you ever do something you didn't enjoy sexually just to please your partner? depends on what, really. like there are some situations where i'd absolutely draw the line, but here's an example: i don't like oral, but i guess i'd give it sometimes if it made him happy. when was the last time you watched south park? probably not since j and i were together... i remember one occasion where we chilled in my room for hours watching it. are you italian? no. where’s the nearest game stop near you? in rocky mount, by wal-mart. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i guess i still consider mini at least a very close friend, despite not talking much. i have other very close friends too, but not best, i guess. if you could, would you want to stay young forever? yes. being elderly is just, in general, inconvenient. not saying old people are, just the state of being old is. are you interested in anime? no more, no less than the usual person. hogwarts house: just took a quiz, and apparently i'm a mix of all? i very well coulda been off, 'cuz there was a lot of harry potter terminology that i don't know... what’s “out of bounds” for you during sex? do. not. hit me aggressively. main thing. hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? i enjoy getting 'em, enjoy giving 'em. are you okay with rough sex? hell yeah. i think i'd prefer soft and sensual more frequently, but i'm not totally opposed to just fucking. how big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? was it in a porn or in real life? this survey sure took a sexual turn. but i've only ever seen one penis, so... how do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? nO JUST NO do you have any sexual regrets? i regret not going all the way with j. he was my first love, and he deserved to know me in every single way possible. have you had anal? no, and i don't want it. do you like to spank/be spanked? i like being spanked, but not too hard. do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? tEASE TEASE TEEEEEAAAAAASE are you able to have emotionless sex? fuck that. sex should be the epitome of physical displays of affection, imo. does penis size really matter? honest to god, i don't care. it's not like a man can choose how "well-off" he is. describe an orgasm. oh wow. i don't actually think i've ever properly orgasmed, but i was extremely close once and totally panicked. it felt totally otherworldly, and i honestly felt like screaming, puking, and just exploding all at once??? i was so scared at first, but as i calmed down, shit was awesome. what’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? never had sex, but done sexual things for hours... like, all night. if you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? i would change the fact i didn't lose my virginity to jason. what’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? anr/abf surprised the FUCK out of me. i honestly thought it'd be really awkward and uncomfortable, but it's honestly an extremely stimulating and motherly sensation okay i'll stop before this turns into a pornish thing. but basically it taught me ya can't totally judge some things 'til you try it. give your best sex advice, GO. uhhh. ever tried sucking on your partner's tongue while making out? turned my ex the fuck on, at least. would you say you’re good in bed? have evidence i was good enough. do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? why? i just choked on my fucking drink. but no, because i like air. when it comes to oral, are you gentle? do you use your hands too? i. was so. timid giving oral. i was so scared i was going to hurt him. i don't think i've ever used my hands at the same time. okay, how do you feel about handjobs? since we were stuck with foreplay due to my abstinence, we relied on handjobs a lot. they're great. have you had any unwanted pain during sex? i've had pain while being fingered, sure. but i guess it wasn't entirely unwanted. has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? how did you feel about that? no, never. have you ever fucked someone who was sad? did it help them emotionally or make it worse? i'm sure i have, and he's done it to me when i was sad plenty of times, and yes, it's honestly a great mood booster. are you more submissive or dominant? i'm definitely more submissive. who’s your ideal sexual partner? jason was nothing short of perfect. are you accepting “applications” for a partner? lmao fuck that i don't do no "applications" for this kinda shit. who was your first kiss with? first person to kiss me was juan, but the first person i kissed who reciprocated my kiss was jason. how far have you gone sexually? depends on how you rank sexual things, idk...? did you shave your legs today? done with the sexual questions, eh? anyway, no. have you ever made out with someone in public at all? no. do you think masturbation is dirty? not necessarily dirty, just lustful. have you ever made out in a hot tub? *adds to bucket list* do you play with the other persons hair when you kiss? jason had long hair for a male, to his shoulders, and yeah, i liked playing with it. have you ever smoked pot? nope. do you sing in front of people? NOOOOO. ever lived in a trailer park? no. have you ever had dandruff? no, but i have a dry scalp. though both cause flaking, they're still different. what would people say about you at your funeral? i was very quiet and thought too much. what lessons in life did you learn to hard way? your actions have consequences. would you ever give up your life to save another? i'm not going to pretend to be a superhero. it depends on who it is. what is stopping you from living the life you want to live? money, health, willpower... ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. how do you dress when you’re not at work? i don't have a job, so. but when i'm home anyway, i'm dressed for comfort, usually in my pajamas. if i'm going out, i will dress usually in something like yoga pants and a graphic tee. do you care overly about other people? the only person i'd say i care "overly" about is jason. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander (: do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”? technically the same in my honest opinion, but at the same time, "we're dating" also sounds more casual. if a person is brought up speaking both spanish and english in equal amounts and equally fluently, which language do they think in? *KA-BOOM* have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it was pierced for many years, and i'm planning on getting it re-pierced very soon. last film you watched? i just finished "finding dory" actually, now i'm watching "zootopia." when consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup? i like to drink it from the can. tastes sliiightly different and is colder. what do you do to cure a headache? sleep or take medicine. do you still possess any belongings from your childhood? do they hold some special significance? absolutely. i actually have two things i call "treasure boxes" where i hold certain, very special belongings. nostalgia overdose. are any of your fingers or toes deformed? what about the nails? no. i would, however, call one of my nails unusual. my right ring finger, its nail curves inward towards the base definitely more than it should. it's so weird considering both my immediate sisters have it, too. when yawning, do you cover your mouth? always in public, yes. it just seems polite. as a kid, did you love playing on neopets? neopets and webkinz were my SHIT. i was more into webkinz, but neopets was amazing, too. i loved the dragon one and the newer one that looked like a doggish thing with a stripe going down its body? i think it started with an "x"? what is the background on your desktop? why’d you choose that? on my own laptop, it's trico and the boy from "the last guardian" bc i love that game and its artwork. on the laptop i've been using for like three months, it's a picture of my sister ashley and her baby aubree at the beach. are you comfortable with people going through your phone? no, and i don't know why, actually...? like i have NOTHING bad on there, it's just... weird? do you tend to daydream a lot? if so, about what? i do, aaaaa lot. aaand it's always about jason. e_e have any interesting conversations lately? ohhh god. not necessarily a convo, but lemme just make this known. chelsea: *creates fire w/ hairspray and lighter* *screams ensue* YOU ALMOST MADE ME COME HARDER THAN JASON EVER HAS then came the laughter and the stomachache from all the heaving what do you have pierced on you? now? only my ear lobes, and i'm livid about it. i had to take my fucking piercings out at the hospital, and they closed up. my ear lobes didn't tho, i guess 'cuz i've had them since childhood... but i am actually pissed. where do your grandparents live? maternal: well, she technically lives in florida, but stays in new york with her son's family a load. paternal: michigan. pencils; mechanical or traditional? mechanical, by far. eliminates the need to sharpen. what was the last zoo/aquarium you went to? asheboro zoo or whatever it's called. what is the last big risk you took? did it pay off? talking to jason face-to-face, absofuckinglutely. that could've so easily ended in another suicide attempt. but anyway, yes, it paid off. what's the closest you've come to death? overdosing, i guess. what chocolate is your favorite? milk who is your favorite blogger? i don't really have one. what was the best thing you were given? jason's love and attention, even if just for three and a half years of my life. have you ever cheated on your partner? nope. are you over your past? not in the slightest. did you try to change for a person? ha. he left too soon to give me a chance. e_e are you in a good or bad mood? eh, i'm good for now. name someone you can’t live without. no one. after losing jason, well, i'm sure i can survive without anyone, ultimately. are you a crybaby? 10/10 do people praise you for your looks? no. SEXIEST disney character that's not human? okay sorrynotsorry but scar and steele are SEXY do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”? ha! no, sorry. i refuse to believe jason and i weren't "meant to be." what do you put on hotdogs? ketchup and mustard do you know how to play chess? no. did you/are you going to go to prom? i went to jason's senior and my senior. man... i remember how shy he was when he asked me... it was so cute. :/ what’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? having a pilonidal cyst opened and drained while still conscious and insufficiently drugged. FUCK THAT. what’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced? jason leaving me. have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? not to my knowledge. are you a very open or private person? open online, private af irl what do you get complimented on the most? my hair who was the last person you talked about sex with? chelsea or colleen what was the last deep conversation you had about? jason. i was talking with chelsea. why do some girls become so dependent on their boyfriend/husband? well, i, for one, was rather dependent on jason, and it was because i needed a pillar, and he was strong, but i guess i put too much weight on him... i had no fucking idea it was too much. as well, it was because i am not an independent person. i'm a follower and act like a dog on a leash towards the people i trust. it's simply my desire to be a loyal companion. i don't know how to change that. do you enjoy going to church? i do, but not for TOO long. what do you have tattoos of/what do you want tattoos of? oh god. you asked for it. as for tats i have, i have a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist, "perfectly flawed" written on my left, upper arm, and "ohana" written on my right collarbone. as for what i want, i have about 100 ideas, but i'm going to only list the ones i am quite serious about. my next tat is of "denialism" by da's tatchit, and it's going on my right upper arm as a half-sleeve. here's the list: - "... and you ain't got his smile" written maybe under my left breast. it's a harley quinn quote, and i want it as dedication to jason. which no, i will not regret. - the magic sigil thing from "shadow of the colossus" somewhere - either a pyramid head, robbie the rabbit, or halo of the sun tat to pay tribute to "silent hill" - "he who knows pain is dangerous" written somewhere, which is a rammstein lyric, in either english or maybe german - spider sternum tattoo - a hydra coming towards the viewer with "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" (otep lyric) written in a semi-circle above it. i honestly want this on my lower stomach, like, starting above my private, but i most likely will not do this. still thinking of where to relocate it. - "i believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger" written somewhere, a quote from the joker. - "how long is forever?" "sometimes, just one second" from "alice in the wonderland." i want the quotes in speech bubbles vertical of each other. - a harley quinn-esque design with "rotten" written on it. on my right asscheek. yeah. talk about slutty lmao. - a large viper on one of my hips. - three sketch-style arrows going down my left lower arm - "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly" (otep lyric) written along my spine I HAVE SO MUCH MORE. but my phone's dead (i have more ideas on there) and i have even more saved to my dead computer... are most of the adults you know married or divorced? divorced... it's so sad. :/ when was the last time you were mistaken for a mom? at therapy some time ago. mom was with me, and she was babysitting. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show? mom's: "the big bang theory," probably. dad, idk. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? nope do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? certainly not. does it gross you out when your parents kiss? well, they're divorced, sooo... does your dad swear? yeah. do you sweat easily? i sweat like an obese pig. it's due to one of my medications. if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say? "absolutely!" when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like? no. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk? elementary school when i tried it for the first time. absolutely fucking disgusting. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves? yup. i was big into that in high school. did you have a good driver’s ed teacher? he was fine, but i am 100% certain that on one occasion, if i had listened to him, we would have died. if you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first? ashley's already married, i'll probably never find anyone, so i guess nicole's next. did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? like, do you mean did i kiss him the last time i wanted to kiss him? if so, no. he barely even let me hug him. when your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? it's been over a year and i still don't feel entirely ready. do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? explain. no, and there's no real need to explain...? obviously, even young people are capable of sincere love? are you legal to drink? yep. do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone? i do not. what do you want more than anything in this world? jason. last time you felt physical pain? earlier today. my stomach was hurting. last time you felt emotional pain? i'm clinically depressed. i live with emotional pain. what are you listening to? "american horror story" is on. it's actually a ptsd trigger, so i'm trying to watch it again to like... edit the memory. i'm doing it with chelsea so i won't be alone. do you like your handwriting? i do. do you own any dresses? if so, what colors are they? i do not. i wish. when was the last time you went tanning? never. have you ever been in a car accident? quite a mild one.

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