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adviceforwlw · 7 years

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hi! i'm 16 n used to id as bi but i worked through a lot of comp het and i'm still not happy/proud about my identity but i think i'm a lesbian. i've only ever met one lesbian irl and she's so much older than me, and all the ones i've seen on tv are just so?? ugly??? like they're never the pretty girl or the girl with lots of friends or anything like that. i'm just scared no one will love me.

Hey! So I kinda get where you’re coming from. You’re worried that no one will love you. But I don’t agree with what you’re saying.

‘Ugly’ is a social construct. And yes, the media will paint lesbians as ugly, man-hating, jerks. We don’t get a lot of happy endings the movies or tv shows - even ones made by and marketed at LGBT people. So yeah - you’re gonna be shown the shittiest, ugliest, villainous, and/or evil characters as lesbians. Its Lesbophobia 101. The world hates us, whats new?

But lets talk about some of those ‘ugly’ lesbians, shall we?

Even in conservative areas people know her. She’s been out and proud since 1997. Ellen DeGeneres. The first lesbian most people hear about. I mean, as an 18 year old who is interested in more feminine girls near my age - I don’t find her attractive at all. And if you just google ‘ellen degeneres ugly’ you’ll see a lot of people think she’s ugly. And you can stop there if you want. You can move on and continue your search for lesbians who are worthy in your eyes. Or you can take a glance at her wikipedia page. Nominated for 45 Daytime Emmy awards, Elen DeGeneres has won 29. Shes been nominated for 3 Golden Globe awards and 2 Grammys. She has 20 People’s Choice Awards. And that’s not all. She was named Special envoy for Global AIDs awareness. She advocates for a Transcendental Meditation program to reach at-risk populations prone to high-stress and anxiety. She has been married to her wife Portia since 2008 and has given many lesbians (and other wlw) a wonderful example of a loving marriage.

Or we could talk about Rachel Maddow. The first known lesbian to host a major prime-time news program in the US. Certainly not conforming to societies beauty standards. She has a PhD in Political Science. Regardless of whether or not you agree with her politically, you cannot disagree with how successful shes been. She has an Emmy Award and received a Proclamation of Honor for the California State Senate. She has been vocal about her personal struggle with clinical depression.

Or Wanda Sykes, Cynthia Nixon, or the so many other older openly lesbian icons who have been openly themselves in the media.

Or what about some younger people? Easier to relate to right?

Maybe Ellen Page? Who came out in 2014 and has since then advocated for visibility and acceptance of LGBT individuals.

Maybe Jessica Clark? She’s openly lesbian and a successful model for names such as Vogue and Marie Claire.

Or lesbians in our movies and tv shows?

As for as mainstream pretty goes - Emily Fields (played by Shay Mitchell) is an openly lesbian character on Pretty Little Liars and is very attractive. She also plays a ‘normal’ teenager (until ya know - the serial stalker ‘A’ destroys her and her clique’s lives).

There’s also Santana Lopez (played by Naya Rivera) from Glee who gets her happy ending and marries her best friend and girlfriend on the show.

There are so many people I didn’t include because I know this was getting a bit lengthy, but I wanted to make a point.

There is a lot of beauty and success in lesbian culture. We don’t all look one way, or act one way. We can be happy and loved no matter how we appear. It seems like you’re struggling a lot with internalized lesbophobia (and misogyny for that matter - basing a woman’s worthiness of love on her appearance). My advice - learn to love the word lesbian, stop cringing every time its said. Follow a bunch of lesbian blogs (not just positivity blogs - just those cheesy blogs that post pictures of cute lesbian couples). Watch lesbian youtubers you think are pretty or funny or both (I recommend Rose and Rosie, Amy Ordman, and Ally Hills - you’ll see a lot of happy lesbians there and Rose and Rosie actually helped me when I was struggling with internalized lesbophobia). Immerse yourself in lesbian culture. Interact with us. Talk to us. Be our friend. Then tell us if you think being a lesbian is an ugly thing.

- Mod Abby

#mod abby #internalized lesbophobia #lesbian culture #lesbian role models #Anonymous

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annashipper · 7 years

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Sojourner Anon Submission

I’m in a similar situation to the Confused Anon - I’ve known about Benedict Cumberbatch since 2007 (Atonement), and had seen him in a bunch of stuff over the years prior to Sherlock, but wasn’t impressed enough with his acting to take an interest in him until Doctor Strange and TLD (it helped that he was smoking hot in both of these - scruff really does wonders for his face). Naturally my first course of action was to go on a bender through Tumblr for a couple of months, which is how I wound up on skeptic blogs. I’d seen pictures of Benedict with his wife in the past (mostly from the 2015 awards season) and I was aware that there existed a faction of fans that didn’t like her - mostly because of something that had happened to a friend of mine about two years ago.

I don’t wanna go into too many details, since I don’t want to expose her to more hate, so I’ll keep it simple: she’s a huge Benedict fan, not a UK resident but got to stay there for a while back in 2015, during which time she saw Sophie and the baby at some kind of event she (my friend, that is) attended - something that got her torn apart by the skeptics. Now, I’ve known this woman for ages. I’ll grant you that she’s a nanny, but most of her friends are, at best, very casual fans. She’s not a BNF, nor an attention-seeker or a consummate liar, so I find it truly hard to believe she’d make up something like that. There was literally nothing for her to be gained by saying she’d seen Benedict’s wife and baby (I doubt she’s on his PR’s payroll, considering she’s not someone followed by a ton of fans or anything remotely close).

I’ve seen the uncensored pap pics where you can see the face of the child being carried. His resemblance to Benedict is almost uncanny, which is saying something because Benedict doesn’t exactly have a very common face. If they really did hire someone, they did one hell of a job finding a kid who looked like the biological son of both parents.

Furthermore, I agree with what Confused Anon had to say. It’s one thing to get your friends and family to cover for you, but this is a man who’s constantly surrounded by virtual strangers that don’t owe him shit. There’s nothing stopping them from going to the press, and yet not even CDAN will publish a blind contending Benedict’s children are a lie (when it had no problems publishing such things about other celebs).

And what happens down the line, if he did create a fake family? They’re too young right now, but in a few years Benedict’s gonna be expected to discuss funny anecdotes about his children on talk shows - like that cute gifset you recently shared, with all the Marvel actors saying how their kids were embarrassed by them. You can bet your ass someone’s gonna ask Benedict what his sons think about him being Doctor Strange, and people will wonder why he’s not bringing them on set like other Marvel actors… and later, he’ll have to start regularly showing up in public with them, or gossip rags are gonna wonder aloud how come he never brings his children to any public events, like others do with theirs.

I don’t pretend to know what spurred this relationship, although I do have a theory that he panicked as he was nearing 40 with no kids and just jumped at the first opportunity to be a father, maybe hoping he’d learn to love Sophie along the way. Sadly, I’ve met couples like that IRL… but I digress. Whatever the real reason, it can’t have involved a fake pregnancy, or he would’ve said “not mine” a long time ago and jumped ship. At this point, that kind of admission would destroy his public image and career for a very long time, possibly even for good, so unless Benedict is EXTREMELY stupid - and he doesn’t come off that way to me - there’d have to be at least one child.

And yes, I’ve seen the photo collages of her pregnancy. I too have been pregnant and given birth, but unlike the rest of your mom anons, I don’t think that makes me an authority on either pregnancies or babies. No self-respecting medical professional would opine on a stranger’s pregnancy by just looking at photos, and neither should laymen who only have anecdotal evidence at their disposal. In other words, sorry, but drawing outlines on pictures isn’t how gynecologists determine pregnancy.

I’ve seen how you react to people who disagree with you, so I just wanted to say upfront that I’m not really expecting a serious answer beyond a sarcastic gif or sending me to those archives that don’t actually answer anything. My infatuation with Benedict has already begun to subside (I mean, it’s been almost six months, there’s only so long I can fangirl). I had five minutes to burn on my daily commute and that Confused Anon was something of a catalyst, so I dropped you a line. Have a great day, Anna, I hope both you and Benedict find happiness in your lives. (Please accept my apologies if this comes out too long, incoherent or misspelled; English isn’t my first or even second language).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hi Sojourner Anon!

First off, since you’ve seen how I react to people who disagree with me, you probably already know enough to expect a serious answer from me when you’re being as cordial as you have been. I reserve sarcasm and snark for the obviously baity Anons who’re just looking for trouble.

Anyway, as your submission has indeed come out a bit long, I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible and simply address the points you’re making in the order that you made them:

Regarding your friend and her being torn apart by Skeptics, I don’t expect you to be aware of this since you’ve only just recently discovered the Skeptical community for yourself, but we have a long standing rule about sightings. They have to make sense (to at least be taken seriously) and they have to come with photographic evidence attached (to be believed and included in confirmed sightings). As I don’t know what your friend saw and where, it is impossible for me to argue whether what she saw was legitimate or not. The one sighting of Weirdo and Pilo at an event I can remember, is the one where Weirdo supposedly took (a very young) Pilo (at the time) to an Ian Mc Kellen reading, and that’s simply because there was a lot of back and forth about it being legit. Skeptics who are much more social media savvy than I am and have far higher powers of Google Fu than I do were able to find multiple pictures from the inside of the venue and ... guess what: No matter how many brunette women the Nans pointed to as being Weirdo, it turned out she wasn’t in the audience. If this is not the sighting you’re alluding to, I would be more than happy to discuss this with you privately in case you’re inclined to provide me with more details.

On the matter of your friend being torn apart by Skeptics, let me also add that I personally have never ventured outside of Tumblr for any reason whatsoever and have made it a point to try to deter my fellow Skeptics from doing so as well. For the record, all real Skeptics know how to stay in our lane. The ones who don’t are not considered real Skeptics (and yes, there are a number of trolls who have infiltrated the community since the beginning of this showmance and are posing as Skeptics just to make us look bad).

I’ve seen the unblurred pics of Rent-A-Pilo’s face too. At first I had the same reaction as you did. I thought Rent-A-Pilo looked remarkably similar to Ben and went on record saying so (on a post which I haven’t deleted, because I don’t delete posts). Here is the LINK. Notice how even immediately after seeing Rent-A-Pilo’s face for the first time and posting under shock I still didn’t believe Weirdo had gestated a real human baby? I still don’t.

Seeing how the pillows are only ever mentioned / trotted out when Daddy needs to sell a new project or Mommy throws a tantrum to get a new pap walk, I don’t believe they’re surrogate children either. I just think they’re imaginary. It goes hand in hand with the fact that Ben knows next to nothing about babies. 2 hour skyping sessions with a 5 month old, filthy props from a movie set being used as teethers by a 10 month old and babies eating sliced apples are only some of the things Ben doesn’t seem to understand are not the norm for children of Pilo’s age. I won’t even mention the lack of bathtime.

I don’t think Ben is extremely stupid. I think Ben is extremely desperate not to come off as a man who faked a relationship / engagement / wedding / pregnancy / fatherhood for an Oscar he didn’t even come close to winning because he simply chose an unstable famewhore to play the part of his red carpet girlfriend.

I have to say I’m disappointed you don’t see fit to counter any of the arguments we pose via the bump comparisons you mentioned seeing as you’ve obviously studied them. I have been posting / reblogging / arguing using these bump comparisons as evidence that Weirdo faked the first pregnancy for the better part of the past two years and not a single Anon has ever offered a convincing counter-argument regarding how ridiculous Weirdo looked with a bump that kept inflating / deflating / changing shapes / inflating again / folding over / disappearing altogether / inflating again / staying the same size during the last trimester of that weird pregnancy. I would really like to hear your thoughts on that if you feel inclined to have a mature back and forth about it. Be forewarned: arguments such as “I can’t accept anyone would be crazy enough to fake a pregnancy like that while being papped left and right” and anecdotal evidence such as “my sister’s friend’s mother’s cousin’s (twice removed) never developed breasts / never got swollen ankles / belly kept deflating / bellybutton kept popping out and in and out again, etc” won’t be taken seriously. For obvious reasons.

I hope the above answers some of your questions about my take on this showmance and I apologise for getting a bit snarky regarding the pregnancy that never was on my last paragraph, but faking that pregnancy is a very sensitive subject for me personally.

I have a couple of very close friends who have been trying to conceive and I know how taxing it’s been on them. Let’s just say a famewhore faking a pregnancy just to establish herself in the public eye rubs me the wrong way.

It’s why I keep coming back to the first pregnancy (which we got to document through numerous pap walks unlike the second one), it’s why I’ll keep calling Weirdo ... weirdo and it’s why I intend on remaining an active Skeptic for the foreseeable future.

Apologies to everyone reading this blog as I think my answer to Sojourner Anon may actually be longer than her submission was. What can I say? I’m a rambler...

#sojourner anon #submission

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