#I've got two blank pages and then like three half-doodled on pages that I'm planning to just knock out

[sysig]

I'm almost finished with this notebook with it's horrible paper, and I just finished the first page of my Big Project

#Oh yeah - it's all coming together #Hgggg I am so sick of this notebook! It's wack as fuck! #It has made editing a Chore for the past eight months >:0 Not fun or meditative At All #Even worse is that the paper feels good to draw on but the cleanup is just! Awful! #I've just been completely ignoring my non-lined homemade notebook because it feels bad to draw on lol #The rest of the doodles for this year - yes that's how far the queue is backlogged rn lol - are still on that paper #But at least I'm like ><this close to being done with it ugh #I've got two blank pages and then like three half-doodled on pages that I'm planning to just knock out #It looks so weird 'cause the pages are all out of order lol - the first page was in March and the last in November #But like the next page after the first is /also/ November lol #Like it's largely in chronological order but it jumps around quite a lot! It was an interesting experiment #I also think it's funny since the first page got some fandom stuff that didn't come back around until now but it Looks chronological lol #I think I'll do it again but with some modifications - if I run out of steam/interest/motivation then I can fill it in however I want #Keeping it on-theme is fun but I find myself pushing ideas when I don't actually have any :P That's no good #It's not Always bad - I like quite a few of my spacefiller ideas! But if anything that just proves that finishing things out to make room- #Well like I said it was fun lol #And! As stated! I finished the first page of my big behind-the-scenes project! >:3c #Man I haven't worked on a comic proper-like in uhhhhh #It's gotta be at least five years lol geez #It's been a weird rhythm to try to fall into lol I'm Way out of practice - but it's nice to see it come together! #Lotta steps to get it into the shape I want - hard to sustain - but slowly and surely I've got this one :) #It'll be good to finally have it Out haha

[intervital]

I didn't want an entire year to lapse before I even wrote in this "before I die" journal so here is the decorated front and back covers, some planning, and a black and white photo of what a @beforeidieproject wall looks like. The journal helps you accomplish your dream in 100 days. The before I die wall is a public art project where people write their bucket list goals on a chalkboard. Funds from this journal, created by @candychangland, and the Before I Die book support that project as well as @ritualfields. Do check them all out, they're incredible to read.

Before I Die I want to become a prolific, engaged & brave writer. I know I have potential and feel confident enough to execute:

Prolific ~ read deeply and widely, submit simultaneously, update my & The AALR's social media frequently, blog at least once a week, work on more than one project, journal consistently, make marginalia

Engaged ~ write book reviews on faves on Goodreads, Amazon & elsewhere, connect with authors and writers and let them know you enjoy their work, attend & volunteer at readings, share opportunities, table for The AALR & LAKAS zine, critique others' work, be active on bookstagram & litsy

Brave ~ go for residencies & fellowships, write pitches, apply for publishing jobs, do open mics again, read & perform at events, attempt new genres & mediums, do writing workshops again

I've been making headway at the start of 2020, tho it's been nerve-wracking to wait for responses. But it's all positive so far so yay. I'm working on promoting myself better. I actually got published in two zines last year but I didn't want to share cuz it was tech old work. But fuck it, I'm still proud of those words so no more bashfulness.

The front cover is a vision board of sorts. I seek perfect wax seals, high and wide-ranging productivity, letters, reading, traveling, different perspectives on the same subject, adventure, facing fears, adoring my face & being, trusting myself, stationery, ephemera, fully immersed, discovery, and magic. I left that paper clip and oval paper sticker blank because I don't know if I should number it as "Vol. I" or put my name. I really want this to work out but we'll see.

Image descriptions:

Front cover of “Before I Die” journal. In the middle in black font are the words “Before I die I want to” and in pink marker I wrote “become a prolific, engaged & brave writer”.

At the top is a black and white sticker that looks like an old, pixelated computer program window. The mouse hand is pointing at “print” and there’s icons for portrait, final, editorial, and sketch. There’s a cascading, overflowing paper reel coming from the program with the word “print” over and over.

The top right of the book is a sticker of the full moon lighting the sea and the blue words beneath it says “The moonlight on the sea”.

There’s a sticker of a red wax seal with a “Z”.

A sticker of the words “lost in another world” on brown.

A red daruma ink stamp with a silver eye.

A sticker on its side that looks paper clipped and is a blank brown paper oval on top of a white rectangle paper

A silver ink stamp dandelion you make wishes on purple to red ombré paper.

A small sticker of a brown paper pad and a purple pen inking a purple splotch.

A black and white was hit tape of a hot air balloon above mountains and among the stars.

A puzzle piece sticker of a street lamp and buildings in the back beneath a blue sky.

Black ink stamp of a mountainous island and a message in a bottle floating in the ocean. Beneath is a washi tape of purple concentric half circles that look like waves.

White cotton lace.

A slim rectangle in gray that says “gray areas and expectations”.

A cancelled postage of a pink cherry blossom branch on teal background with gold edges. Sittin on the stamp’s upper right corner is a green ink bespectacled boy in stripes reading a book on a wooden floor paper.

A black ink stamp of a steering wheel and the words “move me” on blue, pink, and orange paper.

A yellow washi tape of words that look vintage.

A washi tape that features a map, passport stamp, train, ticket, and a boat & island on waves.

Washi tape of black and white doodles of a hill with trees, mountains and stars, rowing boat, and a house on a hill.

A sticker puzzle piece of some people on white stamps seen from the distance.

A soft texture cork washi tape that shows golden outlined sedimentary rocks.

A sticker of a drawing of a bottle with a cork that contains a floating yellow hot air balloon among clouds and blue land.

And a 3D sticker that looks somewhat like a quirky rolling pin that says “Trust yourself”

An autograph in pink by Candy Chang that reads:

“For Eileen

Remember what matters to you

*Sparkling star*

Candy Chang”

The “One hundred sessions” page where you “Track your plans and progress” I wrote in different ink colors:

“01 Figure out @ least 5 places for “Slow Dance Desire”

02 Apply for A Public Space Editorial Fellowship.

03 Work on sketchbook Project(s)

04 Blog & plan out next three”

Black and white photo of a “before I die” chalkboard wall which has the repeating prompt “Before I die I want to _______________”

Some answers written in chalk: have a a family of my own, be a friend and take nothing back, I want to drink from the Stanley Cup, $Live without money, hug my boyfriend ❤, make a change through my artwork, fall in love, love myself, learn everything & be free, become a millionaire, find my mom

Closeups of my front cover.

And then finally, the back cover which has a sticker of two brown circles and a brown thread intertwining and wrapped around them which you’d find on a back of a large envelope.

There’s a quote beneath that says:

“There is no more miserable

human being than one in whom

nothing is habitual but indecision.

William James”

Then you see the barcode in the bottom right corner.

#my oh mine #before I die wall #journal #goals #bucket list