#I've never met a single poly person who was happy with their relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thequeenofsastiel · 11 months

Text

Still trying to cope with V breaking up with me. I'm not upset with him. He just wants to give monogamy a shot because marriage and children are important to him, and it's been impossible for him to find a poly person who's open to that. While this is a hard time for me, he didn't want to celebrate our anniversary knowing that he was planning on ending things, as it would be disingenuous. I appreciate that, and I even appreciate that he gave me a heads up via text message(though the timing unintentionally sucked; I had to do two shows back to back immediately after). He did come over and we had a long discussion about it. He was clearly broken up about it, because the breakup had nothing to do with me or our connection past the fact that we aren't right for each other in regards to marriage. I honestly felt sadder for him than me in the moment. Not, I think, that he was trying to make me feel bad, but he's not a terribly emotional person, yet his voice kept breaking while we were talking. I tried to be as light-hearted as possible about the whole thing. It was easy, I'm very good at making him laugh, and after spending months watching my father die slowly and the two of us trying to make it easier with gallows humor, I know how to cope with pain in the least painful way possible.

But still. It's hard. I've never had to cope with romantic heartbreak along with grief over a parent dying. I wish my dad was here so I could talk to him about it. He did everything possible to understand the fact that I'm poly. He eventually got there. He even met V a few times, and liked him a lot. If my dad was still here I could go over to his place, cry, smoke weed, and watch something. It would make it easier. But I can't do that. I can just sit here, cry alone, and try to cope with both losses.

It might be easier if I could be angry with V. But I'm not. He didn't do anything wrong. If anything, he did it in the kindest way possible. And I want him to be happy. I want him to be able to marry and have children. I think he'll be a really good father. I want to see him happy. It breaks my heart, but I want that for him. I love him so much. There's just nothing for this but love, understanding, and heartbreak. I've never had a relationship with anyone quite like the relationship I had with him. I'll cherish our memories. Our first date when I cried about the puppies I'd fostered, and about the way our country treats refugees. When he helped me move, and I realized I was in love with him because of how amazing he was during it, and he realized he was in love with me because I didn't once take out my extreme stress on him. The way we would give each other back rubs and talk about all the things we loved about each other. How clearly he saw me. Sees me. He sees me so completely, as much as anyone ever has. He sees and appreciates all the work I've put into becoming the best person I can be. When we're together, he makes me love myself more. He loves my sense of humor, which is amazing because making people laugh is my favorite thing to do. He's so thoughtful, and deeply kind. He listens. He understands. I've never once, in two years, seen him get angry. We never had a single fight. He has a lovely voice and laugh. He also happens to be gorgeous, but that was just a plus. I adore him. And I hate to lose him. But I want him to be happy more than anything else.

So I'll feel this pain. I'll let myself grieve both losses. And I'll do my best to come out of this stronger. Because I want to be strong. I want to be kind, and loving, and funny. I won't let any of this harden me. I'll be the best version of me I can be. I owe it to my loved ones. I owe it to the world. But most of all?

I owe it to myself.

#personal post #tw parental loss

6 notes · View notes

lord-of-dragons-2007 · 10 months

Text

Am I Crazy?

So its been a couple of years since I've been single, by that I mean after the person I trusted the most betrayed me for some imaginary thing that they never got (betted on a bet that was never going to pay out). When it first happened, it felt like my world was falling apart around me. In some ways this was good because it meant that I could start over and build again.

Since that time when the dust seemed to settle, I went on something of a journey to discover for myself and of myself. Today I went to an even that was the same as the one last year when I started my journey of discovery, and it was a moment for me to reflect on the past year and the changes that have happened in the past year. The things that have come into my life the past year has been so amazing and I have been so thankful for the changes especially recently. However, lately especially late I have been wondering if I am losing my mind.

So I had been in two vanilla long term relationships and both ended in both women either cheating on me or being some degree of emotionally abusive. However despite that I am still looking for someone special, looking for my person to ride or die with. In all this time that I've been single nothing has really panned out, and it does really make me wonder. Am I someone that is interesting to go beyond a date or two? Am I so broken that it is apparent to everyone who sees me? Am I ugly? Am I worthy of finding 'the one' for me? With each set back and rejection I lose that much more hope that I will ever find what I am looking for.

As I have been in discovery for myself and of myself I have also tried to find that special person who possibly would share a similar kinky interest as me, this is where things seem to especially demoralize me. I met someone a year ago that I was really crushing on (and still am) that had a shared interest as me, unfortunately a few weeks before I met this person, they had just entered a relationship with someone. While I am happy for my friend and happy that she is happy, it certainly feels like a situation that I am (as I famously say) 'a day late and a dollar short'. The next one had expressed interests in me and a dynamic with me, however it seemed that she was disinterested and this seeming interest died away after I had met this person and more so she seemed to be in a relationship with someone. Which again I am happy for them and happy that they are happy but just seemed like again its just me that killed that interest. The last one was someone I was talking to a week ago, she seemed very much interested and seemed ok with it. She would have to work out the details with her poly partner, however its been a week and this person has yet to get back to me even just to say hi.

The only common thread between people not in kink rejecting me and people in kink turning me down is just me.. While I understand that is people's prerogative to choose and reject, and I am truly happy for my friends that have found someone for them. I just cant stop and wonder why not me? I am not trying to sound entitled or like I am owed anything, its just more of when does my day come? I am a good person, I dont lie or cheat or steal, I always try to do the right thing, I try to say the right things, but it just seems being the good guy just leaves you with a fist full of loneliness and little else. In a way I feel lied to, I grew up being told if I was a good man and did the right thing that good things would come to me. While yes some good things have come to me, but ones that I really want have yet to find their way to me and it feels like they never will.. I am not angry at the world (or at least not yet in any case), I am just disappointed. Work the past few weeks has left me wondering if this is how my career is supposed to be? Am I supposed to hate my life from 8-5 m-f? I am wondering if this is how life is supposed to be? disappointed with how my dating/personal life is right now? I just feel like there is so much in my life that I am disappointed in, and the majority of it there is nothing I can do about it.

So I sit here quietly on my couch having a movie night with my dogs and wonder how I got to this position, if this pain and disappointment will lift, if what I was told grow up is true. If I am a good person, a good guy, will good things come? In a sense I feel like I am staring my future in the face, in 10-20 years nothing will change. I will be here where I am now still asking the same questions and crying out into the nothingness void of this blog, I will still be here crying myself to sleep every night and wanting to sleep all day because when I sleep I feel no pain or disappointment, I feel nothing when I sleep, and I would rather feel nothing at all than live with this disappointment and pain.

A song really comes to mind, or rather a specific lyric comes to mind, especially when I talk about not wanting to feel anything. When I think about where I was about 4 years ago, when I think about the last time I was happy and felt content with my life.

"Put me inside flesh that is dying, A ghost that wonders without rest, Buried by desires and weakness, I understand."

This speaks to me because as I see more and more grey hairs pop up on my hair and beard, as I feel more aches and pains as the days come without rest I feel as though age is starting to do what it does to everyone. As I remember the days when I was happy and content with life it just reminds me of how some days I just feel like an empty shell, that I am just a wraith wondering this world without rest in sight. As I try to search for the things that make me happy, the desires I have in life I feel that the weight of them or the lack of them in my life are burying me. All of this, all of the things that are happening and have happened, I understand it all but it doesnt make it any easier. I am struggling to keep the faith that my dreams will come true, however as I said before, each rejection, each setback, each pain makes it harder to keep the faith and makes it harder to put on the brave face I wear daily so people dont worry about me. This mask I wear around my friends and my family I feel gets flimsier every day, this smile that I put on fades more and more revealing what is really going on under the surface.

I doubt anyone would read this much of my ramblings, and I doubt anyone would say anything because I doubt anyone really reads what I post here... But here is really hoping that this faith I cling to will eventually be rewarded...

0 notes

gdays · 2 years

Text

6/14/2022

Well it's been 3 months since I've posted here, but maybe I'll start again!

I broke up with gin about a month and a half ago, maybe 2. Things were getting worse and worse between us and I couldn't do it anymore. He was extremely toxic after the break up (grabbed my face to force me to kiss him, posted a ton of mean stuff about me, still continues to beg me to fuck him while also posting mean things about me, and more). I'm honestly just relieved that I'm single again! But today he emailed me(hes blocked everywhere else) saying he really wants to tell everyone all my secrets but that he wont. I feel like its gunna be blackmail for him to use to try to get me to come see him at his aunt's house. I really hope not.

Since the breakup, I had a brief fwb thing with this guy greg but it turned out he doesnt support black lives matter so I cut him off. I've also been sleeping with and seeing willem, the person me and gin had a 3 way with at one point, and I've become the fwb to mike and kim, the couple I met off whisper who are super cool. I'm in love with willem, I cant stop thinking about them and we actually do go out on dates and cuddle and stuff but we've talked about how we wanna take things really slow and not get into any serious kind of relationship so they dont know I love them and I'm gunna keep taking things slow and just treasuring any time I get with them. Willem lives in souix city so I drive up to visit them about once a week and I look forward to it so much every time.

I've realized I'm really liking this seeing multiple people thing so I think I'm gunna stop allowing myself to get into monogamous relationships and I'm going to be poly for good. I've always said I can either be poly or monogamous but I think monogamy isn't for me. I talked to willem about it and they said they dont want anything monogamous either, so if they do become my partner (I really really hope so) I've already had that talk with them about it!

I'm so so so happy now that im out of the relationship with gin. Of course I loved him and I do think about him/miss him from time to time, but the lack of toxicity in my life has been wonderful. I do what I want when I want and I dont have to answer to anyone. I am allowed to actually have private things that are only for me and that never happened when I was with gin. Like I dont feel obligated to tell my various partners about everything going on because some of it is just for me and i love that!! Plus I get so much alone time that I had craved when gin lived here. It's amazing.

I also recently had my left hand surgery for the carpel tunnel and my right hand is coming up at the end of the month. My left is finally not keeping me up all night, it's only the right one that does now, so I'm confident that after the second surgery I'll actually get a good nights sleep after all this time of having this damn carpet tunnel!

Im still at red lobster and I love it just as much as before. Im also going to metro for culinary school starting in september and I'm hoping that'll get me a better paying cooking job! I'd get to do what I love and make extra money, itll be so great if I can make it thru the school part! I really hope so honestly, it's only supposed to take 2 years if you go full time. This first semester I'm only taking 3 classes but after that I'm supposed to be on a full time schedule. I know mom and dad would still support me and still let me live here if I do end up needing to take longer than 2 years for culinary school tho, which is great. Oh and also they're not making me move out until I'm done with school so I'll be here for quite a while longer, but honestly I'm grateful. Moving is extremely stressful, plus if I went to school and had to work full time to try to make rent too I just know I'd end up quitting school due to the stress. So my parents are doing me a colossal favor by letting me stay until I'm out of school. I'm eternally grateful.

Now that I'm thinking of it, maybe I should get them a big gift for letting me stay! I could start paying for a disney plus subscription that they can use and then maybe get something nice for them both separately too. I am absolutely gunna do that cuz I don't show them enough that I love them anyways.

Mady is nonbinary and using they or she for pronouns. They say they're officially done with Darius (they had gotten back together for a while) and she actually hasn't seen him for like a month now and shes seeing some other dudes, so maybe she really wont take d bag back! But I wont keep my hopes up on that. Them and Taylor moved in together but both are really struggling to make rent because they dont have jobs like mine where the paycheck is consistent since doordash doesnt give a regular pay to the drivers, they just make money based off of each delivery and it's not that much money compared to the insane gas prices right now ($4.80 a gallon today when I went to fill up). I'm worried for mady especially because she is planning on trying to live alone when their lease is up in a few months even tho she cant afford to live with a roommate. I hope she decides to come stay with us for a while before getting a new places because idk how she could afford it. I know this sounds bad, but I really hope they meet a nice rich man who will take care of them and let her be a stay at home mom like they've always wanted. Like that's been mady's dream since she was a kid and I think being a mom is the only passion they've ever really had so I hope it happens for them soon so that they dont have to keep struggling to hold a job when their autism already makes that extremely difficult.

Max is going to uno in the fall instead of Lincoln because he hates it there. I'm happy for him, I think more of his friends are here in Omaha so being here will be good for him I think.

Also 2 days ago the family got a new dog named ellie short for eloise 😁shes so fucking tiny, a little 10 year old maltese. Shes been sticking to her little dog bed since she got here, but she'll slowly warm up to us I believe.

#ellie #willem #gin #mady #max #red lobster #culinary school

0 notes

zee-stars · 2 years

Text

Hello Hello!

Poly!c!karlnapity (Romantic)

Summary: takes place before you all got together. Y/n is just finding out their feelings for them. A little angsty but mostly fluff.

Author's note: this is my first time writing a poly relationship. I am personality in a poly relationship so that might help me write this. I might make this a little series!

You met Sapnap first.

You and Sapnap had been friends for quite awhile now. Known each other since you were young and had grown up with each other (and Dream)

You had a crush on him for almost as long as you knew him, but never did anything about it.

It was like having a crush on your brothers friend. You liked them but you never made a move because it seemed unlikely that anything would happen.

You were just best friends who did everything with each other.

You were definitely each others first kiss tho.

It went like:

"You've never kissed anyone. I've never kissed anyone... do you wanna just...get it over with... I mean... we trust each other and whatnot so..."

Its was a super short kiss and you never brought it up again. Ever. (Except for that one time when Dream found out but, ThAtS IrREleVaNT)

Anyways, you met Karl next.

He had moved into the SMP so you were forced by Dream to show him around. You were nervous at first because you weren't a "new people yay!" person. But Karl was. So it made it easier for you.

You learned a lot about him and he learned a bit about you. You got along really well.

Soon you caught yourself falling for him as well but also your heart was begging you finally ask Sap out.

Your brain was confused on what to do so you did what only the normal person would do, you avoided Karl for a week.

But you couldn't get your mind off of him.

His smile, hair, laughter. You swear you could always hear him laugh wherever you went.

Once you noticed that plan didn't work you went to the next best thing, the internet!

With a bit of research, you found out about a polyamorous relationship.

At first the thought of such thing amazed you. You had never heard of such a thing.

People willingly dating multiple people?! Didn't even know it was possible!

But then reality hit you. How the hell would you bring this up to the two guys you had a crush on, one of them you've known your entire life and the other you've only known for a few months.

You decided to just ignore everything and act like everything was okay.

But it only got worse from there.

Soon another man showed up. His name was Quackity. He worked with this other dude Jshalatt or whatever but that wasn't important.

The second you laid your eyes on him you couldn't help but fall for him! His beanie, his smile, his hair that stuck out in a wild mess, he also had these yellow wings that fluttered when he smiled! Dude was this man made to make you fall in love with him?! Because it was working!!

But what only made this worse was, one night Sapnap called you to his room to tell you 'exciting news.'

"What's up Sap?" "You won't believe it!" "What?" "I'm no longer single!" You felt your heart drop. But the next thing he said made you feel like your heart left your body.

"Me and Karl are dating now!"

What the hell were you supposed to do now? You couldn't be like, "hey I want to be apart of this, so let me please!"

You acted excited and happy for them but you felt like a part of what made you happy had completely left.

A few months later you and Quackity were going to Niki's bakery for some snacks.

Quackity was filling you in on some stuff that had happened with him.

"So now Jschlatt is the president and I work for him, so yeah."

"What's it like?"

"He can be a bit... loud sometimes but other then that it's alright. Oh and guess what."

"What?"

"He asked me to marry him."

You've got to be shitting me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I didn't give him an answer yet. But idk."

Come on Y/n! You may have lost your chance with Sap and Karl but you've still got Quackity! Now's the moment to say something.

"What do you want to do?" You asked, mentally punching yourself.

"Idk, he's a nice man but, I feel like he's not the one for me. I feel like there is someone else out there. Who I'm ment to be with." As the last sentence left his mouth, you both made eye contact.

'Y/n I swear if you don't say something right now! He's asking you to say it!'

"Did you hear Sap and Karl are dating?" You asked, playing with your food.

"Really? Good for them." You nodded.

"Yeah, they're really happy together."

"What about you? You got someone on their knees asking for your love?" He asked with a smile.

"Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as you to get a man on their knees for them-"

"OMG not what I ment Y/n!" You both laughed. This is what you wanted. You wanted to laugh with him. With Karl. With Sapnap. But that's not how it works.

"Maybe someday someone will."

"Yeah, maybe someday."

#karlnapity #karlnapity x reader #c!karl #c!Quackity #c!quackity #c!sapnap #sapnap #karl #Quackity #karl jacobs x reader #quackity x reader #sapnap x reader #poly! karlnapity #poly! karlnapity x reader #hello hello series

100 notes · View notes

sideshow-wolfie · 3 years

Text

Coming Out...

I've been happy with these terms for so long, I feel like I need to express it to you... Even if it felt a bit painful...

I'm proud to announce that I'm Genderfluid. I've been having a Gender Dysphoria for a long time, since 2 months into my Sophomore (11th) year, and I finally found out who I truley was... Previously I was Demigirl, meaning I was full girl, but different. THAT didn't suit me anymore as I got to February... I just went off as genderless, Aka Nonbinary. Nonbinary suited me for a little bit, until that wasn't the case either as Spring Break started. I looked through the information, and I finally found out why my Gender Identity changed constantly... In the end of April I discovered I was Genderfluid... What does that mean?

My gender identity changes around infinitely, and it concludes that my gender was never meant to be confirmed.... I was previously a girl, but I'm fine with They/Them Pronouns. ❤️

Here's an example:

Day 1: Nonbinary

Day 2: Bigender

Day 3: Pangender

Day 4: Demigirl

Day 5: Transgender

and the gender list goes on and mixes around everyweek and day.

Lastly, for the gender part, I have been connected to wolves for so long.. both mentally and physically.. so long that I did not realize what I was until now. (I was like this all the way back in 2012, when I was in elementary)

I kept thinking I was something else. I constantly howled when I'm home alone, and that I wish I had someone to do it with me... And I bark, like other wolves or werewolves...

Not that I'm Genderfluid, but I am also WolfGender. WolfGender means that I connect with Lycanthrope/Wolf/Werewolf Life, and that I was a wolf in the first place...

I have been questioning to myself if I was always going to be with a boy, girl, whoever else, or remain single for the rest of my life when I was a girl...

In 2014, I had watched a show that eventually made me feel this... attraction to people.

You guessed it...

Inanimate Insanity

But so to let you know, it is NOT season 1. It is season 2.

The character that started to make me attracted to a gender was Microphone... Microphone was a hyped contestant, but eventually things got deep for her... I had loved this character for 6 1/2 years, and I kept constantly drawing her as a werewolf... Whenever I drew Mic, I felt happy. When I was 10 years old, I got a T-Shirt of her... My god I felt like life was complete ❤️

Throughout Middle School, I have had my first relationship with someone... Zero was my first crush that I had ever hung out. However, long story short, we broke up due to multiple toxic reasons (Involving me, and It was my fault...).

That took me a whole year to move on, and breakups aren't that easy to get over sometimes. I thought I couldn't be happy anymore, until I found Cory...

Cory was also a girl, like how I was... We both met on deviantart, and we would always hang out with each other. We both liked the same thing, and we like the same kinks (Aagh, I apologize for mentioning!!), But they weren't NSFW, don't worry! Me and Them would always chat on Discord... But then I developed a crush on them... Cory felt suprised when I told them how I was starting to feel... It had been 2 years since I fell in love with someone, and I was happy that the feeling came back.

However, we didn't start a relationship just yet... and was called off early a week after I told them in March, due to the fact they were shy... I understood that feeling. What honestly almost lost my future was the prom. Originally, Cory DID have a prom date to celebrate their night, but he cheated on them for another female... When they told me that he cheated on them, I knew It was time for me to become who I was meant for...

I wanted to be a Lesbian for the rest of my life... And it was my time to have that chance again... I was NOT desperate, but I wanted to make our future into a perfect never-ending chapter... We got together in April 2020 (during the COVID-19 pandemic), and I am happy to announce that we are still a couple! Though there ARE a few changes...

Cory eventually became Genderqueer and Bisexual, because they fell in love with a person (which is now a girl), and... I kinda felt anxious, but hey, it's all settled... Cuz, love is love.

I became Genderfluid, but I mainly identified as a boy, and considered to myself as Gay (I still did NOT want to be reminded of my previous relationship with Zero nor the Guy that had used me for Sexual Assault).

Both of us had felt more... And I realize that Love can and will be infinite 💙❤️🖤♾

So Everyone, Yes I am gay, but I'm also Polyamorous! Unfortunately it IS illegal in the United States, so this is why I'm not telling my school or my family about this... They do accept me for being Gay, but not the Polyamorous part. Again, I'm not telling them I'm Poly, in order to keep myself from being attacked and teased.

To Finalize my Coming Out Blog, I am also feeling attracted to something else... Kinda like how I fell in love with Microphone, but was from another show.

The show was called The Simpsons.

The Simpsons is one of the oldest animated sitcoms, yet it is still the funniest hits I had ever watched from Fox. Without them, I wouldn't have typed this final part...

However, I was not attracted to Marge, Homer, Lisa or anybody... In fact I was in love with a phsycopath... It isn't Snake Jailbird, or Homer's Killer...

I'm In love with Sideshow Bob (Robert Terwilliger).

At that moment when I felt flattered whenever he spoke, or was shown in some scenes of the show (old and new seasons, EXCEPT FOR HIS OLDER APPEARENCE)... I had drawn him for the first time, but it was kinda crappy, because I never drew a Simpsons character in my life. When I was younger I drew Itchy and Scratchy... For a while I stopped... I had a crush on both Itchy and Scratchy... Now it's that Palm Tree Haired Cutie. ❤️

I suddenly got curious if it was possible to love an character like him as a babe... Google gave me and answer, and It found out what my puzzle was.. it's not Bisexual, which I kinda figured...

Apparently, I am Fictosexual. I am in love with animated characters, whether from an adult animated show, teen animated, and POSSIBLY all-family animated show... Which Technically for me, I would always lay my heart on Bob's.

In Conclusion, it's ok to love who you care about, and what you care about, and it is okay to be true to yourself. You can be who you are, and who you think will make you happier, even if it is animated X3

Happy Pride, everyone! YOU ARE ALL VALID!!

#LoveIsLove

#genderfluid #gay love #fictosexual #polyamory #love is love #pride month #pride 2021

16 notes · View notes