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birbleafs · 4 years

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[fic] A Much Ado About (PSI)oulmates

Series: Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan || The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Rating: T Genre: Humour, Breaking The Fourth Wall Character(s): Saiki Kusuo, Aiura Mikoto, Satou Hiroshi, Akechi Touma, Toritsuka Reita Warnings: None, save for canon-typical shenanigans Summary: Aiura decides to combine her divination abilities with Kusuo’s powers for a super special comedic segment on Affinity Levels. Fic can also be read on AO3 _______

Excerpt taken from clairvoyant Dame Mata-Mata’s advert for Amazing Psychic Services:

99.9% accurate affinity readings and guaranteed life-long happiness! Discover your twin flame with as little 10,000 yen per hour! Some would say it’s foolish to risk your future and wallet on such clandestine offerings, but we assure you, we are no worse than the underhanded brand marketing on children’s television series! Call 1800-TWINFLAMES -1234567 to book a reading today!!

***

Anyone who would believe such clandestine and shady offerings isn’t just a fool but a complete buffoon, Kusuo scoffs impassively at the flyer before him. This is definitely worse than the underhanded brand marketing on children’s TV shows.

“They’re a total noob at it, fer sure!” Aiura says, leaning in too close and posing next to Kusuo as she takes a wefie with her phone. “Like sure, the concept of twin flames and soulmates ain’t new, but to claim everyone has half a soul yearning to get jiggy with its other missing half for life-long bliss is like, a gross oversimplification.” I don’t really care to be honest, Kusuo deadpans. He stares sullenly at how Aiura’s arm is still wrapped around his; she offers him a cheeky grin and a peace sign, snapping yet another wefie before she finally slides away to the opposite seat. “Soulmates just have more natural affinity for each other,” Aiura says, batting her eyelashes at him coyly. “But just like with everything, it doesn’t mean you don’t need to put in any effort to make it work! Hey, speaking of which—the author has a super special birthday tradition where she writes and/or posts up a new story, so this fanfic can totally be about Affinity Meters, right?!” Don’t know what you’re going on about and still don’t actually care, Kusuo retorts, shoving a spoonful of coffee jelly into his mouth as he resolutely tries to enjoy his Sunday afternoon. But Aiura persists, easily breaking the fourth wall to elaborate further: “Just like how Kusuo can use the Affection Meter to quantify a person’s love for another, today we’ll combine Kusuo’s telepathy and my own divination abilities to measure soulmate compatibility via Affinity Levels! So, without further ado, let’s go, let’s goooo!” Aiura, no, Kusuo groans in quiet despair. “Miko-chan, YES!” Aiura whoops, fist-pumping the prologue away as the scene fades out. _______

Satou Hiroshi

Conventional. Moderate. Regular. Behold the quintessential stock background character, the pinnacle of normality—Satou Hiroshi. Standing at a height of 169.9 centimeters and weighing at precisely 61.0 kilograms—the exact national average of a healthy sixteen-year-old Japanese male—he is the gold standard, the epitome of normal. It’s a shame then that few recognize Satou-kun’s remarkable ordinariness, Kusuo muses, watching said background character ambling down the sidewalk with an approving smile. Nevertheless, perhaps that may be to my benefit. Surely our Affinity Levels must be pretty high; after all, we’re both normal and regular high-school teens who do not stand out much— “I don’t think using your powers to make yourself inconspicuous counts though,” Aiura says as she glances over Kusuo’s shoulder, puzzled at his fixation on someone so… well, boring. Kusuo isn’t even listening. We both have regular aspirations and hobbies, seeking only to live peaceful days! “Funnily, I now remember peeking at Normal-kun’s fortune for Hii-chan. And get this, his biggest dream is being on stage as a rock star! Like seriously, how typical can he get?” —So, taking into consideration all of the above, Kusuo presses on, undeterred by Aiura’s commentary, surely we would hit it off as friends with optimal affinity levels! “Uhm, Kusuo?” Aiura nudges him with her elbow, pointing at the meter hovering beside them. “Not to be a wet blanket and all, but the Affinity Meter started running again as you were waxing lyrical earlier, so now it’s showing that Normal-kun and your Affinity Levels are like, really just two stars at best.” She leans forward, squinting at the screen. “Simply because he thinks you’re okay but still a bit of a weirdo. Dayum, the nerve of this twerp!” Kusuo stares wordlessly at her for a beat, slack-jawed. A-Ahyuu…?

Affinity Level: ☆☆ _______

ii.

Akechi Touma

“It pains me to have to do this,” Aiura lets out a dramatic sigh. “But since Childhood Friends is a pretty popular trope in animanga, and therefore in fanfiction, I guess there’s no avoiding it.” Kusuo scowls, not liking where this is heading at all. It can totally be avoided. We can just avoid talking about it altogether. “Is that you, Kusuo-kun?” Akechi says as he suddenly appears at Kusuo’s side, curiosity in his eyes. “Oh, I see Aiura-san is here as well. I couldn’t help but notice how you two were standing and talking together so I thought I should come say hello, even though I was rather hesitant at first. I didn’t want to abruptly barge into your conversation, you see, as that would have been awfully rude, and I certainly don’t wish for you to think of me as rude, Kusuo-kun.” Yet here you are barging in anyway, blathering on incessantly like a runaway freight train, Kusuo remarks drily. “Well, I couldn’t help but overhear the mention of Affinity Levels,” Akeichi beams as he continues, unfazed by the jibe. “And I can’t say my curiosity isn’t the least bit piqued, even if I have little to no real interest or belief in the notion of soulmates. In fact, the existence of an actual soul remains debatable in scientific circles—” Exasperated, Aiura tries to interject. “Since you ain’t all that interested, mind if you just zip those lips for like five minutes? My hair’s gone all frizzy from the heat of your endless jabbering!” “However, these debates on the existence of the soul had also been instrumental to the understanding of the anatomy and physiology of the human body—” “Oh my God, please just stop yapping for ONE sec—!!” Aiura shrieks, tugging at her curls in frustration. She accidentally kicks the Affinity Meter to start running, and the lights blink and flash in a rapid blur before the meter gradually slows down to display four bright stars upon its screen. There’s a beat; the trio leans forward, staring at the meter in awkward silence. Kusuo’s brows are furrowed at the unexpected results; he shrugs it off as a fluke. Clearly there’s some technical issue with Affinity Meter (never mind that the meter works, in part, based on Aiura’s divination abilities, which have, to date, always been accurate). There’s just no way Akechi could ever beat Satou-kun on that scale, he’s too much of an abnormal— But Aiura is already moving forward, reaching out to grasp Akechi’s hand in a firm handshake. “Aiura-san? Is there something…?” She acknowledges Akechi’s curious gaze with a curt nod. “All right, I can’t deny it any longer. Not with that impressive detective aura of yours and with results like that on both Kusuo and my own Affinity Meter.” Oi, oi. Don’t start spouting weird nonsense now, Miss Abnormal! “All right, Akeinu! I hereby deem you a worthy rival in the fight to stand as Kusuo’s trusted sidekick!” “Oho! You’ve even given me a cutesy nickname as acknowledgment! I must say I’m quite flattered, Aiura-san.” How about I side-kick both of you out of my life right now? Kusuo sighs, mildly perturbed by this unexpected turn of events.

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆ _______

iii.

Toritsuka Reita

…… …… …… What, did you seriously think Toritsuka was getting a proper scene? He’s already way too pathetic. NEXT— “W-wait, did you just cut my scene?!” Toritsuka shrieks from the void like a headless chicken. “Don’t just write me off, Saiki-saaan!!” —Saiki exits stage left, pursuing normalcy. “And don’t just narrate yourself out!!”

Affinity Level: N.A. _______

iv. Aiura Mikoto

“At first glance, you might think we make for an odd couple,” Aiura says with a coquettish smile. “And how it seems absolutely cray that we could get along. Or like, that we don’t mesh just ‘cause our personalities clash way too much or somethin’.” She chuckles at the notion, running perfectly manicured nails through her luscious locks. “I mean, it’s obvs only those inexperienced with the inner workings of the heart would think that. Because opposites attract, y’know? It’s the push-pull dynamism between us that spices things up! Like two tango dancers stirring up a flame on the dance floor—it keeps things refreshing and exciting, but still comforting and familiar in the end, like sharing a nice, warm bath at the end of the day, or cuddling up together at the sofa, feeding each other spoons of dessert…” Aiura pauses, blushing when she catches sight of the Affinity Meter fluttering gently by her shoulder, at the line of stars glowing from the screen, a beacon of reassurance of their status as soulmates. She turns towards Kusuo, suddenly self-conscious as she tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Say, Kusuo… How about we head to that nice dessert buffet together and—” Only to realize she had been practically talking to thin air all this time. “H-Huh?! Aww, gimme a break! Where did you run off to this time, Kusuooo?!”

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆☆ _______ v.

Coffee Jelly

Good grief—finally some peace and quiet. Kusuo sighs as he leans back into the leather seat of his booth, in a nondescript cafe far away from his usual annoyances. He dips a spoon into his dessert bowl, lifting a dark sliver of coffee jelly to his mouth, and smiles in absolute contentment. There’s a soft whirr, and then a ping from somewhere below. He flicks a furtive gaze at the Affinity Meter hovering at the empty space beside him, curious despite himself. The endless line of glowing stars are probably a bit much, but he smiles anyway at the screen. Huh. I guess it works after all.

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

—End— _______ Notes:

It’s tradition for myself to spend my birthday writing and/or sharing a new fic (happy birthday to me!! lol). I also had this sitting in my draft for way too long and decided to kick myself to finish it. Apologies for any typoes/errors.

Comments and critique are always welcomed for my fics—I'd like to hear what you think, if you've enjoyed this! Thanks for reading :)

#saiki kusuo no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #aiura mikoto #fanfic #psychickers #too lazy to tag all the characters here #but it's basically the pk psychickers + mr. normal-kun lol

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365daysofsasuhina · 5 years

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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Thirty-Seven: Red Lines ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Fugaku, Uchiha Mikoto ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: At The Beginning ] [ AO3 Link ]

They’ve been traveling all day.

With tired feet, Sasuke’s up on his brother’s back, dozing as his clan migrates south. Quick and quiet. Hopefully unseen. Such a large force, of course, isn’t hard to notice...but most of them are shinobi. Hopping through the branches of this landscape’s tall trees, they’re swift and silent as they make their way from their last encampment.

After the battle days prior...it’s no longer safe.

So, once again, the Uchiha are on the move.

Nearing evening, they finally find a place to settle for the night. A rolling hill comes to an abrupt stop, dropping into an inwardly-curved cliff. Below, a shallow pool of fresh water from a natural spring feeds out into a stream.

Fugaku considers the area, kinsmen watching him wordlessly. “...here. Fill your water skins, and put down bedrolls in the cave.”

Hopefully anyone after them will miss such a spot.

Rousing as subtle noises sound with the setup of camp, Sasuke rubs at his eyes. “Aniki…?”

Itachi manages a weary smile as he sets his brother down. “We’re calling it a night. Hungry? Thirsty?”

The young Uchiha just nods, prompting Itachi to begin caring for his needs. A waterskin is handed over, Sasuke sipping it as his brother tends to their section of the camp. Their mother is busy checking on the other vulnerable members of the clan: the young, old, sick, and injured. Fugaku, on the other hand, talks lowly with his top warriors, faces all drawn with tension and unease.

Sasuke watches before Itachi draws his gaze again. “Here - eat this.”

Accepting a nori-wrapped onigiri, Sasuke carefully munches every grain of rice before sitting beside his brother. Their bedrolls are toward the rear of the shallow cave. Any assailants would have to go through everyone else first to get to them.

“Aniki, is this our new home?”

“For now,” Itachi replies evasively. “You know we have to move often as the Senju battle us.”

Sasuke’s head bows. “I know…”

“Someday, Sasuke...we’ll have a real home. A house, with a roof and a floor, and walls. We can start a garden, and maybe get you a dog.”

That perks the boy up. “Really?”

“...someday.”

It’s late before their parents return, Sasuke already asleep. Itachi watches his father with sharp black eyes as he unfurls a map.

“...here,” he murmurs, a calloused finger pointing to a dense cluster of foliage marked on the parchment. “This is our current position.” His mouth sets into a grim line. “...we’re not as far as I’d like, but this place is hard to spot from a distance from the direction we came. Gods willing, we’ll be lucky and go unnoticed for now.”

“Where will we go next?” the elder son asks quietly

“I’ve got scouts out checking our perimeter, and seeing what other clans might be nearby. I’ll plot out their positions come morning, and...we’ll go from there.”

Itachi just nods solemnly.

“Itachi dear, you should get some sleep,” Mikoto chides gently. “We’ll have a long day ahead of us. And you’ll need to keep both eyes on your brother.”

“Hai.”

Curling around his little brother, Itachi watches him for a time before managing to slip into sleep.

Morning, as always, comes early. And it’s Sasuke who rouses first for once. Wriggling out of his sleeping brother’s grip, he finds Fugaku already awake. Seated with a map atop his lap, he’s carefully tracing lines atop it, referring quite heavily to other parchment at his side. A glance shows reports from the previous night’s scouts. Red ink outlines certain sections of the map.

Gingerly sitting beside his father, Sasuke builds the courage to ask, “What are those red lines…?”

Giving Sasuke a glance, Fugaku takes a moment to respond, finishing a line. “These...are marks that show me where our enemies are camped. None of us are to go there, Sasuke.”

“Not even you?”

“No, not even me. We must work our way around them, lest we invite more fighting.”

“Are they Senju…?” he asks quietly, both fear and awe in his tone.

“No. There are many more clans than just us, and the Senju,” Fugaku clarifies. “The Inuzuka, Akimichi, Nara, Hyūga, Sarutobi...and more.”

“Are they all bad guys?”

After a small hitch of breath, his father sighs. “...no. There really is no good or bad when it comes to clans, my son. We are all simply competing for the same things. Food, water, land...and competition can make people do terrible things in order to secure those things. Even kill.”

Sasuke wilts a bit. “Oh…”

“Someday...I hope we will find a land to call our own, with no more fighting.” There’s a bone-deep exhaustion in Fugaku’s eyes. “...I tire of losing our people to these squabbles. Someday...I hope there will be peace.”

Someday, someday...it’s a word everyone uses so often. But when will it be someday, Sasuke can’t help but wonder.

“So, be sure to stick close to camp,” Fugaku then adds, drawing his son’s gaze back to his face. “We don’t want to wander and stumble into trouble. Understand?”

“Hai.”

The Uchiha linger in their encampment for nearly a week. By then, Sasuke has the entire layout memorized, including the outlying areas where he barely dares to tread. His father’s words have made him cautious.

But even caution can’t be outweighed by a child’s curiosity.

Having been learning to use a bow with his brother, Sasuke keeps his and a quiver on his person whenever he’s awake. He also carries a single kunai for protection, but he’s too young yet to make much use of many standard shinobi tools. Instead, he relies mostly on his brother to keep him safe. But Itachi has been busy helping their father, and Sasuke patrols the camp alone.

That is...until he hears a noise in the bushes…!

Perking up, he stares, trying to spot whatever it is. Likely just a tanuki, or maybe some birds. But, wanting to be sure, Sasuke glances back to camp before carefully moving after it.

...there it goes! Wriggling through the underbrush, whatever it is takes off at full speed!

Immediately losing all other thought to the thrill of a chase, Sasuke brightens and goes after it. Back and forth it winds - maybe it’s a hare? - as they leave the Uchiha in the distance. Arrow nocked and eyes bright, Sasuke follows until they reach a clearing, and his foe stumbles out into the open.

A fox!

Pulling up his bow and drawing the string, Sasuke takes aim. But before he can shoot, a rock flies out from another side of the clearing, startling the winded creature into one last dash into more cover.

“Aww…!” Releasing the tension and pouting, Sasuke watches it go, realizing it’s a futile chase. But then he happens to think...who - or what - threw that rock…?

Looking to the proper direction, he sets his jaw, redrawing his bow. “Who’s there?”

Silence. Then a rustle. “P-please...don’t shoot…!”

A voice! It sounds like a girl - pretty young, too. Maybe his age? “Show yourself!”

Another long pause, then the foliage shifts, and...out creeps a child. Dressed in a plain lilac yukata, large pale eyes stare warily, hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I...I don’t m-mean you any harm!”

Slowly, Sasuke lowers his bow. Those eyes...he knows about them. His own clan’s distant cousins: she has to be a Hyūga.

Seeing him relax, she does the same. “I...I’m sorry about the fox, but...I didn’t want you to hurt it.”

“...s’okay,” Sasuke mumbles. He didn’t need to kill it - they have plenty of supplies. These woods are plentiful.

“Um...m-my name is Hinata! Who are - w-who are you?”

“...Sasuke.” They both avoid last names, though there’s little mistaking what she is by her appearance. “What are you doing out here?”

“Oh...I was l-looking for...for flowers.”

“Flowers…?” His nose wrinkles. “Isn’t that a silly thing to wander off alone for?”

“W-well, you were chasing a fox!”

“Cuz I thought it was a bad guy too close to our camp!”

As soon as he says it, Sasuke realizes that was a mistake. He shouldn’t reveal that they’re nearby…!

“Oh...that’s fair.”

“You...you can’t tell anyone you saw me!” he insists.

Hinata balks. “I-I won’t!”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise!”

He eyes her for a moment, seeing her frightened posture. “...good.”

Silence falls for a time...and then a voice calls in the distance. “Hinata-sama!”

Gasping and looking back, she hesitates. “I...I-I have to go!”

“But -?”

“I won’t tell!” Digging through the bushes, Hinata brings out a small basket full of blooms. “Go, before someone s-sees you!”

Sasuke lingers a moment longer, not sure he can trust her. But she’s already making to jog back the way she came.

Before she leaves, however, she comes to a stop, turning and closing the gap even as Sasuke flinches. “Here!”

Fumbling, he manages to accept a flower. Pure white in color, it’s one he’s never seen before...not that he’s ever paid flowers any attention.

“Go!” Hinata hushes, retreating and calling out to the voice.

Broken from his confusion, Sasuke does just that, running all the way back to camp.

Slowing to a jog, he glances around, hoping no one notices his return. Thankfully no one notes his presence...or the previous lack thereof. Making his way to his bedroll, Sasuke examines his flower, a brow perked. Why did she give him a flower…?

“Oh, where did you find that?”

Flinching, Sasuke turns to see his mother. “...uh…”

“That’s a freesia,” Mikoto explains, kneeling beside her son. “It’s a flower that signifies trust!”

“A flower has a meaning…?”

“Oh, yes...it’s a very important language,” she replies. “Flowers are a way to communicate without words. Kunoichi use them to pass messages without others knowing!”

Considering that, Sasuke looks to his flower. Trust, huh…?

“Now, go wash up, ne? Dinner is almost ready. Your father and brother should be back soon.”

“Hai.” Removing his gear, Sasuke eventually tucks the bloom into his bedroll.

Maybe he’ll see her again someday...Hyūga Hinata.

Late, tired, blegh @~@ A Warring States era AU! One I hardly ever get to write. I really like the concept of the more "modern" characters being put back into that time period, and how they'd face the challenges of that era. Buuut anyway, I'm VERY tired, so...that's all for now lol - thanks for reading!

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #uchiha itachi #uchiha fugaku #uchiha mikoto #at the beginning [ canon verse ]#365daysofsasuhina

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