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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

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'Big story' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Big story"

All I want with her is keeping her close to me !

Chapter Summary : Yirina is, after an long night, going to speak with Portnova about her own life and story......

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3000

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Portnova....it was an big risk to go to her place to try to find out if she was still living there and also to try to gather some intels about our own operations against Stone and if we were able to, to find something on Adler himself even if the chances were non-existant to be honest. The bigger risk is that to literally enter her place in the inside. She wasn't there at this time of the day despite been 2 AM in general and we thought that she was still working at the Lubyanka and that we will have time to get out.....

We were....so wrong about this. After we managed to find out that Beans was still well & alive after I told Portnova to take care of it when I was away to save Zasha and after all these years, we've been frozen in place when Portnova suddenly came back in her house and found there, in her living room, seeing us like 3 intruders and at first, I thought she was going to shoot us at sight. Hopefully, it didn't happen. However, she immediately showed her anger by slapping me & Zasha in the face and....yeah, I deserved it to be real.

Instead of letting us leave like that, Portnova ordered us to stay here and that wasn't an advice but an direct order, threatening to kill those who will try to leave and with that, we had no choice but only to stay because it was our only option right now. It was impossible to do this because....it's Portnova herself, she said to have been alone for 3 years and leaving was going to be seen like an second betrayal and I wouldn't do that. At least, we could finally have an sleep after what we did.....

No....no, I couldn't close my eyes during the whole night even if I was so tired....we were all tired and I couldn't sleep at all even if I was trying now in an couch with Park, changing from the car's backseats but no, nothing could have help me to have some rest. All night, I was feeling troubled like if I had an taste of bitterness in my mouth, disgusted by myself because of Portnova's situation right now and the worst ? Even in the darkness of the living room, I could see Zasha's crying eyes on the other couch....it was sad....and feeling me more guilty...I fucked up.....

I saw them during the first hours after Portnova left until they could finally sleep but not me, I was the only one to not sleep in here as Park was the first one to do even if she wasn't feeling good after witnessing all of this. I was still awake at 8 AM before I could hear the stairs making noises meaning that Portnova was going down and I could see going into another room that I supposed to be her kitchen.

Without hesitation, I decided to got up from the couch, leaving Park to get the couch for herself, still sleeping to go join Portnova....she told me that I needed to tell her everything and I will do it, face-to-face....I will. I stepped inside, finding her standing up next to the counter, her hands on it, not doing anything.

"Hi." I started in an low voice, waving at her to catch her attention towards me but she didn't even look at me or respond to me, staying in the same position. "Uhm....Portnova...I....how do you feel ?" I added, not sure of my own words.

"This is how you're starting an conversation ?" She said harshly to me, peaking an eye to me, like if she was scanning me & my clothes.

"I'm sorry if it did disturb you." I told her, sounding apologizing to her as I slowly move inside the kitchen, getting next to her. "If you want, you can slap me again or even punch me, I will not give an damn." I stated, pointing to her my face and honestly, if she wanted to do that, I will understand that.

"No." She whispered, removing her hands from the counter to lean against it, getting some distances between me & her. "I will never do that."

"But you did do it !" I exclaimed in an normal tone...still feeling her slap from the night on my face to say. "And not only to me, you did this on Zasha." I added.

"I'm regretting to have done this, Grigoriev." She snorted, looking an bit sad and angry towards me before she take an deep breath, crossing her arms. "To answer your question, why do you think I should feel good ?" She rhetorically demanded to me, making me look down at my feets in guilt. "I just found out that 2 of my closest friends....one who was my lover and the other who helped me to make an stand were alive for three years." She said, gesturing to the door and sounding sad....the only mood we could have right now.

"I couldn't sleep for the entire night." I told her, scratching my nose.

"Me neither to be honest." She continued and I could understand why she couldn't sleep...seeing us alive did make everyone feeling bad. "I've been asking myself how you two could have live your life away, forgetting me."

"We....we didn't forget you." I breathed.

"Really ?" She raised an eyebrow, staying at her position "And it took you 3 years to finally act ?" She asked me, looking to await an answer for me.

"You said that you wanted me to tell you everything so you want to know ?" I asked her back and she nodded to me, biting her lips. "Like I said, it's very long !"

"Just tell me, I got all the time." She ordered me as I scratch the back of my head, preparing myself to tell my story of my goddamn life to her.

"Okay." I took an deep breath before looking at her. "I don't remember everything but something happened in Turkey 3 years ago....Arash Kadivar left me for dead, he must have know that I was trying to defect with you." I started, getting her full attention on me, looking curious as hell and deadly too. "I managed to survive but everything didn't go to plan."

"What happened ?" She questioned in an curious tone.

"The CIA captured me in Turkey and I don't know why but I didn't speak, I....." I then cut myself, feeling the heavy weight on the words I was using. "Shit, Portnova....the CIA brainwashed me !" I proclaimed clearly and Portnova's eyes goes wide at this.

"What...are you serious ?" I nodded to her.

"I never spoke even if I was hating Perseus, I didn't speak at all." I stated, making me wonder why I never said an word about him to the CIA....something must have happen to me....something wrong to make me not speak. "Since I wasn't talking, the CIA decide to brainwash me to make me work with them."

"Continue." She ordered in an low voice, sounding confused and trying to get her senses back.

"During an time, I wasn't named 'Yirina Grigoriev' but Jess Blackwell...codenamed 'Bell'." I continued like she wanted. "They make me work with the MI6 and during that time, I thought to have been an full british....before they make me discover the truth as I became the only lead to Perseus." I added, taking an deep breath to think about that moment...Adler....the needle...the keyphrase...."I did help them but in reward, I was left for dead again, put into an coma and I woke up....only one month ago." I pointed the scar of my head, getting my finger along it. "I wasn't really alive for 3 years."

"Shit." She cursed, thinking to herself. "Where did you woke up ?"

"In Moscow....can't remember the name of the hospital." I replied, sending chills in her as I was just there, not alive in Moscow, not really far from the Lubyanka. "Since I woke up, I've been trying to survive, to recover my old memories and to finish what I started." I affirmed, decrossing my arms, getting them alongside my body. "It's progressing good if you want to know about my memories."

"So, there's things that you still don't know right now." She suggested and I nodded slowly, snorting.

"I don't even know what happened between the day I saved Zed and the day I was left for dead." I exclaimed, raising my shoulders, looking at Portnova as I was thinking that she could know. "I don't know why I wasn't able to save you." I added, making her look at me with an apologizing face.

"Well, Perseus send you away from Moscow once you got back at that time." She stated, getting my full attention and giving me some news about myself. "We weren't able to talk in person and we only had one call." She continued. "It was the 12th of January."

"One day before Arash shot me." I whispered to myself.

"You called because you wanted me to put some of your things in an box and hide it somewhere safe from Perseus in case something bad happened to you." She remembered very well, making me the links between the box that Belikov gave me in that apartment an month ago. "Unfortunately, this box was stolen in April 1981." She added.

"I know." I breathed, grinning an little. "I got it back from someone an day after I woke up from my coma." I smiled about it but Portnova didn't actually answer or make an move to me, in her thoughts to be honest. "Listen, today, I'm working with the MI6 and I'm here with Zed and Park to help you." I finally spoke up, making her eyes go back on me, curious again.

"The MI6 ?" I nodded to her. "And this Helen Park, she's like your colleague ?" She asked.

"Well, yes." I whispered before I looked at the couch that was just in my sight, seeing Park slowly getting up. "In fact...okay, she's my lover !" I exclaimed, seeing Portnova crossing her arms to me and like I thought, her eyes goes wide on me.

"My god." She breathed, stunned.

"Yes, it's....maybe weird but I love her, she's my moral support and she's always there for me." I affirmed proudly to Portnova who was kinda astonished to hear that.

"Hi." I was surprised when I saw Park already standing next to the door frame, waving at me & Portnova and she was looking an bit troubled like before she sleep. "Uhm...did I step in in the wrong moment ?"

"Nope, it's all good, Park." I grinned to her, removing myself from the counter.

"Okay, Yiri." She whispered, making me blush until her eyes meet Portnova's eyes. "Well, if we want to talk about work and the future, I'm open." She added

"It's better that we wait after we took something to eat before actually speaking of that." I suggested before my chest start to growl as we didn't eat since an while...since the last evening to be honest.

"Well, you are right." Park said.

"I'm going to make everyone coffee and some breakfast, okay ?" Portnova volunteered, sounding an bit low before we nodded to her. "Okay, so get yourselves back on the couchs." She ordered before me & Park left the kitchen.

We installed ourselves back in our couch like Portnova ordered to us and we were now awaiting with Zasha that was awakening up on their own couch, their eyes still looking sad from their cries of last night before Portnova arrived with some cups of coffee on an big plate and even if it was kind from her, we weren't going to talk like before even if I told her about the truth, thinking that it's hard to talk about this with people around.....an feeling that I'm sharing in case she got it.

It was an complete silence during all the breakfast. Even Zasha wasn't talking at all, trying to struggle with the fact that they just saw Portnova well and remembering that slap she gave them. They couldn't talk normally after this and it's gonna be hard for the two to rekindle their relationship. The silence were broken when Park's satellite phone that she has take with her rang, causing her to go outside to make the call with Portnova watching her in case she was going to try something.

She came back 3 minutes later, having finished her call as Portnova open the door back for her, wondering who did called Park....must have been Woods & his team or Garrett & Greta wondering where the three of us were.....must be that.

"So, who called ?" Portnova asked to her while Park stepped back inside.

"It was my MI6 friend Garrett." Park replied, going back inside the living room to get sit on the couch, looking at me. "I had to tell him that we had to go on an mission outside the town and that we will come back this evening." She added as Portnova slowly nodded to her, getting sit on her own seat.

"Now, I think we can talk about you." She started, looking at Park curiously. "Why are you all here ?"

"Well...uhm, it's because of Harry Stone himself, we've been hunting him down since 2 weeks...almost 3." I was the one to respond to her question, joining my hands together. "Zasha...they joined us the 8th of May after I found out that they were still alive." I continued, making Zasha look at me with their saddened eyes.

"I...uhm...yes, I did." Zasha said in an low voice, still troubled

"It's been almost 5 days that we're in here to save you, hoping that you could help us with Stone." Park told to Portnova, biting her lips and also joining her hands together.

"We know that you were in charge of supplying the soviet guns to the Perseus's group around the world before you were pulled out." I continued, making Portnova confused.

"How did you know that ?" She questioned.

"We managed to make one member of your 'team' an MI6 informant inside the KGB." Park answered, insisting that her team wasn't an real one. "He said to us the truth about...."

"Why did you join him ?" Zasha interrupted Park, looking at Portnova with incomprehension. "You said that you will never join him but....you lied." They stated, their voice cracking as Portnova was holding back her own tears. Park was an bit stressed to have been cut off but I put my hands on hers to calm her down

"I....Zasha...I...." Portnova started, looking away from them for an second. "He.....well...he said that he will promise revenge if I join him...to avenge my fallen friends." She passed her hands through her face to clean up some tears, looking at me. "I was stupid to accept and now, here I am." She snorted, having her eyes on Zasha.

"If you want, we can delay to talk about work." Park suggested.

"No, it's okay...I....what do you need to know ?" Portnova shook her head to us as she was still looking at Zasha, troubled.

"We need informations about Stone himself and everything that could bring him down." Park replied, redressing herself on the couch.

"Well, you can have these infos but....there are somewhere that is very protected." Portnova stated, making me realize of her words.

"Okay, wait !" I waved at her, meaning to stop as I put my head in my left hand. "Are you telling us that the only way to find where Stone could be is....in the Lubyanka building ?" I asked and she slowly nodded. "Oh, bloody hell, not again !" I cursed to myself..... It's 1981 all over again !

"What do you mean, not again ?" Portnova demanded.

"Let's just say that it's not the first time that I did get into the Lubyanka....." I admitted, getting Zasha's head turned towards me curious as it was something they didn't know as Park was knowing the story well. "I broke in with the CIA in March 1981." I told her.

"The day the Lubyanka was attacked and you were there...." Portnova whispered, making me wonder if I did see her without her seeing me that day. "Damnit."

"Really ?" I nodded to Zasha's question.

"It was our only way at that time to get something on Perseus." I added to my nodding to Zasha. "And today, we're learning that we're maybe going to do this again."

"Are you certain that Stone's intels are in the Lubyanka ?" Park questioned and Portnova nodded.

"Yes but I can't reach for them personally and neither of my 'team' can do." She exclaimed, looking at the three of us.

"That's means that we're going to enter the Lubyanka again." I looked at Park who nodded.

"Yeah, I think we have no other choice but we're not going to make like 3 years ago with the CIA." She stated, not wanting to provoke an slaughter in the building like everyone else in here. "How much time you think you can give means to get inside ?"

"Since I'm not heavily monitored by the KGB, I can say that I can give you uniforms & badges in 2 days." Portnova stated, making us relieved that she will help but an bit sad that we're going to wait two more days. "And once it's done, what will happen ?"

"We're going to get you out of here with the MI6's help !" I replied, sure of my words before I could see Beans arriving in the room, getting next to Portnova. "And Beans too." I added with an smile, seeing her meowing to Zasha & Portnova.

"You said that...you wanted to be an maths teacher, right ?" Zasha asked, sounding an bit happy.

"Uhm...yeah, I want to be one." Portnova smiled at hearing Zasha been happy.

"Well, we can help you with that if only you're helping us." Park affirmed, serious.

"Of course, I will help you by an lot." Portnova affirmed too, looking at Park with an grin on her face as Zasha was looking more good than before, making me smile before an silence of an few seconds came in until Portnova got up slowly from her seat.....

"I'm doing this for my friends, my only family....my real family."

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