#It was so weird to think about the fact that I’m such a Lincoln girlie tho | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

popculturebuffet · 3 years

Text

The Loud House Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Back in Black and Stage Plight) or My My My Once Bitten Twice Shy

What is up my Loudites? And while I am returning to the Loud House I do have some sad news to get out of the way first.. i’m ending regular coverage of the Loud House. I don’t like doing this.. but when I picked up the show, I didn’t really have a set schedule.. and that was a bad thing as I didn’t get nearly everything I wanted done. Now I have one and honestly it’s been great: it allows me to stay focused and if I end up not feeling what I was going to do that day, provided it’s not a comission or specfically needed that day, I can swap things around a bit easier.

The reason I bring this up is Nick’s way of scheduling means I CAN’T reasonably put the show on the schedule. They often don’t announce airdates until the wee before, which isn’t a bad thing WATCHING, and isn’t unresonable for a children’s network. But for someone who likes to have a concrete schedule at the top of the month, still flexable and able to make changes if they come up but at least some idea of what i’ll be doing and when, that’s a non-starter, as not knowing when a show’s going to be there or not really messes with things. In contrast Disney puts up their entire programming schedule for next month towards the end, so I know if a show’s coming back, and thus that it’ll probably be around for next month’s too. And if it goes away a week earlier than expected then super I have that space for other sttuff. But I just have too much other stuff, paid and on my own time, to keep friday’s open in perpetuity.

I will however still reviewing the show infrequently as I still love it, Season 5 will probably have plenty of episodes I want to talk about, already it has Leni running for mayor which sounds like one of my wonky spinoff ideas and I love it all the more for that, and ther’es tons of episodes I have and haven’t seen to dig into. So like Lori I won’t be in the house on a daily basis but i’m still going to show up a lot. I already have an April Fools special planned, as well as a retrospective ready for some time in the future. And of course if more Sam and Luna episodes show up, you know i’ll be on those as fast as humanly possible so yeah not leaving the show.. just not coveirng it because I like having some control of my schedule, it’s a thing with me.

Good then we can get to why your ACTUALLY reading this unless you’ve already scrolled past or scrolled up to this. Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and so to continue Valnetine’s Shenanigans on this fine blog, i’m doing some romantic style episodes of the loud hosue for you. I did intend for this to be bigger, but frankly i’ve been running behind on reviews and running out of steam lately, so I paired it down to the two I wanted to do most. So for today we’ll be covering two of the show’s couples: One they badly need to bring back and I question why they haven’t, and one that I feel has gotten a lot of flack for things that aren’t it’s fault. Both are really adorable so expect some awkward blushing, bats, blood, and other stuff rhyming with B under the cut!

Back in Black: So we begin our double feature with Lucy

Yeah I have not covered this adorable harbinger of death enough on this blog, and intended to do this one, among other lucycentric episodes back in october.. and the fact I didn’t is a good argument for why I have a schedule now ain’t it? But sometimes your plans not panning out right at the exact time you planned them works out for you. Not getting to do Plan 9 From Mission Hill during Pride Month meant I got to do it on comission later. And not getting to do this one at Halloween means it still works fine just fine for valentine’s day.

So we begin the episode with Lincoln working on his science project, with Rusty coming over to help.

Shockingly though not only is he not just taking a nap or hitting on Lincon’s sisters while Lincoln works but actually helping, he’s actually good at it. I’m as suprsied as you. Though this is early in his characterization, so he hasn’t’nt been established as horribly sucking at everything or his friends being done with his bullshit QUITE yet. Give him time. This is an interesting moment in the character’s history though, as it’s the episode that firmly establishes him as a close friend of Lincolns. While he was already turned from a member of a random violence gang to LIncoln’s buddy in the span of season 1, this episode cements him as one of his closer pals simply by him coming over and the two being fairly familiar with one another. Granted by that same token Girl Jordan should be in the group.. and I have nothing to add to that. Add Girl Jordan to the Lincrew. Just do it.

Anyways Rusty brought his brother along. And you’d expect me to be terrified as there’s now three of them. But.. nope I like Rocky. He’s a chill kid and his personality goes together well with Lucy’s as while he’s a more typical kid, he’s still very subdued in his emotions like she is. Also he mentions both parents so my divorce theory.. is honestly still valid as this was three seasons ago and I could buy their mother left during that time.

And yes Lucy’s in love.. and stalking him a bit as she follows him around the house sighing while he wonders who did that.. though it is a nice clue their compatible. When you can sense the presence of someone whose big running gag is showing up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of people that means something. And it’s either that you’d really get that person or your Wolverine. Or one of his kids. Or his clones. Or clones of his clones. What i’m saying is Rusty’s mom banged the wolverine and his family tree is really weird even by marvel standards.

But I do give her a pass as she’s not trying to be creepy or obsessive, she just doesn’t know how to talk to him as he’s your average kid and she’s a creature of the night. It’s just a kid being shy which is very refreshing both because pre-savnio being fired the show had some very messed up ideas about relationships and gender politics at times, the latter of which actually crops up here, and because having grown up with the cartoons of the 90′s and 2000′s.. I had to put up with things like this.

Full Disclosure: I DO ship sonamy.. but only after around Sonic Chronicles, where Bioware and then Sega decided to not make “Constantly harasses sonic despite him clearly not being interested and saying so vocally” and “Obessess over him to a point I worry she’s going to break his legs so he’ll never run away from her again”, as well as aging her up from 12. Still find her ungodly annoying at best and terrible at worst before that point, Sonic CD and Sonic Advance excluded. And yes I am that huge of a nerd, damn proud of it too.

What i’m getting at is that a little girl unable to talk to a guy and only being kinda creepy because that’s what she does is LEAGUES better than “IT’S NOT CREEPY WHEN A WOMAN DOES IT”. Given this episode was written by a woman that probably helped a lot if not entirely but I don’t blame her for that.. more on that later.

Point is she’s smitten but her first attempt to talk goes back as he rushes to leave after she tries talking to him.. and also appears out of nowhere to spook him. Come on man, your better than that. YOu sensed her before why not now? Up your game. But yeah Lucy’s depressed while Lincoln talks to her about it, about them leaving and once Lucy confesses she’s into rocky asks what he’s into. Lincoln.. has no idea as he’s barely been around Rocky. He’s just an average kid he dosen’t quite understand. Normal is the word he uses and Lucy ponders that. We next see the three most traditionally feminine sisters, Lori, Leni and Lola, all pissed someone stole their stuff, though Lori does suspect Lola at first because let’s face it, this fits her MO of being an entitled brat and not being above petty theft. But no the culprit is Lucy who genuinely apologizes and understands that their mad but the other girls are fine with it given the context, which Lucy explained, and are happy to make her over. This is where the problem I was hinting at comes in: ALL the girls are on board with this makeover plan. the problem is.. only the three who came in in the first place make actually sense making Lucy more tradiotnally feminine. Lori loves fashion and is a control freak who has troubles with empathy at times especially at this point in the series, Leni while not INTETIONALLY hurtful is kind of ditzy and thus can miss some cues, and Lola has a yawning starless void where her soul should be. For these three? Yeah this plot actually makes sense they wouldn’t think of Lucy’s feelings and actually help her use who she is to get rocky or tell her it doesn’t matter she’s beautiful as she is.. then presumably bring the wrath of god down on that poor child before things were cleared up. The issue is more dragging the other sisters into it. It only fits the three above to really give a shit about making Lucy more “normal” and “Girly” and “Other stereotypical bullshit”. Luna is very chill and empathetic and would be the first to say “Wait maybe making her the opposite of herself isn’t a good idea”, Luan is likewise empathetic though I could possibly see it she really doesn’t need to be in this plot, Lynn ENTIRELY doesn’t fit as she prefers sports and getting dirty and what not and is the closest to Lucy out of the sisters and thus would probably be the most defensive about her not changing and that could’ve actually been interesting, Lana would be the same minus the being closest and Lisa is coldly detached a lot of the time and wouldn’t care about any of this on a good day. It feels HORRIBLY offensive and out of character to have them all suddenly be “nah your not girly enough”. These girls don’t give a shit about whose more feminine than who and it’s really bad to pidgeonhole them as that. However.. I dont’ blame episode writer Gloria Shen entirely for this. She wrote it, she gets some of the discredit.. but she didn’t DIRECT the episode and a LOT can change from page to screen. No THAT was series creator and known sexual preadator Chris Savino. And i’m not just blaming him because he’s a creepy asshole, but because the seasons he directed, seasons 1, 2 and most of 3, had a bad habit of having episodes where all the girls acted as a group and often to weak ends, like the green house, the one where they all fought, the gender swap episode or heavy meddle.. which is a headache for another day. Point is it doesn’t surprise me he didn’t fix this or even genuinely cared to differentiate them and it’d be until next season where the show fully became an ensemble piece. SO yeah I blame him on this not for his horrible history, but simply because it sounds like his writing style and as director, and a producer on the show, he had the power and responsibility to fix things and did nothing. So if it wasn’t directly his fault in the first place , he certainly didn’t fix it, call it out in storyboarding or well anything. So yeah shared blame all around.

So after a makeover montage, Lucy is uh... well I can’t describe the abomination they’ve created.

I mean.. none of it works, and I think that’s very much the intent, dosen’t make it any less horrifying. Nothing about this is right: makeup REALLY shouldn’t go on a child in any circumstace so the blush on her cheeks is creepy and makes her look like one of those creepy porcelian dolls that i’m 100% sure either are planning to kill us all one day or were made to keep the souls of the damned trapped inside forever. The ear rings just look creepy and again are a bit much for an 8 year old, and the blonde hair just brings it all together. The pink outfit is fine.. I guess but the face is just so unsettling I can’t process the rest of her outfit and i’m not even going to try.

Point is she looks terrifying, and not in the fun way she usually does, and Rocky dosen’t know what to make of this. Oh and if your wondering why he’s here Lynn just.. took a hockey stick to Lincoln’s project to get the Spokes Boys back over here, and Lisa mocked him for pointing out the obvious holes in their plan despite being 4 and LIncoln having a girlfriend at this point. Granted his relationship with Ronnie Anne at this point is also kinda effed up, but given you all pushed him in this direction, Lisa still has no room to talk and they amicably broke up at some point once the writers decided “Let’s pretend like this never happened and they were just friends, despite her being introduced with a crush on him and us still replaying episodes with said relationship in play, instead of actually dealing with this directly”. You may be easily able to guess what hte retrospective’s about at this point. So Lori comes in for phase two .. WITH BOBBY!

Just.. I cannot tell you how much I needed my boy to calm me down after the last two scenes of horribly off character writing and ... that thing up there. He dosen’t do much this episode but every episode is better with Bobby and that’s a scientefic fact. So Lori claims they had a double date fall through which Bobby barely follows along with.. and it does kinda feel pressurey to kinda force Rocky’s hand here but her intentions ARE good, and a group date is a good way to relive presssure. It just ends up falling through becaue Lori wants her to act intentionally helpless, which makes no sense both for Lori’s personality given how driven and controlling she is and how Bobby clearly knows both things and likes the first and she worked on the second for him. So yeah the golf date falls through and Lori apologizes for being a bitch about all of this, as they all do, which again. .has me questioning WHY we needed the whole sister group instead of just Lori and co. Or even just Lori. The show REALLY needed to learn character ballance and while it is struggling on occasion, as seen with how lincolncentric this season has been so far, this episode reminds me it used to be MUCH worse.

But Lucy thanks them because their intetnions were good, i’m going to need a citation on that given it came off as them wanting her to change because they found her weird nad not because they genuinely wanted to help her, and goes off to sulk about being alone. Lincoln dosen’t know what to do till the next day where, again suprisingly, Rusty had the right idea and had them come over to his place. We also find out he’s scared of blood.. which.. I can relate to. Seriously i’ve only insulted the guy once the whole episode

But we find that out because Rocky made his own because he actually found Lucy’s really cool, what a kid. So Lincoln gets the brothers over to his house by damaging the project himself then claming they need to go back and once he sees Lucy’s around has Rocky go into the kitchen to get them some sodas which he agrees to because why not.

So in a nice little change-up on the running gag Rocky shows up startling Lucy and we get a really fucking cute scene as they hash things out. They have a normal conversation, finally getting past their shared awkwardness, in part because he admits he prefers her as herself. As it turns out Rocky wasn’t scared.. he just thought she was too cool for him and felt intimidated and like Lucy had no idea what to say. The two then blush and after my heart melts and I freeze it back into shape in a few hours, the two decide to go look at her coffin collection and the next day proudly show off their perfected fake blood.. which destroys the project one more time. WAH WAH WAH. Oh rusty... I knew I could count on you to fuck up at least once.

Back in Black Final Thoughts: First off Black in Black: Weird Name. I mean it kinda gives the game away, not that fans would thikn horrifying mistake lucy would stick but still, and dosen’t really fit. Call it “Why Do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” or something like that or something related to makeovers. Makeover Mistep. Don’t Make Me Over. Makeover Your Case... okay that last one sounds more like the Legally Blond equilvent of Cobra Kai but the point is it’s just weird. Outside of the parts I already went in detail about why their dreadful.. this ep is pretty good. That one bit isn’t enough to derail the episode, merley take it’s goodness down a notch, and Lucy is genuinely fun to watch and her heartbreak is hard to watch, and Rocky was an engaging new character with lots of potetial. A large part of why I did this episode. is to ask WHY he hasn’t come back. Rusty’s now a major character, to the point he’s co-headlining an episode next week with Zach... why Zach’s getting an episode, a SECOND one at that I have no earthly idea but the point is the show’s getitng comfortable enought heir giving lincoln’s friends starring episodes without him too, as Liam got one , if alongside Lynn the power couple of 2021 I tells ya. My point is, besides when is Stella getting an episode dammit, that Rocky really should make a come back as he both provides another character for Rusty and the rest of the lincrew to bounce off of, and he and Lucy had genuine chemstiry and now she has her OWN cast there’s an easy story there about her friends reaction to her dating a non goth. There’s a lot of story potetial with this precious boy bring him back. But overall Pretty in Black is a decent episode, worth checking out if you haven’t seen it and rewatching even if you have.

Stage Plight: So we open with Luann, whose one of my personal faviorites along with Leni, Luna, and Lucy. Granted I haven’t checked out her yearly bouts of going ax crazy on her family yet, but we’ll see in april. But outside of that, which is easy enough to isee iven it’s three episodes out of 214 where she’s like this and she gets her compuance, I find her precious, awkward, and entertaining, from her habit of saying “Get it “ to her love of puns, to the fact she’s essentially a wholesome version of the batman villian the ventriloquist..

Yeah in case you forgot about this gag, she often talks through her dummy Mr. Coconuts.. who functions as her sounding board and helps her figure things out, talks like he’s from the 40′s or 50′s, and in general is a delight. He also once or twice, including this episode acts of his own free will so I don’t know if this is a Child’s Play situation and a dying comedian put his body in her dummy and she’s just rolling with it, if she somehow put a piece of her soul in a dummy or what the hell’s going on here. Compared to the series recently what with it’s mayoral campagins, children murdering guys, and actualy factual spies, this is mildly sane. MIldly. This may also be a serious and untreated case of Disociative Identnity Disorder, but given it’s not framed that way, and Coconuts just seems to be Luann’s way of talking with herself, for now she has’nt gone full vintriloquist. Thoguh givne her april fools day behavior and her profession as a comedian, she probably WILL become the new joker at a some point.

So the two are talking about Luann’s crush on Benny. Benny was introduced back in L is for Love and is one of the only three love interests there to actually return, and along with Sam the only onen to get multiple episodes about their relationship with their respective loud and a full personality. He was also MASSIVELY hated. For those who joined the fandom more recently, Luann was massively shipped with Maggie, an emo girl who showed up in Luann’s second spotlight episode and one where she didn’t torment her entire family, one I still need to see but have read about. It was pretty cute and nothing was wrong with that or the opposites attract dynamic. But said fans got REALLY and understandibly upset about his introduction and were presumibly none too happy he got to return and got his roll expanded. And I.. genuinely like the kid. I have nothing against Maggie and in fact poly ship her with both Luann and Benny, as both seem like they’d be open to that and her dour demanor creates a nice contrast between the chipper luann and the somewhat chipper but also chill benny in the middle. I just feel he’s a very likeable character, sweet and awkward and very much on Luann’s wavelength. Like Sam he’s SIMILAR to his love intrest, having Luann’s love of puns, mime and the theater, but is also not quite as giggly about it and as I said has a bit more of a chill to him, in contrast to how sam is slightly more energetic to Luna’s near constant calm off stage.

I also like him because he’s voiced by Sean Giabrone, an up and coming voice actor who I first met watching the Goldbergs as Adam. His other biggest role so far has been playing Jeff on Clarence, though he’s currently picked up another lead voice roll as Yumulack on Solar Opposites, easily one of the best parts of that show, and has done othe rminor and recurring work, but I feel he’s got the potetial to have a long and fruitful career in voice acting if he wants it. I mean he’s far from the first former ABC star or former Ron Stoppable to make a long and successful voice career of himself. Be the next will fredle man you can do it.

But yeah I like him and think their cute together and feel demonizing a ship for one that had a low chance of happening isn’t fair, especially when you know, we’re in a fandom where incest runs rampant and is STILL a recurring problem to this day. Pick your fucking battles for god’s sake. As I mentioned you can put maggie in with this relationship or Still ship luaggie regardless.

So back in the episode Luann and Coconuts notice Benny signing up for the school play and decide to join him.

Yeah i’ve noticed that a LOT of school set plots are about one of the mains joining a play to either be near or play romantic lead with their crush, or romantic hyjinks happening anyway. Seriously i’ts a lot. I DID think most of them were around romeo and juliet, and Proud Family, Pepper Anne, and Ned’s Declassified all are probably why, it’s actually way more diverse and i’m happy to give credit to shows and movies for that: Jimmy Neutron used Macbeth (IN SPACEEEEEE), American Dragon Jake Long used Antony and Cleopatra, as did the comic strip Foxtrot (That one I remembered), Daria used the canterbury tales, Arrested Development used Much Ado about Nothing, and one of my faviorite instances is the film Get Over it. It’s a cheesy as hell early 2000′s high school pg-13 comedy, that I loved as a teen and nos nostalgicaly love but am aware it has issues and some stitled acting as an adult where our hero joins the high school play in order to win his ex girlfriend back from the douchebag she’s seeing now and ends up falling for his best friend’s kid sister instead. They do a mid summer’ night’s dream, which is not only awesome SOMEONE thought to use that one , as the film has given me a special affection for the play.. but it’s a cheesy musical version written by the gloriously over acted director of the play played by martin short.

youtube

My faviorite part of it is the boy band style number about Hermia. Yes really. And I didn’t even get into the fact Siquo is one of the main character’s best friends, Kristin Dunst had to reshoot a scene while making the first rami spider-man , our heroes weird parents who are sex therapists and have no real filter AND offer Coolio a threesome on their advice show, and yes the actual coolio and yes that was an actual person that existed, or best of all the douchey rival who stole our heroes girlfriend, whose not only a former boy band member whose band peformed the song love scud, but also threatens our hero with nunchucks at one point.

youtube

Just see this movie.. i’ll hopefully talk about it some day.

Point is this kind of plot is stock.. but it’s the good kind you can do a lot of twists and turns with as every example mentioned, even the ones using the crush thing, had some clever twist or turn. And this one is no exception as we’ll see.

So we meet Ms. Berardo, the schools HAMMY as hell drama teacher who gives herself an entrance and is just wondrously entertaining throughout. She’s played by Grey Delise Griffin, which I could recognize immodestly and man does she bring it. Seriously bring her back. Wonderful character. So our heroine and her leading man audition and in a refreshing change of pace they do not get the lead rolls, instead a modern valley girl and a jock who writes his stuff on his arms do so instead. But since Bernado’s a bit nuts, she decides to have the Montagues and Capulets practice separately despite tha not making a ton of sense, to drive up tension and what not. I mean isolating an actor to drive up tension is a vallid technique but even having not read Romeo and Juliet since high school, over a decade ago, I can tell you they have several scenes together and this is a logistical nightmare. However our heroine finagles her way over to swapping camps so she can talk to Benny since honestly given the whole thing was a way to get to spend more time with him, she might as well quit otherwise. It also.. isn’t a bad tactic. She wants to know him before asking him out properly, which is fair and a good way to go, and they already know each other and are friendly, and it’s something she likes doing anyway as they were both involved with a play in his first appearance and her liking theater makes sense as she’s a comedian, and while she clearly prefers standup, it’s often a natural evolution to go fromt hat to acting in comedy stuff or making your own show, so it’s not a bad idea to learn that side of the buisness too.

So Luann FINALLY gets to talk to Benny.. after fast ball specialing mr coconuts in the way of someone trying to sit down

But we get a really cute moment as the two just.. talk like two dorky teenagers; They talk about the real mimes of la, which I want badly to be a show.. even if it’s just to find out what the Mime from Animaniacs is up to now. Where DID that guy go? Did the anvil finally kill him? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.. which is probably why I’m finishing this at 4 in the morning. But the two have genuine chemistry with Luann offering him her banana, phrasing, and making a pun he chuckles at. It’s adorable as all hell.

And Bernardo notices, and since her leads have no sparks she regretfully demotes them.. though their reaction is hilariously realistic as both are just happy to have less lines and walk off. She decides to cast Luann and Benny despite being freshman which would never happen but eh this is a unvierse with a snakebird and spies trying to destroy cherries with a death laser why I do I care two seasons later if two freshman got the leads in the play. Still I love the twist: our hero wasn’t trying to get the lead to creeiply force intamacy or anything.. the two just had natural chemistry and the director noticed that and wants to use it.

But while this should be great.. it isn’t as Luann keeps dodging actually kissing Benny when they rehearse the kiss. The reason.. is really frigging endearing. Luann simply hasn’t kissed anyone before, this will be her first.. and naturally she’s REALLY nervous about having it in front of a crowd or Benny thinking she’s a bad kisser. And I mean... while I had no personal experience at that age in kissing, most media and personal accounts detail it as awkward as fuck. But that’s the irony: she dosen’t KNOW it’s always awkward and thus is putting a ton of pressure on herself like anyone her age.

So she breaks under the pressure despite the reasurances of her Dummy/Possible Sign that she needs therapy and while she finds a way out the next Day Benny has aburbtly quit because of “chess club”.. which he’s not in. Luann finds him and talks to him about it, worried it’s her fault.. and she’s right, though Benny bowed out because she clearly wasn’t comfortable with him and didn’t want to make her kiss him when she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. What a man what a man what a mighty good man. Luann TRIES to explain.. and then lets Mr Coconuts do it. Which usually in high school would lead to humilating rejection. instead Benny brings out his own puppet Mrs. Appleblossom.

Just those eyes.. black and souless.. like a doll’s eyes.. because htey are a doll’s eyes. So yeah Benny also has a puppet he uses to say the things he’s too nervous to say. Which is endearing even if again , KILL IT. KILL IT. I mean i’ts like tha tone guy from victorious if the puppets were actually charming and one of them looked like it was about to play hide the soul. Mrs. Appleblossom explains that Benny is also nervous and with the air cleared and the two realizing theyw ere nervous about the same thing... the inevitible happens

So that fades into the kiss happening on stage, with Luann’s family cheering her, our heroes take a fookin bow and Coconuts and Appleblossom look on.. and talk somehow...and somehow got in the seats on their own.

Stage Plight Final Thoughts: This episode.. is one of the series best, with great pacing, a low amount of repetition and a relatable conflict, while building up Luann’s love intrest to be a wonderful and engaging guy, and giving us a hell of a guest character and Mrs. Gerardo. This episod eis great, the chemistyr between Gambrone and Pucelli is fantastic. This one is just awesome and worth a look especially if the ship contrversy had hit you hard. It really is good. And there’s always room for benny. Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure.

#the loud house #lucy loud #luann loud #benny stein #lori loud #leni loud #lola loud #lincoln loud #rusty spokes #rocky spokes #valentine's day #animation #nickelodeon

14 notes · View notes

patrineptn · 7 years

Text

Four-Leaf Clover 02 - A Chance Offering

“How can you be sure that they are here?” Asked Kagome as she looked through the window outside a restaurant in Chicago. The weather changed too quickly for it to be a natural event. Sweeney just knew it had something to do with Wednesday and he didn’t want for Kagome to be involved in any of the one-eyed man schemes.

“I just am. Wait for me outside.”

“In your dreams. I’m hungry and it’s freezing here.”

“Fuck, woman, can you listen to me for once?”

“Maybe when you start using my name,” said Kagome before opening the door. Sweeney grabbed a chunk of hair in frustration before following her inside.

He walked ahead, stopping in front of a round table occupied by two men.

“Mad Sweeney, you look like a man who has fallen in hard- What are you hiding there?” The older man said.

“None of your business, Wednesday.”

Wednesday stared at Kagome for too long for his liking. He knew she wasn’t the kind of woman he was attracted to and he didn’t miss the gleam that crossed his eye. He blocked her image from Wednesday.

“Why don’t you both join Shadow and I and we can talk about why you are here?”

Sweeney trusted neither Wednesday or Shadow but between the two, he preferred to let Kagome sit as far as possible from Grimnir, even if it meant between him and Shadow. He didn’t like the way Wednesday’s eyes were glued on her.

“I’m Wednesday, this is Shadow Moon. May I know the name of the young lady?”

“Higurashi, Kagome Higurashi. Thanks for the invitation.” She shook hands with Wednesday and Sweeney bit his tongue to hold a remark. “And you wanted for me to wait outside,” she hissed at Sweeney.

“Higurashi? The Higurashi family from Tokyo?” Wednesday seemed genuinely interested.

“Don’t tell him anything,” warned Sweeney.

“Yes, sir,” she answered and took a bite of the food, closing her eyes and moaning softly while savouring the spices. Sweeney rolled his eyes at being ignored. “Do you know my family?”

“I’ve heard about it. Must be a wonderful family to produce such a lovely daughter." Kagome blushed. "Why are you here again, Sweeney? I’m sure you and this young lady could’ve been doing much better things right now.”

“With the current state of my luck, I won’t make it to Lincoln Park, much less to Wisconsin.” He turned to Shadow and stole a bit of his food. “Give me my coin, cunt.”

“The coin you gave me?” asked Shadow. “You’ve dragged your lady friend all the way here because of a God damn coin?”

“I was about to ask the same. What’s so special about this coin? Is it made of gold or something? You have a thousand others.” said Kagome.

“It’s my lucky coin.”

“Don’t tell me you belie- Okay, lucky coin, got it, don’t give me this look.” Kagome returned her attention to the food.

“Tell me how you plucked it out of thin air and I’ll give it back.”

“Already told you, I plucked it outta thin air, cunt. Now give me my coin.”

“Eagle Point, Indiana, Parkview Cemetery, Laura Moon’s grave. I threw it there.”

“Fucker.” He stood and Kagome did the same. “Suppose I'll just be one more in a long line of men to climb on top of your dead wife.”

“Sweeney!” reproached Kagome.

“Be nice!” warned Wednesday.

“I’ll see you in Wisconsin.”

“Bring Miss Kagome!” Wednesday’s only answer was Sweeney’s middle finger.

“You shouldn’t have said that about that man’s wife. He’s still hurting, you know?”

“He shouldn’t. His wife was a whore, died with his best friend’s dick in her mouth.”

“It’s not that easy, especially if the person is dead. People tend to exaggerate the good and forget the bad. Don’t you watch the news? A junkie celebrity dies and suddenly they are the best musician of their generation, the most amazing performer on stage, deserved an Oscar, the Nobel Prize. No one gives half a shit if they killed five people in a car crash. I’m sure Shadow Moon is trying to remember his wife liked to deepthroat his friend but the happy memories of their time together keep clouding it.”

“Are you done? I don’t give a shit about Shadow and his slut wife or dead celebrities. I’m getting my coin back and heading to Wisconsin.”

“What’s in Wisconsin?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing must be really interesting, then. Your friend told you to take me there.”

“Don’t even think about it. You are not going.”

“Do you plan to walk all the way there? Then I’m going. I was invited, in case you didn’t hear Mr Wednesday.”

“Don't trust him.”

“I shouldn’t trust you, yet I slept like a rock in my birthday suit last night.”

“And I preferred when you were screaming my name instead of talking bullshit.”

“And you certainly know how to use your mouth for much better things than cursing.”

“I didn’t even begin, Ka-go-me.”

They got to Eagle Point late in the afternoon and went straight to the cemetery. Sweeney refused to ask for directions, so it took them a quarter of an hour to find Laura Moon’s grave. He made a visual search but couldn’t find anything besides soil and dirt. He cursed and swept some earth, the last resource before having to dig it.

“Get up, Sweeney, people are staring! Here, place this omamori on the top of her gravestone.” She handed him a red sachet.

“Is it a cock embroidered here? What the fuck is this?”

“It’s a fertility charm! To protect me from STDs, my mother said, as if I’m going to spread my legs and have unprotected sex like a bitch in heat. She thinks I don’t know she’s dying for grandchildren. Better throw it away before her good luck becomes my bad luck.”

“Your people have some weird shit.” Yet, he placed the trinket where she said.

“Now I’ll hug you and pretend to cry. You will comfort me and we walk away together. I’m devastated for losing my friend and you are my supportive boyfriend. Come on.”

“How old do you think I am to be someone’s boyfriend?”

“Lover, husband, fuck boy, sugar daddy, just pretend I’m your significant other and comfort me,” Kagome hissed slash whispered.

“Pretend, love?” He stood, his height towering the short Japanese woman, and put his arm over her shoulder. “I thought we had something special. Am I only a sexy male figure for you? A cock to satisfy your sexual urges? Your words hurt me, Kagome.”

Kagome hid her face on his chest and any walker would think she was shaking from crying and not from holding a laugh.

The moon was high in the sky when the duo sneakily made their way back to the grave after a few hours of rest in a room on the outskirts of the city. Kagome parked in a deserted lane where the walls weren’t as tall as the front gate. With burglar skills Sweeney would never expect from someone with such girly looks, she climbed the six feet high wall without any help and landed on the other side like a cat.

“I didn’t know I had Spider Woman with me,” said Sweeney as he handed her a shovel.

“There are many things about me that you don’t know but you know much more about me than I know about you. It’s quite unfair, now that I’m thinking about it,” said Kagome, but she didn’t ask anything.

In the many years of his existence, he met many women, more faces and names than he could remember, and a trait the vast majority of them had was asking too much. They always wanted to know about his life, family, wealth, possessions. Some of the questions he didn’t have an answer, others he wasn’t stupid enough to answer. Kagome shared bits of her life without expecting him to do the same. He was torn between finding it refreshing or suspicious. He decided for the latter.

“Woman, Kagome, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Helping you to play the gravedigger. I thought being calves deep in the dirt with a shovel in my hand was a giveaway.”

“Don't be a fucking bitch. What is a gal like you doing in the middle of the night with a man like me? I can understand the sex part. I won't pretend I'm not looking forward to fucking your pussy again as soon as possible but this is too much. Who the fuck are you? And how the hell do you even know how to hold a shovel properly?”

Kagome took a long sip of the water she brought before answering. It irritated him to the point that if Kagome wasn't a woman she would have to try to answer with his fist in her mouth.

“A man like you. What do you mean?”

“You are playing in dangerous waters, woman. Don't try my patience.”

“What do you want for me to say? You came to me and asked for a ride. I'm giving you a ride and if I'm lucky enough I'll ride you later today.” The instant tent that was formed on Sweeney's pants was visible even under the dim light of the moon. “And I've buried people before but I really don't want to talk about it right now.”

“You're fucking crazy.” He went back to digging. “Don’t blame me when shit happens.”

“I won’t,” she said, so low and close to his ear that it sent shivers down his back. “I appreciate your concern.”

A fine example of how bad his luck has gotten was the fact they didn’t find his coin or any trace of it. The grave had only an empty coffin with a round hole on it. Sweeney pulled the joint from his ear and angrily smoked it while filling back Laura Moon’s grave. He knew Shadow didn’t lie, just like he knew he was fucked until he got it back. In his fury, he didn’t realise Kagome has fallen unusually silent.

He did realise, however, that she went straight to the bathroom as soon as they got back to the hotel. Kagome let the door open, Sweeney took it as an invitation to join her. She scrubbed her hands under the shower, paying special attention to the dirt under the nails. He quickly undressed and joined her in the shower cabin.

After cleaning himself, the leprechaun pulled her long hair over a shoulder and moulded his body on her back, his hard on pressed against the small of her back. Getting laid wouldn’t make him feel better but it sure wouldn’t make him feel worse.

“Can I ask you something?” She said before he could even touch a breast.

“Now?” He licked her neck, feeling the previously neglected nipples going hard under his pads. She arched her back, seeking more of his touch. Sweeney hissed and focused in the connection between her neck and shoulder. Yet, she wasn't as responsive as he wanted her to be. “Spit it out.”

“Did you have any kind of relationship with Laura Moon? Lover, ex-lover, friend, mortal enemies, one-sided love, rivals, anything.”

Besides causing her death? He wanted to say but his answer was no less honest. “Never met her.” Alive, he added mentally.

She instantly relaxed and turned to face him, a pleased smile stamping her lips. “What's so special about this coin of yours?”

“Can’t this fucking survey wait? I'll answer whatever you want later if you shut up and let me fuck you now.”

“Deal,” she happily agreed

Satisfied, Sweeney lifted her by the thighs and Kagome wrapped her legs around his waist. He resumed his task of devouring her neck. She ground her core on his boner and the leprechaun had to gather all of his will to stop to get a condom.

“Let me help you with this,” purred Kagome. Without breaking eye contact, she got on her knees and held the base of his cock. She ran her tongue from the base of his shaft to the very tip of his knob, leaving no inch untouched. She pouted her lips before sliding his knob into her mouth, running all the way down his throbbing member.

Sweeney pushed his back against the tiles and stopped himself from thrusting his penis down her throat. He grabbed two handfuls of her hair as he couldn't contain himself any longer he slowly started thrusting deeper and harder down her throat making her gag and gasping for air until she could keep his pacing.

He knew if she didn’t stop soon he would come in her mouth but he wanted to feel her womanhood pulsating around him, milking his own release, with her loud moans resonating in his ears. He tugged her hair gently and pulled her to her feet. Without wasting time, he turned Kagome to the wall and pushed her against the tiles. She got on the tip of her toes, spread her legs and arched her back. Sweeney positioned his prick on her slit and thrust.

She cursed things he didn’t understand, going back to her mother language each time he hit a spot he discovered the day before. One of his hands left the tight hold of her hips and found her hardened clit. Her own hand joined his to guide his touch the way she liked more.

He trailed her exposed shoulder with his mouth, leaving love bites in the way, a sign of possession, he didn’t know where it came from and didn’t bother to give it too much attention.

She came crying out his name and a couple thrusts later he followed her ecstasy. He rested his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist, giving them time to let the hot water soothe their exhausted muscles. After several minutes, she turned off the water and dried them both in silence. For some unknown reason, it was more intimate than anything they before.

She carefully used the towel in every part of his body, her eyes never leaving the skin it was touching. Not even back in his days of glory at Ireland he felt so much worship as in that moment. Even if he lacked the same delicacy, Sweeney returned the favour.

“Next time, let’s make it to the bed if we are having sex after a hard workout. Damn, if you don’t carry me to the bed I’ll just lay down and sleep here.”

Laughing, Sweeney held her in bridal style back to the room and dropped her on the bed. He saw her picking a bottle and two packages from inside the backpack that was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a calico coloured Manekineko, to bring good fortune.” He nodded, pleased that she believed in deities. “And the bread and milk are for the Leprechauns. If we get them on our side they may help us to find your coin. Will you leave it by the window, please? Make sure the cat is waving its paw.”

Speechless, Sweeney did as she asked then joined her in the bed. He didn’t remember the last time someone left him an offering.

#mad sweeney #american gods #american gods tv #mad sweeney x kagome #sweeney x kagome #american gods crossover #fanfic crossover #inuyasha crossover #kagome crossover #crossover #Crossover Pairings

6 notes · View notes

kidsviral-blog · 6 years

Text

Women, Obama just literally reduced you to sum of your ‘lady parts’

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/women-obama-just-literally-reduced-you-to-sum-of-your-lady-parts/

Women, Obama just literally reduced you to sum of your ‘lady parts’

http://twitter.com/#!/bdomenech/status/253177641853677568

Yep, that happened. President Obama has now literally reduced women to the sum of their “lady parts” only. His campaign is telling women to “vote like your lady parts depend on it.” Wow, how empowering. You’ve come a long way, baby!

From his official campaign Tumblr:

How dare he? Shame on him. First he tries to reduce women to “Julias,” enslaved by and tethered to Big Daddy Government from cradle to grave. The poor dears can’t manage a thing on their own, except for maybe making Obama a sammich.

Now, he quite literally tells women to vote with, and for, their “lady parts,” grossly diminishing women. Beyond reprehensible, Obama campaign. War on women? As always, it’s from the Left. They believe women are stupid and incapable of thinking for themselves. In fact, they are incapable of even using their itty bitty brains; they must think with their girly bits only. You know, like dancing vaginas.

Nothing says "pro-woman" like treating female voters as hysterical brain-damaged walking uteri http://t.co/jf8tgG4g

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 2, 2012

https://twitter.com/katearthsis/status/253184262726119424

Dear @BarackObama's Tumblr: I vote with my brain and not with my "lady parts." Seriously WTF?

— Skyler Mann (@sevenlayercake) October 2, 2012

Women, and men who aren’t sexist pigs, are outraged and rightly so.

@NolteNC I am a woman & I'm insulted by this. My 'Lady Parts' are not as important an issue as jobs & foreign policy. Note to Obama: I vote.

— DeeInTheHeartOfTexas (@dsctxn) October 2, 2012

Stay classy — Obama camp posts e-card saying 'vote like your lady parts depend on it' http://t.co/dUZBIgB7

— Joel Gehrke (@Joelmentum) October 2, 2012

Official campaign Tumblr page: vote for Obama, or your vajay-jay will die http://t.co/jf8tgG4g

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 2, 2012

Absolutely disgraceful, President Obama http://t.co/ACqS3ZTx OFA tells women to "vote like your lady parts depend on it"

— Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) October 2, 2012

RT @amandacarpenter: President Obama, quit worrying about my lady parts and start worrying about my wallet, OK? http://t.co/Buyxwbgh

— Emily Miller (@EmilyMiller) October 2, 2012

I am a Conservative. I vote for the candidates who don't define me by my "lady parts". http://t.co/wUao0gk7

— CatsPolitics (@CatsPolitics) October 2, 2012

Obama website: "Vote like your lady parts depend on it." Well, unless you're about to lose them in a sex-selection abortion.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) October 2, 2012

Yep. That’s fine, of course. Even if they survive an abortion attempt and don’t “just come out limp and dead,” as President Obama repulsively said.

We've come a long way down from Washington, Lincoln, FDR & Reagan to 'vote your lady parts.'

— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) October 2, 2012

Really, @barackobama?! Women should vote with their lady parts? Disgusting. #romneyryan2012 #mitt2012 #tcot #p2 http://t.co/YvbNUukz

— soulwhisperer (@Manishka78) October 2, 2012

Vote Obama out of office, and prove that your sexiest lady part is your brain. Well, one of the sexiest. Top Five easy.

— John Hayward (@Doc_0) October 2, 2012

Obama appeases nations that literally cut up lady parts.

— E-Du (@ezradulis) October 2, 2012

Yes, what about that? The “future does not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam.” But Muslim “lady parts?” Nothing to see here, move along.

A hashtag enters the mix:

Hi @BarackObama: maybe you should rethink giving $450 million to Egypt, where female genital mutilation is still practiced. #LadyParts

— E-Du (@ezradulis) October 2, 2012

https://twitter.com/practicetheory/status/253184462425292800

https://twitter.com/practicetheory/status/253183992931692544

Your #LadyParts are under assault with ObamaCare. http://t.co/vCVN6jsN #tcot

— KRenner (@KRenner2) October 2, 2012

@politicalmath #Ladyparts. High water mark for Presidential campaigns.

— Doug Stewart (@zamoose) October 2, 2012

I rarely get offended, but that #LadyParts tactic DID. Your campaign is sick, @BarackObama

— UnicornsREverywhere! (@AB02012) October 2, 2012

President #MomPants wants you to vote with your #LadyParts.

— Legal Immigrant (@votermom) October 2, 2012

@BarackObama are you hoping my #ladyparts will distract me from the #FastandFurious scandal now being reported by #Univision?

— BossyBee (@NoKoolAide) October 2, 2012

I like to think I'm more than my "lady parts". #JustSayin

— Mickey White (@NYMSkinCare) October 2, 2012

You are. President Obama does not think so, though.

#ladyparts Because a mind is a terrible thing

— D.W.Robinson (@_DWRobinson) October 2, 2012

To him and to his fellow travelers, you are only a means to an end. And you must be scared away from daring to stray from the Democrat plantation.

Guess what, President Obama? Women will vote with their “lady parts.” Their brains.

Shame on you, President Obama.

Shame on you.

Update:

The campaign has yanked the reprehensible “vote like your lady parts depend on it” e-card from its site.

Awww. Obama campaign site post telling women to vote with their "lady parts" vanishes down the memory hole http://t.co/jf8tgG4g

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 2, 2012

But Twitchy is forever.

Update: Campaign is now claiming it “wasn’t properly reviewed.”

Obama campaign: "lady parts" post "not properly reviewed." http://t.co/8c2FTn31

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 2, 2012

"We have a review process for our online content and this piece did not go through our regular review." Weird. Why not? http://t.co/9QIAzG7O

— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) October 2, 2012