#Please enjoy my Fix-It Au. Is it probably very ooc? Yes? But does it comfort and is it very fluffy? Yes.

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Headcanons and short drabbles for my BSD Fix-it AU

!Contains Spoilers for the whole DoA arc!

TWs: Mentions of OCD, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of crying, mentions of slight gun violence, mentions of screaming, mentions of heavy injuries, mentions of medical related stuff (p.ex.infirmaries), mentions of chronic pain 

All characters might be ooc.

Pairings: Shin Soukoku, Bramcraft, at first Ranpoe and implied developing Mushiranpoe,later mentioned Mushiranpoe, Chuusigzai, lightly implied past!Fyozai (it’s up to interpretation if romantically or platonically but it’s written more in a platonic way), implied Tachihigugin, Fyolai, engaged!Suegiku, Montcott

The ADA managed to defeat Fukuchi and obtained the page

Fyodor and Nikolai got away though.

The moment Sigma wanted to shoot Fyodor, Nikolai appeared next to Fyodor through one of his overcoat portals and pulled the other with him through it. 

It did send Sigma into a panic attack and Dazai too got nervous because of this but as soon as the ADA managed to obtain the page, he got a lot calmer and told Atsushi to write that Fyodor loses his ability on the page, knowing that it not only would send the russian into several existence crises but also knowing that the chance that he would try to erase all ability users would become much lower then. 

Dazai knew Fyodor for years and he knew how much his ability tortured him since his early childhood. He knew that Punishment plagued him and took over a lot. 

Fyodor’s ability was strong and was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it so that his ability slowly but surely started to affect his mind a lot wasn’t unexpected. 

When Dazai touched Fyodor for the first time years ago, the other basically melted into his touch after Dazai touched him despite his threats that he would kill the other if he would dare to touch him. 

The heavy weight of Punishment, the sharp and piercing feeling of the powerful ability raging inside of him whenever he felt threatened as well as its influence on his mind faded to nothing for the first time in his life.

When they met again, Dazai was almost sure that Punishment affected the other’s mind completely since he had gotten more cruel and heartless but also because he worked so tirelessly on his goal to erase all ability users so now he was almost completely sure that erasing only Fyodor’s ability would stop the other.

He was right. Upon feeling his ability fading away until it was completely gone, Fyodor went, just like Dazai expected, through a whole existence crises

With his ability fading, Fyodor also slowly gained full consciousness over his mind again and fully realized what had happened, even though he couldn’t remember events where Punishment had taken over his consciousness nearly completely.

After everything, the russian spent weeks in his bed, not only recovering from his physical injuries he had from their prison escape game but also because his mind struggled to process the fact that Punishment was gone and that he was only Fyodor now. No Crime. No Punishment. No vessel for Punishment. Just Fyodor. 

He also had to process the fact that he gained full consciousness again and had to deal with all the guilt because of what happened which was eating him up alive for quite some time.

The one who took care of him the whole time was no other than Nikolai. 

Nikolai who had put his clown attire away by now. Nikolai, who violently shook Fyodor after saving him, screaming at him for not getting out of his mind and for stopping him from being free, screaming that he hated him so much. Nikolai who had held a gun to Fyodor’s head, hand shaking before dropping the gun, letting his friend go and kneeling in front of him, sobbing. Nikolai who slowly learned to accept that he loved Fyodor and who slowly tried to believe that he could be free together with Fyodor.

He knew that Fyodor returned his feelings but he also knew that Fyodor waited until Nikolai had everything sorted out.

And Fyodor did wait. He waited patiently and eventually, when Nikolai was ready and both got more stable as well as used to their new quiet life, living undercover and when Fyodor was physically fully and mentally partly recovered, they got together in one cold winter night.

Their relationship was beautiful actually and it was based on mutual deep understanding and a bond which already started to form when they both met while living on the streets in the Ukraine as young teens.

Dazai was still secretly searching for the whereabouts of Fyodor and Nikolai for nearly two years, despite knowing that it was nearly impossible to find the russian if he didn’t wanted to be found, scared that his plan didn’t carry out exactly as he hoped that it would but after nearly four years passed, he was almost completely sure that the rat and his clown wouldn’t try to start a war again. 

Sigma and Bram joined the ADA

Sigma’s entrance actually started with the elevator crashing down and he passed it by staying on Dazai’s and the ADA’s side, nearly managing to shoot Fyodor, instead of running away or going back to the Decay of Angels. 

Bram on the other hand, kind of had to stay with the ADA but he actually didn’t  mind.

Aya begged the agency not to kill Bram and eventually they gave in and gave Bram an entrance exam for multiple reasons, one of them being that he can’t be on his own, slashed in half like this but also that if they would pull out the sword, he would have no control over his ability, just like he told Aya so they somehow needed to keep his ability at bay.

After Bram passed the entrance exam and managed to prove his good motives, which wasn’t that hard for him since he never wanted to cause a vampire outbreak to happen and got forced into biting people/since he joined the DoA against his own will,  Dazai touched the sword, nullifying it, so that they could pull out the sword without hurting Bram any further. 

With the sword out of him, he was able to regenerate his body in a matter of a few days.

At first he even refused to Dazai touching it, scared that his ability might lash out completely like he had told Aya but Fukuzawa’s ability kept his vampirism at bay and allowed him to control it much better

By now he has a full body again and can make his own decisions again without being bound to anyone but he still has to use a cane since after not walking/not even having a full body for literal centuries he still struggles with walking and kind of has to relearn it.

He also has to relearn how to use his hands for the exact same reasons. 

However, he can also transform into a large bat again so he usually chills, hanging upside down from the ceiling or hanging upside down on the side of Sigma’s desk, sleeping in his bat form. (Sigma put a little metal bar on the side of his desk specifically for Bram.)

Sigma and Bram kind of get along pretty well. They already got along back when they were both in the DoA but could barely talk/get to know each other since they barely saw each other outside of the meetings of the organization. 

Besides this, Sigma was nearly always busy in his casino and Bram was very well hidden and most of the time guarded by Fukuchi in some way. 

Fukuchi got defeated completely.

The Hunting Dogs had to go under police investigation but after they were proven to be innocent and to be not involved with the DoA, they got a new leader. They couldn’t split the Hunting Dogs up since they would die without the operations.

Jounou and Tecchou got engaged a few months after the war against the DoA.

Atsushi brought Bram and Aya to Dazai where he could touch the vampire, nullifying his ability and turning the people who had been turned into vampires back into humans. 

Yosano saved multiple lives that day since the injuries which some people had before they got turned into a vampire returned shortly after they were fully human again. 

Upon seeing Akutagawa again, alive, healthy and fully human again, Atsushi thought he wouldn’t believe his eyes at first but only a couple of seconds later after standing there like frozen, staring at the other, Atsushi dashed forwards, tackle-hugging Akutagawa with such a strength and with such a speed that he knocked both of them over so that they both fell on the floor. 

Atsushi hugged Akutagaw so tightly that the other heard he would hear his ribs crack before Atsushi sat up a bit, yelling at Akutagawa for being so stupid for sacrificing himself for Atsushi and asking if if he could imagine how it felt to fight against him as a mindless vampire.

He really tried not to cry but he failed. Miserably.

When he tackle-hugged Akutagawa for the first time, tears where already in the corner of his eyes and upon feeling the other again, hearing him breathe and smelling the familiar faint smell of tea like which the other nearly always smelled, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and it got worse when he was yelling at Akutagawa but that didn’t stop him from doing so.

Akutagawa just listened to him quietly (it drove Atsushi a bit crazy to be completely honest)

Eventually Atsushi actually talked himself that much in rage, that he ended up confessing accidentally to Akutagawa which caused him to shut up immediately staring shocked at Akutagawa who looked at him with wide eyes too, before hectically trying to scramble away and get up to give Akutagawa space since he was nearly completely sure that the other was disgusted now but Akutagawa actually grabbed him before he could get up fully and pulled him back so that he lied on top of him again before hugging him, telling him that he felt the same causing Atsushi to start to sob all over again. 

Akutagawa lied there with a faint smile, slowly rubbing the bag of the other and he would never admit it but he too, had watery eyes

Normally he would have never reacted like this or would have shown such a soft side of him but after what happened, even he couldn’t stay as cold as usual

Soukoku watched them with little smiles on their faces, how they continued to lie on the floor curled up together in a tight hug, talking quietly about everything.

Fyodor’s downfall actually started with underestimating Soukoku’s bond and with sending Chuuya to Dazai in order to kill the latter without realizing that Chuuya was already long out of his vampire state. 

Chuuya was the one who carried Dazai out of the hallway to a safe place, who did first aid on Dazai who was heavily injured from the elevator crash and who guarded him until everything was over.

Dazai managed to snap Chuuya out of the vampire state by nearly making him and Fyodor drown (it was actually part of a big plan c of Dazai which was the plan he would have to use in the worst case. That Chuuya got turned into a vampire wasn’t his first plan but it was included in one of his “worst case” plans.)

Chuuya punched him hard later for nearly drowning him and saying such things before he “drowned” but upon noticing that Dazai was sticking extremely close to him and refused to leave his side the whole time and also upon seeing that he was truly shaken up too (no matter how hard he tried to mask it), he just sighed and hugged his partner. 

They stayed like that, quietly hugging each other and Dazai basically clinging to Chuuya, holding onto him and hugging him so tightly that Chuuya struggled to breathe for a moment and he buried his face in the redheads crook of the neck for a long time

Later, they would never talk about the fact that Dazai was shaking like crazy during the first time of their embrace but when Chuuya realized it he just slowly started to rub the younger's back and buried his face in the others brown messy locks. They didn’t need any words at that moment.

Dazai became even clingier to Chuuya than he was before.

Ranpo and Yosano would stick close together and also stick close to Fukuzawa for the next months, not wanting to get separated for longer than a day.

Yosano would never forget the sight of seeing Fukuzawa and Ranpo lying unconsciously on the ground, bleeding out from stab wounds. 

She stayed at their side until they woke up again after she had healed them.

After they woke up again, she tried to appear put together and greeted them with a relieved smile which quickly turned into a wobbly smile after she heard Ranpo complaining about his head hurting and about starting to complain about the fact that they didn’t listen to him in the first place. 

He quickly stopped complaining after he noticed that Yosano had gone quiet and after Fukuzawa noticed her teary eyes, he asked her to come to him. Of course she did so and he pulled her into a tight hug. 

It was the first time in years that Yosano cried. 

Ranpo started to complain about getting left out so Yosano huffed out a laugh and pulled him into a bone crushing hug too.

While Fukuzawa and Ranpo were allowed to leave her infirmary the same day, the people who had been turned into vampires had to stay for a bit longer. Some of them only woke up days later.

The reason why they had to stay a bit longer was because despite Yosano successfully healing them and despite vampirism getting nullified, they felt worn out and exhausted and seemed to recover much slower. Even after a month the most still had to take things slow since their bodies quickly started to feel worn out and they often felt exhausted from doing the smallest things. After some months went by, the symptoms got lesser and lesser though. 

Yosano had asked Bram if they could turn into vampires again but Bram told her that this was impossible.

As soon as Yosano allowed people to visit people in the infirmary again, Poe and Mushitarou were next to Ranpo’s bed.

Poe basically refused to leave Ranpo’s side and held his hand tightly. 

Mushitarou stood next to Poe with a little smile on his face. 

Mushitarou had started to slowly get along a bit more with the detective but they couldn’t really hang out since Ranpo had been in fighting against the DoA with the others while Poe acted as a supporter from the back rows. 

However, he got a lot closer with the writer, after all, he lived with him. 

As soon as they’ve gotten the information that Ranpo had gotten injured by Fukuchi and was now being healed by Yosano, Poe nearly fell into a panic hole and it was Mushitarou who carefully took the phone out of Poe’s hand, saying that they would come over in a minute, before he hung up and started to calm the writer down who already struggled to breathe evenly and had shaking hands. 

He wasn’t as good at it as Ranpo was but surprisingly he was able to calm the other down in no time.

Now, standing next to Poe, next to Ranpo’s bed, he did felt strangely relieved that the detective was fine and seeing Poe babbling about how scared he was as well as scolding Ranpo for being so reckless while Ranpo patted the others head and squeezed his hand, telling him to calm down, his heart felt weirdly warm upon seeing them like that.

The ADA actually threw a huge celebration party over two whole days to celebrate their victory over Fukuchi and the DoA. It was an even greater celebration than when they won against the guild

When Lucy finally saw her girlfriend Louisa at that party again, she basically dropped everything she was holding and ran to her, pulling her in a bone crushing hug.

Louisa was a bit startled at first but then giggled and hugged Lucy back, burying her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.

Lucy would never admit it but she did in fact cry a little bit upon finally being able to hold Louisa again and upon seeing that she was healthy and alive. 

The two would stick close together for the rest of the evening. 

Lucy also proceeded to kiss Louisa’s scar which she had from Nathaniel’s attack, telling her that she still looked beautiful with it.

Bram was able to reunite with Lovecraft. 

The two of them had been in a relationship back in the medieval era but after Bram got sliced in half and got taken away like a trophy, Lovecraft had been unable to find him again for centuries and when he found him again, he had already been in the hands of Fukuchi. 

All that Lovecraft wanted, was to free Bram from Fukuchi but he knew that Fukuchi would use Bram against Lovecraft, hurting Bram even more in the process and the last thing Lovecraft wanted, was to make Bram suffer even more than he already had to so he couldn’t do anything beside staying close to the vampire and following them wherever Fukuchi took him. 

The time where Bram had been on the ship had been hell for Lovecraft. He stayed underwater, underneath the ship where he was forced to listen to how Fukuchi treated Bram, how Bram tried to refuse biting people and how tired, hollow and exhausted the voice of his partner sounded. 

Lovecraft wanted to sink the ship oh 8so bad, dragging Fukuchi down with it and killing him underwater and taking Bram with him, since Fukuchi was defenseless against him there. The world underwater was Lovecraft’s world, his element and a mere human was defenseless against him there but he knew that there was a risk that Bram got injured if he really did so and he didn’t wanted to risk that so he was forced to stay underneath the ship, hoping that one day he was able to get Bram back. 

When Bram saw Lovecraft again, he froze and stared at the black haired man with wide eyes. 

He was sure that he would never see Lovecraft again, that he had lost him forever. 

Bram had never stopped thinking and dreaming about the other but he didn’t even dare to hope that he would see him again. 

Lovecraft didn’t look any different than he remembered him. He wore different and more modern clothes and he looked more tired and worn out than before but beside that he still looked exactly how he remembered it.

It didn’t took long until Lovecraft noticed that someone stared at him and when he spotted Bram, he too froze for a moment.

He only managed to say the other’s name before ran towards him, using a bit of his vampire abilities to move faster. However, he tripped shortly before he reached Lovecraft due to his legs giving out but Lovecraft quickly catched him and hugged him.

He held him so carefully as if he would hurt him if he hugged him any tighter.

He had always been careful with Bram since the vampire always nearly felt as fragile as a human in Lovecraft’s arms, despite being an immortal being and since Lovecraft was well aware of his strength he was always careful when touching Bram but now he seemed to touch him even more careful than before. 

Bram however, hugged him as tight as he could, burning his face in the other’s shirt and closing his eyes. 

Nobody saw the tears which escaped his eyes. Only Lovecraft could feel them and only he felt that Bram was shaking slightly. 

Lovecraft on the other hand, was still trying to process that he finally was able to hold Bram again and that Bram was okay. 

After a couple of moments he buried his face in the others long gray hair and closed his eyes as well. They didn’t need any words. It has always been like this. 

They stood like this, hugging each other for a long time and even afterwards, they would stick together. 

Lovecraft would always visit Bram whenever he could and they also started to meet up at night again. Usually Bram would fly down to the harbor where he met Lovecraft. Then they would talk for hours again, like they did back when they first met. They would talk and sleep, holding each other. They would dance and sometimes they would just sit somewhere, watching the night sky and remiscene about the old times. 

Bram often thinks about his kins and his family. After all, he is the only vampire who survived and who is now walking freely around on earth again. He misses them greatly and often he blames himself for not being able to defend them. 

Lovecraft is always there for him when the thoughts get too dark.

Sigma is allowed to carry a gun with him constantly.

He is also practicing to use his ability more precisely and is training to use his ability in order to overwhelm enemies through flooding their mind with so much information that they pass out.

He often gets paired with Atsushi when they go on missions.

They both spend a lot of time together and they became best friends. 

 When Atsushi saw that Sigma was alive, he nearly cried. The “death” of Sigma would leave his mind and he mourned about the death of the other, despite not really knowing him so when he saw him again, he couldn’t believe his eyes before he ran over to him, telling him how relieved he was to see him alive and well. 

Sigma was completely caught off guard at first. Nobody ever was so glad about seeing that he was fine. In all his years with the DoA he was merely a replaceable tool and this boy was nearly crying out of relief and happiness upon seeing him again despite not really knowing anything about him.

It made Sigma feel warm inside and his heart felt like it got squished but in a good way. It was the first time he wondered if this is what “home” felt like. 

Later he asked how he could ever thank Atsushi for his kindness. He showed him back at the sky casino but to his surprise, the other didn’t want anything and told him that he’s just happy that Sigma is fine. 

By now, Sigma, Atsushi, Lucy and Kyouka often spend time together. Sometimes they visit Lucy at the Café, sometimes they go shopping together, sometimes they go and get Crépes together and sometimes they just talk for a while at the office of the ADA.

Sigma and Atsushi both judge Dazai’s shinegans.

Sigma got together with Chuuya and Dazai some time after the war against the DoA.

Chuuya and Dazai were already a couple for years but after the events in Meursault, they also got together with Sigma. 

Dazai already started falling for Sigma early into the events of Meursault while Sigma slowly started falling for Dazai after the latter saved them from drowning. 

Chuuya already started to admire Sigma when he saw Sigma aiming the gun at Fyodor’s head, showing true strength and bravery and it didn’t take long until they both fell for each other after meeting too. 

However Sigma was a bit intimidated by Chuuya at first so it took him a bit longer to warm up to Chuuya. 

They love each other deeply and while Sigma and Chuuya would die for Dazai even though they would never admit it, Dazai would live for them.

However, Dazai is also still getting used to receiving this much genuine love and affection from two people. 

Sigma is also still slowly getting used to being treated like a human being instead of a tool/ is still getting used to not getting used the whole time and also to finally having not one but two places he can call home (the ADA and Dazai and Chuuya). 

During the first time after the war against the DoA, Dazai had to use a wheelchair for a long time after crashing down with the elevator, breaking his legs in several places and breaking other bones as well.

After months, he could walk a bit again and started to use forearm crutches as soon as he could walk for longer periods of time again. 

Eventually he only used one forearm crutch.

He had to keep using a forearm crutch for years.

After a long time, he used a cane instead.

He already struggled with chronic back pain from a failed suicide attempt where he fell on his back, injuring his spine and since he didn’t seeked help from Yosano until months later, the spine healed more badly than anything which is why it now often hurts and cracks, making sitting straight hurt like hell after some time and the serval injuries he had after falling down with the elevator added more chronic pain and his legs couldn’t support his weight fully anymore without hurting like crazy until years later. The pain never fully faded though.

He hated needing the help of others but slowly he started to allow it. 

Kunikida has to practice things like tying his hair into a ponytail, braiding his hair, tying his shoes and writing again because his new hands are still weak and very shaky. 

It caused him multiple breakdowns already due to feeling utterly useless, especially now that he can neither do a lot of paperwork or use his ability as fast and often as before.

Dazai and Ranpo are the only ones who know about Kunikida struggling. 

Dazai actually helps Kunikida when his mental health is particularly bad again and helps him to calm down when he finds him locked in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom of the ADA again, breaking down on particularly bad days when his hands were shaking so much again that he couldn’t do anything which required precise hand movements. 

Previously, Kuniikida would check on Dazai every evening to see if the other was fine and if he had eaten anything. Now it’s Dazai’s turn to check on his partner regularly. 

At first Kunikida hated it, but slowly he started to accept the support and help from Dazai.

Dazai, Kunikida, Chuuya and Sigma regularly meet up somewhere during weekends to spend some time together. Most of the time, they just talk about work and about life but sometimes they watch movies together at Chuuya’s apartment which he shares with Dazai and Sigma. 

 After Sigma and Kunikida got to know each other through their work at the ADA, they started to get along pretty well and Chuuya and Kunikida got along well anyway. They love to rant about work and about Dazai’s bs while drinking expensive wine. 

Sigma sometimes bakes cookies for the whole ADA.

Fukuzawa refused to exchange any of the ADA members with Mori after he found out about the lie he told Yosano. 

He was furious. 

He knew that it would have consequences but for now he didn’t worry about it. 

Sigma’s OCD and his panic disorder which he developed during his time with the DoA got even worse after the war against the DoA. 

He never told anyone about it and normally he was able to hide his compulsions, his panic and the distress which came from not performing compulsions very well but during the first time after the DoA was defeated, everything got even harder to hide. 

Dazai noticed him writing a word on a word document over and over again, deleting it before writing it again and noticed how Sigma grew more and more distressed. He didn’t confront him about it right then at the crowded office of the ADA but he instead asked him if he could help him with something to snap him out of the thought spiral. 

At home, he confronted Sigma about it, and while Sigma at first panicked, eventually he told Dazai about it.

By now, both Chuuya and Dazai support and help Sigma whenever his fear and his OCD get too much for him. 

The Hunting Dogs came personally to the ADA to apologize for everything they did as well as for believing that they were guilty. 

Tecchou also apologized less formally and more emotionally to Yosano and thanked her again for saving Jounou’s life. After all, they had wanted to execute her so he would have understood it, if she would have refused to help them.

Kenji was thrilled to finally meet this friend Tecchou talked about and he cheerfully greeted Jounou, telling him that he was happy that Jounou was okay and also telling him that Tecchou had been worried sick about him and that he was even willing to place Jounou above justice which was obviously so dear to him. (You must be really good friends then! :D)

Upon hearing this, Jounou just smiled at Tecchou who looked away,  a tiny bit embarrassed. 

Of course Jounou already knew about what happened and he had already scolded Tecchou for nearly 15 minutes for placing him above justice and his mission and for also nearly killing a whole child in his blind rage. 

He can’t deny that his cheeks had been a dark red shade upon hearing this though.

Teruko and Sigma stay far away from each other though and Tachihara keeps a respectful distance to the former casino manager too, knowing that Sigma probably never forgives them for making his casino fall from the sky, killing everyone in it but he understands it.

 That Sigma doesn’t even want to look at Teruko, whether it’s because of the guilt he feels or because of the fact that they killed the people he viewed as his family, is fully justified. At least in Tachihara’s eyes.

The Hunting Dogs now are always there to help the ADA if they would ever need more help with a case or with fighting against an enemy. 

Tachihara stayed with the Hunting Dogs but he still meets up with the Black Lizard regularly and he actually lives with Gin and Higuchi.  

Sometimes he meets up with the Black Lizard and with Chuuya at the bar to which they always went to drink and chat for the whole night like in the old times. 

There is no bad blood at all and all enjoy their meetings greatly. 

He sometimes misses his time at the Port Mafia but as long as he can meet up with them, it's alright. 

He couldn’t leave the Hunting Dogs either. 

Both, Port Mafia and Hunting Dogs are like a family to him so he tries his best, to connect both worlds as best as he can. 

At Home, with Higuchi and Gin, they don’t talk about their jobs anyways. There it is just them. No Port Mafia and no Hunting Dogs unless there is really something someone needs to talk about with their partners/unless there is something someone wants to get off their chest.

Dazai still has awful nightmares about the events at the Meursault Prison. 

Sigma also suffers from night terrors about the same events.

When Dazai wakes up from one of those nightmares again, he usually directly checks if Chuuya and Sigma are still there with him, listens to their breathing and to Chuuya’s little snores as he calms down. 

Sometimes he gets out of their bed and goes into the kitchen or the living room where he sits on the couch, staring holes in the air or staring at the ceiling while he tries to calm his racing mind down. 

Most of the time, Chuuya and Sigma wake up shortly after Dazai left the bed though and grow alarmed immediately, causing them to get out of bed in no time and to search for their boyfriend.

After they found him, Chuuya usually can tell directly what is going on and they comfort him and gently urge him to come back to bed with them.

Sigma reacts much differently than Dazai. 

He often dreams about the DoA, about Fyodor, about his casino or about falling down from the casino but most of the time, he dreams about the elevator which is crashing down with a rapid speed, with Dazai still in it. 

Those dreams are often bloody and horrifying and Sigma often wakes up screaming for Dazai, hyperventilating and crying. 

Chuuya and Dazai always calm him down and are there for him. All three of them are awful at comforting but it works for them.

Most of the time, Dazai hugs Sigma, rubs his back or gently saws back and forth while Chuuya is verbally trying to comfort him and holds his hands, caressing the back of them and assures Sigma that he’s safe here with them and that they are okay. 

They also help Sigma to calm his breathing again and gently prevent him from tugging at his hair/pulling at his hair since it’s something Sigma does when he is stressed, scared or panicking. 

They also always let Sigma talk about his nightmare and look out that his panic won’t get worse again. 

Dazai also always lets Sigma feel his pulse, knowing that this can calm Sigma down more than anything. 

He always regulates his heart beat to a calming, slow one too to calm Sigma down more when he feels his pulse.

When Sigma feels better again and Chuuya gently urges him to try to sleep again, knowing how exhausted Sigma is after the panic attack and assuring him that they won’t leave his side. 

They often lie curled up together in one big cuddle pile then, Sigma lying between them and both hugging him. 

Chuuya and Dazai often quietly talk about everything when Sigma fell asleep again. 

Dazai always stops Sigma and Chuuya from overworking themselves since both tend to do so due to Chuuya’s workaholic tendencies and due to Sigma’s anxiety and perfectionism.

Ranpo scolds the whole ADA for multiple hours that they didn’t listen to him in regards to the DoA case and brings it up over and over again.

He basically won’t let anyone forget that he warned them and that they wouldn’t listen to him.

The agency is now much more careful with accepting cases and Fukuzawa wouldn’t let anyone who was still recovering, no matter if mentally or physically, go on any more dangerous/more shady cases for the first time until they were fully recovered again. 

Ranpo moved into Poe’s mansion as well and now lives with Poe and Mushitarou. 

Mushitarou actually got together with Poe and Ranpoe after a while. 

He’s the happiest he’s been since quite a while. 

Aya often visits the ADA after school.

Fukuzawa thanked her and Lucy for their support and their selfless actions to support the ADA during the vampirism outbreak.

Bram only rarely has to go to investigate a case with others. Most of the time he is sleeping somewhere in the office. 

Now Kunikida has to scold two for sleeping/lazing around at the office during working hours.

Dazai is again trying to get Atsushi to do his paperwork, driving Kunikida crazy. 

However, when Dazai sees that Kunikida is struggling again, he sometimes snatches some papers from the stack on Kunikida’s desk and actually does a bit of Kunikida’s paperwork for him. 

At first Kunikida told him to stop but eventually he just let Dazai help him. He couldn’t stop him from doing so in any way since if Dazai really wanted to do something, there was no way of stopping him and deep inside he was thankful for Dazai’s help. 

Dazai shows Bram the most weird songs to exist.

Surprisingly, the truce between the ADA and the PM is still on going but Dazai and Chuuya already agreed to not moving into separated apartments if the truce gets broken, not wanting to give up their life living together and living together with Sigma so soon again. 

All three agreed that if the truce should get broken, they would move into an apartment which is neither close to the ADA or the PM and which belongs to neither of the organizations. 

Lovecraft sometimes comes over to meet Bram at his dorm or at the office of the ADA. Especially when it’s bad weather outside since Bram dislikes going out so Lovecraft comes to him instead of Bram meeting him at the harbor. 

The first few times he came to the ADA, everyone was very weary around him and not even Dazai made any comments. 

The very first time, even Fukuzawa came out of his office to talk with the guest, ready to fight if needed. 

By now, they are still weary about him but have gotten used to him just randomly appearing at the office or in the house where their apartments are, especially when it’s raining or storming outside.

It became a normal thing.

Kenji even sometimes offers Lovecraft some tea or snacks and greets him happily upon seeing him, asking him how he’s doing.

During the first time he visited, Lovecraft also told Kunikida that if they should ever hurt Bram or just try to do so, he would destroy the whole agency.

Bram was asleep at that moment. After he found out, he scolded Lovecraft a bit. 

Bram and Lovecraft love to complain about everything to each other. 

Lovecraft sometimes brings Bram fruits. 

Bram loves fruits. It probably has to do with him being able to transform into a bat. 

After Kenji found out about this too, he often brings Bram fresh fruits, especially when Bram has a bad day, in order to cheer him up.

Sigma teaches others how to play different card games.

Chuuya sometimes comes over to pick his partner up from work when he can leave his work early for once.

He also is always willing to pick one of them up from work if one of them isn't feeling well but the other one is stuck in a meeting. 

When Atsushi first saw Dazai again, after the latter finally was allowed to leave the infirmary again, he tackled hugged him and hugged him so tightly that Yosano had to remind him to be a bit more careful.

Atsushi refused to let Dazai go for quite a while and cried his eyes out.

Dazai was sitting there like frozen for a moment before awkwardly patting Atsushi on the back, laughing and telling him that he is happy to see him too while trying to ignore the fact that his eyes got a bit teary too. 

Kunikida and Dazai’s reunion was much quieter but also very emotional. 

They were finally able to hug it out too. 

The whole reunion of the ADA was very emotional.

The ADA  isn’t framed anymore and went back to their normal routine, even though there are a few changes and even though the war changed everyone a bit. 

They do take cases again however and even though Dazai warned them that there might be another war against another ability user, they are enjoying their time now and they are prepared a lot better for new battles than previously.

#Me? Posting own content since literal months?? Unbelievable #No really. I am very sorry for not uploading any headcanons or drabbles for so long #I had no ideas but when I had ideas; I was too scared to post them #Funny right? After nearly one year of posting I get scared to post smth (When does my blog have its anniversary again?) #I was scared that people might think that I don't understand the characters or smth bc I mainly write fluffy ooc content when in truth I do #I kind of felt like I needed to prove that I understand the characters? But today I thought who cares. Posting that stuff makes me happy #And there are so many really nice people who like my stuff and who support me and my work and I wanna give them something to read again #Soo here we are! #Please enjoy my Fix-It Au. Is it probably very ooc? Yes? But does it comfort and is it very fluffy? Yes. #It's one of my comfort AUs tbh #I hope you all like it as much as I do #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs hcs #bsd nikolai gogol #fyolai #bsd headcanons #bsd sigma #bsd nikolai #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #sigma bsd #soukoku #ranpoe #bsd ranpo #bsd poe

[fountainpenguin]

S and T for the ask

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

> Bittersweet endings. I don’t like completely perfect or completely depressing ends… I like little nibbles of both.

> Witty banter. Never get tired of it.

> I’m not normally one for AUs, but I love college AUs for worlds that don’t have a college equivalent. What do they study? I must know.

> Fleshing unliked/overlooked side character out with an interesting backstory and cool hobbies.

> We dislike each other but have to keep up appearances.

> Smooth, probably sexually experienced character is easily flustered.

> Alternatively: smooth character flirts with someone, takes it too far, and instantly backpedals while screaming internally.

> Sharing space on a road trip.

> Soft holiday stories! Especially fantasy holidays, because then I’m falling in love with the worldbuilding and pleased that the characters are happy.

> Blind dates.

> Tired but loving single parent who works very hard

> Two tired parents working very hard, so glad they’re in this together

> Someone falls in love with a single parent, asks their kid(s) permission to marry their parent, and lets kid help them pick out a ring and participate in wedding plans.

> HEALTHY!!! STEP-FAMILIES!!!

> Jerk messed with the wrong person and now they’re in for it… We don’t know when… but oh, they’re in for it.

> Petty villains (“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I call in an evil plan, and you send your B squad??? Frankly I’m a little insulted!” -Snaptrap)

> Petty heroes… Read: Randy Disher, a full-grown adult police lieutenant, getting his feelings hurt when the Captain says he’d save Monk, not him, if both were in the water because Monk can’t swim, and Randy persists by asking if his mind would change if Randy was holding an anchor and the Captain asks why he wouldn’t just let go of the anchor and Randy looks him in the eye and says “Family heirloom” and the Captain just >:|

> Gift giving is shown to be a valid form of affection and not played as a greedy, materialistic love language (Related: Character A buys cute little gifts for B sometimes and it doesn’t turn into a story about wasteful spending or needing to shower your partner in gifts or else they’ll freak out).

> Bed sharing / cuddles (As long as it doesn’t progress to sex… I have to be in the right mindset for that and 9.5 times out of 10 I’d rather have snuggles).

> Quick, casual, absentminded kisses. Convince me this character’s instinct is to express affection even when they’re distracted and you have me eating out of your hand.

> Kisses in awkward places… Up against walls, quickly stolen while the third wheel is out of the room, couple trying to hide even though their friends ship them and no one present will judge them for a kiss… Yes. The more uncomfortable the position or time, the better. Love that spontaneous cute.

> Fake dating and in the end they’re still good friends, no push into a romantic relationship just because they were in this situation together.

> Healthy mutual break-ups

> Asexual characters!!! I’m for any story that acknowledges people like me exist and are happy, whether it’s a story about discovery, the difficulties of being ace, or a story where the ace character is just at peace.

> People are close friends and not dating. Both are comfortable with their relationship and no one tries to make them feel bad.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

(Below the cut. Keep in mind these are my personal preferences and I’m not attacking anyone who likes tropes I dislike. This isn’t a comprehensive list, just some thoughts about tropes I don’t enjoy reading).

> Redemption through romantic love. So. Much.

> Everybody Lives AUs

> Soulmates

> Forbidden love

> Amnesia

> Coffee Shop AUs (I’m all for “In the future this character gets a job” stories, but I dislike “I’m going to flirt with this person while they’re in a position they can’t leave” stories)

> Psychic powers / Twins can read minds. It’s not an immediate deal-breaker, but my interest will drop sharply.

> Falling in love way too quickly / confusing infatuation with genuine love and the moral of the story is that you should risk your life plans and dive headfirst into relationships with people you don’t know well yet (I didn’t watch The Sun Is Also a Star, but the trailers pushed ALL my wrong buttons).

> Physical touch is the only or most important way to express affection. I’m all for love language miscommunication stories. I don’t like being told those who don’t express physical touch easily are frigid or uncaring.

> Big rescue scenes in romance (Ex: Hero carrying love interest from a burning building… I’d rather see hero helping love interest up a tough patch of the trail they’re hiking, or leaving a party to find their partner a dessert they’re not allergic to, something small and affectionate like that).

> Asexual invalidation/correction stories (Related: Virgin mockery). I don’t mind reading these if the main character is asexual and it’s a story about sexuality exploration or a character facing difficulties because they’re ace (That’s what Origin of the Pixies is, after all), but if the author legitimately believes asexuality needs to be fixed or that ace characters can’t be in fulfilling relationships, that’s what I don’t like.

> Canon: *Characters state they don’t want to be together romantically*  Fanfic: *Makes them romantic*  As a reader, I’m willing to let you take my hand if you show me careful thought processes and honest conversations while the characters work through changes together in early chapters, but if there’s absolutely no explanation (or indication that backstory will be given later) and the story just starts with them together for some reason… I won’t play along.

> When two people in canon are very close but not an official romantic couple and the only ‘fics about them are romantic. I don’t mind some stories being romantic, especially if they’re set in the future of canon, but if I can’t find more than a tiny handful of ‘fics that match their canon relationship, I get frustrated.

> Oh, here’s a trope I despise with the intensity of a thousand suns… Animals that are not dogs behaving like dogs (Ex: Maximus the horse in Tangled). Other animals are interesting too!

> I dislike a lot of angst tropes in general. I like psychological horror, like the slow recognition of your own sins (which is probably why I write villain backstories). A loved one dying in your arms, or trapped inside a burning house, does nothing to me. You could not get farther from affecting me if you tried. My heart will break if someone hesitates in an otherwise cheery story and the other person staggers back, realizing things aren’t as perfect as they thought. I live for moments where the bliss suddenly snaps and in an instant, everything’s changed. But deaths drawn out with gasps and bleeding, or houses going up in flames, don’t really land. Angst has to be fast and hard or I find it tedious.

> Developing a crush on someone before you even see or hear them interact. See also, liking someone you have no business liking when your people raised you to dislike theirs. How do you exist outside your culture? I want reasons.

> Using new pronouns for a character who hasn’t revealed their preferred pronouns to the narrator and/or a character outs someone by using new pronouns without ensuring they’re okay with that. I’m cool with long-established pronouns, but if some characters don’t know yet, they don’t know yet.

> I’m personally not a fan of self-insert stories, especially Self-Insert x Canon. Specifically, I dislike the trope that self-inserts will draw canon character attention and take the focus away from a canon character development story, which is what I prefer to read. Self-inserts who don’t disrupt the status quo are fine by me.

> I can accept OC x Canon if you don’t contradict canon, but the OC has to be well fleshed out with realistic flaws, and if the canon character is completely OOC, I’m backing out (It’s specifically Main Character OC x Canon that I don’t like- I’ll happily dive into “Failed relationships in canon character’s past involving OC exes because canon characters won’t work for this”).

> Timmy wakes up one day and realizes Tootie’s the girl for him. I need a looong slow burn to sell me on that one. I’m happy to see him recognize his own judgmental attitudes and accept her as a friend, but if it moves into romance while they’re still young, I’m out.

> Wanda being pregnant instead of Cosmo… I 100% forgive this for anything written before “Fairly Odd Baby,” but if Wanda’s the pregnant one then I immediately scroll up to check the upload date. If I can’t trust you with that piece of canon, what can I trust you with?

> Wanda confronts Cosmo and argues that he’s being mean to her. That’s a can of worms I’d rather skirt around.

> I’m all for Cosmo and Wanda having a second kid, but NOT while they’re still with Timmy.

> Abusive Juandissimo.

> I also don’t like fluff. I don’t deliberately avoid sweet, plotless stories, but I don’t seek them out. I lose interest in fluff more quickly than anything else.

… I’m realizing now that the reason I don’t like romantic stories is probably because most of them revolve around expressing affection the literal opposite way of how I prefer it (Ex: Way more stories about physical touch and making out until impulsive sex occurs, not enough quick kisses in passing or time spent existing quietly on the same couch enjoying your separate hobbies).

I don’t inherently hate romance, I just have different romantic preferences than the media that usually crosses my path. I’m more about companionate love than fiery passion. It’s hard to convey the comfortable silence I like in words.

Fanfic Ask Meme

#asks #Anon #FAIRIES! #ridwriting #99% true as far as we remember #Dragonfly parents #Perfect pink beaver boy #Deep Toot

[getinthefunvee]

//how does a new writer to the roleplay community on tumblr get started? Ive sent out starters, I've replied to starters, I've answered memes, I've reblogged memes, I've made my own posts, I hardly OOC. Everyone seems so exclusive. It's not encouraging, and it seems rather cold. What advice can you give?

// Hi there, nonny! Let’s see if I can offer a little RP Ancient™ advice.

The first thing to know about the RPC is: when you start out (or reboot, or come back from a long hiatus–and boy, do I know about those) it takes a lot of time & effort before you get into a steady RP flow. It’s always been like that, so that part? Is purely about relationships, because that’s what RP is: a sort of mutual pact between two (or more) people to put in a similar amount of effort to entertain one another. Quite often, longer-term RP partners turn into IRL friends, because you spend so much time investing in one another. You help each other grow as both writers/RPers and your muses influence each others’ growth. It requires a fair amount of putting yourself out there and extroversion and, yes, rejection–just like IRL relationships.

Here are some things to consider if you’ve been at it for a couple months and still feel like you’re floundering:

1) Is your character pleasant to RP with? Okay, this isn’t an attack, but a chance to step back and consider: what would the other character(s) get out of interacting with mine? A character needs to have depth, an interesting personality, a unique voice, a fully actualised emotional range. If you write a villain, grouchy, or a superpowered person, it’s off-putting if they’re essentially a walking God-mode, all-knowing, superior, unrelentingly do nothing but maim/kill off others, or shut down every interaction with glares/bitchy comebacks. That’s no fun for anyone to interact with, so if you’ve fallen into any of those tropes, you may wish to think abound expanding on your repertoire.

2) Are you putting in as much effort as your partners or prospective partners? We’re all different. Effort is relative, and everyone looks for something a little different, but essentially when you get a reply, you want to feel as though the other person is as invested as you are. That means matching length (it never has to be line-for-line, but if someone’s written 6 paragraphs and you only have 2 lines of reply, please talk to them: they’ll want to know why their reply only stimulated 2 lines of response from your muse, or to know that you’re only comfortable writing shorter things; otherwise, you’re not likely to get another reply), driving plot forward (I can’t tell you how many RPs I’ve had fizzle because someone’s several-paragraphs-long replies only at core yield ‘and they nodded’, forcing me to consistently develop all action/development–we’re not always ‘on’ and not every post is a ‘masterpiece’, nor should it have to be, but if one person is doing 100% of the leg work on this every single time, it’s not going to end well), and developing character relationships (be they platonic or otherwise) in an engaging, satisfying way. Also, each RPC has its own conventions, so you may wish to check that you’re ‘conforming’ to those, at least broadly–ie, if the Marvel RPC convention for short replies is 100x100 or smaller static icons and you’re using 300x150 GIFs and large font, people may find it off-putting. 

3) How many muns have you spoken to? This is part of putting yourself out there. Sometimes the person is a mutual, sometimes they’re not. Do always read people’s rules (I presume everyone would already do this) just to make sure they’re comfortable being contacted by ask vs IM. Don’t leap in with ‘hi wanna plot’; do introduce yourself, say hello, tell them what you enjoy about their characterisation, and suggest that if they were open to the idea of RPing, here are a few suggestions for possible plots you’ve considered with their character in mind. Not all of that has to be in one message, but when someone approaches me like this I’m almost uniformly thrilled to play with them.

4) Are you being too limited in your focus? You’re starting out, and maybe you like to write novella plots and/or huge world-building AUs. Awesome! However, you need to develop relationships for those to take off. Many people just getting the hang of RPing do short-form threads. This does three things: 1) helps you establish your character’s voice, 2) offers content/’samples’ for people browsing your blog to view, and 3) gets your URL out there on other people’s dashes. (I meet the vast majority of my RP partners because I loved how they wrote with someone I already RP with, or they saw me on their dash and liked what I did. I cannot overstate the importance of this!)

5) How accessible is your content? This may be just me, but is your blog at least somewhat legible? I’ll be the first to say, hey, my blog font: not super comfy to read! I use ‘read on dash’ for my own posts! I am a fucking sham!! (ie your theme means I can’t scroll to the end of your rules because the ~smoky shadows~ fully obscure the last paragraph; your text scrolls out of the box, onto your background art, rendering it unreadable; broken links!); 3) difficult/obscure navigation (if I have to wave my cursor around your page for 5min before I can find a link, I’m mad); 4) okay this is probably just me, because it’s super popular, but: autoplay, some of us get easily overwhelmed by sensory input and if I have my noise-isolating earphones on and I tab over to your blog and suddenly it’s SUPER LOUD ASSAULT, it’s really jarring.

6) Are you exploring other RPCs? Some communities are much more welcoming to new/inexperienced RPers than others. That’s definitely sad, but it’s a good thing to know. I love the Marvel RPC because of the friends I’ve met through it, but it’s one of the more clique-y and exclusive-focused RPCs I’ve ever been in. By contrast, DARP (Dragon Age, ayy) is very welcoming–and, for me, often a little *too* chipper and extroverted. I’m not saying this to call one better than another, but just to illustrate that RPCs can be very different from one another. If you’re having a hard time in one, consider expanding out to another–it doesn’t mean you have to ditch your character or your desire to be in another RPC, but it may give you the experience and confidence to tackle some of the harder-to-access RPCs on Tumblr.

I don’t want to overwhelm you, and I can only speak from my own experience, but hopefully that gives you something to start with, nonnie! If anyone wants to pitch in, please do feel free to comment.

#❮ ▽ ❯ psa #❮ ⎊ ❯ out of coolant #|| feel free to reblog i guess if you find this helpful? idek

[thran-duils]

Better This Way (Beauty, Reputation, & Wealth P11)

Title: Better This Way Pairing: Reader/AU!Castiel, Reader/OOC Summary: AU Castiel is part of the mob but also endowed with magic (based off of Grisha by Leigh Bardugo. So y’all, he still has his “grace”!). The reader is employed in a brothel and of course, his favorite. But, she starts to develop feelings for another… Words: 2,803 Warnings: Language, A N G S T

Part 10 || Part 12 || Masterpost  || Fanfic masterpost

You didn’t speak when you got back to the brothel, pushing your way through the door and making a beeline straight for the stairs to your room. Some of the other girls hanging about watched you with curious eyes, noticing your streaked makeup.

Victoria was on your heels following you up the stairs.

Upon entering your room, you collapsed onto the floor by your bed, your sobs taking over again. Victoria came in quickly and closed the door behind her. She cradled you, not saying anything, letting you cry. She was more comfortable now that you weren’t making a spectacle of yourself in the middle of the square.

“Are you alright?” you heard Sam call through the door.

“Yes!” Victoria called back before you could answer.

There was a small pause before Sam asked, “Can I come in?”

Victoria didn’t answer for you this time and you sniffled meekly, “Yes.”

“Yes,” Victoria said louder for him to hear through the door.

The door opened gently and Sam peeked his head in. Instantaneously, he pushed his away into the room and closed the door behind him, his eyes zeroed in on you.

“Everything doesn’t look alright,” he observed, sounding like he was demanding an explanation.

Blubbering with your eyes welling up again, you told him, “Oliver is dead!”

Sam’s angry expression melted and he looked down at you with sympathy. Victoria offered you a handkerchief and you blew your nose. “And his awful father told her in the middle of the shopping square! Where does he get off! And the fact he came to see her in the first place! What an unimaginable bastard!”

Moving closer, Sam sunk down on the floor next to you silently. You watched him apprehensively, sniffling. You blew your nose again and you choked, “I probably look a sight. I apologize.”

Pulling you close to him, catching you off guard, Sam told you quietly, “There’s nothing to apologize for Y/N. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Instead of pulling away from him or feeling uncomfortable, you let him hold you and your tears fell on his shirt. You cursed yourself for not having feelings for Sam. It would make things so much easier – now and in the past. Nothing would have come to this. But… Sam wasn’t the one for you, no matter how gently and carefully he took care of you. There were two men that had been right for you and now one of them was gone.

<> <> <>

Castiel was making his way through the brothel, looking for Y/N. She was nowhere in sight and he was growing anxious.

Sam noticed Castiel and cleared his throat, catching Castiel’s attention. It slowed him down and he came to a stop, his eyebrow raised. “Yes?”

“Y/N isn’t feeling well. She’s not available.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes and asked, “What do you mean not feeling well?”

“She doesn’t want company. Calista told her to stay in her room.”

Eyes flicking towards the stairs, Castiel pivoted and tried to make his way towards them. Sam was there in an instant, blocking his way with a determined look. “Mr. Novak, Calista insisted that Y/N take the night off.”

Glowering at Sam, Castiel snapped, “How sick is she?”

“She’s not sick. She’s just not feeling well.”

Castiel spat, “What does that mean?”

Sam didn’t want to divulge the information to Castiel, so he simply said, “I don’t know how to explain it. She’s just… not herself.” Staring him down, Castiel was clenching his fist, thinking about shoving Sam out of the way. Sam seemed to pick up on it. “I’m sure she will feel better tomorrow, Mr. Novak.”

Finally, Castiel relented and informed Sam, “If anything changes, send me a message. Immediately.”

Sam repressed the urge to roll his eyes and instead nodded curtly. “I will.”

Castiel glowered at him for a few more seconds before turning on his heel and leaving. Sam let out an exhale, relieved that it had not escalated.

(gif)

<> <> <>

Castiel had requested you come out of your room the next night. You had put minimal effort into your appearance but he seemed elated to see you, which made your heart flutter a bit, raising your damp spirits.

He pulled you into an empty room and sat you down on a couch with him, his fingers grasping yours tightly.

“You are feeling better?” There was geniuine concern in both his tone and expression.

Shrugging, you answered honestly, “Not really.”

“Is it physical?” Castiel asked worriedly. “I could make an appointment for a doctor.”

Forcing a small smile, you said, “I don’t think a doctor could fix it. I just do not feel… alright. I’m just tired and… tired.”

His eyes ran over yours, trying to figure out what you were trying to say without saying it. “Did someone hurt you?” You shook your head, not wanting to admit that someone had. You were not up to discussing the details with him. Plus, he had hated Oliver anyway. Which brought a thought to your head… would he know? And if he did, would he tell you?

Again, you pushed it from your mind for now, the energy not there.

Squeezing your hand, Castiel told you, “I wish I could make it better.”

“Me too,” you said quietly.

Castiel watched you, a sympathetic look in his eyes. “May I try?” You cocked your head slightly, watching him with curiosity. You gave him a small nod and he smiled gently. He leaned in close, giving you a small kiss. Your lips moved against his, your eyes closing. His embrace was tender, as if you were a porcelain doll.

The two of you stayed embraced for a long while, just breathing the other one in.

When Castiel finally pulled away, he was watching you closely. “Y/N… I have something to ask of you.”

“Yes?”

Running his fingers gently over yours, Castiel began, “I have spoken with Calista about the matter. And I would like to propose the same idea to you.” The word propose caught you off guard and it made your heart skip a beat. Somewhere underneath all the sadness you were feeling, you felt a spark of hope about this. Was he… Castiel’s eyes met yours and he continued, “I enjoy spending time with you, Y/N. I’ve told you how happy you make me in every aspect of the word. Very much so. I don’t like going days without seeing you. I would like to think you feel the same about that.” You gave him a curt nod, barely breathing. “I think it would be fulfilling for me if you gave yourself to me. Exclusively. You would still live here, of course. I would not want to take you away from your family and friends. But… I would like it to just be me.” He watched your expression. “Would you find this agreeable?”

Just as quickly as the little spark had risen, it was put out by a wash of cold. Of course he wasn’t asking you to go with him. How foolish were you? Isn’t that what Calista had called you for complaining about him not doing the exact thing you had just been hoping for months ago? There was nothing that changed since then. And there wouldn’t ever be.

There was an intense silence between the two of you. You inhaled, catching your breath again. There were so many things running through your mind, partially positive and partially negative. Although, one side was tipping the scales for you.

Meeting his eyes, hopefully not looking too pitiful, you said in a voice barely above a whisper, “No.”

Castiel swallowed thickly, his eyes burning into you. He definitely had not expected you to refuse his offer. His tight expression said enough. He cleared his throat, a vexed inhale leaving him. It seemed difficult for him to keep his tone even as he asked, “Do you mind giving me a reason why?”

You were at a loss for words, feeling numb, tears pricking your eyes. You shook your head and Castiel looked irritated.

“I would like one to make sense of why you would refuse this, Y/N. Because it isn’t making any sense.”

“You won’t be here forever.”

Castiel’s face screwed up and he demanded, “What?”

“I won’t be your favorite forever. And then I’ll be all alone. And at that point I might be old and there wouldn’t be anyone else who would want me then. Or you could just… be gone. Tomorrow even. Who knows?”

He looked like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of your mouth. “What are you going on about, Y/N? Of course I will be –“ Shaking your head, you stood up and he snapped, “Where are you going?”

Grasping your arm, he held you tight. “Castiel, please,” you begged, a tear falling as you tried to keep yourself together. You yanked your arm away and turned to leave the room. You heard him scrambling after you and you moved quicker.

You didn’t get far into the hall, loud noise filling your ears from the boisterous behavior of the other guests, before he was on you again, pulling you close. His eyes were aflame, “Tell me what is going on!”

“I don’t want to do what you asked!” you choked out. “That’s what’s going on!”

“You’re not making any sense!” Castiel growled, his hand still not leaving your arm.

“I made perfect sense! You’re just angry it’s not going your way!” You spat, your turmoil getting the better of your emotions and tone. You realized what you had said and immediately regretted it, seeing the hurt expression on his face. There was no taking it back now. Swalling your guilt, you cried, “Now, please, let me go to my room!”

He let your arm go finally, still staring at you stunned, and you turned away from him, fleeing towards the stairs.

(gif)

<> <> <>

Castiel stormed towards Calista’s office and Sam noticed, moving from his post quickly, worried for Calista.

“MR. NOVAK!” Sam called out over the crowd but went ignored. He was taller than Castiel but even his long strides couldn’t keep up with Castiel’s head start. “MR. NOVAK!” he tried again and again went ignored.

Barging into her office, Castiel was a whirlwind. Calista jumped at her desk, almost upending her bottle of ink. She looked concerned seeing who it was and also the fury surrounding him.

Sam was on Castiel’s heels trying to tell Calista he had tried to stop Castiel and asking what she wanted done.

She heard nothing except Castiel declare, “I’ll buy her outright.”

(gif)

Sam stopped immediately and his eyes turned to Castiel, his jaw slack. He seemed to understand what Castiel had proposed to Calista and did not look happy about it in the slightest.

Relaxing back into her chair, Calista eyed him up and down. “Why the change of heart?” Castiel said nothing, clenching his jaw and realization dawned on Calista. She leaned back in her chair, “She told you no.” Sighing, Calista turned her eyes to Sam, “Leave us.”

“Miss—“

“Samuel.”

Sam did as he was told.

When the door was closed, Castiel was still fuming, staring at her, waiting for an answer about his proposal. When she didn’t answer quick enough, a few seconds after the door had closed, Castiel demanded, “How much?”

“I don’t know off the top of my head –”

Castiel interrupted forcefully, leaning on the desk, staring at her, “Give me a ballpark and I’ll have it to you within the hour.”

“Mr. Novak… please. Calm down.” Castiel’s nostrils flared and Calista knew she had taken a wrong step. She back pedaled. “Or if you would like to explain to me why she said no.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Castiel snarled pushing himself off the desk angrily.

“I think it does. And not to be rude, but I would like to know the reasoning before we move forward on a discussion about transferring ownership.” Castiel flinched at the word ownership and it did not go unnoticed by Calista. “Please…”

Castiel spat, “Doesn’t think I’m going to be here forever.”

Sighing loudly, Calista grabbed her tobacco pipe and lit it. As she did, she told him, “She’s upset about the boy.”

Oh, Castiel knew exactly what boy Calista was referring to. What he didn’t know is how Y/N had found out. The information hit him like a ton of bricks.

He feigned ignorance, “Which boy?”

Calista shot him a look and responded, “You know which boy.” Castiel rose his brows and she added, “He is apparently dead. But I’m assuming you knew that… considering the circles you keep outside of the Barrel.”

“I did.”

Taking a drag of her cigarette, Calista turned her attention from him for a few moments. When she spoke again, she informed him gently, “You would have been better apt to tell her.”

“How did she find out?”

“Quite dramatically, I hear,” Calista informed him. Cas was giving her an expectant look. “You know his father, don’t you?”

A cloud passed over Castiel’s face as he answered, “Yes… of course. Why?” The last word was a demand. He could feel his chest tightening already all over again, the worst coming to mind.

Calista looked contemplative. “Is he usually petty? Or cruel?”

“Depends. Again, why?”

Calista ran her eyes over his face quickly before admitting, “He found Y/N in the square specifically to tell her about his son.”

In a moment, Castiel’s anger increased ten fold. “What?” he snarled.

“I thought it extremely distasteful and cruel,” Calista replied, tapping her fingernails on her desk. “And him doing it that way really screwed up breaking the news to her whenever we found out.”

There was a plethora of ways to kill Vladimir running through Castiel’s mind. Skinning him alive seemed like the one that would take the longest and give Castiel the most satisfaction.

“Castiel?” Her voice cut through his furious thoughts.

Meeting her eyes again, Castiel exhaled, “Yes?”

“Did you hear what I asked?” She sounded timid. His expression must be terrifying.

“No. I did not.”

Trying again, Calista repeated, “So, you would understand why she may be saying no to you right now? She’s a little off balance.”

Castiel breathed, trying to calm himself down, “Clearly.”

“I would suggest giving it some time. And approaching the subject again. I listened to what you told me the first time we discussed our arrangement – about you believing taking her away from here wasn’t smart. I didn’t agree at first – the money and all, you called me out on that – but giving it some more thought, I realized you were right. And taking her away now? That would be dreadful. No matter how much you desire it. But… if you feel it’s what you think is best…”

She still feared his retaliation if she refused him, Castiel observed.

But… she was right, Castiel cursed to himself.

“No. It’s not what is best,” Castiel finally admitted.

Calista looked relieved and it didn’t go unnoticed by Castiel. “Right. Well… I am sorry it panned out this way as of now.”

“Me too.”

“And to be honest, it might be better this way. The way it happened with the boy,” Calista commented and Castiel looked at her with attention. Giving him a knowing, sad smile, she told him, “He was single. Around her age. He acted as if he was courting her half the time… sorry.” The apology was for the twitch in Castiel’s face she picked up on, knowing he wasn’t happy hearing that. “I think she got it in her head that he might… I don’t know, never marry and just be with her. I think him being married off after she had started believing in that fallacy would have been a bigger heart break than him being dead.”

Castiel considered this and nodded in affirmation. “Perhaps you are right.”

There was a small pause before Calista offered, changing the subject, “I still have some of the scotch you brought me.”

Castiel held up his hand and stood up from the chair. “I am fine. Thank you. I need to go.”

“Understandable. You have a good night, Mr. Novak.”

Giving her a tight smile, Castiel replied sounding empty, “I will try.”

Calista watched Castiel’s back as he left her office, closing the door behind him. Sam was waiting right there and immediately went to go check on Calista like the good, little dog he was. Castiel scowled as he made his way towards the front door.

Oliver. That fucking brat. Haunting him even from the grave. That boy’s ghost was lingering and it was getting in the way of what Castiel wanted. And now he had someone else to deal with that was living still.

That family was poison.

~~~

Castiel Tags: @prince-halfblood, @splendidcas, @klaineaholic, @letsthedogpackandthecats, @alexastacio, @winchesterforever12 @seirensou  @tacos-and-trenchcoats @the-amaranthine @greenappleeyes

#au castiel #castiel x reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #my shit