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#Facies (Quattuor)
edow-keohise · 2 years
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Uhhhhm, it's my birthday, yippee
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Birthday messages from the protags
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Yaaaaayyy
Also some explanations below because I can't help myself 😁
Iloliss actually just used to be... A very ooc Fran, I absolutely adored Fran Bow when it first came out and it was the only thing I thought about for a while
If I hadn't found that game, Iloliss wouldn't have existed
Lucidus and Tenebra were originally just supposed to be side characters in tfow but I got too attached to them, even back then I came up with both of them at the same time and they were basically just created to be a fun couple you meet along the way
What I'm saying is that they're soul mates through and through
Also now only Tenebra makes an appearance in tfow, Lucidus only gets mentioned by a couple of people...
Facies is a similar situation, they were supposed to be a side character in tfow but whooops, now they have their own story
They also still make an appearance in tfow
Also before I really started working on obscure dreams, Tenebra's life was actually more pleasant... Now not so anymore
Eider and Thilveroarni are basically just punching bags, their stories don't have good endings, only bad ones, get fucked, idiots
Aeni's story is the one that I've worked the least on...
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zmaragdos · 2 years
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I'm obsessed with the ekphrasis in this passage primarily because Minerva has a simple olive-leaf border surrounding one (1) scene showing a contest between herself and Neptune, with the Olympians, seeming noble and awesome, overlooking them, and victory crowing her the winner; then four "scenelets" (I find it difficult to discern if she is just depicting the mountains, the two birds, and Cinyras on the temple steps, or the actual action of their transformation/the preceding/following events), depicting the gods as beings not to be trifled with. The passage also includes her reasoning behind including the extra scenes. She is certainly not subtle in making her point...I also love that the topic she chose for her weaving was....her winning another contest, surrounded by the gods defeating lesser beings in...contests. Minerva certainly is the goddess of strategy, not subtly. (and maybe also the goddess of insecurity...who needs to hype themselves up so much to win a contest against a lesser being that they first surprise their quarry, then choose to show themselves as a winner in a past contest...that's like playing a football match with your old season tournament trophy on the sideline...like, why do you need that?)
But Arachne has 22 (!) separate scenes and an elaborate vegetative border. While Minerva depicts the gods with "their own features" (this seems almost rote, like she's working from an existing stylistic template), Arachne's weaving is so accurate that her figures are described as "real"/"true". Her sheer volume of figures simply overtowers Minerva's one piddly scene, as does their message of "the gods are capricious and cruel, even to their own kind". The gods are not stately and awesome in Arachne's tapestry: they are monstrous, terrible beings who contort their forms to take advantage of those who they can, even those who undoubtedly hold as much divine power as they do, as the case is for Neptune's rape of Ceres in lines 118-119. And Ovid doesn't even include her reasoning for creating these scenes, so I have to assume the reasoning is "if these gods are flawed, than Minerva can be, too." I admire her audacity in the face of likely loss and death. I think she knew she was going out, so she chose to go out swinging, and I think that's pretty badass.
I love how Ovid depicts the gods as fallacious and capricious in the Metamorphoses. What does that mean? It is a barometer of public opinion about the gods? Is it just his own opinion or stylization of existing literary traditions and tropes? Is it meant to be a slight to the Imperial family and the Roman state in general (i.e. those in charge are cruel, petty, and unjust)? I'm obsessed. I'm completely obsessed.
     Cecropia Pallas scopulum Mavortis in arce               70 pingit et antiquam de terrae nomine litem. bis sex caelestes medio Iove sedibus altis augusta gravitate sedent; sua quemque deorum inscribit facies: Iovis est regalis imago; stare deum pelagi longoque ferire tridente               75 aspera saxa facit, medioque e vulnere saxi exsiluisse fretum, quo pignore vindicet urbem; at sibi dat clipeum, dat acutae cuspidis hastam, dat galeam capiti, defenditur aegide pectus, percussamque sua simulat de cuspide terram               80 edere cum bacis fetum canentis olivae; mirarique deos: operis Victoria finis. ut tamen exemplis intellegat aemula laudis, quod pretium speret pro tam furialibus ausis quattuor in partes certamina quattuor addit,               85 clara colore suo, brevibus distincta sigillis: Threiciam Rhodopen habet angulus unus et Haemum, nunc gelidos montes, mortalia corpora quondam, nomina summorum sibi qui tribuere deorum; altera Pygmaeae fatum miserabile matris               90 pars habet: hanc Iuno victam certamine iussit esse gruem populisque suis indicere bellum; pinxit et Antigonen, ausam contendere quondam cum magni consorte Iovis, quam regia Iuno in volucrem vertit, nec profuit Ilion illi               95 Laomedonve pater, sumptis quin candida pennis ipsa sibi plaudat crepitante ciconia rostro; qui superest solus, Cinyran habet angulus orbum; isque gradus templi, natarum membra suarum, amplectens saxoque iacens lacrimare videtur.               100 circuit extremas oleis pacalibus oras (is modus est) operisque sua facit arbore finem.
     Maeonis elusam designat imagine tauri Europam: verum taurum, freta vera putares; ipsa videbatur terras spectare relictas               105 et comites clamare suas tactumque vereri adsilientis aquae timidasque reducere plantas. fecit et Asterien aquila luctante teneri, fecit olorinis Ledam recubare sub alis; addidit, ut satyri celatus imagine pulchram               110 Iuppiter inplerit gemino Nycteida fetu, Amphitryon fuerit, cum te, Tirynthia, cepit, aureus ut Danaen, Asopida luserit ignis, Mnemosynen pastor, varius Deoida serpens. te quoque mutatum torvo, Neptune, iuvenco               115 virgine in Aeolia posuit; tu visus Enipeus gignis Aloidas, aries Bisaltida fallis, et te flava comas frugum mitissima mater sensit equum, sensit volucrem crinita colubris mater equi volucris, sensit delphina Melantho:               120 omnibus his faciemque suam faciemque locorum reddidit. est illic agrestis imagine Phoebus, utque modo accipitris pennas, modo terga leonis gesserit, ut pastor Macareida luserit Issen, Liber ut Erigonen falsa deceperit uva,               125 ut Saturnus equo geminum Chirona crearit. ultima pars telae, tenui circumdata limbo, nexilibus flores hederis habet intertextos.
Ovid, Metamorphoses VI.70-128
Pallas pictures the hill of Mars on the citadel of Cecrops and that old dispute over the naming of the land. (There sit twelve heavenly gods on lofty thrones in awful majesty, Jove in their midst; each god she pictures with his own familiar features; Jove's is a royal figure.) (There stands the god of ocean, and with his long trident smites the rugged cliff, and from the cleft rock sea-water leaps forth; a token to claim the city for his own.) (To herself the goddess gives a shield and a sharp-pointed spear, and a helmet for her head; the aegis guards her breast; and from the earth smitten by her spear's point upsprings a pale-green olive-tree hanging thick with fruit); (and the gods look on in wonder). (Victory crowns her work.) Then, that her rival may know by pictured warnings what reward she may expect for her mad darings she weaves in the four corners of the web four scenes of contest, each clear with its own colours and in miniature design. (One corner shows Thracian Rhodepe and Haemus, now huge, bleak mountains, but once audacious mortals who dared assume the names of the most high gods.) (A second corner shows the wretched fate of the Pygmaean queen, whom Juno conquered in a strife, then changed into a crane, and bade her war upon those whom once she ruled.) (Again she pictures how Antigone once dared to set herself against the consort of mighty Jove, and how Queen Juno changed her into a bird; Ilium availed her nothing, nor Laomedon, her father; nay, she is clothed in white feathers, and claps her rattling bill, a stork.) (The remaining corner shows Cinyras bereft of his daughters; there, embracing the marble temple-steps, once their limbs, he lies on the stone, and seems to weep.) (The goddess then wove around her work a border of peaceful olive-wreath.) This was the end; and so, with her own tree, her task was done. (transl. Miller 1915)
(Arachne pictures Europa cheated by the disguise of the bull: a real bull and real waves you would think them. The maid seems to be looking back upon the land she has left, calling on her companions, and, fearful of the touch of the leaping waves, to be drawing back her timid feet.) (She wrought Asterie, held by the struggling eagle); (she wrought Leda, beneath the swan’s wings.) (She added how, in a satyr's image hidden, Jove filled lovely Antiope with twin offspring); (how he was Amphitryon when he cheated thee, Alcmena); (how in a golden shower he tricked Danae); (Aegina, as a flame); (Mnemosyne, as a shepherd); (Deo's daughter, as a spotted snake). (Thee also, Neptune, she pictured, changed to a grim bull with the Aeolian maiden); (now as Enipeus thou dost beget the Aloidae), (as a ram deceivedst Bisaltis). (The golden-haired mother of corn, most gentle, knew thee as a horse); (the snake-haired mother of the winged horse knew thee as a winged bird); (Melantho knew thee as a dolphin). (To all these Arachne gave their own shapes and appropriate surroundings.) (Here is Phoebus like a countryman); (and she shows how he wore now a hawk's feathers), (now a lion's skin); (how as a shepherd he tricked Macareus' daughter, Isse); (how Bacchus deceived Erigone with the false bunch of grapes); (how Saturn in a horse's shape begot the centaur, Chiron). (The edge of the web with its narrow border is filled with flowers and clinging ivy intertwined.) (transl. Miller 1915)
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rausule · 8 months
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MEGOR-MARDUK (CIM): Missa et densitas et pondus. Materia neutronum stellarum. He trahit et in se trahit. Gravitatem abyssi significat, deorsum trahentem
Animae plus quam pluma. Ultimus actus eius entropy aequat. Custos probareVoluntas, quia sola voluntas potest suam potestatem transire, eum raro invoca, exquisita cura MUSARUS (SM). Abominatio. Terminus applicatus ad Berosum nuntiis a Sirius, seu Vetus, in amphibio forma
NAGRIKSHAMISH (CIM). Indomita vis pura, Berserker. Se transcendit, transcendit rationem, Shiva et Mars. Fulmen. Ne invocatione indiget, in te habitat
NANNA (SAB) Naugerius Sin. Sphaera lunae. Vetustissimus Wanderers. pater Zonarum. Kalendis (septem) portis
NAR MATTARU (SAB) Oceanus magnus infernus. Naugerius Abu , vel Abyssus .
NATH-HORTHATH (HPL): Magnus Vetus in Celephaide colitur.
NATTIG (SAB): Una quattuor Spirituum Spatia. Ab Occidente et Mare. Aquilae figuram habet cum corpore humano, et facies et ungues aquilae. (Vide etiam Lamas, Sed. Ustar).
NEBO (SAB) Sphaera Mercurii custos deorum. Secunda porta Zonae NECRONOMICON (HPL): Liber Legis Nominum Mortuorum. Primum quae t *
NEG (NEC): Alter e geminis proles Yog Sothoth et Shubs-Niggurath. NEPHILIM (HEB Grants. Nomen significat magni Veteris
NERGAL (SAB): Sphaera Martis. Deus belli et sanguinis effusio. Antiquos agens, nam ad tempus habitavit in Catha. Quinta porta Zonae
NEXHAGUS (CIM): Ignis, solis accensus. Immoderata mutatio. Phasellus et malesuada sapien. Scurra, crudelitas risus et resina. Choroszon mentes Hominis et frater designabat canere. Prima et ultima larva choreae. Saepe eum invocate, ne serio nimis incitetis. Ne invoces eum, ne ad perniciem tuam et risus advolet te
NINAXAKADDU (nec) Carminum domina.
NINIB(NEC) Saturnini Dominum. Naugerius Adar. Eius essentia invenitur et in plumbo, in
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cartofolo · 5 years
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La Nutella
Per chi è goloso e per ridere un po', propongo questo estratto dal libro "Nutella Nutellae" di Riccardo Cassini - Edizioni Comix. E' una trattazione sulla Nutella che esprime tutte le difficoltà dei bambini di oggi e di ieri per accedere all'agognato barattolo. :) Conoscere un po' di latino non è indispensabile, ma aiuta.
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Sbafatio Nutellae omnia divisa est in partes tres:
Unum: Sbafatio Normalis (ufficialis in prima colatione cum supervisione mammarum).
Duum: Sbafatio Peccaminosa atque Clandestina (sfructandum absentiam mammarum quae uscitae sunt ad spesam faciendam).
Trium: Sbafatio Hitchcock, ad altissimum rischium sputtanandi esse (ovverum quando Nutella sbafada est clandestiniter mamma praesens in alterum locum in casa, et habet suos cazzos faciendos, sed ab uno momento ad alterum retornare potest in cucina).
Capitolus primum: sbafatio normalis
Clarum est quae Prima Colatio, mamma observante et controllante, apportare potest goduriam relativam: quantae volte filius giungit ad tabulam credendo videre fettes paninorum integralium et invece sunt panini normali supra quos mamma spalmavit stratum simbolicum Nutellae, carta velina similantem, quae causat colorationem beigem et quindi effectum opticum paninibus integralibus.
Mammae fixate sunt Nutellam male facere ad panciam et propterea quod semper volunt tenere in oculo filios magnantes Nutellam et (loro stesse) spalmant fetta per fettam.
Sed quaesitum spontaneum nascit: si mammae semper dicunt filium ormai est diventato magno, est hora ut sibi faciat lettum in camera da solum, est hora ut sibi faciat unum lavorum, ut sibi faciat unam familiam, ut sibi faciat unam casam, quia mannaggia la mortem non sibi potest facere da solum paninos quoque?
I panini nullo modo! Paninos non se li potest facere; paupertate suina! (Porca miseria!). Paninos cum Nutella li preparat semper mamma!
Difficilissimus est. quando mamma si exhibiscet ad panem atque Nutellam, distinguere paninos iam preparatos a paninis qui preparaturi sunt: in facto Nutella spalmata tantum poca est quae quasi non si notat differentiam.
Et questas res accadit poichè mamma pensat sbafationem esageratam Nutellae directa causa esse tropporum sestertiorum qui spendituri sunt in Clearasil Topexanque.
Et nos d’accordum quoque fuissimus, si postea mamma ipsa filios non rimpinzasset cum alteris micidialibus schifezzis typus Medagliones Pollorum Manzotin, Simmenthal carnes, Spuntique et qui plus ne habet plus ne mettat: totae res quae habent plus colorantes et conservantes lorum, quae facies Marinae Ripa Meanae atque Sandra Milii quando se truccant.
Ad hoc punto, normalis est insinuatio in capoccia filii desiderium vindictae atque rappresagliae nazistae similem: per ogni singulum cucchiainum Nutellae negatum causa mammae, decem cucchiainos magnaturi sunt cum sbafationibus clandestinis.
Capitolus secundum: sbafatio peccaminosaatque clandestina
Conditio sine qua non per exercitare Sbafationem Peccaminosam atque clandestinam est “Absentia Mammae”. Purtroppum, sicut omnes cognoscunt, quando filius habet irrefrenabilem libidinem Nutellae, mamma semper praesens est infra scatolas. Questi momenti sfructandi possunt ad individuandum secretum nascondilium Nutellae. Individuato nascondilio, cum dovuta calma attendere debetur uscitam mammae. Extremae importantiae res est agire subito postea uscita mammae, quia absentia potest esse durata longa aut brevis. Trovato barattolo in remoto mobile cucinae, occultum a barriera protectionis mammistica, formata ab falange multiplae filae barattolorum Pelatorum, Fogiolorum, Confetturae Fructae, absolutamente debetur rimembrare esactum ordinem cum quo si spostant omnes barattolos antistantes Nutellam, quia, postea, totum debet esse remissum exactamente sicut erat: quasi semper, in facto, mammae habent piantinam disposictionis barattolorum in mobile et, appena tornatae, controllant...
Haec Sbafatio Clandestina difficiliter sgamata ab mamma, a meno quod non accadeat aliqua tragica fatalitas causa totalium sputtanamentorum:
Tragedia prima
Sputtanamentum Automobil isticum: mamma est appena uscita, et filius fiondaturus est supra Nutellam, sed inaspectatamente, mamma retro venit quia dimenticata fuit chiavi centoventisettis, et filius colto est cum quattuor ditis affondatis in barattolo.
Tragedia secunda
Sputtanamentum Equilibristicum: captum ab attacco godimenti Nutellico, filius, in praecario equilibrio super sgabellinum (utilem ut raggiungat altissimum pensilem) facit mossam falsam causando totalem crollum totorum barattolorum in mobilem atque conseguentem drammaticam mischiationem ordinis precostituiti. Unica possibilitas ad sgamatos non esse ab mamma est simulare movimentum sismicum octavo grado scalae Mercallorum, sed sperantiae quae mamma abboccat minime sunt, a minus quod rincoglionita totaliter fuisse.
Tragedia tertia
Sputtanamentumfamiliare: in bel mezzum sbafationis arribat fratellinus minor secchionis atque un minimum cacacazzus, qui ricattare potest fratellum grandem in saecula seculorum.
Capitolus tertium: sbafatio hitchcockiana
Sine dubium, hac sbafatio est plus difficilis atque rischiosa et est ultima possibilitas rimasta filio disperato si crisis abstinentiae est profunda et mamma non habet minimam ideam uscendi ab casa.
Technicae usandae demandatae sunt ad sensibilitatem atque alto grado scafationis filii; professionalitas ognunorum est in ballo: honor categoriae Sbafatorum Clandestinorum salvandus est. Unicum consilium ut filius evitet clamoroses figuras ex stereo est tendere orecchium typum Star Trek ut si advertat eventualem appropinquamentum passorum mammae (se nella vostra domo habete moquettem, fottutis siete ad novantaquinque per centum).
In omni modo, in generale, necesse est non indugiare troppo in magico momento estasis Nutella raggiunta. Ad Sbafationem Hitchcockiana suggerita est tattica "Na botta e via".
Eh! Quod mazzum ut si raggiungeat minimam dosem giornalieram Nutellae!
In omni modo, fermo restante, a parts filii, generalis rodimento deretani, ultimi quaesiti nascunt: mammae, ma si perfinus per drogam lex previdit modicam quantitatem... mammae, cur estis sic cacacazzi cum fillis tantum cum Nutella?
Et non vi transeat manco per anticameram materiae cerebralis si filius returnans ad domus ammaccavit macchinam subito retirata ab carrozziere mattina antecedente; et non vobis ne potest fregare minimum se filius in pagella habet votos similes temperaturibus minimae Bolzanii; et non vi passat manco po' cazzum se amici filii sunt brutti ceffi absolute minime raccomandabiles inter quos famigeratus Peppe, notissimus per spacciationem substantiarum vietatissimarum ab lege (Inter parentesis, vos mammae benissimo cognoscete quia vendit vobis moltiplices qualitates herbarum ab Marocco provenientes) et ponemus petram supram; sed dico ego, proprio cum Nutella vobis ispiratis ad cazzum cacandi? Ma dateve na regolatam!
Moralis istue fabulae
Mammae, vobis chiedemus, cum voce ab plancto rupta cacciate 'sta Nutellam ... Porca Mignotta!
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edow-keohise · 1 year
Note
who do Tenebruh, Lucipiss, and Face-off (Facies??? Idk, Rock head guy) main in Tea For 2 (TF2)
Uhhhhhhhh
Lucidus would definitely main medic, maybe engineer too, he doesn't like games like tf2 but he'd always choose to be a support in them
Tenebra... Hmm...
He doesn't have one main but a couple characters he always uses
Pyro because burning people is funny, spy because the whole disguising thing and backstabbing people is fun, heavy to go along with Lucidus playing medic :::)
Facies doesn't have a main, they just constantly switch it up, they'd probably be good at tf2
Tenebra and Facies play fortnite together btw, totally canon
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edow-keohise · 1 year
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Random question, how would Facies and Tenebra fight, i know I saw Facies fight at least one, but I have no clue how Tenebra is
Facies can kinda fight? I'd say they're better defense than fighter since they construct crystal structures which can be used as a shield
I mean, they can shoot off those crystals at high speeds but still
The lower their energy is, the more brittle those crystals become
Tenebra... Can't really fight
I mean, he has some sickass knife skills since he's one of those weirdos who collects them like... A weirdo and he knows some other stuff because of Lucidus
I mean... He could probably teleport out of a fight but he can't teleport far, maybe he could use telekinesis to throw something at his opponent but he can only throw really light objects and if we're talking about 17 year old Tenebra, the way I always draw him, then he can't even do any proper spells for fighting
I mean... Maybe he could like... psychological tricks since Optatum's blessing gives him a better understanding of other's minds, like, just gaslight his way out of a fight, y'know?
He only really has power over someone in their dreams since he can mend those into whatever he wants
Actually, scratch that, Tenebra's weapon is Lucidus and Lucidus is a very powerful opponent
Yeah, that's it, they're both losers and dumbasses
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edow-keohise · 2 years
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Imtroduction post yeah
But UPDATED
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I only occasionally draw fanart but mostly I make oc content so if you followed me in hopes for fanart then uhhh whoops
My oc stories I may most talk about or draw characters from are The Forest of Wonders, Obscure Dreams and One divine game
Asks and submissions are always open... Unless stated otherwise
Alsom Im have an ig and toyhouse account too......
Also list of all my oc stories and their protagonists under cut!
Obscure Dreams (Lucidus Acedia and Tenebra Cupere)
The Forest of Wonders (Iloliss Quill)
One Divine Game (various- mentioned so far: Eider Belleza Del Amor and Aeni Kahon/ Pandora)
Abnormalities (Nur Shahid)
Your World, My Home (Facies/ Quattuor)
Lost Purity (Thilveroarni Zawal Mushriq)
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cartofolo · 7 years
Text
La nutella
Per chi è goloso e per ridere un po', propongo questo estratto dal libro "Nutella Nutellae" di Riccardo Cassini - Edizioni Comix. E' una trattazione sulla Nutella che esprime tutte le difficoltà dei bambini di oggi e di ieri per accedere all'agognato barattolo. :) Conoscere un po' di latino non è indispensabile, ma aiuta. ***********************************************************************************
“Sbafatio Nutellae omnia divisa est in partes tres:
Unum: Sbafatio Normalis (ufficialis in prima colatione cum supervisione mammarum).
Duum: Sbafatio Peccaminosa atque Clandestina (sfructandum absentiam mammarum quae uscitae sunt ad spesam faciendam).
Trium: Sbafatio Hitchcock, ad altissimum rischium sputtanandi esse (ovverum quando Nutella sbafada est clandestiniter mamma praesens in alterum locum in casa, et habet suos cazzos faciendos, sed ab uno momento ad alterum retornare potest in cucina).
Capitolus primum: sbafatio normalis
Clarum est quae Prima Colatio, mamma observante et controllante, apportare potest goduriam relativam: quantae volte filius giungit ad tabulam credendo videre fettes paninorum integralium et invece sunt panini normali supra quos mamma spalmavit stratum simbolicum Nutellae, carta velina similantem, quae causat colorationem beigem et quindi effectum opticum paninibus integralibus.
Mammae fixate sunt Nutellam male facere ad panciam et propterea quod semper volunt tenere in oculo filios magnantes Nutellam et (loro stesse) spalmant fetta per fettam.
Sed quaesitum spontaneum nascit: si mammae semper dicunt filium ormai est diventato magno, est hora ut sibi faciat lettum in camera da solum, est hora ut sibi faciat unum lavorum, ut sibi faciat unam familiam, ut sibi faciat unam casam, quia mannaggia la mortem non sibi potest facere da solum paninos quoque?
I panini nullo modo! Paninos non se li potest facere; paupertate suina! (Porca miseria!). Paninos cum Nutella li preparat semper mamma!
Difficilissimus est. quando mamma si exhibiscet ad panem atque Nutellam, distinguere paninos iam preparatos a paninis qui preparaturi sunt: in facto Nutella spalmata tantum poca est quae quasi non si notat differentiam.
Et questas res accadit poichè mamma pensat sbafationem esageratam Nutellae directa causa esse tropporum sestertiorum qui spendituri sunt in Clearasil Topexanque.
Et nos d’accordum quoque fuissimus, si postea mamma ipsa filios non rimpinzasset cum alteris micidialibus schifezzis typus Medagliones Pollorum Manzotin, Simmenthal carnes, Spuntique et qui plus ne habet plus ne mettat: totae res quae habent plus colorantes et conservantes lorum, quae facies Marinae Ripa Meanae atque Sandra Milii quando se truccant.
Ad hoc punto, normalis est insinuatio in capoccia filii desiderium vindictae atque rappresagliae nazistae similem: per ogni singulum cucchiainum Nutellae negatum causa mammae, decem cucchiainos magnaturi sunt cum sbafationibus clandestinis.
Capitolus secundum: sbafatio peccaminosaatque clandestina
Conditio sine qua non per exercitare Sbafationem Peccaminosam atque clandestinam est “Absentia Mammae”. Purtroppum, sicut omnes cognoscunt, quando filius habet irrefrenabilem libidinem Nutellae, mamma semper praesens est infra scatolas. Questi momenti sfructandi possunt ad individuandum secretum nascondilium Nutellae. Individuato nascondilio, cum dovuta calma attendere debetur uscitam mammae. Extremae importantiae res est agire subito postea uscita mammae, quia absentia potest esse durata longa aut brevis. Trovato barattolo in remoto mobile cucinae, occultum a barriera protectionis mammistica, formata ab falange multiplae filae barattolorum Pelatorum, Fogiolorum, Confetturae Fructae, absolutamente debetur rimembrare esactum ordinem cum quo si spostant omnes barattolos antistantes Nutellam, quia, postea, totum debet esse remissum exactamente sicut erat: quasi semper, in facto, mammae habent piantinam disposictionis barattolorum in mobile et, appena tornatae, controllant...
Haec Sbafatio Clandestina difficiliter sgamata ab mamma, a meno quod non accadeat aliqua tragica fatalitas causa totalium sputtanamentorum:
Tragedia prima
Sputtanamentum Automobil isticum: mamma est appena uscita, et filius fiondaturus est supra Nutellam, sed inaspectatamente, mamma retro venit quia dimenticata fuit chiavi centoventisettis, et filius colto est cum quattuor ditis affondatis in barattolo.
Tragedia secunda
Sputtanamentum Equilibristicum: captum ab attacco godimenti Nutellico, filius, in praecario equilibrio super sgabellinum (utilem ut raggiungat altissimum pensilem) facit mossam falsam causando totalem crollum totorum barattolorum in mobilem atque conseguentem drammaticam mischiationem ordinis precostituiti. Unica possibilitas ad sgamatos non esse ab mamma est simulare movimentum sismicum octavo grado scalae Mercallorum, sed sperantiae quae mamma abboccat minime sunt, a minus quod rincoglionita totaliter fuisse.
Tragedia tertia
Sputtanamentumfamiliare: in bel mezzum sbafationis arribat fratellinus minor secchionis atque un minimum cacacazzus, qui ricattare potest fratellum grandem in saecula seculorum.
Capitolus tertium: sbafatio hitchcockiana
Sine dubium, hac sbafatio est plus difficilis atque rischiosa et est ultima possibilitas rimasta filio disperato si crisis abstinentiae est profunda et mamma non habet minimam ideam uscendi ab casa.
Technicae usandae demandatae sunt ad sensibilitatem atque alto grado scafationis filii; professionalitas ognunorum est in ballo: honor categoriae Sbafatorum Clandestinorum salvandus est. Unicum consilium ut filius evitet clamoroses figuras ex stereo est tendere orecchium typum Star Trek ut si advertat eventualem appropinquamentum passorum mammae (se nella vostra domo habete moquettem, fottutis siete ad novantaquinque per centum).
In omni modo, in generale, necesse est non indugiare troppo in magico momento estasis Nutella raggiunta. Ad Sbafationem Hitchcockiana suggerita est tattica "Na botta e via".
Eh! Quod mazzum ut si raggiungeat minimam dosem giornalieram Nutellae!
In omni modo, fermo restante, a parts filii, generalis rodimento deretani, ultimi quaesiti nascunt: mammae, ma si perfinus per drogam lex previdit modicam quantitatem... mammae, cur estis sic cacacazzi cum fillis tantum cum Nutella?
Et non vi transeat manco per anticameram materiae cerebralis si filius returnans ad domus ammaccavit macchinam subito retirata ab carrozziere mattina antecedente; et non vobis ne potest fregare minimum se filius in pagella habet votos similes temperaturibus minimae Bolzanii; et non vi passat manco po' cazzum se amici filii sunt brutti ceffi absolute minime raccomandabiles inter quos famigeratus Peppe, notissimus per spacciationem substantiarum vietatissimarum ab lege (Inter parentesis, vos mammae benissimo cognoscete quia vendit vobis moltiplices qualitates herbarum ab Marocco provenientes) et ponemus petram supram; sed dico ego, proprio cum Nutella vobis ispiratis ad cazzum cacandi? Ma dateve na regolatam!
Moralis istue fabulae
Mammae, vobis chiedemus, cum voce ab plancto rupta cacciate 'sta Nutellam ... Porca Mignotta!”
22 notes · View notes