#Aside Lilith who was cast there by God specifically. Or maybe it comes with being created directly by God.

[casimania]

Next drabble idea I'll probably never write: AU season 4 where Lucifer still has to leave for Hell but it's Piercifer and he leaves Marcus behind who just... slowly spends more and more time at the penthouse until he's basically living there outside of work and moping around. Drinking, growing the depression beard back, cursing at Lucifer and God, badly singing sad songs and playing along with his guitar, just being a sad sack in general.

Except this is either also a Deckerstar AU (poly but a V with Lucifer in the middle) or Lucifer has been Chloe's closest friend and partner for years and she misses him, so one day she doesn't have Trixie and she just misses him a lot she sneaks up the penthouse. And there's just Pierce and his beard and a terrible bed head in his sweats and a t-shirt surrounded by empty bottles of not so cheap alcohol and half empty bottles of definitely not so cheap alcohol. And she's immediately backing away because she's good at second guessing herself and thinks she's intruding but he's like "He left you too behind, didn't he?" and waves a bottle in her direction. Cause of course she misses him too, and in a way they both remind each other of him. So she takes the alcohol and sits down. They don't talk much, just drink and sigh. She doesn't have it in her to leave when it gets dark outside so Pierce leaves her the bed since he's been sleeping there pretty much all the time. And he just throws his legs on the couch and passes out there.

[[MORE]]

... Okay I'm definitely making it a Deckerstar + Piercifer V, I just like the idea rn. Anyway, they go on with this routine for a while. Chloe comes over when Dan (or Dan and Charlotte together) has Trixie with him (they alternate whole weeks now, he's learned to do dad stuff in a timely manner finally). They drink and sorta grunt or sigh in each other's general direction and just amble around the penthouse. Sometimes Chloe puts a movie on to take her mind off things (stuff she watched with Lucifer) and a couple of times Pierce just sits down and read one of Lucifer's books and they fall asleep in front of the tv some of those ones.

One evening Marcus finds Chloe going through the freezer and she pulls aside a few ice cream tubs with like, unicorns or puppies on them (Marcus already saw them and was kinda "??", Chloe says Trixie likes the big screen and Lucifer playing songs for her so he bought some snacks for her for when she came over. She dives more into the freezer and they both pretend she's not suddenly holding back tears) she hits jackpot when she finds some ice cream with a fancy name and no cartoony animals or overly sweet flavours and she doesn't even both with a bowl, just takes a spoon (then goes back for another she throws at Marcus) . And she sits disgruntled in front of the TV and eats it. She's stressed over a case and just murders the absolute shit out of the ice cream, she pushes it Pierce's way a couple of times and he gets like the tiniest spoonfuls and then she's back at shoveling it back in her mouth looking absolutely miserable.

Pierce surprised them both by asking her about the case (they usually don't talk much in these moments). He knows the gist of it because he assigned it to her but she was decidedly in a better mood earlier. And she says it's not as much as the case being overly complicated, she has hunch, but for the first time she was in the middle of an interrogation or a investigating and she was suddenly hit with all the ways Lucifer could have influenced the situation. And then her brain just couldn't turn it off and she basically couldn't stop thinking about him. Going back to the precinct didn't help, he was always sitting on her desk. There's Marcus himself who Lucifer always made a beeline for a couple of times at least and he's looking like as sad as a saggy bowl of cereals too and that made her only think more about Lucifer being gone. She thought retreating at the penthouse could have helped but instead of being a comfort and making her feel like he's still somewhat around, it just makes her feel more the fact that he's not there and could never come back. And from there it's like, the gates are open. They start to talk about Lucifer. They get angry at him, they get angry at God, they get angry at the demons who came for him and at all the angels who didn't help and they it just ends up with them just talking about Lucifer in general. The hit he pulled that exasperated them, that was actually kinda funny or just so Lucifery you just took it as it came.

And it's a first for them. Not just talking about Lucifer or with each other at the penthouse. Just the two of them talking in general. They sort of exist in the same space because they both love Lucifer in this AU. But Chloe has to digest the Sinnerman thing. Cause I think she wouldn't hold onto the First Murderer thing because in her mind, ideally one would have had a trial and appropriate punishment in that situation. But between the time it was and who they were he got himself a literal Curse. He did a bad thing but she can't really wrap her mind around the punishment, people go to prison and never get out or people go to prison and then get out and try to live a normal life. He had God himself him Mark him as forever wandering the Earth alone and she's just... what does she do with that?? Biblical stuff is just too fucked up for her. She acknowledges that's stuff that happens 6000+ years ago and Pierce is gonna deal with that with Pierce and Lucifer. She had more of an issue with his more recent crime boss things. Lucifer skirts the line of what she finds okay, Dan went dangerously over some times, Pierce has been living on the other side for so long she's just no ok with that. But they all have a complicated situation. And in the 2 years he got to know Lucifer he sort of, dropped the whole thing (and may have been sort of ratting out some people because it seemed to make Lucifer happy because it made Chloe happy). She recognizes it doesn't make what he did retroactively better but look, she has a complicated love life. If what it took to make an old ass immortal man a little more nice and human is the Devil himself making puppy eyes at him and naming him feel bad about fucked up shit he does forth first time in millennia... she decides she can sort of deal with it. And for Marcus is sort of :/ over Chloe being a mortal, cause he knows it hurts losing someone to time and he can just imagine how Lucifer will suffer, especially since he feels just so much (and it takes him a while to get out of this mentality, that doesn't makes him think Lucifer gets attached to humans only because he's gotten to know them for so little compared to him, that with enough time they'll be the same, cause his is the only logical way of feeling over this). And in general he's got some deep seated fear that Chloe was put on Lucifer's path for nefarious purposes. They all have that little moment of doubt, like okay she has her feelings and takes her choices?? But what if God knew Marcus and Lucifer would have crossed paths and Chloe is there to prevent it in osns way? Or to be used to send him back to Hell? They reflect on it a little and get over it mostly, but Marcus still has this little voice inside him saying that maybe she's there for Lucifer to think "Why have him when I can have her?" the only things he seemingly brings in the relationship is immortality and understanding through that, but Lucifer lurks defying expectations and just went "BOTH BOTH I LOVE BOTH I WANT BOTH IF THEY'LL HAVE ME" and told them in detail what wonderful things they both brought to the relationship (Chloe needed that too. From her pov she's the one that can't fully get Lucifer and will just hurt him by dying in such a short time and maybe never see him again. But he proves both of their fears wrong). So yeah, until this point they were never really making comfortable conversation all the time and hanging out together. Just recognized each other as someone important to Lucifer that makes him happy and they were trying to work out if they could live in close contact when shit hit the fan and Lucifer had to go.

And from then they form some sort of understanding. They talk more about Lucifer. They get Eve, Maze, Dan, Charlotte, Linda and Amenadiel and try to make him contact other Angels and then shit happen with Azrael and Ella joins the Celestial-knowing club. They make concrete plans to get him out. They start being more like themselves and interact more in general.

Then one day Chloe is under the covers of Lucifer's bed and Marcus is on the other side and has kicked them off (it's easier than just taking turns, and while they never got to the point with having Lucifer time all together in an intimate way, they don't find it weird, sharing living spaces was something they had been considering before things got fucked up) and they suddenly wake up in a tangle of blankets and feathers and ashes and there's Lucifer looking absolutely terrible but he lights up like the Sun upon seeing them and they immediately pounce on him. He thinks he's dreaming and they tell him they've been just sort of living there together when Dan has Trixie and they want to know what's going on. Unfortunately it's not permantent, the demons are chilling enough he can fly up for a little while but he still has to go back if they don't find a solution. He mostly does it to get his Chloe and Marcus fills and cry a little about how much he loves them and wishes he didn't have to leave them and will find a way to come back to them permanently and he's sorry he left looking intend on not coming back (he tought it was the best option, but he just missed them so much).

And nothing. Shit's fucked but slowly maybe they find a solution. Didn't really wrote a plot. I just wanted Chloe and Marcus moping together over Lucifer and talking about him and helping each other get out of the dark pit of despair.

#Talking Tag #Luciblogging #I'm making up a reason for which Pierce can't go to Hell with Lucifer for angst purposes #Maybe the Mark causes him to be yeeted back on Earth #Or living souls in general would be yeeted back in Earth #Aside Lilith who was cast there by God specifically. Or maybe it comes with being created directly by God. #He's closed to Lucifer and his siblings than Marcus and other human born humans. #Could explain also why Abel needed a body to be put into to rise back #While Eve jumped back into her body who even regenerate at her young perky peak #Or maybe it's just a question of demons descending on Marcus like ants #He would be a glaring weakened in their eyes for the King and they would either challenge him over and over again #Or try to pull Marcus apart over and over again. And Hell is big and chaotic enough and Lucifer does have things to check out #That he couldn't keep an eye on Pierce 24/7 and he has nothing on a hoard of pissed off demons #He just refused to bring down Marcus and risk him getting through any of that just because Lucifer wanted him close #And I think that would be the option that hurt Marcus the most. Because he'd tell Lucifer he'd go through eternitied of being torn apart #Just for him. But Lucifer would set his foot down and Marcus would feel abandoned all over again. He could be there but Lucifer went alone #Chloe would probably make him reason a little in the end. Yes Lucifer left him all alone and it hurt #And he would gladly be demon food over and over again for him. But then that would have hurt Lucifer greatly. #And he would have beaten himself over being a horrible person who makes his loved ones suffer #And Pierce can't really deny that's what would have happened. Lucifer would have made it his personal failure every single time Marcus #got hurt away from him. So much guilt. #Chloe and Pierce are good at reminding each other that while they're suffering Lucifer is too. And is doing this to keep them all safe #And they have to find a way to get him back.

[mittensmorgul]

i know you don’t mean this consciously, but your responses to eileen and saileen really come across as ableist :/ it’s very rare that disabled people are shown as bad asses and even rarer that they get romances. maybe you should examine why you feel that even though it was specifically written as being romantic why you’re insisting that it isn’t. because it’s really coming across as hurtful.

I’m sorry it’s coming across that way, but that is in NO WAY my intent. I LOVE EILEEN. I love her character, and her badassery, and her hunting skill, and I am OVER THE FREAKING MOON that her blatantly disgusting death in 12.21 has been overturned. PRAISE BE.

My reasons for being wary about this immediately being cast as a romance have nothing to do with her deafness, and EVERYTHING to do with the ~out of the blue~ nature of it in the midst of so much trauma. We haven’t heard Sam mention her in two and a half years, we never saw him grieve her longer than the single episode in which she died. There wasn’t a “grief arc” like there has been for Sam after leaving Amelia in s8 (like, the first half of s8 was about his grieving their relationship, and she wasn’t even dead), or after Jess died (a recurring theme over the last 15 years).

I’ve been hesitant to talk about Eileen’s return because nearly every post I have come across about Eileen as a character has also contained heavily shippy stuff that I just... can’t see yet. I saw it 2 1/2 years ago! ABSOLUTELY! Two and a half years ago I was absolutely convinced they’d introduced Eileen to be a long-term developing love interest for Sam. And then four episodes later they killed her, never brought her back, and never mentioned her again.

And I watched Sam over the next two and a half years, and specifically over the last ten episodes, which (if my math is correct, because we don’t actually know how much time elapsed between 15.05 and 15.06 other than it’s been at least a few days), it’s been like TWO WEEKS since Mary was murdered, less than two weeks since the big Chuck Reveal and Jack’s death, the ghostpocalypse, discovering Kevin (who Sam still feels responsible for his death in the first place) has been in Hell for the last 3+ years since 11.21, Rowena’s death at Sam’s hands to close the Hell rift, Cas leaving without explanation... heck I’m probably forgetting stuff, but that’s been kind of a terrible few weeks right?

So a person Sam cared about returns and asks him to help her, he discovers the legacy Rowena left to him and a spell she was designing to resurrect Mary (remember, two of the women he’s lost IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS), and which he can use ONCE, of course he will use it to save Eileen from this horrific situation. He can’t use it for Mary or Rowena, or even Kevin really since Kevin isn’t there. (remember, ALL people he feels either grave personal loss-- Mary-- or actual personal physical responsibility for literally killing them with his own hands-- Kevin and Rowena) Of course he wouldn’t deny Eileen this chance, hoping the untested spell (and therefore his own understanding and ability to finish it himself and perform it) will actually WORK. You can see the fear on his face that he would have yet another horrific loss on his hands if he failed while he’s waiting for Eileen to get out of the tub. All magic has a price, and Sam is paying for it with emotional loss here, too. What I’ve seen people squee over as Sam looking unreservedly happy and in love... that’s not what his face looks like to me... He looks happy when he smiles at Eileen, yes, but hoooBOY there’s some heavy grief wrapped up in there, too, and I’m just as disturbed by folks just brushing all that aside because of a ship.

There is nothing preventing them from DEVELOPING this into an endgame romance, but in a season where we’re being repeatedly shown that the narrative itself is unreliable at best, in an episode where the other half of the story was a djinn hunt, and the episode itself is bookended with Sam’s belief that Chuck is leaving him alone because he hasn’t had any visions since the last hunt (Lilith), and Dean’s statement that they can’t be sure what’s God and what isn’t, I am not prepared to trust the narrative as it appears on the surface.

*I PERSONALLY* refuse to become emotionally invested in a POTENTIAL romantic endgame arc until the show actually starts delivering it. They took Eileen from us once. I am going to be cautious about how I interact with that ship until I see it actually starting to play out on screen.

And again, that has nothing to do with her disability. That has to do with the narrative itself.

I’m curious though what I may have inadvertently said that came across as ableist, because I do my best not to be. Is it something specific I’ve said? Or is it just my general stance on the fact that I am wary of actually turning cartwheels as if Sam had got down on one knee and proposed as fireworks went off in the background? If that’s all it is, then I don’t think it’s a *me* problem.

#spn 15.06 #basically show me the money i don't buy it until it starts to solidify #and one episode where the 'romance' was 99% pain isn't enough to make me trust it sorry #Anonymous

[maadcolli]

CLEO

They say death is a slow process because in your dying breaths your entire life flashes before your face. Then I suppose holding your lover die is comparable to setting your soul ablaze. I struggle to muster any words, but swiftly pull you onto my lap. Applying pressure to your chest, but the bullet went cleanly through your back. The tears falling down my cheeks feel like glaciers mixed with sage. As my chest begins to compress,,, I don’t even know where to start. 

You were only 17 when God decided that it was time to rain on your parade. How could they deem you to be the chosen before reaching second grade? How could expectations never seem to amaze, or overwhelm, your senses and lessons never phased - your vision, mental or thoughts; metaphysical or spiritual? A presumed still birth, but at the last second a beat presented a miracle like alchemist or Preme - maybe Dre maybe Deen - a December baby born from the forsaken blood on the leaves. I could never forget you, but the world could never say the same because the very fiber of your nature is what sent you to the grave. Tears currently overlay the letters on my Mac like concrete on the pave - the beginning of a sentence that I dread to reach the end of the page.

When God created Earth, & when God created Adam, I am under the impression that in his thoughts he knew of a madam that was the true heir, but the sin of man would prove to be the ignition to the never ending cycle to the beginning of the end. Lilith, only if love wasn’t forsaken. Only if the world actually valued your attention. Caring for creatures that under your gaze you could have casted aside as peasants. Comparable to Mother Nature, but it’s by nature that in your heart you found it necessary to mother the helpless and feed those who were encapsulated with hunger; but violence tyrants and the defiant all tried to rain on your parade. 

Men. Always men. Always with something to say. 

Over the years you grew in more ways than just your hips. The dictation and command from every syllable that mustered out your lips became hurricanes to those familiar with living on the coast; and as your confidence grew, you found it hard to boast. You found it hard to express because every time you let, your emotions encapsulate your being that’s when society would reject - anything said after, imagine always having to keep your composure in a world where women are seen as only being the beginning and closer. Now add into the equation the color of your skin. Any person with an ounce of common cents could see that you couldn’t buy a win. Smartest kid in your class, but never invited to speak on the stage. Most athletic in the pack, but always omitted from the page and you would cry into your mothers arms and ask her why is life this way? And she would cry into your arms and tell you that the world by nature isn’t safe. And when you asked her what she meant all she could reply was to channel your rage into your being and everything you believe in; wipe your tears and turn the page; the second they see you stumble is the second they smear your name. To never give them a reason to believe in the stereotypes that accompanied your race. A black women dying to live, but living to die. Two steps forward just meant two questions of how & why? But still the caged bird sings. Still you found a way. Still you marched forward. ‘Still’ was a snapshot of everyday. I found the words ‘independent’ and ‘courages’ to be the perfect monikers for your name. If only man could have been created from the rib of women. More specifically a black woman. Only then would we understand what it means to be living in a world of emotional & institutional instability that is created from the difference between the organ between your legs. 

Strength. I wish I could be half as strong as you. 

For me life was different.

I’ve been gang banging before I came out of my mothers wound. I jumped off my mothers porch as soon as I could tie my shoes. Laws of humanity, the unwritten rules, code of ethics is respect - to realize that life was held together by pipes and screws and it was my job to make sure I always carried a tool; no exaggeration when I say at my brothers graduation caps were thrown into the air. As he was shaking the deans hands to watch him tumble down the stairs. I was only in the 5th grade, but that successfully set into motion, the trouble to come and the naughty by nature life that was made for me. I saw *** kill **** on 67th street, walk inside the bodega and order a chopped cheese. Walk out, look my way, and that nigga blew me a kiss. A warning that air wouldn’t be the only thing blown my way if I opened my lips. The morale of this story is gang violence was never rocket science. Never travel alone, your team should move like the Mayans. But you successfully convinced me that life was more than guns and butter. 

Cleopatra, if only you continued working in the Pyramids. How I wish I could have taken every bullet for you. Living with the guilt that my decisions are the reason for you barely breathing has caused me to cast aside my pride in the shadows of the truth. Holding you in my arms as your parents run out the front door in concern. Your mother notices you first and she can’t even move or say a word. I hold you in my arms as tears glisten down your face. Blood leaking out of your smile as you muster the courage to tell me everything is going to be okay. I struggle typing these words because truthfully this should have been me. Watching the life leave your smile will forever haunt me to the grave. As the bronze pigment starts to lose its shade I plead with God to spare her and please allow me to take her place. If heaven was a mile away, I would sprint my ass to the gates just to demand for retribution and to ensure that her soul to be saved.

As you draw your final breath I can feel the soul leave your chest. God, I don’t understand what I did to deserve this, but please forgive me for my future sins. Innocent Colli has every reason to earn his wings.