#I've been feeling like this for the long time. and I'm even too tired to be here. idk. maybe it's just not for me.

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[orcgirlcock]

i need to kiss someone right now. i need to hold their face as i lean in for the kiss. i need to feel their lips against mine and have our tongues slide across each other. i need to feel the slight hesitation before they finally give in and kiss me back with everything they've got. i need to feel the saliva stringing between our mouths. i need to feel their hands pulling me closer, desperate to feel all of me

#i just woke up from a dream where one of my friends wanted to kiss me but was too shy about it #but i could tell they wanted it so i gently rubbed their face and leaned in most of the way #and let them close the distance. they were still nervous until i slipped my tongue into their mouth #in which case all worry left their head and they kissed me back proper #and it was everything I've ever wanted in a kiss. but now im awake completely unkissed #I'm tired of getting teased by my dreams like that.. #i get stuck with all this vivid passionate imagery and no fucking outlet #i feel so pathetic yearning this hard but all my peers have had their first kisses #friends that i wanted to kiss going and kissing eachother in front of me just for the hell of it #the girlfriend i dated for longest refused to kiss me. i got like. maybe 2 cheek kisses? never once on the lips #even when i asked she would say no. i dont resent her for it but Man did it hurt #the closest I've ever gotten was one of my friends shotgunning me hits from his bong #every time my heart flutters and i want to kiss him for real #ive just been searching for someone to kiss me for a very long time #and ive just never found them...

[ricoka]

sometimes I wish you could post an opinion on a fandom blog without inviting a whole witch hunt or being accused of causing drama but alas

#I've not done anything and i won't do anything #it's just something that's annoying?? that you can't say anything without someone doing a bad faith interpretation of it #or projecting it on themselves or getting offended on behalf of a fictional character #the few times i saw someone actually say something slightly controversial all hell broke loose every time #like great that you're passionate but not everything is about you #not everything needs your opinion - especially if you can only give it like a lecture #not everything has malicious intentions #people disagreeing with you have a right to their opinions as well - as long as you respect theirs they should respect yours #the thing is - i don't think I've ever been in a fandom that didn't have to deal with like ship wars or someone doing hate campaigns #of a character or ship - i guess that's just the way it is?? #but here it feels especially tiring because people don't usually disagree on ships #people are literally fighting and hating each other mainly over the same two characters!!! and their different interpretations of them #people disagree over what the right and moral way is to portray and ship those characters #and it creates so much tension because you can't associate with those people because they're doing it wrong #and are acting fucking awful about it #but those people are very exclusionary and if you don't agree with all of their points they don't want to talk to you either #you just float along hoping that you'll find some people who have a similar interpretation and will actually talk to you #it's so weird??? it's so isolating too?? #and it feels like you entered a political landscape in your online fandom space #i will probably delete this and I'm not even sure my thoughts make sense #my thoughts spiralled a bit from thinking how some fan interpretations annoy me into disliking a character hahaha

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years

[elliesbelle]

lol

#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post #but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this #or to get too worried and all... #tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc. #please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent #anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired #having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc.... #it really hurts so much #and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore #i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time #so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything #and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you #how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru #i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges #and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it #it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!! #you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again #what the fuck is this then? #why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text #like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has #she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years #and not saying i love you to me anymore... #and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages #how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me #i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much #i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this #i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming #and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me #my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds #too painful to bandage them at the moment

[screambirdscreaming]

ok this is a long fucking shot but does anyone out here know anything about. Allergies but rather than having itchy runny-nose symptoms you just feel systemically like shit. Like fatigue, nausea, vague headache, moderate-to-severe excercise intolerance, that sort of thing. But correlated to like, pollen exposure. Or just air quality in general?

The best ballpark diagnosis I have is asthma, but I've never actually had An Asthma Attack so I don't know if that's.... right. And even if it is, I can't really find good research or resources on managing systematic effects of asthma at this like... non-acute, non life-threatening severity.

Sometimes with weird medical shit like this, there's information that exists if only you can find the right keyword to search.... maybe somebody's got something?

Or even just, it'd be nice to hear if anyone elae deals with this and I'm not, like, completely insane*

*for this. other insanity unspecified.

#every day for the last week I've woken up and my immediate first thought has been #Ugh i wanna take a nap #Not even like “i didn't sleep enough I want to sleep longer” #But like. I need a completely different kind of sleep. That makes me rested. #In a way that neither sleeping or any type of restful activity or non-activity I've tried has accomplished. #fatigue is stupid!! It sucks!! #And every time I have had a bit of energy I've immediately totally overdone it and fucked myself up #Because I'm BORED I'm TIRED of being too fucking tired to do anything!! #Finally just put together today that it might be the same goddamn allergies that always get me #At this time of year. #After going outside to walk around in the sun and look at plants (always good for my brain) #And getting lightheaded and short of breath #So that's super cool and completely unhelpful. I already take daily allergy meds #And they help! But only so much #I've tried an inhaler and corticosteroid spray but the side effects suck #So it's just. Untreatable unless it gets bad enough for the side effects to be worth it I guess? #I feel like I should be more grateful it's not more severe. #I know a lot of people have it worse. #But it's frustrating also to be stuck in a place where it's not bad enough to *do* anything about #Ugh sorry this is very long and self-involved #And i will possibly delete it in a minute #I just gotta yell into the void here

[barkingangelbaby]

dude...

#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this... #it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it..... #it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time #i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again #honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually #breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ?? #i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine #hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!! #is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral #but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits #anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore #actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body #ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold #skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol #OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry. #rAMbles

[phantomoftheorpheum]

. tag vent

#y'all i am so tired of people stealing my gifs #i've never watermarked my gifs because i don't like the way it looks #but honestly it's fucking ridiculous how quickly people grab them and repost #and then the utter exhaustion i feel when someone's repost gets more notes than my original post that i actually spent time making #and i've been in fandom a long time and i know it is inevitable #but it is so demoralizing #to be clear- i did ask the people i've encountered doing this to stop but odds are they probably won't even respond #i think i'm just gonna go work on my fic today #though i've had those stolen with names changed and then reposted to other fandoms before too so who knows #srry i am just not in a great space mentally rn and needed to vent #will delete this later #td

[merkerlerspeaks]

*exhibits symptoms of disorders you have been diagnosed with and just so happen to also be depression symptoms, but isnt actually depressed*

People: Hmm I diagnose you with depression

#for reference the symptoms are fatigue/trouble motivating/general anxiety #I have had at least 4 people suggest 'Oh you might be depressed' in reference to my exhibiting symptoms of...what I have #It's very frustrating #Im tired because im chronically ill #I have trouble motivating because thats what ADHD does and being tired does #And my anxiety issues have gotten BETTER #Im am not numb hopeless or sad. I have plenty of interest in the things I like even at my worst. #my appetite is the same as its ever been #I've been through periods of self loathing. Those have passed. #and even when they were present I knew it the thoughts weren't facts bc God isn't a liar #Which that was the closest I've been to being depressed in a long time. But it still isn't depression. #If I were treated for depression rn it would totally ignore all the things ACTUALLY causing my symptoms #Life is awesome. I like doing things & I think I am the bee's knees (lol) #I have been depressed before. This just ain't it chief. #I already know what my issues are #Just cuz I got those don't mean I have to be depressed too #and I feel weird saying it too because I have the oddest feeling that I'm going to be dismissed as stubborn and blindsided #like 'you just refuse to admit it' kinda thing #But I know what it is that I am expiriencing #It's frustrating that an entirely different topic keeps coming up about it #also. the self loathing issues- they popped up when my ANXIETY got worse. #I was otherwise not expiriencing depressive symptoms outside of the things I expirience as a result of other illnesses #that I have been actually diagnosed with #blegh grr growl #Wanna focus on the actual issues not come up with false ones

[ablednt]

NPD BPD combo will make you feel like a starving wild circus animal every time you remember other people exist

#ok to rb #vent tw #it's like. we have a member who has NPD proper as cohost now #so our BPD and NPD symptoms have been combined into one worse thing #and it's baby's first Real Narc Crash and Ive been having RSD inflicted panic attacks every day #and I'm getting really fucking exhausted so the point where Im thinking stuff like 'I wish I could kms rn but that'd be too shitty and I #know this shit has to get better eventually because it has before so Im just #trying to relax #and in this case it's not like I have imo a compelling reason like my friends are all paying a proportionate amount of attention to me #to the energy for friends they have to give like I'm not being NEGLECTED #but I am so attention starved it's actually insane #and if it were just that itd be fine but I'm pmsing and Ive been losing sleep #from a mix of medical issues and exotraumatic nightmares #so I'm just. I'm absolutely Fucking Miserable #and its nobodies fault so instead of getting pissed off at someone Im just pissed off at everyone and no one at the same time #I just want to feel special again but its like. even if I DID feel comfortable asking for more attention #1. It wouldn't feel genuine and nothing my friends could easily do would stop it from not feeling genuine #2. I've been cluster B long enough to know that this stuff has to sort itself out naturally #asking for vallidation can be good at the right times but when I'm wanting to rely on it most thats when I need to find something else #but genuinely IDFK anymore man like I'm too tired to do shit I feel like all of my energy this month has been #STOPPING myself from doing stuff so when I try and think about what I actually Want To Do I feel so obstructed and exhausted I feel like #there's nothing fulfilling rn bc my stupid ass brain is like why find joy in anything if everyone hates you and you don't matter #(<- literally no one in my life has even implied this but. that's just how mental illness goes sometimes) #I just need to hang on until this narc crash is over and my friend groups aren't in the middle of like #2 million different things we're all struggling with stopping us from hanging out very much #I do think this happens every winter though #Ironically I love the winter weather and the rain and cold and gray (idk if I have SAD but if I do it's for the summer) #but I never enjoy the season like I want to because it's the most busy time of year so everyone is stressed out and doesn't have much time #to vibe like I want to so I end up just feeling pretty miserable until the slow time of year when people can relax more #It's usually like

[beholdthemem]

Friendship cannot mean 'I have constant access to you 24/7', all right? It just can't.

I get being lonely. It sucks. But at some point you need to learn to manage that from time to time. That's part of being a grown up.

There will be times when your friends will be totally down to hang and chat for a long time, and times when they won't, and THAT'S. FINE. You cannot expect constant entertainment from someone like they aren't a real human being with their own worries, and bills, and responsibilities and- sometimes- EVEN A NEED FOR DOWNTIME THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE BEING SOCIAL. The fact that they are not always ready or willing to hang out and text for hours is not an attack on you, and behaving like it is is completely unacceptable.

Healthy friendship involves boundaries, and one of those boundaries is letting your friends have space. If you cannot respect that, then you might need to take some time and ask yourself if you're really all that good a friend.

#personal #read a book today that addressed this and it really struck a chord with me #when i was younger and not as good at enforcing boundaries i ran into this a lot and it. sucks. shit. #like a word of advice? that is the fastest way to kill a friendship because when you refuse to ever leave your friend alone even when #they have asked you too it quits feeling like friendship and it turns into a job. #i stopped looking forward to seeing and hearing from those people. i'd start getting panicky when i saw texts from them like 'what what WHA #CAN YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME THIS TIME I TOLD YOU I'M TIRED I'VE BEEN AT SCHOOL ALL DAY LEAVE ME ALONE-' #it felt like not one single hour of my life was my own #i remember writing an essay in english class about how i didn't want to ever make any more friends because because having to babysit #constantly without ever getting a moment of respite was hard enough as it was- add any more people to be responsible for #and it would kill me. if this was the price of friendship i couldn't pay it. i would rather have been permanently alone. #when i went to college and started making some friends that actually understood and respected 'sometimes when i'm online i don't #want to talk i just want to veg' 'i can't have a long in depth text/discord convo when i'm at work' etc #it blew my mind. #those are the friends you want to keep.

[hopefullystillliving]

I fucking hate being long-term temporarily disabled in such a way that you *know* what the treatment is, you are hypothetically able to access the treatment, but you just aren't well enough to have the fucking treatment done.

#vent #hopeful rambling #it's so stupid too #like dang if i had broken my leg or something at least it would feel justified #but no it's a *chronic fucking ingrown toenail and infection* #and to get the roots of the nail cauterized the site needs to be clean but i keep getting proud flesh blobs before we can go through with it #and i need way too much local anaesthetic and i used to be safe for like 3 months but i JUST GOT THEM REMOVED LAST WEEK #and i already have foot/leg issues from being flat footed and walking on my toes as a kid but this has been going on for more than a year #and im worried that the way i have to walk to keep pressure off the toe is making it worse #and im just so so fucking tired of not being able to just walk and do stuff reliably #and even when it doesn't actively hurt i have to be so so conscious because just a little bit of wrong pressure or too much or #i hit something or i leave the bandaids on too long or too little or something #and suddenly it's way way worse #and i've been doing everything right #every time i get prescribed antibiotics i take all of them religiously. i soak my foot i change the bandages i stay off it as much as i can #and it's just never enough. i'm so so tired of hurting for such a stupid reason

[secondplayercanada]

.

#ooc #vent #my brother and i got into an argument in the immediate family chat about2 hours ago and im still emotionally out of whack from it. #right now I'm struggling to feel anything but extreme dislike and coldness to him. I've felt so disrespected and unappreciated by him for. #well probably years now. a long time. and he blew up at me for no reason and basically said my autism is the problem. #something so intrinsic and unable to be separated from me is the provlem.tje thing that's been making it so harf for me for so long. #I'm sitting at work trying not to cry again as i type this . #i don't know if i will ever fully come back from this. i don't know if i *want* to try and fix things after this. #he seemed to hate me. and i dont even really care anymore. how sad is that. what hurts most is that it feels like confirmation that im #the problem. not him #me. like it always has been because ive spent most of my life undiagnosed and unknowing. suspecting but that's about it. #I'm sick and tired of not being comfortable at home. im sick and tired of being scared he'll hurt me. I'm sick and tired of him keeping #me awake at night. I'm sick and tired of him not even doing bare minimum and reaping all the rewards. #i hate how it feels like mum and dad are protecting him. how nothing ever changes and i keep trying but i can't do anything. #i can't even move out rental vacancy is less than 1% abd rents like $500+ a week. #i dont want to have to leave but i may have too just to keep my sanity and i hate it i hate it i hate it. #i hate him. i wish he would go away. i wish ue would face reak consequences and know how it feels. i wish mt sister woulf stop choosing him #like hes not the problem. i haye feeling like this. #i hate being the problem.

[yousaytomato]

When bad things are happening, and you're sad and stressed and anxious because of them, it's a truly awful feeling, and I don't wish it on anyone

But, it's such a uniquely worse experience, when there isn't anything to actually be sad or stressed about - but your brain has decided it's gotta be sad

- so you're just sad about absolutely nothing instead. You'll latch onto tiny, insignificant things that don't matter, that you don't actually care about, and these things will take over your life and make you sad for no reason at all

It's not a cathartic sadness, you don't take a step back and think "actually, this is a stressful situation, my reaction is proportionate," because it's not!! And knowing that, but having absolutely no control over how you feel makes you feel so much worse, makes you feel so stupid and crazy and pathetic :/

#i woke up so happy and well rested this morning #but hmm. sadness time i guess #but again. there's no reason!! #it makes me feel so lost and alone #like I'm floundering in the middle of the ocean gasping for air completely alone #woes of emily #negative #ask to tag #I'm not even going to tell yall what's on my mind because its so stupid #that's another thing. atleast with actual tangible objectively sad situations #you can talk about them. get sympathy and ideas and a different perspective #and feel less stupid and alone #but what do you even say about this stuff #it's mental illness innit #i think probably i am actually sad about other stuff #like there's plenty of bad things happening at any one time #Im sick and tired and I've got a family member actively dying and I'm lonely and i didn't get the job and I've been unemployed for too long #etc etc etc #but my brain doesn't care about those today #no. we're sad for imaginary reasons instead

[aberooski]

Luke's song Diamonds is hitting me a little too hard and close tonight.

#really hoping things will finally start to turn around again soon #I've been so depressed this year it's probably the worst I've been in a long time #the worst part is finding a job has been next to impossible and I have no driver's license so I can't leave my house #my bedroom is the attic of my house and I have windows so all I've been able to do for literal months is sit up there in my cave #and just stew in my misery and try and fail to find a way out of it #I've just stopped taking care of myself as the months have gone by too #at least I haven't been doing as well as I was. I never really did a very good job to begin with #I just sit around and try to look at jobs and cry all day and I have to fight myself to drink water or brush my teeth at night or even eat #unless it's breakfast or dinner. that or I actually do eat but tell myself I've been eating too much and stop eating for the day again. #I harsly talk to anyone In real life anymore I just feel like I'm inconveniencing people by being around #I can't sleep without taking melatonin and even then it's hard to sleep and I'm just tired all the time #'Is this the way it will always be' indeed Luke #I'm serious when I say I think I have several undiagnosed mental illnesses only making things worse for me #but who needs therapy when we've got Luke's solo album and Taylor Swift right? #it's me. I know I do. when I can actually manage to find a job (soon please I really need/want 🤞) and can afford it I'll look into it #abby's just rambling don't mind her #abby's having a crisis #goddammit I don't have windows in my room that's what I meant how could I miss the word no 😭

[milo-is-rambling]

Oh okay I've now realized that my last group of friends has completely fucked my ability to form new close relationships or find myself worthy of interacting with people I perceive to be better than me (aka all people)

#just sitting here like :| #i know that feeling of like every time you lose someone in your life a part of you goes with them but I didn't realize how bad it was until #i got into a situation where I tried to make new friends and then it's just my brain wondering when they're gonna turn on me and I'll be #hated by a new group of people and I keep trying so hard to patch things up and make new friends and it's just like every time no one wants #to talk about anything that went wrong they simply want to leave without explanation or sympathy #i feel like I've been alone so long that I forgot how to be a person around other people #I'm wearing my person suit and just keep repeating 'be yourself' but I didn't fucking know who I am when I'm not completely alone drowning #out my thoughts with as much Pinterest music and stupid tv I can handle at once #like ugh I just wish I hadn't fucked everything up so bad with my last few groups of friends #i just want to feel like myself again and everytime i just barely start to feel like myself I find new friends and as I adapt to them they #leave and I'm alone again and I have to find who I really am all over again #why do I change for other people? i don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late #ughhhhhhh #i am just exhausted #and my head hurts and I feel gross and tired and I want to cry and today is 75 days since my dad died and I've been thinking about him a lot #and I'm just so fucking exhausted and sad and emotional and I just want someone to fucking like and for me to believe them