#IM WEEPING STILL NOBODY LOOK AT ME. NEED ALLLLL THE GIFSETS W BEING ALIVE AND THEIR JOURNEY (& W THEIR PARENTS)

[reyesstrand]

thinking about being alive being gwyn’s favourite song. thinking about her singing it, along with her lullabies, to tk—as he grew up, as they faced tragedy they could never imagine, as tk faced loss and grew distant and turned to other means of drowning out the noise. thinking about gwyn loving tk so ferociously and fiercely and wholly right to the end. thinking about gwyn saving tk by taking him to rehab and owen beginning the process of saving him for good by taking him to austin and gwyn saving jonah in the last moments of her life.

thinking about being alive and “somebody crowd me with love / somebody force me to care / somebody let me come through / i’ll always be there / as frightened as you / to help us survive / being alive” and how it’s literally the tarlos thesis. thinking about tk and carlos meeting when they were more alone than they’d ever been, finding their kindred spirit, their soulmate, and the journey to allowing themselves that kind of love and vulnerability of letting someone else in. thinking about tk and carlos and the slow unravelling of the parts deep inside they hid, the parts that came from trauma, the parts that they loved about each other anyway. thinking about them enduring together, supporting each other, guiding each other, keeping each other standing. thinking about them being each other’s heart personified. thinking about neither of them knowing what their future would hold—if they’d even have a future—and finding hope and a newfound dream in each other. thinking about them having so much love and being surrounded by it in so many forms, always. thinking about them coming together in a union that everyone around them celebrated with them. thinking about them and having forever.

thinking about gwyn. thinking about gabriel. thinking about tk asking one of his mentors and mother figures to sing this in honour of their parents but also everyone they’ve lost. thinking about being alive being the theme song to tk’s life but representing so much to carlos and his family, too. thinking about tk and carlos and their future and them holding each other, caressing each other, sitting quietly with each other if that’s what’s needed. thinking about them seeking each other out in the middle of the night. thinking about them making each other meals. thinking about them knowing so intimately the inherent pain and grief and untimely tragedy of life but living in it anyway, and continuing on through love and the power of it. because that’s the risk of love, right? feeling so much and being so connected and knowing we’ll lose it one day, but finding so much beauty in it to keep choosing it, to keep fighting for it, to keep on being alive.

#lone star spoilers #DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE IDK #IM WEEPING STILL NOBODY LOOK AT ME. NEED ALLLLL THE GIFSETS W BEING ALIVE AND THEIR JOURNEY (& W THEIR PARENTS) #BC I NEVER REALIZED HOW THEM IT IS TILL NOW AND IM A WRECK #tarlos #gwyneth morgan #911 lone star #911ls