#I thought I wouldn’t feel this way again since the ppa/ppd weren’t so prevalent this time

[harmonizewithechoes]

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#I forgot about the mid year postpartum identity crisis #I thought I wouldn’t feel this way again since the ppa/ppd weren’t so prevalent this time #if anything my experience having 3 children has been easier than just one or two overall #my third baby fits into our family so well it’s hard to believe she hasn’t always been here #she’s very funny and she has such a big personality already even at 7 months #it’s been so much fun watching them grow and learn how to get along that I forgot about what it is that makes the first year hard #yes having a newborn is difficult but this is different #I had 20 minutes away from my children for the first time in almost two months today #my mom needed me to pick something up from the store for her real quick #and as soon as I was alone I was inundated with the Bad Thoughts #it felt really out of place though so I took a step back to figure out why it was happening #and it’s because I pour everything I have into my children #I have nothing left for me #if I’m away from them it’s like I don’t exist #it’s weird and kinda scary tbh #and as soon as I walked back into the house I was back to mommy mode and fine again #but man #that was eye opening #at least I know what’s happening this time though #and I think I just need to focus on being by myself a little more if possible #once she turns one things will start to even out and I’ll start feeling normal again #i know this because it’s happened twice before so I’m not scared anymore #it just sucks because I’m finding myself really looking forward to that time #but not wanting her to be a year old yet #she’s already pulling herself up to stand 🥺 #she’s ahead of schedule #she wants to be like her brother and sister so bad #I can tell it frustrates her to not be able to play with them all the time or eat everything they eat #she hates being a baby #but she’s my last baby 🥺 I don’t want to wish this time with her away