#I'll wake up at 5:30! I get ready real quick anyway!

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

just waited all day for my mother to come home from work because I needed to take my cat to the vet for a checkup (her eye is still not healing but I still don't have anyone to take me to the eye specialist that is three hours away) just to make sure her eye is not getting worse or she's losing more sight in it. I specifically asked her last night to please come home straight from work so I could borrow the car because the vet closes at 6 and I can't drive at night. she usually gets out at 2:30, sometimes 3 if she has to do overtime. but it was 4:40 when she JUST got home. the sun is already starting to set and by the time I get to the vet it'll be too dark for me to drive back. I'm confident she just fucking forgot and went off to my aunt's to eat and have coffee or whatever while I've been here getting everything ready so my cat is comfortable in her carrier and trying to not pass on my own stress onto her (🐈) because I know that probably doesn't help her feel better. I know this was an accident on her part, I know this, but I'm just so done. she never takes me into account, I'm always having to move around her schedule and accommodate her! the one time I asked her to get home early (and not even because I was doing something fun or frivolous or whatever) and she makes extra sure to come back just as it gets too dark for me to drive. surprisingly, she noticed I was upset and asked me what was wrong but at this point I don't even bother to bring it up because she always just invalidates me and calls me hysterical or dramatic or like I'm playing the victim. (this is without even taking into account that the reason I'm so "hysterical" is because of my ocd/anxiety and because the vet literally told me my cat losing an eye is a possibility! like, I feel like I'm not pulling shit out of my ass when I say I have reason to be concerned about this! especially since I haven't been able to take her to the specialist even tho the vet told me to take her almost two weeks ago!) I'm just done. I'm lured into a false sense of security by her again and again and I fall for it every time! I'm done. once I'm out of here by march, I'm going low contact

#venting #sorry if this post brings anyone down #I normally try not to vent on here because if i did it would be all i talked about #but I'm just so done #the fact that everyone thinks I'm a bad daughter and abusive to HER #and that she's just too good and nice to stand up for herself #the fact that she herself hsr told me she ''used to blame the family problems on you'' to my FACE! #and even when i would tell her i was just a kid she wouldn't listen until her OWN SUPPORT GROUP told her she was wrong #it's just so hard to live in a totally different world from the rest of the universe #because i feel like I'm going crazy when i say she's abusive because she's the nicests person to everyone else #she keeps doing little things like this #that impede me from moving forward #and she keeps saying it's not on purpose but then why does she keep doing them?? #(like a few months ago when i told her I would drop her off at work so i could take the car to do some important errands #and asked her to please not leave without me #and when i asked her what time she would leave in the morning she said 5:45 so i thought perfect! #I'll wake up at 5:30! I get ready real quick anyway! #and it's 5:25 when i hear the car in the driveway leaving! when she is usually running at least five minutes late! #and a few weeks later when i woke up super early again to drop her off and take the car #they were all outside before i was ready #car turned on and so i rush out panicked because obviously I'm thinking she'll leave me again if I don't hurry! #and I get in the car and tell her she was probably hoping to leave without me #which is when she called me dramatic and playing the victim #and idk maybe I'm making it all up because she's not like this with anyone else!)