Can we just….talk about this scene for a second please because I am having a right freak out.
Before Chrisjen enters the UN SG office where this scene takes place, Arjun told her he will stay on Earth rather than join her on Luna and walks away. The whole convo with Arjun is so cold (I don’t know if it was just the actor’s choice but there was no love there after the damage was done from her campaign. He also decided to be involved so buddy, you kind of have to accept the consequence of that choice for your wife) and Chrisjen is rightly hurt by it. She feels their marriage is strained. Actually, she knows it is. And who knows how long she’ll be on Luna separated from him. I think she questions at this point when the next time will be that she sees him. Simultaneously, she just lost to Gao and though defeated, sends her off with a message of advice (the “I believe it’s you but I hope it’s me” thing needs a whole separate post, it’s so good). So we find Chrisjen, post-Arjun convo, post advice send-off, at a low point in her life personally and professionally in the same office, and all of a sudden the tone of this scene shifts. And I really have to thank the costume department for putting her in this elaborate, silk gold nighty and furry robe (and barefoot???) for this whole sequence because in spite of all this and the vulnerability we see on screen, the woman is a fucking rock. She is a rock that weathers any and all storms, and she is layered — and she is a lion, and a lion that endures even the harshest of droughts. And there’s hope because then here comes Bobbie Draper. Bobbie who at this point is so lost (bby girl I’m so sorry about your dreams of water on Mars please accept this hug from all of us). Her whole identity, everything she believed in for Mars, is shattered. Like someone took a piece of her and ripped it away and she has no idea what to do, or how to cope. She’s learned how corrupt Mars is and it has put her on a path of destruction, tested her moral code, and taken her to some pretty dark places. And at her lowest, instinctually, when there might be some inkling of hope, she reaches out to Chrisjen to share it with. And of course it’s Chrisjen, when she’s also at an emotional low in her life. And of course it’s Bobbie; it can only ever be Bobbie coming to her rescue. That’s just what they do for each other. They save each other. And excuse me, I know I’m gay as shit but….LOOK at the way Chrisjen walks towards the screen as she listens to Bobbie’s video message. This is a recorded message, we know it’s not live, so Chrisjen knows Bobbie can’t see what she’s doing BUT - the woman stalks towards Bobbie like the fucking lioness she is on a prowl. Why do that? What is the purpose of this walk if not to demonstrate her intrigue and interest in Bobbie in a deepe way than we’ve already seen on screen? Chrisjen never walks without a purpose. The woman is intentionality in human form. And here her steps are calculated, slow, evaluating — her arms are open at her side gripping the edges of her robe… fuck, they’re longing as she listens to her message. And of all things and in all the ways Bobbie can lay up the information she’s gathered, Bobbie tells her she needs her. Bobbie tells her as much as she tries to convince herself, that they need each other. And Bobbie’s voice is timid and unsure, but as much as there is loss on her face - a loss of Mars and home - you see her pondering something like maybe home is with you too. Maybe home is Chrisjen and the hope she has for them to succeed together, and what they can maybe build though they’re worlds apart. And Chrisjen responds to an empty room, “Bobbie, your timing sucks.” Like Bobbie, I need you too, I think I need you more than you know in a way I am having difficulty coming to terms with. And I just can’t stop thinking about this whole thing and Bobbie’s small but mighty words, and Chrisjen’s purposeful, barefoot strides, and “I think we need each other.” And I’m sorry, but this is queer as shit and I’m here for it.