#I've consistently had nightmares about him since 2016

[ditzydisko]

#personal #i'll never discredit therapy because it is important #genuine therapy for people trying to work thru their trauma; not c0nversi0n #but i had the biggest breakthrough in my first aid class today #idk how to describe it #but we had to talk about alcoholism in class #and how people can use it to cope but more importantly: how it can affect children in a household if the parent(s) are alcoholics #and i had a rush of everything i went through with my moms exboyfriend #he's dead now; he's been dead for 2 yrs iirc #i remember excitedly announcing it in the groupchat i was in #but just because he's dead; that doesnt take away everything he did #and all the pain he caused my mom and me #it doesnt fix the tear he put in our relationship #it doesnt make my moms resentment towards me magically disappear #i cant remember if i ever even told anyone what was going on #at least not at length; i know i told my old friends about the time he kicked our dog down the stairs; literally fucking kicked him #but there was so much that went on when nobody was looking; especially when he was drunk #I've consistently had nightmares about him since 2016 #its just a lot. And having all of that come back is Not Fun #sorry for posting about this #i dont have anyone i can talk to about it and i just wanted to get it off my chest