#Im SCARED OF UTERINE CANCER

[notananime]

Barbie got into the gynecologist easier than I have

#oooh! youre a virgin?? youre probably too scared to go and get your health checked out #NO #Im SCARED OF UTERINE CANCER #AND HEALTH PROBLEMS #please dont treat me like a child #barbie

[lordmushroomkat]

hi sorry to place a mild rant here i just cant do journaling to myself. So i got diagnosed with pcos and i just got birth control to take. And i dont know how to feel about it. Im genderqueer but not ready to come out and like E was the only option they gave me and since im a teen i didnt know, still dont know, how, if, when i can tell these people that i dont think this is what i want. Im writing this right before im supposed to take my first pill and im scared. Scared i will hate it and will have to live with that because i just cant come out. But im also scared it will make me feel better. Do as my mom says and make me less tired, less cranky. Im scared that when she says that she is doing this because its the best for my health, that she is scientfically right. And my dr even mentioned how i didnt seem to care about anything they were talkin about (pills-side effects, “benefits”) but like after the fact i realized that i could have said that i didnt care because all that she wasnt going to improve my life in any fucking meaningful way. Like body hair? Love it. Or well i would like to remove some not all of it, and not feel like in removing like stomach hair that i was agreeing that i was a women or that hair is disgusting. Because i would remove hair for myself ya know. Not for the preconcieved idea of who i am and how i should look. And acne? If i cared id actually put my acne cream on. Fertility? Dont want children, and they talked about unwanted random fertility but im ace and sex repulsed. Beyond the first visit they didnt even mention cancer. Ive been telling myself im going to take these pills to prevent cancer in uterine lining. And im scared to look up how true thag is. I mean on how e decreases these helath risks. Im scared theyre right. Im scared their wrong. I will fucking riot if they are lying because that means this is for nothing. Im scared it wont give me gender dysphoria, scared i will have dysphoria because it wull peel layers off the dissasosiation i face. and before all this i was planning on making my mom a presentation about intersex people and gender. Because shes supportive just a littl confused and not radical, im radical because grief has made me angry and i want to let her in on it ig. But i dont think i can do that anymore. Because i would have pointed myself out as intersex. Imply she could be too if she liked the label. But im scared that her being cis, and having struggled with weight and eating when she was a teen (and that pcos effects weight) would mean she would hate the idea. Would call me wrong or cite drs. She told me to shave under my arms once, for the convience when traveling light on vacation so that deodorant worked better?? And hours after she said it i realized if i existed for ease i would crase to exist. But im worried whats a good ease for her would be a killer for me. Idk anymore. i guess any advice? But that will probably be to come out and i dont think i can do that. any research or resources that proves im allowed to be angry? I think im just looking for people to tell me im normal for feeling this way. Having a bad day. Thanks for any.. help? Hope this wasnt triggering or anything, i just saw that you were nonbinary with pcos too- and yea. Okay bye

I really don't know if I'm the right person to answer this. I was already out as non-binary for years before I got my PCOS diagnosis. When they said "take these pills" I asked about the other options and they gave me none so I simply refused to take the pills. But I'm like,,, I don't super care about the negative affects of PCOS. I'm casually suicidal all the time and I'll keep living for my family but if something kills me I'm pretty alright with it. I don't really expect to live much longer than like, a handful of decades and like honestly the world is on fire so it'll probably be shorter. So like, my perspective on this is not necessarily a super healthy one? I'm fairly apathetic about my own existence.

But like, I understand your struggle here with wanting to explain the PCOS=intersex connection to your mom but knowing she'll respond poorly because she also has PCOS.

I really don't have any solid advice here. Just... I guess, consider really carefully how you want to feel in your body. If you've been enjoying the superficial changes the PCOS has done to your body with this weird little second puberty, maybe you should consider advocating for yourself a little more firmly about it. Your future health is important but so is your current comfort in your body.

#PCOS intersex #gender experiences #queue

[msookyspooky]

maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?

i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.

a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.

if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3

Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.

His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."

...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes

I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.

Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV

I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.

I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤

[theoriginalspike]

if my cramps could not radiate through my lower back and down my entire vagina, that would be SO LIT

#i want this uterus out #im not gonna use it #my mom had uterine cancer and that scares me just as much as getting pregnant

[rebellum]

How do ppl with chronic pain do anything. I'm having weird scary pain but I also have schoolwork I need to do but it's it's hard to concentrate

#when the best case scenario is gonnorea or chlamydia and those arent likely #its a bad situation! #hopefully i dont have like. uterine cancer. #im so scared.

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

Materialist approaches to trans people don't work super well. I'm referring to the current swing away from "all trans men are men the moment they decide they are a man" towards "we shouldn't neglect overlaps and unity between all amab queer people, and all afab queer people, as groups"

What defines an incident?

People react to 1st, what they can see; and 2nd, how they interpret what they see. So yes, undoubtedly, pre-transition people are being treated like cis people of their asab, and mid-transition people as visibly queer cis people of their asab. BUT.

Trans people also react to 1st, what happened; and 2nd, how they interpret what happened. And it turns out that second one is really important.

As an outsider, it's pretty easy for me to identify homophobia against gay men and transmisogyny on a kind of continuum. But it's pretty clear that trans women experience this violence as...misogyny. As violence of a man against a woman, on a continuum with other male violence against women. Even when they are pre transition. Regardless of their actual social position or what the aggressor thinks is happening, trans women experience & understand violence from men like cis women do. And similarly, there's no shortage of people who want to claim my experiences with misogyny as misogyny. And I've tried, and it makes sense on paper. But I...don't experience it like that. I feel a sense of shared experience with non-fem gay men being targeted as feminine or acceptably unmasculine by other men. That is my subjective experience of what happens. That is my brains interpretation of what is going on around me. Undoubtedly, this accounts for the large number of trans men who connect to narratives of failed masculinity/homophobic violence/effeminacy. I'm not unaware of misogyny, obvs; I know I'm being targeted at the bus stop because I look like a 16 year old girl. I recognise things like the opening of Bob & Rose as a familiar experience (In which a woman slowly becomes aware her taxi driver is giving out creep vibes. It's incredible writing and acting, and my go-to example of men writing women characters well) Does my experience make any fucking sense? NO. NO IT DOES NOT. Gender dysphoria is a total trip.

and this applies all over the board. Like, I have been notionally a woman dating women for like eight years and never once felt lesbian, despite the reality that oppression I experienced was on a continuum of violence with actual lesbians. When I was safely out, those relationships felt straight. When I was closeted, those relationships felt gay, as in, I'm definitely a man and this relationship is definitely same sex, so it's like the relationships men have with other men. (My ex wasn't even a butch, ffs). But, I was aware of that then, and unable to articulate it. Now, I can put words to it, but it's still nonsense. Arrant nonsense. Or dating straight men - but only bears, only ones which fit this recognisably queer body ideal, one which matches with my self-fantasy.

Or the much-mocked notion of "I am a woman, I have a penis, therefore this is a woman's penis", which makes absolute sense to me. If you're not having this experience, it feels like rhetorical trickery: you can't just be clever with words to get what you want. But I look in the mirror and see a man's face. And ever since I was no longer able to bind, I've worked hard and im there now: "I am a man, and this is what my chest looks like, and it's not separate from me - this is a man's chest"

and complaining to my therapist about how much hard work men are when sulking about unemployment, and her saying "well you're an unemployed man", and she's right. Maybe I do experience unemployment in this male pattern/bad provider way. And trying to coax our straight friend to go have a prostate exam to survive a cancer scare, and internally headdesking about the kind of toxic masculinity which will kill you. And my husband pointing out that I'm also midway through a cancer scare and I need to call the damn gynecologist. An experience which, I think, doesn't pattern match to the "body exam as kind of medical rape" framework that comes out of feminist literature, but maps straight on to my straight friend's masculine pride issues.

and so on.

Well, Caretaker, you say. Ok, but how does this help us build better political coalitions? And like, idk. I am affected by anti-woman laws and trends, but I also feel separate from the women affected. Not only that I don't have a right to speak in those spaces, but that I don't really want or need one either. At the same time, I'm not a fit for men's campaigns either, speaking in my own voice. But I feel more at home campaigning for, say, prostate cancer checks than uterine cancer, because regardless of biology, I feel a lot more on the level with how men feel about this than women. The latter, I can make a good guess at, the same way one can always understand things by reading and learning more.

and I don't want to sideline trans people who do, in fact, feel included by activism/experiences for their asab. Or even cis queer people who prefer to the genuine experience gap between trans and cis people in certain contexts. But, as a trans person, as a person speaking for myself and about my own experiences, no matter *what* is happening to me, or *why*, or how my gender is being *perceived*, I'm ultimately still experiencing it as a man. Always. And that produces some weird and inexplicable outcomes, even for me. But it's a common mistake for cis people to expect trans people to have a better/more complete/perfect theory of gender. I don't understand half of why this shit is happening. I can only try and articulate what is going on, and how I experience it, and how best to live as a result.

#The gends #gender angst tag

[cooldoyouhaveaflag]

I’m really scared and I’m not allowed to talk about this to people who know my family yet (if ever) and I just needed to process some thoughts. Feel free to ignore. It just helps me process if I can put the thoughts out in the universe somewhere that isn’t contained in my head and my heart

I came home today and that was amazing. I love coming home and seeing my adoptive mom and my friends. When we got back to the house, my mom sat me down and told me she’d been diagnosed with uterine cancer and has to have a hysterectomy and due to separate medical issues, has to have a hip replacement in the same year because she now can’t walk without crutches and has to use a wheelchair at work. We talk regularly. I’m not estranged from her in anyway and we keep each other updated on each other’s lives, even though we live 3,000 miles apart. She got the diagnosis last November and she told my birth mom and neither of them told me. I’m so scared and furious and angry and I have to pretend like everything is fine because that’s how things are in this family with major life events. I don’t know how to go back to New York at the end of my visit. How on earth am I supposed to leave when she won’t even tell me when the surgery is and won’t understand that I would fly out to be with her during it in a second if she would JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME. Last year, she was in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and I didn’t know until her NEW GIRLFRIEND WHOSE NUMBER I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE called me to tell me. 

I just wish my parents weren’t so god damn stubborn.  

#personal #feel free to ignore #just needed to put this somewhere

[transgenderadvice]

Hi, Im sorry if this is a frequent question, I did read FAQ, but Im just scared, I can't think straight: What are the health risks when I take T ? I just read about how you can get cancer. Im terrfied. Where? How and why? This is a nightmare! Being transgender seems like such a curse to me. I don't have any choice, I go on T within a month, I want to look like a man...But Im terrified of health issues! What are real dangers here? Thanks and sorry for my panic.

Panic is very understandable, you are making a major change in your body after all. All the stuff about cancer has not been proven, but I included some worries about it in the list. Here are the side effects of T:

There may be an increased risk of you getting typically male illnesses, but you will have the same chances of getting them as any other cisgender male.

Your levels of good cholesterol will go down and the bad cholesterol will go up. Watch your diet.

Increase activity in the oil glands in your skin, aka acne.

Increase red blood cell count. 

You may gain weight. This doesn’t happen to everyone, 

Worsen migraines if you already had them before.

It is not known if testosterone can increase risk for certain types of cancer. There is a worry that if you have a family history of estrogen-dependent cancer you may be at risk (breast, ovarian, and uterine cancers). Talk to your doctor about this. Trans men with this risk ofter get rid of their reproductive system via surgery. This means you will have to stay on T forever. Going off T could harm your bones if you can’t revert back to estrogen. 

Higher blood pressure is an issue you will have as well.

If you are schizophrenic, bipolar, or have schizoaffective disorder, taking testosterone could possibly destabilise you and you may need to consider the drugs you are taking. There are cases where this has not been an issue, though. Some of our followers here say that they have not had an issue and that T may have even helped to stabilise them. You should ask you doctor if this could effect you. 

Some people consider getting an enlarged clitoris as a bad side effect of T. It does not go away and forms a small-ish phallic-like form.

Some trans men have reported getting a very dry vagina.

If you wanna see more of the good/bad effects and what T doesn't do, check this tag out [here].

-Suleyman

#effects of testosterone #testosterone #hrt

[tired-aliensoul]

This is super awkward but u seem like a person who would understand I have PCOS and for the past month have been having really bad pain like a period. No blood or anything. I am WAY overdue for a papsmir (idk how u spell it) and im just terrified of them i cry everytime my doc mentions them, plus i'm scared bc my doc said i'm at hugher risk of uterine, cervical, and ovarian cancer bc of my pcos . I am so scared

If you’re at a higher risk for those, it’s very important for your health to get regularly checked.If you’re having pain it could be a sign of something serious going on, could possibly be a sign of endometriosis and not cancer but either way it’s important to know. Could also be an ovarian cyst and those are typically benign and could be dangerous if they end popping. I’m not saying this stuff to scare you, and I understand that it’s uncomfortable and definitely not the most favorite part of going to the gyn, but they are there to help us stay aware of what’s going on in our bodies and to help us stay healthy. I’m sorry you’re going through it! It’s not my favorite part of the doctor either and I wish it could be done in a better less uncomfortable way, but it’ll be okay sweetie, your health is important to me! Please take care of yourself! ❤️❤️❤️❤️