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#I'm gonna feel so shitty for everything
jacky-rubou · 1 year
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been feeling like stan here over that friend for a few days now. I feel numb to the point that I think I can move on and then I get hit with my stupid mistakes and all the good moments we had randomly and then I cry because I fucked it all up. I can't imagine forgiving myself for hurting them this much, when I used to be one of their favorite mutuals (for some unknowable reason). maybe I need time to heal and move on, but I'm still hurting so bad and can't think of a day I don't kick myself. I got so attached to them and I ruined it. my heart is screaming for relief that I don't think exists anymore. I am beyond sad.
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chocmuffinsscones · 7 months
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BKDK endgame theory
Another highly self-indulgent theory on how bkdk's gonna be endgame canonically
Disclaimer: Since I don't wanna jinx it or feel embarrassed for being so brazen about this mere silly thought of mine, I'll just keep this private until if things similar to what I've predicted became true. Otherwise, this will only be for my eyes alone. - edited 6 Nov 2023
Fuck all of that guess I'm just gonna put it out there and let y'all have fun as I embarrass myself. Just think it's all for lolz if none of these happen, at least I have fun writing to indulge my fantasy - edited 8 Nov 2023
So, what I think is that since hori's gonna keep giving us surprises and +u up his own game, my guess is that to clearly and subtly lock the pair without making it feel forced is to make bkdk make a promise to each other that hinted a lifelong warrant. Refer this to what toga said in her arc
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It's not exactly a love confession, but what'll you feel if someone promise to dedicate their whole life in making you feel happiness, loved? I think that's love disguise in a glass case
So, how's this gonna parallel to our favourite dorks who're both so emotionally constipated and verbally poor at confessing?
Me thinks that, apparently when the boys were pushed to the extremes -- to the moment when there's literally no time affordable to think of anything else besides the most important thing they hold in their life, that the moment their body has to move on their own by instincts -- we'll finally get to see, bright as day, where their true feelings lay.
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As far as we've seen, it has been clearly revealed (except for those who're illiterate or in a dilemma of spiralling denial) that on katsuki's side, Izuku's the one constantly haunting his head for the rest of his 10+ years. He'd jump into battle with him, rush in front of him to avert the blow, fight in pain to stay relevant in izuku's battle -- to the point of fighting to his death to protect his seniors and to yet remain as izuku's image of victory... all these, to atone his mistakes in mistreating Izuku.
Throughout his character growth, Katsuki had been to the extremes. What are the most extreme situations if not death itself?
After that, however, we see katsuki came back with his heart fully open (pun definitely not intended!), feelings more outwardly shown, saying thanks sincerely without hiding behind his explosive demeanor, smiling straightforwardly at his favourite idol AM 🥺
Katsuki had met his breaking point, met death itself, and came back a new man. A man who wanted to change before everything was too late. As soon as he woke up, he didn't waste time hesitating to allow further regrets, showing gratitude and humility whole-heartedly in any instant he should've done like any decent human being would.
Except, there's still one thing he hadn't yet achieve to reach a complete circle for his narrative.
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Pre-war, Katsuki's biggest dread, the constant looming threat choking around his neck, was being unable to be honest and sincere to Izuku.
"But wait! He'd already stated his apology, he has no regrets left!"
Well, if you have that complain, you're not understanding katsuki well enough. Katsuki is a man of action more than his words. It's quite a common habit for Asians too to put more thoughts into action rather than just spewing beautiful words. And Katsuki, through and through, was an all-in-or-nothing kind of guy. He would never stop at just apologising. If his prior intention for reconciliation was to make himself feel better, then the integrity behind his actions and words was nullified, since that would undoubtedly negate the whole building up of his character's motivation. Moreover, it would become a huge flaw in horikoshi's writing as that would depict him in a "fake hero" spotlight as well as contradict the character's self incentive to be the bestest hero there is. I wouldn't bet hori would decide to ruin his writing like this. In fact, this is such a huge plot point for katsuki's character development that such a small blunder at this point would greatly affect the whole endgame story dynamic to his readers. Not that he'd care if he really did chose that path... I mean 🤷🏻‍♀️😬
Anyway, personality-wise, I'd say Katsuki would be the first person to hate that particular kind of people if he sees one. He'd definitely be disgusted of himself if he were one. That's why I wouldn't bet hori will make that blunder, because hori had been writing him as an incessantly growing character, relentlessly pushing his limits to be the best and always showed his results through visible actions.
So then, back to the point, what were left to do if he had already apologised? What more does he need to do then to further compensate?
:) As I've mentioned earlier, nothing beats the offer of a lifelong compensation, of devoting one's own time and energy willingly to the other as long as they need, or provide care and attention whenever they deserve.
"Wait. What does that even sound like tho? Doesn't that seem like a huge burden to bear??"
For Katsuki however, it's as per usual: all in or nothing!
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A promise that hinted lifelong devotion though... That truly sounds like a heavy dedication to carry for the rest of one's life. Doesn't that kind of vow ring any bells? That's the only conclusion I could come to unfortunately. Because Katsuki is a perfectionist, he'll never aim at only atoning his mistakes for a "measly" 10-20 years.
But then, at what kind of situation he would promise a life-binding oath like that out of the ordinary?? Knowing our boys, there's no way they would open their ironclad mouths to say something as romantic as that out of the blue, right??
So here comes my prediction❗❗
📢 warning: take everything below with a grain of salt because at this point it's just me wildin' haha
Evidently, it's been awhile we're constantly warned about Izuku's lack-of-oxygen crisis. He was still fighting sAFO alone while Katsuki came back to focus on AFO himself.
There's a few ways things could go south from there. Afo could very well be dealt by Katsuki now with extra buffs(his new cluster moves), but Izuku was still in an unknown critical state. So while Katsuki busied himself distracting afo, Izuku could somehow got sucked into sAFO's vestige space in a moment's hesitation (or something happened that sucked him into vestige space). We might finally get our vestige space fight between Izuku and tenko & OFA vs AFO, or we could get a heartwarming talk no jutsu (as well as some sprinkle of action fights) between Izuku and Tenko. And all of these played out without the involvement of Katsuki -- as he's stuck in the physical world and is still dealing a rampaging afo. The dudebros would be happy about this. Finally they had a chance to laugh at us at being clowns for wanting katsuki's involvement in the vestige fight. But remember, hori is a troll through and through. He could troll us, he could troll the dudebros too. It's our temporary loss for not getting Katsuki fight beside izuku in afo vestige space, but we'll have something better later!
Because while all of those happen in the vestige space, apparently Tomura and Izuku's body will be out of it, falling to the ground and seemingly lifeless, out of consciousness to the eye of the people in the physical world.
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I can imagine Katsuki having no time to spare while dealing with Afo as this happen. He's got to finish AFO first to get back to Izuku. And I promise you it'll not take too long for him to do that, 'cause it'll be a combo attack from IN and OUT as Izuku counter both Afo and tenko in the vestige space -- but it'll feel a bit longer in Izuku's pov as timeflow seems to be slightly different in there.
Anyhow, as Katsuki was done with afo, what do you think he'll react then when he reached a passed out Izuku? When he arrived to the scene of Izuku and Tenko on the ground, Izuku probably temporarily *not breathing* and motionless. *not breathing due to the setback of gearshift
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Katsuki will be shocked and traumatized. After spilling his heart out to win AFO with/for izuku, how could he stand to win the battle if Izuku wasn't there to claim victory alongside him? He would hold Izuku's hand and kept calling out to him (maybe angrily or threatening but the words are sweet and all of it are very contrasting?👀), calling for his soul to come back. Surely he would start crying and confess all his regrets even more too. *reminder: these are only possible because all his walls were finally broken down after his revival, he's a changed man in and out.*
Then, even better! When the medic units and probably some other heroes arrived to the scene, Katsuki suddenly realised he could give Izuku cpr! He'll do it himself and think it'll work since he learnt it from emergency treating lessons, and he didn't want Izuku to leave his side but also didn't want to do nothing to help Izuku recover.
See? Plus Ultra. Katsuki giving Izuku cpr y'all. Bkdk won. All these too in front of some witnesses and recording cameras. :)
And, yeah, cuz hori is a troll, katsuki's kiss of life actually wasn't the *sole* reason Izuku came to (all for the ambiguity too, ya know ;) and besides, hori likes trolling Katsuki too, not allowing him to get what he wants)-- it was all Izuku's well-deserved victory on defeating afo and saving tenko from the vestige space that allowed him to return to his own body after the vestige world close up. In fact, Izuku didn't actually need it, he was merely away from his body to fight in the vestige space for a bit; if he won, he would eventually come back and wake up by himself, the problem of hypoxia naturally dissolved along with it.
In another words, the "kiss" was just a bonus. It's a heartfelt gift from hori-sensei to his bkdk/grateful manga readers. Because in the end of the day, it's the promise between Izuku and Katsuki that wrapped the deal of bkdk being endgame canonically. For Hori, it's a win-win situation; he could have fun building suspense over his readers, as well as finally letting his favourite boys earn their long overdue peace to be together. Also, completing both protagonist and deuteragonist narrative foil as save to win, win to save. AND not making the whole scene romantically charged, as the reason behind their actions aren't out of sexual desire nor sexual attraction, since tHis Is sTilL JusT a shOuNen mAnGa afterall. Just "bros" devoting their life to each other and occasionally hold hands to get comfortable of each other's touch because they're practicing their next combo move. 😀
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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I don't think I've mentioned how much I love Dan Fielding yet today, so: I love him I love him I love him
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martyrbat · 11 months
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batman secret files: clownhunter
(ID in alt!)
#on one hand i can see why they would want to make jason a mentor to bao and all because parallels#but on the other.... i think jason and bao would been boring real fast#jason is like... older brother coded. bao needs his shitty uncle (khoa) it makes things funnier#plus i feel like once again its trapping jason in the ‘i cant exist without my life revolving around the joker’ loop hes been in#which is annoying and just wrong when people imply that to bruce and like... i get why jason it may be more true since yknow.#his life was cut short by him then he was forcefully brought back to life and it's personally traumatizing#but i still think it makes for such boring writing and doesn't allow the character to ever grow or change.#they wont let jason exist without that joker b-plot and if he takes on a kid that also been personally traumatized by him#then jason wont be allowed to potentially grow from it unless they make it about him caring about bao more and moving on because of that#but also... bao is like... 14....#him having khoa as a mentor allows him to have more opportunities and experiences so he doesn't become joker based#like hes always gonna have that hatred for him. his life was changed by him and his parents murder.#but thatd be the ripple effect to cause him to be a vigilante and everything (like how it did with bruce) instead of his entire life#revolving around just the clowns and never growing from it. gotta have a nice contrast y'know??#does any of this make sense? no. I'm sleepy and have a migraine.#am i gonna post it anyways and cringe in the morning when i reread it and realize people also can perceive my rambling brain mush? yes </3#c: batman secret files: clownhunter#crypt's panels#jason todd#red hood#bao pham#clownhunter
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veone · 5 months
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the anons are making assumptions which i'm confused about, but than again i am just all over the place sometimes so i get it. i have never said i was above "drama" can't consider this last thing as drama honestly considering the topic and disgust i am feeling, oh and being petty and mean. its just reserved for one person and associates cause i enabled some bullshit with him being a depressed loser. now i just say whatever on my blog and deal with it like an adult. its good to suffer consequences for yapping.
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bebsibby · 2 months
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daz4i · 3 months
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it's so hard being a person who needs to be the best at everything when you are slightly below average at best at any given department
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kenobihater · 3 months
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the last remaining threads of my sanity are slipping through my fingers rn 🚬 😑
#i'm out of cigarettes i'm incredibly ill and i'm reconsidering my relationship to a certain fandom.#look i'm NOT saying i'm gonna stop the divorce proceedings but uh. fuck. i may have been re reading some of my older works and unfinished#fics and i MAY. i repeat MAY. have some tiny shred of interest posting about st*r w*rs again#motherfucker i'm SO hesitant to speak that into existence and will be absolutley APOPLECTIC if it happens bc i don't fucking WANNA like sw!#i divorced it! i took the kids (my ocs) & filed a restraining order & crossed state lines & broke all contact and yet! and fucking yet!!!!#i find myself in tags i havent visited in over two years on the archive like some beaten dog slinking back home to a shitty master#i honestly hate like. fucking ALL of the shit i've written from then that i reread and some of it was so bad i couldnt even bring myself to#click on it after reading the summary. like. UGH! i have a half baked fic idea i wrote a little for and i think it's more compelling than#any of the literal dogshit i posted back then so i MIGHT work on polishing that up and posting something that isn't actual garbage by my#current standards. all of this is still up in the air tho bc i dont know if the hyperfixation or even the bare minimum lvl of interest has#returned or if it's just fever induced delirium. i've been having INCREDIBLY fucked up bad horrible awful vivid dreams as of late so fever#induced brain fuckery isn't out of the question. sigh. i'm so mad abt this#even if i do regain some interest in the fandom i don't think i'll have any interest in new source material after the mando s2 finale &#tbo.bf sucking ass & the obi show being mid & everything with the ST. i plan on watching ando.r but after that? zero interest in anything#new from sw. so. if anyone still reading this and is getting excited abt me POSSIBLY MAYBE being interested in sw just know i still hate it#a bit and feel like i'm being dragged kicking and screaming back into this mess unwillingly. or it's due to a fever. god i need a smoke#len speaks#that's literally the longest tag rant i've ever gone on. fuck that's a BAD sign
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rainbluealoekitten · 7 months
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ok mb for worrying everyone but i actually had a BEAUTIFUL afternoon and am feeling pretty happy rn :D rambling about it in the tags ofc <3
#had mac and cheese for lunch so very yum#then slight boy update where he fucking BLUSHED at me today and i've been working very hard to get over him#but was like!!! wtf!!!! what do i do with this!!! and texted one of my best friends#and she told me to fucking ASK HIM why he's been acting shitty as of late#so we formulated a text then he was very very apologetic and explained how he's been feeling as of late#and we chatted for a while which was super nice :))) idk if it's going to last but now we just WAIT and OBSERVE#to see if it's worth it#and then i did a toooooon of work out in my garden really just vibing#like way more research than was needed (did not work smarter over harder) but atm idm bc#it made me feel like i was doing well and honestly i was really just vibing#also put my bird and fish to decompose. still don't know what is up with that lmao#so got to put my hands in the dirt!!!!! fucking love that#now gonna watch outlander i think#or i should check the bio video's transcript quickly before maybe#either way will be fine :)))#i'm glad#and i'm also super proud of myself bc i've made sooo much progress mentally#like yeah everything felt like shit this morning and i was indulging myself there but i have also been owrking so so hard#with walking around angrily repeating that i am grateful to be alive#and pointing out all the shit in the world that i love#and really speaking to myself with love in my heart the way i needed to be spoken to as a child#so yeah :) even if i start to feel shitty again#nobody can take away the moments of happiness from me#there will always be more rays of sun#or more rainstorms bc i prefer those a million times more and guess what!!! rainy season rn :)#peace and love on the planet earth#blue screams into the void
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unreadpoppy · 5 months
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the scene of Dame Aylin flying through the air, the bright spot in the middle of so much darkness and that one dark vine dissapearing and Jaheira and Isobel looking at it and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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hooved · 1 year
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i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW
#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave#my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first#plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that#i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready#because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry#and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem#i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what#other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen#i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help#and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ?#and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird#plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that#anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn#i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days#i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn#for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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I'm watching the new Sad Boyz episode and Jarvis has been talking about Fall Out Boy for thirty minutes and I'm juuust. not enjoying it
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eveindtub · 2 years
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WAIT WHAT THE HELL ATTY WOO ENDS THIS WEEK I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW YOUR HONOR THIS IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SHOW
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berrymeter · 10 months
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sometimes i think maybe i'd like to actually write & post my writing on here but then i remember the worldbuilding i was working on needs to be entirely reworked in some parts & it's like. what's the point until i've worked all that out
#perth.txt#but so much of it bothers me & idk how to fix it bc. it was meant to be a roleplay universe#it was built over time with a bunch of diff elements that were brought together & some of them just dont mesh#im afraid it might be too big for me to handle on my own bc im a little too obsessed with making a world that has similar size as earth#meaning all the cultures n countries n stuff that come with it#it can technically be made easier through the power of 'this is a fictional world but there are shitty rich ppl'#in which the shitty rich ppl ruined it for mostly everyone else#but the way i see it its gonna bring up things that i frankly dont trust myself to handle properly#bc its big & i get squashed by just. all the aspects to be taken into consideration#i probably make things too hard for myself i'm no tolkien i could just go 'its like this bc its like this :)' & go#but........ would i ever be satisfied with it.#if im not satisfied with the worldbuilding how can my readers be........#not that i intend on going into writing of all things as a career i have enough dead end prospects as is#i just. want to share the stuff i care about & sometimes that happens to be worldbuilding & stuff#but its a large world & it has a lot of barely worked on but full of potential concepts#& im bound to neglect some of them eventually if i want to focus on one single plot.#which i dont.#the whole point from the start was that the little people can get together and make things better when everything seems hopeless#a kinda salvageable thing would be a timeskip where the characters get cryostasis'd or w/e after the big event#but it feels like a cop out & i really dont wanna go for that. not the whole fleet#the fleet itself might be part of the problem. it was brought up by my friend but. i dont have to keep that. it just doesnt work for me#i feel it defeats the purpose if we have intergalactic travel. yeah our rich people suck can you help us take them down ok bye#i Do like the idea of having Big Technology Advancements of sorts but. i think maybe the fleet is stunting me.#but what to do instead... maybe i should rework the 'sacred weapon' stuff too. i don't know how though.#i was a bit attached to that & it's kinda central to two of the main plotlines...#considering one of them if centred around. the sacred weapon themself#grbrbgrbgbrgbgr i need to think on all of this
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somelazyassartist · 1 year
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lowhowl · 1 year
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it's still the 31st here lmao
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