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chikotos · 7 years

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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optimisticpoetrypost-blog · 6 years

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Avilla Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46710

"Avilla Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46710

Avilla Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46710

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Lapse in health insurance?

My husband is about to have a lapse in health insurance, for about 4 months? Reasons being, because I am pregnant, and no insurance company will cover an expectant father. We will be getting him covered once the baby comes. What are the reprecussions for having a lapse in health insurance? He has no pre-existing conditions and is very healthy.""

Cheap car insurance with different situations?

HI I have one car at the moment. I am looking to buy another one for my wife. I want to know how will it work out cheap to get both insured. is it 1) If we both can drive eachothers cars? 2)we have seperate insurances on our cars and we can not drive eachothers cars? 3)I can drive my wife's car but she cant drive mine.? Also how can we protect individual no claim bonuses aswel. Thanks

Young male looking for answers with car insurance?

I am just wondering if someone could help me out, because I hear other people my age talking about having ~$150 insurance rates, while mine are $350 a month. They say they are under their parents names, but when I tried to go under my moms they apparently told her it wasnt possible.. I am an 19 year old male, me and my mom are the only drivers in my house and we have 2 cars. We live in Ontario, I HAVE completed drivers ed and am currently a college student. Is there any reason why other people can put car insurance under their parents but i cant? Is there any way to fix this?""

If you have fully comp insurance & drive somebody elses car & have a bump will it cover damage?

my daughter lent her car to her cousin who has fully comp of her own but she crashed the car will her insurance pay for damage??????????

""How good would a 1.6 Renault Clio RXE for road tax ,insurance running costs be?""

How good would a 1.6 Renault Clio RXE for road tax ,insurance running costs be?""

65 Life Insurance vs. Term Life Insurance?

My wife and I currently have 65 life insurance which we pay about $130 per month for the two of us. After listening to her friend Suze Orman she wants to get rid of the 65 life and get term life insurance. 1st question is what do you think is better and 2nd is how easy is it to settle your current life insurance to cash out and if you stay with the same company can you roll your current $value into the new term life? Thanks

How much is car insurance for a brand new HS 250h Premium Luxury lexus?

I'm 17, female, I live in St.John's NL and might do driving school""

""Insurance whilst working In italy for 7 months for an aussie company, anyone got any good recommendations?

My job is travelling around I already have basic Travel Insurance

Avilla Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46710

Cheap car insurance in Arizona for an 18 year old with a volkswagon beetle?

i really want a volkswagon beetle, and then one im looking at right now is a 2006 with 70,000 miles (i know, its alot but thats not what im asking you to answer on) and its a convertible. i've never had my own car, and right now im using a family member's. i dont have ANY credit, idk if that helps or not... i already know my car payments are going to be high, so i want cheap insurance, that will still cover me. i see commercials for The General and Freeway Insurance, along with Safeauto. are they good companies? i kind of checked out The General, and it wasnt as cheap as i thought it was going to be... help?!""

How to talk to somone on the phone to set up appointments for insurance?

hi guys i just got a job at a insurance place and my part of the job is to call people to get insurance leads. does anyone know whats the best way to sell insurance and get appointments? please and thank you

Good Student Discount Auto Insurance?

I have a 3.6 GPA. My grade is A average, but one of my quarter grade was a C, but the final semester came out as a B. Well, anyways, do we just send them the report card that we got or do we have to get the sealed one from school? Thanks! Thanks again!""

How much will it cost to up my car insurance to use car for work?

What car would be cheapest for insurance?

When I turn 16 I am deciding on getting a v6 1998 firebird or a 1998 v6 camaro what one do you think would be cheaper for insurance. I live in nebraska in a small town

I'm paying $3000 a year for car insurance..HELP?

Okay so I got into some accidents messing around along with some tickets a few years ago and about 2 in a half years ago a DUI. The car insurance should get lowered a little I think by next July 2014 because of good record for almost 3 years knock on wood so my question is should I attempt to find a different insurance by now or what? Or should I just sell car and find a ride with friends to work somehow? This is really taking every penny I have. I pay what I can while my family pays the rest. I've had plans to move to NC in Oct of this year in a apartment with my friend so I'm currently saving up around $3000 for expenses on bills, food, and whatever else which should last me until I find new job out there. Everything with us is getting split 50/50 but with me the car insurance is so high its going to be impossible to do. Help on what to do?? I'm not looking to stay at my parents house for very much longer so saving up isn't a option past oct.""

Is Northern Illinois University health insurance any good?

I really dont understand insurance that well so here is the link http://www.niu.edu/shi/information/index.shtml they charge 395 per semester

Any good/affordable individual health plans for me and unborn baby in Connecticut?

My boyfriend and I are moving to Connecticut in Nov. from Seattle area. His plan can't be renewed until next summer. I got laid off in July and am currently on COBRA plan with my former employer ($350/month). The carrier is Kaiser Permanente. The HR told me there is no Kaiser in NY/Connecticut area and recommends me to buy individual health plan with other companies. Anybody knows good health plans for young and healthy woman (with a baby coming) in Conn. area? Thanks in advance!

Can student loans cover health insurance?

I am attending University and I do not agree with the Health Insurance my University provides. The semester expense is $1875 and it is applied to my tuition costs. Those costs are being covered by a mixture of scholarship and student loans. If I opt to purchase my own student health insurance through a different provider - can I pay for it with Student Loans?

What is the cheapest insurance company?

I just bought a car, and I have no driver license. Which company offer the cheapest insurance?""

What is the best car and best insurance to go with?

I'm 20 years old new driver I know my insurance going to be high I'm taking A 6 hour road ready driving school but at the end what is the best car I'm not really into cars I'm much more into kind of truck sure enough that would be the best type of car and insurance car insurance that help new drivers not Kill they wallets / bank account

How can we get health care to be more affordable?

55,000 to 100,000+ got an appendectomy is just too much for the average person with a savings under 2,000 ...show more""

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for young drivers?

How much does a ticket cost for no proof insurance in ca?

I got a ticket for no proof of insurance at the time. But I have insurance. Does anyone know how much the ticket costs. Or what I can do to get it written off??

How much is my health/car insurance going to be?

i am a 18 year old girl in california. ive never gotten a ticket or pulled over and i drive a 2010 ford fusion se(4 cyllinder) with all the safety features it offers. i dont think i have bad credit because all i have is a debit card that is attached to my parents accounts and they deposit money in it when i need it. so if i try to go over my limit it doesnt let me. we have triple a insurance and our bank is wells fargo. i dont know if having a job changes the price but ive had 2 other jobs and am currently employed in a new one. ive never been fired only laid off once because i was a seasonal worker and i quit another for not enough hours. all 3 jobs are retail jobs not making more than 9 dollars an hour. also i am a full time student with 12 units in a community college. My parents have basically perfect credit, both of them. does anyone know how much it will be for both health and car insurance if i start paying?""

""Insurance- Cabin, not sure which insurance?""

We live ouside of Canada, but own property with a cabin on it. My dad and aunt own it. According to the insurance if one of the owners (ppl on the insurance) are not on the property (say, 500 miles away) if something happens (like someone falls breaks there leg) to someone we take there, we are not covered and could sue us. If my dad put me on the insurance would our aunt have the right to sell the property without us having any say? He thinks that if I am put on the insurance I will be on his half and my aunt will still have her half therefore giving her more power. Is there any way around this insurance and suing thing if I want to go up there with some friends without them?""

What do you think is the best health insurance company in southern california?

i need to purchase individual coverage.

What happens to money at the end of life insurance term?

As a young child and teen, I remember my mom saying on a few occasions that she bought term life insurance when I was a baby. It was a 30 year plan for 100,000. She said that the term would end when I turn 30 years old and if she doesn't die by the time it ends....then SHE would be able to collect on the plan (getting the 100k) Now, I am 30 years old..and want to by term life insurance so my child will be taken care of incase I die. I'm thinking off getting a 20 year term. MY QUESTION - is it so that in 20 years...if I don't die, then I will be able to collect all that money? I'm doing research on it and finding that with regular term life insurance, you don't get any money at the end of the term.....but I remember my mom saying different. What do you know about it? (it isn't possible to ask my mom about it)""

Do i need car insurance for a family member to teach me to drive?

I am 17 in 2 weeks and am going to start my driving lessons, along side my lessons with a licensed instructor I would like my mother to also give me some extra help like driving around quiet roads, or in a empty car park. For this I need insurance but I obviously don't want to pay full out insurance for just learning. I have heard of something called learner driver insurance would this work for what I want to do? If so do you have a link of where I could buy it or know any other way that I could legally learn to dive in the car? Thanks Josh""

What is the estimated cost of a pool monthly in California including insurance?

What is the cheapest car insurance for 25 year old female in Florida?

Car Insurance questions?

If my wife and I are separated, She took one of my cars...can I take her off my insurance policy so that she can insure herself?""

What is a good cheap auto insurance?

i have progressive right now and its almost 300 cause i have a new car..are there ne others that are cheaper but have a good policy??? i live in kentucky

Home Insurance replacement cost?

Anyone have any idea how insurance companies figure out what it would cost to rebuild an entire house if it burned down or blew away...I live on long island....I would assume it is the square footage multiplied by a cost per foot....any ideas what the actual cost per foot is today????

What is the best insurance company to go through for motorcycle insurance?

Avilla Indiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 46710

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