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lai-lae · 5 years

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living under the poverty line

The poverty line in Arizona is having an income that is 138% lower than the average salary in the States. I’m one of those people.

I’m not saying this is the life to live but ...

I live on $400.00 a month with 5 lifestyle changes.

My relationship with money has changed. A lot. In this last year I went from having two average paying jobs to no job and taking my unemployment until it was gone.

For that time, I felt incredibly bound to money. Now? That’s totally changed. I know money ebbs and flows. It flows to me in surprising ways and I take it every chance I get because I can’t negotiate when the next time I’ll get that “financial break”, because it does feel like work at times to budget so hard and to have the discipline to stick to your budget.

Which leads me to the first reason that I can make this minimalist lifestyle work.

1. I have a bunch of people that support me in areas where I’m weaker financially.

I have a brilliant boyfriend that pays rent. This is huge on so many levels. I would be living under a bridge, with a friend (and not be able to afford rent) -- most people aren’t that generous so most realistically I’d be forced to move back home. BFD, at least I wouldn’t be under a bridge.

I have a dad that wants to make up for lost time. It’s not worth getting into, but Dad cuts some cash for his daughter every so often. Which ALWAYS helps. I’m incredibly lucky to have his financial support and would absolutely be in a deeper hole if I didn’t have him. HE PAYS MY CAR PAYMENT PRETTY REGULARLY. NO LECTURE, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

I have one particularly amazing friend that is much more financially abundant than I am! She takes me out to lunch sometimes, shares what she has with me, and doesn’t lecture me on my life choices. We all need self care. It sucks to not have a payday and think, “Wow, I’m going to allocate this to some retail therapy!”

Which leads me to my next point:

2. My relationship with self care has changed exponentially.

When I had one source of income, I had a very materialistic view of self care. It was getting sheet masks and bath bombs, getting a massage and my favorite dessert, happy hour with friends, or good old fashioned retail therapy.

That’s still true, but also not. Mostly not. A lot of that is the exact opposite now.

I workout instead of taking baths. I foam roll instead of getting a massage. I get fresh fruit instead of cake. When a friend offers to get me a coffee or a meal, I’m eternally grateful and accept instead of feeling shamed for it (eh, I still feel a little embarrassed). As for retail therapy? I go thrifting. Sometimes even through my friend’s closets. So people are typically downsizing, and when they make a Goodwill donation I’m the first to ask, “Can I take a look before it goes?” I’ll even offer to take the donation myself in return.

My mom is pretty famous for buying clothes, never wearing them, and tossing them. Literally. In the trash. UGH, no way. I’m also helping with my own carbon footprint by not buying more clothes!

3. The budget system I have is insane.

I’m not kidding. Every single cent is designated to a bill before it comes in. I pull my weight in my own way. I don’t want my financial state to affect something as important as my relationships with my loved ones and my boyfriend that already takes care of rent.

I pay for:

a. the phone bill - $175.00

b. electricity - $40.00 - $80.00

c. hulu and netflix - about $30.00

d. my car (used, 2011, manual) and insurance - $300.00 Thanks Dad!

e. apple care for my phone - $8.00

f. various (things I need on a moments notice) - $100.00

g. I DON’T HAVE STUDENT LOANS THANK GOD.

total: $393.00 - $400.00

This is where things get pretty tragic. I work a virtual assistant job that’s meant to be supplemental income. I get paid $15.00 an hour for each contracted job I have. You can’t milk hours either, you basically have 2 hours to finish some projects, other times 15 minutes. It doesn’t mean you’ll finish it in that amount of time. I don’t think about it as time. I think about it as how much I’ll be paid for that job. Period. Here’s the shit, there’s never a guarantee I’ll get those hours. Tsk, tsk, contract work.

At $15.00 an hour, I subtract 30% to account for taxes. Which means I’m making a delightful $10.50 an hour. Joy.

I have to work an average of 6 hours a day (I work weekends) to get my $400.00.

But here’s the fun part, I don’t count the gigs I get. This is the pleasant surprise I get. When I book a gig, I know for a fact that I’m going to get more cash in my pocket. That’s what keeps me going. The concept that this will be my full time job if I win and you can’t win if you don’t play (not the lottery, never the lottery).

This reason alone is why I don’t spend a fucking dime.

4. I handle my debt so I don’t go under (any more than I already am).

I am in debt. I have a car payment and a shitty CC bill. The cost of working average salary jobs is that they are soul-killing. For a lot of the years I was pulled away from my passion I was fucking sick.

All the time.

With what? I don’t know. But at one point you get so frustrated with being sick that you go to crazy lengths to feel good. As I mentioned before, all my previous self care tactics involved “getting”. More self care days on top of probiotics, organic EVERYTHING, supplements, medicine, holistic medicine, all of which are really expensive. But I kept getting sick. SO THAT RACKED UP MEDICAL BILLS. Which everyone knows in the States is insane. Even with the killer insurance I had, I was still thousands in debt over it.

I worked gigs in other cities, I had to pay for hotel rooms (low budget projects don’t pay) and I was so desperate for things that made me happy that I never negotiated. I just did it. I had the money. Until I got laid off.

So. My CC statement comes in and I face it every single time. I pay off what’s coming in, and I put $100.00 towards it. The a-c expenses go on my CC so I pay those off every month plus some. I round UP on all those bills so I know I’m putting more towards that principal and I’ll cover my minimum payment with preventing more charges.

How much in debt am I? Almost $10,000. That’s double my “annual salary” without counting acting gigs.

Which is way less than a lot of people my age, considering the student loan crisis, but this is insane for me. I have no excuse to have this, but here I am. Is what is, and I’m chipping away at it the best I can.

For what it’s worth, I had a budget plan when I had my job to leave this year debt free... What kind of opportunity would bring that to me now? That’s up to the universe. I’m dedicated as heck to see it happen. I’m open to it.

5. You intuitively eat and get generic everything.

Soup is magical. It’s value is insane because the different soups you get can really ensure you get a lot more nutrients. Bread is the one thing I’ll splurge on.

The trick is eat until your stomach is done growling, then stop. It’s basic portion control, it saves so much food.

I get all my fruit and veggies frozen to avoid wasting perishables. I’ll get fresh food as treats if I know we’ll eat them; typically after a really long only-frozen-food spree.

My grocery list is the same, we buy bulk when we know we’ll use it all (almonds, dish detergent, laundry stuff, etc). My beloved boyfriend will also pitch in for food when times are harder and I get less hours. We do our best. I invest in meal replacement shakes (of Amazon) to help when certain days of the month I’m extra hungry or after hard workouts (which are most days).

ALL of our basic cleaning supplies are from the Dollar Tree. I’m not kidding, all of it. If we have any household needs, the first place we go is the Dollar Tree. Toilet paper? Cleaners? Can openers? Ziplock bags? Organizers? ALL FROM DOLLAR TREE.

I’m impressed if anyone read to this point.

TL; DR

Swallow your pride. Accept help when it’s offered from anyone. If it feels transactional, offer services in return. Don’t exploit people or drain them, it’ll only make you feel shittier. Cash in your favors.

Budget all of your finances. Stick to it at all costs (pun intended) to not let yourself fall in deeper.

Make self care about legit caring for yourself through exercise, good food, and having deep conversations with people you care about.

Take this time to listen to your body when it comes to hunger. Read labels, think about the food groups, and know that most things that are frozen are about as good as the real thing.

Lastly, remember that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Your effort to your goal is being sent somewhere and it will come back to you. When I hustle I see it. Keep up the hustle.

#money #money manifestation #money management #dreams #liveyourtruth #life #budget #poverty #hope #plan

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mobpsychoheadcanons · 7 years

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Some thoughts on Shou

-Shou has many many scars on him all from his father. he sometimes just sits shirtless in front of a mirror and traces over them remembering what happened. Reminding himself that this is not normal. That this is not okay.

-Shou once saw Ritsu's father pat his head and Shou almost blasted him across the room before he realizes that it was actually an affectionate gesture.

-Shou has a very nervous habit of biting on his sleeves. The ends of his jacket are frayed and wet and disgusting and he doesn't remember the last time he washed it but he doesn't want to lose it. So he never does.

-Shou has received affection once, just once, from his father after his mother left. He was eight and he was in horrible burning pain and his father picked him up and carried him to the med room and wrapped up his injuries. It never happened again and Shou is almost sure that he dreamed it...but it's also a massive reason he sometimes doubts the abuse.

-Ritsu cries very easily. Shou laughs instead of crying. Ritsu wants to punch Shou in the face for making fun of his crying but then gets a massive pit of dread in his stomach when he sees Shou laughing off a stab wound or a broken bone.

-One time Shou did cry in front of Ritsu though...it started off as laughter that then turned hysterical and caused him to collapse on the ground shaking as he started sobbing between laughs and he couldn't breathe and he wanted to die because he broke down and...He kept saying that he was sorry for crying....Ritsu held him tight and tried to be comforting but all he could really do in his state of shock was to rock him and try his best to soothe him

-One time Reign tried to pat Shou on the Shoulder and Shou nearly threw him into a wall. Mob stopped him but Shou was so embarrassed he didn't come back for a month

-Shou uses memes as a way to cover for his emotional shortcomings and trauma

- Shou...knows how to dance...he learned...as part of his training???

-Shou is simultaneously afraid of touch and completely touch deprived so it ends up in this odd situation of "i can touch you but for the love of god please don't touch me.”

-Shou batterdick cucumber memes his father's name. He has over one hundred and twenty seven ways of saying ‘touch your toes sucky key.’

-Shou attempted to live with his mother....but....she kept trying to do things he wasn't okay with...but by that i mean...giving him rules and curfews and things Shou has never done in his life and he gets angry and he calls bullshit and he runs away from home to hide for a few days and she panics because she lost her baby again but Shou....is not okay...with being controlled...

-Shows mom still doesn't like seeing his power and everytime he uses it she makes a small uncomfortable expression and Shou begins to dislike them a little bit more...

-Shous hamsters are very well treated but at the same time...Shou is terrified to interact with them because he might hurt them

-Shou has a fully documented file on every injury, every scar, and every trauma his father has given him...he doesn't really know what to do with it...

-Shou just wants to hug somebody for hours on end. To feel another person's warmth encompassing him and keeping him safe...but he feels childish whenever he does because....who would even want to hug him??? he Should just get over it??? grow up???

-One time his mother dropped a pan and Shou nearly started crying....he hates...loud noises....he doesn't mind if they are natural like thunder...but...the sound of a pan banging against a floor...a door slamming...hands slamming on the table....it terrifies him.

-Shou hugs his pillow when he sleeps.

-Shou used to have a stuffed animal collection but his father destroyed them..calling them childish.

-Shou has a shit ton of money coming his way because of his father but....he doesn't really want it....it feels dirty and he doesn't want any help...from anyone

-Shou has exactly 0 social skills. He never learned how tf to deal with people. He just tried to make himself seem as big as possible and hopes things will go his way.

-Shou uses comics, manga, books and tv shows as a way of escapism. He surrounds himself in the stories so much that he used to call his father DR. Robotnick. (Sonic sat am ref lol.)

-Shou hates taking showers or baths. He feels entirely too vulnerable and sometimes he’ll push it off for a solid month before taking one.

-Shou has never had a good night's sleep. Ever.

-Shou has freckles. hundreds of freckles. they're all from his mom

-Shou wants to go to school with Ritsu but at the same time he's terrified to try.

-He's not good with people. his schooling did not keep up 100% with academics, he hates being told what to do ect ect...

-One time he hung around reigen and did a dumb doodle on a sticky note and reigen praised it and said it looked really good and Shou started crying....he doesn't know why. maybe it's because he's never been praised on his art before..

-Shou sometimes breaks into Reigen’s office to sleep on his couch. Reigen is mildly concerned but lets him do it anyway

-Shou is that person who always, c o n s t a n t l y, has to show somebody up. You ran a mile?? I ran two!! You're feeling depressed?? well my father ran a cult and tried to take over the world and constantly abused me!! He does not mean to be mean by it...but he's so used to his thoughts and feelings being completely invalidated that...he h a s to...you know???

-Shous relationship with his mother....hmm....It's kinda rocky. Like they love each other but they don’t really know much about each other anymore and she doesn't really like his powers but they still do try and they really do care for each other but there will always be this…...unspoken...gap....between them.

Why he never talks about his father...why she never wants to hear.

they hug and kiss and would do anything for each other...but at the same time...something unspeakable happened here and neither of them are willing to acknowledge it

[i say kiss because familiar kisses are a thing but i'm not 100% sure they happen out of the south so like;;]

-anyway if Teru and Shou ever start talking about their feelings they would get...so frustrated with each other. constantly trying to say who had the shittier experience because i feel like this shouuppance [pardon the pun] is a core part of their characters and honestly it would reach a point where they would fucking f i g h t.

But in the end it turns out being good for them because they had the chance to let off some of the steam that they’ve been building up and lets them relax a bit and they eventually realize they won't win against each other. They’re both too stubborn. and instead they start comparing stories and laughing their ass off about how fucked up they are.

ex:

Shou: And then he left me locked in that room for three days without any food lol!!!

Teru: Oh god, do i feel that!! I don’t have anybody to take care of me so It's just constant isolation and if I get sick, well then! I’m not eating till I recover!

[Anyway this post is 1000ish words long so i’ll cut it here lol, I have more Shou hcs that I’ll probably upload later~~ Thanks for reading!]

#mob psycho 100 #mob psycho manga #mob psycho headcanon #tw; abuse #shou suzuki #i love him so much i just want to protect him please #;w;

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