#I guess that was a blessing in disguise bc I know that finale was crap | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agape-l0ve · 6 years

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July 14th, 2018

Here goes another week! Well - 10 days.

This week, I went to Tahoe with the girls. It was fun (and rough), but I was excited to bring Teddy with me. It was his first time being out in nature like that.

Being in Tahoe reminded me of when we went to Tahoe a few years ago with Kelly and C. It’s crazy how time passes and how things can change. At that time, we were still dating and K and C had been together for so long. I remember them being so invested in each others’ lives (and their kids’ lives) and all it took was one deployment to change everything. Granted, it was a huge deployment that ended in a multitude of issues both out of country and back home. :/ Either way, it just reminded me of how different things were back then and to see where the four of us are now.

The weather was great - not too hot, not too chilly. Just wish we had AC, aha. But what is there to complain about, honestly?

I finally broke down for the first time in a few weeks - only because I was constantly reminded of the fact that JJ isn’t gonna be with me for a while. It’s a hard balance to feel happy for a friend in a new relationship while you’re in agony missing your s/o. And it’s even harder when they don’t consider your circumstance (or anyone else’s for that matter), and continue to make you feel like crap.

But after I cried it out and a few of my friends comforted me, I felt a lot better. I remember how it felt at the beginning when all of my emotions built up and the only thing that would help is a big, fat, ugly sob.

I still get to keep in touch with him every day. However, we had our first fight. Y’know, going into this, I always wondered how/what couples fight about during deployments. I hear tons of stories of how deployments break marriages/relationships, and how it really puts a strain on things - before, during, and after. I even googled what people fight about and how to resolve it - just out of plain curiosity. But my ignorant self learned to-DAY. To keep it simple, there was a mishap in planning. I guess I had went a few days without facetiming and after the emotional few days in Tahoe, I was really looking forward to getting to talk via video. We had planned a set time and I even prepared stuff the night before so that I would have my entire morning free. Last minute, things changed and he went to dinner with his friends and I felt super hurt. That feeling of planning my entire day around someone for them just to forget me in an instant really stung.

But I have to remember that this isn’t just about me - he deserves time off too to explore and enjoy his time. But I guess this particular instance, it was such a set time and I really needed to talk to him and vent and the fact that it changed made me really sad. We got to talk afterwards, but instead, he stayed up until 2am -_- which is what I was trying to avoid by talking earlier in the day. But tomorrow is his day off, so he can sleep in.

I’ve also learned to be more assertive, especially when JJ is away. I can’t let people just get away with things or just keep quiet. Teddy got attacked at the dog park the other day and I finally confronted someone.. swearing and flipping-off included. I was so angry since she put the blame on me for taking teddy to the big dog side (like wtf?!). By the way, I just came back from the dog park and there was a tiny chihuahua in the big dog side, so don’t tell me teddy is too small. But I confronted her! And I was so proud that I did. I don’t want to take crap from anyone, I feel like I have to compensate for the fact that my husband isn’t here to defend me. I don’t know, I can’t really explain it. But I have no regrets about that instance.

I’ve noticed that a lot more things tend to go wrong when JJ’s gone - don’t know if it’s a coincidence or what. Struggle to get BC pills, dog park incident, car crash, bad friends, just little things. They’re probably just heightened because I’m always emotional :T let’s be honest.

The hangouts with friends are finally slowing down. I am happy I get to enjoy my time with my parents (and grandparents today!) now. My uncle flew in from DC to celebrate my grandpa’s 82nd birthday today. I’m thankful since I don’t think we’re coming home for Christmas, since that’s the only other time I get to see him. Being with my parents makes me so grateful that I still have a close relationship with them. If they weren’t here with me, I don’t know what I’d do.

My CPR class is this Friday! I remember when I booked it, how far into the future it seemed. And it’s here. Which is a good indicator of how time has gone by. I just hope it continues to fly by and not stay stagnant when I go back.

I really miss JJ, but I am getting used to him not being here. OCS was 10 weeks without him, so once I get past that point, it’ll officially be the longest time away from him aha. I guess that’ll be an accomplishment.

I’m gonna send out my first care-package this week too! I’m excited for him to get it. It’ll have things he asked for, as well as a few surprises. He is so fortunate to have access to a lot of normal things over there, so thankfully he doesn’t need too much, a true blessing in disguise.

#deployment

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