#It pays shit but at least its something

[hoiist]

Hello, I need some help

What's a good drawing program for an andriod tablet that's not monthly? I know CSP is there, but I'm not keen on paying monthly for it.

#health is getting real shit and im looking at at least investing in a drawing program so i can get something done idk #i mean csp is there but im not income worthy rn so im still a bit iffy about paying monthly #also its csp and they get in the shits a lot

[homuncvlus]

Buy me a coffee

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR LIKE TWO HOURS ASKING FOR THINGS IS LITERALLY MY WORST FEAR BUT FUCK IT WE BALL

my mum could really use £30-40 for groceries. We've spent a lot of money fixing stuff this month like replacement pipes and central heating (that really should be our landlord's responsibility..). She only has £150 left but we've still got bills to pay later this month so not much to spend on food and other necessities. Universal credit + her wage doesn't get paid until the end of the month (something is coming next week too but idr) 🥲

Usually we ask family and close friends for borrowing money but no one has been able to lend any aaa

No pressure to donate whatsoever — but if you have some extra money, any support would be greatly appreciated mwah <3

#minimum wage paired with her being a single parent and all that isn't really the best combination but eh #If it weren't for everything breaking at once I wouldn't have to ask #Anyway I need to shit on my landlord for a sec because I'm so pissed off #He doesn't fix anything (or at least takes a long time — he's been “fixing” our fence for thr past 4 years because its soo expensive and #otherwise he can't go on his quarterly holiday 🥺) #And he still has the audacity to raise rent every year when we've been renting for 10+ years now and never missed a payment #How do you go from £900 to £1500 a month for 2 bedrooms #We even pay a day in advance just in case something doesn't work or we can't pay later #But the one time she payed at 10 in the morning on the day he automatically started asking if its been transferred bc he can't see it #Even though its any time during the 24h and then the grace period #Its in the contract that YOU WROTE erm #Maybe stuff wouldn't be breaking all the time if you actually invested in high quality pieces #When we signed the first contract he literally bought the house 2 days prior and didn't renovate anything lmao #lasar being incoherent

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[vriska-serketboard]

ayo can somebody give me tips about how to either tone down or get rid of my anger at my syntax professor bc i am angry at her to a point where it is physically painful

#like i'm glad she's at least giving some kind of feedback now #but some of the things she marked wrong in that assignment were literally correct #it's not even as much about how i have a b+ average in the class now its more that she's just a shit teacher in general #she mumbles she doesn't explain things clearly she repeats things we've already gone over she reads directly off the slides #she's not enthusiastic about the subject or teaching and while i can't blame her too much for that having some one mumble syntax facts @ u #in a monotone very bored-sounding voice is really not conductive to learning in the least #and the other ling majors feel the same she has like a 3.4 on rate my professor and i talked to some others about her #i know my anger is justified to an extent but i can't do anything about it #i want to break something but i'm in a dorm room #ofc i don't want to break my stuff or my roommate's stuff and if i broke the room i'd have to pay a fine #i need to hit something i need to do something outwardly destructive otherwise it's going to end badly for me #i need to break/do something that doesn't harm myself or anyone else

[orbmanson7]

:(

Very bad grade in therapy today

#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now #what has even been the point #i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game #and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress #and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using #oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn #i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am! #continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them #they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more #but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently #why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort #i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space #free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it #i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs #like such an asshole #and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise #theres just no fucking point to any of this #... #its cold today #might be a good day to do my favorite plan #actually yeah fuck it im gonna go #hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024 #you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it #keep being amazing yall #see you on the flip side or whatever #orbs thought bubbles

[pinolitas]

i have finally made a good decision. i am going to get a gis certificate but probably not until next fall cause i wanna do another semester of polish and ive seen the schedule of classes and it interferes with my polish class unfortunately. grad school for linguistics will be shelved for another year. i also am not confident i would get in with my gpa and the thought of having to write a thesis scares me.

#gis is geographic information systems #its like mapping data and using that data make plans #at least i think it is #anyways i need a job to pay for that shit lol #at least the first class you have to take by itself and its only 2 credit hrs so i dont expect that first class to cost too much #and i have time until then #and i could also change my mind by next fall #at least i have money for polish next semester so long as i get a job like soon lol #i keep saying that #but this time fr #like fr fr fr #i now have close to no savings after paying off something i forgot about :( #thats my own issue i guess #anywaysssss #continues applying to retail jobs very cutely while i wait for government jobs to get back to me #apparently those take months to hire and i want one so desperately i do not want a tech industry job

[flippedorbit]

do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?

#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do) #“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean #fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD #for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing? #do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t #stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking #attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing #games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do #for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy. #you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person. #i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a #least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games. #YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize. #i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant. #and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum. #”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and #should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin #my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere #where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal #pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any #reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them. #i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and #get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d #actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a #person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings. #i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour. #suicide mention #ask to tag

[clamsjams]

this might be an abnormal take but i consider youtubers tweeting about how they’re looking for people to work for them to be unprofessional at best and downright exploitative at worst

#tbh i’m even being a bit generous with giving the at best bit #bc i do wanna believe that these guys are good people and don’t want to exploit anyone #but it’s still shitty #bc who are the people who r going to see these tweets? their fans #and obviously there’s always going to be an imbalanced power dynamic between an employee and their boss #but if the employee is a fan then it tips that unbalanced dynamic even further #they’re almost definitely gonna let the youtuber get away with a lot of stuff bc they’re a fan #and like i’m not even talking about shit like grooming even tho that does set up a perfect environment for it #like i wanna believe that these youtubers have good intentions #but they may not understand stuff like how much money is reasonable to pay for these jobs and stuff like that #and get away with it #and the most common thing i see this for is like thumbnails and video art #so u could argue that they want someone familiar with their videos or something #but then they should mention that in the job description #or go out and find someone like look through fanart tags and find an artist to commission #which would definitely have its own set of problems but i think that would be better than a tweet at least #and like the problem here isn’t necessarily just tweeting about hiring ppl #like companies tweet that they’re hiring all the time and then the tweet has a link to like a linkedin page #or the job page on the company’s website #don’t get me wrong linkedin and indeed and other sites like them are shitty and annoying to use #but they do a lot to legitimize a job posting and set up a professional experience from the start #(looking at u quackity studios) #mcyt #minecraft youtube #discourse #qsmp #posts from the ocean #minecraft yt #youtube #tag rants

[gilfrespecter]

OH!!! FUCK I FORGOT I GOTTA FIND AN ARCHERY RANGE NOW THAT I DONT HAVE TITS IM SO EXCITED TO LEARN HOW TO SHOOT CORRECTLY

#i took a full oxy last night and slept well and took one again this morning and feel. pretty good #saw a tiktok that reminded me i love archery :) but it was really hard bc tig biddies but not anymore!!! #idk if i will Get A Bow again(depends on a lot #most of all money shits expensive even on craigslist) #(and my Tax Return Treat this year is going to be a nice seat for my kayak so i can stop sitting on bunches up towels) #(depending on how big my return is i might get a nice roof rack but i doubt it) #god im so excited to Go Do Sports this year im Never Going To Be Inside #i really hope Rob gets his social security so i can afford a pay cut and work a fun job at the audoban society as a tour guide #it speaks #i need a male thot job #also DEFINITELY going to learn to surf this summer the class is only 40$ and i need to do it #also i need. to wait at least a month if not more before i actually do that i know my accurate draw wieght is going too b something patheti #probably 20-30 lbs. if the range is cheap and close by id like to work up to 60-70 but if not its fun to just shoot #i was big talk last summer about deer hunting but i just cant find a good basement freezer #definitely going to fish though #foods too expensive not too

[entropys]

:/

#i couldn’t do anything today…. i didn’t leave my bed the entire time #i didn’t eat or drink water or even go to the bathroom this is crazy #i was just too frustrated to do anything it sucked today was shit #my body is already paying the price but i still can’t do shit #everyone left me here alone and only called to ask for favors :/// it made me feel so alone hh but whatever #i wish i could just go make myself some toast or something but everything feels so dirty and disgusting to me i can’t #everything as in the kitchen the plates the toaster the fridge everything #i’ll continue to rot at least i have my laptop w me to watch alchemy of souls i am Enjoying it #yk sometimes i wish preparing a meal didn’t give this much distress to the point where i can’t do it myself… #i just want to have a nice homemade meal that doesn’t taste terrible or look like its served on dirty plates.. #im so tired of being here genuinely… i need to get out and live on my own that’ll fix me #at least ill have a clean kitchen to work with #ours is a lost cause its disgusting it makes food so unappealing to me i can’t help it #honestly i don’t get how my parents live like this im certainly not 🫠 #every single thing that goes on in this house frustrates so much im going crazy

[trendfag]

in hindsight i do see how saying thats a lie instead of something like thats not true or just being like no i bought it contributed to the pressure cooker of the situation but i still get mad when i think about this

#but i absolutely could have started off the conversation with where is my soap. but instead i asked the people who had been in my apartment #for a week while i wasnt there before i moved out if they knew where the soap that i left in the apartment before i left was #because of course they did. they were the only ones there! unless one of their guests that they never told me were coming over in the middle #of covid before any vaccine had been created #unless one of those fifty people who would come over every night without me knowing took it! btw i directly asked them when you have someone #coming over please let me know. you dont have to ask for permission i would just like to know when people who dont live here are going to be #in my apartment. and i said this in our second week of living together when it happened for the first time #i got notice that people were coming over like once maybe twice. sometimes i would overhear them talking about people coming over and find #out that way at least! #the nerve to accuse me of stealing like everything that they lost they blamed me for eating their ham and chicken chow mein when I WAS #LITERALLY VEGETARIAN like they would either eat their own food and forget about it or eat each others food and then just blame it on me. and #then they actually stole my shit! and tried to steal more! and got mad that i took the things that i paid for when i moved out! #they said we were splitting the cost of a vacuum three ways but made me pay more than the two of them for it. and then got so mad when i #took the vacuum (BECAUSE I PAID FOR MOST OF IT) that my mom just made me pay them what they paid #I DIDNT GET MY SHARE OF THE COUCH BACK BTW!!! OR THE TV TABLE!!!!! and btw their excuse for making me pay more for the vacuum was oh well we #also bought something else with the money you gave us for the vacuum and didnt tell you about it. so actually its was completely fair. 🙄 #sorry theyre so fucking infuriating like literally roommates from hell but somehow i was the shit roommate #and i was the reason we had rats 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 like be fucking for real like be serious for one time in your life at least. please.

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

i am in a *rage*

#my parents gave my blanket to the dogs #like just because it was in a cupboard doesn’t mean i didn’t want it #also it was 35 quid which i know isn’t loads but i don’t have money so it is to me #like at least ask first right??? #also i just gave them another of my blankets (identical but cheaper and pink) that i didn’t pay for myself which they love #why did they need my fancier one?? #for the past 2 days they’ve been laughing at the dogs ripping up ‘their’ new blanket #i just discovered that it was mine #(if i was going to be childish about this -which i’ve not completely decided against btw- #i’d go through the cupboards and find my parents stuff they’ve not used in a while and give it all to the dogs too #rn i’m thinking i won’t because i currently have the higher ground #but it brings me peace to know i can fuck up their shit too) #i talk and its probably something weird

[sugaroto]

I did it :D

I changed seats

During the 1st hour I was sjnzjdjsjd-ing again and couldn't focus and the 2nd hour the teacher was late and so I said fuck it, grabbed my bag and sat on the back

My deskmate was a lil confused and I didn't have time to explain to her why I left, sorry🥲 but I seriously cannot sit in there, especially since I sat on the back yesterday (some people were missing so it didn't seem weird that I moved) but like, in the back I could breathe, in the front it's very crowded

Also I don't think my deskmate minds at all cause the guy who sits on the front moved back with her a few times and they were playing hangman so🤷‍♀️she's doing fine

And only one teacher comment on it :)

-What are you doing in the back? Will you be sitting in there from now on?

-I focus better on the back

-you noticed a difference?

-yeah, I'd rather sit here

At first she thought I couldn't see, which is weird cause I'm wearing glasses, and the problem is that I actually can see better on the front but I focus better on the back, but we don't write that much cause most of the time the teachers are just talking (history doesn't need the board, ancient greek and Latin use it like once a month, so my problem is seeing in math, but I can see so far)

And like a friend noticed I was on the back during the last hour and she was like "Sugar what are you doing in the back?" All sad and she said it was sad or something cause I was so far away and sitting alone and my friend who was sitting in front of me (and knew how much I wanted to change seats) was like "no she likes it better here" and I was like yeah I get stressed on the front and can't focus and some girl was like really?

Yes really, I'm finally breathing again 🥲💘

Now the only teacher who didn't saw I moved was the history teacher and when I moved yesterday she gasped so I'm worried she'll say something

Also, there are two boys in my class who were originally on the back but now both sit on the front and one was kinda forced cause he's sleeping on the back so the history teacher made him move and I think the only reason the Latin teacher didn't continue the subject is bc she understands I'm not trying to sleep on the back bc I'm actually giving Panhellenic exams unlike the guy

And bc the teachers had made both boys move I thought they wouldn't agree with me sitting back but it's fine :)

The math teacher probably doesn't care cause she knows none of us actually cares about math, and also I participate to her class so🤷‍♀️ and the ancient greek teacher was also my teacher last year and I was sitting on the back and I don't think he gives a shit about where someone is sitting cause he knows how to do his job

3 teachers let me be 1 to go

#like... teachers dont really understand it #but ive neen sitting on the back for like at least 6 years (probably more honestly) #and even though there were times in which i wasnt paying attention #when i need to pay attention i do so #in the back i feel like i have more control #i cann see everyone and who raises their hand so if the teacher asks something i can see that other people are participating and decide to #join them #in the front i cant see so when the teacher is picking a student to say the answer idk if its because they raised their hand or bc she just #chose them and if shes choosing at random i don't need to raise my hand and if no-one else is participating i don't consider myself smart #enough to say the answer #also i feel people behind me and that whatever movement i do annoys them even though i know thats not the case i just cant #i focus too much on the people behind me existing that i cant focus on the class #but in the back i can just exist :D in peace and actually pay attention and sometimes i may sketch not like draw something just random #lines or some shit. its kinda calming but if i do it in the front they'll think im not paying attention #which is not true cause even at home i have a paper next to me when i study just to draw lines #most of this might not even make sense but :) it makes sense to me :D #this was long... but ... im also using this blog as a diary and its on my bio so anyone who follows me knew what they were signing up for #:D #sugarenia talks #should i make a diary tag? #sugarenia diary #lol #sugarenia thoughts #sugarenia school stuff #sugarenia teachers #sugarenia has friends #sugaroto

[thoustve]

aaaa im getting so genuinely frustrated with my primary care doctors office

#health mention #medical mention #i know its the start of a new year so like. busy bookings and appointments and whatnot #but it has been 3 Weeks since i called them about something thats concerning/hasnt gone away and im mostly frustrated because like #they told me they'd call me back day after my initial call or at latest by the next week and they never did #after two weeks passed i went into their office because i had to pay a bill anyway that kept failing payment online and i asked about it #and was told 'oh paper/notes are here somewhere. ill call you back later today or tomorrow' #and they never did #as of tomorrow it'll have been three weeks! #and i get that they might be busy but at least say so/give a reason rather than leaving me in the dark about it #especially when im concerned about something thats not going away/if anything has become more apparent/feelable #love my doctor hate his front desk assistant in charge of this shit

[munch-mumbles]

booooo vent in tags BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

#feeling very frustrated with how bad i am at being a person #like i just do not have the energy to survive #nothing can hold my attention anymore and its fucking with my desire to create anything #and thats not even in like a 'i need to make something to be worth something' way its more #'holy fucking christ im so fucking bored every day all the time forever' way #im also realizing that i fucking suck genuine ass at just talking to people #i dont know what to say in conversation. like im just fucking stupid #i have a small list of preloaded responses and if none of them fit what was said to me i STRUGGLE #i didnt always feel like this but im decaying #if more than two different people dm me in a day thats a whole Event #had something i wanted to say but got dsitracted for a second and immediately lost my train of thought loollll (gritted teeth) #whatever tldr im lonely but im too 2 dimensional of a person to know how to make friends anymore #i WANT to talk to people but talking has become exhausting and i dont know how to get better #if i at least had the energy to keep creating my own content to keep myself entertained i would be fine honestly #but i cant have anything so even thinking about the characters that i love feels like something i have to force myself to do #and still struggle with because i cant pay attention to jack shit #i like to think that maybe i just need to be medicated for something. probably adhd. and then ill be all better and happy #but 1 money 2 time 3 effort 4 what if it doesnt work #yeah time and effort sounds like little bitch shit and yeah it is but im not exaggerating when i say i have no energy #sorry the tags on this are getting so long i keep coming back to add more so i dont bug anyone with a new post #i just. i dont know what to do. im consistently unhappy every day and it keeps getting worse #if i wasnt scared to die i wouldve ended it months ago

[nexttothelamp]

...

#nobody asked but #im at the neurologist #theyre setting me up with apts for an mri and an eeg #im also going to see... idk a pabmologist or some shit like that #idk they specialize in... sleep neurology or some shit like that #im so tired #almost started crying during the apt and not for any logical reason #she asked me which hospital they should send us to and i just. couldnt think #ive been to so many at least half of the ones in the city and surrounding areas #...was it phlabotamist? i really think thats something else #at this point even if i learn the word it wouldnt matter cuz i cant retain it #maybe THIS will help #in the mean time my cats almost out of prozac and i need to call my work correspondant #so that she can start the paperwork for full-time leave #at least the pay decrease is easy to adjust to since we got dumped with no income for like 4 months 🙃 #but god. the horrors are never ending. and its getting harder to remaim silly #ita happening again #ive got pins and needles spreading up my hands #and my vision is going black #bye for now