#Nando looks like such a dork in this - i love him with all my heart | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

grohlyfiction · 6 years

Text

Chapter 14 - NIRVANA in Scotland

Dave's POV Krist and I were walking around Glasgow, England, looking for somewhere to catch a bite. We were starved and we had a big show that night in the cellar of Broadcast. Kurtis was being a real dork about having to carry himself around with us. He had just started seeing this broad called Cootneei - she was a real piece of work. So he went off without us earlier and we went wandering down Soggymole street. As we were strolling and smoking it up on aforementioned street, we were hit with the scent of onion from a small eatery. "Bagelmania" said Krinst "Yes" I agreed We walked in and ordered, after much deliberation, a fucking onion. Choomsh choomsh Dounk Dounk. I ate the onion and it made me feel fat. “God damn Krind, that was a killer munch” “Do not look behind you” “What?” “DO NOT LOOK BEHIND YOU” I turned me head rapidly and was met by the open palm of Kurd’s massive ape hand. "Now this I can get into" he boomed, sending the onion rolling onto the ground, which then led Kirnsp to yodel like a little baby. "Get a load ae this, lads" his accent had turned from Seattle surfer to thick Glaswegian. "Dave and Krong oot fae a scran" "I don't understand, Kurt" I said "You ditch us for Clopney and you're angry that we're sharing an onion?" I shook my head. Kurt’s eyes blazed with fury “You fucking wee tramp. Here, I’ve goat a desert for you” His massive paw now reached over to the counter, where there was homemade shortbread, idly watching the proceedings. Koink swooped it over towards me and it danced off my bonce with an anger. I now held my head in my right hand, “You know, Kurt, you should really grow up and quit smoking that hash. Coontehl is having a real influence on you I can see." "She's goat the mind ae a fuckin chicken on ket lad ahaha, away ye go, am off tae nandos" he walked out, crouching for some reason. "Forget him, man" Krab said "lets get you a drink from one of these many bars on this street that one could call Glasgow's strip" I was exhausted from Kurt but I couldn't turn down a brewski, especially from a raging alcoholic like Kronk. "Firewater, that sounds interesting" he said. “This song is killer!” Me and Krab were up on the dance floor side stepping to Love Wet Toink us The Pond. Kreel had some ridiculous moves; he was going backwards with his legs opened in an arch whilst making crab faces with his fingers. You had to have been there. “We should head bsck for sound check” “One mair voddy and coke bois?” It was kurt. “Take a frickin hike dude. We just came in here for a brew, is all” “A know that, son. This round is mine” Kurt walked up to the jukebox and pushed his pinky into it, and began to twiddle around in there. He was controlling the box. All we could do was watch “Oi you cant be doing that man I’ll phone the police” the barman interference was met with a grunt from Kurt “Shut it ye pig rat cunt ye” The chords of a familiar song stunned the sweaty walls of firewater and an empty dance floor, bar me Krist and Kurt, and the doorman watching it all. It was Smokes like a Teenager --/-- We sat on the cold, wet pavement. You would've thought we'd have been the most popular dudes in the place--it was our song, after all. Turns out that pretending to be billy goats, headbutting things and quickly running sideways across tables while bleeting harshly is not what the Glaswegians enjoy. There was also nobody in there apart from the bar staff. We made our way further up Soppyball street to a place named 'Nice 'n' Sleazy'. "Woah, dude, it's like that friggin Stranglers song. I fuggin love them." Said a drunk Krump. We walked in to find only 4 bald men drinking Guinness. They glared up at us, which intimidated me and almost made me peepee. "Orite lads wits happnin" kurt said, sauntering up to the men we had thought were total strangers. “This is Gary, Gary, Gary and Garyyy . They’ll be giving us a lift to the venue” “Is the cab outside?” “We’re no getting a taxi ya pamphlet. We jump on their backs and they ride us there like battle Mules” “What about number 4?” “He just runs alongside” We were riding against the freezing cold rain. I wish I had my jumper. Krint was loving this because he had already drank a massive boot full of Absinthe We had arrived to a full parade of nirvana fans outside the union. Kurt violently pushed through the crowd, knocking the fans down like dominos. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry" I wailed. Krill handed them all a pint of beefeater, to which they all said, in unison, "may tolerance iss like faacked, I'm not even gunna feel thas, haaa" Krub just grunted nonchalantly and we entered the union. The set was fucking awful. I can admit when my drumming is off, but it was killer. It was Kurt who fucked it all up for us. (Kropz exactly didn't help either, he was so drunk that he played his bass like a double bass and was slapping his hand against his bald spot the whole time). Kurt was singing songs we had never heard. I was trying to harmonise but how I am I supposed to harmonise to "no ye canny shove yer granny off a bus" and something he said was called "the proclaimers". I was humiliated, and I missed my mole more than ever, for he was the only one who could understand my pain in these situations. There was only one other person who could help me. I walked into a small office in the union, picked up the phone and started dialling Boon's number. “Hiddow?” “Yo boon, it Dave, sup?” I began to hear this bizarre cracking and grunting from the other end. All of a sudden the phone I was holding gradually expanded and a dark hole was created. I looked inside it. It was my mole. He was on Boon’s back. She shook the electrical waves out of her hair and threw moley in the air. My heart stopped. I caught him carefully, like a little baby. “Ah, so you do still care” said Boon, as if her suspicions had been fulfilled at last “Of course I do” “How was the gig? You’re sweating bitch” “Awful. I done great. But Kurt was awful.” I could hear Kurt screaming at some people, they looked like students “I studied wanking at the university of porn hHhah” “Beat it creep!” Kurt had smoked our gig takings. He was handed them thinking they were papers. This was a disaster. But I had my family back, and I was out.

0 notes