#Loki: do you WANT to update your criminal record bc there are better ways to do it.

[worstloki]

following the theory that loki intentionally banded the avengers together so he could sicc them on thanos later, after he took the throne in T:TDW, i think he'd be so angry at the events of civil war like:

loki as odin: hello heimdall, how do earth's mightiest heroes fare as of late?

heimdall: they have disagreed on many subjects and split up two days ago

loki:

heimdall:

loki: they haVE WHAT?

cue loki coming down to earth and bonking everyone's heads together until they all get along again

stark: how the heck are you alive???

loki: skills. listen here, i did not pour my blood, sweat and tears to form this team for you idiots to throw all my hard work out the window!

loki, grabbing rhodes and stark by the wrists: now, we are going to get your little friends out of prison, understood?

like an exasperated kindergarten teacher, y'know?

Loki, hitting Steve over the head with a newspaper: he's your friend, of course he's upset you lied to him about something like this

Tony: hah!

Loki, giving Tony a death glare: did you have to fight each other about it

#Loki should lecture them on morals good sportsmanship lying loyalty and self sabotage #Loki @ Scott like 'and what are you here for??' #and Scott is like awh he doesn't know me. uncool. #Loki: I just don't see why you're risking your right to see your daughter over some skirmish you have no business with #Scott: uhm #Loki: do you WANT to update your criminal record bc there are better ways to do it. #Scott: -__- #Loki: ways that don't involve parasocial relationships and blind loyalty to some national icon you had never ?? met in person before???? #Scott: I just wanted to be included #Loki: eat the rich when it doesn't involve damage to public resources next time #Bucky: hi #Loki: i have no notes #Peter: 0-0 #Loki turning back to Tony: and the CHILD--