#But at the same time I don't wanna go bc my fluffy baby still won't be waiting for me when I get back | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doctapuella · 2 years

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Ok now you have to (if you feel like it ❤) do top 5 or 10 SEXIEST boys.

im HYPERVENTILATING this is the most magical prompt. i'm just some dumbass online but somewhere within me is the soul of an academic, one who spent yesterday binging brian david gilbert videos, so obviously i have overthought every detail and must first define the terms and parameters of this project and its scope:

i don't want to make this just a list of "who are my fave music boy crushes" because then i'm gonna talk about emotions and emotions are disgusting (citation: i'm a capricorn). i also just don't want to end up with a list of the physical features that i'm most into (soft tummies, chest hair, smol fluffy boys in general) because then it's gonna get really repetitive. but there will still be overlap between this and the previous list. my personal (very biased and subjective) academic definition of "sexy", therefore, will be predominantly physical and based on the following three variables:

eyes & expressions made with said eyes (also contributes to point 3 on this list, but is important enough to consider as a variable on its own)

frontal impact, defined here as "nice chest and tummy area" because i refuse to ignore it completely

vibes, defined here as "the ability to make me, famously a person who cannot shut up, speechless"

and so, with that, onward:

1. bruno ravel: okay so maybe i made my list of parameters with this specific boy in mind, and i refuse to apologize for it. he's my all-time favorite boy for a reason. (for many reasons, but lots of them are emotional so we won't go there.) he's just??? my boy????? best smile, best vibes, best frontal impact, and wooooo boy his eyes i had a breakdown over his eyes once!!!!! at least once. can't be sure. my brain kinda blacks out a little. i almost didnt even include him bc i didn't think i'd be able to string together any words with actual content. i got plenty of words though!!!!!

2. brad gillis: fucking breaks my mind??? normally i will rant and ramble about every detail about a boy but. brad. [also the rest of these boys have the blandest names im so sorry its so unfortunate.] i have such intense brad thoughts and i can put almost none of them into words. he's goofy as fuck, but then he can shift right to the intense eyes that stare into my soul and make me want to do literally anything he says. also like, physically? he's so ideal. somewhere on my phone is a screenshot from @shelickedthebeater sending me a pic of brad and said "hes very shape, i must say. rachels-perfect-boyfriend-shape" and she was so right to do so. AND this is prob true for most of them but it's so extra true for brad, that in 2022 he can absolutely still fucking get it.

3. dave meniketti: this man's singing voice in the 70s hit me like a shot to the fucking brain and i've never been the same. he's so fascinating to me because sometimes i'll see a pic and be like "hmm yeah i guess i like him fine" but? pictures cannot do him justice, i tell you. when he is performing, ohhhhhhh my god i just wanna be on my knees in front of him. just trust me when i tell you he has the sluttiest vibes in the best possible way.

4. eric carr: how can i even begin okay so, obviously, number one fluffy boy. he's not number one overall boy but he shot to the tops of my faves list real fucking fast. i'll admit i had a serious anti-kiss bias for absolutely no good reason, and i fought being into this boy for so long. i had a whole series of emotional breakdowns over it. and in the end, i like emotionally imprinted on him like i was a little baby duckling. but we aren't here for emotions, we're here for silly boys with intense drumming style and a body that i need to spend all of my free time licking.

5. bruce springsteen: listen. all of the boys on this list are just some guy, and bruce is the most "just some guy" of them all. ok wow jeans and white tshirt, whatever. we've seen it. but oh my god something about his energy fucks me up so bad????? like i've heard his songs my whole life and then one day pinterest was like "can i offer u a bruce in these trying times" and my brain went "oh???? yes u may???" and here we are. he also has some quality to his voice that turns my insides to jello. but there's also a very, idk, normie aspect to him (his just-some-guyness) that makes me write tags like "boyfriend vibes".

6. vivian campbell: i fully want to bang viv at all stages of his adult life but i would like to dedicate this spot on the post to the viv era that stopped me from being a phil girl (wow, that was a whole time in itself, huh). late 90s viv. the beginning of his shirtless era. specifically viv during the '99 concert in tokyo. i went from "idk he's not really on my dl radar" to "okay yeah he's very nearly the tops of my list" just from this one show. it opened my eyes to a whole new world of this boy. he starts off the show in a super tight black long sleeve shirt with mesh panels oh my god and then changes into a red leather shirt??? and by the end he is shirtless and sweaty as FUCK and alskdjfldsjflkjsdfsadf mesh time

7. bobby blotzer: look i said i'm basing this on mostly physicality and i really like his physicality. i like the intense stare and goddddd he's got a great chest/tummy situation. he's like squishy and dumb and fuckkkk i love that. but like really i fuckin love watching him drum?? his drumming energy is so great and i want to harness the energy (just the energy, not the boy) for my own nefarious purposes. (i mean, i will use the boy for said purposes too, just not in a harness. (on his knees.))

8. phil campbell: idk man i think this is another voice-related one for me. i took no notice of him until i heard his welsh accent and then my eyeballs widened and suddenly i was ready to be all over that. and!!! so glad i started looking!!!! this boy has peak soft tummy and i want to die kissing it oh my godddddd!!!!

9. simon le bon: ok so half the time he's the dorkiest fuckin weirdo on the block. but the other half of the time sir please yes?? also also bearded simon just hits so nice wow. honestly, sometimes he's like too normie-attractive for me. like, a model? with discernable abs? hmm no not for me. but his empty-brain vibes and smile just fuck me up in the end, so he gets to be on the list.

10. tom petersson: this whole band has the strongest BDE and tom is soooo pretty and idk?? he's kinda like simon in that he's almost too conventionally attractive for me to want to jump on, but he has enough of a goofy side to even it out. and he wears some suuuuper low unbuttoned shirts with his tight pants. and smiiiiile oh my god his smile. like, by virtue of status of being in one of the greatest and most influential bands ever, he absolutely earns the title of sexy.

#IM SORRY I SPENT SO MUCH ENERGY ON THIS #i have a horrific cold and absolutely no self control #just pure snot and insanity #i love you for this opportunity to create my life's work #my true manifesto #long post #inbox things #i also imposed a 'one boy per band' rule so i wouldnt get repetitive or overwhelmed #TURNS OUT I STILL GOT REPETITIVE AND OVERWHELMED #anyway pls enjoy this record of my idek what #of me.#this record of me and who i am as a person.#in my heart i wanted to make gifs of all of them but im so sick and i need a nap #ill be so fucking pissed if this site messes up the placement of the gifs

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