#I wanted to delete a friggin draft OKAY

[delicatefury]

I’ve been back on the farm for 4 weeks, just shy of a total month. I turn 30 next month (less than 3 weeks). I’m still unemployed.

Why?

Because I’m frozen on the friggin cover letters. Or rather, I’ve gotten so much conflicting advice that every line I write feels... wrong. Fake, insincere, overly planned, etc. Too formulaic, too different, too personal, too distant, too enthusiastic (sounds desperate), not enthusiastic enough (sounds disinterested), too deferential (no one wants a self-defeater), too confident (no one wants a braggart).

I just...

I’ve been at the temporary LCS for an hour and a half. Know what I’ve accomplished? I’ve added 3 professors and my best friend on Linkdin, and written four different opening lines for my cover letter’s second paragraph. And hated all of them.

I know everyone has problems with cover letters, but my younger sister literally got a bar tending job at the first place she applied the day she applied and I’ve only gotten two applications turned in in total. Mom’s starting to get on my case. My big sis is starting to get on my case. My eldest niece is starting to get on my case (she’s 7, so probably just picking up on her mom’s worries, but still).

((I just deleted 2 paragraphs of ranting...))

I get that they’re worried about me. I do. But would it kill them to give me the help I’m asking for rather than the help they think I need? Just... please. Please let me work this out loud without having to talk to the cats. Please help me figure out wording (just telling me it’s bad is not helpful. I’m aware when something’s awkward. If you don’t have a suggestion to make it less so, then all you’re doing is making me feel defensive about my writing). Remind me that it’s not bragging if it’s true and accurate and the sort of things that a future employer should know. Remind me that I went to one of the best undergrad universities in the country and that it doesn’t matter if my law school was brand new, it’s still turned out a crap ton of great lawyers (myself included) in those first five years and I went there precisely so I could help make the name great instead of using the name to make myself look great.

And for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t give me shit if I decide to ask my aunt for help. I know she’ll probably hold it over my head (intentional or not) but she’s a CIO at her company, she’s been reading cover letters and resumes for years, she probably knows what to look for even if she isn’t in my exact industry. At the least she knows several lawyers and can probably ask one of them for help too.

Okay. Rant over. I’m going back to writing. I don’t want to stay here until noon, but I don’t want to go home without a complete rough draft, so I need to get to it. I’m sending out at least one, if not more, applications by the end of the day. That’s a promise (I’m not going to my little niece and nephew’s joint b-day party tomorrow without doing so. No way am I getting hassled about that at a party).

#fury's life #just a little rant #Fury’s a lawyer #but an unemployed one #why is this so hard? #I’m gonna have to start looking for contract work #I don’t want to be pidgeon-holed into ediscovery #it’s so boring #I mean #it’s not boring #but the part I’d be doing would be

[wanderingcas]

do you ever get idk, upset by your own work. like i just finished writing like 10k words in the last week or so and it was going well, i posted some and had a few readers, but i took it down and now i just feel like... embarrassed that anyone read it at all and want to delete everything. idk sorry i just wanted to ask someone who might know how that feels.

dude. all the friggin time.

and here’s a secret: it’s never as bad as you think it is. in fact, usually it’s not even bad, at all! if you felt good about it at any point, that means that it was something important and something that you put a lot of hard work into and was awesome. that negativity and embarrassment you feel later, that’s just the negative side of your brain coming out because you compared yourself to another writer, or you started second guessing your talent, or if you’re like me your depression came back and your self-confidence plummeted for absolutely no reason.

i’m still learning this lesson, but believe me, the negative side of your brain is wrong. your writing is good, and valid, and if you were happy with it then it’s totally valid. even if a week later you’re second guessing it. 

it helps me to have friends that i trust read it for me, and reassure me it’s okay. even if it has grammatical errors and it’s in a rough draft stage, if someone tells me that at the core of it is worth writing and working on then that makes me feel better. it’s just nice to know that someone appreciates your writing and believes that you have something important to say. 

i hope this helps, kinda… but yeah i totally know how you feel. and i hope that you can find the confidence to repost your story or anything else you might write, because what you’re doing is creating art and it’s awesome and we need people in the world like you 

#anon ask #sorry this is rambly! #i'm kinda tired #but yeah you're important and your writing is important AND DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR NEGATIVE SIDE OF YOUR BRAIN #IT TELLS LIES #*hugs* ily anon