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Partners in Crime – Book 3 – Chapter 5 - Storyline 10 – Together

〄 ꜱᴛᴏʀʏʟɪɴᴇ - 10

Partners in Crime

  ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @LittleBirdRey & @ToldUIdSurvive

       ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3: ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴀʏ ɪꜱ ᴜ

            ╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: 5 ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ  @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

               ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

•— Raven —•

“You know what… I feel like being nice today.”

•— John —•

"What are you plotting?"

•— Raven —•

“Me? Plotting? As if I would?” Smirks.

“Also, why aren’t you offering to help? And you call yourself my friend.”

•— John —•

“Please!! We all know when it comes to plotting, I am the genius! You are the one that needs to make my crazy ideas  possible!”

•— Raven —•

“Excuse Me!!” Poking him in the chest with narrowed eyes. “Correct me if I’m wrong, however I’ve had a big hand in the last two or three plots we worked on!”

•— John —•

“You did… but like I said…. My plots… your genius inventions! I’ll split the credit 50/50.” Holding out my hand to seal the deal.

•— Raven —•

My eyes linger on the outstretched hand. I shook my head. “More effort goes into the execution of a plan. 80/20 sound better from where I stand.”

•— John —•

I tilted my head, like I might be pondering her offer. “60/40?” I countered with a smirk.

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head slowly, biting my lips.  “70/30. If you ask nicely.”

•— John —•

I swallowed… what the… my heart did a thing. And I felt like I would give her anything she wanted at that moment. But that would give me away.

“65/35” I pressed leaning form added a little, turning light blue eyes up to her.

•— Raven —•

“Deal!” Reaching out I took his hand in mine. Shaking it before he changed his mind.

“I would have giving the last offer if you pushed, Watcher! I win!” Winking at him with a shoulder nudge.

•— John —•

“Did you though?” I raised a single brow?  “You accepted my offer… sooooo don’t I win?”

•— Raven —•

Dropping his hand to wave his outlandish claim off. “Yes, yes I did. I’m not a novice, John. I know when a deal is ready for negotiation and when to call it.”

•— John —•

I gasped, loud and dramatic! “You took advantage of me!?! I’m horrified!!” My very poor attempt at not laughing failed miserable.

“So who are we prancing today?”

•— Raven —•

“You’ll get over yourself.” Rolling my eyes at him, with a lick of my lips. I pointed to the door with the window in the middle of it.

“We are not prancing. More like…” tapping my chin as I thought. “Making things fun.”  On the other side of the door say Harper and Luna’s  class of children of all ages. “There is a box of the ice cream to make up for whatever we do.”

•— John —•

I tilted my head looking at her…. “Okay fine…. But after the we can do a real prank right?” I couldn’t play a joke on those kids; they had been through so much…

“Maybe we try make a game of leaning some of the Tek on board. I know a lot of the grounders are struggling with  lights and even doors. Kids pick up these things faster.”

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my hands together. “I knew you would be the perfect partner in crime for this. And yeah. That’s sounds pretty good to me.”

Waving my hand towards the door. “I was thinking about a light show in the observation room. However, learning is the more important thing to do.”

•— John —•

“That would be a good reward… something for them to look forward too if they work hard?” I smiled… going even if they didn't work at all she would still do it. “I know most of the kids are well-recovered, but this place is still very strange to them… showing them it can be pretty, and fun could go a long way to helping when it's time to go to cryo.”

•— Raven —•

Biting on my lips I let my eyes moved away from John. How did this guy always hit the nail on the head? “Uhmm… yeah… yes. Of course.” Shifting off one foot to the other.

“Some part of me feels guilty.” Blurting it out. “You know, they had a life on the ground. They were allowed to be kids. But here… we are going to freeze them in time. I feel like I’m going to steal their childhood or something.” My logic mind knew the truth, however my heart… it had another story to tell.

•— John —•

“Raven… a lot of these kids lived in poverty, or started working the land as soon as they could hold a rake.” I told her. “They would be dead on the ground... And not because of us… Because of the toxic death traps humans built 100 years ago. Here, they are medicine. Their  families… and soon they'll go to sleep, safe and warm.

They won't know hunger, or rationing…. Solar flare hideouts, or water shortages. Then…when they walk up, they will be home. And it will feel like the blink of an eye. They'll all still be the same age; they won't lose a moment of innocence.” I stepped closer to her. “You might feel like they are losing time… but it's not true… it's just because you'll be watching them through the glass.”

I knew she wouldn't go into cryo. She would stay and make sure everyone was safe. “But to them… no time will pass. And I'll be right there. On the other side of the glass with you. The whole time.”

•— Raven —•

“It’s cold…” the words came out without a thought. “The Cryo… it’s cold… not warm.” Swallowing back the floods of emotions which rared its head out of nowhere.

Of course, I knew John told the truth, but guilt came with no rhyme, nor reason. It liked to sit on my chest  free of charge.

And then it hit me. “What did you say?” Frowning a little. “Why aren’t you going in?” Lowering my voice so I didn’t disturb the class of children.

“John why wouldn’t—“ it hit me. Why would he? The realisation did not stop the anxiety of what it would mean if he didn’t go in with the rest.

“John….??”

•— John —•

“Oh…” I mean I knew that but… “They… um… won’t feel the cold, will they?” I knew that too. I mean, they weren’t literally frozen… I didn’t understand the science, but I knew that much.

“I can’t, Raven… I just… I’ll make myself useful. I will but don’t ask me to go  in there if…” I stopped myself from saying -if you’re not.-

“Besides… do you really think I will let you have years on me? You’re already smarter than me. I won’t let wield age over me too.” I laughed.

Would it truly create an age gap between us? It wasn’t something I  prepared to risk... The few days I had lost her were like a living hell. She would live a life for five years while I slept. I wouldn't even know her when I woke up. Wed be strangers again.

•— Raven —•

How was I going to break this down? First glancing around, because I didn’t need an audience.

“We don’t have enough sedation for everyone.” Keeping my voice low. The children will be the first to be given it, so that their experience is as smooth as possible. Then the clans heads are assigned to tell us who is likely to need what is left.” Rubbing my forehead, I shifted to rest my shoulder on the cold metal wall. “This is something they are trying to work out in the council room. Well. One of the things.”

Dropping my gaze to the floor I sighed  “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to John. I’ve learnt my lesson when it comes to that. However, I need to you understand what you are asking. The fact that everyone but a skeleton crew will be sleeping. Dreaming I hope of a new world where we can make  better choices. Be better people. They will all be waiting for this world… and five years…. It’s an incredible amount of time to be left with your thoughts up here.”

His mental health had to come first. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. And I promise not to hold my wisdom and years over you.” Half smiling, I gave him a nudge.

•— John —•

I shuddered. Not at the idea that there wasn’t enough sedation… grounders were tough they would handle it. As long as the kids were looked after. It was the dreaming… five years locked in my head with my monsters? I’d rather float myself…

I knew she would be there… or I hoped… who would she be by then? Who would stay awake with her? Would they be her family? Would she fall in love?

My heart squeezed. “You’d be a stranger.” I blurted out…. “Five years… you… it’s…” I stopped and took a breath. “There aren’t a lot of people that ever cared about me… or that I cared about. I can’t… I couldn’t… wake up and they won a care about the most was a stranger… how..” I stammered. “And what if….” I stopped. What if she was right and we dreamed for five whole years. Five years in hell, running, dying alone, watching her die again and again. 

“I need to be on that crew, Stargazer.”

•— Raven —•

My feet took me towards the shadows in the corridor. I could have him witness the entire scene on my face while he spoke, and my emotions made themselves knows.

My heart sank at the thought of becoming a stranger to him. But wouldn’t that be true for them all? Everyone who went to sleep?

“What about Emori, of Luna. You know they need you to be there for them too. I’m not worth giving up time for John.” Hearing him use the Nick name he himself gave to me, made something in my stomach twist.

“I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t feel is correct. I just….” Tugging at the ponytail on my head. “I just need you to understand the meaning of staying awake. Of the responsibilities on your shoulders, what if something goes wrong ? What if you and I mess up and fight, and you never want to see me again?” the fact came as I said it. If he came to ask me to put him to sleep. I would do it for him. No questions asked.

•— John —•

I wasn’t sure #Luna would be willing to let herself be put under… #Emori? Maybe. She was a survivor. But she might just choose family after the regrets of choosing the leave the island.

“I don’t know for sure what they will want when the time comes.” I admitted. “But I know what I want. And it not just because if terrified of those tiny little coffin….” I shuddered. Then, I can out and said it. “I want to be where you are… I want to work on all my shit…” I rubbed at the side of my head. “And be the person I thought I was becoming on the  island, before we back down there. I see him more clearly when you’re around.” Then I chuckled.

“But if you think we’ll last 5 years without a fight? You’re delusional. But…” I closed some of the space she made between us. “There’s no world where I never wanna see you. You are a lot of… fun…” I quirked a brow. “… to look at.”

•— Raven —•

My heart in my chest did something, as did my stomach. Because he wanted to be with me. He was picking something no one had done since….. pushing that thought away before I needed to think it to the end. Rolling my eyes, which I was certain he couldn’t see. I slapped him up the side of his head.

“And you were doing so well there, Watcher. Had me thinking you were all feels… but then you’re a teasing little shit.” However, I closed the rest of the space hugging him. Hiding my face from him. “You’re an arse.” Then curious to ask.

“This isn’t because of the island and boat thing. You are going for a long nap isn’t the same thing… and we are over that misstep in our friendship John.”

•— John —•

I laughed; I knew I had broken her tension. I rubbed my head where she slapped me... not because it hurt. She hadn't laid a hand on me to cause me pain since the night she split my lip, and subsequently promised to never hurt me again.

 Then she hugged me, and I was frozen. I hugged her back after two heartbeats. She smelled like she always did, like machine oil and sparks... like home.

"No, it's not about that, it's about this." I squeezed her "It's about family..." Maybe the other would choose this too? I thought to myself. "I think this is how I heal, Stargazer. On the island, there were... less people. People I learned to trust. Maybe whatever crew stay awake... I can learn to trust too. But I need you... to call me on my bullshit and remind me to do better. And I really, really... need to know you're alive."

•— Raven —•

Something tightened in my chest. His letter flashed before my eyes where he asked me to stay alive.

Shaking my head, I pulled back and mustered up the courage to smile. “Okay. So It’s for our small dysfunctional family. This I can get myself behind.”

Still hoping he wouldn’t ever end up regretting making this choice. “And if you are mad at me, the ships big enough for you to never have to see me.” Squeezing his shoulders.

“Okay. So.” Looking around “Brains of the Universe. What are we going to do for a little fun for the kids?”

•— John —•

I smiled, still holding onto her... and wondering how long was too long.

"Yeah, that... and maybe more selfishly for myself. I think this is my chance to... get my head on straight." I put a small amount of distance between us, enough to see her face "#Luna has already agreed that the next time we fight she will lock us in a room until it's fixed or there's only a single survivor."

I let go of her when she reverted to her plan for the kids. "I think the first thing to do is maybe teach them what not to do.... like accidentally opening an airlock."

•— Raven —•

His eyes, those deep-sea blue eyes. They ones I’d seen so much in has lost some of their brightness, however I was determined to bring it back.

“As long as it is my cabin, or work space we will be fine. You know I’m all about the multi-tasking when I’m angry.”

Breaking a hug  wasn’t how I did things. I licked to give the other person the time they needed before pulling away. But the sliding sound of door behind us caught my attention.

‘Hello you two. What do we owe the pleasure too?’ #Harper stood there what a child on her finger and a smirk.

•— John —•

“Hell no!!” I laughed. “Neutral ground… you already have an advantage… I’m not adding all your tools into that as well." The door opened too soon, Raven was doing that thing where she was watching my eyes and that, of course, meant was staring.

Then Harper was there, and my  face burned like a child caught sneaking out during their station's sleep cycle.

I cleared my throat. "Um..." I looked at Raven. "We thought we have the world's greatest and possibly only mechanic... Give the kids a crash course in how this place works."

•— Raven —•

“Hey! I’m not doing it all by myself!” Smacking him up the side of his head before letting go to turn and face #Harper.

Her eyes lingered on John and then me, and back again. “Harper? What do you think?” Clicking my fingers to gain her attention.

‘Oh. Yeah. A field trip should good. We should plan it out first right? Make sure the place is safe for the little ones?’ Pointing to the young one on her finger.

“Between all four of us, and I’m sure we could ask others to help next time too, we should mange it. What do you think Watcher?”

•— John —•

“Really? What do you have against my hair?” I teased dragging my fingers through it. “I mean it’s kids how hard can it be?” #Harper’s eyebrow quirked. I figured that meant very.

‘They are good kids. But they hardly speak any English…’ Harper explained.

“Consider me your  trusty translator.” She gave me another look. “I might not be as good as #Clarke but I can speak Trig.” I told her.

‘Oh I know that… but… how do I know you won't fill their heads with mischief? Because I hardly speak any’

I smirked. “I’ll make that easy too. I absolutely  will fill their heads with mischief.”

I walked into the room, recognizing many of the kids. “Yungon Kru!” (young one clan) I called to them. “Gada raun hir.” (gather around) I held out my arms like a Shepherd herding his flock and they gathered. Sitting in the floor around  me. They were fascinated by a Skaikru speaking their language. “Finally.” I sighed, smiling at the two women. “The respect I deserve.”

Harper muttered something, grinning.

•— Raven —•

‘Of course, he is at home with the children.’ #Harper muttered to me as the two of us stood beside one another watching John take centre stage for his first performance on the ship.

“Don’t knock the free help here, he is giving you a break from the madness.” She was smiling and shrugged her shoulders.

‘You know Rey, I’ve trained to be a perfect marksperson. They put a gun in my hand, and I took to it. But this.’ Lifting her chin towards the kids. ‘This gives me peace… you know?’ And I did. I understood what she must feel. “Maybe this is why I keep looking for ways to help these children? To make up for some of the bad I’ve done on their world.”

We both were smiling now. Watching from the sideline, Harper proud of the kids, and me proud of the Watcher.

•— John —•

I spotted #Dela in the group and grinned, looking over to see if Raven had seen her yet. She was looking good. Her eyes were still dark and her skin a little pale, but she seemed to have as much energy as all the other kids.

Rey was talking quietly with Harper.

I explained in Trig to the children that we were going to take a little walk around the ship and stopped…#Dela was Trishanakru… they had led the anti-tek attacks in Polis.

I walked back to the two women. “#McIntyre… do you know how many of these kids are Trishanakru?”

I couldn't  help but worry. Dela’s father had been kind to me when I helped his daughter. Would we start a conflict with them teaching this to the children?

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I both turned to face John at the same time. 

‘Trishanakru.. Uhm… yeah, we have six in the room right now. The others aren’t really allowed to come yet. Luna is working on it.’

She turned her attention to the room point them out as she spoke. ‘We have Dela….’ I could hear another word. My eyes found the little girl who I had carried onto this ship. Her smile found me, and she came running over. Opening my arms for her I held on to her for dear life. She was my saving, Grace. The one thing I had gotten right in so long. She was still a little pale, weak, however full of life.

Emotions filled my with a lump in my throat, tightening in my chest. But I knew. They were of the good kind.

When I asked her how she was, the girl began to tear up.

‘I…I.. kiss you?’ I stood stunned. ‘Miss…’ #Harper corrected. ‘I missed you.’ She smiled at #Dela. The girl nodded her head, saying again slowly to ensure it was correct.

I beamed with pride. “Yu dig mou snap.” (You learnt fast). Combing her hair off her face. “I missed you too.” Smiling I remembered Johns question. “Why are you asking about Dela’s kru?”

•— John —•

I counted the number of kids in the room… six from TrishanaKru… that was likely a majority… but that made no sense. With clothes being shared, especially for the children (the prison uniforms weren’t an option) and with every tribe came in all colours and shapes (even if a  few did have a clear majority of skin colour.) The girls all were too young to need to cover their hair if they were Sangedakru and they were all too young to have any tribal markings or identifying tattoos.

“Six…” I muttered. “That makes no sense.”

I chuckled at #Dela’s mixed-up words… but she was learning. “You have a fan, Stargazer.” I said to Raven quietly.

Then I stepped closer to the girls, sticking to English now. “#Illian was Trishanakru and he led all of the Tek raids in Polis after the City of Light fell… they are or at least, were… anti-tek… but up here… #Dela’s father is the elder… an if he has encouraged parents to send the kids here…. Maybe…” I trailed off… trying to figure this out. “We don’t want to cross any lines and hurt the chance of the Clan working with us.”

I got down to #Dela’s level. “Chit don yu Nontu tell yu op hasta komb’ir raun hir?” (What did your father tell you about coming here.)

#Dela looked a little nervous. “En’s ku, Dela. Osir jos gaf gon tich yo hasta…” (it’s okay, Dela. We just want to) Shit! There was no Trigedasleng word  for spaceship…. I looked up at the others… Raven learned her Trig from me and #Luna. I wished the Zen Master was here.

‘Skaidon?’ #Dela provided. ‘Luna Kom Flokru tag on….’ She motioned all around us with large movements. ‘Skaidon-de’ (Skyboat? Luna of the Boat People  calls this the sky boat.)

I told her; Yes, we want to teach the children about the sky boat. And she explained to me that her father told her to learn everything Skaikru taught them because they knew more about our new home.

Then I came back to the two women again. “Dela said Delano told them all to learn anything we can teach them. I think he’s more open-minded than the previous leadership. I think we should do it.”

•— Raven —•

“I’m a bloody rockstar. You are the only one who doesn’t drop at my feet, Watcher.” #Harper coughed to hide her laughter at the two of us.

My own attention moved to the small girl and how she looked while speaking with John. I could pick up the gist of the conversation, however felt a little lost too.

“Delano? Why would he stop us?”

#Delano, #Dela’s had been a kind man. Someone is spoken to a few times now. He was thrust into a position of leadership for his people who had followed him and his wife onto the carrier that day of evacuation. #Dela’s mother had pleaded for help, her daughter lay dying in their - arms. Just the reminder of the day made my stomach churn.

#Dela slipped her small hand into mine and I didn’t hesitate to close my fingers around it. If she needed my touch right now. I would give it. “Delano is a kind man, and he’s seen what we can do to help his people.” Smiling down at the girl. “He came to the med bay and stayed by his daughters side. He was watching, learning, and listening. I can’t see anything wrong with the child’s learning about where they are living now.”

The way #Harper glanced around the room and then to John told me I was romanticising my outlook at little?

‘I don’t know guys, John’s making a good point. What if we take it in small groups? Leave the TrishanaKru children until Luna is back?’

“Also, not a bad thing I guess.” My attention was back on John again. “Why did you say this didn’t make any sense? Before. When Harper told you there are six kids here?”

•— John —•

“I know… But under #Delano’s leadership, the Clan are opening up a little more.” I said to her. I couldn’t help but be stunned that #Harper was taking me seriously. That wasn’t anything against #Harper, she and I never had any real issues. In lock-up, I may have made a few  inappropriate comments to her… playing up to the crowd, but she never seemed to hold it against me. It was simply the fact that anyone was taking me seriously… #Emori had been the first and then Raven and #Luna… I thought that #DrGriffin had started to as well… but I had  just been the most convenient person for the job she needed done.

“I feed all of these people… I know exactly how many children are on this ship… there are thirteen clans. Trishanakru has nine minors… three are teenagers. So essentially all their kids are here. Maths  isn’t my strong suit but based on the number of kids in the room… it’s a huge majority. It’s like the clan has made a complete U-turn in their opinions of Skaikru.”

•— Raven —•

#Harper’s eyes were on me; I could feel them so when I met them it wasn’t a surprise to see the shock. All I could do was shrug my shoulders to say, ‘Yeah, it’s him… John Murphy… stepping up and taking notice.’

We turned our attention back to him, well… #Harper did, mine  moved to the room and the children.

“But are they really?” Lifting my chin to the room. “There isn’t much tech in here. It’s not even a real class room.” I’d been here a few times now, helping #Luna and #Harper when I could. Being around the hustle and bustle of the youngsters gave me a sense of purpose and peace.

“Luna tells then stories, she’s kinda good at it, and Harper here plays with them. Teaching them some of our language and learning theirs.” I could feel her nodding. ‘Luna and I gather things from around the ship we feel could be of help to them. So, they aren’t completely lost. However, we don’t force them to go against their clans in any way. It’s kinda one of the main reasons some of the children aren’t allowed to come. Luna says we need to build trust, not betray it.’ #Dela let go of my hand and run off to play with some of her friends, making my heart dance. “But I see where John is coming from. Six out nine children… that’s a high percentage.”

#Harper shifts towards John. ‘What am I missing. I still don’t understand why it’s worrying. Isn’t that a good thing?’

•— John —•

I looked around the room again. Okay, so they have a point… there's not a lot of technology in here. Would a prison ship have a classroom? Should I ask or was that a stupid question? No… it was definitely a stupid question.

I smiled at the mention of #Luna’s storytelling. “I mean… not much else to do on an oil rig in the middle of the ocean.” I chuckled fondly.

“You’re right… it is a good thing… I think.” I dragged my hand through my hair. Now my mind was racing with so many other thoughts now. My distrustful nature was sneaking back in. #Delano is a good man… isn’t he? I had thought the same about #Bellamy once and he hung me…

“No… Yeah… It’s a good thing. Hopefully, the rest of the clans will follow suit.” I said. “Okay… come on. Let’s do this thing. See what happens.”

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I exchanged looks once again. I knew him was clearly holding something back. And I could see from the look #Harper gave she thought the same. The question was should I push him to just say what he was thinking, or do I wait for him to feel comfortable enough to say  it by himself?

This friendship had just come back to some form of stability, and I was ashamed to admit to myself I didn’t want to rock the boat.

Telling myself John would tell me if he felt it was important. But then a part of me wanted him to just say whatever  was on his mind. Not to hold back. And I knew it would take time.

‘What are we doing? This was your brain wave.’ #Harper questions.

“We were thinking it would be a good idea to show the children the rest of the ship. Where they can go, where not to go because of danger.

You know safety measures.” I told her, still stealing gazes at John.

•— John —•

I saw the way Raven glanced at #Harper… Could she see the anxiety underlying my thoughts? I could tell her later without Harper and several sets of ears listening in. Damn… Was I so paranoid that I thought one or more of these children were faking not speaking  Gonasleng? Fuck!

No… #Delano is a good guy.

Right?

“Why don’t we take a walk and then anything you guys think is relevant we can stop and explain?” I looked between the two women… kids and lessons weren’t exactly my strong suit… but at least for this lone afternoon I was useful, I could translate.

It might only be for a few hours but feeling useful again… felt good.

•— Raven —•

“Let’s do this.” Rubbing my hands together with a smile.

“Right, who’s up for an adventure?” I asked in trig, and got it so wrong that;

1) the kids looked at me confused.

2) they whispered to one another. And 3) they slowly burst out in laughter. However, it didn’t cause me embarrassment nor that  uncomfortable feeling. I just laughter with them too.

“Opps…” loud whispering to John. “What in hells did I just say to them?”

#Harper began gathering the youngest of the children, guiding them toward the door however not opening it just yet. Finding myself watching her I couldn’t help but wonder how life would have been for her if choices were allowed and circumstance hadn’t changed her path.

“You’re so good with them Harper. And they really like you. I can tell.”

•— John —•

I chuckled a little at the mispronunciation. “You just ask if they wanted to get cooked.” I pinched my brows and tried to control my expression from teasing her. “Wom op… is to cook. And wona of is adventure or…” I tilted my head because as far as I knew there  wasn’t actually a Trig word for adventure. “Exploring. But you were close… on pronunciation at least.” I reached out and touched her arm, without thinking… like it was the most normal thing in the world to do.

It should have been hard to reconcile the expert marksman that  was #HarperMcIntyre with the Harper McIntyre in front of me now. Making children who could barely understand her smile, laugh, and follow instructions… But it wasn’t, it seemed like the perfect fit for her. I repeated what Raven had tried to say, in Trig, and the kids all looked up at us excitedly. I leaned into Raven and whispered because I didn’t want to steal #Harper’s thunder.

“Hey, looks like I’m pretty good at this too.” I smirked.

•— Raven —•

“I know you are, who knows… maybe you’ve found another calling without expecting too?” The way these kids reacted to both these people had to be astounding. #Harper and John? Children whispers? Who would have thought, not me that’s who!

#Harper asked me to stand at the door, for John to stand in the middle about foot feet away from me, and she took the back with the last two kids.

Telling them to stay in the line, to hold the hands of their, ‘Buddy’ and to look after on another.

“Damn Harper, is it wrong that I’m a little turned on by the school teacher thing happening here?” Waggling my eyebrows, I shook my shoulders trying to tease her. And it worked, her cheeks and ears turned a Beet red making me laugh so hard.

“Okay Crew, you are the young officers of this ship, and it is your responsibility  to know and understand how to keep safe and look after those who cannot help themselves. So, let’s go and see what we can find!”

Opening the door, I turned to smile at John. “Hey Watcher, do you want to take the lead in exposing and explaining it all? My trig is No-way as good as yours.”

•— John —•

I laughed so hard I snorted. “Nope!” I shook my head vehemently. “Rare occasions like this are fine… but when it comes to kids; I’m a small doses kinda guy.” I shuddered remembering the few days I was forced to spend in the care centre after my mother died.

“Damn, Reyes… who  knew you were into blondes.” I chuckled.

I translated everything Raven said as best I could… taking up the position that #Harper asked me to as we filed out the door. I looked at Raven when she asked me to take the lead. “Um…” I looked at the kids and then around the ship… I had no idea how any of this stuff worked beyond the most basic function.

“I wouldn’t even know what was worth pointing out or not… How about you point, I translate… and if I think there’s anything else worth telling them about you can help tell me how it works?” I  raised a brow. “You know… teamwork and all?”

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes, “if only you knew all my kinks Watcher.” A mischievous grin on my face.

‘Rey! Children! John Do Not Translate that for them.’ #Harper shook her head and still smiled with a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Okay… okay… we can do this. Team work.” Team works my arse… I knew where my strengths lay, and giving kid a tour wasn’t up in that list.

I was the nerd, the overachiever who thrived on knowing the consequences of all the action I planned to take. But this one? Well, it’s becoming clear I didn’t think it through at all.

Taking my jacket off, I wrapped it around my waist. Pulled and tugging at my braid trying to cool off my neck.

“Okay. Let’s head starboard, we can go to see the main deck. The main deck is where we pilot this ship from. Even if we are standing still right now. However, you can see the views of the stars from there.”

Walking ahead I felt a small hand lacing its way into mine. #Dela smiled up at me and I squeezed her to reassure both of us.

•— John —•

I help my hands out to #Harper in an 𝕆𝕙 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 gesture. “Oh, c’mon! Even I’m not that stupid.” I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Like I would air her kinks so openly when I could save them for use as blackmail later.” I laughed. #Harper gave me a look like she would wallop  me if she was close enough… even with the prying eyes of all the kids here.

Raven said starboard… I wasn’t unfamiliar with the word. I knew it meant a side of the ship… port and starboard, left and right… but which one was which? Was there a Trig word for starboard? My mind boggled while I tried to figure out if it was left or right. A cough came from behind me as we all followed Raven like little ducks in a row. I heard a cough from behind me that sounded like the word “Right.” I flashed #Harper an appreciative smile over my  shoulder.

“Rasad.”(Right) I said out loud… but then stopped and translated the whole sentence Rey had said. I shrugged at her. “I don’t know ship words.” I chuckled but I made a note to ask #Luna later. #Emori might know either; she knew her way around a vessel… but not  like The Zen Master did.

•— Raven —•

“Personal note, punch him in the arm. Just for the fun of it and payback.” Of course, I wouldn’t. The promise I made him and myself never to hit him again wouldn’t allow me, (not even as a joke.)

Listening to John translate, I felt a little impressed at him and myself. Who knew we could be a good team when it came to talking to the young ones.

“Crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you use your two brain cells. I’ll keep it simple from here.” Pointing to the corridor, coming up to our right. “We will be going right here. However, if you look ahead.” Pointing to the closed doors. “This is where the security room on this floor is situated. If you ever feel unsafe, or need help, or are lost, there will always be someone in there who will be willing to assist you.” As I say the words, the doors slide open to reveal #Nate and #Jasper coming out.

‘Hey… what’s going on here?’ #Jasper asked in a singsong voice. ‘Is there a party we didn’t get an invite to?’ Winking at the kids. The youngest of the group holding #Harper’s hand hid behind her. All we could see were green eyes from behind Harper’s leg.

‘There you go scaring that little ones, Jordan.’ #Nate rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t worry, he scares me too.’ He bent down and smiled at the kids.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes at her. “Hey, you’re the one in need of my mad skills! Sorry if my brain cells are full because I learned an entire language in the span of a few months.” I rubbed it in.

“Dison hir bilaik faswogeda-de.” (This is the security room.) I translated for her… then  continued with everything else she said.

I moved to the back of the line while one of the boys at the front traced the Ark logo on #Nathan’s shoulder. I asked the little girl hiding behind #Harper.

‘Gona.’ (Soldier) She whispered, pointing at the guys.

“Nou.” (No) I told  her, offering her my hand. “Emo… Bloka. Chilkepa. Emo kep oso klir.” (They are Guards. Peacekeepers. They keep all of us safe.)

The girl finally took my hand and came with me to the front of the line. “Naithon… Jaspa…”

‘Bloka?’ She looked at me and I nodded. Then she  touched Nathan’s shoulder too. ‘Kep oso klir.’

‘What did you tell her?’ #Nate asked.

“She thought you were a soldier… Gona… I told her you were a Guard or a Peacekeeper.” I wasn’t really sure that he would like that, but we need these kids to know that we weren’t their enemy, or their jailers.

#Jasper grinned. ‘Clever.’

“Not just a pretty face.” I grinned at him. Then I turned to all the kids and asked them in trig to repeat the words after me in English. Guard and Security Room.

•— Raven —•

Both #Harper and I found ourselves witnessing a gentle side to the boys. We hadn’t had the opportunity or the chance to need it before. However, when push came to shove here, they were.

#Jasper moved into the fray of things, showing the kids how to juggle pens! “Jas, you will have one of their eyes out with those things flying in the air!”

‘Nope, it’s all in the skill of my fingers.’ He wiggled them in the face of a child making then laugh. Causing me to roll my eyes and laugh all at once. “If you harm one of them, you’ll have to answer to Luna.” This made him stop.

‘Party pooper, Rey.’

‘Okay, okay.’ Clapping her hands to gain the attention of everyone. #Harper pointed to the corridor on the right. ‘We should keep moving, less questions that way.’ “Good point, well made.”

Thanking #Nate and #Jasper, because of them all the children seemed more relaxed.

•— John —•

I was preoccupied with the kids and #Jasper’s show. But I still noticed the attention the girls paid to us and not just the kids. She gave me that nickname for a reason after all. But Rey was smiling, I never knew she liked kids so much… then again, maybe she didn’t either.

Children were rare on the Ark, most of us were only around kids when we actually were kids.

The kids seemed to understand the request to move on easily. “They really are picking up on English fast.” I said the Harper and Raven as they led the way. I chuckled thinking of the Skaikru members that refused to make any effort to learn Trigedasleng. A superiority complex was the real enemy of survival.

“Where next captain?” I asked Raven at the head of the line of chattering children. It was strange that she was so relaxed working with a large of children around a century-old spaceship.

•— Raven —•

“Captain? Are you trying to promote me without a hint of negotiation, John Murphy?” Pointing ahead. “Let’s go this way.”

This wasn’t on my list of things to do today, but it wasn’t selfless. These children needed out, to feel some freedom, they weren’t made to be locked away unlike us. We knew what it meant to be confined. We did it without a question (well mostly. Maybe. Okay fine. We were bad at it too. However, not the point I was making to myself!)

Great! Now I was fighting with myself internally!

‘Are you okay Ray?’ #Harper called from the back. When I turned to see all those eyes on me.

“All good here. I’m still thinking we head to the main deck; the bridge is where we flight this ship from, the windows—” cutting off mid thought.

“Shit!” Shaking my head. “Don’t translate that, John!” Keeping my  voice even. “I didn’t think this through.” Shit… shit… shit….

 “Air locks… let’s go to the lower decks, show the children the works of this place, I’ve been working on the transport ship.” How could I be so single minded! Foolish!

•— John —•

I laughed. “The last thing you need is an ego boost like that. And I think our fine Lieutenant…” The word was filled with sarcasm. “Would be very put out by that.”

I stopped when Rey mentioned the main deck… Wouldn’t we need permission for that? I knew Raven could come and  go as she pleased, but surely it was off-limits. It was probably a great thing to show the kids though, but maybe we could see if it was something we could do another day.

Raven was kind of freaking out… my brow pinched as I watched her. But I didn’t want to ask her what was wrong in front of #Harper and the kids. “Okay… I won’t…” I assured her.

“Airlocks it is…” I kept my eyes on her. There was always a constant sense of unease when I didn’t know if she was okay or not. I told the kids to follow her and looked for an opportunity to ask her what was going on inside that head of hers.

•— Raven —•

Now my mind flew through this plan we came up with. I came up with. Was it really a good idea? Should we be walking these around a ship that wasn’t even ours?

Then again, seeing the change in the children after seeing Nate and Jasper it was worth it. So, this was right. I needed to stop second guessing myself.

“Okay… I know it’s not much to look at but trust me when I say that this ship is full of exciting surprises that are beautiful. Pressing a code into the security doors for them to open. “These doors are in place to keep each part of the ship safe in case of an emergency.” Tapping the heavy doors as I walked by.

‘Rey, we need to work on your idea of what is an exciting surprise for a child.’ #Harper called out from the back.

“What do you mean? This is good stuff I’m showing.” Okay, maybe I needed to work on how to make others as excited about these things?

Feeling a tug on my hand my hazel eyes dropped to the small boy. Leaning down when he motioned, he whispered in my ear in trig. I’d picked up enough to know he needed a bathroom.

“We are going to make a small detour.” There was a small officer den ahead of us.

Once at the door, I pushed in the Mater code waiting as the doors slid apart. “Bathroom break, if anyone wants to go, come on in.” Walking the boy in, he stopped outside the door of the bathroom hopping from foot to foot, however he wouldn’t go in.

“It’s okay. It is safe in there.” I told him. Opening the door to show him.

•— John —•

The kids were distracted, looking around at the ship. I heard one of them ask why there weren’t any trees or grass. I was about to translate the question for Raven when #Harper spoke. “I mean… Sure they need to have fun.” I interjected. “But the kids  need to learn that they should steer clear of the airlocks too.”

#Harper seemed to pause for a moment. “It was different for us… we grew up around this stuff. These kids have no clue that stepping out into space can --- “ I made the universal Kill you motion.

‘You have a point.’ She admitted.

“Let’s let Raven do the nerd stuff and you and I figure out how to make it fun.” I said to her, and she nodded.

We detoured to the bathroom, and I was not about to take a bunch of little kids to do their business. “I’ll wait out here with the others.” I offered quickly before they could ask me to take the kids in there.

•— Raven —•

‘Oh, so you’ll help just not with the hard stuff, huh?’ I could hear #Harper teasing John before she came inside to join me as the children with me too turned to visit the restroom.

‘It’s so nice to see them happily using the bathrooms now. It’s took Luna a lot of exampling  for them to stop thinking they would be endangered if they say on them.’

She elbowed my side to gain my attention. ‘Hey, are you okay?’ Lifting her chin to the door. ‘Out there before, you seem to have been…’ she didn’t need to say it, I knew what she meant.

“Yeah, not my finest hour.” Shaking my head stepping back to lean on the walk to take some of the pressure off myself. “I was thinking of taking them to see the views and experience the flight deck.”

‘Yeah, I know. I wasn’t there when we made the plan.’ She looked confused.

“Harper… the flight deck... it had a front row seat of their home… earth… which is being consumed and ravished by Praimfaya right now. I don’t want them seeing that… witnessing the end of the only home they know. That’s…” I shook my head.

‘Oh… shit…’ she whispered. And I nodded my head.

“I’m an idiot… what the hells was I thinking!”

•— John —•

I winked at #Harper. “You may be a sharp shooter #Harper but you aren’t quick enough on the draw!” I teased.

The girls disappeared into the bathroom with a few of the kids and in the meantime… I was left alone in the hallway with most of them. The kids asked me questions about Raven. I explained her job to them in Trig as best as I could until one of the children asked me where Skaikru’s children were.

I squatted down to their level and explained to them our clan only had one small child… the rest were older. They had a whole lot of  questions about it. But I didn’t think that explaining to them that, most of them died in the sections on the ark that burned up when it crashed to earth or in the sections that didn’t land right. So I told them that living in space means you have limited space and food; so people were only allowed to have one child.

Then I asked them who had brothers or sisters. Some of them raised their hands and I knew by the looks on their faces that their sibling probably hadn’t been in Polis when they evacuated. It was unlikely that many of the siblings made it on board unless they were soldiers. Or one of the babies.

Then I explained to them that no one in Skaikru had brothers or sisters… other than the new Heda Okteivia… while I knocked on the door for the girls to hurry up.

•— Raven —•

#Harper and I stood in silence as we listened to John, a lot of what he said had been missed. However, the parts I could understand made it clear what the children were asking.

I told #Harper in a low voice what the topic of discussion was with a solemn look on my features, which she mirrored.

‘They haven’t asked me about this, unless Luna explained it, maybe?’

I shrugged my shoulders, “John speaks their language, they are relaxed now and maybe feel a connection?”

She scoffed. ‘We all know, John is a big kid.’ And I knew she said it to  Lighten the heaviness in the room, however I shook my head.

“You know, Harper… in Becca’s time… you and I would have been classed as young ones too.”

With the last of the children washing their hands as #Harper has taught them; we heard the knock on the door from John. Opening it I smile. “You know better than to rush someone who needs to go, Watcher.”

Letting everyone out, and back into their line we began to walk towards the elevators. “Could you let them all know we are going to in this, and that it’s safe. I’ve tested them all now, so if they want to use them. They can around the ship?” I asked John.

•— John —•

I couldn’t hear much with the kids still asking questions and speaking to each other. I grinned up at her when she opened the door. “The questions were about to get really awkward out here.” I chuckled. “I needed the backup.”

I followed her to the elevator, and I started to  explain it to them in Trig. “Disha hir Tagon Vieda.” (this is called an Elevator) Then I repeated the word in English, asking them all to say it. In trig again I told them, “This takes you up or down to all the different levels of the ship. One of the kids shouted out about  the lift in the Commander's tower that was raised and lowered by a pulley system and two men.

“He wants to know if it's like the one in the Tower in Polis… it's kind of famous.” I told the two women with me... Mostly #Harper. Raven’s trig was getting better by the day. I  told kids it was like that one, but this one was powered by machines, and it was very safe. I explained the button. “Gyon op.” For the up arrow and “Gyon daun.” For the down arrow. Then I exhaled.

“We might need to teach them how to recognise numbers, so they know if they need  go up or down.” I said but I was mostly talking to myself.

‘Can you teach me to count in Trig? And then I can teach them?’ #Harper asked me like it was a perfectly normal thing to ask. I looked at her a little shocked that she would ever think I could teach anyone anything. She cleared her throat a little awkwardly. ‘I mean… you and #Luna could teach them… but you both have other duties, so I just thought…’ She brushed her hair behind her ear, only there was nothing to brush back because her hair was braided tightly around her head. ‘Never  mind… Silly idea.’

Then I realised my expression was probably hard to read. “No… It’s not. In fact, it’s a good idea. I can definitely teach you and I’m sure Luna will help too when she can. It makes sense… you’re with these kids more than anyone. We should teach you the language.” I said, shifting my expression to a genuine one. #Clarke and #Kane had the best command of the language out of all of Skiakru but they were too busy to teach anyone anything. So, I didn’t see why #Luna and I couldn’t help. I was sure Emori would help too; she taught me most of what I knew.

•— Raven —•

New words for my trig vocabulary, my ears perked up while I pushed the code to keep the doors open for the elevator. The younger children at first felt a little dubious about the square box, while the older ones were excited, stepping on and off.

I could make out enough to know they spoke about the lift in the tower. I hadn’t seen it, because #Clark hadn’t let me on the missions taking place in those walls, I knew I’d slow them all down, so I didn’t push to go. I had other messes to clean up anyway.

When John confirmed my trail of thoughts I half smiled. “Okay. Come on young ones, it’s time to take a ride.”

It’s when I saw the exchange taking place between the other two ‘adults’ at the back. But I didn’t prying into their business. A few of the children joined me inside, some small one clanging onto #Harpers hands, and leg.

“Well, it’s going to be interesting to see how you move.” I told her.

‘John! It’s clear Rey isn’t going to help; please could you carry this little one and I’ll take the other.’ She handed the kid in her arms over to him. ‘Just go slow for them. This is all new for them all.’

“Why would I help?” Lifting my chin to all the children in the elevator with me. “Come on, we can’t go without you.”

•— John —•

A couple of the kids were still dubious of the lift; a few were clinging to #Harper for protection. I chuckled, Harper managed to waddle, shuffle, and drag her way into the lift with all bars two of the kids. I crouched to their level and asked them in trig if it was okay if I carried them into the Elevator. The boy pushed out his bottom lip and said he was afraid to go into the wall. The boy was clever… it looked like a wall before the doors opened. Especially if you had never seen one before.

“En’s nou wo… en’s…” I couldn’t call it a room  really. “Vieda…” (It's not a wall, it’s… an elevator.) I explained.

I looked at Raven. “Close the door for a second, don’t go anywhere… just show them it opens again.” I had the kids watch as the door opened again. Their expressions relaxed a little more when the children  reappeared. “Kom op?” (Coming up?)  I asked the kids again and they let me pick them up and carry them into the lift. One on each hip… The taller child made my gait a little lopsided. #Harper was grinning at me.

“What?” I asked with pinched brows.

‘You’re kind of a sweetheart, John Murphy.’ She smirked.

“What? Ho—Wh—Where did you get that idea?” My face heated. Sweetheart? Ew… Me? Never!

‘You could have just picked them up whether they liked it or not, but you asked. That was sweet!” She smirked.

•— Raven —•

#Harper saw in John what #Luna and I knew for a while now. His attitude towards those who need his help had always been well hidden in plain sight.

He has been the same with me, to the point that I had punched him in his face, and in response he’d asked if I’d felt better. “He wouldn’t do that.” I answered for John. “He believes in giving the choice, and then follow even if he disagrees with the outcome.” Somewhat true, even if there were times when he hadn’t given me the option. But then again, my mind had been melting before his eyes.

So, he could be forgiven.

My attention moved towards #Dela as the elevator began, its descent. She whispered to those who were beside her to trust the three of us in trig. She then curled her small hand into mine smiling up at me. This did something to me. My heart fluttered with a warming feeling; one I hadn’t felt for a long while.

The bell like sound indicated we had arrived on the correct floor, frightening some of the passengers in the small box. “It’s okay… it’s an important sound. This sound tells us we have arrived on our chosen floor.” Pointing to the light above the door as they slide open right then.

•— John —•

I smiled at Raven... She was wrong. She was right too… In this case, getting these kids into an elevator wasn’t life and death. I looked at Raven in the distorted reflection of the lift doors. I had done it to her though… violated her trust and her personal space, drugged  her… restrained her… all because I was trying to keep her alive, but I did it nonetheless. And somewhere deep inside I knew I would do it again, if I had to, if it would save her.

I wasn’t sure what that said about me.

The kid on my left… the smaller boy; flinched at  the ping the lift made when the lift stopped and clung to me while I was distracted by watching Dela and Rey… the pair had clearly developed a bond, and I wondered if the child understood it was Raven’s actions that had made sure she’d gotten on this ship before the Death Wave took Polis. She had been so sick… and I had been trapped in the quarantined area because I was too sick from exposure too.

Tiny arms locked around my neck, and I got a face full of dark curls. “It’s okay kid…” On instinct, I spoke English. But this child was probably  no more than three or four years old and normally only warriors learned English. He’d probably only heard the language here on the ship. I remembered how afraid I had been in the prison camp the first time I heard Trig… having no idea what they were saying unless they were interrogating me. So I comforted him in Trig but I had no free hands to offer any other kind of comfort.

The other child reached across and patted his back, telling him to be brave. The other boy's skin was deep, rich brown compared to the younger boy’s light freckled complexion… they likely weren’t even from the same village and here they were.. offering each other comfort.

When we stepped out of the lift, I stooped to let the boys down. The younger one tightened his grip around my neck. “Okay… Looks like you’re staying put.” The older  boy climbed down but stayed close.

‘Wow…’ Monty laughed, appearing from wherever he had been working. ‘That’s a new look on you John Murphy.’

“Hey… I have many talents…” I glanced at the kids. “Apparently.” Then I immediately turned to search for Rey and Dela.

•— Raven —•

‘There’s nothing wrong with having hidden talents when it comes to these little monsters.’ He growled laughing.

Because as soon as the doors opened, and the children saw #Monty they rushed out towards him. He had come down to his knees catching them, wrestling with a few of  the boys while the girls stayed waiting for John to disembark with the youngest one and then #Harper too.

‘Hi… They’ve missed your visited to the classroom.’ #Harper told him.

‘Hey.’ He smiled up at her. ‘Things have been crazy with the farm. I was on my way up now, but looks like you all have other plans?’

#Harper filled #Monty into why we were all coming down here, and the plan to show the children around the ship to help them adjust.

‘That’s a great idea, can I tag along? Another helping hand?’ He asked us all.

I smiled nodding my head down the corridor still stood in the elevator due to the commotion in the corridor before it. “Hells, yeah. More the merrier. And you can help with the nerdy stuff. I’m not exactly making this a fun trip.”  Laughing my eyes met Johns, frowning a little my brows lifted in a silent question. Asking if he was, okay?

•— John —•

I moved closer to Raven as the kids swarmed to #Monty and #Harper filled him in on the day's plans with the little ones. She’d seen that moment of darkness in the lift. Of course, she had. This was Raven… somewhere along the line, she’d learned to tune into my carefully guarded tells. I swayed to one side, brushing my shoulder against hers, giving her a small smile that said; I’m Fine, or… maybe, Later … Both? I couldn’t be sure myself. But if she wanted to know where I’d gone for that moment, I would tell her… later. Just her. The brush of my arm against hers was easier… not plagued with that feeling of invading her space, no dark whispers telling me I had no right to be that close to her. It was simple, natural… like it had been at home… in the mansion. After our breakthrough when I was a  friend not her unwanted nurse and before… before I destroyed us. But this was Raven Reyes; she’d never met a broken thing she couldn’t fix… and she had taken my hand. Taken it and held it while we slept.

So later… I could tell her. I was guilty of the things she said I  wouldn’t do… I was sorry I had done them to her, But I would do it again in a heartbeat… to save her.

“Where to next captain?” I stifled a grunt as the kid on my hips started swinging his legs to get let down to join his excited friends and narrowly missed kicking me in a  place I wanted very much not kicked! I set him down and he ran into the melee of tiny people.

•— Raven —•

My elbow nudged John right back, softly in reply, saying without speaking. ‘Okay… Later it is.’ Because I was done… I wasn’t going to let him walk alone. We were all going to be there to support one another from now on.

I heard the question and pointed up the  corridor with a smile. “To the room of Magic of course, the only place where anything can be fixed.”

Both #Harper and #Monty nodded their agreement, and #Dela tugged on my hand telling me to hurry. She wanted to be in the middle of all the mayhem.

Leaning down I smiled. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” When I stood upright again, I saw her looking longingly towards the other children and then me. “Go on. Lead the way.”

When I glanced to my side, the shock of witnessing John’s near fatal accident made me wince. “Ouch… his foot was  way too close… Rather you than me.”

Tugging on my ponytail, setting off behind the others.

•— John —•

I smiled at her; she got it… she knew there were only a small circle of people I shared things with. I wasn’t one to spill my thoughts in front of anyone. But I could tell her. I watched the way she looked at #Dela… encouraging her to go and mingle with the other kids. I  wondered if it was hard for her. She had been in the med bay the longest of all the children. So, I wondered if had been hard for her to join this group after they’d begun making friends. It was something I had noticed in my short stay at the care centre… kids that age met someone and that same day they were best friends.

I chuckled at her… “Please you have laughed your arse off. The kid will understand that pain in about eight years.” I watched the kids again. “Do you think #Dela is adjusting to all of this?” I asked her as we walked towards  the place where the magic supposedly happened. “She looks… healthy… maybe a little skinny but that can be fixed over time…” And who knew how skinny she was before she came on board? “But she looks… happy? As happy as you could expect at least, right?”

•— Raven —•

“Hells yeah, I’m not even going to attempt to lie. I would have been rolling on the ground with tears coming out of my eyes…. Only after I asked if you were okay, of course.” Nudging him with my elbow with a cheeky smirk.

My gaze followed his to that beautiful little girl, who has been to hell and back. I saw past her healing scars. Some which she would have for the rest of her life, and some which would wither away with time.

Bearing witness to Singh before us with #Dela hovering around the children playing and teasing #Monty, he noticed her and brought her into the medley of madness.

“She is strong, with a willing to keep fighting. It’s a testament to her standing here today. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But look at her… She will be fine.”

She was small for her age, or at least that was what #Abby  had said. Then again, we could see all the kids were the same. Some more so than others.

“Harper was saying… she wants to stuff them full before we place them into Cryo. And I get it. It will help them. You know… I wish we could keep them up a little longer…”

•— John —•

I shook my head at her. “Harsh, Reyes. Harsh.” But I knew she would… and she might not even laugh. At least, not until a few hours later. Seeing people in pain wasn’t something she coped with easily. I watched the kids again; the youngest boy who had almost kicked me was  weaving in and out of the crowd of them. I noticed #Harper watching him and #Dela even more closely.

I nodded, I understood where that was coming from. “I get it… I mean….” I dragged my hand through my hair. “When was the last time you saw this many children all together? At least of this age range… there weren’t even that many in the care centre.” I stopped abruptly… it probably wasn't the best time to talk about that… and it wasn’t like I was there for long. “But I do think it’s a good idea to save the rations we have for when we get back  to earth… even if we find good land to start out on… it will take time to get farms producing… If they go to sleep, they don’t need to learn about rationing… or hunger and thirst. It sounds like a good deal… if it wasn’t for the…” I stopped again. I didn’t dare speak negatively of the cryo chambers in case the kids heard.

I knew my anxiety behind them was illogical, but all the same, it was there, and it was real. Raven knew my fears and the other reasons I didn’t want to go to sleep. “Plus, the sooner people go to sleep the less chances  there are of tensions between the clans.”

•— Raven —•

Twice…. As we walked twice, he stopped from saying what he was thinking. Making me question the reason. Looking around, looking between the two of us, and the company we were in. I got it.

This hadn’t been the same as on the island. He wasn’t stopping because he didn’t want to share, it wasn’t the right time. Just like before I told myself he would tell me later. And I believed it too.

‘Rey!’ #Monty’s voice cut in before I could answer or question John anymore. ‘The door is locked. You need to punch the code in.’ Nodding my head, I allowed one last glance at John telling him we’d talk more later before slowly catching up to the others.

“Okay, are we really?” And children with excited and eager. I didn’t know how #Monty and #Harper had done this. I pushed into the code to my  workshop which was the same as my room code. And with a general hiss the doors slide open.

“Welcome to the overachievers workshop.”

#Harper laughed and picked me. ‘Rey, there nothing in here that could injure or kill a kid, right?’

At the question being asked, my mind began to wander around what I had open. “Oh hells. Uhm… give me one….” I was already, hopping, running and skipping to the far side of the room where the industrial cutters were laying out.

•— John —•

I knew how much she hated it when I held stuff back… especially now that we were back on track again. But I wasn't really holding back, there were kids everywhere and #Harper. #Monty now too… I would tell her… but when it was just her and I. I just hoped that she saw that promise in the smile I gave her, I didn’t want her to think there was still a wall between us. I translated for the kids, but they seemed to read Rey’s excitement about where we were heading.

I couldn’t but get excited at how excited she was. Maybe it was a little bit of the  kid's excitement too… maybe. When Harper asked the potential for injury in the room, I turned the kids and told them to wait in Trig then I distracted them when Raven hopped off to retrieve a wicked-looking tool that she’d left out… Shit… she must have been in a lot of pain if she didn’t put that back in its place when she last used it. I told the kids that this was the room where Raven and the other mechanics and engineers fixed things and made sure everything, we needed to make the ship run was working. They didn’t ask many questions… they’re  understanding of Tek was slim to none.

•— Raven —•

I never left things out of place; it was well known by everyone that;

1. They could borrow anything they needed, as long as they returned it.

2. I had a place for every tool. (Reason being if anyone did ask to use something. I could tell them where it was kept without needing to go to it.)

3. I always left my work space ready to go for the next time.

All of which had gone out the ship’s windows with the next to no sleep and working on empty. But now I’d had a good couple of night of sleep, which meant I had begun to feel like myself again.

Hens why this trip to show the children around felt right to do today.

“Okay…” closing the metal cages on the far end of the space I dusted my hands off. “All is safe and sound now. I’m happy for the children to walk around and look over anything.” Pointing to the windows out the back or the work space. “These windows are safe for them to see the stars; we are facing away from earth here.”

Leaning back against the metal cage. Taking some of the weight off my hip and leg, I crossed my arms smiling at them all.

•— John —•

I watched her hobble around the room, something in me ached just knowing she was in pain. The kids started to walk around looking at things but not touching unless they were told it was okay. Which is what I had translated for them. #Monty showed some of the more curious kids the tools and #Harper watched the others who were fascinated with the windows. I pushed over two work stools next to where Raven stood, off to the side.

I knew she wouldn’t like it if I drew attention to her pain, so I sat on one and held the spinning top of the stool steady  for her to sit without worrying about it slipping beneath her. I said nothing about her hurting. I would add that in later with the other things I hadn’t said today. I glanced around making sure the others were distracted.

“Hey.” I said softly. “Why did you axe the trip to  the bridge? It sounded like a great idea… the windows there are even….” I stopped.

She said that the windows here were safe. Shit! “Oh!” My eyes widened. “Damn….” Of course, she thought about that… about the trauma of seeing a whole planet ablaze. “Maybe we call ahead  another day… have them close the curtain.” I offered her a smile.

She’d made the right call; they didn’t need to see any of this. It was another reason they should go into cryo. They didn’t need to grow up here. The earth would heal, it would heal, and we could take them home and let them grow up in the real world not a tin can with water recycling and artificial atmosphere. With real sunlight and not UV therapy. With grass and weather and places to run.

•— Raven —•

I could feel my friend’s eyes on me. Of course, some part of me knew what John Murphy thought, saw, or even felt, when he witnesses to me moving. The boy knew me too well since our time on the island had been spent with #Abby making him my watchman and nurse. This is why I didn’t question or fight the fact he wanted me to sit down beside him.

Relief coursed through my muscles the moment the weight eased from my hip and leg. It had been making my back all tense and sore too.

My hazel eyes dulled with the lack of sleep, glanced all over the room, while John answered his own question.

“They deserve better than the nightmares we all grew up with. They all have family and friends who were left down there. I don’t want them witnessing the place which had been  their home, now becoming a death pyre for those who were left behind.”

Shaking my head, at my stupidity. “I hadn’t I thought the plan through. I should have foreseen it before mentioning it to them.” Rubbing my fingers over the bridge of my nose. “These children deserve a chance to make it out of this thing, without even more scarring.”

•— John —•

I smiled at her, but I knew that she would see the concern in my eyes… she never missed a thing. Even the relief on her face when she sat down wasn’t a comfort to me, all it meant was she’d been hurting… more than I could help with by offering her a seat.

I nodded. “You’re right. They don’t need that at all… But you could talk to Officer Shaw…” I neglected the rank I knew all too well he had. “Plan a day for them to visit and have them close the doors on the window? I still think they would have a good time seeing how things run.”

She was punishing herself again, it was a habit ingrained so deep in her that I didn’t think she would ever cut herself some slack. “All that matters is that you remembered before I had a chance to translate it.”

I watched the kids around the room… Monty was making whirring sounds and playing with a tool that clearly had its powerpack removed (for the safety of the kids, I figured) and handed it the some of the older kids and repeated a word I was pretty meant 𝕕𝕣𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘. I laughed at the kid's confused faces as one of them started tapping a spanner she had been examining the leg of the table… like… well like it was a drum.

“I’m guessing that tool #Monty is showing them has nothing to with drumming… Right?”

•— Raven —•

I saw the way John’s gaze turned upon me. “Oh, stop it.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.” I also wondered if he had it his way, would the ripper stick me to slow me down? Because he’s done it before, and for some crazy reason now it made me chuckle, even if I wanted to kill him at the time.

But now I was the one watching him. I knew full well what he was doing, however I still couldn’t understand why? What had passed between him and #Miles for this… rivalry?

“𝗟𝗶𝗲𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁…” emphasising, his correct rank.   while knowing full well, John knew this too. “Miles Shaw would be happy to help. I just…. I should have put this plan past him too.” Moving my attention around the room and smiling when I saw #Harper.

“A little foresight and warning, and you’re right. The children would love seeing things from up there. Especially since they are so… engaged down here.” Nodding my head to #Harper and three of the young ones. Sat in the floor in a circle. In the middle lay a greasy engine part.

“They look more impressive by the greasy.” The. I turned my gaze back to John. “Drumming? What the h—” I heard it then, the sound of my tools hitting the leg of the tables, and work benches.  “Monty! What are you teaching them?”

•— John —•

“Stop what?” I asked nonchalantly. “If you want me to stop checking you out you have to stop checking me out first.” I teased her quietly. I just rolled my eyes at her correction. “Yeah, yeah.” I sighed. Then I laughed.

“Yeah, I noticed that… Grounder kids. They love… dirt!” I chuckled. “I remembered them jumping in puddles and digging in mud for no reason, in some of the villages I passed through. And the adults just acted like it was totally normal.”

More kids chimed in with the drumming and #Monty looked up at Raven with a little fear in his  eyes. ‘No idea.’ He admitted. ‘We might need a translator over here.’ He turned his eyes on me, pleading. I laughed and patted Rey’s braced knee once, gently.

“Okay, okay I’m coming.” I laughed, but I was smiling at Raven until I stepped off the stool and made my way to the  looked more confused than ever. “You’re going to have to show them how it works,” I told him, after I got them to stop drumming with #Harper’s help.

•— Raven —•

A scoff and the mother of all eye rolls were his gift. “You wish Watcher.” Waggling my eyebrows and giving a smirk.

Not really say anything else, just making a note to ask him about his travels. How had we not had this conversation? I wanted to see more of the planet we had begun to call home. However, we didn’t have time. Consequently, fighting to live, to survive, and to thrive had consequences. It was all consuming.

Sitting on the stole, speaking to the children who ran past me asking them to be care with a kind smile. My eyes focused on my three friends, watching how taking care of these small souls came so easily to them. Once again, I thought of how much had happened in so little time, how we had failed these young ones. How they wouldn’t play in puddles or in the dirt for years to come.

And my eyes stung.

Turning my face away, to blink those uncontrollably heavy feeling back until I could let them flow when alone. Now wasn’t the time. When my hazel glazed returned to the group, they were all sat on the ground with Monty showing them what to do (other than play the drums!)

•— John —•

I glanced over my shoulder after translating for #Monty. I could see she was lost in thought, but it almost looked like she was about to cry… it made my chest ache. Not in the way it did in the Brig… this was different…

#Monty passed out goggles to the kids closest to him and told us to keep the others back a little, while he drilled a hole into scrap metal to show them how it worked. They were fascinated by the sparks and how the tool whirred. But when I glanced behind me again to check on Rey, I caught sight of the littlest boy (the one that almost kicked me in the family jewels)… hands clamped over his ears but still looking like he wanted to be part of the action. I spotted a pair of ear protectors on a workbench… quickly looked up at Raven again, like she might have vanished in the last ten seconds. I smiled at her before I picked up the yellow headset, mimicked putting it on to show the boy how it worked, and then popped them on his ears. They looked ridiculously large on his tiny head. I chuckled and he whipped his head around at the change in what he could… or rather couldn’t hear.

Then he held his hands up to me, fingers opening and closing…. My brows lowered. I looked around for a little clarification. #Harper caught my gaze and imitated picking him up. I gave her a look over the noise in the room that asked 𝗠𝗲?

#Harper’s brows arched, and she planted one hand on her hip and returned a glare that had me instantly picking up the child and turning back to give Raven an eye roll… This woman was a whole lot tougher than I gave her credit for.

She was watching everything from her place on the stool… After #Monty was finished with the kids, and I was done playing translator I put the boy down. Or... I tried to… he made a keening sound and tucked up his legs, refusing to put them on the ground. “Okay, okay…. Message received.” I chuckled… doubting he understood. He made the same sound  when I tried to take the ear protectors off. When I looked at him it looked like he might fall asleep any minute.

So… keeping hold of him I made my way back to Raven. “Hey… Do you know if they are meant to sleep during the day at this age…” I hefted the boy higher on my  hip. “This one looks about ready for bed.” I want to ask her where her mind had gone just now… touch her… not in a creepy way just to offer comfort. But we add all of that to the growing list for later.

•— Raven —•

With my head back in the here and now, the rollercoaster of emotions had been hard to keep at bay this afternoon. I knew not sleeping well did this with me, it played with my head and heart. However, I’d had a good sleep finally last night, so I had no excuses. Witnessing the events before me I could help but let go of the sadness and embrace the view of #Harper and John.

#Monty had been lost in his little show and tell, but the other two were enough of a sideshow that I found myself chuckling to myself.

Wishing someone sat with me to see it all play out too. And maybe place a bet on if the little kid got the target of Johns Crown Jewels this time or not. But to my surprise, John made a friend?

The kid asked to be lifted, to be held and not to be set back down. What was this world coming to? “Why or how would I know? He looks pretty tired. Maybe we should have kept it to a short trip?”

#Haprer moved closer to us, and I asked her the same question.

‘Yes, the little ones do have a nap in the classroom. We have a few small  mattresses Luna found, and some  blankets, Miles brought us for them.’

She glanced at the youngest of the group. ‘Maybe we should head back. They will need some lunch soon too.’

Nodding my head, I held my hand up for #Monty to notice, making a sign to round it up. “Okay. I guess John is the little people whisperer now. He picked up on their needs.” Giving him a smile of gratitude.

•— John —•

Raven saw everything, I named her Stargazer because she was a dreamer and because the first time, we made a truly deep connection I caught her literally looking up at the stars. Then she told me the stories of the constellations. She was watching everything, and I hated that sometimes her pain kept her on the edge of things. I tried not to let it happen, but this was another moment that I had dropped the ball.

I nodded when she mentioned short trips. “Yeah… I guess with the kids being such a range of ages we need to think more about the little ones. I mean like Harper’s idea of teaching them numbers to use the lift.” I tipped my chin to the kid almost nodding off on my shoulder. “It's not like this kid will be riding elevators on his own anytime soon, you know? it might be a better use of time to focus on teaching  it to the kids who need it.”

I held back the eye roll at the mention of him… but it was cool that he thought of the kids. I laughed but tried to soften it a little in case I provoked the wrath of the crotch-kicker on my hip. Like it was on cue the kid yawned a huge, face-stretching yawn. “Mean it’s not rocket science when you read the signs.” I bragged. “Should we round them all up or just take the little ones back?”

•— Raven —•

‘Ah… You’re under selling your skills again John Murphy.’ #Harper teased him at not being a rock scientist.

Then he asked another good question. “Uhm… Harper?” Taking my lead from her as she knew these kids better than we did.

‘Oh… I’m not sure it’s a good idea to split  the kids up. The little ones have grown accustomed to being around the older ones. And the older kids don’t really let the young ones out of their sight.’

The thought warmed me and saddened me at the same time. “Talk about having to grow up too fast... they are protector  when they should be children themselves.” But I got it. Wasn’t it the same for us too?

‘So, what’s the plan guys?’ #Monty walked over to ask.

My hazel eyes moved over the room, and all the faces. “I guess we are all heading back for a nap? Unless Harper do you want me to go grab the lunches? I’m happy to do it so you have some down time too?”

It felt right to offer, I’d been sat here on a stool while they did all the hard work.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind, or have any else to do?’ She asked. I had a tone of things to do. “I’m hiding out, seeing how long it takes the others to come find me. So, all of your head back. I’ll go pick up the food.”

•— John —•

I laughed at #Harper. “Yeah well, kids are crappy judges of character.” I was sure if these little people had any clue of the things I had done, they would be terrified of me. I thought about what Harper said and looked around… these kids were all from different clans… I  would have to remember to look at the list of minors and see who was from which clan. “Even the kids from different clans?” I asked.

‘Kids don’t see clan allegiance; they just see new friends. Especially after… everything.’ She cleared her throat and brushed the hair away from the little boy's eyes.

I had to say I agreed with Raven… “It wasn’t any different on the Ark. How old were all of you when you were selected for your apprenticeships?” I looked from #Monty to #Harper to #Raven… “Fourteen? Younger? You made it to Zero-G at eighteen.” I said to Raven. I, on the other hand… they planned to assign to maintenance or janitorial or something else suitably useless. “Maybe in a few decades, kids can be kids again.”

I grinned at Raven. “Wait….” I gave her a shocked look. “You tricked me into turning your day off  into a field trip! I feel so used Raven Reyes!” I had to tone down my usual theatrics due to the sleeping crotch kicker… but my smirk said it all. Then on a serious note. “Maybe someone should go with you?” I glanced around. I would have volunteered… but for some reason, I thought that would be…. I had no idea… we had been together all day. I was hard to be around on a good day.

“One person can carry the rations… but the water too? And today is nutrition packs for the minors too.” I had made the schedule based on the nutritional needs Abby  laid out for the kids and adults… those with injuries. It gave me a headache just thinking about it.

‘I can go with her… can you get them back with just too?’ #Monty asked.

I looked at the kids and asked in Trig. “Who’s ready for another ride in the elevator?” None of  them seemed to show signs of fear this time.

•— Raven —•

It was such a tender touch, the way #Harper moved the hair out of the boys eyes. Once again, I had to remind myself how things could have been different for us all of our life’s had taken an unexpected turn.

Of If I hadn’t messed up, if we had stopped the nuclear meltdown, if the stars were set on destroying everything we were trying to save?

I had to tell myself to stop… I knew where these dark thoughts took me… and it wasn’t anywhere good. Positive energy, one foot in front of the other… and small wins!

“Who? Me?” Giving John a shocked face with a hand over my heart. “I don’t know what you mean. I would never.” Winking at the children even if they understand the conspiracy I was bringing them into.

I was going to describe in detail the plan I had about accosting a trolly to bring everything back. But #Monty was always good company.

“Thanks Green, I’m going to accept your offer to help. So, shall we?” Realising, actually I hadn’t gotten up from the stool.

Not sure what #Harper saw in my face, but she began gathering the kids who John had excited with another ride in the elevator. Taking the attention off me, so that I could slowly stand myself up.

Hiding the shooting pain, making me freeze for a breath or two. And then I was on the move.

•— John —•

That little spark of mischief played in those hazel eyes, the ring of gold flashing for a moment when she gave me her cheek. I saw it dim and sputter out when she stood up. Then I was suddenly hit with all the flaws in this plan. Would #Monty recognises her pain? Would he slow down and take it at a speed not so slow that she’d know what was happening, but slow enough that she had time to breathe through the hurt? Would he ask her about it? No one who was in pain wanted to be constantly reminded of every detail of those pains and draw attention to it, bringing it into sharp relief in the forefront of their mind. Would he know to just stop for a moment if she needed to and let her catch her breath before offering to help her when she was more than capable of helping herself?

‘You coming, Murphy?’ It was #Harper, I realised she was at the door with the kids, two little ones still milling around my feet.

“Right behind you,” I told her. “Just making sure we don’t have any stragglers.” She nodded and started to lead the kids. I focused my attention… or my eyes at least on the kids, this  wasn’t a place to leave a child behind, there were airlocks and tools everywhere.

#Harper began counting heads as they filed into the lift giddy and excited, and a few sleepy yet fascinated faces. Plus, the little one that was out cold on my shoulder. #Raven was gone from my  eyeline now. I stepped inside and exhaled. She was fine. She was a grown woman, and she did not need my meddling at all.

I knew this… But it still didn’t help.

‘She’s okay, isn’t she?’ #Harper asked as the doors slid closed.

“Raven?” I asked… Blinking. “Of course.”

#Harper’s reply was a look; pinched brows and a stern expression. It suited her… this mother hen look. “She is… she’s just… working too much… but I’m working on that…” I was trying to. But between my shifts in the mess and the therapy sessions with Jackson, I hardly knew where to find her half of the time.

‘And you? Are you okay?’ She asked next. Now I was really confused.

“Yeah… sure…” Then I remembered, she was there… in the brig. “I’m fine… better. I have Raven, #Luna and #Emori. I’ll be fine.”

‘You have the 100, John… any of us that are left.’ Harper said and the doors pinged. We ushered the kids out and I rolled my eyes. #Harper looked hurt at that.

“Sorry, that wasn’t aimed at you. But we both know that’s not totally true.” I explained.

‘What’s not true?’ I audibly groaned as #OfficerShaw stepped into the corridor. #Harper beamed though and so did a few of the kids. I fought back yet another eye roll.

•— Raven —•

Walking down the corridor I knew what I needed to do. It’s all about mind over matter. Or at least what #Sinclair told me. ‘You can do anything you put your mind to Miss Reyes. Don’t you ever forget it.’

My lips curled up into a soft smile, heading his voice in my head wasn’t  the same at on #Becca’s Island, but I had a good memory of it still. Even if it felt a little fogged.

‘What are you thinking about?’ #Monty asked from beside me. He walked step to step, like a perfect mirror of my actions.

“Something Sinclair used to say to me.” This made his heart turn, but her didn’t speak. Waiting to see if there were memories, I was willing to share. “He used to tell me I could do anything I put my mind too. That the only people or person to get in my way... was me.”

#Monty chuckled but still didn’t speak. “I’m starting to think the man had a point.” I said as we moved to the side, some of the guys from camp and some grounders were working together, carrying cleaning supplies and equipment.

‘I may not know it all, but I knew better than to disagree with what Sinclair said. So, yeah...’ He nudged his shoulder into mine chuckling again.

“Careful, Green. I may get myself a big head or something.” This earned an eye roll.

‘It’s not easy, Rey. What we are all trying to do up here. But the fact that so many people are here and breathing….  What is it you used to say…. Small wins? Yeah. Small wins. We will take them until they build up into something substantial.’

This time I moved closer to him. My friend warmed my heart.

‘Now… are you going to tell me how he is?’ The boy didn’t miss a beat while opening  the doors to the mess room.

“Who? John?” Arching my eyebrow.

‘No, Bellamy… you picked John.’ That mischievous look was back making the both of us laugh together.

“Funny… so bloody funny! But he is getting there. It’s going to be fine. He isn’t alone.” This time I truly believe what I said. John wasn’t alone. He had people he cared about. And maybe had someone special who will help keep his demons in check, even if he still hasn’t told me about them.

‘Come on, Rey. Let’s get those children feed.’ Leaving me standing in the middle of bustling mess, he rushed to find a trolly we could use.

•— John —•

We were so close. Two minutes earlier and we would have missed him. “It’s not true that your ears are your worst feature… Officer. Personally, I think they are adorable. #Harper disagrees.”

I watched his jaw tick like he was biting the inside of his cheek; I felt a swell of  pride. ‘You are so lucky you have a baby in your arms or I would smack you, John Murphy.’ Harper whispered as she passed me by and spoke normally. ‘Want to help us wrangle this gang back to the classroom?’

‘Sure thing.’ He smiled. ‘I have some time.’ He tried to take the  hand of the kid closest to me, but she looked up at me and I said without even twitching a finger. “En’s ku… Teik ai meika.” (It’s okay. Take my hand.) The little girl reached out and took my free hand. #Shaw bristled.

#Harper rolled her eyes and started to head down the  hall calling to the kids to follow. “Hos of, yongons.” (Move along, kids.) The stragglers started to move and Shaw did seem to making sure none of them wandered.

‘It’s a good look on you Murphy… maybe you’ll make a good mommy someday.’ Shaw smirked like he just landed a killer insult.

“Wow, gender base insults.” I laughed. Fuck! This kid was getting heavier by the second. There was no way I would show any hint of weakness around him. “You’re about a century too late… we wiped out that toxic bullshit a few years after the missiles  launched.”

‘Foul language in front of the little ones?’ Shaw acted horrified.

“They don’t speak English in case you haven’t noticed. Only the warriors learned English on the ground.” I said like this was common knowledge he should know.

‘So, I’d heard… why is that  exactly?’ He asked and I smirked.

“Because the people that lived in an American military base kidnapped their soldiers, turned them into drug dependant cannibals and fed their addiction when they brought them live grounders that they kept in cages and used their blood as  medicine.” It was true… and also a nice dig at the country he’d decided to fight for.

His face twisted up as he processed the information. “See that girl up there…” I waited until #Harper was far enough ahead. “The descendants of your government locked her in a cage so  small she had to curl into a ball… drilled into her and drained her bone marrow until she almost died. Then they strapped Raven to the same table and tried to do the same thing.”

‘Was that before or after you shot her?’ He looked at me smugly.

Bellamy fucking Blake! That man had no idea when to shut the hell up. “Ask Raven.” Was all I said back. Rey and I were long past that… even if I still refused to talk to #Jackson about it. It would not go down well if he confronted her about it.

He laughed and stroked his chin. He knew that was a bad  move. ‘Any particular reason you’re suddenly interested in these kids?’

“Oh, you mean the kids whose burns I treated and vomit bags I held when they came on board? Whose entire meal plan and nutrition requirements I calculated and prepare rations for every single day on this boat? Yeah… pretty unexpected that I took an interest…” I rolled my eyes. “Or maybe it’s because I’m one of about ten people from the Ark that bother to learn their language. Pick which one you like best.”

Finally, the double doors to the schoolroom appeared before us. And we went inside. #Harper pointed me to the cots and I lay the sleeping toddler down, easing his tiny arms from around my neck as Harper tucked a blanket around him. ‘You need to stop antagonising that man.’ She whispered to me. ‘Raven trusts him, we need to trust him too.’

“Oh I trust him,” I said and she looked bewildered. “I trust him to keep this boat in orbit and the life support running.... but I don’t trust him with these people.” I tipped my chin towards the kid. “This was a prison ship.. and none of the prisoners survived? Isn’t that a  little convenient? We were prisoners too Harper… I’ve seen those cells. They wore shock collars… Do you really think they couldn’t have subdued any of them? Isn’t it weird that only half a dozen crewmates survived? If anything goes wrong up here the grounders will be the first to go. Or worse.”

‘Worse?’ she asked, her brow knitting in confusion.

“They still have the collars on board.” Her face dropped and she shook her head.

‘Please don’t do anything stupid, John. Raven needs you.’ It sounded like she was pleading. But Raven didn’t need anyone, not really. ‘Let me talk to #Clarke about this before you do anything, please?’

I blinked. “You believe me? Just like that…. Without proof?” She kissed my cheek quickly and smiled.

‘Just like that, John.’ And she shuffled off to the next kid, leaving me crouched by the little one. I looked over my shoulder and #Shaw was managing to get the little kids to lie down. I… fucking… hate… that guy.

•— Raven —•

‘Raven Reyes!’ The voice came from behind as #Monty and I loaded the last of the food ration assigned to the children for midday.

‘Busted!’ He chuckled looking over his shoulder to the person who owned the voice.

‘People have been looking all over this ship for you. Where have you been?’ #Clarke came to stand right beside me now. Her arms crossed over the chest, sending out the subliminal message that she was not to be fucked with.

“I couldn’t be hiding so well. Look you found me.” Saying it while struggling a little with the box of water.

‘It’s not a joke Rey. We need you. We need to make sure the council understands every step of the process. That are all so close. I can feel it.’

She was frowning at Monty.

‘Shouldn’t you be working on the plan on what to do when this all runs out?’ She pointed to the trolly.

“Back off Griff. He has been working damn hard. And he hasn’t stopped. Right now, he is helping Harper with feeding the children of the council. So… just bad off.” She looked out of sorts, and I didn’t care. I was fine with her telling me I was slacking. But she wasn’t going to say it to anyone else.

‘I… I’m sorry… it’s just a lot riding on this.’ She frowned looking away.

“Yeah, we know. It was kind of our minds coming up with the lists of everything we needed to do.”

#Monty placed a hand on my forearm, telling me to stop. ‘As soon as we deliver this food, I will get back to work on the algae farm. I’ve begun to find a way I think will make the most sense in a short period.’ The boy was super intelligent and if anyone could, it would be him.

I couldn’t help the pride I felt for my friend right now, as he went into great detail on how far the process had come. I knew what he was doing. Taking Clarke’s attention and anger off me.

•— John —•

#Harper’s easy acceptance of what I told her was still not sitting right in my mind… I couldn’t stop my inner monologue running through what her intentions might be. Was she going to use this against me? Would she tell the crew that I knew they had the collars? Would she think  I was crazy?

I knew what Raven would say. She would tell me to trust my family, my friends… but fuck! That really wasn’t easy. Harper was trying to settle a fussy child, singing to her and trying to keep the older kids quiet. They were clearly too old for naps and none of  them appeared to need one. I searched the room and found a tablet.

“I got the older ones, Harper. Try to get her to sleep.” I took the older kids to the other end of the room and gathered them up in a circle sitting on the floor. I pulled up a blank document on the  tablet.

Ꮻ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ ᴘᴏᴠ Ꮻ

I held the little girl draped across my lap… it was the only way she’d sleep and now I was afraid to move because she never slept well… I think she had bad dreams. I had let my humming fade out after her eyes closed. Now I was  watching John… speaking Trig to these kids like he had used it all his life… #Shaw was watching him too from the other side of the room. He caught my eye when I looked over and then came to stand next to me.

‘What is he saying to them?’ He asked me.

“I don’t know word for word. But he is teaching them to count in English and what each number looks like.” I replied, catching as many words as I could.

‘Why?’ He asked, brow furrowed.

“I think it's so they can use the elevators on their own if they ever need to, or get lost,” I told him without  thinking about whether or not I should answer the question.

‘Is that a good idea?’ #Miles asked, and there it was… I should have thought before I spoke. ‘What if they go back to their parents and teach them?’

I shifted to a little to face him and said matter-of-factly. “Then their parents will be able to move more freely around the ship.” My tone made it very clear that this was a good thing.

‘Oh yeah sure… I just meant that… they don’t understand life on a ship… We don’t want anyone accidentally stepping out into space.’ He replied  quickly.

•— Raven —•

〄 ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜɪᴘ’ꜱ ᴍᴇꜱꜱ

‘Rey, are you going to come and join the meeting? They need to see you there.’ #Clarke looks frustrated.

“Grif, I’m not a team mascot. If you need me there to explain what I am doing, or how things are working. Fine. But I’m not going to stand there just to make people feel comfortable. My time can be better spent.’

#Monty had stepped away to give the two of us room to speak. And some part of me thought I would have loved to walk away too.

‘You, know you are much more than a mascot. I don’t know…’ she rubbed her hand over her tired face.

“When was the last time you sat down, ate something, slept?’ Placing my hand on her shoulder. “Today I’m learning to stop and look around. To enjoy the sad wins we have.” Our eyes moved over the people in the  Mess with us. “All these people, they need to see us, to trust us. To understand we are here working to make sure their safety and security is what we are all working towards.”

Her shoulders sagged, but the fact that she wasn’t dragging me or herself out of here, it meant  she saw where I was coming from. ‘I guess…’ she began. ‘You have a point.’

I knew I shouldn’t joke. “Can I have it in writing?” She nudged me smiling.

‘Go, feed the masses. Do your thing. You’re working ten steps ahead of me.’ My smirk was all the answer she wanted.  But she pushed me playfully. ‘Shut up! And Go!’

•— John —•

〄 ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱʀᴏᴏᴍ

The kids seemed to get one to five down quickly, but I could see frustration starting to creep in. So I put away the tablet and started to ask them their names and tribes… they started to ask me about being born in space… that was harder.

On the ground, I never had much cause to talk about being Skaikru in their language since I spent most of my time trying to hide that fact.. other than from #Emori. It was impossible to translate words like 𝕆𝕣𝕓𝕚𝕥, 𝔾𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕥𝕪 and 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔 𝕖𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘.

Plus trying to navigate the conversation around the fact that I was locked up for attempted murder, arson, burning two days' worth of breathable air and potentially endangering every life on the Ark just by lighting one fire…. Well yeah. That was difficult too.

The eldest two kids had asked me why they hadn’t been given a job… they were probably only eleven… but clearly, they were used to contributing. So I approached #Harper, letting the kids just hang out and relax. She still had a sleeping child on her lap. ‘That was amazing John…’ She smiled. ‘Who knew you would be the teaching kind?’

I laughed. “If #Pike could see me now right?” #Harper winced. She was there the day he attacked me in our Earth Skills class. “I just speak their language is all.”

‘You do… and not just  literally… you understand them. They can tell and they respond to that.’ She smiled again and I shuffled uncomfortably. Having people not hate me was a strange sensation.

“Speaking of understanding… the eldest kids… they were asking about having a job… helping out? I  think they are used to helping out at home.” There was no such thing as laziness on the ground, everyone spent their days surviving… working, and making sure they had what they needed to survive the winter or the dry season.

‘Oh… um… I suppose I could have them help out a little more with the kids… but I don’t think there's a lot they would be able to do. If they were off in the ship they would need to be supervised and that would take someone else away from a job…’ She was rambling now, thinking out loud… “You know who would be best to help with that?… #Luna. When she’s back we’ll talk to her about it.’

She was right, #Luna had everyone on the Oil Rig pitching in and that wasn’t much safer than this ship for little kids. She had to have ideas for safe ways for them to contribute. “Yeah… you’re right. I’d  bet she would think of something.”

‘Are you really thinking about putting kids to work?’ I hadn’t paid attention to #Shaw’s presence.

“We aren’t talking about slave labour here. We’re talking about letting them feel useful. These kids aren’t used to being idle. They are tending crops and raising farm animals from the time they can walk…” I left out the part about training to be soldiers from before puberty. “They just want to contribute.”

•— Raven —•

The doors slide open to #Monty and I seeing #Harper, #Miles, and John huddled to the far side of the classroom. Some kids sleeping and the olders one’s relaxing and speaking in hushed tones.

‘That doesn’t look good.’ #Monty uttered.

“What doesn’t?” I asked curiously as I saw nothing wrong with the sight before us.

‘John and Shaw. In the same room as children. They could kick off at any moment.’ Something passed in his mind because his body language changed.

‘Raven. There you are.’ A bright smile and a salute came from across the room.

“Hey Miles. I wasn’t expecting you to be down here. I’m sure the kids are loving the attention.” We pulled the trolley into the classroom and let the doors close behind us.

‘You know I’m always up for showing my support.’ He came over to take my side of the trolley. ‘Let me help with this.’

My hazel eyes settled on #Harper and John. And the small one fast asleep on her lap.  Smiling at the two of them before the older children we up on their feet making their way across.

‘Who’s going to tell them to list up?’ Miles asked. Pulling my attention back to him

“Mi….” Before I could even say his name, #Monty replied frowning.

‘No one.’ #Monty replied. ‘They are kids, not prisoners. They can help themselves to anything they want from here. Because they know how to take care of rationing food.’

Before his sentence was over, I saw how the oldest looking of the kids stepped up. One handing the younger ones their fair share of food and water. Before even thinking of serving themselves.

‘See…’ #Monty said looking proud of them. The girl took food and water over for Harper, the baby, and John too.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes at the salute… didn’t anyone tell him America was over? I scoffed when he asked who was going to tell the kids to line up for rations. It had been ten minutes since we talked about the fact that I was one of the few people from the Ark who spoke their  language.

I smirked and turned my attention to the child and #Harper’s lap to try and hide the grin when #Monty called him out. ‘John Murphy, you wipe that smirk off your face.’ #Harper whispered; she leaned in close. ‘Raven is allowed to make new friends. Don’t be jealous…  it can’t compare to what you did for her.’

I inhaled deeply. “Raven might be blind to it… but we all know it's not friendship he wants.” I whispered back.

‘All that matters is what our Rey wants, she will only do what she wants to do.’ #Harper replied and I flicked my eye to the side watching the kids help themselves to their fair share and passing the packet to the young ones that were awake. Saving some for the little ones still sleeping. I smiled at the little girl and took the rations from her. “Mochof.” (Thank you.) I told her.

‘How long are you going to wait, John?’ She asked and I was stunned. I busied myself opening her rations and giving them to her because she only had one free hand. Was I that transparent?

“As long as she needs me too,” I whispered, not able to look at her now. But I saw her roll her eyes in my peripheral vision.

‘You don’t get to decide what she needs, John… this isn’t the same thing as her working herself into an early grave.’ Even though she was clearly calling me out… her words were kind, like she was giving me advice, maybe even encouragement…  instead of telling me off.

I looked her in the eyes now. “I can’t lose her.”

•— Raven —•

‘I .. Uhm… I fucked up again. Didn’t I?’ #Miles stepped into me to whisper in my ear. However, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the packet in my hands. ‘I’m sorry Raven. This is all new to me.’ And I knew it was.

“Yeah… Miles... you did… but at least you know you did. That’s a start.” I half smiled. Hearing a scoffing sound coming from #Monty’s direction before he went to join #Harper and John.

‘I’m trying. It’s not easy thinking the way you do. You are so trustful and open… I’m... well… I’m messed up.’ I knew what #Miles was going through. We’re had a number of night time conversations when he’d wake up from nightmares and knock on my door.

I smiled and nudged him with my elbow. “I am far from perfect. Just like to think we need to survive together, without the trauma every single one of  us has lived through. You, me, and everyone else on this ship. Each step we take has to be with humanity in mind. Not a power trip or thinking less about anyone else. You know what I mean?”

He nodded his head, giving me a hug and whispering in my ear again. ‘I want to be Raven Reyes when I grow up.’ This made me laugh, patting his back and hugging him too.

“Keep with me kid, and I’ll show you how it’s done.” Stepping back to look up at him. Placing a hand on his cheek. “Just show them the side of you, I’ve seen. Your kind, bull headed, but this...” My hand moved to his chest and heart. “This is what matters, when every person around you is fearful and lost.”

Looking over his shoulder I saw John speaking with Harper, it made me smile. He too once told me no one would love him and now look at him. He had a family. Even if he didn’t recognise it yet.

•— John —•

Now I had sunk so deep into those feelings, I thought I had done a good job of keeping to myself today. I was a good friend today, wasn’t I? Helped her with her pain when I could and kept her company… even if I wasn’t so successful at having her take a break… walking the ship with the kids was far less difficult and physically taxing than her day job… and now here I was grasping at those mental threads, trying to stuff them deep down again.

Would it ever get easier?

I wasn’t sure I wanted it to… on one hand this hurt… on the other… it  was a reminder that I was capable of feeling. If it got easier… if I forgot… Would I turn back into the version of John Murphy she hated?

Just so I had a reason to not watch the exchange between Rey and #Shaw I ate my ration, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

But then he hugged her and the movement in my peripheral vision was too much to ignore. My gaze flickered up… I couldn’t see this… I couldn’t look away.

I needed to see this. I needed to know that she had far better prospects than me. Even if it was this douchebag�� He was  making her smile… making her laugh. She touched his face and the crack in my chest was what I needed to look away, back at #Harper. I forced a smile that failed to wipe the pity from her eyes. Great! I was pitiful again.

‘John, it doesn’t mean…’ She started to tell me that what I saw meant nothing. But nothing Raven did ever meant nothing. Time was too precious to her. Everything she did was about making things better.

“It’s fine… I’m fine.” I lied. I hadn’t promised #McIntyre I wouldn’t lie to her. “All that matters is that she’s happy, that’s all I need.” Another lie, this one stung me. I looked around the room at the sleeping kids, the older ones eating or helping the little ones that had woken open the little silver packets.

“Do… um…” I cleared my throat, there was a lump there that the words got stuck on. “Do you still need me here? You have soldier boy now and I should go check on the canteen… my grounder assistants still struggle with the tablets to record the rations that were collected.” Truth. Sort of… They would manage… but still, the half-truth eased the guilt a  little. Raven really was rubbing off on me if these little lies were weighing on me.

‘Um…’ Harper looked around and swallowed thickly. ‘John, you don’t…’ she seemed to think about what she was about to say. ‘We’ll be fine. You should do what you need to do.’

I didn’t give any other explanation as I made my way to the door as subtly as possible. Until the eldest child in the room called out. ‘Seda, yu gon raun?’ (Teacher, you’re leaving?) I wasn’t sure what stopped me. The fact he’d announce my departure to the room or the fact he called me Seda. It was not a word the grounders used carelessly.

•— Raven —•

#Miles handed me a chunk from his now opened sliver packet, holding it out to me with a smile. Of course I didn’t need help to open my rations. But it was the gesture in the moment, an olive branch as they called it on earth in his days. So, I went with it. Showing him that just because a mistake is made didn’t mean the end of a friendship.

We all did it from time to time, making mistakes, saying things we didn’t mean, or just having a bad day. It didn’t mean doors were closed on you forever. The room had been divided into three sections, each of which was busy with those around them.

 #Monty, spoke in hushed tones with a boy showing him how to open the rations in a clean way. And once again when my eyes went to #Harper and John, they were speaking to each other still.

Wanting to give John space, to build his relationship with the others, I went to sit down beside some of the children on our side of the room.

We needed to give all of them the same amount of attention no matter their age. (Or at least that was my belief.)

#Miles of course, joined me, giving us an opportunity to introduce him to them. We needed to keep trying to build some trust between the young ones. They were told to fear people who dressed like us, and as grown-ups it was our responsibility to break those walls down.

#Miles’s eyes widened with shock when he heard my broken trig. ‘I didn’t know you spoke their language too.’ He asked.

“You know it’s the same language as we speak, just with the evolution of over a hundred years.” This made him smile.

‘Are you going to teach me some too?’ he asked with an elbow to my side.

Parting my lips to answer, I stopped, seeing another opportunity to build something lost. “You know who taught me?” Nodding my head to the other side of the room to where John was. “John Murphy. He has a talent for picking up speech.”

I swear I saw something in #Miles’s eyes before he shook his head. ‘Guess I’ll be using sign language with the kids for a while.’

Everyone stopped speaking at the same time, with all our heads turned to  the door and John. He looked lost, caught out, as though he stopped from doing something he shouldn’t be. But more so. It’s what I saw in those baby blue eyes of his.

No one spoke for a moment, he didn’t answer the child, and it began to feel awkward. “Bilaik seda, na na bakon.” (Your teacher will be back.) I told the child waving them over to where we were sitting. “Kom op, bilaik dina ste hir.” (Come here, your lunch is waiting.) Beckoning them over.

They glanced back to John and then to me, ultimately choosing  to take a seat beside #Miles. I gave them what was left in my packet, telling them to eat it and share it with their friends if they were full, and then stood up.

Smiling at all those who had allowed me to join them for lunch. I told #Miles, I’d find him later. His eyes moved to the door, and he nodded his head in understanding before I turned and walked slowly towards John.

When I stood facing him, I smiled tilting my head to the side. My hazel eyes locked onto him. “You weren’t leaving without me, were you? No… It couldn’t be…” Pushing the button on the wall to open the door I asked.

“Where to next, Watcher?”

•— John —•

I said nothing… I had no idea what I should say… Seda? No… I couldn’t the grounders would not like their children talking to Skiakru like that. Then Raven spoke instead. That was when I noticed the kid was looking confused.

But… Raven… she crossed the room to me. “Oh…” I smiled. Those glinting hazel eyes instantly switched my rapid heartbeat from frantic to… whatever the hell this was. I didn’t care because it was infinitely better. “Um…” Honesty. Raven respected honesty. “Well I was going to go check on the guys in the canteen… but…” I stopped how could I turn this around? “It's my day off… and since I’m trying to set a good example for a certain workaholic, I should probably rethink that plan.”

I looked around the room quickly #Harper was murmuring to the kid on her lap as she stirred awake. Captain  Whatever and #Monty was talking to the kids. And Raven… She wanted to stay with me. It did funny things to my insides.

“Wait… does this mean that I’m the workaholic now and you’re the slacker?” I teased her. “Maybe you should pick what we do next instead. How does the great Raven Reyes relax?” Then I stopped. “If there’s math I’m out!”

•— Raven —•

Of course, he got the mother of all eye rolls. “Like I would try’s you with my math.”

Taking his hand, I pulled him out of the room letting the doors slide close. “We don’t want to let the young ones out, or wake those still sleeping.”

This was better, the darkness in his eyes had lifted,  it had only taken a few moments. I wasn’t sure what had caused it to occur in the first place. However, the fact that he didn’t allow himself to spiral into the depth of darkness for too long, meant he was trying to get himself better.

“You didn’t tell me it was your day off; I wouldn’t have dragged you around the ship if I knew.” Or had he and I forgot?

Nudging him with my shoulder. “I’m a quick learner. You’d be proud to hear, I even dodged Griffins attempts to get my arse into the council meeting to go over the same questions for the millionth time again.”

Glancing up and down the corridor, I was lost. “I really don’t know what we should be doing. Maybe I should walk you back to your room, and then get my arse back to work.” A Guilty feeling began to emerge from using his free day, which we didn’t have many off.

To Be Continued....

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #storyline10 #Partners in Crime

[agneswieckowska]

Skansen w Sztokholmie jest pierwszym na świecie muzeum pod gołym niebem.

Skansen założył Artur Hazelius w 1891 roku. Hazelius, który był szwedzkim filologiem i badaczem folkloru, obawiał się zanikania szwedzkiej kultury ludowej. W 1872 roku odbył podróż po Szwecji, z której wrócił z przedmiotami, wspomnieniami i utworami literatury ludowej. Wszystko, co przywiózł, wystawił na pokaz publiczny w pawilonach przy Drottningatan. W bardzo krótkim czasie zbiory urosły do takich rozmiarów, że zaczęło być im ciasno w niewielkich pawilonach.

Jeszcze w 1850 roku na Djurgården założono park rozrywki (Tivoli), w którym oprócz teatrów i sal wystawowych znalazła się menażeria. W 1891 roku obok otworzył się Skansen, który również miał na swoim terenie zwierzęta takie jak: gęsi, kaczki, kozy, renifery. W 1901 roku Skansen kupił część terenu należącego do Tivoli. Tym samym przejął całą menażerię parku rozrywki (stanowiła niezłą konkurencję dla skansenowskich zwierzaków).

Od 1924 roku o Skansenie mówi się także jako o zoo. Znajdują się w nim słonie, papugi, małpy, niedźwiedzie, żółwie, ryby, pawiany, pingwiny itd.

Pod koniec lat 80 tych Skansen zaczął się “pozbywać” egzotycznych zwierząt. Najpierw zostały sprzedane lwy morskie, potem pingwiny. W 1992 roku zarząd Skansenu wydał decyzję o sprzedaży dwóch ostatnich słoni. Ich dom przejęły małpy Colobus.

Obecnie w Skansenie znajdują się głównie nordyckie rasy zwierząt, czyli niedźwiedzie, renifery, łosie, rosomak, sowy, rysie, wilki, wydry, dziki, żubry.

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Skansen ma około 40 budynków. Są to gospodarstwa i domy. Ustawiono je tak, że te z południa Szwecji znajdują się w południowej części Skansenu, a te z północy w północnej części.

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Życie wyższych sfer można zobaczyć na przykładzie karolińskiego dworu z 1680 roku.

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Jest tu miejski kwartał złożony z XIX wiecznych domostw, w których można zobaczyć pracę m.in. introligatorów, dmuchaczy szkła i innych rzemie��lników.

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Rozejrzeć się można również po domach mieszkalnych.

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Niesamowita jest uliczka biegnąca pomiędzy budynkami miejskiego kwartału.

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W drewnianym kościele z 1729 roku do dzisiaj udzielane są śluby.

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Ciekawa jest 31 metrowa wieża (punkt widokowy) z roku 1876.

W Skansenie znajdują się jeszcze dwie inne wieże.

Do XVIII wieku szwedzkie kościoły miały wolnostojące dzwonnice.

Dzwonnica Hällestadsstapeln przyjechała do Skansenu z Östergötland. Pochodzi z XVIII wieku. Jest to jedna z najwyższych w Szwecji dzwonnic (ma 34,5 m). Druga to Håsjöstapeln. Jest to replika dzwonnicy kościoła z Håsjö w Jämtland.

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Nieodłącznym elementem wiejskiego krajobrazu są młyny. W Skansenie zobaczyć można trzy. Najciekawszy jest z Västergötland . To młyn  z końca XVIII wieku. Dwa pozostałe są to typowe młyny. Do Skansenu zostały przeniesione w 1922 roku.

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Jest tu też budynek pubu z 1801 przeniesiony w 1969 roku z mojej dzielnicy, czyli Enskede, w którym obecnie znajduje się również pub.

Użytkowym budynkiem pełniącym nadal swoją funkcję jest budynek poczty. Został on wybudowany w latach 40 XIX wieku w Viserum.

Koniecznie trzeba zajrzeć do budynku dawnej szkoły. Jest tu nie tylko klasa lekcyjna, ale i mieszkanie nauczyciela z początku XX wieku.

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Do ciekawych budynków należą też dawne gospodarstwa. Skånegården został przeniesiony do Skansenu w latach 1973–1977 z parafii Högs.

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Oktorpsgården to XIX wieczne gospodarstwo ze wsi Oktorps z południa Halland. Jest to pierwsze gospodarstwo przeniesione w całości do Skansenu.

W 1926 roku do Skansenu został przeniesiony dom rodzinny twórcy tego miejsca. Dom Hazeliusa został zbudowany w 1720 roku w obecnej dzielnicy Sztokholmu Vasastan.

Jednym z najpiękniejszych budynków jest studio malarza Juliusa Kronberga. Zostało ono przeniesione do Skansenu w 1922 roku przez hrabinę von Hallwyl.

W 2 połowie XIX wieku w Szwecji powstały pierwsze stowarzyszenia działkowiczów. W Sztokholmie pierwsze działki pojawiły się w 1906 roku.

To co jest fajne w Skansenie to to, że można zobaczyć jak wyglądało życie w dawnych czasach (w tym celu został stworzony). Pracownicy Skansenu przebrani w stroje z epoki spacerują alejkami, niektórzy udają dawnych rzemieślników, mieszkańców zagród.

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Po alejkach spacerują pawie (dzikie gęsi uciekły ze Skansenu i zobaczyć je można…pod Skansenem).

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Jest to oczywiście idealne miejsce na spędzenie czasu z dzieckiem. Oprócz “małego zoo” są tu takie atrakcje jak:

przejażdżka samochodzikami,

karuzele,

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i całe mnóstwo innych atrakcji typu sklepy, restauracje, place zabaw itd.

Co roku odbywa się tutaj wiele imprez m.in. Midsommar, obchody Święta Narodowego, Noc Walpurgii, jarmark świąteczny.

Skansen jest świetnie oznakowany.

Nie muszę wspominać, że nie ma problemu z przemieszczaniem się po nim wózkiem (dzieci, osoby niepełnosprawne), aczkolwiek niektóre miejsca są niedostępne. Jedną z opcji dostania się na szczyt wzgórza Skansenu jest specjalna kolejka.

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Skansen to obowiązkowe miejsce na mapie każdego turysty. Niestety prawda jest taka, że nawet siedząc w nim cały dzień nie da się wszystkiego zobaczyć.

Skansen w Sztokholmie. Skansen w Sztokholmie jest pierwszym na świecie muzeum pod gołym niebem. Skansen założył Artur Hazelius w 1891 roku.

#muzea #Muzea w Szwecji #muzea_w_sztokholmie #zwiedzaniesztokholmu

[oktorpg]

Sugar Rush  - Storyline 09 - Book 3 – Chapter 4 - Together

Did Raven just say John made the right decision???

@ToldUIdSurvive & @LittleBirdRey

#Stargazer & #Watcher #OKTO #The100 #The100RP #RavenReyes #JohnMurphy

•— Raven —•

“No COMMENT!”

•— John —•

"Hey!! You said it and I have proof!"

•— Raven —•

 “I think you are hallucinating.” Nodding my head once.

•— John —•

“I mean…. Kinda sounds like something I’d do… but in this case, I'm certain I'm right.”

•— Raven —•

“Are you? Are you absolutely certain though?”

•— John —•

"Absolutely!! Without a doubt!"

•— Raven —•

“Still feels like you could be wrong.”

•— John —•

“Just give me the win on this one Reyes!”

Flashing the baby blues at her.

•— Raven —•

“Where is the fun in the easy win, Murphy?”

Batting my lashes for the laughs.

•— John —•

Laughing.

“Can't blame a guy for trying.”

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head.

“Sure we can. Want me to start right now?”

•— John —•

Cocks my head to the side and leans against the wall with a shrug.

"I've gotta a little time... Go ahead. Get started."

Smirks, not watching that sexy little wiggle she had going on at all.

•— Raven —•

“Hells, John. You just took all the fun out of it. What’s the point when you want me to do it.”

Huffing with laughter.

•— John —•

I cupped my hand around my ear and leaned in her direction…

“0h… did you here that! That was the sound of a John Murphy victory. Stargazer!”

I laughed along with her.

•— Raven —•

“Whoa there in a moment! How is it a victory for you, Watcher? I’m standing here trying to be nice. And you’re stealing my kindness for a win? Rude!”

•— John —•

“If you were being nice you would have given me the win when I asked for it! But I made you laugh… so now I win anyway.”

Nods matter-of-factly.

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head. “No… if I had handed you such an easy win. You would have doubted it. Because when have I ever let you win without a fight? So… see.. I was being nice.”

•— John —•

“Now you're just flirting, Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

Blinks. “What? Me? No!“

Groans. “Nope. Not even a little.”

•— John —•

“Oops..." Smiles. “My mistake.”

•— Raven —•

“Glad we clarified it.” Noting the smile.

“You can stop smiling because you know….”

•— John —•

“Oh me too.... But my way would be far more enjoyable.”

•— Raven —•

“Because you’re planning on stripping for everyone up here too?”

Thinking back to a night in the mansion when we all had a little too much wine.

•— John —•

“Nah... But if you'd like another private show....”

Waggles my brows.

“Just say the word.”

•— Raven —•

Raising my eyebrow, and elbowing him in the stomach.

“Now who is the one flirting? All talk and no action.”

•— John —•

I nudged her right back with my shoulder. “I told you… if you want another look at the goods… you gotta ask!”

•— Raven —•

Blinking at him. “Excuse me. I never took a look the first time. Eye contact was maintained at all times.”

•— John —•

“Well... That’s a shame!”

Smiles... “But... I can't blame you... I've been told I have great eyes.”

•— Raven —•

Stepping up close making sure to maintain eye contact I soften my voice.

“Uhm.. you know what… wow… you’re so right.”

•— John —•

I made a point of not breaking eye contact.

“Am I?” I leaned in a little closer. “Do you need a closer look to be sure?”

•— Raven —•

Hells, was this backfiring on me?

“Uhmm… it can’t hurt, right?”

Tilting my head up acting like I needed a better look.

•— John —•

My fingers twitched by my sides, wanting… needing to be pressed ever so gently to her cheek… which of course was out of the question.

“They say eyes are the window to the soul… so maybe it could.” My voice was too soft. “Or maybe it’s where we find each other's broken pieces.”

•— Raven —•

Why in hells did what he just said make my cheeks burn? Taking in a slow deep breath, I bite the corner of my lips.

“You need to be careful, we wouldn’t want those windows broken.”

Swallowing, I made myself take a step back to punch his arm hard. “Your arm, however. It’s a game.”

•— John —•

I was pretty sure mine were well and truly shattered. But I chuckled when she punched my arm.

“Are you blushing, Stargazer?”

I smiled... Feeling a little victorious she looked away first.

•— Raven —•

“Me? No…are you?”

I stepped away from him to turn my back and rub my face with the back of my hand.

“I think we are coming back to that hallucinating thing again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled softly, yeah... she was blushing.

"Me?" I mirrored her answer. "Absolutely, yes. But hallucinating? I don't think so... not this time."

•— Raven —•

I turned back to face him with my eyebrows raised.

“Wait a minute. Why are you blushing?” Was that a thing now? John Murphy blushing?

•— John —•

I smiled and gave her a quick wink.

"You started it... So you tell me?"  I teased.

•— Raven —•

“Me?” Placing my hand on my chest in surprise. “What did I start?”

•— John —•

“All of it.” I chuckled

“You brought up how pretty my eyes were... You moved in for a closer look... You blushed first... It's all you Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

“I…” frowning while trying not to laugh. I lower my voice into a slow sound.

“But your eyes are so pretty… like the ocean without the sea monster.” Fighting the curve of my lips.

•— John —•

I laughed at the sea monster comment but never looked away. “See... That's just not fair...” I licked my bottom lip.  “I can't say anything like that about yours because they’re trying to be three colours all at once.”

•— Raven —•

My attention flicked for a breath to his lips before returning to his eyes again. I tilted my head a little because they looked a different shade of blue now.

“Who said anything about being fair?” My cheeks flushed, why the hells would he pay attention to my eyes? Closing them and covering them with one hand.

“I know, You cannot tell me what colour my eyes are.”

•— John —•

I bit the inside of my cheek, there was no way that flicker of her eyes was what I thought it was. No way. I was imagining things.

I laughed softly... If I had an inkling of artistic talent I could paint her eyes from memory. But I couldn't tell her that for the same reason she couldn't have looked at my mouth a second ago.

"Mostly they are brown, they get darker when you're angry or in pain. When you're inspired or emotional they brighten and there are little hints of gold right in the centre and when you're happy... like right now, it looks like there is a ring of amber around the edges that make it look like there's a light been switched on behind them."

I smirked keeping my gaze fixed on her where our eyes would meet when she dropped her hand. "Am I close?"

•— Raven —•

It was my mouth which dropped before my hand fell too, leaving me gazing back into his baby blue eyes now.

“That…” my mind worked to find the words and then I gave up and laughed. “Was a lot of information… things I’m sure you’ve made up just to make yourself sound intelligent. How in the burning hell would I know if my eyes changed colour when I was in pain, or angry? And I didn’t have a mirror to see what colour they were right now too.”

•— John —•

And there they were again, those bright, stunning eyes, a shade more gold now that her mind was racing to figure out if I was right or not.

“Maybe we should ask and independent party...” I quirked a brow. “Should we go find Jasper?” I chuckled. I wasn't about to mention #Shaw. “Or Monty! That would make him so uncomfortable and it would be fun to watch him squirm.”

•— Raven —•

Narrowing my eyes at him, he was doubling down. Or he was telling the truth? Either way, I needed to know.

“The first person we see.” I say walking backwards towards the door. “There has to be someone walking these corridors other than the two of us.”

Waving my hand. “Come on”

•— John —•

I chuckled and followed her. I little concerned about the walking backwards thing... "If you're trying to call my bluff it's not gonna work." I smirked.

When we were in the hall I gripped her shoulders lightly and turned her to face the direction that she was heading. "Because I'm not bluffing."

•— Raven —•

Turning to face the correct direction, I pulled a face at him. “You know there's not much I wouldn’t believe…”

Missing a step I rubbed my hip, correcting myself without an incident. “However, now you are trying to mess with my head.”

Was he calling my bluff, his bluff, our bluff? Are there any bluffs here at all? “Hells. I don’t even remember how we got here, but we are seeing it through.”

•— John —•

I noticed the small stumble and even though something inside me cried out to wrap my arm around her waist and take some of her weight, the rest of me knew that she had this. She was tough and independent and she didn't always need help.

"Trying..." I scoffed. "Please... you're running through the hallway looking for a stranger to ask them what colour your eyes are..." I smiled at her. "I'm not trying... I'm winning.  I have your head totally spinning, Stargazer."

•— Raven —•

Halting my foot steps I spun to face him. “Ahah! You are messing with my head. You just admitted it! John Fucking Murphy… You’re starting a war you know I will not give up on.”

Pointing down the corridor where I could hear foot steps. “And right there… there comes a non-biased individual who I am sure will help us.”

Okay fine, my inner demon who loves to win was awake now.

•— John —•

“It wasn’t my goal...” I snickered. “Just a pleasant side effect of the truth.”

I heard the footsteps... And I knew it was going to be #Shaw, there wasn't a doubt in my mind... When I saw the military uniform my heart sank.

‘Well, well.... Look who finally made up!’ A woman’s voice drew my attention to her face.

“Lizzie!!!” I breathed a sigh of relief. “You have no idea how good it is to run into you.”

‘Aw... I know... But I've told you before sweetie... Your pretty but you’re not my type...’ She winked. ‘Why do you two look like you’re on a mission?’

•— Raven —•

I gave John a push to move out of the way, smiling as I did so. I hopped up to #Lizzie’s side and squeezed her arm.

“Don’t listen to him, I am the one on a true mission.” Not commenting on her evaluation of our walking together as making up. Because we had, right? -- ‘okay…’ she glanced between the two of us.

“I need you to look into my eyes.” Pulling her into me, and pushing my face up close and personal to hers.

‘Raven, back in my day. A girl asked for dinner first.’ She was laughing and looking confused.

“You can have my dry food okay? Now look into my eyes.”

She glanced to John as to say, ‘what’s  going on?’ Before looking at me.,

‘Do you have something in your eyes? Do you need me to help—‘

“No, no.. what colour would you say my eyes are? Do you see them changing? Are they.. well, you tell me!”

•— John —•

I stepped to the side… maybe she had given me a nudge too…. maybe. I chuckled at a #Lizzie as she looked at Raven like she was losing her mind.

‘Um…’ Lizzie looked at me… looking to be saved, I shook my head. I wasn’t going to give her any hints. ‘Okay… you two are weird. I can work with weird.’ She shook her head and leaned in to look at Raven’s. ‘Eh… Hazel… You know, funny fact, people always say Hazel eyes are brown and green but it's actually a polygenic anomaly that means you can have brown, green, amber… all at once.’

“Nerd!” I pretended to cough to cover the word.

#Lizzie punched my arm. Hard! “Ouch!!” I glared at her.

‘Alright, then lover boy… what do you see when you gaze into her eyes…’ she raised a brow and folded her arms over her chest like she had me over a barrel.

I just smiled and said. “Stars…” Pausing for effect… “Dozens of little gold stars.”

Lizzie took Raven's chin and tilted her face up to look again… ‘Whoa…’ She looked fascinated… ‘Yeah… I…’ then she looked at me. ‘Why do all the good ones have a Y chromosome?’ She sighed.

•— Raven —•

What… was going on? How had things gone so head over tits without me even seeing it?

Polygenic anomaly? What was wrong with Hazel? Simple just like me. I have hazel eyes. But the two of these had other plans.

And then I heard it ‘Lover Boy’, wait. John was seeing someone? -- Hells that boy worked fast, he had been acting all put out by the number of souls on the ship, meanwhile he’d been working his magic?

It made me smile a little. He deserves it… right? That was what I felt? Yeah… hundred percent. My friend deserves happiness.

“Wait.. what did you just say?”

Pulling myself out of the thoughts.

‘He said Stars… he sees stars in your eyes.’ Her eyes were still trained on me. Then She pulled back reaching over to pull at one of his cheeks. ‘Yeah… you both are weird. A good kind.’

•— John —•

I chuckled, not answering Raven’s question until I’d smiled at Lizzie. “You've been very helpful Lizzie, thank you.”

She nudged me with her elbow and gave me a go-get-em tiger wink before she walked off waving one hand without looking back. ‘See you later, weirdos!’ she said and I knew it was a compliment.

“See... That one I like.” I smirked at Raven.

“So... I guess that means I'm right, right?”

•— Raven —•

“Wait….” I called out “do they change colour?” The sound of her laughter came, one more wave, and she turned the corner out of sight.

“Hells…” rubbing the side of my head, my hair was up too tight. “Uhm? Oh… do you really? You don’t like anyone!” My eyes remained on the spot were she had disappeared.

“No… She just said…” he had won. #Lizzie had said the same as he did, in a round about way.

“Fine. Fine. You win this one.”

•— John —•

“I mean… don’t tell her I said that…” I shrugged. “It was a tough start but she’s growing on me.” I grinned at Raven again her eyes a shade darker now, but still bright. “And there are a small few I like.” Then I started walking again glancing back to see if she was going to follow.

“So… what’s my prize?”

•— Raven —•

“Guess I didn’t make the cut.” Muttering it to myself with a half smile. We found ourselves on a rocky road, however someday. We would maybe find the way back to what we once had, right?

Crossing my arms over my chest, my eyes followed as he began to go in the same direction as #Lizzie.

“Well, as we didn’t agree to the prize first. You get to ask for it. What do you want?”

I didn’t have much up here to give, but I was certainly sure he would find something he wanted from what we did have.

Rubbing my hip, slowly I started walking after him.

•— John —•

I strained to make out what she said. But if she'd wanted me to hear it she would have made sure I did.  I slowed to a stroll when I saw she was hurting.

"The mind boggles..." I smiled mischievously at her and turned to face. Standing only inches away... My eyes were on hers, again.

They were darker now... and only minutes ago; she'd been happy and joking. It stung something deep inside me. The smile faded to a more serious expression. "I want ten questions, and they all need to be answered fully, unguarded and without holding back." Asking for honesty was unnecessary, that was hardwired into Raven even when it shouldn't be. She was uncompromising when it came to the truth.

•— Raven —•

My body came to an abrupt stop, the tips of my boots stopping shy of hitting him, managing to keep my body from slamming into him too.

My eyes found him looking concerned. The explosion which had been light and bright now much darker.

What was he about to ask for? I wondered. There it was, the John Murphy I’d grown to know. My lips curved a little into a smile.

“This isn’t a prize, John. When have you known me not to be honest, and unguarded? I’m sure you have witnessed me being told to learn to hold back a little.” I shrugged my shoulders as I spoke.

“However, fine… ten questions… up close, true to their core, honest and without holding back.”

This prize I had no issues with this. How bad could these questions be? And what could he possibly want to know, that he didn’t know after our time on the island?

•— John —•

I chuckled a little deviously. “I know it sounds easy but just remember you need to answer completely, to the point of overkill… let’s pick an example… Say I ask you how much pain you are in… you’d not only have to tell me why you’ve been rubbing your hip for the last ten minutes but if you have a headache… stubbed your toe… or if you have a hangnail that’s been bugging you.” I kept my gaze on hers, waiting to see if the depth of my request sank in.

•— Raven —•

The look on his features should be setting off alarm bells, anyone with half a brain cell would turn and run.

“Hang nail?” That had to be a joke, right?

However, if we face facts. This is John Murphy, the Watcher… details were the one thing he didn’t miss. Wait… realisation, dawns on me. He’d been watching me? I hadn’t even thought about rubbing my hip, or about the pain that was a daily occurrence. But he had. 

“Hells…” I whispered….

“How many questions did I agree too?”

•— John —•

I smiled… watching the realisation sink all the way into her always busy mind. It was then that I realised I needed to use these questions in a way that wouldn’t be abusing her trust or taking advantage of her.

“Ten.” I answered her… “And I plan on saving them for when I need them the most.”

•— Raven —•

“Saving them?” Of course, John Murphy found a loophole.

“Wait, that wasn’t the deal. You can’t just save them for when you need or want them!” There were no rules set to say otherwise.

“Hells! You’re going to keep them for years! Aren’t you?”

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Please! Like I have years ahead of me?” I was highly likely to be floated before we ever made it back to earth...

“But I’d say it will last a few months or so.”

•— Raven —•

I looked over at him in confusion. “Why have you gone and made plans that the rest of us need to worry about?”

Was he joking and pulling my leg now? Or had I missed something else?

•— John —•

“No plans.” I patted her shoulder reassuringly. “But we never know how much time we have, right? No point in letting it slip away...” then I smirked “At least... Not too much.”

•— Raven —•

I elbowed him in the side as he patted my shoulder. “Could you for once, just - I don’t know… make plans for something more than a day or a week away? Give us something to live for, maybe?”

•— John —•

I smiled at her... "Okay... First night back on earth..." I made a strong effort not to say if we get there. "We slip away and find somewhere to sleep where we can see the stars. It won't be the rose garden... but we can remember that night. That's worth living for isn't it?"

•— Raven —•

My heart felt a joy and a stab all at once.

“You remember the rose garden?” Uncertain why, however, I didn’t think it would be the first thing he’d say.

I looked across to him, nodding my head slowly. “It’s a deal. Shame we won’t have any of that wine Becca had hidden away.”

•— John —•

I smiled and chuckled softly. “I’m the one that brought you there remember?” The gold was back, glinting in her eyes but there was still a darkness there.

But I had a way to lift that. “But I wouldn’t be so sure about that last part.” She really should have looked through that bag I had shown her stashed under the bed we kept ready for her if she ever chose to come home.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, I know you were the one to bring me there, I just didn’t think it was something you would remember.”

So much had happened between us, to us. I didn’t think… well… you know… but it was safely locked away in my bank of memories.

The memories which came to an abrupt halt.

“John… Murph!” My eyes light up because something in my soul lights up like the northern star. “You didn’t have time to pack away bottles of wine! Did you?”

•— John —•

"I'll never forget that night Raven..." I laughed, remembering how was snuck through the mansion like misbehaving children playing spy games. We knew that no one would care... I honestly couldn't remember a time before that I had 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕖𝕕 like a kid...  at least not after I got sick and caused the deaths of my parents.

"I had four days, Rey... we kept those lights on for you for four nights, or three and a half... but I told you. I searched the house and packed some things I knew you would want to keep. They're under your bed... in the bag, I had your music player in."

•— Raven —•

The smile that had begun to show on my lips disappeared abruptly.

Four days…. Hells…. I had left them there to wait for four days before I could make it back.

My stomach turned at the thought, of how #Jasper, #Luna and he had been when we found them.

“Yeah… I guess.” pushing the sensation of heat stinging behind my eyes.

“The music player was a good catch.” Swallowing back the bile rising in my throat, while trying to sound easy.

•— John —•

I saw the darkness creeping up on her again. "Raven." I planted myself in front of her and put myself directly in her line of sight.

"We've talked about this. You did what you had to, to save all of the people on this ship right now. You have to stop torturing yourself..." Then I smiled. "And you're totally missing the point... I saved a bottle of wine from #Becca's Mansion... and a few things I know will put a smile on your face if you ever want to take a look at it."

•— Raven —•

It was hard to avert my gaze when those baby blue eyes were giving me no place to run.

“I…” swallowing again. “I know we have, but..” I shrugged my shoulders trying to put it into words. “It’s not easy. To let go of it. Not when I saw the three of you.. that way.”

His smile made my hand move but I stopped it. What in hells was I about to do?

Shaking my head. “You were busy gathering all that time?” Part of me wanted to know what he had thought I would want to save.

“Just give them to me as we go. When you think I need it the most.”

•— John —•

"I think you need to talk to #Luna and #Jasper about it too, Rey. None of us would change how it happened. It was the only way to save as many people as you did." My eyes flickered at the way her hand moved... normally I would think she was going to push me away... But this wasn't that kind of conversation.

"In that case..." I smiled. "Come with me."  nodded towards the hallway leading to our room.

•— Raven —•

It was on my list of things to accomplish. I hadn’t expected that he and I would be the first to mend our broken bridges. Yet here we were.

“Yeah I know, I’d planned on it. But I just haven’t managed it so far, with Jasper helping Monty out. Add keeping Luna clear.” My gaze moved to the corridor he now led me towards. “What is this, walked a length of the ship day?”

Yet I turned in the direction he pointedly started down.

•— John —•

“#Luna doesn't do that... But what does do... Is wait. Patiently.” I chuckled. “It's fucking annoying.”

I kept my pace nice and easy. “No, today is give-Raven-a-gift day. So stop complaining and get curious.” I flashed her a cheeky smile.

•— Raven —•

Parting my lips, because that came out wrong. But then I stopped myself. There was no point now.

Shaking my head. “Now… Get me, my gift, Watcher. I’ll even smile when you give it to me.” I joked, making myself smile now.

•— John —•

She was keeping something to herself... but hadn't we moved past all of that? I let it go, just because it was #Luna and I knew that everything there would be fine, As soon as the two were stood in a room together.

"And now look at who is impatient!" I laughed and opened the door to our room (It was Raven's too... even if she wasn't sleeping here).

"But no peeking since I now have permission to pass this stuff out on an as-needed basis." I knelt next to her bed and reached under it, opening the bag without pulling it out.

•— Raven —•

“Is it impatience though? Why can’t it just be excitement, or dread, or irritability, or…” The list was endless, however watching John push the code to open their room door made me stop.

I wasn’t encroaching on the three of their privacy. He’d told me the code... well, more like he had made me guess it. And they had set it to the same digits as mine… 6 5 8 6.

Following behind I came to a stop just inside the doors letting John move freely around their room.

My eyes drifted to the bed he had told me was mine… they had; even after everything made space for me. But I couldn’t… I still couldn’t step back into that place.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to trust them. I did. With my life. But my heart… it had too many knocks to deal with any more just now.

I turned myself to face the door. “See I’m not going to look. Now come on man.”

•— John —•

I had noticed how she lingered by the door, but I wasn't going to tell her again she was as welcome here as Luna, Emori and I were. It would come with time.

I hoped.

"A little dread is always advisable." I chuckled and pulled out one of the books. Then I looked up at her stood there facing the hallway and pulled out the rest of the leather-bound books. some of them were identical but there were a few that were bigger, thicker... a mix of black and brown. All in various stages of wear and tear.

I walked back across the room and closed the door from where I stood behind... close enough to catch the scent that made my mouth go dry, the scent of her.

"Turn around." I said and held out the stack of nine journals.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, you would say that, if you don’t feel some form of dread in the day, had the day even begun?”

Teasing him little heartedly; gave that sensation of how things used to be on the Island. When we’d help one another, and annoy the crap out of each other too. The doors slid closed, and I turned around smiling and then stopped.

I froze in astonishment.

“Those….” I hadn’t moved but my eyes had widened as they moved down and counted nine… “you… how???” How did he know? “John?” My voice cracked I was still frozen in place. John Murphy, at a time when death knocked on his front door, had gathered nine of #Becca’s journals.

These books had become a comfort to me over the time we had been on the island. Reading her words had given me the confidence to fight, to learn and to… well… know that she was exceptional just as I’d imagined her to be.

“John—” my voice was but a whisper. I held my arms out for him to place them on me.

•— John —•

"See!!" I laughed. "You get it!"

I watched her reaction taking in every expression and blink of those incredible eyes... how her mouth moved when she was lost for words... Nope!!! I had to shut that down.

"This was all I could find in the mansion. I'm sorry I didn't think to bring the ones that were in her office in the lab... once we got back to the mansion I just..." I couldn't face going back there without her. I smiled. "I didn't want to be underground and miss your triumphant return," I said instead... but that was also true.

"I know we never quite agreed on #BeccaFranco.... but I know how much she means to you." At some stage after I handed over the books I had wrapped a strand of hair that had come to rest over her shoulder from her signature ponytail around my fingers. I dropped it quickly and stuffed my hands in my pockets before I did something really stupid.

•— Raven —•

I shook my head, repeatedly still in the midst of processing what it was he gave me. The weight of the books in my arm broke me out of the delusion that this could be nothing more than a dream.

“Please… don’t apologise…” finally my words came. “This is the best gift… you could have given me. I thought these were lost to me for good. My mind is… it’s blown.”

With the books in my arms, I attempted to shuffle them to one arm and half-hug John with the other.

“Thank you… thank you so much.”

•— John —•

I laughed a little when I realised she was trying, awkwardly, to hug me... "I'm glad." I put one arm in hers supporting the weight of the books as I returned her one-armed hug.

"You're welcome, Stargazer." I whispered, resting my cheek against her hair for a second. Then I moved back and found her gaze. "I was going to give you one at a time... but that seemed cruel considering how fast you read."

•— Raven —•

His laughter was contagious, soon I found myself in the same state laughing along with him.

When our eyes met I gave him the most genuine smile. This man had given me a gift that would keep me occupied for the entire time we were up here.

“I’m not sure if you would have been able to. You know after you handed over book two, I’d have worked out you have more. And we know I’d have found them.”

I waggled my brows at him, clasping them all now in both hands.

“And it doesn’t matter if I’ve read them all, I will read them again and again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled again... the light in her eyes holding my focus. Okay, maybe that smile pulled my focus every few seconds.

"Damn... If I'd known it was this good of a gift maybe I should have saved it and used it as blackmail somewhere down the line." I smiled, wondering if she knew that there wasn't a single thing in that bag I would ever leverage to her. It was hers anytime she wanted it and it would be here waiting for her if she decided she wasn't going to wait for me to give her whatever was left.

"I have no doubt you'll have them read twice over in a week."

•— Raven —•

Still smiling my eyes narrowed, moving the books onto one arm I punched him in the arm jokingly.

“And you were doing so well until then.” He would, or at least the John on #Becca’s island wouldn’t have done so. And I wanted to believe that he was the one here who stood before me.

“Really, Watcher. Thank you.” Hugging the books to my chest I took a few steps towards the door. “These have made my day. I’m going to get them back to mine before I drop them.”

•— John —•

I shrugged like I was accepting defeat. Should’ve stopped while I was ahead right?” I teased. But her eyes were still bright, so I knew I was still doing this right… for once. Finally.

“Do you need an escort? For all we know there are all kinds of untold secrets in those pages. I don’t mind playing bodyguard.” I grinned, teasing. But the offer to walk her to her door was genuine.

•— Raven —•

“Next time, Watcher you’ll know when to stop.” I now laughed shaking my head.

My hand pushed the button to open the door and it slid open with a little pull on the mechanism. Making a note to come back to fix that for them.

Half turning my head back at his offer. “You are in your room, John. I’m not going to ask you to walk all the walk across to mine. You nee—” Stopping when what he said about being alone came back.

“Where are the girls? Will they be back soon?” I still needed to memorise everyone’s schedules once they were tied in.

•— John —•

"Nah." I quirked a brow. "Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't mind walking with you if you..." I instinctively glanced back into the room. "Oh, They'll be around soon... They haven't been assigned a work detail because of the tensions with the grounders. #Luna spends her time with #Harper, helping out with the kids and #Emori goes on work detail with #Jasper. I don't like the idea of them being on their own when I'm working." I tilted my head then... realising what she meant.

"They don't leave me alone for long. So I'll either be walking you back or... I'll go find one of them."

•— Raven —•

Keeping the smile on my face but my heart kind of hurt. How did I not know any of that? #Emori, fine. We weren’t really so close. However, #Luna?

They had all found their place, and I truly was happy about it.

“Okay.” I said keeping my voice light. “Well, thank you.” Holding the book up. “These will be great company.”

I would have something to do when the night got too dark and sleep-deprived.

•— John —•

I realised she hadn't answered my question... because I hadn't actually asked one.

"As long as you don't forget to sleep." I teased. "So... Stargazer. What's it gonna be? Want me to play the big strong bodyguard? Or just take care of the heavy lifting and you can protect me?" I motioned to her stack of books.

•— Raven —•

This earned John an eye roll. “Sleep is priority number one.” Okay, the sarcasm came out a little stronger than planned.

“Aren’t you sick of me yet?” Handing over half of the books in my arms. “How about we do a little of both jobs? Because let’s be honest—” thinking things through, I knew it was unlikely however…” On second thoughts..” setting all the books in his hands. “You carry them, if needed you can run to my cabin because you’re a few steps faster. And I’ll fight off the army of… unknown warriors..” The tongue and cheek of it all, had me fighting back my laughter.

•— John —•

I laughed and took the books. “Sick of YOU? Is that even possible?” I grinned and stroked her ego (Well.. if she even had one… maybe when it came to her intelligence, but not much else.) I knew that she struggling with sleep… so was I.

I chuckled again and took the rest of the books.

“You want me to abandon you and protect the diaries?” I coughed to cover the word “GEEK!” And patted my chest like it was a real cough.

•— Raven —•

I rolled my eyes at his so-called attempt to hide his contention.

“Really? We are dipping so low now? You’re stroking an ego that is non-existent? Where are the snappy comebacks putting me in my place?”

I elbowed him a little softly at the badly hidden word. “There is nothing wrong in being a Geek I will have you know. This geek for one is damn proud.”

I wasn’t going to use the joke I had on Earth. It would be about the number of times I saved his arse… but now… it left a sour taste in my mouth.

•— John —•

I laughed, really laughed. Again! It was getting easier and easier now... “It was a test.” I teased. “The fact you didn't immediately answer ‘yes of course it is!’ means you failed.”

I knew the prospect of a fail grade even as a joke would bug her. I doubt she ever got less than one hundred on a test.

“You should be proud; smart people are sexy as hell.” I said without stopping to think. I waited to see if the compliment threw her as I followed her to her room.

•— Raven —•

“Hey… Hey… Hey…” following up with my hand in the air. “That’s just going too far now. I have NEVER failed in class and Nor do I plan on it.” The teasing there, kind of. I mean it was true and the thought of failing maybe doing things to my tummy.

Then I heard it, his laughter filled the corridor. The smile on my lips grew after seeing and hearing him. The twinkle in his eyes had returned. It hit like the air on my face the first day I landed on earth.

Snapping myself out of it I laughed with him too. It was contagious to the point when two whispering grounders rushed by, I just waved at them. I earned myself a grimace, and I didn’t care.

“Hells yeah we are, we are as sexy as they come. You should see how we party!”

Tugging at my ponytail and dusting my shoulders off I did a little dance.

•— John —•

There it was! I laughed harder. “It’s so easy to rile you up sometimes.” I teased her, not giving her a break at all. She was laughing with me and It was so clear that we had both needed it, but I didn’t let myself linger on that thought in case the reasons why, became intrusive. I chuckled at the confused grounders. “I guess some people are just determined to be miserable.”

I watched the sexy little wiggle and tried to hide a riot in my stomach by clearing my throat loudly. “So humble.” I continued to tease her. “Is that an invitation, Stargazer? How could I possibly say no?”

•— Raven —•

“Shh…” tugging to pull him along. “They may hear you.”

I continued to laugh because it felt so good. Being with a friend, being able to joke, tease, and know that nothing would come of it but the happy tears rolling down my cheeks right now. Hells, I missed this and him. “An invitation? To what? My sorry one person party with a stack of books?” Shaking my head. “You can do better I am sure. You’ll be making friends with the young grounder girls soon enough to really party hard.”

•— John —•

I laughed and let her pull me down the hallway faster. Her cheeks were damp but applied from her wide smile, those tears didn't cause me any pain.

"Rude!!" I gasped, jokingly. "Threatening a guy with a good time and then backing out when he accepts?" I quirked a brow. "Tease!" I used the arm she tugged me along with to turn her around. Wiping away those happy tears with my free hand, without saying a word about them.

"I have more girls in my life now than I ever had before... And that is more than enough thank you very much."

•— Raven —•

I spun on my feet to face him, my eyes glazed with moisture and laughs still escaping from the joking.

“Fine. Fine. Come. Party. Let’s see how much fun it will be with just the one jar of shine that is meant to last us five years, or until Jasper does his thing.” I was certainly expecting a new batch to show up if that boy got his way.

Smiling as I wiped at my face I gave him an eye roll. “Sure sure. You say that now.” I didn’t push the topic. We all had way too much on our plates. At least I did. Work was all I needed right now.

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Unless he can use MREs to make it I don't have much hope.”

I said nothing about her comment... Relationships needed trust... Fuck that... One-night stands needed trust, just less of it. But there was no way I was letting anyone else in... And no way I could tell her that there was only one person I could ever trust in that way.

“C’mon.” I started walking towards her room again. “Let's get this precious cargo delivered safely”

•— Raven —•

“Are you saying you don’t have skills? I think our poor Jas would be highly disappointed in your assessment of him.”

Without thinking I started right after him. “Yes, we need to hide the precious cargo. I still cannot believe they are really here.”

The rest of the walk I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Hells I couldn’t understand how I actually remembered to do it.

•— John —•

“Actually…. You know what… tell him!” I laughed. “Might be the motivation he needs.”

The rest of the walk is quiet but… happy. The smile on her face… hell! Every time I tore my eyes from her I found them wondering back.

At her door I almost reached to type in her code… or, 𝕠𝕦𝕣  code... If, in fact, she’d chosen similarly. I stopped myself. Not my room. I leaned casually against the wall by her door and waited for her to do it herself.

•— Raven —•

Not until we turned the corner towards my room did nerves begin to present themselves, but why? I had no explanation at all.

My fingers pressed the digits on the key pad. 6586.. and waited for the doors to smoothly slide open without a sound.

Shifting on my feet, I felt the need to explain myself.

“When I can’t sleep, I’ve been working quietly on fixing things up.” Pointing to the door as I waved him to come on in.

He’d been here before, right? I couldn’t remember. And it wasn’t some aftermath of the code, it was the lack of sleep playing with my head.

I stood to the side, shifting again. I knew I had been given one of the officer's rooms, as much as I’d fought the fact that I didn’t need the space, it somehow now sat full of different piles of equipment.

Some things were fixed waiting to be returned and others waiting in clean areas for work to be done.

“You can place them on the table beside the couch.” I said.

The room was in order and clean, however, it looked like a workspace and not a home like he, #Luna, and #Emori had somehow managed to make theirs feel.

•— John —•

I focused my eyes on the top journal as she punched in the code. I hadn't planned to go in, I knew she needed her own space these days. But when she waved me in I couldn't resist the temptation to see the space she was living in.

"Whoa..." I looked around at all the things... Literally all the things... "Are you sure these parts shouldn't be in the ship... you know... keeping us alive?" It was obviously a rhetorical question. She would never remove something vital from the ship.

I set the books on the small table she told me to and turned in a slow circle.

Everything in the room was neat and even the machine parts were clean. "Have you slept at all since we've been on board?"

•— Raven —•

Pulling the zipper to my jumpsuit down to my waist, I slid my arms out and tied them around me to keep them up. Pushing the vest I had on down at the same time.

I didn’t mean to watch him, however my eyes kept returning as he took in my room and his surroundings. Pulling my hair down out of the ponytail. I let it all drop freely, the instant relief had been heavenly.

“Have you?” The question came out before I could stop myself. Maybe a little defensive. “I have had some. When I can.” I answered.

•— John —•

I looked back at her just in time to see her hair falling free from her usual ponytail... hell!

I cleared my throat. "Um... yeah, I mean... I try but I never know how long I'll sleep before..." I rubbed my chin, she knew... she'd seen it.

"How often does when I can come around? Once a day? twice a week?" One of the first things I learned about Raven was; that you have to ask the right questions.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my neck, and rubbing the back of it. Now he had me in a tight spot. But we said… we promised.. no more lying.

“I’m not even sure any more.” The nightmares were intense when they came again. And they always came.

“I’ll get some tonight.” It wasn’t a lie, it was a  hope really. I didn’t want #Abby to find out. Because she would medically make it happen.

Shifting on my feet, my eyes were back on him. “You know it’s hard. And being up here. I hoped it would…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

•— John —•

It didn't exactly answer my question… but I got it. I had seen her nightmares, they were as volatile as mine. I had witnessed her injuring herself more than once.

I swallowed hard and looked around the room which all of a sudden looked like a potential death trap. If she woke up in one of the states I had seen in the past there were a lot of things in this room that could cause harm.

I set that aside for a moment. "I thought being up here would be like the Ark... but it's not. Everyone is mostly treated equally, the food is better... I mean not as good as my cooking but those MREs are way better than the rock-hard biscuits we got. There's enough drinking water... But it's taking some getting used to. We'll get there." At least I hoped we would. I didn't want to go into those ice coffins. That wasn't today's problem.

"I can sit with you, you know... if you want. So you can sleep. Anytime..." I took a few steps towards her.

•— Raven —•

Taking a step around my fingers played with a part, moving it from one place to another, and then back again.

Eyes moved sporadically to see what his had fallen on, noting how he took my room in.

“It’s nothing like the Ark. and if it were… we’ve failed.” My voice was low feeling myself tensing at the reminder of life before Earth. Then I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Those packs do not hold a flame up to the food you were cooking.” Clicking my fingers, I rubbed my forehead attempting to recall. “The soul thing… with the roots brought in. That… that…” My mouth began to water at the memory. It made me laugh once again. “It was the night I caught you dancing.”

And I remember how worry-free and happy he seemed. “You don’t have to chaperone me, John.” And as I said it. I wanted to hug him and accept the offer.

•— John —•

I laughed trying not to focus on the dangers in this room.

"You mean the night you were fortunate enough to walk in at the exact right moment?” I quirked a brow and grinned. "And you are welcome for the show by the way.”

I did like to listen to music when I cooked. It was probably what I missed the most about the island, I didn't have as much access to music up here.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "It’s not charity, Raven. I know that you would do the same for me."

We had both played the role of protector for the other while we slept. I didn't see any reason we couldn't still do that; now that we had fixed the rift between us.

•— Raven —•

Hearing the sound of his Laughter made me join in too. “Oh. Fortunate? Is this what we are calling dinner with an added floor show?”

Something clicked in place, and I slowly moved to the far side of the room and my bed. Opening the drawers to take the player he had once given me.

“Here, you’ll get more joy out of this. I’ve worked on the electrics on it, so you can now charge it in the power ports up here.”

Returning to his side, I held it out. I bit my lips as I nodded my head. “Napping partners again? As long as we share the shifts, okay?”

•— John —•

“Oh yeah! I'm multi-talented I can dance, I can cook…. I can…” I tried to think of a third thing. “Speak trig!” I laughed.

I smiled and closed her hand back up. “#Jasper is on it. #Monty is, inhis spare time, too. A lot of the officers had music collections… Jasper is copying it all to the central…. Thingies… And Monty making it so it's accessible to the whole ship.” I had no idea what they were talking about. But I knew the were making it so we had music.

“Besides this one was from Becca’s house. It means more to you. And I know it helps you sleep.”

•— Raven —•

I blinked a few times at him as he told me what the rest of the guys were working on. I closed my hands around the player and brought it to my chest.

Shaking my head slowly the words were out before it registered. “I’ve really messed up with everyone haven’t I? I used to know everything. What was happening, what was needed? Now…” rubbing my forehead. “Without the code… it’s all…” I didn’t know what.

Shaking my head again, I laughed it off. “If you’re sure. Then fine.” Turning to head back to where I took it out from, I returned it. “The offer is there. And now you know where it lives.” Patting the top of the drawers.

•— John —•

"No Raven... I don't think that’s it..." I smiled. "I think they're hoping to surprise you with it. They don't know I brought that bag up for you..." I pressed my lips together.

"Everything I put into that bag was something I knew would mean something to you. I want you to have each  and every item in it..." I smiled at the idea of passing them out to her one -by-one.

"I know you don't measure things in material value... but every single thing I put in there was to show you that I see you... and I care... I know I hurt you before you left. I know it's all so much harder. And I know stuff won't make up for it. But I chose every single thing to show you I knew what mattered to you... And gathering them all up while you were gone and keeping them near, made me feel like you were closer."

The words just kept coming and I knew I was skirting a dangerous line. But, I thought I saw a flash of hurt when I refused her gift, but music could never give more comfort than knowing that she had music in her life gave me.

•— Raven —•

In all those words, there were so many things to unpack that I wasn’t even aware of where to begin.

Slowly walking back to where John stood, I motioned towards the couch before sitting down myself.

“Why would you care enough to gather all those things?” The first of my thoughts. “And how did you even know where to start the search?” The next.

I slowly began to unbuckle my brace, the discomfort had reached its peak for me.

“I don’t understand why you would do all that, want to feel close to me…. And I know we’ve moved on now, but then. Then I was someone who hadn’t listened to you. You begged me to bring you up here with us. and I didn’t. And you still kept the faith that I would be back?”

My fingers worked the buckles one at a time until it slipped off from around my leg, allowing me to set it down.

•— John —•

I headed to the couch and stopped before I sat down and crouched next to the couch when she started unbuckling it. I started at her ankle, we could make it half the work if we met somewhere in the middle. And it had become a kind of ritual between the two of us, her showing trust... me showing her I cared. "Because I care about you... And that mansion was the only place I ever saw you happy. Even though you were in pain... I just want you to have... something... Of Becca's because I knew you looked up to her." I shrugged and looked up into curious hazel eyes.

"I just looked in the places you spent the most time. And I understood why you couldn't bring me... At first, I was going to pick one thing. I didn't think I could bring the journals, I wasn't sure they could be decontaminated. But #Jasper gave me the radiation-proof bag… and I just... kept going. I never lost faith that you would come if it was possible. After, but there were moments... dark moments... where I thought you were stranded. You had fuel for a one-way trip. I thought you were dead or dying and I..." I shook away the burning in my eyes, she was here, she was alive. I took a shaky breath... "So I just kept searching because I couldn't sit still and let those thoughts take over."

•— Raven —•

Slowly we were falling back into the normality of being friends. I watched him work the buckles I couldn’t easily reach.

His blue eyes were misty making me push forward sitting on the edge of the couch.

“You were so close to dying now there, and you were worried about me?” How was this the same boy who once told me he only thought of himself and no one else?

“I told you and Luna I would be back. I wasn’t going to break the promise.”

My eyes remained on him.

“Thank you... I never thought I would see those books again. I’m speechless. Really.”

•— John —•

“Were in the same position as everyone else, Stargazer, only we had suits. I knew nothing would stop you from finding a way back… unless you were...” I let out a shaky breath. I wouldn't let that feeling back in. I took her hand and squeezed.

She was here, alive... Warm and so fucking soft. Without thinking I turned her hand over, her palms and fingers were calloused from her work but the back of her hand? That was soft, I smiled at the contrast.

“But those moments… when I... When I thought you hadn't survived… I was terrified. I hadn't lost anyone I…” I stopped, swallowing.  “Since my dad… so I'd find something else… add it to the bag…” I chuckled. “Then you had to come back… right? Because it was rude not to accept a gift?” I dragged my hand through my hair.

“It sounds ridiculous… but it's what got me through it all. You don't need to thank me, Raven. I'm just really happy I can give you a little part of home… to help to start building our new one here.”

•— Raven —•

Of course, he was correct, everyone on that planet had the same problems. They were in a better place. So, did this feeling in my chest that kept me from sleeping most nights, mean that I had been selfish? Then in all reality, I hadn’t thought of the good of the planet and all they people. I thought of my own first. Hells. Maybe I was no different to Clark. And I had been all righteous about how she handled situations like this?

“I’m such a hypocrite.” Saying it when I meant to only think it.

I watched him closely, my hands in his, and he really was enthralled. Before I could say anything, John continued and so did I.

“There’s nothing ridiculous about the situation. We all find ways to help us believe. You found yours. And I of all people am the one who benefits from it.”

Squeezing his hand back.

•— John —•

“I'm not one hundred percent sure what you meant by that so I won't tell you that's not true…” I smile are her, not sure what had gone through her mind to cause her hypocrite remark. “But I will say this… we’re all hypocrites sometimes, and there's so much worse we could be.” My thumb brushed the back of her hand again without me really having decided to do so. “If it’s true... And I don't think it is… it's an easily forgivable offence...” I kept talking to stop her from spiralling into what that dark place was. Probably to distract her from the fact I was still memorizing every bump and line on her hand.

“Looking back… knowing you survived... Being here now. I'm glad you left without me. Because now, I know what it feels like when someone comes back for me…” a new kind of tear threatened to fall now and I laughed. “You still came back. That…” I shook my head… “Means more than you'll ever know.”

•— Raven —•

I just shook my head, closing my eyes and pressing the palm of my free hand into my forehead. I couldn’t ask others to make better choices if my own had been tainted by selfishness.

Had I done any of this for the greater good? Or had it all been for me and mine?

Hells! Just as I begin to dive into all my decisions his statement brings me back.

“What? John. Of course, I was going to come back. It doesn’t matter how upset I am. I’m not going to take that out by leaving you to die.” A deepest frown fixes itself in place.

“It is a part of this thing we call friendship. No matter what. We stand up and by one another.”

He still held my hand. I could feel his fingers caressing gently.

•— John —•

“I know.” I said too quickly. “I mean… even then, I knew you would never do that… it’s one of the things that makes you so special.” I reached out to grab the top journal, and set her hand on her lap like it was a delicate thing… It wasn’t, of course, she was tough as nails.

But to me… she was too precious to be treated otherwise. “Most people wouldn’t risk that for people they loved. Lie back.” I handed her the book and scooted away from her on the couch. “And you… you would come back even for the person who betrayed you. It’s just who you are.”

I lifted her legs onto the couch, and sat them on my lap, pulling off her boots.

“But even though I knew death was the only thing that would keep you from returning… it’s different… you know.” I started at her ankle, working my thumbs into the soft tissue where her brace buckled. “When I saw that ship… that feeling…” I couldn’t look at her, in case the true depth of those feelings showed through. “It was… I honestly couldn’t describe it. But it's not the same as knowing. If that makes any sense.” I laughed at myself and moved up her calf in light sweeping motions, easing through the tightness in the muscle first… before getting to the part I knew hurt a little now… and helped a lot later.

•— Raven —•

“Love…” I said, “people they love…” There were no past tenses here.

It occurred to me why I hurt so much when I saw Luna and John at that dock. Why it hurt me each time I thought I’m forgiven them, and then. When I saw a flash back, that hurt grew deeper.

The protest began to slip, however he was speaking. Letting me in, seeing the other side of my failure as it happened.

So, I lay back pulling my hair to the side. Not taking my eyes off his face as he did something that wouldn’t have made me think twice about on the island. Whenever we sat at the end of the day, he always knew somehow where my discomforts were, and tried to help by rubbing them.

Relief curled it’s way through me, I felt my shoulder, back, hip, leg and foot shift and relax. All the while stopping myself from tearing up as I heard him.

“You had a lot of faith in me.” I closed my eyes before opening them.

“I didn’t even know if it was going to work. Or if I was bringing the guys up here with me for us all to die. Some part of me… I didn’t know it at the time… but.. some part of me thought maybe you were safer here.” It had been the first time I let those thoughts come out in words.

“Hells!” Wincing at the stab of pain, my fist flew up to my mouth so I could bite down on it.

•— John —•

I smiled but  I wasn't sure I was in the category of the people that she still loved... I was back in the dysfunctional family category... she'd made that clear. That meant I could probably get back into the love bracket soon...

Whatever that entailed... whatever way she might love me at some stage... I would take it. I would cherish it. And I would keep loving her.

"Having faith in you was the easy part... The hard part was trying to stop the thoughts that you were..." I swallowed. "Dead... from taking over." I thought about her idea that we were safer on earth. It made sense... in a way that made no sense at all the radiation was going to get us either way. But...

"Sorry..." I winched at her outcry. I rubbed that same spot again with a firm flat palm soothing before I pressed my thumbs against her calf again and dragged them up the stiff muscle. "I'm sorry... but it helps." I followed each deep stroke with a softer one. Telling myself each one would be closer to a little relief. I distracted her by talking.

"It makes sense... I mean... I always thought that you were safer in the mansion than in the labs. You worked less, you never had a seizure... you rested a little more. But the code went everywhere you did. There was no logical reason for me to feel like you were safer there. But I did, and I felt better when you were there. So can I understand why you would believe that."

•— Raven —•

I knew it was all helping in the end. I had to work through the discomfort before I would be there. However, with John’s help, I knew it wouldn’t take long.

“You’ve said that a few times now.” I knew what he was doing, and I wouldn’t foil his plan. “You thought I would die. Up here. Without seeing you all.” Closing my eyes as once again his thumb rubbed a tight knot.

“I guess we’ve all had our moments with fear. The mansion was the one place…” I pushed the thought of the grounder who had made it to the island out of my mind.

“It was the one place where we could rest our heads and know the next day we would wake.”

I knew there was something drastically incorrect with our thinking. However, it helped us to do what was needed.

“I wanted to come up here to die.. it had been my plan... but not with the guys with me.”

•— John —•

"I was terrified of it... It was like one of my nightmares... only it was real." I said quietly. My hands moved to her knee, I was gentle here... the deep pressure only worked on muscles, and on her knee, it would only cause pain and bruising.

I swallowed hard at her words. "I know... I remember finding you building that suit." I repressed the shudder that ran through me. "I hated it... but I know how much pain you were in. Not that you aren't now..." I moved my hands to her thigh, pressing the heal of my hands into muscle, firm but not as hard as her lower leg. "I understood... but still couldn't just... maybe it was selfish. I want you to stay and keep fighting it. But it was how I felt... how I feel... even though I understood."

I kept rubbing, slowly... "You don't have to tell me... But do you still feel like that?"

•— Raven —•

Opening my eyes, I glanced down towards him. Watching as he continued to help me. He didn’t need to do it. But I didn’t need to tell him that. He knew.

My hands moved to rest over my face. Covering the look of uncomfortable pain while he did his thing. I moved them away once he’d moved on. The placement of his hands on my thighs made me still and then I shook it off.

“It wasn’t… I… it…” the words all sounded mixed up. “It was difficult John.” My lip trembled at how I had lost my way.

Tapping my forehead as I spoke. “My mind was giving out on me. I couldn't see any other way out. I didn’t want to become unresponsive, to steal resources, or to become a burden out of some lost sense of purpose or responsibility. I never had the choice of our life when it began. However, I wanted to go out on my own terms.” I needed him to understand I hadn’t made those choices without thinking them through.

“But, no. No, I haven’t.”  And now I moved my hands out of the way. “Do you feel like you need that out?” I asked quietly.

•— John —•

Kept my hand busy, and when I felt the last of the knots in her muscles uncoil I let my hand rest flat against her leg. I attempted to rub away the pain I caused but I knew it would only do so much, the temporary relief would only come with time. And rest if she was so inclined.

“I know… I can’t begin to think what it was like for you.” I gave a dark laugh. “I know this might not exactly paint me in the best light… but I wouldn’t have let you live like… that…” I shuddered. “Kept alive by machines. I would have… done… something.” The others might have killed me for it, but it was crystal clear to me now that I would have had nothing to live for if I lost her.

If I couldn’t survive an hour in a cell without a panic attack; there was no way I could endure a loss like that. My heart would just… stop.

“No… not anymore. I decided on that beach… I can’t control when or how I go… but I can control… that it won’t be me. I won’t be the one…  It’s not the same as the situation you were in… your control was taken from you.”

•— Raven —•

Slowly I pushed up with the strength in my arms. Moving and guiding my legs so that I could sit up next to him.

The vivid memories of the beach came rushing through. And I knew it had been a moment in his life I should not have witnessed. But I couldn’t find it in myself to walk away at that time too.

“I was there… when you threw the gun into the ocean.” I said in a low tone. “I saw how much you were hurting, how that place broke you. And I still...”

Working my fingers I closed my burning eyes. “… I didn’t mean to leave you in the cell.” I had to say it again. “I didn’t see the bigger picture… I let my anger and fear of losing you… losing my friend cloud my judgment…. I thought—“ shaking my head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Wiping my face I opened my eyes. “And now you tell me, you would have placed your own life in danger to give me what I wanted.” Half turning my head to catch sight of him.

“If I didn’t feel like a crap friend before…. By the Hells, I do now.” Leaning over I placed my head on his shoulder, resting it there.

•— John —•

I couldn't decide how I felt about her witnessing that moment... It wasn't like I had been subtle about storming down the beach to the shore. But she'd never mentioned it before now. I had assumed she had seen it at the time... but after a while I guess I thought she'd walked away and waited for me to finish my dramatics... it seemed to be a pattern with me.

So much for being invisible.

I shook my head... "You never planned on leaving me there Rey, I know that. You just weren't going to be the one to unlock that door... I get it. I let you down again. No one could have predicted... that."

I laughed now.

"Wait... I just told you was I planning to kill you? How the hell are you the bad friend in that scenario?" Okay so that was an exaggeration... the plan was to turn off her machines if they were the only things keeping her alive.

But it sounded better my way.

•— Raven —•

Lifting my head off his shoulder I shook it from side to side. This boy… he wouldn’t let me feel anything bad about my actions towards him.

“Because you just told me, you wouldn’t think of yourself, how you would have to live with the consequences of doing something you knew were my wishes, John. Do you understand how that would give me peace? To know if I wasn’t capable of making my own decision, I know you would have my back?

All my fears of how I didn’t want to live. You just told me. You would see me to my end.”

And he would live with the consequences of it for the rest of his life, however long or short it was.

•— John —•

I reached my arm around her, not wanting her to move away. Making it like one of those one-armed hugs we shared so often now. These little deceptions were forgivable, right?

She was thinking of the consequences of the action if it was one l ever needed to take. But the only consequence I would care about was how to continue in a world where l had eliminated any possibility of ever getting Raven back. I doubted my heart would remember how to beat in a world that didn't have Raven Reyes in it.

"Seeing you in Arkadia... When A.L.I.E. had control; I knew, I couldn't leave you like that. But I knew you'd been looking for a way to fry the chip. I knew there was a chance. l just needed the get you to someone smart enough to understand what you were trying... But that wouldn't have been the case if..."

I shook my head. "But that's not going to happen."

•— Raven —•

Moving back into his side, I placed my head back on His shoulder. It had been a few days since I sat for long enough to feel my body, adding to the fact he had helped my muscles. I, for the first time in days felt, myself… ish.

“I know it wasn’t easy… being my friend… it’s not easy on anyone.” Easily joking, however, it seems to be a fact too. “So, I appreciate you. And the fact that you still try.”

Turning my head, I placed a kiss on his shoulder. “Okay.” Slapping my things a little and straightening myself up. “You do want your mind blown?” We needed to change the topic of discussion unless we began down a path which would have his mind thinking of all the darkness.

•— John —•

“It’s the only reason being your friend was ever hard for me was because I didn’t know how I’d cope if you…” I stopped. “When you died… because back then… we we all certain you had weeks at best. The hardest part was stopping you from killing yourself faster.” I shook my head. It was a miracle she was here at all. As she leaned in I couldn’t stop an intrusive thought crashing into my mind. Would there ever be a time I could press a kiss to the top of her head? Keep a hold of her like this for longer than a moment. But before I could even squash that train of thought in my head she had pressed her lips to my shoulder. My heart raced and heat flashed down my arm. My fingers coiled but she had lowered her jumpsuit and tied it around her waist; so my fingers brushed the bare skin of a bicep that still held onto some of the muscle she’d gained when I was responsible for feeding her… all of them. (By choice… because it made me feel… good enough.)

My mouth dropped when she jumped up. Was it possible that she was totally unaware that this was likely a gesture of kindness, maybe a thank you for easing a tiny amount of her suffering had blown my mind beyond any comprehension. Maybe that small kiss against her hair wouldn’t be so far-fetched after all? That was a dangerous path.

“Nah…” I teased and sat back. Feigning disinterest. I laughed and stood up too. “C’mon then you made me curious now.”

•— Raven —•

I didn’t say anything more about why and how we found ourselves here. How things between us just felt right. Would it mean I would get on his last nerve? Yes. Would this mean he would get on mine? Hells Yes.

I squeezed his knee, letting him know he had been heard. And then I stretched over the edge of the couch towards the small locker beside it flicking the lid open and taking out a small silver package.

“Okay. So, when we came up here, Lizzie and Miles gave us all these packets. Kicking it on the table to break it. Tearing the top off where  I had been shown too.

“They said they loved these on their long mining voyages, and… well… I’ve not gotten around to opening it.”

The truth was, I really had wanted him to try it. He was the guy who loved to cook and taste things.

Pulling the inner clear packet out of the bag which says. ‘Freeze-dried ice cream block.’ I held it in my hands.

“It is hard so you can’t bite a chunk off. It’s why you break it. They say it’s sweet, and meant to be as good as the chocolate?”

•— John —•

Still trying to calm my idiotic heart, I repressed the urge to flinch at Soldier Boy's name. My gaze followed her, and my gaze narrowed on the S... That was no way… “Is that…. No... It couldn't be. “Is that… ice cream…. like… from milk?”

Even on Earth, the largest animal I ever saw was a horse… but I only ever saw goats and sheep being farmed. On the ark, we always thought cows were extinct. But once we landed we quickly learned that we were wrong about a lot of things.

“Are you kidding me!?” I laughed and sat on the edge of the couch. All of what's-his-name forgotten. I couldn't help the excitement, food… good food… had become a thing of joy for me. Both because I wasn't hungry anymore and because… I was good at it.

“You had this since you came up here and you haven't even tried it yet?”

•— Raven —•

He knew what it was, of course he did. My lips curved up in a big smile, by the reaction; this made John happy. Food did that for him. And I loved that I had a reason to make him this joyful right now.

Shrugging my shoulders. “They say there is a right time for everything.” Pushing it towards him. “And now is that time.” I had another one I would save for #Luna. “They have more, however with everything going on, I guess sweet things haven’t been on the forecast in the meal plans.

I can see someone taking those and maybe doing something for the kids up here? Maybe something for Harper and Luna’s classes even?

•— John —•

She didn't say it... But she waited for me?  This had hope blooming in my chest... not that selfish kind that I had felt too often lately... just... gratitude that this woman would allow me back into her life after everything I had done.

I picked up a fragment of the broken block, starting with the brown colour. "Chocolate?" I asked her. It didn't feel anything like the sticky paste I found in jars in the mansion. It smelled different too... but I could smell the sweetness.

"C'mon on then, Stargazer." I smiled at her. She looked the happiest I had seen her in a long time. "You've waited this long, it's only fair you get the first taste."

I didn't let the mention of the fact they had more, linger in my thoughts. I had thought all the food on the ship had been handed in for inventory and rationing... but I didn't think this stuff had much nutritional value.

•— Raven —•

Turning the silver foil package around in my hand, I spoke while reading.

“Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavoured.” Curiously, glancing at the block again.

“Strawberry? I know I’m a geek, but I don’t remember what that was.” If it didn’t have anything to do with mechanics, I let the information slide into the dark realms of my mind.

“Okay. We are really going to do this? Eat something that’s been around longer than us?” It wasn’t really a question. We’d done it so many times by now. However, it was good to check, right?

Picking up a square of the brown part too, I clinked mine to his.

“If I die, let it be known it was worth it.”

There was a powder residue on the square as I took a bite into the hard, crunchy block. It was something new, I’d not had this sensation in my mouth before. Chewing on it.

•— John —•

"Strawberry... I imagine that will be sweet. Most of the berries I ate on Earth were sweet... other than ones that made me sick. Or mu..." I stopped I had a feeling she'd get what I meant from context.

I chuckled at the hesitation in her words. "You know the wine and chocolate in Becca's Mansion was from before the Cataclysm too, right?"

I narrowed my eyes at her... Playful and a little serious. "No more death jokes today."

I followed her lead and bit the shard of the powdery brick. I couldn’t reconcile the flavour with the thick creamy chocolate I knew. The chunk crumbled a little more with each chew. "It's definitely sweet, but not as chocolatey as I thought. What do you think?"

•— Raven —•

Making a face, because I remembered some of the kids in the camp had gotten unwell due to poisonous berries. But at least we knew this was safe to eat. I’d seen #Miles eating it like it was the best thing he had.

“Okay, no more death jokes.” Holding my hand up to cover my mouth chewing on the crumbling block turning into a chewy consistency.

Rolling my eyes, I mean everything in the mansion was as old. However, I tried not to over think those things. Not when we all had full bowls and stomachs.

“Uhm, it’s sweet. And I can pick up on the chocolate it’s there in the back. But it’s nothing like the chocolate jars. You’re right.”

Pointing to the pink block. “You should try that one next.”

•— John —•

I sniffed a piece of the pink. It was strange to have so many different scents coming out of the same package. "How come the rations we had on the Ark were odourless? When you can smell your food it just enhances everything.”

I took a bite this one was sweeter and had much more depth of flavour. There was a pleasant tartness over a smooth powdery bass.

"This one is good." I said enthusiastically. I chewed as the crumbly block became soft and creamy. "Mhm!” I nodded approvingly. "I think we have a winner here.”

•— Raven —•

Tilting my head, I was smiling without knowing it. Witnessing this boy in his element had always made me stop and take it in.

“Oh... really?” Once my mouth was empty I picked up a pink block, following his lead by bringing it up to my nose. Sneezing when the powder was inhaled.

“Oh… that’s” sneezing again to the side, covering up with my elbow. Wiggling my nose to stop the tickle inside.

“Let’s try again.” This time I bite into it crushing it gently with a burst of flavour I’ve never tried before. “Oh… wow… it’s… good.” Nodding my head.

•— John —•

I laughed when she sneezed and froze a little - in wonder - when she wiggled her nose. It made me want to reach out and trail my finger down the bridge of her nose… it was… adorable. Hell! What was happening to me?

I didn’t, of course, at least I had that much self-control. “Told you!” I chuckled. Shaking out of my reverie.

I picked up a triangular chip of the white part. I wasn’t excited about this one… it was the colour of the nutrient-pack sludge we had on the Ark only this was hard and left powder on your finger instead of being oily and semi-liquid.

I popped it into my mouth and waited for it to start to soften, at first it tasted mostly like sugar… but then… “Whoa.” I mumbled with food in my mouth. It was a mix of sweet and spice without the heat. And a hint of some of the edible flowers #Emori had shown me.

This was… I swallowed what was left. “Wow!!! I take it all back. New winner.”

•— Raven —•

Watching with intent to steal the triangle piece in his hands, only because it would be funny. I stopped myself and let him take the first taste of it.

I waited with bated breath to see what he would think of the final flavour in the packet.

My lips were smiling once again seeing him this way, it was indeed heart warming.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t need to sound this shocked.” Sitting back I rubbed on my thighs still watching him eat it.

“You know what. I feel like I could run the width of this ship ten times over right now.” Eyeing up what was left of the block. We’d only had half of it, so I leaned forward to take the pale-coloured one. This time; not smelling it. (I’d learnt my lesson there.) biting of the small square block. It was difficult to taste at first the strawberry lingered and then it hit me. “Oh….” My eyebrows lifted in pleasure.

•— John —•

I was so excited by the prospect of new flavours that I almost missed the way she eyed the piece in my hand. Almost.

"See... that's what spending time with me does. I'm energising!" I chuckled... now that I thought about it there really was a frantic kind of energy alongside my fatigue.

Her expression changed and I forgot that fact for a second while I grabbed an imperfect cube of the white. "This one was called what again? Vanilla?? I bit into the cube... "It's... so... I mean... it's exotic... it's complex... It just... so fucking good!" The frantic energy was building.

"Damn... that run actually sounds really good right now... Pity there's no fair competition around!" I smirked at her deviously.

•— Raven —•

“Yeah…. Exotic… it’s… it’s…. Fantastical…. You know. This vanilla… it must have been sought after. Do you think people began wars over it?”

My feet and hands needed shaking out, and I bounced in the spot where I sat. Laughing and then I understood what he had actually said. “The hells! Are you saying I couldn’t beat you in a race?”

True facts. I couldn’t. But still. It was the principle of the matter.

“I could beat you, you don’t know how a race could end John Murphy.” I knew he would win and I would kick myself for dreaming. This time I took what was left in his fingers and popped it into my mouth. Crunching it and letting the flavours take me over with a burst of energy I couldn’t explain.

•— John —•

"Van-Nill-Aah...." I tasted the word... "It even sounds.... fancy... I bet the rich used to gatekeep this shit! Post-cataclysm people started wars over everything... if they didn't fight over this, they were stupid." I laughed a slightly disjointed laugh.

"Of course..." I rolled my eyes. "That's exactly what I meant." Then without missing a beat. "You know what we need! We need music. I know you've found a way to play it without the earbuds!"

•— Raven —•

“Remind to check the data banks for it. We can find out if anything out there can tell us something more about where this flavour comes from. Or we could ask Miles?”

Nodding my head, point back to the bedside locker and then the the table on the far side of the room.

“Could you get it and then connect it to the speakers there? The wires are attached there.” I wasn’t in the mood to put the brace back on just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled. “Nerd!” but honestly it was kinda… sexy and admirable. The way she always wanted to know the facts.

“You are a genius, Stargazer.” I jumped up and retrieved the player from the drawer she’d put it in earlier. “I could just kiss you!” I connected it to the speaker… she had made it idiot-proof. Which was good because…. Tek wasn't my strong suit.

My inhibitions waned similarly to when I drank wine on Earth. Did this stuff have alcohol in it?  “I'm sure sold— #Shaw has more important things to do.”

“Any requests?” I asked sensing that she was happy without her brace.

•— Raven —•

“They broke the mould after I was created, Watcher.” Smirking at him with a waggle of my brows. “Kiss me? More like you’d kiss me to distract me from you stealing the rest of this.”

Sitting forward I took a cracked cube of the brown one again. We had to give it another go, we’d loved the chocolate jars back at ho—

I stilled when the thought abruptly stopped… “Home…” I said it underneath my breath. “Home…” my throat swelled shaking my head.

“No.. just whatever you fancy.” Answering his question while I lived the feelings of being on the island.

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. "They did indeed, you are one of a kind."

I selected the song and returned to her. "Hey, after the amount of times I fed you, you better save me some of that!" I sat next to her, careful not to jerk the couch cushions. Then I smirked. "And I will kiss you anytime you want Reyes... you just have to ask." I teased, it was never going to happen.

I reached across her and snagged a piece of the chocolate and vanilla, my curiosity about the combined flavours was high after everything I taught myself in the mansion.

•— Raven —•

Arching my brow. “That… wasn’t the reply I expected. Sarcasm…. Telling me the mould was broken because I’m a pain… or anything along those lines….” I sat back with a bit of the pink ice cream in my fingers. “Where is John Murphy? And who are you?”

My attention went to the song. “I love this one.” I told him rubbing my thigh and chewing on the next piece.

“Sure, until I tell you to kiss my arse. Then you’d never do it.” Elbowing him wondering what he was doing with the two flavours now. “I am saving you some, I saved the whole thing!”

•— John —•

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. "Don't worry, Stargazer. The John Murphy you know and tolerate will be back as soon as the goodies run out." I smirked, quite proud of the turn of phrase.

The combination of the chocolate and vanilla wasn't anything special. "Pre-cataclysm Musicians weren't half bad at all." I agreed. I did love this song... sometimes music said things you didn't know how to say.

"Wow, the overachiever is showing all of her dirty little secrets tonight..." I shrugged. "It's not really my thing... but they say don't knock till you've tried it. So..." I flashed her an evil grin and tapped the side of her thigh lightly and continued. "Turn over and drop your pants." I laughed, I knew how to call a bluff.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes at him I shook my head. “No…. I think I like John Murphy as he comes. You can never tell which one you will see.”

My head moved side to side with the music and I sang badly along for a few words. And then my eyes flew to him.

“Don’t even joke. I will make you kiss my arse!” Pushing my thumb into the tired arms of the jumpsuit around my waist, I pushed it down just a smidgen. Laughing.

“Well? How is the combination working out? Try or pass?”

•— John —•

"Always threatening me with a good time." I chuckled. "And never delivering.” She was almost dancing, relaxing and taking a break.

Why did that flash of skin at the hemline of her shirt, above the knot she'd tied in her jumpsuit make my mouth go dry? I'd seen a lot more of her skin. Always in the course of trying to keep her alive.

I cleared my throat. "Um... It's a little bland, to be honest... But we should always try everything at least once, right?”

I tried the strawberry and the chocolate together... Distracting myself until I could get a  grip on my overactive imagination.

•— Raven —•

Morning changed in him, making me tilt my head and frown but I didn’t push him. I took the time to replay the conversation, wondering what I’d said to change his tone however, nothing stood out.

“Oh yeah. Considering you were the one cooking back at home, and we didn’t know half of what we were eating. I’m glad to say I’m happy to try anything once.”

I took the vanilla chunk with the strawberry one, breaking them smaller before trying them together.

A couple of chews and I knew this was the one. However, I didn’t say it to him just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled; remembering everyone's faces when they tried my food for the first time. The shock, and excitement at eating good food. Then the guilt at the assumptions that I couldn't have done anything right.

"Well, l am happy to take all the blame for you being brave enough to try new food.”

I closed my eyes when the flavour of the strawberry and chocolate hit my tongue. "Oh wow!!” I grabbed another piece of each and held them out to her. You gotta try this.”

•— Raven —•

Without thinking, leaning into him my hands clasped his wrists gently. My lips touched his fingers as I took the offering from his hand directly chewing on it.

“Oh wow. That’s…” chewing some more before I let his hand go to try mine. “Okay, you need to try this.” I gathered the vanilla and the strawberry together holding them out to him.

“This is as good.” I said still into the burst of excitement that was flavour in my mouth, causing me to salivate.

•— John —•

My world stopped briefly... her lips brushed against my fingers and my mouth went dry. Then I forced myself to focus on her reaction. To stop this foolishness before I destroyed what we both worked so hard to salvage and rebuild.

But when she held out the vanilla and this one is good too!" I looked down the fast dwindling block you know there is only one thing left to try now don't you."

•— Raven —•

“All.. At... Once!” The excitement in my voice had been a little too intense. I knew it the moment I heard myself. However, could I stop myself? No!

“It has to happen. We have to experience all three in one go. You know we do.” I made the universal gesture telling him we were both on the same page.

“Do you think…” my voice cut off as I began to break up what little we had left into equal amounts. “Yeah, we do.” Answering my own question.

Pushing three pieces in front of him, and taking three myself. “Do you think we are crazy for doing this?”

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. Actually, nodded far too much that undercurrent of energy was still skittering along my bones. "It has to happen!" I said after her.

If there was one thing that Arkadians knew... it was how to split rations. And Raven knew this just as well as I did.

"Not crazy ... Just curious." I tilted my head. "But then again... curiosity killed the cat... and only crazy people do things that might get them killed."

My eyes met hers. "And I feel a little crazy.... like my insides are moving faster than my outsides." I looked at the six pieces she'd laid out for us

•— Raven —•

“Right…” I touched the tips of my finger to my cheeks which were heating for some reason. I hadn’t even moved from the spot. And it felt like I was running. “It feels like we should go for a run around the corridors.”

From somewhere underneath the words a giggle escaped my lips. My hand shot up to hide the fact, but then came another.

“Okay… okay..” I cleared my throat, shifting a little further forward towards the table.

“You know what. I never understood the meaning behind that phrase. I have said that curiosity is what kept the cat fed. You cannot find the next meal if you’re sitting still.”

My eyes found John, smiling at him with some excitement in my eyes. Nodding my head to the surface of the table.

“Let’s do this.”

I picked up the three pieces before myself, gathering them the best I could. In they went.

•— John —•

I grinned at her and barely resisted the urge to poke those pink cheeks. "Nah! That's just my presence making you blush!" I chuckled and picked up the three pieces. That short, high laugh did something to my stomach... Or was that the ice cream?

The song changed just when she picked up her pieces.

"Let's do this!" I echoed her words and tossed the pieces onto my tongue. But, I kept my gaze on her face for her reaction.

It hit me then... maybe this ship wouldn't be so bad after all. Not if there were new firsts for her to experience here. Especially after weeks of fear that at any moment the sword over her head could finally drop and her life would end too soon.

(Music: Summer Feeling · Matoma · Jonah Kagen)

•— Raven —•

The music changed at the same time as the flavours exploded on my taste buds. My eyes turned Wildly excited for all these taste sensations to form some kind of a…. a…

I lost my train of thinking as the bloom of flavours evolved on my tongue and engulfed my brain. “Hells!” Covering my mouth.

I couldn’t help the laughter and the flourish of my shoulders. I was dancing!!! Well…. Sit down dancing….. however, it was DANCING! The song was catchy, the lyrics would become wrapped in my head for days. I could tell.

•— John —•

When the riot of flavours hit my senses my eyes widened. "Now it makes sense why they put all three flavours in the same package." I chewed and savoured the flavours as they blended on my tongue.

The music was better than moonshine, and the song immediately had her letting her hair down. She was dancing from where she sat and I smiled as I watched.

I hopped up from the couch and pulled over the wheeled chair tucked neatly against a work desk. "You call that dancing?" I scoffed at her and scooped her up off the couch so fast she couldn't protest and sat her in the chair. No way was that brace going on her leg right now...

She was happy, smiling... this moment was going to be as pain-free as possible. I grabbed hold of the back of the chair and spun it around.

•— Raven —•

“HOLY SHIT!” The words spluttered out before I even knew what exactly had gone down.

“What are you thinking?” Then it was obvious and I loved it. Should we have been more careful? Yes, yes we should. However, the entire point of this night was to show him life up here would be different this time.

Laughter echoed in my new quarters as the room spun around me. I let my head fall back watching it all meld together into a giant spiral.

Humming to a song I didn’t know the words to. However, it still spoke to me.

“Faster! Spin me faster!”

•— John —•

I couldn’t help but laugh. Normally when I lifted her she protested, at least when she was conscious. But… not today. Today she was all smiles and giddy energy. Something I never thought I would see again after the first time I saw her happy drunk.

I did as she said and spun her around again, dragging the chair to the centre of the most open spot in the room. It wobbled a little to one side and I caught it before it tilted more than a few inches.

“Some mechanic you are!” I teased and spun her again. “Lopsided chairs in your quarters that you  haven’t fixed.”

•— Raven —•

“Careful!” My hands darted to hold onto the chair when it became unbalanced, sending a small jolt through my body.

“Excuse me, it’s my night off. And I’m not spending my time in here fixing my room up just yet.” However, the chair went onto the list of things I did want to fix in here if I had some downtime. Knowing it would be a while I laughed.

“You know they say not to trust a mechanic whose house isn’t in order. So, it’s all on you…. Weeeeeeee” Laughter filled me with a feeling of inner peace and warmth.

•— John —•

I laughed, still making sure the catch and steady the chair between spins. It was so, so good to see her laugh unrestrained like this. The song changed and I stopped spinning her, my hands on the armrests so she was facing me.

“You have bigger things to worry about.” I rolled her chair over to the couch and helped her back onto it. “I may not be a mechanic. But I bet I can fix this chair.”

I smirked and tilted it to lie on its side. To my immediate relief, the cause was instantly clear. The screws that attached the chair to the base were loose. Easy! I hid my grin. I found a screwdriver with ease… Lined up in a neat line on a table. I picked the one that looked like the right size and sat cross-legged next to the toppled chair. “Easy peasy!” I smiled at her, wondering as I tightened each screw, if anyone had ever fixed anything for her before.

•— Raven —•

Smiling, the odd laughter still breaking out when he helped me cross back over to the couch. However, instead of sitting there, I lay down. My back on the couch looking over to watch him.

“Leave it, John, I’ll take a look….” But he was off. The chair was on its side, and John Murphy had a reason to do something. Slowly shifting my entire body to its side, I propped myself up on my elbow.

“It’s easy when you know how John. Who knew you had become so handy.” Laughing again now listening to the new song. I liked this one too, more than anything else I liked the fact that I had my friend back.

•— John —•

She shifted to lay down while I tightened the first screw. “Careful Reyes! You're starting to sound like a procrastinator.” I teased her and moved on to the second. “Besides when was the last time anyone fixed something for you?” I quirked a brow in her direction.

The last screw tightened and I grinned. Setting the chair upright and giving it a shake.

“Solid as a rock!” I boasted and went to sit on the floor with my back against the couch. Like I had so many times when she slept in her room on the island.

I leaned my head back and turned to see her. “Thanks for not dying, Stargazer.” I smiled. “I might never have tasted ice cream if you did.” I tried to keep a straight face.

•— Raven —•

“Never gonna happen.”

His question took me by surprise because I didn’t have an answer off the top of my head.

“Uhmm… I got some help with the leg brace.” Did that count? It must, right? The fact that I could bend my leg was thanks to the help in the design of it. His coming to sit on the ground beside the couch made me smile. I closed my eyes feeling the rushing blood inside me.

My hand close to him, moved into his hair. Stroking his head softly. When I breathed in, I felt it jitter a little, and then a tear rolled down the side of my eyes and into my hairline.

“Same right back at ya, Watcher. Not sure if have been I’d the mood for ice cream if you turned into crispy meat on me.”

•— John —•

“Okay… I suppose it does... But haven’t you redesigned it twice already?” Her fingers in my hair… it was strange… comforting… and a little tingly.

“Just a little charred around the edges.” I gave her a soft, sideways smile. I saw the tear reach up at an awkward angle to wipe it away.

She deserved a long and happy life. She was the best of us.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm… yeah…. I have… maybe more…” My eyes closed now feeling heavy, my body relaxed at his sweet touch, making me smile.

Turning my body towards him I curled up on the couch. Taking his hand and lacing my fingers into it I brought it to my chest.

With a sleep-filled voice, I muttered.

“You aren’t allowed to go anywhere… you are my Watcher… I need you… I need your friendship, John.”

My lips and mouth felt dry. However, I was being engulfed by sleep for the first time in so many days.

•— John —•

She took my hand, normally she only did that when she was trying to keep me from having one of my episodes, or dragging me somewhere to show me something I would have to pretend to understand until she remembered who she was talking to.

I shifted so my shoulder was against the sofa so I could rest my chin on the cushion. I smiled… Was Raven Reyes actually relaxing? I heard a little hoarseness in her voice and having spent far too long next to her hospital bed to not know what that meant I moved, stretching awkwardly to the table her water ration sat on.

“See…” I smirked, squeezing her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.” I held the cup close to her. “Take a drink, Stargazer. You just ate half a block of the tastiest chalk ever.” I didn’t mention ‘before she fell asleep’. The minute she heard that word she would snap back to attention… I wasn’t sure where the sudden tiredness came from… but I was feeling it too. The frantic energy burning too hot to last. But who cared? Raven was here… asking me to stay.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm?” His voice sounded far away, like an echo in the forest on the island. One I whisper back to. “Yes… stay… we still have… more… time…”

Eyes fluttering open I saw the glass at an uneven angle, slowly recognising the fact it was me who was at the wrong angle. I lifted myself onto my elbow. I took the water; sipping it, I wasn’t going to drink it all.

“Chalk? I’m planning on getting some more of it.” I had another package of the sweet treat. However, I was saving it for #Luna.

“Here.” Giving the water back to him. “Drink this and move off the ground. It’s cold and hard down there.”

•— John —•

I squeezed her hand again so she knew I was still there without having to say much. "Tasty chalk." I corrected her and made a show taking a swig of the water too... I didn't exactly want to drink from her ration, but I knew refusing would make her wide awake to tell me off. She looked like she might drift off any second. I had learned the hard way that every moment of sleep was precious when it came to her.

"Okay, I will. Lie back down.." I set the cup down and guided her back down to the couch with my free hand. But I had to free the hand she held to move to sit on the couch. I carefully lifted her legs and slid under them, draping them across my lap then immediately seeking out her hand again like it was my own missing limb. "See, still right here... and all cosy." I whispered and tried to stifle a huge yawn.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm…” smiling a little (or at least I thought I was).

“Cosy.. Uhm… yes…” The space between us had been cold, however, when he moved to join me on the couch I instantly felt comfortable. My limbs relaxed and the muscles which always seemed to hurt tuned out.

“Uhm…” The sound of the music became a distant hum, and…….

•— John —•

I said nothing, just brushed my thumb across the back of her hand. She had been taking my hand a lot lately… it was becoming difficult to stop myself from overthinking that fact. Buy there was no space for that right now… all there was, was Raven and this sudden wave of… I was stunned for a moment. It wasn't exhaustion… it was just… sleepiness. No draining all-consuming need to sleep. No aching terror at the thought of sleep.

Because I wasn't going to sleep. I lay my cheeks against the back of the couch. I rested the hand not clasped in hers on her leg, in case she turned in her sleep and sent the damaged limb sliding off my lap. That would cause a lot of pain without her brace. I watched for a long time, seeing the change in how quickly her chest rose and fell as she drifted off.

She was sleeping… I let my eyes close just to rest them for a moment. That was all… I would make sure that no nightmares would find her tonight.

“I'm right here…” I whispered. “You are safe.”

I was just resting my eyes.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #Youtube

[oktorpg]

Mending Hearts and Souls - Part 2 - Solo by Raven Reyes

𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐬 - 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨

  ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: #LittleBirdRey

     ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3

      ╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: ² ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

          ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

I woke up with a hangover from the burning depths of hell, and no one on this ship could change my mind about it.

‘You look like it was a good night!’ #Jasper’s grinning face greeting me when I looked up from the table. ‘Are you going to eat that?’ He sat himself down before pointing to my open (but untouched) ration pack. I pushed it towards him with a groan.

The sense of relief at seeing him walking around the ship these last few days had only been made better by the fact that he was eating a healthy portion of food. I’d seen the others giving #Jasper a little extra from their rations, to help rebuild what he had lost in healing from the radiation poisoning.

‘Thanks. You’re a life saver Rey.’ Even with the pounding head these words stung making everything else melt away. Biting my lips, I sipped my water. ‘So, have you been partying without me? And what are you taking? Come on Rey, I’ve got some catching up to do here.’

I placed my hand over his arm when he propped his elbows on the metal table towards me. “Jas do you really believe I have time to party with all the work there is to do on this ship?” He waggled his brows. “I don’t know what it was, maybe an allergic reaction to the hundreds of years old ice cream block thing, John and I were trying.” Rubbing the back of my hand over my forehead as I spoke. “It’s crazy how I felt this rush of energy when we were eating it, and then all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball to sleep.”

Shaking my head as I thought about sleep, it had been the first night since leaving earth behind where I hadn’t woken up more tired than when I closed my eyes.

‘Sounds like a high and then a crash to me.’ #Jasper said as a matter of fact. ‘It’s when the mind and your body are overly stimulated, and then… you know…’ With his hand he gestured making the sound of a firework going up, followed by a bang, and a sputtering sound of it coming down again. ‘What goes up, must come crashing down.’ Laughter erupted from him as whatever reaction he must have observed in my face. People having whispered conversations on the tables around us all turned to look, making me hunch and hide myself.

#Jasper was unphased by the looks we were given, making me smile internally slightly. He was back. Jasper… our Jas… he was coming back to us slowly. The scars of his time on Earth had made deep indents on his body and soul for all to see. One look into this boys’ eyes told you how much he had endured and survived, and he sat here before me now smiling, joking, and still wanting to eat. I reached out my hand palm up, and without a beat or thought, he placed his free hand into it. Squeezing, lacing his fingers into mine.

‘Don’t… Don’t say it… I know… I overheard you and John when I was in the med bay. You don’t have to say any of that again.’ Tears burned the back of my eyes. ‘Hey...’ Squeezing my hand to bring my gaze up to meet his.  ‘I’m just pissed, you and John’ he emphasized John’s name. ‘Had a high without me, that’s just plain and simply wrong.’ He squeezed my hand once more, not letting it go as some of the others began to join us.

Just like that, I’d been forgiven for everything I’d done. This boy didn’t want explanations, he wasn’t even going to allow me to say Sorry. He just kept a hold of me, telling me, our friendship hadn’t broken.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #solo

[oktorpg]

The Diary of John Murphy - Solo by John Murphy

Entry One

〄 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘿𝙞𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮

╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @ToldUIdSurvive

   ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: YEAR 2150

      ᵃⁿ @OsoKikThruOgeda  ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

     ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

I was sat at the table in the room that I shared with #Luna and #Emori. The notebook that Doc Lite had given me sat on the table. The slightly shiny Eligius IV logo winked up at me in the harsh lights. How the hell did you even start one of these stupid things? On the rare  occasion that farm station was granted a movie night I had heard about the idea of keeping a journal on paper. In the Sky Box, I knew it was one of the favourite therapy methods of the doctor treating the really crazy inmates… But they were digital, audio or video. I guess I was one of them now. But at least I was no longer an inmate.

#Jackson had told me to just start. I flipped open the notebook and picked up the pen.

I tried to remember why I was doing this… for Raven; so I could keep my arse out of lockup long enough to see her truly happy  (for more than a moment)… for #Luna and #Emori so they didn’t have to see me like that again. “Raven…” I muttered her name and remembered everything we had been through.

Then I wrote:

“Dear Raven.”

That was less crazy than Dear Dairy. My handwriting looked like  it belonged to a child. But it wasn’t like we had much occasion to write on paper on the Ark. I was typing long before I ever used a stylus on a screen to learn how to form the letters by hand. But paper… I’d never even seen it until I found the books in #Becca’s bunker.

There was a library on the Ark… but everything was in oxygen-sealed chambers you had to get approval to access it. It all seemed like a lot of work, so I had never bothered.

‘Just start.’ Jackson had said. So, I wrote again.

“So, I started… Now what?”

Then I stared at the page for who knows how long.

Entry Two

〄 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘿𝙞𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮

   ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @ToldUIdSurvive

     ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: YEAR 2150

        ᵃⁿ @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

      ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

       ╰ᴱⁿᵗʳʸ:2

I was sat in the canteen, feeling…. Hell… good? Is that what this was? The notebook sat open on the table, my first ridiculous entry staring back at me. I was sure this wasn’t the kind of thing that #DrJackson had in mind for my therapy. But at least it was a start.

I stopped spinning my pen between my fingers and wrote:

“Dear Raven,

I feel… weird today. And a little hungover, are you sure that ice cream stuff didn’t have alcohol in it?”

I laughed and scratched my forehead with the pen. That stuff gave a mega energy boost and then it  just… crashed.

“It’s a good weird though. Like I finally got some sleep. Did you feel the same way? Did you sleep better too? Or was that just me? I hope not, I hope you slept too and feel better. I know it has something to do with you… Like on the island, maybe. We were  so used to each other's company, that maybe it just felt a little more like home, being together. I don’t know. But… I don’t ever remember you taking my hand before falling asleep…

Maybe it was just the ice cream… ”

I sighed and closed the book. I had to stop… I needed to be happy with having her in my life at all… wanting more always led to pain. And I knew the pain of losing her, that was unacceptable.

TBC...

https://x.com/ToldUIdSurvive/status/1703188954520977820?s=20

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP #ravenreyes

[oktorpg]

Mending Hearts and Souls – Solo by Raven Reyes

〄 ꜱᴏʟᴏ - ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ

𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐬

╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: #littlebirdrey 

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3

╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: ² ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ 

╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

“There is no dishonor in owning your mistakes, or to apologise for them. The humiliation comes when you knowingly refuse to act on your behalf when the oversight is highlighted.”

                            -Samuel Reyes 

Time was a luxury; one we didn’t have, ever since we left earth, to return to space, and make a semi-permanent home for all the souls we’d saved on Eligius IV. We came here to survive where once we had run from, with the hopes that this time we wouldn’t fail those whose lives we had taken into our hands.

This had been my mission ever since I docked the transport ship. I knew I was someone with a one tacked mind. That once I had a goal set, all my energy had to be spent resolving the problem. And we all know what dilemma faces us right now. Survival!

〄 〄 〄 〄

‘Anytime now, it’s okay. I know you have no plans to call it a night. But if you don’t mind, after close to two nights of working with you nonstop. I want to see the inside of my room.’ #Bellamy had offered his hands over dinner a few nights ago. He’d been watching me fight with some of the cryogenic beds, and “Took pity” on me. (Or so he says) Something told me that he needed some down time from the politics of the clans.

“Who here is stopping you? You know where the doors are, and what the codes are too.” Waving my hand in the direction of it. “Get out.” Speaking from under a half-demolished bed.

The best way to learn how something worked was to take it apart slowly. Seeing it with your own eyes, feeling the parts assisted in understanding the components clearer.

‘And leave you in here on your own? No way.’ He pulled me out from under the bed with my leg. The wheels on the roller underneath me shifted, leaving me exposed to the blight of the overhead lights. ‘Rey, come on. We are calling it.’ He looked at the time. ‘And lunch is being served right now, we can eat something, shower and then hit our bunks hard. Because my actions in about ten minutes will be induced by hunger and sleep deprivation.’ #Bellamy made me smile, he still sometimes called the beds ‘bunks’, even when we were sleeping on forest floors.

“Fine, okay. You head out to the mess, and I’ll be right behind you.” He wasn’t past man handling. And he knew me better. He knew as soon as he left, I would roll myself back to work, and he wasn’t going to let me go.

Bending down, he took the tools out of my hands, setting them to the side. He took a hold of both my hands, pulling me up and onto my feet. ‘Now Rey… we are leaving right Now!’ Pushing me over towards the door with his fingers poking me in my ribs.

“Okay, okay, however would you at least let me put my tools away?” Trying to turn back was futile at this point as he had one foot out the door.

‘Good try, and no, there is no point. Because we both know you will need the same tools later tonight when you come back.’  

〄 〄 〄 〄

We parted ways at the mess, #Bellamy stayed with me until I completely consumed my ration. Each bite I swallowed had been difficult, especially when I knew there were malnourished children on board the Eligius IV, who hadn’t had a full meal in months. #Bellamy’s logic had been the same as others onboard. ‘If you aren’t feeding yourself, and looking after your health, then we all die, when this piece of crap falls out of space and goes crashing to earth.’

(I didn’t think it was the appropriate time to correct him by clarifying. Because didn’t we all knew that if the Eligius IV malfunctioned, then it would either the ship’s momentum would continue to carry it on its current trajectory with the constant speed it has now, or it would explode and shatter into a billion pieces and be scattered around the orbit of earth. However, Like I said. It wasn’t the best time to have said conversation.)

〄 〄 〄 〄

Making my way back to my room had become a mission on most days. I always seemed to end up anywhere but there.

As I walked through the bustling corridor my mind went to how the people onboard had worked so far to uncontaminated the ship. Corridors, rooms, the mess, the med bay, all cleaned. A few people had even come to the landing bay and workshop where I spend most of my time, attempting to help there. However, I’d thanked them and asked them to leave it to me. I knew where things were meant to stay to make my working life easier, in my workspace, and having someone else tidy objects they didn’t know or understand would take me twice as long to retrieve eventually.

The ship was slowly coming to life… And this thought made me smile. Maybe #Bells had a point, taking a walk around would help me see the impact we are having on these people. It would remind me of the mission, and why we were here in the first place.

Singing voices brought me to a jolting stop in front of a set of doors I’d not been inside of. The two glass panels in the doors gave me the perfect view of what was occurring behind them, making me smile even more.

Children of all ages were in the room, some sitting on the ground in a circle, some on chairs, others on benches, some by the windows which had been covered, and a small group of three or four running around the circle of their friends. While in the middle of them all, sat cross legged was #Luna with her arms open in a welcoming gesture to the children.

It’s then I remembered John Murphy had told me about what she and #Emori had been doing on the ship.

“They haven’t been assigned work details because of the tensions with the grounders. Luna spends her time with Harper, helping with the kids, and Emori goes on to work detail with Jasper. I don’t like the idea of them being on their own when I’m working.”  He had said.

The moment our eyes met I knew I had been found out. #Luna had seen me before I had her. She tilted her head to the side, waving for me to come in. Shaking my head and taking a few steps back from the door, I hadn’t planned on going inside at all. However, the doors opened with a whoosh with all eyes on me.

‘Hey Rey, it’s so about time you to dropped in to see these little monsters.’ The teasing voice of #Harper said. She stood before me smiling with a toddler clinging to her hip whilst she held him close.

“Hi…” Waving to the room in the most awkward way possible. “I was walking by and heard the laughter and singing.” As though it would do as an explanation.

#Luna continued to watch before she spoke to all the children in trig. Telling them who I was, what I do on the ship, and how I was the one to pilot the drop ship to collect them. Those who first looked apprehensive, visibility relaxed, and some even asked questions of her, and she in turn guided them to me. The #ZenMaster, held her hand out to me asking me to take a chair a teenaged boy brought forward for me while I answered some of the questions in trig, and others with some help with #Luna.

I hadn’t even known that these two amazing women had opened a school like environment for all the children who were allowed to come. #Harper has whispered to me that some of the grounders were still untrusting of #Luna, so wouldn’t send their kids at all. Something they were working on. They didn’t ask for my help, or need any guidance, they were just sharing this achievement with me. The two warrior’s woman in our group were the ones who were taking care of the next generation with love and kindness. It was incredible to observe.

〄 〄 〄 〄

I stayed there in the classroom until it was time for the children to go. Helping where I could, and watching when I wasn’t needed. Soon the children had all let their walls down, welcoming me into this small safe world. They didn’t have a concern about the hours they were there. They were permitted to be children, to sing, dance, and learn. All the things we maybe took for granted on the Ark.

‘You took your time to come find the peace.’ #Luna finally said once all the children and #Harper left for the day. The were no classroom supplies, however the girls had been on the hunt on the ship for things they could use clearly.

“I didn’t know I was in need.” Setting the chairs away to the far side of the room. Refusing to turn to make eye contact with her.

‘We all need peace at some point. Just depends on when each individual recognises their need.’ She stood herself right behind me, leaving no place to hide from her deep brown eyes. ‘Stop this. You have nothing to feel this guilt about.’ Keeping her voice low and her trig slow, ensuring I didn’t miss a word. ‘You always do the best you can and somehow find a way to kick yourself for not doing even more.’

“What can I say? I’m just a glutton for punishment.” This earned me a stern look.

‘No, you care so much that you forget you are human. That you cannot kill yourself to save others.’ She cupped my face in her hands to bring my misty eyes to hers. ‘You did this. You saved all these people who no one would have. Every person and child on this ship, all here because we had you.’ That was it, the tears fell in a stream with no end in sight. ‘Raven… little sister… I love you… and you must know I’ve been here waiting for you to see the truth. It took you long enough. Now we move forward.’ Kissing my forehead, she held me in her arms.

 “I didn’t think you could forgive me, not after what I did.” I sobbed into her shoulder, holding her for dear life.

‘What you did? You found a way to save us. There is no reason for forgiveness.’ Her voice was soothing to me.

“I left you, Jasper and John to die.” I managed to let out.

‘No, you promised to come back for us, and you did. We had faith in you. That’s all.’ I shook my head, making #Luna held me closer. ‘Stop this now. You aren’t responsible for the world burning. You are the one who saved lives.’

She held on to me until the tears dried, until she could tell that it would be safe to let go of me, and only then did she draw me towards the door. ‘Come.’ She smiled; her wild hair bounced as she pulled my arm.

“Where to?” following her without stopping.

‘Our new home, you need to see how well #Emori and John have been keeping your space clean. It’s nice in there, it’s just missing you.’ We were at the door when I drew my hand back to still myself. ‘Raven?’ she asked questioningly. I had seen it; John had shown it to me.

‘Come, let’s go’ I shook my head once. The smile on her lips fell. ‘Why not?’ She turned to face me. ‘Why won’t you come home with me?’ she asked again when I hadn’t answered her.

“I… I.. I cannot… I just…” biting down on my lips my eyes fell to the ground and my feet.

‘Please... tell me why.’ Once again #Luna cupped my face to bring my eyes up to meet hers.

“I just can’t.” but she pushed when fresh tears fell down my cheeks. How could I explain this to her. That it was for me that I couldn’t… Pulling my will power together, I took a deep calming breath. “Luna, all my life I have lived with someone. My parents, Finn, and his mom, the 100, with You and John… and then Emori too. At each phase in my life, I felt like my world was pulled out from under me. Sometimes because of what I had done, sometimes because it was done to me. The only time I had full autonomy over myself were times I slept with my work. Where I couldn’t let someone down, and they couldn’t let me down.” This was difficult to say out loud for the first time. “I’m not ready to hand over that power over me. You are the one who just said, I give too much of myself… And I sometimes forget just because someone is my priority, it doesn’t mean I am theirs.”

My mom had been the first person to teach me this lesson, however I didn’t learn. Then Finn… and again… I didn’t learn. But this last lesson came with a burning planet. If I still did not listen to the universe. My heartbreak was on me.

‘I thought you had forgiven us?’ she asked as her hands dropped away.

“I have… this isn’t about you. This is about me. Me needing to understand that if I had to survive. I could.” My eyes pleaded with her to hear and understand me.

Tentatively nodding her head, she kissed my forehead again. ‘Until the time comes when you feel it in your heart. Know that I am always with you no matter what.’ Dropping her hands, she smiled, stepping away to give me space to leave. To go where I knew I could be until I could trust myself.

#the100 #the100rp #au #stories #ravenreyes #stargazer #rey #oktorp #Luna

[oktorpg]

Finding Their Way Back  - Book 3 – Chapter 3  – Storyline 8 - Together

•— Raven —•

“Well…” Coughs on my moonshine.

•— John —•

"See something you like, Stargazer?"

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head, pointing to the metal glass.  “Just a strong batch”

•— John —•

Smirks. “I'd be more inclined to believe you if you shared?” Quirking a brow.

•— Raven —•

Pulling my cup away and shaking my head.  “Oh. No. I’ve only just had a sip. I need two more before I share.”

•— John —•

I laughed and tipped the bottom of the cup up toward her lips. “Drink up then! A man could die of thirst here.”

•— Raven —•

Frowning with a smirk I take a sip.  “Someone would think you want my drink more than I need it.”  Taking another sip, then holding the cup out.

•— John —•

“Need it? To turn the frown upside down?”

•— Raven —•

“Turn what? Huh? Frown? Why would you do that?”

•— John —•

“Isn’t that why we drink moonshine? To…”  I raised my brow. “Enhance our moods?”

•— Raven —•

“Enhance?” Pulling back the extended hand. “I do not need any Enhances thanks. I’m perfect.” Tongue and cheek with the sarcasm dripping.

•— John —•

I reached out for the cup as she pulled it back. “Really? So… what are we drinking to?”I took the cup and sipped. Just enough of a taste to draw a line heat down into my stomach.

•— Raven —•

Letting my cup go, even if I didn’t want to. “Not dying today? Isn’t that worth a little something?

•— John —•

“So, you’re celebrating? Because I hate to be the one to tell you….” I leaned in close and whispered. “You’re doing it wrong! Celebrations normally come with smiles.”

•— Raven —•

Pulling back just enough to look at him. “Do you know what else is done with a smile?” Taking my glass back for a sip again. “Taking Dick to your foot and seeing how long it takes you to walk again. Shall we try it with a smile?”

•— John —•

I surrendered her glass without a fuss. “If it will make you smile... I might even stand still for you while you do.”  My expression was blank, not giving away if I was serious or not.

•— Raven —•

“Sure. Waiting a minute. WHAT?” My eyes shooting up in shock. “Tell me it’s not so? The survivor is willing to go down without a fight?” Handing the glass back.

•— John —•

At least that seemed to pique an emotional reaction from her. “I'm not sure how much fight I have left in me, Stargazer.” I took the glass an took a big swig this time.

•— Raven —•

“You know what. You can keep this glass.” Pointing to it, before looking around for another. “Before you really start to give up hope.”

•— John —•

I shook my head and smirked.

“Don’t worry too much Rey…” I chuckled darkly. “People might start to  think you care.” I winked at her. She cared… she cared about all of lives… I didn’t understand why… but even when she hated me, I was counted among those she cared for.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes at him. “Don’t let your imagination run too wild there, Watcher. Some of us do think of others.”

•— John —•

I nodded and took sip. It stung… lately it felt like every time I tried to think of others, I made things worse or was punished for it.

“And some of us just suck it I guess.”

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head. “Nope. Some is us are just misunderstood.”  Shrugging my shoulders. “I hope.”

•— John —•

I laughed darkly and dragged my hand through my hair. “You sure know how to confuse a guy Reyes… I’ll give you that.” I drowned the last of the shine.

•— Raven —•

Watching him out of the side of my eye pulling the jar of shine out from under the table.  “You sound shocked. It’s like you don’t even know who I am.”

•— John —•

I laughed again this time a little less self-pitying.  “Okay… touché… I’m not on my A-game right now.”

•— Raven —•

“Not enough shine will do that to even the best of them. Let alone a survivor back on a ship.”  Pouring myself a fresh drink now.

•— John —•

I glanced out the nearest window at the still-burning planet below. “Better up here than down there.” I refilled my glass. “What think the chances are of the nerd squad figuring out how to make moonshine out of algae?”

•— Raven —•

Glancing out the same window at the burning planet that had been home for a little while. “Hmm?” Shaking my head and the. Nodding. “Hmm… if we know them. They are working on it as we speak.”

•— John —•

“You mean working on the bunker?” I asked her… I mean even when the planet stops burning, I will still be five years before we can survive on the ground… right?” I filled the glass again. “I just hope when we go back…. we land nowhere near Polis. I don’t think I have it in me to survive another war.”

•— Raven —•

The glass that had been meant for my lips stopped midway and hovered there as his words sank in. “Land nowhere near Polis?” I whispered.

“We wouldn’t have a say, five years is a long time. And we would have to watch everything to see where we could bring again.”

I was talking to myself. Maybe. “I…. Maybe… it’s…. Possible?”  I didn’t know if it was right now. “Hmm… time will tell.”

•— John —•

“How many beginnings have we had already?” I laughed... Because what else could we do but start again. “Maybe Sangedakru have the right idea... Just keep moving... That you can't ever lose a home.” Too many memories of the mansion... allowing myself to feel like I was home... allowing myself to believe I had been accepted by the people there. It was painful to think of it now.

I shook away the thoughts of it and drank, burning the feeling away. “You know the grounders won't just let it go... That Jaha and the great of Skaikru stole the bunker.”

•— Raven —•

“That’s not that answer. I refuse to believe it is.” The mansion had become home. “Home is where we can make it work, for however long.” Taking a sip from the jar as he had stolen my glass. “So, it’s up to us to show them we aren’t all the same lowlifes to do as the others did.”

•— John —•

“I never really had one before... Not since...” I shook my head I wasn't going to go there. “We knew the Mansion wouldn't last... And we-- I...  let it--” I turned my gaze to her realising she was drinking from the jar and offered her the glass instead. “Could you really do it again? Let a place be home knowing you'd lose it eventually?” the question was genuine. I wanted to know... To see if it was possible for me too one day.

•— Raven —•

Turning to face him again, my hazel eyes a little damp from the memories that would live with me until the final sleep closed my eyes.

I took the glass from him, setting the jar down to have a drink and then looked to the burning planet once again.  “It is. It has to be. otherwise, I would have given up fighting and died a long time ago.”

My freed hand moved to rub my hip without thinking about it.

“Home is people, John. Not places. Maybe we gave too much emphasis and forgot the truth? So, yeah. We can make it happen again. I will make it so.”

•— John —•

Dragged my hand through my hair... Just so could hide my face while I tried the swallow the limp in my throat at her watery eyes. I was afraid to have hope... So, all I said was. “You called me, John.”

I followed her gaze to the window, then moved it down to her hip when she rubbed it. “I bet you miss the pool though.” It was the only time I remember her at complete peace.

•— Raven —•

Our home was burning up before our eyes. The last time it happened we weren’t even alive.  Sighing and taking another sip from the glass before holding it out for him.

“It’s your name.” My voice was low. I knew what he was saying. “A person’s name has their identity in it. I don’t want to take yours away from you.”

Reaching over to lean my shoulders on the side of the window I closed my eyes. “I am going to miss those nights. Looking up to the stars. And the floating. But we have ZoneGs up here.”

•— John —•

That chuckle slipped past my lips again and I silenced it as fast as I could. “I suppose it is.” but we both knew that John and Murphy we're two different people.

Only days ago, I could have put an arm around her and taken some weight off that painful hip... But today I had to let her lean on the window. I swigged from the jar.

“Not sure we could justify a spacewalk in place of a fistful of pain meds.” this chuckle was more... Amused. “Is the anywhere inside the ship without gravity? Only the rotating parts of the ship have it right? Like on The Ark?”

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my eyes, I took another sigh as I reopened my eyes. My mind trying to concentrate however it had been a while since sleep was had, and the shine was doing its job.

“You’re a buzz kill. And here I thought it was my job to do that.” One last glance out the window before I turned back to look at him.

“I’m not sure yet. I still have a lot to learn about this ship. This ship is much older. Have you seen the wooden benches and the way they are bolted to the ship? I mean it works... however, unlike anything I’ve seen in my training.”

•— John —•

"Really? That's a first?" I chuckled. I could honestly say that was one thing no one had ever called me.

"Oh yeah, I got up close and personal with them in the brig." I turned to her and smiled... "I'm sure there's a way to figure out where the ship has oxygen and zero-g right? I mean... you are Raven Reyes after all?"

•— Raven —•

“There’s. First time for everything.” Shifting while leaning on the window at remembering him in the bring and how I left him there, I took a gulp from the glass emptying it.

“I will work it out. Just not the first priority on the million things on my list of things I need to work out.Every ship in space has a Parabolic chamber. A place the oxygen can be reduced to the atmosphere within,  to hit an internal zero gravity. It won’t take long to find it and simulate the exterior of the ship.”

•— John —•

I smiled, shaking my head. “I mean sure...I have no doubt... But aren't you the only mechanic in this ship right now?” I sipped on the moonshine.

“Seems like a priority that the only person with the skills to keep this tin can in orbit, should be right up there on that list... And if her pain relief can come in the form that isn’t drugs that will knock her out...” I shrugged.

“Just seems logical.... But i’m just the delivery boy.” I smirked.

•— Raven —•

Straightening up the moment he pointed my pain out. Crap! I hadn’t been thinking how my standing here would look to others.

“The ship in standing, and it has been for hundreds of years. I’ve given it a once over. My priority was to get back and save your arse as well as everyone else.” Did he think I was slacking or not doing my job?

“I’m doing the best I can Murphy. Right now. Making sure people don’t die up here when and if we put them to sleep, is the highest priority. Sorry if I’m not working fast enough for you.”

Frowning I set the glass down to the side. “I guess my break time it over. I should get back to work.” Shaking my head, what was I even thinking? He was right. I didn’t have time to stand around daydreaming.

•— John —•

Shit! That took a nose dive… fast. “Rey, wait!” I held out my rm in front of her… still making sure she could step around me if she wanted to. “That’s not what I meant… I just…”

I pulled my arm back and dragged in through my hair. My fingers clenching a bit. “Remember when we could talk and actually hear each other? Understand…. Each other.” I stared at the floor. “It wasn’t that long ago it.”

•— Raven —•

Stopping before I walked into him my eyes moved all over so that I didn’t have to made eye contact with him.

My heart sank thinking of those times. When we could sit in one another’s company, not say anything and know it was fine. And when we did speak. It all just made some form of sense. Even if we didn’t see eye to eye.

“Doesn’t seem like we still have that… connection anymore.” I finally said. And I missed it.

•— John —•

I managed to look at her now. And it hurt, it hurt to see that this fact caused her pain. I’d caused her too much pain already.

“But just something is broken… just because I… broke it…” I cleared my throat when it constricted. “Broken isn’t the same as unfixable. Right?” I gave the best smile I could call up when I quoted the lovable Android from a book I had given her once. It really much of smile, my would felt heavy again.

Would she remember? Had she even finished that story? Did she know how broken I was?

•— Raven —•

My heart stopped beating for a second or two, thinking of the droid who said that. “Broken isn’t the same as unfixable…” I so wanted to curl up and read that book again. It had become one I went back to since he gave it to me.

“It doesn’t, however somehow, we keep ripping the bandage off before the scars are  healed. And each time… the wound is deeper.”

He wasn’t the only one… I broke us too. I had a hand in it. “I… mi…” shaking my head, as my throat closed. If I said it… I wouldn’t be able to take it back.

•— John —•

I couldn't let myself linger on what she might have said. There were too many things it could be... there were too many things that she could say to me and all of them would cut too deep. And deserved to say all of them to me after everything I had done.

"Every time I try to... " I clenched my jaw and cleared my throat. What was going to say? Make excuses for the stupid things I'd done... thinking they would fix things? Or at least start to... what was the point?

It wouldn't change the fact I'd done them. "I'm just... sorry."

•— Raven —•

Tilting my head to the side I watched him now. As in really watched. Was this the same as the last times? Where we would apologise to one another, and tomorrow would become another day when we betrayed the friendship we hoped to rekindle?

Or would this be the start of a new form of that friendship we shared on the island? Where we could sit and talk the night away. Eat crackers and chocolate sauce. I shook my head. Not raising to that hope in my heart.

“Actions Murphy. Not words. We both have a long path ahead of us.”

•— John —•

My eyes burned and I dropped my arm, I mangled what was going to be a sob into a laugh… “See… that’s where I just can’t seem to shine. I couldn’t cut it in the med bay… I tried to keep us all together and failed miserably at that… I tried to protect Luna and… well that was shit show.” I tapped my fingers reflexively on the sides of my empty cup. “It’s been so long since I cared about anyone but myself…. Maybe I just always sucked at it.”

I hadn’t meant to say that part out loud. Shit! I put the cup down. “I guess I…. I should get back to work too.”

I puked out two foil packets from my pocket and slipped them into hers. “These are the last two meals you’ve missed. No one is losing out because I gave them to you. Please eat… so at least I can say I did one thing right. Even if it’s just being a delivery boy.”

•— Raven —•

“Wait. You know what. Let’s agree to less action from you.” He was making a good point here, whenever John Murphy went to action. Things backfired. His face was proof of it. I pushed the two packages back towards him. “Give them to someone who hadn’t had as much as me over the last few weeks.”

Our time on #Becca’s Island had been good on those who were there. “Some of the kids look like they could do with extra. Please give it to them. I’m okay.” Pocketing my hands into the pockets of the jumpsuit that had now become my uniform.

•— John —•

"The harder I try the worse the outcome." I tried to make my chuckle sound real... but I wasn't sure if I succeeded. I shook my head and looked at her. "I um... I can't... if people think that I'm willing to break the rules or play favourites... It would cause problems." I cleared my throat.

"We'd up like we were on the Ark... using rations to trade power and influence. For as long as I'm on the code to that door... that's not going to happen again."

•— Raven —•

It surprised me that I could still see through the mask he sometimes put on... no... he put that mask on all the time. The only time I saw it come down was on the island, and now it was back in place.

My eyebrows pulled together, why hadn't I thought of this myself? of course if people saw the rules were bending for some, they would find ways for it to work for them.

Taking my hand out of my pocket I took the package from him. "I didn't mean it like that. I don't want things here to turn out like the Ark. I'm working as hard as I can to make sure this ship doesn't end up like the last one. But I guess I'm failing these things." Holding up the food packet.

•— John —•

“No… Rey, you’re not failing. I just… I..” I sighed and dropped my gaze to the floor. Again.

“I’m trying to do something right. And as much as o would love to give more to the kids… or the pregnant lady from Trikru… I can’t.” I looked at the package in her hand. “It just can’t be me. If they think Skaikru is being unfair with food… then…”

I didn’t need to finish that sentences she knew that all hell would break lose. “I’m trying not to fuck this up. I really am.”

•— Raven —•

My feet twitched to move a step closer towards him, however I stopped the impulse. It wasn’t my place anymore. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, the frown deepened on my features.

“No… I get it. I understand… they can’t see the one who is in charge of the food paying more attention to one person or clan. It could begin a clan war when we only just got them to sit around a table without wanting to kill one another, or us.”

I hugged the pack to my chest. “I shouldn’t have asked you too. I should have known better than this.” He was trying to do better? That meant he was thinking about his actions and their reactions. That was new, wasn’t it?

•— John —•

“I’m just… I’m trying to do this right. I know that they will all likely be sleeping soon. But I understand the impulse, especially with the little kids, some of them were half starving before the radiation.” She looked…. Shifty… this conversation, all our conversation now so awkward.

“But I promise you, I worked hard on the meal plan. I did everything I could to make sure everyone got what they need. The kids and the pregnant woman get extra protein and nutrition packs. They’re getting everything they need… other than flavour and feeling full.”

Just like on the ark. When we actually received our ration, we were well nourished… but never satisfied.

•— Raven —•

Taking another heavy sigh. “Well nourished… however… never satisfied.”

Those memories felt like nightmares for those who didn’t even receive their allocation. How things had been for me too before #Finn and his family had stepped up for a girl who didn’t belong to them. “I know. I know.” And some part of me did know. “It’s the one thing the council actually agree on. That everyone is receiving food. That there is no division involved when the food is shared.”

And now I found myself half smiling. “It’s nothing like the food we ate at home.” clearing my throat the moment the word had left my lips. “I mean… on the island..”

•— John —•

I was sure that some people were sharing rations or maybe even going without so their kids or elderly could eat better… but I was the face they all saw handing out the food. I couldn’t be the one breaking the rules. Even if it was helping someone with a greater need.

“It’s okay.” I told her. Letting the subject of rationing go. “I still call it home too:”

•— Raven —•

My eyes shot over to John, for him to admit that he thought of a place like home couldn’t have been easy. Or was that just me? Sucking in a deep breath through my teeth a shiver washed over me as my eyes turned back to the window. “Our home is burning.” That thickness in my voice evident.

“It feels like a dream now.” Finally admitting the sensation of dread growing inside.

•— John —•

I heard the shudder in her breath and the sadness in her voice… “Yeah.” My voice cracked. “I know you say home is where your people are… but… the place. Even with the luxury and the beds… the showers. It’s not even all of that…” I cleared my tightening throat.

“It was not being hungry. Not flinching are every footstep behind you… not being treated like…” I stopped. It hurt her when I used the word cockroach… but would it still? Or was that how she saw me again?

•— Raven —•

My body tightened waiting for the word I knew he would use at the end of this sentence, the dislike of it ran down to my core.

However… it didn’t come… turning my head slightly to bring him into my sight line I watched him with some hesitation. And still it did not come. “A place where you do not need a knife to sleep, or a gun? Where you finally could remove your shoes because you knew you were save and sleep wouldn’t be filled with nightmares.”

Saying the words with the memory of a knife being place to my throat because of his nightmares.

•— John —•

The watched the planet burn… I could feel her gaze on my cheek. But I couldn’t lol at her… I was afraid of what I might see in her expression. Judgement was never her style…. Disappointed, though, that was impossible to hide. Had the girls told her about my makeshift alarm? or how badly I missed my handgun? All our weapons had been taken when we disembarked from the transport ship. The only thing I managed to keep was my hunting knife.

I flinched… I remembered how close if come to killing her with that knife… I never kept it near me when I slept anymore. Did that mean her dreams were getting bad again? We’re they as bad as mine?  “I’m still really sorry about that… but the nightmares… you they weren’t as bad when you weren’t alone… on the island at least.”

•— Raven —•

Resting my forehead to the glass I waved him off. “You don’t have to be sorry for that.” I knew that he was thinking of the same night.  Certain that the reflection of the burning planet could be seen in my irises I left no space for anyone to see them.

“I’ve been alone for a long time, Murphy. The island was just a nice illusion. A moment in my life that I wished could be true. But then, it what always happens. I see the light in the darkness when the world tells me there is nothing. And now….” Would I give up? No. However, it just took longer to stand up again.

•— John —•

“Oh…” I blinked stinging eyes… there was so much in her words I should focus on but there two the stood out starkly… Murphy. I was Murphy again… and ‘I’ve been alone for a long time.’

“I… uh-“ I swallowed hard. Had she felt alone the whole time on the island? Had she never felt even a small amount of what I had… like someone believed in them… cared… like we were… a team at least, maybe just maybe friends? Had I been stupid to think she’d ever think it was possible?

I clenched my jaw to keep it from quivering. “I guess… ultimately we’re all alone.” What else could I say. That I was there, I was fighting for her to live, trying the make the last days of her life more than work and pain and survival. I couldn’t… because I had tried to leave… and now none of that meant a damn thing.

“At least, it was a pretty illusion… for a while.” I touched the glass… and wondered if it would have been better if I’d stayed. If I’d burned to the ground with the illusion of home and belonging. Death seemed more peaceful than the death of hope.

•— Raven —•

“Yeah.” The word thick in my throat. There were so many images and things flying around my memories.

#Luna returning with meat the first time.

#Griff and #Monty trying to learn how to sit still!

Everyone sat around the table eating, talking, laughing.

#Bells getting locked in the basement.

#Abby and #Kane smiling while sat watching the madness that was us…

John… teaching me to float in the pool…

John… sleeping at the end of my bed when I woke from my darkness…

John… showing me the rose garden….

John… breaking down on the beach.

John… who never really wanted anything but to survive. And that’s what he was doing. It was his truth, and he was proud of it. He had shouted about in loud and clear. So, really, I was the fool who thought he could want anything different.

“And now… this is our reality.”

•— John —•

The despair in her voice was too much to bare. The urge to hug her and tell her over and over I was sorry for letting down was too much... The only reason I was able to stop myself from doing was that I knew it would drive us further apart.

“I really hate this, Raven...” I said then realised she might assume I meant being on the ship considering what she had said last.  “Not out new reality... Though that kinda blows too... But it's better than the alternative. I hate this...” I pointed between the two of us... “We were... Friends? Or... Something? Right? And it wasn't easy to get there... For either of us. Is there a way back? Is there any hope? Or am I just making it all worse when I try? I know that it's my fault I do... I just... Do you want to get back to how things were there? Or do you me to stop?”

I felt like anytime we spoke, it ended in tears or unshed tears. And I didn't know if I was just torturing her at this stage or if I should let her go... I wasn't sure I could let her. If she wanted me out of her life I owed it to her to try.

“Am I making everything worse?”

•— Raven —•

Pivoting on my feet I turned so fast that it cased pain to shoot up my hip and into my back. Biting down on my lips was the only way to keep myself from letting it show, but my hand shot out to steady myself on the cold ship wall.

His words were on a repeating loop. with the realisation on the attempts, he was making. Whenever we took at couple of feet forward, we took ten back. When I felt like we were getting to a place we could balance some form of communication it impacted our relationship harder.

Shaking my head as I thought of his questions. But the true question he wasn’t concerned with. Why would he want to be friends with me? Why would he want to go back to what we had before?

“Maybe you should stop…”

Pushing off the walk I straightened my shoulders. I’d been getting him nearly killed every step of the way. People had shot at him, sea monsters had attacked him, I’d left him to die of radiation poisoning….

“Friendship with Raven Reyes is a bad idea. You will do better without it, Murphy. You don’t need me in your new life up here. It’s for the best.”

•— John —•

I laughed... and dark, twisted, incredulous and kind of manic laugh. A terrified and confused laugh... terrified, because of what she'd said... and confused because of why she said it.

"Rey..." I wiped the sleeve across my face. "I've never you what you'd be better off with or without in your life have I? With the exception of more sleep... Food... water and occasionally a little more fun, right? Which we both know you'd have forgotten about if I'd let you."

I started walking towards the ledge at the base of the window, hoping she would follow me and sit down too. I could see she was hurting.

"Because you... you don't need any help making choices about who should be in your life. If you don't want me to part of yours... I'll try to respect that. But don't think for one second that I'll be better for it. I don't want a new life. I couldn't have one even if I did... I don't deserve one, I have caused pain, I've taken lives... I failed to save lives anytime I had a chance to." I looked up at her.

"Every time, Rey... except for one. And that's why it won't be easy to just..." I shook my lungs felt like they were being squeezed.

"Walk away... because I'm kind of invested in trying to keep you alive. Even though I know you can do that all by yourself. So, there's no world where it's best for me. But if all I do is cause you pain... then... I'll... keep my distance. I'll try... I'll get another room and you can move to the room with the girls, you should be with them... they miss you and you'll sleep better. If I'm the reason you're staying away; I can... I can do that."

•— Raven —•

I took a step back because his words hit like a slap in the face after a ice cold shower.

Which world had he been living in all this time? Hadn’t he seen the way the rest of us took to him the moment he opened up? How everyone came home for dinner because of him, how they all had memories from the island, because of the atmosphere he had created?

He’d went to sit, it for some reason felt like he wanted me to join him? After what I’ve just said, he still wanted to talk to me? To be here, to tell me that he wasn’t better off without me? this boy had to be a glutton for punishment. There was no other explanation for it, right?

Walking over tentatively, I took a seat beside him facing forward. Thinking about my own words before replying.

“Not a single one of us has clean hands. Not one of us can hold out a hand and say, ‘I’m clean of any wrong doing.’ Well… maybe Monty….” Shaking my head before my was digressing now.

“You keep saying that you don’t deserve things. And yeah. I’m the first one to tell you when you fuck up. And Murphy… you royally fuck up every step of the way.” Now I turned my head to look at him.

“I am not taking your room; I’m not taking you from the two people who are keeping you safe. And I’m not staying away because of you… I’m staying away….”  I couldn’t say it.. I knew he’d fight me over it. But it was true.

•— John —•

The was a deep satisfaction when she came to sit down. Knowing that in some way she still responded to me, even if she wasn't sure why. That there were still small ways I could look after her without knowing I was doing it.

It I was giving myself too much credit and she just felt like sitting down. It was a comforting illusion for the second it had lasted though.

“That's not the point Rey... You know that... Maybe some of us do deserve a redemption story... Maybe some have earned it. A lot of us haven't and never will. But that doesn't let off hook for the things I did. I have to pay the price for it... Whether I'm locked up or not.”

I turned when I felt her eyes in me. “You wouldn't be taking anything... I'm offering it willing. And #Luna and #Emori could use the deep with me...” I shrugged... I hadn't meant to let that slip.

I lightly bumped my shoulder against hers. “It's okay. You don't have to tell me. But... I wish...” I inhaled deeply and blow out the breath. “I really wish that you 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 to Raven.” Something deep in the pit of my stomach burned. I wanted to know...

I needed to know why, to know if I could fix this. To know if it was because of Miles Fucking Shaw.

•— Raven —•

‘Maybe some of us do deserve a redemption story... Maybe some have earned it. A lot of us haven't and never will.’

Did John Murphy know just how true his words were right now?  However, I knew he believed it was him who didn’t deserve the redemption. When in truth…. It was me.

The bump to my shoulder catapulted me back to the night he hidden the good bottles of wine and brought them out for me to drink by the pool. How he had made me sit with my feet in the water so that the pain would lessen.

I shook the memory off. “It’s not the want…. It’s the burden of something no one needs.” Rising my eyebrows at him. “What do you mean?” Where his nightmares back? “Are… your... nightmares back?”

•— John —•

“It’s not a burden Rey... But I would like to know why nothing seems to be able to bridge the gap between us... And I know that made it, but...” I shook my head, why we're words so fucking elusive?

“I know I haven't earned it...” I knew what needed to do... I needed to lay it out there. Like I did that first night on the island when I screamed at her to just let me help her.

Thankfully I didn’t need to scream this time, I was just too exhausted. I was always exhausted lately. “I miss you... If you aren't staying away because of me... Then you're either staying away from me or for a reason I can't fix... And I don't know what to do if that's the case.”

I dragged my hand through my hair. Flashes of the dreams; finding Raven dead in a tank... Or not finding her at all... I flinched.

“Yeah...” I nodded slowly. “Aren't you?” I knew they were. I had seen it myself.

•— Raven —•

Leaning back, I dropped my head onto the cold inner wall of the ship. Closing my tired eyes thinking how or if I even wanted to share. We were so bloody broken… all of us… that I didn’t even know where to start. I didn’t move when I heard him say he missed me. Because that was like saying he missed death.

“I just need space. I had a mission, a reason for being. I had…” opening my eyes to look up at the ceiling. “I had an end date. And then… everything got taken out of my hands. Every wrong step I took brought us back up here.”

My chest felt tight. “I’m not a good person to be around anymore. It’s better for everyone.” Frowning my eyes moved to him. “It’s this place. Being up here. It’s the reason they are back. And I brought you up here.”

•— John —•

Another dark light escaped me... “Yeah that's another conversation we need to have... I thought we had a deal, Reyes. I let myself start to care about you, won't can you alive long enough to save us all... And then you were supposed to die...” I shrugged at how ridiculous it sounded... But at the same time it rang true. But I had let myself fall too far.

“But here we are... I did my part and you...” I laughed now not so darkly. I knew I could get slapped for it, but I tugged on her sleeve and shifted closer to her. Letting her lie against my arm instead. “You’ll hurt yourself... But you have to realise how insane that sounds right? You brought us up here because Jaha tried to kill us all.

Again.

We’re both here, we’re both alive. And I know for a fact that you are wrong about being a bad person to be around. you aren't wrong often, Raven. But when you are... You do it thoroughly... Which is classic Raven Reyes style.”

•— Raven —•

“Sorry to disappoint you. What can I say? We all knew how much of an overachiever I was born to be. I even won the race against death itself.”

When he tugged me closer, I allowed it. Because that was something I recognised, a conflict between the us now versus the us before this shit show went to hell.

“Insane?” Shaking my head slightly because was it really? “Sometimes the most important parts of us can feel insane, but then… the truth is something everyone still don’t like to see.” He didn’t see me in the same light I saw myself. But then it was the same the other way around too.

I rubbed my hands down my thighs gripping on at the mention of #Jaha. That man… he’ll wasn’t going to be his final destination.

“Overachiever,…. Remember…. If I plan to mess up… I will do it royally.” Sighing I rubbed my leg again. The fact that the two of us were sitting here. Talking…. Listening…. It was a start, right?

“Why is it you see the good in me when I show you the bad and the ugly. But… you refuse to see the same in yourself?”

•— John —•

I chuckled. She was so stubborn. But she wasn't shoving away from me. “You didn't mess up, Raven.” I said quietly. “All the people I love would be dead if you didn't save yourself. You’re the reason I still have family.” I didn’t add that there was part of that family missing because it was pathetic and a guilt trip she really didn't need right now.

“I had started to...” I had started seeing myself through her eyes. “And then... I just...” blew it all up? Royally! “I don't know... Maybe I was deluding myself. But there's nothing ugly about you, Raven.” I smirked. “Unless you count the way you drool when you're in a coma.” I made a mock hissing sound. “Not a pretty sight.”

•— Raven —•

That…. Hurt…. Like a BITCH!

Because in all honesty if he truly felt as though he was deluding himself, that meant the John I grew to care about and call a friend…. He never existed.

Stinging began to prickle behind my eyes, and I laughed turning my head away to hide until I could be sure I was under control.

“I wouldn’t have let anyone keep you and your family apart.” Swallowing the lump in my throat. “They know you and care for you.” And maybe it was all for the best. Had I made him act differently to survive? Was that all his way to make sure he stayed alive?

I laughed again. I couldn’t blame him, and I wouldn’t. "Jok of, Mofi…. I do not drool. And if I did… it would be sexy at hells.”

•— John —•

I she was shifting against my arm, making me newly aware of how close we were again. It was one step close to how things were, and maybe it wouldn't last beyond this moment... But maybe it would. Just in case... I memorize every detail.

"Raven." I whispered. "I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you... but in the interest of honesty... which I think is what you want from me..." I took a breath. "With this space between us... my family s apart. And I'm not saying that to get you to come and stay with us or anything like that, not unless you want to.  I just mean this... broken... whatever the hell it is between us. I know everything is different here... but I also don't believe that the only reason we were able to become friends was because you thought you'd be dead soon, so let yourself get close to me."

My chest tightened, had I said too much? But it was true... I knew it was possible, but if I let myself believe it was true then there was no hope of ever having this woman back in my life. I wasn't ready to accept that.

•— Raven —•

Blinking my eyes while I couldn’t believe I heard him correctly right now. He hadn’t meant that, right.

“You keep trying to cut yourself off from your family.” I told him. “Family doesn’t have to be liked. We all just show up for one another. Until you discard them.” taking a deep breath. “It’s what I’ve been telling you from the start. But you never trusted me enough to believe me.”

Rubbing the bridge of my nose.

“I really need another drink.” Thing time I looked to him. “I didn’t mean that our friendship was only due to the fact that I was dying. I mean. I’m sure there were times you wanted to bring my death closer, and I couldn’t blame you for it.”

•— John —•

l opened my mouth to talk, but I wasn't sure what to say, she was right. "I know. But... It's not intentional, I think I'm doing the right thing... I think I'm protecting the people I care about. Next thing I know I'm being thrown in the Brig, reading graffiti about #Shaw snitching on his crew."

It was low blow, but it felt good. I cringed when it sunk in. I’d just done it again. "And I just can't seem to stop." I scoffed at her statement about a drink. "I hope #Monty and #Jasper finds some time to make a still soon. "

I paused thinking about those moments on the island when it felt life, she was trying to make me crazy. "Maybe not kill you... " I chuckled. "But I won't lie, the temptation to reaper stick you was hard to resist sometimes.”

•— Raven —•

“You know it’s why our friendship worked down there. You told me your crazy ideas and I talked you into doing them a better way…. Except for Monty’s room. I’m not giving you any credit for that.”

Adding a joke into the equation happens naturally as it used to on the island. “Speaking of.” I turned to face him now. “What did you think was the end game with that move which got you in the brig? Did you even think that plan through?”

Should I tell him I had been told what happened to him in there after I left? “I’m… sorry… I pushed to the point where only a reaper stick was the answer.”

•— John —•

I laughed. "We really did have some good times, didn't we? And I can give you the credit for that one you elevated that prank to the next level. All I did was crack his password."

I looked down at the floor and tried not to smirk... "Oh I thought it through.  I was just going to hold up somewhere defensible and wait for you to save the day. I thought that was obvious."

I nudged her again with my shoulder. "I wasn't serious Raven. Apart from a time or two when I thought that you would never sleep, But I never would have done really... apart from the seizures." I didn't want to bring up ALIE.

That had been the ultimate violation, she didn't need a reminder of it.

•— Raven —•

“Wait…” Frowning as I let that little information settle into my mind. “Your big plan of action was to get a weapon, and hide up with Emori and Luna until I fixed the mess?” Okay. It wasn’t the best plan he had come up with since I knew him. “What part of that plan was about taking over and attacking everyone on this ship?”

Why had I been told and believed that he would take things into his own hands? He was just trying to hide until the mess with the others was cleaned up?

Shaking my head. “Payback. It’s a bitch and she is coming for you. I don’t care if you were trying to make me sleep.” I didn’t really care about the reapers. Well, not now. At the time, I wanted to kill him when he stuck me with one.

•— John —•

I and ran my hand over my face… hearing it asked like that made it sound even more ridiculous.

“None of it.” I laughed. “But Lt. Soldier Boy -“ I gave a mock salute. “Started throwing around the word mutiny and tossed me in the cell. Jackson and Harper were there… they’ll tell you exactly what I said. They thought I was an idiot… but they also tried to stop #Shaw.”

I shuddered a little. I didn’t want to think about it. “But…. I didn’t hit him… so I get points for that right?” I was pathetic that the easiest part or that memory was being man handled through the ship.

•— Raven —•

Pushing his hand down from the so-called salute he was attempting, the crease between my eyebrows was prominent. “This makes no sense at all.” Muttering it to myself as I let the parts of the two stories fall into place.

 “Miles isn’t the type to run off on the deep end.” and yet I believed what John was saying. The fact that he wanted to take over the ship was the side that wasn’t connecting for me.

“And the bloody in the cell?” I asked him. “If you didn’t hit Miles… he hit you?” Again, I was missing something here.

•— John —•

"How well can you know the guy really?" I raised a brow and started again before she could answer. I really did not wanna know the answer to that question, and I had no right to it either.

"All I know is the second that I started looking for #Jasper he twisted my arm behind my back and boom I'm locked up."

I cleared my throat... the blood... shit...  how did she?... "You went back to the cell?"

•— Raven —•

“You know how well I know him. We were the ones to wake him up. To break the news how much time had passed since they were in there… we were the ones who lost part of his team… he is going through a lot…” Sure, I felt guilty about the lives we lost, and everything #Miles and #Lizzy had lost. And they were still helping us.

“Of course, I went to the cells. As soon as I heard I went to the cells… but..” I worked my fingers. “I was too late again…” I was failing him and the others so much these days.

•— John —•

I hadn't realised there more of the original crew member in cry than the ones that were still on board... “I'm not so sure he was best friends with his crewmates. Not according to a graffiti in that cell...”

I sighed... I knew that if it was #Shaw that told I was certain heard a cock-eyed version on the events.

“The blood... Wasn't a big deal. I cut my hand.  But I’m sorry... I know you had more important things to do than run around after me.” my eyes were on the table between us. I couldn't meet her... An uneasy sense of shame wound it's way around my chest and squeezed.

I knew their plenty of things about me for people to dislike... Even hate... But this new addition of me being crazy was one I hoped she wouldn't need to see.

•— Raven —•

“You don’t have to like someone or be liked by them to feel their loss. They all went through something in their time, on this ship. Together they loved it all out. The good, the bad, and the ugly too.”

I hadn’t expected John to be so judgmental. Making a note to check the cells put to see what was written in there.

“Please don’t apologise. I shouldn’t have left you in there. I shouldn’t have turned my back and walked away from you like that.” My eyes watched closely as I spoke now.

“You just cut yourself? In the cell? And there nothing more to it? And here I thought we were being serious about honesty between us.”

•— John —•

I shook my head... I had nothing good to say about Miles right now, so I let that comment go.

"That's not..." I stopped myself. "Look, I won't lie... at the time that's what I thought you were doing. But I wasn't... I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm not going to lie to you, But I didn't want you worrying or thinking..." I didn't say I didn't want her to think I was a total nut job.

"I had a bit of a panic attack, and I ended up cutting my hands. But it wasn't a big deal, no stitches or anything. It's not gonna happen again so there's nothing to worry about.”

•— Raven —•

Another slap In The face. That’s what I was feeling now. At this rate there wasn’t going to be anything left to heal and fix.

Maybe he was right, maybe there was nothing left between us to be fixed? I couldn’t and wouldn’t blame him for what he felt. Fuck. It’s what I felt “By you said not to worry, it does the opposite. You know that, right?”

Shame filling me light a led balloon in this moment. “A panic attack? As strong as the one you told me about in the bunker? The one of the island?”

•— John —•

“I know.” I combed my fingers though my hair. “I remember being on the other of that line…” My gaze fixed on her. “So, I know how it feels. But I’ll… do  what I have to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Even if that meant therapy sessions with #Jackson. I shook my head then. “No… it was nothing like that.” Should I tell her? She was worried anyway… maybe the unknown was scarier to her than anything else. “It was… like I couldn’t breathe, almost as though someone was squeezing the air out of my lungs and…” I ran my hand over my chest at memory. “I think I was afraid it was a heart attack or something crazy like that. I thought I was going to die, and I was afraid to… in the bunker I wanted to… but now? I have too much to lose.”

I locked my blue eyes on hers. “Raven, you know that I know you’d never have believed you’d leave me in there, right? Not if I wasn’t freaking out… it was… it was like some else took over my though thought process and no one in the world was on my side.” It was how I left when they hung me, when I was banished… when the grounders caught me. “Even when Luna grabbed me, I thought she was going to hurt me… until Jasper… I don’t know what he did. But he stopped it.”

•— Raven —•

My eyes stung listening to what he went through. The image of watching him on the beach by that small bunker, the celerity I witnessed without him knowing. It all came rushing back to me.

Swallowing the humongous lump in my throat, my voice broke when I spoke. “I’m so sorry that I allowed you to be in a place where you felt this way.” Dropping my eyes, because I couldn’t face him seeing the same exuding from mine.

“You say you didn’t believe it, however the darkness in you did. So… some part of you lost faith… faith and trust.. the two things that are the most important things in our lives. The two things we work so hard to protect.” I had fucked up so badly. I really didn’t have the right to ask him to forgive me.

•— John —•

“I never would have known to call it a panic attack… not that I hadn’t ever heard of them. I guess maybe it felt like admitting weakness.” I sighed I wanted to reach out and lay my hand on hands.

“I guess maybe I am small idea what it was like from having this thing in your mind. Twisting the shape of your thoughts against your will. I mean it’s different, you mind was violated… mines just… broken. But I know you Raven, when my thoughts are mine, I know you wouldn’t do that. So, I’m the one that should be sorry, for letting my faith in in you waver.”

•— Raven —•

Damn. I knew these feeling so well. Reaching out finally I told his hand closest to me, curling my fingers around his and squeezing tight. Letting him know I was right here.

“We’ve had so much happening to us in our short lives, that it would be a miracle if someone came out unbroken.” Allowing myself to think before continuing.

“However, broken isn’t a word I like. Being violated… is a good way to explain it. When you feel like you are a bystander in your own life, with your own actions. When you can hear and see, but the doing is out of your hands.” I squeezed his hand again.

“You have nothing to apologise for. We… I… you….” Shaking my head again. “How can I help you? You were there in my times of darkness, you held me and stopped me from hurting myself and others… let me do the same for you?”

•— John —•

Breathing was suddenly easier, even if he acts like her taking my hand. She had been tortured too... But it was much worse than what happened to me. They used her own memories to hurt her, every painful thing that happened to her all at once.

“I wasn’t there for the worst of it. But... I’ll never regret dragging you out of that bed in Arkadia.” I ran my hand over my face and reached out with my free hand to clasp hers between both of mine.

“You’re already doing it, Raven.” I squeezed her hand like shed squeezed mine. “This gapping hole between us makes me feel hopeless... But when we can talk like this... I feel... Maybe... Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can... Be... Better.”

•— Raven —•

My hazel eyes were on our hands. The fact that we sat here holding one another together without needing to feel anything that was pure was a new chapter.

“Maybe you should, would have saved yourself being punched, kicked, shot at, being eaten by a sea monster, and shot at some more.”  Mentioning the torture was just too dark for this moment.

“Can we…” I started but stopped. “Remember when I told you on the island you need to be better for yourself? Not for anyone else? That still stands.” Dragging my eyes to meet his again.

“Can we…” I tried again. “Can we… try again?”

•— John —•

“I would don't all again, Stargrazer...” gave her a real smile, even if my soul still felt heavy. Easier to bear in this moment... But heavy.

“Only because I can take some of get credit from saving the human race... Because if you died there, we all be dead now...” I was teasing but it was sort of true... Not that I would ever claim credit and mean it.

“And... It is for me, Raven. It is... It's what I want, it's who I want to be, but I can't do it without your help. I've tried... I'm trying but every decision I make is the wrong one.” My blue, stinging eyes locked on hers.

“That’s all I want Raven… I know it’s too much to ask, but if you can forgive me and try this again… I swear I’ll prove myself. I won’t let you down again.” The corners of my vision blurred and the fought the to blink, knowing it would cause the tears to fall, even though it made my eyes burn.

•— Raven —•

Knocking my shoulder into his, my lips curled up into a smile even if it didn’t reach my eyes.

“No, you wouldn’t. You would never take credit. It would show people you care, and you cannot have that out in the ether.” I saw him, at least I thought I had. The boy on the island cared for others. He just needed to see people cared for him too.

Shaking my head, a little as I listened to him. “You’re not making the wrong decisions, it’s… we’ll… it’s just the way you try to execute the plan. Saving those you love. Good thing… making others think you want to leave them to die. Bad choice.”

My eyes darted across his face, watching, telling him in. He wanted the same. “Let’s close the door on what happened?” It would be damn hard for me not to think I let them down. But I would try. “A new chapter, with both of us making better decisions?”

•— John —•

"When people know you care they start to expect things from you.” I chuckled.

It stung to hear that but, I knew it was true. "I never wanted you or anyone else on that island to think that. That was why l got Jasper involved. But I get that it looked like that... And looking back now all can think of was that I probably would have gotten #Emori and myself killed.”

I squeezed her hand again. "A new chapter." is mined at her. "I don't think anyone's ever given me that chance before."

•— Raven —•

“Is that why you did it? Because you thought I expected something from you?” Did I? Did i expect him to give me something? Was I the one who pushed him to becoming whatever thing has become between us?

My eyes drop to our hands, we still held one another in place. But neither of us had let go. “It’s the least you do for those how cared for you. For those you call a friend. Second chances with no stings. We do our best. We fight, we make up. But we never give up.”

There it was… is given up a little…

•— John —•

"No... I mean... I don't think so..." Honestly, looking back I had no idea what I was feeling back then. All I knew now was how overwhelmingly stupid I was. "#Emori was really... really afraid. And she's like you in some ways, you know... I'd never seen her afraid before and I just wanted her too not be afraid anymore." I tightened my grip a little because it soothed that feeling in my chest of remembering how scared she had been.

I chuckled a little. "I'm glad to hear that... because I know I just told you I would leave you alone if you really wanted me too... But honestly... I don't think I could have. So, thank you... for saving me from breaking another promise to you."

•— Raven —•

Nodding my head I understood. The why he did it was never the issue for me. It had been the how. And sure… maybe some part of my hurt to see them all try to leave by leaving me a four line ‘Don’t die’, note after I had just died and saved my own life.

Sucking in a deep slow breath, because thinking of it all brought feelings and emotions back to the surface I didn’t want to think about.

“Well.. you know I’m here to serve. Whatever all of you need. I will deliver.” Giving him a small two finger salute with my free hand.

•— John —•

I watched my mind cycle into the dark and back out again, I knew I had hurt her… but now, seeing how much I hurt her… meant she had to have cared about me more than I had known.

“How come you get to do the sarcastic salute and I don’t?” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. She still hadn’t pulled her hand free. “Not serve, Stargrazer. Save. You saved me… and not from Priamfaya or… not just from that. Long before then.

•— Raven —•

“Because I came this look damn good.” Knocking into his shoulder a little. “Why else.” Shaking my head. And then nodding it.

“Aren’t they one and the same? To server is to save when it comes to our now ship full of people.” Leaning forward a little I shifted myself.

•— John —•

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “You may be right… but you can right and full of yourself at once you know!” I teased her. Feeling lighter even as I turned pale blue eye on her.

“No, Raven… no it’s not the same. You choose to save people; you don’t do it because you should or because you have to. You are human… that means you are capable of choosing to only help yourself…. But because you are Raven Reyes… you choose to Damn near kill yourself the save as many people as you can. That’s not  service, it’s heroism.”

•— Raven —•

My heart quickened, mouth dried and eyebrows pulled to show that v indent between them. None of what he said felt real. He wasn’t talking about me. No… no… no. I had made so many mistakes, so many people had died because of me. And I was selfish. I had removed the code from the fear of death, when it could have helped me… maybe… find another way, where we weren’t up here.

But I didn’t say anything. Because this was John. He saw something I didn’t. So, I half smiled. “Raven Reyes… Stargazer!” Correcting him. “Don’t forget the stargazer.”

•— John —•

I made my way around the table and stop next to her. Only releasing her hand when l could put my term around her shoulder and squeezed. Feeling braver now.

"You'll always be the Stargazer to me, always."

•— Raven —•

My hazel eyes followed his steps around the table. Feeling the coolness once our hands came apart. Only then remembering how I’d been holding his.

Half smiling and then laughing a little. “Sure thing, Watcher. Nothing will stop us from here.” Winking as his arm held me.

•— John —•

There it was. That nickname she gave me after I’d revealed too much of myself, choosing the people to come with us to rescue Octavia and some of her (new) people. Showing her how I had everyone marked for their strength and weaknesses.

There it was.

Hope.

The thing I only felt standing at her side… metaphorically… and I supposed figuratively right now. “Have faith, Stargazer… because I do.”

•— Raven —•

“Did my ears hear your correctly? Did John Murphy just say he has faith? Cut me off the moonshine.” Well, soon there wouldn’t be any left so it wouldn’t be difficult. Half smiling, I let my head drop forward. Gazing down at the ships floor.

“Jokes aside… we need to do better.” Something has been saying since coming to #Becca’s island. “I know it’s hard for the two of use to trust and say what we think. But we need to do better.”

•— John —•

I laughed, even smiled at her. "If you can forgive me for all the shit, I pulled... Then anything is possible, Raven." I took my arms back and leaned on the table. This was still how, and l wasn't ready to break it again by pushing boundaries.

"It's not hard to trust your, Raven." l said softly. "It was at first. Not because of anything you did.“ It wasn't a lie to say that we had both done things to the other that would justify mistrust. But that wasn’t the difficulty I had.

“I lived my life with nothing to lose… nothing other than my life… and allowing myself to trust someone… meant I could lose that trust… or worse that person.” I turned my pale gaze on her again. “But if you can take the risk of trusting me again… I can have a little hope.”

•— Raven —•

My gaze caught his and didn’t let go, I needed him to know I was sitting here with all my cards face up on this table. That I was all in if he was. And that I knew it wasn’t easy, what I asked of him.

“It doesn’t have to happen overnight. If you need your space and time. “I’m not going anywhere.” Pointed around us. There was nowhere to go from here. “I don’t want to be that pushy person who wants everyone to get alone, it doesn’t pay off in the end.” I’d learning that lesson.

“So, take your time. Trust that you will be fine, and that losing someone, as hard as it is. There is a way to go on. We’ve all done it here.”

•— John —•

“I'm not so sure about that, Stargazer... I was pretty pushy, and it seems to have paid off.” I chuckled. Feeling a little lighter by the second. “I think too much space was our problem... We seem to work best when we're under each other's feet....” I nudged her with my elbow. “Or at each other's throats.” I laughed.

“I haven't lost anyone for real since... Well, I never let myself have anyone to lose until you and Emori and Luna... I almost lost you while you were still standing right in front of me... So no, I don’t want space or time... I just want to make up the time we lost.”

•— Raven —•

My eyes found his face again. He was using the Nick name now. That had to be progress, right? “More like under my skin.” It was said  tongue and cheek of course.

Because in all honesty I knew he was correct. “Space doesn’t do us much good.” Nodding my head and nudging right back. “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

He was the one to say he didn’t want space. So…. “Where do we go from here?”

•— John —•

"You'll have to wine and dine me if you want under my skin, Rey." I chuckled... but I knew that she would never mean it like that. But it was how I had always teased her and I right now her friendship was what I needed most.

 Offered her a smile. "We don't need to go anywhere, Raven. We've come home."

I laughed a little... looking around. "It's not as pretty as the last one." I put my hand on her back and led her out of the room with a view of the burning planet to the other side of the ship... Down two hallways and into a disused room... the window here was large too.

"But it has a pretty nice view... if you know where to look."

•— Raven —•

“You wish John, I’m not sure I could afford to wine and dine you.” Scoffing at him. I followed him as he led me away from the window. But not without taking one last glance back over my shoulder. The ship was quite, no one watching us or wondering what was happening,even if I knew some would be happy to see the two of us in the same space without fireworks going off.

“Where are yo—“ My words melted away with the big window came before me and my feet took me right to it. My eyes stung a little.

“You somehow always find the beauty when I think there is none.” He has done it the day I was mad at him on the island for upsetting #Luna. And he showed me what #Becca had hiding in the gardens.

Those statues and roses locked away in my memory banks. “It’s beautiful.”

•— John —•

“Not sure we’ll ever see wine again...” I chuckled. But that wasn't entirely true. I ignored her protests and just grinned.

“I like to know my surroundings.” I smiled... “Unfortunately.... Most of the room on this ship are locked... But I did find this little gem.”

I stayed quite a while and let her enjoy the view.

“I knew that you’d appreciate the view.” I spoke softly and told myself I didn't notice the way the moonlight lit up the gold flecks in her hazel eyes and cheekbones... Her features had softened on the Island, her cheek filling with the healthy glow of not-starving. It was fading again... Faster than she had regained it.

Before I knew it, I was gently brushing the back of my fingers along her cheek. “I need you to start eating again, Stargazer. Not more than you share, or anyone else... Just the rations everyone else gets. Please?”

Baby blue eyes lifting to meet hers.

•— Raven —•

The darkness was never ending, one in which I had spent the first part of my life living, but not I knew a different world, a different view, I’ve breathed air that hadn’t been recycled.

And yet… there was a familiarity up here which I hadn’t felt down there. The moon felt closer, as though reaching out to it would be possible. When I felt his presence closer, I broke my gaze away to find him looking at me. Really… looking. Before I could ask what was wrong his fingers touched my face and I froze.

His eyes were lost somewhere seeing me in a way I couldn’t translate. But the way in which he looked had my chest constricting. I parted my lips to speak, to answer a question but it wasn’t the one he asked. And when his baby blue eyes found mine. I just nodded slowly.

“I’m not doing it on purpose.” I whispered, “I just forget, or don’t feel hungry.”

Not saying that I was worried that I was going into some form of depression. Or Hyperactivity where the world around me stops existing. And after effect of living with the code in my head for so long. It was life. I just had to get on with it. I didn’t have time to question it.

“Can I trust you with the master code?” I asked taking a step back. “To the doors…”

•— John —•

“I know.” I whispered. Pulling my hand back, slowly, unwillingly. “That’s why I’ll remind you… when you do forget.” It was the least I could do after everything she’d done for me.

There was more… so much left unsaid. But I had no idea what it could be. Eating was only one thing. I knew she wasn’t sleeping either. But at least now I could try to help her.

“I don’t think Officer #Shaw would like that.” I chuckled, accepting the change in subject because we were both so tired now. And fully knowing he was a lieutenant. “He likes you… that probably works in favour of everyone you saved. I don’t think we should risk pissing him off. He definitely doesn’t like me.”

•— Raven —•

Letting out a small sigh, there was the other topic I needed to touch. However, I’d not planned for it to happen tonight and not here. But now was as good as a time of any. “Lieutenant Miles Shaw, Watcher. And you damn well know it.” My voice even and calm.

“Are you going to let me into the secret or not?” I asked. “What has Miles done to get on your bad side?” He had been nothing but kind to us, I’d taken over his ship, demanded we save all these people, people he didn’t even know. And he didn’t once think twice. He was kind hearted. But John and he just clashed. But why?

•— John —•

I chuckled... "Does it even matter? The United States stopped existing two hundred years ago." I smiled at her a little glint in my pale blue eyes. The moonlight was still making her skin glow faintly.

"Other than throw me into the brig?" I laughed and found a grate to pull over close to the window so we could sit on it and watch the universe go by.

I froze when she asked me my secret... telling her that now would be the end of all the progress we had made today. I knew that she would never feel the same about me... I was making peace with that. I just needed to be part of her life... and I would do that on whatever term worked for her. As long as I was part of her world. Then she clarified... I shook my head and laughed.

"That's not a secret, Rey... I don't like the way he looks at you... He's a creep... And... before I found you here, I went to your room, and he was lurking around in the hallway... I don't trust him, Raven. I can't explain it, but there's something about him... I know that you trust him, and I don't want to come between the two of us. I just want you to be careful around him."

•— Raven —•

Moving to take a seat, thankful that he found something we could use and still remain close to the view. I wasn’t ready to leave it behind just yet.

Rubbing my forehead, before I shifted to remove the jacket, I was wearing to cushion myself a little and settling down. “John…” that was so much to break down. And where was I even going to start?

“Firstly I’m sure Miles wasn’t lurking.. his room is the one next to mine. Like the next door. So, of course he would be there.”

But I felt a pang of guilt. “He was there?” My eyes moved to the door. Because that would only mean one thing. And I couldn’t tell John about it. It wasn’t my story to share.

“You don’t trust anyone right away, and that’s okay. I’m not asking you to become best friends.”

My face flushed as well. “And how does he look at me? I’ve noticed nothing wrong or untrustworthy from him since I’ve met him.”

Reaching out I patted the space next to me. “Do you think all of this… it’s just because Miles is new to the crew? How can I help you trust him more?

•— John —•

It took all my self-control not to burst out laughing when she said his room was next to hers... I let out an audible sigh. "Of course, he gave you the room next to his." I shook my head holding back laughter. that's..." annoying, frustrating... intolerable... frightening? "Fine..." I barely managed to say without gritting my teeth. I didn't get to tell her what kind of relationships she could have with anyone... even if it did make me want to break his nose.

"But I just think he has a hidden agenda... with you and with Skaikru and the other clans. Until I know what it is I don't think trust is on the table. But I'll make a better effort to not piss him off... for you."

•— Raven —•

My hazel eyes widened with the shocking realisation of what was happening here. It couldn’t be so…. It at least I kept telling myself that. “John…. Murphy….” Saying his name while pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

I wasn’t going to ask… because I knew it really couldn’t be the case. “Let’s play a game, shall we?” Tuning my body to face him again.

“The game is called. Just say it as you see it. And the rules are, we can’t lie.” Sighing I rubbed my hands over my thighs. “I will ask the first question…. What is it you think a man who has been in cryo for over hundred years could possibly want from us?”

•— John —•

I waited for it... braced for it... for her to tell me to mind my own business and say I was jealous... which I need to do and I clearly was, no matter how hard I tried not to be.

I sighed when she asked the question... glad she had said 𝕦𝕤 and not 𝕞𝕖. I stopped in front of the crate. Unclipping the buckles on her brace and loosening them but not removing them... "Might as well take a little break from this... this game could last a while." I chuckled.

"I don't know... but I wouldn't be quick to put the lives of these people in his hands the man did turn on his own crew after all."

I loosened the clasp at her ankle and sat beside her. "My turn... what do you think a man that been in cryo for 100 years wants from the gorgeous woman that woke him up and he subsequently had her move in the room next door to his?"

•— Raven —•

The moment flashed back to the mansion, to John and I sat by the side of the pool and where he always helped to remit and put my back on. Maybe we were truly on the way back to how things used to be?

I didn’t stop him, the moment the buckle was loose and relief was felt. Like the weight of the world had been removed. My lips parted, mouth opening and closing, okay. Maybe I wasn’t imagining things?

“Maybe he wants someone to be a friend. To talk to, to listen? Not everyone thinks with the brain between their legs.” Okay, most men did.

“He didn’t assign the rooms. They were first come. I wasn’t first up.” Frowning a little. “Do you think the only reason I have a room like mine, because someone wants in my pants?”

•— John —•

I smoked a little... She didn't tell me to get lost. We were finally on the right track. I chuckled... “It's entirely possible. All I can speak to is my instincts and usually when guy starts telling the other men in a woman's life to stay away...” I tilted my head and sucked in a breath. “He... Has other intentions. And I have no clue what kind room you have.” I teased. “I haven't been in any good the staterooms.”

I leaned my shoulder against hers. “But if the lieutenant is smart... He wants a whole lot more than just what's in your pants, Stargazer.”

•— Raven —•

Still frowning, I turned my eyes to the view as I thought over the interactions I’d shared with #MilesShaw. He has been lost, kind, listens to me when I needed to talk over my findings, came to talk to me about his experiences and concerns. But never once had he tried to act inappropriately.

“I think you are reading too much into things.” My body moved by his nudge bringing my eyes back.

“My room is t that different to the others. It just had a couch and a works desk in there. Helps me when I need to keep working on something.”

I’d taken tools and parts back to my room to work on when the others thought I went to sleep. It was also something for me to do when the nightmares became too much to handle. “Oh, so you are pumping me out to the new guy? He is cute and all.” Waggling my eyebrows at him.

•— John —•

I shook my head, either she didn't understand what I was saying... Or she like this guy so much she didn't want to. “I'm not sure how I could more into being told to leave you alone... But you trust him. I'm not going to tell you who you should or shouldn't trust, you're more than capable of making your own choices.” I sighed. I wasn't going to be like #Shaw and try to make those choices for her.

“Ha ha!!” I deadpanned. “No... But... He’d be stupid not to realise your much than a gorgeous woman, Raven... You're intelligent, brave... And   selfless to the point of self-destruction. I could go on, but I wouldn't want to stroke your ego too much.” I chuckled.

•— Raven —•

“Okay.” He wasn’t joking. This was the second time he’d said it. “When did Miles tell you to stay away from me? And why?” Why would Miles do that? I couldn’t grasp the reasoning behind such an act. Not on a ship where there was no getting away from people.

Now I was looking John in his eyes. “That’s an in-depth list you have there. And it’s fair to say the ego is taking notice.” Shaking my head. “You’re being overly nice. I’m nothing more than someone who is a workaholic. The rest just happens.”

I hadn’t known that John had been keeping notes. but why was I surprised? I had giving him the nickname of ‘the watcher.’ He saw it all and forgot nothing.

•— John —•

“Just before I found you.” I explained. “And you’re clever enough to guess why Rey… he knows we’ve known each other a long time, he knows I took care of you when you were sick… and he knows that you came from me before the other hundreds of people you saved.” She had to see what I was getting at. “He wants to make want to make sure his path to you is clear… and he thinks I’m in the way.” I chuckled; it was ironic. Because as much as I wished I was in the way; I knew I wasn’t.

“That’s actually not even half of the things I could say about you.” I laughed.

“Stubborn, sarcastic, ornery, lacking in all senses of self-preservation…. Shall I continue?” I teased.

•— Raven —•

Now he was asking for it. So, I reached out and playful smacked him up the side of his head.

“Stop over thinking so much, I don’t see what you are saying. And not to any other reason but what is before me. John. They have been asleep for so long. They have lost everyone and everything that they knew. We are the first people they have met….”

Biting my lips to stop myself. Because I was walking a faint line now, I couldn’t betray Miles’s trust. And I needed John to know that I trusted him too.

“Two people can be friends, John. Without anything else. But…. If there were anything else. Isn’t that my business? Don’t I have a say in who does or doesn’t have that part of me?”

Why would he think he would need to be out the way? That part didn’t make any sense to me.

•— John —•

“So violent!” I teased her rubbing the spot she smacked. It didn't hurt... And she knew how to throw a punch if she really wanted to.

“I know that Raven... All I can tell you is what I see... I'm telling you what you should or shouldn't do. Just that I think there's more to this guy than he's letting on. I don't want to see you hurt. My only intention was to let you know that this guy who barely knows you thinks it's okay for him to decide who should or shouldn't be allowed the speak to you... I told you were more than capable of telling me to fuck off all by yourself if that's what you wanted. I'm not trying to tell you what to do... I'm just worried about you.”

•— Raven —•

“Just the way you like it.” But the mocking was gone from my voice. I could see where John was coming from, but some part of me kind of hoped I was half good at judging a person’s character?

Okay, I may have messed up a little in the past, but… you live, and you learn right? “Hold your run-away imaginary outcomes here. Nothing is going on. I need you to hear me when I say, thank you for your insight. However, nothing is going on.”

I hadn’t thought about #Miles in that way. “As for why he told you to stay away. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here, huh?”

Shifting a little as I said the next part. Not to hurt him, just to point out the facts. “Maybe Miles thought he was being a friend. Looking out for us, making sure we don’t blow our friendship up even more than it is… was…” He’d seen a lot between us, since waking up.

•— John —•

I shook my head again. She was willing to allow this man to speak for her? It baffled me… She just didn’t want to see any possibility that this guy was up to something. So, I just nodded… “Sure… I’m positive he was only looking out for my best interests and yours too.” I chuckled. “I just wanted you to know the guy seems… dodgy… to me. And now you do. But… not giving people the benefit of the doubt is what’s kept me alive. The last time I did that, the guy I believed kicked the crate out from under me when they put a rope around my neck.”

I rested my hand on her bad knee, gently. “I just want you to be happy… or as close as possible. And I know you’re not right now… but you will be. I promise.”

I didn’t say even that was with him… or on her own. I just wanted to be there to see it.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing the bridge of my nose to hide a small wince I felt shuddering over my body, and my hand. But I stilled myself as soon as I realised what was happening to me. I wasn’t there when he was hung, but I’d heard the story from enough people to understand how messed up it has been. However, it was the fact that he still couldn’t understand me of where I was coming from. So, I lowered my voice and whispered.

“Not giving people the benefits of the doubt … it what broke us.”

It was the truth, if he had trust in us, in me… we wouldn’t have broken to the point where i was certain we couldn’t come back from.

“I hear you; I understand what you are saying. I’m not defending Miles; I’m not saying it was right of him. But what do you want me to do?”

Opening my eye when I felt his hand on the back of my knee. “Would you rather I go in all guns blazing and demand he never speak for me again? Or start accusing him of things? Or …. Or…. What?” My tone so even as I locked eyes with him.

“Tell me what you would like me to do?” I was so tired. So drained. I wanted us all to do better that the mess we had caused by going to earth. This was a new start. The only chance we had to survive.

•— John —•

"It was different with us... we earned it. And I know that we lost it for a while, but I'll fix that. I will." I squeezed her knee gently. more of a rub really because I knew she was hurting.

"I don't think you should do anything... I just..." I sighed and dragged my hand through my hair. Maybe I was doing exactly what Miles was doing, He tried to drive a wedge between her and I. Was trying to do the same to her and him? I certainly sounded like a  classic Murphy move. "I... I shouldn't have said anything."

I took my hand from her knee and took her hand in mine. The one that had been sharing a moment ago. "I want you to tell me what this is about... what's going on with you?" I folded my other hand over the top of hers. "You don't have to tell me... But right now, that all I want to know or... How I can make it better.”

•— Raven —•

My dull hazel eyes were tired or was it that I was tired. Was there a difference? Who even knew anymore? I dropped them to our hands. His fine hand, clasped around my almond bruised and cut one.

He was doing it again. “Please don’t say that. Keeping things from each other, it’s a path I don’t want to walk about. You aren’t the only one who needs to fix things. And not saying your mind won’t help us.”

Slowly my gaze roamed it way back up to meet his, confused at the question he had asked me just now. “What do you mean? What is what about?” by now there were so many things we were juggling in the air. Which one in particular did he want further elaboration on?

•— John —•

“I don’t mean hide it from you… Just… maybe you didn’t need to hear my personal feelings on the guy. I just don’t want to see you hurt.” I remembered how she screamed when #Finn was killed. Our friendship hadn’t begun… in fact, hours before she pointed a gun at me and wanted turn me over instead. But When I heard her scream… part of me wished if had been me tied to that stake instead. A payment for the pain I had already caused pain her.

I lifted my hand to so the bruise on her. “You’re hurt and you’re shaking… even when the pain in your hip and leg are hurting badly you never tremble like that.” I fixed my pale blue gaze on hers. “Please don’t keep anything from me when it come to your health Raven… I looked after you when I thought you were dying, I can handle whatever it is. Please.”

•— Raven —•

We were doing this. The honesty we asked for had to be a two way path, I couldn’t ask it of him and then not give it right back. “You should always tell me what you think. Good or bad, I want to know.”

Shaking my head, a little our eyes met. “You know I won’t get hurt, I’m stronger than you give me credit for.” Of course, he’d noticed, I hadn’t hidden anything.

“It’s nothing.” That was a lie. “I’ve just not been sleeping, I don’t have an appetite, and my friend and I were fighting.” Nudging my shoulder into his. “I just need a little down time.” But it was a luxury I didn’t have time for.

•— John —•

I laughed a little and nodded. "Okay... I promise. So, to summarize. I can't stand him... He's cocky, superior, and I don't trust him... and possibly a little sexist... which I thought only existed in movies and books.I know that you are strong, but that doesn't mean I can't try to protect my friend. Even if she doesn't want me to, even if it is more likely she'll protect me instead. It's a friend's prerogative."

I nodded, listening to her. There was more than that, I figured it was her nightmares and I understood not wanting to talk about try to protect my friend. Even if she doesn't want me to, even if it is more likely she'll protect me instead. It's a friend's prerogative."

I nodded, listening to her. There was more than that, I figured it was her nightmares and I understood not wanting to talk about and finished what I had started with her brace and took it off entirely.

"Time to get some sleep, Rey." I knew she didn't want to. The last time I convinced her to sleep she had a bad dream. It was my fault. I knew she slept better when she had someone touching her, holding her hand or touching her shoulder and I let the rift between us keep me from doing that. "It will be okay this time. I promise."

•— Raven —•

Stunned… listening, lol we l because I’d asked for this. However, I hadn’t expected the list to be so long. How much time had these two been spending together anyway? It sounded like this was one of those. ‘Dislike at first sight.’ Situations, maybe? But how could I get to the bottom of it?

“Thank you for your honesty.” What else was there to say? “And yeah… sure… a friends prerogative is to protect. But it’s also to allow your friends to grow too. Maybe we’ve forgotten about that part?”

“What are you doing?” I asked however his actions began to paint the picture while I sat here watching him.

“John…” I shook my head, waving my hand to say ‘No’. “I can’t. This was meant to be a short break. I need to get back to testing each and every one of those beds. We can’t use them without knowing they work.” the make shift bed looked so inviting. The relief of the brace being removed mixed with the pain rushing up and down my leg and into my hip. It would love nothing more than for the weight to be taken off.

And for a moment, in my mind. We were sat by the side of the pool on #Becca’s Island. With a dark sky, everyone asleep. With John kneeling before me removing my brace so he could teach me to float.

“I cannot…” the two words a whisper.

•— John —•

"If you feel like you need to get to know him then I won't get in the way... not that you would let me if I tried."

I chuckled and lifted her legs up onto the makeshift bed, leaving her brae within easy reach. "Raven." I stayed on my knees but straightened up to my full height, so I was eye-to-eye with her. I crooked a finger under her chin. "You are the only person on this ship that can keep it running. Please don't jeopardise that by refusing to take of yourself. There's no emergency. No one is in immediate danger. But what if an airlock fails in two days and you faint before you get there?  " I looked over my shoulder at the moon.

"It's just like the pool." I smiled. Lying on these crates was nothing like floating in the pool. "Looking up at the moon and stars." I sat on the crates and put me arm around her, pulling her down so her head could rest on my lap.  "Just watch the stars, Stargazer. It's the only thing you need to right now."

•— Raven —•

The minute after he lifted my legs up onto the makeshift bed, relief began to pour over my limbs. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility that my legs were going intensely stiff.

“John..” protesting his idea that I had time to waste by sleeping, but then when he pulled me back, spoke of looking up at the moon and starts. I couldn’t help myself. The view from this deck was incredible.

“Resting… for a little while… no sleep.” A yawn escaped and I covered my mouth. “It’s really beautiful here.” I didn’t want to talk about #Miles now. I’d need to work it out, but later.

•— John —•

I chuckled at her yawn the moment she began to consider rest I could see it all racing to catch up with her. "If you insist on no sleep there's nothing, I can do about that." I rested my hand on her arm If she did drift off, she would know without a doubt she wasn't alone. Not Like the last time.

"I don't have any reaper sticks handy." I chuckled, my thumb stroking her arm. I knew even with the coats between her and the hard surface she couldn't be very comfortable... but it was the view that made it perfect for her.

"Just watch the moon pass by Raven. Just the moon and the stars, nothing else matters." I stroked her arm again and whispered as low as I could. "I've got you."

Nothing else existed, no #MilesShaw... no panic attacks, no burning planets. Just the moon, the stars and the Stargazer.

•— Raven —•

Good he understood, I would rest with my friend. A short time. I would lay here watching the moon and the stars and I would just rest. My eyelids began to grow heavier, and heavier, I told myself I would sit up in the next minute and that I would get right back to work. I closed my eyes to blink, and they didn’t open again.

My body hurt, but I felt some warmth coming from him. And I could swear he said ‘I’ve got you.’?

‘Did I need to be protected?’ Was the last thought I had and then nothing.

•— John —•

Tension started to leave her body little by little, sometimes coming back all in a rush, when she was fighting  against the sleep, she insisted she didn’t need.

She was her own worst enemy, even now without the code eating away at her brain she was ready to work herself into an early grave. I had to find some way to her from destroying herself.

I rubbed her arm softly and lifted my hand to brush away a stray strand of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. My hand came to rest on the place on her upper back, the one spot on her body that I knew wasn’t littered with scars from her life on the ground.

I watched the moonlight shift over her features and begged the universe to keep her nightmares away.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WritingRP

[oktorpg]

New Beginnings with Old Memories- Book 3 – Chapter 2 - Together - SL 07

〄 ꜱᴛᴏʀʏʟɪɴᴇ - 7

𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

  ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @LittleBirdRey & @ToldUIdSurvive

     ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3: ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴀʏ ɪꜱ ᴜᴘ

        ╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: ² ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ  @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

    ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

〄   ❝ 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘵. ❞ ― 𝙄𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙖 ��𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙝𝙞

•— Raven —•

The room was no longer one I wanted to be in. looking from side to side for a walk out however all paths were blocked. The War room of Eligius IV had been converted to accommodate the people who were here to make the key decisions. These were the people who would make or break the time we had to send up in in orbit for the next five years, and it was safe to say that I had less confidence in them now, and I have hope two days ago when we had works so hard to save as many of them as possible.

The conclave had made it so that all those who once wore the mantel of Leader was gone, leaving those who weren’t fit to make choices for their people, and who wouldn’t have been in this room otherwise. Some of them couldn’t see past their own noses to know how-to live-in pace, and a number of times strong words had ended with #Nate and #Bellamy jumping into to set those who threw fists back down in the chairs. Reminding them that their invitations on the table could have been as easily revoked as it was extended.

‘How long will they do this for?’ #Miles stool with his back against the wall just as I was.

I refused to take a seat at the table, I wasn’t going to take away a seat from someone who could end up bring peace to all those living souls on this ship. I wish I could have said the same for #Griffin. #Marcus, #Abby, #Clarke, #Octavia, and #Monty.  all seat around the table. And in my eyes that was four more than the Grounders were being given.

“Hells if I know, it’s not like they have all been living in pace while they had ground beneath their feet. So, if I were guessing. This could take a while.”

Right then #Monty’s voice came from the far side of the room. He pushed up to make his voice travel. ‘We are not trying to hurt anyone. All I am saying… until the farm is up and running, until we can test what is produced, we will not be able to make the supplied starch for too long without people beginning to question why we have come up here. I need time.’

#Indria stood next, with the voiced all trying to speak over one another as translations were being made. ‘They are trying to save all our people. We are all one now. Oso souda kom op ogeda. (We must come together.)

A clan man looking to be in his late 50s stood up in uproar. ‘And you want us to trust these people? They want  to make our people? No… We will not let them kill us up here. We would have been better off on the ground.’

Those words hit me hard like a slap in the face. Had I done wrong by these people? I knew that coming to space, taking their feet off the ground would take some time to adjust. But there were talking of death over a cryosleep?

I was unaware of my reaction until I felt a squeeze on my clenched fist. ‘Breath Raven, he doesn’t know what he is talking about. You did the right thing, and as soon as this guy works it out.’ #Miles whispered it into my ear. ‘Let’s go, we can tell them we have some work to do.’

He tugged my hand out from behind my back and began to push to clear a path for us to leave.

•— John —•

“I hate this.” I murmured, walking the corridors with #Luna and #Emori I thought it was a terrible idea, the so-called Friekdreina and the Blood traitor. But #Luna insisted that we could not hide away between performing the tasks that had been set for us. That if they believed  we were afraid they would target us with more than stares and slurs.

Even I was getting dirty looks from some of the grounders now. I was the reason that their kids were hungry. Only the children of the soldiers and Sangedakru seemed to understand hunger. Someone hissed and purposedly bumped into #Emori. Deliberate and hard, he hissed… actually hissed like a snake. My hand shot out and fisted the front of his shirt yanking him towards me as I through my head and back to head-butt him.

But before I felt the inevitable burst of pain someone grabbed a fistful of my hair and twisted my arm behind my back, pinning me to the wall. “What the fuck #Luna!?” I couldn’t see her. But no one else could move like that.

‘Ban ou.’ (Leave) #Luna said cooly to the man as his friends watched. These people were not warriors, Trikri maybe… but not fighters.

She let me go when the left. I rubbed my cheek where she had plastered me to the wall. My arm didn’t even twinge… I wasn’t sure how that was possible. But my scalp smarted like a bitch, I dragged my hand through my hair. “I thought the whole point of this little parade was to so them we aren’t afraid.” I caught my breath.

#Emori laughed. “You think it's funny.”

‘Hilarious actually… she tossed you like a rag doll.’ She teased.

“Oh yeah, it's really cool when the lethally trained warrior starts pulling hair.” I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

‘We don’t just show them that we are not afraid, we show them how to walk a better path.’ #Luna’s Zen Master routine returned. She turned to #Emori and took her covered hand in both of hers. ‘Yu ste yongon kom sanas… Yu nou muka kom foutaim. Yu’s yuj gon oso aftaim.’ (You are a child of the sands. You are not a stain from the past. You are the strength of our future.)  #Luna told her.

#Emori pulled her hand back. ‘Damn right I am.’ She smirked.

“Oh right… now she gets all  deep and wise… where was that wisdom when you were pulling my hair like a little bitch.” I teased her, keeping the mood #Emori had set. She hated the deep, zen stuff too.

‘All is fair in battle, John.’ #Luna walked on leaving #Emori and me to roll our eyes at each other and follow her.

‘Do you think the meeting is over yet?’ Emori asked.

“No way… they’ll be at for hours. Cryo is the only way… There’s no way an algae farm can sustain us all.”

‘Explain it to us on more time, John?’ Luna asked and I sighed but tried again to explain it  in the simplest way I could which was pretty simple, because the extent of my knowledge was that it preserves your body exactly how it was… and in theory, it could be done indefinitely. I knew very little about the science but all I knew was that when you woke up you felt  like only moments had passed… if you were wounded or sick you would wake up that same way.

•— Raven —•

‘Rey? What are you doing out here, is the meeting over?’ #Harper and #Jax came rushing up the corridor towards #Mile and I.

“No, it’s still going on. I’ve just had enough of it all for now. And it’s not like I was needed in there.”

The exchanges a look, one I didn’t like the feel of. “Why, what’s going on?” They did it again, making the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

‘We didn’t see it all, but we’ve been told a lot of it by those I have been healing in the med  bay..’ #Jax started. ‘They are simple people, some of them are trouble makers however not them all.’

Holding my hand out, this time #Miles and I were the ones to exchange a look. ‘What are you trying to tell us?’ He asked #Jax. Who gave  the pilot a head to toe glance.

“Jax?” Frustration, quoting my voice now, it had been a long day as it was.

‘ There was an incident just now. With some of the grounders and…’ her looked to #Harper who finished off the sentence.

‘Some of the grounders aren’t being respectful to Emori and Luna. They won’t take the rations if Emori has touched them. They are spiting at Luna’s direction and calling her blood traitor. Calling Emori Friekdreina.’

“Fuck!” Rubbing my  throbbing forehead. We knew there were chances of something like this happening. But there was a hope that togetherness and the fact that we all survived together would have won out on their biased.

‘That’s not all, Murphy was about to  get into a fight. But Luna stopped it before it got out of hand.’

“It just keep getting better and better. I have to go back into the meeting. Marcus has to put a stop to this.” A plan was hatched in my mind as it turned and walked towards the door I had just come out of.

•— John —•

People started to give us a wider berth whispering to each other as we passed. They whispered and looked away… glancing wearily at #Luna. Well, this had gone differently than expected… but if this trend kept up it might just be problem  solved… But still, I didn’t know how long it would be before I could let either of them leave the room alone. They could both handle themselves in a fight, especially #Luna. But there were so many things up here that they didn’t understand… in a fight with another grounder all it would take is for some the hit a wrong button and we could all get sucked out into space.

We turned another corner and stopped in our tracks. #Emori bumping into me. Raven, #Jax, #Harper and #Miles was huddled in conversation. Raven looked pissed.

‘Looks like that meeting didn’t go very well.’ #Luna whispered.

Raven started the walk away and the three of us rushed to the group. “Hey…” I called out. “Is the meeting over? What   happened in there?”

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ ꜱʜᴀᴡ‘ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Watching Raven Reyes walking away from the rest of us felt wrong, even if she looked like a bat out for blood. I had known this woman for so little time, however I could feel a connection towards her.

You had to be blind now to see her passion for those she cares for, and her need and desire to learn whatever you were willing to share with her.

But right now, her back straight, her hands clenched into fists, they limp in her step was not a handicap. It was a weapon just like the rest of her.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?’

I didn’t recognise the voice until turning around to see the one they called Murphy Stradling up, with  the two women you could never find him without? Arching my brow, and making a note to ask Raven what the deal was there. Were this three in some kind of polyamorous relationship? Was that still a thing?

‘No, it’s not over.’ #Harper whispered to him. ‘And would you keep it down!’ She then hissed. Beckoning the three over.

The taller to the two other girls with the big curly hair asked something, but it was a language I did not understand. With one with the head scarf on spoke too. And again I had no idea what was being said. So, with my arms crossed over my chest and my legs slightly parted I stood there watching them all.

#Harper looked uncomfortable. ‘Shaw would you mind repeating what Rey said before?’ She gave me a half smile.

“Uhm. Yeah. Sure. I can give a summary.” Trying not to look at the Murphy guy, something was off with him. “The groups. Clans? As you call them. They are all fighting for their own groups. The Blake  girl.”

‘Octavia’ #Jackson corrected me.

“Right her. She says that she leads all the clans now. That they are all one.”

Shifting on my feet. “But as we left, I could hear what was being said once Raven left ahead of me… Some of them.. the clans said that there is a true… dark blood?”

‘Night blood’ This time #Harper helped.

“Right. So they want a… fight or something between the two. That only when could there be a true ruler of all.”

All eyes turned to the curly haired girl and then there was silence. My eyes moved up the corridor where she had vanished. “Raven doesn’t want to be in there with all those people fighting. And now.. She’s gone in again.”

‘Why?’ The curly haired one asked. My eyes moved onto her.

“Because she was told that you three are being treated unjustly.” I said dead pan. She had gone back in there for these three.

•— John —•

My blood boiled at the way he watched Raven… He had no I what he was actually seeing as she walked away. Her passion to do what was right, to protect the people she cared about. Her determination and her unwillingness to compromise her moral code to achieve it. She would always find a way that didn’t involve slaughter or abandoning people to die, because to her that was the same thing. And pain… the subtle hints of pain in every single step that wrenched at my guts.

I looked around when Harper told me to be quiet. “Sorry, McIntyre I forgot we're back under Kane’s dictatorships again.” I chuckled. Good luck to him enforcing that with the grounders following Octavia. Who would have ever thought that the butterfly girl/psycho assassin would be a step up?

‘Jon, hod op.” (John, Stop.) she told me and turned to Emori. ‘Yu vout Reivon gaf bak kos yumi? Som op skechi?’ (Do you think Raven has gone back in there because of us?) She asked.

‘Sha… Em’s go  wortrie. Em be get in oso kik raun dison.’ (Yes… She’s on the warpath. She should know that we can take this.) Emori said back and the utter confusion on Miles’ face gave me a spark of joy. #Harper and #Jax had very little Trig, if any at  all, but they weren’t phased by others speaking it anymore.

‘Oktieva Kom Skaikru na dula Lexa Kom Trikru flashpa bilaik fousen…’ #Luna whispered to herself.

I didn’t have to respond before I stepped in front of #Luna, rage seething below  the surface. “Fuck no!” I shouted over their conversation… #Luna’s earlier question was confirmed. “No way! They aren’t throwing her into a death match they can have #Kane.” I knew #Luna could take #Octavia in a conclave…. But she would, she  would die before raising a blade.

‘John calm down.’ #Jackson helps up a placating.

“#Harper? Where are #Monty and #Japser right now?”

‘Monty is in the meeting and Jasper is probably watching the first Algea culture. Why?’

“Fine… Just  Jasper it is then… Let’s go.” I started walking… they followed, even #Shaw, probably out of curiosity.

‘What’s the plan here, John?’ #Emori asked warily… knowing the look I get when I’m plotting.

“Jasper Is going to hack the armoury  locks for us and #Shaw here is going to tell us where the most defensible room on this ship is. And we are keeping them away from Luna until Raven works her magic.” I explained, still walking.

Shaw chuckled darkly and stopped walking. ‘No, he most certainly is not.’ He crossed his arms and I turned to face him, returning his shit-eating grin.

•— Raven —•

With the doors opened both #Clark and #Bellamy looked at the door and my return with worried explanation.

#Octavia banged get fist to the table sending ripples through the room. The jolt of which even made me stop.

What had I missed? Should I have left? They were all fighting over such nonsense, that I knew I could be doing better things with my time. And yet.

‘O, stop. It’s not happening.’ #Abby and a#Inda both said. One in our tongue and the other in trig.

My gaze moved around the room, #Marcus, #Monty, no one would meet my eyes. “What is going on?” I broke the silence.

All the eyes turned in unison upon me. And then the whispers began.

‘She is with her.’

‘They are close. Like sisters.’

‘Use  her, to make it happen.’

My last nerve was being tested. And then it clicked. They were talking about Luna? The moment it dropped, Clark rushed over.

‘It’s not happening Rey, we will not allow it. Luna will not be made to fight.’

“No  fucking way! You people are you going to touch a hair on Luna’s body. And before you think of using me. Remember one thing. I will float myself before I become a weapon in your hands.”

My eyes landed on a face I knew too well. It was the  father of the girl I helped to bring on board. “We are here to live, to survive and not even twenty-four hours into these five years we have to live together you all started this bull shit again? You need to be BETTER! You have to become  BETTER! This is not about life and death up here now. It’s about how WE ALL help to make it to the end.”

I was looking with my hazel eyes locked in him. I was speaking with them all. But I didn’t look away from him.

He stood up to calm  those who were shouting over me now, telling them to sit. So, that meant he has some power.

He asked me in trig. What I would do.

“I would have faith in the people who brought you here. I left those I love to die to make this work. And here we are. Trust in knowing that up here. Like O has said. We are all ONE PEOPLE TOGETHER. Oso Kik Thru, Ogeda!!”

He stood looking at me. Nothing was said for a long while. And then he whispered. ‘Oso Kik Thru, Ogeda.’

•— John —•

I threw my hands up just in time to stop myself from faceplanting into the wall. Something heavy and metal clanged behind me.

‘#Shaw!’ Doc Lite yelled… with more authority than I had ever heard from him. ‘You’re taking this too far.’

I  turned to face them all through the heavy bars of the officers’ brig. ‘Too far?’ He chuckled. ‘Are you serious? He was literally plotting a mutiny, or have you all conveniently developed amnesia?’

‘It was hardly a mutiny… he was just pulling a Murphy.’ #Harper said… was that in my defence?

‘He just wants to protect #Luna.’ #Emori said plainly, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘The people in that room want her to fight to the death with one of their people… maybe even  the other clan leaders.’

#Miles looked from me to Emori to Luna, confused… maybe even a little concerned. ‘He was still plotting a break-in to the armoury… he can stay here until all of this is sorted out. And count himself lucky he isn’t  in the prisoners' cells.’

He turned to leave and slammed my hands against the bars thunked and hummed a high-pitched noise. “Shaw!” I barked. “If anything happens to her because I’m in here… even if she wins… I’ll fucking kill you!”

“SHUT  UP, MURPHY!!” #Harper and #Jackson said in unison. #Emori and #Luna mirrored the sentiment in Trig.

Soldier boy just glared at me. ‘I’m going back in there to find what this insanity about a deathmatch is… Then we can deal with this shit show.’ He waited at the door, wanting the others to leave. No one moved. I smiled to myself.

‘I don’t think you understand how this works… He is in custody He doesn’t get unsupervised time with his potential conspirators. Unless you’d like  to join him in the next cell?’ #Miles condescended… but his logic was undeniable… not that I would ever admit to that. Emori stepped up like she was about to volunteer… or punch him so he would arrest her too. That would have been a sight to see!

“Emori, hod op.” (Emori, wait.) I said. “Ste kamp raun Natblida-de. Ste ogeda.” (Stay with the Nightblood. Stay Together) I didn’t want to use #Luna’s name. Just to confuse the good toy soldier. “Hon Reivon daun… Ste kamp raun em. Bilaik kilr.” (Find Raven. Stay with her. Be safe.)

They were all tilting their hands now. #Luna and #Emori nodded. They filed out slowly, #Miles muttering something about how an idiot like me learns a whole language in such little time.

•— Raven —•

#Marcus, #Abby, #Clarke and sat at their sides of the table. Each one of them on one side, while #Octavia tried to place herself in a neutral zone. She was the commander now, well she was until the grounders all saw #Luna alive and well on this ship.

My hands were against my side fisted up and it wasn’t until I felt the callused hand taking one, in theirs with a whisper in my ear saying. ‘Breathe Rey…  Have a little faith in your plan. This will work out.’

I hadn’t meant to show my emotions, however, it was now clear that I hadn’t hidden my annoyance? #Bellamy had moved himself around to the wall beside me, unfurling my fingers and curling his into them. ‘I’m here. I’m with you.’ He told me and I knew what it meant. If this came to blows, then he would fight beside me.

Time was moving fast and slow all at once as rules were being made to be in place. Until the last one was sat on the table (metaphorically).

‘All people on this ship will be treated as equals.’ They all liked the idea of it. ‘We will all vote and all actions will be taken together.’ #Kane added. Some part of my mind went to the times gone. When this was meant to be how we all lived on the Ark. However, by the time we left that place. People were being floated for any reason.  

One of the leaders who had been in my eyes, made a face. He had been unhappy with a lot of what had been agreed here. And now he had an issue with this rule too?

‘Emori.’ #Nate whispered to #Bellamy and Me. ‘I bet they are all thinking of her.’

‘They can think all they want. I will float them… he stopped feeling me stiffen. ‘I won’t really do it Rey, just feels good to say it.’

The doors opened to the side and #Miles walked in with a stride and a deadpan look on his face. ‘What’s going on?’ #Bellamy asked.

Leaning in he whispered to the three of us and I closed my eyes. “Hells, what is wrong with that boy?” I glanced over the table seeing #Clarke’s eyes on us. The girl noticed everything. She nodded as #Bellamy mouthed to her that we had to go. Leaving #Nate in here with a few of the others he trusted to protect the backs of those who were our family.

〄 〄 〄 〄 〄

Everyone had so much to say in the corridor, they all had their own ideas and their input. Finally, I asked everyone to stay out of the brig as I pushed the door keypad, listening for the sound of the click and the doors open before stepping inside. Stopping just on the brink of the brig I looked and found him behind the locked bars too fast. He kind of looked at home. And that was saying something.

“We aren’t even up here for that long John Murphy. And you are planning a mutiny? Once again, all about your actions, with no faith on what the rest of us are trying to do here I see?” My arms were crossed over my chest, and I held him in my gaze.

•— John —•

When everyone left there was no sound apart from the eerie machine hum… I hated it. This ship didn’t sound at all like the Ark and I missed the sound of wind and rain… Even in the Mansion, you could hear the sounds that a world made just by  existing. Here it was all whirs and clang and occasionally rattles. And any deviations in the patterns could spell death for all of us on board…

That may have been alarmist thinking… but there were logical thoughts in my head too. Like… “We’re in space John… it was only a matter of time before you found yourself in lock up.” I said to myself, I sat on the bench that was shockingly wooden and attached to steel brackets. I paced. I lay on the bed… only one…

“Hmm… officers got their own digs even in lock-up? Fancy.” I turned into the wall and there I saw…

M.S con sympathizer

Scraped into the wall above the bed… “Well, Well… #Shaw ratted out his own men…” I smirked, that was good info to save for a later  date. Minutes stretched by too slowly… there was nothing in here to mark the passage of real-time.

I paced and walked, I sat and stood and paced some more. I knew it was only minutes that went by… it felt like hours. My skin was crawling  like it was covered in eighty-nine days of filth… the air started to smell like stale wine and body odour.

It wasn’t real.

Then just as a voice in the back of my mind replayed the eerie robotic voice… ‘Too many people.’ And my  chest was about to explode the door beeped and swoosh open.

“Raven!” I gasped and rushed to the door of the cell… it was still locked of course. I tried to squash my anxiety as best I could.

“It wasn’t a mutiny I just wanted somewhere secure to hold up with Luna until you found a way to stop this conclave death match bullshit.” I said in rushed, quiet tones. “We both know #Luna preaches peace because if she doesn’t… if she has to fight to defend herself, she will… She’s  conditioned to, she won’t be able to stand there and let them kill her. She WILL kill Octavia and the grounders will make her Heda. It’s her worst nightmare.”

I pushed against the bars.

“Do you think Clarke and Bellamy will let Luna live  if she kills #Octavia? Even if the psycho-assassin agreed to the match. I won’t watch her die too, Raven! Not in a match and in some convenient airlock accident.”

•— Raven —•

The anger that had gathered up in my chest disappeared the moment I saw his face, something was wrong and with a blink of seeing where he was and how he felt about ben locked up. The facts dropped. His eyes, the fear the look of a trapped man in a cage, all his nightmares came to life when he was like this.

Taking a few steps forward, my fingers slipped into my pocket and around the key card that would open the locked bars from around him. Until that is, when he started to speak.

It was light in here, there was nowhere for me to hide the hurt and the fear and the stupidity of this man before me.

“John…” Rubbing at my temple trying to find my words.  “You still haven’t learnt your lesson have you? You still have no faith in the rest of us. You think you are the only one who wants to save Luna, and you think by getting the guns out from a locked safe place is the way to go about it. This is day ONE!” My ager seeping out at the last word. “We have five years of this to go. And you the first opportunity you got. You had NO FAITH that we could control and fix this.”

Taking a step back from him and the locked cage he was stuck behind. “You just went and repeated the same crap you did on the island here. And you think you are trustworthy.” Backing out of the room I pushed the bottom for the door to open. “I’m so done with you Murphy. I’m done with being seen as the enemy.” Because that was what he saw us as. Clarke, Bellamy, Nate, Me… who knows who else he had no trust in.

Backing out to the room, pushing the card into Luna’s chest. “He is all yours. You can do what you want with him. I am done.”   She took a hold of my hand to stop me.

‘Jon ste trana gon sisen, ai stasis.’ (John is trying to help, little sister.) She squeezed the card back into my hand, telling me to go back and free him. ‘Seingeda mour yuj ogeda.’ (Family is stronger together.) she whispers.

Closing my eyes to stop the now deep thudding in my head. “Family also trusts one another. He doesn’t.” This time I pushed the key card back into her hands and started back down the corridor.

‘What does this mean?’ #Jax called out from behind.

“It means, that John Murphy is a fool. Luna and Octavia are safe. And I have work to do.”

•— John —•

(#TriggerWarning: PTSD, Anxiety)

She thought I did this because I didn’t believe in her… But that was the farthest thing from the truth. I did it because I didn’t trust anyone else… “No Raven… you’re not understanding… There are hundreds of  people on this ship and there is only a small handful I trust… I just wanted to keep Luna out of their hands until you could make them see sense.”

She was so angry… I could see it in her eyes as she walked away. When she told #Luna she was  done she meant it. I had burned down the last bridge. I dug my fingers into my hair and muttered to myself. “I was just trying to protect my family.”

When I looked back up she was gone… I squinted through the bars as the room start to tilt  to one side. “Raven… You can’t let them leave me in here!” I rattled the cage door as much as I could, which wasn’t a lot. The bars were solid. #Jasper and #Emori rushed forward.

‘No one is leaving you in here, John. Relax.’ #Jasper said.

Relax? Were they insane? How could anyone relax when all the I was being sucked out of the room until your lungs ached? The world tilted and rocked, my chest was in an invisible voice and there was screaming in my ear blocking out the voice I knew so well with complete strangers.

【 𝔼𝕣𝕚𝕔 𝕁𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕤𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍 】

⤷

I saw it start before it happened Murphy’s face flushed, and his chest started to rise and fall too fast. His pupils dilated so wide that the pale colour of his eyes was almost gone. Veins distended in his neck and at his temple. He started mumbling about he couldn’t do it again, he couldn’t survive as he paced the cage I swore I heard him say something about pulling the trigger. I turned to  #MilesShaw “You need to let him out of there.” I told him, I wouldn’t find out until later that he didn’t have the key.

‘No one is letting him out of there like that… The guy is insane!’ He watched John all but break his hands on the metal  bars. The others tried yelling at him to calm down that was when I saw Luna flash a card over the touch panel. ‘Hey stop! You can’t let him out of there like that he’ll hurt someone.’ #Shaw tried to be heard over the others. #Luna was  fighting to restrain John now he wasn’t even forming words anymore. She was trying to keep him from injuring himself.

“He has PTSD… Lieutenant!” I spat a little harshly. “You’d think a former soldier would get that.” He stepped backwards twice But I was rushing into the cell now #Jasper and #Luna were trying to tell him the door was unlocked and he needed to calm down so they could take him out. But he was fighting them, even Luna was struggling to hold him. He was deep in the grips of a panic attack. There were red welts on his cheek from him hitting himself before we got to him. His lip was bleeding… like he might have bitten it. All minor, he had survived much worse.

‘Uh, Jax…’ #Jasper said to my left as I  knelt in front of him. ‘He’s bleeding.’

I was about to tell him not the worry about it until I saw that he wasn’t talking about his lip… blood dripped from his clenched fist, and his fingernails were digging into his palms. “Dammit John. Look at me!” Shouted to get his attention. “You need to breathe, This is a panic attack at will pass, just breathe.”

‘I… Can’t…’ He wasn’t angry anymore he was afraid.

#Jasper shoved in between us and I huffed in annoyance. ‘Hey… listen, John.’ He grabbed one of his hands and leaned in. ‘It feels like a heart attack and like you're drowning all at once, right?’

Murphy nodded, tears on his cheek gasping for air.

‘I’ve been there… but there's a way out. Just look around… Tell me three things you can see.’ John didn’t respond. ‘Trust me John, anything at all you can see.’

He took a breath so he could gasp the word. ‘Bed.’ And looked back to #Jasper. ‘Cage… door.”

‘Good. Now three things you can smell.’ John seemed the stop fighting while his mind scrambled for an answer. ‘Recycled air.’ It took a while to get the words out. ‘Sweat.’ I pressed my fingers to the pulse at his wrist. John inhaled through his nose, his pulse started to  steady. ‘Antiseptic.’ John said… it was probably off of me.

‘Brilliant… Almost there. Name three things you can touch.’ Jasper demanded now. John was sucking in deep, long breaths now.

‘Floor.’ He unclenched his hand and wiped ad bloody  smear on the floor. He looked at #Luna still holding him even though he wasn’t fighting any more. ‘Luna… crappy prison uniform.’ He touched his jumpsuit and we all laughed a little at that.

#Luna helped him sit up and he buried his face  into his hands, unknowingly leaving streaks of blood on his forehead and cheeks. The cuts on his hands were already starting to scab.

‘Better?’ Jasper asked and John just nodded. ‘Good because #Jackson was about to reaper stick you. So I was really hoping that would work… Ready to get out of here?’

John agreed and we helped him up. ‘Where’s Raven?’ Asked like he couldn’t remember.

‘I can go get her if you want?’ #Emori’s voice was smaller than normal.

‘No!’ John answered too fast… ‘She doesn’t need to… I don’t want her to see this. She has enough to do without dealing with my shit too.’

He moved out into the corridor, and I noticed #Shaw was gone too. It took me a long time to convince John to come with me to the med bay… but it was time… this kid was broken and if we didn’t help him soon, we could lose him.

He walked ahead with #Emori and #Jasper, I turned to #Luna with a heavy heart. “Farcry from the boy that stole medicine to save a little girl.” I whispered.

‘No.’ #Luna shook her head, never looking away from them. ‘That is exactly the boy who stole medicine to save a child.’

•— Raven —•

『    ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ ꜱʜᴀᴡ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ    』

“These people are crazy! It’s as though I’ve woken up in the twilight zone with no way out.”

Coming to a stop outside the doors of the engineering deck I could see in through the glass windows. To anyone who didn’t know what to look for, the place would seem deserted. But in the days, I’d gotten to know her I could see the tell tail signs that Raven Reyes had gone in and was now working under the transport ship. She had learnt to work around all the equipment and the tools on the deck that I didn’t even know the names off.

Just as I tapped the keypad opening the doors, I had to react fast and duck out of the way because there was a spanner coming for my head.

‘Hells! Why is everything working against me today?’ She was upset, angry and taking it out on whatever came to hand.

“What did the spanner do to upset you?” She stopped in the middle of rolling out from under the ship. Giving me a quizzical look.

‘It’s not a good time Miles.’

I liked the way my name sounded on her lips. The way she unlike everyone else didn’t call me Shaw. There was a friendliness to seeing her beautiful hazel eyes, full of honesty when I could tell everyone else was hiding something from the crew and me.

“I know, I can tell from the way tools are flying.” She looked sheepishly towards the door.

‘I’m sorry. I’m being rude and I don’t mean to be. Its just…’ her eyes were red, as if she had been crying.

“I get it. It’s a lot to deal with, and that Murphy guy isn’t helping himself.

Raven looked lost in her thoughts before she went back to work. ‘He means well. Most of the time. He just doesn’t always look at the consequences of his reactions and actions.’ Now she was defending him? What did he have on her? As I thought it I knew that it was just how this girl was. She would defend anyone to the death.

“Raven, the guy is messed up. He doesn’t know when to stop. Guns on a ship? Could you imagine what could happen if one went off? And now, he is acting like he has PTSD? And he is still willing to walk these close quarters, trying to kill and scare people?”

I wasn’t watching her, but at some point she’d stilled, rolled back out into the open and pulled herself up onto her feet. ‘What do you mean?’ Her voice was clipped now, with a nerve pulsing on her forehead.

Should I tell her? Would this upset her more than he had done so already?

『    ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ    』

Pushing my way past everyone who walked the corridors, I moved as fast as my leg would allow me. I needed to return back to where I had left John and the others. #Miles had reluctantly shared what had taken place once I left the cells with John still in there. Sure I was mad at him, sure he had once again acted without thinking, But wasn’t that just what John Murphy did? I had been the one in the bunker with him. I saw and heard all his fears. I had witnessed the lost boy on that beach breaking down his walls and I had left him locked in a jail cell on this ship. What was wrong with me?

‘Raven, he isn’t there. They must have taken him out by now.’ #Miles walked beside me having caught up in no time.

“You don’t get it Miles; this is so messed up. I am so messed up.” Pulling at my hair tied back  to keep it out of my way.

‘No, no you didn’t. He was the one who was acting all crazy.’

“He is NOT crazy!” The word came out harsh and to the point. Making #Miles stop before he continued.

‘Okay. Okay. Fine. I get it. But this isn’t on you.’

The doors opened and just as #Miles had said, the cell was empty with no one left behind. The way it should have been when I found him locked up in here. Finding the door of the cell open I stepped inside.

“I messed up. I so messed up.” Closing my eyes, looking up to the ceiling with a feeling of light headedness coming over me. I was tired, I had been fighting for so long on so little sleep. That I couldn’t see John clearly in his moment of need. How was I any different to #Jaha? Hadn’t I just done the very same thing to him?

‘Raven. Please stop.’ #Miles stood outside the cell looking in.

“No Miles. I…” I stopped speaking as I dropped my head and opened my eyes. Looking at the metal floor of the cell to find bloody hand prints. “Was he hurt? Where did this blood come from?”  

•— John —•

[[#TriggerWarning References to PTSD, Anxiety attacks, and torture]]

I was sitting in the chair in the small office #Jackson had claimed after cleaning the cuts on my hands, they were nothing cuts really, they had just bled a lot more than  you’d think looking at them now, with not much more than a band aid covering them. My lip was swollen and there was definitely a lump coming up beneath my left eye, it was throbbing. But not enough to have accepted the painkillers that Doc  Lite tried to make me take.

#Jackson set a cup of water next to me and started talking in the super soft voice that he used on the kids and the dying. I flinched at the sound… remembering how people spoke to me when I was ten and left me to die in the med bay with minimal care.

‘John… do you know what just happened?’ He asked and I laced my fingers together to keep from shaking him and screaming at him to stop talking to me like I was a child. I wasn’t sure I could scream; my throat was raw. So, I kept my gaze on the floor and nodded, yes.

‘Can you tell me what it was?’ He pressed.

“You… said… panic attack.” I answered only because I knew #Emori wouldn’t let me leave until #Jackson gave the okay. She had been  shaken by everything that had gone down.

‘That’s right… Has anything like that ever happened to you before?’ He asked and I looked up at him with a furrowed brow.

“Of course…” I scoffed like he was stupid. “It happens to everyone. It's  over now. I just never had a name for it before.”

‘No, John. No. It doesn’t happen to everyone.’ #Jackson said, and his tone concerned me. ‘Can you tell me how many times it’s happened to you?’

I shrugged… how the hell was I meant to  answer that? I didn’t keep count. “I have no idea… let me check my journal.” I rolled my eyes. Jackson was sipping from a cup of water, and it made my throat feel dry. Was this some kind of subliminal psychology shit?

Dammit! I picked up  the cup and drained it. It was working. Jackson stood to refill the cup. “More than two?” He asked and walked back with the cup.

I nodded.

‘More than five?’ he pressed. I nodded again.

‘Ten?’

I shook my head. “I… don’t know-- I don’t  think so.”

He wrote something down... It pissed me off. Was he psycho analysing me? ‘Can you tell me about the first time? Or the first one you remember.’

“Not really… it wasn’t exactly… legal.” I flashed a smug grin.

‘I’m not interested  in busting you for anything, this conversation is protected by my doctor-patient confidentiality.’ He sipped his water again.

I cleared my throat! Fuck! I picked up the cup… again. “I had been to the drinking farm station moonshine, I  needed to find somewhere to crash because I wasn’t welcome at home… I can’t remember the particulars, but I woke up in a storage unit… it was locked and I couldn’t get out.”

‘So, this was before you went to the Skybox? You were fifteen when you were confined.’

“Before Mom died so I was thirteen… maybe fourteen.” I admitted dully. I couldn’t… I couldn’t talk about Mom. My knee started to jump up and down rapidly. “Do we have to do this right now?… it's not helping.”

#Jackson picked up the tablet and swiped and tapped it for a few seconds and held it out to me. “Look at this and tell me the man in that video doesn’t need any help.” The was a camera in the Brigg and me yanking on the doors. There was no sound… I  tensed as I watched… The door opened and I didn’t stop. “Why didn’t I stop?” I hadn’t meant to whisper those words.

#Emori didn��t come into the cell she pressed herself back against the wall and watched with her good hand clamped over her  mouth. “Shit!” I muttered.

‘That’s one way to put it, John.’ Jackson said still too soft… still too…. Caring.

‘No… not m—” I held out the tablet. “#Emori looks so scared, I need to talk to her. I must have freaked her out.” I stood to  leave but #Jackson held a hand up and all the softness vanished so suddenly that it stopped me in my tracks.

‘That was what stood out to you in that video?’ He said firmly enough that I gave the respect of replying.

“Look, I get it… I  fucked up. I’m sorry… I’m a bad, bad boy and it won’t happen again. Can I go check on my friend now?” I mimicked slapping myself on the back of my hand as I spoke.

‘Do you think you're in trouble, John? Do you think you’re here to be  punished?’ He looked genuinely offended.

“I mean… yeah.. kind of.” I admitted and immediately felt stupid. He was a fucking doctor, not a torturer. “No… maybe… I don’t—” I ground my teeth in frustration.

‘Sit down.’ He said and to my own surprise, I sat.

He kept asking me his head-shrinking questions… but he (thankfully) never brought my mother or father up. I told him about the other attacks I could remember. When I was locked in the dog cage in the grounder camp… trying to escape the drop ship after I had hung #Bellamy... how I didn’t find out until later that one of the bullets I’d shot into the floor had hit Raven… most of them had happened in the bunker… But I knew there were probably others I couldn’t  remember right now. Maybe in solitary on the Ark?

‘Most of these episodes seem to happen when you are trapped or locked in… would you agree with that?’ He asked.

“I guess… But who wants to be locked up, right?” I shrugged.

‘Have you ever heard of Cleithrophobe?’ He asked.

“Oh yeah… sure have! I had it for dinner yesterday.” I rolled my eyes, #Jackson remained surprisingly stoic. I was impressed by how he’d adapted from mushy Doc Lite to this take-less-shit version of  himself, so I humoured him. “Is it the thing where people are afraid of elevators and shit?”

‘Claustrophobia? No. But it's close. It is the fear of being trapped or confined.’ I shuddered when he said it.

“Awesome! I learned two new words today… can I please go now?” I wasn’t liking where this was going.

‘John…’ Jackson leaned forward, making me lean back. ‘We can help you with your anxiety here, the med bay is well stocked. We can help you cope with all of these things. You were  tortured… you were locked up without any human companionship for three months. You almost died more times than you can count. No one survives all of that without serious Post Traumatic Stress. We can treat you and help you sleep.’

I shook my head fervently, and locked my hands together again… “Absolutely not… No. No way.”

‘There is no sha—’ I cut him off.

“You think I give a shit what people think?” I snapped. “You think this place is well stocked… enough to keep me medicated for five years?”

‘Maybe… depending on –‘ I cut him off again.

“And when we get back to earth and I’m good and dependant on what you were giving me? Hmm?” I sniffed. “Let’s say there’s enough of these meds for five years… then  what?”

‘We can explore other therapies in the meantime John… teach you ways to cope and manage this condition. The medication is just….’

“To make me compliant?” I snapped again.

‘No… to make you feel better, to minimise your anxiety and help you sleep.’ He had gone all soft again.

I stood up… feeling tremors moving over my skin. They wanted to lock in my nightmares now too. “No!” I said firmly.

‘You need…’

“All I need is for you people to stop fucking locking me up!” I screamed at him.

•— Raven —•

‘Rey, we need you.’ The voice came from behind as I attempted to rush to the med bay.

“I will be there shortly. I really ne—” I was cut off.

‘We need you right now. We are making some head way with the council; however, no-one is going to agree on the next steps until they actually understand the what’s and the how’s of the plan.’ I knew this was important, but my hazel eyes moved down the corridor I’d bee headed down.

“Griff it’s not rocket…” I stopped myself. I knew that this would be coming, and this was why I had been trying to understand the way this ship worked from the moment it had become a feasible plan. My feet slowed to a stop as I turner to face her. She was showered with freshly wet hair, wearing one of the jumpsuits we all had been given. “When are we planning the little show and tell?”

#Miles moved from my side to squeeze my hand. ‘I’ll go to see what’s happening.’ He asked with Clarke giving the two of us a look.

‘See what’s happening where?’ She asked confused with what she was missing.

“Nothing at all.” I  told #Clarke, then to #Miles. “No, we need you to help with the showing of the ship and it’s facilities.”

‘Okay, let’s get over to the sleeper deck.’ A name given to the deck that housed the cyro beds.  ‘I told them all I would bring you down there.’

All I could do was nod my head, my heart crying out that I was failing everyone. The harder I was trying to make this all work, the faster and hard my downfall came.

‘He is in good hands.’ #Miles whispered into my ear. I knew he was right. John with those he trusted, and I knew I would be the last face he wanted to see right now.

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

This boy in front of me was so broken… and the worst of it was that he just accepted everything that had happened to him. He didn’t want the sympathy or the help he deserved; he didn’t feel victimised. In John  Murphy’s world, imprisonment, torture… fear, pain and trauma were just facts of life.

And yet this was the boy that stole medicine to save a little girl… then sat and waited to see if it worked, knowing he would be caught with whatever else  he’d pilfered. The boy that carried a completely unconscious Raven Reyes through a hail of gunfire… some of those bullets were fired by my own hand. I was too young to remember when his father was floated, I was only a few years older than  most of the delinquents sent to Earth. But I had completed his physical after he was arrested and read in his file about how his father had stolen the same antibiotics that he had already failed to respond to. He had been malnourished and slightly dehydrated… it had clearly been ongoing for quite some time, and the fact that he had started drinking illegal alcohol at the age of twelve hadn’t helped the problem.

He bounced back quickly in the Skybox when the was no one  trading away his ration points for booze. He seemed to almost thrive in there for all the wrong reasons… He was a survivor.

But this boy stood over me right now speaking to me like I was the enemy… he wasn’t surviving. The only person he  was a danger to was himself. I looked at the notes in my hand… If I wrote that down I would change his life forever. The only option up here would be forced medication or confinement. Both those options were going to send him into a spiral.

I cleared my throat and stood up… ignoring his anger. I pulled open a drawer and pulled out a blank notebook… paper was so rare… but just like in the mansion; there seemed to be a notebook on every single desk on the ship; if not  several.

“Okay.” I shrugged. “No medication…” He started to speak, and I cut him off this time. “If! If you agree to write in this once a day… about your thoughts… feelings… anything that makes you anxious, even your dreams.”

He narrowed  his ice-blue eyes. ‘I was joking about the journal thing, you know.’

“Frankly, I think it was a brilliant idea. Every day, John…or I will have to recommend medication to the Chief of Medical. And I want to meet with you every three days to  see how you’re doing.”

He looked at the book. ‘Are you going to read this?’

“Only if you want me to.” I said honestly. I was just trying to start a journey of self-reflection here.

‘I wouldn’t know where to start.’ He laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Start by writing about the things you did during the day… it might take a while, but things will start to come. At least one page, every day.”

‘And no meds….’ He eyed me like I was slowly backing him into a trap.

“I  can’t promise that… not without cooperation on your part John. But if you try… really try. I’ll help you stand your ground if it comes to that.”

‘So, if the panic thing happens again… It’s not something I have control over.’

“It’s not about  the panic attack John… it’s about you are making irrational decisions and hurting yourself.” I explained in that unemotional tone he responded to.

He laughed out loud at this. ‘You think I want to hurt myself? Have you met me? Everything I do is about survival.’

“It used to be… Now. Everything you do is about the survival of three people, and you aren’t one of them.” This seemed to strike a chord with him. I tapped the book in his hands. “Every day.” I jerked my chin to the door  letting him know he could go if he wanted to. He did… “John.” I stopped him before he opened the door. “Don’t let anyone else read that… Like I said… I will read whatever you want me to and it won’t ever go any further. But no one else. Not even Abby, understood?” I felt instant guilt.

John nodded and waved the book at me as he left, and I stood where I was; wondering if I’d just made a huge mistake.

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My mom, #Marcus, #MilesShaw, and Rey worked together walking the heads of the clans through the key points of cyro, my eyes were solemnly following Rey. Thinking to myself that she hides it well, the girl thought she was talented at hiding herself in plain sight. However, it was as far from the truth as we were from the sun.

Her and the pilot #MilesShaw had been whispering together all the way here to meet the others, and even now they shared looks when they thought no one watched them. But I was watching. Something was a miss here on the ship.

With the grounders… Sure we knew the clans would follow the winner of the conclave. But things changed the moment they all lay eyes on #Luna. On one side there sat a true nightblood. One they all knew to be a traitor, however still one of them. And on the other hand, there sat #Octavia the champion who won fairly. And still some of these people weren’t willing to let go. That was until Rey spoke to them in a language that touched hearts. But still they had a tension that we couldn’t break.

#Indra and #Octavia were both hanging back, they were learning as well as watching the grounders closely. I have to admit that #Indra was the best mentor our #Octavia could hope for. With Marcus on one side and #Indra on the other side. I could see this working.

‘Do you think they will trust us?’ #Nate and #bellamy were stood watching everyone with me.

‘They have no choice but to.’ #Bellamy said.

“This has to be their choice. If this is going to work.” Speaking low. “We cannot bulldoze them into doing this. O was right with that point.” #Bellamy looked shocked. “I do listen to what is being said you know.”

‘Yeah, but that doesn't mean you will agree.’

Lifting my chin over to Rey, I ask them both. “Does Rey seem okay to you both?”

#Bellamy replied first. ‘She’s not sleeping, she has a lot on her shoulders, and I believe she is beating herself up about the timeline of our return to Earth. So, no. I don’t think she is okay.’

‘She does seem to have built a friendship with #Shaw. Maybe that will help. Someone new to talk to?’ #Nate added.

Rey climbed into one of the pods, laying herself down for the others to see. Explaining how it will feel when people are put to sleep.

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I sat in the medbay waiting while John spoke to the doctor. I had seen him have nightmares and he’d told me about the bunker; but seeing him like that… the fear in his eyes and hearing the way he gasped for air like a dying man, hit me hard. It was the first time I had truly seen how deep his scars ran.

When he finally came out he was holding a book and looked… better in some ways and worse in others. His eyes were still bloodshot and there was a red  bump on his cheek, his lip was swollen... again.

#Jasper made his way over to him. ‘Oh man… he gave you homework too.’

John gave half a smile. I wondered for a moment what the hell homework was and quickly decided that it probably didn’t  matter. Half of the things that came out of #Jasper’s mouth made no sense. He reached for John’s shoulder, pausing mid-motion like he was gauging his reaction before touching him… like you would with an unruly stallion so you didn’t get  bitten. He must have decided that John wasn’t going to bite because he set his hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake.

‘You’ll be okay…’ #Jasper told him. I noted how he made a point not to ask if he was okay.

John nodded and  then walked over to me, he gave me that half smile and then he hugged me. ‘I’m sorry I freaked you out.’ He whispered, but I still heard how strained his voice was, from screaming or the panic attack; I didn’t know.

“It’s okay… I just didn’t know how to help.” I whispered back.

#Luna put her hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her. ‘John… Look at me... I need you to focus and hear this.’ John nodded and she continued. ‘Raven never planned on leaving you in that  cell. She gave me the key before she left.’

“I know.” He replied. “I know… I just…” He scrunched up his nose. “I know that now…” Something in his pocket beeped. He pulled out the screen he carried at all times now and exhaled. “I um… I  gotta go to work… the rations won’t pass themselves out.”

#Luna and I were both about to protest and tell him; No, the others could take care of it today… but Jasper spoke before we could. ‘No guys… Let him go. He'll be fine.’ He smiled at  John. ‘Right? Back to normal… whatever the hell that means.’

The boys clasped hands. ‘Whatever the hell that means’ John said. They smiled like it was an inside joke. I had spent a lot of time with these guys, and they had never made a joke like this before. Jasper told him he would stay with us... and I knew that was for John’s sake, that he would feel better if someone from Skaikru was with us. Because our safety was the real source of all his anxiety.

I waited for him to  leave, and I turned to Jasper. ‘Find out where Raven is. I need to talk to her. Now.’

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Miles broke the news to us about Murphy’s last plan, and sure a part of me got it. There wasn’t a stone I wouldn’t turn, or a person I wouldn’t fight to keep #Octavia safe. And I had done my fair share of stupid things to keep my kid sister safe in the past. But… I would never have gone looking…. Wait… Who the Fuck are we kidding right now. If I wasn’t in the room where everything was going down. If I didn’t know that we had this all-in hand. I would have been right next to Murphy, looking for those weapons to keep #Octavia from fighting again.

Wait… Was I really agreeing with him now? I guess I was. But it didn’t mean I needed to tell anyone about it.

‘Well, what do we think? Will that be enough to stop the tensions on the ship? And will they agree with us on the path that needs to be taken?’ My sister stood with her legs apart and her arms crossed over her chest. Speaking with the others.

#Indra seemed to be considering her answer before saying anything. ‘Mebi em , Oso na souda hod op en ai op.’ (Maybe, we will have to wait and see.)

‘They need a little time; this is all a lot for them to comprehend. We gave them so much information to consider.’ #Abby moved towards the doors now with the others to leave and catch up with the grounders. Except for Raven. She had a deep worried look in her eyes.

“Rey what are you doing?” I asked her while watching her tired body moving slower across the room.

‘I need to change the door codes for each door leading up to here. As much as I want to trust every member of the new council, we know it would be a mistake to trust anyone until we have their answer and their word.’

I wanted to tell her she had more faith in the people on this ship than I did. And if she wasn’t fully sold on the fact that we could become one people up here. Then all bets were off.

‘Don’t stay too long Raven, you need to go to your room and get yourself some rest.’ #Marcus told her and then we all left.

I would have stayed with her, it looked like she needed a friend right now to talk to. But I couldn't leave my sisters side. Not right now.

We weren’t even half way down the corridor when #Jasper came running at us. ‘Have you guys seen Rey?’ He asked #Nate and me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

‘Nothing, I just need Rey.’ He was out of breath. So, we pointed to the cryo room. But instead of running towards it. He ran off back the way he came.

“That boy has lost his mind.” I shook my head.  

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴀɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I didn’t have time to explain myself to Bellamy… #Emori was hot on my heels, and it looked like she was on the warpath. I need to give Rey the heads-up. I typed in the code for the sleeper deck; the display beeped and flashed green, and I moved inside. I typed the next code into one of the sleeper rooms… but the display buzzed angrily and turned red. “What the…” Down the hall, I heard shuffling footsteps.

I made my way towards them and saw Rey with a tablet and an open locking panel… “Are we changing the codes?” I asked in confusion. “Never mind… #Emori is looking for you… but there’s something you need to know before she catches up… about John.”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I made my way  to the mess hall, the two grounders assigned to help were already setting out the rations and the water bottles. I set the new journal on the table that separated us from the people coming to collect their evening meal.

Breakfast was a thick sludge-like excuse for porridge, it was packed with essential vitamins and minerals, and it tasted of nothing… which I suppose was preferable to something unpleasant. Dinner consisted of rock-hard but slightly sweet biscuits and  nutrition packs. These contained a paste with a nutty, slightly salty flavour. The children and one pregnant grounder woman on board got one of these with breakfast too. Each package was opened when it was being passed out to prevent the establishment of trading or sharing of rations that might lead to people going hungry to feed weaker family or clan members. After the assigned meal time was done, we delivered rations to those that weren’t able to make it to the  mess.

People began to trickle in, and I took names, marking them off of my list and they proceeded along the line where they were passed their ration and a small cup of water that was part of their larger daily ration. I blinked my  still-stinging eyes and shut out everything but my job. No fears. No emotion… no weird head-shrinking therapy session.

“Name, move along, next. Name, move along, next.”

Teaching the grounders to use the tech up here was complicated, and I wasn’t in the mood right now, I would teach them. But today… Each repetition convincing me I was burying all the feelings that were threatening to make me eject my stomach contents just like the radiation sickness.

•— Raven —•

Work, it was the only thing left for me to do up here. As much as I wanted to look for a way back down to earth, I knew I would have a fight on my hands. My eyes moved from the tablet in my hands to the windows, witnessing the plant we had began to call home burning before our eyes. And still I could see that the fire hadn’t consumed everything just yet.

There was still an area that could hold life, however my mind knew the facts. Even if the prime fire hadn’t reached that point, the radiation would have. No-one could survive the death which came with such agony.  

“Work” Whispering the word over and over again.

I had to trust in those who were working on peace on this ship, I had to trust in my judgement to bring others up here with us. These people were given a choice. Just as John had…

“John.” I closed my eyes taking a heavy sigh.

That boy, he wasn’t ever going to trust me. Not that he did now. It was clear. Whatever faith we had gained on the Island had been lost. But it felt like we were pushing and pulling. One moment, he would explain himself, he would look worried and concerned. And the other night, when he asked me to rest with him, showing me his, Emori, and Luna’s room. Asking me to trust him. To have faith. To rest my eyes while he watched over me.

He made me feel like we could rebuild what was lost. That maybe it wasn’t gone forever. And then he still went and did something like this. His actions telling a different story to his words.

Why did it hurt my heart so much? I knew why. ‘Because a friends betrayal stings deeper than that of a stranger’. At least this was what my mentor’s wife and my friend #SkylarSinclair used to say to us often.

The sound of the door opening behind me pulled me from a memory, and my eyebrow arched as #Jasper came rushing in.

“Uhm… Yeah.. We are—” He cut me off before I could explain why I was changing the door codes.

“What.. are you talking about? Why do you think you need to warn me about Emori coming?” His face was flushed, his eyes darting to the door.

‘Do you think you could change the lock on this door in the next sixty seconds?’ Was he joking?

 

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Jasper had run off ahead of me… he was supposed to be helping me to find Raven. But it was easy enough to keep track of him. I just followed the trail of bewildered people he left behind as he speed-walked the hallways of the spaceship we called home now. #Luna followed me speaking trig and trying to tell me to stop and think. To calm down.

But I had done nothing but think about this, watching John and Raven avoiding one another since we made it up here.

They were both their own worst enemies, it was clear that they needed one another but for some reason, they were just doing everything they could to push the other further and further away. I knew why John was doing it… he was punishing himself.

I heard #Jasper and Raven talking just ahead, but I didn’t wait for an opening. “Raven!” I rounded the corner and put myself between #Jasper and Rey.

‘Shit… too late…’ Jasper whispered.

“What is wrong with you?” I continued speaking to Raven, ignoring Jasper. “John is drowning, and you just keep walking away. On the island If he’d walked away when you were pushing him away… sometimes literally…”

His current swollen lip was reminding me of the one she’d given him once. Not that she could be blamed for that any more than John could be blamed for what they were calling a panic attack.

“And if he had walked away from you like you keep doing, you’d have died long before you cured yourself. He made one  decision that you disagreed with and what?... You just cut him out of your life? He needs you.”

I was a little breathless by the time I finished. I hadn’t really known what I was planning on saying to her. And once I started talking everything just rushed out too fast. I had told John, again and again, to talk to her… not to tell her everything about how he felt because I knew that would end well for either of them. But they still needed one another… the bond they’d  grown on the island was strong… and even though neither of them would admit it; they were stronger together.

‘Um…’ Jasper cleared his throat. ‘So… just some context… John had a panic attack and I’m pretty sure #Jackson has blackmailed him  into starting therapy.’ Then he took two long strides backwards and I glared at him.

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was too late; I should have known better. Nothing good would come of the anger that had been bubbling under Emori’s skin. However, I did not see this coming.

My eyes were trained on #Emori burning daggers into her back as she spoke to Raven. But it wasn’t until I saw something in those broken hazel eyes, that my heart broke for the second time in the same day.

Witnessing John destroyed and frightened in the brig had felt like a knife to my heart. And again now! I knew no other in the room had noticed but I did. The moment #Emori’s words sank in, Raven stumbled back just before catching herself. Those expressive eyes of hers, which once lit up any room, and all the hearts around her when she smiled, were glistening with pain, with regret, with remorse. The same pain she had been living with since her return to find #Jasper, John, and me still on the island.  

I stepped up in between the two girls.  

“Daun nou ste ridiyo!” (That’s not true!) “Raven did not walk away—”

#Emori cut me off. ‘Yes, yes, she did. You saw It too. you saw what leaving John in that prison did to him.’

‘Emori, John wasn’t alone. We were all there.’ #Jasper tried to say. But it was Raven who I was looking back at.  

“Ai Stisis?” (Little Sister?) I whispered to bring her back from wherever her mind had taken her.

Raven just stood there, with her eyes dead to the world that existed around her. I couldn’t even see the darkness that once would have been telling me everything I needed.

“Ai Stisis?” (Little Sister?) I whispered again this time turning my full body to face her. “Dison laik nou ona Yu.” (This is not on you.) I knew that nothing I would say could help her now. My eyes dropped to her hands clasped around a tablet so tight that the whites of her knuckles were showing. The only sign that she was still here.

“Raven?” the hand I placed on her bicep jolted her out from wherever she had been.

‘Emori.’ Her voice was calm. A little too calm. ‘What is wrong with me?’ Her eyes were locked on the girl behind me as she stepped around to face her. ‘I am sick to death of people who only think of themselves asking me that question. What would have come of me if he had let me die? I would have been at peace now.’ The way she said this and then looked out the window down to our burning home, sent chills down my spine. ‘Will I cut him out of my life?’ She stepped closer to Emori as she whispered low, but I could still hear. ‘At least I don’t act like I am his friend, have him risk the life of everyone to save me, and then on the first opportunity that arose, leave him to die alone on a island he should never had been left on.’

Raven pointed to #Jasper and then me. ‘They were the only ones who were there with him. I recall collecting you from Polis where you were saving your own arse. So, as much as I know you both think you are some hard nut survivors. I am not. I cannot forget that those I love were put in danger, I cannot forget that those I cared for, were left to pick up the mess that is caused time and time again because He and You still don’t understand that you are a part of this family. So, maybe… just maybe… I am done trying to show you. I am broken, and I am the one that is realising that maybe I was wrong. That you and he don’t want to be in our family. So… Maybe…. I am giving you and him… what you both want…. To be free of all that comes as part of me thinking of you both as family…. Maybe… I am….’

She didn’t finish off her words. Just walked away without looking back.

#Jasper and I stood there letting Raven’s words sink in. #Emori followed Raven with her eyes. ‘Raven! Wait!’ but I took a hold of her arm keeping her in place.

“Wochas ona riskiwe, Emori. Krei nopro na drop yu trei klin nami. Em  na fleim au Yu en em.” (Be careful of the dark, Emori. It’s too easy to lose your way. It will burn you and her.)

•— John —•

I scrolled through the list of names, there were many that I knew were still sick or injured and unable to make it here to get their rations. But there were so many others today skipping meals. Of course, Raven was among them. It wasn’t the first time either… It was worrying how many meals she’d likely missed. And who knew if she was eating what was being dropped to her room or not?

Adding onto that #Luna, #Emori and #Jasper were no-shows today too. On top of the usual  suspects that I was beginning to think we’re happy to believe I was a delivery boy. #Octavia was a bloody grounder Queen and even she could show up and collect her own rations. But #Clarke and #Bellamy? Apparently, they were too important for  that. But today I sent the grounders to drop off most of the rations.

The last place I wanted to be was back in the med bay. I wasn’t sure where to find her… so I went to Raven’s room… Since I had no idea where that was, I had to check the  list in the database that I was only allowed access to because I was responsible for the food. On the way to her room, I spotted #Shaw walking towards me. I kept walking with my eyes glued to the tablet… hoping that I could just walk by as  if I hadn't even seen him. I wasn’t in the mood to make small talk with the guy that locked me up.

‘Are you looking for Raven?’ He looked around the hallway like he was an Alpha Station privy and I was a Farm Station grunt that didn’t know my  place. But I wasn’t going to let him think he was getting to me by walking by him when there was no chance I hadn’t heard him.

“I’m looking for a lot of people actually… including you.” I reached into the pack I was carrying and handed him  his rations. “Your shift cycle put you on the last pick up and you didn’t show. I’m not a delivery boy. Next time you can go hungry.” I took a step to keep going. He cut me off.

‘Actually… I’m pretty sure delivering rations is in your job description.’ He was far too smug, thankfully I was so exhausted right now that I didn’t have the energy to be angry.

“For the medical staff and the wounded. You are neither. If you don’t mind… I have drop-offs for people that actually  need it.” I tried to move again, and he stopped me.

‘Like Raven…’ He was still smirking. ‘She’s not in her room, but I can take it to her.’

“I can handle it… thanks.” The thanks stung a little.

‘I really think you should just let me do it… and just leave Raven alone. I have no idea what the history is with you two… but it's clear she wants it to be done. And I think it would be better for her if you just… left her alone.’ He looked so superior and all I could do was laugh at him, imagining what Raven would say to him if she heard him trying to speak for her.

“I know you haven’t known her for very long… But I’m sure you know that she has no problem voicing her own opinions… and trust me she has several opinions of me… She’s made that extremely clear.” I tried again to get passed him.

‘Or… maybe she’s worried you’d… fall apart if she told you to kick rocks… or… you just can’t take a hint.’ He put his hand on my chest to stop me… I  clenched my jaw.

‘Is there a problem here?’ A gravelly voice that was all too familiar came from behind us and I groaned.

‘Not at all.’ #Shaw stood straighter, and I smirked. What a kiss ass.

‘John?’ #Kane’s brow rose.

“Just trying to  get to work… But Officer Shaw here was worried his pants made his ass look fat… I was just reminding him that all bodies are beautiful.” I smirked and #Kane rolled his eyes.

‘It’s Lieutenant actually.’ #Shaw spoke through gritted teeth.

“Cool.” I smiled. “Ever kill a guy?”

‘Have you?’ He bit right back and smirked.

I just fixed him with a stare.

‘I think that’s enough of that, don’t you both have work to do?’ #Kane moved between the two of us and Shaw backed off.

‘Yeah… I have better things to do with my time.’ #Shaw said as he walked off.

I waited until he got a few feet down the hall and called after him. “Hey, Lieutenant…. That ass though!” I winked and blew him a kiss.

#Kane gripped my arm  and turned me away, walking me further along the corridor. ‘What is wrong with you?’ He hissed quietly. ‘You know our lives depend on these people, right?’

“Thank you, Jaha.” I grumbled…. “And no, they don’t; we have people that can run this ship with no problem.”

‘You need to get your act together, son—’

“I’m no one's son… I’m sure you remember that, right… you were right next to Jaha when he floated my father, weren’t you? Oh, and wasn’t you that ordered me placed into that pathetic excuse of a care centre after my mom drank herself to death on the moonshine you failed to stop the illegal sale of?” I smiled again. I had no idea where all of this was coming from… but the run-in with #Shaw had me on edge and my defences were razor-sharp. I just couldn’t stop it. “Thought so…”

I really wanted to stop it.

‘All of this anger is going to kill you, John… What were you even doing here before you tried to pick a fight with our pilot?’ I bit my tongue…  telling him that the soldier boy had approached me and then consistently stopped me from walking away was a waste of breath and I was just too tired.

I told him I was looking for Raven and the others because they had skipped yet another meal. He told me where to find them.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was dumbstruck… this was all my fault. I was the reason she could hardly stand to look at John. All because he tried to save me… Had I truly been the reason that John lost the woman that he loved… even if he could never have that kind of relationship with her.

I was the reason that they couldn’t even be friends… I had driven the wedge between the two of them and stolen the finite amount of peace they gave each other. Not that either of them knew it. But #Luna and I did, the only time they ever got a moment of sleep worth having, was when the other was close by.

I just stood there… unable to speak or think…

Until a door swished open, and someone  stepped in. “John…” I said, stunned. His lip was still swollen but the mark on his cheek seemed to be less red and angry.

‘What the…’ He blinked and looked around. ‘What’s going on?’

•— Raven —•

‘I didn’t expect to find you here?’ #Lizzy’s soft voice broke me out of my daze as I sat on the spare chair beside #Dela’s bed.

“I hadn’t planned to come here. I wanted to be in a place where I could see something that has been done right… something I had done that was for the good of someone.” Replying without breaking my eyes away from the girl. “My feet carried me here.”

‘She’s a special young lady for sure.’ Taking #Dela’s vitals #Lizzy wrote them down.

“How is she doing now?” The young girl looked so small on the bed; her dark hair matted to her forehead as they kept her as comfortable as they could.

‘Our Dela is a little fighter, like I tell her parents, we will take each day as it comes.’ It was as good as it was going to be. ‘Now, shouldn’t you be in the mess hall having your dinner?’

Shaking my head. “I’d rather be here. Somewhere I cannot mess things up.” #Lizzy paused before leaving me to it.

Uncertain of the amount of time that had passed before I began to speak to the girl. “I don’t know if you can hear me in there. But I want you to know you aren’t alone.” Taking out the tablet I brought with me. “I remember reading somewhere that listening to music, or hearing people speaking to you can help. So, I hope you don’t mind me reading you a story.”

Retrieving the book that I have read three times by now on the tablet, I began to read from the title page.

“Cinder by Marissa Meyer.

Chapter 1 THE SCREW THROUGH CINDER'S ANKLE HAD RUSTED, THE engraved cross marks worn to a mangled circle. Her knuckles ached from forcing the screwdriver into the joint as she struggled to loosen the screw one gritting twist after another. By the time it was extracted far enough for her to wrench free with her prosthetic steel hand, the hairline threads had been stripped clean. Tossing the screwdriver onto the table, Cinder gripped her heel and yanked the foot from its socket. A spark singed her fingertips and she jerked away, leaving the foot to dangle from a tangle of red and yellow wires. She slumped back with a relieved groan. A sense of release hovered at the end of those wires--freedom. Having loathed the too-small foot for four years, she swore to never put the piece of junk back on again. She just hoped Iko would be back soon with its replacement.”

A sound from behind me had me sit up in the chair to look around as to where it had come from. #Dela’s father stood there in the shadow of the med bay smiling.

‘Beja dula op nou hod op.’ ( Please do not stop. ). ‘Dela loves stories from the imagination of others.’ He stepped forward so that now I could see him in the dim light.

“Oh, uhm. This isn’t my story. A lady from the year 2011 by the name of Marissa Meyer wrote and published it.” Saying as I pointed to the device in my hands.  “It’s a story of a young girl,  who is brave and strong. So… I thought Dela may enjoy it.”

‘Just like our Dela.’ He whispered stepping around the covered bed, placing his hand over it as close to touching her as was possible for him at this time. His eyes glistened with unfallen tears, however his lips still smiled even if it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘You are a brave girl too Raven. Intelligent, and strong.’

I didn’t say anything, because right now I felt none of those things.

‘The way you took your time to explain the… bag gon ridop raun?’ ( Beds to sleep in? ) Confusion across his face.

“The cryo beds.” I helped him.

‘Yes. The cryo beds. My people will need a little time. But. I am sure it will be something we will agree to.’ Only now did I notice the changes on his face. #Dela, her mom #Spring, and her dad #Delano were all of the Trishanakru. These were people of the Glowing Forest who believed in the land as their provider. Tattoos on some of their foreheads told of their beliefs and the ranking of their place in the tribe.

#Delano’s soft smile and the light touch to his forehead told me he saw the recognition. ‘My people have named me as their voice. As their...’

“Their ambassador?” I finished to help again, and he nodded his head.

‘So, you see. With everything you and your people have done for us. for our Dela. I am indebted.

“Thank you, Ambassador Delano. For believing in what we are putting forward.” I stood up and he waved me to sit in the chair.

‘Chof gon bilaik don dula gon Ai fyucha, en Oso kru.’ ( Thank you for all you did for my baby, and our people. ) #AmbassadorDelano, left me to read to his daughter. Telling me that it would be an honour to let me sit with #Dela while she healed.

Closing my eyes, I let the tears that I’d been holding back fall. Finally, maybe just maybe I could do right by some of the souls on this ship. Opening the tablet, I continued where I’d left off.

“Cinder was the only full-service mechanic at New Beijing's weekly market. Without a sign, her booth hinted at her trade only by the shelves of stock android parts that crowded the walls. It was squeezed into a shady cove between a used netscreen dealer and a silk merchant, both of whom frequently complained about the tangy smell of metal and grease that came from Cinder's booth, even though it was usually disguised by the aroma of honey buns from the bakery across the square. Cinder knew they really just didn't like being next to her.”

•— John —•

Emori told me everything… including all about how she’d come to the conclusion that it was all her fault. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t convince her that the only thing I regretted about all that had happened on the island was, that  I didn’t keep looking for Raven until I found her; to tell her my plan. And that I would do it again if I believed it was the only way to keep her safe.

She eventually relented but I knew I hadn’t changed her mind. Maybe time would?

She and #Luna returned to the room, and I went to look for Raven. I didn’t go back to her room… I had a feeling that she wouldn’t be there, and that I would run into #Shaw again nearby… like the creep I was starting to see he was.

I knew what Raven did when she was trying to keep herself from spiralling… she took care of people.

On my way to the med bay, I met Dela’s father. ‘Ah… the young healer.’ He spoke to me in his own language. And gripped my forearm in the way of his  people.

“Not anymore… now I just pass out the food.” I chuckled.

‘In my village… in the winter, things were hard. If we didn’t preserve enough meat before winter people would go hungry. We began pooling our resources as a community. The  person chosen to assign those resources was highly respected… trusted.’ Delano said, but I didn’t let the words sink in. I was the only person that spoke Trig and wasn’t one of the elites… hence… delivery boy duties.

“Maybe.” I gave a smile. The Trishanakru man placed a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in until his tattooed forehead touched mine. Another tradition of his people… a high honour from someone appointed to his status.

‘You are a healer… you saved my  little one. You will always be a healer.’ He said quietly and stepped away. ‘The clever one is inside with Dela… telling her a story. You know who I mean… the pretty one?’

I laughed softly. “Sure... I know who you mean.”

I moved to the  door of the med bay and saw Raven sitting there… reading from the screen, I listened for a moment and stepped inside. “Just so you know… she’s heard this one… It was my sloppy retelling… but… I like to think I did a good job summarising the story.”

I moved further inside and stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I’m sorry… that #Emori blew up like that. She just… She’s worried about me and she… she thought she was protecting me. I guess we all do crazy shit when we think we’re protecting the people we care about. But It’s my fault… not hers. It’s hard for her here. She’s afraid.”

•— Raven —•

Stopping mid-paragraph wasn’t acceptable for me, so I continued to read until the end, all as a barrage of emotions consumed me. Questions filled my head while I attempted to take in the story I wanted to tell the sick girl.

How had he found me?

Was he looking for me?

Why had he come after what I’d done?

What was I even going to say to him?

All the while I didn’t dare to glance up from the tablet in my hands, because I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to step out of the silo I’d created with #Dela, #Cinder, and myself. And yet here he stood.

“You gave Dela your version, and I gave her the correct one.” My eyes moved over to the girl who lay there as if she were fast asleep and not forced into a medical induced coma . “Now she has a choice of which one to believe and dream of.”   Finally lifting my eyes up towards his direction.

The swell of his lips hadn’t disappeared, the bruises still visible, the mark on his cheek not as red however, it was still noticeable from where I sat. Add to it that he looked weak and tired, all the glow and the wellness of our time on the island slowly vanishing before my eyes. How much I had failed him now resonating deeper within my soul, the facts, and the internal turmoil I had been drowning in before he stood here escalating in me.

I wanted to ask him so many questions. I wanted to shout at him, to shake him. But none of that belonged between Reyes and Murphy. Those emotions had been the heart of a friendship that belonged to John and Raven.

With this realisation, I set the tablet down on the side, pushing myself up from the chair. “I’m guessing you came here to spend time with Dela too. I won’t keep you from her.” Only now noticing the rations he was carrying along with him.

Frowning my eyebrows pulled together making me feel the ache in my head more prominently. Rubbing my fingers into the bridge of my nose I kept my voice low as I asked. “Please… Please tell me you aren’t stealing rations because you are planning to do something stupid again?”

•— John —•

I pressed my lips together to stifle a chuckle. It was such a Raven thing to do; it had been a shitty day… so I took the small moment, as Raven would say. She ignored me and kept reading. I stayed leaning against the door frame until she was  ready to speak with me. My temper and impatience and restlessness seemed… More manageable around her. I would like to say that it disappeared… but it was still all there, looming in the back of my mind like a dark cloud.

“I didn't have a copy of the book.” I let out that chuckle now. “I had to improvise.”

I chewed on my cheek and looked at the floor. “I um… I haven’t been around much…” I looked over at the office doors where #Abby and #Jackson were likely sequestered; working… I couldn’t remember the last time I saw them not working… much like the woman standing before me. “They don’t want me here anymore.”

I saw her eyes drifting to the bag in my hand… and her words… there it was. That dark cloud, threatened to take me over again. Not like the panic attack, it was anger… fear. The irrational thoughts of what could happen to me if I was caught stealing… even though I knew Raven would never truly accuse me… or even report me if I was guilty. But there it was; the image of my father outside the Ark… floating. My too-vivid imagination drew me into his place. I took a breath. I wanted to ask her if she truly thought so little of me. Where did she think I could go? But I  quelled all of that... a feat that would be impossible if I was stood here with anyone else.

“These are yours actually… you missed your evening rota again. The others are for The Docs and Lizzie… the patients that can eat solids… they  normally can’t leave the med bay for long, so I bring their rations here.” My pale blue gaze settled on hers. I handed her one of the packages. “Twice a day… every day. The same for the elderly and the wounded in the dorms or staterooms… Same for the Arkadians and Alpha Station prigs that think they are too good to come and pick up their own food just like everyone else.”

I clenched my jaw and let the self-hatred pour into me… “I was doing well there until the end, wasn’t I?” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my hands over my face I stood there. And there it was again, that vast crater that had come in between the two of us had just grown some more. Why did I do this? Why was I so certain that whenever I saw him, he would be up to no good? That voice in my head telling me that it was because he was always up to no good, that’s why.

However, that wasn’t the truth now and his answer hit me like a slap on the face. My hand lifted and reached out to take the packet he handed over to me. Seeing that this was something he did? He walked around the ship handing people their food so that they didn’t miss out of any of their food rations.

“Yeah, your explanation was even believable up until the last part.” Is that what I was now? “Thank you for taking the time to bring this Alpha Station prig her meal. But so you know… I’m not from Alpha station. And I am not hungry, which is why I didn’t come to take this today.” Holding the packet up, out of the corner of my eyes, seeing an older lady a sleep looking so weak as though she hadn’t eaten in weeks. She would be the one I would leave this pack to. I told myself.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to accuse you…” Did I? No! that hadn’t been my motivation. No matter how it sounded like… I had wanted a head start if he needed to be taken out of the brig again.  “I just needed a heads up in case you planned…” I couldn’t finish that thought. Because I didn’t want to think of the things this boy could be planning in his head. And there was no way, I wanted to feed his ideas.

“What did you mean by they don’t want you in here? I cannot imagine Abby, Jax, and Lizzy saying no to another set of hands in here?” with my gaze moving over the sleeping forms in the med bay I could see how they could run out of hands if things weren’t managed well.  

•— John —•

I groaned and squeezed the bridge of my nose even harder. Shit!! How did I manage to fuck so much up with one damned sentence?

“No… Raven. Not… you’re Mech St---” That point was totally irrelevant. “I mean #Griffin and… okay #Bellamy was Mech station too, but he’s basically one of them since he joined the guard. Even #Octavia can make it to the mess to pick up her own food and she’s the damn grounder queen. I don’t mean you… unlike them; you don’t just expect me to search the ship and delivery you yours twice a day.”

I set the bag on the nearest table and sighed. I couldn’t blame her for thinking the worst… I hadn’t given her any reasons to think any better of me. But did she really think I was planning on  stealing from the stores? It was probably just a matter of time before I did something stupid like that. I dragged my hand through my hair… what the fuck was wrong with me? I mean… other than the things Doc Lite listed off earlier.

“As soon  as most of the patients were discharged and they didn’t need anyone to clean wounds or translate; they couldn’t get me out of here fast enough… I guess they don’t need to settle for me anymore now that they had Lizzie.” I said the last part  a little softer… it was likely #Lizzie was in here somewhere; I didn’t want her to think I was talking badly about her. Despite our rough start, she was actually kind of badarse… now that I’d gotten to know her a little over puss-filled boils and while cleaning various bodily discharges. “It makes sense… but, apparently, I’m still bitter.” I gave her the best sarcastic smile I could muster.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my forehead now I dropped my head. What was wrong with us? What was wrong with him? “You think Griff and Bells want you to walk around the ship looking for them?”

My voice remained low because I was out of steam, and I wasn’t about to shout at him. Pointing to the door while speaking. “They are stuck in a room full of people who could start a war on this ship. And if you haven’t noticed, if blood is spilled up here. We are all screwed. They aren’t out to get you or show you your place, Murphy. They are trying to keep the clans calm until they fully cooperate under the leadership of Octavia.

You know how they reacted when they learnt Luna was on the ship. This is all taking time, and Marcus wants it done behind the closed doors, so not to spread misinformation or mayhem through the people on board.”

However, now my concern grew. “But if you can think like this, I wonder what others are thinking, saying and doing?” This I said  more to myself. “Discord is contagious...”

Shaking my head. “Also, don’t do that. Don’t kick yourself in the arse. You did it down there. And you are doing it again. You bring a lot to the table. And maybe Abby saw that you didn’t want to be in here. Have you thought of it that way? She never stopped you from helping on the ground. But things up here…. We all are returning up into space with our own baggage.”

My voice had a shudder in it, so I cleared my throat before speaking again.

“You have a job that someone can only do if they are truly trusted. You can speak to everyone, your trig, the way you talk to the young ones, it all makes you someone they all trust. So… don’t… just don’t… not believe in the work you’re doing.”

Holding my spare hand out now. “Hand me the meals for the others, I will go find them and give them out. And I will come take their meal pack from now. So, you don’t have to go looking for people you dislike so much.”

•— John —•

“I don’t think they give me enough consideration to want anything from me. They just expect it.” I murmured the words… I knew how it sounded, but I also knew it was mostly true. “Maybe that's the problem… maybe they aren't the people that  should be in there…” Then I stopped… I blinked and shook my head as her words sank in. Was Raven Reyes telling me to fall in line and follow the lead of others; even when I disagreed with the way they made those decisions?

“Discord? Do you  really believe I have any influence over what people think?” I dragged my hand over my face, I kept my voice low for two reasons. One… I was not pissed off at Raven. Two; #Dela looked like she was sleeping. Though I knew with the cocktail of drugs they had her on, I could shake her and she wouldn’t wake up. “I’m not trying to start an uprising, Raven. I’m just trying to…” I stopped… and didn’t say; Talk to you… about the things that made me want to be Murphy instead of  John… And that she was the only person that made that possible. I wanted to tell her I wasn’t planning on letting them shove me into some glass coffin for five years either, but I was hoping it might not come to that.

“#Abby knew I wanted  to stay here, she said if I was needed, she would call on me… but with #Lizzie and Clarke I wasn’t needed and they had formal training.” I rolled my eyes #Clarke’s interest in the medical field had died with #Lexa. “My language skills were  needed… or so I was told… the Princess could hardly be expected to hand out rations.”

Part of me supposed that learning Trig could be the one thing that kept them from floating me at the first second they deemed me disobedient. I sighed  heavily… I knew that it was pointless… “Baggage… yeah. Give it another week and I’ll be mopping floors again. And I’m not asking you to do the job for me, Raven. But you’re…” There was no point in telling her what it was like… she knew the  disrespect Farm Station got… it was no different from Mech Station. But Raven had made herself useful from an early age, she was clever… she had skills. I wasn’t intelligent, I wasn’t particularly strong… I had started to think I had a knack  for the med bay… but I was just in the way now… “Right… I need to just remember my place.” I managed not to add Before they lock me up again.

What #Delano said to me in the hall came back. But this wasn’t the same. Trust? People didn’t trust me… They would be stupid to trust me. “No one trusts me, Raven… Maybe Emori… But she shouldn’t. I’m sure it's only a matter of time before I let her down again too.”

•— Raven —•

“Griff has no interest in being in here, we all know it and have witnessed it…..” I started but then found myself stopping because my voice had raised a little.  

For the fourth time in as many minutes, once again I was asking myself…. What was happening to the two of us? We had never been ‘Friends’, on the ark. I hadn’t even said more than a few words to him before he stopped coming to classes, because he’d been locked up. When I’d come down to earth, I’d even tried to send this boy to his death all in the names to save #Finn. But even then. We had somehow accomplished something on the path to familiarity while we were on #Becca’s Island.

Sighing my hazel eyes stung from the flow of emotions from the memories brought back. The late nights full of conversations, the helping one another with whatever was needed, the joking and jabbing that was never taken in malice. And now… Now we cannot even pass one another without leaving in some form of hurt or pain.

Looking around the room I saw the small area #Jax and #Abby used, taking Johns arm I pulled him the best I could.

“Come with me, we cannot talk here.” I told him. Setting the packet in my hand down on the bed beside the older woman asleep two beds down from #Dela I didn’t stop until we were in the small space, and I partly close the door.

Still keeping my voice low while I took my jacket off and set it down on the table. My hands moved to tighten my ponytail, before turning to face him.

“I am not saying you are about to start anything here. I am not telling you what to say or do. I am not even saying don’t ask questions. All I am saying is… Why… why can’t you wait until there is some form of alliance in place?” Biting on my lips I wasn’t saying what it was I was really feeling.

“You know what. No… I’m not even saying that… You know what I am saying….” I took a step closer to look him in his blue eyes.

“I am saying I am sorry….I am sorry I left you behind when you begged me to bring you… I am sorry that I didn’t unlock the brig the second I saw you in there. Because I know what causes you pain… I knew where your fears are… and I messed the fuck up! I am saying… Why are we so broken that you have just stopped yourself a number of times mid-sentence instead of just telling me what is happening in your mind… We used to talk before we were broken…. And I don’t like this…. I don’t like being broken from someone who stayed up nights to keep me alive… someone I once thought of as a friend….

That’s where Emori has the upper hand… She hasn’t given up on you. She will never stop trusting you. She cornered me to let me know how shit I am. And I have to agree with her.”

The words came in a torrent that had no plans of stopping until it had all been shared.

•— John —•

She was right about Clarke… as soon as #Abby landed #Clarke had stopped acting as the medic, and even I could see at the time that she was needed elsewhere. Her bond with #Lexa made her essential in the leadership of Skaikru… at least until the #Heda abandoned our people in Mount Weather.

I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I was indispensable in the medbay… but there was something about it that had spurred me to want to learn. When I was looking after people other than Raven. When #Abby and Lizzie were teaching me more than the very specific tasks I needed to help Raven when she was seizing.

A new desire I hadn’t felt before had taken root, a desire to learn more. But that was out of reach now.

When she took my arm there was no question that I was going to follow her. It reminded me of the many times I had taken her by her arm or her wrist and guided her to bed… her bed in the Mansion or the bio bed in the lab when she was close to death. I said nothing about the rations she slipped next to the older woman, there would have been no point… and something told me that she needed  to feel like she was helping another soul… even though everything she did ensured the survival of everyone on this ship.

I let her speak… lord knows that I had bombarded her with far too many words when I had started this conversation. Guilt swelled in my chest, I remembered… begging her -with tears pricking my eyes- not to leave me behind, because when people left they never came back. I knew I had nothing of value to offer the mission, my motives were based on fear. A fear of dying on the island where I had been imprisoned, entirely alone for three months. Because that island… without Raven… was nothing more than the prison that forced me to put a gun to my head. Without Raven, it wasn’t home. Tears threatened as I remembered giving her the bullet I had taken from that gun to never forget.

She had said so much I didn’t know where to start. My heart was struggling to beat like it was being squeezed. It was so clear she was in pain. And I didn’t mean her leg.

So, I started with the problem that was preventing us from talking about all the rest of it… the broken  friendship.

“I hate this too Raven. I miss you… I miss the way things were with us… The reason I keep stopping myself from speaking is because all I want to do is ask you to forgive me for all the stupid things I’ve done, and I know I don’t have the right to do that.”

I stepped closer to her.

“And #Emori doesn’t think about you like that… I scared the shit out of her today. And All she knows is that I’m… Better … around you and now… She just doesn’t understand that you are being part of my life isn’t going to fix the fact… That I’m  actually insane. Please don’t hold it against her, it was me… I…” did she know what had happened to me? She’d mentioned not unlocking the brig. Had someone told her about my panic attack? “I frightened her… and she took it out on you, which was shitty, and I told her that. But she didn’t say all of that out of malice.”

I took another deep breath and stepped another half-step closer to her, locking onto those hazel eyes of hers, the hints of gold hidden in their depths had dimmed out of sight from exhaustion.

“You don’t need to apologise to me, Raven. Yes, you left… Yes, I had begged you not to leave me behind. But you…” My voice failed and my throat swelled almost completely shut. “You came back. No one has ever come back for me, but then you… came back from outer fucking space, for me.” I knew that she’d  come back for all of us… but the second I saw the streak of fire in the dusty night sky all I had felt was that she was coming for me. “And all I want; more than anything else is for you to let me prove to you that it wasn’t a mistake. I’ve tried… and I fucked it up. I can’t do it without you, Rey.”

•— Raven —•

“Of course, I came back for you… I told you.. I promised I was coming back.” My hand went into my jumpsuit pocket and came out curled around the one thing he gave me before I left him on earth. Reaching out I took his hand again, setting the item in his palm and closing his fingers around it. “I promised… I promised…”

John Murphy… He’d just said he missed me? Did that mean that there were still chances for us to save this tattered friendship? I don’t know how it happened, or when. The only thing I know is that I took another step forwards, wrapping my arms around his neck. Resting my chin on his shoulders I hugged him so tight; I didn’t want to let go. With my eyes closed I just held him to me.

Time passed; I wasn’t even certain how long it was before my dry lips formed words. “I missed you too. You and Luna… you became my world on that island. Without the two of you, I feel like I’m lost… like I’m missing my arms as well as my heart.” Telling him the truth was the only way we could heal. The only way we could move on from everything that has occurred here.

“Don’t be mad at Emori, she is looking out for you. I know what she said was true, I don’t have a leg to stand on. She saw something that… like you said… She was terrified of what she saw… Of what happened when I turned my back on you…”

Still holding on to him for dear life. “It was shitty of me to do that. No matter if I didn’t mean it. That Leaving was my way to make sure we didn’t say anything that would break this… us even more… However, I get it. I get that you needed me to step up for you… To question why you were in there…. And I failed you.”

Lowering my voice now still holding on to him. to I hoped my friend. “Will you every forgive me? Can we rebuild, or is it gone forever? I don’t want to do this without you… without my friend… Without my sister… Please, John… Can we try to fix this?”

My eyes stung, I didn’t realise  my breathing had become sporadic the more I thought of the way we used to be, to the way we were now.

•— John —•

I didn’t take my eyes off her. I didn’t need to, to know what it was she was closing into my palm. It felt heavy; like the weight of it could drag me to the ground. She didn’t understand what I meant…. She thought I hadn’t believed she’d come back. But what I meant was that  when people leave… they die, and you never see them again.

I was about to tell her as much when she pulled me into a hug. She smelled like machine oil and sparks… and Raven. It silenced me, and my arms came around her and I held onto her as tightly as I thought I could  without hurting her. She was close enough that I could feel her chest rise when she took a breath. I remembered so many nights with that comforting, monotonous beeping that became my lullaby… watching her chest rising and falling just to know that she was still alive. Now  that breath was warming my skin through the stiff, utilitarian fabric of the jumpsuit.

I didn’t dare say a word in case I said something stupid that would ruin this. She didn’t pull away.

She. Didn’t. Pull. Away.

I let out a breath that almost sounded like a sob, when she  told me she missed me… every emotion possible flooded me. “You were never lost Rey, never. I – “ I corrected myself. “We never lost sight of you, not for one moment. We were there, just… at a distance. But always there.” My hand moved a little on her back, about to rub her  back in a gesture of comfort… but… would that be, okay? I had no idea. So, I stopped myself.

“I’m not mad at her… and you shouldn’t be either. She just didn’t know what was happening and she blamed you. She knows that she shouldn’t have… but I think that is something for  you and her to talk about.”

“You couldn’t have known… if I hadn’t been so worked up, I would have seen you pass the key to #Luna. It’s not the kind of thing that I would normally miss. And I’m sorry I couldn’t hold onto my faith in you to know you’d never have left me in  there. I knew that… I did… but it's like something locked away everything logical in my mind and I couldn’t reach it.”

Her voice had lowered, and it made my chest ache because it sounded like she might start to cry any second. My hand clenched; I could feel the bullet there  making an imprint on my palm. “There’s nothing to forgive, Raven. Nothing. And we don’t have to try…” Her voice was breaking, and I held her tighter. “This can be it; this can be what fixes everything. We get to choose that, don’t we? We get to choose each other over anything else that’s happened if we both want it, don’t we? Because that’s the only thing I’ve wanted since we made it up here.”

•— Raven —•

As much as I would like to have stopped them, the tears began to roll freely down my cheeks, and I now resigned myself to them. Never had I been one to hide myself and my emotions from the others, however these tears felt like they were leaving me naked on the periphery of a path there would be no turning back from.

But this is what we needed. Both John and I… we needed the truth to come out because the alternative would be the end. And end there would be no coming back from.

Listening to him speaking had kept me from spilling over my emotions even further, however each word weighted heavily on my chest. Even now, even after all the turmoil I had caused him and the others. He… they still had some form of faith in me?

One question looped over and over again in my mind. ‘How is this so?’

Emori… I knew that I would need to have an open and honest conversation with her too. “I understand why she said what she did, and I think I understand…” I cut off feeling the lump in my throat doubling in size. Clearing it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. So, I gave myself a moment before continuing. “I will talk with her.”

It was now that I noticed that I was still holding on to him so tightly, and I couldn’t let go. He was giving me an easy out, however I wouldn’t forgive myself. “You couldn’t have seen clearly at the time John. It is a lot to experience all at once. And then on top of it...” Pulling back now I cupped his face, with my eyes searching his out. “Logical? It’s the last thing to expect from yourself at a time like that. You have nothing to apologise for, you said sorry before, I just couldn’t accept it because I couldn’t see how I could face you and all that happened.”

Letting my hands drop I took a step back allowing myself a moment to face the boy I had wronged and allowing his forgiveness to soak into my soul. Some part of me still disbelieving the fact that I had brought us in here to go head-to-head. With the knowledge if we couldn’t solve whatever it was keeping us apart, the five years on this ship would be spent attempting to never cross paths with him. And that… I couldn’t live with…

Stepping back in, I hugged him again. “This is it… this is what fixes it… I want it, John… I want my friend back.” I hadn’t been paying attention to the sounds outside of the office, so when the door flew open behind me with the sound of a gasp.

‘I’m…. sorry… I didn’t know the room was occupied.’ #Abby stood with her gaze travelling from one face to the other. ‘Does this mean there is a truce once again?’ Her eyes and shoulders relaxing as she waited.  

•— John —•

Holding onto her was both the easiest and hardest thing I had ever done. I felt the front of my jumpsuit growing damp… and wanted to tell her not to cry. Everything would be okay… but I couldn’t know that. And if she needed to cry then why the hell shouldn’t she? I couldn’t deny the tears on my own cheek either. I rested my chin on the top of her head. Hoping that maybe she wouldn’t realise that teas rolled over my cheeks too.

“It’s okay, Stargazer.” I whispered… as though keeping my voice low would hide how it shook. “I won’t let it happen  again.” I meant it for both… the panic attack and losing faith in her… even if it had been involuntary at the time. But that was just one more reason not to let that weakness beat me again.

But like it was toying with me that pitch-black fear crept in the second she stepped  back. Like a shadow haunting me and waiting until I thought I had fortified myself against it; to strike and show me just how broken and undeserving I truly was.

But her slight form was back again and holding onto me sending the shadows running again. Then the shadows in the  room around us ran too. #AbgailGriffin stood in the doorway, and I didn’t know if I should curse her or kiss her… A few more moments of being locked in and embrace with Raven Reyes and I just might have done something exceedingly stupid.

I cleared my throat as best I could  and smiled. “A truce?” I looked at Raven convincingly confused. “Do you know what she’s talking about, Reyes?” I looked back to #Abby. “Was there a war? Am I so late with your rations you’re delirious with hunger?” I grabbed the bag and handed the doctor the little silver packet and one for #Jackson too.

•— Raven —•

With the back of my hand, I wiped my cheeks, the stream of tears may have been dried away. However, the puffy eyes, red nose and cheeks still gave me away. I really wished I wasn’t one of those people who showed their emotions for all to see, but at the same time. I know it was something that was a sign of strength. The not caring how others perceived me never mattered.

“Nope, no idea what you are talking about. There was no war, no white flags, no need to kick him.”

#Abby gave us both a telling look as her hand  reached out to take the rations which were owed to her.

‘Uhmm… you young ones think I don’t have eyes, just because the world is going to hell around us.’ She moved around us to go and sit behind the desk.

‘But as long as you are speaking. There’s nothing more I can hope for.’ I lifted my jacket off of her desk and then glanced out of the side of my eye at John.

‘Well? Are you both planning on taking the night shift here in the med bay?’ She waved her hand for us to leave.

“Before we go. Is there any news from the…. Clans? Luna and Octavia?  The Cryo? Are we ready to move?” She frowned leaning back in the chair, her gaze moving from John to me and then back again.

•— John —•

I brushed my finger along the back of the hand Raven hadn’t lifted the wiped away her tears. Letting her know I was still here… even though she probably didn’t want or need the gesture. But that didn’t take away from the fact that I meant it.

I chuckled at Abby and gave her a  subtle nod, hoping she’d realise everything was okay. Or on the way to okay, at least. I bit the inside of my lip when #Abby joked about taking a night shift… it stung, and I fought the urge to tell her I was more than willing. But I knew that was the bitter side of me rearing its ugly head again. I flicked my eyes to the side, to Raven’s side profile next to me… I twisted my wrist letting the back of my hand brush against hers. Bolstering myself to not let her down already… I took a breath and pressed my lips shut; letting the urge pass  by.

I turned to leave… moving slowly… waiting to see if Rey would follow. But her question stopped me in my tracks and I looked back at the doctor in earnest.

‘There will no… solo go…’ #Abby’s brows knit together.

“Sologonplei.” I offered her. “Single combat… it’s a grounder tradition. A fight to the death.” I couldn’t help the edge in my voice. I still couldn’t quell the feeling that no matter what way the fight went… #Luna’s life would be lost. Even if I was wrong and they let her live after she killed the red-blooded #Heda… She  would be forced into a lifelong role she never wanted.

‘Yes… They’ve agreed there will be no fight if Luna will nearly and pledge loyalty to Octavia.’ #Abby already had her hand raised to calm me before I said anything. I clenched my fists and winced in pain from the cuts on my palms from earlier. ‘Octavia hasn’t accepted the terms… yet. But she might not have a choice. Nobody needs to overreact until we hear #Luna’s opinion on the subject.’

I scoffed and pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep breaths and trying to remind myself this  wasn’t all Abby’s fault before I said anything I might regret.

•— Raven —•

Twice, I felt John, gentle touch to the back of my hand twice. Things had been different between us for so long what it stilled me until I remembered how his touch used to calm the darkness in me on the Island. I pushed the thought back to unpack latter, right now my attention and eyes remained on the doctor.

“Luna will take no pledge of loyalty. None of are going to be made to take such a pledge of loyalty, so nor will Luna.” Holding my hand up to stop Abby before she could speak. “Luna went without thinking, without caring about the outcome to her own life with O called for help, that action in itself was witnesses by all those who were with Octavia at the time. They saw how Luna fought to save their lives and that in my eyes and in the eye of all who are here should be enough. Add to it the fact that she never wanted the so-called crown in the first place. That is all. We cannot make this work on the back of one woman… All those so-called grownups in the room, need to start learning the meaning of kindness and honour.”

#Abby’s eyes went to the door behind me, and I felt them before I saw them, turning around slowly I saw #Octavia, #Indra, and #Bellamy standing, but I didn’t care if they heard me, I hoped they did.

“Did you hear all of that, or do you need me to repeat it?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘I heard it all Rey, and I agree with you. However, you know the ways of the grounders.” She looked at #Indra.

“We are not on the ground, and this is not a place where we should be continuing with the ruled, they set on earth. I could have left them all to die.” Even saying it killed a fragment within me. “But we all risked our life to make the journeys to save those who wanted to come. If they wanted to come, they need to learn to find a middle ground.”

‘Dula op nou chich op Oso Heda… raun dise!’ (Do not speak to our Heda, in this way!) #Indra took a step forward, and I stood my ground.

‘Indra, NOU, hod op  em!’ (Indra, No, Stop it!) #Octavia placed a hand on her arm. ‘Rey is correct. Things need to be fair for all. It can’t be the rules of one people if we do not listen to all the voices.’

•— John —•

I was only a little shocked at Raven when she defended #Luna’s right to remain independent of the way the grounders ruled. I wouldn’t have doubted it before this… but up here… tension like this could destroy the entire ship. Our life raft.

She defended her with a passion that made me want to take her hand and squeeze it. But I resisted that impulse. She said it way better than I would have. If I hadn’t bitten my tongue I might have just offered colourful suggestions of where the council could shove their pledge. Raven’s was better.

Then she  turned on the Rouzblida Heda (Red-blooded Commander). Raven was back… my Raven was back… I only let that thought invade my mind for a moment. She was many things, but she would never be mine.

#Indra took a step towards Raven and I took a step forward in return. “Look… I’m sure #Luna will keep to her agreement of peace as she had with #Lexa. She won’t interfere with #Octavia’s rule and in return, Octavia can leave her be. She will take on duties like anyone else is expected to and pull her weight. But It's going to be #Luna’s choice… And the fight to the death needs to be entirely off the cards.”

‘Those terms won’t be acceptable to the grounders, Murphy and you know it. Flokru is gone… Luna is just one person now. But there will be no more conclaves. The time of the Flame has passed.’ Octavia’s hands were  turned out to us like she was trying to show us she was unarmed.

‘We can go round and round about this in circles… but you can’t discuss #Luna’s position when Luna isn’t here.’ #Abbly sounded frustrated. ‘There’s a meeting scheduled for after morning rations tomorrow.

John… Can you extend the invitation to #Luna?’

“Invitation?” I turned to #Abby, almost ready to laugh. We all knew it wasn’t an invitation. Glares were levied and sighs filled the room. “Fine… We’ll be there.”

‘John… you won’t be in the room. This discussion will be  about whether or not Flokru will join with Wonkru.’ Octavia almost sounded apologetic.

I laughed now and looked at Raven. “Okay then.” I squared my shoulders and placed myself in front of #OctaviaBlake. “Ai, Jon Mofi… badan kiln gon Flokru. Ai na teik badan raun gon lanik-de. Ai badan raun gon gaf in chilnes.” (I, John Murphy, swear loyalty to Flokru. I swear loyalty to the Sea. I swear to seek peace.) I didn’t shout, I wasn’t threatening in anyway. My voice was steady and even my heartbeat remained calm. I knew I could never live like Luna did, I knew that… But I would die for her right live her way.

Octavia took a step back and lifted a hand to stop an infuriated #Indra from advancing on me. ‘John…’ Octavia shook her head. ‘What the hell did you do?’ Her voice was dangerously quiet.

“As one of only  two surviving members of Flokru, I have a right to a seat at that table.” I dipped my chin in deference. “Heda.”

•— Raven —•

What had he done? John had gone and taken an oath to a clan that no longer existed but for their leader. And I wasn’t sure I knew how #Luna would feel about it when (yes when, not if) she heard about it.

This was one of those things I always told John about. The boy never learnt to think before acting. And he justified it by saying he wanted a seat around the table.

As the thought assembled my lips curled up into a smile. “This is brilliant!” The words slipped from my mouth and I didn’t stops them.

Without thinking I reached  out and took Johns hand squeezing it tightly.

“He is right, Luna no longer stands alone. Not that she was alone…. But in the rules which the grounders will understand. She now gets a seat at the table too.”

I knew she would hate it. #Luna despised the ways of these people, and to bet told she needed to sit with them and listen to their voices, would be tough. But it was better this way.

#Abby muttered something underneath her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.

‘This boy is going to be the death of me.’ This time I made it out. ‘Tomorrow Murphy.’ #Octavia gritted her teeth. ‘We will address this all tomorrow.’ Turning on her heels, both #Indra and #Octavia left the med bay.

‘Well?’ #Abby had her arms crossed over her chest now. ‘Which one of you is going to tell #Luna?’

My free hand pointed  to John. “He is, it’s his bright idea.” Before she could tell us to get out. I tugged John out of the office.

“John… Murphy… What in the names of all the hells were you thinking? Damn you! I could kiss you! That was the best idea and I never thought of it myself!!” The moment we were in the corridor I hugged him so tight. “Why didn’t I think of it! But you’re still an idiot… and you’re really telling the zen master.”

•— John —•

I knew I had fucked up when Raven said 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘵! She was being sarcastic… right? I turned to look at her to try and decipher her expression.

Everything else happened so fast. Had I just put a target on my own back now too? Had I made things harder for  #Luna? Luna and #Raven were always telling me we were stronger together. Then again… when had 𝕀 ever made anyone stronger?

I was being dragged out into the hallway and my chest was getting tight again. No… no, no, no. This was not going to happen to me again. But then she was speaking… and was I having a hallucination on top of everything else? Did she just say…?

“Huh?” The sound was all that came out. Then she called me an idiot and I laughed. This wasn’t a short laugh, it just kept going. And going… and going, until I had to put my hand on the wall to keep myself from doubling over. The cuts on my palm stung at the contact, not painful really… but it caught my attention enough to get a hold of myself. I looked back at Raven. “#Octavia’s gonna kill me.” I said a little breathlessly. She’d said I had to tell  #Luna what I had done. “#Luna’s gonna kill me!” I dragged my hand through my hair. “You’re going to come with me when I tell her, right?” My pale blue gaze pleaded with her.

•— Raven —•

The smile on my lips grew tenfold as I stepped back to take him in. John Murphy didn’t laugh so openly often, but when he did... his face glowed, his eyes glinted, and the sound he made, it would warm any heart.

I couldn’t imagine never hearing this sound ever again in my life and here I had been a hour ago readying myself to say good bye to him for good. If that was what he wanted, I would have given it to him.

Tilting my head to the side, my brows pulled together as he gathered himself.

“Oh, trust me, once this news gets out. There will be a  line of people who will want to kill you.”

Taking the hand he had places on the cold wall, I turned it palm side up. Shocked at the injury I found. “What did you do to your hand? Why didn’t you tell me it was hurt when I squeezed it?”

Shaking my head “shit… does it hurt? Do we need to go bad into the med bay?” The barrage of questions under themselves one after the other.

“Of course, I will go with you to talk to Luna…” but as I said it I paused. “Well… I’m not sure if she would want me there… but I can wait outside for you…” Then I shook my head my eyes still on his hand. “But first we need to fix you up.”

•— John —•

I knew she was right, Clarke would be furious that I just put a thirteenth clan back on the table… I didn’t let myself stop and think about whether or not that made Skaikru or Flokru the thirteenth clan now. Of if there was a hierarchy between the first twelve; other than  which one had a ruling Heda.

My heart stopped when she took my hand. As in it actually stopped beating for a few seconds... or at least it felt like it did. “I’m okay, Raven… it's just a scratch.” I resisted the urge to close my fist… We were past hiding from each other.

At least, I really hoped that we were.. and I guess that started with the cuts on my palms. I shoved the other into my pocket and dropped the bullet she’d pressed back into my hand in the med bay, into it. Then I held up the other hand and uncurled my fingers showing the matching bandages on that one too.

“#Jackson already looked at them. When I… when it happened I guess into dug my fingers into my palms. It’s really not that bad. Just stings a little sometimes. But I swear that I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.” I locked my gaze on hers. The fact she’d given that bullet back to me meant she was thinking about the time we spent in the bunker and maybe remembering how close I’d come to ending it. But I didn’t want her to think I was in that kind of dark place. Because I couldn’t protect her if  I was dead, or #Luna or #Emori. Those three women were all I cared about now.

“To be honest I had totally forgotten about it until just now… But look.” I fished out the bundle that #DocLite had given me, a fresh bandage and wipes to clean it. “#Jax said to keep it clean and  change the dressing in the morning. It’s all…” It was just then I realised I was reassuring her. That meant she was worried about me. If she was worried… she cared. My heart that was stopped moments ago pounded now.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Raven… Or…” I corrected myself. “At least, you don’t need to worry about these cuts, anyway… I’m not sure about everything else.”

I didn’t know what to say to her about #Luna not wanting to see her. That would never be true, she was family to Luna. She would always, always want to see her.

•— Raven —•

Why did it feel like I had just over stepped? That he didn’t want me to help or even know about the injuries he’d suffered?

Maybe the bridge we had broken still had some mending to do, because before John would have gone out of his way to milk anything to the furthest point for a little kind hearted sympathy.

I let his hand go, I didn’t know what had fully occurred. However, the picture #Jasper and #Emori has painted for me had been graphic enough to make my heartbreak with  angry at myself and my part in it all. “Okay. If Jax has looked you over and is fine with you looking after it yourself.” I took a step back.

The trauma he had  lived through, everything that’s arsehole #Jaha has done to him….. I pushed those thoughts out of the way for now.

“Give it time, maybe if this place…” My eyes wondered over the corridor. “…begins to feel like home. The everything else… it will… well… you know.”

Nodding my chin towards his hands again. “Just please take care of those. We can’t afford for an infection to settle in. It would be a shame if I have to cut your hands off.”

Okay, the last part was meant to be funny. However, there was an element of sarcasm and fact there too.

•— John —•

I wiggled my fingers when she let go of my hand… it felt a few degrees warmer than the rest of me. “I’m sure #Jackson will be keeping an eye on it… he’s making me see him three times a  week or…” Should I tell her? Would letting her know I was diagnosable crazy, be a deal breaker for her?

Even after #FinnCollins lost it and shot up a whole village, she still never gave up on him… But she had known him all her life. Loved him all her life, as friends… as more than friends… and I was pretty sure #Finn had never shot her either… I definitely couldn’t tell her my choices were this talk therapy stuff or forcible medication. She would find him and ring his neck for going back to the Ark Survival Method. “He… um… said a lot of things… to me, that I’m not totally sure I understand.”

I looked around as we walked to  the room I shared with #Emori and #Luna. “Home… maybe… I mean… you and #Luna says home is where your people are right?” I smiled. I was trying to see the upside to all of this, I was really trying. “My people are here… But…” That was the problem though… people that weren’t my people were everywhere too.

“You know what the hardest part is? Remember on the Ark…. You couldn’t turn a corner without passing a dozen people. Everywhere, all the time… too many people…” I shook my head. “I know we were only on the ground for a few  months but there was so much space… There were times when I walked and walked for days and never once encountered another person. It was shocking how fast I got used to that. There’s just…” I stepped aside as a group of people bustled passed us. “So many people. And I’m  not… I know for a long time I was a thorn in everyone's side… but I thought for a while there on the island that I was… useful. Up here… I don’t have a purpose anymore. It leaves too much time to think.”

•— Raven —•

He was doing it again, holding back when before he wouldn’t have when we spoke. Or at least it was how I recalled our conversations.

I took another few steps, then he kept going. Coming to a stop before I continued walking by his side. This was still for a moment I didn’t  want to say anything, just to listen, and allow him to say whatever was on his mind.

“If you don’t understand, ask him to explain it better. And ask again and again until you are sure you have a grasp of what is happening or being said.”

I kept up with his set pace down  the corridor, moving to the side as others passed us by, none of the men giving me eye contact. The women and the children smiling or nodding their heads.

“Who knew you actually heard and retained the impression from our words.” A little teasing in my voice. A small girl came running into me while playing with her brother. I lent down and caught her setting her on her feet.

“Kefa.” (Careful) I smiled rubbing her arms, she ran off playing again.

“I hear you, and I understand what you mean.” I did understand, “however at the same time I’d found ways to carve out time and places for myself on the Ark.”

My brows furrowed as I heard what he meant, and how this change would impact him. Had anyone listened and took his worries onboard? Most likely not.

“I’m sorry if you do not feel that you have the safety we had on the island. It was the only time we felt like someone wouldn’t kill us in our sleep.” I got that. “But I couldn’t leave people to die.” Stopping my arm reached out as more people rushed past us.

I turned to look at him. “If you want…” was I really going to offer  this to him, know how he disliked what I did.

“I could always do with a helping hand down in pits of the ship, it’s a big beast… and I know it’s not what you like doing…”

Shrugging my shoulders, I turned to walk again. “The offer is there, if not to work you can go there to hide and have some alone time whenever you like?”

•— John —•

I nodded, she was right… but something inside of me wanted to resist that, it felt like participating in the therapeutic process. I knew it was ridiculous, but everything in me screamed at me to resist it. “I will… I mean, if I have to sit with him three times a week I should  probably know why, right?” I laughed… I knew why. I was insane… but I suppose knowing to what degree was probably a good place to start.

A real smile slipped through when the child bumped Raven, even as one hand reached out ready to steady her if it had knocked her off  balance. “I was always by myself.” I admitted. “Even in a room full of the rest of the rejects… or with three bunkmates in the skybox. I was still alone, even surrounded by people.”

I watched the siblings playing. I remembered the boy, he had been in the med bay, but luckily, he was one of the first discharged. Seeing children was still a wonder to me. I had seen kids, of course, just not many… and I wasn’t sure I had ever seen a baby before and now; it was possible there could be a newborn on the ship in a matter of weeks. Depending on what  happened with the cryo plan.

“There are some upsides to more people though… sometimes.” I smiled… The kids disappeared around the corner.

Raven's words sank in; my eyes widened a little and I looked at her, trying not to look stunned. “Oh… Rey… No… You did the right thing. That's what we were doing on the island right? Trying to save as many people as possible… you did that. One person feeling better isn’t worth even a single life, never mind hundreds.”

Something stirred in my chest when she made her offer. “You want to work with me  again?” I teased her, feeling genuinely lighter and a little exhausted from the constant swinging of my mood. I felt like for the first time I was struggling to keep pace with her. “I’ll give you an extra set of hands anytime you want, Raven… But Alone… No thanks… Is it  too much to ask to not be alone all the time and not be surrounded by strangers all at once?” I knew it was… it even sounded ridiculous.

•— Raven —•

The smile on my lips brought on by the little girl faded away as John’s words began to reverberate in my mind.

“Wait..” frowning a little. “Three times a week?” He was seeing #Jax three times a week? Something prickled a memory or a thought. Stopping I placed a hand on his arm, having him face me. Looking back over my shoulder to wait for the space around us to become clear so that no one else over heard. Not because there was any shame in the question I was about to ask. But because it was private to him.

“Has Jax put you into therapy?”

As I asked the question it all began to fall into place. He was talking to #Jax, writing in a book, talking about the heartbreaking experience of being alone when you were surrounded by others. Telling me there were too many people onboard one moment, and the next saying he didn’t want to be alone. I’d seen these signs before.

Add to it the aftermath I witnessed with my own eyes in the cell. And the beach… the bunker on the island… the way I had seen him gazing  out into the sea… And then there had been the pain in those eyes of his, when he begged me to bring him up here with me…

Hells! What was wrong with me? Why had I missed all these signs?

“Please tell me… has he put you on meds?” The hand on his arm curled a little tighter. The old way of doing things hadn’t worked. It had just made people addicts, without the knowledge of what they were doing in the long run.

And what would happen to John when the drugs ran out. Because we all knew it was all going to run out at some point.

I didn’t want that for John. Not now, not ever. Hells I would find #Jax and punch his light out! What the hells… what was he thinking?

•— John —•

I nodded, looking around as the hallway began to clear… it was getting late, and most people wanted to be in their rooms or dorms with their families or clans; after whatever work detail they were assigned to was finished. “Yeah.” I admitted; it was easier than I expected… but I wasn’t sure that would apply to everyone… But this was Raven, and I wanted to tell her everything. I yanked the folded notebook out of the pocket of my jumpsuit. “Homework… talk sessions or whatever you want to call them…” The way her eyes darkened at the mention of  the medication… Like she was as terrified of the idea as I was. “He wanted to… but if I’m a good boy and do as I’m told… He said he won’t recommend it.”

I tilted my head; her posture had gone rigid. I recognised this; it was how she contained herself before she raged… not that her rages were particularly explosive. They were controlled, measured and scary as all hell when you were on the receiving end… and the worst part about it… she was always fucking right.

“Rey… it's fine… I’ll do the stupid diary. I’m doing the therapy…” I reached out and put my hand on her arm, keeping my voice down, just in case anyone else came along. “Whatever the hell is broken in my head. I’ll either fix it or figure out how to convince them I fixed it. Maybe this will even be a good thing… I actually…” I shuffled from  foot to foot. “Think it could be good… maybe… Not a lot of people ever wanted to take any kind of time to help me… I think #Jackson believes this will… maybe after a while, I’ll even get a full night's sleep and #Emori won’t be falling asleep during her breakfast.” I gave  a self-deprecating laugh. “I swear… I will not fall into that vicious cycle.” As I made the promise, I hoped with every shred of the sentiment I had left that it was one I could keep. I would do everything I could to make it happen.

She’d watched as she lost #Finn to whatever madness had taken his mind, and I know her love for him hadn’t been the same as it had on the Ark when he died. But I would never forget how she screamed that night, how even then… not knowing how I would eventually feel for this woman, it made me wish I had taken  his place like she wanted, I knew she still loved him. They had been like family. I wouldn’t make her watch that again… especially not after everything we had, just moments ago, put behind us.

“I won’t do anything that will take me away from you…” I waited too long before I added. “Or #Luna or #Emori. We’re family, right?”

•— Raven —•

Reaching up i place my hand on the one he held up with his notebook in it. “You keep that book close to you. This is private and no one has the right to see it.”

I didn’t want anyone using his inner thoughts as a weapon against him. We all had dark moments and feeling, which out of context could be interpreted in the wrong way.

“Therapy is what people call it. And it can help, it can really help if you don’t play around and really give it a shout.” My eyes darted toward the corridor which would lead down towards the Med Bay. Could I find #Jax in there?

“I don’t give a crap if you’re good or bad. Meds aren’t something anyone can push on you without your permission and consent.” Had no one on this ship learnt their lessons? My eyes were back on him. “No John, it’s not fine… not if you aren’t sure what to expect… I mean no one knows what will could out when they start this journey, however some understanding would help to gain your trust in the process.”

His hand came to rest on my arm, until which time I hadn’t noticed just how rigid I’d become.

“Crap…”

There were so many directions I could feel myself being pulled. #Luna, the ship, the clans… our future and survival, and John…

Placing a hand over his I squeezed. “Who on this ship isn’t broken, John? You at least have agreed to take the first step towards healing, I’m proud of you.”

My eyes prickled a little searching his, when I thought he had just said I was family. That the two other girls in his life and I were family? This was the first time he’s said that up here. That we all belonged.

“It doesn’t matter to us if you mess up. It doesn’t matter how you deal with it all. Just be careful, and honest with yourself. The rest w— huh… I will deal with.”

I had lost the right to say “we”, #Emori wasn’t a fan right now, and #Luna? I’d pushed her away.

•— John —•

I nodded. “I plan on it.” I said, tucking the book back into my pocket. “Jackson said it was up to me if I wanted it to be something I shared with him or something private… I guess we’ll see what happens when I start it.” I already knew I probably wasn’t going to share it…  mostly because I wasn’t expecting anything particularly poignant or worthwhile to spill from my head onto the pages.

#Jackson told me that if I cooperated and didn’t become a danger to myself or others he wouldn’t force the issue of medication, but if I told her that would  she think I was dangerous? Would it change everything we’d just resolved? I didn’t think so… but there was still a bite of fear that it could risk us.

“I won’t let that happen. I’ll do everything he asks. But… I know you say that we're all broken… So… why isn’t…” I stopped… how could I say this without sounding like a child? “Why am I the only one that can’t hide it like the rest?” I was far from the only one… but right now I felt like I had a huge target on my back and all my weak points had been exposed the everyone that witnessed what happened in that cell… and everyone that #MilesShaw would eventually blab it to.

But then she…. Did she really just say that? I made a sound of disbelief. The last time I heard those words was when #Abby said them to me after I handed her the meds for #Adria. And I don’t think I ever heard them before that. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that. I was stunned into silence. Her eyes told me she meant it… the gold flashed through the darkness, and I hated that the darkness was my doing again.

“We…” I cleared my throat. “We should get to #Luna and #Emori before they hear my declaration from someone else.” Her hand was still on mine and I couldn’t bare to be the one to break the contact, so I didn’t.

•— Raven —•

My heart broke a little more in this moment I shared with John, I could see the anguish in those eyes. The sadness of what happened in the past and the uncertainty of what was yet to come.

We all felt it, sure we did. How could you not. But John…  “We will go find them.” I said finally. “However, we are going to make a stop. Come on Watcher.” Tugging his hand and him with it.

I started up the corridor and then took a startling turn into a door I knew would open up into a small cabin. It was unoccupied but it had a  small round funny shaped window to it.

“You just asked why you right. How others can deal with it all.” I took him up to the window before letting his hand go to point out.

“Do you see all those stars Watcher? From here you see them like a sea of light, but if you look closer, and really pay attention. You’ll see how some are brighter, some are smaller, some seem rounded, and others look like shards…”

The words dried up, giving the two of us time to really take the sight before us in. It was beautiful, the silence, giving your mind a chance to slow and to stop thinking.

“What I’m trying to say…” once I remembered why I brought him here. “We all deal with things in different ways, John. Some of us will have certain reactions to one thing, while others will not be moved at all. No two people are the same. So, don’t judge yourself based on what others do. Set your expectations based on your own personal experiences.”

•— John —•

Yet again I had my hand in hers and I was following her lead. It still startled me; how easy it was to step into an enclosed space with her and not instantly check my person for the most readily available weapon… even though all of mine were gone now. Save the knife I still  kept in my boot… but with her… I never felt the need to reach for it… or even shift my foot to assure myself it was still there.

My eyes turned up to the odd little window and I smiled. Not a single hint of the smouldering planet below us. I felt the absence of her hand  like her letting it go was akin to having mine dunked in ice water, and as she pointed out to the blue and white points of light, I found myself looking only at her.

When she stopped talking, I turned my gaze to the sea of light she had been watching, I let the silence spread  between us. Waiting until she was ready to continue.

I swallowed hard when she did, everything that she said made sense. But it only served to comfort the thoughts that 𝕤𝕙𝕖 didn’t see this thing that went wrong in my head as a weakness. She wouldn’t judge me for it… but she was wrong about everything else. It was a weakness, a vulnerability. Tears stung my eyes and I fought to keep them from falling.

With my gaze still fixed on the universe outside, I said. “But how will I judge myself if it happens again and I get someone killed? If we’re  in danger and I lose control like that, and you get hurt because of me… again.” My voice was tight as I tried to control the shake in it.

Fuck! So much for my resolve that I would never let it happen again.

“I never want to be any part of the reason that you or the others get hurt. Not even indirectly… this thing… is a liability.” I felt a tremble run through my jaw. “I’m a liability.” I took her hand and focused my eyes on it. “And I’m far too selfish to walk away from you even though it might be the only way to keep you safe. Something in my broken, shit show of a mind still thinks that we are stronger together… and everything else is telling me I’ll get us all killed if I don’t let go.”

Despite the fight I put up; a tear broke free. I swiped it away with my free hand and looked up to meet her eyes… Real stars reflected in them now. I squeezed her hand. “But I don’t want to let go. I never wanted that.” My voice was embarrassingly pinched now, I  couldn’t bring myself to care; it seemed like such a small concern in the scheme of things.

•— Raven —•

If our world wasn’t burning beneath us, I’d scream out that seeing John this lost and in excruciating discomfort shattered my world.

I didn’t pull away from his hold, if my friend needs my hand, I would give it to him, if he needed me to listen, I would hear him out, if he needed to scream or shout… I would let him. But John didn’t do anything but open his heart out to me. Before me, stood the boy I’d seen when we were on the island. Someone I thought I had lost forever.

“John…” My own voice broke while tears welled in my eyes,  witnessing this boy break in such a manner overwhelmed my heart.  Cupping his face with my free hand I bought him closer. Resting my forehead to his I watched him, not closing my eyes for a second.

“That’s when you need to believe in this dysfunctional family  of ours, to believe in Emori, and Luna.. in Jasper, Monty and Harper.., in Abby and Jax..” Reeling out the names I knew he had built a bond with over time. “They will catch you, watch you, protect you.” Biting on my lips as the first of my tears fell freely.

“I don’t want  you to let go, didn’t we say we were going to be there for one another? We are going to fight, and scream, and shout, but in the end, we will always be there when we need one another?”

My voice was a whisper, and I squeezed the hand he held onto. “You, John Murphy, are not a  liability. You had faith in me when I’d been one. And you showed me how when someone had trust in you, you can fight anything. So, now I need you to understand. I have your back. I will not leave you, so fight this thing…. However, not by yourself… We are with you… I am with you… Even if it means I need to sit up all night long  just so you can sleep.”

Wiping his cheek with my thumb I closed my eyes just breathing with him. Letting him know that I.. Raven Reyes, I wouldn’t fail him or our friendship again.

•— John —•

I had brought tears to her eyes again and I instantly felt the guilt that came with it. Did I really have any right to unload all of this onto her? I was losing my mind… but it didn’t compare to what had happened to her. The code had been stealing hers from her along with her  life.

It broke me that she excluded herself from the list of people she viewed as part of my family, and she did it with her hand on my face, my breath hitched a little and I had to fight to hear her over the raging urge to lean into that touch. “I’m not letting go.” I whispered. I knew I should, I knew it would be better for all of them, but I was going to do all of those things she was talking about to hold onto them. And hope I didn’t get them killed. I would catch them, watch them, protect them.

Her words sank in and again the tension in my chest and jaw started to ease, there was something about her that soothed all my rough edges. It wasn’t the feelings I had for her that resurfaced every time I tried to bury them. It came from Raven, this intrinsic ability to make me feel like maybe… just maybe  I could be whole again, with her help.

She brought me right back to that night when I almost disembowelled her… and her reaction was to sit with me while I finally got some sleep. I pulled her in for a hug… That was okay, right? She’d hugged me earlier… Hell!! I  wish I could make a decision without instantly questioning it. I wanted to tell her that I knew she had my back; because I did. But I could never seem to block out that voice that told me she was here out of pity or obligation, even though I knew it was bullshit. I had given  her every reason and every chance to cut me out of her life and she was still here.

“You were only ever a liability to yourself, Stargazer.” I whispered, my arms wrapping around her narrow frame easily. “Thank you… because I don’t think I can do this without you as part of that dysfunctional family that you are talking about… And if you’re going to sit up all night then you have to let me do the same.”

•— Raven —•

I filled him with more questions than answers, or at least this is how it felt to me. I couldn’t believe my tears had flowed so freely, not when I had meant to be his support while no one else could be. With my emotions taking control of me, I was sure John would feel the need to take care of me when it hadn’t been my attention at all.

“That’s not true and you know it, Watcher. You saw it all. Everything. Even when people wanted things to remain hidden. It’s why I gave you the name… remember…”

My arms slipped around his neck without any hesitation, this boy had been there to keep my upright in times when my darkness had threatened to consume me whole. So, right when my friend needed me. I would not pull away from him. Or, had he taken me into his arms because he felt I was the one who needed him to be strong and hold me together? Hells… This friendship think had come so easily to me with him before. Now I found myself questioning all my actions and discussion with him.

“I think that defeats the goals.” Resting my cheek on his shoulder, my eyes looked to the wall. “I need you to not hold back in any way, and sleep is the first step which is in your power. At least until with help you learn how to keep the shadows from taking over.” Uncertain if my words were of any benefit, I knew that I would want things to go unsaid in the fear.

I closed my eyes remaining still, letting him take the time he needed. Somewhere in one of #Becca’s fictional books I’d read a character say:

‘Never let go of a person when they hug you, if they came in for the connection, allow them to be the one to say when they were done.’  

•— John —•

“The things you couldn’t control weren’t your fault.” I whispered. “That would be like blaming a patient for being sick… you can’t deny that because… as you said, you gave me that nickname for a reason.” I knew she was thinking of the times she’d hurt me. “I would do it all again, I would not change a single thing that happened… even when I screwed up royally… because it was all a step on the road to you getting better.” If I could go back and change something, I wouldn’t… not even if it fixed the mistakes I regretted to the core of my being, because any change could alter the path and Raven could be gone.

She had put her arms around me so easily and it wasn’t like before… On the island we hadn’t hugged a lot… but she had always seemed to move towards me, not away like everyone else. And that was back. I remembered holding her after her violent awakening from her comas, trying to stop her from hurting herself. During her dark times trying to beat back the shadows and keep her from hurting anyone else, knowing how hard she’d punished herself. Holding her when she was  fitting… terrified she’d die in my arms, but even more afraid to let go so she wouldn’t die alone if it came to that. Those small touches that let her sleep at night just a little more peacefully.

Then there were the times when she did hug me.. when she’d squeeze my arm or my hand just before I did something stupid. Sometimes standing next to me, holding on in support of whatever stupid thing I was doing. Pulling me out of a room before my temper or my anxiety got the better of me. And so much more… More than I could let myself get lost in the  memories of right now.

But these hugs… these were different. Like we were propping each other up; like neither of us had the strength to stay upright but together… we could lean in and brace ourselves.

I laughed a little, my hand rubbing down her back, stopping midway. “No… a few hours each is better than where we are right now, isn’t it? Unless we sleep together… see how that works—” I stopped and pulled back enough to see her face… I had just kept talking because I hadn’t meant it how it sounded and it took a second to sink in. Shit!!

“Okay… that sounded way different in my head.” I gave a short laugh, hoping she’d brush it off as a slip of the tongue. I had watched #Luna and #Emori share the bed in our room, they always seemed contented. Comforted, by the presence near them. That was the picture on my  mind when those poorly chosen words slipped out.

“I promise… I’ll do this… I’ll… do whatever it takes to be better. To make sure they don’t try to medicate me.” I moved my hand up her back and to her forearms… “Okay, we need to get a hold of ourselves before we face  #Luna…” I took in the streaks on her face where tears had fallen… I was sure mine were the same. I wiped them away with a light brush of my fingers across her cheek “Or before we dehydrate ourselves with all these tears.”

•— Raven —•

His face when I finally saw it said a million and one things, all which I couldn’t fully understand or appreciate. However, the words he did say made my back stiffen and then I burst out in such high laughter.

It came from nowhere, unexpected, however much needed. My cheeks hurt a little by the time I could pull myself back together, stepping out of his personal space once he pulled himself at arm’s length to look at me.

“Oh. So let me get this straight. You’re willing to try anything to get better, just not sleeping with me? If I were any other girl, John Murphy. I’d take offence to that.” Punching him on the arm laughing again, before I wiped his face the way he did mine. “It’s a good thing I know you. And I know you’d never want to sleep with me like that.”

Shaking all the sudden, what had that been? A pang of emotion I pushed away. Shaking it off. I tugged on my ponytail, tightening it before nodding my head from side to side.

“As long as you fight for yourself, then the rest of us won’t be fighting against you.” Nodding towards the way we came. “Come on, I believe you’re ready, let’s face the music and see if the Zen Master is about to lose her crap on you.”

Stepping backwards still keeping him in my eye-line. “With all honesty, so you know where I will be if she wants to kick your arse. The sidelines. Watching, and learning, from her badarse moves.”

Trying to joke and lighten this mood before he felt it was too much for him to handle.

•— John —•

I laughed… probably far too hard… the entire time along this fucking crazy road to learning my feelings for her; I never once thought about anything getting to that stage. I had barely moved past wondering what it would be like if we could ever even be friends again. Those  kinds of fantasies… well that was it, wasn’t it? It would be a fantasy. She was never going to see me as anything other than a member of her dysfunctional family. Just being in her life was all I could ever ask for.

I could tell my slip had made her extremely  uncomfortable… I bit my tongue and shook it all off. She was here… she had let me back into her life. I knew how to be that guy… the one that made her laugh and distracted her from the discomfort she lived with every day.

“Well… hey now… Let’s not get too hasty  here…” I smirked, falling back into that friend mode that was still one hundred percent genuine, something I would never give up with her… not even in my wildest fantasy. “Five years is a long time, Stargazer.” I exaggerated the O. “You sure you can resist me for that long?”

I shook my hand at her and took her hand. “I have no idea what to expect… but good luck with the sidelines plan. I’m not above using you as a human shield… and I have two good legs… so the odds are in my favour.”

Before she could retort I tugged her from the room  at a reasonable pace for her, glancing back to make sure she was keeping up easily.

•— Raven —•

“Arsehole move, Watcher… Arse…. Hole…. Move!” Laughing, I punched him in his arm again as we started down the corridor. The laughter and teasing I’d missed, but more so it was the friendship. He and #Luna had made a place for themselves in my world, my family, and When I lost them from it. I felt hollow in my soul. However, now. Now I had them both back.

“Jokes aside, have you thought how we are going to tell her?” Pulling on our hands to bring John closer as a group of grounders came down the hall we’d just turned down. This part of the ship had come to life. There were whispered, the sounds of footsteps, young children playing and rushing. It was miles away from the ghost ship we had found.

“Personally, you know she’ll read it the second she sets eyes on your face. The girl had an uncanny way to read you. You really cannot keep anything from her.” It was #Luna’s eyes. She could see through anything, it didn’t matter the kind of wall your attempted to build, they all came crashing down when she stood before you. Half of the time, she wouldn’t even have to say a word. The look was enough.

•— John —•

“If you meant that you would have punched me harder.” I laughed. “I knew you can hit harder than that, Rey.”

I slowed a little and still held onto her hand, I had a valid excuse for wanting to keep her close and I was going to use it for all it was worth. “Um… No…” I  admitted chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Is really cowardly that I’m half hoping she knows already, and she can just scream at me in trig.”

I knew that it was. But honestly, I had no idea what to say. “Maybe I should make the ‘#Flokru pledge to her? I mean I know swearing  to the #Heda kind of trumps everything… Unless the red-blooded thing is going to be an issue. Or…” It dawned on me, and my eyes widened… “Or if #Luna decides to banish me!” Shit!! Shit! That was a typical way that grounders lost their Clan. #Luna’s people were peaceful. I was a murderer… Shit!

“I never even considered that… Shit!” I hadn’t meant to say that thought out loud. I had just opened myself to yet another rejection… Why would she want me of all people, to be the only person in her clan? The wildest of wildcards.

I turned to be a murderer… Shit!

“I never even considered that… Shit!” I hadn’t meant to say that thought out loud. I had just opened myself to yet another rejection… Why would she want me of all people, to be the only person in her clan? The wildest of wildcards.

I turned to  Raven. “I have no idea what to say to her. I know she cares about me… but I doubt she wants someone like me in her kru.”

•— Raven —•

His walk slowed and I knew it wasn’t for my benefit this time. His features construed. And he was muttering to himself and maybe to me. 

All sense of humour disappeared from between us, and this time it had nothing to do with our friendship. He seemed to be consumed by his fear of what #Luna would say any think. However, he went to the extreme. 

“Hey… John… hey…” I tugged on his hands so that he would look at me. To see the genuine smile on my lips. 

“This is Luna, you know… the Zen Master, our shadow, sister…. Will she be upset? Yeah. You and I both know she will. However, she’s not like us. She doesn’t react without learning the full story. She will listen to you. Listen to how this all made to be, and then she will see the love, and the concern this action feed out of.” 

Biting my lips, I wasn’t sure if I should say the next part, but it wasn’t a dig at him. It was the truth. “Please learn from the mistakes you and I both made. Not having trust, not communicating, not asking for help… that’s what broke us… and She was the one telling me at least to look at the bigger picture. To talk to you. But I didn’t. And we know where we ended up.” 

Slowly I tugged him by the hand he still held, we weren’t far from their quarters now. “She is steps away. We will go in, we will tell her everything, and we will take whatever she says or doesn’t say. Okay? We… you aren’t alone… I’m right here with you…” 

•— John —•

Fuck!!! She was comforting me again… why was I such a mess! This was exactly what I meant by being a liability… I was making her feel like she needed to protect me. She had much bigger things to worry about. She tugged me two steps closer to my doom…

Did Raven understand what it means to pledge yourself to a clan? Did she know that now; the grounders would no longer consider me #Skaikru? #Abby and #Kane would be violating any agreement made with the red-blooded Heda by claiming me. If #Luna wanted to put an end to #Flokru… we would both be  clanless.

She tugged me two steps closer to my potential future in no man's land…. Or worse. No… this was #Luna. Raven was right… She wouldn’t leave me at risk like that. I had just made myself her burden for however long I lived. Four steps closer.

Five. Then we were at the door. I let out a long breath and squeezed Raven’s hand, I couldn’t make the words come to ask her not to let go. I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to. But everything we shared today was enough for me to know that she wouldn’t. I punched in the code and the door swooshed open.

#Emori and #Luna rushed forward and hit me with a million questions about what happened and if I was okay. I stepped inside and pulled Raven with me. It was time to face the Zen Master’s music.

•— THE END—•

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WrittingRP

[oktorpg]

We Can Survive – Book 3 – Chapter 1 - Together - SL 06

〄 ꜱᴛᴏʀʏʟɪɴᴇ - 𝟨

"Wҽ ƈαɳ ʂυɾʋιʋҽ."

      ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @LittleBirdRey & @ToldUIdSurvive

             ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3: ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴀʏ ɪꜱ ᴜᴘ

                    ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ʙᴇᴄᴄᴀ'ꜱ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʟᴀʙ

•— John —•

"Jon!" #Luna burst into the bathroom while I was relieving myself, making me almost piss all over my newly acquired boots. The acid rain had eaten holes in my old ones; luckily it hadn't burned through to my feet. I found these on the housing level of Becca's underground facility. "Yo gaf in chich Reivon op." (You need to talk to Raven.)

"Fuck Luna!!!" I hastily zipped up. "Nou na gona drein wei na chilnes?" (Can't a guy take a piss in peace?)

‘Em's gon koken nodataim, Jon! Em nou na wan daun.’ (She's gone crazy again, John! She won't stop.)

"Em nou haken nou longa, Luna. Em's ku." (She's not sick anymore, Luna. She's fine." I moved to the sink and washed my hands. The Zen master growled in frustration, not so Zen at the moment then. I knew that she was mad that we had done something so dangerous and left her behind.

"Please... just get her to eat and drink something?" She asked. I wasn't sure if she was more convincing in Trig or English.

"Did you bring what I asked you for?" I raised a brow at her and she continued. Informing me the last trip to the mansion for supplies had left everything I asked for in the break room.

So I got to work.  #Luna was impatiently pacing and then leaving to check on Raven and coming back to pace some more. But if my plan was going to work it needed to be perfect. The smell was already drawing in anyone who passed by to see if the soup was ready yet. No one but Luna dared to rush me.

Raven had gotten right to work after we returned, the elevator doors opened on a beaming #Monty; who immediately stole her and started to reel off all the information he had gathered from the satellite in the time it took us to descend the Tower of Death and hike back to the lab after she had repaired it.

When the soup was ready, I dished it into a bowl and took one of the slightly misshapen bread rolls, baking wasn't my best skill... it tasted fine. But they never looked like the pictures in #Becca's books when I was finished. I tried not to let in the sadness this would likely be the last thing I would ever cook. I didn't know where were we going to end up... back in space? In the Second Dawn bunker? Dead and cursed to have my soul wander this island for eternity?

No matter where it was... the likely hood that I would ever lay my hands on fresh food again was negligible. "It was nice while it lasted." I murmured to myself as I grabbed the food and a bottle of water. #Luna rested a hand on   my shoulder, ‘Don’t worry, John. You’ll find a new joy.’ She was some kind of mind reader, then she moved to follow me.

"Seriously? You think ganging up on her is going to help?" I raised my brows at her. "Make sure none of the others take more than their share." I jerked my head at the large pot of steaming soup. I knew that they likely wouldn't... but I need her to stay here.

When I found Raven she was bent over a workstation and not in the pod... thank fuck for that. My food was good but I wasn't sure it was good enough to lure her out of there. But setting it on the desk under her nose... that should certainly work. She would keep working... but she'd reach for a few spoonsful at least, or dunk in a few chunks of bread as she planned... whatever the hell she was planning. I had a feeling she wasn't going to clue me in, but I know that I had lost that right. Had I ever really, had it?

"Hey, Rey-ven." I made the subtle switch from her nickname to her name, another right I had lost. "I know you have a lot to get done so I figured I would bring this to you. I set it as close to her as I could with the tablet and tools, she had arranged all around her. Her fingers flew over the screens. The sight did set my nerves on edge, it was like the anxiety and panic of watching her like this, with the spectre of a stroke or a seizure hanging over her head, had left a wound that was reopening.

'She's not dying, she's not dying.' I told myself again and again.

'What about me?' Monty asked from the next station, and I crossed my arms glaring at him. 'What?' He continued, shrugging. 'I mean you were coming over here anyway.'

"Did you just climb a thousand-foot tower?" I deadpanned.

'Don't be so dramatic, Murphy.' There was a playful note in his voice.

"Get the hell out of here Green. Food's in the break room." I shook my head. I think #Monty and #Jasper are the only people left here that smile at me now. I had hated it when it started to happen... now its absence was felt like I had lost a limb.

"It's the same soup I made the first day we got here." I was speaking to Raven again; #Monty was already halfway across the lab. "I think that’s the first time I've ever seen that nerd run." I laughed. It was entirely untrue... but funny as hell.

•— Raven —•

“Go away, Murphy.”

I didn’t have time for him or anyone else right now. The constant interruptions were starting to grate on my last nerve. Some part of me now wishing that I had gone and hidden away in the small lab I had claimed for myself, while I was working on the space suit and then fixing my brain melt.

However, something told me that they would somehow manage to find me there too. I knew they were all looking for answers, but they needed to understand that having people always checking for updates or asking me questions wasn’t helping... Thinking that by telling me that the death wave was building and becoming stronger was also not helping!

You know, because I couldn’t read the data from the scans, I had set up myself!

There was a list in my mind, and it was on a loop until I could tick off the tasks.

I needed to read the fractions, but they weren’t falling into place.

I needed to fix the last of the landing gear on the pod, but then again was I going to make it back? So, was it important?

#Clarke and #Bellamy wanted me to put all the seats back into the pod. The ones I had taken the time to remove, back when I thought #Abby and I were heading up to make the night blood.

But that was all more time and Time was the one thing we didn’t have.

“I don’t have time for you or your so-called humour. Monty maybe a nerd, but so am I. And we are the ones trying to formulate a plan here.

I didn’t take my eyes off my screen, the list of things I needed to understand and calculate had been growing to an astronomical level.  I was ticking the numbers off as I thought them through. Even with the scent of the food from the bowl set beside me trying to draw my attention.

‘You Do Not Have Time Rey!’ I stated internally.

Shit!” I had let myself become distracted. This was why I didn’t want to be here in the middle of the main lab where people could see me.

These figures… they weren’t adding up. Looking around the desk of the workstation I grabbed the tablet before pushing myself back away on the stool and getting up.

He was stood right there in my way. “Jeez John, give a girl some space.” It wasn’t like he had any reason to care anymore.

Despite  our differences, we had worked hard together to climb the satellite tower, and somehow managed to live to tell the story. But now, just as I had promised myself, I wasn’t going to care about all that had gone down.

“Go feed the others, Luna, Emori, I bet Jasper needs you.” I for sure as hells didn’t.

My eyes darted to the big screen on the wall, the data constantly scrolling from images of the drones to the information they were picking up. And then it occurred to me.

“I got this.”

I hop jumped my way towards the pod. If I could get the sums to work, then I knew I could make things happen and give us all a fighting chance.

•— John —•

I had been expecting this... or having hot soup dumped onto my head. But Raven wasn't one to waste food. "Everyone is taken care of, there's plenty for everyone. #Luna is seeing to it now. You want to get up to the space ship, right?"

I  raised my brow at her. "How long will it take you to get the pod ready? A few hours? A day? and then you're in Zero-G?" I sat on the stool she had just vacated. "Now... I'm no expert... and I'm I certainly have limited experience with  zero-g... exactly once to be exact." I leaned my back against the workstation propping up on my elbow, facing her. I opened the bottle of water I had brought her and drank. "But since you're a seasoned pro... why don't you explain to me what  it feels like to go from gravity to no gravity with a full stomach?" I laughed. "Because when I was in lock-up with #Monty, he told me some pretty hilarious stories that he'd heard when he was recruited by engineering."

I twisted to the  side and pushed the spoon in her bowl around. "Something about a twenty-four-year-old #Sincliar and an EVA suit that had to be recycled because they couldn't get the vomit smell out?" I laughed. Tearing a chunk of bread and dipped it into her bowl before I popped it into my mouth. Still watching her, still smiling.

"How long has it been, Raven? Since you were in zero-g... I mean. If it was me... and like I said I'm no expert, but I would think that now would be a good time  to eat. Meaning the G-Force of the launch wouldn't make me pass out because I hadn't eaten in twenty-four hours but also long enough to let that food digest, so I don't end up floating around in a spacesuit full of floating vomit bubbles." I stood up.

"But hey... you're the expert here." I held up my hands as I made it like I was going to walk away.

"Ai jos liak randzi." (I'm just the cook.)

•— Raven —•

My feet stopped beside the pod, opening the external source panel before I realised that I left the screwdrivers by the workstation as well as my tablet. “This is a good start.” I faintly said to myself. Even If I could blame Murphy for it, and let’s be honest I rushed away from where I had been partly because of him.

My mind was still in a spin with more information being fed to me as my eyes kept darting back to the monitors on the walls. Some part of me wanted to turn them off and other parts didn’t want to miss anything.

“Hmm?” He was talking what about? Zero-Gs? What was it about this boy. Why couldn’t he shut up? “If you stop talking to me, I could be up there before the end of the night.” That was a tight deadline to set myself, with half the brain capacity I wasn’t even certain it could happen.

“What?”

Now I turned, walking back the way I came. Frowning when I saw him in my seat, but then not only was he drinking my water, but eating my food too? I stopped a few feet away as ideas and conversations floated in my head.

“Monty has a big mouth and should know better than to talk about Sincliar in that way.” But my lips curled up into a smile. “He knew better, but he also loved his food too. He said it was because it was the highlight of his break. He used to close his eyes and imagine it was food from the twenty first century.” He had made me do it with him when he knew things were hard for me at home.

My nose crinkled up and the memory of that smell. A small heave came from my chest, and I covered my mouth. “I wasn’t going to wear that thing, and I was so glad I was smaller than him.” Not that I had a choice, if you wanted to walk, you put on whatever safety gear you had.

Out of the side of my eye I saw him stood there at the far side of the lab. His hands crossed over his chest, his curly salt and pepper hair a little over grown. And he was smiling at me.  Before I knew it I was smiling back at him. Knowing that he was always watching over me. Until the moment broke by John’s words again, and the reality dawned on me.

“Fuck.” I took a step back. Was my brain fried again? I asked, however when I glanced back #Sincliar was gone.

Shaking my head, I continued to my workstation. “I know what you are doing Murphy.” But watching him eating the soup made sounds roar from my stomach. How long had it been since I had eaten? I couldn’t remember, which couldn’t be a good sign.

Giving in I lifted the bread, it wasn’t that soft warm one he used to make when we were at the mansion. Or maybe it was, I just hadn’t noticed. Breaking a chunk off I dipped it into the soup.

“For a cook, you have a lot to say.” And a lot of ways to manipulate someone I thought as I chewed on the soup covered bread. Fuck! It was good. I was going to miss this. The food, and the calm. Even in this madness, there was still an element of togetherness in me.

•— John —•

I couldn't help but laugh at her comment about not wearing the suit. Who could blame her, really? When I looked back at her over my shoulder, I saw her smiling at empty space, and my first instinct was to go to her... to get ready to catch her when she fell, to make sure she kept breathing through the seizure I was still convinced was coming.

 Three steps, I had taken three long strides towards her before I remembered she didn't need me anymore. She had never wanted my help... she certainly never admitted she needed my help, but I knew she had. And I knew now; that she never would again. I wiped the momentary look of panic off of my face as fast as I could.

"I'm just trying to do the only thing that I'm good at Raven... which is apparently limited to feeding people." I sighed. But she was eating... and that was something. "Just take it slow... you haven't eaten in over a day. If you want more... just say... I made a lot, all the fish that was left... I cooked it." I didn't want to tell her why. That, when #Luna went to pull in her nets the beach was littered with dead fish from the approaching radiation.

"If you need help taking the seats back out of the pod, I can do it... I  helped you with it the first time... I could do it so you have more time to do whatever you need to do." I dropped my gaze. How could I ask her for anything? After everything that happened?

•— Raven —•

My mouth was full now as I chewed on the soup-soaked bread, looking back at the pod, Taking the time to let my eyes linger on the spot where I had seen my mentor smiling at me. Telling myself my mind was playing tricks. That no sleep and not eating any food would do this to a person. And yet I couldn’t stop. How had I gone a day without food? It was easy when I was lost in my work.

Then turning my attention towards the kitchen. I could hear the conversations coming from the small breakroom we had all made into our sanctuary, within the cold walls of this underground lab. It wasn’t like sitting on the dinner table in the large kitchen, with the tall glass wall with a view on the pool and the green outside the back of the mansion. But it was still a place we all found some solus in.

 “Hmm…” He was feeding everyone, and that wasn’t a small task. However, I wasn’t going to stroke his ego. “This is fine Murphy; I don’t need to eat more than my share… But, you owe me a chunk of your bread.” Like he was going to get away with eating the best part of my meal.

I lowered myself into the stool again and started to tap the keyboard with one hand as I fed myself with the spoon with the other. “I don’t need to take anything out.” Pointing my spoon towards the break out room. “If I listen to them, I have to add it all back in again. But the extra weight…” I stopped myself looking up at him and catching his baby blue eyes looking back. “Why am I explaining all this to you anyway. I’m the genius, right. I can work it out myself.”

•— John —•

She was eating, I kept the thought rolling around my mind. Trying to squash the thoughts of She’s eating something I made, because that really didn't make a difference. She would eat anything she was offered and thank you for it. But I could see she was enjoying it and I couldn't help it if that made me feel some small sense of accomplishment.

She hadn't stopped working long enough to even realise she was hungry until she started to eat, she really was at the bottom of her own priorities lists. That fact terrified me. Her eyes moved from the empty spot where she had been staring earlier to the breakroom where I could hear the others now. Not words or anything... just the tell-tale sounds of a singular moment of peace in the middle of the chaos. The low rumble of multiple conversations... #Jasper saying something that made them all laugh. A moment of silence I knew that #Luna called for; to give gratitude to the sea that brought us this food.

"It's not more than your share. It's not like we can take it with us. We will be gone soon, whether that ship is our salvation or not." I followed her gaze to the gathering of all the people she loved. "You know you could join them... even if it's just for a second. Finish your food, walk back there... just to leave the bowl back... see them happy. Before it's all business again." My eyes never left her, watching her like the world could catch fire at any moment.

Because it could.

"Sure, you're the genius." I smirked now and helped myself to another sip of her water. Leaning on the workstation a little way from her. "But wasn't it talking it over with me that helped you come up with the water landing. When you didn't have enough fuel to land the pod, right?"

I thought about what she said and tilted my head. "Put it all back in? Why? This thing up there it's in orbit, right? That means there's either someone up there... or the ship is operational right?" I remembered overhearing #Jasper and #Monty talking about deep space mining ships. that it could have flown itself back here on autopilot. "So, either we get up there and whoever is running the thing kills us... or we get up there, no ifs... and then you come and get everyone? I mean that's the plan, isn't it? Use the ship to save everyone here and in Polis, right?"

•— Raven —•

There was a change in him, I could swear that he was smiling when I looked back at him in my side-line. I wanted to ask him what it was towards, or what he was thinking for that look. However, it would open up a conversation like the ones we had when we were ‘friends’. And I wasn’t ready for that. ( No matter what promises I’d made #Luna. ) Some things would just have to wait a little longer.

Chewing on my mouthful, I let my eyes drop from where the others where and then shook my head. “No, this is more than enough for me right now. If I need more, there is always later.” If the others hadn’t finished the food off. At the end of the day, we were about to go back into the beasts mouth again. So, the fighters were the ones who needed the extra energy. Not the dead weight.

“I don’t have time for that. I will take my bowl back, but only when I am done here.” Lifting my chin towards the pod. I took a spoonful of the soup now, tapping the fingers from my free hand over the keyboard, rolling my eyes as he spoke.  

“What, do you want a gold star or something.” Remembering that time when I had to solve that problem. It had come when the darkness in my mind was overtaking me. Which meant I was lashing out, and John had taken the brunt of it, and kept coming back for more.

I set the spoon down into the half empty bowl and raised my eyebrows at him. “Who are you and where is Murphy?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “If I knew you actually listened to me, I would have had told you more.” Pointing to the room over his shoulder.

“Now do you want to go and explain that plan to them all in there? Each time they come out of a huddle; they have a new idea. Someone else comes up with a reason why they need to be in that pod for first contact. If they keep this up, Clarke is going to want to learn to fly the pod up there for herself.”

Shaking my head, I rubbed my hand unconsciously over my leg. “It’s essential they understand that I need to take that pod up as it is. We can’t waste any more time on this.”

•— John —•

My eyes dropped when she mentioned she didn't have time to see the others, her friends and family... the people she loved. Even if she pulled all of this off, there was still so many things that could wrong, it could be the last time she saw any of them.

"Okay." I nodded. If she was choosing to spend her time working to save them all then I wasn't going to try and stop her. Especially now that I didn't need to worry about her fainting from hunger.

Her easy cruelty hurt... not  because of what she had said, because of how effortless her contempt of me was and it was compounded by the fact that I had made her feel like that towards me. It was my fault.

"There's no time to teach anyone that kind of thing." I didn't  say that we needed to stop letting #Clarke run things... this wasn't the time to shake up the leadership ladder.

"You think that they'll listen to me?" I laughed; I knew that she was being facetious. But I needed the laugh. "But they will  listen, the know what’s at steak. Just keep working on getting it up there and they'll do the right thing when the time comes. But you can't go alone either, we have no idea what could be waiting up there."

•— Raven —•

The screen was flashing before me, the code was scrolling as I read over the the text I had entered. Double checking, I hadn’t missed a beat. I watched the green curser flashing ready for me to hit enter.

I pushed the bowl away to the side. “I swear Murphy, if the next words out of your mouth are to tell me you should be in that pod when it leaves the atmosphere. I will drown you myself and finish off the job the monster in the sea started.”

I heart felt like someone had stomped on it, and I couldn’t do anything about the fact. Because I was the one to blame for it. I was the one being cold hearted towards him. Pushing him away, however here he stood.

“Hells!” I cursed hitting the back space, I’d missed a line of code. Re typing it back in I hit enter. The screen flashed as the text changed.

𝚄𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜….

I let my head drop a little before pushing back and standing up. I didn’t have time for even a moment to stop. I needed to get the pod in the sky before the other ship dropped and maybe landed in a danger zone.

“The black rain is hitting us faster and harder. We don’t need any more delays here.” I told him as I made my way back to the pod. “When was the last time more than one of us went to meet new people, and the visit didn’t end up in someone trying to kill us? The less of us who go up there, the better if you ask me.”

Pulling and dragging my arse up the cold metal steps, heaving myself inside the open latch.

Once in there, I was sat in the seat tapping the earpieces I had in place now too. Waiting to see what would play in this moment.

( Music - Blessing Offor - Brighter Days - Radio Version )  

I closed my eyes, letting the words be felt in the depths I had hidden my hope in. I still had it, however there was so little left that I had to protect it and myself.

#Luan’s words rang true even more now. I had to pull myself out of this hole. This wasn’t the first-time betrayal had tested me.

Shaking my mind free, I started feeding the other side of the code into the pod and downloaded the code with the updates.

•— John —•

I wanted to tell her that was exactly what I was asking, I wanted to tell her all of the reasons why I wanted to go with her. That I knew I had no right asking for anything but here I was anyway... asking her.

I watched her furiously typing in code... and still. I said nothing. "You still can't go alone, Raven. At least take..." I stopped talking to think about who I would want with her if I couldn't be. "#Bellamy... And #Luna. Just... don't let Bellamy do the talking."

It hurt watching her struggle up the steps and ladder, but I knew that it was nothing like what she was feeling. I picked up her bowl and took it back to the

break room. Everyone started patting me on the shoulder and thanking me  for the food. I just gave them all a brief no problem and started washing the dishes.

•— Raven —•

『   ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Branwoda,  Tu kom emo.” ( Foolish, the two of them. ) I stood in the shadows watching only to ensure that they did not kill one another. ( More so that Rey didn’t do something she would regret. ) Only stepping out of the shadows when the two had made their way apart.

One working in her place of hiding. In plain sight. Somewhere, where nothing could break her attention and make her address what was eating at her. And the other foolish one who had found himself a new way to become valuable. But the question still had to be, was it for the right reasons?

Who could tell with these two. All I knew at this time, is that they both couldn’t see what was right there. The friendship they had built couldn’t be lost without a fight.

“Jon, ste raun laudnes” ( John, is in pain ) I said with body resting on the metal steps, my eyes on the opening to see how long it took her to come see who or what I meant.

『   ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴇʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“What?” I took my ear piece out hearing a voice in the background. “Sorry, what did you say?” I called out before pulling myself off the command seat and towards the pods open door.

‘Jon, ste raun laudnes.’ ( John, is in pain ) #Luna said, she moved to sit on the steps looking towards the breakroom.

“Did he cut himself or something? He was here ten or twenty minutes ago.” My brows pulled together. “Have Abby and Jax helped him?

‘Nou Disha laudnes.  Emo nanou fix em’ ( Not this pain. They cannot fix it. ) I frowned at her. And she looked proud of herself.

“I wish sometimes, that you would stop with the riddles.” Rubbing the side of my head where a dull throbbing started to make itself known.

•— John —•

I was washing the dishes... I didn't know why. We weren't going to have another meal here. 'Where's Raven?' It was Bellamy, only he and Harper lingered here now. Harper insisted on helping with the dishes... which annoyed me because I  clearly wanted to be left alone.

"Where do you think?" I shook my head. All he had to do was look out into the main lab and he would see Luna next to the pod. 'Okay sorry... I just figured you'd know.' Bellamy held his hands up in  surrender.

"I'm not her keeper." I said in an even tone instead of snapping. Bellamy scoffed audibly, as if he did in fact think that I was her keeper. Harper glared. I knew she was still pissed about the docks. Even if I did help them  save #Octavia and the grounders.

'May I speak with John for a moment you two.' #Abby was standing in the doorway. Bellamy and Harper both left promptly and silently. 'Come and sit with me for a moment, John.' She took a seat and patted the  table. I took the seat across from her.

"I haven't done anything." I insisted with a screwed-up brow.

'Actually... from what I hear you've done quite a lot.' She folded her hand in front of her and leaned on the table. 'Trying to run away with #Emori?' now her brow knit together. "Fucking #Harper." I thumbed my nose and slumped back into the chair.

'En don ai.' #Emori said (It was me). Filling the doorway now. "Ai get daun gon yu, Jon.' (I'm worried about you, John.)

"Ai Ku... Chit yu chichplei hasta?" (I'm fine... what are you talking about?) I scowled at her.

'John... you've been... distant. And reckless.' #Abby interjected. My brow raised in question. 'Slicing your arm open to distract the sea monster?'

"I had no choice. #Luna and #Octavia were in trouble and I'm not a strong swimmer. I was never going to make it to them in time. It's not like I intended to cut that deep I didn't think I was going to need a transfusion..." I rambled.

'John... whatever is going on...' The Doc stopped and looked at #Emori. Asking her to give us a moment. 'Whatever happened between you and Raven is making you miserable... and it's making her miserable too.'

I rolled my eyes so  hard it almost hurt. "There has never been anything going on between me and Raven. Other than the fact that she hates me. Which she's entitled to... I did cripple her after all." I could feel the wall rising and threatening to shut Abby out  now too.

'She doesn't hate you... I don't know if she ever truly did.' Abby sighed, I almost blurted out that she tried to kill me twice... that she'd even pulled the trigger once. But I managed not to I had deserved it and worse. 'But what I do know... is that you can't bear to watch her suffer. And she is suffering John. Whatever friendship you two built. The loss of it is killing her, and you are the only one that can fix it.'

I stood up so fast I knocked the chair over, I  left the room so fast that I barely saw #Abby flinch at the sudden movement. #Emori was waiting outside, and she grabbed my arm as I stormed passed. 'Jon!' She yelled as I yanked my arm free.

 'Planhacka!' (Bastard.)

•— Raven —•

‘Duck and roll.’ I heard #Bellamy saying as he passed the others to come sit beside #Luna on the steps. As I reached out of the door for a tool, he took a hold of it, and held it up for me.

“What’s going on?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

He turned his gaze over his shoulder before looking at me again. ‘Abby looked to be on a war path. Or John is. Who knows with those two.’ #Bellamy was a lot of things, but a fountain of knowledge wasn’t one of them at times like this.

“So much information Bells. I have no idea what I will do with it all. It may take me a day or even a week to process it all.”

‘Smartarse.’ He laughed pointing to the pod. ‘How is it going in there? Can I come on in yet?’

I shook my head. “You know I don’t like people in my space when I’m working.” His eyes were on #Luna right away.

‘I’m not people.’ The #ZenMaster said without missing a beat. ‘And the less you step in her face, the faster she works.’ She added.

I got back to work, however kept myself on the outside of the pod, glancing back to the door from time to time. ‘I’m just saying that I could help.’ He told her, and I laughed.

“Sure, and then I will need to redo it all once you are gone. Why not save myself the time.”

All our conversations cut short as John came charging out of the break room, with #Emori on his tail.

'Planhacka!' (Bastard.) she shouted.

‘Like I said. Duck and roll.’ #Bellamy muttered; I threw the rag in my hand at his head. He caught it. ‘Looks like there’s trouble in Paradise.’ He rolled his eyes, making me wish I had something else to throw at his head. 

“What’s going on?” I asked #Luna. She hadn’t taken her eyes off them too.

‘Abby knows…’ she said after seeing the doctor come to stand in the doorway of the break room. It clicked to me in that moment. If #Abby knew, then the rest of them knew too.

•— John —•

I almost started towards the rocket... but I could see Bellamy was there now too. Fuck! I turned without thinking and headed to the nearest place that would take me away from the open-plan lab, and the glass-walled offices.

The direction I  chose was the wrong one, the other corridor had the bathroom and more private offices, but this one was full of file rooms, rooms full of what I assumed were servers and storage rooms. But still... I could hide in them until I could  straighten out my frazzled thought. Without stopping to think I was in the storage room that I had so often found Raven in when she would vanish and I would find myself being chewed alive from the inside out until I found her again.

When I  told myself it was all just because we needed her alive to survive... before I realised... I needed her alive or I wouldn't have a reason to survive.

I shut the door. The boxes I had helped Raven move the last time we were in here were still lined up neatly across the centre of the room and the parts for whatever project she had been working on were laid out in obvious groups... So, more than one project then... or several steps of a larger one? I tried to remember what it was... what she'd been working on. What all of this was for. But all that came were flashes of her pressing her fingers or her knuckles against her temple when she thought I wasn't watching.

But I was always watching.

Flashes of her pained expression, the light sheen of sweat on her brow when her headaches flared. The rushes of panic.... and terror that filled me when she screwed her eyes shut for a few seconds too long.

With a pained roar, I swung my leg at one of  the boxes but stopped short, my eyes scanned the neat rows and clusters on her work. The door opened behind me and I dropped my foot to the floor.

#Emori stepped in and swung the door shut behind her. She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me. 'Hodnes bilaik laudnes, ai Breida.' (Love is pain, my friend.) She whispered. After a long time, I finally hugged her back the ache in my chest threatened to become sobs, but I would never let the weakness show... not even with #Emori, who I trusted with my life.

"Ai nou na tel em op... nowe." (I can't tell her, ever.) I whispered back.

'Ai get in.' (I know.) Is all she whispered back and tightened her hold on me.

•— Raven —•

I stood still shocked at everything #Bellamy knew. No rock was left unturned, they knew everything. Now when my eyes drifted over the lab I could see the changes.

#Jasper and #Monty had a closeness always, however now when I observe them they were keeping some distance  between each other.

The sideways glances and the verbal jabs #Jas gave himself, concerned me and by the looks of it, it did #Jax too, the man had become a shadow. Making sure he worked around where #Jasper would be hiding in plain sight.

Had I been blind all this time?

How hadn’t I seen the change in my dysfunctional family?

‘It’s not your fault.’ #Luna whispered into my ear. Maybe go find him?’ She said before sitting back down on the steps.

I saw where he went, I saw the need to get away in him when he came out of the break room, and I saw #Emori follow soon after.

“He has his only friend with him. I’m sure they are fine.”

He had once said to me that #Emori, had been his only friend, and it stung at the time. But it was true. She never reached this point of anger, and if she did. They would deal with it and move on.

Dealing with it… Not an easy task! On the best of days. The reminder of his nightmares and then that scene on the beach when he thought he was alone. The acid rain covered rocks while he shouted out to the water.

I shook my head. “I’m not the person he needs right now. I have work to do. Everyone’s life depends on it.”

I told her before climbing into the pod. I needed them all to stop looking at me like I had grown two heads.

•— John —•

I couldn’t tell how much time had passed, it felt like hours as i slipped my guts #Emori about everything. I knew that was probably closer to half an hour. I told her about how I’d shot Raven… how she’d tried to shoot me. about Finn  massacring the village and Raven trying to hand me over to Trikru in his place.

She already knew about my first stay on the island, and in her time here with us had filled in some of the blanks for her about what had after we parted ways.

But I filled in gaps, I told her about Raven taking the chip, About how hard she fought back. About ALIE slitting her wrists and the crazy whirlwind of me getting her out of Arkadia…

I told her all of it… how I couldn’t because I was so afraid of her heart stopping. How impossible the choice was to run with her, to protect her and leave Raven behind. I told how shattered i was when Raven found us on the docks and I could tell with one look into her eyes that she done with me. How it broke me.

Then we sat in silence.

When we finally made our way back to the main lab, only #Luna was left at the base of the ladder, sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed. Those light brown eyes peeled open slowly and she  rose to her feet, and walked away. She squeezed my shoulder as she passed me. I climbed the ladder and peered into the pod. “Raven? Can I come in… I need to talk to you?”

•— Raven —•

Work had consumed me, it had been the only way that I could continue on. I at some point started listening to music again threw my ear pieces, trying to stop from thinking around what would be taking place in the lab outside.

No one had dared to come after me, and I knew that I would have the #ZenMaster #Luna to thank for it.

At one point I heard #Octavia and #Griffin try to say something, however before I could remove my ear piece no one was there.

Now, with the Vital work completed, I lay on the clod floor of the pod. My eyes close trying to stop the headaches from consuming the little energy I still had.

A murmuring sound came from outside, making me look towards the door. Wincing as I move too fast, so I lay back down. Removed the music from my ears.

“Is someone out there?” I called.

•— John —•

"Raven?" I called again fingers drumming on the metal. The sound clanged through the open space even though I had barely rapped my knuckles against it. I didn't want to draw them all back here, I needed to talk to her.

I leaned in through the hatch and saw her lying there on the floor. My heart began to race and my chest tightened as I clamped my hands on side of the circular hole so I could brace and swing my legs up through it. I saw her pulling the glowing blue bud from  her ear But it was too late, I was already dropping to the floor of the pod.

I felt the impact of my landing in my ankles... it jarred up into my legs but I had left so much worse. "Fuck Raven!!" I took a breath and sank to the floor, taking the weight off my feet and ankles. "What the hell were you doing on the floor?" I dragged both hands through my hair and silently begged my heart to settle. "You scared the shit out of me." The words were out before I could stop them.

I knew she would assume I was working an angle of some kind. She wouldn't... couldn't hear the real gut-wrenching fear that had gripped me even if it was only for a few seconds.

•— Raven —•

I gazed over my shoulder, the jolt of his jump vibrating in my bones, and then I saw, felt and thought I heard his ankle.

“Shit! John!”

I shifted from one elbow to the other, his reaction unexpectedly turned my stomach, turning myself to face him  Not bothering to lift myself off the floor. ( why in Hells did I think it was a good idea for me to go flat on the floor? Trying to stand in an Emergency was not happening. )

“What?…” a small dent formed between my eyebrows. What was the matter with him? What was this look in his eyes,

“What do you mean? I’m taking a breather. Why…” I stopped from letting that anger form in my gut that was a new resident when it came to John Murphy.

Taking a few deep, slow lung full of air. Because was that concern on his face? Or was he trying to play me form something new this time?

“I needed a moment, that’s all. My head was hurting—“ I cut myself off. “I just needed a moment. I am okay.” My voice softer to the end.

“I’m okay.” Why the Hells was I now reassuring him? His eyes. Those light blue pools that once made me laugh, tease and joke. I felt nothing in now as I gazed into them. Clearly my head. I broke my gaze away.

“Did you.. want something?”

•— John —•

"Should you still be getting headaches?" I asked brow creased as I made a mental note to talk to Abby about it... Though she was probably pissed at my outburst... Doc Lite maybe.

She was examining me now and I made my insides squirm... she had started to look at me with curiosity like she was looking for things she liked to see. But now she was just... confused. Hurt, maybe? And how could I blame her?

I took a deep breath and fixed pale blue eyes on hers, at least when she let me meet them. "I just want you to hear me out okay... Do you know why Flokru  bury their dead at sea?" I asked, pausing but not long enough for her to answer if she did know. "It's because they believe that their Keryon... soul or spirit... is bound to where they place they are lain to rest." My gaze became darker, more intense. "I don't want to... I can’t be bound here, Raven. I just... If there is any such thing as eternity; I can't spend mine on this island. I was locked up here... I mean, I know all about being locked I was in the Sky box for two years before we were sent here. But you have no idea what it was like in that bunker. That way I see.... we all either die here or there is something or someone that can save us on the ship up there. I would rather die up there trying to find it than getting trapped here. Please..." My voice started to  strain.

Everything I said was true, but I didn't... couldn't, tell her I wanted to be wherever she was. "Please, let me try to help you. Don't leave me here, Stargazer. Please." My chest constricted. "You don't owe me anything; I know that. Please don't make me beg."

Wasn't I begging already? I got the last words out just before my throat closed over entirely and instantly felt waves of regret like I had said too much.

•— Raven —•

I rubbed my temple without thinking and then stopped abruptly at that question.

“It��s a headache Murphy. It happens… I’m not.. going to melt.” I touched my head and did the universal sign for blowing up. However, stopped half way at the expression I found on his features when he spoke.

Was he trying to show me cared again? No. I was seeing into every action too much.

I shouldn’t have laid down, now there was no way for me to get up without him seeing the broken parts of  me. And I didn’t want that.

Even though he had seen so much of it, right now. It made me feel vulnerable. So, I shifter myself back to face him, resting my back on the wall of the pod, twisting a ripped part of my pants between my fingers.

My eyebrows drew together, I parted my lips to tell him I was listening. But there was no time. He railroad his words and himself into my space.

At first I was speechless, what had I just been a witness to? There was a raw openness to him putting his cards on the table. And then that small voice in the back of my head, it whispered; “He has done this too you before.”

He had showed me enough to make me believe in him, in what he wanted for himself and all of us, and then…. I stopped my thought. This time it had been #Luna’s voice telling me I had to let go, to hold on to all of this, would be to make myself untrue to myself.

“I’m sorry…” I finally said after a way too long silence. “You want… you…”

What in the name of hells, could I say? He was telling me something I kind of knew. Of all the things John Murphy could do, I hadn’t expected it to be this.

Spirits? Souls? Death? Life? John Murphy? All in the same breath of air?

I shook my head, trying to consider if this was another ploy to get one over on me. ‘Raven Reyes, the easy Mark!’ ( I should find a plain shirt and write that on it. ) I shook my head again, pushing that side thought away.

My heart stopped  seeing the pain and the reaction of his words hit that soft part of my heart. The one I needed to cage, to lock away, so that I could be more like the others. But here I sat…

“Murphy…” I resigned myself to the fact, before my emotions were killing me one by one internally. “I can’t take you.” The words stuck in my throat. It wasn’t easy to say them.

“We don’t know what we will meet up there. If there are people, or not. We need people who can help to convince them to help us. Who can help me with helping them. They could be in trouble…”

My mind working to see if I could help him. But right now, I couldn’t help anyone. “I know what happened here.”

I saw this pain in the beach, I heard his screaming when his nightmares came for him.

“I know it’s killing you to be here. All I am saying it. Have a little faith in me. You used to…. Have faith in me…. Tell me I could do it…. Whatever ɪᴛ was…. I’m asking for 1%… just 1% of that one last time.”

•— John —•

I nodded when she told me that it was just a regular headache... I was probably nodding too much. "I know... I know... I --" I was trying to convince myself that I knew, but my tight chest wasn't convinced. "Just... still getting used to it  you know? You not --" I stopped myself saying; ‘Not Needing Me’.

"You being... cured." Was that even the right word for having computer code deleted from your brain?

Hearing her call me Murphy was all the answer that I needed  from her. I knew what I was about to hear, and I resigned myself to accepting it... I wasn't going to make this harder for her. I heard her out, fighting the burning in my bloodshot eyes and when she was done, I cleared my throat and swiped  at my nose with my sleeve.

I stood up slowly, testing my ankles, the throbbing had faded fast. I knew that she would never ask me or let me help her up. I knew that she couldn't get up. So, I moved across the tiny space to kneel beside her.

"You should take #Bellamy... Don't let Clarke go... And bring Jax. Having Abby on the ground is a bargaining chip and bringing a doctor is a show of peace. Anyone else is up to you."

I slipped my hand into my pocket and squeezed the bullet  still in there, taking a deep breath. I placed it into her hand and closed her fingers over it, hoping she wouldn't look until I was gone. "You can do anything, Raven." I held her gaze and her hand still closed over the bullet. The bullet in  her hand signified survival... not that she could understand that completely irrational message. "You can 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖 anything. I will never doubt that, I never have. Just..." My gaze faltered for a second and moved back to hers. A few strands of hair that had freed themselves from her ponytail clung to her forehead. I let go of her hand so I could sweep it away. "Come back for them... #Luna... and #Emori..." I nodded. "Please. Make sure they make it."

I swallowed hard and leaned in close, my rough cheek almost brushing hers. "I'll be waiting by the pool, watching for shooting stars... if you come back for me." I whispered in her ear. "I swear I'll never let you down again. Don’t Die, Stargazer.

My heart stopped while I was that close to her. I pulled back and tried to smile... but it was a weak attempt. I stood again the quickly climbed out of the pod. It felt deeply wrong to leave her there, on the floor but  knew she didn't want any help I could offer. She's just told me there was no help I could offer... I was just another faceless Skaikru boy that needed saving, another weight on her burdened soul. The others had gathered far from the pod, but  watching it, #Emori stood further away watching them disapprovingly.

I approached them and spoke only to #Luna. "Reivon, nou na gyon op. Beja, sis em ou." (Raven can't get up. Please help her.) I didn't stop walking. I heard #Bellamy call after me. 'What the hell did he say?' But #Luna was already walking to the pod and Emori was following me. There were no other Trig speakers in the gathered group.

•— Raven —•

〄 Time Jump

╰ 48 Hours Later

‘Strap in Team! Our Next stop is, back where we came from.’ #Bellamy pulled on his belt and clicked it in place. Sat next to him  were #Jax, and #Nate who did the same.

The computer started it’s count down over the speakers in the lab and within the pod.

10…. 9…. 8…. 7…

‘Next stop back up in space.’ #Nate grinned at me. But I wasn’t in the same mood as them. I had told them that this was a No way back plan. That if things didn’t go our way, we would be stranded up there. I had no visibility of the ship, no idea if I could open the doors, Hells! I had no idea if there was anyone up there alive. What I did know… If we didn’t go up there, we were running out of time and plans down here.  

As the countdown began to warn us of our time on earth coming to an end, my mind and eyes drifted towards the hatch door that was locked and sealed in place and everyone we cared about on the other side, with the knowledge that we were leaving them behind. However, with a promise to return with a new exit plan.

‘Don’t worry Rey, they know that they need to leave the island today. They will be back in Polis and Kane will talk Jaha into opening that door.’ #Bellamy reached over and squeezed my arm.

But that wasn’t where my head had been.

〄 12 Hours Ago

‘Yu souda hon daun em kom Yu!’ ( You must take him with you! ) #Luna looked frustrated after I had reiterated the conversation John had with me.  

“It’s not my choice, and you know I can’t take him with us. We need to use every seat on that pod in the best way. Hells Luna, we aren’t even taking Griffin with us.” She wasn’t happy with this reply.

‘Taim Yu put bilaik hod daun gon em , Yu na fig au a edei.  Taim Yu gaf in em!’ ( If you put your mind to it, you will find a way. If you want it! ) She wasn’t wrong. And I knew it too. But I couldn’t do it. I knew his fears now and I wasn’t willing to take him on a death mission. Not again.

“Well, I guess I don’t want too.” I told her leaving her standing in the office as I made my way to the others.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

‘Why can’t I go up with the rest of them?’ #Clark threw her bowl onto the desk where #Monty sat working. ‘Hells, Sorry Green.’ She reached her hand out to apologise.

‘And there is your answer.’ He said under his breath however she still heard him.

‘What are you trying to say?’ She crossed her arms over her chest.

‘He is saying that your temper isn’t known to help to calm things when shit is about to hit the fan.’ #Octavia answered from across the lab.

I heard them disagreeing as I walked across the lab, keeping my head down not wanting to be pulled into this conversation once again.

‘Rey! Rey! I need to speak to you!’ I groaned closing my eyes before turning.

“We have made the decision.” I called out before disappearing out of their sight.

〄 BACK TO THE NOW

6… 5… 4…

The jets were at their full power and the pod started to shake.

‘Rey, this thing isn’t going to blow up in the atmosphere, is it?’ There in his voice I could hear uncertainty and fear.

‘Have some faith in our kickarse ,  Zero-G Mechanic will you Jax. Rey has this down.’ #Nate reached over and slapped him on his thigh.

“Or… it’s a good thing you all said your good byes and we go out in a blaze of fire in the sky for all to witness.” I said dryly. I didn’t know what the exchange was between #Nate and #Jax, but something had been said without words.

‘Stop messing Rey, let’s get this show on the road.’ #Bellamy all but climbed out of his seat with the excitement. If only he knew… Wait! He did Know! I wasn’t messing with him. I had warned them when they said they wanted to come with me. This was a death wish, if it worked, that would be a bonus.

3… 2… 1… LIFT OFF!

All jets were a go, the pod shook into life, the safety brackets started to fall away, and we were moving. I closed my eyes for a moment to reflect and then they shot open. Because when I did close them. I saw the blood shot, lightly bruised Baby Blue eyes looking back at me. The soft whisper in my ear saying.

"I'll be waiting by the pool, watching for shooting stars... if you come back for me… I swear I'll never let you down again. Don’t Die, Stargazer."

“What the Hells!” My eyes darted to the locked hatch again as we left earth behind. “Stay Alive Watcher, have some trust that I’m coming back!” I wasn’t going to leave them here to die!

With this realisation… The Old Raven Reyes was back!

(Music: Something Just Like This – Coldplay )

•— John —•

I stayed in the lab; I wasn’t going to leave before she did. But I didn’t watch her work. I had the others bring her food while she worked relentlessly on the pod. I heard the others talking about how she was overdoing it. I heard them trying to subtly have me go to her; since I was still the only person that had successfully gotten her to rest. But those days were over now.

I had slept a few sporadic hours here and there. All of which had ended with me waking up to #Luna or #Emori trying to stop my screaming. The last time I had tried to sleep in one of the secluded offices #Bellamy had found me and ran in with his gun raised, but when he realised, I was alone; he left without a word and just a small dip of  his chin. After that, I gave up on trying to sleep. I found myself repeatedly reaching into my pocket, searching for the bullet from the gun that had almost ended my life. It had been in my possession only hours before I gave it to Raven.

What a ridiculous thing to do… What must she have thought about the gesture once I left the rocket? Maybe she thought I had finally gone complete sociopath now.

I stood away from the others with #Emori as the chosen few said their goodbyes and climbed in. I couldn’t say goodbye to her, #Luna pushed until it looked like I was about to break and begged her quietly to stop.

I wouldn’t say goodbye to her.

I squeezed my fists tightly inside my pockets, digging my fingernails into my palms to keep myself centred. I homed in on the pain, anything that would keep me from throwing myself at the pod door as it clanged closed.

It wasn’t goodbye.

The blast doors were sealed. Monty was at a control panel, speaking out the commands that the computer system didn’t. The blast doors that would protect us from the inferno of the rockets slid closed. A loud jagged breath left me at the same time as that enormous wall sealed between us.

#Emori’s normal hand wrapped around my wrist, and my hands stayed stuffed into my pockets. The sounds of the doors had covered the pathetic sound I had made, only #Emori had heard it.

 ３．．． ２．．． １．．.ＬＩＦＴ ＯＦＦ！

The computer droned out as  though it was announcing the arrival of the elevator onto a floor.

“Don’t die, Stargazer. Don’t die.” I whispered, my eyes glues to the opaque blast doors. The floors vibrated and I held my breath. The grip on my wrist tightened and I  pulled out one hand to grip #Emori’s. Her eyes were wide and searching the others for signs of fear at the tremor travelling through all of our bodies at the force of the rocket ignition.

“It’s okay, it’s just the take-off.” I told her.

“This is meant to happen.” I had to suck in a breath to form the words.

Monty was reading out stats about their altitude and the angle of the rocket. When #Emori freed her hand from mine I nodded for her to follow me. ‘Where are you going?’ #Jasper called when he saw us heading for the lift.

“Home.” I said. “You coming?”

He seemed to consider it. ‘They haven’t even left the atmosphere yet?’ Was he asking me? I had no fucking clue.

“It’s up to Raven now. There’s  nothing more we can do here. If I have to die on this shithole island I’m at least going to do it sitting by the pool.” I replied and started to walk again.

‘John… we need to gather everything and get back to the bunker.’ #Abby took a few steps toward us.

“I’m not going to the bunker.” I said with no other explanation. #Emori’s expression turned fearful and she stepped away from me.

‘We are all heading back to Polis once the atmospheric radiation cuts off our  communication with the pod. That’s the plan, it’s not optional.’ #Abby was using her Chancellor's voice.

“Everything is optional, Doc. Even breathing.” I smiled, accepting that Raven would be back… or I would die here.

‘Jon.’ #Emori stepped away again and shook her head.

“Raven will find something up there and she’ll be back.” I told her and then I looked to the others. “We won’t make it to Polis. We all know it. Even if we do… Jaha won’t open that bunker. I’m not dying like that.” I turned to #Emori and spoke only to her now. “It’s okay.” I whispered and hugged her. “Go with them. They’ll keep you safe. When Raven gets back, I’ll tell her where to find you.”

‘I’m sorry.’ She whispered. ‘I can’t st—‘

“I know.” I cut her off. “It’s okay. They need you to get them back to the mainland. Stay alive. Thank you for being my first real friend.”

I stepped away, leaving her with them. #Abby was yelling my name, but it stopped when I heard someone call out. ‘Wait for me!’ I turned to see #Jasper jog across the space and #Monty yelling after him to stop.

We didn’t stop. We stepped into the lift, and I looked at him. “She’ll be back.” I smiled.

‘I know.’ He nodded, smiling with certainty. A hand slipped through the gap before the door fully shut and pushed them open again. #Luna stepped inside. All eyes in the main lab were trained on the lift, behind them the progress of the rocket was playing onto the screens all over the room.

“See you soon, Stargazer.” I muttered to the image on the screen and this time; the doors slid shut and the lift rose steadily.

‘Tsa gon hou.’ (Let’s go home.) #Luna glanced from me to #Jasper.

(Music: All We Are – OneRepublic)

•— Raven —•

Getting into space is a pretty demanding journey, and it takes a physical and mental toll on any person trying to achieve it. If you think about it, we were accelerating something like  half a million-pound system from zero miles per hour to its orbital velocity of 17,500 miles per hour in those eight to twelve minutes. So, was one a heck of a ride.

We experienced about three times the force of gravity during most of the ascent, and once we reached the orbit, when the main engines cut off, we went from that three-G acceleration to a zero acceleration virtually instantaneously. And that's when we become weightless on orbit.

I glanced around at the other three as we started to push against our seat belts, seeing their eyes light up and their need to feel the zero-Gs.

“Fine, but if your arses crash down. It’s not on me.” I told them. “And stay out of my sightline. I have work to do.” They all had the luxury to mess about right now, I didn’t. And the frown on my forehead would have been telling if they would have paid attention to it.

‘Woo… Fucking…. Hoo!’I heard all three of them exclaim in some form or another, as I started to manoeuvre us closer to the ship in Earths atmosphere.

“Okay, I got this.” I sat back for a moment to steady my nerves. A simulation was one thing, doing the same in real life… I whipped my sweaty palms on my thighs, stopping at the oblong shaped metal bullet in my pocket. My mind flashed back to when it was given to me.

"You can do anything, Raven….

You can survive anything….

I will never doubt that I never have...

Just...Come back for them... #Luna... and #Emori...

Please. Make sure they make it."

How had I done that to him? How had I called him my friend, and then turned my back on him when he asked me for help? Wasn’t friendship about seeing past someone’s short comings? To forgive and to never leave them alone?

“Hells!” I muttered as my eyes started to sting. I had failed the first rule of friendship.

‘60 seconds to docking.’  

The onboard system calls my attention back from the dream like state I have been catapulted into.

“Back in your seats, this crap is about to get real.” I told them. “Suits zipped up, and helmets on.”

‘Are these suits going to hold up Rey?’ #Nate was the one to ask when they came back down and started to pull them up from their waist.

“When has anything I’ve done not held up for you?” raising my eyebrow, but I didn’t look at him as I started the process to dock. 

〄  〄  〄  〄  〄

We all exchanged a glance, my fingers tingled there was a sense of achievement, however at the same time we were a step closer to failure too.

‘Ready Rey?’ #Bellamy asked in a whisper, and I nodded my head.

Taking two or three deep breaths I pushed the button to unlock the hatch, and then #Nate stepped forward to push the heavy door open. The hushing sound sent a shiver, and I felt #Jax taking a hold of my hand to squeeze it.

‘What does John always say?’ He asked with a smile.

‘Where’s the moonshine Jasper?’ #Bellamy jokes but doesn’t laugh.

I rolled my eyes. Whispering for myself. “Don’t die Stargazer.” I stepped out first to engage the airlock, opening it and making sure our pod wouldn’t be ripped a part the moment the ship’s doors opened.

‘What if there are aliens on it?’ #Nate asks.

I stop, pushed him first. “Just try not to kill the people who are likely to help us.” The others laughed and then all at once, we all shook off the joking and were the A Team once again.

As we walked into the ship, I rushed to the control panel. ‘You do your thing Rey; we are going to have a look around.’ I didn’t look up and just waved them off.

“Remember what I said. Do Not Kill the people who could be out answered to save everyone.” #Bellamy grunted at me.  

(Music: Flares – The Scrpit)

•— John —•

The trail of the rocket had long since disappeared. But my gaze seemed to drift back to the spot in the sky where it had vanished. We hadn't even made it out of the trees by then.

'Do you think they made it?' #Jasper asked, stripping wires  with the cutters in his hands while I wrapped the two, he had spliced together moments before.

"To the ship?" I asked. "I have no idea... I think so. According to Raven's plan, they should have docked..." I looked at the watch I had found in the house when I was still caring for Raven. "About ten minutes ago."

'Our girl is always punctual.' #Jasper laughed and picked up a bottle of wine at his feet to swig from it. 'I thought you weren't watching over her anymore... but you have her itinerary memorised?' He was teasing now.

"Our last chance for salvation could be on that ship... of course I do." I swigged from my own bottle and watched #Luna rolls out strings of lights on the largest, flattest lawn on the grounds of the mansion. Little did he know I was talking about Raven and not something that they might find.

It wasn't like the Christmas movies they sometimes played us on Farm Station. Where you would see the dad plugging different stings of lights together to decorate the house. #Becca's collection of lights had some that were compatible and others that were not. But that was where #Jasper came in. Stripping wires and connecting them so we could light up a landing field for Raven in case it was dark when she got back.

#Jasper didn't push, not when it came to this. He finished the wires he was working on and moved on to the next one. I started to wrap electrical tape around the new splice.

"Do you think there could be people alive up there?" I asked him. He shrugged and sighed heavily.

'It's possible... if they were careful with population control... figured out some kind of hydroponic farming... but deep space travel and farming aren't exactly compatible... you need a reliable source of sunlight... which normally means you need to orbit one. But a lot of these long-range ships had UV sources to keep the crew healthy.' He was rambling... processing his thoughts out  loud. Then he stopped and shook his head. 'No... No, I don't think there could be one left alive up there. Unless...'

'Unless?' #Luna returned to us, urging him to vocalise the thought.

'Monty and I had a thought... but the theory was  barely out of the testing phase before the Cataclysm... there's no way a ship left earth over a hundred years ago with functional cryosleep tech.' He was... disappointed. 'Even if that would be fucking cool!' he took another long draw from  the bottle and offered it to #Luna who refused it with a politely raised hand.

'Cryosleep?' #Luna's brow pinch and Jasper launched into an explanation that I knew gave me plenty of time to zone out.

Please just let her be okay. I thought to myself as we worked our way around the lawn. Let her be alive. Luna laid the lights in neat lines. Even if she hates me forever…. Jasper spliced and joined wires. Just let her live. I wrapped each junction with tape.

Give her a change to find some sort of lasting happiness.

'What now?' Lunas asked when we made an almost perfect square around the  large open space. #Jasper clapped his hand together. 'Now we test it!' He proclaimed with a fist pump.

"Not until nightfall..." I could see his bubble burst when I said it. "We can't deplete the batteries from the generator." At that  prompt, I checked the lights on the solar-powered generator. They were flashing at 75%... Almost full.

•— Raven —•

“So much for staying together.” I murmured as I read the and played my way into the main frame. The access point from the hatch wasn’t in the best condition, but it was enough to tell me what I needed to know.

I pulled up the information on the ship and scrolled as I read it out aloud.

“Welcome to Eligius IV. This is a mining ship and a space station built and owned by the Eligius Corporation before the first nuclear apocalypse.

It was designed to be used for interstellar missions to mine asteroids and was later used to search for habitable planets.

The ship was built to house 500 people in indefinite cryo-stasis. As well as mining equipment, food to last for several weeks, a small water recycler, a transport ship, and an assortment of weapons and military grade hardware for the guards.

Including guns, missiles, and shock collars for inmates. It also has a fully equipped medical bay and a large long-term fuel supply.”

I scrolled some more. “Never enough guns..” 

Stopping at a media file I opened and watched it. “Shit!” I closed the file, it couldn’t be the truth… Opening the file again, it was easy with the weak password that took me all of  three guesses to get in. I started to play the video that came up again.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Uhmm… Guys! Get your arses back here now!” I called after them with my chin lifted but my eyes remaining on the screen.

‘What’s up Rey?’ #Bellamy and #Nate were the first back with #Jax right behind them. They searched the area for a threat before letting their guns drop.

‘You need to stop doing that Rey.’ They where over my shoulder looking down at me and the screen.

‘Did you guys see that sign?’ #Jax asked looking over his shoulder. ‘It said No Inmates past this point? Over a big heavily locked door. What do they mean by Inmates?’ He looked as worried as me.

“Prison labour, the mining missions were full of danger, they sent people they thought wouldn’t be missed…” I told them.

‘This Place is like a maze.’ #Nate said. ‘I wasn’t sure how to leave this area.’ He continued. 

“Yeah, I saw that too. And yeah, this place is going to be hard to work out.’ #Bellamy replied.

“Would you three shut up and watch this.” I hit play again.

.

.

.

.

‘Well… Shit!’ They all said together and then it was silence again.

.

.

.

.

“300 Inmates. 25 Guard and 12 crew members. All the inmates have in one way or another murdered people. And they are all on this space ship! We need to get off it and NOW!” I told them when the video stopped abruptly.

The captain made a log telling us that the inmates were trying to take control of his ship. Due to the damage, after he, the guards, and the crew, took back control. The captain had deactivated the cryo. He wasn’t going to risk his crew for the prisoners. He said the only way his crew would make it is if they were put into cryosleep. And that is what he did. Placing them all in sleep, he remained on the ship alone to keep it moving towards home.

‘When was that entry made?’ #Nate asked.

“Over a hundred years ago.” 

‘So, are the crew still alive?’ #Jax asked. But I was already tapping the screen for the overall maps to this place.

“Here, I think they would be here.” I pointed to where they would likely be. We all exchanged a look.

‘It’s a good thing we brought Jax with us I guess.’ #Bellamy said. ‘Let’s go and take a look at the sleeping beauties.’ He backed up towards the door. ‘Come on, let’s do this.’

We all followed him out, staying close and keeping our eyes and ears open.

•— John —•

We had gone back to the house and I threw together a rather meagre meal. Everything else had been packed up for the trip back to Polis. The radio crackled. ‘John.’ #Abby sounded awful. Was it a real concern or an attempt to manipulate me  into agreeing to go with them? ‘We’re leaving, this is your last…’ Click. ‘If you leave now… we’ll wait for you.’

My eyes burned. Nobody ever… I wasn’t the person people waited for. “I’m not worth waiting on Doc. It’s my turn to wait on someone now. My turn to have faith.”

#Luna squeezed my shoulder from behind. ‘You’re just giving uh—‘ she snapped, but I heard a quiver in her voice that wrenched my gut.

‘John, if Raven can bring the ship down she’ll come to Polis.’ #Kane had taken the radio. ‘That’s where we all need to be.’

“Take care of #Emori for me. She’s clever, really good with Tek. You should get her apprenticing with the dick-tator #Jaha… if you get the door open. She’s an asset.” There was nothing else I could do.

‘We will.’ He sighed heavily.

“Is she there?” I spoke into the device.

‘Ai hir branwoda.’ (I’m here fool) #Emori’s voice came through after a short pause.

“Seingeda.” (Family) That was all I said and I  smiled.

‘Seingeda, Skaiskat.’ (Family, Skyboy.) ‘Otaim.’ (Always)

“Oso gonplie nowe ste odon.” (Our fight is never over.) I fought the quiver that tried to sneak into my voice.

‘Nowe.’ (Never) Another click. ‘Hon bida chilnes, ai lukot.’ (Find peace, my friend.)

A tear managed to worm its way free. Raven Will Come. I told myself again and again.

“Hon op hodnes, ai Meijon.” (Find love. my dearest friend.) I released the button and turned away as though my friend might see me on the brink of crying through the radio.

#Jasper was looking very intently, anywhere but at me. I knew he had formed a bond with #Emori over the last few weeks here.

I was about to offer him the radio when he stood up and  left the kitchen. He couldn’t face it; I wouldn’t push him. ‘Taim kom.’ (Someday) She replied that tell-tale sound of a lump in her throat in her voice. ‘Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.’ (May we meet again.)

“Mebi oso na hit choda op  nodotaim.” I said back and that was the end of the conversation.

Raven Will Come.

Ten minutes later I knew they were gone.

Raven Will Come.

#Jasper returned with three bottles of wine. ‘It would be a shame to let all of this burn up... Wouldn’t it?’ he smirked. I turned to #Luna who eyed us both sternly… then, finally snatched a bottle from him. This elicited a cheer from Jasper, whose bottle was already uncorked. I grabbed the third bottle and  jogged to the panel on the wall and a few taps had music flooding the house. There was still a little time before sunset. A few hours before I lit up the closest thing to a home that I ever had… for her.

To bring her home. One last time.

I uncorked my second bottle of wine in so many hours and we partied like the world was about to end.

(Music: Diamond Walls · The People's Thieves)

•— Raven —•

〄 Time Jump

╰ 48 Hours Later

We sat there looking in disbelief at the seven bodies laying in the med bay of the Eligius IV mining ship. #Jax had managed to workout the equipment, and I had been able to divert some of the power away from the cryo pods.

“I should get back to work.” I told them, and yet I couldn’t make myself move. We followed the step-by-step instructions on how to wake the surviving crew from their sleep. However, #Jax wasn’t confident on if he could keep them from crashing.

‘You’ve been working non-stop since we got here. A break will do you some good, and you know you don’t want to miss out on this.’ #Bellamy spoke in a soft voice, placing his hand on my shoulder to keep me where I was.

“I need to keep trying to download as much information as I can and see how to land this thing and then bring it back up.” We still had a plan, and this... the finding of seven people who had been frozen asleep for over a hundred years, was a result of coming up here. However, they were not the end goal.

‘Wh…w…why don’t… yo..u ta…ke… the… tra…ns…port…. Ship…’ The broken, unused, and raspy voice of one of them had us all on our feet and rushing across the room. Me… l I hopped my way after the rest of them. Coming to a stop over the boy who looked to be a few years older than me. (Even if I knew he was born over a hundred years before.) His chocolate caramel skin was paler than it should be. His jet-black hair cropped close to his scalp. And the 5 black star tattoos on his left forearm told a story I couldn’t place a finger on.

‘Guy’s step back. Give me some room to work.’ #Jax elbowed us back as the boy fell back into unconsciousness.

‘Great, looks like that’s all we are going to get from him.’ #Nate said, earning him a scowl from both #Jax and me.

‘Rey?’ #Bellamy called my attention back. ‘Who is he?’

I hopped back over to the console, at the workstation in med bay and scrolled until I saw his image. “He looks so much younger on here.” I ended up saying without thinking. Clearing my throat, I started to share by reading out aloud.

Name: Miles Shaw

Rank: Lieutenant 

Born: mid 2020s; on Earth

Age: 25 years ( 145 in realty )

Gender: Male

Occupation: US Navy SEAL

      Pilot

 ’25 years old? When was that?’ #Nate asked while turning about having another look at boy.

Doing the math in my head. “About 145 years ago.” I told them.

‘And… I look good for it…’ This time his eyes opened. ‘Are… a… are we home?’ he asked his eyes finding me.

“Yes. You are. However, it isn’t how you remember it.” I found my feet carrying me towards him.

〄 Time Jump

     ╰ 48 Hours Later

‘Are you sure we can trust him?’ #Bellamy was whispering into my ear as I worked to tighten the last of the panels to the transport ship.

“Bells. Why wouldn’t we? Since he has woken up, all he has done is help us. Would you have a little faith in humans please.” I told him as I stepped around him.

‘Rey, you trust too easily, look how that worked out with Mu—’ He stopped himself from saying his name, when he saw me stiffen my stand. ‘All I am saying is—’

I held my hand up. “Bells, we have been up here for four days… that is three days longer than I had planned for. I want to get back down there now. in the next hour I want to be walking on the earth again. Miles has done nothing but helped us. With his crew,  explaining what is been happening, why things are as they are, and help me get this transport ship ready. We are going back. Now.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, looking at me in a telling way. ‘So, he is Shaw to all of us, and Miles to you? Really Rey?’ Smirking when I threw the old rag, I wiped my hands on at his face. ‘Fine. Fine. Let’s go.’

‘Are we set to go on a ride?’ #Miles came marching in, like a man on a mission, making both #Bellamy and I turn in his direction.

“See, Bellamy… Someone has some faith in me.” Turning to #Miles I smiled, nodding my head towards the door of the transport carrier. “What are we waiting for? Come on, let’s go.”

(Music: Dare You To Doubt Me – The Script)

•— John —•

〄 Time Jump

 ╰ 4 days earlier.

The sun set... The sky was heavy with opaque, red-brown clouds. A dust cloud is being pushed ahead of the death wave... At least that was #Jasper's thoughts. There was an occasional patch of night sky  visible. I watched for any hint of something re-entering earth's atmosphere.

'Ready?' Jasper asked, calling out to where I stood in the centre of the lawn.

"Let's do it." I called back and lifted the radio to my lips. "Here goes nothing, Luna." I spoke. She was in the top floor of the house. waiting to connect the final lights. #Jasper slurred a drunken, countdown from 5. Then they pulled the lever on the generator, the machine was oddly silent, and a series of tiny lights I could just  make out from here flickered on one at a time.  And then the lights on the ground all flickered on in order from where there had started, to where the chain moved all the way around.

The field lit up in a wonky, uneven square. The light was mismatched stretches of white, multicoloured, blue, and yellow casting eerie pool of shadows on the trees and sculptures. I made my way around the lawn, turning on the four huge stadium light Becca apparently used for hosting parties here. Once on each corner to light up the open space.

"How is it holding up?" I asked #Jasper who was examining the screen on the generator.

'Looking good!! Initiate phase two!' He said the second part into his own radio.

The Mansion flickered into  busts of colour. The light spiralled up the columns and the huge net of twinkling white light covered the roof. Every window and doorway were rimed with them. It was beautiful... a messy beautiful... but...

'There’s no way she will miss this!'  Jasper said, coming to stand next to me.

〄 Time Jump

 ╰ Today

I sat in front of the computer in the security room of the mansion. if any of these rooms had a chance of surviving it was this one. "Two days after you left..." I spoke  into the camera the light inside the helmet made my eyes look even more shadowed than they really were. "#Jasper got sick, he had a fever, and he was nauseous." I motioned to the suit.

"So, we all put on our suits... even #Luna; I figured even  with her night blood she could still be affected like she was by the fish... just not as quickly and with a better chance of recovery. But I told her we might need her, and she needed to protect herself with what little we had to do it with.

#Jasper hasn't gotten worse... but not eating talked a toll on all of us. We're rationing our water."

I had made each of put on a water pack beneath the suits, it made sleeping almost impossible, but I knew once they went on, we couldn't take them off again.

"Raven. I know that you did everything you could, and I know that in time you will get back here... maybe even to this island. Maybe this room... maybe you'll actually see this in five years when you can come back and  stay over on earth again." My voice caught. "Don't blame yourself, Stargazer. We all know that if there was a way you would have found it. Today, I..." I sniffed... "I... uh... I don't feel good. I don't think we have long left. Suits or no suits, we've all agreed we aren't going to going to the lab. If we did the radiation would kill #Jasper and I and then #Luna..." My voice cracked. "#Luna would be alone and sick... she might survive. But she would be the last person alive.

I cleared my throat. "Anyway. What I came here to say was. Don't blame yourself. You did everything you could Raven. And... I never told you... there was never

She doesn't want that. It’s bad enough that will have to watch us die first." time... and you definitely didn't want to hear this from me. But I'm dead now so you can't hate me anymore." I laughed darkly. "I love you... I've loved for..." I let out a long a breath. "I don't know how long... but longer than I even knew. I love you... somewhere on this crazy mission with you I fell in love you." I was saying it too much... but i was never going to say it again.

"And even though you never knew, and you would never feel the same... I'm not sorry. I won't ever regret loving you. It's... painful... being this far away from you. But that's okay because I know that you are alive up there. I don't know how I know... I just know. We all know that I'm shit with words... so I stole someone else's."

I picked up the tablet where I had typed out the lyrics of a song I was playing on repeat and started to read.

You are oxygen On a late-night drive To clear my head when Hope has passed me by

You are gravity When I'm upside down You help me find my way back to the ground And this, is why

You're everything good Everything true When all the world is fading You're everything new

You are my eyes When I can't see When all the world is broken You will always be Everything good

You are all I have And all I need And all I am is what, you've made of me And this, is why

You're everything good Everything true When all the world is fading You're everything new

You are my eyes When I can't see When all the world is broken You will always be Everything good

You're everything Good to me You're everything That I need That I need And this, is why

You're everything good Everything true When all the world is fading You're everything new

You are my eyes When I can't see When all the world is broken You will always be Everything good

Everything true When all the world is fading (You're everything good) You're everything new

You are my eyes (You are my eyes) When I can't see (You're everything good) When all the world is broken (You're everything good) You will always be Everything good

(Music: Ashes Remain - Everything Good)

I sat the tablet aside and looked back at the camera. "You deserve to be loved Raven... By someone so much better me... So, find them and love them unapologetically." Tears rolled over my cheek now and I it strange to not be able to swipe them away. "Good night, Stargazer. Ai hod yu in." (I love you.)

I turned off the recording and saved it to the sever as; For Raven Reyes of The Sky People a left the room. I sealed the doors as tightly as I could, I had moved as many of her favourite thing's into the room in a lame attempt to protect them. Paintings I had seen her lingering nearby. Books written by Becca. Notebooks in her hand writing, some of Becca's clothes and jewellery. She idolised the woman, if this one room could protect something for her then it was worth trying. But #Luna screaming my name pulled my attention away, and I ran to the pool where I had left the other two.

•— Raven —•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ꜱᴘᴀᴄᴇ •)|

‘What a view.’ #Bellamy whistled under his breath as we set off back down towards the plant.

“This isn’t the first time you are seeing it.” I frowned trying to concentrate on screens.

‘It wasn’t all lite up like this Rey, lift your eyes and take it in. You did this.’ He nudged my side.

‘If you hadn’t come up, we wouldn’t be awake Raven.’ #Miles smiled across the way at me.

We have left #Jax and #Nate up in the ship, they were helping the others who were coming around and one of the crew wasn’t coming around as well as #Jax had the others awake by. And it felt wrong to be leaving them. However, Mile and his crew mate #LizzyMacName had volunteered to join us.

I stopped what I was doing to let my gaze move to the ship, it was beautiful. And I couldn’t believe it would be a viable solution to help save the lives of all those who we could gather. On clan had to be left behind. No person would be told No. Sure it would mean that #Miles and I would have to do  fair few rounds to gather them all. But it was doable.

The warning lights started to go off and it jerked me out of my thoughts. ‘What’s going on?’ #Bellamy asked over my shoulder as he and #Lizzy found their seats and belt in.

‘Nothing is wrong with the carrier. It’s the planet.’ #Miles corrected him.

‘Rey?’ He asked me.

“I’m working on it.” I wanted to say, ‘I would have known if you hadn’t make me stop to smell the flowers.’ But who had time for those one liners? “It’s the radiation.” I told them. “It’s bad Bells. Hells! How is this even possible?”

As soon as I said the words. #Miles asked. ‘Okay, so where are we going?’ I was still determined to make sure that the others were okay, but the radio was still out.

‘Polis. We told our people to go there.’ #Mile started to turn the nose of the carrier until he saw me looking I the opposite direction.

‘What is it?’ He reached over and squeezed my hand. I wasn’t sure. But there was something telling me that we were going the wrong way. ‘Raven?’ he asked again.

“Becca’s Island.” I whispered, as words came from days ago.

‘I'll be waiting by the pool, watching for shooting stars... if you come back for me.’

“He hasn’t left. He wouldn’t break a promise. One I didn’t even ask the fool for.”  I was muttering to myself.

‘I swear I'll never let you down again.’

“That boy is going to be a death of me!” We hit the atmosphere with a thud because I changed the angel of the nose just as we started to go in.

‘What the Hells Raven!’ #Miles was fighting the pull we were felling him. Who and where and what?’ He asked but I didn’t answer.

‘Rey, they all left. We told them to go to the bunker.’ #Bellamy shouted over the noise of the carrier trying to break apart.

“He wouldn’t have gone Bells, and if he didn’t leave. Luna wouldn’t have gone. And Emori would have stayed too. Because all those fools have way too much confidence in me, and I am not welling to have their blood on my hands…. I cannot… I…” I could speak anymore, and the atmosphere pushed it’s hold around us and yet somehow the carrier kept itself together.

As we started the descent, Bellamy was beside my side as soon as he could free himself. The two of us just shared a look and his words never came out of his mouth. “We don’t have time Bells, you all need to get into your suites, the levels of radiation are high and I’m not having you all die on me too.”

#Miles and I remained in place piloting the carrier and I could see his face and his expressions. ‘I cannot believe I am home.’ He finally said.

“And it’s not like you remember it being.” I told him as the Island came into sight. But now the question was the labs or the mansion?

‘So, the labs or the Mansion? Where would they be?’ #Bellamy asked the question I was thinking. The sky was a red and orange, the sun was going down, the sky was full of  muddied clouds, a warning of the death wave not being far behind. The night wouldn’t have even been visible if we hadn’t come from above, it all.

‘Holy Hells! Look!’ The lights lead the way.  We could see the outline of the Mansion from here. All the colours in the world came fighting thought the dust clouds. Them there were stadium lights that broke free of what was hiding and there was no messing the message that was laid out.

 ‘You were right, they are at the mansion.’ He sat back down as #Miles changed the rote we were taking.

“If you are dead Watcher… I swear I will bring you back to life and kill you with my own two hand.” I muttered, just as the lights flickered and died out. That made me heart sink. “No… No…. no….” The words cute out.

Getting up as soon as the carrier landed to get into my suite. And then we were out of the large back hatch as soon as it opened fully.

‘Where to?’ #Lizzy asked this time.

“The pool… We are going to the Pool.” I told them all and started down the lawn.

•— John —•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴꜱɪᴏɴ •)|

#Luna's scream echoed through the house, it was muffled by her helmet and the muffles quality of her yelling made it seem even more dire.

When I got to the patio; she was on her knees by the pool, cradling #Jasper across her lap. When I got to them, I saw vomit splattering the inside of his visor.

'We need to take the helmet off, John.' #Luna looked at me pleading.

"NO!!" I snapped at her, the intensity of it shocking even me.

"No... we still have at least 3 more days of water... and even after that we can..."

'It's over, Murphy. The radiation is only going to get higher. The suits aren't effective anymore.' Jasper croaked and saw him crane his neck to find the  tube attached to the water pack on his back.

"She's coming back, Jordan." My voice was filled with rage, and a hateful fire burned at the thought he could possibly think she wouldn't.

Hadn't I just recorded a goodbye to this woman? I  had no business feeling this intensely about him losing hope. The two of them looked at one another. Both were broken, both had lost the loves of their lives Then they looked at me and #Luna touches my visor like she would my cheek.

'Okay...' She smiled weakly and then forged it into something real before she looked at #Jasper and started to sing a song in trig that I didn't even try to translate.

Time passed, the nausea in the pit of my stomach grew. #Luna's song  was long finished and thank the stars because she really needed to stick to the zen/kung fu master stuff. It was my turn to distract #Jasper now. I told him the stories of the constellations that Raven had told me. I was questioning if I was  pointing to the right ones now that they were partially obscured by the rust-coloured clouds.

If #Jasper knew I was wrong, he didn't correct me. He began to retch again but all that came out of him was yellow-tinged water. "She's on her way  buddy." I told him over and over again in every possible combination of words.

'She's coming.' He croaked.

"Any minute now, Jasper. She'll come to save the day." I smiled as convincingly as I could.

'No... right now.' he tried to sit  up. His fever must be spiking. He collapsed back onto my lap, and I winced at his weight. I looked through the visor seeking out the purplish black welts that would show the progress of the radiation poisoning.

'Look up you Fucking idiot!'  He finally rasped.

I looked up and in a single instant, I felt more than I ever knew to be possible. 'You spend the last four days staring at the sky, and this you almost miss?" He laughed but it quickly became a cough. The white streak  across the sky turned yellow then a glowing, terrifying red.

I clamoured to my feet, dragging him up with me. I let out a roar like I had just accomplished what Raven had, fist-pumping the air with the arm that wasn't holding #Jasper up.

We had grabbed the bags made of the same material as our suits, which we had packed with a few things and were moving to the open area we lit up in minutes. The lights flicked, and the generator had been gathering less and less energy each  day as the dust built up in the air blocking out the sun a little more each day.

After more flickering, we were plunged into darkness all we had left was the light inside the helmets. I had flashlights in my bag, but I wasn't stopping, and  it wasn't long before the lights of the ship were leading us. #Jasper collapsed as the ship impacted the ground and even from a hundred yards away, I could feel the tremors through the soles of my boots. Nothing happened for a long few  moments while I tried to pull a limp, but conscious #Jasper to his feet.

When the door started to open #Luna and I began to scream that we were here as we tried to lift #Jasper.

•— Raven —•

We didn’t even need to walk a few feet with the dust filled air around us making it difficult to see. ‘There, is that them?’ #Lizzy shouted over the comms and my eyes flew to the position her hand pointed towards.

“No…” But it was. The faint littles on what looked like heads were making their way towards us.

‘Fuck!’ #Bellamy and #Miles started running ahead of me. leaving me limping with my heart in my throat as I tried to keep up. They both burst back through the dust and this time they were both carrying a body.

“No.. no… no…. was I too late? Who… Fuck!” The burning in my eyes wouldn’t allow me to blink it back as they screamed at #Lizzy who was a nurse.

‘Back to the ship, you need to help him, He is suffering badly, come on….’  I let them all good, I was holding them up and now I wasn’t sure if I had any fight left in me.

“You stupid fucking fool John Fucking Murry! Why did you have to stay here?” I felt to my knees and dropped my head.

‘Rey, get moving on this ship NOW!’ #Bellamy called on the comms, but I couldn’t move.

“He had faith in me, He thought I would save him. That—” A hand squeezed on my shoulder.

‘Ai told em.  he nou na sen in.  Chit a Branwoda.’ ( I told him, he just won’t listen. What a fool. ) #Luna lifted me up off my knees. Her arms holding me close as our visors touched as if our foreheads were touching. Her voice was muffled by her helmet. However, I could still work out what she said. ‘Yu don dula em  Strik sis! (You did it little sister!).

“Yu hop up gon Ai!” ( You waited for me.!” The tears rolled down my cheeks.

‘He wouldn’t leave until you came back. He said he told you this is where he would be waiting.’ I pulled back looking at her, as her head turned back, and the figure came walking towards us out of the dust.

Confused at who the others had rushed away. ‘That is Jasper, he needs help.’ She said letting me go and then running towards the ship.

“John Fucking Murry! You lied to me! This isn’t the Pool!” I started to laugh and cry at the same time.

•— John —•

I heard thumping boots against the ground, and I told Jasper they were coming and he was going to be fine, but his fever had to be spiking. H was hardly coherent. The next thing I knew Jasper was being pulled away from me. 'What is wrong with  him?' He barked but not at me just concerned.

"Radiation sickness." I gasped for air... out of breath from the run here. "The suits won't protect you for long. You need to get back into the ship."

#Bellamy tried to help me up. "I'm okay." I panted. "#Jasper needs help, he needs #Abby." #Bellamy's face looked grave... Then it hit me... We had seen them enter the earth's atmosphere; they had come for us first. I heard Raven's voice... Was she saying my name?

"Go." I  told him and whoever the hell the dude with him was. They carried #Jasper to the ship. I retched now. I had been fighting to keep from vomiting and worrying #Jasper and #Luna even more. Luckily, there wasn't anything in my stomach to come up... I dry-heaved again on my hands and knees and took a few breaths until the wave passed enough for me to stand.

The landing had kicked even more dust into the air So I could hardly see them through the haze and the glaring lights of the  ship. Why was #Luna helping her up from the ground? Was she hurt? I couldn't even be sure it was her with the suit and the visor obscuring any hint of gender... but I just knew it with a bone-deep certainty. I staggered towards her and then  she was yelling at me, I smiled so wide my cheeks ached. "I tried..." I laughed. "But Jasper really wanted to see the ship and... He's just a big kid at heart." I laughed. I gripped the sides of her helmet to plant my visor against hers; not caring that she was supposed to hate me right now. A wave of dizziness made me stumble but not fall so it was more of a bump than a touch.

"I knew you would come." My eyes stung and I knew then that my goodbye video wasn't a goodbye. It was a confession, a declaration. I was going to tell her everything. But right now, I needed her to get out of this radiation. "You're my hero, you know that Stargazer? But we gotta get going, the levels are too high for the suits." #Luna's arm came around me and she helped me into the ship. I didn't let Raven out of my sight.

•— Raven —•

I laughed so hard when he did, but then my brow twitched seeing the toll the few days down here had on him. Luna looked pale and so did John.

“I save your arse, Watcher… And this is the thanks I get?” Our helmets touched in a bump just as I had done with #Luna. Her hands were around us both and the three of us stood there. “I swear, if you die on me. I will kill you myself.” I told them both. All the madness from before wasn’t even something I gave a shit about right now. They were alive. He was alive. That is what counted.

‘We have to go.’ She said in trig and I knew it. But I needed to take them both in first.

My eyes drifted over my shoulder. “Jasper?” I looked back past him in the direction of the mansion. “Hells, where is Emori?” I asked fear taking a hold again. “Luna, take him to the ship. Get him on there and yourself. I’m right behind you.” I pushed them both towards the ship, but #Luna wouldn’t let me go.

‘She isn’t here little sister.’ She spoke. At my confusion she tugged me, and we started to run the best we could. ‘She left with the others.’ She told me.

I rushed them both onboard, closing the hatch as fast as I could and then pulling them both towards the decontamination chamber. The others were already gone, and I knew they would be in the sick bay.

Until I heard #Bellamy ‘Rey, you in first.’ He shouted.

“No, Luna and John go in first.” I pushed them both towards the chamber. Two people could get in together.

‘Raven! If we lose you, we lose a pilot—‘ I wasn’t sure the look I gave him. But his hands shot up and he took three steps back. “Strip down. As fast as you can.” I told the two and then hit the button to start the decontamination. “How is Jasper doing?” I asked Bellamy.

‘He is bad Rey, we got here in the nick of time. It’s a good thing you said here first. They wouldn’t have made it otherwise.’ My frown deepened, and I saw the worry on his face. “Marcus and the others would have gotten the door to the bunker open.” I told him. He was thinking of his sister. I could tell.

I heavily coughed, taking the helmet off. But he stopped me. ‘Not yet. You need to be in there.’

It was a good thing he was keeping his distance from me. “No shit Wisearse.” I told him.

But this moment, seeing the state of Luna, John and Jasper… I knew it would feed into my nightmares.

•— John —•

I laughed and felt a tear break free. "Have you ever done anything in your life because you expected a thank you?" I teased her. Laughing in disbelief... and.... joy? She was here, she was alive, she was... getting dosed with radiation as we spoke...

I didn't need to answer her question about #Emori, #Luna told her her that she had left with the other. Luna was helping me into the ship but Raven didn't seem like she all she was coming so I was fighting Luna, not letting my feet  move in the direction of the ship but Bellamy's yelled and she started to move.

I was dragged and shoved into a glass room and Raven as telling me the strip. "#Luna's we need to #Luna off the suits to scrub the tradition off of our skin so we don't contaminate the ship."

I explained to her even though she was already removing her suit. I was pulling off my helmet to when I glanced around the decontamination unit. "Where's #Jasper?" I yelled the only people that weren't here  were the strangers that they had shown up... Jasper was alone with these people. "Where the hell did they take Jasper?"

•— Raven —•

“John! Stop! Stop!” #Bellamy came running towards the camber as I held onto the door to keep it close.

‘Fuck Murphy! You are going to get yourself sick and everyone else too.’ #Bellamy shouted at him. ‘Stop It!’ And then I heard what he was shouting from the other side. #Luna was whispering to him too. I took my helmet off, I didn’t care what #Bellamy said. I didn’t care if it go my sick.

“John… please take a breath and listen to me. John…” my hazel eyes trying to catch his blue so that he would hear me.

“Listen to me…. Jasper is really ill… you know he is….”

Pointing back over my shoulder towards the door.

“He is with Lizzy… she is a nurse…. Jax isn’t here… but…. She it trying to help him until we can get to Abby…. And I need you to decontaminate… you and Luna…. So I can go and get us in the air….”

I was speaking nice and slow, like talking to a terrifying child. #Miles came running in.

‘Hey…. Rey… Bells…. We ready to go? Let’s get the show on the road.’ However, my eyes remained on John.

“John?” I said his name. Needing him to tell me he understood.

•— John —•

I completely ignored #Bellamy and fixed my eyes on Raven. I leaned in close to the glass, eye-to-eye with her. "What do you mean Jax isn't here? Where...." What was happening? Wasn't this the ship that was in orbit? Had they landed somewhere  else first? But we had seen them entering the atmosphere. The scalding hot water started to spay for the ceiling and Luna made a startled gasp.

#Bellamy had stopped yelling at me and was talking to #Luna now; pointing to the brushes hanging  along the wall and telling her the scrub her skin as hard as she could bare. "Raven...." My voice was cracking. "What is going on? Isn't this the ship you went to find?"

How was it possible for the others to not be here? Where the hell  were they?

That new guy was back and my eyes flit past Raven for a second. Jasper was only alone with one of them now... but it looked like he was wearing military gear, which meant his friend likely was military or some kind of soldier  too.

My suit was slowly filling with blisteringly hot water as the showers above pounded down on me. I locked my eyes with Raven's again.

She had called me John.

I was thankful for the deluge; it was the only thing that would keep her  from knowing that hearing the one word from her lips let lose more tears.

"Do you trust these people, Raven?"

•— Raven —•

‘Rey? We gotta go now.’ Holding my finger up to stop #Miles.

“Go get started, I’m right behind you.” I told him not taking my eyes from John. I could hear and see #Luna doing what was needed.

“John. I will tell you everything… Everything… once you are clean and radiation free. Please.”

My heart was bounding in my head, and I knew #Miles was still watching me. His eyes dug into the back of my. “Miles. Go. I’m coming.”

I saw the fear in Johns eyes, I saw the anxiety, bubbling up and threatening to blow like a volcano if he wasn’t  told soon. But I didn’t have time. “I trust them. And I need you to trust me. Do you?”

I placed my hand flat on the glass that divides us. And this overwhelming urge to hold Him and Luna came over me.

“I… I’m sorry I left you… I’m sorry I didn’t take you with me… all three of you… I should…. I should have known you three wouldn’t have giving up.”

‘Rey?’ This time it was Bellamy. ‘This isn’t on you.’ He said with a thick voice. And I knew he was thinking of his sister.

“Yes, it is. I always make the wrong decisions. And those  I love… pay for them.” I swallowed hard. “John Fucking Murphy! Get your clothes off and get to washing NOW!” I banged on the glass this time to shake him out of it.

•— John —•

This new guy #Miles was already bugging me… I could tell by his face that we weren’t gonna get along. I focused on Raven, I knew we were pushed for time… but we had all been together for so long, splitting three ways was hard enough. But  being divided again; my mind couldn't wrap around it. And it was hard enough to comprehend why it was so painful to be split into groups in the first place. And add in the constant fight to keep myself from upchucking… it was too much.

The  way she spoke to the army boy made me smirk on the inside.

I pressed my hand to the glass where I could have touched her face… something wouldn’t dare if there wasn’t a barrier between us I wouldn’t have dared. I had no right. “I trust you, Stargazer.’ I whispered, not because I didn't want anyone to hear… just because those words were only for her. I ignored Bellamy. Was I included in the group of people she loved? I know it wasn’t the same as the feeling I was harbouring… but  it was something. It was one hell of a something. “You did that right thing, Raven. We’ll all survive because of you.”

She yelled at me and I started to strip. “Go, Raven!” I called to her over the roaring water as I moved to the centre of the room where r - the water fell more thickly. “It's time to be a hero. The others are waiting. I got this and I’ll find Jasper when I’m decontaminated.”

•— Raven —•

Waiting at first then when it seemed like both #Luna and John had begun to do what was being asked of them. I started to walk away backwards. I’m hurting my gaze when he started in his pants.

‘Is it meant to be hot when you bang on glass and scream at men?’ Miles slowed down for me to catch up with him. I rise an eyebrow at him and give him a sideways glance.

“It’s hot even when I take a boom stick and push it up where the stars don’t shine too.” My heart was still going a million miles thudding against my chest.

‘All I gonna say.. if you  tell me to strip… you won’t need to ask twice.’ He laughed, and I knew it was the adrenaline rush. We were all feeling it.

“As if you would ever get that lucky Lieutenant Miles Shaw.” I came to a stop outside the door where I could hear #Lizzy speaking to #Jasper.

‘Yes ma’am.’ #Miles said with a salute before pushing the door open so that I could look inside.

“How is he doing?” #Jasper was still now and I rushed into the room. “Hells! Are those radiation burns.” #Lizzy moved to wash them clean.

‘I’m doing the best I can, and with what I have. However, we need Jackson.’ Her hands were shaking. I knew she hadn’t been awake for long. So, I squeezed her shoulder.

“I have one better than Doc Junior.” Half smiling at the nickname John has given #Jax. “Buckle in we are going to move fast.” Both #Miles and I rushed to get things moving. He had done everything but lifting off. He sat on his seat, and I took mine. ‘Ready to do this again Cap?’ He smiled at me.

“I am not the Cap.” He just laughed and hit play on his music. And we started to lift up with a shake, a jolt and then we were air bound.

(Music: Keep on Running - The Spencer Davis Group )

•— John —•

I watched her follow the army-boy… I got a bad feeling from that guy. I would need to keep my eyes on him. He turned sideways and I saw something in his eyes when he said something to her, and I wished that I hear it.

‘John!’ #Luna called  like she had it was not the first time she was trying to get my attention

“I don’t like that guy.” I told a naked Luna scrubbing my skin with the rough brush she handed me. Then I was kicking out of the boots and the legs of the radiation  suit. I had some blisters around the areas where the seams of the suits met, but luckily #Luna’s night blood had protected her.

‘You don’t even know him.’ She said gathering my suit and clothes and dumping them into the waste and returning  to scrub my back.

“I haven’t survived this long by being a poor judge of character.” I replied and heard Luna mutter ‘Trikru torchplie.’ as she scrubbed over the scars on my back. I said nothing… this was not the time. But a wave of nausea  hit me, and I launched across the vomit into the nearest drain. It was mostly water, but I looked up instantly to make Raven was long gone. She did not need to see this.

After I helped Luna scrub her back I turned off the water and became  very suddenly aware of our nakedness. In the next small chamber, there was a scanner that I instantly assumed I wouldn’t be able to use but it was idiot-proof, with two buttons and two lights The green light flashed for us both when we  scanned each other, and we stepped and dressed the grey military style overalls that were left out for us and started following signs to the med bay. Telling Luna to hold firm to the railing on the walls as the vibrations increased under our  feet. We weren’t going to stop to hunker down for take-off. I wanted to get to Jasper.

•— Raven —•

The sounds of footsteps couldn’t be heard over the music, so I jolted when a hand squeezed my shoulder. My head jolting up to see #Bellamy there.

‘They have a few burns. John was sick, Luna isn’t showing much of anything but fatigue. And Jasper… Lizzy has him sedated. We need…’ I cut him off.

“Abby. I know. Where do you think we are heading right now.” I was grateful for the update. He knew that my mind with be with the others until I heard.

‘Don’t shoot the messenger Rey.’ He wasn’t angry. Just reminding me that we were doing everything we could.

‘Buckle down Bellamy, she’s just upped the speed. And Rey takes it easy of this old girl. She needs a tender, loving touch to work.’ #Miles said and I knew it. I knew I could push this ship to its full capacity just yet. But with Polis in our eyeline, I wasn’t going to slow down.

As we crossed the ocean, we could see the changes in it. There were parts were the water seemed to be boiling. Dead fish laced the top of the water, and our imaginations filled in the parts that were missing. The smell, the feel, the loss, and what this would mean.

‘This isn’t how I expected to find home again.’ #Miles shook his head, each emotion  he was living openly for all to see. The shock, the uncertainty, the loss of a world that had been dead for over a century. He lived in a few moments.

“It’s still home, just a different version of it.” Reaching out I squeezed his hand. He turned his hand around and took mine. I didn’t pull away. He felt this loss harder. He still remembered this planet as it once had been in the past.

‘There’s Polis. #Bella pointed out and I narrowed my eyes.’

“It’s time to get this show  back on the road.”

‘Like we ever stopped!’ #Bells rolled his eyes.

•— John —•

#Luna held fast to the rail. We were forced to stop once or twice during acceleration One of those jolts brought me face-to-face with a door that read ‘No Inmates beyond this point’

I turned to #Luna as we continued on again. “I knew I had a bad feeling about him… He’s a convict” I scoffed.

‘Like you, you mean?’ #Luna was teasing me I knew.

“It’s not the same thing… we were locked up for whatever they decided was a crime… Back then you needed evidence and a fair trial.” I  said back to her. She had nothing to say after that… partly because we found #Jasper and that #Lizzy girl.

I was at his side in a second and lifting the dry gauze off His burns… I almost hated to admit that they had been well cleaned.

‘What are you doing?’ I heard the voice from before we boarded.

“Checking you’re work…” I said plainly and the checked the rest before resting the back of my hand against his forehead. “And now you can tell me everything you’ve given him done to the milligram.”

The woman looked like she was about to protest. but I felt #Luna stands century behind me. I could imagine the look she gave the woman. After this nurse told me what she had given Jasper, I told her we needed ice to the heat radiating on of of Jasper’s burns. ‘You can’t put ice on burns.’ She scoffed.

“No not on the burns… Next to the burns, it will bring down his heart rate and let him rest with less sedation. This isn’t my first rodeo.” I explained.

‘His temperature will need to be constantly monitored… and you’ll have warm him and cool him down every —‘

I cut in. “Every twenty minutes… or less. Don’t worry about it… I’ve done this before, and he is in far better shape. I’ll stay with him.”

‘Are you a nurse?’ #Lizzy asked.

I started to tell her no but #Luna pipped up then. ‘He’s healer’s apprentice… and he HAS done this before, so you can show me where you keep what he needs if you don’t want to.’

I tired not the smile as #Lizzy moved to grab the ice packs.

•— Raven —•

I heard the doors behind us open and close, waiting as I assumed that #Luna and John had come to join us until I heard the question from #Bellamy. ‘Why are you here, doesn’t Jasper need your help?’

‘I had been helping him, however then… well…. Your friends practically  kicked me out of the med bay.’

I half turned my head to sea #Lizzy rubbing her hands together and shifting from foot to foot. ‘The girl with the curly hair says that the man was an healers apprentice? I assumed he is a doctor in training?’

This made #Bellamy laugh. ‘Murphy? A doctor? We would all be dead.’

“Really? So, he wasn’t the one who kept me alive? To help save me?” I called over the music.

‘You saved yourself Rey, don’t give that credit away for free.’ He was looking down and then over to the side watching where we went.

“I didn’t say he saved me. I said helped… if he didn’t keep me alive. I would never have had the time to work it out.”

‘Let me go find out what those two are playing at.’ He spoke.

“Leave them be. They have gone through a lot in the last four days. They need to know that they are helping Bells. And look. There’s the tower. You need to tell us where best to land. I’ve not been here as much as you.”

He pointed to the middle of the township. ‘There. Land right there. Everyone will see you if they are in hiding.

They will come out.’

“You’re not as stupid as you act sometimes Blake.”

•— John —•

As I tended to #Jasper I didn’t even notice the nurse disappear. Every time the ship jolted, I felt #Luna’s hand come against my back to steady me. “How are you doing with the flying thing?” I asked her. “Feeling sick?”

‘It's not unlike  floudon-de (The boat).’ She said, bracing me again, as I started to remove the ice packs before Jasper’s temperature dropped below the baseline. The ship lurched again, and my stomach rolled. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked. ‘You’ve gone almost  green.’

Bile rose in my throat until and my hand flew to my mouth. I threw myself across the room to the small sink and threw up, again but this time it kept coming. Luna was at my side, but it told her she needed to remove the last of the  ice packs and put them back into the cooler for the next round of cooling.

When she was done, she came back to find me with my forehead pressed to the cool steel of the sink. ‘You need that medicine you stole for #Adria… do you think they have it here?’ She looked around the room at the cabinets on the wall.

“They must if they needed a decontamination chamber on board, look for a label that says potassium iodide.” We searched the cabinets for far too long, I had to stop and check on #Jasper’s vitals. A bottle of pills on the table by the bed caught my eye. ‘Many of these are locked.’ #Luna said.

“They’re here,” I said to her. “The bottle is open… That nurse must have…” I glanced at Jasper. “She must have  given it to #Jasper.” I took one of the pills and went back to the sink to wash it down with water. I watched #Luna tip some of the pills into her palm…

‘So many…’ she looked up at me. ‘I thought this medicine was rare?’

I knew where her  mind was going. “It was… in Arkadia. There were only 14 that we knew of in existence. But this ship left earth before the Cataclysm. These would have been readily available... And plentiful.”

‘This bottle alone could have saved half of my  people.’ She tipped the pills carefully back into the bottle like they were diamonds. I wanted to tell her no, I wanted to tell her they needed to be used with 24 hours of exposure and that by the time they made it to Arkadia it was already too late. But I didn’t. Because there was a chance.

“Maybe…” I said quietly and reached out to take her am as she blinked back the tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. The ship jerked and slammed Luna and me together. I barely  managed to stop my forehead from cracking against the taller woman's chin.

We grabbed onto each other and the nearest ledge to keep from tumbling over. Thankfully someone had strapped Jasper to the table. “We’re landing.” I told her.

She  tried to tell me to stay with Jasper and that she would go and help with the rescue. “No, you can’t… not yet. There’ll be Fliemkepas… they might recognise you and we don’t know how the clan leaders will react to seeing there’s still a  Nightblood alive. We need to see what the reaction is to a red-blooded Heda before we let them see you, #Luna. We can’t risk them turning on Octavia yet. We can’t let them force you into leading.” I knew she didn’t want it. She agreed and I  started to run back to where we had entered the ship. I was still coated in sweat and fighting the urge the throw up whatever was left of my insides.

•— Raven —•

‘You guys need to work on your landing skills.’ #Bellamy tapped my shoulder because he was the first up and rushing out towards the hatch.

“I’m like to see you try and do better.” I called out unbuckling myself and giving #Miles a high five. “We did good, no matter what he says.”

We were close behind him rushing to get out before the clans started to attack without knowing who was on this ship.

‘You look like shit.’ #Bellamy shouted as we all ran past the med bay, and I came to a stop.

“Lizzy, we need you to stay on the ship. The people who are suffering the most will be coming up and in first. That’s if they don’t fight us.” I said However, my eyes were on John as I spoke.

‘That’s also if they don’t try to kill us before we can talk.’ #Bellamy added.

‘Always so positive, Blake.’ #Miles was beside me, nudging me in the side. ‘Shall we?’ He zipped his suit up and smiled.

“Go ahead, I’m right behind you.” I said them went to talk to #Luna and John. “You both aren’t going out there. Luna, we don’t know how.” She poked John I the side. Telling he had given her the once over already. That he didn’t trust the elders of the clans not to try to take her choice away from her. And my hazel eyes were on him again.

“John. You look really bad. You can’t go out there again. The levels aren’t as high as they were on the island. But still, it’s too much for you three to get anything more. Please. Stay here. Stay with Jasper and Luna. Keep them safe.” And the part I didn’t say. ‘keep yourself safe.’

#Lizzy came to show me the med bag I needed to take with me. ‘Give this to your doctor, tell her I will have things set to go in here.’ I nodded taking it.

“John. Lizzy is good people. Please let her help.” I glanced over to #Jasper over the shoulder. “Keep him alive. It’s the only way I can kill him for not doing as we planned.” I half smiled starting to make my way down the corridor, hopping the best I could with the suit on, and the med bag over my shoulder.  

•— John —•

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her coming… but tried really hard not to just stare at her. That just meant that my gaze jumped around like I was delirious… speaking of delirium… was it getting hotter in here?

Raven insisted that we  shouldn’t go outside, and another wave of nausea told me she was probably right. I nodded, agreeing with her… “Just…” I stepped closer and tugged the zipper on her suit, checking the seams where her gloves met her suit and around her helmet.

“Twenty-Five minutes maximum, Rey… Please? Then get your arse back here and get this bird ready to fly. Promise me?” I could feel the sweat beading across my forehead and then she was walking away,

“He’s going to be okay Raven, he just needs Abby.” I called after her. Her limp was way worse… what the hell had she been doing these last few days? We walked back into the med bay And I felt a hand on my shoulder spinning me around. “Luna…” I said the room spinning a little.

“Oh… not #Luna…” I said to #Lizzie. Then I was running for the sink again and throwing up bile. It burned all the way up, making it feel like my chest was on fire.

‘You need to take the Potassium…’ Lizzie started and I managed to tell  her, between heaves, that I had already. ‘Good… but you need to have something in your stomach because the puking isn’t going to stop and it's better to have something to throw up.’ She handed me a silver packet labelled protein paste. I  wrinkled up my nose… remembering our once-a-week protein rations in the sky box. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss earth food.” I took it and lifted my forehead from the cool steel. “Thank you…” she nodded and started to lay out supplies she thought she might need for the survivors.

‘You need to lie down… or at least sit-down.’ She said when I start sucking the paste out of foil like it was a drug and I was addicted. It tasted like shit but the second it hit my tongue I remembered how  hungry I was. ‘When was the last time you ate?’

“Only three days… I’ve gone longer. It's fine.” I ripped open the foil and licked it clean. #Lizzie looked at me with that dreaded mix of horror and pity.

‘Things have been difficult… on  Earth for a while now.’ #Luna explained.

“I need to stay on my feet for now… I can’t leave #Jasper and without #Jackson, the Doc is going to need help” I looked at #Lizzie imploring.

She sighed. ‘I can give you a shot for the vomiting but it won’t last long and all it will do is mask the symptoms. And something for your fever but only if you let me check your blood pressure and vitals first and stay you have to stay hydrated.’

I agreed to her terms, they weren’t unreasonable… They did, however, waste time that could have been spent preparing while she asked… ‘Why aren’t you sick?’ Her gaze was on #Luna as she pumped the blood pressure cuff. #Luna looked to me… unsure what to say.

“She was born on  Earth… Higher radiation levels… some of the grounders still have a higher tolerance to it.” Nothing I said was a lie, Night bloods were grounders, and they had a higher threshold for metabolising radiation.

‘She can’t speak for herself.’ #Lizzie huffed but her annoyance was at me… I forgot in her world women had to deal with sexism. Things like men speaking for them because they assumed to be less important.

‘We were told it was a kind of magic in our blood. That it was sacred.’ #Luna explained. ‘I don’t fully understand the science of it… John and his people have been teaching me.’ #Luna didn’t lie either.

I finished a bottle of water and the nurse gave a shot into my arse and awkwardly ignored the scars  on my back as she did. Then we set about making the med bay ready and continuing to tend the #Jasper. ‘I’m not sure that we’ll have enough PI pills for everyone until we get to Eligius III.’ #Lizzie revealed.

“Children first.” I told her.

‘The Commander first.’ #Luna corrected. ‘Then the children and the sickest.’

‘People won’t like that… They may riot.’ #Lizzie looked like she wouldn’t blame them if they did. “What about the elderly?”

‘They won’t take limited resources from the young and strong.’ #Luna told her. ‘Only if it is plentiful.’

“Don’t worry… We’ll have someone that can control them.” I assured her. then I turned the #Luna. “#Octavia better be alive.”

•— Raven —•

I don’t know why I turned back to look over my shoulder one last time. However, they were all gone. “Don’t you dare die on me.” I whisper out. “Because… I will kill you.”

With that being said, for no one to hear. I put my helmet on. Pulled the bag up and over my shoulder and stepped out into the dark night to come to an abrupt halt.

#Bellamy and #Miles stood with their hands in the air, the gun #Bells had over his shoulder when he left me behind sat on the ground with a knife being pushed to his throat.

‘This is your fault.’ The man shouted in Trig.

‘Wait… no.. no… we were trying to help. Where is Octavia? Where is my sister.’ #Bellamy asked with a hellish calm in his voice.

‘You don’t talking about our commander. You are sky people. She is no longer yours.’ Another said, then kicked #Bellamy’s legs out from under him.

“Stop! I shouters holding my hands up. “You are wasting time. We need you all on this ship now. It’s not safe to be out here. We are here to help.” The warriors started toward me. Knives and arrows knocked in their bows.

‘ENOUGH! Step back from them.’ A blooming voice parted the crowd who were unsure what to do or who to believe. ‘This is the brother  of our commander. Leave him be.’

“INDRA!” I called out her name, and she looked at me and the bag on my bag. “We need everyone to climb on this ship. We have a way to save everyone. But we must go now. We have medical supplies, a healer, we have.”

She pulled me forward by the suit. ‘She is here to save us. We must listen.’ She told them all.

“Where are the others?” I asked in her ear.

‘Still trying to get into the bunker. Come. We don’t have time to waste.’

•— John —•

Watching her go was so strange, I had a feeling after saying what I said out loud to the stupid video log a lot was going to be strange now. I reluctantly went back into the med bay. I knew that she could handle herself... but that wasn’t the point. I didn’t want her to handle shit like this without having her back… not because she needed me to. Maybe because I needed to?

‘We only have two more beds… I don’t know what we’re supposed to do if we need more.’ Lizzie said after explaining about the other ship and the facilities there.

“All we need to do is treat the sickest most injuries we can until we get to the other ship. We just keep as many people alive as we can. And there’ll be a doctor on board too.

Maybe even a few grounder healers too.” I told her and #Luna.

‘They’ll mostly need water and wounds cleaned… the black rain has poisoned the water.” She said as she parcelled out water into cups trying to make each bottle stretch while  still giving a healthy portion for each person.

‘Just until we get to the ship.’ #Lizzie was reassuring #Luna, who was looking guilty about having to ration water. ‘Then no one will be thirsty we have a hydro generator…. we’ll need to  start rationing at some stage… but not today.’

Okay… so maybe Raven was right and #Lizzie was good people. #Jasper coughed and I darted to his side… she was finally awake… ‘What happened?’ He croaked. ‘Did we make it?’

•— Raven —•

People were parting the way like an ocean wave leaving a dry landscape behind it. They were sick, I could see that from a quick glance. “Indra, Stop. We need these people to get onto the ship. We can help them up there.” Longing for her to stop, but she didn’t. Her people were holding watch before the temple, #Bellmay and #Miles still stood at blade point by the ship. I could hear the sound of voices coming from within.

‘Jaha… Stop this madness. We need to have more people I there. Octavia won, they will listen to her and follow her now. Open this door.’ #Marcus banged his fist on the table as the radio went dead on the other side. ‘That stubborn fool!’ He threw a cup across the room, and then his eyes met mine. ‘Raven? RAVEN?’

“So, I just there is no family reunion? That’s a shame.” 

#Harper, #Jax, #Monty all came rushing towards me. One by one their arms hug me until #Abby, stood before me. ‘Of course, you came back.’ She cupped my face with tears in her eyes. ‘I was so worried about you.’

‘We knew you would come back Rey.’ #Clark stepped up too.

“The bunker is closed. People are sick. Jasper needs you, Abby. He is on the ship. And I don’t have time to explain it all.” They knew, they were all showing signs of sickness too. “O… Your brother is going to kill people if he doesn’t see you soon. And Then We need all these people to get o the ship.” I didn’t stop talking. “Indra… We need all the help. I know you may no longer want my help. But this is me telling you… this is the only way for us all to live.”

No-one pushed back, I was in shock at how they listened, and they all stared to fall into action. While they walked out the temple, I walked in. Grabbing the radio. “I don’t know if you can hear me Jaha… But I hope you rot for everything you did to us. For only thinking of yourself and leaving everyone I love and care for to die. I hope I see you in Five years. Because I need to look you in your eyes and show you how you are not the subject of saviour of the human race.”

‘Let’s go Raven.’ #Macus placed a hand on my shoulder.

•— John —•

“We’re in Polis now, Jasper.” I told him explaining that there was another ship in orbit and we were rescuing the others before we got the hell out of dodge.

‘Polis?’ He croaked and tried to sit up. I pushed him back down. ‘#Monty and #Harper are out there. I need to see them.’

“Raven and #Bellamy are getting everyone. We were exposed to too much radiation we can’t go back out there… and you need to be seen by Abby before you can go anywhere.” He started to protest but  I stopped him. “#Emori is out there too #Jasper… I know how you feel. But if we get any more exposure we’re just going to slow everyone down.”

He laid back by himself and huffed in resignation. ‘Why isn’t #Luna out there?’ He asked and  #Lizzie eyed him… knowing she’d been exposed as long as we had.

I squeezed his shoulder and gave him a look that pleaded with him to play along. “It was too risky… she isn't sick yet but we can change it.”

He said nothing and looked up at me ‘You look like shit Murphy.’ He laughed and so did I a little… letting the relief that he was awake finally sink in. “I feel even worse. But you just need to hold on for #Abby okay?”

We continued our preparation and #Jasper fell asleep pretty quickly but he looked far more restful than he had been previously. I knew Raven would be happy to hear he had woken up even if he was still out when she got back

Too much time was passing. Why wasn’t anyone boarding? Even if our people weren’t back I figured they should be directing people to the ship by now. I went back into the. Corridor but I didn’t pass the Decon-Showers, staying on the radiation-free side of the sealed doors. I could hear voices outside but not clearly enough to make them out.

•— Raven —•

“What the hells?” Both #Marcus and I came to a stand still, watching the fights that had broken out. Clans weren’t just right each other, they were hitting our guys too.

#Monty had a thick lip, #Jax was holding his eye, #Miles and #Bellamy were still at the far end as #Clark tried to talk them all down.

She told them to get in the ship, that there was room to save everyone. That no one needed to fight. But for her attempt she was thanked with a rock hailed at her  head.

#Abby rushed over to her daughter, then a booming sound came from ahead and #Octavia came to the centre of the clearing.

She told them that clans were a thing of the past, that by winning the conclave she wanted to bring unity to all the grounders. And that started now.

Trikru were the first to calm and listen, and we all knew it was because of #Inda stood to the left of #Octavia. And right now I didn’t care, as long as it meant they would get on.

She told them  we were running out to time, that they had a choice. Die down here, or try to go to the ship, and wait for the planet to recover and repair itself.

‘We will return, this is home. But. Now. Now we survive the death wave. Look around you  Look at our children. Look at our old. They are dying, they are sick. This ship. It is here to save us all.’

Her trig was so fluent that I had missed parts of what she said. It was #Marcus whispering beside me who followed the conversation fully.

‘No! This is your fault! Skaikru has done this to us.’ A warrior from Azgeda shouted.

“Marcus, it’s time. It’s time to tell them the truth. To tell them we could never save them all with just the bunker.” I whispered  to him.

‘We are all one now.’ #Octavia called back to him. ‘One leader for all clans. We are Onekru!’ She shouted back. contact with everyone who would look at him.

‘Your leaders all knew this and you should know too. With the bunker with everything we were trying to do, we couldn’t have saved all the people.’ He pointed to me, #Bellamy and then #Miles.

‘They all risked their lives to find a way to help everyone. Not just Skaikru. We cannot and will not make anyone who doesn’t want to come, come in the ship. But please. Please. Have faith that you will be safe.’

People looking to #Inda. #Marcus stepped forward with his hands up showing he had no weapons on him. He turned a full circle making eye  and she stepped forward.

‘Go now. Before our young die.’ She took the first stepped to the hatch and stood on the fourth step guiding the grounders who dared to take the first time take a step off the land they were born on.

•— John —•

Things seemed to explode outside the ship… the unmistakable sounds of fighting filtered in through the glass. Panic swelled inside me… this wasn’t the kind of panic I was used to… the kind where you are being chased by someone (or several  someone's) that want to kill you. Not the panic you feel locked in a cage hardly big enough for a dog for two days and you can hear your torturer coming for you again.

No this was an all-consuming my-heart-is-going-to-explode-is-it-hot-in-here-there’s-no-air panic. Raven was in the middle of a city at war. My vision blurred and just then everything died down and there were murmurs again… that I couldn’t make out.

This was maddening. My hand hovered over the release button, but a glance over my shoulder had me thinking of #Jasper a few feet down the hall in that bed. The radiation that would flood in might not affect #Lizzie too badly because she had taken the ARS medication. #Luna would be fine… but #Jasper.

“FUCK!!” I buried my fingers in my hair and fisted it hard.

“John!!” A strange voice called my first name, pissed off like it wasn’t the first attempt to get my attention…. #Lizzie… she’d mostly heard #Luna speaking to me. So, to her, I was John now too. That wouldn’t last. “You need to put this on. We won’t be able to decontaminate everyone so when these dos open you’ll be exposed again.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It will scare the children and the Grounders.”

Her brows pulled together. “Is a primitive society.” I explained. “They have a 200-year-old culture, that developed in ruins and forests… No medicine, no technology. They won’t let us near them in  those.” I pointed to the suit in her hands.

‘What do you suggest we do then?’ She asked.

I told her we would wait until the survivors were on board and the outer doors were closed and then we opened the doors and did what we could while Raven and Soldier Boy got us to the other ship. #Lizzie protested, saying she was willing to risk it; she’d only been exposed for moments, and she had the meds in her system immediately after, but even the exposure to the residual radiation  on the victims could make me and Jasper sicker.

“Then we move Jasper to the safest room and make it off-limits. I won’t tell you what to do… but we won’t be able to help anyone with those things on. I’m gonna frighten those kids any more  than they already are.”

The first of the survivors started to board the first face a recognised was #Harper and the man with the fat lip she was supporting was… Monty?? They were coaxing grounders to follow them when they looked around and spotted me behind the glass. Grounders slowly started the pour into the ship, wide-eyed and terrified, blinking up at the strip lights in the ceiling and shielding their eyes.

•— Raven —•

Slow.. it was such a slow start. As we all knew that time wasn’t on our side, from the moment we left the temple we were talking to the people who we came across. Begging, pledging for them to listen, for them to take a chance, to know that we were trying to help everyone, not just those who they thought we were there for.

“Beja, sen in gon yumi.  beja hon daun bilaik seingedaraun skaifloudon.  Oso dula op nou yu don gou. ” (Please, listen to us. please take your family onto the ship. We do not have time.) I repeated the words over and over again.

Some listened and started for the ship, others cowered away not wanting to live the only please they knew to be home. I understood their appreciation, I really did. Some part of me wasn’t ready to leave the island. It had been the only place where I felt save, I was feed well, didn’t sleep fearing my life from another’s hands. I walked in the night under the star, and now? Now we were all going to start from scratch again. I knew that life in space wasn’t going to be smooth. I knew that having all these clans in one place would become a nightmare, however I still couldn’t walk away from them without trying my all to make them move.

‘Raven, we need you on the ship, we can’t wait any longer if you want to make it back down again.’ #Bellamy and #Miles were guiding people on with #Clarke and #Octavia. Even with the violence we all faced, none of us had stepped back into the ship. ‘Raven.’ #Miles shouted. ‘Let’s go!’

#Marucs and #Abby were together now still talking to some of the grounders and I came to a dead stop.

“Adria?” Was I seeing thinks? I was sure that it was her. “Adria?” I ran after the girl who them fell into the arms of a man crying over her with a woman trying to pull her into her lap.

‘Beja, sis osir au.’ (Please help us.) The woman cried to me. Pulling me out of my frozen trance. ‘Beja! Beja! Ai fyucha.. beja, sis osir au.’ (Please! Please! My baby, please help us.)

The girl was the same height and weight as Adria, with dirty blonde hair clinging to her forehead. She had radiation burns covering her face, and she has lost consciousness.

“Ai na sis, kom op kom Ai!” (I can help, come with me!) I threw the bag I was carrying over my shoulder to the side, taking the girl from her father’s arms, I stood feeling the excruciating pain spasming up my side. My leg buckled under me as I started to run, and #Miles was by my side.

‘Here, let me help you.’ He took the girl out of my arms. ‘We need you back on that ship now Raven. We need to be ready to take off.’ I knew he was right, that I was needed as was he. But I couldn’t stop looking at her face, flashes of Adria coming back to me, and I couldn’t breathe of stand up straight.

‘I gout you Rey.’ #Marcus put his arms around me and started to pull me back to the ship.

•— John —•

The noises outside shifted to chaotic again… like fighting but without the clash of swords. Maybe the sounds of mounting fear? I figured #Clarke was locked in the bunker with the others since no one had fired a shot yet. Slowly more and more people filed into the ship. But not fast enough. I could see people with radiation burns. I watched someone else wretch onto the person holding them up. I turned back to #Lizzie. “Do you have any form of communication that works through the radiation? Even a speaker that we can use to talk to the people outside?”

‘Our walkies are laser comm…. if they worked on the asteroid they’ll work here.’ She clipped hers off her belt. ‘#Shaw will have his.’ I assumed that was soldier  boy…

“Shaw?” I said into the radio. I supposed I shouldn’t insult him when I was about to ask him to do something for me. Nothing. “Shaw?”

‘Who is this?’ A breathless voice came back through the device. ‘Never mind, coming your way with a kid in bad shape.’ He added before I could respond.

“You need to tell #Raven or #Octavia that they need to tell the people they have three minutes to board or get left behind. We can’t treat anyone until those doors are closed. They need  to decide now. Die here or live up there. We can’t let the people that are choosing to be saved, die for the ones who aren't. People are suffering in here.”

I was harsh. But that was what these people responded to. Live or die… that was  the choice here they needed to know there weren’t other options. The bunker was closed. Even if it could be opened it would save them. In fact it probably just be a slower death… they would swarm the bunker and overwhelm it’s capabilities  and they would all be dead in a year. Like the Ark on a massively accelerated time scale.

Then again… would he ship be any better with this many people? I shook away the thought. Raven would have figure that out before she came back… maybe that was why it took four days.

•— Raven —•

When we were finally on board, Miles handed the girl off  to been decontaminated and when he turned to look at me I was stood with my back towards him. I couldn’t turn my back on those who had chosen not to have faith in us.

‘Raven, we have to go.’ He whispered behind me. Marcus, Octavia and Abby still shouting to the others to come. A few started to run towards the ship as the door began to go up, however jumped on before it was too late.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt myself being pulled. ‘We cannot take the suits off right now, we have to go.’ #Miles had tugged me with him. at some point saying that he would carry me if I didn’t come now. And I couldn’t fight him. All I could see were the faces of those who were left behind.

‘We don’t have to do all the checks, but we… Raven.. are you listening to me?’ He asked as we walked pass all the crying children and the stone faces warriors who I could tell didn’t want to be here. My eyes moved around to count the faces of my family. I wasn’t taking off unless I saw each and every one of them.

‘Go Rey, we go this.’ Clarke said squeezing my arm, and now I saw John, Harper, Monty, Abby, Marcus had been with me. one by one I counted them all off.

“Okay, Let’s  go.” I said as I pass John, whispering for only him to hear. I squeezed his arm. “Where  is the Zen master?” I wasn’t going to use her name. I didn’t know who could hear us, but I until I knew she would be safe. I wasn’t taking the chance. “She needs to come with me. We can close off that part of the ship until we have docked up there.” I pointed up.

•— John —•

The moment #Shaw came into view I knew why he had been breathless He passed the girl off and began dragging Raven away… I barely had a chance to scan her for injuries. Was her limp worse or was that because of the way she was being pulled?

#Harper had placed herself the decon unit and was washing the girl down and screaming at me to open the doors. “I can’t!” I yelled back over the noise of the rushing water. “Jasper is really sick he can’t be exposed again. We need to triage the sickest to treat on this side. We can’t decontaminate everyone.”

‘Is Jasper going to be okay?’ She asked, Monty was already calling for Abby and trying to decide who was coming through. Harper placed the girl in the second chamber.

“He’s awake… making jokes… but he’s sick He’ll make it… but he’s…. Sick.” I told her As I retrieved the girl. “Raven?” I asked.

‘She wasn’t hurt… but I don’t…’ She trailed off as #Bellamy and #Kane called out a one-minute  warning in gonasleng and trig. The ship’s engine had never shut off, but the vibrations tripled beneath my feet. The increased rumbling sound sent another wave of people rushing into the ship. #Abby among them.

I turned to #Lizzie and told her that was our doc. She rushed through the shower unit after telling me that I should help the doctor and she could triage… it would limit my exposure and when the critical patients were dealt with then I could help her.

I would have  argued but Harper was helping #Abby out of her clothes and the naked child I was holding started to shiver. I ran to the sick bay and lay her on a cot. #luna was there in second sweeping matted, wet hair from her face and covering her with a sheet. We both frozen…. She could have been #Adria’s twin. #Luna remained frozen as I grabbed the meds and a plastic cup of water.

“Drein daun.” (drink this) I told her softly. “Em na ge fis op.” (It will heal you.) Of course, these people didn’t have an actual word for medicine.

#Abby rushed into the room with a barely conscious woman draped against her side. Then the real work started as the ship started to lift. They must have closed the doors. We're we finally safe?

•— Raven —•

There couldn’t be any emotion in the task at hand. We had a infinitely short space of time to reach the mother ship (That’s what #Miles and #Bellamy had began to call it.)

‘Are you okay?’ #Miles reached a hand out to squeeze my arm. ‘I didn’t mean to drag you away that hard. We—’ Cutting him off with a cold, and well put together look was the only way I would survive this.

“We don’t have time, and I know I wasn’t doing what was needed, you were right to do what you did. There no need to be sorry.” Eyes forward I knew that he was watching me with concern on his face, his next words hit me like a sharp stab in the chest.

‘This coldness doesn’t suit you Raven, you are sweet, and kind. You aren’t whatever it is you are trying to become right now.’

When turning my gaze to him I could see clearly that he believed it. He believes every word. If only I could show him the reason, explain to him that if I didn’t hold myself accountable in this moment, then no one would leave here alive. And right now, I needed to be this person so that I could do the right thing so that as many living beings on this craft remained alive.

Parting my lips to tell him so, however. Before I could say anything to him someone walked in behind us. ‘How long is it going to take us before we can radio them?’ It was #Bellamy.

“We are trying to break the radiation. We only just got off the ground, so can you keep your hair on.” He held his hands up in defence. “Listen it’s always easier to come down then it is to go up.” #Miles jumped in to explain.

‘Gravity is working against us going up, where as it was working with us coming down here.’

‘I know I may look stupid to you, but I know how Gravity works. We have people who are going to die if—’ He started to snap back.

“Bellamy. Shut the hells up and sit your arse down. We are about to hit it hard and fast, and you know what. You have a hand and a mouth. Get o the radio and keep talking until someone talks back.” I was done with all the fighting. I knew we were all under pressure, however snapping wasn’t going to help. And I needed to take some of my own medication here too. 

•— John —•

〄𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓙𝓾𝓶𝓹

 ╰ 12 ʜᴏᴜʀꜱ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ

I found #Emori hunched over a toilet bowl she wasn’t bringing anything else up; the bowl with splattered with yellow fluid and chunks. I rolled her away and propped her up against the wall. I  knew she’d gotten her ARS meds like everyone else. But since we got to the larger ship, I was shadowing Abby and Jax… even Lizzie showed me how to dress burns.

‘Nurse Murphy reporting for duty.’ #Emori laughed but it turned to a cough.

I laughed and wiped vomit from her face. “How the hell did they happen right?”

‘I tried to help pass out the meds and water… but the clans wouldn’t take help from a Freikdreina.’ She was almost falling asleep as she was speaking.

Rage  flared inside me for my friend, but exhaustion was taking over so I squashed it. #Lizzie and #Luna came in. ‘There you are… It's time that you all got some rest. #Miles said to put you into the staterooms of the….’ Lizzie swallowed hard. We had learned that most of the guards hadn’t survived the prisoners' coup ‘Anyway…’ she continued, clearing her throat. ‘I hear having a room to yourself will be a treat for you guys.’

We all looked at her like she had just threatened our lives. #Emori gripped my arm as hard as she could, which was not at all hard. It scared me how weak she was. I lifted her from the wall and let her lean against my chest. “We don’t need our own rooms.” I told her. “#Luna, #Emori and I will  stay wherever Raven has been sleeping. #Jasper, #Monty and #Harper will want to stay together too… The rest can make up their own minds.” I tried to help Emori to her feet.

#Lizzie laughed. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen Raven sleep. Okay, we’ll  give you one of the larger rooms to share. And I’ll tell Raven where to find you… but she can decide if she wants her own space.’ I was going to protest that. Emori could hardly stand, I attempted to scoop her up… but the drugs Lizzie had given me for nausea wear wearing off and I was running on empty. #Luna stepped up and swept her into her arms like she was as light as a feather.

I brushed the hair from her face and whispered that she was going to be okay. I knew we couldn’t give the meds for vomiting to everyone, but if hers didn’t stop soon I would steal it if I had to. Then I told Lizzie to lead the way.

‘I thought you had a thing for Raven.’ She teased, glancing over her shoulder at #Luna carrying my friend.

“You have no idea what you're talking about.” I snapped; I knew she was joking. But I didn’t think it was funny. “Those three women are the only reason I’m alive. I watched #Raven almost dies more times than I could count and  #Luna almost gets bled to death in the search for a cure. #Emori is the closest thing to family that I have. We won’t be separated.” It was harsh, but it was true. I wasn’t going to have these people underestimating our bond. It had been driving me insane only hearing snippets of what Raven was doing. Every time she made the re-entry to earth it sent me running to the nearest sink to throw up whatever water was left in my stomach.

When we reached the room, I was stunned, it wasn’t as nice as the mansion, but it was nothing like the Ark. #Luna lay Emori down and whispered to her in Trig as they tucked her in. I sat on the bed and wiped the sweat from her brow. She was asleep in seconds. “Will you stay with her?” I  asked Luna. She agreed and I told her to sleep too. She climbed into the bed next to her.

I asked Lizzie where Raven was, but she hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours and all she wanted to do was sleep… in her own room, she made a point of the last part... So, I told her to go and started to follow the sign for the transport ship dock. On the way, I saw Abby sitting by the bedside for the little girl that looked like Adri. I heaved a sigh… the Doc needed sleep.

“Doc?” I woke her from her half-dozing state. “Doc go, and get some sleep… I’ll stay with her.” She said that everyone was stable for now, but she had untrained eyes watching stats monitors. I told her to sleep, and that I would get her if she was needed. I took the girl's tiny, blistered hand into mine… she looked so like #Adria it was scary. I don’t how long I sat there before I fell asleep with my cheek pressed to the thin padding of the girl's bed. I fell into fitful dreams of seizures, bunkers, walls of fire and sick or dying friends.

•— Raven —•

Wiping the edges of my lips and taking one last glance into the mirror before stepping back out into the hanger. Every part of me hurt, the joints in my hip, my feet, my legs, my arms, my eyes… the list never ending.  And yet it had to be pushed to the back of the list of everything else that we had going on.

‘How long are you going to try and hide from us?’ #Clarke stood with hers crossed, her ankles crossed and with her shoulder leaning into the side of the transporter.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Picking up the tool belt in one movement it was wrapped around my waist.

‘You cannot keep going down. We are done, Rey.’ She didn’t move from where she stood.

“We are not done, until we have every last person on that planet who wants to come up with us here.” Telling her as work begins to repair the hole in the side. We didn’t have time for a full fix, so a patch up job was the plan.

‘Rey, look at the damage to the transporter, another trip and you and those you are trying to save may not make it back this time. You’ve been in that toilet emptying your stomach, you aren’t thinking of the damage you are causing yourself right now. Shaw made it clear, that the last trip you couldn’t find many people who hadn’t died—’ She stopped from saying whatever it was she had planned to say next, because of the look in my eyes.

“Unless you are planning to be there, to look at those who are dead, look into their burnt faces. Do Not tell me what I can and cannot do. You don’t run the show anymore Griffin. We have minds, we have feelings, we all have things we believe in. And for most of us, the first thought isn’t that we need to kill to live.” Okay, I knew it was a low blow. But I wasn’t going to just sit up here safe while people died.

‘Raven, enough.’ #Marcus came out into the hanger. ‘I know emotions are running high, we are all exhausted. But we cannot take it out on each other.’

“I am not taking it out on anyone but myself, but don’t tell me I cannot keep saving people, Marcus. That’s unacceptable to me. Not again. Not now!”

‘It’s done Raven, we cannot keep searching.’ He took a hold of my arm guiding me to the window, pointing out. ‘Look at it Raven. Take a good look, even from here we can see that it’s too late. You did it. You all saved so many lives, you have to hold on to that and stop with this madness. Just Stop.’

Tears filled my eyes because a part of me knew all of this. I knew that I couldn’t keep going back down there, that the moment would come. Here it was.

“I—” My voice caught in my throat.

‘We know Raven, we know.’ He placed a hand on my back. ‘It’s time for you to sleep a little. You will kill yourself if you continue this way.’ I could keep going, I had it in me to keep moving without caring of the aftermath, however this isn’t the time to speak up.

〄 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐉𝐮𝐦𝐩

╰ 2 ʜᴏᴜʀꜱ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ

The ship had an eerie calm to it. With the number of souls on board you would have expected some unease, some discord, or at least the fighting within the clans. However, there was nothing to be seen or heard. Making my way through the corridors with a hand out reaching to touch the walls I moved slow, with no one watching I didn’t need to pretend that everything was ‘Okay’.

‘Rey, are you okay?’ The voice came from behind.

“Fine, just need find myself somewhere to put my head down.” It was #Indra and one of the clans. “What are you still doing up? Do you know…” I stopped unsure if #Indra knew that #Luna was alive.

‘We are guarding first. We have to keep the clans calm.’ She said and now I understood. ‘Go to the officers deck, you are roomed there.’ not asking how she knew, because who had it in them to question when they could only just keep themselves on their feet?

Leaving them behind and walking across the ships main deck where I saw the corridor towards the med bay. In two minds, I knew people in there were sick, we all were sick. However, I needed to see the young girl. I needed to know that she was okay. Without overly thinking or waiting, pushing myself forward, I came to a stop as soon as the doors to the med bay opened with a hiss.

“I’ll have to come back and fix you.” Speaking to doors and ships had become a thing for me. Shaking off the madness that came with that my feet froze to the ground when I didn’t have to search. I knew where she was for the moment my eyes fell on the sleeping body sat awkwardly in the chair beside the bed.

Contemplating leaving, but then again, I couldn’t leave him there. So, I made my way around to look over the girl, and whisper as I gently shook John. “Hey, Watcher… wake up… you need to go to sleep in a bed. I can sit here with her.” I didn’t even know her name yet. However, I knew I wasn’t going to leave her alone just in case she woke.

•— John —•

Even in my dreams, I was looking for her… even in my nightmares, I was trying to find #Jasper or #Luna. Being chased through the woods, screaming #Emori’s name. In a transport ship full of bodies searching for #Abby. Being tortured in a cage  crying out Raven’s name.

Caring about people had some significant downsides.

But then she was there… appearing through the darkness and for a second there was no pain or sickness, no exhaustion. I rested my hand over hers where she’d shaken me awake and I smiled. “I found you.” A sound like peeling tape snapped me out of it and I cleared my throat. My cheek was stuck to the plastic-coated padding of the hospital cot.

“I mean… I was looking for you but then Abby…. She  uh… needed sleep so I stayed.” I looked from her to the girl and stood up. The earth tilted beneath my feet…. or ship. My vision blurred momentarily. My stomach threatened to eject itself from my body and I braced myself on the side of the  bed. Careful not to touch the child’s blistered arms. “Lizzie wasn’t lying when she said those drugs wouldn’t last.”

Then I turned back to Raven. “What about you? How much exposure did you get? How many trips did you make?” I almost placed  my hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever… but I noticed a thin sheen of sweat coating all my exposed skin…. I was still running a fever; so, I wouldn’t be able to tell if it was her or me. “We should check you for a fever. Do you  have any blisters? Have you thrown up?”

The door made a swooshing noise just before #Jackson came in with two grounders in prison uniforms in-toe. ‘She's just in here, she's responding well, but she’ll need to be monitored here for a few…’ he stopped when he noticed they weren't following him at all. he looked at me… ‘These are the girl’s parents.’

“Oso goufa ste hir.” I said pointing to the girl. (Your child is here.)

#Jackson looked a little shocked... it still happened sometimes when people realised I was actually useful. But the was no malice in Jackson. I explained to them that she would be sick for a few days, but she would be okay. And they need to be careful when they touched her and wash their hands before and after.

"Chit emon tagon?" (What's her name?) I asked them as they stood shakily by their daughter's bed.

'Dela, em tagon Dela.' Her mother answered. (Dela... her name is Dela)

I picked up the chart at the end of her bed, and noted the dots tattooed between her parent's eyes. "Kom Trishanakru?" (Of the Glowing Forest Clan?) I asked.

They nodded and I noted it down. I turned back to Raven... still trying my best not to vomit.

'You both need sleep...' Jackson said. 'You should find one of the officers, they have assigned rooms... the beds are...' He looked impressed. 'And they have showers!' He whispered. 'No offence Murphy but you smell like week-old vomit. And you need to keep those blisters clean.'

"I get it, Doc Lite. Thank you." I took it from his ramblings that he had gotten some rest. But I wanted him to leave so I could talk to Raven.

•— Raven —•

I didn’t have it in my heart to say “nope, I was the one to find you.” Because I wasn’t even certain he wanted me to hear those words, or had they been meant for someone else? Someone he had been dreaming of. That was it. He had been speaking to whomever he had been dreaming of.

Listening to him correcting his slip, followed by the onslaught of questions, of which I had as many to ask of him. I reached out as he grew unstable on his feet, my hands reaching to take a hold and help him back down to the stool.  However, before I could do or say anything,  I had to take a few steps back away as the door opened. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t have it in me to say a word. If I have just stopped to see this girl before I went to find the others, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t be so ill.  

Whispering her name softly to myself. “Dela Kom Trishanakru” (Dela Of the Glowing Forest Clan) This is a name I never wished to forget. I wasn’t going to allow myself to forget names of all those who were lost to the Primafire.

#Jax helped the parents to go wash their hands and tried to show them how to be close to their child without touching her. Leaving John and me to find our way out. I took a fold of his sleeve and pulled him to the side, whispered to keep my voice low.

“What blisters? How sick have your been? Did you listen to Lizzy and take the meds she had to give to you? John have you been vomiting? How badly are you in pain?”

‘He is really sick, but he will not listen to me ad rest. He had been vomiting a lot, he cannot even stand, and the meds, I got an earful before he took them.’ #Lizzy had shown out of thin air, but I didn’t have time or care how I hadn’t heard her come in.

“John Fucking Murphy! I told you…” Hissing at him. “I told you… if you die, I will bring you back to life and kill you myself.” Without waiting for him to say anything. I took a hold of his hand and dragged him to an empty bed and pushed him towards it. “Lizzy. I want you to do a work up, while Jax is busy. I know you have so much to do… But this one can does not die. Please.” Her green eyes softened unsure why that was. She muttered something I couldn’t make out. Had she said something about #Miles? I wasn’t sure.

‘I don’t need to do a work up Raven, I’ve don’t what I can for now. The meds… he needs to take some more, and he won’t listen to me.’ She walked away retuning with a cup of water and two pills in another cup. ‘See if he will listen to you.’  

My hazel blood shoot eyes glanced at the two cups in my hands and then slowly lifted to him. “Are you going to fight me? Because I swear… I will kick your arse if it means you will take these pills.” 

•— John —•

Something stirred in my chest when her concern for me became clear in her face and her tone. Not because I was surprised by it… even when I tried to make her hate me, she still never wanted any harm to come to me.

“I’m okay, it's just a few  where the seams of my suit started leaking. There aren’t as bad as most.”

But then the nurse dimed me out… “Hey, I took what you said would work…” Raven dragged me towards a bed, and I used the chance to examine her wrists where #Jasper and I had blisters. Also, around our waists and ankles. The was nothing out of place that I could see from my quick glance.

‘Yeah, so you could… what were your words again… Stay standing until it was over?’ She raised her brows as if she’d made a good point.

“What's the difference?” I asked. “I took the meds, and we get the job done.” I turned back to Raven. “I’m not going to die Rey… I was exposed just like everyone else… but nearly as bad because I had the suit. #Abby said we can’t treat everyone for nausea, we need to prioritise the people that aren’t coming down fluids…”

‘Those are for your fever. Everyone is getting treated for fevers.’ #Lizzie chimed in, but I never let my light blue gaze leave Raven’s. “Okay… I’ll take them. But you have to answer my questions and agree to get some sleep.” She looked so tired. I took the first cup from her and tipped the pills into my mouth, then the water to wash them down.

“You need sleep, Stargazer.” I said quietly. ‘We all do… They offered us all a room to ourselves but #Emori, #Luna and I said we would stay together. They are both sleeping already. There’s space for you too… If you want it… I know that we invaded your space on the island…” I chuckled softly; it was a necessity… she needed people with her. I knew she hated that. It made me hate that it had to be me… because when she looked at me now; she saw the person to steal her privacy from her. But she was  alive, and that was worth it.

“But it was home… for a while. With all of us, right?” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “But they won’t blame you if you want your own space now… that… you’re better.”

‘What was wrong with you?’ #Lizzie asked and I knew she thinks about the comment I made earlier… about watching Raven almost die many times.

•— Raven —•

“This is not a democracy when it comes to your healthy John. So, I don’t give a crap about your questions. You and everyone else will take the meds you are told to, and when you are told to. There is it. No debating. No disagreements.”

The moment he took the pills it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I look forward to #Lizzy as she questioned me and took in what John had said too. A small pang and at the same time the realisation that of course #Emori, #Luna, and he would want to bunk together. With #Luna and #Emori’s history with everyone else on this ship. And John.. and #Emori. Something sparked in my chest at the after thought of there being space for me… And the back of my eyes stung as I looked away from him fast to #Lizzy.

“Nah. I’m good. I was always a loner… It’s how I live the best and work the best. You should go. Get some rest.”

Stepping away from him I moved to #Lizzy without looking back at him now that he had his meds, I began to fill her into what had occurred with me and the others on the ground with A.L.I.E. I was done with keeping secrets, done with not telling everyone what needed to be shared. After everything she and

#Miles had done for us; they didn’t have to risk their life to come on the rescue missions and yet they did.

‘Wow. Raven… Wow...’ She had no words because I knew. I knew that it would sound like a fictional story. That it would be hard for something to believe.

“I have some recordings of myself when it comes to needed proof. Someday when I figure out what to do with all the uploaded data. I’ll show you.”

She squeezed my arm. ‘Come on… Let me show you to a room. You can change out of that and into something clean and put your head down.’ She led me out of the med bay. And down the dark corridor.

•— John —•

My mind was reeling… I couldn’t understand why she still cared… and then she said what I knew was coming. What I should have been prepared for and wasn’t. Something caught in my throat, and I dropped my gaze to the floor to hide the sting of  rejection that I had no business feeling in the first place.

If anyone deserved a place of their own it was her, her life had been dictated to her for so long. Why would she choose to be around the person that had taken control of her life?

She was gone before I gather my wits enough to speak with strain. But it was likely a good thing since I had to blink away the burning in my eyes.

I heard her start her story and I slipped out of the room after one last glance at the family huddled over Dela and briefly thought about how ridiculous was to envy someone that was in so much pain. I had been her once. Two parents standing watch by my hospital bed.

What would that version of me think about who I had become?

I was gone before they finished speaking. making my way back to the room was difficult. I hadn’t exactly gone straight from the room to the med bay. I needed time to learn the layout of this ship.

When found the room the door opened  easily. I would have to teach #Emori and #Luna how to use the keypad on the door. I didn’t think anyone on this ship could get the drop on #Lun… but the last night's blood, and a Freikdreina that should have been killed at birth... they were  targets for the other grounders on this ship. I wanted them to sleep easy.

The room smelled faintly of vomit… the bowl on the floor next to Emori was the source. I touched her forehead before I remembered my own fever would make it  impossible to know for sure. ‘You’re back’ she croaked, peeling her eyes open slowly. His lips were dry I picked up the bottle and gave her a small sip of water. ‘I thought you were bringing Raven back?’ her eyes darted around the room.

“She’s taking the soldiers up on the offer of her own room.” I explained and fed her another small sip of water.

‘What did you say to her?’ He bros inched creating a V between them.

“That we had room for her here… I know we haven't fully thought it through… but we could probably drag in another bed—“ Se cut me off.

‘For a smart guy… you’re one hell of an idiot John.’ She laughed but the motion cause her to vomit again. I lifted the bowl and rubbed her shoulder… nothing came up and she flopped back down to the pillows. “You need something for your fever.” I muttered, mostly talking to myself.

‘#Lizzie was already here. she stuck me with a needle.’ #Emori’s eyes were already closing. ‘Said I would throw up the pills.’ She was out like again, breathing steadily. #Luna hadn't stirred but I had no doubt she was fully aware and just in her Zen state. So I made my way into the adjoining room to shower before attempting to sleep.

•— Raven —•

‘Here you go Raven.’ #Lizzy punched in a code on the keypad and then gave it to me. She knew I would change it the moment she was gone. I trusted people now that the others did. However, there was a long of uncertainty here on this ship and I knew #Griff and #Bells would be pissed at me for not doing it.

‘We thought it before you put you guys in the officers’ quarters; with the way you were working to fix things up. Miles said you could to with some space.’

I laughed, not because I found what she said funny. But I could live in a small space just fine.

“Where are all the families from the ground placed?” Asking her.

‘They had been brought to the crew dorms. They wouldn’t trust the rooms; and being away with their people.’

“Clans” correcting her and setting my jacket to the side. My head was pounding and my stomach churning. I had nothing left in my stomach to bring out any more.

‘Sleep. Rest up and we will all start again in the morning.’

#Lizzy left me, as soon as the door slide closed, I changed the access code and looked around taking my hair down, with a rub to my scalp.

This room was nice, it was nothing like my room in Becca’s mansion. But it was safe, there was a bed, a window to look out at starts all around us.

A small couch and a table and chairs to work on. There was a bathroom and that was about it. The dry pots here and there told me, whomever lived her before me loved plants.

Those were gone for over hundreds and something years.

There was a knock on the door. That started me out of my thoughts. Pushing the the keypad I stepped back as the door slide open and I found #Miles stood there smiling.

‘Hey…’

•— John —•

I pulled my non-descript jumpsuit thing back on… We were definitely going to need to find some clothes. But damn…. I got to brush my teeth, it was heavenly. The Mansion had started to make me soft, three days in the suit not able to wash, brush my teeth or so much as squat behind a tree? Showering (When I wasn’t being scalded and scrubbed free of radiation) was incredible.

I stuffed my feet into the flimsy-feeling shoes; I was seriously going to miss the work boots I had  found in Becca’s lab. I was way too tired to shave… but I would have to hope that the shit wouldn’t hit the fan while I slept and I might have a chance to later. I looked over at the girls one last time. #Emori’s vomit bowl was empty.. that  was good. I lay the cold, damp cloth over her sweat-beaded forehead.

I made my way to the door and changed the door code, setting it to lock. I would til the girls the code in the morning. The code spelt out OKTO in its numeric Value. Oso  Kik Thru Ogeda… word that Raven had shared plenty of times. She could guess it if she needed. if she wanted to find us. The only other chair in the room was on wheels so I couldn’t block the door… But I make something to alert us if some  bust in. There was a Steel tumbler on the table, and I gathered up anything I could find that would fit and make a clatter inside the tumbler. Pens, small metal tools I would make sure Raven got later and some weird little glass balls…  twenty-first-century people were weird.

I move the chair against the door and balanced the tumbler just close enough to the edge that it would tip over at the slightest nudge if the door was opened for the outside.

I dropped onto the couch and pulled a weird-looking patterned blanket off the back of it to drape over me. There was nothing left to do now but to try and sleep. I had managed to stave off the anxiety of sleep… but now… there was nothing left to do. It was  time to face my demons… again.

---- END OF CHAPTER -----

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #Youtube

[oktorpg]

Betrayal – Phase 5 – Master Storyline for OKTO - Part Two

Continuing on from....

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Relief spread it’s wings from in my heart, there was no way I could have held on to the doc while #Clarke put her to sleep. It was one of the things I knew my father wished I could do. Follow every order I was given without questioning it. Most of the time, that wasn’t an issue. However, this? I knew it would have eaten at my soul.

“Okay doc, I’m going to let go and walk you to the bunks Rey and Luna set up in the back offices. Unless you want to go down to the staff rooms and find a proper bed there?” Surprised that she gave in to her daughter, because let’s face it they both were like one another.

Letting Abby go I stepped back before nodding my head towards the others. “You know Jax looks like he is about to give out too. Why doesn’t he take the time to sleep too?” I wasn’t sure what more there was for them to do.

‘No, Abby can sleep knowing that I am here looking after the chancellor.’ #Jackson said without missing a beat. He was overdoing it, we could all see it with our eyes.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I watched as the train that was Abby and Clarke’s wills stopped before it needed to crash with the bang between the mother and daughter. There was a fight none of us wanted to stand in the middle of, not today. Not Ever!

Abby did as she promised once #Nate let go of her, she worked Marcus over before taking her leave and I hoped that she really would sleep.

I stood looking around at the lab and at the people, who still remained in shock and some with black blood on their hands. “I think we all need to take a moment, clean up and see what we can do to give Clarke and Jackson some space to do their work.”

Everyone still appeared stunned, but they moved into action slowly even if it was like puppets on string.

‘Is there something you need help with?’ I didn’t realise that somehow, I had walked over to #Monty and his work station.

“Uhmm… I’m not sure.” I told him, leaning over to whisper. “Something the doc said, and I’ve been wondering too…” #Monty’s eyebrows arched. “Where are Rey, Murphy, Luna and Harper? They aren’t here… I’ve searched from top to bottom.” Pointing to his screen. “Can you check that thing? See where they went?”

He looked from me to the screen. Unsure he wanted to do what I was asking.

“Monty, I’m not doing it to be a dick. I just want to know everyone is safe and no one is being killed by anyone who shouldn’t be here on the island.”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My fingers froze over the keyboard. Rey had given me all the access so that I could have helped her when I arrived here at the island. However, this… Now…

“I don’t know—” I started but #Bellamy cut me off.

‘Monty. You know that they are all M.I.A. You know there is no way Rey would leave this place with all that is going on.’ His hands fisted on the workstation. ‘And you know like I do, something went down with Murphy, Jorden and Emori. You like me couldn’t have missed how Rey had some tension. And…’ He glanced over his shoulder at the way #Jasper was shadowing Emori in the lab now. ‘Something changed with her and all three of them.’

I knew it, I knew because I’d seen the change and still, I didn’t want to spy on them.

‘Monty…’ I looked up at him.

“I know. I know. Just give me a minute here.” Staring over my shoulder once again. I told myself it’s not spying if I just want to be sure that my friends were safe and not in any danger. I started tapping the code into the system.

‘That’s it...’ I told #Bellmy not to push his luck. It was a first for me to say it. However, this was going against all that I believed in.

“Wait…” I searched all the open floors of this lab, and they were nowhere to be seen. “Okay, they aren’t here.” I was muttering to myself as I worked.

‘That’s what I told you.’ #Bellamy watched me working over my shoulder. ‘What about the Mansion?’

“Yeah. I’m… signing into the cams there now.” As I did, I pushed back and did a time jump to when we all left and then started working back. “Nope… No one is there at all.” Sitting back in the stool I took a moment to think. “Where… The drones!”

‘Yes!’ He clapped me on my back and even though it hurt, I didn’t stop feeding the codes into the system.

“Okay. When did you last see them?” I asked and started my search from the point where Rey had come over to ask me to look into the issue with the elevators. Finding her wasn’t hard once I knew where to go from there.

‘There… Right there…’ #Bellamy pointed to the screen as the two of us watched Raven, #Luna and #Harper making their way out of the Lab with supplies in hand. ‘What the…’ I knew what he saw.

“John followed them?” I lost them from the lab cameras, and then switched to the drones.

It was hard at first. ‘Where’s the drone going?’ He asked me unhappy.

“They were on their rounds, and with Rey turning them off they would have stayed to the far side of the island. Stop getting mad at them. They are only doing their job.” I snapped back a little defensive.

‘Okay, okay. But now what?’ He made a good point.

I fast forward to the point where the code was put in to let the drones back in to cover the island and then I froze. “Hells!” We both froze watching the screen. “They left? They all left?” I couldn’t believe it. Raven? #Luna, #Harper and John… They had all left the Island with the only boat and our only way back.

‘There’s more to it. I can’t believe Rey and Harper would do that.’ #Bellamy spoke in shock. ‘Turn the drones off. I’m going out there, I need to see for myself.’

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Get down everyone and stay down until we are close to the island.” I screamed across the boats deck. I knew that there was no way that the Azgeda warriors were able to follow us, as they would have witnessed the chesi ( sea monster ) attack on our people. But for these people who were left to cross the sea with me. This was their first time on a boat and in the sea. It was up to me to hide my own fear and to be the leader they needed.

#Luna was still kneeling beside Murphy who still hadn’t awoken, trying to stop the blood from his arm and leg from colouring the wood. And in that moment that my eyes saw his pale lifeless face, I froze there with my breathing ragged.

|(• ꜰʟᴀꜱʜ ʙᴀᴄᴋ •)|

The black rain had started to fall as I hid in the cupboard listening to #Roan and #Echo talking about how they were planning on killing me.

My mind was reeling as the thought occurred… I was back at the point how it all began for me. My world was ending with me hiding in a small space. I disliked being locked up, I reviled being in tight spaces and most of all I despised hiding from anything and anyone. But here I was, curled up into a ball trying to survive until they were gone so that I could attempt to live past the night and the rain.

|(• ɴᴏᴡ •)|

‘Okteivia… Okteivia… Yu kei?’ ( Octavia… Octavia.. You okay? ) a hand jostled me back to the now.

“Ai laik ku , chit ste em?” ( I am fine, what is it? ) I asked my voice still shaking.

‘Oso don drop of kru hir, Oso gaf gon bak op gon emo.’ ( We lost people here, we need to go back for them. ) She said in a low voice, however other heads had already started turning towards me. Their eyes looking to their new leader for answers.

‘Nou ge Branwoda, lanik has seiso emo. et den reshwe raun kom woda.’ ( Don't be foolish, the sea has claimed them. Let then rest in peace in the water. ) #Luna spoke up from where she sat on her knees hunched over.

Voices erupted shouting at her, telling her that they were Trikru and not Floukru. And that land was the resting place their dead would finally lay. One even went as far as screaming ‘Natrona’ ( Traitor ) at her.

I saw Rey shift from behind the cabin, she couldn’t let go of the wheel, but her face told me that she wasn’t going to take it laying down if anyone misspoke here.

“Shof yu op! Ai laik heda kom Wonkru, Ai na nou stand gon Disha!!” ( Silence! I am the leader of One clan, I will not stand for this!! )

They all bowed their heads and fell quiet. And I saw the questions in the eyes of those who had not been on the mainland with the rest of us once the conclave was won.

‘O… Come look.’ #Harper was pointing out towards the land that had come into sight. And as I stepped across the deck to stand beside her, I narrowed my eyes as the sun was setting and yet the sky was the shade of a blood orange.

“Bellamy!”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Fuck…. FUCK…. FUCK!!!” I kicked the stones on the beach as we came out on to the clearing.

“No… NO… NO!!!” I couldn’t believe my own eyes. Some part of me had hoped that what the drones had shown was wrong, that it was a mistake.

“FUCK!!!” I shouted out walking onto the deck with my hands tugging at my hair.

‘What do we do now?’ #Nate was only a few feet behind me, and by the sound of his voice I could tell he was in as much shock as I was.

“I… Rey… Fuck….” My voice gave out on me now. Why had she done this?

‘You know she didn’t believe in the testing, and she said it was time to give up and leave.’ #Nate was kneeling on the dock now, setting his rifle down beside him with his eyes out at the vast sea before us. ‘There is no other way off this island Blake.. No… other… way.’ His voice broke and then we were silent.

I couldn’t sit or stand still, I turned to face the land behind me. The forest and then my mind went to the lab. All the faces that we would have to go back to. All the faces that would die here on this island. And yet…

‘Blake…’ #Nate whispered. ‘Blake!’ he said it again his tone charged. ‘BELLAMY!’

“WHAT?” I snapped turning my head towards where he sat.

‘Look.’ He pointed out to the water and then I heard it before I fully turned to see it.

“O….” It was the boat, with my sister on it. She was screaming my name. “Am I dreaming?”

‘No… Not unless we are both having the same dream.’ #Nate stood up his face transformed into a big grin.

“Octavia!” The closer the boat got and more I could see of my sister, she had changed in the days I’d been away from her. She… wasn’t the girl I had left behind in Polis.

“Octavia!!!”

|(• ꜰʟᴀꜱʜ ʙᴀᴄᴋ •)|

Big brown eyes glanced out from behind the closet door when I stepped into our unit. She knew to hide and not to come out until I or Mom told her it was all clear and safe. We had to be so careful in case someone looked in as they walked behind us in the corridors.

“It’s all clear, come on out.” I whispered to her, one hand holding the rations I’d picked up on my way back from school. And the other was hiding behind my back.

‘Are you sure?’ her small low voice came out from behind the door.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Come see what I got for you.” I smiled watching her tentatively brushing her long hair out of her eyes. “We need to cut your hair, it’s getting too long again.” I told her, setting the rations down on the table and then sitting down on the floor where she liked to play.

‘What is it?’ She smiled coming to sit before me with her legs crossed. ‘What did you bring?’ She asked with her eyes big with excitement.

“Shhh.” I glanced around to see that mom was fast asleep. “We don’t want to wake mom up before her shift tonight.” Our mom worked the night shift and still had a couple of more hours if we let her.

#Octavia mouthed the word Sorry, and then covered her lips.

I brought out my hand and opened it to reveal a small sponge vanilla cake. “There was a visit at school today, the council wanted to see what we were learning, and they gave all of us this as a treat.” It was unheard of for us to have sugar or treats down here. However, the officers and the council would somehow find little things like this to share when they visited.

‘Bellamy… really?’ her hands fisted up and she sat on them, something she did to stop herself from touching anything she felt was too delicate.

“Really O, I bought it back for you.” Holding my hand out towards her.

‘But it was given to you.’ Her voice was tender and a delicate whisper.

“And I am giving it to you.” Taking one of her hands out from under her, I held it palm up and placed the small cake on it. “Now eat up. Enjoy it.” I smiled.

‘We will share it.” She broke the small cake into three parts. ‘We will save this for mom too.’

|(• ɴᴏᴡ •)|

“Octavia…” I was running to the edge of the dock, wishing the boat to speed up. I could see Rey was the one trying to bring it in, and after a few turns and bangs it was docked. I didn’t miss a heartbeat before I jumped on board engulfing my sister in my arms.

“What are you doing here?”

Her arms were around me for a brief moment before she pulled away.

‘No time to explain right now. We have people hurt and Murphy… He was bitten by the sea monster trying to save me.’

I pulled back surveying the deck, my back stiffened at seeing Trikru warriors slowly starting to stand. “What in the name of the stars?”

‘I’ll explain later.’ #Octavia whispered in my ear. ‘Help now, talk later.’

Rey came out from the cabin, I pointed up to her. “We will talk!” she nodded her head. “Okay, those who can walk, do it, and those who can’t…” I didn’t need to finish that off. Taking the radio out I told those at the lab that we had company and there were people who were hurt.

I glance around again seeing #Luna had stood, trying to lift Murphy, and #Harper was helping others up.

“Nate, here.” We took Murphy from #Luna and lifted him up and out of the boat. “Everyone follows behind Nate and me. Let’s get a move on.”

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I walked next to #Octavia. From what I could tell she wasn't injured... at least not from the jump. The rest of the injuries looked a day or more, old. From the conclave, I presumed but they weren't slowing her down at all. All the same, I stayed close. She looked about ready to drop, the blue and purple shadows under her eyes weren't from the conclave... I wondered how long it had been since she’d last slept.

I glanced at #Bellamy, still carrying an unconscious Murphy. He gave me an appreciative nod. #Octavia must have noticed my gaze because she finally spoke. 'When did Murphy turn into the self-sacrificing sort?' She jutted her chin toward him.

"Hmm?" I had to replay the sentence for my overwhelmed mind to process the question. "Oh... um. I don't know…it’s just for Raven, he’s… different." I said without thinking and #Octavia's head tilted like I wasn't speaking English anymore. I cleared my throat. "And #Luna... then there's this other girl that he met in the desert, Emori." There was a lot of history crammed into a short amount of time with John and Emori, but I wasn't going to pry.

'John Murphy has... Friends?' #Octavia spoke slowly like she was trying to mull over each word. 'I did not see that coming.' Now she sounded like the O I knew.

"I guess so... #Luna is more of a big sister really." That made Octavia looked at her brother again. "John has been different lately; he was looking after Raven when she was..." I tried to think of a way to say dying without using that word. "Sick? But when she cured herself it’s like a switch flipped." I shook my head. "It’s been... things have been strange here."

Octavia was silent now... things had been strange since the moment we were marched from our cells on the Sky Box and strapped into that dropship.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ʜᴇᴀᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

So, this was it. Death was this all-encompassing blackness.

A wide-open void.

A pitch-black, claustrophobic hole, filling slowly with tar the sucked at my limbs and made them too heavy to move.

Only in Hell could both of those things be true. But my inner demon was nowhere to be seen. Even if the other me showed up I wouldn’t see him... the tar glued my eyes shut. It seeped into my ears blocking out all sound - except...

Was that...?

Was that a heartbeat? Could it be mine? Or had my darker half joined me? No.

I tried to will the sound away. It slowed... almost as if it was responding to my will. The tar thickened and surrounded me, squeezing the breath from my lungs with the weight of it.

Breath.

Why would I need to breathe here? I fought the urge to inhale, to let those signs of life just fade away. It would be so much easier. But instinct took over as my lungs started to burn and I sucked in a deep breath. My traitorous chest rising and filling with... air, not tar... or of the blood pulsing through your ears when you covered them tightly, became stronger and more regular.

Then I was cold, lain out in the void again... Would this place make up its mind already? What did it want to be? A yawning black abyss or a deep, sticky pit?

'We need Jackson!'

Who the fuck was talking? And #Jackson, really? This was hell and I was about to get a two-hour lecture on mental health and coping with anxiety. I missed the tar pit already.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

‘Ste Oso nou mafta emo Ogeda seintaim?’ ( Are we not following them all too? ) #Luna looked towards the people disappearing into the forest, and then back to me.

I hadn’t climbed out the boat while the rest had. However, my eyes hadn’t left any of the injured people. That was all on me.

“I’m going to give the boat a once over first. I want to make sure I’ve not wrecked the only way off this island for everyone by what I just did.” I told her turning to open the hatch and pull out the tools and the repair kits I’d asked #Nate and the others to restock on the boat. It was always best to be prepared.

‘O, ste em nopro gon leda hir?’ ( Or, is it easy to hide here? ) She followed behind reaching in for the heavier tool box to drag it up to the top deck for me.

“Ai nou get in chit Yu sei.” ( I don't know what you mean. ) I told her, turning away I started to check the boat for leaks and damages. My eyes wondering over every inch as I slowly walked.

I knew exactly what she was saying, but didn’t have it in me to face them all.

‘Yu don dula ena, Ai Stisis. Gon Yu emo kik gon gon daun ona.’ ( You did well, little sister. Because of you they live to fight on. ) #Luna jumped down into the hatch to check the boat from below.

“Would the ones who are dead in the sea agree with you?” I called out because I was sure they wouldn’t.

‘Emo don get in chit seyon kom gon daun ste.’ ( They knew what the meaning of the fight is. ) She popped her head up to gab a repair kit before going under again. ‘Dei de's nou ona Yu.’ ( That’s not on you. )

“Will Jo… Murphy agree with you? He wasn’t even meant to be on the boat. And now…” My eyes drifted over my shoulder towards the Island as I got to work on the cracks that I found, pulling arrows out of the side of the boat.

‘Jos edei gon dig au, ste gon as op em.’ ( The only way to find out, is to ask him. )

Why was she always right? “Not happening.” I muttered under my breath.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Setting the radio down I swelled and rushed out to the main lab and everyone there. From the looks on their faces and the fact that their eyes were glued to the radio on #Monty’s workstation.

“I take it that everyone here heard that?” They started towards me some nodding and others looking between one another. My eyes fell on Emori and then back to the rest of them. “We need to lock down on everything we don’t want them all to know about just now. Anything that may scare them or have them asking questions we don’t have time to answer.”

‘Clarke…’ #Jasper stepped forward. ‘They know what we came here to do—’

I lifted my finger to my temple and cut him off. “No, they know we came to find a way out of the problem we are all facing. But Roan and I didn’t share that we were looking to make more night bloods.”

Pointing to #Jackson. “Jax, we need to move Marcus into a secure room, and all the formulas and the work needs to be locked away too. We don’t know how many Octavia has brought with her, so we don’t know if we will be able to control them all.”

I wasn’t even sure what #Octavia had been thinking by bringing anyone here like this.

‘Why don’t we just take them down to the housing or medical floor? They are injured, there is a hospital down there, and they don’t need to come here on this floor unless we know it’s safe?’ #Monty was the one to speak up.

“Monty Green! I could kiss you!” his cheeks went red. “New plan. Monty, can you make sure that when they get here, we send the elevator to level ten and level seven.” Seven was where #Becca had set up housing, dining, and laundry. And ten was the medical floor.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I stood before the elevator looking at the numbers as they moved down toward level ten. #Clarke had made it clear that we should take caution, and I had to agree with her on this one. We couldn’t risk them seeing Marcus as he lay with black blood blisters. To these people Black blood was sacred, and for them to see another whom they all knew to have red blood to now have black. That wasn’t going to go down well.

The doors pushed open dragging me out of my thoughts and I could see the confusion on the faces of #Bellamy, #Nate and #Harper. I smiled finding #Octaiva’s eyes on me.

“Hey, I have the hospital wing set up and ready to go.” My eyes fell on John in #Bellamy’s arms. “Murphy? Bring him, anyone want to tell me what in hells happened?”

They didn’t question me, they all followed as they spoke. #Harper and #Octavia filled me in.

‘I need to get back up top, some of Trikru didn’t trust the elevator and wouldn’t come down so Monty is helping them. I should take them some water and a medical kit.’ #Bellamy said just as #Clarke came into the room.

'They are Wonkru.' #Octavia corrected him, and they exchanged a look.

#Clarke cleared her throat. Something was amiss here. ‘I’ll come up with you if you have all this in hand Jax?’ She asked, I knew it would give her time to tell Bellamy what was going on, so I nodded.

As I cut off John’s shirt and his pants. The door burst open again and this time it was #Luna and Rey stood with their eyes darting around until they saw John.

‘Can we do anything to help?’ Rey asked and I pointed to the people who needed attention.

“Help them clean up so that I can take a look at them, I’ve got Murphy.” They both stood looking at him before they did as I asked.

“Of all the places John Murphy, the Sea Monster is not going to be the one to take you.” He had two deep bites, and a number of bruises.

“These ribs are going to hurt like hells.” I muttered connecting the I.V in his arm.

He’d lost a lot of blood. Giving him some morphine, I started on the sutures to stop the bleeding.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

As he walked by #Bellamy curled a couple of his fingers around mine and squeezed, pulling me towards the side and out of the others ear shot.

‘You know how dangerous that was Rey?’ He wasn’t waiting for an answer. ‘What has gotten into you since that brain thing.’ He tapped the side of my head. ‘You of all people here, you are the one who tells me to slow the hells down and think. But you are the one this time who just ran.’ He closed his eyes tightly.

What was there for me to say? I knew it when we left, but I needed this. I needed to go and get #Octavia.

‘I want to scream and shout at you… But… Thank you.’ I froze in the spot I stood. Looking up into his red rimmed dark brown eyes. This I wasn’t expecting. ‘Thank you for going to bring O home.’ Home… He too had started to call the Island Home. It had been the first real place we all had started to feel safe.

“Don’t thank me yet, you do realise that we now have a troop of Ice Nation waiting for us when we go back. It’s not like we can touch base down the beach or on another beach. The rover is there if they haven’t found it and ripped it apart yet.”

‘I know, O told me what happened. But one thing at a time.’ He squeezed my fingers again before letting go and following #Clarke out of the lab.

“Hells.” Had I done the right thing? As my tired eyes wondered over the lab, witnessing the aftermath of what had been done. Seeing John’s wet clothes disregarded on the ground. Guilt took a strong hold of me.

‘Rey? If you are helping, get over here.’ #Jax called out pointing to a tray on the side. He asked me to help, but mostly I could tell he was trying to keep me close.

“Let me guess, Bells said not to let me out of your sight?” I asked. My hazel eyes taking in each suture that had been placed into his already scar filled skin. “This is on me.” I whispered.

•- John -•

Several Hours Later

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The information that I had pieced together... it was impossible to comprehend. I had seen there was more to the guy that I thought I knew; the moment his friend Emori had shown up on the drone camera. How he had shouted to shut down the firing drones and bolted to the beach. I'd watched him look after Rey even when she physically drove him away. I'd seen the influence that #Luna had on him.

But John Murphy... slicing open his own arm? To save my sister? That hardly seemed possible. Of course, it could have been #Luna... but the result was the same either way. I peeled away the tape and wad of cotton from the crook of my elbow. The fact that my blood was now running through his veins was almost as unbelievable as what he had done. Well, Nate's too... who was currently sleeping off his donation on the office couch.

I spotted Raven hovering near the room that he was in now and I remembered overhearing her telling #Jackson that it was her fault. It was hardly her fault that he'd cut himself too deeply. Or that that thing got its teeth into him.

"Go in, Rey." I squeezed her shoulder. "Jackson has him on serious pain meds... he won't wake up for hours." I stepped away to go and find my sister... I still needed to see her to believe that it was true... she had single-handedly won a war and now she was here.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My head was spinning... no... Not my head... the room was spinning. Red flooded my vision through closed lids; if the light was this bright with my eyes closed there was no way I was opening them. My fingers clenched on whatever I was lying on... I knew this. The thin layer of padding beneath me. I had leaned over this bed numerous times, trying to keep Raven's fevers down. Trying to pull her out of those crazy dreams that made her heart rate spike.

The last memory of her that I had was her driving the boat and then blackness. Where was she now? Was she back? Azgeda arrows had been flying... my eyes flew open at that. The light burned and my head felt too heavy as I tried to sit up.

"Where is she?" I asked... my voice sounded like I'd drunk a few too many jars of #Jasper's best. My tongue stuck to the roof of my dry mouth.

"Where..." I lifted my hand to shield out the light.

I could hardly think straight, my mind was foggy, and I felt myself falling back against the biobed.

What had I been thinking? Diving into the ocean... make-believing that I was some kind of hero? I couldn't even pull off being just the good guy... now here I was. I couldn't manage to stay upright. I couldn't find her... how had I ever been stupid enough to think that I could keep her safe?

Hai Skaiskat... Foolish at reflection and believed he could be more than what he saw there. The kind that thought they could be more, but life didn’t work that way… People didn’t change. I couldn’t change.

•- Raven -•

I kept my distance from the room they were keeping John in, I was the last person who could help, and I was sure I’d also be the last person he’d want to see right now. Every hour that passed had been grinding on me. One by one all the people who had been injured had been taken care of. They were a couple still laying in the biobeds, but we had situated the others who trusted us and #Octavia enough to use the elevators up to level eight. It was a floor dedicated to housing. Becca had planned for the end of the world in the right way.

“Here let me help you up.” I reached to help the man turn on the biobed without pulling at his I.V. while he moved. From time to time I took a hidden look over my shoulder towards #Jax, #Luna and John’s sleeping body.

Bellamy squeezed my shoulder as he walked by, making me freeze.

‘Go in, Rey.’ he squeezed my shoulder. ‘Jackson has him on serious pain meds... he won't wake up for hours.’ He said.

“I’m the last person he will want to see when he wakes up Bells.” I told him.

His eyes followed mine back again before he left me there.

‘Em ste a yuj Won.’ ( He is a strong one. ) The man in front of me said, looking towards John.

“Yu ste ait, ba nou tel em.” ( You are right, but don’t tell him. ) I half smiled turning to walk towards John and the others.

Shouts came out of the room, and I pushed myself forwards to see what was happening. #Jax was trying to calm John, #Luna was holding him to the bed as he called out.

‘Who is he calling for?’ #Jax asked, before he gave John something to help. #Luna’s dark brown eyes found my hazel ones.

There was only one person he would have called out for, and I should have foreseen it. Taking out the radio from the pocket in my pants I pushed the button. Speaking as my eyes were glued on him and then #Luna.

“Emori? John is awake and he is asking for you. Come on down to level ten.”

I slowly stepped backwards out of the room and then out of the medical bay.

•- John -•

A hand slipped into mine and I squeezed it... or at least I tried to... but pain lanced up my arm. The light was too bright to look for the face of the person that had taken it. I knew it was #Jackson's hands that had been on my shoulders; because of the words he was saying to get me to stay still. I turned my head to see, but the motion made me dizzy. I clenched my hands, one in the sheets and one that was held by another, as the room spun. But the action made me whimper at the pain in my arm again... it was pathetic, but whimper was the only word to describe it. But… I did glimpse the hand that held mine.

The skin tone was only slightly darker than mine, #Luna I realize just as I heard Raven call out for Emori. I couldn't blame her for thinking that was who I was looking for; not with how I'd been treating her lately. 'Ste hoden, Jon. Yu ste laksen.' (Be still, Jon. You're hurt.) #Luna's voice was soft. But Raven was here... and sounded unharmed.

'He needs more pain meds.' The vague shape of #Jackson started to come into focus. I grabbed his wrist with my good arm and forced myself to look in his direction, even though it made the room spin violently again. "No... Please." A hint of desperation in my voice. "No more... I can't... I need my head clear. Please?" I hated it... the foggy confusion.

I felt more than saw #Luna and #Jackson exchange a look. A huff from Doc Lite told me the Zen Master had won. My eyes fixed on #Luna's dark brown eyes and though I thought of this woman like family; I wished they were those warm hazel tones I was far too fond of. "Is she okay?" I asked, forgetting the #Jackson was in earshot.

'Em's kilr. Em nou ged led op. En don ge ona floudon gon kik thru.' (She's safe. She wasn't hurt. Everyone that made it to the boat is going to survive.)

I sighed with relief... though it was only for the news of Raven.

'Ai na ge em.' (I'll go get her.) She continued and loosened her grip. I squeezed her hand. Stopping her.

"She doesn't want to see me." I replied in English I was too tired to try and translate my words.

'Jon...' she started again, and I cut her off.

"Please #Luna... don't..." I didn't know what to say to make her let Raven walk away. Even now... drugged and in pain; I knew it was the right thing to do for her. "Don't leave me alone... The last time I was in a bed like this they told me I was dying."

She brushed a sweat-slick clump of hair off my forehead. 'You saved my life, John Murphy... I'm not going anywhere.' The resignation in her voice was enough to convince me that; unless Raven approached of her own free will, she wouldn't step in. At least for now.

•- Raven -•

I stood aggressively pushing the button for the elevator for the third time. “Why is it taking so long!” half growling as I hit it once again, however this time it felt more like a slam.

‘Hells Rey, what did the button do to upset you?’ #Harper came to stand beside me.

“Nothing, I guess.” I said unintelligibly. I couldn’t understand the anger that had started to bubble up inside of me.

Only once I was sure I was in control, did I dared to look away from the display above the elevator, seeing the two large bags set beside her. Noticing the glance #Harper volunteered to answer my unasked question. ‘Jax needed help with the clean-up in there.’ Pointing back over her shoulder. ‘It’s a biohazard to have all the soiled materials around here.’

“Do you need some help with it?” I asked, why hadn’t I thought to ask or just helped to clean up? I was the reason for this mess at the end of the day.

‘No, I can take care of it. I will take it up topside and set fire to them.’ She shifted glancing over her shoulder again. ‘I’m surprised you aren’t in there. Especially…’ She altered her stand again.

“Especially what?” I turned to face her and then to the doors down the hall.

‘Well… John just refused pain meds.’ As she spoke, I could see in her eyes the uncertainty. She wasn’t sure if she should be sharing this information.

“He What?” My voice didn’t rise, but there was an edge on it. The doors to the elevators opened in that moment.

‘Are you coming?’ by the time I realised #Harper was talking to me; she had picked the bags up and stepped inside. ‘Rey?’

“No, you go…” I had turned and started down the hall once again until my hand was outstretched, and I had pushed my way back into the medical bay.

I stood by the doors, unsure if I had the right to do or say anything here. But then I remembered how he was with me when I needed someone to speak some sense into me. My eyes had been gliding over the room until I saw what it was I had been in search for.

‘Rey?’ #Jackson placed a hand on my arm as I reached for a reaper stick. ‘What are you doing?’ his gaze moved from my hand to my eyes. He’d seen something in them I was sure that said. Don’t get in my way.

I asked what had been happening in the short time I had left, I asked why he wasn’t giving John the medication he needed, I growled how John was the last person a doctor should be listening to. At which point #Jackson reminded me how John had been the one to stop him when he wanted to drug me.

“Jax… Either you hand me the meds John Murphy needs, or you come and administer it yourself. But one thing is going to happen… Murphy will stop hurting.” With that said, I marched across the room, passed all the eyes watching me not caring what they all thought about the Skai gada ( Sky girl ).

#Luna’s gaze had been following me ever since I had returned. She didn’t miss a thing ( #Luna never did. ) She didn’t say a word to me as I came to stand beside the biobed.

Leaning over the broken body of John Murphy, the pang of guilt hadn't left me, but now seeing how injured he was, it intensified. My hazel eyes were burning with anger at how he wasn’t doing what was needed for himself.

I made sure his baby blue eyes, filled with pain were on me when I held the reaper stick up.

“Listen to me Murphy… And listen well… You have two choices here… One… I hit you hard with this…” Tapping the reaper to his chest. “or Two, you allow Jax to give you the meds you need, to stop the pain I know you are feeling. There is no point being a martyr here, you are hurting, and you need something to help you. You never let me get away with this crap… And I don’t care how much you hate me… I’m not letting you do this… Just add some more hate on what you think of me as it is. But…” I pulled the cap off the reaper stick. “You make the choice before I finish this count… Five… Four…. Three…”

Telling myself that by the time I hit two, I would inject him with it.

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

I lost track of time. It wasn’t hard to do while surrounded by walls; or in this spectral form to say the least. #Aurora left me after our walk at the beach. And I wasn’t sure if this was part of a dream or if I would ever see her again. However, she left something for me:

“She deserves to hear the truth from you and not from Bellamy.”

Those words didn’t leave my mind and because of it I couldn’t find in me to think straight, so I went after her the moment I notice she was on the Island, only to find her on level 10. And I would probably recognised that dark haired pulled up in a ponytail anywhere. I was well aware that #Octavia couldn’t see me, but still I know the corner of my lips curved up at the sight of her well and alive. #Bellamy was just a few steps away, watching her in silence as #Octavia examined the bandage on her thigh.

I stood there as she questioned her brother about the others; only to notice the look on his face and the exchange of look between them. It took a moment before #Octivia could stand away enough from the grounders and then. #Bellamy told her everything.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I had grown used to the pain, but today it felt as if my body was shattered. However, I didn’t let it show. Not to the grounders or my brother. This was the reason I took to my feet the moment the bandage was on, even though my upper back was sore; and so were my arms.

The tiredness was soon replaced by concern as #Bellamy updated me about what happened in the past few days. And for a moment I tried not to think too long on what that meant. I had people trusting me, following me to this island and now . . .

“How long do we have?”, I whispered so only he could hear, but the look in his face told me all I needed to know. We were running short of time, but this shouldn’t be discussed so close to the grounders.

•- John -•

I laughed softly when #Luna filled me in on what had happened when I was out cold. But the laugh faded quickly into a weak cough. “I always knew that bastard #Miller wanted to get inside me… Not shocked he found a way to do it.” But #Luna wasn’t looking at me, that was probably the funniest thing I ever said, and she wasn’t paying attention. Then I heard hervoice coming closer.

For a woman who spent her whole life saving others, she had no idea what was good for her… walking away from me being the top of that list right now. A lump swelled in my throat the minute her eyes found mine. What I saw there made me instantly feel… guilty.

But, why?

Then her words hit me. She knew I refused meds… and that’s what brought her back. She was worried for me… No. It was worse than that. She was afraid for me. Hence, the guilt. My pain caused her pain, and I knew then that I had let this get out of control; I should have stopped this a long time ago. I was already dragging her down with me.

I swallowed the lump choking off my words and lifted my uninjured hand, wrapping it around her wrist. I would stop this… I would… but right now, all I wanted was for the fear and anger in her eyes to go away. With my gaze still on her, I cut off her countdown.

“Luna?” I cleared the hoarseness from my voice. “Will you go get Jackson, please?” I felt her slip away.

My hand moved up over Raven’s and I peeled her fingers gently from around the reaper stick; letting it fall to the bed. “Okay,” I whispered to Raven now. “It’s okay, you don’t have to.” She would never forgive herself if she drugged me… even with an advanced warning.

Jackson was at the side of the bed so fast that I knew he must have been following Raven here. ‘Are you sure you want this, John?’ He asked. I nodded, not looking away from Raven.

I could do this for her, one last thing before I finished this. Just this; to make her fears go away. I would slip back into the tar and the fog for her. Hell, it was better than the feeling it gave me for having put that fear in her eyes. I waited until I could feel the cool rush of the drug spreading out from my I.V. I could instantly breathe easier. I lifted my hand from hers and clumsily laid it on her cheek.

“I could never hate you, Stargazer.” The drugs made my eyes heavy, and I fought to keep them on her. “Not ever… Remember that.” Then there were murmurs, and I couldn’t tell if they were coming from me or not. The world became hazy, soft, and quiet. There was no tar… no dark. I knew Raven was still there… I knew #Luna was hovering nearby giving us space, I knew when Jackson was gone… even though nothing was really in focus. But I felt it all.

•- Raven -•

“Sleep for now Watcher, it’s going to be okay when you wake.”

I observed as his blue bruised eyes started to drift, I listened closely to the mutterings he voiced as he started to let go. And I froze the second his hand touched my face. His action and those words, I had nothing to say in the moment, as I was taken aback by what he had let go of.

‘Jon na na ku , he gaf in hosh daun.’ ( Jon will be fine, he needs to sleep. ) #Luna placed a hand on my shoulder as #Jackson removed the reaper stick and left us alone.

“If you know he needed to sleep, why did you not make him take his meds?” I didn’t have it in me to translate my words into trig.

‘Yu don Ai shov of Yu gon dula'm op? chomouda would Ai gon em?’ ( Have I pushed you to do it? why would I for him? ) I knew, I knew she wouldn’t made us do anything we didn’t want to. but still.

“Luna, this is all on me…” I was so tired, my body was fighting me, and I didn’t have it in me to keep fighting back. And yet I hadn’t let any part of it show.

‘Ai get in.’ ( I know. ) She whispered into my ear. ‘Ba Jon ste raun nod of nau.’ ( But Jon is asleep now. )

I pushed myself to stand up straighter, my eyes wouldn’t pull away from him. Had he stood watching me like this when I was out for the count? Had he felt as useless as I felt? “What did he mean? Before by what he said?” I was sure #Luna had heard it too.

‘I could never hate you, Stargazer. Not ever… Remember that.’

The words didn’t ring true to the actions he had taken. But she didn’t answer me, letting go of me she stepped away. Only when I hear the legs of the chairs being dragged closer to the bed did I understand where #Luna had gone.

We both sand down beside John Murphy’s bed. Unsure how much time had passed when the radio crackled to life. ‘Rey? Where are you?’ #Monty’s voice came in a rush.

I didn’t move, but #Luna did pick the radio up from the side and hand it to me. “Level 10, what’s up.”

‘Can you come up to three please? I need to show you something.’ I closed my eyes, tapping the edge of the thing against my forehead.

‘Go, I’m here. He has been a sleep for a few hours, and he hasn’t stirred at all.’ I knew she was right.

“I know, but he didn’t leave my side. Even if it was to make sure I didn’t wake up and climb out of bed. I hit the button on the side of the radio. “Monty, come on down to ten, I’m not moving from here.” #Luna squeezed my arm, so I added. “There is a workstation down here if you can’t show me on a tablet.”

There was silence for a moment. ‘Rey, I really think you need to come up here.’ When I didn’t reply for a few minutes, he added. ‘Please Rey.’

•- Marcus -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』⠀

Not so long ago, #Octavia and I had the chance to talk alone, which allowed us to catch up. She wanted to know what was happening, so I told her. I told #O about the serum tests, Abby’s mental breakdown, Marcus current state…

I told her everything, except who her father was. There was this one thing Marcus asked before volunteering to be the Guinea Pig- the least I could do was respect his wishes for now. Besides I didn't know how she would take it, especially now that he might never come back to conscience.

Even without that piece of truth, my little sister seemed worried, devastated in her own way that we still haven't figure it out how to help us all. However, she masked well. She had grown tougher and that was good. As long as #Octavia could keep the grounders under control we were good. Still, as she walked out of the room to camp outdoors with them, I find myself alone. At this point, her story of what happen in Polis would play as a loop inside my head until it becomes too much of a noise, more than thoughts, almost vivid . . . Then, I slam my hand on the counter.

'Fuck', I mutter running the fingers over my hair. How could #Jaha do this to 𝘂𝘀?

The man betrayed us all, even when we were doing all to save them. He didn't care if we would make the serum work or if we would end up returning to Polis. He sentenced us all to die when he locked himself and the remaining members of the Skaikru, ignoring the conclave decision. In that moment, I felt rage taking over me; there is this thought, which is so dark and deep that I should be ashamed of having it. I wish #Jaha dies inside that bunker because if he doesn't and we all survive, I will kill him myself!

•- John -•

I knew that she was there. It was the strangest sort of sleep... if it was even sleeping at all. Things were happening around me… I heard low voices, they sounded like #Jackson treating the other patient’s, but I couldn’t make out any particular words. There were no dreams, no running through the forest with countless pursuers, no inner demon to torment me. Just soft light playing against closed eyelids and the weirdly comfortable floating sensation.

I thought about the words I had said to Raven... It was wrong, it was leaving a door open that I should have locked and bolted. Would she just think it was the drugs? I lingered between hoping that she would and praying that she wouldn't... but even that didn't cause me pain right now. Whatever Doc Lite had given me was good!

Her words I could make out though. Was that because she was closer to me? Or was it just because she was Raven, and I was... well... what was I? The thought of her leaving my side… I knew that she had to… she was too important to the group to play nursemaid. But I also knew it was her presence that kept my demons away… I didn’t know how I’d never realised this before now.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

"We need to do something, #Bellamy... The tribes have already selected their survivors. They are going to hunt down what is left of Skaikru if we can’t get that door open."

My brother just dragged his hand through his hair. 'I know O... I know we need to make a plan... If the treatment...” His eyes darted around the room, he was careful not to mention Night Blood. "We would only need a place to ride out the deathwave and the fires."

I had seen the state that Kane was in... even if his blisters did heal and he eventually woke up... what good would it be? If we all got that sick... how many of us would realistically survive? "The bunker is the only option." I pressed the point home. "Wonkru is the only option. Without the bunker, it will shatter. I promised these people salvation Bell... you have to help me keep that promise."

I looked around the room. "Where is Rey? I bet that she can open the door?"

#Bellamy looked down at the table he had slammed his fist against. 'I'm not so sure we can pull Raven away yet... Not until we know Murphy will be okay.'

"Murphy?" I muttered and followed Bell's gaze to where she sat with #Luna; her radio raised to her mouth. "What's going on there?" I asked with a raised brow.

'Nothing like that... They're just...' He shrugged. 'Different with each other.' It was hard to comprehend, but then again, he had almost taken bullets for Rey when he escaped from Arkadia with her.

But I stepped around my brother and headed over to her, I heard #Monty over the radio. But this couldn't wait. "Rey, we need your help." I stopped at the foot of John's bed.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

‘Yu gyon au, Ai na na ait hir.’ ( You go, I will be right here. ) #Luna whispered into my ear. She had stepped around to be closer when she heard the way #Monty asked me to meet him. It was hard to say no to that boy on the best of days, let alone when he sounded as he did.

“Luna—” I was cut off by the sound of footsteps and then #Octaiva stood by the foot of John’s bed. Her hair pulled up in a slick ponytail now, she was in dry clothes from the lab, and yet she still stood out. The eyes of the grounders were burrowing into the back of my skull, as they watched their new leader ask me for help.

“O… Can it wait?” I asked her, with #Monty calling for help, John knocked out, Luna in a lab full of grounders who looked at her with distain. It was getting difficult for me to divide my attention.

‘Raven, you know if it could wait. I wouldn’t be here…’ Her eyes moved to John and then back to me. ‘Asking you to leave him like this. It’s not my first choice, but you are my only option.’

#Luna squeezed my arm, once again whispering how she would call me back if I was needed. And I had to trust her. I knew #Luna of all people would deal with whatever came to light. However, still I stepped up to #Octavia and whispered into her ear. “Your grounders best not have any plans to harm Luna. We are all still alive thanks to this woman.”

When I pulled away and our eyes met, #Octavia squeezed my arm now too. ‘I promise.’ She nodded to someone behind me.

〄 〄 〄 〄

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

“You want me to what?” My eyes all but popped out of their sockets as I paced back and forth in the Level three office I’d turned into my testing and creating lab, while I was working on the suit for my final spacewalk. “I mean I can’t see why I couldn’t do it. But with the data gone from here.” I tapped on the side of my head. “It’s going to be slower than we need.”

Everyone had been filled in on the shit show that took place in Polis, everything #Octavia had been through with the conclave, and then on top of it all #Jaha and our people had taken over the bunker and closed the doors. It really shouldn’t have been a shock to any of us, that the man hadn’t once thought about us here on the island, working on a resolution, and save lives.

‘But it’s possible right?’ #Clarke and #Octaiva both said at the same time.

I rubbed my face, #Monty was hovering to my side, and I knew that it was time.

“Sure, it could be done. But we have a bigger problem then that here and now.” I leant over the desk, tapping the keyboard I brought the screens to life for everyone to see.

‘What are we looking at here?’ #Bellamy asked.

“This is the data the drones have been gathering for me. When we first arrived, I reconfigured them to gather information on the atmosphere, temperature changes as well as any data on the acid levels in the rain that’s falling.” I had lost them, or they weren’t sure why this was more important than the bunker.

I pointed to the spikes in the charts before them all. “The timeline has escalated dramatically since the first run down I shared with you all.” The blank looks had me rubbing my face. “Guys we don’t have the time we first thought we did. At these levels.” I was pointing at the data from today #Monty had alerted me to. “We will be lucky if we made it back to Polis at this rate, let alone work out how I can get those doors reopened, and that’s if there isn’t a blood bath from the grounders finding out what the hells has been going on!”

And just like that I saw in their reactions, that the light had turned on.

‘Fuck!’ It was a whisper from #Bellmay’s lips.

•- John -•

#Octavia... That was her voice clear as a bell. She survived, I knew #Luna had gotten her to the boat, but after that everything was a blur.

Rey was being pulled in so many directions. But the haze of drugs and blood loss meant i wasn't able to protect her from it.

Not that she would ever allow such a thing.

But there it was that thing that made me fall so far for her. Even now she was protecting the people she loved. Maybe it wasn't me she stayed for... as much as that made me ache; I knew it was for the best. She stayed for #Luna... worried that her past as a deserter from her conclave might turn the grounders against her.

Selfless. That is what Raven is. Was it possible to not love her once you know the truth of her? Even for the black-hearted, like, it seemed not.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The conversation I was listening to was blowing my mind. There was too much information laid out on the table. #Jaha... How? Why? And even worse... who was in there with him? How many of our people agreed to this? Our sole purpose all ourselves was to preserve the human race... not pick and choose who gets to live and die.

All eyes were on the Raven I momentarily felt pity for her... so much weight lay on her shoulders. But only a moment because this was Raven Reyes... and she didn't need or want anyone's people.

"Okay... I know that need to get into the bunker. But we need to know what the hell is happening with radiation levels before we can make a plan about opening any doors. We need detailed imaging. We might not even make it to Polis if we left yesterday."

At least Raven was agreeing with me on this. I pulled up a map of the island and held it out for her to see. "Becca stiletto tower here... If there are any left in orbit that are functional, we can turn them and get real data... real predictions of the Death Wave and the weather patterns feeding it."

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

If we needed to talk about how shit could hit the fan, Now was the time. #Octavia had told us about the mess #Jaha had made back in Polis, after #Bellamy and I had left to bring the fuel here to the island. Even if I should have guessed things weren’t going to plan when we had been attacked on the way here. However, there was a part of Rey that had washed off on me since being here on the island. That girl saw the good in everyone, even those who didn’t deserve to have her on their side.

There was something going on here on the island too, I wasn’t sure exactly what right now, but the vibes between the others had been off. My mom needed my help, and I wasn’t leaving her side. Not when the man she was in love with was still lying on a bio bed in coma. So, it was up to the rest of the team to pick up and run with whatever the next plan would be.

“With the information Rey and #Monty have given us, we need to think fast on our feet. What options do we have? If we try to make it back to Polis, if Rey is able to get those doors open, if the grounders don’t think we all betrayed them. Then maybe we have a forty percent chance—”

‘More like nine percent chance.’ Rey had cut me off.

“Okay… NINE percent chance of coming out of this alive?”

‘We’ve won on less before.’ She stood bent over her workstation as she spoke with #Monty pointing to the screen before her.

“What are you both looking for now?” I asked clicking my tongue at them. “We need your full attention guys.” I was frowning at them.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I rolled my eyes at Griffin and her comment. “When have you known me not to pay attention? I can do multiple tasks all at the same time you know.”

‘I swear Rey if you tell me about how you are the youngest Zero-G mechanic again.’ #Clarke was frowning; however, I knew there was no malice in her voice.

“It’s a true fact, but no that’s not what Green and I were talking about.” I tapped the keys on the board and pushed the imaged to the big screens on the wall.

‘What are we looking for?’ #Bellamy and #Jasper stepped up towards the screen while #Monty highlighted the area on the image that couldn’t be seen if you didn’t know what you were looking for.

“There is something coming closer, and orbiting in Earth’s atmosphere.” I held my hand up. “Before you ask me what it is, or what it could be. This is the best image we have been able to find.”

‘So, how do we find out more?’ #Jasper asked.

‘Really, come on guys. We have bigger issues here.’ #Clarke threw her hands up into the air.

I replied to #Clarke first. “Like I said, multitasking here.” And then to #Jasper. “We are working on it.”

‘I think the Radio masts and the satellite tower at the far end of the island is facing wrong or is out of sync. The more we are trying to clear the image, the grainier it is getting.’ #Monty was right, and I nodded my head.

“Listen, Griff is right, we need to work out what to do next. So, leave the tower to me, and you all work on Plan…. Well whatever number we are on.” I pushed back from the workstation and got to my feet. “If you need me, I’ll be on the radio.”

#Octaiva didn’t look so happy about it, but she understood that we had to divide and conquer.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

“Taim jos emo ai op chit Ai Ai op.” ( If only they could see what I see. ) I sat with my legs crossed under me beside John Murphy’s bed. The words were like a never-ending loop in my mind, even when I was trying to clear my thoughts and to meditate.

“Ai na nou hon daun emo der, emo souda ai op em gon mowas.” ( I cannot take them there; they must see it for themselves. ) And with that I let out a deep sigh. I wasn’t going to be able to continue, and the sounds of footsteps coming up from behind had me up and whirling around to face the person.

‘Krei, Disha weron Oso fig au bos haiplana kom Floukru, kom Disha Skaikru chon dula op nou set klinhir!’ ( So, this is where we find the great queen of Floukru, with these sky people, who do not belong here! )

He was one of the Trikru ( woods clansmen ), tall stature, scars covering his face like those that were covering my body too. He had been through years of fighting, and I was sure that he would know where each one came from.

“Bak op gon bilaik bag.” ( Go back to your bed ), I told him with a steady voice. “Ai nou gaf in gon gon daun Yu.” ( I do not want to fight you. ) However, the curl of his lip told me that he didn’t really know what I was capable of.

‘Ena, Ai gaf in gon gon daun kom Yu. Yu gaf gon wan op. Ogeda kru heda ste audahir.’ ( Well, I want to fight with you. You need to die. All the clans leaders are gone. )

The way he spat the word heda ( leader ) out, I could tell he wanted to spit in my face.

‘Yu dula op nou gran in gon kik!’ ( You do not deserve to live! ) He took another step forward, and this time as he turned his body into me, I could see a scalpel in his hand.

I stepped back on my heel, reaching out to grab a hold of his hand I twisted it up and back with a sharp tug to his elbow joint. The sound of his grunting told me that I had dislocated the bone, and as much as I didn’t want to cause him harm, he was the one who pushed me into it. I flipped his tall, lean body back and then forward until he was flying over my bent body, and he hit the ground with a deep crashing thud.

“Ai don biyo, Ai nou gaf in gon gon daun!” ( I said, I do not want to fight! ) I told him with an even tone.

‘Natrona!’ ( Traitor! ) he grunted, holding his arm, looking up at me as I held the blade to his throat.

“Chof gon sein chit Ai get in” ( Thanks for saying what I know. ) I let go of him and saw him moving to come at me again.

‘Em pleni!’ ( Enough! ) the voice came from the door now open wide behind us. #Octaiva stood with the look of death and anger on her face.

‘Luna kom Floukru ste ona Ai shilnes!’ ( Luna of Floukru is under my protection. ) She waved her hand in dismissal of the man and reached a hand out towards me.

‘Ai laik fiya Luna.’ ( I am sorry Luna ) she said, ‘Disha na nou na gon daun nodotaim.’ ( This will never happen again. ) Her eyes pointedly looking at all the people in the med lab with us.

I took her hand and stood before her. The young girl had taken on the role of leader, and I could see that her evolution into that role was coming alive before my eyes.

‘Kom op, Oso gaf gon chichplei’ ( Come, we need to talk. ) #Octavia pointed to the room where John lay sleeping.

Once inside she told me and the others of everything that took place upstairs.

“Guk op Ai yuj!” ( Give me strength! ) I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Without the nightblood experiment we only had one thing left, and that was to return to polis and take shelter in the bunker for five years until the radiation was gone. And now we didn’t have the time? And they were all working on the next plan? Where there any plans left at all?

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍꜱ

The painkillers were finally wearing off… or at least that was how it felt. It must have been a long time since I was even semi-conscious because there wasn’t a sound in the med clinic. Was I still on level ten? If the meds were wearing off, why wasn’t I hurting?

My eyes peeled open against the glaring light… I tilted my eyes to where I knew Raven had last been sitting. The chair was empty… there was no sign of the Zen Master either. I turned to look around the clinic. Nausea roiled in my stomach but there was nothing to come up. “Fuuuuck” I croaked the word with a parched throat… but yet I was thirsty… fucking drugs!

Nothing… no one. All the previously filled beds were empty… but neatly made up like they’d never been used. No machines beeped, no voices, or footsteps…. Not even far off ones.

“This can’t be good. I tried to sit up, but nothing happened.

“Hello!” I called out meekly. I cleared my throat again and shouted louder. “Anyone here? HELLO!!!”

This couldn’t be good… Was Raven, okay? Luna?... Emori? Where… Had they left me here? Had they packed up and gone and figured I was too damaged for the journey? Was I alone on this fucking island again?

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

One can easily get lost when stuck between life and death; stuck in time. Everything is so confusing; and every time when I feel like I am puzzling things together, understanding this ‘time loop’, I get lost again,

I haven’t been here for long , but certainly I haven’t heard a voice that wasn’t from a living person, except for #Aurora, which was very dead person. Therefore, when Murphy calls, but his body is motionless in the yard, somehow, I fear the worst.

“John?” I ask cautiously and in a low tone just in case I am going paranoid. If he can’t listen to me, then at least no one was watching me making a fool of myself. “John Murphy, can you hear me?”

At this point, I have entered the room and I was standing just a few feet away from where he was.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

I was leaning over the back of #Monty’s stool as were #Jasper and #Bellamy.

‘What do you think it is?’ Bellamy asked the question I was certain was on all our minds.

‘I don’t know. It’s why we need the satellite tower up and running again.’ #Monty answered, however he still tried to zoom into the image on the screen.

‘Could it be another Station?’ #Jasper was the one to ask this time.

“No, they all made their way down. Or were destroyed over time.” I told him.

‘How do we know? It’s not like the council are known for telling us all the truth.’ His brown eyes were glued on the screen, like the rest of us.

“Jasper, let’s just wait for Rey to do her thing.” The moment the words were out, the screen changed before us. “What’s going on now?” I asked as Monty franticly started to key in some commands.

‘Looks like Rey did it again.’ #Bellamy chuckled. ‘Not that I had any doubts.’

“Hells!” I couldn’t believe what it was we were seeing before our eyes.

‘No…’ #Bellamy whistled under his breath.

‘It can’t be…’ #Jasper moved closer to the screen now.

“Monty?” I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it to bring him out of the trance he seemed to be lost within.

‘It’s a ship… It’s not moving, but… It’s a ship…’ He finally said out loud what we all could see on the large screens before us.

However, the true questions were still unanswered. Who was in there and were they coming down here?

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

My name was the only sound that rang through the hospital wing. I tried again to sit up, grasping the rails on the sides of the bed. I braced for the pain to shoot up my arm... but there was nothing. I looked down; it was still bandaged up.

But there was still no pain.

I looked around again... with an upright view of the medical floor... Which was spinning. I screwed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, careful of... The IV in my other arm was gone too? What the hell? I looked around again. Why had I sat up? Oh, right! Someone had called my name. Who... The thought was cut off when Marcus Kane walked into the room. There wasn't so much as a mark on him.

Did they leave him here too? There was no way Abby would abandon him.

"Marcus , what's going on? Did the others leave us here?" That was just the first of about a million questions I wanted to ask.

•- Marcus -•

I thought I was dreaming; hallucinating again.

“You can see me?” I asked and it sounded stupid. If he was talking to me obviously, he could see me, hear me… Does it mean I was no longer alone? Did he— I don’t really want to think about it.

Still, I was answered back by someone I knew it was alive— or was supposed to be. John wasn’t like Aurora, his aura seemed different, like mine. He also didn’t know what this place was, therefore, I approached him.

“No. they are still here. Can’t you see them?” I asked because for me I could see him and hear the others. It’s when I realised, I was walking between the thick line of life and death, sensing the darkness of the dead. But John? If he didn’t have the same perspective, I had no idea what that could possibly mean?

“Murphy, maybe you should remain where you are as I try to explain what is happening.” I said approaching him again with my hands lifted before my body.

•- John -•

My brows pinched together... "Of course, I can see you." I blinked against the too-bright room. The coma must have fried his brain. I watched how he approached me... and that was when it all hit me. FUCK!!!

I was dead... we were both dead... and my hell... was being stuck here with him.

"Shit!!" I dragged my hands through my hair... "I died, didn't I? I died and my punishment is to spend eternity here with you!" Doing the exact opposite of what he'd suggested I threw my leg over the side of the bed.

"Where are they? Where's Raven?" The movement had me dizzy so instead of jumping to my feet and shouted out for them.

"Raven!! Luna!"

•- Marcus -•

My first reaction was stare while folding my arms. Eyes never leaving John’s sight as he claims my presence to be his purgatory. Seriously? Then he freaked out, which I was hoping he would not; he did anyway, so I took a deep breath unfolding my arms. Both of my hands were lifted up towards him in an attempt to calm Murphy down as I approached him.

“Can you stop screaming? They cannot hear us. I have tried—” I said. My look was still directed to John. “— I have tried far too many times.”

Lowering my hands, one rest over John’s shoulder. I could not touch him, but I could feel Aurora. What is happening to him? Instinctively I pulled my hand away, looking at him.

“You are not dead, Murphy! Neither am I.” I say at least but there is a huge, confused expression stamped on my face.

•- John -•

This man was bat shit fucking crazy… My hands balled up into fists when he reached out to me. His hand passed right through me before he pulled it back. That was when all hell broke loose inside my head. I scramble back away from him, hands and heels digging into the thin mattress as a pushed myself back across the bed until I tumbled right off of the other side of it and hit the floor with a string of curses… but pain. Nothing…. I didn’t even feel the cold tiles on my bare arse.

When I stood back to give the Ghost-Of-Chancellor-Past another impressive string of swear words The empty med bay was transformed from the pristine, crisp white, too-bright room to the chaotic mess it had been when I was semi-conscious. The memory of Raven holding the reaper stick to my throat with all that pain in her eyes flashed in my head. And the bed I had fallen out of wasn’t empty. I was in it and she was here… she looked like the whole world had come crashing down around her and #Luna looked… ruffled… it was the only word I could use to describe it. The Zen Master was never mad but she was definitely a lot less zen.

I looked over my messed up sickly pale form in the bed… my leg was up… they must he cut me out of my clothes and put in in the weird paper dress things. Hence the bare arse. There was no need to call their name. From the way, their eyes move to my… body. I felt like I was going to vomit at the thought… did ghosts have stomachs?

I looked up at Kane again. “What the actual fuck!?” I glared at him. “Talk.” I demanded.

•- Marcus -•

⠀ ╰  ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

What the actual fuck is precisely how I feel now and then. Caught between the thin line of life and death — the seen and unseen — at least is how I manage to deal with. It gets easier with time; I was able to prove that myself. There is, however, an emptiness of not really belonging anywhere, like a distant memory.

A memory . . .

If I haven’t seen my body lying, there I would believe to be dead. With the exception of the fact, I wasn’t; but neither was Murphy. I had seen him, his body, and yet I could not touch him. He is here, but he is not. A phantom stuck in my own madness as it seems. Am I losing myself?

I refrain from walking towards the youngest. Even if I was indeed concerned as he bumps and falls cursing names I rather not think of. To keep myself from raising a hand towards him, I fold them in my back. John is clearly unstable, so I am. However, I cannot show him that. He is just a ‘child’.

“John” I said before sighing. My feet take me for a stroll around the room as I keep a safe distance from the other. Then I stop and stare him in the eyes, allowing the bed stay between us. “Look at me. You are not dead, I am not dead.”

At this point my hand are moving as I speak, empathising the words that slip out of my mouth.

      “John, I can try to help you. I have been here for what seems like years; stuck in my own mind. In this unexplainable parallel of life. As if I were stuck to a mirror, watching everyone unfold their doings. Is madness. Still, I can only help  you if you allow me to. Help adjust if that is what it takes. I need to know… What do you see in this room? Who else do you see?”

I saw Aurora once. I could see the others around us. But could Murphy see them too?

TBC....

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #AbbyGriffin #MarcusKane #emori the 100 #Emori #JasperJordan

[oktorpg]

When the Heart Feels Lost - Rey Solo

〄 ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Luna 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

The night air was growing warmer, as I lay here in the tall grass at the back of the mansion, my jacket lay under my head rolled into a pillow. There was so much happening, with no time to spare, I felt the need to free myself from the madness, even if it were for only a few minutes.

The hum of the night had died a few days ago, it was like the animals on the island had known what was coming and had given up before they saw it with their own eyes. But then again, with the black rain poisoning the waters, and killing anything that couldn’t hide, this island was starting to feel like a graveyard filled with all those innocent souls.

‘Hir Yu fou daun, ai don ste trana gon fig au Yu!’ ( Here you are, I was trying to find you! ) #Luna had snuck up on me, not that I was trying hard to hide from her or anyone else.

“Just needed some time to think.” I told her without moving. I had taken my brace off and set it to the side, my body was too tired to even attempt to move.

‘Dula op Yu gaf in Ai gon gyon au?’ ( Do you want me to go? ) She stood over me, her messy dark curly hair blocking out the view to the stars beyond.

“Nou, Ste kamp raun ai hir, taim Yu gaf in. ” ( No, stay with me here, if you want ) I told her.

She smiled taking off her jacket and taking the spot beside me, telling me she was glad to hear my trig was growing and getting better. It was all thanks to her and John. The two of them had been helping me learn since we came to the Island.

I pushed the thoughts of him away because nothing good would come of them. And of course, the #ZenMasters eyes missed nothing.

‘How long will you make him pay for his mistake? It isn’t like we have all the time.’ She mirrored me looking up at the sky. She knew it gave me peace to see the stars.

“I don’t know. It’s not a switch I can turn on and off Luna.” I couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to her. We had a clear-cut relationship. We didn’t hide from one another.

‘You know…’ She begun. ‘Once I thought I had the world in my hands. That I knew where my path would take me. That I knew all the answers, and that I could stay mad with those I loved because we had time…’ Her voice was sombre. ‘But then in a blink of an eye they were all gone. Their blood flowed freely, and I was left behind… the last one standing. A person who now has no people of her own.’

“You have me….” However, I knew too well what she was trying to say. I turned to look in her direction for a moment before my gaze returned to the sky. “It’s not the same Luna. It’s not like they didn’t love you back… Me… Anyone I love and care for…” I shook my head and cleared the lump building in my throat because it became hard to continue.

She waited; not pushing me. “Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do to you, how much they hurt you… You smile and take it?” My eyes burned as tears I promised I would never cry again rolled down the side of my eyes and into my hair.

“There has to be a moment, a cut so deep that you say Enough. If I take another hit so hard. I won’t survive another beat of my broken heart.” My voice cracked at the last word.

We lay in silence looked up at the dark star filled sky. Words lost in the moment until I felt her squeeze my hand, I wasn’t even sure when she had found it laying between the two of us on the ground. Her fingers roamed to the point of my healed scars on my wrist and then her fingers stayed there.

‘You won’t ever give up on love, Ai Stisis ( Little Sister ). Your heart is too big, your faith in people too deep, and your want to protect is unfathomable. No matter how much they hurt you, no matter the tears that run down your cheeks. You will find your way back to that peace in your heart. You will let them back in, and you will lay yourself over the boom stick just so they can live.’

I closed my eyes, needing the darkness to swallow me up because I knew she was correct. No matter how much my heart had been ripped open by those I cared for. I never deviated from the end goal. To protect them.

“It makes me a fool, doesn’t it? My mom, Finn… and now here… I…” I wasn’t even sure what it was that it made me.

‘They thought they were doing the right thing.’ #Luna turned her head; I could feel her eyes on me now. ‘Can we hold it against them?’

“So, I just act like nothing happened? I shrug it off and say Hey, sure… it’s all in a day’s work. And just pretend like I always have that I am unphased.”

‘Taim Lufa au tiya Yo en, Hodnes nou laik kwelnes, em ste yuj.’ ( Look around yourself, Love is not a weakness. It is strength. ) She was sitting up and glancing down at me when I finally opened my red rimmed eyes. ‘Em don Yu. Yu!’ ( And it made you. You! )

“However, I am not someone I would wish on another. No one should feel the way I do. I sometimes wish I was more like Clarke, Bells or even Jo… Murphy.”

‘Taim bilaik tombom lin don drop of, chek au gon blinkas. Bilaik rein keryon kik raun…’ ( When your heart feels lost, look to the eyes. That is the place the soul lives... )

And as those words sunk into my heart, I closed my eyes from the night sky and a flash of baby blue made its way to my forethought.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #Luna #ClarkeGriffin #BellamyBlake #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WrittingRP

[oktorpg]

Betrayal – Phase 5 – Master Storyline for OKTO - Part One

〄 ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇ5

❝ 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗮𝗹 ❞

╰ ᴀ ᴛᴀʟᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ100 ᴏʜᴀɴᴀ ᴀᴛ: #OKTO

❝ 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵. ❞ ― 𝙎𝙪𝙯𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙨

ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ( 𝙇𝙖𝙗 )

𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴:

ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ – @ᴛᴏʟᴅᴜɪᴅꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ

ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ ( ʀᴇʏ ) - @ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ_ʙɪʀᴅʀᴇʏ / @ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇʙɪʀᴅʀᴇʏ

ᴀʙʙʏ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ - @ᴍᴏʀᴏꜱᴇᴅᴏᴄᴛᴏʀ

ᴍᴀʀᴄᴜꜱ ᴋᴀɴᴇ - @ᴀᴛʀᴜᴇᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇʟʟᴏʀ

ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴏɴ - @ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇᴅᴘꜱʏᴄʜᴇ_

ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ - @ᴍᴜᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅᴘɪʟᴏᴛ

•- Rey -•

‘Why does it hurt so deeply?’ I ask myself. My mind a whirlpool of thoughts all of which come back to one word…. 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙡!

Hours had passed, the tension in the lab was palpable and there was no denying that people were on edge once again.

“The Hells! Are we really going to do this?”

I finally spoke through gritted teeth. Since returning from the docks, where I had found John, Emori and Jasper trying to escape the island on their own. I hadn’t wanted to look them in their eyes. The sharp stab could still be felt in my back from the betrayal of what they had planned to do.

Sure, they said that the strategy had been for John to take Emori away from here. To save her from becoming the so called next, ‘test subject’ for the nightblood trials. They said they had no plans on abandoning the rest of us here when there was only one boat.

They had asked #Luna and me to join them too. To which #Luna had agreed. But I couldn’t do it. Leaving my dysfunctional family behind? No! Never! We are 𝙊𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙖!

What does that one word mean? Ohana means family. And 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 means no one gets left behind or forgotten!

I wasn’t even sure what it was that changed their mind. The words I spoke, or the knowledge of Marcus injecting himself which brought them all back to the lab.

Marcus… Oh boy the Chancellor had a lot to answer for. A combination of daggered looks he was receiving from Abby, since he arrived on the Island. To the cold shoulder I witnessed when the elevator doors opened up on our return. The tension in the lab could be cut with a blunt knife and still cause major damage.

With the time we had to wait for Marcus’s blood to change. I had taken the opportunity to explain the Ice Bath, the brain reboot, and all I had achieved down on level ten. Abby had been hesitant at first. Even if she wanted to kill Marcus and then bring him back to life. And then kill him again. She wasn’t willing at first to attempt the fix.

#Clarke was the one who at last talked Abby into stepping into the tank of ice. And when Abby fell out. She like me a fighter to her core, conquered what the Bitch in the Red Dress had done to us. The migraines, hallucinations, the dread of knowing her time was coming to an end was gone.

Now as I stood here, gazing over the main floor of the underground lab. Watching #Harper, her eyes looking at #Luna, Jasper, Emori and John with suspicion. I could tell she didn’t buy the lie I told her about why we all had gone to the dock, to drop off supplies.

#Jackson, moved around Abby and Marcus quietly. Helping where possible to ready the Chancellor for the radiation chamber he sat upon.

#Nate, #Clarke, and #Bellamy, stood with their arms crossed. With looks in their eyes which could have a million reasons hidden behind them. And not one would be viable, but it wouldn’t stop me from finding a solution, and #Monty wouldn’t back down from the challenge with me.

But right now, of course there wasn’t the time for anything else. We all stood watching Marcus, he was sat up on the bed of the radiation chamber, his face wasn’t his own, something didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Something I had told them over and over. And now I had nothing more to say. Marcus was adamant, he was seeing this god damned experiment through to its end. And we were to witness it.

Rubbing my face, I stepped back into the stool. I couldn’t stand for this. “I guess, I’ll take my Kane medium rare!”

•- John -•

I had stayed close to Emori since we got back to the lab, even though I knew she was safe for now. There was still a chance she’d run and if she did… I wouldn’t let her do it alone. But at this moment, our best chance was for this to work on Marcus.

And not only that; I knew I needed to stay away from Rey… She… I…

I didn’t know why or where it came from, but I knew I needed to keep clear of her for her own good. She didn’t need me anymore, she fixed herself… she had #Luna and the others.

She couldn’t stand the sight of me right now, even though that thought made me sick to my stomach, I knew this was for the best.

We all stopped whatever inconsequential conversations or tasks we had occupied ourselves with waiting for this moment and stood around the radiation chamber. Right now, my eyes were on Abby more than anyone. She had cured herself using Raven’s crazy yet clearly, effective technique. They were both still weak from practically freezing themselves to death. I could tell they were still feeling it despite the hours that had passed.

My stomach heaved at the thought of Raven in that tank of ice water as Abby had been. I don’t think anyone in the lab could have stopped me from pulling her out. I shook the thought away, unintentionally shaking my head. I couldn’t think about that right now.

Marcus was sat on the padded bed of the chamber, ready and willing to go to his death in the name of science and saving the world with a crazy plot to turn us all into black blooded commanders.

Abby… the woman that trusted me with something as important as Raven’s life; was about to lose another man she loved to idiocy and martyrdom. This could break her… then we were all fucked.

My eye finally pulled to Raven when she spoke… that dark humour that she used as a shield surfaced once again and I watched #Luna snake and arm around her shoulders, she should not through this alone. I was glad she had #Luna to care for her.

•- Emori -•

My skin itched as I stood beside John. Everything inside my body screamed for me to run and run now. Yet the guilt that twisted my gut when Raven found us at the boat tore at me in another way. The way she looked at me and said that I didn’t have faith in her. That’s where she was wrong. I did. I just don’t have faith that the others wouldn’t. The way Abby loved Clarke and the others I wouldn’t be safe if things with badly with Kane. Raven’s joke caused me to look at John and Jasper. Unable to help myself, words slipped past my lips.

“It’s all fun and games until its ding fries are up.”

•- Abby -•

My brain felt better. I had Raven to thank for that. Thinking seemed to be easier. But I didn’t feel like life was now sunshine and butterflies. How could I? When Marcus was a fool. Now it was time to start the test. I had to find a way to do what I promised if I failed to fix the serum. Steeling my nerves, I look at the idiot that sat waiting for death. I was about to tell him it was time until I hear jokes about his impending death. Whipping my head towards Raven and Emori, I glare.

“As much as I love a good gallows humour, this is neither the time nor place for it. If you need to joke about this get the hell out of here.”

I turn back to look at Marcus and nod.

“You ready?”

•- Rey -•

Raising my eyebrow, I glanced over to Emori. She had balls, for someone who was scared of death by the hands of everyone in here and then jumping in on my death wish? My head jerked back to Abby at her threat and lack of anything. I scoffed crossing my arms over my chest.

“He is the one with the death wish, and the fact that you think this is humour … That says a lot too. This…” I pointed to myself. “What I am saying… is the only way to make sure I don’t pick that I.V stand up and smash the hell out of that oven you and #Jax call a radiation chamber.”

My voice was clipped. She really was going to act like this? If so, I wasn’t one to back down. I knew tension was high, but I was done with all of this. I shifted to stand from the stool; but #Luna’s hand kept me in place. Even if my feet were telling me to walk away. I didn’t need to witness this, none of us did.

‘Rey…’ #Clarkes voice was a warning as she and then #Bellamy moved to block my path to the chamber Marcus sat on.

“Oh please… If I were going to do something that stupid, do you really think I would announce it to the room first?” They all got the mother of all eye rolls.

•- Marcus -•

Can one betray their own flesh and blood?

Some people really do, but not me.

Heaviness would weigh on my chest from the moment I knew I was ready for the tests. I have decided not to accompany the treatment on Abigail’s mind, no, there was enough stress inhabiting my being already, in the other hand, I really had something in mind. As the rest of them would cater for Raven’s experiment, I stayed in the lab writing something for the team, a farewell. The words simply flowing as the note goes as follows:

History had promised a better future by allowing us to learn from our mistakes. We were so wrong about being able to be coming back to earth after so many years of humanity space run experience. The world we wrote about in the books – it no longer exists.

But we do. We made it so far, surviving each day by betraying our own kind – our own blood. I regret the vote I had called ‘yes’ back on the Ark. I regret the blood unnecessarily spilled. I regret the pain and the life most of you never got a chance to cherish. I regret most of my choices, but this one I do not. I need you to understand this went beyond duties or maturity. I had to do this for myself. There is no one to blame.

I look back at the small family we have worked on building, and I am proud of you and all I ask of forgiveness. May you be able to look at each other, to take care and be strong. In the end, we are all we have left.

Abigail Griffin, I now speak to you. If you are reading this, then I should be gone. And I am sorry I could not keep my promise. Abby, I tried. I had to do this, and you know why. You would have done the same for her ( (by her I meant Clarke, but there was no need to say her name as no one knew about Octavia.) And I beg you to watch over them, the next generation. I love you and I passed with thoughts of you. I am sorry I could not be a better man for the incredible woman you are. Try again, Abby. You can do this serum work. I trust you.

Be Brave,

-Kane

I fold the letter stating that it should only be opened after my death, so I hope it would never be read. To hold my frustration and fear over a piece of paper made the thought of death ways more bearable. I left it over the lab’s desk, trusting someone would find it.

Once reunited with the team, I kept my head high. There was no need to face the consequences of your choices, so I betrayed my instincts of running away. Instead, I got inside the chamber and my features were void of any emotion. It was an exquisite sensation to be watched like this, a guinea pig. They were there watching me, their bodies forming a semicircle, just like a funeral – which is a very ironic way to picture this moment. The jokes rather bitter escaping from Raven’s lips. I heard the voice, but my eyes were on Abby’s now. Then someone else spoke and I finally hear the doctor’s voice, asking if I was ready.

“I am. Do it, Abby,” I say closing my eyes.

‘It is the cause, not the death, that makes the martyr’, I remind myself of the infamous quote of Napoleon Bonaparte.

I was no 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚𝒓, I was just protecting my 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚.

•- John -•

Raven’s words about smashing the radiation chamber resonated… I had mentioned it as an impossible answer to the question of keeping Emori safe. Even in the abstract, Raven was horrified by the thought and now she was joking about it. I swallowed hard, the dark humour spread to my friend and I squeezed Emori’s shoulder. She was good at hiding her fear… but I knew her well enough.

“Abi na pul disha of.” (Abby will succeed.) I lied, I hoped she would. I truly did. But human trials took years to perfect, not days.

There was a war inside me… I wanted to go to Raven and tell her everything was going to be okay too. Even if it was a lie. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t have the right words to describe how happy it made me that she wasn’t going to die. Even if she hated me for the rest of her life… at least she had more life left in front of her now. A chance to find some kind of peace or purpose beyond this shit show we currently called life. I wanted to drag her away from here to somewhere she couldn’t see this… or here the screaming that was no doubt going to start once they cranked up the heat.

But I couldn’t. It was better for me, to watch from the side-lines; better for her to be well away from me.

#Luna caught me watching Raven and gave me a small, weak smile before taking Raven’s hand and I looked away.

“Can we just do this thing already? Before the whole planet catches fire?” I huffed; after Marcus climbed in. #Jackson tapped the control panel and the glass of the chamber slid shut; a few mechanical clicks sounded as it sealed.

#Jackson’s face was grim as he turned to Abby. “The chamber is sealed. We’re ready to proceed.” His hand rested shakily on the dial as he waited for the instruction to proceed.

•- Rey -•

My heart stopped seeing #Jackson’s hand on the dial, I felt like there was a fist tightening around it to the point that even a slow beat wouldn’t bring me life. The walls were coming in on me and I couldn’t seen to fill my lungs with any air. I closed my eyes willing myself not to keel over. I had to control my fear. I had to be here, we were 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚, and I wasn’t going to turn my back now when we needed to stand together.

I knew I had to apologise to Abby. My temper had gotten the best of me. One moments flair up, and I had snapped at the woman who was like a mother not just to me, but to all of us. Why had I let myself react in such a way? What was wrong with me?

“Such a Fool!!”

Out of the side of my sight I saw some movement at the desks. Turning my head and eyes away from the view of Marcus and Abby. Raising my eyebrow when I saw #Monty, his attention on something in his hands. It looked much like the paper and letter John had left with #Harper to give me.

#Monty took the paper and pushed it into his pocket, his eyes darted over the room until he found my hazel eyes watching him. Shrugging his shoulders. He moved away from the desk and went to stand beside the others.

What was that? What was #MontyGreen hiding from us? Was it something to do with him? Or was it something to do with one of the others in here?

‘Are you okay?’ #Luna’s voice was low, when I glanced up at her, she’d taken my hand and squeezed it seeing her answer in my eyes. How could anyone be okay right now?

•- Jasper -•

I didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure I could. No words could get us out of the hole we had ourselves in. Little victories could only boost morale so much.

Rey and Abby saved from their brain melt had everyone releasing a sigh of relief, yet the tension still increased as the Chancellors test came closer.

My gaze flickered around the lab, #Jackson and Abby fiddling with equipment while everyone else stood in silence. That was until Raven and Emori released their dark humour. I let out a strangled chuckle, knowing it was their way of coping with what was about to happen. But I don’t think anyone knew how to cope.

Moving forward, I stood behind Emori, almost a subconscious decision as if I needed to pull her to safety should things end badly. Brown hues continue to flicker over each face, though I avoid #Harper. Her eyes are narrowed with suspicion at the group of us. I had no doubt she didn’t believe a word Raven said about our reason to be at the dock.

“I am. Do it, Abby.”

Marcus’s voice seemed steady, strong and I couldn’t take my gaze from #Jacksons hand on the dial. This was it. The moment of truth. Is this the last time we would have to test someone? I knew if it didn’t work, I’d be next. I would make sure I was next. Everyone else in this room was needed, had skills that would lead to their survival. It was the logical choice, though I doubt anyone would see it that way. That was a thought for another time.

My hands tighten into to fists as I wait and watch, holding my breath as we wait for the final moment.

•- Emori -•

I refuse to acknowledge Raven. She had every right to be upset at the world for all I cared. Just as I had every right to not trust the good doc not to make me her newest test subject. This was wrong. All of this was wrong.

Everyone in this lab was just standing there watching and waiting for a twist of a dial to see if a man would live or die. Not to mention what would happen if it failed.

I felt Jasper and John move closer as #Jackson lifted a hand, waiting for Abby to nod her approval before spinning it.

My whole life I learned to never show an ounce of fear. But at this moment it consumed me. Unable to help myself, I show that I do have a weakness and gently grasp Jasper’s hand.

•- Abby -•

“Gallow’s humor is never funny to those around the speaker, Raven, and seeing the situation at hand it is even more inappropriate.”

I look back to Marcus. Wishing that I had stop the idiot from doing this. I had enough blood on my hands and I didn’t want to add his to the list.

’…Do it, Abby.“

Those words rip my heart to shreds and I watch as Jackson follows him to the tank. How am I supposed to do this? #Jackson forever the person I could silently depend on stood with his hand on the dial, waiting for me to let him, if I let him do this, I could easily hate him and say whatever outcome wasn’t my fault. That /I/ didn’t do it to him. Yet I couldn’t do that to him.

I am the one breaking my oath by doing this I would be the one to turn it on. Stepping forward, I put one hand on the glass, tears filling my eyes, and the other to the control panel. There were so many words I wanted to say but they were caught in my throat. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes—allowing the tears to slip down my cheeks— and start the machine.

•- Rey -•

‘𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬'𝙨 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙧’ The definitions of which ‘𝘎𝘳𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.’ Was this not truly the perfect situation for such a thing? When people found it hard to manage a moment in life that was out of their control, they found ways to deal and survive it.

But Hells! Who the Fuck gave a crap about humour, words, the bull shit that was known as 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 for any of us? Once again, we all stood on the precipice. And the only way out for us was to jump without knowing where we would land.

As the chamber glass closed, my heart started to sink. I wanted to beg them. Marcus, Abby even #Jackson not to go ahead with this. Seeing the tears rolling from Abby’s eyes, a woman who seemed to be breaking with every breath she was taking. My legs gave out from under me. Glad that I was still sat, because I knew I didn’t have the strength to be still.

‘Wich op’ ( Trust ) #Luna closed her eyes after saying just one word. However, her lips moved in a silent prayer. I didn’t know who she was sending those words to. But in this moment… I hope… I hoped something out there would hear her, listen and for once be on our side.

•- Marcus -•

It would be a lie if I say I was not terrified.

I drown into my darkness, because I would not be able to make it if I stand to watch Abigail crashing on the outside – one look and I would regret it all. Therefore, I kept my eyes shut as the freezing chamber would make me quiver. I had the electrodes over my chest, the bareness of it making it slightly difficult to ignore the gelid rigid metal where I was bonded to by belts. The heaviness on my chest making it hard to breathe as I remain put and motionless.

“Vital signs, normal,” #Clarke said.

Then I heard the machine as they turn it on. I could hear the sound in the back of my skull, an endless buzzing playing inside that capsule like a funeral symphony. If anyone to see the irony on this, the machine did assemble the casket of the books I used to read. The ones corpuses would be buried in the ground, was I an step closer to that.

“Initiating,” #Jackson’s voice muffed outside the glass. I was aware of everything they were doing. My mind forcing me to imagine their faces outside, especially when Jackson’s voice would be the only one, I could hear. No. I did not want to see them in my head. “500 rem.”

“Vital signs, 61 bpm,” the female said.

A knot forming on my throat, the chili sensation vaguely extinguishing my body. I could hear my heart, pacing steadily and the air escaping my lips as I breathe. A throb afflicting my forehead, behind my eyes.

“Going up to 850 rem. This is where we’d see symptoms in a non-nightblood,” the male voice rings on my ears again.

At this time, I was still conscious, but if felt harder to vent. A tingling sensation on the tip of my fingers. I felt weak. My body significantly falling hotter, as if I were standing under the sun. But I could not move. I felt my abdomen muscles writhing, as the pain in my head became harder to ignore.

“Vital signs, 100 bpm. No visible effects,” said #Clarke.

“1,000 rems. Clarke?”, #Jackson announces.

A knot formed in my throat, but I couldn’t swallow it; my stomach squirms. I could sense my heart pacing faster inside my chest, the air finding its weigh in with certain difficulty and my head, well, it felt as if I had someone tightening my skull, but so far, I could make it. I would make it. ‘Hold a little longer, Marcus,’ I mentally told myself. I was still here; I could still listen to them. I felt my body heating up. #Clarke was checking the signs; it was all under control. I could make it. No reason to give them the sign to stop it. Just a little more.

“Vital signs, 140 bpm. No visible effects, all good here.”

“Alright, 1,500 rems,” #Jackson kept going.

“Is it working?” Another voice would question, but I did not recognize it to whom it belonged to. I could not focus anymore; my head was killing me.

I could still hear the buzzing of the machine. My eyes remained closed during the whole process. The coldness on the chamber being replaced by hot temperature as my body seemed to be hotter at each swipe of that button on #Jackson’s hand. I felt sick and thirsty at the same time. The fluid in my body being replaced by heat. By this time, I could not move as if my body did not respond. My head pressuring pinching even more as my stomach seemed to be turning over. I could breathe, but I was stuck in place. The tingling in my hand now covered my members, the heart clearly beating faster.

‘NO. STOP,” I wished I could scream, but from the parted lips nothing came out. I WAS BURNING. Still, it was all good, right? #Clarke said it. She said it, right? RIGHT?

“2,000 rems. The level of the black rain. Clarke?!”

“He is stable. Not a visible sign. Body temperature, 98.4,” the girl said and there was a hidden joy within her words, “It’s working.”

It took it seconds, and I was down. Drown by the blackness of my senses, I was at a loss. I could no longer command my own body, my head exploding in pain, the burning consuming the mass inside my skull, the air escaping my lungs making it hard to breathe as each inhale would deteriorate the air-hole tubes. The bleeding of mucous membranes was a clear indicative of inhalation of hot gases. The veins in my body conducting lava as I could feel everything hurting. My jaw contracts, tightening my teeth one against the other.

“Copy that. Going 2,500 rems.”

Water blisters sprouting from the now burned in red skin. My face being painted in red as I could feel the stains take over my skin. The carcass burning, like knifes digging into the pores of my entire body. Exposed wounds ripping the flesh apart, exposing the hide to the radioactive atmosphere. I was burning alive. My corpses convulsing immediately, quivering from the effects of the radiation, I felt the blood coming out of my mouth, the body violently bucking inside the capsule. I could not turn to the side, the belt keeping me in the resting positioning. I was suffocating as my own black blood would trickle down the airways. Part of the dark blood was still being spit out of my lips, in the hollow organs of the abdomen, the pseudo-hemorrhages in the form of heat hematomas would still nurture the pain. It felt as is the organic matter of my body was embraced and being consumed as fuel by the invisible flames. The amount of pain experienced is greatest from inside out, as my nerves seems to be boiling.

“NO! Wait! WAIT! NO! NO! STOP!”

“TURN IT OFF!”

“TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE!” Voices.

It was left with the voices before the blank.

Silence and darkness.

The pain was gone.

- 𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦,

𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑐𝑢𝑠 𝐾𝑎𝑛𝑒, 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓𝑓 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑒.

•- Abby -•

There were no words that could describe the way I felt standing there. I wanted to see those dark eyes staring at me. But he kept them from my view. Jackson took over the control panel. While I just stood there hand still pressed against the glass. It was an agony to watch as each level grew. Having to wait to see if the next part of the test would be where both it and I failed. Just as hope blossomed within my chest, blisters started to bubble along his skin, dashing everything. My heart was gutted.

"NO! Turn it off!”

My eyes moved wildly across the room. I failed. Now I was standing there watching another man I loved die. Was this the universe’s way of making me pay for my actions that caused #Jake to be floated. Only this time I fought for him to live. I did everything I could and yet it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough. The moment it was cleared I spoke again.

“Get him out of there now!”

My voice broke. My heart broke. I stood there frozen as #ErikJackson and #Clarke took over. I couldn’t. My legs gave out on me. I didn’t feel my body connect with the floor. All I could focus on was him and his poisoned body. When I couldn’t see through my tears, I closed my eyes and wished it had been me instead.

•- Rey -•

I sat still, all words gone from my mouth and mind. My eyes didn’t move from the chamber Marcuse lay in, and I could see how he willed himself to stay put. I knew what he was doing, because in this moment I was transported back to the mountain, to the underground lab there, as people drilled into my body.

My hand moved over my hip where I knew the scar sat as a stark reminder of the agony, but more so of the stubbornness not to show them I was in pain, until I couldn’t take any more. That was him now. Marcus…. However, it wasn’t stubbornness with him. It was her… Not showing Abby what the pain was like? For Us? So that when the nightmares of this come to haunt us ( Which I have no doubt they will ), maybe seeing him holding his pain in will make those nights less painful for those of us who survive another few days?

‘𝙉𝙊! 𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙛!’ The words echoed in the silent lab with only the sounds coming from the radiation chamber. Bringing me out of the trance I had somehow stepped into.

“𝙂𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙬!” Abby’s voice stung like daggers in my chest. When I moved, I saw I wasn’t the only one. We darted towards the chamber with Marcus inside. And it was all a blur for me. #Luna was faster off the mark, but even she couldn’t catch Abby as she hit the ground.

“𝙃𝙀𝙇𝙇𝙎! 𝘼𝘽𝘽𝙔! 𝙈𝘼𝙍𝘾𝙐𝙎!!!” my voice wasn’t my own as I pushed off the stool, and my body felt out of place as I tried to half run and half hop towards them too. Why had we done this? 𝙒𝙝𝙮?

•- John -•

My eyes barely left Rey… Only flicking to the chamber when her expression was too grave to stand. As I watched what happened to Kane my eyes then moved to Jasper. Is this what he saw when #Maya died? No wonder he was drinking himself into oblivion.

‘Wait!!’ #Jackson and #Monty both cried out at the same time. ‘It’s not safe yet!’ There was a flurry of movement and my arm shot out in front of Emori and Jasper. I hadn’t missed her grabbing his hand, and I didn’t want her getting closer to that machine. I knew it was a stupid thought, if they were going to use her it wouldn’t matter how close she was to the machine… #Luna and Rey shot forward but #Abby… the hole in my chest ached for her now too, as she dropped to the floor… too far for me to even try to catch her.

I bolted forward placing myself between Raven and the machine. In case she tried to yank it open before the radiation was vented and made herself sick… or worse. It was another stupid thought. We would all be affected if it was opened too soon. But all I cared about at that moment was her.

‘Go, go, go!’ #Monty shoved #Jackson away, to get to Marcus and he took over venting the radiation. In a matter of seconds, the chamber slid open with a hiss and #Jackson got to work.

‘He’s still alive!’ #Jackson called out but his face was dark. He injected the man with what I really hoped was pain killers. If he was alive…. Even this deathly still… he must be in agony. I stepped closer to the chamber the smell of burnt skin turned my stomach. ‘Breath sounds are shallow. Murphy, bring me the oxygen.’

Kane’s face and what could be seen of his hands and arms were almost completely black with blisters that oozed puss and black blood. ‘John!’ #Jackson yelled and I snapped out of it. I pulled the cart he had readied closer to the chamber. Then I placed the mask over Kane’s head and turned opened the valve on the tank.

•- Rey -•

The ripples of anger burst out of me. “𝙂𝙚𝙩 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝙊𝙛 𝙈𝙮 𝙒𝘼𝙔!” I screamed.

My hands on his chest pushing and fighting to get past John. I needed him to move himself out of my way.

“We need to get him out… We need…” I wasn’t even sure what we needed, but then I didn’t even know where he’d come from. The Lab and all the people in it were a blur now. All I could see were Abby, Marcus, and that radiation chamber.

I stopped pushing him and rocked back on my feet at the smell that washed over and into my nose. The wretched smell of burned flesh made my stomach turn, making me feel like I was going to be sick. I stopped pushing John and stepped away from him as he disappeared, seeing #Clarke making a beeline for her mom. #Luna had Abby on her side as #Clarke checked her over.

‘Rey! Rey! Get the emergency bag… 𝙍𝙚𝙮!!’ She was half shouting to get my attention.

“Right… Right… I got it..” I half turned in the direction she was pointing. Seeing the bag on the trolley #Jackson and Abby would have set up for Marcus. My fingers curled around the handle and I heaved it off and over to #Clarke. “Crap…!” What in the name of Hells was going on here?

•- Jasper -•

I was silent, watching, observing. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Not everyone can be the main character. With every increase #Jackson stated, my heart beat faster.

Emori’s hand was wrapped in mine, tight and safe. But for how long?

I watch in silent horror as the slow burn of colour spread across

Marcus’s skin, searing it like a few too many hours in the sun. But at each increase, #Clarke was assuring the room of its success.

My gaze never left the glass confinement, even at Murphy’s piercing gaze. I knew what he was thinking. Is this what happened to Maya? Down to a T, just this was like watching the effects on the people of Mt Weather in super slow motion.

Maybe it would work, as each symptom seemed to take longer before showing itself, though my self-doubt was shot out of the room when the first blister appeared. Then the chaos erupted. Abby screaming out, #Luna rushing to her side a little too late, #Monty and #Jackson turning the machine off, Murphy protecting the ones he cares for and me?

I pull Emori closer to me, hand still tight around hers as I position myself slightly in front of her, as if I could protect her from a sight she’d seen before. I held my breath, watching, waiting. Until I heard the one thing, we all needed to hear.

Ｈｅ＇ｓ ｓｔｉｌｌ ａｌｉｖｅ

•- Rey -•

‘He is crashing!’ #Jackson’s voice came from above us. ‘You need to get Abby out the way, you guys are blocking me!’ He was working as fast as he could.

The smell in the lab was suffocating, I could see #Clarke, #Harper, and #Luna were breathing through their mouths.

‘Right, this is Messed Up!’ #Bellamy’s voice roared in the Lab. ‘Nate, Harper! Go grab the Biobeds. We need them now.’ The two rushed away.

‘Monty, you keep making the chamber safe.’ Even with shaking hands #Monty did as he was told. ‘Clarke, Luna is she okay?’ He asked leaning down over us. His hand rested on #Clarke’s shoulder to reminder she wasn’t alone, and we were all here with her.

‘She.. She.. fainted’ #Clarke’s voice cracked.

‘We know Griffin, but can we move her?’ #Bellamy asked looking up as #Nate was the first back with a bed. And #Clarke nodded her head. ‘Okay the three of you move back.’ #Bellamy motioned to #Nate and then Abby was gone. #Luna and #Clarke were on their feet, then they helped to pull me up off the ground.

‘Erik, you have the space you need, now save him!’ #Bellamy had taken charge, making sure that everyone had what was needed to do their job.

They rolled Abby to the far side, Clarke gripping her mothers’ hand as they went.

And I was frozen to the spot again. Watching them lifting Marcus’s blistered body out of the chamber and setting him on a Biobed. My stomach churned and bile was rising to my throat seeing the oozing pus and black blood dripping out of Marcus’s orifices.

•- John -•

If Rey didn’t hate me already, she did now, because I was the one that stood between her and the chamber.

I saw Jasper step in to partially obscure Emori from the others… from the chamber.

#Jackson was setting up the defibrillator and #Bellamy was shouting orders; that I paid no attention to. I waited to hear from #Jackson what he needed. I pulled a pair of scissors from the cart at his side and ran the blade up the centre of Marcus’s shirt, so #Jackson could place the electrodes. He was covered in black and yellow blisters; the smell was stomach-churning. I clipped the pulse-oximeter onto his finger and the flat line sound bellowed through the room.

I pulled the oxygen mask away too, pure O2 and electricity didn’t mix well. Doc Lite nodded his approval.

‘Clear!!’ Jackson yelled even though no one was touching him. Kane’s chest arced violently off the table beneath him and I couldn’t help but jump back a step. ‘John, bag him!’ #Jackson said sharply… like I was supposed to know that on my own. He nodded the mask with the bag attached and I held it to Marcus face and squeezed it like I had been shown.

“Where the hell did #Clarke go!?!” I hadn’t seen her leave… She should be doing this, not me.

It took three more shocks before there was an independent blip on the monitor. But I barely had a chance to take a breath before - ‘Did Abby teach you how to find a vein?’ #Jax asked.

“Yeah… but…” I started.

‘Good.’ He cut me off. ‘Do it, we need to hang an I.V.’ He didn’t look up this time, he just went back to work.

I looked at the skin of his too pale, and at the same time, too black skin… how the fuck was I meant to find a vein in that mess? But I opened the plastic package of the cannula kit and took a breath. I tied the rubber strap around his arm and tapped the crook of his elbow, but the veins were barely hinted at under the only patch of unblistered skin. I angled the needle towards a vague blue line, Marcus never even flinched as the needle pierced, he skin; that flash of red… or in this case black, didn’t show in the needle like it had when I practised this with Abby, before she assigned me to Raven’s care. “Fuck!” I pulled it out.

“#Clarke should be doing this… I have no idea what I’m doing.” I said, #Jackson only said. ‘Try again.’ as he examined Kane’s larger burns and injuries.

•- Emori -•

I stood there watching it all play out in horror. The chamber’s door closing, the turning of the dial, the slow progression of the radiation that to eventually overtook the serum. Kane losing. Abby falling. John’s worry. I watched it all and I couldn’t help thinking that was my fate. My existence would be ended like that. My hand tightened around Jasper’s as he moved in front of me. It touched something inside of me that he was trying to protect me. But I also knew it was in vain. I felt conflicted at that moment. I wanted to prove that I was worth more than just a test subject and I genuinely cared about members of this group. At the same time, the urge to run was so great my body screamed with adrenaline.

“We need to help. Do something.”

I squeezed Jasper’s hand twice before going to help #Clarke and #Luna with Abby.

•- Jasper -•

Emori was right, but I didn’t move at first. I wasn’t sure what I could do and actually be helpful. Looking around, everyone was focused on something. #Clarke and #Luna were bustling around Abby, very quickly joined by Emori while #Jackson and John worked hard on the Chancellor. I could see the ever growing frustration on Murphy face and almost without a thought, I grab a cloth and make my way to his side.

“Murph. Stop.”

With the cloth in hand and strangely calm, I pick up Marcus arm and gently wipe away the black blood from the crook of his elbow. I step back, gesturing for Murphy to try again.

The sight and smell had me feeling numb. A familiarity settled like a blanket over my mind, sending shivers down my spine as memories bubble to the surface. I gulp down a breath before taking the cloth in hand and not knowing what else to do, I start cleaning the mess Marcus currently was, keeping away from the blisters scattered across his skin.

•- Rey -•

My head was pounding a new drum this time. I knew it had nothing to do with code, or my hallucinations, or even the eventuality of a brain melt on the horizon. This pain came from all which stood to unfold before us.

My feet moved me back away from them all. I had nothing to offer them in this situation. Ask me to build or create a Machine with nothing but my wits and I was your girl. But human biology, saving lives, this was their domain.

My eyes wondered over them all, I took in what was being said and shouted, I watched as they all worked together to help Marcus, and some were with Abby.

‘Jax you tell us what to do, what you need.’ #Bellamy looked over #Jacksons shoulder. There was a pained expression in his face, more so than what he ever had before.

My eyes took in the way he rubbed his hands together, trying to wipe the black blood from them onto his pants. Remembering that something had gone down between the two men before. And both of them had looked worried and concerned, and #Bellamy had looked angry somewhat towards Marcus. Is that what I saw in his eyes now? Anger mixed with a touch of guilt.

Jasper moved into the fray and then I heard his calming voice guiding John. They were working together. That was a good thing, right? Is that not what we had been working towards, before… well… before they planned on running?

•- John -•

I watched Emori follow the others, I didn’t like it… but the machine was here. I still didn’t believe I could trust their group mentality. Individually maybe, but if they came to a decision together; they would see it through. But right now, the machine was still occupied, so I could let her out of my sight. Right?

My eyes found Rey. The I.V. needle still clutched in my hand. I wondered if she was going into shock as she stood there, wide-eyed watching everything. But Jasper’s voice pulled my gaze and I saw him start to clean away the pus and black fluid on Marcus’s forearm. He was telling me to stop… but it wasn’t a yell or a demand… No… he was telling me to wait.

Then he was stepping aside and tending to other his wounds. I cracked my neck from side-to-side and took a breath. I did this before… with Abby talking me through it. I pressed my fingers deep into the soft flesh of Kane’s inner elbow and felt the path of the elusive veins. I angled the needle parallel to his skin and slid it slowly and firmly in. The flash of black filled the clear part of the cannula, I huffed a sigh of relief as I retracted the needle and taped it down.

After that, all I needed to do was connect the tubing and hang the bag… Only were we in the middle of the lab so there was nowhere to hang it. So, I just held it up to eye level and let gravity do its work.

•- Abby -•

My eyes slowly open, forcing me to look around the room. I see worry etched on #Clarke’s face along. Turning my head, I see it on the others that surrounded me. The lack of sleep and stress finally caught up to me causing me to pass out. I close my eyes once more before I speak.

“Kane?”

I needed to know but I dreaded it completely. The image of him when I screamed no filled my mind. When I open my eyes again and slowly start to sit up. When I managed it, my eyes lock on Marcus’s prone body. Needing to see him, I start to stand ignoring the protests of everyone, and move to where John was setting up an I.V. My knees almost gave out in relief. An I.V. means that he was still alive. But his body has so much damage to it and it broke my heart.

“How are his vitals?”

•- Rey -•

‘She’s awake!’ I heard the loud whisper from #Harper coming from the far side of the lab. I didn’t realise I had been holding my breath, but the smell of Marcus’s flesh, the shock of all that was unfolding before me had started to take a toll.

My head jolted to the side to glance over, but with #Luna, Emori, Nate and Clarke moving around her bio bed I didn’t have a clear view. It was then that I made out her voice. She was awake, and the first thing or person she worried about had been… Marcus. Of Course… Of course, even now Abby wouldn’t worry about herself.

‘𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘴?’ Her voice echoed over the other goings on.

‘It’s not looking good right now.’ #Jackson answered Abby’s question. ‘His respiratory rate is set at 5 breaths per minute, blood pressure is low at 90/60, his temperature is shooting up at 101, and pulse rate is dropping at 50 beats per minute. We need to stabilise him and Fast!’

Numbers, these were all numbers to me now. With my chip gone I was useless to them all. ‘Stop and think, you still have this?’ My internal voice told me. Okay, I had this before the chip, and I have it now. But I really didn’t. The best I could do was bear witness.

•- John -•

#Monty had pulled an IV stand in from the room we had kept raven in after her seizures and I hung the bag Just as Abby came back around. The worry was etched on her face as #Jackson filled her in. I squeezed the Doc’s shoulder… we all knew her, and Marcus were more than friends and colleagues. My bloodied scraped knuckles caught my eye and I immediately pulled my hand away.

I stepped back and left the doctors to take care of him. “I’ll get the biobed ready for when we can move him.” I nodded at #Monty and he followed me. When we got to the room we had effectively abandoned after Raven’s last 𝓝𝓪𝓹 as she called them.

I battled back the memories that hit when I came back here. The table still held a half-empty jar of chocolate and a few silver packets of crackers we hadn’t opened. I stomped down the sound of Rey and #Luna laughing that reared up in the back of my mind.

‘What’s going on between Jasper, and your grounder friend?’ #Monty asked as he helped me strip the bed. He had clearly noticed what I did when Kane was in the chamber.

“No idea… What’s up with Emori and your friend?” I asked plainly.

‘How –‘ #Monty wasn’t happy that I turned the table. ‘You know Jasper isn’t in a good place right now.’

“Exactly…” I gave him a look as I lowered the bed to lie flat and kicked off the break. “All the more reason to stay out of it; Emori’s lost people too… everyone, as a matter of fact. So, stay out of their way.”

I couldn’t read #Monty’s expression as we pushed the bed out of the room. My eyes were jumping wildly around the lab searching for Rey and Emori. Where the hell had they gone?

•- Emori -•

I watched Abby stand up and slowly move towards the fried shell that was Marcus. Her entire face was etched in pain at what she was seeing on the man she cared for. There was something beautiful in that look.

To love someone that much, that it physically caused you pain when they were hurt. It made me think about my life. I could honestly name a handful of people that cared about me and one of them died. I moved back to the corner, wanting to put as much space between the tank and myself.

•- Rey -•

#Harper had rushed out of the restroom, as soon as she saw that #Luna had me on my feet and out of the stall. The smell of my vomit still filled the air in the cold tiled room. The two girls had followed behind me when they saw my ashen face rushing away from the main lab. The scent of Marcus’s burning flesh had turned my stomach, and then when I knew that I wouldn’t be missed I was found bent over the toilet emptying my guts out.

The door opened as I splashed water on my face. #Harper had come back with a bottle of water and a packet in her hands. ‘I found some of these dry crackers in the break room. I’ve heard Jax tell others that they could help with the sickness?’

I watched #Luna giving her a smile in thanks, taking the small silver packet from her. And I took the bottle of water to wash out my mouth. “You girls should get out of here.” I tell them. “The smell in this place will take a moment to clean out.” The two make no attempts to move.

I needed time to clear my head. The questions I’d been asking still making themselves known in the moment; ‘Did I still believe? Did I still believe we were worth saving?’ I wasn’t sure right now, but it was something I needed to understand without the others finding out, that I was doubting myself and our dysfunctional family. When the sound of the radio in #Harpers pants started to echo with static.

The three of us all glanced down to the radio all at the same time. “Is someone out of the Lab?” I asked and #Harper shook her head.

‘No, I just left them all helping with Kane. They are trying to stabilise him enough to move him to the….’ She cut out before continuing. ‘Well, in the room you were in when you were….’ She rubbed her neck.

“When I was taking one of my night long 𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙨.” I asked, and she nodded her head. But the sound of the radio pulled our attention again and I held my hand out for it. #Harper didn’t question me before handing it over. I looked at the channels, it was set to the ones we used here on the island.

“It looks fine.” I pushed in the connections and then unsure why I started to turn the channels. 103, 104, 105, 106… The static turned into a voice.

‘Hello. Can anyone hear me?’ All our eyes widened. It was a voice we all knew so well.

“O? What the hell, Are you okay? Where are you? – Over” This radio didn’t have the long range as the main system we had set up to talk with Polis, so hearing her on a hand held was unexpected.

‘REY! Thank Hells Rey! Can you hear me? I’m here, I need help Rey. We were ambushed on the way here. I’m here on the edge of the water.- Over.’ her voice sounded, dry, tired, lost and about to give out.

“Here? Where Is here….” And then I heard it. “Ambushed? At the edge of the water? Crap! You are at the banks to the island?- Over.” #Harper took in a deep sharp breath, #Luna’s eyes didn’t leave the radio. The three of us had moved in closer. “Stay in the woods, don’t wait on the bank. I’m Coming for you. I’m coming O.. Just stay safe until I get there.” I told her where we had hidden the Rover so that she at least had somewhere to wait in case there was an issue.

‘Okay. We will. Come fast Rey.’ And she was gone.

“Hells…” I rubbed my wet face looking at the other two.

‘We need supplies, we need to take Jax with us, and we….’ This was the fighter in #Harper who came out in a crisis, she was so different to the girl whose eyes were red with tears at finding me on the floor.

“No… We can’t… Abby will need Jax to help with Marcus.” I countered.

“We can go, she said 𝙒𝙚, which means she’s not alone. We take water, food, and a med kit. When we get back on the island, we can call for help.” #Luna was making the plan as the three of us rushed out of the restroom. Each with a task on what to gather and meet at the elevators.

‘What about the boat?’ #Harper asked. And I knew it. None of us had real time with sailing the boat.

“We will work it out. I’ve done a little time on it when we went to fix the Rover.” I told her.

‘What about Emori or John? They could help?’ #Luna said coming to a stop.

“𝙉𝙤!” I exclaimed. “I… Can’t…” And I knew it was stupid. But I couldn’t deal with those three right now.

•- Jasper -•

As #Jackson, #Monty and John bustled around Marcus, I step back and out of their way. My fingers clench around the dirty cloth in my hand, skin stained black with the only hope we had.

Every breath in suddenly felt like I was suffocating, the room doused in the perfume of burnt flesh and blood. The haze lifted from my head and the events that just happened unfolding in my mind like a picture book. And with that I couldn’t breath. Wide eyes barely register the now mobile Abby passing by to see the chaos with her own eyes.

Brown hues dance quickly around the lab before the elevator doors come into view. I couldn’t stay in the room any longer. It’s not like I could be of any help now anyway. My feet move by themselves, briskly away from the little lab of horrors and away from the questions and answers of our survival. As the elevator doors slide open and I step inside, somebody calls my name though I’m unsure of who as I don’t turn around until the doors close.

The sight and smell made me want to curl up and cry, to drink away the memories that again stood side by side with the events of today. I tried not to think about /her/ as the elevator made its way to the top, opening up into a vastly different world.

It wasn’t until I let out a strangled cry that I realise I had held my breath the whole way.

One deep breath in and I double over, bile rising in the back of my throat as my body tried to remove the nothing I’d had to eat today. When I finish dry heaving, I fall back on my heels, back sliding down the stone wall of the lab entrance until I sit flush.

Through the muddled thoughts and images floating in my mind, one thing sticks out strongly and shines the smallest ray of light in the darkest hour.

Marcus is alive.

For now.

Arms rest precariously on shaky knees as I stare at the cloth still clutched in my fingertips, blood and other fluids staining the material.

I throw it to the ground and close my eyes as I fight against the always present panic, breath shaky and unreliable, and I know I’m going to lose the battle.

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

It was 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 before I could see the 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.

What is life? What is time? This counting beat that seemed nothing but an invisible portion of air that slips through our fingers?

Exactly… It means nothingness. And still, it means everything.

My eyes would remain still over the sight of the Earth. Arms folded in the back as a voice grants me permission to step inside the room. White. Everything was white. In the middle a table, over it a body plugged to tubes.

My eyes trail the body, the blanked covering half of it. It was alive, still breathing if I could tell it right. And I certainly was.

“𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑠?”, I asked watching my old man laid before me. Then my eyes would go for the doctor, whose mask avoided me to recognize the features. But the voice… That voice sounded like #Jackson. I was calm, he was calm. This whole atmosphere was too tranquil if all I care.

‘𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑟𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤,’ The male voice answers my question, ‘𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦 𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑡 𝟻 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝘩𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒, 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑡 𝟿𝟶/𝟼𝟶, 𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝘩𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑢𝑝 𝑎𝑡 𝟷𝟶𝟷, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑠𝑒 𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑡 𝟻𝟶 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒.’ Then a beep on the machine makes me freeze. The irregular lines fall flat as fear consumes me, pain. ‘𝑊𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝘩𝑖𝑚 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐹𝑎𝑠𝑡!’, the man in white said. #Jackson, yes, I knew that voice. It was him.

As I try to get closer to my father, the scene falls into a slow motion where the doctor urges to the victim’s body. I feel the scream tightened in my throat as I attempt to reach him, but strong hands keep me in place. Violence. I could feel the nails digging on my carcass, almost as if those hands burned with their touch. The doctor was standing in my sight of view, I could not see … I was desperate.

“LET ME SEE HIM!”, I shout but silence is all that comes from my lips as I part them. The flaming touch becoming more and more hard to ignore as I force them away to get over the corpus.

“Dad-”, I said yet the sight of it makes my stomach flip, and I throw up. I saw myself, entirely burned – head to toe, every inch of my skin assembling melted wax. No. I did not make any sense, and then my eyes would meet the doctor’s, whose white clothes were washed in black. Nightblood. The doctor removes its mask, it was him … My father. How? How have I ended up in that bed? How was he standing here looking at me? “I don’t- How?”, I question.

“You fought bravely. What a wonderful adventure you had out there,” He says as he gets rid of his clothes. And only now I realize I am dressed in white, just leave everyone else. “Oh, come here.”

I could feel his embrace. The heat that emanates from his body, from the long-forgotten feeling of having him this close. Broken. I felt broken, I felt lost. I felt safe. The hug makes my mind flip, as if I was forced to a tube as colourful shapes would turn into many different moments of my life, from childhood to adulthood. Like a movie.

My mother, the first kiss, the night I learned I was a father, when #Octavia was found, #Aurora being floated, landing on earth, Octavia grown up, and Abby… This was the last one, still her face, the way she looked at me in the lab.

Abigail.

“Where is Abby?”, I ask as I break the embrace. The one hug that almost made me forget where I stand. “Where is O?”

“She is not here. And she isn’t coming anytime soon, Marcus,” Kane Senior affirms, watching me from head to toe.

“Come, son. Walk with me, I will take you home. Your fight is almost over now. You just need to cross that door. Or you can stay here… In this emptiness until you decide to follow my steps. Your call, Marcus. But it is wise to warn you, this white room will hardly break apart. Look at yourself …”, he points to the body on the table. “If he stops, you will be forced to cross that door. I can offer you a tranquil passage,”

“No!”, I told him stepping back, “I love you. I love mom. I miss you both and I miss #Aurora too, but there are people there… I can hear them calling from the body. Can’t you? I am not leaving. I will fight. I promised Abigail I wouldn’t leave her, and I won’t.”

“I can’t hear, only you can. Marcus, you are free to do as you wish. But your body is weak, so make sure you are sane, or you will lose it. May we meet again…” and he vanishes in the form of a bright light before my eyes.

I try to reason what was going on, and I could not. Then, I urge to my body side. I could hear them, every one of them. Raven, John, Jasper, Emori, Jackson … Abigail.

“I AM HERE!”, I try to tell them. “I AM ALIVE!” still, the more I scream the more silent I feel my voice becoming. And I could feel the tears coming, the chest compressing my heart as I whisper:

“𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆, 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒆… 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.”

•- John -•

By the time I got back with the bio bed Jasper was gone and Rey was still nowhere to be seen.

Emori was standing in the furthest corner of the large, open space. I glanced back at #Monty who pushed the bed from behind as I pulled from the other end. He pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded a silent approval to go to her. #Monty kept pushing the bed towards the chamber and I made my way to the stunned Emori.

“E?” I said quietly. “It’s okay.” I lied… I lied flawlessly. “

Marcus is alive…

He could…” I tried not to choke on my next lie. “He could still recover. #Luna got sick.” Kane was dying… I knew that. “But her nightblood healed her… it took a few days… but he’s a nightblood now too.”

“If you don’t want to be here, go find Jasper … I’m sure he needs a friendly face right now.” I didn’t say the thought that came to my mind. ‘𝓜𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭.’

He would keep her safe. I had seen how he tried to protect her.

•- Rey -•

The three of us split up and each of us made our way to the things we had agreed to gather, and to do it as quickly and quietly as we could. #Harper had told #Luna and I that the others were all distracted on the main floor. She was certain that they wouldn’t even notice her going into the break room, where she was sure that there would be some food we could take for #Octavia and whomever had come with her.

#Luna was heading to the storage level to find some of the water containers, the ones we had were all accounted for. So, new ones would be needed. Once she had them and filled them, she would be ready for us to go. However, she was addiment she would come to find me. I knew that look in her eyes, and the meaning of the squeeze on my arm. She wasn’t happy about me going alone, but there was no other way for us to do this.

Me… I was stood looking up at the numbers on the elevator as they counted up, then came to a stop at Level 10. Med kits were my job. In the time I’d spent on this level with the Ice Tank I was the only one other than #Jackson who knew where to find things. Even if as the doors opened and the lights in the dark corridor came to life, my heart had started to race in my chest.

Coming down here again, after what I’d put myself through was a bad idea. The flash backs hadn’t improved, the feeling of drowning hadn’t gotten any better. But this wasn’t about me. #Octavia was on the other side, and she was asking for help again. And this time… I wasn’t going to let her call go unanswered.

•- Abby -•

There were two things that I knew for sure. The first was that I didn’t want to leave Marcus’s side. The second was time was still ticking and I hadn’t figured out how to make the serum correctly. I had one dose leftover from the obvious failed serum, and I would eventually have to see if I can tweak it to make it right. But I wasn’t leaving him quite yet.

I needed to watch his vitals for a little while longer while I debated on how to keep him alive. I knew what the radiation was doing to his body. Yet I was determined to keep my promise to him. I would give him a shot of adrenaline if I had to if he didn’t keep his.

•- Emori -•

I studied the room intently. I knew the risks for me were now higher. So I found myself back to watching all the comings and goings of the room. Raven’s race to the bathroom with #Harper and # Luna following behind her. John and those I decided to call the med team huddled over the unconscious Marcus. Then there was Jasper. He looked like he wanted anything but to be here. My eyes followed Jasper as he left the room. I debated on following him but I stuck on keeping an eye on my back or follow the strange need to comfort him. When John moved towards me and encouraged me to follow, I silently wondered if he had been watching me as closely as I had been with the room. Nodding slightly, I walked towards the lab entrance of the lab but not before speaking to him.

“Go find Raven. I know she is pissed but she just rushed off to the bathroom and I know you want to make sure she is okay.”

Just as I get to the doors, I see Jasper slumped on the floor. I sat down beside him, so close that my shoulder brushed his. I found myself wanting to give him the same comfort he offered me when it was obvious that the test failed with Marcus.

“How was it growing up there?”

•- Jasper -•

I barely acknowledge the person sitting down beside me. The fresh air outside couldn’t extinguish the scent of almost certain death lingering. It made me feel sick to my stomach yet again. Panic continued to bubble through every vein, my chest tightening and restricting.

Opening my eyes, I finally see Emori beside me with a questioning look on her face. I wondered why she wasn’t inside with John as I open my mouth to tell her hadn’t heard her, but not a sound emits. My mouth is dry, and every breath scratched against my throat, chills passing over my flesh as my heart goes a mile a minute. Over thinking. There was nothing I could do. To save Maya, to help Marcus, to 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 Emori. The end was coming for all of us and the one hope we have was dwindling away.

My gaze drops from Emori’s as my fingers clench, nails pressing hard against my palms. All of a sudden, I can’t breathe. Like my lungs froze on exhale, oxygen no longer flowing. My visions blurs as I go through the motions of taking a breath with negative results. I probably looked like a fish out of water gulping for air and usually a thought like that would make me laugh however all it did was raise the bar.

I look back at Emori, unable to convey my current problem, but I just pray she can see it in my eyes.

•- Rey -•

“Rey, are you in here?” #Luna’s voice came from down the corridor, as I stuffed a couple of pots of pain pills into my back pack.

“I’m down here, one sec. I’m coming.” Grabbing some more bandages as I rushed out of the store cupboard. My eyes down I all but bumped into her as she came rushing down towards me.

‘Are you ready to go, is there anything else we need to take?’ She asked. Stopping, my hands on her arms to keep myself from falling back.

“I don’t think so, I don’t know. Maybe? But for now. We have the basics; they should do the trick until we get O and the rest back here where Jax and Abby can help them.” I was second guessing myself each step of the way since my reboot.

Was I doing the right thing? Should we take the others with us? What if it was a trick and an ambush?

‘Hey… hey… it’s okay. We will go and bring O back. She will be okay. We will be okay.’ #Luna could always tell when I was spiralling, and now, this was a spiral on a next level.

“Let’s go, #Harper will be waiting.” She took the second backpack from me, and we both headed back down the corridor towards the elevator.

•- John -•

I looked up at Emori and sighed. “I can’t…” I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her why, saying the words would make it too real. “I think I should give her some space… plus… she doesn’t need me anymore. She’s fixed.”

I headed to the other and helped them with Marcus as Emori headed the same way Jasper had. I helped #Monty push the biobed next to the chamber and I placed a hand on Abby shoulder. “Let’s move him out of the chamber, it will be easier to treat him.” I softly. Jackson and I grabbed the sheet beneath him at his head and feet. “#Monty come around the side and pull him to the biobed.”

#Jackson counted down from three and we pulled him over onto the bed. I moved the IV bag and the three of us pushed the bed to the room that had been set up for Rey after her first seizure. The doctor was being unusually silent.

“Abby?” I tried to get her attention. “Can he survive this? Luna got better after her exposure… he could too? Right?”

•- Emori -•

I thought back to John’s words about Raven. He can deny it as much as wants but she needs him. I can’t make him see that though. The only thing I could do is be here for all of them up until I am a crispy critter like Kane.

My attention is pulled back to the present—to the man sitting next to me. My heart went out to him. I didn’t know his story, but I knew he faced a huge loss. It was etched on every line of his face. I watched him dig his fingers into the palm of his hand. I turn my head and look at his face. It hasn’t hard to see panic fill his face. For a brief second, I thought that panic was for me. That they were coming for me. But I hadn’t heard any footsteps and even after all this time on the ground Skaikru wasn’t the best at sneaking up on people. No this was something else.

Something that I had seen a few times—something I went through once. The way his face was going red, I guess he wasn’t breathing. I needed to help him. So, I did the first thing that came to my mind. It was something that helped me. I grab his face and press my lips to his. Probably not the best way but it was better than the slap to the face that could turn him away from my side.

•- Rey -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ 8 ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

As the elevator came to a stop on Level 8, both #Luna and I looked to each other in a little confusion. Her eyes moved up to look at the numbers over the doors, and mine moved to glance at the numbers on the panel beside the door.

‘Chomouda hod op hir?’ ( Why stop here? ) she asked, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I hit the correct button, it must just be a glitch or something.” I tell her.

‘Unless someone is here on the level?’ she countered.

I pointed to the doors that were still closed. “If there was someone here these things should have opened to let them on.” Stepping forward I hit the number 3 button a couple of times. The doors didn’t open and nor did the elevator move.

“Hells! I bet it’s stuck.” Setting the bag down, I pulled out the small multi knife from my back pocket and got to work unscrewing the panel. “Let me take a look in the back to see what is going on, can you take out the tablet from the bag and turn it on for me?”

‘You brought a tablet with you?’ She asked as I popped out the screws one at a time.

“Yeah, we need to turn the Drones off without impacting everyone who is here. And then we need to make sure they are on as soon as we are clear and on the dock. Forward planning Zen Master.”

She was smiling now. ‘See, you still haven’t lost a step.’ It was meant to make me feel better I know, but there was a stab in my chest.

As I worked, I told her what to click to open the code screen and then how to pull up the data for the elevator. #Luna brought the screen and held it up before me, as I tested the connections seeing the real time reaction to my work as I went. With a jolt to the box, it started to move again.

“There we go….” Frowning. “I should have checked this before; it’s been sat unused for all this time and now it’s going up and down like a drop ship on a mission.”

‘Yu na nou dula’m op Ogeda.’ ( You cannot do it all. ) She helped to hold the panel as I screwed it back into place.

“That’s the thing… I really should be able to.” Without #Sinclair what other choice did we have.

•- Abby -•

My eyes stay locked on Marcus’s face. What did I do wrong? What step did I miss? I was so sure that I followed everything and got it right this time. Yet when looking at him, I see didn’t. I should be thankful that he didn’t die right away like the grounder. But I failed yet again. It took a moment to realize that John was speaking to me. I thought about it what he said. A small kernel of hope blossomed in my chest, but I wanted to smother it because it would kill me if it were false hope. I lift my eyes from Marcus’s face and look at John.

“I don’t know.”

Those words echo in my head. I didn’t know. I just wanted him to be okay. But the time was ticking close and closer until praimfaya was upon us and with it our deaths if I didn’t fix the serum. Closing my eyes, I resign myself to doing what must need to be done. No matter how much my heart wanted me to sit by his side, I had to find a way to save us.

•- John -•

My eyes stayed on Abby, Marcus’s wounds and burns had been cleaned, the ones that needed to be; were covered. I could see that a few of the bandages already needed to be changed. The black staining them made everything look so much worse. Just blood, I told myself.

The thoughts of Luna when she was sick had stirred the memories of #Adri. The girl neither of us could save no matter how hard we tried.

I shoved them down. 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬… those words seemed like they burned as they left her mouth. I pulled my hand back and stepped away to drag a chair from the corner, closer to the bed. The legs squealed horrendously against the floor. “Sit down, Abby.”

I moved to the other side of the bed and started pulling out clean dressings. Peeling off the soaked ones and cleaning the wounds beneath them before redressing them. “As soon as we can move him, we’ll head for the bunker…. Right?”

I needed to convince her it was time to give up on this plan. Before she tried again and Emori paid the price Kane just had. “It’s time to go before it’s too late and the Deathwave reaches us.”

•- Raven -•

The doors to the elevators finally opened on level 3 and I gave a small sigh of relief. Right now, the last thing I needed to do was to reload or even check the code or the hardware for this thing.

‘Chit nau?’ ( What now? ) #Luna asked as I glanced out at the small hall way blocked off to the side of main floor.

“I was hoping that Harper would be here waiting for us.” I frowned. “We should go and find—” I stopped seeing #Monty coming down from the lab and office on the floor above. “You go and find Harper, and we meet back here in five? I’m going to go and ask Green to look at the code for this thing.” I pointed to the box we were stood in. “Otherwise, it’s going to bug the life out of me.”

Setting the bags, we had down to the side out of view, the two of us set out to do what we needed. And then we would head off to the boat and to O. I was aware she was waiting for us, that she was in need of help, but I wasn’t going to leave without our sharpshooter. Not when it was likely that we could need her skills when we got to the other side.

•- Abby -•

My heart told me to listen to John, but logic wouldn’t let me. I needed to be the one to change Marcus’s bandages and then start to figure out what went wrong. I move to where Murphy was standing and gently push him to the side, taking over. He had come a long way from the troubled boy that was sent down here. I was glad to see that. Based on the sideways glances that I saw when Raven was around, I suppose she was to thank for it.

Marcus’s wounds still looked bad. It didn’t help foster the hope Murphy tried to give me. In fact, it did the exact opposite. I needed to find a way to save the rest of us. I finished changing the bandages that needed it and turned to Murphy.

“Keep an eye on him, please. I’ll be back.” I forced myself to move away from the bed and walk to the lab. It was time to figure out what went wrong.

•- John -•

I stepped aside at Abby’s urging. I could understand why she wanted to be the one doing this… I was the one that had insisted on staying with Raven and going days on a few scattered hours of sleep.

Not that it was the same thing… I mean… Abby and Marcus were basically a couple. That wasn’t at all like

Rey and I… but still, I knew what it was like to want to be the person to look after her. Mostly, because she hated needing someone to look after her; and the rest of the group were like her family… it was better that she only resented me, and it didn’t cost her any of her relationships with her friends.

So, I stepped aside but stayed close because I wasn’t too sure that Abby was going to stay on her feet. I couldn’t remember the last time Abby had been out of the lab long enough to sleep… or eat.

Before I could object to Abby rushing back to work she was already out the door. But if the only person that seemed to still have any faith in me asked me to stay here and watch him… I would do that. I rifled through the supplies on the table that Abby had used to change his bandages. I poured some alcohol over the fresh cuts on my knuckles. “Fuck!!” I growled through gritted teeth and pressed some clean gauze to the wounds until the burning stopped.

I glanced over at Marcus and chuckled darkly. “I guess I shouldn’t complain right? I mean…” I looked him over. “It could be worse right?”

Like he was going to answer… My eyes flicked to the monitors. Any minute now and they would flatline… and I wasn’t going to be able to do anything about it. But no one could survive what had happened to him, regardless of what I said to Abby.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ‘ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I wasn’t sure if this was a good plan or a bad one, however I’d learnt in the time I’d sent with all these people, that when one of them came up with a plan, it was worth seeing it through.

If Rey asked me to gather some good and have a go back ready in less than ten minutes. Then that was what I was going to do.

‘Hey Harper, where have you been?’ #Monty found me as soon as I left the others.

“Me? Oh. Uhm. Just here and there. Why, did you need me for something?” 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘰… I thought to myself. #Monty was a kind guy, and the last thing I wanted to do was to lie to him. Not after the fact that he had single handily made Jasper and me come here and saved our lives.

‘No, no, just seeing if you need some help.’ He looked behind him over his own shoulder. My eyes followed his to the door of where people were coming and going from.

“Is… is that where Marcus is?” It was the same room that Rey had been placed after her last seizure.

‘Yeah, it is. I’m staying out of there. It’s…. It’s…’ I squeezed his shoulder. I didn’t need him to finish that sentence, I knew. The lab was still filled with the small of burnt flesh, just as it had been with the grounder.

“Can’t you do something to make the smell go away?” I asked in the hopes it would give him something to do.

He thought for a moment and then nodded. ‘I can made the air circulate faster; it would get a little cold. But…’

He turned and went to his workstation beside the one Rey always worked from.

Leaving me to disappear without notice into the break room to gather whatever I could find. Time was ticking away, and I needed to get a move on.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ #ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

She was running on low, and she didn’t even know it. When I parted ways with Raven, she looked as though she was going to fall. Her mind maybe fixed, she had done the impossible. But her body, it was running on fumes. And yet… em ’s ha she granen fodowin ( it’s how she worked best ).

“Fai” ( Five ) Raven had given me five minutes to find #Harper and meet her back at the elevators. And I wasn’t going to let her down this time.

She hadn’t stopped ever since we came back from the docks, so I hadn’t the time to explain to her why I wanted her to go with John and the others. She couldn’t see what I saw, what I had seen in them for a long while. And I knew, if he had gone, if he had gotten on that boat without her. They would never be the same again.

“Taim Oso kik thru’ ( If we survive )

I hid in plain sight, which was easy. Everyone had something they needed to do. But Jasper and Emori. My eyes searched the lab, and they were nowhere to be seen. “Don dula emo buk au nodotaim?” ( Did they run again? )

“Harper?” She was bent down looking in the cupboards of the breakroom. And to her credit, she did not jump.

“Are you ready to go?” I looked back over my shoulder at the others, still no one had paid me any attention. I stopped when I saw the worried face of Abby walking out of the room, where once Raven had been placed to heal, and now it was where their Chancellor lay.

‘Nearly, did you find the water?’ I nodded.

“Sha, Let’s go.” Turning back, I saw that Raven was still speaking to #Monty.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The data I’d asked Monty to gather ran up my screen as I scrolled down it. “What did we miss? This should have worked.” The feeling of loss and failure were consuming me. I should have been able to see it. What was it that we weren’t considering that #Becca had perfected over a hundred years ago.

Okay, fine. She took the serum to space, completing the final stages at Zero-Gs. But we should have been able to replicate parts of it in the small batches here. This was 𝙝𝙚𝙧 lab too.

When I glanced up, I saw Abby leaving Marcus’s room and a pang of guilt overwhelmed me. She had done so much for me. Been a mentor, a confidante, told me what I needed to hear to get the job done in times when we had next to nothing to achieve our results. And now I was failing her.

‘You are being too hard on yourself.’ The whispered voice of #Nate came from behind me, making me jump a little.

“What? No… Uh… No…” dropping my eyes back to the screen I lent in.

‘Yeah, you are. I’ve seen that look before. You get it when you are being too hard on yourself.’ He was leaning on the workstation, but now his eyes followed Abby as she crossed the lab. ‘You both are over worked on next to no sleep and trying to perform a miracle. We all know this isn’t as easy as a swim in the lake. So, stop being so hard and beating yourself up.’

Sighing I took my head in my hands and closed my heavy eyes. I knew he was correct; however, it didn’t take away from the fact that Marcus Kane was in a prolonged state of unconsciousness.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Nothing was working out the way it was meant to. Whenever we attempted to do good for our people or those who were alive on this planet, things always ended up worse off for us. Rey always said “𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘺”. And yet where were these so-called wins? Why were we not getting the big wins too?

I’d seen Jasper disappearing when things had gotten too much for him, and I wanted to follow behind him. After all it had taken for me to talk him into coming here, was he going to still believe in the dream I had set before him after seeing everything that had taken place? The Grounder was dead. And Kane? Who really knew? This was all uncharted territory here.

I didn’t do it to spy on him, I was scared for my friend, I knew the places his mind took him. Losing #Maya had taken a part of him away, and I was scared it would never come back. That was the only reason I tabbed in the codes Rey had given me to take control of the cameras around the lab.

My brow pulled together when I searched and then found him. He looked in so much pain, the way he slipped down the wall by the doors to the ground level of the lab. It made me want to go to him, until the elevators opened again and Emori went to join him.

I knew I should have switched off; I shouldn’t have kept watching. But something had happened between Rey, John, Jasper, #Luna and Emori. Anyone could pick up on the tension between them all when they returned from the boat. And I wasn’t sure if I completely trusted Emori. What if she tried….

My thoughts cut off, and my eyes widened. “Wow…” She kissed him? Emori had lent into Jasper and 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙢!!!

‘Hey Monty, are you busy?’ I jumped out of my skin, hitting the key to turn the screen off and turned to see Rey looking down at me.

“Who… me? No… nope… nah…” Closing my eyes I shook my head. “What can I do for you Rey?” Why was I so bad at hiding my feelings and shock?

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Hey Monty, are you busy?” He jumped out of his skin and punched a key, turning his screen off before I could see what was on it. #Monty Green couldn’t keep his emotions and uncertainties from showing, this was no different. Raising my eyebrow, I gave him a moment to gather himself. Also determining if I even wanted to know what it was, he had been doing.

‘Who… me? No… nope… nah…’ He closed his eyes, then shook his head before asking; ‘What can I do for you Rey?’ Yeah, he was most definitely up to something. But then so was I.

Leaning in a little I rested my elbows on the workstation. “I was just in the elevators and they stopped dead on me. I had a quick look and managed to get them moving again. But do you mind giving them a once over? See if anything is out of place or needs updating? It’s the only way in and out of this lab. And I don’t want it failing on us.”

He nodded his head as I gave him access to the codes to review. ‘I’ll get right on it.’

“Thanks Green.” Out of the side of my eyes I saw #Harper slipping away off the lab floor and towards the corridor. “If you do find something you need help with, I’ll take a look at it later.” And then #Luna stood in the door of the breakroom. Making sure I saw her leaving.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He looked relieved that I didn’t question him and got to work. I glanced over my shoulder making sure no one was watching me, then I followed the other two.

•- John -•

The soft sound of the door opening had me dropping the gauze quickly, into the pile of messy dressings in the kidney-shaped bowl. #Clarke came in and stop in the doorway hesitantly. ‘Can I—‘ She was pointing into the room. “Of course, come in.” I stepped back from the bed and let her step in. “He’s stable… but his temperature and heart rate are high.” I explained even though I knew she was a thousand times more qualified to read all of the screens in this room than I was.

#Clarke scanned the screen with a determined focus and then slowly turned to me. ‘Oh!’ She grunted softly when her eyes landed on the mess and them; my hand and I stupidly stuffed it into my jacket pocket. But even the small red smudges that stained the gauze stood out starkly from the black stained ones. ‘What happened to your hand?’ She asked with a straight face.

“It’s nothing. Just a few scrapes.” I insisted.

#Clarke grabbed my arm and tugged my hand out of my pocket. ‘At least let me take a look.’ She tugged me towards a light and examined my knuckles. ‘And this has nothing to do with the smashed mirror and blood in the bathroom at the end of the corridor?’

I rubbed the back of my neck and that seemed to be all the answer #Clarke needed. ‘Well… you don’t need stitches but…’ #Clarke reached to the table with the dressing supplies and grabbed a pair of tweezers. I hissed in pain as she pulled a tiny sliver of glass from one of the small cuts. ‘This could have ended with a nasty infection.’ She looked up at me like she was waiting on an explanation but after a moment she just grabbed a fresh bandage. I pulled my hand back.

“There’s no need to dress it… it will just get in the way. I’ll keep it clean.” At the look she gave me, I added. “Thanks. That feels a lot better.” I flexed my fingers with only a mild stinging. She relented.

‘I can stay with Marcus if you want to go and get some rest.’ She offered.

“Are you sure?” I asked and she nodded. “Yeah… that would be great… Just don’t go far, I don’t think your Mom wants him left alone.”

Clarke promised she call someone in if she needed to leave for any reason and I made my exit while I had the chance. I slipped into the first empty room and pulled the tablet from my inner jacket pocket and powered it on. I knew it was insane and probably a little creepy but… I pulled up the security system again and started scrolling from screen to screen looking for Raven. I spotted #Harper and #Luna running around with bags… But Raven was at a workstation in the lab.

What were they up to? I plugged headphones into the device and scrolled back to the last time I had seen her… Just after we fried Kane. And just to up the creep-factor of my stalking I followed her through the lab until she halted and started speaking into her radio. I hit the button to turn on the audio and listened.

•- Raven -•

〄 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗝𝘂𝗺𝗽

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

‘Rey, you need to sit down, rest up Luna and I can manage this stuff.’ #Harper jumped down into the boat and started to catch the bags that #Luna and I were throwing to her with the supplies.

“There is no way I am going to sit on my arse while you both do all the hard work. It’s not happening.” I picked up the bag with the water in it and handed it over a little more carefully.

‘That’s not what she meant Raven, just take the time to go look over the boat. See what needs to be done before we go.’ #Luna squeezed my arm. ‘This is the first time we are taking this boat out into the waters. It’s not the same as the ones I’ve used before.’ She was speaking of the boats her people used to get from the oil rig in the middle of the ocean, back to land for supplies.

“Hmm… Okay, I guess…” She was right, and she knew it too. “But shout if you need any help.” Both the girls nodded. #Harper reached out a hand to help me down onto the boat, and I froze seeing three packs discarded on the side. Those I knew belonged to John, Emori and Jasper.

‘Nou gyon au der.’ ( Don’t go there. ) #Luna’s soft voice said from behind me.

“Go where?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere at all. Other than into the….” I looked around and pointed to the cabin. “In there.” Pushing back all the mess that was in my head, my eyes glancing down to the bags one last time, before I left them to work out how the hells, we were going to get this boat moving.

〄 〄 〄 〄

Once I found myself stood in the cabin, my heart was pounding in my chest. “The time when I really could do with A.L.I.E’s code in my head, and I went and purged it out. What the hells was I even thinking?”

I know what I was thinking. I needed to figure out a fix for the mess in mine and Abby’s head. But right now, just like in the elevator there was some part of me wishing that I had found the solution to fix Abby and still kept the code in my head.

‘What do you think, can we work it out?’ #Luna and Harper stood by the door looking at the controls as flabbergasted as I must have looked to them.

“I just need a few moments. I saw them sailing out this way, and I remember some of it.” I knew the hardest part was going to be getting off the dock, and then docking on the other side when we reached there.

‘If anyone can do this, you can Rey.’ #Harper encouraged, if only she knew. There were two people who were much better at this than me. So, maybe it was a mistake? Maybe I let my stubbornness get the better of me. But I still didn’t want to ask them for help.

•- Abby -•

Sitting back down in the chair, that up until Marcus’s test, I spent a lot of time at. For a moment I just sat there and stared at the table. My mind whirling with what I did wrong. What did I miss. I could have sworn that I had figured it out.

My eyes moved to the syringe with the failed and pulled it towards me and released a bit on a slide to study. I had to figure this out. I doubt that I could save Marcus—my heart ached at the thought. But I had to be realistic here.—but I could still have Clarke and Raven. I had to make sure they would see the day after the end of the world.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

I couldn’t believe her! After the lecture, she had given us… now she was taking off? #Luna may have lived on an Oil Rig and know her way around a boat… this one was different, and it was hundreds of miles away from here… The tides were different.

Emori had made this sailing plenty of times. And she had taught me how… If she and Jasper hadn’t looked so… cosy, on the cameras I’d have dragged her with me too.

“Fuck!” I grumbled… I was distracted by my inner ramblings. I rubbed my hand over the scrape on my cheek where the low hanging branch had hit me while I ran to catch up with them. No blood, at least that was something. The trees started to thin out as I got close to the beach.

“Hod op!!” (Hold up!) I shouted out as I sprinted out onto the beach, my lungs burning. “Chit ona skafa dison!?” (What the hell is this?) I stepped onto the dock, arms spread wide, and the anger etched into my features. She’d almost killed herself only hours ago and now she was trying to make the crossing without anyone that had done it before! She was insane. “Pas taim ething yo biyo gon ai!!” (After everything you said to me!!)

“Are you serious right now, Raven!? Are you trying to kill yourself!? Is that what this is? The fucking insane ice bath didn’t finish you off so you’re just gonna feed yourself to the god-damned lamprey!?” I blocked out the images I had tried to scroll past on the security cameras.

•- Raven -•

‘Jon!’ #Luna was the one to notice him running out from under the cover of the treeline.

“Hells… No!” #Harper muttered but moved out of #Luna’s way as she moved to the belly of the boat to reach out a hand for him.

“Luna!” I called out, but there was no stopping her from leaning out to him, and I stepped out from the small cabin following her. He ran on to the dock and, I couldn’t help seeing his features pulled in anger. What did he have to be angry about?

“Chit dula op Yu fig raun em ste?” ( What do you think it is? ) Coming to a stop just behind #Luna I crossed my arms over my chest. What was his problem? “ Do I not look serious to you right now? and what do you even care if I live or die? You made your choices remember Murphy, and now… This… Here… This is me making one too.”

I didn’t want to notice it, but on his already battered and bruised face there was visible signs of a red line. What had he done now? and, why did I even care? “Oso nou laik running gon kep klin Oso gada in Kikplei ( We are not running to save our own life. )

‘Reivon hod op.’ #Luna frowned at me, and then turned toward John. ‘Beja, sis osir au?’ ( Please, help us? ) She asked him, holding her arm out towards him. ‘Okteivia gaf in yumi nau.’ ( Octavia needs us now. )

•- John -•

She spat back at me in trig. Of course, she only saw me looking to save myself… but the truth was I had stopped living like that the second I saw her in that bed in the med bay, ashen from blood loss. That moment between thinking she’d tried to kill herself and realizing the truth.

Seeing another orphan of grief, heartache, and despair, if she couldn’t survive… if someone as strong and smart and valuable as her; couldn’t bear this world what the hell kind of hope did a leech like me have? Then she moved… that thing inside her moved and spoke, using her like a puppet. Something had snapped and I couldn’t let that Bitch in the Red dress have her.

I took #Luna’s arm and she pulled me as I hoisted myself up onto the deck. “How were you going to find her, hm?” My stare pinned to her. “You take our best sharpshooter and the last nightblood left on the planet… and ride off out to the sea just the three of you? Great plan Reyes.”

I opened the pack of supplies I had left on the boat from my earlier attempt to get Emori off the island… and pulled out a high-powered scope, handing it to #Harper, who beamed. 'Nice!!’ and sat on the deck wedging her rifle between her knees to replace the standard one. “#Octavia was under attack, right?” I asked and #Luna nodded.

“When we get there, #Harper can stay on board and cover us from the top of the cabin. And we need to take the spotlight on the bow down. Ice Nation arrowheads are steel, and they’ll shatter the light, then the boat will be useless in the dark.”

•- Raven -•

I parted my lips, but no sound came out. What was his problem? “Since when –“ #Luna gave me a stern look, saying so much without saying a word. But really there were only two words in her eyes. ‘bak of’ ( Back off. ) And I did, keeping my arms crossed over my chest.

“She isn’t just a nightblood Murphy, Luna is the best warrior.” Then again, I didn’t want her to go there was just no leaving her behind. The girl knew something was up with one look at me, and I know I was good at hiding things, or at least I thought I was. However, that part that hit hard, was that he was right. Wait, was he?

“Wait, If O is in trouble, Luna and Harper are the two people who we need the most on the other side, them with O… no one is walking away from that.” What was his point here again?

I saw him open a bag that had been on the deck and then the excitement in #Harpers face. “Where did you get that from?” I pointed to the scope #Harper was looking through now.

‘Who cares, it’s a good upgrade.’ #Harper jumped in.

“That’s not the point here Harper.” I told her.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

I stared at the data that my eyes started to glaze over. If I was being honest with myself, I was running off of fumes. I couldn’t tell you when was the last time that I slept. But the countdown is ticking down faster than I could fix the serum. I didn’t know how I was going to manage it. Marcus had given me hope before he went and volunteered to deep fry himself. Now I lost any hope of finding out what is missing.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I still couldn’t believe what Marcus had done, standing over him now my gaze moved slowly over each part of his skin that was visible. My hands trembling as I changed his bandages, cleaning the wounds and upon seeing the black blood my heart raced to a time in the past.

Back then it was #Lexa who I was saving, the fear of losing her had frozen me to the core and I had forgotten everything my mother had taught me. But when I snapped back. Seeing my hands covered in her black blood, all the medical training I had been given and learnt from watching my mother all kicked into place.

“And you called me impulsive?” I whispered to him as I wrapped a new bandage over his chest. “You are meant to be the one who knows better. But then again… Maybe, just maybe… I’m pissed that you got there before me.”

Leaning down I whispered into his ear. “I know you can hear me, Marcus. You need to fight! For yourself, for my mother… Do you hear me? FIGHT!”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Standing in the door, my hands itched. I was scratching them so hard that they were red raw. I didn’t step into the room, too many memories of seeing Rey on that bed flashed into my head. And now… Now the so called grown up of our people was in there oozing black blood over the floor.

Who did he think he was? He went from floating people… Floating my mom… To sending a hundred kids down to a dead planet full of turmoil…. And now… Now he dropped a bombshell that he was the father of my baby sister… and then this… He took this bullet why? To wash away the sins of his past. Was it even possible to do that? Because the truth was, I have so many sins I need to wash off my soul if we are all going to die too. If only I knew how.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Rey had asked me to do a few things, and the list was swirling in my mind.

1. Check on the drones, their data, and their usage.

2. To keep an eye on the radiation figures, she had a feeling that things were progressing faster than the first assessment of the arrival of Praimfaya.

3. Upload all the data in the lab into the server she had prepared.

However why, I wasn’t sure. What were we going to do with the data if this lab wasn’t going to remain standing after the Praimfaya hit? I’d learnt my lessons in the past that when Rey said we should do something. She always had a plan for it. Then again, she asked me when there was a crazy town living in her head. So, was it something she still needed?

4. Look over the elevators.

It had glitched on her and #Luna, and she was correct. With only one way in and out of this lab, the last thing we all needed now was to become stranded down here with no way out. Then again, there was always the Rocket hatch. It would be hard and a long way to climb, but the #ATeam could and would do it.

•- John -•

The words stung but, not nearly as bad as the ones she’d screamed at me when she found me sneaking off the island. #Harper and #Luna looked ready to kill me. Then #Luna was dragging me to the cabin. She all but threw me against the wheel, winding me a little. 'Chit gon dau kom yu? Hmm!!’ (What’s going on with you?) She squared her shoulders and yelled at me, not caring if the two women outside heard.

“Nou stepnes… Dison gon ai.” (Nothing… This is me.) I bit back and dragged my hands through my hair.

'Nou!’ She stepped into my space. 'Nou noumou! Gyon au granen!’ (No! Not anymore! Get to work!) She slapped me across the back of the head and pointed violently at the control panel. She turned in the tight space so her back was to me. I heard her whisper her magic words to herself a few times as I started to fire up the engines.

'Are you punishing her?’ She asked again in her own tongue, probably hoping the other two wouldn’t know enough to follow along too closely if they were listening.

“You mean for almost killing herself after I spent all this time trying to keep her alive?” I spat back in trig too. “She didn’t even tell me!” My throat tightened on the last few words.“

#Luna’s expression and body language softened. 'Jon… Em don firfou.’ (John… She was afraid.)

"Gon ai?” (Of me?) My eyes burned at that; I fixed them on the open water; my fingers moving deftly over the instruments on the control centre. A warm hand rested on my shoulder, and it made everything roiling inside me so much harder to fight.

'No… Hai skat (Foolish boy). That; watching her die would break you.’ She whispered. Fuck!

It would have hurt less if she’d stabbed me.

“Tell them to sit down. We’re ready to leave.” My voice shook. #Luna didn’t pause, she stepped out of the cabin, and it was like she took all the air with her. She unbound the last rope mooring us and told the others to prepare to launch.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

People were disappearing left and right… the ones that weren’t seemed to be dropping like flies. After about ten minutes of arguing I had convinced #Jackson to go and lie down for at least an hour. Promising to wake him in two if he wasn’t back, but I planned on breaking that promise. The man was ready to drop, and I knew that Abby wasn’t far behind. I had found a plastic tub of something Murphy had made in the mansion and heated it in the break room.

I still found it hard to believe that; Murphy… of all people could cook! And to turn Rabbit into this!? I glanced at the stew, my stomach grumbling as I brought the steaming tub to the Doc… it was hard to believe. I mean… John Murphy? Really? And we had eaten our fair share of rabbit in the dropship camp… but this…. This was food, not just surviving.

“Hey, Doc.” I slid the bowl onto the workstation next to Abby, avoiding the things she had laid out over the surface. “I just convinced #Jackson to get some sleep. When he wakes up, I think you should too.” I knew she wouldn’t sleep now… not with #Jackson resting and Marcus in the state he was in. “But you should eat. You need your strength in case Kane needs you.”

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Pulling back from the kiss, I look at Jasper. What did I just do? It felt as if awkwardness filled the space that once held a comfortable companionship.

“I know you needed a moment but how about we go check on everyone in the lab.”

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

#Harper frowned at the two in the cabin, we could both hear them. It wasn’t like they were keeping their voices down in there, and it wasn’t like there was anywhere else we could go.

I started to pull at the rope tired to the boat when #Harper set her rifle down and came to join me, keeping her voice low she whispered before jumping off the boat to make sure that nothing was tied down before jumping back on board. ‘What is she saying to him?’ Her eyes moved back to the cabin and then to me.

I wasn’t in the habit of listening to Murphy and #Luna when they spoke in trig unless I was right there in front of them. And even then, I tried not to. “I’m not sure, I wasn’t listening.” I told her gathering the rope.

‘Really Rey? Luna is biting his head off and you aren’t even curious as to what it is she is saying to him?’ She wasn’t buying it. But it was the truth.

I took a deep sigh hearing him say that #Luna needed to tell us to sit down. “He said—”

#Harper held her hand up and shook her head. ‘Yeah, I got that part too.’ She went to sit back down beside her gun.

#Luna came out muttering how foolish John was. And how bull headed I was, she found the large rope that #Harper and I hadn’t even seen, and unbounded it and then sat herself down cross legged at the stern of the boat facing out towards the sea.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Jerking up, my hand was tight around my blade I held it to his throat. ‘Okteivia, em ste Ai! Yu natsoujon. em ste Ai!’ ( Octavia, it’s me. you were dreaming. It’s me.) He stumbled and fell when I pulled his legs out from under him. Dragging himself back away from me on the ground kicking up dust as he went.

“It was a nightmare.” I whispered to myself, rubbing my eyes wondering how I had fallen asleep. I waved my hand telling all the eyes on me that I was fine. I just needed a minute.

Hells I needed so much more than that. I acted like I knew what I was doing, like I knew where we were going and what we would find there on this island. Relief had taken over when Raven had answered my call. It had been so long since I’d heard from any of them, that a part of my mind and heart thought they were all gone. But the fact was that I didn’t know anything. It was all an unknown for me.

I was told to fight for my people. But who were my people? Those who I hid from under the floor up in the Ark. or those who had opened their arms reluctantly to welcome me into their kru when they saw that I was a worthy warrior. The truth was that I belonged to both, it was why I had taken the decision to bring them all together. I told myself as I went into the conclave that if I won, I was there for Onekru. If we were going to survive Praimfaya. We would do it as one.

‘Dula op Yu fig raun emo na kom op?’ ( Do you think they will come? ) I was asked from behind as I sat up. ‘Azgeda stok daun yumi, Floukru heda ste kom emo odon der.’ ( Ice Nation is behind us, and Floudon Kru’s leader is with them over there. )

My eyes were on the water, there was nothing for me to see. ‘Reivon swega klin, krei Ai wich op raun em.’ ( Raven promised, so I trust in her. )

I just hoped that she would get here before the men #Indra had sent with me, started to question why were hidden here like sitting targets.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Working on the serum, I could hear the movement in the lab. John leaving and Jackson coming in. Logically I knew that I need to rest. But that was not what I was going to do. I will work myself to the bone to save everyone on this island. Unfortunately, someone had to be sacrificed to ensure that. I was sure that the tweaks I made to it fixed it. I just wasn’t ready to say it. but ready or not, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. The clock was inching closer to doomsday five point zero.

“I will rest when we are safe and not a minute before.”

My eyes moved over to where Marcus laid. It caused my heart to crack a little bit more inside my chest.

“I think it is ready where is everyone?”

•- John -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I glanced down at the bowl I’d left next to Abby and sighed. But then her next words had my eyes widening… She was going to do this again?

“Wa—Wha— You’re going to test it again?” I staggered over the words and my eyes darted around the wide-open space. Where the hell was everybody? “On another volunteer?” Had someone else offered themselves up as a sacrificial lamb. I spotted #Clarke in the room with Kane. “I don’t know.” I finally answered the question she asked. “Should I get #Monty to check the camera and see where everyone is?” I swallowed the bile that was rising up in my throat at the memory of Marcus

in the chamber.

Rey’s radiation burns from the black rain were bad… but that… I didn’t want to witness that again.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

As soon as #Luna stepped out of the cabin I blew out a long, shaky breath and blinked away the burning in my eyes. Fuck!! There was so much to unpack in that brief conversation. Had Raven told them all to keep me out of it? Did she even think of including me at any point during her scheming?

I cleared my throat and pulled the throttle to reverse and moved away from the dock. We had no idea what we were sailing towards. #Octavia could be pinned down by an army for all we know… And Raven just wanted to run off half-cocked and potentially get lost at sea? What was she thinking?

Was the ice bath really an attempt at saving herself, or was it a failed attempt at ending her suffering? Was this her way of trying to finish the job?

No.

Not with #Luna and #Harper with her, she wouldn’t drag them into something this dangerous unless she believed it was to save #Octavia. I took the boat in a slow circle until the compass told me I had the right heading. I slowly build more speed not wanting to get caught in the shallows, not wanting to risk the engine, if Little Blake was pinned at the shore this boat was likely our only way out of range of Azgeda archers.

My mind raced and it took every ounce of will I had; not to look back and see where Raven was. The reflection of the island in the glass of the cabin grew smaller and smaller. I imagined I had left everything I was feeling back there too. And as the island slowly vanished… I let myself grow numb.

Slipping back into that dark comfortable place I had abandoned for what felt like a lifetime ago.

•- Raven -•

‘Ai giv ai op gon nemiyon kom lanik-de’ ( I give myself, to the miracle, of the sea. ) #Luna whispered the words on repeat. We all had seen her flare up at John, something she didn’t do often if at all. But for some reason today… now… all of this… it had pushed her over an edge she didn’t care for.

Her eyes were closed as she took the deep slow breaths, she always told me to take when the darkness tried to surround me. And a pang of guilt ate at my heart. Had I forced her hand? Had I made it so that she had to pick sides? I knew how much she cared for Murphy, and what their bond had become since we set out to make the journey to the Island. The two had become a balancing act to my unbalanced, unhinged self. But now?

I glanced into the small cabin and the resolve I saw on Murphy’s face was incredulous. Whatever his mind was lost in, had his gaze locked on the ocean before him and nothing else. The easy and kindness that once filled those blue eyes of his was gone. And it had been replaced with the survivor we all knew too well.

I knew I should go and watch what he was doing, the basics of sailing this boat I had memorised. However, he knew how the water felt, when and how to make sure the boat was safe and undamaged, which only came with time. But from the way he stood there, I could tell that I didn’t want to be close to him.

‘Catch.’ #Harper’s voice penetrated the anger that started to show itself with in, and a bottle of water came flying toward me. Hand outstretched I caught it. ‘Nice, not so bad there, Boom stick maker.’

She motioned towards #Luna and I shook my head. It wasn’t a good idea to disturb the #ZenMaster when she was trying to calm herself. Turning she reluctantly went to take some water into the cabin.

I focused my attention out to the ocean and the sky above us. I’d checked the forecast from the feed the drones had logged before leaving, however now I narrowed my eyes. On the horizon I could see the clouds turning darker, but with the wind blowing away from us, I wasn’t worried about the acid rain coming down upon us here.

•- John -•

My eyes were trained straight ahead, and I was grateful for the ocean views, the words #Luna used to calm Raven came to the forefront of my mind. But I pushed them back, they evoked memories of Raven coming at me with fists and insults flying… but worse than that; her on the floor as she struggled to free herself from #Luna’s iron grip, tears on her face and nothing of the girl I thought I knew left in her eyes. #Luna would forgive me… But Raven? Even if she would, I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t help but think she was done with me, even before she found us on the docks today… Why else did she work so hard to keep me away from her plan?

The cabin door creaked open, and I heard Harper make a small sound, clearing her throat. I turned and the look on her face quickly turned from annoyed to confused. 'Are…. you, okay?’ she asked stumbling between words.

“Why? Because we’re heading to the mainland to rescue Baby Blake and take her back to the island, where we have no protection from the impending apocalypse. When we should be heading for the bunker… Why wouldn’t I be okay with that?” I snapped unnecessarily at her. She threw the bottle of water at me hard enough that I knew her intent wasn’t for me to catch it, but I did. The palm of my hand stung but I didn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

'Grow up, Murphy.’ She looked at me with a deadpan expression. 'We all know this side of you is dead… So, whatever you’re hiding from, grow up and deal with it. Drop the arsehole routine, it doesn’t suit you anymore.’

And then she was gone. I sighed heavily and opened the bottle of water. I felt that familiar isolation dig deeper. I knew it was self-imposed… at least at first that was how it started and eventually, it became easier for people to just hate me and give me a wide berth.

The rest of the time passed too slowly, and my mind began to drift to the tablet shoved into the inside pocket of my jacket. The proof of who the father of the girl we were trying to rescue, was… The man that might be dead when we get back.

•- Raven -•

#Harper stalked back to her spot and fell onto the deck. Pushing her back up against the side od the boat. The murmuring of her and John’s conversation had #Luna’s ears listening, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything he had to say.

I knew it all, it wasn’t like he had hidden his feelings towards us going to get #Octavia. However, in the depths of my heart I knew this was the correct thing to do. We couldn’t leave her over there, alone, and unprotected. And my anger flared once again as the next thought rammed its way into my mind. If it had been Emori on the other side, calling for John to help. Would he have not done the same? Would he be climbing this high horse of his?

Before I knew it and could stop, I found myself stood by the cabin, trying to stop myself from going to talk to him. from letting this anger over take me again. I took deep, slow, steading breaths. Turning around to walk away from him and the cabin. Nothing good would come of this. I knew that now.

However, when I saw #Luna, and then #Harper, I bolted to turn and pushed my way in. “You know what John Murphy… If you are going to climb on your high horse and start preaching, take a moment to look and make sure it is a horse you are climbing onto, and not a fucking donkey that will buck your arse off!”

•- John -•

I had barely composed myself from the conversation with #Harper. Before Raven barged in with fury in her eyes… not that I could blame her right now. My hands clenched the wheel and my jaw ticked.

I turned to her and the look on her face shattered something further inside of me. “What do you want from me, Raven? You want to save #Octavia and that’s what we’re doing.” I turned to her keeping one hand on the wheel to keep us on track. “And don’t come in here and talk to me about a high horse when you come running out of the woods to stop me from taking the boat to save Emori but have no issue using it to run and save another Arkadian then its go, go, go.” I was shouting and I knew I hadn’t a leg to stand on really.

“So, I’m sitting on a high horse then fine!! But at least I’m not a hypocrite!” I hated myself the second the words were out. Raven was anything but a hypocrite. She came to the docks because she truly believed that Emori wasn’t in danger at all. This was something we disagreed on, but I know that was what she thought.

Something ached deep in my chest. Why was I doing this to her? Hell, why was I doing this to myself? I knew I needed to distance myself from her. I knew I needed to make sure she never felt so low as to feel for me even half of what I was hiding from her. But did I need to take it this far?

•- Raven -•

I stumbled back on my unsteady feet. His words were like a gunshot to my chest. They hit me so hard that it knocked the air out of my lungs, and I was left stood there blinking back the burning in my eyes like a dummy.

‘𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘈𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘨𝘰, 𝘨𝘰, 𝘨𝘰’ Did he really think that was what had happened here.

“Don’t you dare… Don’t you fucking dare say that I wouldn’t step up, and put myself on the line for Emori, like I have for everyone of you… I made that mistake once in my life… I caused the death of a young girl when I should have been the first to step up and save her… But… Fuck… I am 𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 going to make that same mistake again!”

#Adria’s face haunted my nightmares; I saw her if my eyes were open or closed. And I still couldn’t understand how #Luna could stand to look at me. So… Maybe he was right? maybe I was no better than any of the people who were out for blood?

“A hypocrite?” That was like another gunshot to the chest. My throat bobbed as I repeated his words. I wasn’t sure if there was anything I wanted to say, or if I had a leg to stand on here at all. “You know what…” I swallowed back the bile in my mouth. “…You are right.” I failed them all, fuck I was doing it right now. The tears started to roll down my cheeks and I wiped them with the back of my sleeve. “Sorry that you felt you had to put your life in danger once again because of me… If we make it back alive, I can promise you one thing John Murphy, you’ll never need to talk to me, see me, or help me ever again.”

My breathing caught in my chest, and I stepped back, pushing the cabin open behind me. when I turned, I saw both #Luna and #Harper stood there, their eyes trained on me and the shame of what I had done hit hard. I had made them come on this mission; I had once again placed their life in danger.

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Brushing off the awkwardness of the kiss, I moved towards the lab even though my gut was still screaming to run the opposite way. But after Raven laid into us for my failed escape plan, I knew that chance was gone. The worry that I would be next was something that only grew with each second that the doctor they called Abby worked on fixing the serum. Slowly moving through the corridors that lead to the place that will probably star in my nightmares if I made it out of here alive.

'There you are. Abby just said that the next dose was ready.’

Miller’s words hut me in the gut hard. I couldn’t help myself from grabbing a hold of Jasper’s arm to keep my feet under me. My gut twisted knowing that it was only a matter of time that I would be jabbed with a needle.

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

White walls.

A claustrophobic room.

That is where I find myself, curled up in the corner like a child. Scared, uncertain … Fearing the view of its own body who lays over the table. Fearing the bruises that covers the once healthy skin of my members. Even my face … That face is barely a face.

My fingers tangled up in my hair, pulling the hair wicks from my skull. The pain is not enough to surface the agonizing feeling that takes over my body. The panic, fear, and insecurity blind me to the reality and slowly the conscious seems to fade. The beliefs, the dreams, well- they fade before my eyes as I stare the body.

My body.

Why can I see it from here? Why am I locked here?

And even if I cannot notice, my head is working on a different pace.

One thing stands, time inside my head, time in coma, does not work the same as reality. On the outside it might have passed a few hours, but in my brain, minutes turns into hours, and hours into days, and so on. And endless looping.

Days. Months. Years. Whatever …

Time enough to (almost) drive me insane. Even though I am still not fully aware of what is going on.

I am here, standing now. Eyes on the corpus which is breathing. Lacking on the voice to cry for help. Too numb to move a muscle. I desperately want to move.

I wand walk, stand, run … I crave to wake up, however I have no idea how to do it.

My eyes drop to my hands, then I touch the hurt carcass of myself. The lifeless body which rests laid before me and it’s the true view of how I look on the outside.

And the moment I touch it, something happens.

The corpus trembles violently. And even though I pull back, I feel the flaming ardour inside my chest.

The heart. The heart is … I try to think before falling into my knees.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I could hear then of course; we were on a boat and the sound carried with the wind and the water amplifying everything that we said. I couldn’t understand these two. And yet I knew them better than they knew themselves at the same time too.

Reivon ( Raven ), was upset. A lot had happened to shake her belief in those she trusted as friends. And Jon ( John ) was trying his best to return himself to a person he no longer was.

“Tof’melon, koken branwoda pakstoka kru.” ( Stubbon, crazy, foolish people. ) When would they learn? When would they see that the walls, they were building from the broken rocks would end up cutting and harming them.

Opening one eye at the sound of #Harper standing up I held my hand up. Telling her in her tongue to let them be. Now was not the time for anyone to come between the two fools. If nothing else, they needed to let out all they were holding back from the other.

‘Luna, this is getting out of hand.’ #Harper took another step forward. ‘Rey could end up punching him again, if he keeps this up.’ She added; however, she did not see in Reivon ( Raven ), what I saw.

I bolted up from the place I sat, my feet moving me forward towards the two and then I stopped seeing it written on her face. She was never good at hiding her pain, she wore her heart on her sleeves. Reivon ( Raven ), was broken again.

•- John -•

I had so many things I wanted to yell back at her… She was stuck in this illusion that the rest of the Dream Team were like her. But the truth was they’d do anything to ensure that their people survived, and they would do anything for it… including taking the life of an outsider.

She was acting like she would have a say if they tried to strap Emori down and inject her.

Something snapped when tears started to streak down her face. I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from apologising and telling her everything I said was a lie… telling her that none of this was her fault.

I couldn’t speak… the hollow ache inside of me was cutting off my ability to think… or breathe. I turned my gaze back to the open sea ahead and squeezed the wheel until my knuckles turned white. When I heard the door behind me swing shut the hot sting in my eyes, turned to a streak of heat rolling down one cheek.

I was used to pain… I’d been locked up, hung, tortured… stabbed, shot at… taken more than my fair share of beatings… but this…

This pain was going to kill me. Slowly.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

All at once Marcus’s vitals all spiked, and he started to convulse on the bed. I ran to the door and screamed.

“Mom!!!! #Jackson!!!”

Into the wide-open space of the main lab. But I returned immediately to his side and started rifling through the drugs that mom left by the bed. The first thing I did was push more painkillers into the I.V. that was delivering a steady drip of pain relief and fluids to the man. Then a sedative to try and stop the tremors.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

I walked to the farthest edge of the boat, about now I was regretting letting him come with us. Because right now I didn’t want to be anywhere close to him or any of them. I should have come alone, and the moment those thoughts came to my mind I knew what a bad idea it was.

I am intelligent, I know how to get my arse into and out of trouble. But even I know that trying to sail these seas, on this boat that was the only way off the island for the rest of my family. Was an unscrupulous idea.

‘Rey?’ #Harper placed a hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t look back at her. ‘He is wrong. All of that…’ I had to swallow down the bile that arose in my throat, because as much as I loved her, I didn’t believe that Murphy was wrong.

“I am putting you all in danger…” I started to say until she squeezed my shoulder.

‘O needs us…. So… when she called, we came. The others are all trying to fix this world. There is no way I wasn’t going to come with you. This was my choice to come, you didn’t make me.’

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴋ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was still caught up with the mess. Dark marks under my eyes due to the recent events and lack of sleep. And

Marcus act of heroism made it no good ; maybe worse.

We were running out of time, running on opposite ways of the tick tock of fate. For a moment I believed we should have gone extinct years ago. Wasn’t that supposed to happen , regardless? Our ancestors made the cut and escaped the first time, maybe earth was just expecting us to get back and kill us all.

But those thoughts made me no good - and made me no better than any of the others. Some were trying to fight for us and so should I ; keep on and believing we could make it. Now, my concerns are on Abby. With Marcus playing dead and her questionable state of mind, what would be of her if she loses her mind?

All these questions are placed aside as #Clarke screams my name, loud enough to bring me back and realise the heart rate alert that is coming from Marcus.

I run into the room; eyes glued on the screen then back at Marcus unstable body.

“He is stopping again,” I say loud enough so #Clarke could listen, the sound of footsteps announces the arrival of both #Monty and #Miller. “ #Clarke , bring me some adrenaline and epinephrine , #Monty I need the defibrillator, n o w!”

As they go for their tasks, my eyes are on the bruised skin, “#Miller, keep an eye on the screen and keep me updated.”

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“What’s going on?” I called out running back from the far side of the lab floor. I’d gone in search for Rey, because I knew she’d spoken to #Octavia last, I saw the message coming in, but with everything going on here in the lab, by the time I was free it was all over. And now #Harper, #Luna and Rey were nowhere to be seen.

‘He is crashing, I don’t know what is happening.’ #Monty shouted out as he ran past me.

“Hells… Marcus… No…!” He wasn’t going to die on me, not now and definitely not after the bombshell he dropped on me before he set himself up as the scape goat without facing my baby sister first.

“What can I do?” I called out coming to a stop in the room they had lay him to heal.

‘Nothing right now, but just be ready in case I need something.’ #Jax called out as he worked on the body that wasn’t even recognisable to anyone who didn’t know the man lying on the bio bed.

“You have to save him Jax, he’s our only hope!” I linked my fingers over my head and then turned to punch the wall. This wasn’t how I saw us trying to save the world.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

The peaks of some inland mountains came into view first. The tops of tall trees… but what struck me most was… only weeks ago the tip of the taller mountains were frosted white in part and now they were grey-black rocky ridges. It hadn’t been anything like the thick vast white of the Ice Nation… but the signs of the death wave racing closer were all around us even now.

I pushed open the door of the cabin. “#Harper… Take your new toy onto the prow and tell us what you see.” I swallowed hard and looked at Raven. “Can you try to raise #Octavia, ask her to send us a signal, a piece of glass or metal to catch the sun… anything for #Harper to spot from here?” I didn’t want to bring the boat into a range of Azgeda archers without a clear heading. I throttled down, moving slower hoping that whoever was out there was more worried about finding #Octavia than watching the water. Maybe we’d get lucky, and the water would give them a false sense of security.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I pushed the crash cart next to #Jackson I hadn’t really stopped to think when I heard my name. I just ran. I flipped any of the switches that looked vital, and I heard a hum inside the machine. #Jackson reacted instantly to the sound by shouting out. 'Charge to 120.’

I wasn’t a medical apprentice but the huge dial with the number around it was pretty self-explanatory. I cranked it to one hundred and twenty, it made the sound again and a light went green.

“It’s ready.” I said to #Jackson hoping that it was. #Jackson picked up the paddle and called out 'Clear!’ he placed them on Marcus’s black and red pox marked chest. I cringed at the sickening thud and the way his body arched up into an inhuman position. Moved back to his bedside and stared at the monitors. #Bellamy came to stand next to me… Neither of us really knew what we should do.

'Still no rhythm.’ #Clarke said back, and she was rifling through the drugs and #Jackson barked. 'Push another ten of epi.’ #Clarke was already there with putting a needle in Marcus’s I.V. bag, it was like they were reading each other’s minds. 'Charge to one sixty.’

It took a second for me to realize he was talking to me; #Bellamy nudged me with his elbow. I turned the dial and waited for the green light before I called, “Charged.”

This went on for what seemed like hours, but in reality, I knew it was only a few minutes. Then I heard that familiar rhythmic beeping return, and I sighed in relief and looked from #Clarke to #Jackson. “Is it over?”

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

‘On it.’ #Harper jumped to action but there was a bite to her words. And the way she looked at John told me that in her eyes 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮 was back. Everything we had done to build some trust within the group was slowly melting away one by one.

I didn’t say anything, reaching into the bag beside my feet I took out the radio, switching the long distance to short. Hoping with my mental fingers crossed that we would not be out of range for #Octavia to hear us.

“O? are you there?” I asked letting the button go and hearing nothing. I switched channels and tried again. “O? come in. Are you there?” there was nothing but static returned.

‘Dula op Yu fig raun Okteivia ste ku?’ ( Do you think Octavia is okay? ) #Luna moved to gain a better view point off the edge of the boat.

“Octavia Blake, I swear.” I’d changed the channel again.

‘You have started swearing now Rey?’ Relief filled me when I hear her sarcasm on the other side. ‘Any chance you can get your arse over here before you start threatening to blow me up?’ She continued.

“Blake Junior…” I stopped myself because that was a nickname I’d picked up from John. “Just shine something out to sea will you. So, we can pinpoint where you are.” I let the button go, and when I glanced at the two ladies before me, I saw their shoulders relax a little at hearing her voice.

‘We are at the Rover, but we are on it.’ Only now did I glance back over my shoulder towards John, I knew he heard it all.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Adrenaline was coursing in my veins, making it hard for me to catch a breath. I was working on auto pilot the way I had for years while helping my mom. But this time, I was trying to save the man she was in love with. She may not have said it to me, but by the way she glanced at him, she spoke to him, and the punch she gave him when he showed up here on the island spoke volumes.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳?‘ I heard #Monty asking in a low voice, that could have been drowned out from the sounds that were surrounding us right now. I dropped my head forward with a frown creasing my forehead.

“For this time, but it wasn’t easy.” My hands were shaking, and I set the syringe down on the metal table beside the bio bed. How much more of this could Marcus’s body take? There was no… My thoughts stopped as my eyes homed in on a spot under his rib cage.

“Jax, do you see this?” Gently lifting the chancellor’s arm to the side. “Is that radiation blister healing?” Or was it my eyes playing a trick on me?

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

While learning to become a doctor, I was trained for all kinds of medical issues. But nothing prepared me for the complete and utter fear that consumed me when all hell broke loose inside this small space. I was frozen with it. The world narrowed down to just one person who laid motionless on the bed while everyone else rushed to assist him Logically, I knew that I needed to break through it and help him. I was the doctor here. But yet it was as if my feet would be rooted to the ground as I watched in fear as they worked on saving him. The surprise in Clarke’s voice snapped me out of everything and I moved towards him. Needing to see what is going on. Shock filled my entire being as I see that his skin was healing.

“Jackson draw some blood. Where is everyone else. I have finish tweaking the serum.”

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

My eyes are shut, and the knees are glued to the ground as I have the feeling that I can recognise these symptoms. I am not looking but I can hear the corpus trembling on the table and then the voices.

Those familiar voices.

The beeping, the commands, the defibrillator pulse … I could hear it all. I am numb and by the time silence came, when the body – my body - finally stopped chocking, I was still on the floor. And I was afraid to open my eyes.

The hush lasted a few seconds, but it felt like hours.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳?’ I heard #Monty asking on my … left? His voice was so near that I almost jumped at the sound of it.

My eyes instinctively open. The light hits my orbs as a blurry image begin to build before my eyes. I recognize the ceiling. The lips curve up by themselves and I feel so weightless, calm, and peaceful. I blink. ⠀

“𝘑𝘢𝘹, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?” #Clarke says and for a moment I believe she is talking to me as a wide smile cross my features, however, she ignores my face and reaches for my arm, lifting it to the side. “𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨?”

“Clarke?” I called; my voice sounds less muffed than I expected. However, she doesn’t look at me. Then I heard her, Doctor Griffin. “𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘮.”, she said.

“Abby?”, I said. Nothing. “Abby.” I tried again but they were caught up in their own conversations. I push up and sit, leaving the bed to stand by her side. I turn and find Abigail standing there. “Abby?”, I called again standing before her face. Then I turn to Jackson, doing the same with every one of them.

“SOMEONE!”, I scream, but they all ignore me.

I look down… then I notice. I am there with them, surrounded by my people. However, my body is not, the corpses is deeply frozen in the bed in comma. But I can see them all, I can see myself. And I panic. I am here, and I am there … No. No. NO! This is not possible. It’s not logical. My eyes check the monitors on the right. The heart is beating. The pulse is stable … What the actual fuck is wrong here?

“𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗰𝘂𝘀?”, I hear my name. A sense of ecstasy ran through my body as I look up to view the source of the voice, nearly freezing at the sight of the woman who called my name.

“Au- Aurora?”, My voice is broken. Frightened.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Mom!” I called at her a few times before she dragged herself out of whatever place she had become frozen in. I knew she hadn’t said it in so many words, but she cared for him. Marcus had done something that we all wanted to help with, and my mind when to the discarded vial still sat on the table. Why hadn’t he just waited for us all. A question I feel like we all would be asking for a while.

“Mom, take a look here.” I moved to the side giving both her and Jax space to look, but Jackson was on the move taking Mom’s orders and running with it, giving me time to start working down the side of Marcus’s body. My eyes searching each inch. “And here…. Here he is healing.” As I worked down to his legs, and the bottom of his feet. “Hells… His feet, the bottom of them…”

‘Hells!’ #Bellamy was beside me looking. ‘They were blistered so badly before, but now… Now they aren’t even oozing. What does this mean?’

I frowned at him, and kicked his foot nodding to my mom, she may be a doctor but right now, she didn’t need to hear this. “It means that we are close to this thing becoming a viable solution. But the question is do we have the time to create it and share it out?”

『ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Already on it Abby, I rushed to run around #Bellamy and he stepped out of my way, dancing around the table I was right back were I started beside Clarke. She was right, I couldn’t believe my eyes and nor could she by the way she was glancing between us all.

The needle point pricked the callused, and blistering skin on Kane’s inner thigh, the only place I knew where there were veins worth a try. I heard my name again as #Monty asked if there was anything else they could do, and #Clarke asked them to just back up from the bio bed.

Drawing two vials of blood I set them down beside the bed on the metal table, then I started to follow Clarke’s lead with checking over the other side of Kane’s body. “I have some on this side too.” I glanced over to the monitors. “He’s heart rate is elevated again.” There were some spikes, and yet there was no movement in him to say that something was happening.

“Everyone is right here Abby.” I glanced around the room at the fear filled faces of #Nate, #Bellamy, #Monty, #Clarke, #Jasper was hiding in the back, and Emori was stood beside him holding on to his arm with fear in her eyes too. Then my eyes settled on Abby’s. Why did she need us all here?

“The serum?” I asked Abby, and then my eyes dropped to Kane. “Are we really going to do this to another living being? Especially if we cannot share it out like we planned to when we first came here?”

‘So, you want us to give it up?’ #Nate asked stepping forward. And I didn’t have an answer for him, all I knew was that Kane on this bio bed was going against every oath I took to help and to save.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

Harper jumped to her station… but there was no doubt that she was pissed at me. I almost felt guilty… I knew the reason I was pushing Raven away. But I had somehow reverted completely into keeping people at arm’s length. It was one extreme to the other.

I started to correct our course towards the docks, but still kept out of archer range. I turned back; seeing the relief on Raven’s face when #Octavia’s voice crackled through the radio. My heart swelled painfully. “Are they still under attack?” I asked her, but before she could answer #Harper gave a low whistle. 'Murphy.’ She pointed towards the shore where there was a flickering light from between the trees. I scanned the shoreline.

“What have we got over there, Harper?”

'We have Ice Nation Archers in the trees between us and them… at least seven on the ground… They could be around or on the Rock line… I can’t tell from here.’

#Luna had been Leaning over the side of the boat scanning the trees too. 'Raven… Tell them to go east… to the cliffs.’ She blurted out in a rush. My eyes scanned to the east.

“You want them to jump?” I was stunned.

'I want to avoid unnecessary gonplie (gun-play). This way we don’t risk the boat or any lives.’ #Luna was all about the path of least resistance. But this was madness.

“#Skaikru can’t swim Luna!” I stared at her incredulously. She was already shrugging out of her jacket and boots.

'That’s where you and I come in!’ She grinned at me. She had gone completely mad if she thought I was jumping into monster-infested waters.

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Standing back from the crowd, I watched the mayhem that surrounded Kane. My entire body screamed that I needed to run. Yet once again I stayed. My eyes scanned everyone in the room. Where was John? With Doc saying it was time to test the newly improved serum, I wasn’t having any warm and fuzzy feelings about my safety.

“Come on John, where are you?” I whisper to myself and wait for the others to protest or not. But how would this play out? I am the only one here that wasn’t a vital member of this group. Logic told me; I was going to be the next crispy bacon.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴍᴀɪɴʟᴀɴᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“You want us to what?” ducking down so that my head didn’t turn into a pin cushion for Ice Nations arrows, I looked at the radio held in my hands in shock.

‘I know, I know. But O… Please… yu don bida Wich op ( have some trust ).’ Raven’s trig was getting better than I remember, but still. What were those crazy fools thinking?

“Yu get, in Ai laik nou swima, ait?” ( You understand, I’m no fish, right?) But really, what in hells name were they thinking? I couldn’t swim and neither could any of the others from Skaikru. Could the people with me from Trikru?

‘Dison laik son swima op ona rein.’ ( This is a waste of time. ) I got my answer without needing to ask from behind.

“Oso gyon au ogeda, o Oso wan op ogeda. Yu sad in…” ( We go together, or we die together. You choose… ) I growled at them. It was time, they needed to step up, trust, and follow me, or we could meet our maker here and now.

‘Oso na mafta op Yu!’ ( We will follow you! ) The voices echoed.

“I’m trusting you Rey…. See you over the cliffs.”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

“Sounds like they are still under attack John!” I couldn’t believe it. “Oh Hells!!” some part of me thought that O would tell us to find another way, I was stood here thinking of how to make it work. But seeing how #Luna was getting herself ready, told me that there was nothing more we could do.

“They are going to the cliffs…. They are going to jump… Are you sure about this?” I asked #Luna and she winked at me pulling her big, curly hair out of the way, and tying it back.

‘Wich op raun Ai?’ ( Trust in me? ) she asked.

“Otaim… strisis” ( Always… sister ), I didn’t even need to think about it.

‘Good, go take the boat from Jon, and watch out for the attack.’ She told me and I did as I was asked.

•- Marcus -•

⠀ ╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

There she was. Arms folded before her chest and a very serene yet caring smile dancing upon her lips. #Aurora looked as young as I remembered her; not slightly close to the torn and terrified woman I saw being ejected almost eighteen years ago. And despite of being glimmered by her presence. Blinded by the unbelievable sight of that woman I once loved and cared about, the only words I was able to form were:

“Am I dead?”

Not surprisingly, the question sounded more shaken than expected. The woman, on the other hand, chuckled and pulled away from the wall. She crossed the room, and no one seem to notice her presence. Our presence. But how could they know #Aurora was here if she was dead? Dead.

We killed her. We floated her eighteen years ago.

‘It must be a hallucination’, I told myself, panicking in a dreaded silence as the room seemed to fade and my attention is on her.

#Aurora was now standing closer. And I could feel her hand on my forearm as she reaches for me. That familiar touch. Mrs. Blake was looking at me. Her expression so tranquil I could swear she was alive. Her skin seems so soft, well catered for; young and . . . Beautiful?

“You are not dead, Marcus.”, she told me and the tone in her voice was sweet. “Not yet.”

Her eyes shift and I instinctively follow the gaze. I choked at the sight of my body laid in the mattress. I didn’t bother to pay attention on what #Jackson, #Clarke, #Bellamy or the others were saying at this point because at the sight of my burned skin I shivered. I wanted to touch me, but I pulled back before doing it so.

With a bruise of that size, I should be dead. But why I wasn’t? Did it meant Abby’s serum worked? And Dr. Griffin face came to my thoughts, filling my chest with some sort of pride and warmth before I hear #Aurora speaks again.

“But you do look awful. And you are certainly in coma” she said. “I am impressed. You are a brave man, Kane. I admire that. Not many would have the guts to volunteer to test like that.”

“Are you just my mind?” I asked ignoring her comment. My eyes still running over the inflamed flesh. “Am I crazy or is this real? Are you real?” And as the last question came, I had my eyes rested on her.

Again, a smile.

“A bit of both.” She said, “This, me, is as real as you wish it to be. However, we are not inside your head. What you see is exactly what is happening at the moment.

“It is just a different perspective.”

“It is not possible,” I said. The words sounding slightly reluctant.

“And yet we are here.” #MrsBlake said once again folding her arms. “Would you rather be dead than roaming I would gladly want to forget it in the morning.

The answer to her question was sort and fresh inside my mind.

“No” the words came out of my lips followed by a deep sigh. As much as I ejected myself with the serum, as much as I had tried to convince it was for the greater good, that it was for #Octavia’s sake, deep down I knew it was a lie. I wasn’t willing to die; I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t want to, otherwise, I would have met my fate long ago.

“Good. You made me a promise to watch over the children for me and you better keep it.” she said. “Come, I believe we have a lot to discuss.”

Without questioning, I followed her. But not before glancing at my burned body once last time.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

"Fuck!" I muttered under my breath. #Luna was preparing to jump in... My eyes were on the cliffs but there was still no sign of movement. Listening to Raven speaking trig stirred something deep inside of me. When she came to the cabin, I froze for a second. "Just pull back the throttle to slow the boat so we can climb back up and then forward to speed up and bank hard to get away from the cliffs and out of archer range." My voice was low and hesitant, my eyes glued to her... I was going into the ocean.

There was a strong chance I would never get out again. Even if I didn't down... that sea monster could be anywhere. I had been so resolved, so sure that she should never know how I feel. But now... looking at her, thinking that it could be the last time I saw her. My mouth went dry at the thought. I wavered.

It was selfish, but I wanted to come clean, I wanted to tell her everything. I knew it was selfish... to let all of that out and then potentially die? I couldn't do that to her. At least if she hated me, it wouldn't hurt her if I didn't make it back to the boat.

I sighed and stepped out of the cabin and dropped my jacket where Luna had dropped hers and the handgun in the back of my jeans. I kicked out of my boots I pull out the knife that I kept in one of them and slid it into my belt.

'They're almost at the edge of the hull and launched herself over the ledge and plunged into the water. I took a deep breath and followed her. Trying to remember everything #Luna and #Emori had taught me. The water wasn't as cold as I expected... I knew that was a bad thing. It meant the death wave was even closer now. I looked up just in time to see Octavia leap from the cliffs. I swam like hell to get to her as more bodies started to drop and arrows flew through the air between them.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

Everything else was forgotten for now. All I could think of were our people who were about to jump off the side of a cliff, because I told them it was safe.

Nodding my head I listened to John, my eyes on the throttle, the levers, and the boat. “Okay. Pull back to slow. Forward to speed up. Bank hard to get away from the cliffs and out of range.” I repeated it to him and then a few times to myself.

Stepping back and then stood still. Why had it felt like John had wanted to say something? Was he going to have another dig at me? Afterall them being here in danger was on me. I could have brought #Nate or #Bells. Hells even #Monty would have come happily. But they were all needed on the island. And now…

While I cleared my mind and thoughts, he turned to leave, and I let him go to join #Luna. Only then did I step up to take my place behind the wheel. It wasn’t until I watched them taking their boots and clothes off did, I start to realise what they were actually going to do.

“Hells! Do you need to jump in there? Can’t we throw the ropes in there for them?” I shouted out. But #Luna was already climbing up and readying herself.

‘Rey, Shall I throw the ropes in?’ Harper was watching the shoreline with her weapon at the ready.

‘You keep watch, Jon and I will get them.’ #Luna looked ready and then she and John were both gone and bodies started to fly off the cliffs.

“Fuck!” I did as I was told and kept the boat out of the range of the arrows. The screaming and shouts were deafening to my ears and then add to it the gun shots that started. #Harper was being clever with her shots, only firing when there was no other way to stop someone from harming those who were resistant and frozen at the top of the cliff.

“Come on… come on… come on…” My feet wouldn’t stop shaking as I saw the first arm come around the ledge of the boat. #Harper reached out and pulled them out of the water, and then dropped them on the deck going back to shooting up to the cliff.

“Move… Move out from the clearing…” I shouted out as one by one more and more started to come onboard, but the guys were shaking from the shock of it all.

‘Chesi… Chesi… Chesi…!’ ( Sea monster… Sea monster… Sea monster…! ) Voices echoed all around us and I wasn’t sure where or what they were talking about.

‘What are they saying?’ #Harper shouted over them at me.

“Sea monster?” I told her… But… “FUCK!” I saw the dark shadow coming up behind a woman who was from Trikru. “SWIM! SWIM TO THE BOAT!! HARPER… THE WATER!” But she was on it. She lined the shot and fired. Sounds came out of the water.

‘Shit… I think I pissed it off.’ She looked frightened but pulled herself together as more arrows came raining down on us.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

My mind raced with the possibility that Marcus would survive this. I hadn't failed him. Slowly, inch by inch, his skin was starting to heal. But if the serum worked why did he burn the way he did. While #Luna had a reaction to radiation it was nothing compared to what Marcus went through. She had some burns but nothing to the extent that he suffered. It was something to ponder on. It also made me a bit weary to try again but what other choice did we have.

The sound of a throat being cleared drawled my attention away from the slowly healing body to #Monty.

'Kane asked me to give this to you just in case things got bad. But I waited until now. There is hope.'

I looked at the paper in his hand, wondering if I truly wanted to read whatever he wanted to tell me about no matter in case he died. Even that thought caused my heart to hurt. I sent a silent prayer up to whatever higher power there was.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

Taking the letter, I carefully open it. On it, Marcus's handwriting laid sprawled over the page. My eyes watered. Making me question if these would be the last words that I ever get from him. Even with his body on the mend, logically, I knew that his body may still not survive. There was only so much pain and trauma that we can handle before our minds and bodies give up.

I close my eyes for a brief moment, just to stop the tears from falling. When I open them I read every single word.

History had promised a better future by allowing us to learn from our mistakes. We were so wrong about being able to be coming back to earth after so many years of humanity space run experience. The world we wrote about in the books – it no longer exists.

But we do. We made it so far, surviving each day by betraying our own kind – our own blood. I regret the vote I had called ‘yes’ back on the Ark. I regret the blood unnecessarily spilled. I regret the pain and the life most of you never got a chance to cherish. I regret most of my choices, but this one I do not. I need you to understand this went beyond duties or maturity. I had to do this for myself. There is no one to blame.

I look back at the small family we have worked on building, and I am proud of you and all I ask of forgiveness. May you be able to look at each other, to take care and be strong. In the end, we are all we have left.

Abigail Griffin, I now speak to you. If you are reading this, then I should be gone. And I am sorry I could not keep my promise. Abby, I tried. I had to do this, and you know why. You would have done the same for her ( (by her I meant Clarke, but there was no need to say her name as no one knew about Octavia.) And I beg you to watch over them, the next generation. I love you and I passed with thoughts of you. I am sorry I could not be a better man for the incredible woman you are. Try again, Abby. You can do this serum work. I trust you.

Be Brave,

-Kane

There was no point in trying to stop the tears that now flowed from her eyes. I knew that this letter wasn't just for me and even to the end he was trying to save her. He didn't want me to be pissed at him. But I was. It didn't matter if it made me a hypocrite, he had no right to do it. It should have been me. I had debated on doing it myself. But he forced me to stay and watch him burn. Anger burned within my gut. Anger and a tragic sense of loss. How dare he! Letting the anger fuel, me, I wiped the tears and stood up, and stomped over to where Marcus laid. Without a second thought, I pummelled his chest.

"How dare you! Wake your ass up! You don't get to tell me that and die, you bastard! Wake up!"

Anguish broke through my anger as I continued hitting his chest.

"Wake up! You can't leave me."

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

What in the name of Hells was happening around here? Rey, #Luna and #Harper were M.I.A. and now that I thought of it. Murphy was nowhere to be seen too.

Rey never just— I stopped that thought because who was I kidding. Since coming to this island that girl had gone it alone so many times, that I wasn’t sure what she was capable of anymore. ( Not that we knew the answer to that question before either. ) And Murphy? What was going on there with that one? He was always following Rey, #Luna and Emori around.

My eyes came to rest on Emori stood by #Jordan, so if she was here—. That thought was cut into when I heard #Griffin and #Jackson talking. A glimmer of hope in their eyes and voices as they did their medical heads thing. Leaving #Nate and me, to stand here hoping that this would mean we could get going.

Before Marcus had gotten on the path of martyrdom, the news he broke had me reeling. But I didn’t want him to die for it. I just wanted to be with my sister. The sooner they were done here, the sooner we could go back to #Octavia.

Once again, my thoughts were stopped with the screeching of the doctors voice. She dropped something from her hand and started towards the others. I had no choice but to take the paper from #Monty’s hands after he retrieved it. Reading the writing on it that I knew belonged to Kane.

“Now he thinks it was wrong to come back down here? And how many lives did we need to lose for that epiphany to strike?” #Monty nudged me, and my hand out of habit went to the blade on my side.

Stopping when I saw it was him. I needed to cool the fuck down. Being on edge wasn’t good for me or those around me.

And then all hell broke out with the doctor. “Shit!” Had she lost her mind? What was she doing?

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

Walking down the corridor, I stayed a few steps behind #Aurora. The voices in the room where my body lay sounded distant now and there was silence between the mother of my daughter and me. Nonetheless, I follow the woman towards the stairs and mindlessly rest my hand over the bar as I climb up not more than two steps before I feel a bump in my chest. Then another. And another.

“Marcus? What’s wrong?” Blake asked. Thankfully I had my hand on the wall because the third bump made me step back.

“Something is wrong with my bod–” I tried to say before I feel it again. Then I hear the voices echoing through the passageway. And I blink before heading back to the improvised hospital room.

No words came to me as I watched Abigail heavily knocking on my chest. For some reason I could feel her hands every time she hits my burned skin; even when I couldn’t feel the needles #Jackson had injected on me earlier. Many thoughts came to me, but I cast them away as logic has no room to the ‘afterlife’, coma, aura, or whatever experience I am caught in.

“𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝! 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.”,

Abby says aguishly. I had a hand over my chest as I step forward, something only #Aurora could see as I try to embrace the doctor from behind, tightening my invisible arms around her. I whisper in her ear.

“I am here, Abby. I haven’t left you.” The tone in my voice is firm and trustworthy. And there is a tear there. A glimmering liquid that rolls down my cheek.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Hope. That is all we had left, right? The serum seemed to be betraying us, however, I couldn’t cope with the thought of giving up. So, I kept staring at #Jackson after I questioned him if he was expecting us to simply give up.

He did not reply and by the look in his eyes I could tell he agreed with me; even though he wasn’t ready to admit it. I understand his reasons.

I take a step back, turning to pay attention on what #Monty and the doctor were talking, only turning to face #Bellamy across the room to avoid my curious eyes to rest over the letter Marcus left for Doctor Griffin. I wish I had read it though, because the next thing I see is the woman losing it and going straight to the unconscious body of the former Chancellor.

It took me a while, but it took one exchange of look between #Jackson and I to make me act. I step forward, instinctively tighten my arms around her from behind before I embrace the woman.

“Calm down, Abby.” I speak. “He won’t make it if you keep hurting him. Shhhh . . . Calm down”

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Hells…” What was happening here? Had it been a mistake? Should I not have given Doctor Griffin the letter? My eyes moved to #Jasper stood with Emori on the far side of the lab in search for some help. When he waved me over, I didn’t think twice about it, I could tell that he didn’t want to be dragged into the middle of what was happened. I rushed over to stand beside the two of them.

‘You did the right thing.’ How did he always know what I was thinking. ‘She was going to find it at some point. Better she beat the crap out of the Chancellor now while he is out of it, than when he is awake.’ I looked at my friend in utter shock, and at the same time I also understood what he meant.

“That slap is still ringing in my ears.” I muttered stepping back away.

‘Just stay out the way of this one. Clarke and Jax can handle it, maybe even Bellamy.’ He nodded his chin towards the fray. ‘See, even Nate is getting in on the action.’

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Mom! Stop!” My voice echoed around the tall walls of the lab, there was madness afoot, and my mother was in the middle of it.

‘Nate, let her go!’ I shouted at him; I knew that he wasn’t hurting her. But it was my mom.

‘Clarke…’ Jackson called out looking over the black blood oozing out of the wounds over Marcus’s chest.

“Crap.” I mustered the energy to still speak.

‘Still want me to let go of her?’ Mom was still fighting and yet I could see the tears and the pain in her face.

“Mom, please… Stop… Stop this!” I rushed back to the side of the bio bed, while Jackson worked to stop the bleeding, I pumped some more pain meds into the I.V.

“Jasper, Monty… Emori…. Could one of you please grab us some more gores for the wounds?” I pointed to the supply cupboard behind where the three stood.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

“No ropes!” I called to both of them before I jumped. “They’ll get sucked in the propellers and we can’t afford to shut off the engine. We’ll have to pull them up the hard way.”

The water wasn’t trying to suck me under. The human body was built to thread the surface of the water. Swimming was an inherent human ability… it was physics… right? I mean the grounders that taught me to swim had no idea what that meant…. But it was… physics? Why didn’t I pay attention in physics? Oh right… I was a fucking idiot!

I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Raven’s face… but a shrill cry from the cliffs had me swimming faster. #Luna was already ahead of me. “Luna!!!” I screamed and the tang of saltwater filled my mouth. “Get #Octavia!” She was the first to hit the water… she was a leader; the others had followed her off a cliff for fuck sake. She’d won the conclave, #Luna may have run from hers… but she knew how important she was. We couldn’t lose her.

#Luna started towing her towards the boat while I scanned the others. A grounder girl with thick dreadlocks and dark skin was supporting a Skaikru guy I didn’t recognise. I saw a hand disappear below the water. “Shit.” I dove, fighting the sting to keep my eyes open and find the drowning…. Girl… Fuck! She couldn’t be more than fourteen.

My arm looped around the girl’s waist, and I kicked us to the surface. She sucked in a sharp breath and immediately started to cough up water. Her chest rocked violently with the intensity of the cough; I knew she’d inhaled water.

She flailed her arms and legs. “Stop! We need to get to the boat. I can’t help you when you’re kicking around like that.” She stilled... more or less and I dragged her to the boat. I saw a few people get pulled up and some of them started to reach over to pull up others.

I heard the dreaded screams… I knew that word. A scream behind me was abruptly silenced; someone had been pulled under but the damned thing. Blood bubbled up in the water all around and the girl panicked. We slipped under the water for a second. She was wailing, terrified. “Charlotte! Stop! I’ll get you to the boat, but you need to stop trashing around!” A few hands were reaching down for her. I passed her up to them

Bullets rang out and I twisted in the water a new stream of blood was moving quickly away from the boat. #Harper had hit it. It was heading for #Luna who was swimming back out to help the last jumper. This fucker was not having her. Hands were reaching down for me now but I yanked the knife from my belt and swam. I heard my name shrieked from the boat…

It was too fast… shadow circled beneath #Luna as she reached the man. I dragged the blade over my own arm without stopping to think about it. I trashed loudly in the water and screamed.

“Hey!!! Over here, you ugly bastard!!”

The shadow spun in a tight circle. “Yeah, you remember how I taste! Come and get me you overgrown worm!”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴀɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Monty gave a curt nod when I assured him that he had done the right thing. When #Clarke called for help he was the first to spring forward. The black blood on the Chancellors stark white dressings was stomach-churning.

I took a step back. My chest tightened and I turned to look at Emori. I couldn’t have another panic attack in front of her. I knew that freezing the way I had was bad… very, very bad. I opened my mouth to speak… but nothing came out. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open like a moron.

The doc screamed again and the air rushed out of me in an instant. “I… I can’t. I stepped back again and turned to leave. I couldn’t watch Abby like this. I couldn’t watch Marcus die like #Maya did. I made my way into a bathroom. The mirror was shattered and there was dry blood dripped over the skin and the white tiled floor. “What the fuck is going on in this place!?” I grumbled and paced, trying to remember Luna’s magic words.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Shit… Shit… SHIT!” What was I thinking when I shot at the monster in the sea? Was it even a monster? Well, it was something, and it was big, and it was now going after Luna and Octavia.

“Rey, back it up a little.” Another barrage of arrows came whistling down from the cliff top and a few of the attackers started to ready themselves to jump. Until they saw what was in the water. I reloaded my riffle and stood guard.

“Hurry!” I pushed the people by my side back. “Move to the far end of the boat and keep low. And you…” I Pointed to the man hanging out the side of the boat lifting people in. “KEEP MOVING!” Gun shot went off when I saw archer readying again.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I did as Harper asked of me, moving the boat out of the way a little so that we were out of range of the arrows. “But this means we are moving away from the people—” My voice got cut off when I saw who was left in the water. “No… LUNA!!! O!!! JOHN!!” Hells they were still in there?

My hands tightened to the point that my knuckles were white as ghosts, we couldn’t throw the rope out. John has warned us against it. I couldn’t jump in. I wasn’t that strong of a swimmer; Hells I’d only just learnt how to float in the pool at the mansion.

“Can someone Help them?” I shouted out, so much was going on, everyone shouting and screaming. And then I saw and understood what the grounders were doing. I started to scream and shout with them. They were trying to get the attention of the monster off those left in the water. They were trying to save their commander. #Octavia had won the conclave, which meant that she was now their leader.

A Few of the men were trying to jump back into the water, they were shouting out to #O, that was when I saw him.

“John! No…”

What was he doing? The water turned red around him as #Luna swam hard with #Octavia by her side.

“I swear John… Luna…” If he and #Luna made it out of this alive, I was planning to kill them both.

•- Emori -•

To say all hell broke loose after the doc was handed what I assumed to be a letter from the currently crispy paperweight.

I watched with my mouth hanging wide open as she beat his chest. What struck me the most was the look on her face. All of her pain and anger oozed out of her with each bang of her fists connecting with his chest. It was amplified by anguish in her voice.

Time seemed slow as everyone watched and as if reality demanded his due everything resumed when #Miller wrapped his arms around the doc, pulling her away from the now oozing crispy bacon. Then it was like time demanded more and a flurry of action sped everything.

I watched #Clarke trying to calm a struggling Abby while #Jasper made an escape, to only the past commanders know where, and a demand for help. I looked around and decided to grab the gauze that was requested. Then I stood awkwardly beside the table not sure how to even help.

Surviving the entirety of my existence on the ground, I learned how to fix myself up but there was only so much a person can recover from. This was past my expertise.

"How do I help?"

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

#Luna swam like a bat out of hell. Another volley of arrows came barrelling down from the cliffs... I spun back to see the boat... it was still in range. 'Murphy! Move!!!' #Octavia screamed as she clung to #Luna.

I had taken my eyes off the monster and when I whirled back, it was gone. "Fuck!" The water around me was bloodied; I couldn't even spot a shadow. Then, bullets hit the water very close to me. #Harper was shooting at me!!! Well, extremely close to me....

"What the. –"

My shriek was cut off when the sea creature burst from the water next to me; with holes puckering its skin. I didn't stop to think, I slashed out once and embedded my knife in what I could only assume was its head; it was where the teeth were... so it had to be vital. I slashed the knife and it sliced through the thing like it had no bones. Leaving a wide-open gash... without pausing I kicked my legs as hard as I could and followed the retreating boat.

I could see #Luna and #Octavia reached the boat, without a passenger in tow I gained on them but not easily. Exhaustion was creeping in… I hadn’t been in the water that long. I was never going swimming again, it was draining. I reached up and felt someone grab my arm. I was hoisted over the edge and vaguely aware of hitting the deck, glancing at the blood still free flowing from my arm. Had I really cut it that deep?

Pain bolted through me when someone clamped down on the wound, I cried out and my vision started to fold in at the corners, narrowing until there was only hazel eyes... but it couldn’t be… she was at the wheel, and she hated me too much to look at with this particular brand of fury and concern. #Luna had brown eyes… but hers weren’t as golden… Then stars flecked the sky, was it already sunset? Then nothing.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I reached out for the gauze, only after I pressed it to the wound I had uncovered, did I realize that it was Emori helping. #Monty struggled to reconnect a wire that had come undone during my mother’s attack. “Can you put pressure here, to stop the bleeding?” I pressed a wad of it to the largest bleeding sore. I could take a minute to thank her later, right now we needed to lower his heart rate, but he was maxed out on meds as it was… I took Emori’s hand and pressed it down. “Not too hard, it’s just a surface burn.” We didn’t need to add to that pain.

I looked at the monitors, they were blaring wildly. I moved around the bed and peeled another dressing from his chest. The black blood oozing from his sternum sent flashes of #Lexa’s mortal wound into my mind. But still, there was raw, red, and pink flesh between the deeper burns… and the new sensitive skin. “He really is healing.” I muttered to myself, not wanting to raise any hope. #Jackson prodded fresh skin along his neck, and we exchanged a look.

There was hope… but was it enough hope to share with the others yet? If one more silver thread was cut… this group could fracture.

I turned to my mom, grabbing a reaper stick, and crossing to where #Nate held her. “Mom!” I snapped at her, just to get her attention. “You need to calm down. You need to sleep, and you need to eat… you’re losing control. You could have killed him.” I held the reaper stick threateningly close to her throat and to my own horror… no one seemed to think my actions were as horrifying as they felt. “I know that you’re hurting but he isn’t gone yet. He could come back to you. But if you won’t rest…” My eye swam and my throat constricted. “Then I will make you. Please.” I felt a traitorous tear slide down my cheek. “Please, Mom. Don’t. Make. Me.” I begged.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

‘RAVEN GO!!!!’ The voices came over all the noise on the boat and I did as I was told. My head turned over my shoulder, I hit the lever to send the boat backwards, but it jolted forwards and hit something.

‘RAVEN!’ I heard #Harper.

“I Know… I KNOW!” I shouted back as a volley of arrows came down and some of them hit the deck, narrowly missing the people.

‘RAVEN!’ I heard my name again as I changed directions of the boat and hit it hard to get us out of danger.

“Saying my name is NOT helping!” I shouted back. The beast was on our tail, and I felt the boat being pushed off course, but I managed to correct it.

When we were on the move that was when I dared to glance back. There were faces in the distance still looking out to sea and following us, so I changed our direction. We didn’t need them watching to see where we were going. Even knowing that we had the only boat, I had to make sure.

‘Where are you going Raven, we need to get—’ I cut #Luna off and told her what I was doing. However, when I glanced back to the deck and saw the look on her face, then I followed her gaze down.

“Hells… Is he okay? Is He okay?” Fuck! Fuck!... I couldn’t go to see for myself. “Will someone tell me?” Fuck my heart was sinking when I saw him go limp and tears rolled down my eyes. He was dead? John Murphy was dead… And I was the reason for it… He shouldn’t even be here. I told him not to come….

‘He is breathing.’ #Luna called out, ‘But we need to get him back to the doctor now.’

I felt the pit of my stomach drop, there were feelings I couldn’t understand. And maybe I could. Even if he didn’t trust me. I still thought of John Murphy as my friend… He was as much a part of our family as any other on that island.

‘Rey.’ #Octavia was dripping wet; she could hardly stand but she put an arm around me. ‘Thank you all for coming to get me… us…’ I wiped my tears, but they weren’t stopping.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. #Clarke’s tear-filled eyes met mine and in them I saw the fear and pain of what it was she was threatening to do. In that moment I saw the face of my own father. The pride he once had in me and then the pain and hurt I caused him the day he stood there watching them close the door on my cell on the Ark.

“Clarke.” My voice cracked and I shook my head. I knew why she needed to do it, but I also knew that if she did go ahead with it. Reaper stick her mother. There was no coming back from that.

‘Hold on to her.’ #Bellamy told me, and I was. Not so that they could take the doc down in a time when she needed us.

“I am, but…” I shook my head again. I didn’t know if they would listen to me. But I could at least try.

“Doc…” I whispered low and calm into her ear. “Please… Think about what you do now. You aren’t like this. Look he is breathing, he is alive. He Needs... You!” hoping she would hear me.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Both hearing and seeing Clarke hurting caused me to stop thrashing against Nathan's hold on me. My eyes moved from her to the bed where Marcus's heartbeat beeped erratically on the monitor. What had I done? I knew that I needed to sleep, but how was I supposed to do that when a clock ticked over our heads. However, I saw the determined look that Clarke inherited from her father. I knew though it would hurt her to hurt me she would do what she threatened.

"Just let me check him and I will take a nap until we figure out where Raven and the rest are. Then we have to finish this."

I waited for Clarke to agree so Nathan would release me so I can check on him.

'No. We will take care of him, and you will go to sleep.'

I had to agree unless I wanted to have a forced nap lasting God knew how long.

"Okay."

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

I watched the scene unfold. It was a torture to realize it wasn’t my arms holding Abigail as she lost it but #Miller’s. I believe #Aurora noticed the change in me, because she approached and placed her hand over my shoulder.

“They can’t see you.” She assured me, “Come.”

Once again, I find myself in that corridor, following #Aurora to the upper levels. It was a silent walk and eventually I found myself strolling on the Island in the protected zone without raising the alarms. Dead? Living? Dreaming? What is happening here exactly?

#Aurora stopped by the sands and nested herself in a rock. I stood beside her with my arms folded on my chest. My eyes then stared out to the endless water zone. The tone in her voice was soft and contemplative as she says:

“I used to read books back at the ark. Romances, mostly. There were places like this mentioned in those pages. White sands, the sound of restless crashing waters in the shore . . . I never thought we would be able to see that someday. But I am glad to be here – and I am glad that you are here with me.”

I fall speechless. Then, I turn to look at Blake with surprised eyes and a knot in my throat. To see her is a delight, of course. Unbelievable indeed and apparently not impossible. But before I could put my thoughts on track and say anything, she chuckles and smile.

“I know about Abigail and you.” She confesses. “No, please, it’s not like that. I don’t hold any harsh feelings towards her or you in that case. I don’t blame you for seeking happiness after my departure. You became a pain in the ass after I died anyway. Don’t worry, you are a better person now and I have to say Abigail changed you.”

I stand there staring at her for what seems forever. Taking in each of her words as my head does it very best to puzzle the information, she provided me. Then, I finally find the voice in me to say:

“Are you suggesting I became more . . . human?” And the look in her eyes tells me she had me exactly where she wanted me to be at that moment. And yet I feel the need to justify myself and explain. “Earth. Well, earth is not what we expected it to be. We all did things we didn’t wanted too. We were forced to make choices we knew would crash our souls for the survival of our loved ones.

It wasn’t just Griffin who changed me; however, she was the one who never allowed me to forget who I am.”

“I am glad to hear that someone else got to see the other side of you as well, Marcus. That you feel loved by someone, even when she is also the one who hit your unconscious body back there. See, I honestly do not know what you wrote her in that letter – certainly something foolish.”

‘Is she really calling me out?’ I think. However, I decide to let her finish her lecture.

“She deserves to learn the truth from you and not from my son Bellamy. Don’t look at me like that, I know you told him that recently. This is the first thing I must tell you, Marcus. I want you to tell #Octavia the truth too. You owe her that.”

Continuing in Part Two....

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #AbbyGriffin #MarcusKane #emori the 100 #Emori #JasperJordan

[oktorpg]

Is there a way back from this Betrayal? – Together - Storyline 5

╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 John Murphy』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ʙᴇᴄᴄᴀ'ꜱ ᴍᴀɴꜱɪᴏɴ

〄 ❝ 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. ❞ ― 𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚

•— Raven —•

I stood with my face tilted up as the cool water from the shower washed away the smell from the lab. But it was the scent up my nose and burned into my mind that I knew would be harder to remove.

The blisters on my skin meant that I couldn’t use the hot water, no matter how much I had hoped that I could have curled up under the stream. There is something about the heat of the water which always seemed to help wash everything away since being here on the island. The saying they had back in the day about; ❝ 𝘞𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 ❞, had started to fall into place for me. But for now, the cool water had its own healing properties.

If only there was a way to redeem the mind, and its ability to close off and to stop thinking. As much as I was thankful that Abby and my mind were no longer going to melt, there was a clarity to my thinking that I’d not felt in a long while. Not since before I took the chip and joined the other followers into the City of Light, did I see things as clearly as I do now.

This had to be the reason why I can’t shake the words and the looping images in my head, from the docks. Seeing Emori so scared, Jasper standing between her and me. Like he believed that I would cause her harm? And then John… Whose master plan it had been.

The words from the letter he’d left with #Harper were etched into my brain forever.

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎, 𝑅𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃.

𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓀 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇. 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝒾𝓉.

𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓏𝑒𝓇. 𝒟𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓊𝓅.

𝒟𝒪𝒩’𝒯 𝒟𝐼𝐸.

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎.

𝒥𝑜𝒽𝓃.

I wasn’t sure why I was so angry at them; I knew they had to have acted from fear. After all, fear was the reason for most of the stupid mistakes we’d all made at some point (s) of our short lives. But this one… It hit me hard.

I hit the button on the wall a little harder than it was necessary to turn the water off, reaching out for a towel I wrapped it around myself carefully to get dried and dressed. I had come to the mansion for a reason.

With everyone down in the lab busy helping Abby and #Jackson with Marcus, someone needed to come back here to the house to pick up some supplies. No one was going to be willing to leave the lab to come back to eat, sleep or change. So, being the only one who wasn’t being of any help, I’d offered to come and do it.

When I arrived back, I needed to shower before I could do anything. I could still smell Marcus and the mix of me being sick all over the lab restroom. I needed to feel clean. I needed the time to Stop and to Think. But now, it was time to get myself back to work.

•— John —•

The walk back to the mansion had been excruciatingly long. Awkward. Quiet. Raven was still mad… no… mad was the wrong word. She was hurt... hurt beyond words, she felt betrayed. She was disappointed in me… because somehow, I had managed to convince her I was different and that I had changed.

And I had, just not in the ways she wanted me to, not in any way that mattered. I knew why I was like this… It wasn’t because I had to be; to survive on my own for this long. I had to survive on my own because if I didn’t… I brought everyone around me down too. I couldn’t do that to Raven. Not like this… not this completely. It was better for her to see me as I really was.

The cockroach, the sociopath. The dead weight.

I sat on the floor of the shower with the cold water barrelling down on my back. Anything to take my mind off everything going on in my head, the hollow ache still throbbed in my chest.

Marcus would die soon… and then I would have to find a way to keep Emori from being the next one they threw into the chamber. Just one more thing to add to the growing list of my failures.

I pulled my fingers out of my sodden hair and flexed the cut and bruised knuckles of my right hand. My hand was shaking. All of me was shaking. Shivering. I hauled myself to my feet and slapped the control panel of the shower to turn off the water. I grabbed a towel and walked out of the bathroom to avoid the massive mirror above the sink. I wasn’t sure I could face another mirror right now.

I dumped out the contents of the backpack I lived out of and found clean clothes. I was starting to resent the fact that we had access to the laundry room here. All of our clothes smelled the same. I barely patted myself dry before I pulled on the clothes. The shirt that smelled the same as everything Raven wore, clung to the wet spots on my chest and back. My gut sank, and I didn’t even bother to repack the bag… I grabbed the music player and stuffed the earbuds into my ears, turning up the music as loud as it would go.

( Music: On My Way - Ashes Remain )

We came here for a reason. So, I grabbed the now empty pack and headed to the kitchen. Whatever meat and fish that was left in the fridge from Luna’s last hunt I began to cook. I waited and waited for that feeling to come… that sense of ease I felt when I cooked… But… there was nothing.

•— Raven —•

Four bags in my hands, I now stood before the room Abby called her own. I didn’t dare enter it as I couldn’t shed the image of her sadness from myself. She had told Marcus not to do it, she had told them that she had a plan. But what that plan was I wasn’t even sure. The moment when she screamed at realising what had taken place, my heart gave a leap.

I stood looking at the door, knowing that like the others I needed to go in. I needed to gather some things for her. She wouldn’t leave that lab, and if I needed to shower and change so did, she. I counted down from five, my hand outstretched for the moment when I hit one and pushed the full weight of my body into the room.

I didn’t look around for much, new shirt, new pants. A change of clothes and the rest she could find on the staff housing level of the lab. Picking up a jumper for her too, I pushed them into a bag as I rushed out of the room again. I wasn’t going to stand around for much longer. Every second I spent in there was another memory from the lab flashing before my eyes.

My heart was a riot in my chest as I rushed down the stairs and towards the back of the house. Food was the next stop. I stood still outside one of the doors that took me to the Kitchen. The sound of music came blearing out to meet me. My body sagged and I was frozen in place when the smells in there hit my senses too.

“The Hells is he still here?” Rubbing my face with my hand after letting the bags drop, my eyes darting to the main door. I could just get out of here. He was in there, and food was being cooked. He didn’t need me. He had made that clear. He didn’t need anyone!

But this wasn’t about him or me, this was about Marcus, Abby and the others. They needed to eat, they needed us to look out for them just as they had looked out for me. Reaching down I picked the bags up and made my way in.

•— John —•

The music changed and I grunted… I recognised the song; it really was too much right now… But as I turned from the food to grab the tablet to change it Rey stepped into the kitchen and I froze. I just stood and stared… my chest felt hollow. I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. She was loaded down with bags for the others.

I hadn’t even though… This could be our last visit to this house. I had just abandoned everything I owned on the bed… I should grab a few things for Emori. And probably myself too, but I honestly didn’t care about that right now.

I was still standing there… My finger hovering over the skip button on the tablet… instead, I swiped the volume down low. I open my mouth to speak… nothing! Fuck! I cleared my throat. “Are you hungry?” I said and turned back to the stove. Glad to have several things in the works to keep my eyes on.

I grabbed the bottle of wine that I had opened and poured it into a glass now, even though I had started swigging right from the bottle. “Or do you want a glass of wine?” I offered without turning back. Everything on the stove was tended, so I swigged from the glass and moved back to the cupboards and started gathering up whatever pasta and rice was left. Anything that wouldn’t spoil.

I could feel how much she despised me… it was like a dark shadow that skulked just over my shoulders. I poured her the glass of wine before she answered and slid it to the far side of the island. Then, I set to stuffing the backpack full of the dry goods. Maybe it would ease the tension a little. But that it wasn’t her fault… this on me. But the air in the room was getting thinner by the second.

( Music: Without You - Ashes Remain )

•— Raven —•

I just stood shy of the door watching him pick up the tablet, my eyes narrowed as his reaction to the song. It wasn’t like him to act this way. He was always lost in the sounds that #Becca has uploaded to the mainframe, and he also knew most of them.

The words of the song where loud and unmissable, just as he liked it.

“𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸

𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯…”

And they hit a chord I was unwilling to acknowledge.

I wasn’t sure what it was I expected from him. Did I want him to talk to me, or would I rather he saw past me? Who even knew at this time. “Uhmm…” Was I hungry? Once there was a time not so long ago that I did need to think, the answer was always 𝙔𝙚𝙨.

We were all, always in need of food. However, since being on the island, a few good meals and my face was starting to fill, the pants didn’t just try to slip down from my hip bone. I was starting to see some colour in my skin that had never been there. And that was all while I was dying of a brain melt.

I wasn’t sure how much time had pasted since he asked the question, but there now lay a glass of wine on the kitchen island and I shook my head to the glass. “I don’t want to drink. Need a level head on my shoulders.” But I went to the hob after setting the bags in my hands down to the side. “I’ll take something to eat.” I couldn’t remember when I had actually eaten last.

It smelled good, then again, I had no doubt it would. I took down a bowl and then my fingers hovered over another one. “Are you eating too?” I didn’t look back at him as I asked.

•— John —•

I just shrugged when she said she didn’t want the wine and found things to keep my hands and eyes busy. I picked up my glass and finished it with a second long swig. I dished up some of the fish in garlic butter and added a decent helping of the fresh vegetables that I had going on the stove. I didn’t see the point in leaving anything here, so I just cooked everything. I slid it to her but this time… My eyes found hers for a moment and it was painful to tear them away.

This would get easier… In the bunker, I would probably rarely cross her path when they stuck me with a janitorial job or whatever they could find, that was the most degrading for someone like me. Someone with zero skills… someone that… Well, was a murderer that got off based on the fact he was dumped on the ground as a lab rat.

It would get easier.

I didn’t want to eat… my stomach felt… like tiny creatures were trying to chew their way out of it from the inside. “I will.” I poured another glass of wine. I would at least try... I had to put on a show, who knew… maybe I would stomach something if I forced myself to eat. “I just want to get all of this cooked so we can take it to the lab… I have a feeling this could be our last trip back to this house.” I knew it was the only way I could get her to eat.

I lifted the glass again and pushed more chunks of fish around in the pan.

•— Raven —•

My eyebrows lifted into a frown when I turned back around to see him knocking the wine back. Of course, on any other day I would have been sat here doing the same after the day we had witnessed. But today, with everything that had taken place. Wine was the last thing I needed.

Stepping up to the island I sat down on the stool. My dull hazel eyes met his blue, the bruises on face were reduced to a yellowing hue, but as my eyes drifted to the bottle of wine and the glass he was refilling. My mouth dropped open. “What—” I stopped myself. Why did I even give a crap about what happened. And yet there was some part of me that really wanted to know. “What happened to your hand?”

I dropped my eyes to the food before me. picking up the fork to fill it with the fish and the veggies. He was right about one thing, something told me that I most likely wouldn’t see the inside of this mansion again. It has become a place we had started to call home. But all things had to come to an end.

•— John —•

A quick look over my shoulder told me she was eating… It was good to see her eat. Especially after all that she had put her body through in the ice bath.

I glanced down at my hand and tugged my sleeve lower. “Um… It… could have happened in the fight with Baylis.” I shrugged like I didn’t remember. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t true either... I had no idea what I could tell her about it. What excuse could I give her for my freak out in the bathroom? I couldn’t tell her the truth, and as much as I knew I needed to… I couldn’t lie to her.

“It’s fine… it will heal.” I smirked a little and flexed my fingers. “I had a pretty good run there, with no injuries for a while. But I’ll be okay… it’s just a few cuts and bruises.”

I started scooping the food into the plastic containers I had set out. This was the last of it… there was nothing else for me to finish now. Then, pressed the lids into place and stacked them on the island. “How are you feeling about leaving here?” Even with the dark cloud of the death wave hanging over our heads. Here, we didn’t need to ration. We could shower in clean hot water. Hell…. Just turning a faucet and you had water… Unlimited, clean water. And once we left, we would be back to rationing everything water, food, power… back to hunger and thirst.

There was only so much we could bring in the boat no matter how well-stocked this place was, medical equipment and Tek were more important than food in an underground bunker.

“I know you wanted to learn as much as you could about what Becca was doing here.”

•— Raven —•

With the spoon in my mouth, my eyes shifted up from the bowl and towards him. I saw the way he attempted to hide his hand, because he was lying. Once again, he was lying to me, I’d seen each and every injury he, #Harper and #Monty had gained from that fight. And his hand, was not one of them.

I scoffed chewing my mouthful. What the Hells had I expected from him? Every word that had come out of his mouth was a lie or was said for his own good. I lowered my eyes again, everything he had said and done now had started to play in my mind.

Every time he had done something good for the others or even for me, I could see a parallel benefit for him. How could I have been such a fool as to think that he really had tried to better himself, that he was trying to be one of us. That he was really…. a… friend…. ‘𝙁𝙊𝙊𝙇’, I screamed at myself internally. The grip on the spoon tightening.

Swallowing my food, I shrugged my shoulders not looking up. “I’ve not really thought about it. I wasn’t expecting to still be alive.” Unlike him, I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t thought I would make it this far, each and everything I had done was to ensure the rest of those I called friends and family would survive.

His next question took me by surprise, had he been paying attention? And that voice in me said ‘Yes. He had! How else would he know how to play you for a fool?’ My eyes moved to look up as I played with the food in the bowl.

“I’ve not had the time I wanted to read everything Becca was doing and planning to do. So much of it is untouched. I was, well I am pla…” I stopped myself. Why was I even telling him what I was planning on doing? “There’s just a lot still left to learn.” And I had a plan on how I was going to keep it all safe, in case I lived to see another week. Lifting the now full spoon to my mouth.

•— John —•

I nodded; my lips pressed into a tight line. It was the truth…I had never expected her to make it back to the bunker. It was something I could never allow myself to think about… and now it was so blindingly clear why… The idea of her dying… It was too much to stomach. But the idea of her living and never… The idea of accepting the way I felt about her and then losing her anyway…. I had to cough to cover the wince from the painful lump in my throat.

It was better, of course, for her to live and me to carry this… whatever the hell it was, inside of me. There were so many ways for this to go horribly wrong and none for it to go right. She didn’t need to know… she just got her life back… and she deserved that life more than anyone else on this godforsaken planet. I chugged what was left in the glass.

“You should take whatever you can with you. I mean she worked on all sorts of things… that could be useful in the bunker. You’ll be needed there… everything down there is old… they’ll need your skills.”

I knew there was no putting it off now. So, I scooped some food into a bowl and pushed it around with a fork. The idea of adding food into my roiling stomach was unappealing to say the least.

•— Raven —•

I didn’t look up from the bowl or the island, the more he spoke the more my anger towards him grew. He was talking about #Becca and all that knowledge she and her teams had left behind. But he wasn’t talking about the fact that he was running. Or that he thought so little of the so-called friendships with everyone on this island he has been building, and he was still going to 𝙧𝙪𝙣.

And that letter, he wasn’t talking about that letter that was imprinted in my mind. His sorry excuse of a 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙗𝙮𝙚 and 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙚. What had that even meant exactly? Before I could open my mouth and tell him, or more like ask him about that letter, I heard the footsteps coming towards us. #Luna came walking into the kitchen. Her wet hair pulled up as she walked towards the hob looking into the pot.

‘na Ai yu don bida?’ ( Can I have some? ) She asked and I pointed to the bowl I was eating from and the one John was nursing.

“Eat up, it means it’s less to carry back to the lab if we have had our dinner at least. Not that I can eat when I get back there.” Even as I said it. the scent of burns filled my nose, and I pushed the bowl away. “I think I’m done.”

#Luna walked over taking my bowl from where it sat. Then she returned to the hob, refilling it from the pot. Grabbing some of the bread she climbed up and started to eat before looking at the both of us. ‘Yu Tu chichplei nau?’ ( You two talking now? )

I didn’t look over to him. “If you can call it that.” Sliding down from the stool I went to get myself a glass of water to drink.

•— John —•

I hated it when she got all quiet like that… I knew she was thinking, or overthinking. And whatever was going through her mind about me was justified. The longer I was around the harder it was to cling to the knowledge that all of this… Her anger… her disappointment… hatred… it was better.

It would get easier… being hated wasn’t a new thing for me.

When #Luna came in I was about to grab her a bowl but Raven already passed her the one she hadn’t finished. I had to shove down the urge to tell her she needed to eat. That wasn’t my job any more and more importantly; I didn’t get to make those decisions for her any more. She had fixed the thing that kept me by her side. It shouldn’t have been me. Anyone would have been a better choice than me. Why did Abby pick me?

Part of me was sorry #Luna had taught Rey trig… I couldn’t tell Luna how I really felt right now. “Ething ku, Luna.” Heavy eyes turned on the night blood. “Reinseden’s komba raun. En hashta bilaik disha.” (Everything’s fine, Luna. It has to be like this.)

I left two of the tubs on the island in case they wanted anymore, and I slung the heavy bag of food over my shoulder and grabbed the open bottle of wine. I turned for the hall to leave the bag by the front door. I knew I should grab the clothes I had abandoned upstairs… We wouldn’t be coming back here. But I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d spent the best part of my life with just the clothes on my back. It was nothing new to me.

‘Jon!’ I heard #Luna call after me, but I ignored it. ‘Hai Skat!’ I heard her hiss and kept walking, that ball of pressure in my chest was swelling up to the point of pain again. Raven needed #Luna… if I had to make her.

•— Raven —•

The fingers around the glass tightened as I drunk, the sound of his words to #Luna made me freeze. Was that really what he believed? Did he really thing that everything was fine? Was this the new 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 in our world now?

‘Yu gaf gon hod op em.’ ( You need to stop him. ) #Luna whispered in a low voice once he was gone.

“Ai stil em bakon fou, bilaik pleni” ( I held him back once, that was enough. ) Still, I didn’t dare to glance back towards her. I knew too well that if I saw the look the Zen Master would be giving me. I’d second guess myself, and I wasn’t in a place to do that right now.

‘Yu laik kiln ogeda beikon melon strik sis.’ ( You're both pig headed little sister. ) she scoffed as I cleaned and set the glass to the side of the sink.

“Taim Yu biyo krei.” ( If you say so. ) Biting down on my lips thankful of everything she had taught me , I pushed off and finally turned to face her. “Are you going straight back to the lab?”

#Luna chewed on her food, and as I had guessed her eyes were locked on my every move. ‘Sha, Ai laik’ ( Yes, I am )

“Okay, bos ( good ), can you take the bags of clothes back? It’s all packed, ready to go.”

‘And where are you going?’ She asked with a raised eyebrow. “Raven—” I held my hands up and cut her off.

“The code is gone; my brain isn’t melting. I just want to get some work done here before I head back.” She wasn’t buying it, her eyes told me she wasn’t. I glanced back at the door Murphy walked out of. “Luna really, I’m on an island, there is nothing stupid I can do. I promise.”

•— John —•

I walked around the house to the sculpture garden and sat on the grass. I had chosen the ferryman statue; a half-submerged man and his sunken vessel. The air was too hot… even the sea-scented breeze was warm this far off the mainland. The clouds above rested over us threatening to unleash those toxic raindrops at any second.

I lifted the bottle and swigged deeply, feeling a line of the deep red liquid drip down my chin. The bag of food was still slung on my shoulder… I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn’t set it down. Just as I did, I heard the whispering of footsteps on grass. She was announcing herself; I knew #Luna could sneak up on me and gut me before I could even grab the gun tucked into my waistband, hidden by my jacket.

‘Chomouda yu ste dula dison op gon yu kiln, Jon?’ (Why are you doing this to yourself, John.) she asked, sitting with her legs crossed beneath her the way she always did.

“I’m not—“ I started to tell her I wasn’t doing anything. But there was no point… she sees right true people. “Just… trust me. This… it’s better… okay? For everyone.” A least that wasn’t a lie. It was better… better for Raven… better for me than seeing the disgust on her face if she knew the truth.

‘Yu kiln bilaik nowe ron au em ban au. Biyo au!’ (You would never leave her behind. Say something!) #Luna was still using the Zen master voice.

I didn’t have the energy to speak to her in her own tongue. I swigged again from the bottle. “It doesn’t matter #Luna… just let her think whatever she needs to. Please… just let it go.” I turned to meet her gaze now.

‘Yu gifa em in. Ai get en in ridiyo. Hod op haden.’ (You care for her. I know it’s true. Stop hiding.) She pressed.

“You don’t know anything #Luna!” I snapped. “You don’t know me… You’re basing all this idiotic trust in me because I stole medicine for a child, we all knew was going to die anyway. This is who I am… who I have always been. Living on the outside of everyone else’s life and doing whatever I need to survive. Get used to it!” The pressurised ball in my chest eased off after the rant, but it was swiftly replaced with burning guilt.

#Adria.

I’d thrown that poor child in her face.

‘Beda?’ (Better?) was all that #Luna said. I hung my head, my eyes burning.

“No.”

‘Yu’s mou kom disha, Jon. Wochas ona riskwe.’ (You are more than this, John. Be careful in the darkness.) She stood swiftly and vanished, silently this time. The burning in my eyes slowly faded as I allowed the pain to run out of me freely.

#Adria.

That was when this started… that was when I let myself believe I could do better. “Branwoda skai skat, foshou.” (Stupid sky boy, indeed) I scrubbed the sleeve of my jacket across my face and lifted the near-empty bottle again. Draining it with a tilt of my head.

•— Raven —•

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰��𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Hells, why isn’t this working?” I tapped in the code again and hit enter.

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Why? Tell me WHY!” I entered the code again harder as though it would help me.

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Fuck You!” I kicked back into the chair and threw the bottle of water I had across the security room. I knew if I had A.L.I.E’s still in my head I would know what this error code meant, and I would know how to work around it or better still I would know how to fix it.

‘So, do it the hard way, you’ve had things a little too easy ever since that code has been in your mind. It’s time to get back to working the right way.’ I could hear the voice of #Sinclair in my mind, but this time it wasn’t an hallucination. It was just one of the things he would have said if he were here and alive.

“Okay, the hard way.” standing up, first I hopped over where the bottle had landed. Bending down I stretched out my leg to the side and just managed to pick it up. “That taught me.” I huffed. I knew my anger was towards other things, other people, but bottles, doors and keyboards were living the brunt of it right now.

Setting the bottle down to the side I pulled out the folders and manuals that had been collated by #Becca’s teams. Each and every process that needed to be followed was documented, every error they foresaw was defined in them. But it was the time it would take to find the answer.

My fingers moved down the pages, turning them when I couldn’t find what I was looking for until it was there.

𝐄𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟗𝟐𝟖𝟏 - 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

“The Satellite isn’t responding?” biting my lip I looked at the screen. All the files I’d been gathering were sat there ready to be transferred. When the deathwave came, I wanted to keep all this history on the island safe from being lost and destroyed. But if I couldn’t send the data to the space station, what other way was there?

〄 〄 〄 〄

I’d tried everything I could think of to solve the issue from here. No matter what I did, the satellite wasn’t coming to life. And without it there was going to be no data transfer. So, I pulled a back pack on filled with my tools, a fully charged tablet in my hand and I set out from the mansion. I had a map of the island on the tablet because I’d never been to the far side of the island since we arrived.

As I stepped out into the grounds of the mansion, I knew the drones were down, I also knew that if they came to life, I could turn them back away from the part of the island I was most likely to become lost in. “Have some faith.” I told myself.

It wasn’t until I started to walk past the statues, that I stopped before the one that was of Lord Ganesh. He sat there playing the Indian drums known as the tablas, and I couldn’t help the smile that came across my lips. John had been the one to bring me out here, to show me a part of #Becca’s lost world. And A.L.I.E’s data had been the one to tell me what it was I was looking at. But that time felt like it was so far gone, when the truth was it hadn’t been that long.

I kept my head down until I heard the murmurs coming from close by. As I looked around, I saw #Luna sat beside John who of course was still nursing that bottle of wine. The two of them were lost in their conversation.

I kept walking; I didn’t want to be a part of their private discussion. But then my feet stopped hearing the louder voice of John, almost shouting at #Luna.

Narrowing my eyes, I started towards them, I knew better, I knew I shouldn’t. #Luna and John had a bond that was deep, but the way he spoke to her.

‘𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦… 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘮… 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯. 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵!’

My heart was vibrating in my chest, #Adria… The girl whose death was on my hands, the girl who had been like a daughter to #Luna… He was bringing up #Adria in this manner? Had he no heart in that chest of his?

#Luna got up and rushed past me, she squeezed my outstretched hand towards her before she broke into a run back towards the mansion.

In the blink of an eye, it felt like everything had changed. The trust, the friendships I never would have imagined came to life and now dyed all on this island. This had to be the final straw.

“You are such a Prick John Murphy!” My voice broke.

#Adria’s face flashed before my eyes. The burning tears told me they were coming. I stormed over to him and froze.

I couldn’t believe my eyes; I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was crying. Tears rolled from his blue eyes and down his cheeks.

“John…?”

•— John —•

I heard the shift in #Luna’s footsteps, as she ran… from me. The lump threatened to block my airway. I had broken #Luna’s heart entirely and felt more pieces of mine splinter and crumble away.

I thought Raven’s voice calling me a prick was inside my head, because damn… I was! But then she said my name. I froze. Sitting as still as that skeletonized statue in front of me.

I didn’t dare lift my arm to dry my face again. I heard her angry footsteps and I knew I deserved whatever verbal tirade she was about to unleash on me. My heart pounded beneath the hollow aching in my chest.

I don’t know why I did it, or why I didn’t stop myself before the words tumbled out of my mouth. “I was never going to leave you stranded here. I asked Jasper to come with us because I knew he’d protect her; and I was going to teach him everything he needed to get the boat back here, safely. I wasn’t going to leave you here with no way out.”

I shouldn’t have told her. I warred with myself to keep it in, to let her think the worst and protect her from me. But I couldn’t… it was too much… this day had been too much. I needed to release some of it.

I had just made it all so much worse! There was no release, there was just the guilt. The guilt of trying to lessen my burden by making it hers. And the worst of it was… Raven and #Luna were the only reason that I found a way to send the boat back, they were my only motivation.

'𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝑒𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒹, 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓏𝑒𝓇.' The words spun around and around in my head. But those I managed to bite back and push down. I used to be good at this… at swallowing feeling until they stopped plaguing me, it was as easy as breathing. But now, it was like there was no air.

•— Raven —•

He was sat before the Ferryman here. It was one I knew he liked. His words from the day he walked me past this place came to mind and flowed even when I didn’t want to think of those days. Days when I thought we were friends, days when I thought I could trust him. Days when…. He had shown there was so much more to him than what everyone expected.

‘𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘬... 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘑𝘢𝘩𝘢.’

The anger was there, it hadn’t dissipated at all. It had increased at witnessing his treatment of the one person who had at each step been by his side. Sure Abby, #Clarke, Jasper, #Monty… the list of names went on with the people who were giving him a second or third chance. But #Luna... The Zen Master… She hadn’t held anything against him, even when hearing of the mess he had caused in the past. But this was him, right? John Murphy the guy who only thinks about himself?

My lips parted to scold him, to tell him all that was rampaging in my head right now. But his words cut me short. With my eyes darting over his face, looking him in the eye as he opened his mouth and there was a rush of emotion.

So much there for me to process, so much in those words that could have been taken in different ways. But.. He didn’t stop to breathe. The words, they just kept coming.

‘𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.’ He said, and I was about to tell him that his actions would disagree with him. That I had seen with my own eyes they were all going to go and take the boat.

‘𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳; 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘺.’ He said, and my mind replayed Jaspers words on the way back to the lab. And how he said not everything was as it seemed.

Was I mistaken? No… I saw… but what had I seen? Hadn’t #Luna said that things our eyes saw could be a mistake if we were looking with tainted sight? Is that what had happened to me?

‘𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳; 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘺.’ He said, and I knew he was worried for his friend. He told me repeatedly that he would do anything to save his ‘𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥’, and wasn’t that what he was doing there?

And then the last part. This was something that took the ground out from under my feet. ‘𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵.’ Was he pulling me into his deceit once again? And #Luna? Kind and caring #Luna who was heartbroken right now.

“I don’t give a crap about that right now Murphy...” His name wasn’t something I was willing to use in the moment. “What you just did, all you just said to that woman.” I shook my head. “Wrong… just so wrong.”

My hands tightened around the tablet to the point that my palms were hurting. I couldn’t deal with everything he’d said right now. I was hurt but I didn’t understand why. Why it was smarting this much. I had assumed what my eyes saw was true. However, now… I wasn’t sure who or what to believe.

•— John —•

The symbolism of the wretchedly beautiful statue wasn't lost on me... A man whose purpose was to charter people to the other side. To what? An afterlife... the other side of a major hurdle in someone’s life? Wasn't that what I had been charged with when Abby asked me to see to Raven's care.

I was the one that was to help her navigate her way to... well I guess in this case it was healing herself. I had managed to keep her alive long enough for her to figure out how to save herself. But in the end, even Raven knew there was nothing I could do to help her, all I did was delay the inevitable. She hadn't needed nor wanted my help to fix herself. She'd gone out of her way to make sure I was nowhere near it... and clearly considering she was here now; that countdown to her final moment was running no faster than any of the rest of us.

My purpose had ended... and now I was here. Waiting to fade away.

I shook my head and chuckled darkly. Of course, it was #Luna she was worried about. I didn’t blame her for not believing me. It was almost a relief... I shouldn't have told her in the first place. "She was going to find out the truth about me eventually... at least she found it out directly from me instead of listening to everyone else." Talking around the lump in my throat was painful. Keeping my eyes trained on the statue was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.

•— Raven —•

He wasn’t even looking at me, I was nothing in the grand scheme to him. And if I needed any more proof of this fact, he was handing it to me on a silver platter right now.

I stood there feeling the sensation of sharp prickling of tears burning my eyes, but I refused to let him or anyone else see it. I wanted to scream at him, to shake him and to maybe even punch him in the face. What was wrong with him? Why did he always find a way to betray those who he had made believe in him?

“So, that is it is it? You get what you want, and to hell with everyone else? John Murphy and his friends are safe, the rest of us can go jump into the depths of hell, never to be seen again?” Each word was a slap to my own face, because he had fooled me too. I was one of those people who had believed that there was more to him.

“Well, congratulations. The cockroach has shown himself to be a survivor once again. Be happy with your so-called life in the bunker, or as a night blood... I am sure you have it all planned out already.” What more was there to say to him? 𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜.

I gave him one last glance and then back the way #Luna had gone. I wanted to go back inside and see if she was okay. But I was running out of time and daylight. As it was, I was sure I’d need to stay the night out in the middle of nowhere.

I turned away from him, pushing my backpack over my shoulders, and without giving him another thought I started towards the tree lines. This time I was heading away from the direction of the lab and leaving the mansion towards the lighthouse and the satellite tower on the other side of the island. “

To hell with you John Murphy.” I muttered to myself. “To hell with friendship.”

•— John —•

I felt the water brimming in my eyes again; I had to fight to keep from swiping at my face with my sleeve. Her words made the lump in my throat even more painful. "Trust me, Raven... you will always be seen."

I dragged my hand through my hair and tugged, the word ℂ𝕠𝕔𝕜𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕔𝕜 was like a knife in my gut. But it was what I needed to be... at least until I got control of this madness in my head. I wanted to tell her I was sorry... Me. John Fucking Murphy... was sorry? It wasn't something I was in the habit of saying... and even when I did, I hardly ever meant it.

Cockroach really was an apt moniker.

But all the same... I couldn't sit here. I couldn't sit here, while she made the trek to the lab. Even if this island was safe; which I doubted, anything could happen. Acid rain could fall at any moment... though this was Raven Reyes; it was likely that the backpack she carried had a chem-tent in it. I waited until her footsteps fade and more tears fell. I brushed them away quickly and followed her.

I waited until she disappeared into the tree line and then followed silently and at a distance. Just close enough to hear her footsteps, the unique sound of her limp over the forest floor. Just to watch over her until she got to the lab, then I would leave her to whatever it was that she needed to do there.

If she was even heading to the lab... but where else was there for her to go? I couldn't think of a reason she would head to the beach. All that was there was the dock and the... I shook my head to stop my mind from going there. To the hell hole beneath the lighthouse. The lab was the only place that made sense.

•— Raven —•

Was it possible that my feet felt heavier with each step I took? Could it be that it was the heaviness of my heart and the pain that a betrayal had caused was making it difficult for me to go on?

“Like Hells it is… I 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘕𝘰𝘵 be dragged down into that darkness because of him.” However, there was this small voice in the back of my mind who kept the face of #Becca, telling me that I was already drowning in said darkness.

Using the back of my hand I wiped away the tears that had finally started to fall down my cheeks. The image of seeing #Luna rushing away from what Jo… No… Murphy… of what 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮 had said to her, kept playing on a loop. “What was wrong with him…” Prick was the right word for him in that moment.

Shaking my head, tears wouldn’t stop, I ducked down as I passed a low tree branch. Following the path in the forest we had created this far on auto pilot. Moments started to flash past in my mind without my permission. Each one showing me how stupid I had been.

•— #Luna and John both in my room, stopping me from working on the computers. She sat with her legs crossed on the ground, and him acting like some king on the deep chair in the room by the fireplace…

•— Me waking up to find John fast asleep on the ground at the foot of my bed, where he’d fallen asleep after hooking me up to the ECG…

•— John sat on the ground beside the pool, while I drunk rambled about the stars, and the what ifs of the past…

•— John, #Luna, and Me laughing, drinking wine, eating chocolate, and crackers listening to music in the lab…

The sound of that laughter had been so joyful at the time, however now… It was a slap in the face.

I pushed all those memories out of my forethoughts, I had work I needed to do and thinking of times passed wasn’t going to help me now. Stopping when I came to the fork in the path, I glanced at the tablet in my hand. One way would take me to the Lab, and the other towards the dock and then past it towards the lighthouse. And then past that point was where the satellite linked tower was meant to be.

Taking the backpack off my back, I pushed the tablet into it before I continued down the path to the docks. It was well laid out, and then I knew I could follow the waters edge all the way to the lighthouse.

•— John —•

I could hear her muttering and I hoped she was just thinking out loud… she’s said her hallucinations had stopped after the ice bath. Lying wasn’t her style… but… what if they’d come back. Then that tell-tale motion of her wiping her cheeks… something cracked inside of me. If only she knew how much worse it would be for everyone if she knew the truth.

She was stopping… why? She knew the way like it was the back of her hand. Was she in pain? Damn it!! What was I supposed to do about that? Walk up to her and say; ‘Oh hey! I wasn’t following you… but do you need a hand to make it the rest of the way to the lab?’ That would not be well received.

She shoved her tablet into the backpack and changed direction. Why? What the hell was taking her to the beach? Did she even have any supplies in that backpack? If she was planning on walking randomly through the woods…. did she even have a bottle of water? Like I could talk all I had was the knife in my boot and the handgun stuffed into the back of my jeans.

I followed her staying far enough back that I could just see her… my eyes wandering to her limp too often… though I didn’t think it seemed too deep yet. What the hell was she doing?

•— Raven —•

Bending down low when I couldn’t step out of the way of the low trees, I kept my now burning eyes and throbbing head forward. There was no point in trying to hide from the thoughts, they were taking over hard and fast. And right now, I really wish #Becca was still here. She at least knew how to keep me from straying off the beaten path.

When I came to a clearing, I stopped to take a breather, Looking up through the canopy of the trees at the sky. The clouds were darkening, but they were still light too. I knew that there was a chance that I could be out here when the black rain came down all around me. But the chem-tent in my backpack would be helpful this time around. I wasn’t going to be caught out twice. Pushing my jacket back, glancing at the scars on my arms that were healing. And yet the burning sensation could still be felt.

My ears picked up the sound of a branch cracking coming from behind me. Making my heart race and adrenaline kicking in. Could someone be here following me? It couldn’t have been anyone I knew. #Luna was in the Mansion. John Murphy… Well… I had left him in a pool of his own self-loathing. Everyone else was at the lab. Which meant…

“Hells…”

Had someone else gotten on the Island? Did the Grounder leave someone with the route to take? If he got here, didn’t that mean that someone else could get here too?

Seeing a log on the side, I made my way to put my bad leg up. Testing and playing with the brace, I was listening, watching. Readying myself with the knife in my pocket, now wishing I’d brought a gun with me too. But how would I explain that to #Luna?

“Shit…” I could do this. When the sound stopped, I twisted and ducked behind a tree. Hiding to see if someone came up behind me, I took off the backpack and set it to the side. Pulling out the knife from its cover, I waited.

•— John —•

“Shit!” I breathed and ducked low when her head snapped up at the cracking of the branch under my boot. Great! What the hell was I doing!? I was scaring the shit out of her and then hiding? When she moved to hide, I glimpsed a tear-stained face. I knew I was an arsehole to her… but why would she cry over me?

There had to be something else. Was she in pain again? I should show myself… I was being crazy.

A patch of undergrowth shuffled behind me, and I whirled… Startling a small rabbit. The animals here weren’t used to predators they had no fear of humans. But without thinking I picked up a small rock and threw it into the underbrush, sending a litter of rabbit kitten scurrying out into the clearing.

Seemingly… I was subconsciously committed to this insanity! But hopefully, she would buy it… and realise there was nothing to be afraid of. Unless… Should she be afraid of me? Was I really protecting her by following her? Or was this the beginning of a selfish obsession? Was I--?…

Wasn’t this exactly the kind of shit #Finn pulled before he lost his marbles?

Fuck!!

•— Raven —•

My hand tightened around the blade, I held it downwards so that if anyone did come at me at least I could take a chunk out of them before going down. I tried to remember all the tips and tricks #Luna had been giving me. How to hold the blade, how to dig it in, how to move my weight behind it—

The bustling sound came again stilling my thoughts before I could see them to their conclusion. My heart was beating so hard in my ears that I wasn’t sure how I could hear anything but it.

“Concentrate Raven Reyes… pay attention.” And then I saw them… “Baby rabbits?” Frowning I slowly looked around, making sure that it wasn’t a trap. “What the…” What was wrong with me? It had been baby rabbits all this time? And here I was hiding and planning how I was going to die?

“What are you babies doing out here?” Straightening up, I closed and pocketed the knife, making my way out from the back of the tree with my back pack. And then sitting down on a log. They were so small, cute, and fluffy. “Really you shouldn’t be so trusting.” I told them as they started to make their way up towards me. The smallest of them was out front, not scared of anything or me. He ( or she ) had not a care in the world. “You are so like Jasper.” I whispered to it.

•— John —•

I didn’t dare peek around from my hiding spot to see if my ruse worked. Fuck! I mean I was always a bit of a creep…. But stalking a girl through the woods? This was a new low… Not my first time… but at least the last time I did it; I was announcing my presence, not hiding behind trees. I heard her move out of her hiding spot and talk to the baby rabbits.

The animals on this island had no fear. They had no natural predators… or at least they didn’t until #Luna; the master archer and Emori; a master at snares arrived.

I could stop myself now; I peered around the tree catching a glimpse of her and the rabbits in the tiny clearing. She was beautiful… Not that that was something I should be noticing. Even now when she looked drained… defeated. I couldn’t spot the spark, that indelible fire to fight and survive, to protect and save her people. I knew it was in there because this was Raven Reyes. But it was like it buried deeper than usual.

Some snapped when she mentioned Jasper’s name knowing she wasn’t talking about Jordan. The rose garden… The incredulous faces on everyone’s when I asked them not to hunt or trap any of the rabbits on the Mansion grounds. All because, Raven had taken a liking to a little one that had no fear.

It was so clear now. I was an idiot not to realise sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t be in so deep now… tracking her through the forest on this shit hole island. ‘Hai Skaiskat’ (Foolish Skyboy) I thought to myself. #Luna had gotten that right.

•— Raven —•

Sitting down on the log after retrieving my backpack I opened it up. The small rabbit sat before me looking at what I was doing. Its ears stood to attention, and then flopping when he or she felt safe around the bag. “You really should know better.” Nodding my chin out towards it’s brothers and sisters who stayed away but watched to see what was happening. “Like them, they will survive, and you will be taken.” I pulled out a protein bar and opened it up. Breaking off a corner I held it out towards the small rabbit.

Its small brown nose twitched, trying to sniff at what I held in my hand. And it’s dark black eyes shifted from my hand to my eyes. “I don’t know if I should be giving you this. But you know…” I was sure it had lots to eat here. Hadn’t #Luna and John said something about them having nothing to worry about here until we came? “You really need to learn to hide from the others.” I told it as it jumped closer, sniffing. Then it sat up on its hind legs and took the bit of the protein bar off my hand. Testing it as I took a bite and chewed on the bar myself. “See, it’s safe to eat.” I told it. “And now I’m speaking to a bloody rabbit! I’ve lost my mind.” I huffed, but slowly the other rabbits started to make their way towards me now.

I glanced around the forest, there was still an uneasy feeling that I was being watched. Was I paranoid? I must have been.

•— John —•

I didn't let myself watch her for too long, I concealed myself in my hiding spot again and listened to her. And despite myself, I felt a tug on the corners of my lips when she started to have a full-blown conversation with the tiny creature.

If I wasn't eavesdropping and stalking her through the woods I would have laughed at her, complaining about a conversation that she had started to begin with. The hollow feeling in my chest eased the moment I let the thought in… and within seconds; it ached more than ever. I couldn't afford moments like that... not if I was going to do what was right for her.

I stayed as still as I could, hoping against hope that this small fright might prompt her to head straight to the lab or the mansion and not continue onto the beach alone. But, this was Raven Reyes after all... the woman did not scare easily. But being out here alone... it went against the protocol Bellamy had laid out after we caught Baylis. I would never tell him out loud but... he was right. None of us should be wandering the island alone... and not just because of trespassers.

What if she got hurt out here on her own? Did she have a radio? She brought food so she probably had water... But acid rain could fall at any second. And the trees offered very little cover. The tell-tale signs of the last downpour still showed on the leaves of the trees.

•— Raven —•

I clapped my hands together. “Go on, off you all go.” Brushing my hands over my thighs I slowly straighten up, standing on my feet. “I’m wasting daylight here, some of us have work to do.” Pulling my backpack over my arms and setting it on my shoulders, I took one last glance around the vicinity of the forest.

The foliage close to the ground were green down low by me, however as my eyes rise up, I saw the lush green of the leaves had turned a dark dull black. I knew that the acid rain #Luna and I had become stuck in had caused this. “Listen up you lot.” I didn’t look down as I spoke. My eyes were on the sky above me. “You need to go and hide, go home to your holes and don’t come out if it rains.” I really was going mad. “As for me, it’s time to go.”

I gave them a last glance, the cute bold rabbit jumped forward to follow me, so I shouted and scared it away. “I have enough blood on my hands. I really don’t need to add your innocence to the list too.”

Leaning down I adjusted my brace, tightening it until it dug into the flesh of my thigh, making sure it didn’t slip down or fall. I set off towards the beach. I had to get a move on now, with the day running away from me, and the threat of acid rain, I was going to be screwed if I didn’t make it to the light house in time.

•— John —•

That weight dropped heavily on my heart again; when she spoke about innocent blood on her hands. I knew she believed that #Adria's death was at least partially her fault. But even when I stole those meds... I knew it was too late. I just... It was just too close to home for me.

My father died for stealing medicine that wouldn't have saved me anyway... But part of me hoped that maybe this time it would be different... maybe I could claw out a win from a long shot for him. The hope that maybe I could do one thing right in my short disaster-filled life.

Hope… Wasn’t that a cruel, hateful bitch.

What the hell did she need to do on the beach?

The real question was… am I really going to follow her all the way to where ever she’s going?

I stayed in my hiding place as I heard her move off.

‘This is stupid…’ I thought as I dragged a hand through my hair. I had more than insured that she would ever look at me as anything other than the cockroach that everyone else saw… this creepy stalker act was low… even for me.

But when the sounds of her footsteps faded away until I couldn’t hear them anymore… it suddenly seemed that not following was the crazy idea. My stomach was in knots. I needed a fucking drink.

•— Raven —•

I knew my way to the beach, even with my hip throbbing from the uneven terrain I didn’t stop from moving forward. The rest bit with the rabbits had been unplanned. I had it in my mind that I would stop on the rocky beach to rest and then continue on towards the lighthouse.

“I’m losing daylight.” Looking at the sky when the tree cover lightened up, giving me some indication as to how much time I had to reach my destination.

I stopped listening to the sounds around me, still unable to kick that sense of being watched. It was crawling it’s way up my spine. “I’m so paranoid.” There was no one on this island who shouldn’t be, we had made sure of it. After what had occurred with the grounder, we’d made sure that we were alone here. So, why was I still sensing something not right in the air?

While my mind had been lost in my thoughts, I lost balance on a fallen log. Just saving myself from falling by the grit of my teeth. “Hells…” This had to be the final straw. I couldn’t keep walking forwards with my eyes looking behind me. It was a foolish thing to do. And ahead of me there, I could see the opening to the beach.

The scent of the sea, the salt and the freedom drew me towards it. As much as I loved the lab and being in there. The outdoors, the sea air called to me now too. And I knew I had to thank #Luna for it. She was the one to show me that I was missing out on all the things I dreamt of when I lived on the Ark.

When I came to the security pillars, I stopped. Taking my backpack down I opened it to remove the tablet. The drones were still guarding this part of the island, I wasn’t stupid enough to leave this side unprotected. “Okay, let’s send you back for a recharge.” It would give me time to pass by safely and then reset the new drones to come back.

•— John —•

I couldn't do it. I tried... I even started to walk back to the mansion but another sound somewhere in the tree's had me whirling and heading right back in the direction of the beach. Anything could happen to her out here. Just as I started to catch up, I heard her stumble and my heart almost stopped.

But when she came into view, she seemed to be okay... but her limp was steeper than before. I knew she was hurting but she still wasn't slowing down. "Figures." I muttered to myself. "She fixes her brain and then immediately starts looking for a new way to kill herself." I rolled my eyes... but her pain was hitting me harder than it should.

I stopped when she did and watched. She was disabling the drones? Why did she need to cross the barrier? The only thing on the other side was the dock... and the entryway to the lighthouse bunker.

My mouth went dry... why would she go there? I told them all that the supplies there were gone... I had eaten everything. There was no technology there worth salvaging. As I watched her pull out the tablet it looked to me like she really didn't have a chem tent with her.

•— Raven —•

Waiting until I could see the drones making their way back towards the lab on the tablet, I glanced out before me. There was something at ease in that calm of the water, that was unless you considered that beast from the depths. The one that was hiding beneath the shadows waiting to make dinner out of anyone stupid enough to go out there without the boat.

Taking a deep breath, I sent the command to the new drones to come out for their patrol. “Just enough time for me to get past and then they will be here.” I picked up the backpack, zipping it closed and threw it over my back. A few more deep inhales before I set off with some speed. I knew I was hurting, and that if I let myself slow down it would mean I would be dead in the water with no one being any wiser of where I was.

“At least it won’t take Monty long to do a sweep out here in the open.” It was a dark joke that I knew would have earnt me a smack from #Harper, and a frown from #Luna.

The sound of thunder, had me whirling around to catch the clouds coming in from the west. “Hells! The wind must have changed in the ocean, bringing the black clouds back towards us. Which means… Hells!” It meant the black rain was coming back our way. I glanced down to my hands and the scars hiding under my jacket. I had no time to kill now. I needed to find somewhere to set up my chem tent.

Dropping the bag from my shoulders I opened it and froze. “What the Actual Hells?” I knew I had a tent in my bag, I had made sure to put it in here. But where was it now? my mind told me where. When I had been feeding the rabbits, I’d taken the tent out to get out the bars. “Hells!”

Rubbing my forehead. “Think Reyes… Think…Where… Where?” There was only one place here for me to go. Closing off the bag, I started to half run and half hop in pain towards the lighthouse bunker hoping the doors were open enough for me to get into it.

•— John —•

The sound of the thunder split the air and dread coursed through my veins. I whirled and looked up when Raven yelled. “Shit!” I muttered to myself. The clouds were moving fast.

Before I had any time to process what was happening; I heard branches and underbrush cracking under Raven’s feet. “Fuck!” She was running right for the bunker. I dragged my hand through my hair…

Panic. It was paralysing.

Her limp was so pronounced when I looked back at her. Before I even knew I had control of my body again, I was racing towards her. One good thing about being unprepared… I was also unburdened.

“Raven!!” I called to her, I came up next to her, on her injured side and threw my arm on her waist, pulling her arm over my shoulders. “Keep running!” That was all I said as I braced the weight of her injured leg against my side and ran with her as fast as we could. The trees were thin here and would offer little to no protection; we only had one option. My heart was pounding; it wasn’t fear of the rain. It was the fear of not getting her there. The fear of getting her there…. Into 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 place. What if the doors locked and she was trapped like I was? What if the doors were closed? My chest felt tight again.

When we finally reached the door, it was still slung wide open… I sighed in relief. I never thought I could be relieved to see this place. “Get inside.” I rasped, breathless, my lungs burned from the run and my side ached. I let go of her right next to the open door and pushed her inside. My feet faltered just outside. Freezing to the ground where I stood. I opened my mouth like I was going to say something, but nothing came out.

My chest moved hard and fast, burning with each inhale, my strength leaving me with each exhale. I managed to stagger back. Whether it was of my own will or if I was startled by the booming rumble that filled the air again.

I whipped my head around, there had to be somewhere. I stepped back again and looked around. The rowboat we had first come in was still on the beach. I could overturn it and ride out the storm beneath it… but its hull was splintered and cracked. Wide-eyed… I looked up the beach… The boat had a cabin. The dock was too far.

“Fuck!!” I shouted. My hands fisted roughly in my hair. I couldn’t take in any air now, and clouds gathered in the corners of my vision. I looked back at the door… Barely capable of registering that Raven was in the doorway. “I can’t…” I repeated again and again to myself.

•— Raven —•

I hadn’t even gone ten steps when the thunder cracked in the sky again. I started to count in my mind until the moment when the lightning struck too. “Hells…” The storm was coming in fast and out of nowhere. I should have known better.

My heart was pounding in my chest and in my ears too. But out of somewhere behind me I heard the feet on the ground and over the rocks. I didn’t dare look back in the fear that I would trip over myself, but then when I heard my name being called, I knew right away. It was John! What was he doing here? How has he found me?

John didn’t wait for anything at all, running up to me, he took a hold of me telling me to keep going. Just as he had the day we came to the island and the drones had been shooting at us. My arm was around his shoulders and his arm was around my waist, taking the brunt of my weight he beelined it towards the bunker.

A million questions bouncing in my mind…

Why was he here?

How did he know where I was?

Was he following me?

Or was he heading to the docks again to run?

But I didn’t say a thing right now as the sky cracked with thunder again. At the sight of the bunker door being open, relief flooded me but as John pushed me in. My body jolted to a stop, and I keeled over out of breath with the pain in my leg and hip palpable. “That was a close call.” I half thought and half said taking the time to breathe. Until I turned to find him stood at the precipice of the entrance, and with each passing moment he stepped further away from the door.

“John? What...” My eyes darted into the sky as the lightening strike came sooner this time. “John! Get in…” and then it all fell into place. “Shit!”

The fear in his eyes, the way he was backing up, the search for anywhere else to go, the reason why he wasn’t able to take those last steps forward. Okay I wasn’t a fan of John Murphy at this time. But Hells.

“What do I do?” I didn’t want him to die out there. “John.” I kept my voice low and calm, even if I could see that the rain had started to fall over the sea behind him. Taking a few steps forwards out of the bunker.

“John, please. Please! Come in this is the only way. the only place safe enough. Please. If you have any faith or trust in me.”

I held my hand out towards him. My brown eyes locked onto his baby blues, which were filled with a fear I’d not seen in them in a while now.

“John…. Beja kom op gon Ai” ( Please come to me. )

•— John —•

An arc of light streaked across the sky, and I reacted like someone had taken a shot at me. I couldn’t fall apart like this… I didn’t fall apart like this. My chest felt like it was in a vice. Even with the haze that was creeping into the corners of my vision, I could tell that the rain was falling off the coast… and the clouds were moving fast.

There was panic in her voice… but she mastered it and then…

She was stepping out of the doorway. “No!” I hadn’t meant to scream at her. But there were too many screams built up inside of me that it just escaped. “Please!” I gasped but it was hardly a word with my strangled voice. I tried to plead with her to get inside… but, all that came out was a stream of breathy sounds.

Then I realised she was calling me John… not Murphy. I was able to take a breath again and my vision cleared enough to see she had reached out to me. Pleading eye’s locked on mine and even though she kept her voice even; there was panic there.

‘Gyon gon em.’ (Go to her.) The quiet voice of reason whispered in the back of my mind… it sounded strangely like #Luna… But if I stopped to think about it, it wouldn’t be that strange at all. I tried to stamp down my fear and panic, reaching out for her hand. She had no idea what waited for her in there.

I knew the demons that haunted this place were mine alone. But I couldn’t let them touch her.

Not her.

I took a step towards her, just her. I didn’t let myself look past Raven. I knew you couldn’t cross the threshold if I looked beyond, it to the dark stairway that led to my own personal hell.

( Music: Fallout · UNSECRET · Neoni )

•— Raven —•

“I’m not going in there without you.” I told him taking a few more steps towards his retreating frame.

I wasn’t going to hide in the safety of a roof over my head and leave him out here to burn. I could still feel the drops of acid rain which fell from the sky over #Luna and me, and the marks were still visible when I took my jacket and shirt off.

He looked so lost; it had been sometime since I had seen that look in the eyes of anyone. This island had given us some hope, a rest bite from the fire fighting for our life. However, the rain that was falling behind him and coming close by the second, was a death sentence.

“That is, it, one step at a time.” Again, I kept my hand outstretched towards him and my voice unfluctuating. Even though my heart was ready to explode out of my chest, and I wanted to scream at him to get a move on. However, fear and what #Jaha had done to John by locking him in this very bunker wasn’t something to disregard. I could empathise with him, even if I knew it was the only way out of this mess, I also kept telling myself this wasn’t easy for him.

The moment John’s hands rested on mine I whispered to him. “I’ve got this. I’ve got you… Now… let’s go!” I didn’t wait for him, curling my scared fingers around his sweaty hand I tugged on him gently at first my steps walking back towards the door, and my eyes fluttering up the dark grey sky behind him.

“Hells… John, I’m sorry about this. But… we have to Run!” I pulled on him harder and started to move faster towards the door. Dragging the weight of him along with me, my hand gripping his for dear life. “I’m not leaving you out there to die!”

The door wasn’t far, but the sound of the rain on the rocks told me that it had hit land. “Hells!” I pulled on him partly stumbling but correcting myself as I pushed him towards the door, and into the bunker. Drops of the rain started to pelt into the back of my pants after ricocheting off the ground.

“Fuck…Fuck... FUCK…” I turned to push the door, not fully closed, but enough so that the acid rain didn’t come inside. The smell of burning fabric could be smelt and there was that sensation of scorching on my skin again, but we were safe! "I need you to help me here…”

I started to pull his jacket down off his shoulder, feeding out one arm and then the other. While at the same time fighting the urge to vomit, the bile was churning in my stomach from the smell all around us.

•— John —•

I heard her and I felt her hand on my knee... I needed to catch my breath.

‘You are a survivor remember?’

Her words echoed and played in my mind. She was right... I wasn't alone this time. A.L.I.E. was gone... there was no one left that would want to control this place and keep me locked in here... Right? I looked up at her. Those hazel eyes were so close and filled with panic. The cold splash of water shook me from the haze, easing the burn and sharpening my senses as I felt the cool, welcome sensation of the water running down my back.

I took another breath as she tugged at my jacket and helped her pull it from my arms. It was only when I moved away from the wall that I realized she had stripped off her boots and pants. But all I could focus on; were the burns on her caramel skin...

Because she'd left the shelter of the door to come and get me.

"There was nowhere else." I said.

She was apologizing to me? She was hurt because of me... again. "I'm okay." I insisted, trying to take inventory of where I might be hurting but the burning in my lungs and throat from the jagged breathing was filling my mind and blocking out any other feeling. My fingers prodded near the welt on the back of my neck. "I think that’s the worst of it." My arms revealed a few marks like the ones on her legs and I let her pour the water over them. Then I rubbed my hands over them wincing at the sting, but I knew I had to get the contaminated rainwater off of my skin.

I looked back to Raven again and noticed she was turning an unflattering shade of green. Just another thing to add to the long list of slights against her today. "We need to change the air filter." I said, my voice huskier than normal... had I really screamed that much? I screwed the cap back onto the bottle of water and put it into the backpack, drawing one of the straps over my shoulder. My eyes fell on her unbraced leg. I knew she wouldn’t make it down the stairs and she was in no shape to strap the brace back on yet. I lifted her arm cautiously across my shoulders careful of any new burns and the one on the back of my neck too.

"I'll help you down the stairs and I'll take care of that, okay?" My arm slipped around her waist to help her to her feet. Being this close to her after my realisation on the docks was as painful as it was thrilling. It was a ridiculous feeling. She could’ve died trying to save me from my own stupidity. I was still Murphy to her right now.

"This isn't going to be pretty, Raven... I was... things got bad here." I shuddered, my eyes following the last of the steps down. I didn't know if I could make it down the rest of them... but Raven couldn't sit here in the stairway with those burns on her legs.

I lifted her to her feet; my own legs weren't as solid as I wished they were. "I'm sorry that you have to be here."

•— Raven —•

He finally spoke and started to help me. I could see the raw and red blisters on his skin, and I knew how much those were burning him, because I had my own too. I dropped some more water on my own legs when he started to take care of his. “Gentle with the rubbing, you don’t want to rip your skin off.” Cautioning him because it had been a lesson #Luna had taught me.

When he said there was nowhere else, we could have gone, I rolled my eyes. However, it wasn’t at him. “We would have had a chem tent if it weren’t for my stupidity.” But then again, I needed the down time. It sounds crazy now. But seeing those innocent rabbits made me want to get up and keep going.

My eyes flew to the door. Were they okay now or had they been killed by this nightmare that came thundering down from the skies? I couldn’t… I couldn’t let myself think like that, it wasn’t going to help me or John if I started to spiral right now too.

Still finding it hard to breathe, I was holding my breath and only taking in the stale air when my lungs were burning and crying out for another breath. Leaning on the wall for support, my eyes flew up to him from my legs. Was he crazy? The way he was fighting not to come in here, and then his reaction to me pulling him in, and now he wanted to go down into the belly of the beast?

“You don’t have to do that, Murphy. Give me a moment or two, I’ll get my brace—” Before I could finish what I was saying his arm was weaved around my waist and he was helping me to straighten up. “You don’t have to do this Murphy… I can go down there…”

The rancid smell was hitting the back of my throat as we slowly started down the steps. The sound of the rain wasn’t letting up behind us. And so, I didn’t fight him, however at the same time I could see how hard this was on him. Each step down felt like it was becoming heavier, slower, to the point where we were stood still half way down.

“You have nothing to apologise for, the rain isn’t on you.” A thought occurred to me now that we were out of the danger. “What are you doing here?” My eyes narrowed as we finally made it to the ground and the smell was sickening here. He wasn’t meant to be this far out on the island. “I left you in the grounds of the mansion.” And I hadn’t said anything kind to him there.

I heaved a few times, covering my mouth and nose with the crook of my elbow, with the burning hitting my eyes now too. Not to mention the sight before me as I started to glance around the bunker.

“Fuck…” What happened in here? John hadn’t been exaggerating when he said it wasn’t going to be pretty.

•— John —•

She was right about the rubbing, but this was my first encounter with the black rain in the personal sense. I shook my head when she mentioned the chem tent. I really couldn't say much. I had fought with her until she stormed off without thinking... At least she had water with her... All I had was a handgun in the back of my jeans and the knife in my boot. "It’s not your fault, Raven."

I kept her pressed against my side and helped her down one step at a time. "You can't clip that brace back on Raven, not right away." There was no way we could stay here until she healed but at the very least not until the wound closed and I found a way to dress them.

I cleared my throat when she asked why I was here. My mind was still reeling; my eyes darted around the room like there might be something lurking in the corners. I couldn't deal with these frayed nerves, my raw throat, burnt skin and keep a lie straight at the same time.

"I..." I stifled a cough as we passed under a vent.

"I um... followed you." I admitted as I let her sink down on the couch and quickly hurried into the room that housed all the inner workings of the bunker.

I slid the filter from the machine, trying not to think about the morning I discovered the technology here was less advanced than the rest of Becca's creations. It was yellow and crusted with dust; it must have continued to run after I ran. There were rows and rows of replacements... luckily enough for several years, I grabbed a new one and peeled off the plastic before replacing it.

•— Raven —•

“I can put the brace on, I’ve done it with worse injuries.” But he had set me down and rushed off after dropping a bombshell.

Lost for words I sat there on the couch; however, my eyes did not leave him until he was out of my sight line. And then I was searching for what took place in the space around me. Looking and letting it sink in, but still breathing only when I had to. Keeping my mouth covered and my eyes down, there was something in here making them burn.

When he trusted me. ( Or at least when he was pretending to trust me. ) He had told me very little about this place. Most of what I knew was from listening to his sleepy ramblings while he was in midst of his nightmares. The memory of sitting there watching over him, it stabbed me in the chest now. Had that all been a trick?

My inner voice said No. Nobody could fake those screams, that pain and fear in his eyes. The knife he held to me… I closed my eyes and shook those memories away. Because now, there was something more to deal with.

“You followed me? After everything you said to Luna and me, was there something left that you needed face to face time with me?” There was an edge of bitterness in my voice, but I stopped. He was here, in this bunker and I wasn’t going to cause him pain even if he had broken my trust. “Why are you here Murphy? What made you follow me?”

Muttering under my breath, “It’s good to know I wasn’t going mad in the forest.” I felt someone behind me, “Why were you hiding?” Because when I glanced back there was no one there. I spoke up now. “Why were you hiding from me in the forest? Why didn’t you step out and tell me you were there?”

The air from the vent picked up, and now I could feel it blowing into the bunker, there was still a stale stench coming from it and I knew it would take a few moments before the smells would dissipate.

•— John —•

Her questions rattled through my head. I had already admitted to following her, there was no reason to deny it anymore. As I came back into the main room and looked around, I heaved a sigh. Hell... now that she had seen this place, I could come clean to her if I wanted to. There's no way she would see me the same way after this.

"I didn't follow you to yell at you some more." I said as I moved around the room searching for something clean that I could put under her burned legs in case the filth of this place caused an infection. I had spent little time in the bedroom because the screen was out here and the closest thing, I could get to human contact was by watching Becca's boyfriend's videos over and over again. I disappeared into the bedroom and pulled the cleanest of the sheets off the bed.

"You were angry..." I continued when I came back into the room.

"I was worried that you'd storm through the woods and get hurt... or..." I knelt in front of her and lifted her legs, choosing the placement of my hands with care and tucking the clean-ish sheet under her so none of the wounds came into contact with the dirty couch.

"I don't know… blowing something up."

I moved around the room, seemingly unable to stay still. I started to pick up empty bottles and ration wrappers... like there was any chance the tidying this place would lessen the gloom or the stench. At least it was slowly filtering out. I didn't know how to answer her question about why I hid.

"I just... You were pissed at me." I held my hands in surrender. "With good reason... and I just... I couldn't take another screaming match."

I shook my head at how ridiculously self-serving that sounded... "And then... you seemed to... relax maybe? Just for a second." I remembered her conversation with the rabbits.

"I knew that seeing me would kill that... so I hid. Pathetic... but... true."

I had an arm full of empty bottles now and no empty surface to put them on... so I just started to set them in rows in the furthest corner of the kitchen.

•— Raven —•

I parted my lips to snap back at him. To tell him I was within my rights to be mad at him. And John Murphy stole my moment.

He stole the wind from behind my sails again. Of course, he would do that, just when I thought there was no heart in that chest of his. John Murphy would go and act like he cared. This was a big part of the problem. Was he that good with the con, or was it that I was just so naïve?

Setting my legs down my fingers brushed the over hundred-year-old sheet. Spots of blood from the back of my legs dotted around now.

“Hurt myself? Blow something up? I’m not that stupid.” But I wouldn’t say that the thought hadn’t passed in my mind.

Pressing the bridge of my nose I closed my eyes after following him around the room cleaning. “Murphy…” What was I even going to say to this boy? “Of course, I was pissed at you, what you did, how you spoke to Luna, that was unforgivable. After everything she has done for us, for all of us. She didn’t deserve what you dished out.”

I shifted forwards on the couch, keeping my legs away from the fabric he’d placed under me even if it was now bloodied. My eyes darted up to find him again. He had seen me… He had seen me talking to the animals… “I bet he thinks I’m crazy as hells.” I muttered to myself.

Rubbing my hand over my face I was lost for words. “Pathetic? That’s not a word I would use.” Being here wasn’t giving me or John any ease from what I witnessed before me. “You didn’t need to follow me, you don’t need to be….” What was I trying to say? Even I didn’t know, because he had followed, and more so he came back into this place because he was worried about what could happen in the forest.

Sighing, I let my head drop. The sickening stench was easing off my senses. “I’m sorry that you felt you had to follow me. That I made you come in here.”

•— John —•

I gave a short, grim laugh. "The last thing you could ever be is stupid, Rey." I shook my head. She was a lot of things, and stupid was certainly NOT among them. "But... reckless... self-destructive?" I came back around and stood where she could see me. My tone wasn't harsh or criticising it was just a matter-of-fact statement and surely Raven couldn't deny that. She had literally killed herself!

I swept clutter to one end of the low table and perched on it a few feet from her, abandoning the foolish endeavour to try and tidy the room. "I know... I shouldn't have..." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to apologise and tell her I was an idiot, but I knew it was better this way. "It's just easier... for things to be like they were, Raven. Before..." I looked around the room. But this room didn't represent what had happened on this Island since I returned. I came back as a different version of myself... or maybe I became a new version of myself here… because of her. "It's too hard... Raven. The way you live for others, live to protect the people you lo--" I choked on the word.

"Care about. I can't live like that."

It wasn't a lie. When I found out what Raven had done? That she'd died and had to be revived? That she'd hidden her intentions from me after everything we'd endured... It had felt like someone cut me open. I couldn’t survive that again. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. It was my own guilt that made me follow you, nothing else. I had no supplies... no chem tent, not even a bottle of water... and you ended up rescuing me." I forced a smile. "I should be apologising to you for those burns."

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my forehead with the back of my hand I had to clench my jaw. “Please… Murphy… Don’t stop… tell me just how you feel about me.” This was a foolish move. What did I think was going to happen in here? That we would forgive one another of all that was broken between us?

Reckless... Self-destructive…This is what he thought of me? And fine… I could take the hit on one of them. But… “Maybe I should go…” I shifted to move. “I can wait up there.” I pointed my finger towards the steps he half carried me down. “For the rain to stop and I can get back on my way.” But then I paused as he took a seat on the table.

“Love… That’s the word you are looking for... I live to protect the people I love and think of as my family.” Did he really believe what he was saying right now?

“You cannot tell me you believe this crap?” Pointing to his mouth. “That thing of yours is known to say some crazy crap. But that…” I shook my head, then abruptly stopping. The headaches had been getting better, but there still remained a ghost of something heavy behind my eyes.

“You know what.” I closed my eyes placing my fingers on my temples, rubbing them in a circular motion. “I don’t believe you. You cannot sit here and tell me something is hard when you have been doing it. You cannot say it’s not You when it’s been proven that you care… And you most definitely won’t be allowed to treat people who care for you like shit.”

Finally, I opened my eyes to find his. “Don’t apologise to me… I’m not the person whose heart you have broken just now.” That was a lie, seeing him speaking to #Luna in that way had ripped my heart out. And that after I caught him trying to leave the island, even if it was for the right reasons.

I broke my gaze away from his before he could read the heartbreak in them and let myself slowly take in the heart of the bunker.

“This can’t be easy for you… Coming back down here?”

•— John —•

I knew that she wouldn't want to hear that she was reckless or self-destructive... I mean it wasn't a compliment. But both of those things also made her brave and fearless, and unbelievably creative… determined to solve any problem that we faced. My eyes stilled on her expression, the pain there twisted my gut... I couldn't say any of those things to her. I swallowed hard.

"Raven, you killed yourself!" The words flew out as I move to stand in front of her, ready to try and stop her if she did try to stand. "How much more self-destructive can you get?" The edges of my vision blurred as I fought back hot tears. I couldn't help but imagine her lying in a puddle of ice water while they tried to revive her. I'd thought about searching for the security footage... but I couldn't face it.

I let out a dark, cold laugh when she mentions a broken heart... instantly I knew that it was the only word to describe the hollow ache so deep in my chest that it penetrated my soul... or whatever it was people like me had in place of one. "That's exactly why I can't do this Raven... You say I've laugh when she mentions a broken heart... instantly I knew that it was the only word to describe the hollow ache so deep in my chest that it penetrated my soul... or whatever it was people like me had in place of one. "That's exactly why I can't do this Raven... You say I've Raven alive. Yet, I’d still fucked it up… Had I only succeeded because I had grown to need her? Did I throw myself into the task because I couldn’t bear to lose her?

There was no denying it. I was selfish and rotten to the core.

"No one can fix me... and they all keep trying. I tried... okay, I did." My voice cracked now. "And I always came up short... I'm so tired Raven."

I found myself forcing a cough to cover a sniffle. "Yeah... this place... It's my own personal hell. But I'll survive, I always do." But when I said those words this time; I didn't believe them. Maybe it would be best if I didn’t.

•— Raven —•

I sat still, my neck back, chin up and face a blank canvas. I couldn’t say a word to him, not now as he bared his soul. Or at least that’s how I was starting to sympathise in the moment.

There were things still left unsaid when he stood up and placed himself in front of me. I was unsure what he was hoping to accomplish by it.

“So, you try again.”

The words came without thinking, my voice was even as I permitted myself to speak from my heart.

“So… You… Try… Again….” This time I said it a little louder.

“We don’t give up; we may mess up... like you just said… Hells… I killed myself… I could have been free of all this crap.” My hand waved all around me. “But… I’m such an overachiever… I managed to save myself… it’s like I did such a good job, that now I need to think about everything I could have been free from… I pushed myself up to stand, the air had cleared, but there was a scent of acid around us. And I could imagine it was from the rain.

“This place is your personal hell… it’s because you ran… you made the choice to run instead of facing your Demons. So, now you’re back.

You are in the same place where you gave up, where you made the choice death was better than to fight… Doesn’t that tell you there is a bigger picture here for you? That you were brought here to do something? To be something more?”

Why did he not have the faith inside of him, that Abby and #Luna had for him?

“But… maybe… just maybe… running is your thing… the easy path and maybe the easy route is all you care to take.”

•— John —•

She said those words like it was so easy, and when I looked at her, she had so much determination and hope in her eyes; that it made mine burn. How could I tell her that it was better for her if I stopped trying? Trying is what got me twisted up like this in the first place, my moment of madness that let me believe I could be better… worthy.

I was fooling myself. Still, it pained me to look away.

But then my jaw dropped… Was killing herself the intent of that experiment? Why would anyone choose such a painful way to die? My heart started to pound in my chest. “Don’t talk like that Raven… Don’t…” I shook my head, I couldn’t bear the thought of her snuffing out her light like that, or any other way.

That would be the night the stars all fell from the sky.

I could almost feel the cold press of the barrel to my chin again. The memory made me shudder and want to drag her out of here before this place could get beneath her skin like it had mine.

When she stood up I did too… ready to catch her but trying not to let that show in my body language. “I had to run, Raven… I would have starved down here if #Jaha decided to lock me in again. So, I ran… it was the only way to survive.” My nerves were tittering on the edge watching her standing there without her brace. My insides were twisting and tearing with each word she said, I knew she needed to stop this hope for me… To stop fighting for that other piece of me. But every single cell in my body would pray to gods I didn’t believe in for her to never give up on me. Selfishly wishing that maybe… It could be.

All it took was one slight lean forward and I closed the gap between us in one long stride. Thoughts of keeping that distance I had carved out between us vanished. My arm went around her waist, when my chest met hers, I knew I’d take that step too hastily and now that space was non-existent. But still, I held her there. One second; my heart was pounding for a different reason now. Two seconds; even through the smell of the acid rain and the scent of the bunker I could smell the lavender in her hair… from the shampoo in Becca’s bathroom. Three seconds, those big, hazel eyes, right there, so close… like they were seeing into my soul.

That was the thought that shook me. Even now… the idea of her seeing the real me, the one I had tried so hard to be rid of… No, I couldn’t let her see him. It was hard enough to think of her hating me… but knowing that monster inside? That was too much.

I swallowed hard. “If you’re going to move around, at least wait until I get your brace.” I glanced towards the stairs… The only door was at the top of them so there was no way I could be cut off from her. It was a few steps down for the door. I leaned forward, one hand on her back to steady her as I eased her down, the other moved to her hip. Suddenly remembering that she had stripped off her trousers; which were soaked with the black rain, and there was very little fabric between her skin and my hand.

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath. Then to her, I said. “Sorry.” As I eased her the rest of the way back into the couch. “I’ll be right back.” And I slipped away, careful of any of the red and purple burns as I did.

Halfway up the stairs, I realised two things, one… I had been holding my breath and two… the door was still just slightly ajar. Shut enough to keep the rain out and open enough that the tiny sliver of light in the crack of the door made it easier for me to breathe. “ALIE is gone.” I whispered to myself as I picked up her brace. “Jaha isn’t here.” I grabbed my jacket and her trouser, careful to only touch the dry parts.

Her words played in my head now.

‘But… maybe… just maybe… running is your thing… the easy path and maybe the easy route is all you care to take.’

If only she knew… She thought I was taking that route… but nothing could be further from the truth.

The only place I wanted to run was towards her.

•— Raven —•

“I… “ some part of me hoped that even #Jaha wouldn’t have allowed John to remain down here to starve to death. However, who was I kidding? It had been #Jaha and his council who had floated people from the Ark for years. “But running now… it’s not the same… is it?”

What had just transpired here between us? I was sat once again, not understanding how or even when I’d stood up. Being in the moment the action hadn’t even registered. And then I’d taken a step forward towards him and my hip and leg had given away beneath me. I had set my mind ready to fall, and then his hands were right there.

John Murphy had once again stepped up and taken care of me, this had been the same boy who had said such crass things to #Luna only an hour or so ago. The more he said he didn’t care, the more his actions undermined him. He just held me, made sure I was okay, before setting me down and now…

However, as I waited with my hazel eyes on the stairs, I understood what I’d told him. What I hadn’t even acknowledged myself. That there came a moment where I was ready to let go and not come back. When I now closed my eyes, recalling that moment when #Sinclare urged me to keep fighting, to never give up, reminding me that I was a fighter to the end, and that that hadn't been my time! I had seen and felt something that I had blocked out. But what? I still couldn’t recall.

I lay back, my head resting on the couch, glad that finally even with the musty scent in the air, the rest of it had cleaned out and I could breathe without wanting to retch.

Knowing that he could hear me still, even if he had disappeared back up the stairs. “Murphy, I know it’s not easy… being here with us… we have a way to make it hard for others to want to stick around when the times are hard… But sticking with us is the only way out of this mess…” I may have told him to go and leave before when I found him and the others at the docks. But I couldn’t let him, and his friends sign their own death warrants.

•— John —•

"It's not the same... Nothing is the same now." The words were out of my mouth before I thought them through. I knew why I wanted to run... Fear.

Fear of this place. Fear of the truth and depth of my feelings for Raven. Fear wasn't a weakness; it was a survival mechanism. I paused on my way back down the stairs... did she think that I was going to run? Did she still not believe me that when she found us taking the boat, I was just trying to keep Emori safe? Even that wasn't truly leaving... I knew that they would come to the bunker soon after us...

She was right though... this... was not easy. I stopped in front of where she sat on the couch and set her brace next to her. Meeting her eyes was hard, but I knew it was the only way that she would believe the words I was about to say.

"I'm not going anywhere, Stargazer." I swallowed hard. If there was one thing that I feared more than her learning the truth; it was never seeing her again. I was some kind of masochist. "If I'll follow you back into this PTSD nightmare, I'll follow you anywhere." I stepped away quickly and took our clothes to the sink. I knew that we couldn't wear them with the acid rain-soaked into them.

I turned the tap... hoping that the water system was still working. It took a few seconds but after an initial spurt of water, it flowed freely. I cleared my throat. "It’s not what you could call decontamination... but it will have to do." I let the water run over her trousers first touching it as little as possible until it was completely soaked... then hoped for the best as I wrung out the fabric.

•— Raven —•

Curling my fingers around the girth of my brace, giving the contraption a once over. Parts of the metal had seen spital of the acid in the rain, but all in all it would still do its job for now. Later on, I had to make sure that I worked on it once I was back at #Becca’s mansion.

“What do you mean by that? Nothing is the same?” The words were out before I could stop myself. The time I’d spent with #Luna and him meant that my habit of thinking before speaking wasn’t at its upmost. I had started to let some of my walls down, and I knew that would have to change sooner rather than later.

I turned my attention to the back of my legs, checking to see if putting the brace back on would be possible. The burns this time weren’t as bad as when I’d fallen with #Luna, there would be scars. But then again, my body was littered with them so why not a few more?

And then I was looking up at him. John wasn’t holding back today that was a fact. From telling #Luna how he felt, to talking about his time here with me… “Jo— Murphy…” The name thing was challenging for me. After letting him in, the space I needed now to make this thing with him work… Hells… it was going to be taxing. I rubbed my thigh when he gathered our clothes, and he was gone again.

I clipped the brace on testing it before pulling myself back up onto my bare feet. “I’m sorry I pulled you into here…” I was apologising once again. “I didn’t want to do it, but… Well… There was nowhere else.” I stayed still and didn’t follow him sensing his need for some space. “Then again, you shouldn’t have been following me.” the words out before I could stop them. “I mean… You should have stayed at the mansion; you didn’t need to be spying on me.” Okay… the second attempt was no better than the first. I really needed to give up. However, giving up was not in my nature.

Finally, I followed behind him, looking over his shoulder at the water running over our clothes. “I can see the holes in it from here. But it’s better than traipsing the rest of the way in my underwear and this shirt.” I pulled at the thin fabric I was glad I hadn’t needed to take off.

•— John —•

I looked around the room. "Since I got out of here... Everything... is different. I thought I was different, but people don't change.”

There it was again. The fact that she couldn't bring herself to call me John anymore. Before I built up the courage to tell her she had nothing to apologize for... she'd saved me from what would have been an extremely painful death. But then she started to say I shouldn't have followed her... and of course, I knew that she was right. I shouldn't have followed her... I shouldn't have hidden when she almost caught me. Above all... I shouldn't have made her walk out into the acid rain to save my sorry arse.

"I know... it was stupid... and –" I turned to look at her standing with the brace on now; I knew that had to hurt with the burns on her legs. "I know you don't need me to protect you... I mean..." I raised my hand towards the stairs. "Clearly, I need you to save me more than you need me." I huffed and turned back to the sink, wringing out the second rinse of her trousers. “I should have just let you go… You were mad… And the thought of you being mad and, in the woods, alone.” I shrugged… it was a pathetic excuse. “It… worried me.” The was a bald-faced lie; it completely fucking terrified me.

I turned to look at her. "Considering the forest will be dripping radioactive rain when we get out of here, I would say these are definitely better than nothing."

•— Raven —•

“I disagree with you… People do change… they have to…. It’s what life is all about. We learn and grow and… well…” Well, what? “Well… We learn to be better or worse… However, it’s all change.” I looked around the bunker. “I know this place here is a living hell for you.” I’d herd his screams, and his murmurings when he slept at nights while looking after me. “However, it changed who you are too. The question is what are you planning to do with those lessons.” Because there was a truth in all of our Hells. “It’s how we come out on the other side that matters.”

He had to have seen the changes that he’d made in himself since arriving on this island with the rest of us. Nothing was pushed on him; they were all steps he had taken. Then again, the first opportunity he got to revert to his old self… Okay, I was going in circles in my own mind now.

“I—” I hadn’t seen that coming, I stood there watching him in surprise. John Murphy was agreeing with me? It wasn’t even a fight or an argument? I just stood there in silence not even sure what to say to him next until he spoke about the state of the outside world.

“It’s a good thing I’m not heading back into the forest then.” I would leave here as soon as my clothes were ready.

•— John —•

She was right... Of course, she was fucking right! I knew because I had changed. I hadn't stopped changing from the moment I watched #Luna crying over that little girl. Since I stole Raven out from under A.L.I.Es control... Was I still changing? Maybe... on the inside. But I needed the others to think I had given up and gone back to my old ways.

"What lessons could I learn by being locked up on my own for eighty-nine days?" I scoffed and shook my head. I open a cabinet beneath the counter, draped Raven's trousers over it to dry and started to wash my jacket.

"That nobody noticed I was gone?" I scrubbed the patchy fabric a little too hard. "That our so-called Chancellor was a psychopath? Because I knew that already... Or that nobody even noticed that when Jaha came back… NONE of the people left with him made it back?"

I laughed darkly.

"All that being stuck here taught me is that I wasn’t even a speck on anyone’s radar. Just like the rest of the misfits that followed that prick into the dead zone. And that I was too much of a coward to pull the fucking trigger."

The last one gushed out before I could stop it. I dumped the jacket into the sink and gripped the ledge.

"Fuck!" I gasped and stared at the water pooling on the tattered leather.

I chuckled softly at the fact I rendered her speechless with my admission. It took a minute for her words to register. "Wait... You're not going back to the mansion?" To get to the lab she would need to go into the woods too... "The..." I tilted my head... "Then where are we going?"

•— Raven —•

I took a step back to lean on the side counter. My hip was letting me know that I’d been stood still too long, that I needed to rest my weight or start to walk. But walking would stop him from talking.

Crossing my arms over my chest, the creases of a frown on my forehead. I parted my lips to let him know that his leaving had been noticed. ( Sure, some were happy to see the back of him, however some wanted to make sure he didn’t end up dead. If only because he was one of us. ) However, I could tell it wasn’t going to help him. He needed to let his demons out.

I felt my chest tighten as he let out the truth about the gun, again something he had alluded towards but never outright spoken about.

And then in a low calm voice, with my hazel eyes locked onto his side profile as he continued to work on the clothes. “It wasn’t cowardice of you….” I couldn’t believe how little he thought of that moment. So, I said it a little louder this time. “It wasn’t cowardice of you not to pull the trigger of that gun. It was strength… It was power… You learnt how far you could go, and then you pushed those boundaries to the extreme…even if in the moment you couldn’t see it.”

My voice shook as I felt my eyes burn. “If you hadn’t have stopped yourself, I would be dead. You never would have come back to see what Jahn and A.L.I.E were doing to the rest of us. But in my case… I willingly gave up… I willingly became a porn in their game because I was done. I didn’t want to hurt… I was willing to give up. And it was you… Who saved me and the others… You took the first steps to bring A.L.I.E down.”

Clearing my throat I shifted on my feet again, moving my weight. Because to say all that out loud to a man who threw my friendship back in my face wasn’t easy. However, he deserved to know the truth.

“So, you learnt a lot… the question is will you admit to it… if not out loud, at least to yourself.” I swallowed back the emotions that were bursting at the doors to be unleashed, questioning myself wasn’t something I was ready to do here.

“Hmm… Why do you sound so shocked? When have you known me to be out for the jolly? I wasn’t sightseeing out here.” I wasn’t sure why I felt so defensive at him questioning me now. “I’m going to the light house.” I told him. “Well… the satellite tower beside the lighthouse. I need to adjust and bring the dishes back online. Because Monty and I have found something up there.” I pointed up. “It’s in earth’s orbit, but we need a clear picture to see what the hells it is.”

•— John —•

If what I had just said shocked her, she didn’t let it show. Maybe her attempt at resetting her brain was more of a suicide plan than a last-ditch chance at saving herself? The thought made me feel physically sick. But this was Raven… She could never just pull a trigger. At least her way… if she had died; she would have let the people who loved her believe she died fighting. She wouldn’t have been a corpse rotting in an underground bunker on a forgotten island.

Would she be dead? I pulled that trigger… would anyone have stopped A.L.I.E from taking her. #Jasper was there… he was still resisting. “Someone would ha—“ I stopped myself, I choked on the words. I couldn’t. Saving Raven was the only good thing that I had ever done that hadn’t ended in death and disaster. It was the one thing I could hold onto. I couldn’t give that up on the off chance that someone else might have helped her.

There was no way to know what might have happened. I stopped scrubbing my jacket and locked sky-blue eyes on hers, a darker hazel in the low lighting of the bunker. “And I would have been dead ten times over if I hadn’t saved you that night.”

I shook my head and wrung out the excess water from my jacket when her old sarcastic self, returned. But then I froze… Not at the object in orbit… not a satellite tower I didn’t know existed. “Mo—“ I sucked in a breath through my nose the tamp down the anger that was clawing its way up the centre of my chest. Too fast, too burning hot. I spoke slowly and measured each word. “Monty… Knew you were going out to do this… and he let you go… Alone?”

I was going to kill that fucking nerd.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing on my forehead because I completed what he was about to say. If he hadn’t cut himself off. He would have said someone else would have shown up. And I know it was a 50/50 chance of it happening. Ifs and Buts and Maybes didn’t save lives. Action did. Which was why while the others stood around talking, I acted. I got to Doing, and not just debating.

Taking in a low and slow breath, still testing the air in the hoped that I wouldn’t regret the action. I was relieved to find the air in the bunker had cleaned out somewhat.

“Like I said, if you hadn’t saved me… I wouldn’t have been around to save your arse.” He was making my point for me, and he didn’t even know it.

Holding my hand up in front of me I pulled my eyebrows together. “Hold up there…” The way he said #Monty’s name didn’t sit right with me.

“Yes, Monty knows. And to make things clear here. He doesn’t have the say in what I do. And No one here on this earth will Let me do what I need to. Is that clear?” My voice rising a little bit with anger.

Let me… LET ME! Who did he think I was? “I was the one who left Monty at the lab, it’s where I need him to test the situation once I have things fixed and working with the tower.” Throwing my hands in the air. “Why am I even telling you all of this?” Why did I feel like an emotional roller-coaster around this boy right now?

Stepping around him, I left the kitchen. My clothes were wet, and I needed something to wear to leave this place. “There must be something in here for me to wear.” I muttered to myself.

But then I stopped in my tracks. I was replaying his words in my mind, and I spun around to face him. His words were there, and I had heard them.

‘Then where are we going?’

“What did you mean by WE?” I asked him. “You are going to the mansion, where you should be right now.” What was it with him? Why did he always insert himself into my life even now? After he’d made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.

Rolling my eyes, I turned and started to walk deeper into the bunker, in the hopes to find something to wear and to get out of here as soon as I could.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes, of course, she’d made this out to be a stupid alpha male thing. "That's not what I meant, and you know it, Rey. After Baylis, #Bellamy said that none of us should go anywhere alone, and we all agreed."

Fuck! Now she had me agreeing with Bellamy Fucking Blake!

When she asked why she was bothering to tell me about what they found... it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was it... I was back to where I had always stood with the rest of the A-Team... rock bottom. Not even worthy enough to be let in on the plan.

This had been my goal... to become less than a blip on all of their radars, but to be so low on Raven’s? I’d let this go too far… I got in over my head. I’d let myself have something that could be lost… It was my only rule… never have something worth losing. This was Emori’s fault; she’d opened up that door… to what having a friend could be like… The #Luna… too wise, too all-seeing. And now this… Raven… This was too much to bare losing. For a moment my gaze left her and flitted to where I had stupidly hidden the revolver.

Fuck!!

"W-we don't go anywhere alone on this island. We both messed up on that one today. "Let's try to make it our last fuck up of the day." I made my voice cold... I turned back to the sink, braced my hands on it, staring at nothing as she walked away.

•— Raven —•

“Since when do you give a crap about what Bells says or wants?” I was hundred percent sure that if #Bellamy told John to go left in the middle of the day, John Murphy would go right in the dead of night.

I was muttering to myself, not really caring if he could hear me. my hands were around every surface to see if there was anything in this place to salvage in terms of clothing. “He doesn’t care, and then he does. The boy runs hot and cold.” I muttered some more.

“Finally!” I pulled open a closet door, finding air tight still well wrapped uniforms. But as soon as my fingers reached out, I hoped they were okay to wear. “Will these be safe?” Asking myself, even though I knew they would be, if they were still sealed, we would be fine.

Removing two packets I started back the way I came, hearing the last of John’s conversation.

“How did I fu—” I stopped, glancing over to frown at him. “Could I point out, if I hadn’t thought I was going crazy in the forest because I felt like I was being watched. I wouldn’t have fucked up.” As I spoke my eyes drifted to the sink and his hands. The whites of his knuckles showing as though he were fighting himself. Or just irritated at having to step up to baby sit me.

“Here, these are better than the hole filled clothes.” Throwing one of the packets towards him. “I’m going to leave as soon as I’m dressed. The frequency of the rain is proof, we don’t have time to mess around.”

Some part of me felt like it was a good idea to get him out of here now that the rain had stopped. He needed to come back here, sure. But it didn’t mean that he needed to stay any longer to torture himself in this bunker now.

Turning my back towards him, I sat down, taking my brace off so that I could dress myself.

•— John —•

I had to restrain a frustrated growl. "Ever since he started talking sense... and that was before the black rain got this frequent. Have you forgotten the state I came back in the last time a stranger came to this island? And that was three against one." I might as well be talking to myself... just like Raven was.

My chest tightened hearing what she was muttering to herself. I was sending her mixed messages... just another sign that this obsession I had with her was bad for us both. It was a gut punch... thinking of how I felt about her as an obsession. Like it was something disgusting... it didn’t fit in my head. But this was so, so bad for Raven… so maybe it was the right description.

I released my grip on the sink when I saw her gaze drop to my hands. She already hated me... I didn't need her to be afraid of me at the same time. At least she was saying we now. I ripped open the plastic package she'd handed me, pulling out the light zip-up jacket inside. Trying not to watch her unclasp the brace she'd have to wear every day for the rest of her life because of me. Her voice replayed in my head reminding me that she'd be dead right now if it wasn't for me. My eyes moved to the armchair and the revolver hidden poorly beneath the cushion.

But it wasn't just that day in Arkadia... there was the day on the beach when we arrived on the island. Her seizures... the nights spent on the floor next to her bed listening to the steady beeping of the monitors.

I shrugged into the jacket leaving the burned one here and retrieved the gun from under the cushion. Measuring the cool weight of it in my hand, not even trying to conceal it. My eyes moved to her, oblivious to the fact that she might want privacy while she dressed. But the fact that she was still pulling on the trousers was the last thing on my mind. My eyes stayed firmly on her face; the only thing I could think about in that moment was; even if the only thing I was good at for the rest of my life was keeping her alive... then it was worth it, to stay alive for her... as long as I could.

No matter how badly it hurt to be this close to something I could never have. It was worth it.

She was worth it.

"I'll meet you at the top of the stair. Don't leave without me." I squeezed my hand around the handgun and headed up the stairs, marching right out the doors and to the shoreline. I pushed the chamber of the gun open and let the bullets spill into my palm, five rounds left. I hurled the gun as hard and far into the water as I could. I held one of the bullets between my thumb and forefinger. The final four went the same way as the gun... and the other I slid into my pocket as a reminder.

•— Raven —•

“I’m sure Bells is waiting with baited breath for the day you would agree with him. And if there were another person or persons her on the island, mine and Monty’s searches would have found them.” Okay fine, the sarcasm was unnecessary. However, I couldn’t help myself.

He was lost in his thoughts as I was in mine, getting dressed was like a list in my mind.

1. Underwear while I was sat down

2. Socks, it was easier sitting

3. Pants while I was sat to my knees.

4. Top pulled on

5. Stand up to finish pulling the pants up

6. Sit back down for my Boots

7. Brace last and then I was set to go.

Things I never thought about before being shot, things most people took for granted, we don’t give a second thought, but now. It had to be done in an order so that I was dressed with as little pain caused as possible.

I didn’t have time to say anything to him, he was rushing up the stairs and out the bunker before my boots were on.

I picked up the new light weight jacket and put it on before I was up the stairs slowly one at a time. Collecting my backpack at the top I threw it over my shoulder, before following John out into the wet and damp forest. The clearing was overgrown, but I could still just make out the path towards the beach where I saw the back of John disappearing.

“He said to wait, I should…” Follow! That is what I did, keeping my distance from him, but I followed him and witnessed his actions.

Unsure what he was looking at, until he removed the bullets. My heart sunk; this was a turning point. It had to be.

And now, as I stood here. This felt like I was overstepping. John had to do this to set his past right, to make room for who he was now. Even if he was to regress.

I wanted to reach out to him, to my friend and ask him Does that feel better? But I had lost that right, that friendship stolen from me.

A barrage of emotions threatened to come tumbling out of me, the burning in my eyes was a tell tail sign. So, I slowly backed away. Like I’d never been here, like I never witnessed the scene. Fighting the voice in my mind telling me that Love, Friendship, Family, they were never mine to have. I was born to be there for others, but when it came to the crunch, life, and the powers to be always stole those things away from me.

Brushing the back of my sleeve over my eyes I shifted my backpack to open it and take out the tablet. By the time I was back before the bunker door, I had the data feed up acting like I had been waiting here all along.

•— John —•

"Fucking idiot." I muttered to myself; I had a gun tucked into the back of my jeans; throwing one away was stupid, sentimental bullshit. But… there was no denying what I felt when that gun hit the water. I took a moment and dragged my hands through my hair. Then after a too-long moment, I started back up the beach...

Was this it? Had I really decided that I was my new goal in life was to watch over Raven from afar? Was it even something I was capable of? I knew that she was perfectly capable of protecting herself... from everyone except herself. But also, that she would gladly sacrifice herself for others without a thought… and that would be the hardest thing to protect her from.

I couldn't do that; not like this, not with her hating me not while acting like a complete and total wanker. Not without me taking how I felt about Raven and fucking burying it. She deserved so much more than I could give her. She needed it, even if she didn't know it. So...

I stopped. There she was... I shook my head. She was working already. It made me smile and I didn't fight it. I needed it... before I had to walk over there and lie my fucking arse off. Or at least... mostly lie my fucking arse off.

When I reached her the smile was gone. "Raven..." my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be. “I’m sorry... I know that I have been acting like an arsehole... But...” I shook my head. But hey... so far, I'd manage not to lie.

"When you were sick, it was different... I didn't have the time to think about anything other than trying to keep you alive. I never stopped and let myself think about what would happen... after." Shit, my voice cracked more than I had expected it to. I dropped my gaze to my feet and took a breath. "But when I heard about what you did... I just... I..." I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and I made myself look at her.

"I've never had anything that I was afraid to lose… anyone I was af—“ the words stuck in my throat. “And then you... and #Luna and #Emori came along and utterly fucking destroyed the good thing I had going." I had to include them… because it was true… but nothing like the fear I felt at losing her.

"I never had friends... I had marks... maybe on rare occasions an ally. But when they told me what you'd done. That you'd almost killed yourself after everything...." I gritted my teeth because there it was again. That completely unjustified anger that I had no right to feel.

"Everything I'd done... all the shit we walked through together and you..." I could hardly hold it back… there was a painful knot in my throat and my eyes burned. "... Didn't think to tell me... or ask for my help or give me a fucking chance to say goodbye in case shit went wrong. I'd far too much on her and she was going to see through my cover.

"Luna could... could... And I don't know how the fuck I can survive after losing something like that." I knew that if anything happened to them that I would be broken... but losing Raven? There wouldn't be any pieces left to put me back together.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty or tell you that you did anything wrong. You saved yourself and I don't think that you can understand how happy I am about that. And that just added to all the insane bullshit that goes on inside my head." I took a step closer, but not too close. My light blue eyes locked on her rich hazel ones and my chest felt like it was cracking open.

"I've never had people that I was afraid to lose. You... you scared me half to death Raven... I reacted by being a fucking bastard and I'm sorry. You don't have to accept my apology, in fact, if you do there's probably something seriously wrong with you; after the shit that I've said and done."

I let out a long shaky breath and dragged my hand down my face. Before she could say anything, I spoke again. "We should go in case there's going to be another shower." And I turned back into the trees even though I had no idea where this tower thing was.

•— Raven —•

Hearing his footsteps on the ground and the soft call of my name I let my gaze move up from the screen in my hands, towards where the sound of his voice came from. Narrowing my hazel eyes as I felt the weight of guilt pushing down on my shoulders. I had witnessed a moment that belonged to him and him alone.

“John…” I opened my mouth to tell him what I had done, how I followed him. However, John Murphy had other plans. I stood muted; words were lost to me. My ears heard all he shared and yet some part of my brain couldn’t seem to decipher it’s meaning.

What exactly was he trying to say? Was this a dig at me? or was it that he was playing me once again? Did he think I was so gullible to fall for the ‘I care for you all’, routine? Or… if I allowed the hurt part of myself free, and took him for what he was saying… Was this the reason he had done everything he did with #Jasper and #Emori? Was this an excuse I was willing to let him side by?

I cradled the tablet between both my arms, it was the only thing I had ( no matter how small ) to hold in place between him and myself.

“There is a lot there to unpack.” I started with because it wasn’t a lie. Where was one to even begin? I knew where I was going to start because it was one of the things, I refused to let myself feel or think about since I jumped into the ice bath that killed me.

“I did want to tell you… I wanted you to be there… I needed you and your help…” Every step of the way I had tried not to think about how #Harper and #Luna had been there, but he was nowhere to be seen. “But you weren’t there, I couldn’t find you… I was running out of time… I knew I wasn’t going to come back… Because when as anything gone right for us the first time?” The anger that I had been pushing down since I read the note he had left and run off reared it’s head again, “But you… You Fucking left a Note…” My voice slowed but the anger was pulsing. That note had been given to me after he ran, and he was saying that I was the one who hurt him?

“I’m sorry Raven, I couldn’t risk her life any longer. I couldn’t wait. Stay alive, Stargazer. Don’t give up. DON’T die. I’m sorry. John.”

I knew those words verbatim, and for the first time I was saying them out aloud for him to hear what I read. The tears pricking under my eyelids weren’t going to stop me. I had given up at one point, I had resigned myself to the cold and the death beckoning me towards it. But it was for this friendship, for the sisterhood #Luna had given me that I fought for. But I hadn’t told anyone because I was Raven Reyes… I was never meant to Give Up. However, even the strong need something to hold on to. Someone to keep fighting for. And I fought for them… All of them…

“You made the choice to leave, to not care or find out if I had died. If it wasn’t the ice bath, it would have been the brain melt. But when you made your choice, it was my actions to save myself that made it that I am stood here. Other wise you would have been back in Polis locked out to that bunker, and I would have been here dead.”

Only now was it occurring to me that I may have been holding on to a lot more anger for the loss of this friendship than I first thought. Working my hands not to let go of the tablet, because if I did. I was certain it would go flying towards his head. And I had given my word not to herm him after the last time. I took a step back away from him.

“So, don’t you dare… don’t you fucking dare stand here and say I didn’t think about you… When the truth is John Murphy… You didn’t know how to see this friendship to it’s end!” I could see pain in his baby blue eyes, fuck I could see him breaking, but that didn’t make up for it all. “You didn’t lose me or my friendship. You threw us away. And hells you’re right… I don’t fucking accept your apology… It’s shit!”

And there it was… what had been eating me up from the inside out. I had listened to #Luna, I had seen past all his flaws not caring what had happened before the moment I reached my hand of friendship out towards him, and he was now stood here telling me I was the one who walked away?

Bending down I picked up my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. I turned the opposite way to him. “You are going the wrong fucking way genius.” I called over my shoulder without looking back at him. Wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. He didn’t want me to feel guilty? Hells… He could be an arse on the best of days.

•— John —•

I knew that I had dumped a lot on her... but I had no idea how to fix everything that I had so thoroughly broken. "Fuck!" I gasped to myself...

I knew what she had done before she followed me to the docks. But had it really happened right before that? I had assumed it had been hours earlier... had she chased after me right after she'd recovered?

I went over the conversation with #Harper in my head... there was no way... there was no way that I had missed all of that. I remembered every shaky, scrawled letter of that note. It should have taken seconds to write but my mind and body warred with each character added to it.

It wasn't enough. Was that really all I had said to her after everything we had been through together? That was all I had to say? Fuck!!

"I don't know how to see any god damned friendship to its end Raven! How could I? When I have no clue how the few I have - " I stopped, because I was pretty the short list was reset to one because the only person, I knew that could handle this kind of distrust and betrayal was Emori. Because she could understand that all the shitty things I did, were probably things that she would have done too.

"Had... even started." I said nothing about her not accepting my apology because it was shit. I knew that it was going to take more than a half-arsed rambled apology, to even have her look at me without the hate and disappointment in her eyes.

I didn't correct her or try to defend my action because she was right. Everything she said was true, everything I had said before that; was true too. Anything I had to say back would be an excuse. But those last words out of her mouth burned like a red-hot iron rod stabbing through my thigh (A sensation I was familiar with).

I whirled and took long strides to pass her, stepping into her path. "I may be a lot of things Reyes, a shitty person, a terrible friend... a poor excuse of a human being. But I. Am. Not. Fucking. Stupid." My eyes stayed fixed on hers as I spoke, fighting to ignore the tears because I was furious... She hadn't tried to tear me down like that before. Not Raven, never Raven, just that fucking monster that tried to destroy her from the inside.

"You tried to convince me of that once... remember?" I stepped away, clearing the path in front of her. "Lead the way. Genius." The last said in the exact tone of voice that she had used herself.

•— Raven —•

My mind was whirling, and it wasn’t painting a pretty picture. There was still the inkling of going too far in my anger. Something I never had done. ( Well, the true me hadn’t, the brain melting, hallucinating me had seen that darkness a few times. )

I felt his presence coming up from behind, and then he had over taken me to the point where I had to stop walking. He placed himself between me and the route that I needed to take. I was going to tell him to get out of my way, to just go back to the mansion and to leave me the fuck alone. Hells, there were others on this island he could go to. To torment and torture them.... Others who hadn’t fallen for his tricks and lies. Why was he still here? What did he even want from me now? I had nothing to give him any more.

But all those words, thoughts and feelings stilled, and I stood shocked. Stupid? What the hells was he talking about? my words replaying in my mind, and I worked my jaw. I was rooted to the spot seeing the hurt and the pain in his voice and in his eyes. He had taken my careless words to heart, and in such a way that he should have known I didn’t mean them to be.

“I…. I… I—” I was lost for words. Swallowing the bile rising in my throat I stepped back like he had slapped me hard across my face. The sting of which I didn’t think would ever die away.

When he stepped to the side and called me a Genius, I knew that there was no coming back from this place we now found ourselves. And I resigned myself to this new reality.

Closing my mouth, I stepped forward and around him. There was nothing left for us to talk about, so I said nothing. Maybe this was all futile, maybe it would work and then he would never need to be in the same place as me. It was clear as day to me. This thing we once called friendship was dead.

I had a job to do, and that came first. People were depending on me. So, I kept my eyes forward as I walked the trail all the way around the cove of the beach, only veering off the path once the lighthouse came into sight. On any other day, I would have gone to the lighthouse to explore, to see if there was anything in there that I could take to use, or even drag my broken self, up to the top to see the view of the island and the sea. But that wasn’t to be the case now.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, with only the sound of our footsteps, and the thrumming of my heart in my chest, and the pain in my hip and leg as company, even with him a few feet behind me. I came to a stop before the tower. My hazel brown hues, started on the bottom, slowly moving to the top, until the satellite amps came into view. It was going to be a long hard climb for me to the top. But first…

I found a large clearing where I dropped my bag, opening it to take out the canteen of water to drink. My mouth was dry as sand, and there was no way I would make it to the top of the tower without resting first.

•— John —•

Fuck!! The look on her face... This wasn't just me putting distance between Raven and I... I was chipping away at pieces of her too. There really was something wrong with me... I remembered all those books I had read in the lighthouse bunker. The men that the women started out  with... the controlling ones that tore the woman they claimed love to down a little more with every word out of their mouths.

That was me. I was no different and if I didn't stop this... I was going to destroy her. Raven Reyes was a force to be reckoned with... did I really want to be the one that finished off her wavering faith in the endangered human race?

This wasn't love. There was something seriously broken in me.

I watched her limp deepen and her efforts to hide tire her out even more. That helpless feeling sank in again... that same one I felt when I was watching her die slowly. She'd cured herself, only to endure the same pain that forced her to take the damned chip in the first place.

Neither of us spoke as we walked and when we reached the tower I looked up. This thing just kept on going! With the way Raven was running her eyes up and down the monolith, I knew that there was no way she could do her work from ground level.

"Let me guess... You need to get up top to do whatever the hell it is you need to do, right?" I slumped down on the grass and leaned back against one of the thick metal struts that made up the base of the tower. "If we're going the make it up there... we need to rest up before we start the climb."

It wasn't exactly the best first thing to say after everything... but if I wasn't going to make that climb without  resting then knew I Raven couldn't either. My breakthrough on the beach would be completely forgotten if I watched Raven fall to her death… I would surely follow if she did. The survivor in me was now intrinsically linked to the survivor in her. Would I even need to let go to follow her? Or would my heart just stop beating the moment hers did?

•— Raven —•

My jaw worked; I didn’t look up from the canteen in my hand. However, my fingers tightened around it. I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted to do my job and be done with all this.

If we made it back to the lab or the mansion, when other people were around. Then maybe, just maybe he would leave me the fuck alone and not feel this sense or need to follow me around still.

“1. I know, I’m the Genius remember.” The emphasis on the word a little harder than I had meant. It was telling just how much it hurt to be here with him.

“2. There is no We… this is a job for one person and that person is me. Which is why I didn’t ask for any company.” Was it harsh? Yes. But was it true... also Yes.

Even when I wanted to not give a shit, I kicked my foot into the dirt, and then closing the canteen I threw it by his feet. If I needed the water, I was certainly sure he would too. Not that he would ask me for it.

I opened my bag and took out the tablet, and the systems analytical adapter which would need to be connected to the port at the top of the tower. I was hoping it would be a simple push it in and boom, the data would flow. However, I also knew that nothing came simply to us all.

I ignored the man sat only a few feet from me now. Making my eyes look anywhere but by him. I moved my stare up towards the tower, my hand covering my eyes from the shine of the sun. There were no dark clouds in the sky, the black rain from before a distant memory fooling us into a false sense of safety. But that wasn’t now my concern six hundred plus foot long climb ahead of me.

I gaged the route I would need to take, the steps and the levers on the side that I was glad I could attach myself to. Reaching down I turned my backpack  upside down, dropping everything from within it to the ground in front of me. And only once it was empty, I started to collect the things I needed for my journey up.

I knew that pulling myself up was going to be hard, but more so the additional weight I carried the more chances I had of faltering. When I was sure I had everything, I needed, I threw the radio towards the ground where John sat.

“If anything goes wrong, Monty will know what to do, and if it goes right Monty will know what to do.”

Never once did I dear to look at him, because right now all I needed and wanted to think about was the job in hand, about how me making it to the top would give my dysfunctional family a chance to survive. With or without me.

•— John —•

I scoffed and shook my head; I leaned forward and snatched up the canteen.

“How high do you think that tower is Rey?” I cringed at the slip… that was a name her friends used… and I certainly wasn’t one of those anymore. “A hundred and fifty meters? Two hundred?” I unscrewed the cap as I spoke and then took a swig. “We are on an island in the middle of the sea… How far up do you think you’ll need to get before the wind is trying to pull you off this thing? Thirty feet? How high before your fingers start to freeze from the cold, never mind the pain of  the climb alone?” I set the canteen down as close to her as I could reach without moving from my seated position.

“You want me to wait down here for what? We both know there is no chance I could catch you if you fall… so what? I’m just meant to sit here and retrieve your dead body and bring it back to the others? I don’t think so.”

I laughed darkly as my stomach twisted; the mouthful of water sloshing like venom at the thought. “If we go together, we can work together… getting up there and hopefully back down alive… Then you can go right back to hating me.” I would go alone if I could but, I knew I couldn’t fix whatever needed fixing.

I shifted and pulled the handgun from my waistband at the small of my back. “If you want to stop me…” I set the gun next to the canteen. “There’s only one way.”

I watched her rifle  through her bag. Her words cut me like blades… she was mentally preparing to not make it back to the ground. I pulled my knees up and sat forward, clasping my hands over my knees.

“Just let me help Raven… There are people back at the lab that I care about too. They deserve a chance and both of us climbing together increases that chance.”

•— Raven —•

Hearing my nickname from his lips made me stop for a split second, before I continued to work, I was losing the light of day and the last thing I wanted was to be up there with no way down. If it all went to plan, we could modify the images and the data we were gathering. Giving them all a better chance of surviving this death wave that was days away.

“More like over six hundred feet...” Kicking myself the moment the words were out. Why did the nerd in me need to share the correct data with him? It wasn’t like I wasn’t handing him everything he needed to question me and my actions.

“Listen Joh—” My words cut short when I turned to see him pulling out the weapon. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped open a little. I took two steps back as my heart twisted with my stomach. He was about to shoot me?

No… He was daring me to shoot him? I narrowed my eyes, then pulled my gaze from the gun when I knew I could feel save from the knowledge that at least today John Murphy wasn’t planning on killing me here.

“Why are you a pain in my arse?” Gritting the words out of my teeth I had to take another look up at the tower. Knowing that some part of him had been correct didn’t make this any easier.

I threw the bag over my shoulders, making sure it was secure. Then taking the steps to stand beside the thin metal runs, which made the ladder going up the side of the satellite tower. And I knew there was no other way.

So, I turned my face back, holding my free hand in his direction. “This doesn’t mean we are friends Murphy. This only means that I can’t do this to save my dysfunctional family without some help. If we make it out of here alive. We can go our separate ways.”

There was no turning back from here. This was the final straw.

〄 ᴇɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 〄

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #JohnMurry #Murry #Watcher #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #Youtube

[oktorpg]

Hapotei ( Happy Birthday ) – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Luna 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

Ah, Moon—and Star!

You are very far—

But were no one

Farther than you—

Do you think I’d stop

For a Firmament—

Or a Cubit—or so … ~ Emily Dickinson

I lay on the ground beside the pool in the back of #Becca’s Mansion, looking up towards the night sky and the stars which shined bright down upon me here. They were unblocked to plain sight tonight, even with the hum of warmth that flowed over the air.

“I once was so close to you, I walked with you, and you made me smile. You gave me a joy I never knew possible and somehow you made me feel closer to my dad than anything else. The day I chose to leave you, I didn’t give you a second glance. I didn’t say good bye, because some part of me hoped that some day I would see you from that close again. But that’s not how this world works.

If I knew then, what I know now. If I understood the pain, the heartbreak and the loss that was to come. I would have taken the time to see you… Really see you and thank you for the memories. For the feelings you gave me, and the ecstasy that I will never find in anything again. We are all foolish I know that now, however I can’t give up the fight until the last breath in my body is spent. I have to do the only thing I know… Which is to help save those who I love.

Even…. Those who do not deserve to be saved… I can’t… I won’t turn my back on another person again… I will not relive that mistake again. No one person deserves to be left behind….”

Closing my eyes, I pictured my life before my father died. How #Samuel would take #Elena in his arms, even after a hard day and kiss her. Dancing, laughing and just being happy with one another. Those were the memories I wanted to think of tonight. The happy ones, the ones that made me smile and hum the tune of the song that I could hear a clear as day right now.

( Music: What A Wonderful World · Louis Armstrong )

‘Hofli Ai glong op Yu?’ ( May I join you? ) I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that #Luna was stood over me. I wiped my eyes before opening them.

‘Whatcha-up-to, shanen o daun ait nau?’ ( How are you, happy or sad right now? ) She asked when I patted the ground beside me.

‘Strik kom bilaik ogeda.’ ( Little of both altogether. ) I told her before I saw what she held in her hands. “What’s this for?” I asked sitting up.

She smiled shrugging her shoulder. ‘Hapotei, Ai Stisis.’ ( Happy Birthday little Sister. )

“How did you find out?” She handed me a small stack of crackers, each set together with a generous amount of the chocolate spread between them holding them together.

‘Jackson told me. It’s on his file with your other information.’ #Luna opened the bottle of wine as she spoke. ‘Can’t let it pass without something sweet, and wine.’ Pouring two glasses. ‘Make a wish on your stars, they are listening to you right now.’

But what wish was left to make? I’d already told the sky and the stars what I wanted. ‘I’m good with what life has given me.’ Nudging her with my shoulder, I took a bite from the stack of crackers, then handed it over to her to do the same.

‘Hapotei, Ai Rei.’ ( Happy Birthday Rey. )

She whispered as we both took a drink and turned our attention to the sky above us again.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #Solo #Youtube

[oktorpg]

Lost in my own thoughts – Rey Solo

╰ #ᵀʰᵉ¹⁰⁰ᴿᴾ #ᵀʰᵉ¹⁰⁰ #ᴼᴷᵀᴼʳᵍᵖ

Have you ever been in a place, sat yourself down, looking up only to realise that you don’t belong?

Thinking you know how your life will play out, because you have made all the correct plans, done all the hard work, been the best in every field you set your mind too… and still, you don’t belong?

No? Then you are lucky…

Now imagine being one of a Hundred teenagers who had no plans, who didn’t follow the rules, who didn’t know how to survive, and were still sent down to a planet that our ancestors once call home. But to them, it was just a planet whose orbit the Ark ( our home ) sat in.

We watched old movies, read old books, we learnt how to survive on this planet, if by any chance we were to return. However then without warning, without any goodbyes, without seeing those they loved one last time. They were dumped from the only place they knew how to live in.

The council on the Ark made decisions, they say it was for the betterment for all. But imagine being one of those kids, or someone who was left behind.

That was me. I was left behind. The only boy I loved was thrown to Earth, and I didn’t even know it happened until after it was too late.

And yes, you can romanticise it, say how I fault for him, I came to Earth for him, I helped Abby to find Clarke for him. But then… Then was when I found out that the two people I came to Earth for… They had fallen in love with each other.

It’s safe to assume I didn’t take it well, that I was so used to being hurt by those I loved, that I stopped loving. I stopped caring, I stopped wanting… however that too would be a lie.

The fact is I just changed how I cared, how I love and who I love. I never want to be hurt again, so why love someone so much that when they betray you, your heart is crushed? Why not just love life as it is? Why? Because let’s face facts…. No matter who you love and care for. They will always break your heart, they will alway make you second guess yourself. And they will always walk away with a piece of you that will never be whole again.

Friendships, loves, family…. Is it something we need to survive? Or are all these things just a way to pass time? Are these things in our life to

Complicate a simple situation?

If you find the answers, if you know the meaning of it all. When you feel like you have a better grasp of it than I do…. please…. Take a moment to think of me. Think of the questions I am asking, and help this Stargazer better understand where she went wrong.

Because now I sit here, looking up at the stars in the night sky, and I can’t seem to find a way out. I can’t seem to understand how my trust was broken and how or if… it will ever be repaired again.

Some things once broken are never whole again right? So, maybe it’s better to walk away from a friendship that had been doomed from the first day.

But for now… a bottle of two hundred year old wine, the dark sky above, and Ocean below are the only solid things for me to hold on to.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #Solo

[oktorpg]

Wish upon a star! – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴋ

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #ꜱᴀᴍᴜᴇʟ & #ᴇʟᴇɴᴀ 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴮᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ ᵀʰᵉ ᴳʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ

‘Sam, stop. You shouldn’t wake her. It’s late and she is –.’ The soft whispering of my mom’s voice trailed off, being replaced with the sounds of soppy cheek kisses my dad would give us when he wanted his way.

‘Trust me Elena, she will want to see this. And I got authorisation to take you both up there with me. now, go put your shoes on.’

Even with sleep holding on to me, I could feel my bed move when he came to site beside me. The gentle touch of his fingers brushed my hair back off my forehead. ‘I can tell you aren’t asleep little one, do you think you can sit up for me?’

It was such a gentle request, that my tired eyes reacted for him without my needing to consider it. ‘There are those beautiful hazel eyes I search for in the morning.’ Leaning down he brushed his lips to my temple. ‘I have something I want to show you and mom. Do you think you can get up?’

“Yes daddy.” My sleepy voice mumbled as he helped me to sit up. Rubbing my eyes, I looked up at my dad. His hazel eyes were right there. it was as though I was looking into my own when our eyes met.

‘That’s my girl, come on we don’t have much time.’ Gathering me up in his arms he padded over to the door of our quarters, waiting for mom to join us before leaving.

〄 〄 〄 〄

We sat on the ground of the observation deck on a blanket half under us and half covering our legs. There was a chill in the area that normally wouldn’t be there. ‘Right, it’s about to happen.’ Dad called out from behind us.

Tonight, he was working, I wanted to stand with him to watch. But mom told me that we were here as a favour, and that I wasn’t to get in the way. ‘Your dad works extremely hard here Raven, we can’t do anything that could mean he is in trouble, okay baby?’ She asked kissing the top of my head.

“Okay mom.” I said, all sign of sleep was gone the moment we had stepped into the area. My eyes were wild with excitement, and the want to ask questions and learn as much as I could. There were tools, and computers. And I wanted to know how to use it all.

My dad was working away for a while before mom called out. ‘Sam, how much longer my love?’

‘Now… Look forwards and up.’ He rushed over to where we were and fell down next to me. ‘There…’ he pointed out the larger glass window. ‘Just keep watching.’ He whispered to mom and me.

For a short time, nothing happened, I turned my head to glance over to him. And then out of the side of my vision I saw it starting to come to life. My face turned and my eyes were glued.

“Ohhh… Aww…”

Sounds of awe and appreciation came from both mom and me as we let the sight before us unfold.

‘Every year, we have to clean out the Ark. Over time there is a build-up of particles, gases, minerals that can clog up the vents and the filters. However, every ten years or so the stars and the space we are in is covered with natural matter, causing the illusion of an aurora in space. The colour of space around the Ark turns into this amazing emerald green and blue. Like the oceans once were on Earth, and all those images we have grown up seeing, come to life before our eyes.’ My fingers were reaching out, as if I could touch it if I just wished hard enough.

‘It looks like the stars are falling all around us. Like we are sitting in the middle of the birth of a new world, like we could leave the Ark, and Earth is welcoming us back with open arms.’ Dad’s voice was low as the three of us sat there lost in the sight before us.

‘And it’s the perfect night for the two beautiful girls in my life to wish upon the stars.’ He kissed the top of my head, and then kissed mom on her lips. ‘Close your eyes little one and think of your wish.’ Dad whispered and I did.

But I couldn’t tell him or anyone what it was I had asked the stars for. Dad said that it was a deal between them and me.

#The100 #The100RP #OKTOrp #RavenReyes #Rey #Stargazer #AU #Stories #WrittingRP #Solo