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go-training-english-pro-blog · 5 years

Text

S1E1

0:05

Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story ;

0:08

the story of how I met your mother.

0:11

Are we being punished for something ?

0:13

No.

0:13

Yeah, is this gonna take a while ?

0:15

Yes. 25 years ago, before I was Dad,

0:19

I had this whole other life.

0:25

It was way back in 2005.

0:28

I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect

0:31

and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college.

0:34

My life was good.

0:35

And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up.

0:38

Will you marry me ?

0:42

Yes. Perfect !

0:42

And then you're engaged. You pop the champagne.

0:45

You drink a toast.

0:45

You have sex on the kitchen floor.

0:47

Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.

0:49

Got it.

0:51

Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.

0:51

Dude, are you kidding ? It's you and Lilly.

0:54

I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lilly :

0:56

night you met, your first date, other first things.

1:03

Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep.

1:04

It's physics, Marshall.

1:06

If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too.

1:10

My God.

1:12

You're getting engaged tonight.

1:16

Yeah. What are you doin' tonight ?

1:18

What was I doing ?

1:19

Here Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life.

1:22

And me ?

1:23

I'm calling up your Uncle Barney.

1:25

Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls ?

1:30

Well, now I've got a new favorite... Lebanese girls.

1:34

Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.

1:36

Hey, you want to do somethin' tonight ?

1:38

Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up !

1:44

Where's your suit ?

1:47

Just once, when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit.

1:50

I did that one time.

1:52

It was a blazer !

1:55

You know, ever since college it's been, Marshall and Lilly and me.

1:58

Now, it's gonna be Marshall and Lilly... and me.

2:02

They'll get married, start a family.

2:04

Before long, I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted.

2:10

I see what this is about.

2:12

Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met ?

2:16

Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.

2:19

Barney. We met at the urinal.

2:22

Oh, right. Right.

2:22

Lesson one : lose the goatee.

2:25

It doesn't go with your suit.

2:26

- I'm not wearing a suit. - Lesson two : get a suit.

2:29

Suits are cool. Exhibit "A."

2:32

Lesson three : don't even think about getting married till you're 30.

2:37

30. Right. You're right.

2:39

I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged,

2:41

you start thinking about that stuff.

2:42

I thought I was your best friend.

2:44

Ted, say I'm your best friend.

2:48

You're my best friend, Barney.

2:49

Good. Then, as your best friend,

2:51

I suggest we play a little game I like to call

2:53

- "Have you met Ted ?" - Wait. No, no, no.

2:54

We're not playing "Have you met Ted ?"

2:56

Hi, have you met Ted ?

2:57

Hi, I'm Ted.

3:00

Yasmine.

3:02

That's a very pretty name.

3:04

Thanks. It's Lebanese.

3:09

I'm exhausted.

3:11

It was finger-painting day at school,

3:13

and a five year-old boy got to second base with me.

3:17

Wow ! You're cooking ?

3:20

Yes, I am.

3:22

Aw...

3:23

Are you sure that's a good idea ?

3:26

After last time, you looked really creepy without eyebrows.

3:30

I can handle this.

3:32

I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight.

3:33

So, there's more surprises ? Like what ?

3:35

Marshall was in his second year of law school,

3:37

so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet.

3:40

Boogedyboo !

3:41

And that's all of 'em.

3:44

I'm gonna go... cook.

3:47

I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am.

3:49

I just couldn't imagine settling down right now.

3:51

So, do you think you'll ever get married ?

3:53

Well, maybe eventually...

3:55

some fall day, possibly in Central Park.

3:59

Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows.

4:02

Band, no DJ. People will dance !

4:04

I'm not gonna worry about it !

4:07

Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged ?

4:09

Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh ?

4:13

- Actually, I think it's cute. - Well, you're clearly drunk.

4:17

One more for the lady !

4:18

Oh, hey, look what I got.

4:24

Oh, honey ! Champagne.

4:28

Yeah.

4:31

No. You are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne.

4:36

- I'm not scared. - Then open it.

4:38

Fine.

4:39

Please open it ?

4:41

You are unbelievable, Marshall.

4:44

There are two big questions a man has to ask in life.

4:46

One, you plan out for months.

4:48

The other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar.

4:51

Will you marry me ?

4:52

You wanna go out sometime ?

4:54

Of course, you idiot !

4:57

I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend.

5:02

'Sup, Carl ?

5:07

I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.

5:11

Did you know there's a Pop Tart under your fridge ?

5:14

No, but dibs.

5:16

Where's that champagne ?

5:19

I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée.

5:25

I don't know why I was so scared of this.

5:27

It's pretty easy, right ?

5:32

Why am I freaking out all of a sudden ?

5:34

This is crazy. I'm not ready to settle down.

5:35

How does Carl land a Lebanese girl ?

5:39

The plan has always been don't even think about it until you're 30.

5:41

Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit.

5:45

Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life.

5:47

Even if I was ready, which I'm not...

5:49

but if I was, it's, like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she ?"

5:57

And there she was.

6:05

It was like something from an old movie,

6:08

where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor,

6:11

turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl ?

6:15

I'm gonna marry her someday."

6:16

Hey, Barney, see that girl ?

6:19

Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty.

6:22

Go say hi.

6:25

I can't just go say hi.

6:26

I need a plan.

6:28

I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom,

6:29

then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox...

6:31

Hi, have you met Ted ?

6:36

Let me guess... Ted.

6:41

Sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry.

6:44

- Take us to the hospital. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

6:46

Did you hit her ?

6:49

Hit me ? Please !

6:52

This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun.

6:55

He's all like, "Oh, honey. Did that hurt ?"

6:58

And, I'm like, "Come on ! Let me have it, you pansy !"

7:00

- Wow, a complete stranger. - No, no, no, no ! It's okay.

7:04

Go on.

7:06

So, these, uh, spankings...

7:07

you in pajamas or au naturel ?

7:11

So, what do you do ?

7:13

I'm a reporter for Metro News One.

7:15

Well, kind of a reporter.

7:17

I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news.

7:19

You know, like, um...

7:21

monkey who can play the ukulele.

7:24

I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon.

7:26

Bigger, like, uh... gorilla with an upright bass ?

7:29

Sorry. You're really pretty.

7:34

Oh, your friends don't seem to happy.

7:37

Yeah, see, the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend.

7:39

So, tonight, every guy is "the enemy."

7:42

You know if it'll make your friend feel better,

7:43

you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind.

7:46

She would love that !

7:47

And it does look fun in the movies.

7:50

Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night ?

7:52

Oh, I can't.

7:53

I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday.

7:56

Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake.

7:58

Guess who's covering it ?

8:00

That's gonna take a week ?

8:01

Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record.

8:03

Hey ! What's takin' so long ?

8:06

Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how 'bout tomorrow night ?

8:09

Yeah. What the hell ?

8:17

Jerk !

8:20

That was fun.

8:22

De... wait for it... nied !

8:26

Denied !

8:28

We're goin' out tomorrow night.

8:29

I thought we were playin' laser tag tomorrow night.

8:32

Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag.

8:36

The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn.

8:41

That is one badass blue French horn.

8:44

Yeah.

8:45

Sort of looks like a Smurf penis.

8:48

Son, a piece of advice :

8:51

when you go on a first date, you really don't wanna say "Smurf penis."

8:55

Girls don't ordinarily like that.

8:57

But this was no ordinary girl.

9:04

Lilly ?

9:07

How long have you been sitting there ?

9:10

Stupid eye patch.

9:13

Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.

9:19

Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman ?

9:21

Now, let's see... she likes dogs ?

9:24

I've got five dogs.

9:25

She drinks scotch ?

9:27

I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch.

9:29

Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters ?

9:31

Ray ! When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes !"

9:36

And I'm saving the best for last.

9:39

Do you want these ? I hate olives.

9:41

She hates olives ! Awesome !

9:43

The olive theory.

9:44

The olive theory is based on my friends Marshall and Lilly.

9:48

He hates olives, she loves them.

9:50

In a weird way, that's what makes them such a great couple.

9:52

Perfect balance.

9:53

You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever.

9:59

I could take 'em off your hands.

10:02

They're all yours.

10:05

Oh, it is on !

10:07

It is on till the break of dawn.

10:10

But wait.

10:12

It's only the break of 10:30. What happened ?

10:16

I gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace.

10:19

It's gotta be blue. It's gotta be French.

10:21

- No green clarinet ? - Nope.

10:22

Come on. No purple tuba ?

10:24

It's a Smurf penis or no dice.

10:26

There you are !

10:28

We got a jumper.

10:29

Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge.

10:31

Come on. You're coverin' it !

10:33

Um... all right. I'll be right there.

10:37

I'm sorry.

10:39

I had a really great time tonight.

10:41

Yeah.

10:42

So ?! Did you kiss her ?

10:45

No. The moment wasn't right.

10:48

Look, this woman could actually be my future wife.

10:50

I want our first kiss to be amazing.

10:52

Aw, Ted, that is so sweet.

10:55

So you chickened out like a little bitch.

10:58

What ? I did not chicken out.

11:01

You know what ?

11:03

I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate

11:04

who hasn't been single since the first week of college.

11:07

Anyone who's single would tell you the same thing,

11:09

even the dumbest single person alive.

11:12

And if you don't believe me, call him.

11:15

Hey, loser.

11:17

How's not playing laser tag ?

11:18

Because playing laser tag is awesome !

11:21

- Oh, I killed you, Conner ! - Don't make me get your mom !

11:23

Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something.

11:24

Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.

11:27

And suit up !

11:29

So, these guys think I chickened out.

11:32

What do you think ?

11:33

I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit.

11:37

She didn't even give me the signal.

11:39

What, is she gonna, she gonna bat her eyes ayou in Morse code ?

11:43

"Ted... kiss me." No ! You just kiss her !

11:47

Not if you don't get the signal.

11:52

Did Marshall give me the signal ?

11:53

No ! I didn't. I swear.

11:58

But, see, at least tonight,

11:59

I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me,

12:01

never gonna happen.

12:02

You should have kissed her.

12:04

Oh, I should have kissed her.

12:06

Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando.

12:08

A week ? That's like a year in hot girl time.

12:11

She'll forget all about you.

12:13

Mark my words... you will never see that one again.

12:15

There she is.

12:17

Ooh ! She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up.

12:20

...persuaded him to reconsider.

12:22

At which point, the man came down off the ledge,

12:24

giving this bizarre story a happy ending.

12:28

- Reporting from Metro One News... - Guy didn't jump.

12:31

I'm gonna go kiss her.

12:33

Right now.

12:35

Look, dude. It's midnight.

12:37

As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you that's freakin' crazy.

12:39

I never do anything crazy.

12:41

I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment.

12:44

Well, she's leaving tomorrow.

12:45

This may be the only moment I'm gonna get.

12:47

I gotta do what that guy couldn't.

12:49

I gotta take the leap !

12:51

Okay, not a perfect metaphor,

12:52

'cause for me it's fall in love and get married,

12:54

and for him it's... death.

12:57

Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.

13:00

By the way, did I congratulate you two ?

13:04

I'm doing this.

13:05

Let's go.

13:07

- Word up. - We're coming with you.

13:09

Barney ?

13:11

All right, but under one condition.

13:15

Look at you, you beautiful bastard. You suited up !

13:18

This is totally going in my blog !

13:21

Stop the car.

13:23

Uh, pull over right here.

13:24

I gotta do something.

13:27

Excuse me. Pardon me. Just a sec'.

13:30

Enjoy your coffee.

13:32

Go ! Go ! Go !

13:36

Everybody brings flowers.

13:45

Okay.

13:46

Moment of truth.

13:50

Wish me luck.

13:51

Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter.

13:54

"This just in." Okay.

13:59

Kiss her, Ted ! Kiss her good !

14:01

Kiss the crap outta that girl !

14:05

Marshall, remember this night.

14:08

When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech,

14:11

you're gonna tell this story.

14:13

Why does he get to be the best man ?

14:15

I'm your best friend !

14:20

As I walked up to that door, a million thoughts raced through my mind.

14:22

Unfortunately, one particular thought did not.

14:24

I've got five dogs.

14:25

Not good. Not good.

14:27

- No ! - Get back in there !

14:29

You're wearing a suit !

14:34

Ted ?

14:36

Hi.

14:39

I was just, uh...

14:45

Come on up.

14:49

He's in.

14:51

So...

14:53

Ranjit, you must have done it with a Lebanese girl ?

14:56

Okay, that's my Barney limit.

14:59

I'm gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom.

15:01

Actually, I'm from Bangladesh.

15:05

The women hot there ?

15:07

Here's a picture of my wife.

15:10

A simple "no" would have sufficed.

15:14

She's lovely.

15:17

So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1:00 in the morning in a suit ?

15:23

I was just hoping to...

15:26

get those olives...

15:28

that you said I could have.

15:29

Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth ?

15:32

Are you trying to get me drunk ?

15:38

For starters.

15:47

So, Marshall, this olive theory, based on you and Lilly ?

15:52

You hate olives.

15:54

Lilly loves 'em. You can't stand 'em.

15:56

Yeah. Hate olives.

15:57

Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th street, dish of olives, you had some... what up ?

16:04

You have to swear that this does not leave this cab.

16:08

- I swear. - I swear.

16:12

On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad.

16:15

Lilly asked if she could have my olives.

16:17

- I said, "Sure. I hate olives." - But, you like olives.

16:22

Well, I was 18, okay ? I was a virgin.

16:24

Been waitin' my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives.

16:28

Marshall, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present.

16:32

Don't get married.

16:42

I think I like your olive theory.

16:45

I think I like your new French horn.

16:48

I think I like your nose.

16:52

I think I'm in love with you.

16:53

What ?! What ?! What ?!

16:57

Come on, man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right ?

16:59

You know what that is.

17:00

Hunger.

17:02

You're hungry for experience.

17:04

Hungry for something new.

17:06

Hungry for olives.

17:07

But you're too scared to do anything about it.

17:10

Yeah, I'm scared, okay ?

17:13

But, when I think of spending the rest of my life with Lilly...

17:17

committing, forever, no other women...

17:20

doesn't scare me at all.

17:22

I'm marrying that girl.

17:26

Lilly.

17:28

Lilly, I like olives.

17:31

We'll make it work.

17:44

So, Orlando. You gonna hit Disneyworld ?

17:51

You love me ?!

17:53

Why did I say that ? Who says that ?

17:56

I should just go.

17:58

Hold on.

17:59

Wait a minute.

18:02

Promised you these.

18:05

Olives. Thanks. I love you.

18:07

What is wrong with me ?

18:11

Why are we still sitting here ?

18:13

Let's go. We can still make last call.

18:14

What do you say, Lil ?

18:15

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum ?

18:20

'Cause you're a pirate.

18:22

Okay, eye patch, gone.

18:25

And we can't just abandon Ted.

18:27

If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support.

18:30

It's been, like, 20 minutes.

18:32

You think they're doin' it ?

18:33

You think they're doin' it in front of the dogs ?

18:34

Doggy style.

18:36

Hey, there was a girl in college, she had this golden retriever...

18:38

Okay, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking.

18:41

Hit it, Ranjit.

18:47

So, when you tell this story to your friends,

18:49

could you avoid the word "psycho ?"

18:52

I'd prefer. "eccentric."

18:55

Good night... psycho.

19:01

Great.

19:03

Um, how do I get to the F train ?

19:05

Oh, um, two blocks that way and take a right.

19:11

You know what ?

19:15

I'm done being single.

19:17

I'm not good at it.

19:19

Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met you love her.

19:22

But... it sucks that you can't.

19:27

I'll tell you something, though.

19:28

If a woman... not you, just some hypothetical woman...

19:32

were to bear with me through all this,

19:34

I think I'd make a damn good husband.

19:36

Because, that's the stuff I'd be good at,

19:38

stuff like making her laugh and being a good father.

19:43

And walking her five hypothetical dogs.

19:47

Being a good kisser.

19:50

Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.

19:51

Oh, I've got references.

19:54

Good night, Ted.

20:01

And I'm a good handshaker.

20:04

That's a pretty great handshake.

20:09

And that was it.

20:12

I'll probably never see her again.

20:15

What ?

20:17

That was the signal.

20:18

That long, lingering handshake ? You should have kissed her.

20:23

There's no such thing as "the signal."

20:25

But, yeah, that was the signal.

20:28

Signal.

20:30

Ah, Carl, thank you.

20:32

Something I gotta do.

20:35

By the way, you should have kissed her.

20:36

Carl ! You guys weren't there.

20:41

I am so turned on right now.

20:44

Guys, trust me.

20:46

I've seen the signal.

20:47

That was not the signal.

20:49

Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore.

20:52

- To my fiancée. - To the future.

20:55

To one hell of a night !

21:00

That was not the signal.

21:04

I asked her about it years later.

21:06

And, yeah, that was the signal.

21:08

I could have kissed her.

21:10

But that's the funny thing about destiny.

21:12

It happens whether you plan it or not.

21:14

I mean, I never thought I'd see that girl again,

21:16

but it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle

21:19

to see the picture that was forming.

21:20

Because, that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin.

21:26

Aunt Robin ?

21:28

I thought this was how you met mom !

21:30

Will you relax ? I'm getting to it.

21:32

Like I said, it's a long story.

1 note · View note

shriekbackmusic · 6 years

Text

Virtual Sleevenotes, Credits and Lyrics for ‘Barry Andrews: Lost Pop Songs 78-80’

TRACK LIST 1 Rossmore Road 2 Win a Night Out (with a well-known paranoiac) 3 Freak 4 Me and My Mate Can Sing 5 Mousetrap 6 Bring On The Alligators 7 Sargasso Bar 8 Feeding Time 9 Muscle & Movement 10 Opposite Way in the Rush Hour 11 Taking Over ICI 12 Vampyr Skinhead 13 Big Soft Safe Family

MUSICIANS 1-3 clarinet: Frank Abrams, trombone: Ian Bateman, guitar: Rob Hendry, Robert Fripp, Bruce Mcrae, bass: Dave Marx, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: John Strudwick, backing vocals: Bruce Mcrae, Patti Palladin, Clara Harris, Steve New, Marion Fudger. Recorded at Rockstar Studios, Fitzrovia, Mixed at Regent’s Park Studios, St Johns Wood. 4-7 guitars and bass: Dave Marx, drums: Rob Wilford, engineer: Hugh Padgham, Producer: Martin Rushent. Recorded at Townhouse Studio 2, Goldhawk Road. 8-10 guitar: Jon Ellis, bass: Dave Marx, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: John Strudwick, recorded at Pathway Studios, Islington 11-13 bass: Marion Fudger, guitar: Rob Hendry, drums: Richard Wernham, engineer: Eric Radcliffe, recorded at Blackwing Studios, Borough.

The songs on this album have been lying about for a looong time, as you see. The reasons for this are twofold: 1- it’s juvenelia, really - undeveloped, derivative. Trying stuff on for size. An artist not in complete control of his medium, if you like. So I was not in a hurry to expose it, I guess, for its flaws are obvious. 2 it’s precious, unrepeatable, unvarnished. Truly an account of Process as someone’s aesthetic develops. It’s fascinating to me, of course (‘each man loves the smell of his own farts’) and, I have to assume, as an article of faith, that it may be to others. So, as a one-time-for-all-time thing, I was hesitant to release it. Anyway, here they…are, these songs which are inextricably bound both to a critical time in my life and the interstitial flavour of the historical moment: the end of the 70’s in good old (post-war, now post-60’s) UK. The dingy, dark, money-strapped days of Callaghan and Heath on the cusp of the New (fake) Gold Thatcherite Dawn.

London still grubby, edgy and un-Developed in a lot of places (squats still available - for instance) and Punk, which had roared for a couple of years - having redefined pop culture, via getting Pissed and Destroying - was about to stagger off into the wings, fresh out of ideas.

the Roxy Club, Covent Garden in 77 (it’s a shop selling Speedos now. Out with the Bin Bags in with the New Shiny Pants!)

The Clash and Pistols albums of 77 had permeated, by 79, everywhere they were likely to go (surprisingly far) but their offspring - the ninety-to-the-dozen, political, permanently furious form of *Punk was on the wane. ‘New Wave’ as a catch-all term for anything that was neither hardcore (with a little ‘h’) Punk nor Old School Rock was becoming the mot du jour. Another strange little sub-genre was Power Pop (which my old firm XTC could be described as, although to be fair, we were doing it well before the term was coined). Blondie, The Rich Kids, the Rezillos: all were attempts to make ideologically (yes!) acceptable the idea of melody and upbeat themes in a landscape where (Iove this term) *Ramalamadolequeue was rapidly wearing out its welcome.

(the Rich Kids - ft. Steve New, the baby deer. They’re not signing on are they? They’re Rich.)

Personally, these tunes cover, as historians say, ‘the long 78-80’. Roughly from the end of my time with XTC to the beginning of Restaurant for Dogs which was (sort-of) the R&D for Shriekback, although definitely with its own sovereignty and aesthetic.

Rossmore Road source: 1/4″ tape This came to light in a box of old tapes (Lordy I wish I had more tapes). It’s the first mix John Strudwick and I did for the single but I wasn’t happy and, rather sportingly, Virgin let us remix it. This version, though, not only has the ‘son trouveé - ‘asking for directions’ elements at the beginning and end (hilariously furious posh guy who - you can hear - I have managed to wind up even in the few seconds it takes to ask where Rossmore Road was. How? I really was an annoying, chippy bastard in those days - you can see why I felt paranoid (see below).

I was playing with Robert Fripp’s League of Gentlemen at the time and Robert kindly offered to come down and bestow his guitar benediction upon my humble pop tune (skills which were to be deployed, rather more usefully, on Bowie’s ‘Scary Monsters’ later that year - which Robert had taken a break from rehearsals with us to do (‘I have redefined the parameters of modern guitar playing’, he self-deprecatingly declared, on his return).

We got off to a bad start and never got beyond it: we plugged Fripp in and played the tune - John the engineer had assumed, totally reasonably, that this was a ‘get familiar’ go-through before we started recording.

As producer I should have been clearer - very much so, as it turned out because Fripp threw a total hissy fit when told we hadn’t recorded his 1st take. He gave us a rant about Heroes etc - how all his most genius work had been 1st or second takes. I apologised. He made a somewhat passive/aggressive show of graciousness in spite of this clear affront and the atmosphere was kinda tense after that. Someone else who hated me. Just great.

And anyway, what we would have got (and, on the 2nd take, did get) was - Fripp fans forgive me - 70’s prog-hero solo guitar noodling (very good guitar noodling, but still) - which loftily ignored the song’s structure so entirely that you had to choose between either just showcasing Robert or actually crafting the song. On the remix we ended up using one note (at the top). I honestly couldn’t find anything else that properly fitted. On the present mix, however, if you listen carefully, you can hear Fripp doing his flash, busy thing - it’s mixed as loud as I dared but you can hear it doesn’t really work and, if it hadn’t been him playing it, it wouldn’t have been there.

An inappropriate and inelegant use of resources, as he might have said. Interesting to hear though, perhaps, in a vestigial tail/snake legs sort of a way.

conceptual stuff about RRd.

ROSSMORE ROAD (NW1) The 159 runs along it Round the corner from Baker Street There's a dolls house shop on the corner Of Lisson Grove and

Rossmore Road Rossmore Road

Turn left at the DHSS in Lisson Grove You find yourself in Rossmore Road And there's a number of public buildings And a safety barrier down the middle of the road

In Rossmore Road In Rossmore Road In Rossmore Road

White and yellow lines and street signs And public phones and traffic cones And belisia beacons on the central reservation All humming now, all humming now, all humming now

To the north The Grand Canal Round the corner Regent's Park Next stop on the tube Marylebone Road And you can see Balcombe Street from Rossmore Road

The 159 runs along it Round the corner from Baker Street There's a dolls house shop on the corner Of Lisson Grove and

Rossmore Road Rossmore Road Rossmore Road Rossmore Road

In Rossmore Road White and yellow lines and street signs North of the river South of the circular Under the road Above the railway

All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now, all humming now, all humming now All humming now...

Win a Night Out (with a well-known paranoiac) sound source: 1/4″ tape

Very pleased with this, I am still. Sui generis as they come. Blur before Blur said somebody. OK I’ll take it. I was (I think) actually thinking about Patti Smith’s Piss Factory - and Land and Wave, those half-poem, half-song tunes of hers. This, though, suffused with the provincial UK, late 70’s consciousness you get when you perhaps smoke too much grim hash and take too much speed. Interesting sexual punishment element to it also. Because it’s two dates: one rustic and one urban, then an extreme post coital reverse followed by a horrific denouement (Nazi Vivisection! The worst kind) which shows that, as they say: ’just cos you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you’.

This is, obviously, autobiographical (apart from the vivisection). This arsy, scruffy little bloke, oppressed by the forces of reaction and class, who seems to attract humiliation and brutality wherever he goes, even though his intentions are just to have fun and get laid. It’s a little poem about fear and self doubt which, around ’79 there seemed to be lots of. So I made a record. More expensive than a therapist but it has a trombone player..

WIN A NIGHT OUT (WITH A WELL-KNOWN PARANOIAC)

We could rendezvous in a country pub I know in the heart of rural England where the landlord sports moustaches just like Jimmy Edwards and the crisps and pickled onions on the bar are numberless as the stars at night We're just about to order scampi in an Elizabethan basket when two neckless men in blazers and cravats approach our table and say - "sorry - this bar is exclusively for the use of Nobel prize winners, latter day saints, people who have seen God and selected relatives of our dear Queen, and furthermore, you worm, there is mud upon your plimsolls". I reply that I am a member of most elitist cliques you care to name and the blood which courses (at an ever increasing speed as it happens) through my veins belonged once to the Cuban royal family, but, they don't listen and they just pour my drink down the sink and say "this is not what we mean. In this life, one is either U or non-U and if I were you I'd make myself bloody scarce.” I even try to show them my credit cards but unmoved they say "OK sonny, it's time you were taught a lesson and there's only one thing that your sort understand"

Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

At an Iberian eatery in the west end, we could gaze at each other across saucers of yoghurt and bits of crusty foreign bread - and then - I could order a carraffe of Asti - we could have so much fun. We could discuss things like communism and chart positions with the lack of inhibitions that separate the truly liberated from the herd - but - I should mention that I talk quite loud as a casualty of inexpensive foreign wine and neither am I unaware of the restive noises from the party sitting close by. But as I'm in the middle of my funny story about the Arab and the underwater toilet, I can't stop now 'cause I'm in too deep, as I'm coming to the part where I say (in my best joke telling voice), "so the Arab says to the attendant, right...

‘Of course as we know five thousand pounds of pressure can suck out almost anything,’ and it all goes quiet and a little girl is saying: "Daddy, what a horrible man" and Daddy replies, "don't worry darling 'cause I've just made a phone call to your crypto-fascist Uncle Roger and he'll be here quite soon, and make quite sure he doesn't upset any little girls... little girls any more"

Win a night out with a famous paranoiac Win a night out with a well known paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

Lying in your crumpled bed on Sunday morning, you said your Mum and Dad had gone away to a conference in Bath and I believed you like a fool. Now you get up, go to the window and you turn a pot plant round. I study your naked bottom with a twinge of lust but I'm not twigging that something's going down. There is a sound of the heavy boots upon the stairs and the door crashes open and in comes your Dad with some faithful retainers and some ex-Army mates from the Conservative Club. And I figure they must have been waiting all night because your Dad is clutching two reels of infra-red film and he's looking dangerously pale as he shows me the microphone under the bed, and I'm just about getting the message: all is not too groovy

As you stand there in your dressing gown laughing at me, then in comes your Mum in her nylon house coat with her hair hanging loose like a suburban Harpy and she advances towards me with an army surplus bush knife, clearly bent on wreaking havoc down below the navel and she's just about to get stuck in when I wake up... and yeah, it was all a dream

I'm really in a hospital bed. There is a smell of formaldehyde in the air, and a couple of doctors with swastikas on their arm are doing something to the brain of a sheep and in the corner is a huge zinc bath containing some sort of reptile and the nurse is saying "be a brave boy and drink it all up". And I realise I can't feel me legs and the shape in the bed isn't my shape at all and I wanna cry out but I can only bleat

Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid Win a night out with a well known paranoiac Win a night out with a famous paranoid

FREAK source: cassette So Funk was the thing - but let’s take it and fuck it up with our English voices and anti-slick playing. Let’s actually take the funk/fun out of it. Disco hatred was the tip, kinda. I recall saying in an interview that it was like scratching up a big lairy american limousine with the nasty, rusty keys of your squat (there’s also an unreleased Restaurant for Dogs version we recorded for Warners with Nick Launay which takes this approach to its theoretical limit: it’s pretty hard to listen to). We are, in fact, so alienated from the subject matter that I sing ‘just come on down to the fifth floor’ instead of ’54’ - the iconic New York club, me not having heard of it (though - quirky historical note - Shriekback did actually play there in the place’s last week - on the Sacred City tour).

Dave’s ‘confused Dutch person’ on the end is a nice random element. Like he’s wandered in off another session.

4 Songs from Town & Country EP (Virgin 79) Me and My Mate, Mousetrap, Bring on the Alligators, Sargasso Bar sound source: vinyl Ah T&C - I sort-of despise thee. No-one was taking care of my career development - especially not me - after XTC so I got stuck in a posh recording studio with the Strangler’s producer way before I should have been. This you can hear from the ‘apprentice piece’ nature of this EP. All influences fully on show and sellotaped together. A ‘band’ which, you can tell, has only so much in common and which was kinda thrown together. An adolescent ferocity in the delivery not masking very well a slew of insecurities. ‘Calm Down’ I want to tell this snarling young herbert, ‘nobody thinks you’re cool anyway. It’s fine: do an album about a fish, why dontcha?’ As it is, we get a variety pack of New Wave/Post Punk styles and lyrical tropes: Me & My Mate (the Clash obvs: stage democracy, anti-rockist groupy exploitation, DIY fanzine-esque self-expression for the working classes, Patti Smith reference). Mousetrap A classically-trained-but-recently-listened-to-Elvis Costello/Joe Jackson Bitter Relationship song. I like the spoken word bit that deconstructs a Well Made Play in 4 lines though (for those who don’t know, The Mousetrap is the longest running show in the West End - since ‘52!). The ‘Darlings’ repeated hookline was a reference to my lovely Aunty Rene who worked many years in the box office of various West End theatres (the Adelphi and the Prince of Wales I think - and since you ask) and had adopted a fabulously camp way of speaking through long exposure to gay theatrical men. Her poodle Chico was ‘my little Treasure Island’ and everyone else was ‘Darling’.

Aunty Rene (2nd left) with her theatrical crew and actress Anna Neagle at the Coalhole on the Strand 1968)

MOUSETRAP Been playing Shaftesbury Avenue For a thousand years or maybe two - darlings Done plenty bum gigs in my time But everything's alright now

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

We fall in love most every night We're quite ridiculously tight - darlings And yeah I feel some kind of freak Getting killed six times a week

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

It's nearly half past three Gotta do a matinee I don't understand this game Why everything's the same

But as the show go on and on And on and on And on and on and on and on and on And on

I know the punters mustn't see How mundane it seems to me - darlings But sometimes I wish I could screw Someone else in Shaftsbury Avenue

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

Curtain up - exposition Development of character Plot - unravelling slow Sustaining interest, gathering momentum

Till they unmask the killer Then a twist right at the end And it's all over till tomorrow night

In the mousetrap In the mousetrap

Sargasso Bar definitely the best of this bunch. Although the Small Town Observational style is a little irritating (alright, Bazzer, you’re a Poet of the Everyday and you are so very alienated) it is here for the first time that a certain mock heroic, magical-realist aspect started to appear in my writing. ‘they raise their glasses in 2/4 time and they study the latecomers as they slither in beneath the door’. XTC did a version of this which failed to get onto GO2. Not too much different I think but I recall Andy Partridge’s objection to the line: ‘we’re surrounded by the Eels of Death’. He felt it was the sort of hippy, trippy kinda image which XTC Stood Against. I felt it was - well - mock heroic and magical realist. This conversation went nowhere, obviously, but it was instrumental in making my decision to leave the band. These people just didn’t get my shit…

SARGASSO BAR Couple in the corner Now she's crying on his shoulder Well they're a couple of Modern Lovers Sort of Kevin and Isolde She's embarrassed by his footwear He's embarrassed by her hair But he doesn't really care He says it's murder staying emotionally aware He's another Lost Soul But he's only come here to die And get high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

Big John in the wooly Football training in the evening Well he got married married married Now he only thinks of leaving And he's surrounded by the blubber Watch the terylene stretching As he makes a point about his car When you're on miles to the gallon You know where you are And he's here every night, he's such a regular guy He gets high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

We came in from the rain Now we're surrounded by the Eels of Death Everyone nervous and everybody couldn't care less We raise our glasses in 2/4 time We study the latecomers as they slither in beneath the door About this time of the night There's more and more and more and more Well, give them ten minutes then they all go home to die Cos they're so high

In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar

Bring on the Alligators yeah, dunno about this one really. Clearly I’m really working the magic realist tip again but to what end? It’s clearly meant to be funny, what with the Polish ‘1234’ in the middle and the ‘cocktail bar’ quiet section at the end and all but it’s all trying a bit hard for my liking. The awfully Lahndun working class accent I have on all these tunes is also a bit abrasive. My estuarine whine is of course part of me but it is underlining, unecessarily and stridently I feel, the ‘prolier than thou’ ethic which I had bought into wholesale during Punk. Let it go, dude…

2 LOTS OF DEMOS source: cassette Well, now we were getting somewhere.. Listening back now, 40-odd years on it really does seem to me that the year (ish) between the EP and this first set of demos represented a huge leap in my - er - self development. The life in XTC - still living with Ma & Pa or on the road within the Mothership of the band - record company, management, everything being done for you (at the expense, as it turned out, of knowing what was actually going on..hem hem). It’s cosiness and material sufficiency came at a price I could no longer put up with. Time to go, clearly.

I remember leaving the last outpost of that world - the nice flat above the Townhouse, paid for by Virgin while we were recording the EP but now, since recording had just finished, off limits. So…I could go back to Swindon - or step out into the scary metropolis, where all the safety nets have been packed away, and see what can be made to happen. Me and a girlfriend (who had signed up when I was a (sort-of) pop star - she was in for a taste of the real musician’s girlfriend’s lot now alright) went over to my old schoolmate’s flat in the East End (he was at college in London) - it was pouring down of rain as we walked across Tower Bridge. No money for a cab - the XTC wages had long been cut off.

Youth seeks a Rite of Passage, does it not? This seemed to be mine. I felt noble and scared and reckless and Hungry for Experience. So, these tunes were written after a year of London, of squatting, signing on, meeting loads of new people, getting sick, getting well, hanging round the ink well - no, actually, after a particularly avid speed binge and a dreadful mini-tour with the T&C band I developed serious chickenpox (more virulent in adulthood, it turns out). I was the Elephant Man for a while. The body was having its unignorable say about all this new input. But the tunes were definitely better. More individual. Not trying so hard and, sometimes, there was a Showing Forth of something really quite juicy and new (and I don’t just mean the pustules, har har).

Feeding Time I submitted this to Shriekback’s publisher when he asked if we had anything that might do for the Eurovision Contest. He never quite looked at me the same way again, I thought (nil points pour moi).

I had been working at London Zoo (west gate and Reptile House: taking money on the door) that year and eating in various Camden/Kilburn greasy spoons. These two experiences were to produce this little gem. A Meditation on Eating. I think it needed doing.

Points of interest: Dave Marx’s great bassline which is really the hook and the armature. Jon Ellis’s glistening ‘egg’ chord. The ‘Taking Your Order’ on the fade (Prawn Cocktail! The 70′s are strong in this one...) I had earlier recorded this with some ‘opera’ singers (from the BBC West of England Chorus - including Mrs Evenett (contralto) my old French teacher) singing the ‘Feeding Time’s’ in fine bel canto stylee. Which I may release at some point.

FEEDING TIME Putting things into my body at Feeding Time White wine and little damaged bodies from the bottom of the sea inside me still feel hungry when I reach the end and I won’t feel good when it’s Feeding Time again. I watch him from the corner at Feeding Time sometimes he is hideous to watch as he shovels his chops inside him and his belly is beginning to distend and I know he’ll feel great when it’s Feeding Time again

but in the meantime Eat - don’t stop Eat - don’t stop Eat - don’t stop

Biting Viscera and gristle at Feeding Time listen to the lobsters whistle crack their legs open suck out what you find inside The spaghetti as it glistens at Feeding Time like spirogyra on your wet lips munching masticated chips in your mouth with lots of wine Eggs! Eggs! Soft and warm romantically slipping down inside and I wish it could always be Feeding Time and I wish it could always be Feeding Time (let’s see what’s on menu.. I’ll get an onion bhaji.. …prawn cocktail …three more pappadums…)

Opposite Way In The Rush Hour You know, it’s a bit cheesy and self serving but I still dig this. Our hero is heading off to some gig (some horrible, low paid, nightclub-type gig - let’s say in Edgbaston. Or Stoke). He’s hitching his way up there to meet the band at the soundcheck and it’s just getting dark. He looks at all the Regular Folk coming home from work: old geezers on pushbikes, factory workers - UK manufacturing has still a few years in it at this point - young girls (that might have been mating/marriage material in his former life) wait at bus stops and the cosy tea (the evening meal not the drink - important class-related point) on the tables, visible through the shortly to be curtained windows and our man gets all Springsteeny-sentimental about his self-ordained High and Lonely Destiny. Noble chords, I think, and very clever drumming by Rich Wernham (he was bloody good, I must say - as Nick Lowe said - ‘you can get away with murder if you’ve got a good drummer’). The absence of traditional last chorus repeats, instead dissolving into a babble of voices was indicative of some creative, envelope-pushing Thort, I would say. The boy’s finding his feet..

OPPOSITE WAY IN THE RUSH HOUR Going the opposite way in the rush hour watching the cars going past in the night. Factory gates let out the day shift - they escape on their bikes. Daughters go home on the bus, see you’re not one of us. The sensation is sweet and it’s sour. Going the opposite way, opposite way, in the rush hour.

Closer to being a part of the big system: so near and far from all that you seek. Closer to where the big heart beats you into submission then rocks you to sleep. Curtains still open The news on the telly they’re making their tea and I want all they’ve got but somehow.. keep on going this way: opposite way in the rush hour.

Street lamps come on now, those front rooms look so warm now. Old men with empty lunch bags pedal homewards and the girls wait at bus stops as the weekend unfolds. Once it would have felt so right heading into the hot sticky heat of the night

…it’s not a question of honour or a question at all Just the way that we choose to live now Going our opposite way… opposite way… opposite way…

Muscle and Movement Painfully sincere (and unintentionally camp) credo from the Squat years. Fucking grim, mate. It was cold, self-flagellating and unecessarily unpleasant. Here is the mantra behind that lifestyle experiment ‘pain is knowledge and knowledge is wealth.’ Jeez, give this guy a cuddle...

MUSCLE & MOVEMENT Fed up of sitting around with my legs crossed Pretending and smiling and saying ‘yeah, cheers then’ avoiding the whites of their eyes. (and another thing) And another thing- don’t try and tell me you’re gonna get something together when everything’s going your way then the limit’s the sky. You can’t always hide on the side watching people who do things bigger than you. You can’t have a permanent stop to the things that displease you or give you unease. ‘Cos all that matters is Muscle and Movement flesh out all your fantasies with Muscle and Movement (ain’t no such thing as security, just Muscle and Movement Muscle and Movement

as you relax at the end of the day there’s another tomorrow staring at you as it stands at the top of the stairs time is a swine it just keeps coming at you battering you to the floor as you try and stand up yelling you’ve had enough save it for somebody free - don’t talk to me I got no symapthy pour out some more of that wine everything’ll be fine just stay drunk all the time but remember that Muscle and Movement is all that makes you what you are Muscle and Movement standing still don’t get you too far it’s Muscle and Movement Muscle and Movement

it’s hard but it’s true that there’s nothing to cling to nothing to belong to and nowhere is more important than where you are now and there is no rest for the wicked, no rest for the wicked or peace for the innocent or the don’t knows (this lines indecipherable) cos there ain’t nobody got the things they need (same) cos the things that you lack are what you never get back cs the only secret weapon is Muscle and Movement

Muscle and Movement nothing happens by itself Muscle and Movement pain is knowledge and knowledge is wealth

Vampyr Skinhead & Taking Over ICI Well, it’s here that I claim total responsibility for the Two-Tone/Ska Revival that was to occur later that year. No, honest - no-one else was doing this stuff at the time (or they were but no-one had heard of them yet). These two tunes were, moreover, direct descendants of my song ‘Super Tuff’ from the XTC album (btw, that title came from the strapline of a Bruce Lee movie ‘Bruce Lee - Super Tough - but also Tender,’ so I was also anticipating Tarantino and all that kitsch martial arts movie stuff from the 90’s - could I be any more prescient?) Actually, exciting self delusion aside, I claim only to have had my finger on an historical pulse which had been throbbing away since the 70’s and which obviously many others had also been party to. As I say somewhere else ‘it’s ok to have a great idea but you have to get off your chuff if you’re going to start a cultural movement’. I wasn’t dedicated enough, clearly, but I was quietly and briefly, a canary in that particular coalmine.

The idea of reggae as this parallel exotic, possibly dangerous sub-track to Pop/Rock had been around for quite a while and kept bubbling up out of the Zeitgeisty swamp to varying amounts of mainstream attention. Bob Marley (pretty much just him) had Broken Through to become the reggae artist that unitiated white people liked and played at parties to show Cool. U Roy, Big Youth, Scratch et al remained the province of hip white people (as we liked to think of ourselves). But, under the audacious banner of ‘Fuck Art, Let’s Dance’ the Ska revival, the Two Tone label, Madness etc were to mine the accelerated beats, fruity grooves and edgy vibes of Jamaica (along the lines of Desmond Dekker and Toots and the Maytals) to international chart success. Of which more in a minute..

Since Punk there had been this strange symbiosis (which is easy to forget, it’s so non-intuitive) of reggae with Punk which had continued, unabated since the days of the Roxy Club. This, eventually, had permeated the wider scene. So, when XTC would play, in 78, gigs in Birmingham or Leeds, the disco would always be alternating, say, the Drones, Chelsea or the Pistols with Althia and Donna, Steel Pulse or Culture. It was a tacit admission, I would say, that the Punk formula was a limited one and, while its brutal austerity had been bracing (and a welcome antididote to Old Fart music), people still needed melody and sensuality and Actual Dancing.

But, there had been, in my late schooldays (early to late 70’s) an earlier, more schismatic appearance of Reggae (in its proto form of Ska) which I had observed firsthand in my Comprehensive provincial schooldays with all its codes and brutalities (kinda charming and nostalgic now; fairly scary and intense at the time). There was a 2 tribes battle going on at my school and in the UK generally: the Skinheads and the Greboes/Hairies (vestigial, usually non-ideological Hippies, really, sometimes with a component of Biker). It was a pretty one-sided battle: the Skins were an embodiment of working class, unsmiling rage and violence (’Aggro’ and ‘Bovver’ were their coinages (graffitti in my town read: ‘S.T.A.B (= Swindon Town Aggro Boys) Kick to Kill’). It was a culture of fighting and machismo which picked on pretty much anyone (it became a white racist movement eventually of course: ‘Paki Bashing’ being one defining activity but, as is documented in ‘This Is England’ TV series, the Skins didn’t start out that way: look at all that ska and blubeat. Also, in Swindon in the 70’s there wasn’t much opportunity to get the ol’ racism going - there wasn’t a single black or Asian kid in my year at school; only one or two in the entire school - so the Hairies/Greebs would have to do as a Victim Class, I guess.

The mostly docile, pacifist, great-coat/tie-die-wearing, patchouli-smelling, Topographic Oceans-carrying quasi-hippy was always good for a bit of a kicking (though I suspect, the lack of physical challenge made them a bit uninspiring - football hooliganism probably gave the Skins more of a work-out). At any rate, the hirsute, messy look and, (NB!) the usually university-bound, middle class nature of the Hairies was a walking provocation to the neatly groomed, fashion-conscious, mostly working class (went to work instead of Sixth Form: fuck school and Uni, let’s make some short-term money - therefore doomed for life to the factory or site) Skinheads.

This schism was enacted in the music, as it often is: the long-winded, effete, sexually inert tropes of Prog, the self-indulgent, solo-wanking, adolescent-boy mirror-gazing of hard rock versus the clipped, disciplined, concise sexy beats of Ska and pop reggae (showcased particularly in the ‘Tighten Up’ series of compilations). It really was chalk and cheese.

There was, btw, a whole genre of dirty ska songs, epitomised by Prince Buster’s Big Five single (‘funky spunky man in Big Five, screaming steaming night in Big Five…there will be water all over the bed…water all over her head..’ (!)

One night after a Manfred Mann’s Earthband show at Swindon College (deep Hairy territory, obviously) when the crowd were reluctant to go home, the promoter stuck a Ska tune on the PA which cleared the room like tear gas. Hard to imagine now. Like I say, Tribal. So, when I started writing songs (Pop Songs! For Bands!) I felt I had struck a fruitful vein in observing the horrified yet strangely fascinated viewpoint of the oppressed Other (Hairy/Greeb/insert Ethnic Group) as he is subdued and brutalised by his natural predator, the Skinhead.

Form following subject matter, this would, of course, be couched in a mutated form of reggae which, though, as a fledgling Hairy (with already insufficient hair, aIas!) I was forbidden to like - I must say it did exert a fascination. It was so alien. Alien is interesting. Thus, in Vampyr Skinhead we have, again, a randomly predatory hardnut - this time he’s going door to door terrorising people (‘no compunction as he hammers down your door - or elects to clamber in the window - he is swift and he is sure..’). The image really did come to me in a dream: this ferocious little fucker doing his rounds of the estate, like a Clockwork Orange version of the Man from the Pru. Definitely a Viz magazine character there, I reckon... The sound of a Ska beat still had, for me, the menace it did when the Skins at school danced their clipped, butch, slightly-ridiculous-but-I-fucking-dare-you-to-laugh, scary little dance to it.

Non Cultural Studies note: the riff is played on a WASP synth - I guess the 1st affordable synthesiser. Fairly horrible but it had one good sound so hey... No actual keyboard - a flat plate which was murder to play and ‘explains’ the really obvious cock-up on the intro which we didn’t have time to repair. It wasn’t mine btw (the WASP not the cock up).

VAMPYR SKINHEAD Vampyr Skinhead knock at your door Don’t sell brushes or Brittanica no more He no check for pushing leaflets through the door or collecting money for the football he lives outside the law. He’s just out on the street with his boots on his feet and I would give a lot to know what he’s got Vampyr Skinhead.. Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead strikes again Vampyr Skinhead feel no pain gonna do it again and again and again

Vampyr Skinhead come down your way and he’s not from anywhere silly in the USA. Not religion that he’s peddling door to door he’s not looking for the meter (he wouldn’t know what it’s for). He’s just out on the street with his boots on his feet and your little sister’s crying but he’s not. Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead Vampyr Skinhead

Somebody’s gonna get uptight, gonna get hot and they’re gonna make mincemeat of him someday... Somebody like Peter Cushing gonna wreck the curtains while he’s sleeping then they’ll be nothing left but a pair of Marten’s and a pile of dust…

Vampyr Skinhead come down your street he’s a monster and he’s got sharp litle teeth. No compunction as he hammers down your door Or elects to clamber in the window - he is swift and he is sure. Out and I would give a lot to know what he’s got Vampyr Skinhead…. Vampyr Skinhead…. Vampyr Skinhead……

V.S.’s Nemesis...

Taking Over ICI was an attempt at a pure pop reggae tune - with a socialist/punky spin. Lovely playing by Rob (gtr) and Marion Fudger (ex wife of Dave Fudger, charming chap who used to write for Sounds and now worked for Virgin Publishing - he got me the gig with Iggy Pop). Rich Wernham (also of the Motors). Cracking organ solo dontcha think? I had chops in those days - before Quantise fucked me up.

TAKING OVER ICI Alone I just didn’t dare make my move to trash organised laissez-faire but since you nibbled my ear Cadbury-Schweppes and Lever Brothers quiver in fear. All the multiples are whining. All the big nobs are resigning. Since I found out you loved me, I’m taking over ICI Taking over ICI Alone I couldn’t handle myself let alone the redistribution of wealth. But, since I found out you care, I could trash the System single-handed I swear. Can’t handle all their wheeler-dealing - prefer to hear rich people squealing… Since I found out you loved me, I’m taking over ICI Taking over ICI… Taking over ICI..

Big Soft Safe Family Rather as ‘Paranoiac’ was: a one-off, never to be repeated thing. Deeply and nakedly autobiographical. Musically quite original, I venture. Shmershy chords the like of which I hadn’t used before and a confidently slow groove. Vignettes of my respectable working class, late 60′s, Mike Leigh previous life suffused with the cheap cynicism of a young sprat who didn’t realise how lucky he was. They’re all gone now.. and - spoiler - I actually never had an aunt from Torquay (but she rhymed).

BIG SOFT SAFE FAMILY The relatives are all on their fifth cup of tea. Their rapid eye movements are something to see - all lying to each other and smiling alternately. Your mum and your dad and your aunt from Torquay they are none of the same as they once used to be but they’re all of them, gloriously in the Big Soft Safe Family

We all of us have a particular smell I know their’s and they know mine habitually well. They worry about me and I worry about them I’m surprised you can’t tell. We use the same toilet and eat the same food and we savage each other when we’re not feeling so good but blood is thicker than water and ultimately we’re a Big Soft Safe Family

We’re slowly aquiring the things that we need they’re very pleased with our progress indeed. They were saying we looked very happy and of course we agreed. Respect due to father and love due to mum and the daughter is lovely and so is the son. Illusions die obstinately in the Big Soft Safe Family

#shriekbackmusic #Shriekback.com #xtc band #punk rock #roxy club #skinheads #two-tone #70s

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canonicallyanxious · 6 years

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Tagged by @julieseven - thanks friend!

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better. i hate trying to think of people aksdjnaskdjnas but here we go [mostly tagging friends/people i’m already talking to because social anxiety sorry] - @call-this-a-mask, @boxesfullofthoughts, @hotchocolatenthusiast, @pronouncingitwang, @sanaslosers / @thelibraryiscool [idk which blog you prefer for this kind of thing soz you can pick tho], @minyardv, @askybison, @of-flowers-and-sunshine, @clarkeskent

btw i can’t shut up so i’m gonna put comments in parentheses for some of these. if you end up doing this pls pls remove the brackets lol

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair -My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people [i wish i loved meeting new people but also social anxiety lol] - People tell me I am funny [????????? took an informal survey and my friends say yes so sure] - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges [i enjoy no challenges actually just let me sleep for the next ten years] - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality [i would like to not be anxious plsthx]

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument [clarinet + piano! though i had a bit of a crisis today because i happened to see some sheet music in bass clef and i haven’t had to read bass clef since i was like 13 and i freaked out because for the first like minute i couldn’t remember how to do it lol] - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory [that good ol anxiety ruining everything including my ability to remember what i ate for breakfast this morning] - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute [dem clarinet lungs] - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch [exactly 3 i’m pretty sure, which is pasta, eggs, and another variation of pasta] - I know how to throw a proper punch [can u believe i almost got my black belt in tae kwon do......... i never actually did tho because the last test involved having to break four boards of wood simultaneously with your fist and obviously my tiny eleven year old self was never gonna make that happen]

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week [hilariously exactly one week ago i sightread a new piece and i ended up playing it for my jury today which i feel like encapsulates who i am as a person incredibly well] - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority [okay so maybe not #1 but i would be lying if i said it wasn’t up there? this is including maintaining my relationships with friends i met through fandom, maintaining @evaksbinder, and fanfiction as a whole, which i like, can’t explain how important it is to me] - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport- I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event [when i was 12 LOL] - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day [KIRBY SQUEAK SQUAD BITCHES!] - I have visited another country [i was kinda born in another country so...] - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my best friend [am i not allowed to bold this if i have more than one person i consider my best friend?????? because at this point i have like five or six, not even including my SO who honestly probably should count] - I live close to my school/work - My parents are together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now [it was 68 degrees fahrenheit yesterday........] - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know [i mean... i am... dating the person i “have a crush on” so like... idk if this counts lol] - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush [most embarrassing five minutes of my life TBQH and that’s all you’re getting out of me about THAT] - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year [i feel like i’m one of those in it for the long haul kind of people which is just about as fun as it sounds which is not at all unless the other person is also that kind of person lol] - I have been in a relationship for over a year [3 years since october!] - I have had feelings for a friend [rip let’s not talk about it]

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce [my wind ensemble director’s last name is Bhasin - ba-ZEEN - and one time he did an interview on the radio and they introduced him as “Dr. Basin”] - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone- I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life [STOP! ASKING! ME! THIS!!!! I’M STRESSED!!!!!] - I speak at least two languages [... two and a half????] - I have made a new friend in the past year [<333 y’all know who you are]

#sarah.txt #sure i'll do a thing

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retrauxpunk · 7 years

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ANSWERING all the instrument asks

you know what. i won’t wait for asks. i’m takin matters into my own bare hands and answering all these feckin questions because i need some mildly pleasant distraction at the moment and i’m procrastinating from packing

STRINGS Violin - Are you a perfectionist? Not ... really? I can be a bit of a control freak though, I like things to be my way. Though that way isn’t necessarily ‘perfect’. Viola - What makes you different? Hmm. I dunno. None of us are uniquely unique. In terms of ‘different to a lot of people’ ... I swallow cherry pits because I can’t be fucked throwing them out. Cello - Favourite place to be? In a nice comfortable space (e.g. cafe, sofa) with my best friends; at my digital art workstation. Double Bass - How do you like to relax? Drawing; eating and reading; with chemical assistance Acoustic Guitar - What instruments do you play? I used to be able to do chords to a bunch of Top 40 pop songs on acoustic guitar. For a very brief time I could play two songs on piano. I know one on the ukulele. So uh ... properly? None. Electric Guitar - Do you experience synesthesia? Not usually Electric Bass - What do you want to study? NOTHING. I’M FUCKING DONE WITH FORMAL STUDY. SEVENTEEN FUCKING YEARS OF IT STRAIGHT. I’M DONE NOW, GET AWAY FROM ME Electric Cello - Favourite composer? I am familiar with barely any, so I gotta go with Roger Waters Electric Violin - Have you ever been in a musical/play? Nope Harp - Favourite piece you’ve played? I recall Taylor Swift’s Starlight being a fun song to play on guitar. Riptide on ukulele is also pretty fun. Ukulele - Are you a good performer? Absolutely not, because I don’t have sufficient skill to give me confidence (or sufficient skill to be ... uh ... good) Sitar - Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully alive and well, probably married, hopefully with some fucking career stability and satisfaction. Living in Sydney, Melbourne, or London, I’m guessing. Balalaika - Do you enjoy playing sports? No. Unless by sports you mean dicking around on skis/skates by myself. Mandolin - Who inspires you? All artists whose drawings I like inspire me. I don’t get particularly inspired by people who aren’t visual artists / illustrators, because that’s my primary medium of creative expression.

WOODWINDS Piccolo - Describe your personality Self-absorbed creative control freak. Neurotic. Stubborn. A little adversarial in how I think about things, but not in an aggressive way. Individualistic. Actually pretty friendly. Loves shitpost humour. Responsibly hedonistic. Flute - Have you ever gone overseas? I was born overseas, and did a study abroad year in Europe. Yes baby! Oboe - Favourite kind of weather? Comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt (optional jacket), dry, blue skies and sunshine. Or snow. Cor Anglais - Introvert, ambivert, or extrovert? Ambivert (but introvert, if I had to pick one end of the spectrum) Clarinet - How much time do you spend online? haha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAH Bass Clarinet - Favourite item of clothing? I like hoodies. Really comfortable, warm hoodies and sweatshirts. Bassoon - Do you enjoy online shopping? Absolutely Contrabassoon - Are you brave? In social situations, I guess yeah? If I have to be and/or want to. In terms of physical danger, uhh ... no. Bass Flute - Can you dance? Not really well, but not totally disastrously Soprano Saxophone - How many times have you broken a bone? Once Alto Saxophone - Have you ever pulled an all nighter? A few times, but never for school. Tenor Saxophone - Favourite film? The Matrix Baritone Saxophone - Describe your dream bedroom Comfy double bed. Big window. A spacious desk where I can set up a big monitor and my graphics tablet, and have space to draw traditionally too. Space to jam out on a guitar. A comfy chair. Spacious built-in wardrobe. Ensuite bathroom with amazing shower and a bath. The general colour scheme would be warm off-whites, with splashes of pastel-neon colour (like bright colour that’s faded in the sun). A little rustic. Framed art prints on the wall. A nice speaker system. Soft carpet.

BRASS French Horn - Where are you from? Born in China, grew up in Australia. So the most suitable answer’s Sydney, but you can bet people don’t accept that on account of my non-white features. Also, I feel like I gotta acknowledge my heritage too, so that’s why it’s always a seven-word answer...

Mellophone - Favourite musical? The Book of Mormon Trumpet - What makes you happy? Drawing while listening to good music. Friends. My boyfriend. Pyschedelics. Slide Trumpet - Do you like being outdoors? Sometimes. Cornet - Favourite genre of music? Rock, very broadly Flugelhorn - How do you feel about your past? It’s made me who I am! Cliche cliche cliche. There were some shit parts but also a whole lot of good parts. I think I dwell on and let myself be a fected a little too much by the former, sometimes. But overall I feel hugely privileged and lucky. Bugle - Would you ever join the army? Fuck no. Unless they really needed me. In which case, it must be a hell of a war if they’re coming for me. Trombone - Describe your dream meal God I dunno? Literally anything delicious while high. Or ... opulent and filling, in the company of my favourite people. Valve Trombone - Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? When I’m tutoring or having a crack at stand-up comedy, yes. Bass Trombone - Are you reliable? Sort of. Relatively, yes. Tenor Horn - What do you aspire to be? A successful and happy artist of the visual or literary variety. Baritone Horn - Do you have perfect pitch? ABSOLUTELY NOT Euphonium - Favourite food? Pasta with lots of garlic and cheese. Ramen. Sousaphone - Who is your hero? Ain’t got no heroes Tuba - How/Why did you join Tumblr? When I first joined the site in 2010 or so, it was because I’d seen some artists I liked using it, and it seemed cool. This particular account started out as a place to keep posts I liked for myself, then when I became really active here it was because I needed a place to vent my feelings about Pink Floyd.

OTHER AEROPHONES Melodica - Do people consider you annoying? Not all the time, probably Harmonica - What makes you laugh? Good comedy, of course (: ...and shitposts Accordion - Favourite Tumblr blog? I don’t really have a favourite, but I’m a fan of @pyrrhiccomedy and @wizzard890 Air Horn - Are you good with kids? I have no idea. Ocarina - Do you know how to do CPR? At one point I did, but I don’t think I properly know how to anymore... Whistle - Favourite smell? I don’t have one particular favourite, but I love the smell of coffee. I’m also a fan of fruit scents. Slide Whistle - What TV shows have you binge-watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender, Scrubs, Parks and Recreation, How I Met Your Mother Didgeridoo - Tell a funny story! One time I thought my mother had found my vibrator which I’d hidden in my wardrobe. She was giving me a conservative-religious spiel about why such things were bad and talking a lot about cooking and the kitchen, and then after a while of being both extremely tense and increasingly confused, I asked her what on earth this had to do with anything ... and that’s how I found out she hadn’t found my vibrator at all, but a penis-shaped baking tray I’d bought in Amsterdam. Recorder - How well did you do in school? Very well in high school, relatively well in uni (cough motivation problems cough)

PERCUSSION Xylophone - Do you like classical music? It has yet to properly grow on me... Marimba - What’s your ringtone? No idea, my phone’s usually on vibrate or do not disturb. Glockenspiel - Are you talkative? Yes, with good friends. Extremely, on my personal social media accounts. Bongos - Can you jumpstart a car? HAHAHA oh god I know nothing about cars it’s really bad Wood Block - Describe your dream house Sick high-rise apartment in a world city, spacious and luxurious in an indie/artsy way. Serviced and secure. Snare Drum - Favourite colour? Pinks that are on the peachy/red side. Bass Drum - Would you want to be able to read minds? Absolutely not. Timpani - Do you enjoy meeting new people? Online, yes, if they’re nice. In person ... sometimes, depending on mood. Gong - Are you a loud or soft person? Soft generally, loud when with people I like and am comfortable with. Triangle - Could you imagine being the President/Prime Minister? I could, and it’d be absolutely horrible. Steel Drum - Favourite season? Autumn, baby!

#instrument ask tag #ask tag answered #mine #about me

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