#I'd start getting into an issue and she'd interrupt and lead me down a weird rabbit hole when I just wanted to talk about how like

[karmaphone]

90000% of me quitting my therapist is because of three reasons: trying to force a patient to be happy (especially a patient who comes from a broken home and whose issues largely stem from forcing themselves to be or appear to be happy) despite the fact that they're living in a bad situation and have no control over their life, and because she kept blaming my problems on astrology or my astral body or what might have happened to my grandmother or my mother in the womb instead of listening to what I was saying about my situation, and also blaming my disabilities on my trauma/astral body like sorry but my joint pain & exhaustion come from the fact that they're constantly dislocating not because I haven't processed whatever trauma happened to me in the womb disjdbskdbfsjsnd

#was talking to someone for an hour about my problems nice? yes #but not nice enough to pay a hundred dollars a session for when we have no money #I'd start getting into an issue and she'd interrupt and lead me down a weird rabbit hole when I just wanted to talk about how like #my MIL makes my world smaller by constantly being on the couch and she'd try to have me be like 'wau maybe I can use Astral Energy to #fill up my Energy Meter because I'm disabled and don't fucking have any' #like how is my mom getting heat exhaustion when she was five months pregnant with me more relevant than how often my time loss blackouts are #literally the only thing I got out of MONTHS of sessions with her is to chill the fuck out abt what my brain and other parts are doing #'ohhhhhh so you can't change anything about your situation? sounds like you need to CHOOSE to be happy :)' like Satya I've been on lexapro #since I was like 15 if I could just fucking choose to be happy instead of a depressed fuck then I would #also?? I'm not the kind of system where I can pick and choose who gets to be out! I don't have a gatekeeper! I can't just magically decide #that the 'happier' parts of me can get called to front or whatever I literally have no control over that what the fuck #like yeah I know I mentioned ONE TIME that I had a younger part who's happy but I also told you THEYRE NOT AROUND OFTEN & I CANT SUMMON THEM #THERE NOT INDEX CARDS I CAN PULL FROM A BOX ITS MY BRAIN HITTING SHUFFLE WHEN SOMETHING STRESSFUL HAPPENS