#BRIAN JUST... IF HIS PART IN THIS SONG DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING IDK HOW TO TELL YOU THIS BUT YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

incarnateirony · 1 month

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You know, thinking about my post about the metempsychosis shift, the mood shift, her increasing stretches of silence, restrained posting into rebellious burst posting into only her morning fuckup of "oops I showed I never read a hermes book... twice, back to back" into day long silence, like.

She's sitting there trying to figure out another narrative to spin, ain't she?

Like she's so deep in this shit and told so many lies until she forgot the truth, and acted so grossly, and abusively, for so long, for no good reason but exactly what I've explained to her as her lone excuse. But then, like... how can she be bad guy? No this is meanie evil ex she had to warn the whole goddamn world about wherever he went, years after breaking up. The fuck you mean she was the baddie like the nazi gif that only exists because her great uncle commited a holocaust?

idk man. Weird. And you can't even fully villainize my other actions. Did I cuss and yell and threaten when it went off? Yeah, because not only was this bitch shaking the dragon graveyard under me nonstop, but I packed the superbowl up our asses to make it loud while she pretended not to see or hear anything, and man, I got a lot of amp and bass. And there's a lot of pissed off generations. But in the end, I'm still trying to help at least Athena once she showed signs of life. There are ways out of this for her that don't involve losing everything, and it literally comes down to 1. Face yourself 2. Tell the truth. Out Loud.

So it's gotta be increasingly difficult while she watches gnostic mages and channelers sing my song and talk about the great game, the suicide hotline, 8ball, whatever the fuck. Just clearly specific ass things, while she tried to ignore me even essentially controlling her blog, timeline, warning when her bird would get sick, all of it. Just ignore ignore ignore. And now there's all this pain, suffering, and public humiliation on her hands, just because she wouldn't stop 2 months ago. Or 8. Or 3 years. Or 10. Or 20.

But actually making her type out something to the tune of "I was fucked up, I was wrong, I've hurt people, and I've been living in a state of ongoing delusion that is destructive to myself and everyone around me, the rumpocky was never real, Brian was always part of Aaron's Brain, and that's different from my Niekai Brain, and my addiction to Brian* has led me to do terrible things." is just. Like. 404 error what the fuck do you mean misfit Athena kinnie drained of 90% of her IQ can be wrong?

Even once she faces it, once she does for real, there's nothing she can do. Like. ATHENA GO KICK AARON'S ASS. Why. Beyond him being one of the annoying tricksters. Like he got me out. You're functional now. WELL UH--BECAUSE. No, no falling down the pit of Because, that's where the Hounds of Reason have been chewing on you.

I dunno, it just feels like she's legit trying to find a way she can still roleplay narrative out of it while half glancing over her proverbial shoulder at the idea of the Athena inside, not outside, but the ramifications of it on her entire life are too much, so just. Catloaf and pretend not to see or hear it while trying to meditate out a way to go "but... this is HIS fault, somehow."

The only fault of mine is taking the Action of setting off this trap, but I was not even alone in that, and had assistance from brothers and capacitators outside of myself that wanted to see it born, too. And I will own the Act of this, because this Act brings Freedom, for myself at least if not her. That's it, that's the part that's my fault. Setting at least myself, if not her, free. Or burying a monster. Her choice which it becomes.

Otherwise? Naw lady. You even drove into this while I warned you for months on my blog not to. This is all you, lady. Just cough up the air jordans, the confession, the apology, and start deleting shit that doesn't belong to you.

It's time to let us go and actually move forward with your life.

You'd be surprised how many less pills you'll need to not rip out your hair once you do that, much less what kind of "magic" you can do. No seriously before you needed like one bipolar medication and probably coulda used the ritalin, so that's like. 2. Not handfuls every time girl.

There is no magic, only Will.

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law, and sometimes that involves destroying evil for giggles.

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And even once she faces it, then Mark has to face his complicity and involvement in it, and has to start facing his own actions and shadows all the same, and everything that was enabled down Delulu Road. And Shea will have to process that about their entire relationship.

Mess.

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