#I don't want anyone else to have a similar experience and be legitimately triggered into an unsafe headspace. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

red-hot-kick · 7 months

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I don't really know how to articulate this in a way that won't make someone somewhere very upset so I'm just going to go about this in the way I normally would: as Directly as possible.

I have to set some boundaries when it comes to my art.

For everyone with busy lives, here's the short version: If you believe, in any capacity, that you literally are any of the characters I frequently draw, and/or if you know yourself to be prone to taking fanworks a little too personally (meaning: to the point of causing considerable distress when a work is not compliant with your perceptions), please either keep it to yourself or block me. I mean that.

...Everybody else, strap in for the long version:

I don't know what any of you mean anymore when you say you "kin" a character. Not long ago, if you used the word "kinning" on the internet (ie. elfinkin(d), otherkin, fictionkin, etc.) you were most likely (with a few exceptions) talking about a very specific experience. I'm talking "compulsively eating your mother's jewelry because you're a dragonkin, and dragons hoard and eat rare gems, obviously" type stuff. Not "closet-cosplaying to school as your favorite anime character because you really really relate to/admire them". Those are fundamentally two different things. So why are we using the same term for them?

(...It was a huge mistake to come up with the word "kinnie" as a cutesy nickname, in my honest opinion.)

Now, the definition is too broad, too diluted. Now, if I see that word in a bio or a tag...I legitimately don't know what to expect. Someone could mean that they relate to the characters' plights and stories, or that they aspire to be like them and want to emulate them in their day-to-day life. Maybe they RP the character and (for some reason) don't know of any other terms to use.

...They could also mean that it is their firmly held belief that they are THE Yusuke Kitagawa in the flesh, or that Ryuji himself is beaming his consciousness into their brain from an alternate plane, or that Futaba periodically hacks into their body to speak through them, and so on.

And if the latter examples sound similar to your experience, then buddy, I don't wanna know about it. I have no goddamn business being privy to anyone's mental landscape on this big beautiful internet.

(I do want you to find a licensed clinician if you have the resources to safely do so, though. Sincerely.)

I don't want to be told that I'm not depicting "you" accurately (a thing that has happened!). I also don't want to be held responsible for accidentally hitting upon triggers that I could never anticipate, because of a stranger internalizing a character (voluntarily or not) so deeply into their personhood that a comic/fic/drawing exploring that character's canon in ways that make them uncomfortable can prompt a panic attack or a fit of rage or similar distress responses (a thing that I've been scolded by strangers over! Multiple times, even!). I also ABSOLUTELY don't want anyone to message me as a fictional character to tell me what they think of my art, or to tell me that they look to my art for things to build their personality around (which is also a thing that has happened. Are you seeing a trend?)

In all these scenarios, each person neglected to consider that I'm not a source of new "kin material"! I'm just some fucking guy, screwing around on the internet just like everyone else!

I'm not going to presume the legitimacy of any strangers' mental health status (access to mental healthcare can be next to impossible, I know), nor am I one to criticize how anyone engages with the things they like. However. Please remember that every interaction you have is a two-way street. Artists aren't content farms; they are your fellow fans.

When someone comments or tags my art to say "this is me", or "you drew me wrong", or "I would never do/say that", or that the material made them miserable or angry and that they "hate OP for making it"...I have to see that. It's only happened a handful of times. But that was enough to make me wonder with every kin-adjacent tag I see: Is this another person that feels entitlement or ownership over what I make? Is this another person I should expect comments of disappointment or aggression from if I make something that they disagree with? Do you think that I'm doing any of this for you?

#and on the topic of treating artists like fellow fans instead of CONTENT FARMS:#do NOT edit/repost my art for tiktok or RP or anything or i'll fucking GET you #pita.txt

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ironwoman359 · 4 years

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Hi, this might be wierd to ask, but could you please tag user @/parallelmonsoon 's writing that you reblog with something like '#parallelmonsoon writes' or something similar? I don't have anything against them personally, but their writing kinda squicks me out, and I'd rather avoid it if possible. I hope it's okay to ask for this, and please let me know if you agree to tag this. Thanks.

Hey friend. I deliberated a bit on how to respond to this, because the last thing I want to do is come off as insensitive or suggest to you that the way that you're feeling is wrong. Being squicked out by an author is completely fine, and that's not something you have to justify to me or anyone else. However, I'm not going to be tagging their content specifically, the major reason why being this: you don't actually need me to tag their writing for you to avoid it. Their fics are always under a read more, scrolling past them takes barely a second.

I do my best to tag triggers when I can, especially when the post in question is visual in nature, but in this case, you can avoid the content that is squicking you just fine. You don't have to read it. You don't have to click through the read more. You can block the user and blacklist their blog name, but it is, ultimately, not my responsibility to help you cultivate your online experience.

Again, I do my best to remember to tag common triggers when I can (and if there’s a big one I’m missing or if I forget, then you may absolutely send me a friendly reminder), but at the end of the day, I have thousands of followers and it is legitimately impossible for me to cater to each individual squick. If it is that upsetting to you, it's perfectly fine for you to unfollow me, no ill will and no hard feelings! You do what you gotta do to curate your online experience. Just remember that that curation is, again, your ultimate responsibility. Good luck to you, friend, I hope you have a lovely day/night/nebulous period of time.

#taylor talks #asks and answers

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couch-house · 4 years

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Wow people like that anon are why we need to be more educated about manipulation via self-destruction. We all need to understand and know that if we constantly, repeatedly "make" someone feel bad enough to consider harmful actions just through TINY contradictions it might just not be us and we don't have to put up with all the stress, discomfort, depression, etc. that comes from it. And sometimes it's really obvious when it's manipulation, it's not NEVER an option.

exactly bro. i’m gonna do something real fun and talk about my abuser, who did this for years! under the cut

so im just gonna come right out and say it so i dont gotta give him an epithet every time, but his name was dibby/dib. he goes by a different name now i think but from what ive heard it seems like ppl r familiar with him by that name as well. w/e for his privacy i guess ill just leave his current name out of it. anyway i knew and was friends with/dated dib for about 7 years before we cut each other out.

ANYWAY dib had/has legitimate mental health problems, yes, but he also chose to use those problems as excuses for his manipulative and abusive behavior. dib had bipolar and would experience dramatic mood swings. unfortunate but normal and okay! if you experience mood swings and suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness or anger, you probably know that, if you recognize this as a disorder, you should let the people around you know, tell them how you’re feeling, and do what you can to manage the situation. dib would instead say “oh no i feel a mood swing coming. :( quick, distract me!” which, again is a clumsy but fair way to handle that, EXCEPT when it inevitably failed to cheer him up, he would blame us for failing, call us bad friends, insist we didn’t care about him, and isolate to only talking with his favorite person (for a while that was me).

when dib got upset he would blow up, block me for days or weeks, and then later when he calmed down and felt lonely he’d add me back with some half-apology and assume everything was fine again. here’s a list i kept of things that upset him and had this result! it was called “things not to do”

tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

fail to tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

ask dib if it’s okay to do things

talk to him when he’s feeling antisocial

offer critique when it isn’t asked for

ask dib not to do something

talk to him in the tags (when not friends)

spam things he doesn’t like/isn’t involved in ((the relevant examples are bug blogs, bunnies, and the pbs kids show arthur. not because they trigger him, just because he doesn’t like them))

talk about/mention people that are my friends that he doesn’t like

offer solutions when he just needs confirmation

make it about you

yeah. keep in mind every one of those bullet points corresponds to at least one time he either faked his own death or blew up and blocked me for a week.

the bigger problem though was his suicide ideation. dib had a pretty shit life and pretty shit mental health and unfortunately was legitimately depressed and suicidal. he needed help but, living in america, really couldnt afford it most of the time. this is okay. if you or someone you know is unable to get medical health for depression or suicide ideation you know how hard it is to live with. sometimes there’s not a lot you can do and that person will Just Be Depressed an just Want To Die and theres not a lot you can do to help, even if you try your best. that of course, is not the problem with dib.

the problem was repeatedly, starting i think when i criticized him for pushing everyone away by insisting no one cares about him and not putting any effort towards others, would make some vague allusion to feeling suicidal and abruptly log off and stop answering messages. this can be an okay way to deal with yourself if you’re upset BUT. THE NEXT DAY, after i frantically thought he was going to Attempt and repeatedly messaged him to try to deter him, check on him, ask if he was okay (he really just went to sleep, which again is fine), he decided to PRETEND TO BE DEAD. he told his gf and maybe one other person he was alive but threatened them to stay quiet and pretend he was dead or he WOULD commit. so his gf at the time had to play along and all of us then-kids were freaking out that our friend had died, only for him to decide later that he’d had his fun and he could now announce “no i just logged off for a little bit :)”

he did this. many times. make some allusion to wanting to attempt then abruptly stop answering messages, knowing what people would assume. (this was one of the pieces of testimony i did not include verbatim in that rk post: i was told rk would do very similar things; part of why i thought the post was necessary. ive lived through the other side of that and i dont want ANYONE else to). i think two separate times that he did this, i was sent home from school early because i was crying so hard (my best friend let me think i was responsible for his death. he did this on purpose. he did this repeatedly. thats fucked up)

one time he posted a supposedly queued suicide note post! and all my friends were terrified he’d died! so i remember someone anonymously messaged kylee henke asking for advice, and i (who at the time he was mad at and had already blocked) got fed up with it (again because he’d done this so many times and i knew by now that there was no point in getting upset, he was just doing it for sympathy or attention or w/e) and messaged his mom on facebook asking her to check on him. he was fine, just like. crying in his room. also sidenote he got BIG MAD that someone told his mom and was posting when he was found out liek WHO TOLD >:( n i was like :)). bc bro if ur really abt to attempt i have an Obligation to get someone irl to check on you and protect you. but obviously you werent since this was like the 20th fucking time youve done this 🙃

he was a huge pizza shit for other reasons too but the main relevant one was that he would use his mental illness as an excuse for his deplorable behavior and blame others for things literally no one can reasonably do anythign about and then constantly and i DO MEAN CONSTANTLY use his own life and suicide ideation as a trump card.

anyway if you know someone who repeatedly threatens suicide or pretends to commit suicide by purposefully alluding to it before ghosting you, or posting a suicide note meant to blame others, you need to get out of there right now. that is not okay and you should not be dealing with that. ive taken years to get used to the idea that if i criticize my friends, they won’t kill themselves

#you didnt ask for this but i wanted to vent lol #anyway if you know who this is... steer clear #he was still engaging in this behavior at 21 #he is the same age as me #nonart #suicide ment #abuse ment #ask to tag #also i wrote this out of order so it might be. incomprehensible #Anonymous

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robotlesbianjavert · 7 years

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*invasive asks, don't have to answer if you don't want* I keep wondering what is the appeal of slasher movies (nothing wrong with them, just not my thing)? I never read The Cursed Child, what's that about and what do you like about it?

these are good questions don’t worry xoxo

a) i can’t actually explain my penchant for slasher movies in a tumblr-wise moral manner, bc obviously slasher is a genre that tends to be filled with shit like fetishization and a demonization of mental illness and whatever else i can’t list it all right now it’s just a very flawed genre. so i can’t really discuss it on that kind of intellectually moral level - they are very much a guilty pleasure that i feel i’m permitted.

the thing is that they are such a cheesy b-movie genre that it’s hard to be feel supremely guilty about it? obviously they’ve gained some mainstream focus that necessitates serious discussion about various harmful shit going on, and i could go more into it if prompted and if i consider myself capable, but they are also SO DUMB. not dumb some are smart-ish but you always know what to expect from them, you can always expect some dumb caricatures to get slaughtered, expect some final girl expy to limp their way to survival, you can expect the build up, and if there’s a surprise then that’s just an extra treat. i guess it’s kind of cathartic, being able to exorcise some of my more serious anxieties through them, even when they get positively decadent in the blood and gore and sadism

i guess that while i also like horror as a general genre and am super happy to discuss horror films that take themselves more seriously (ie babadook, get out, that kind of stuff i sincerely believe that horror has great potential for commentary that often gets overlooked or underdeveloped), it’s a bit easier to latch onto singular slasher villains fandom-wise (your michael’s and jason’s and i guess the freddy’s altho freddy can go choke) than it is for more concept-based horrors, bc you don’t NECESSARILY have to take them seriously and you can just have some fun with them (altho they do have their place in a serious discussion, like how michael and jason are horrors that stalk otherwise safe environments, or how freddy is literally thematically about violation)

it’s hard to really explain in a justifiable way rather than a guilty-pleasure way, and i can’t really argue that i’m somehow a morally superior person for liking them and i don’t want to bc that’s dumb and exhausting. they just tend to be fun i guess.

b) okay so what cursed child is about is essentially the relationship between harry and his son, albus severus, and how they are both essentially similar in ways that, coupled with harry’s complicated legacy and upbringing, drive them apart and eventually bring them back together, particularly in their opinions on hogwarts - this results in albus jr attempting to one-up his father via what albus understands as his first failure (cedric’s death) through time travel. things escalate from there.

honestly i think that cursed child is a really important continuation of the themes and lessons from the main harry potter series in a more grown-up sense, and i really hate how it’s been spoiled on this site by a bunch of dumb spoilers that never fit well out of context.

like part of the problem i think is that a lot of ppl online tend to a) overidealize harry as some sassy angel child and b) try to freeze him at 11-17 years old rather than consider how his adolescent experiences might map onto who is is as an adult father. so when he says “sometimes i wish you weren’t my son”, they decide to ignore the context leading up to that moment (albus essentially needling and baiting harry and accidentally touching upon triggers relating to his past abuse, and the two of them essentially having two different conversations) and then everything afterwards (harry’s horror and guilt over speaking in a moment of anger and spite, as he was prone to in the main series, and his desperation to protect and apologize to albus in a time where he’s triggered for a sustained period of time and afraid that his greatest enemy is somehow returning), and decide to declare that jkr must not know her own characters if she dares to write harry as a “bad dad”. as much as ppl like to try and discuss how terrible it was for harry to suffer abuse at the dursley’s, they sure seem to want to underestimate how it affects him in the long run. and by fuck does cursed child dig into what harry went through with the dursley’s, particularly petunia! he’s having nightmares about her and this gets discussed and ppl still like to act like this play misrepresents how he suffered! it’s so fucking stupid!

i guess i also can’t really lie - i initially bought into all the bad hype surrounding the play when spoilers were released, tho i hope in a more muted way than a lot of ppl i followed, and i only really got interested when i read a particularly moving think-piece about snape, and then i knew i had to have it bc i cannot stress enough how snape was One Of Those Characters that i latched onto in my childhood, and how it felt good to be a bit vindicated in the face of how this website trashes him. also i cried a lot w snape bc it’s such good closure for his character, it helps you understand how his character potentially developed in the light of the main series, and also i got a better understanding of dumbledore too like you got the impression after the kings cross chapter in dh but when he admitted his insecurities re: how he only hurts the ppl he loves in cc? it literally like blew his character wide open for me, it really helped me piece together a lot of the things i was unsure about with him. so i also think it provides a lot of retroactive understanding and clarification of the characters that some ppl like to deliberately misinterpret for notes

also ppl’s complaints about the time-travel plots are fucking stupid to be perfectly honest, esp in comparison to POA. first off, poa did hint that it’s possible to change the timeline, cc established that we are working with very different time-travel tools than in poa, and thirdly in poa time-travel was a plot device and in cc it’s a thematic device so who even gives a fuck honestly.

basically: i think the play is a vital and important continuation and conclusion of the original series and its thematic elements, and if ppl don’t like then what the fuck ever but at least they can try to dislike it on legitimate grounds rather than things they heard secondhand or deliberately misinterpreted/decided didn’t fit with their headcanon

i can actually talk like. a lot about this play bc there was a lot of what i liked and what i think tumblr should like if everyone could carefully remove their heads from their asses. there are a few things i think could have been improved (while i don’t think it was necessarily baiting, i do believe scorpius/albus was a sorely missed opportunity), the play is more positive than it negative and i would kill to see it onstage. i guess if ppl don’t like reading script it’s fine but honestly i loved the script, but i’m also fairly used to reading script so idk

also it justified my belief that hermione would be an awful teacher and i feel vindicated even tho i have not seen anyone talk about it tbh

also it made my mother cry (in a good way) and she loved it and that’s literally all the assurance anyone should need. my mom’s a good person and everyone should trust her.

#noasaurus #i also kind of read cursed child in the aftermath of a drunken intimate conversation with my mother #that really made me look at parent-child relationships and how complicated they could be #so maybe i was just predisposed towards the themes?#idk anyways SORRY FOR THE LONG ANSWER I LOVE YOU #if anything seems incomplete it's bc i'm on the toilet and mentally scattered #long post /

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