#It's taken so many tears

[life-of-a-nervous-wreck]

I think I'm finally letting myself move on, and I hope I'll eventually be happy.

#It's taken so many tears #But the person has come back into my life and I'm realising I don't need them any more #I'll always love them because they were the most important person in my life for such a long time #But I can't keep this up anymore #I think I just need to find a way to say a proper goodbye and then maybe finally I can get some fucking closure #10/07/2023

[twilight-deviant]

Telling content creators it's wrong to explore artistic freedom and be independently funded by fans, and they should instead continue taking advertisement revenue from google* is

NOT

the anti-capitalism stance actually.

*(Yes, google owns youtube.)

#Watcher #This post is specifically and exclusively about the people who seem to have the capitalism bit wrong #It's almost fascinating how no one is hearing themselves speak #I feel like some of you don't understand WHY we support small businesses and are anti-monopoly #I've seen multiple posts saying “Shane is so anti-capitalism there's no way this was his idea.” #So... you think it's pro-capitalism to start your own business instead of relying on pennies from the exploitative mega-corporation? #Guys... we support small businesses KNOWING it will cost the consumer more #Stop thinking you're entitled to someone's product #That's what got us in this mess #I understand $6 is a lot for many many people but that is what makes certain things a luxury #Nothing used to be this way #Nothing used to be “free” so you can be monitored for your viewing habits and sold to advertisers #If you see a little guy trying to leave youtube/google and you paint them as the capitalist??? You. have. taken. a. wrong. turn. #I don't know how many more ways I can say it #It is better to support someone (if you can) than to pressure them into taking money from the trillion-dollar corporation #so that you can have what they put all their blood/sweat/tears into for free #If you want something badly enough you're going to have to pay for it #Them's the breaks #If you don't want it that badly then maybe it didn't mean enough to you personally #Thinking otherwise is how corporations like youtube take over and squeeze out small competitors #btw on monopolies: having almost every single video content creator (outside of tiktoks and video game streams) on youtube is BAD #You understand that's bad yes? #How tf are we going to diversify unless SOME CREATORS leave youtube??? #It's almost the responsibility of larger creators to do so #Ironically what I said is backwards #In its ideal state‚ capitalism is supposed to inspire innovation and new business‚ giving every person a chance to succeed #But I think we all know that's not the reality we're experiencing #I just went with what everyone means when they say it

[averlym]

"one day, i cut him an apple. when he saw it, he laughed" (click for better resolution!) ,,, tag from @elliotly

#ambrose wellington bassford #vincent aurelius lin #adamandi #whkjfhgdg i feel a tad audacious directly tagging a creator. but the tags left under the last bea post... i have a lot of thoughts #here is the brainrot very specific to the musical and the cut fruit thing uM here you go <posts. disappears.> #the quotes are all taken directly from the yt captions!! there are so many parallels here let me just. vaguely analyse everything #labelled like a sci diagram of sorts because vincent (and i have a soft spot for science/visual art kids like me) #also dark academia so fig. 1 and footnotes and the slight yellowing paper texture #i guess i'll tackle the symbols then the quotes? for the poses i looked btwn the two vincent monologues/interactions w ambrose! #<i've tried to draw the actors as best as i could. but i suppose the characters being recognisable is enough??? hhh> #this is of course about the apple cutting so the apple unravels in the bg: the smooth skin of the apple on ambrose's half in painted blende #and the rougher charcoal peeled apple on vincent's side. because different art styles and textures favoured parallel the apple so bad #footnote 2: artistic sensibilities differ referring to the art styles and also preferences. but also visually the apple skin tears - broken #footnote 1: more about texture; ambrose and ceramics and perfection.. waxy apple skin without any imperfections #apollo bust is also there! can i also say the lyric''contrapposto confidence'' made me laugh a bit too hard. art student inside joke i gues #footnote 3: about the biological drawings from dissections. but also the flesh of the apple and dissections. and how i hc? vincent would #similarly dissect his relationship with ambrose to process.. i mean he does keep writing stuff about people.. #fig.1: direct reference to scene // it's looking like a speech bubble but if you see it as diagrammatic then it also points to the markings #on his face. the organic imperfections is what i am saying #fig. 2: technically also about the apple (all the main black boxes are apple quotes) but also linked to the chisel ambrose is holding.. #like.. don't enjoy flesh and skin? turn into?? marble?? :OOO. sdafgfjhkl // fig. 3: technically also the apple. but also vincent @ skask #also visual parallels: ambrose holding chisel!! vincent holding scalpel!! classics and bio... alright i will stop here ksdjf #it is also worth to bring up perhaps that in asian households such as mine there's the whole cutting fruit as intimacy and love #(oh and in true me fashion to make a bad pun.. fruity behaviour...possibly...) #like it's such an obvious symbol i know someone who is directly referencing it for their school artwork yknow? so like as a sneaky represen #that part really got me. went a little bonkers (screamed silently in the train when i first saw it.) even before any Implications set in #then the whole asking their mother and she telling him ''it's cleaner'' then ''why would i feed you something bitter?'' my parents at me fr #hjadsfgshj ok enough enough thank you for reading to the bottom and partaking in my nonsense. mortifying ordeal of being known.

[spaceratprodigy]

messy sketch but. them. :)

@hibernationsuit — 💕💖💕💖🥺💖💕💖💕

HELLOOO??? I AM SQUEALING!! LOOK AT THEM!!!! I am on the floor sobbing rn hello my friend I love you with my whole heart!!!!!!!!

#EVERYONE IS LEGALLY REQUIRED TO LOOK AT THIS #HOW DO I WORDS I HAVE NO WORDS #I am beaming so many heart and sparkle emojis directly into your mind rn like hello!!!! #you made this FOR MEEE???? #sobbing what did I do to deserve this kindness ily ilysm thank you I am going to stare at this literally all day long #holding them so gently in my hands looking at them w tear filled eyes #words are hard but know I literally have the biggest cheesiest grin ever on my face rn I'm so surprised and delighted!!!!!!! #I love them I love them sm!! look at them!!!!!!! hello!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #you are literally such a treasure this has brightened my day so much I'm so serious ohmygosh thank you fr I'm so aaaaaaaaaaa #THEY'RE JUST SO CUUUUUTE #PICTURES TAKEN MOMENTS BEFORE A DIVINE FEAST #looking so respectfully #I'm incapable of shutting up rn I am truly incapable I can never stop screaming abt this this is my favorite thing ever rn #ur so good to me how do I ever thank you enough for being so lovely and wonderful every day???? #blowing you so many kisses rn so so much love to you so so much goodness to you now and always #okay okay I need to stop writing tags but the love in my heart is ongoing rn I am in SHAMBLES!!!!! #friend art #faith and max #captain of the unreliable #literally on my hands and knees rn #banging my fists on the table #I'M IN LOVE IMMMM IMMMM (getting restrained and pulled away so I stop screaming my heart out)

[tarnishedxknight]

Caelen, isn't it weird being friends with someone who's killed other Dalmascans? How do you know Gylfie won't turn on you in the name of the Empire?

@disillusionedjudge

"And I have killed Archadians. It does not make either of us right, but it does make us equals, in that we have both, at some point in our lives, been a part of the war machine. That system of engaging in "Othering" and calling it victory. That set of blinders that you put on so that you can fulfill duty to country, king, or emperor without sacrificing too much of your conscience. I can no more condemn Ynarra for killing Dalmascans than I can exonerate myself of killing Archadians. War is a terrible, terrible thing, and it affects and changes all it touches. I am more saddened and disheartened by that than I am angry or affronted."

Caelen thought for a long while about how to answer the second question, for the answer was not one easily reached. "I do not know she'll not turn me in," he finally answered. "The question is... under what circumstances and in what context would she do so. That is very important. Let me tell you a little story..."

"I had a mentor in childhood and through my young adult life. One I greatly valued. One I could tell anything to, even more so than to my father or my siblings. One day, after he had returned from the war front, I said to him that I had only ever known him to be warm and kind to me, and that I knew that was no farce. And yet, I had heard stories of what he'd done in battle, and could not reconcile the two in my mind. How can both exist within a man I had never known to be duplicitous in any way? He replied to me that, 'War... has its own set of unspoken understandings... and soldiers, their rules of engagement'," Caelen said, thinking back and remembering the words. "'When I am at home, I am myself, as I am free to be. When I am on a battlefield, I am a soldier. That compartmentalization is something that must take place if one wishes to protect their heart from the savagery of what war entails.'

"I told him that I was not certain I could do that, that I might not be able to separate my heart from what I was being ordered to do. He said to me, 'It takes practice, but also desire.' I responded, disgusted, 'How can anyone desire to kill or to further the cause of war?' He replied, 'To protect. To shield. So that others will not have to. And in hope of one day seeing peace emerge out of all that suffering.'"

Caelen paused again, and though his expression didn't change much, his eyes welled up with tears. When he spoke again, his voice quivered. "I told him I was scared... that I couldn't stomach killing, even in furtherance of that eventual peace. That it evoked in me such a twisting feeling as to feel as though my very soul was attempting to flee the horror my body had wrought on others. And..." Another pause, his eyes unfocused, remembering the conversation. "...I did not understand at the time what he meant when he said what he did, not fully, or why he looked so sad when he said it, but his response to me was, 'Then you are someone I ought to be fighting for, and not beside.'" Finally, a smile. He paused to wipe his tears that were beginning to trickle down his cheeks. "He knew me better than I knew myself, even then," he said, chuckling.

My point in telling that story is that I can look past what one does as a soldier if I believe that they do it for the right reasons. I can separate the soldier from the friend in Ynarra. And if she ever decided to turn me in, I know it would be the soldier doing so, not my friend. I know it would be in fulfillment of orders, or because she was following her heart with regard to protecting her sovereign nation. I know her heart is in the right place, and I would bear her no ill will if she thought my apprehension would help, protect, shield... anything my mentor mentioned to me that day we spoke. When we are soldiers, there are different rules, and I respect that. I know my friend would never expose me, and I forgive the soldier if she someday must."

#disillusionedjudge #oc muse: caelen #{the mentor was basch in case anyone was wondering} #{also yes hello i did tear up as i was writing this heh} #{basch has no idea how much he influenced caelen} #{or how much caelen was actually paying attention and taking to heart so many things that he said to him} #{i'm realizing more and more as i continue to develop caelen that he's a lot like basch in temperament} #{and values too i guess} #{there are definite differences between them} #{but i can also see where he's been influenced by basch} #{and where he's taken basch's guidance and grown as a person} #{and i love that <3}

[blazingblorbos]

Chat, I might cry

#I think this is sincerely one of the greatest moments of my life #ever since Da Capo released I've been paying rather close attention to tracks that Ziyu Che has had a part in #and I'm incredibly proud to say that many of those tracks are naturally some of my favorites #Ziyu Che's presence in Hoyoverse's music has been something I've come to absolutely cherish #she's such a talented musician and genius composer #and everything I've heard from her has just touched my heart so dearly #(I go crazy over this woman it's a problem </3) #so. #to watch the 4.7 livestream (after I forgot to wake up early for it lmao) and hear what I KNEW . #WHAT I FUCKING KNEW from the first 5 words #was Aimer's voice...? #I sincerely feel that if Death came for me right now I'd be ready to go. #I'm pretty sure Ziyu Che herself is doing the backup vocals alongside Aimer #and it's just beautiful. #it hasn't happened yet; but I think one day I WILL listen to this song and it will bring me to tears #and I'm looking forward to it #I love women <3 so much #blazingtextpost #blazingshitpost #blazingshitpost genshin edition #genshin #genshin impact #The Road Not Taken #Genshin The Road Not Taken #HOYO-MiX #Ziyu Che #Aimer #Youtube

[bigothteddies]

also just. again a friendly reminder that I am a person and I do not pretend to be perfect. I have made mistakes I have mutuals that have blocked me I’ve hurt my friends feelings I have regrets about my relationships and interactions with people. I’m sure there’s people that are upset with who I am and how I interact with people on here. I’m not a priest standing on the street corner yelling that everyone else is a sinner. I am not a perfect person I am not trying to get Good Guy™️ points these things just fucking bother me

#unimportant thoughts #like improving myself is a very big deal to me ever since I realized how horrible of a person I had become when I was 16 #and I try. i dont always succeed but I try. #and thats importsnt to me #and to see these people that just! personify so many issues i had with myself when i was a teenager #but taken to the next level since they never saw the issues with their actions #just kept building and building into these habits until they became abusers and manipulators and worse #its frustrating #be better just be fucking better #recognize the harm you cause recognize your habits and try to fix them #the people around you do not deserve the pain you cause them ! #anyways yeah i just hate these people #im not trying to put myself above them as more worthy of tumblr attention or tear people down just cause im jealous or whatever #its frustrating to me when people canr see the harm and impact of their own actions #or do and refuse to do anything meaningful about it

[lestatlioncunt]

what if violante talked gale out of the whole ascension to godhood thing. and what if she died at the end of it all. and what if gale, crushed by the insurmountable grief, decided to use the crown. and what if he brought her back from the lands of deads. and what if violante is insanely angered with him for that but also fond of that feeling that brought him to defile the laws of nature. and what if she's forever bound to him now, and she hates him but she loves him and it's going to be eternal

#rena.txt #like it's no necromancy but it is. like it's the higher step. i mean he doesn't want a zombie he wants her back as she was it's not enough #he needs more power and he can't accept that she's leaving him behind. it's like a part of me died with you but we're also alive but we wil #never be the same #like violante has been s*icidal for her whole life i think. especially in the last years. before gettig snatched by mindflayers she was #ready to tear herself apart but death got whisked away from her hands again. and when it actually happens? and finally she can find the #rest she wanted oh so badly it gets taken away from her again for his selfishness. like. the layers bro..perhaps.......... #AND IMAGINE his resentment when he gets called 'selfish'. like. i did all of this for you and you call me selfish? the hatred the betrayal #the horror and the love. and in the end it doesn't matter he thinks. it will pass she will see reason. they have eternity for forgiveness. #idk if i'm making any sense today i have so many thoughts #AND LIKE. it's not real life anyway. she's a walking corpse. smth IS wrong with her. and this second life is nothing but pain. she doesn't #eat bc she doesn't need it and everything tastes rotten anyway and she's cold. perpetually cold and she can feel it and there's not even a #beating heart in her chest..THE HORRORS........... #the god won't let me die / i'm god matching couple shirt they could get....AKFJSLFJSFKSK

[moonbinu]

.

#my binnie i'm so sorry i'm trying to be strong but my heart is hurting so much i don't know how to get through another day without you #i broke down so many times and the tears won't stop falling i cry myself to sleep and i wake up crying #i want to say so many things but i break down crying as soon as i start writing #i just can't.. because if i do it becomes real and i can't let you go #you're my everything my entire universe how do i go on without you #god please bring our binnie back to us #why was he taken away from us so soon

[dirt-str1der]

y5 kiryu literally looks so fucking miserable that he looks like hes getting bullied in this scene but no the guy is just arbitrarily laughing at whatever he looks at because hes very drunk

#Yakuza loveblog #this is it !! this is the i nearly cut these sideburns off once .. .talk about a close shave #and it was so lame that it sobered him up instantly .. like god ... #i am so sorry for the quality this was taken from somewhere else #but look at how red and swollen his eyes are ... poor thing ...... #keeping him in my house but the bed i give him is too small so he has to curl up and contort himself to fit on it or just use it as a pillow #i put a blanket over him while hes asleep and he grunts and rolls over and promptly traps it under himself while remaining uncovered #waking him up by petting his hair and kissing his sweet face and i tell him dont cry .. dont cry .. its okay :) and give him so many kisses #and he tries to say that hes not crying but when he reaches up to touch his face its stikcy with tears

[damerondala]

can’t watch bad batch until later tonight BUT i hope you will all feel my vibrations of excitement in spirit

#i am so mad i have responsibilities i have to do before i can watch #i should’ve taken the day off work lmfao #i will cry real tears when i hear my sweet baby boy’s voice yell about how he wants to blow shit up 🫶🏻 #bad batch #i can’t believe it’s here??? #there have been so many delays it feels like we’re gonna get punk’d when we try to all watch it

[mxdotpng]

though i don't think it's right to say the party didn't like luke before he changed. there are a lot of times where its obvious they do have some sort of attachment to him even if its obscured by how annoyed and/or frustrated he makes them. like when luke went back to baticul for the first time and everyone was trying to cheer him up and go sightseeing together, or when they were worried about him during their trip to choral castle. they were rightfully biased, as they saw the forefront of his behavior, but if they hadn't liked him at all they wouldn't have agreed to travel with him again, nor would their feelings after akzeriuth be so personal.

#.text #tales of the abyss #its fun bc their relation to him in like every scenario is Personal. #jade and guy is obvious. jade being the one to create replica's at all and feeling responsible and even guilty for many things #regarding luke. and guy being someone who raised luke. he had a lot of responsibility there too but i also believe he just #loved luke enough to the point that no matter what happened he would always be there to help. and wish for luke's safety. #tear feels partially responsible for them having been taken to malkuth and in turn for a lot of things that happened after #even if it wasnt entirely her fault. and seeing how luke was manipulated by van was probably personal to her too. #ion is self explanatory too i think. theyre both replicas and their feelings on the matter are very similar. ion was #also the first to actually See luke for what he was. and though i think anise was sticking around luke specifically for selfish reasons #at first i think his situation - the guilt. the betrayal. and the responsibility - all felt personal to her too. #natalia is similar i think. she feels partially responsible for how luke turned out as well as how she treated him #even if he wasnt the nicest back. #i also think their feelings on akzeriuth changed a lot over time - starting at their deep anger where they probably thought #we were there. we could have stopped it and we could have stopped HIM. #to something else. the anger is still there and it probably always will be but its kind of easy to notice how they became #a lot less completely brutal about it as time went on. they probably realized on their own why everything really happened #the anger will always be justified but its clear they all feel a little guilty about it. some more than others #though the 'more' in that sense is a lot Less justified but thats more because nobody in this cast #is mentally okay. so thats neither here nor there.

[cowboylikemaybelle]

ever since I discovered I could name plants after sonic characters I’ve just been goin bonkers buying them. like I just saw a lil pathos for sale and went “oh hell yeah that’s silver” and bought him. man😭😭

#this post is brought to you by: babble the baby tears blaze the monstera whisper the red log plant tangle the rabbit foot fern #silver the satin pathos and tails the mini umbrella tree #THEYRE TAKING UP MY TRINKET MONEY #I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING PLANTS #also they are very well taken care of don’t worry y’all #babble and whisper have grown SO MUCH😭😭💔

[graciecatfamilyband]

.

#officially in that place where i burst into tears over nothing and everything #i am so tired of being disabled and pretending to be well #and i am so angry for everything (and everyone) my disability has taken from me #and yet i know i am so grateful for so many things too #*sobs*

[kalijhomentethi]

KIRIKOOO

#THAT CINEMATIC GAVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS #I WAS LIKE AWW CUTE #THEN GOOSEBUMPS #THEN TEARS AHDJABDOAF #IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL #THE TORI GATES AND THE GLOW AND THE NO SHIT TAKEN ATTITUDE 👏👏👏 #i literally installed o2 immediately after that #i tried o2 earlier #dioxygen i mean ow 2 nodnod #it so chaotic tho LOL as someone coming from valorant; it gave me whiplash #lucio gud! ana and tracer fun! BUT KIRIKOOOO #i love her #shes sashimi akali but ow #mun

[kingrove-a]

      so yeah remember when i said the hobbit was billys favorite book? yeah thats because it was his mothers favorite book before that and she used to read it to him all the time before she left him. he still has her worn down copy tucked away in his room and it´s one of his most important possessions together with the camaro and the saint christopher necklace he wears all the time. 

#headcanon // #// he´s been on the verge of tearing it apart and throwing it away so many times #but he´s also taken it out and read it over and over again on really bad days JUST as many times #though he hasn´t really touched it ever since leaving california #he´s not sure whether he could stomach reading it now - so he ignores it for the most part #i do think that he´d pick it up some time after season 3 though - once he´s starting to heal a little #just imagining him being stuck in bed even after being discharged from the hospital - and for the first time in like...two years he digs #out the dusty; worn out book - the paper cover from it long gone ;; and just reading that first sentence #in a hole in the ground; there lived a hobbit.....