#PLEASEEEEEE let my other job supervisors be given permission to write me their letters so that this gets simplified. PLEASEEEE

[oflgtfol]

god also i did my internship in my senior year which was also the peak year of my depression and it had a noticeable impact on my personality to where like doing my 1:1 weekly meetings with my supervisor had been me really quiet the whole time and just taking notes and shit. like i did my work i just kept my head down and only ever really interacted with my supervisor and not really the other interns in the office, because they were all already friends and were much closer with my supervisor so i just felt like an outsider idk. plus with the mental health at rock bottom its like i literally am not a human being right now so i just was so out of it all the time i literally could only do my work and that was it i could not socialize like a human being.

so now im one year post grad and nearly one year medicated and ive had a noticeable change in my personality to where my mom comments like once a week that im so much more energetic and outgoing and talkative. so like if i do talk to my internship supervisor again, and if i do accepted into this program and go back to volunteering at the place, and interacting with her face to face, its like. how do i reconcile the personality of me she had known, and my new one. its part of why i hated interacting with my former high school classmates who went to the same uni as me, like i had a noticeable change in personality between high school and college as well, so its like. You Know The Old Me. i hate having to navigate like easing them into this new version of me. and now, the difference between me back in february 2023, and now me in february 2024, is RADICALLY different, like 50x more intense than the difference between me in high school and college. and this was my supervisor. im just kinda like, ahhhhh, at the idea of interacting with her again, because it's like, ahhhhh, im a totally different person now and im so sorry but the version of me you met and worked with during my internship was like the worst version of me. so sorry for all that. also can you write me a letter of recommendation

#i guess im just worried about reverting into that old version of me that she knew ?!?!?! #like going back to being quiet and reserved because i dont know hw else to interact with her #but AHHH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE #and because i was so quiet and reserved she DOES NOT know anything about how bad my situation was from 2022-2023 #so i cant just be like haha. yeah. i was going thru shit #so im really just gonna have to present myself to her now as this totally different fucking person with zero explanation #UGH #i wanted to navigate this after i get accepted to begin volunteering again #like hey girlie. remember me. im back !! i'd love to volunteer again haha #instead of like HEY GIRLIE. UHM. CAN YOU WRITE ME A LETTER OF REC IN THREE DAYS??!?1 ALSO HI IM A NEW PERSON NOW #like ARGH the letter of rec situation puts a layer of urgency that i absolutely did not want with this #PLEASEEEEEE let my other job supervisors be given permission to write me their letters so that this gets simplified. PLEASEEEE #or better yet PLEASEEEE LET ONE OF THESE PROFESSORS FINALLY SUBMIT THEIR SHIT !!!!!! #delete soon