#Carol and Mallorie's first vewing of LOTR

[littleladybaker]

The Best from Carol and Mallorie’s first Vewing of LOTR

I just had a LOTR marathon with two of my best friends who have never seen them. I have never laughed so hard in my life! Here are some of the best parts:

Fellowship:

“Is that Cate Blanchet? Damn... Hella’s changed a lot.”(Mallorie)

Pippin is to precious for this world.

Aragorn is sexy af.

Carol and Mallorie constantly refering to Pippin and Merry as ‘Boromir’s Babies’ the second they saw him interact with them. Frodo and Sam being his nephews.

Mallorie not knowing who was gonna die a this the end and being in denial when I pointed out that SEAN BEAN is in this movie.

Mallorie is in love with Sean Bean’s face.

Way to many dick jocks for me to list but most of them geared at Aragorn/Arwen and Boromir and his “strong man’s sword”.(1)

Neither of them understanding why I love Haldir so much.

Mallorie bursting into tears when Boromir died and spending the rest of the movie telling Aragorn to go save his grandsons.

Stay tuned for my post for the Two Towers because this is longer than I thought it would be.

#(1) This is an ACTUAL quote about the sword. Not by my friends or I but by the sword smith in the behind the scenes! #LOTR #really bad Sean Bean jokes #Carol and Mallorie's first vewing of LOTR #Fellowship of the Ring

[littleladybaker]

Carol and Mallorie watch LOTR Return of the King.

Finally getting around to typing up part three of this little series. This one is gonna be the longest yet because we watched the Extended Edition. Spoilers galore. Enjoy!

Explaining Smeagol and Deagol to Carol and Mal as the original Merry and Pippin.

Mallorie making dick jokes about Deagol’s fishing pole...while I was eating a redvine...

Carol asked me to to pause the movie so she could answer the phone (they still have a house phone) and I paused just a second Gollum was biting into the catfish. We all started screaming and Carol’s brother, my ex, came out and told us to stop being so loud. We told him to put his headphones on if we bothered him so much. I explained to the girls that he slept threw ALL THREE MOVIES each time I tried to show the movie to him.

“Please tell me Frodo is ok after all this.”(Mallorie)

“As ok as you can be with PTSD.” (Carol)

Carol making Frodo/Sam sex jokes.

“Sam and Rosie had eight kids. The first was born in less than a year.”(Me)

“They had a lot of fun.” (Carol)

Me infodumping about Christopher Lee.

Carol and Mallorie making dick jokes about Saruman.

Me:Christopher Lee is problebly yelling at us from Heaven. You know that right?

C and M: ...

Mallorie: Hi, Chris!

Carol: You know we’re riiiiiiiiightttttttt!

Ganalf is Pippin’s grandpa now.

Treebeard apparently lost his wife in the mall. 😹

DrunkGimli was apparently Mallorie after one margarita on her 21st.

Carol implying that Gollum did dirty things with the ring.

Smeagol is like Jeremy's sister in Phinius and Ferb.

I am the Pippin of our “Family”.

“Aragorn! Come get your grandson!” (Mallorie)

“Merry loves his little cousin.”(Mallorie)

“Well someone's gotta look after him. ‘Cause his parents clearly ain't!”(Me)

The girls gushing over Eldarion and Arwen and Aragorn!

“How do you know so much?”(Mallorie)

“It’s my job. I make dolls and I know things.”(Me)

Dickhead Denethor.

Aragorn “Hope” jokes.

“Hope will come.”(Gandalf)

“And then he has a son!” (Mallorie)

Two words: Fro-Bro, Fro Fro Brodo.

Mallorie infodumping Game of Thrones in me.

Us arguing over who gets custody of Faramir when we take him from Denethor.

Me gushing over Lawrence Makoare and his dedication to makeup acting. Seriously this guy is amazing.

Gushing over how cute Merry is.

More talk about the horses. Ian McKellen’s horse was a DIVA.

Us calling David Wenham (I think I misspelled that😕) Daisy.

More gushing over Lawrence.

Boromir is Faramir’s Ada and Denethor has lost custody.

Boromir is ashamed of his father.

Me making Mallorie cry over my HC that Boromir leads Pippin to the afterlife when he dies.

EDGE OF NIGHT!!!!!!! The girls were impressed.

We all may or may not all have crushes of Billy Boyd.

Me explaining Dernhelm.

Eomir’s speech to Eowen sounds an awful lot like Sharpe’s “Can you stand” Speach.

Andril is amazing.

Explaining elf marriage and how the elf follows their spouse into the afterlife.

Telling them about Elboron.

The return of Puppy Horse!

Eowen is Merry’s mom friend.

Mallorie still loves Gimli.

Mallorie is more scared of Bilbo than of the Army of the Dead

Gothmog looks like the CEO of Abacrombi and Finch.

Talk of how Young Ian McKellen would have ruined our lives.

(Carol brought up a picture of Young Ian with young Tim Curry and...I have no idea how to comprehend what I've seen.)

Mallorie’' she reason for why Frodo can't  turn back at Shelob’s: Sam’s down there and it would just be awkward because he just broke up with his boyfriend.

TEN MINUTES of Carol and Mallorie taking about Turtle Sex because they began to wonder where baby Orc come from...I'm scared for life.

Carol is SUPER ARACNIPHOBIC. I'm glad I asked before Shelob showed her face. She had to cling to my Haldir doll...I'm making her a spider repellent Sam doll...

Me:(to the tune of If You're Happy and You Know It) If you wanna adopt a hobbit and ya know it raise your hand!

Them:

Everyone hates Denethor

Any time Witch King, Gothmog, or Lurtz does something Mallorie shouts, Dang it Lawerence, and I'm so proud of myself for corrupting her into a Lawerence fan.

Merry is Eowen’s emotional  support Hobbit! 😹

I'm making all my friends matching Hobbit dolls, because there are five of us, Mallorie gets Bilbo.

Oliffond poop problebly kills people.💩

I have stopped correcting Mallorie when she's calls the Oliffonds Eliphants.

YOU CAN SEE THE TEAR TRACKS ON PIPPIN’S DIRTY FACE!!!!

Rohirm are REALLY uncreative whith naming their children...

Peter Jackson and his anatomically correct CGI animals.

Our new band, Panic in my Heart. With our new hit single, Don't kill my fave.

The girls thinking Merry is dead. (I didn't tell the man otherwise. Mwahahaha 😁)

Aragorn put Eowen in the Daughter Zone, not the friend zone.

🎤If you wanna be my lover,🎤

Sorry, i already adopted you. Also, I'm married to someon else.

The girls trying to figure where the ring is hidden, thinking it is on Frodo somewhere. ( Carol asked if it was up Fodo’s ass 😹)

Ring dick jokes. Curtesy of Carol

“Gondor has a king, Gondor needs its king!”

FARAMIR AND EOWIN!!!

I quoted Aragorn’s Men of the West Speach and I have no shame!

I continue to quote Unusual Suspect threw the whole movie.

“There's no eagles, Lil! You said the Eagles would be there!”(Carol)

Eagles arrive.

“Oh”( Carol)

Us all singing Let it Go when Frodo is about to drop the ring.

More dirty ring jokes.

At this point, Mallorie and Carol just wanted the movie to end.

When are all I need agreement that Pippin needs a bath, a cuddle, and a nap.

ARAGORN’S CORINATION SONG!!!!!!!!! VIGGO CAN STILL SING, IT TOO!!!!!!!!

Elrond is SO not read yet for his baby girl to get married.

We all just wanted the movie to be fucking over!

Galadriel scared Mallorie, apparently.

Carol crying when she realizes Frodo doesn't live Happily ever after with Sam and Rosie in Bag End.

“OH MY GOSH!!! THIS IS THE NEVER ENDING STORY!!!!!!”(All of us!!!!)

“This was fun but we are never doing it again.”(Me)

“YUP!!!!!”(C+M)

And it's finnaly over! Carol an drew Mallorie have finnaly seen all three LOTR movies! Up next, either showing the movie to Caitlin, extended edition marathon, or Hobbit movies. We'll see. TTFN, ta ta for now.

#LOTR #Carol and Mallorie's first vewing of LOTR #long post

[littleladybaker]

Carol and Mallorie’s First Veiwing of LOTR Pt 2

This one is from Two Towers. It's gonna be a bit (ok, a lot) longer because at this point I started writing shit down.

Carol got a nosebleed and started the movie with a tampon up her nose. And we all had a CRAP TON of junk food!

Me being sad that it's not the extended edition because that version is WAY better but we didn't have time.

Mallorie looking up Elijah Wood and freaking out when she realized he really hasn’t aged a day! This was promptly followed by how Sean Bean didn't exactly AGE per sei, he just got more and more Dad looking.

Me quoting Unusual Suspect’s review threw the whole movie. Yes, I sang his Po-Tate-os rap.

Carol completely LOSSING HER SHIT when she discovers what Grishnak does to Pippin in the book. It was actually quite terrifying, I've never seen her so angry!

The girl's offering to help me ask John Rhys-Davies for a hug at the upcoming con.

“THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD!!!”

Mallorie wanting to adopt Eothan and Freyda.

Mallorie’s favorite Orc is name duchess Ratbag.

Carol wants to kill Grima because he's a creeper. Mallorie and I had to calm her down.

Carol’s NUMEROUS  Tom Bombadil jokes. 

Dirty jokes about how good the Rohirm are on their horses.

“I'm gonna pray for them.”(Me about Legolas)

“Well I'm gonna break two toes for them!”(Carol about Aragorn)

Carol wants to live in Fangorn Forest.

Treebeard: *opens his eyes*

Carol: Grandpa tree! Save them!

Seriously, Carol was way to ready to accept Treebeard with no question.

Carol and Mallorie FREAKING THE HELL OUT in the Deadmarshes scene. You know, when Frodo follows the lights. Mallorie started shouting, “Christo! Christo!”

Carol’s mum calls Gandalf ‘Grandalf’.

Gandalf the White is a Disney princess, apparently.

(Disney owns Rock Horror now, BTW...yeah...Carol brought that up.)

Gratuitous about of GhostBoromir talk.

(Stay tuned for the comprehensive list of names Carol and Mallorie called Treebeard.)

All of us crying with Theoden about Theodred. We... we're not ok.

Mallorie breeds rabbits...needless to say...she didn't take Smeagol bringing Frodo DEAD RABBITS and EATING THEM didn't sit well with her.

Treating Smeagol like a puppy.

Mallorie shouting, “Sean Bean!” When she saw Faramir for the first time.

Us all realizing my parents look like Aragorn and Arwen. 

Carol is not ok with Aragorn’s “Death”. I let her think he stays dead 😁

“Aragorn is...AraGONE!”(Me)

“Get Out!”(Mallorie)

Brego is now known as Puppy Horse.

Faramir and Boromir are Koda and Keni from Brother Bear! According to Mallorie.

EVERY FUCKING TIME THEY HEAR A HORN BLOW THEY THINK IT’S GONDOR!!! 

They are 100% NOT OK with the children fighting at Helms Deep.

Haldir: *Appears*

Me: *Bouncing like a toddler, hugging my Haldir doll happily because Haldir*

Carol and Mallorie: WOW! WHAT!

Mallorie:I thought your doll was oddly sexual but he's actually really accurate!

At this point I pause because Carol’s mum entered again. Paused on Haldir making a kiss you face. Laughter ensued and Lil needed Help because I died.

Carol is now convinced I am Fictosexual.

The girls trying to guess who is gonna die in battle. (never guess Haldir. BTW)

“We are all Gimli. And Legolas is our boyfriends.”(Mallorie)

Mallorie called Treebeard ‘The Lorax’ and Carol nearly spewed a yogurt smoothie out her nose.

Mallorie is super attached to Gimli at this point.

“If Gimli dies I'm gonna be pissed.” (Mallorie)

Haldir: *Gets a close up*

The girls: OOHH! Oh no!

Carol: It pierced his armor?

Orc:*Deals killing blow*

Carol: NO!!

Mallorie: Oh God!

Me:*Sob*

Carol:*Sob*

Mallorie: Lil, hug your doll! You need to at this point!

All of us shouting for joy when the Ents destroy Isengard.

That's all for this one. Keep an eye out for Part 3! 

Also Haldir fandom, we have gon from 5 people, a shoelace, and Craig Parker to 7 people, a shoelace, and Craig Parker. Yay.

#Carol and Mallorie's first vewing of LOTR #The Two Towers #Haldir #Lil rants about junk #lil's life