#I guess I need to vent bc I can’t handle my anxiety and isolation any longer ig

[feelslikegold]

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#so #I guess I need to vent bc I can’t handle my anxiety and isolation any longer ig #my mother has been in the hospital for a week now #she had pneumonia but then they found all these things #like a blood clot in the lung and stuff #and they said it was symptoms of long covid bc me and her got hit hard in 2021 with covid #and they put her on a lot of medication and ran a bunch of tests #and they said that from long covid #she has some damage to her heart #idk anything about medical stuff and she’s waiting on the cardiologist to go talk to her #but I am 2000 miles away #and feel so helpless and so hopeless #and i’m really close with my parents/the baby of the family #and I have had severe anxiety since she went in #and each day it gets worse bc tests show something new #and I literally do not know how to handle it #I also have obsessive repetitive thoughts that are god awful and they have not stopped in a full week #so I have made myself ultimately SO sick from anxiety like I have my own chest pains rn #and then the hypochondriac in me is like…I had covid when she did and we had the same lingering symptoms so like. is my heart damaged too 🙂 #and yeah like. I have had severe panic attacks daily now like I just had one in a parking lot and had to go home and now I just feel????? #so numb and so????? I genuinely hate this I cannot handle shit like this

[mentalillnessmouse]

hi idrk what to do atm i've ended up w very few friends bc all of my school friends left for uni and i was left behind to resit a year and like idk most of us haven't spoken in months so like i was left w a very small number of (mostly online) friends but when stuff got worse bc i was lonely i was always having to turn to this small group for help and eventually they got too busy/ too overwhelmed by me to be supporting me every day which is fair enough so they started to ignore my messages and ~

~ tweets which made me feel worse so eventually i deleted my twitter and now i only allow myself to message them once a week and i don’t want to change that bc it was a v difficult decision to make and its taken a lot to get myself to a level where i don’t impulsively message them every day but now i feel like we’re barely friends, we used to be so close and while it’s probably best for them it just keeps making my mental health worse and worse, i had to quit school and i can barely tell whats ~

~ real these days, and at night i get so low and i get horrible thoughts and i have nobody to turn to. I have a therapist and i tell her most of this but there’s not much she can do, friends don’t just materialise out of thin air and since i no longer go anywhere im not exactly meeting anyone, plus my severe anxiety means that even if i do meet anyone i can’t talk to them. My current/past friends are the first i’ve had in my life, i’ve only made friends the once and i honestly can’t make myself~

~ believe that i’ll ever make any again but i don’t think i can last much longer without them, i need people to talk to every day but nobody should have to deal with that, i just don’t know what to do, i guess im messaging you bc ive nobody else left to ask idk sorry i hope you are having a nice day

CW: Suicide mention

hey anon, 

the problem here to me is one of communication. 

a relationship be it platonic, familial, or romantic, can only work if all people involved in the relationship communicate their needs, desires, and expectations of the relationship to one another. 

you need a support system and asking for attention is NEVER wrong. human beings need attention from other human beings. we are social creatures after all, that’s just how we function. social isolation cannot be helping you imo. 

you are NOT a burden, and your message to us makes it sound like these friends made you feel like you were. 

here’s some of my tips for how to have a health relationship with others: 

1) remember that communication is a two way street. conversations should not be solely centered just on one person’s issues and concerns and problems 100% of the time. other people have problems too and a relationship no matter what the type is all about helping support each other. 

2) be open to criticism. however, make sure to know the difference between criticism and emotional/verbal abuse. someone saying ‘you tend to make everything about you’ is a valid concern and you should reconsider how and why you’re approaching people. are you ONLY messaging people when YOU’RE having a crisis? do you message them just to ask how they’ve been? just to check in? just to see how their lives are going? 

3) most importantly remember to be respectful of each other’s needs and wants and space. practice self care and know when to disengage. 

it sounds like you and your friends need to work on establishing boundaries on what is and isn’t appropriate. 

personally, i think...you should be able to have a twitter account however you shouldn’t expect your friends to like/respond to every single tweet you post or to have the emotional strength to deal if you’re the type of person to post up suicidal statements or self harm announcements (i used to follow a few people like this on twitter). people are allowed to care yet stay silent which isn’t the same as ignoring because they aren’t always sure what to say OR if it warrants a response. 

like for me...for example if someone i follow were to post “i want to die” i would be concerned but i wouldn’t rush to their DMs or reply to each tweet like “oh no! please talk to me!!!” because to some people that can be seen as harassing when that person just wants to vent. however in the past i have called services on someone i follow for posting that they were going to kill themselves at a specific time and stating that they had a plan. that’s because i have experience with how to handle crisis situations like that--but not everyone does? i’ve had plenty of people DM ME instead of someone who was posting suicidal statements because they did not know how to respond to the person and wanted me to intervene....iunno, just keep that in mind. 

i’m going to link to some things on creating boundaries: 

10 ways to build emotional boundaries

Creating emotional freedom

Healthy personal boundaries

Emotional boundaries

tl;dr

you and your friends need to sit and talk honestly about what you’re all getting out of your relationship with one another. you need to be able to go back to feeling like you can talk to them more than once a day, and they need to be able to tell you when they’re not able to handle your episodes and you should respect that. 

i hope this helps. 

stay safe, 

kei

#~ #Anonymous #ask MIM #kei anons #ask kei