#I'm struggling to get out of bed

[floydsteeth]

I want to draw so bad right now but I'm so fuxking sick

And I already have enough things in my queue to last all week but

But want to draw

I wants

#I'm struggling to get out of bed #It's just #To much effort #Also I'm like really dehydrated but currently no one else but my older sibling home #And they're asleep #And can't get me water #Uggghhh #I just want to draw #And food #I want food #Why do I have to get sick any time to weather goes something funky #I'm always sick around October and March #And December #I got like #Violently Ill in December

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #the struggle continues #the clinic was worried enough to call and ask me follow up questions in advance of my appointment #but they decided it's 'not lifethreatening' which yeah. thanks. not technically. #so I gotta wait till tomorrow to get it sorted #I have not fallen asleep on the couch today #but I have also only been out of bed for like 10 or 11 hours and I'm already going back to bed #so it's less that I'm not as tired #and more that I've shifted gears back to being tired all the time. -n-

[gideonisms]

explaining my lifestyle: no see this looks like horrible depression but I actually feel much better than I did when I was putting work into improving myself ♥️

#my apartment looks fine and average and my grades are fine and average #my skin looks fine and average my clothing is just okay my relationships aren't in the trash fire #yes i spend 10-12 hours a day zoning out or doing stuff unrelated to anything i'm supposed to be doing #yes i only leave this apt a few times a week #yes i struggle to eat enough sleep at consistent times and turn stuff in on time #but being kind of dysfunctional is incredibly relaxing #i go to bed actively hoping i'll wake up! like i will be there going oh hope i get to live the whole year/decade/next fifty years so i can #do my fun activities! #idk if this is actually true but it *feels* like the very first time since i was 18 that nothing is on fire #love to not be actively on fire #i think everyone should experience 'oh man i've been exhausted for a decade and i am going to spend most of a year being weird about it' #you truly have to work it out of your system it makes you hateful and anxious otherwise

[cosmicmakos]

imagine relaxing with your f/o, maybe it's at home in bed with them or in a park sitting on a bench. both of you enjoying the happiness being so close to one another brings.

#i usually end up relaxing on my bed and doing schoolwork so my f/os end up either on it w me or getting me out of the house and away from it #unless i'm actually struggling the work isn't stressful for me and is a relaxed setting perfect for idle talk #apocalypse lover knows that even if i'm doing something while we spend time together i'd drop it in an instant for her #if i'm doing some schoolwork she always asks what I'm doing and how it's going - making sure i'm not stressed while we spend time together #sometimes when we're both enjoying some silence she'll break it to ask me about something or take a look at my notes and ask about them #my favorite war criminal <3 is the exact same way but likes to talk more #she's even stopped a video lecture just to take my attention off that and focus on something that won't be stress-inducing in the slightest #(it's stories of her galactic adventures and telling me about ships she's seen recently) #f/o imagines #imagine your f/o

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

✨it's your highness, princess nighty✨

this ver of gender bent nightmare belongs to @shynetyme06!!

the other night in the bonus is made by me >:D

#my art #utmv #nightmare #nightmare sans #fem!nightmare #I DID IT!!!! i finally drew her hh omg this was so hard to make xD #i'm already struggling to draw my own familiar designs with a mouse so you should've seen me trying to mimic your pretty hairstyle :'D #i literally flipped the canvas and never put it back too hh xD i did your girl so dirty man</3 #okay but i just COULDN'T draw her as cute as she is in your art you're just too strong >:')c lil darling dream is next on my list probably- #wouldn't want her to feel left out xD #also gonna redesign my own night once i feel confident in my ability to make a full ref again :'D #man i need to sleep but eh getting to bed can wait until i post this >;D <3333

[aintitfierce]

and this feels like it's the start of Something Ugly

#i have been very intrigued by Angry vanya lately. no reason #;masha's art #sorry to post and run orz but i've been struggling this whole week ot get out of bed in the morning so i'm going to try #to go to bed Early lies down #morning!masha will thank me tho orz

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Astonishly, promisingly successful day of experimenting with trying to have an hour-by-hour schedule, but nothing can prepare me for the post-3pm energy/motivation slump

#I simply have to do productive things before 3pm or it's too late #but my latest discovery is that New Orleans street jazz is good get-the-fuck-out-of-bed music #before the slump hit and the plan went out the window i more or less did what i said I'd do when i said I'd do it #so that's good #now i need to deal with the energy issue #i never seem to eat enough for lunch #and these days is struggle with dinner too #flavours are too flavour but no flavours is too blah #so I'm getting a liiiiil bit stuck my guys #plus if i want something elaborate i have to cook it myself #with the boring things dad'll just cook em while he's cooking for him and mum #so it's a thing i don't have to think about #but the last week or so I've been struggling to finish what's on my plate #idk man food fucking sucks i hate having to eat things #every day too!!! fuck!!!!!!! #anyway there was more i wanted to do today #but I'm still considering it a small victory #it's progress with the decision paralysis issue at least #mr. bees speaks

[zevrans]

#haven't had energy to log into here because my work has been kicking my ass i'm spending half of my day off laying in bed #i fell asleep yesterday after my 2nd shift in my clothes with no blanket and woke up freezing at 7 am 🤧 #i layed on the bed for 5 mins just to regain strenght to do a few things before bed yedterday and got knocked out by the exhaustion 😭 #these 2 shifts were particularly hard and i think it had also to do with my coworker suggesting the dumbest thing imo #the dude wanted me to give my WHOLE november shifts to him like...WTF #he said he needed a sum of money for december and like helloo.. #what do you think i am doing here?? don't i need money?? #i'd understand if he'd ask for a shift or two but whole fucking month the sheer audacity.. #i've struggled so much mentally to ge to this point and to be able to get this job even if it's not in my professional field #and it's physically demanding very much and so many other cons #but i've got it and i was happy i got it and to think some stranger thinks #he's more entitled to it than someone else like ??? it's just bizzare to me #he seemed such a chill person before he asked this #and i've spent last 2 work days feeling guilty for protecting my boundaries... #but everybody around me says i did the right thing so i am trying to not stress about it anymore #and i was afraid this would ruin the good work relationship i thought we established but idk anymore #i will be very cautious about him now #tbd

[lostintime-liketearsinrain]

.

#really not sure what's up with me today but I'm just zoned out today #struggling through my day job and just looking forward to finishing and going to bed #got no energy or drive to do anything #just feeling off. like numb #ugh #I just need to get through work and then throw on a movie in bed #an hour and a half to go #ramble

[thresholdbb]

Relatable Quark

#he gets the struggle #IT'S SPRINGTIME #TIME TO BE MISERABLE #I am categorically allergic to nature #pan-allergic they said #I'm in my sixth year of allergy shots... #hilarious that free federation medicine comes out of an institution housed in modern day usa #gonna take my rashy sneezy self to bed

[tezzbot]

You know when you can kind of feel your mental health starting to improve? yeagh.

#tezztalks #I've been in the tar pits for weeks #and I'm still slightly struggling with getting out of bed every day and I get tired so quickly and feel anxious a lot #But I am actually getting out of bed!! And going to sleep and waking up at reasonable hours!!! And leaving the house! #And I feel like singing again! explodes

[iguessitsjustme]

I have regrets

#do not go into the mdl comment section #i should know better and yet #i have seen some truly horrifying things this night #and i know it's for a show that i am not a fan of #but my concerns are about how casually racist and lowkey homophobic some of the comments are #without any self awareness about it at all #saw someone say that the writing sucks but that's fine because you can't expect good writing out of thailand because it's a small market #and i'm just like pARDON me??? there is AMAZING writing coming out of thailand #just because you watch shit shows doesn't mean they're all shit what in the absolute shit is that? #if i was feeling feistier i would call them out on it #but i used up all of my fight earlier at work because [redacted] department sucks and i hope they get told off #for screwing over me and my coworker who doesn't seem as annoyed as i am but now i have no energy #but that's some shit to just casually say you won't ever expect good writing out of thailand #when uwma and bed friend and triage and 1000 stars and so many more exist #and that's just bl so what the fuck are you going to write off an ENTIRE country saying they can't write? absolutely the fuck not #i hope that person stubs their toe and then right when it starts to feel a bit better they stub it again #i hope their pens always have barely any ink so they have to struggle to write anything #i hope they never get to have wonderfully delicious thai food ever again #and they can only ever eat midwestern casseroles that are more jello than anything else #oh these tags are long oops i guess i'll end my rant here

[crimsonblackrose]

It's 5pm and I'm totally ready to go back to bed. 😂

#mumblings #I'm sure I'm jetlagged or something because I did wake up at like 4 this morning #but then stubbornly refused to get out of bed till 7am #I just kept waking up because of the time difference #It makes me wonder how my cousin's gf is faring since she was struggling to stay awake the whole trip #maybe she lucked out and was totally fine once we got back

[bsaka7]

the CAF website is so difficult for me to figure out since stuff constantly errors out after showing up in the results of my search engine. barely any of these (now inaccessible?) posts are web archived, and searching the website does nothing for me. if anyone (@traincoded?) has advice on this please let me know i am an amateur

it is so crazy how some easily-findable information is just. not represented across wikipedia. for example, today i was dinking around adding some citations to the page on mirna mohsen -> won egypt ladies fa cup for the team -> team doesn't have a wiki page -> player named sandrine niyonkuru scored a brace in the final -> go to add that to niyonkuru's page, which is fairly barren -> learn about Burundi wnt CECAFA Championship and WAFCON results/add niyonkuru's performances to the page -> don't know where to find reliable info on her intl appearances and goals bc soccerway/gsa (i don't trust gsa but ppl on other pages keep citing it) r missing a ton based off my basic research -> go back to add citations to the egypt wnt page/end up cleaning up grammar and tone -> check the burundi wnt page, results are there but not summarized. AND SO ON! most of this information, at least results-wise, is centralized on the competition pages (cheers to this), it's just the grunt-work of disseminating to team pages and focusing on individuals i think...

my god. web archive your sources people. especially article sources. i am still getting in the habit of this/figuring out how to best use the internet archive but WOW it is so important...

i've only done edits on idk 30 pages. and already i am noticing sooo much stuff i never noticed on wikipedia before...missing citations especially. i like citations immensely.

i need to go to bed

#and only a little of this was in arabic today #i guess i should probably get a tag for my wikipedia adventures #tetra on wikipedia #hows that #literally i was like oh i'll do this for an hour and then i'll read or go to bed #its been 2.5hrs #the other fun thing is watching highlights for matches i was totally unaware of #yesterday i was translating a page on some lady rlly influential in egypt wnt development and i google her for updates #and shes now in jail for false bankruptcy (?) #so that was kind of an adventure learning how to ORGANIZE that page appropriately #i went with 'fraud charges'. and also she got kicked out of the egyptian fa with her brother for election rigging apparently. #but then its like. i was struggling to find more to back up this whole thing. so its like what context am i missing #how does that change everything #well. i'm just doing my best