#I certainly don't. I just keep up with what my mutuals are posting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halcyone-of-the-sea · 9 months

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Wow! As the header says, my blog just went past 5k followers - I'd like to extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who hopped on for this journey; I'm having the time of my life sharing my writing with you all.

In celebration and as a way to have a little fun - I'll be opening my inbox for a day and letting those who want to send in something fill it up!

Now, I know you're probably asking yourself 'Hal, I thought you said requests are going to be closed so you can finish the ones you have and work on the AUs?' And you'd be correct - I did say that. I'm not going to be writing full-length works for this event.

To anyone who sends something in (and follows the rules I have in place on my Request Form (be sure to check it even if you've already read it, I added some more characters and other stuff)) I'll be writing one-to-two page drabbles!

All this being said, after this post is uploaded I'll be opening my inbox up to anyone who would want to participate and closing it exactly one day after!

Thank you again for being the best community ever - I'm incredibly lucky to be surrounded by kind and respectful individuals as well as mutuals who are mind-numbingly sweet. I could not have achieved all of this without you; I think that's beautiful.

This post will also serve as the Masterlist for all of the expected drabbles, so if you'd like to keep updated on what's going to be happening/being written soon, this would be a good place to hang out!

ALL COMPLETED AS OF 11/5/2023

IMAGES USED: A black retriever in an extensive mountainous landscape by Maud Earl & L'angelo, la morte e il diavolo by Roberto Ferri || TOTAL: 5

➣The Perfect One

╰┈➤ ❝ [He stares at the rings under the glass with an acute narrowness to his eyes. He inspects every one as if a bomb might go off at any second, not missing a single detail in the metal.] ❞

➣Get In

╰┈➤ ❝ [Coming home with bruises and stitched wounds, you drag him into the bathroom to wash away the memories.] ❞

➣Hum Me A Tune, Blue-Eyes

╰┈➤ ❝ [You listen to his heartbeat as he keeps you to his chest, his breath tickling your hair.] ❞

➣Here Now

╰┈➤ ❝ [He nearly misses one of the most important moments of your lives together.] ❞

➣Burst Veins

╰┈➤ ❝ [He never noticed you weren't behind him.] ❞

IMAGES USED: Fallen Angel by Roberto Ferri & Nature of Fear by Nicola Samori || TOTAL: 5

➣Nervous Eyes

╰┈➤ ❝ [No one understands how you two get along - not when you're so different. It makes you second-guess yourself. He notices.] ❞

➣Blood Like Obsidian

╰┈➤ ❝ [Simon can only fight against so many nurses as they shove him back from your operation room.] ❞

➣Supposed To Happen

╰┈➤ ❝ [You died and left him a child he had no idea existed. How can he even begin to try and understand?] ❞

➣Digging Gaze

╰┈➤ ❝ [You indulge in a one-night-stand after you'd both called it quits, only, it leads to more problems. When he sees you again, how will he react to the swelling of your stomach?] ❞

➣Sole Survivor

╰┈➤ ❝ [Your father died years ago, and so you fall under the stiff, and unyielding, protection of your Uncle Simon. But it's not all bad. He can be funny when he wants to be.] ❞

IMAGES USED: White and Black by Vadim Gorbatov & Saint Augustine by Philippe de Champaigne || TOTAL: 7

➣Didn't Mean It

╰┈➤ ❝ [Arguments are rare, certainly ones that leave you in tears.] ❞

➣Him, Her, and the Dog

╰┈➤ ❝ [The woes of pining after a woman whose deadly K9 looks like it hates his guts.] ❞

➣Drunken Sappiness

╰┈➤ ❝ [You can't say you've ever had a boyfriend as perfect as Kyle.] ❞

➣How Do You Listen To That?

╰┈➤ ❝ [It was three a.m. when you all got the call to load up, but what's the best way to wake both yourself and the Sergeant up?] ❞

➣Finally Broken

╰┈➤ ❝ [Childhood friends turned lovers. The realization was far more violent and instantaneous than you'd like to admit.] ❞

➣Don't Look At Her

╰┈➤ ❝ [The bomb starts ticking down, rapidly firing to zero. Gaz won't let Price near you. Not after he'd remembered the Captain's actions when they'd first met.] ❞

➣In His Head

╰┈➤ ❝ [Collection of his SFW and NSFW quirks.] ❞

IMAGES USED: Scene from the Great Flood by Joseph-Désiré Court & Saint Jerome in Prayer by Carlo Dolci || TOTAL: 7

➣Life Snaps By In Flashes

╰┈➤ ❝ [A collection of memories from the second he laid eyes on you. All flashing past in the soft buzzing of the overhead lights.] ❞

➣Heart-Eyes

╰┈➤ ❝ [Being a medic wasn't pretty, but when your boyfriend was the subject under your needle you can't help but enjoy his unwavering gaze. Today, he has something to share with you.] ❞

➣From Ten To Twenty & Beyond

╰┈➤ ❝ [You've known him ever since the incident on the playground, and now you can't help but imagine that same boy as you watch him make supper with flour in his hair.] ❞

➣Find Me

╰┈➤ ❝ [You're finally back in One-Four-One's hands, but that doesn't mean you're saved. Johnny tracks you down after a violent episode.] ❞

➣Still The Same Fools

╰┈➤ ❝ [There was always a rivalry between you two - that hasn't changed even if both of you have. Years later, the boiling point is finally met.] ❞

➣Is This Why?

╰┈➤ ❝ [He finally sees why you never introduced him to your parents.] ❞

➣Oblivious Pining

╰┈➤ ❝ [Johnny hangs off you like a silent beast. Not that you would notice, of course.] ❞

IMAGES USED: King Gustav III of Sweden and His Brothers by Alexander Roslin & Geography lesson by Eduard Karl Gustav Lebrecht Pistorius || TOTAL: 6

KEEGAN P. RUSS:

➣Paint The Dawn; Paint My Eyes

╰┈➤ ❝ [In the midst of war and death, there's little time for pleasure. All you had was a ripped-up sketchbook to call your own, its contents littered with the rough face of your comrade.] ❞

➣Hold Her Close

╰┈➤ ❝ [Keegan cares for his young daughter.] ❞

➣When The Fighting Stops & The Silence Sets In

╰┈➤ ❝ [Continuation of (Don't) Go To War: the aftermath of recovery and a budding relationship.] ❞

➣Movies and Stale Popcorn

╰┈➤ ❝ [Oak and Keegan finally get to watch that movie.] ❞

DAVID 'HESH' WALKER:

➣To The Boy of My Childhood

╰┈➤ ❝ [Ten years came and went fast, but the memory of the Walker boys stayed. One more than the other. You never got to tell him you loved him.] ❞

➣Keep The Sheets Warm, My Love Is Coming Home

╰┈➤ ❝ [If this wasn't enough to prove that you were the only person for Hesh, you didn't know what did.] ❞

IMAGES USED: Saint Catherine of Alexandria by Caravaggio & Amor Vincit Omnia by Caravaggio || TOTAL: 17

CAPTAIN JOHN 'SOAP' MACTAVISH:

➣New Paint

╰┈➤ ❝ [Fighting to forget you, MacTavish finds comfort in whoever he can. Yet, like the layers of paint on the walls, it always peels back to you.] ❞

➣A Song of Gnashing Teeth

╰┈➤ ❝ [There was never a day where the two of you weren't butting heads - everyone was at their wit's end. Of course, you would both be forced to cooperate at some point.] ❞

➣Listen To My Voice

╰┈➤ ❝ [He orders you to focus on him as the sounds outside the cell get closer. He promises nothing will happen to you. You know he's lying.] ❞

➣Look At The Stars; Look At Me

╰┈➤ ❝ [Stargazing in the middle of an overgrown and wild glade.] ❞

➣Alive and Breathing

╰┈➤ ❝ [You're sick. Very sick. John takes drastic action.] ❞

➣I Can See It In Your Eyes

╰┈➤ ❝ [It's finally time to meet the family.] ❞

➣A Green-Eyed Monster

╰┈➤ ❝ [You'd slept together, sure. No strings attached. Then why are you trying to make him jealous? Who cares, the point is that it's working.] ❞

SERGEANT GARY 'ROACH' SANDERSON:

➣Dance With Me Before The Chill Sets In

╰┈➤ ❝ [Tired? Yes, but he's never too tired for you and your loveliness. But maybe you need to remember to lock the door when you're home alone.] ❞

➣Raining Cats and Dogs

╰┈➤ ❝ [Roach has a deep love of storms.] ❞

OPERATION OFFICER ALEX KELLER:

➣Bright-Eyed History Lesson

╰┈➤ ❝ [A librarian with a fascination for war history and a soldier who loves how her eyes light up. Like a dog, he can't stop himself from coming back; smiling like a fool.] ❞

COLONEL ALEJANDRO VARGAS:

➣Hold Me Longer

╰┈➤ ❝ [Mornings spent in the sanctity of warm sunlight and bare skin.] ❞

SERGEANT MAJOR RODOLFO 'RUDY' PARRA:

➣A Love Like Ours Makes Us Strong

╰┈➤ ❝ [Rodolfo came back, alive but bruised. How do you explain how terrified you were?] ❞

COMMANDER PHILLIP GRAVES:

➣Sleeping On The Porch

╰┈➤ ❝ [As it turns out, your husband never really died. It's safe to say you're not overjoyed.] ❞

➣Love Echoes In Silence

╰┈➤ ❝ [You can feel him watching you, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a small smile. Humming to yourself, you listen to the birds outside the window.] ❞

SEBASTIAN JOSEF KRUEGER:

➣Ain't Giving Up My Pride

╰┈➤ ❝ [You get on his nerves, partially because you want to. But what happens when he finally snaps?] ❞

ALL 141 INCLUDED (SEPARATE):

➣Count The Hours

╰┈➤ ❝ [Collection of what the One-Four-One do on their down-hours with their Lovers] ❞

➣Wide-Eyed Panic

╰┈➤ ❝ [Why were you behind the couch?] ❞

#halcyone updates #cod #cod x reader #cod x you #call of duty #call of duty x reader #call of duty x you #cod x female reader #5k celebration #cod masterlist

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jamisonwritestf2trash · 7 months

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what if the tf2 mercs went to see Barbie? Ik its not relevant right now but this is critical information to tf2 lore and I'd love to see your take on it

TF2 Mercs Go To The ✨️Barbie✨️ Movie!

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Who cares if this is like two months late, I certainly don't. You're right it is critical lore and, dare I say I'd be wrong not to speak my truth on how these grown adults show up to the Barbie movie.

Mutual appreciation comment: You're so cool and silly for being a mutual, love you for that 💖

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Normally, I'd write a prompt like this merc by merc. Not today, these guys are all going together, this is getting written like the amusement park and beach headcanons.

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No spoilers! I think? I mean everyone's probably seen the movie, but still I tried to keep this spoiler free!

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So to start, we have various reactions.

Medic, Pyro, and Engie are the only ones outwardly and inwardly excited. Like we'll get to the dress-up shenanigans in a minute but these guys are hyped. Medic and Pyro more so than Engie, he's only excited because he's never seen Pyro this excited.

Heavy and Sniper both don't particularly care, but Heavy is more happy to go just to hang out with everyone.

Solider and Demo wanted to go to Oppenheimer, and the other mercs told them the Barbie movie was Oppenheimer. Hilarity ensues. (More on this later.) I'm also half kidding, these guys wouldn't complain about going to Barbie, they just also wanted to see Oppenheimer.

Spy and Scout are secretly so fucking excited for this movie. But outwardly hate the idea or complain about it. Oh, it's a girly movie for little kids? Okay Scout, keep saying that while you find some thinly veiled excuse to dress up for the movie. This is a waste of time and money? Sure Spy, keep telling yourself that while you pick out your outfit, I'm sure you just so happened to have a pink dress, like everyone else so obviously does.

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My Everyone's favorite part! Dress up time!

Don't get me started on Medic. He was prepared weeks in advance. Bedazzled his boots and gloves, found an extra lab coat, and dyed it neon pink. Ordered a boa and everything. He went all out and killed.

Pyro and Engie don't dress up nearly as much, but they both still dress up! Pyro finds anything pink they can, and even has Medic help with bedazzling. Engie finds one single pink shirt, and decides to call that good, but then is promptly drug off by both Medic and Pyro to help him come up with a better outfit.

Heavy and Sniper are quickly descended upon by Medic and Pyro. These two are hellbent on dressing everyone up. Pyro's busy covering Sniper with pink glitter while Medic's trying to convince Heavy that the bedazzling gun is safe to use on skin! (It's not). Both Sniper and Heavy feel deeply changed after their time with Pyro and Medic.

NOW HEAR ME OUT. Demo and Soldier would dress up in a full Barbie outfit for fun, and I'm willing to die on that hill. Like you do not have to convince them to put on something pink and sparkly, they would do that for laughs/fun. Demo is more to do it for a laugh, and Soldier is the type to do it because he likes having fun and being pretty :,) They are the only two to not be accosted by Medic and Pyro that night.

Scout is getting ready and he's so hyped, like this man has an entire outfit planned, but he's got to play it cool, you know. He spends at least an hour going in and out of his room, pretending he can't find anything and pretending to borrow things from the other mercs, until he finally gets cornered by Pyro, and dragged off to the lab for his Barbie movie makeover, complaining the entire way. (He wanted this outcome).

I'm so glad that I started writing this post-Spy Dress. I needed validation that he serves, slays, whatever, just fucking rocks a dress. Wears a pink dress 100% No question. Sequence, lace, boas, hot pink boots, it's so over the top but it's amazing. Medic just rolls his eyes when Spy claims he just had it lying around.

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Movie reactions!

Medic had so much fun oh my god. He was so enamored with the movie. Could, and would rant for hours about this movie if you gave him the chance. Didn't cry like most of the others, but he still genuinely loves the message and just everything about this movie! See's Scout crying and immediately rushes up to half comfort him and half use this as an opportunity to rant, "Well, Scout you see, zhis movie is supposed to make you cry, because if you look at ze-" type vibes

Pyro didn't really pay attention to the other themes, was just obsessed with the pink, glitter, anything Barbie and happy was all they focused on. Ask them about the movie afterwards and they'll just make happy noises and try and explain what they thought of the movie through muffled noises. It's clear they loved it though.

Engie was entertained by the movie enough, he got the message and really liked the music. He's just so happy to see Pyro and Scout having a good time, is a little worried about the other team members sobbing, but he tries his best to comfort them while having a very excited Pyro ranting something he can't understand.

Heavy cried. No doubt in my mind. Also loved just having a good time and being with the other mercs and just. Had to listen to Medic ramble for weeks afterwards but didn't care, was just happy his friend's all had a good time.

Sniper's reaction was to be expected. Indifference, got why everyone was hyped about the movie, he thought it was an alright movie and he wouldn't be opposed to going again, but enjoyed being out more than being at a movie.

Demo was told this was Oppenheimer and rolled his eyes, but he did keep hearing explosions from Oppenheimer playing next door and was so confused. He was hyped the first time thinking Barbie was about to get violent, but then realized where it was coming from, took a swig of his drink and settled back down to watch the rest of the movie. He didn't hate it, didn't love it. Had more fun getting ready.

Soldier was told this was Oppenheimer and believed it. The fact that you could hear explosions was also helping the other mercs case of genuinely trying to convince him it was Oppenheimer. I wish I could say he bought it and was totally fooled into watching Barbie under the guise of it being a totally differently movie but honestly I think it's funnier to have him pretend that the other mercs really got him when this man knows more about American history than anyone else here. Makes a joke about Oppenheimer being a very beautiful woman, and freaks the other mercs out a little bit.

Scout will have you wondering, can a two hour movie really help you work through all your internalized issues? For Scout it can! He went from being woefully misinformed on the way women are treated, (Not on purpose/with hate but just with that whiteboy has never seen the effect society has on women.) to crying in the first half an hour and changing his entire out look on things. It's one of his favorite movie now, he is no longer afraid of admitting that.

Spy is not crying, fuck off. He's just so bored that's why his eyes are watering. Man is sobbing. He loves this movie. Not that he will ever admit that. Loved the soundtrack most. He also had to try and fix his makeup (yes he wore makeup, I'll die on this hill.) in a dark theater so no one would know he was crying, and I think that's really funny.

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Bonus! Favorite Songs! (I listened to all the songs on the playlist to do this. I felt glitter melting from my ears, (/hj) you're welcome <3

Medic- Dance The Night. PLEASE HE WOULD SLAY DANCING TO THIS! DANCE WITH HIM! He's so silly, he want's to just have fun dancing to the entire soundtrack but this song in particular. You will hear this song blasting from the lab at least twice a day for about a month. (No this headcanons isn't based on the fact that this is one of my favorite Barbie songs).

Pyro- Speed Drive. I like the idea that Pyro just really likes upbeat music. This song makes me feel like I just did a line of coke so I'm assuming that they'd feel the same way, and they love that feeling! They also like songs with a lot of reptation so they can remember it better. ALSO,

"She my best friend in the whole world

On the mood board, she's the inspo

And she dressed in really cute clothes

Kawaii like we're in Tokyo

Devon Lee smile, teeth a white row

Got a classic, real deep, Van Gogh

She got loyalty, she says, "I love you, girl"

I love her more"

They sing that either out loud in a muffled voice or think it in their head about Engie, All. The. Time. They're besties yk?

Engie- Hey Blondie. Please, I'm sobbing. He thinks this song is so cute. He loves how sweet it is. He just immediately loves everything about it. Plays this so much when he's working, sings it a lot without noticing.

Heavy- Journey To The Real World. Honestly? He just really likes mostly instrumental music, and he also just likes short songs! I think he just likes the spacy vibe of this song.

Sniper- Forever & Again. Not going to lie. He was half paying attention to the movie and then this song dropped and it hit him like a ton of bricks for no reason. He was just super chill and then BOOM. Immediately having a silent sob/crisis. (He's okay, Scout comforted him, Scout was also crying too at this point).

Demo- Barbie Dream. He's not ashamed. He loves it. It's fun, it's silly, he's fun, he's silly. They we're made for each other. Likes the simplicity of the song. Hated how it got stuck in his head.

Soldier- Choose Your Fighter. I can't express how much I think this man would love Ava Max. Like it's insane. But that's also not the main reason. He likes how upbeat it is, and how confident it makes him feel. Like you can't tell me he didn't hype himself up with this song after the movie.

Scout- I'm so torn on this one, like I feel like he'd belt I'm Just Ken, but also, like I can imagine him also singing Barbie Girl, BUT THEN ALSO MAN I AM???? He likes the entire playlist. He liked everything, the movie, the soundtrack, this movie has him in a chokehold.

Spy- What Was I Made For? SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP. I honestly don't think I can let this man be happy in my headcanons😭But that doesn't matter! I heard this song and was like, oh yeah Spy from TF2 vibes hit hard with this song. Nobody else knew what I was talking about lmao.

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Ah! This was super fun to write, but it took me so long to write for some reason, (I've been putting off real-life work.) But that's neither here nor there. Also I had this finished, and then went, Oh! I should add their favorite songs, and it took another hour.

(I did a word count for fun, 1766 words, only counting the actual headcanons and not the preface and what I'm writing here and now. Also in times new roman, 12 point font, and double spaced this takes up 6 pages 😭)

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress headcanons #tf2 headcanons #tf2 hcs #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #barbie #the barbie movie

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caillousweave · 27 days

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TF2 BAND AU!!!!

Sorta, the band part is more of an extra side thing, it's more of a modern au but they also happen to be in a band.

Me and my tiktok mutual have been working on this au and I've decided to share some of our ideas for it :D I wanna eventually draw something for this au!!

I'm gonna go by character, though keep in mind we are very biased so some characters have a LOT more then others (still this is gonna be a longg post)

But first some general things: their band is called "Team Fortress 2" bc that's the game no way!! They chose to make it 2 bc they thought it was cooler then just Team Fortress. They all go by their canon names (except Spy and Pyro) but I'm gonna continue to refer to them as their classes, even tho they aren't mercenaries in this au and don't have classes but shh ok

Scout

Plays the guitar (can also play drums but insists on being the lead guitarist)

Barely goes to practice, only started going more because Soldier forced him to (they live together)

Practices for performances the day of/a few minutes before performing (or to try impress someone)

Lives in an apartment

Can read, but it takes him really long and he has to sound out ever word (people think he's leaving them on read when really he's just trying to read their message)

Has a motorcycle

Works as a delivery boy for Heavy's family restaurant (more on that later) except the food always arrives cold bc it takes him so long to read the address

Doesn't question the food that "randomly" appears in his fridge, or the raccoon in his apartment (again more on those 2 later)

Has a collection of weirdly shaped guitars (he brings a different one to every practice/performance and it's chaos bc they all sound different)

Streams games on twitch sometimes

He's still scared of Pyro (still)

His room/apartment is a mess, like dirty clothes on the floor kind of messy

Soldier

Plays the trumpet (and most wind instruments, but in the band he plays trumpet. Does it match the rest of the band? No, but he insists on playing trumpet)

Soldier forces Scout to go to practice, like he will physically pick him up ("WE HAVE PRACTICE MAGGOT AND BY GOD WE ARE GOING TO GET THERE ON TIME. NO ONE WAITS FOR YOU IN WAR AND I CERTAINLY WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU" - Soldier probably)

Changes jobs a lot not because he gets fired but because he just feels like it

Insists he's homeless but he sleeps at Scout's apartment and basically lives there, just sleeps on the couch though he doesn't have a room (Scout offered his spare room but he declined saying he was homeless and not staying there long. He still hasn't left 2 years later)

Brought a stray raccoon he named Lieutenant Bites to Scout's apartment

(Along with Scout) begged Medic to learn how to care for raccoons for Lieutenant Bites

Thinks the food that appears in Scout's fridge is some spirit bringing food for them (he doesn't care, he still eats it)

Pyro

Plays drums

Unemployed, sometimes helps Engie at his workshop

Wears the same thing they do in game, everyone else has a sorta simplified/weapon-free version of their outfit (or the same, depending on the character) but they wear the same thing as in game, gas mask and all

Lives with Engie, their room is super colorful and childish

Has a big cabinet in their room full of lighters (they collect lighters)

Like to paint/draw on the walls of their room, invite people to draw with them but everyone is too scared to enter their room so the only one who really does it is Engie, who isn't scared of them

No one knows where Pyro came from, they showed up to practice one day and killed it on the drums so everyone just accepted them into the band, and then Pyro followed Engie home and just stayed there

No one knows Pyro's name, but they answer to Pyro so everyone just calls them that

Most of the other members can't understand what they say, Engie can

Goes to Medic anytime their stuffed animals are damaged and begs for them to be healed

Makes friendship bracelets for the band but no one wears them at first (they eventually do, after being threatened by Pyro)

Heavy

Main vocals (has the voice of an angel)

Brought his family to New Mexico (from Russia ofc) and his family opened a sandwich restaurant

Their restaurant also doubles as their house so his room is just above the restaurant, his room is pretty clean

Works at the restaurant

Sasha exists we are currently discussing on whether she will stay the same or become like a trombone

Is also scared of Pyro

Demoman

Plays the keytar (and a bagpipe bc he's Scottish but in the band he plays keytar)

Lives in his mansion, it's fairly clean, but his room is messy

Lives with his mom

Works several jobs

Basically just him in the comics tbh didn't change him much

He has a horse though, sometimes he brings it places instead of his car, no one knew he had a horse till they all went outside and saw a horse in a parking spot

Wears Pyro's bracelet before they threaten everyone

Engineer

Tech support for the band

But has his own solo career making country music

Other then that he owns a workshop and takes commissions making things (engineer is one of the only classes that can actually be translated into an actual job)

Loves his daughter-son-child-thing Pyro (he adopted them despite them being a grown adult)

His home is small but he keeps it (mostly) clean, unlike his workshop, which is a mess

Also wears Pyro's bracelet before they threaten everyone

Spy

Plays piano

No one knows like anything about him, he prefers not to interact with the other members much

Married to Scout's mom

Scout's dad

No one knows his real name (except Scout's mom)

Still has his watch and can go invisible

Every week he does Scout's groceries (while invisible) bc he hates him but he does still care about his son (does it invisible so Scout doesn't know it was him)

Medic

Backstage help/helps setting up

Makes German accordion covers of songs

Always has like 5 doves following him around (Disney Princess fr)

Experiments on roadkill (his house smells awful)

Lives in a small house by himself with all his birds

Has a shed for his birds (mostly for the winter when it's cold, other then that they just roam around his garden freely

Crashes weddings to save doves

As well as being a human doctor he also knows how to care for birds (yes he is a doctor)

Doesn't like big lights so his house is lit with candles and lamps, it's very dark

His neighbors hate him (the cops are constantly being called to his house)

Likes to go to abandoned hospitals and research facilities to steal chemicals and stuff

Learned to sew so he can patch up Pyro's stuffed animals

No one wants to go in his house bc they think it's scary (except Pyro they don't care)

Sniper

Plays bass (also does background vocals)

Lives in his camper van, it's fairly messy

Sells "drugs" (doesn't actually, they're just vitamin gummies he says are drugs)

Scavenges for things (definitely dumpster dives)

Hunts for his food

Whenever he has bad luck with hunting he eats leftovers from a chuck e cheese (stole this from a 4chan thread I saw on tiktok)

And that's all for now, let me know if you have any questions or wanna add anything :33

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zepumpkineater · 4 months

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Well, well, well...

If it isn't New Years already. Goodbye 2023, hello 2024! Hopefully it being an even number will bring us all some good fortune, but then again, there was 2020...Oh well. What a year 2023 has been, and I can't say I'm particularly sad to see it go. Definitely not the best year of my life, but certainly not the worst either. Lots of highs and lows.

I just want to leave a little post here saying thank you to all of my friends and mutuals who have made life a little more bearable. I met some really cool people this year, and I'm really glad to be able to talk to and hang out with the people I do have. I'm quite a lonely soul, and friends are hard to come by for me, harder to keep up with, but I'm really glad I have people to talk to and hang out with.

And to my mutuals, I see you liking and reblogging my posts, I know we don't interact much but I appreciate you and I see you. I wish you guys nothing but the best in life.

Here's to 2024, hopefully a better year for everyone. 🥂

#txt

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texasthoughtsaboutnothing · 4 months

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So, Canto 5. Spoilers.

Peak fiction, utterly incredible. My following thoughts will be jumbled but forgive me.

I've sadly not finished the source material, so I won't analyze it from that POV, but just to discuss the continued building of the world of the City, the Great Lake is so well conceived as a setting. The individual Lakes and their Waves, and the Whales that cause them, the variable coordinates and U Corp's monopoly on written data of Laws. You could make a whole damn RPG on the back of this stuff alone, I know TTRPG heads are looking at this and coming up with some homebrews.

I wonder if the Lakes are actually the result of the Whales changing the waters around them? Ishmael theorizes that the Whales parasitize humans out of loneliness, to make others like them (which of course reflects on Ahab as a Whale) and I wonder if the waters of the lake are similarly changed to reflect the Whale? And then I think about how Ahab turned the inside of the Pallid Whale into Pequod Town gah the subtext.

I'm also thinking more about the Sinners as a found family. While they've gotten on well enough since Verg put his foot down it's becoming clearer as time goes on that real bonds are forming. Ishmael was certainly straining those bonds but its a testament to them that they grew stronger after she found peace. I was pleasantly surprised she and Outis found a dynamic as fellow seawomen leading to mutual respect, not to mention what's going on between Heath and Ish (I have never shipped anything harder in my life). And then there's the individual relationships to Dante. Dante and Ish have gotten over the hump, and while she says that if they ever go in the wrong direction "she'll drop a skiff and depart" I feel like Ish is invested in Dante as a friend and will be there for them no matter what, including steering them back on the right course.

We saw it in S.E.A., but it's dawning on me that we get to experience characters post arc and that there are consequences to that. It didn't feel that way as strongly with Canto 1 - 3 because Gregor and Rodya are thoroughly still cooking on their issues and Sinclair feels like he's started his arc to becoming more confident and capable (the part where he actually threatens that guy is just chef's kiss). But we saw a Yi Sang who's actively trying to preserve his new friend group and find the bright side of things. Now we'll have a collected Ishmael who can keep it together and is firmly on Dante's side, which will be amazing come the Heartbreaking if the Heathmael dream is real.

Rapid fire thoughts in no particular order:

Ahab VA is perfect casting, her character is phenomenal, and I can't wait to see how she'll do on Hermann's team. PM is carrying the torch of insane old ladies.

I'm increasingly certain that the plot of Limbus will be ultimately about the multiverse (IN A GOOD WAY) and the goals of the villains and other groups deals with mirror worlds in some way.

I'm thinking about the other 3 Calamities of the Lake, Whales that attack without rhyme or reason. I have to imagine them as other great beasts of literature, so one surely is the Crocodile from Peter Pan. Possibly another is the Dogfish from Pinocchio (adapted as Monstro in the Disney version). Then I don't know, the Giant Squid from 20'000 Leagues Under the Sea (or maybe the "Narwhal" itself)? There's many possibilities.

I enjoy the Middle as a faction, they fit in with the deeply absurdist nature of the City and feel distinct from the other Fingers we know about. Makes me wonder what the actual fuck the Pinky's deal is if they're the worst Finger (iirc).

Love the feeling of Faust and Verg as outsiders Red Fraud Alert there's no way it doesn't come to a head at some point where Vergilius and the group are fundamentally at odds but the group is strong enough that threats won't cut it.

Compass is fire. Love that we're seeing different fan remixes combining the vocal and instrumentals in interesting ways, though I worry for the official version. Fly, Broken Wings doesn't work as well when it just goes through the whole thing without repeating the Broken Wings part, I much prefer an edit that matches the in game version more. I hope Mili sees what people are doing and gives us the heartbeat.

Praying to god we get a Stubb or Pip Outis ID with Pequod Captain Ishmael, but that will likely be end of season. I predict Ish ID to be a powerful SP support ID and will likely be as meta as Nclair (which is cool but also kinda unfortunate narratively, there are some downsides to the Gacha format).

Sentences like "Ishmael totally tops Heathcliff, that guy would turn into a puppy dog at the slightest hint of affection" are insane things I believe wholeheartedly and I love every time a literature person stumbles upon it and has to wrestle with this surprisingly valid crackship not knowing its origin.

All for now but I'm sure I'll think of something else later, can't wait for the Christmas Event (which will likely drop after Christmas but c'est la vie).

#limbus company #limbus #canto 5 spoilers #canto v spoilers #heathmael

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kayrockerqog · 3 months

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imma compress all my td2023 season two thoughts into one post, so spoilers below particularly for the final four/five episodes

Okay so, I can't be the only one who's super tired of Caleb by the end of the season, right? Like, no, I don't dislike him as a character necessarily, hell, we didn't have much to go off of for a GOOD while, and I'm certainly glad they actually gave him some substance. But like...really? Putting him in the FINALE? Extending his arc so long that it keeps PRIYA in until the final FOUR?? It just makes them both feel like they overstayed their welcome, especially when people like Damien, Zee and Raj got shafted in favour of their plotline, which was ultimately super exhausting compared to others. It also just felt a little...off, especially for Caleb's teammates in the finale basically being "Team Not Julia," that just felt...so sad. And not in a way that was really earned since he was super wishy-washy for the latter half of the game, especially after Damien was eliminated. Like girl how can you go from having nothing to having too much?? What is this, rags to riches? And just to get all of the kinda low points of the season IMO:

Damien was just straight up robbed, and his elimination left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth?? Like there ain't no way DAMIEN would be dumb enough and/or not paranoid enough to NOT take the idol with him to elimination, like, ON HIS PERSON. I don't care that it was hidden at the campfire, there is no way anyone with his personality, especially after saying he moves the damn thing like four times a day, would NOT KEEP IT ON HIM DURING THE CEREMONY!! That's just an unnecessary risk and it got him taken out. Also, Priya voting him out made DOUBLE no sense, like I get Wayne and Raj being sentimental and all but why would Priya vote him over someone else?? I'm still not over Zee's elimination either. Like, yeah, I get why, he spilled a bunch of tea about everybody, but did they just FORGET THE FIRST AND ARGUABLY MOST IMPORTANT BIT OF TEA??? THAT CALEB WAS FUCKING WITH PRIYA'S HEAD??? Why did they spare him of that? Caleb should've gotten more fucking consequences for not updating Zee on the development, especially when you made him PROMISE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING!!! However, there's a lot of good stuff too that I absolutely adored about the later episodes:

MK and Julia's farewell felt really fitting, even if I felt MK should've stayed over her, plus the hug??? the mutual respect??? Chef's commentary???? real. Raj and Wayne continue to be completely endearing, both with Raj's elimination and Wayne's obvious love and care for him even when he's not there. I mean FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, his worst fear at the time was having to compete AGAINST Raj instead of with him!!! How precious is that?? Plus the HUG????? RAJ'S FAREWELL?????? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT HAS ME SO GIDDY MAN!! "Bowie, get your dancing shoes!" me, being buried in a pile of the hearts swirling around my head and also just, Bowie in the finale being an icon, as usual, even if he isn't competing. His friendship with Wayne as a result of his relationship with Raj and how he's adapted to their ways of thinking is SO!!!!! GAH!!!!!! HE LEARNED THE HOCKEY TALK!!!!! IM WEAK!!!!!! And everyone on Wayne's team being so genuinely happy to support him, especially those I genuinely would not have expected to be there (Axel, Ripper, Chase) but when I think about it, it makes PERFECT sense, and I'm just,,, AGH!!!!! And while the final three and winner may not have been my first choices, I am ultimately pleased with the ending. Wayne winning makes up for the exhaustion of other plotlines in the season, and really, he played fair and square and won. Much as I wanted Julia to win, I'm glad he did.

now that ive actually seen all the episodes I'm gonna be,,, insane and reblog so much td stuff because obviously, so,, AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS FEEL FREE!!! I WOULD LOVE TO TALK MORE IN DEPTH ABOUT MY THOUGHTS OF THE SEASON!!

#total drama #total drama 2023 #td 2023 #td 2023 spoilers #td raj #td wayne #td caleb #td julia #td damien #td mk #td zee #total drama stays winning #total drama 2023 spoilers

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foundationsofdecay · 6 months

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Transliteration of the text on the poem tour longsleeve:

I am hunting something, and in turn, that same thing is hunting me The beholder, the void beyond — I am the line between I am the teeth of God

(in the store, one of the other new shirts has only the image of Vessel's snarling face, simply titled "Teeth")

Full thoughts on the text, as well as the imagery of teeth and jaws in Sleep Token's discography and their mutual hunt below the cut. This thing got way out of hand.

Very, very fun to see explicit attention being drawn to Vessel's actual role as the mouthpiece of Sleep and the vaguely priest-like status he has among the other Vessels. The fact that the text doesn't actually even refer to Sleep at all, just straight-up God, is also an unexpected choice, but one I'll come back to later.

Just looking at the text, though, Vessel is very much a man brought out of his previous life, possibly literally, and has been blessed as the only one to be able to breach the gap between Sleep and the waking world, sometimes begging Sleep to see to other side and the void it contains, so it's not something he can traverse of his own free will. The posts other people have made here recently about the lulling qualities of certain songs of theirs do a great job of explaining this as being a literal means of bringing worshipers closer to Sleep, even though as Vessels they must all remain awake throughout.

The thing here is that yes, Vessel is a mouthpiece, but one that's full of teeth, and in this text the only other thing referenced as a potential target is Sleep, in their circular hunting of one another. You could read this as something symbolic, similar to the character of the Mouth of Sauron in LotR, but I'm going to take this more literally for right now. There are countless references to Vessel's teeth and hunger and literal consumption of flesh in Sleep Token's discography, but then there's this particular line in 'Take Me Back To Eden': "I don't know what's got its teeth in me, but I'm about to bite back in anger". It's an odd thought, maybe, because supposedly Vessel is Sleep's teeth, so if you take that image literally, who could be sinking his teeth into him except himself, in some kind of ouroboros?

That's certainly one thought, and the erasure of Vessel's identity depicted both in some songs and during the dialogue interludes during the live rituals could lend a strong argument to this being the case, but departing from that idea for now... From the same song you also have Vessel's demand to "grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire", and perhaps that's exactly what Sleep's been doing. It's a critical part of that blood sport they've been playing for so long, but during this song, it's severing that relationship irrevocably in doing so. In 'Aqua Regia' Vessel describes his love in those terms, relentlessly following his prey's blood trail - possibly a reference to the one described in 'The Summoning' and later in 'Ascensionism' - with inhuman cries and froth spilling from those teeth, broken as his jaw is at this point. Maybe there's too many teeth to fit. Maybe he's bitten off more than he can chew, but he still can't help but keep going, either to restart the game all over again or to finally call the match.

Looking at their earlier songs, 'Hypnosis' being a very blatant example of this, clearly this is not the first time that Sleep has gone and caught Vessel and bit into him before pulling him back up again and starting over, like a messed up, never-ending feral play session. I get this image in my head that if Sleep is always regrowing teeth, they must always be falling out. When Vessel's caught, does he remove those "diamond" teeth, or are they permanently embedded in his skin, down to the bone? Is his broken jaw from the times he's caught Sleep and tried to do the same? Do his teeth fall out, too? Does he need Sleep to win, sometimes, to show him those pretty jaws which are so sharply contrasted to his own irreparably broken ones, so he can arm himself again when the page is turned? Does Sleep, or Vessel himself, tear those fallen teeth out of his flesh and sink them into his gums this time, into the broken mouth of God?

Poignant and honestly beautiful as it is when he describes Sleep has having the "jaws of fate" and the "mouth of infinity", that implied helplessness only goes so far. Perhaps it was Sleep that turned him into a predator when he agreed to become Vessel at the outset, but a predator he remains, having developed a taste long ago for Sleep's flesh even as he regularly regurgitates it.

I haven't theorized much on the lore of 'Euclid', it's become too personal of a song for me to easily approach, but considering basically every reference and callback that's in there, I think Sleep was correct in saying this blood sport was one She couldn't win. So, if it's Vessel who ultimately won out, here's the question: when he says the night belongs to Sleep now, if the night doesn't belong to God, then who is God, at this point? Vessel immediately follows this by saying he must be someone new, and despite their endless entanglement Sleep can't give him the night, no matter how much he begs for it. The answer is obvious.

At least he still has those ancient canopies that were once described in 'Ascensionism', that paradise with diamonds in the trees, teeth shed from both their jaws left in the bark to shine like stars of their own when you look down from above. Even if the night sky is beyond his reach, at least Vessel is still the teeth of God. The teeth just happen to be his, now.

First aside: I'd be curious to map out what their actual religious strata would look like as a formal group and not a bunch of dudes living in Vessel's manor like he's Slenderman collecting creepypasta characters but my only personal experience with religious institutions were not stratified in any really comparable manner, unless you were to start looking at Vessel and the others less as humans worshiping in a strictly tiered system so much as being already part of an entirely separate organization of their own forms of divinity.

Second aside: If Vessel's teeth were gifted by Sleep to him, would he be able to speak in that language of gods, his body modified otherwise to be able to at least approximate those same sounds? Or would it be something entirely unique for the sake of worshiping Sleep, something secret and private between them? What I would give for Sleep Token to have a fully fleshed out conlang the way Phyrexia does in MtG... the flavor possibilities are endless, pun mostly unintended. Not to mention, you've got Sleep's rune on the destroyed temple art and the various runes for the tracks in Sundowning, but what about this new writing system? Were they already part of the written language as well, or did Vessel create that himself? Maybe that already has a canon explanation, I'm not sure, but there's a lot to chew on there. Pun definitely intended this time.

#sleep token #drops this and runs #have this messy almost-essay thing.

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feroluce · 7 days

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Today's thoughts are of Pela and Gepard because I saw a post somewhere once (I've totally lost track of it now...) with the hc that Pela would have crush on Gepard, because she's totally the type to read shoujo manga and he is very much the stereotypical princely shoujo manga love interest.

And that's cute and all, but personally my favorite spin on this is that yes, Pela did have a crush on Gepard, in a sort of "celebrity crush" kind of way. He's so handsome and righteous and upstanding and protective and noble! Pela certainly wasn't the only one that stared after him when he would walk by. And so she was super super excited when she found out she was going to be working under him!

Anyway her crush fizzled out by the end of her first week LDJALKJK

The man has absolutely no charm!! Negative rizz!! Not a single romantic bone in his body!! Don't even get her started on his tastes!!!

If you talk to her in the Supreme Guardian's office, Pela will pay Gepard exactly one half of a complement and then proceed to drag the man within an inch of his life. If you talk to Gepard out by the frontlines, he calls Pela overbearing and says he tries very hard not to get in the way of her work because he doesn't want to earn her ire.

Their relationship is hilarious in the way that they cannot avoid each other (mutual friends, work together), seem to greatly respect the other's work, and also squabble at each other as soon as they're out of earshot and I love them so so much.

Like I desperately need them to devolve into petty bickering. You know how Pela texts the trailblazer asking for hangover cures? I need that message to come after a night where Pela, Serval, Gepard, and Dunn were all drinking together. Pela reached up and grabbed Gepard by the cheeks and stretched them like mochi while ranting, because

Pela: Your face is so handsome, and for what! For what!! You haven't earned this at all, stop it!!

Gepard: ?!?!???

Gepard finally gets fed up with her and drunkenly tells Pela that well, maybe she should just quit looking at him, then. And then he steals her glasses right off her face and holds them above her head, until Pela stopped jumping for them and finally just climbed him like a ladder.

Serval's current wallpaper is of Pela up on Gepard's shoulders, fingers clawed into him and her arm extended over top of his, while Gepard holds her glasses out as far away as possible and fights to keep his balance so they both don't tip over into a drunken pile on the floor.

#hsr pela #hsr gepard #gepard landau #pelageya sergeyevna #gepard & pela #honkai star rail #hsr #they're so stupid I love them fjkdasjfkldj #they are worsties they are friends they are coworkers they are tism/tism hostility they share entire social circles-#-they are partners in rebellion and war and technically they're boss & aide but that is somehow the last guess you'd make looking at them #Ray said it really well:#Like she's not even above him but the fact that she talks to him like they're on equal footing is both hilarious and impressive to onlooker #tall male model getting bullied by short female model is one of my fave types of duos in hoyo haha #this is why I like Zhongli and Hu Tao too #and also Sampo and Sparkle

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cyanide-latte · 2 years

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Hey friends, mutuals and other fellow writers who are feeling down. Can I level with you for a second? Y'all deserve real and that's what I want to give you here.

Is this going to be an encouragement post? That's the intent. But I don't want it to be the usual affirmation. That's good and it's needed dgmw. But sometimes when you get into a funk about writing you don't want the usual affirmation and encouragement. So I'm going to just give you off-the-cuff and be as real as I can.

Sometimes...writing sucks. Both the act and the final piece. Same is true of any art form, I think: there's just times you'll churn out something that you end up hating or seeing nothing but flaws in what you've made. There's times where just the act of writing is the most awful feeling of an uphill climb, of forcing something that doesn't want to cooperate no matter how much effort you put into it. And there's also going to be time these things overlap or one begets the other.

And that also sucks. In your medium of choice (and yes, writing is an artistic medium, don't bother trying to fight me on that, I don't care how school may have conditioned you to regard it as a mechanical thing, it's art) one of the lowest, most awful and discouraging things is feeling like you're not good enough or skilled enough to hold the implement in your hands and create.

In tandem to that feeling come those thoughts. You know the ones. Every whisper of doubt, of questioning why you're doing this, of asking what the point is, of thinking that even if you make it that there's no point in sharing because someone, somewhere, is going to judge you for daring to put it out there (and more often than not that someone is lurking inside you, in that shadowy, gut-churning lake of self-doubt.)

So, why keep bothering then? What's the point?

I ask myself this semi-frequently. Sometimes there's nothing to spur the questions, sometimes it's a direct reaction to feeling like the few people I really want to read something I wrote just don't care or interact with it. It happens, and I hate it. I cannot stress enough how much I hate that doubt, as well as the worry I'm being childish for wanting interaction.

So why keep writing?

Well, if I've not lost you by now, hopefully what I have to say next won't completely make you scoff and scroll past.

Hope.

Well, hope and a time capsule effect, really.

The thing about hope is we often think of it as a sweet, almost passive and gentle thing, the act of lighting a little candle in a dark room. And hope can be that way; hope and compassion in tandem certainly are evocative of the sweet, kindly image.

But hope is also a very defiant act, and it can be downright aggressive. I don't really like talking about some of the crap I've lived through but here's the skinny on why I'm bringing this up:

Some time ago I found a disc with some very old files on it...including the PDF of all the chapters of a Teen Titans fanfic I was writing when I was 14. I'd started writing fic when I was around 11 or 12, but typically only shared them with a friend from school. At one point I felt bold enough to post a couple fics on FFNet, including that one. Looking over this old PDF, I didn't realize at first that it was mine, my writing was so drastically different to what it's since become. It took a specific couple of moments in the fic as I was reading for me to finally realize "wait, I wrote this!"

And you wanna hear something really wild? It was good! Not at all how I write now, not at all as well-researched as I would be today, but the writing was good, especially when you took into account I was 14 years old and didn't even have regular access to watching the show.

It was also unfinished.

Remember I mentioned a time capsule effect? Where it took me a long time to realize I was reading my own old fic I'd long since taken down, the understanding of why I had removed it and it was unfinished was immediate. Remember that friend I mentioned? Yeah. She was the reason. I'm not going to get into the messy details but suffice it to say that her behavior and treatment of me became abusive at one point and part of the way she kept control of me was to tear down my writing. Constantly. Not even just in online spaces but to my face. Someone who I'd been sharing my stories with for years, so of course I already trusted her judgment. It was a given, no matter how deeply she cut me.

I stopped writing for five years. Every time I tried, that voice of doubt sounded just like her. Dozens of WIPs, of lost ideas, ended up trashed and destroyed. I couldn't write worth shit, so what was the point, you know?

The day I sat down and had a fic idea at 19 years old, I need you to understand I'd not seen that person for a year...and I was still terrified to try and asking what the point even was. Every keystroke, every paragraph of that first chapter, the cutting reminder that I shouldn't even be bothering to try and I couldn't write worth a damn and nobody wanted to read my obviously stupid story anyway was right there, peeking over my shoulder and hissing at me in the dual voice of my own sullenness and her venom.

Writing the first chapter of that fanfic, and then the second, and posting them, I was wracked with anxiety, doubt, self-loathing, a sense of defeat and a deep sense of guilt. Several times I wanted to stop, and almost did.

But like I said, the hope that maybe, maybe, maybe that person and I and that dual voice were all wrong about my writing...that hope was defiant and aggressive. I was working on chapter 3, when I started to think of myself as a bulldog with a steak locked in its jaws that it refused to give up. (I only recently explained this to a friend who started writing and asked me how the heck I could keep at it.) Bulldog visual. Somewhere deep down on some level I couldn't quite tap into in my conscious thought, I did not want to let this steak go.

I posted chapter 3. And a small miracle happened: someone commented. That someone went on to become a dear friend. But it was like floodgates had opened. I gradually got more readers and commenters. Not many, maybe four regular readers total, and not all at once, but across them I started hearing something that, to me at that time, felt like a foreign sentiment. My writing was...good? People thought it was good. They liked it.

Little by little that bulldog gained ground. I kept writing. Not just that fic but I began writing others, and doing more experimental ideas with my writing. Readers came and went but the regulars who stuck around and even some of those who were only around for a while reaffirmed that my writing was good and/or that they enjoyed reading my stories. It still felt strange to hear that, even as much as I tried my best to soak in every compliment and kind word.

If that old Teen Titans unfinished fic PDF is a time capsule of a brighter, more innocent hope that got crushed, when I look at the fic that I started writing at 19 and everything that came after it for a while, I see a different time capsule. A rougher, more defiant hope full of tears and anxiety and doubt and guilt. I look at that fic and several others surrounding it and I'll again be real: I wince at a lot of it. The pacing, some of the plot choices I made, the lack of explanation I gave for some things. It's not a bad fic at all, especially for someone who hadn't written for five solid years and didn't think they could again. Still, I wince all the same because I know more now, I've improved a ton, circumstances have changed and the flaws in all my fics from about ages 19 to 25 are painfully glaring. But that person had hope and was clawing their way back. Little bulldog was gaining ground and not giving up that steak. Heck, not giving up several steaks. A lot of my readership by my mid-to-late 20s had begun to tell me that my writing wasn't just good and entertaining, it had some quality to it they looked forward to, something that even in the shortest and most self-indulgent pieces shone through and hooked them. It didn't just make me happy, it also made many others happy, and many, many of the people who stuck with me since I was 19 (and are still with me now) have talked with me about how much they've watched my writing grow over the years, through everything I've both posted or shared in private. Even the ones I've been reluctant to share or feel are bad.

So, now that I've wrapped up that bit and tucked away the mirror, where does that leave this post?

Usually, when we get in these writing slumps, there's probably external factors, sure. But I think I know pretty well it's that inner voice, the one that can be as ugly as it can sound reasonable, that will really look for a way to justify not wanting to write. Sometimes it's not even a completely cruel or self-harming thought process; often when we find ourselves frustrated or constantly dissatisfied with our work, it's because we're starting a new stage of artistic growth. Something in that artistic part of us is undergoing change, metamorphosis, in our approach to what we make, and if we cannot pinpoint what it is—be it certain techniques, use of devices, or even stylistic approach—it becomes easier to want to give up. Because those pieces we create in the "in-between" stages feel flawed or pointless or wrong somehow, and there is a sense of shame in wanting to share or feel proud of them.

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. What we all need is different from person to person, and I'm not going to force you to parade writing you feel embarrassed about or ashamed by. I'm also not going to sit here and say any empty assurances that it's just doubt and you'll get through it, because I know what it feels like to be so deeply devoured by the sense of wanting to give up. What I am going to do is recommend you keep all those pieces, even if it's just to yourself. They're little time capsules, little facets of you at different periods in time. They're different things you're feeling, experiencing, thinking, all sown into innocuous little fragments of writing. I see and remember aspects of my past selves I'd long forgotten more clearly in a ficlet than I do in some photos my family took. Sometimes they're hidden little gems I learn from, eeeeeven if they occasionally make me wince.

And also yeah. Don't give up the hope that you are improving, that your writing has meaning, that you're connecting with others who enjoy what you make, that your growth is being tracked by people who can see it much clearer than you can and appreciate and encourage it. There is value. Don't give up on seeing that all your writing has value, all of it. Don't give up that hope. But don't think of it as a passive, gentle little thing that flickers here and there in the dark moments.

It's defiance, like that bulldog.

#idk if this will help the friends who inspired me to make the post for 'em but if it helps even 1 person a little then mission accomplished #might blaze this later in the event someone outside my ring of friends and mutuals needs to hear it #writer's life #fic author struggles #creative struggles #support and encouragement #writing #writer's block #LIKE A BULLDOG #GET THAT STEAK MOTHERFUCKER #not sure what else to tag this #Cyanide speaks

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gardenofbookworms · 5 days

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april's monthly: from bee and rose

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

▪︎ adventure/fantasy novel ▪︎

everyone wants something—money, revenge, freedom, love, risk, recognition—tangible or otherwise. but how far are you willing to go for it? how many rules are you willing to break, how many things are you willing to risk, how many people are you willing to lose? is it all worth it, in exchange for what you long for most?

kaz brekker certainly has the will. a cold-blooded thief to the end, he’s known as dirtyhands on the streets of ketterdam, the dirty and crowded kerch capital. there’s absolutely no job he won’t take—anything for the right price. money and greed are his gods, and the revenge they’ll get him, brick by brick, is what he craves above all else. he’s willing to do anything to get what he wants, even break into the world’s most impenetrable safe in its most impenetrable fortress in its harshest, iciest, strictest country—and steal the world’s most valuable man.

it's an impossible job; but then again, kaz makes everything impossible, possible. but of course there’s a hitch; this time, he has to rely on other people to get what he wants. desperate people, people willing to risk their lives for the grand prize—four million kruge each. to kaz, that’s everything he needs to burn his enemies’ world down. to his crew, it's a ticket out of the city—to freedom.

enter inej, the best spider ketterdam has to offer, desperate to pay off her contract and leave the city. nina, a grisha struggling to survive an ocean away from home. jesper, a risk-addicted gambler trying to keep it all together. wylan, a runaway with a gift for chemistry. and matthias, an escaped convict desperate to return home to his beloved fjerda and see to it that nina is dead. there's only a very small chance the crew makes it out alive with their prize. most likely, they’re all going to die—and worse, without being paid.

▪︎

from bee

this book has been on my list for a very, very long time. when i finally got off my ass and read it last year, rose was so excited because they had read it a while before me already. like they’re about to say, there are a zillion good quotes for reference material, and we even use them a lot ourselves.

but about the book itself? soc got me into the “group of rivals band together with a common goal” trope. the way bardugo goes about it is just perfect—it seems that everyone is involved with something unfathomable. and as much as they want to stick to their morals to get past it, the road is tricky (and of course they can't walk it alone). and a note about the character’s pasts: they don't feel made-up, as outlandish as they seem when you boil them down. they're complex and thought through and diverse and give the characters something solid to run towards or away from. all in all, an amazing start to an amazing series.

from rose

i first heard about this book in a very dark little corner of the internet, when a few mutuals read it (together?) and posted about it. it was at least a few months before i actually got around to finding a copy and reading it, but i have never been more grateful for that dark little corner than i was then (okay, so that’s not entirely true, but still).

by the time i made it to, say, halfway through the book, i was absolutely in love with the story—the characters, the plot, the witty humor, everything. and as much as i love the author, none of her other books have quite lived up to the amazingness of this duology. bardugo writes with suspense that will make it literally impossible to put the book down, even if you’re rereading. the wit and humor of the characters is insane; their banter is so much fun to read, and, if you’re like me and love throwing little references into conversation, there is so. much. material. to go off of. and a little side note to bee—jesper is a gay goat lover and there is nothing you can say to change my mind.

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bonus: spotify playlist!

#six of crows #leigh bardugo #bees + flowers = garden #book recommendations #bookblr #books

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messenger-of-stupidity · 9 months

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DUN DUN!

You have been bitten by the mutual virus. To cure yourself, you must provide one reason why you follow each of your mutuals before sending this to others (whether mutuals or not) while in anon.

Good luck!

Oh my god. UHM OKAY. I'm just gonna go through my mutuals from order I followed them. (I'm not good at tttthhhhiiiisssss)

@artbykays - I'm not sure if they realize that we're mutuals or not. Which is fine, it doesn't really matter. But their art is chef kiss amazing. Like seriously, its thanks to them my simping increases.

@darlin-collins - They're funny, have you not seen the stuff they put out into the internet?

@dani-ya-dig - They're just very cool and funny. i tend to follow blogs that I find funny since laughter is the best medicine. They certainly have that.

@romeo-the-homeo - I like lurking through their content because it's very silly of them. (I almost threw my phone when I saw that they followed me back.)

@annahhopee - HER FICS DUDE! I don't know much more to say than that.

@clover-46 - David Shaw. (Real talk, I became moots with Mrs Shaw because we both wanted Redacted Mutuals to talk to. Also their art is scrumptious. I want more of it. I will lurk in her walls until she posts more of it. I will live like Bruno there, building my own civilization of rats while she believes that she is safe from me. She isn't. Not from me, and not from my husband. David Shaw isn't safe either. Vega and I are coming for you and David, Clover.) Can you tell she's one of my mutuals I'm closer to because I'm more comfortable being unhinged?

@frenchiefitzhere - I actually threw my phone when I saw she followed me. I follow her for the memes, the music, the fics. All of it. Also she said that she was sure that Cam would like my IKEA octopus that I named after him and I almost cried.

@/hufflepufff171 - Tumblr Live friendo :)

@itsyourstarboy - Another person that I had a mini freakout when I saw he followed me back. But he's funny as fuck. Also a fellow Guy enthusiast, which I'm happy about. Sometimes I throw anon asks at him and wonder if he knows. He probably does now, but he won't know who is an anon and who is me. MWAHAHAHAHAHA (also he said he liked my fics and I almost cried.)

@epsi-l0n - He's intimidating. I'm going to preface it by saying that. But he's also very funny and isn't afraid to say something that might get people riled up. Actually I'm 90% sure he thrives on chaos and can't live without it. Also he keeps people in the basement and I've been avoiding detection so I don't accidentally wind up in there.

@soup-scope - Their art is very eatable. My favorite breakfast. Nom nom. Whether it's "serious" art or memeable art. Favorite snack. Also they reblog really good stuff that I'm afraid I'd somehow miss otherwise. So they're going my dash a service. (I also stole their shoelaces when they weren't looking but don't tell them. >:D)

@itsrubesshawty - 1. Their blog aesthetic? I love it. I'm a sucker for the darker aesthetics (ironic since I decides to go with bright colors for mine, but I'm trying to make people's eyes bleed so they accidentally click the follow button because they can't see. Which I'm pretty sure is what happened to Rubes.) Also their headcanons are hilarious. I got hooked because of the phone one they graciously tagged me in.

@genderfluid-bastard - He finds reblog gold. LIke seriously, some real gold here. Not fools gold. Real gold.

I love my mutuals, even if I don't talk to them all the time because I'm scared of bothering them. :)

#messy rambles #mutuals my beloved #david shaw #vega step on me

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yuurivoice · 1 year

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Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

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aromantic-pantyanarchy · 4 months

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Hi, so I just read your post on your experiences as an aro person and it was really impactful for me. I’m still a teenager so I’m figuring things out but I’ve never really had a crush or liked anyone romantically and I feel like I’m aro but I don’t really know whether I can define myself in that way yet because what if I’m still too young to know? Then there’s my sexual orientation which I’m clueless about but that’s fine because I know I probably am too young to know that yet. To add to that, my friends are all queer and a lot of the fandoms I’m in are quite queer and I’m afraid that if I did end up being aro and heterosexual I wouldn’t be accepted as being queer or that I can’t call myself queer. I’m also realm afraid of being lonely when I’m older because I’m not really close to that much family and I’ve struggled to keep good friends for a long time so I just worry about the future a lot sometimes and that I’m going to be sad and alone. I’m really sorry this is so long I just needed to rant to someone and I was really glad to be able to find someone who’s aro who I can talk to about this stuff.

So, here's my advice. Mainly, tl;dr, nobody knows you better than you do.

It's absolutely fine to ID to aromantic even if you feel too young (trust me, I've had a couple moments in school where I justified myself as "being too young to be into girls yet" that seem really obviously aro in hindsight), but if you do end up developing a different way, in finding attraction to people specifically or broadly, then you can just redefine yourself. There's not gonna be any aro cop who comes around checking your aro license and making sure you still adhere to understandings of yourself from last year. More than anything it's only human to gain understanding of something through continued experience, and that goes for your own self as well as anything else in the world.

For friends, well that's a complex issue that ultimately comes down to what you (and your friends) want, I can only really talk about my own experiences. But most of my friends are queer, we didn't meet in queer spaces or become attached because we were queer, we just met from mutual interests and they found out things about themselves and I found out things about myself, but there's no expectation of a mandatory level of queerness among us cause that's a really unreasonable thing to ask of someone. There's even completely hetero cis straight people still hanging about, and they're cool too. And I totally get feeling like you don't form attachments that strongly, I certainly don't have a best most closest friend ever that I'd die for, just, like, people I enjoy spending my free time with. That's enough.

I know it doesn't mean much just saying it, there's not much I can do to properly boost your mental from the other side of a computer screen, but like. Try not to worry about shit, ya know? Take life as it comes. Some things might not work out, but spending all your time fearing about everything going bad is just piling on extra stress you don't need.

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monamourbladie · 8 months

Text

The Man of My Dreams - Blade x Reader (chapter 4)

Who said that the man of your dreams couldn’t be real? After having dreams of the same mystery man for 2 weeks straight, the reader sets off on a journey to find the mystery man known as “Blade” that had been occupying her mind every single night. After realizing that he might actually be a real person, and not just a man she made up, she will finally discover parts of her past that had been long forgotten and locked away. (Originally posted on AO3, which can be read here. Also posted on Wattpad, which is here.)

Chapters Masterlist

warnings: slow burn, slight enemies to lovers themes, fluff, HEAVY angst throughout the entire story (not kidding.), soulmates, memory loss, mutual pining, eventual smut, pwp, renheng themes

"You have something on your mind - don't you, Blaide?" Kafka asked, leaning back in her seat as the Starskiff was being piloted remotely by Silver Wolf. Blade simply hummed in response, his eyes closed and arms crossed over his chest as he sat in his seat. "It's nothing," he replied simply. Kafka grinned, tilting her head to the side, "Doesn't seem like nothing. Are you anxious about the mission?" Blade shook his head no, letting out a light sigh. "It seriously is nothing, Kafka. It's just some dreams, that's all."

Kafka narrowed her eyes, wanting to learn more. "I didn't know you could still dream. You rarely speak of them." Blade looked up at her with an annoyed glance, "Of course I dream. What kind of comment is that?" he said with a snippy tone. Kafka let out a soft laugh, "I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Talk to me - I've missed you. What was in the dreams?" Blade scoffed, noticing his sword lying on the ground beside him. Kafka had managed to grab it from when he was arrested, keeping it safe until he could wield it once again. He picked it up and delicately dragged his fingers along the length of it. "It's of a woman."

This piqued Kafka's interest greatly. "It's always the same woman. She's in every dream of mine. It's almost as if we're connected in some way or another. We can hold conversations and remember previous ones, and pick up right where we left off as if she were real." Blade sighed when he saw his reflection in his sword. "I'm not used to such a sense of familiarity. It's beginning to feel... almost comforting, in a way," he added. "She visited me again last night. And for the first time, she told me her name. Y/n." Kafka could've sworn she saw Blade crack the faintest of a smile. "Aww... sweet little Bladie's got a crush," Kafka teased with a grin. Blade looked up and glared at her, "I do not have a crush on a woman from my dreams. Don't be ridiculous."

Kafka simply shrugged at him, her smile never leaving her lips. "I think it's sweet. You deserve some goodness when you sleep. I just assumed it was mostly memories and bad dreams." Blade scoffed, "It used to be. On the rare occasion I did not have a bad dream, there would always be someone there. I'm starting to think it might've been her there all along." Kafka let out a soft sigh, "That would certainly be interesting. Well, you said her name was Y/n, correct?" Blade nodded. "What does she look like? Perhaps I could speak with Elio, and find out more about this."

"I do not want the entire Hunters to know of my little dreamworld, Kafka. No," Blade said with a groan. Kafka crossed her arms, "Blade, you hardly get any genuine comfort these days. If this woman brings you the slightest bit of comfort, even if it's just while you sleep, I want to ensure you keep that. Just tell me about her. Who knows... maybe she's real?" she said to him. Blade rolled his eyes at the thought. A real woman that somehow was connected with his dreams? Yeah, right. "Sure. Let's say I humor this and she is real. Then what? I have to live with knowing she's out there somewhere and I have no idea where?" Kafka nodded, "Somewhat. Elio can help us locate her, certainly. So..." Kafka brought out her phone to write it down, "Speak up."

Blade grumbled, shaking his head as he laid the sword down beside him. "Fine." Blade began to describe Y/n. What she looked like, her hair, her eyes... even parts of her voice. Kafka couldn't help but smile seeing how much he remembered, and how gentle his voice sounded compared to normal. She wrote it all down and reminded herself to text Elio about this later. "I will speak to Elio about it once our job on the Luofu is finished, alright?" she said to Blade. He nodded, "As far as I'm concerned, it's not needed to be brought up to Elio. But fine." Blade crossed his arms, "Speaking of the mission... where do I fit into this?"

The Starskiff docked, and Kafka and Blade began to exit it, grabbing their few belongings. "Elio has foreseen it all. It won't fail. Just follow my lead. For now... I have to be captured by the Divination Commission. Tonight, you will know the signal. Once you see it, you will come to the center, and rescue me. That is where the next phase of our mission begins. I just need to ensure that Stelle understands what we're doing here." Blade looked at Kafka with an irritated glance, "You can't possibly be still hung up on that... creation of yours," he replied. Kafka felt almost offended as she looked back at Blade, "That 'creation' is more important than you understand. It is vital that everything goes absolutely according to his will." Blade raised his hands in defense. "Fine. I just hope this will go by smoothly."

"It will..." Kafka replied, looking back at him with a smile. "Have faith."

The Trailblazers and Tingyun had met up again outside the Palace of Astrum and began discussing their move to locate Kafka. Tingyun had mentioned using a little creature called a Diting, which would help the group locate Kafka using her scent. The five set off throughout the Luofu, following the Diting as it worked its magic.

Y/n remained silent during most of the journey, which March immediately noticed. "Hey... are you sure everything's okay with you, Y/n?" March asked with a frown. She rest her hand on her shoulder as they walked. Y/n glanced back at March and nodded with a soft smile, "Yeah. Just... thinking. I spoke with the General for a little bit after he assigned us the mission. I told him about my dreams." March was intrigued and listened to her, nodding for her to continue, "Do you mind if I know what's in them? You barely went into details with Dan."

Y/n bit her lip, "Well, it's kind of embarrassing. But I have confirmation from the General that the Blade in my dreams is the one we're also looking for. Perfect, isn't it?" she scoffed. "Anyways, he and I have been in each other's dreams for a few weeks now. First I never saw his face. Then, only recently I saw him fully. And last night he told me his name. We've never been able to share anything personal with each other before. I guess maybe our 'bond' is strengthening or something, but that's what's been happening." March hummed in response. She was definitely surprised to hear about this, it was something extremely unique. "Well... I think It's kind of cool! Minus the whole being telepathically connected with a villain part, that sounds awesome! I wonder why you two are connected," she wondered. Y/n shrugged, "Hell if I knew. I wish I knew, anyway..."

And damn him for being hot, she thought to herself.

"Hang on guys!" Tingyun spoke aloud at the front of the group. March and Y/n stopped talking and walked up closer to her, Welt, and Stelle. "The scent just... disappeared?" Welt frowned, kneeling down to the little Diting. "Did it break down?" he wondered. Tingyun shook her head, "No, he's still working just fine. But the scent just disappeared. Where did it go?" she muttered, looking around.

"When the trace of the hunted disappears, the hunter better think twice," a gravely female voice said aloud. The group turned around and saw a woman with purple hair lavishly dressed standing above them, with a haunting smirk across her lips. "It might just mean the tables have turned." Two Cloud-Knights stood beside her, holding their staffs firm. "Kafka!" March growled, glaring up at her. "These Cloud-Knights aren't Mara-Struck. What did you do to them?" Tingyun snapped, glaring at the woman. Kafka let out a soft chuckle, "Just a little persuasion to get them to listen to me. But you know all about that, don't you, Stelle?"

The group turned to look at Stelle, who just stood there in surprise. After a beat of silence, Kafka spoke up again, "This place is too far for the Diviner. I'll see you all up ahead." She turned away, the Knights following her as she waved to them goodbye.

"No! After her!" Y/n yelled, and the group immediately began to chase after Kafka.

They ran for what felt like ages until finally they were met with the sneaky woman again. "Welcome, Astral Expressers. Looks like you caught me." Y/n glared up at her, "This was all a part of your plan, wasn't it?" she said to her. Kafka simply smiled at them.

"Admit it, Kafka. You planned for us to come here," Welt said, crossing his arms. She shook her head no, "I hadn't planned a single thing. It was simply the future. We interfere with countless possibilities, and this was simply the chosen path. You all speak too highly of us. The Stellaron Hunters are merely destiny's slaves."

"No matter," Welt began. "We're taking you to the General of the Luofu. You can profess your innocence there, but the General will decide your fate." Kafka laughed, her hand on her hip, "That's cute, but no. I can't stand moving at someone else's pace. We don't have much time now. If I were you? I'd make a move before it's too late." Kafka pulled out two guns, ready to use them. Immediately, everyone else pulled out their weapons, ready to fight her.

Before they could, a bright flash broke out above them. A woman dressed lavishly in pink descended upon them, standing between the group and the criminal. She looked at the woman with a frustrated gaze, "I am Fu Xuan of the Divination Commission. I'll be taking this criminal from here." March began to speak, but Welt raised his hand, "We've received an assignment from General Jing Yuan to arrest the Stellaron Hunter. Thank you, diviner, for coming to our aid; but we must escort the criminal." Fu Xuan crossed her arms, "This is unnecessary. I hold a proclamation from the General as well. Upon detaining the Stellaron Hunter, questioning and all further arrangements are to be done by the Divination Commission."

March giggled, "Did the General just spare us a walk with Kafka? I knew he was a good guy!" Welt let out a faint sigh, "I understand. However, he promised us that we would receive intel upon her capture. We have a right to know what Kafka reveals to you." Fu Xuan grumbled to herself and sighed. "Fine. You will accompany us to the Divination Commission. The time has come and we must leave immediately. Follow me." Fu Xuan waves her hands, and unbreakable cuffs materialize around Kafka's wrists. The group begins to depart and follow the Diviner.

Y/n begins to follow them when she feels a breeze brush against her skin. She looks around, confused as to where it came from since there was hardly any wind a moment ago. From far across the buildings, she saw a figure.

The figure's stature was that of a man, who wielded a long sword in his hand. He had long hair that flowed with the wind, and he seemed to be just standing there viewing what had just transpired. Y/n furrowed her brows as she looked at him, trying to figure out who he was. In the back of her mind, she felt a nagging feeling that she knew this man...

"Oh look! A pretty flower! Where'd this come from?" March commented, making Y/n lose her focus on the strange figure. She turned and saw March holding a spider lily. She felt her breath hitch when she saw the flower, and immediately turned back around to see the figure again. But, to her dismay, he was gone.

Was that Blade...?

#honkai star rail #hsr #blade #blade x reader #blade hsr #blade x reader hsr #yingxing #yingxing x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader

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