#Also a possibility: Jamie not signing out of his and asking Roy what he thinks of

[jamietwat]

Jamie would 100% make Roy a dating app profile sometime after the Keeley rejecting both of them thing to try to help him move on and meet people when clearly he’s refusing to get back out there organically and he’d think he’s being so helpful and generous and the best wingman ever. He’d handpick what he considers the sexiest pictures he can find and put a bunch of shit Roy would never say thinking he’s being accurate and helpful and not even taking the clear opportunity to make a joke account to embarrass him or anything when he easily could have just made fun of him and chosen the worst pictures possible instead

And then he would be SO offended when it doesn’t go well when Roy finds out about it and is not properly appreciative at all

Roy thinks it’s Jamie’s account when he starts showing Roy girls like what do you think of her and asking him way too many questions when Roy has no interest in participating and has no idea why the fuck Jamie seems incapable of swiping without trying to get Roy’s opinions first. Meanwhile, Roy’s giving one word answers at first and then increasingly trying to brush him off when he doesn’t stop and then he’s just flat out like “Choose your own dates and leave me the fuck out of it” and Jamie’s like “Nah, this is your account. You should have a say” and instead of being grateful and appreciative and thanking Jamie for being oh so generous with his time and energy, Roy just scowls at him and growls out “You did not make a fucking Tinder profile for me” and Jamie just smirks and decides now is not the right moment yet to mention that he actually made him accounts on like three different apps because he wasn’t sure which Roy would like best

Roy barks at him to delete it and Jamie’s all whiny like “Come on, I spent a lot of time on these and you haven’t even considered it. Plus, even if you’re not ready to date someone yet, you’d still be less miserable to be around if you at least found someone to shag in the meantime”

And Roy’s like “Delete it. I don’t want a fucking Tinder profile.” And Jamie looks at him confused for a moment and then seems to have an epiphany as he goes “Oh, do you want a Grindr one instead? Hold on a second” and he flips to a different app and Roy’s too busy being baffled by the fact that Grindr is already on Jamie’s phone and that he’s having to sign out of his own account to try to make one for Roy to even stop him before he’s already trying to sign up for a new account and Roy goes “That’s not what I meant. I don’t want any dating app”

And Jamie pauses his typing and turns and looks at him so skeptically and so judgily and suddenly somehow Roy is trying to fight for his life trying to defend why he’s not looking for some random stranger to date or fuck around with

#Also a possibility: Jamie not signing out of his and asking Roy what he thinks of #guys and when Roy is like stop that why did you make me a Grindr profile why are you swiping on guys and even if you were WHY that one #And Roy’s trying to get the phone out of Jamie’s hand and when he does Jamie’s like stop that’s my account let me swipe #on him I was just trying to find out what kind of guys you’d be into before making yours 😔 #+ Roy being so critical of Jamie’s taste in men like him??? seriously??? because the idea of Jamie messaging any of them bothers him #I may turn this into a RoyJamie fic at some point or possibly RoyJamie that has Keeley later too #Obviously Roy’s brain obsesses over Jamie’s Grindr profile and what he may or may not be doing with it just as much as he obsesses over #Jamie in general after this and he’s stuck trying to figure out how to casually bring it back up to him #(Spoiler alert: it’s Roy so it absolutely won’t be casual and yet Jamie won’t care that it isn’t at all #) #Jamie would GLADLY be the one fucking around with Roy but he’s also out here advocating for Roy to fuck in general #RoyJamie #Roy Kent #Jamie Tartt #Ted Lasso #Mine #Grindr fic #Putting that there for when I come back to this because I have a lot of thoughts #Once again I refuse to reread words and edit rn so I’ll just be bummed about the errors later

[jamiesfootball]

On the one hand Roy breaking up with Keeley was deeply rooted in his own insecurities and it’s heartbreaking because they both clearly still love each other.

On the other hand, while it’s easy lambast him for being stupid about it and not staying together to work it out, he may have accidentally done a very good thing for himself.

We saw in season two how Roy tends to get a bit clingy in a relationship. Some of that is probably just who he is - a guy who feels things very very very strongly and wants all the quality time with people he loves - but I suspect that some of it is also an outlet for the fact that Roy doesn’t easily make strong, honest emotional connections.

He gives people PARTS of himself. He gives the yoga ladies a bit of his silliness, but not the passionate core of himself that loves football more than anything. He gives the coaching team… more than he used to, but he holds back from being a Diamond Dog. He clearly loves the lads on his team, but they’re not allowed to comfort him about his break up. That’s a step too far.

Outside of his family, Keeley really was like the only person he let inside. And it’s easy to point at Roy’s sense of self worth as the reason for the break up, but on a deeper level I think part of him also felt devastated by the possibility that maybe Keeley didn’t feel as strongly. She didn’t need him the way he needed her, didn’t want to be attached to him the same way. She was fine on her own. Preferred it sometimes.

She loved him. He knows that. But Roy is a man in progress, and god only knows how low his reservoir of being loved was before the series. In some ways, Roy was a starving man when it came to Keeley, and honestly good on him if he realized that wasn’t the healthiest thing to bring into a relationship.

While he might have gone about it in a messy way, in a way that didn’t use enough words because he didn’t know how to make the words mean exactly, I think Roy asked for what he needed. (And Keeley might’ve hit the nail on the head when she called it a ‘break’ instead of a ‘break up’, but Roy is not a man of half measures. If they’re not together then it’s a break up. He’s stringing no one on here.)

Roy is emotionally a fucking mess post break up, but we do see signs now that this is a Roy Kent who is becoming comfortable with his life. He’s warmer with the boys, he’s joking with the coaches, he’s having a great old time during practice and personal training. He’s even made Jamie Tartt into a friend- dare I say, a close friend.

These are the support structures he needed in season two but wouldn’t let himself have. Now that he’s forcefully put himself out to pasture, he’s in a position where he has to let them in or it’s going to get very cold out there. Of course like a sheepdog he has found himself surrounded in cozy things.

This is a Roy who’s gonna be more secure in a relationship. Boy really just needed some time to work on himself. Its the good idea hiding behind the facade of a bad one. He’s gonna be just fine.

#roy kent #ted lasso spoilers #sort of

[leupagus]

Beard and Nate: friends to enemies to God I hope they get to be friends again

One thing I found interesting about this episode is Beard and Jane's axe-throwing date with the bespoke Nate Crotch Targets. Leaving aside Beard's 17 axes, which he cannot imagine having in a different country (and I do love that at some point between probably season 1 and 2, when he and Ted decided to stay in the UK for the forseeable future instead of going home after those first four months, Beard had his axes shipped and has added to the pile since then. Also that Ted is aware of Beard's axe problem), the vitriol of that is something that's really narratively significant, I think. Because it speaks to the fact that Beard has not remotely forgiven Nate for what he did. And I think that says a lot about Beard as a person, and as a friend.

Beard and Ted have been friends for a long time — long before Wichita (remember, they were only there for one year) — and whatever their past may be, they have a loyalty to each other that is really remarkable. Yes, Beard came to the UK along with Ted; but Ted must have insisted on them as a package deal, and Beard would have a pretty nice salary from Richmond too, not to mention comparable company housing to Ted's pad. They're very close and comfortable talking about complicated, messy emotional stuff with each other — part of the reason the Diamond Dogs formed was because Ted and Beard's rapport began to expand to encompass Higgins and Nate. He sees those two as similar kinds of men, willing to honestly express their feelings and mutually support each other.

And then Nate starts to change.

Beard and Ted first clock it in the very first episode of season 2, in Nate's attitude toward Will (which I think is more Nate repeating the mistakes that his father made with him than Nate actively reveling in abuse — I have a whole BOOK I want to write about Lloyd and Nate's conversation in this past episode, I absolutely cried, don't look at me). Neither of them say anything, which I think would be a mistake if this was real life but in the show is meant to reflect the idea that "sometimes you can let people make mistakes and improve on their own, but sometimes you have to step in early." But Beard, throughout the season, watches Nate a little more carefully, and then when Nate really goes over the line with Colin, he finally steps in. Nate makes his public apology to Colin and things are seemingly fine — remember, Nate's awful comment to Will happens out of Beard's sight.

But Beard obviously doesn't stop watching Nate, because he figures out pretty much instantly that Nate was Trent's source for the story about Ted's panic attacks. Not only that, but the first thing Nate does when Beard sees him is to ask where Roy is, and then lie to him when Beard makes a pretty blatant comment about the article. Then later, when they're all talking with Roy about the Jamie & Keeley situation and Nate confesses about the kiss, Beard makes the flat "I'd be happy to punch you in the face" comment. Because from his perspective, Nate's done something absolutely awful and won't even admit to it, even though he'll readily admit to trying to kiss Keeley. (I'm not making any claims as to which one is "worse," but the show clearly wants to portray Nate talking to Trent as the bigger problem.) Then you have the fight between Nate and Ted (which Ted 10000% told Beard about, I cannot imagine a world where he didn't), the ripped sign, and Nate leaving the club to coach for Rupert Mannion.

As far as Beard can see, Nate took what Beard and Ted had given him — not the assistant coachship, but the camaraderie and trust — and used it to hurt Ted in the most cowardly way possible.

And I don't think Beard is right.

We still don't know exactly why or how Nate told Trent about the panic attacks (what I wouldn't give for THAT flashback), but I think the folks who assume he did it to advance his own career or at the behest of Rupert or something are way off. I think Nate's anger at Ted is a whole other essay, and this past episode has really made it clear how much it's tangled up in his expectations for himself as well as for his father-figures, but I don't think that it's something Beard has been able to understand. All he sees is the fallout from Nate and Ted's broken friendship, and the grief that caused Ted this past year. He's only seen the pain on one side and not the other.

So we have Beard celebrating Nate's departure from West Ham, despite (and maybe because of) the fact that Ted's already forgiven Nate. We see Beard slowly trusting Trent — who after all did write the article but who wasn't Ted's friend or confidante at the time and owed him absolutely nothing — but still willing to erect boundaries when he wants to (even if he pulls them down within 30 seconds). And what I hope we get in the next two episodes is Beard understanding Nate more and accepting that his friend still needs him.

And that his friend is Nate.

#ted lasso #this is what I meant the other day when I said that I don't really watch the show for romantic relationships #because the friendships are SO FASCINATING #not all the characters on this show are written to be fully dimensional #(Dani as amazing as he is does not really... make sense as a person ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS EPISODE) #but the even those characters I want to study like my PhD is on the line #sidenote: who else is dying to know what the deal with Rene is #BECAUSE THAT RUNNING GAG WAS STUPENDOUS #believe mothereffers

[words-writ-in-starlight]

thank you so much omg Name of the Wind is SO FRUSTRATING, I tried reading it and just did NOT like the protagonist or the writing style or ANYTHING, and people KEEP RECOMMENDING IT TO ME

mhmhmhMHMHM you have come to the RIGHT PLACE

Okay, so first, a disclaimer: I read Name of the Wind four and a bit years ago and, despite my usually excellent memory for plots and characters, retained exactly jack and shit of the whole thing except for the arguments I wrote in my head about my frustration.  But like...I’ve been holding onto those for a long time, so just.  Sit tight and listen to me complain for a minute, I deserve this.

First and foremost, it’s pitched as this revolutionary take on...something, and if my life and the lives of everyone I love depended on it, I couldn’t tell you what it’s supposed to revolutionize.  It’s not even a particularly well-executed piece on Magic Has A Price, which is what I usually hear about (what with the very academic, scientific take on magic), the fucking early Dresden Files are better at that.  (Shit y’all, remember Toby Daye, the series I haven’t shut up about?  Magic Has A Price masterpiece right there.)  I mean, goddamn, @Patrick Rothfuss, I’m really sorry, but you’re never going to do Magic Is A Science better than Fullmetal Alchemist, which basically invented equivalent exchange, so just put that one to bed.  For actual revolutionary takes on various genres, I’d suggest Imperial Radch (scifi), The Wrath and the Dawn (fairy tale retelling), Stormdancer (steampunk/fantasy), Sunshine (paranormal urban), and Kencyrath Chronicles (epic fantasy).

Second, the main character is not likable.  There.  I said it.  I found Kvothe absolutely fucking insufferable in every way.  His “modern” self telling the story was, like, a little more tolerable, but for the majority of the novel he’s an arrogant twit too convinced of his own cleverness to drag his head out of his ass for long enough to actually get anything done.  It’s possible to do a very self-confident, clever character in a way that their arrogance is actually charming--King Arthur: Legend of the Sword comes to mind.  Shit, son, so does Roy Mustang, and half the other characters in FMA.  In books, I’d rec maybe Captive Prince (Laurent).  It’s important, if you’re doing that, to make sure that the character can actually put their money where their mouth is and do the thing they’re bragging about, or else make it a Learning Experience that sticks with them.  Kvothe ain’t that.  Kvothe is just completely baselessly sure that he’s going to be the best from the very beginning, despite evidence to the contrary, and I found it intolerably annoying.

Third, the universe is interesting, the magic is kind of a neat concept for all that it’s (from what I can tell) an Eragon bootleg, which is, of course, the child of LOTR and Star Wars almost exactly. But the writing style was like a fucking textbook.  I mean.  Goddamn.  Not exactly sweeping me away into the infinite Imagisphere with that.  And I’m not--my standards for evocative prose are not that high, the Animorphs books were written for thirteen-year-olds, but fuck me NotW was not remotely achieving it.  If you’re going to frontload that kind of technical jargon, you need to make it the point of the book, like The Martian, which is very up front about being a science ramble that enjoys what it’s doing, or else find a good balance like Sabriel, which is heavy on the technical angle of Abhorsen magic and glyphs and shit without sacrificing the characters.

Fourth, I dimly recall a girl who’s there for like a hot minute as a love interest?  I don’t think I remember any others?  So, you know...points off for that one.  It’s the 21st century.  Women, POC, the homosexual agenda, they should all be in there.  Thanks.

Fifth, the whole urban setup gets a lot of time and attention, but it’s just not...well done?  It’s just not.  It does not give a cohesive sense of place, nor an emotional connection to the people in that place.  Please, for the love of God, Jesus, and any other deities you want to throw in there, read the first book in the Kencyrath series, it is called God Stalk and it’s very good at this.  I’d also say Toby Daye, but that’s about a real place (San Francisco) rather than a fantasy setting, like NotW and God Stalk.

Sixth, and this is a writerly complaint, not an opinion, but: right, so, in the “modern” day when Kvothe is telling the story, some grand disaster is underway, right?  Am I making that up?  See, I’d never know if I was making it up, because it does not get a single goddamn mention in the main bulk of the novel.  That is a clear and evident sign that you need to critically reevaluate what part of the timeline is the main novel.  I’m not saying that your novel necessarily needs to be the worst day/month/week of your character’s life, but if you could have included the entire text of the novel in a page or two of emotionally laden dialogue or memories, you probably should have.  And don’t come at me with “Oh, Name of the Wind is the first in a series, things get underway later in the series” because if your FIRST BOOK does not grab me, I’m absolutely not giving you ANOTHER BOOK to get it done.  You want to set up some kind of heartwrenching Things Were Different Once arrangement?  Make me care about your characters and then drop bits of backstory as we go, or include a prologue, or get over your fear of flashbacks and use them judiciously. Crucially, give them a relationship to The Way Things Were and then use that relationship to make your reader upset for them.  Again, Toby Daye is a great example.  So is the Imperial Radch series by Anne Leckie.

Which brings me to seventh, which is that I am APPALLED that over the course of that entire goddamn book, there was not one single interpersonal relationship I ever came to give a damn about.  I think there was the girl, I think Kvothe might have had one (1) friend, I think there was a teacher?  And there was the kid Bast in the “modern” day, who I retained more of than literally anyone/anything else because he was the only person I gave a flying fuck about.  Again, I, the writer, am horrified about this, far more so than I, the reader.  The main thing that original content creators should take away from fanfic culture is that your readers will almost universally care more about the relationships between characters than anything else.  You are going to need a pretty balls-out crazy good universe and plot to smooth over a general lack of engaging relationships, and NotW just isn’t that good.  So, like, let that be a lesson.  I’m not recommending anything for this because this should be obvious.

EIGHTH, what...was the plot of the first book?  No, seriously, I was asking this when I finished it, too.  The only plot points I recall now are Kvothe deciding that he wanted to do The Magic, Kvothe conning his way into The School For The Magic (in, if I recall correctly, kind of a FMA ripoff?), something about a library for The Magic, a bunch of technical stuff about The Magic and Kvothe being an arrogant twit, and Kvothe getting whipped.  From what I remember, the entire book basically seemed to lead up to Kvothe getting whipped and ended shortly thereafter.  And, uh...how should I put this.  That’s.  Not a plot.  Again, that’s maybe a couple paragraphs of conversation between Kvothe and someone he cares about regarding the scars on his back, not an entire fucking novel.  Again, this should be obvious, I’m not recommending anything.

Anyway, TL;DR, NotW is ultimately a forgettable fantasy novel without anything in particular to distinguish it from a myriad of other unremarkably flawed fantasy novels, and I wouldn’t have any opinions on it whatsoever if people didn’t keep pitching it to me as the Second Coming of Tolkien, leGuin, McCaffrey, and fuck knows who else.  

A collection of the content I recommended here and why I recced them, plus some others:

Imperial Radch, Ann Leckie (unique scifi, excellent example of emotionally resonant flashbacks)

The Wrath and The Dawn, Renee Ahdieh (unique fairy tale retelling)

Stormdancer, Jay Kristoff (unique steampunk fantasy)

Sunshine, Robin McKinley (unique paranormal urban fantasy)

Kencyrath Chronicles, PC Hodgell (unique epic fantasy, well-executed fantasy cities and colleges)

Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa (magic with a price, scientific magic, charmingly arrogant characters) (manga or Brotherhood anime)

October Daye, Seanan McGuire (magic with a price, emotionally resonant memories/prologue, well-executed urban locale)

Captive Prince, CS Pacat (charmingly arrogant/engagingly arrogant characters, well-executed political scheming)

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, dir. Guy Ritchie (charmingly arrogant characters, concise worldbuilding)

The Martian, Andy Weir (technical frontloading without being unreadable)

Sabriel, Garth Nix (technical magic and worldbuilding without losing character engagement)

Source and Shield Series, Moira J. Moore (unique urban non-Earth fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, emotionally resonant conversations about the past)

Temeraire Series, Naomi Novik (technical worldbuilding without being unreadable, having a fucking plot in each book even if your overall plot is extremely big-picture and doesn’t show up until later)

The Wicked + The Divine, Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie (unique folklore retelling/urban fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, having some fucking diversity)

#name of the wind bitching #writing #vernalseason #another episode of vagueblogging #SORT OF #i mean this is very explicitly me coming for patrick rothfuss' entire life #but if you look close enough you'll see me vagueblog about some other folks #book rec #kind of eventually at least #book unrec #i am SUPER SERIOUS about these complaints #the more i remember about this book the more conviction i have #but yeah anyway...uh...welcome to it #don't recommend name of the wind to me or you're just ASKING to hear me bitch #the rest of those books i've recommended (and the one movie and the comic series and the manga/anime) really are good for the things i've m #and obviously all of them have PLOTS and CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS and INTERESTING WRITING STYLES #so like THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE NAME OF THE WIND #GET FUCKED ROTHFUSS #IF YOUR PLOT IS SO UNMEMORABLE I CAN'T EVEN RETAIN THE MAJOR POINTS YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG #anonymous #asked and answered

[ultrasfcb-blog]

Premier League predictions: Lawro v singer Tom Grennan

Premier League predictions: Lawro v singer Tom Grennan

Premier League predictions: Lawro v singer Tom Grennan

Two of the Premier League’s new managers go head to head on Saturday when Maurizio Sarri’s Chelsea host Unai Emery’s Arsenal – but who will come out on top?

BBC Sport football expert Mark Lawrenson was not impressed by the Gunners in their defeat by Manchester City last weekend, saying: “I may have to revise my prediction that Arsenal will finish fourth.

“It was a little bit of a mish-mash of a performance, the kind of thing I have seen before where a manager is new to the Premier League and does not really grasp what it is all about.

“City are the best team in the country – there is no argument about that – but Arsenal let them have so much time on the ball, they were asking for trouble. I just wonder what Emery might change for his side’s trip to Stamford Bridge?”

Lawro is making predictions for all 380 top-flight matches this season, against a variety of guests.

This week’s guest is singer Tom Grennan, who was on the books of Luton Town, Northampton and Stevenage as a youngster.

Tom Grennan is a lifelong Manchester United fan – he wore a United babygro when he was only a few hours old

Premier League predictions – week 2 Result Lawro Tom SATURDAY Cardiff v Newcastle x-x 1-1 2-1 Everton v Southampton x-x 2-0 1-0 Leicester v Wolves x-x 2-1 0-2 Tottenham v Fulham x-x 2-0 2-0 West Ham v Bournemouth x-x 1-1 1-0 Chelsea v Arsenal x-x 2-0 2-0 SUNDAY Burnley v Watford x-x 1-0 1-1 Man City v Huddersfield x-x 3-0 4-0 Brighton v Man Utd x-x 1-2 0-2 MONDAY Crystal Palace v Liverpool x-x 1-1 2-0

A correct result (picking a win, draw or defeat) is worth 10 points. The exact score earns 40 points.

LAWRO’S PREDICTIONS

All kick-offs 15:00 BST unless stated.

SATURDAY

Cardiff v Newcastle (12:30 BST)

I thought Cardiff would put up a little bit more resistance than they did in their defeat at Bournemouth on the opening weekend.

But what happened there has probably given them an indication of the gulf between the Championship and the Premier League.

Bournemouth 2-0 Cardiff City: Neil Warnock says players were ‘nervous’

I would expect Neil Warnock’s side to make things a lot more difficult for Newcastle in their first home game back in the top flight, though.

And the Bluebirds fans will play a part too – they have to, because Cardiff’s home form is going to play a huge role in their survival fight.

I cannot see many goals in this, but the dynamic between the two managers is going to be great to watch, because Warnock and Magpies boss Rafael Benitez have a bit of history.

Newcastle also lost their first game of the season, at home to Tottenham, but they put in a decent performance and I don’t see them struggling this season. Cardiff are a different story, though.

Lawro’s prediction: 1-1

Tom’s prediction: 2-1

Everton v Southampton

The Everton fans will appreciate the football that new boss Marco Silva tries to play and there will be a great atmosphere for his first home game in charge – there always is at Goodison Park, no matter how good the team are.

Southampton improved once their new striker Danny Ings came on in the second half of their draw with Burnley last week, but I am still going for Silva to get a win.

Lawro’s prediction: 2-0

Tom’s prediction: 1-0

Leicester v Wolves

Leicester lost to Manchester United in their opening game but Jamie Vardy got off the mark for the season and they put in a decent performance.

Wolves came back from behind twice to draw with Everton last week and this is another big test for them.

Nuno Espirito Santo’s side are at their best when they are dominating possession, although I am not sure how strong they are under pressure.

I suspect we might find out on Saturday, because I am expecting the Foxes to make a lot of chances.

Lawro’s prediction: 2-1

Tom’s prediction: 0-2

Tottenham v Fulham

I don’t think Tottenham will be worried about playing at Wembley for a bit longer than planned, and they put in a pretty solid performance to beat Newcastle last week.

Dele Alli’s new goal celebration has got everyone having a go

Fulham face another London club, after losing at home to Crystal Palace last time out,. Things do not get any easier for them this weekend.

My worry about Fulham is that they are easy on the eye and play nice football, but where are their goals going to come from? It is going to be very interesting to see how they get on in the next few weeks.

Lawro’s prediction: 2-0

Tom’s prediction: 2-0

West Ham v Bournemouth

I was at Anfield on Sunday to see West Ham’s 4-0 defeat by Liverpool, and they were far too open.

New Hammers boss Manuel Pellegrini has bought a lot of attacking players and probably wants to play in a way that gives his side’s fans something to get excited about.

But if they are going to keep leaving the back door open like that all season, they are going to be in trouble.

Hammers must ‘stay positive’ after 4-0 defeat – Pellegrini

If Pellegrini had set up in 4-5-1 and sat deep, I would have understood, but Liverpool carved them open almost at will – and the scoreline could have been a lot worse.

Bournemouth are not a team I consider to be one of the strongest on the road, but they always pick up some decent away points and I quite fancy them to get something here.

Lawro’s prediction: 1-1

Tom’s prediction: 1-0

Chelsea v Arsenal (17:30 BST)

Arsenal coach Unai Emery is going to need a lot of time to work out the Premier League and work out his best team.

Emery tried to use Petr Cech to play out from the back against Manchester City and it did not work – he did not look comfortable.

You are not going to change a 36-year-old goalkeeper’s game in that way, so I wonder if summer signing Bernd Leno will come in on Saturday.

Arsenal didn’t play like I wanted in first half – Emery

While the Gunners struggled against Manchester City, Chelsea were comfortable winners against Huddersfield, which was a great start for them.

This is an important game for both teams, just for the fact that, if Chelsea win, they will go six points ahead of Arsenal in the race for the top four.

Lawro’s prediction: 2-0

Tom’s prediction: 2-0

SUNDAY

Burnley v Watford (13:30 BST)

Burnley were a bit unlucky not to beat Southampton on Sunday, while Watford made the most of a non-performance by Brighton to see off the Seagulls.

I fancy the Clarets to edge this one, though, if they take their chances.

The Hornets are very inconsistent, but I still feel there will be plenty of teams below them come the end of the season.

Lawro’s prediction: 1-0

Tom’s prediction: 1-1

Man City v Huddersfield (13:30 BST)

As I speak, the full extent of Kevin de Bruyne’s knee injury has not been revealed.

It is a blow, but Manchester City have got so many good players that they can cope, although at some stage they will obviously miss him.

Man City documentary ‘as real as possible’ – De Bruyne

Huddersfield lost heavily at home to Chelsea last time out and it is hard to see them preventing a similar scoreline at Etihad Stadium.

Yes, the Terriers drew 0-0 here last season, but City had already won the title by then. You know Huddersfield will park the bus again, but I don’t see them holding out for another point.

Lawro’s prediction: 3-0

Tom’s prediction: 4-0

Brighton v Man Utd (16:00 BST)

Brighton just did not get going in last week’s defeat at Watford, but Seagulls boss Chris Hughton did not use many of his new signings and he will make a few changes for this game.

Manchester United did enough to beat Leicester in their opener, but they will improve as their star players get closer to full fitness.

Although the Seagulls beat United on their last trip to the south coast in May, I am backing Jose Mourinho’s side to pick up the points this time.

Lawro’s prediction: 1-2

Tom’s prediction: 0-2

MONDAY

Crystal Palace v Liverpool (20:00 BST)

West Ham were wide open against Liverpool last week, but the Reds will not get the same treatment in south London.

Eagles manager Roy Hodgson will not give them any space – it is a big part of the way his teams play – and his side will keep this game very tight.

Reds were better than I expected – Klopp

Liverpool were impressive against the Hammers, even if you take into account they were up against quite ordinary opposition, but it will be interesting to see how they get on in a much more competitive game.

Lawro’s prediction: 1-1

Tom’s prediction: 2-0

Lawro was speaking to BBC Sport’s Chris Bevan.

How did Lawro do last week?

On the opening weekend of the new Premier League season, Lawro got five correct results, including one perfect score, from 10 matches, for a total of 80 points.

He lost out to Inbetweeners star Joe Thomas, who got seven correct results, including two perfect scores, for a total of 130 points.

Total scores after week 1 Lawro 80 Guests 130

+/- DENOTE POSITION DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LAWRO’S TABLE AND ACTUAL POSITION POS TEAM P W D L PTS +/- =1 Chelsea 1 1 0 0 3 +1 =1 Fulham 1 1 0 0 3 +17 =1 Liverpool 1 1 0 0 3 0 =1 Man City 1 1 0 0 3 +4 =1 Man Utd 1 1 0 0 3 +6 =1 Southampton 1 1 0 0 3 +11 =1 Watford 1 1 0 0 3 +5 =1 Wolves 1 1 0 0 3 +9 =9 Bournemouth 1 0 1 0 1 -6 =9 Cardiff 1 0 1 0 1 +8 =9 Newcastle 1 0 1 0 1 +5 =9 Tottenham 1 0 1 0 1 -1 =13 Arsenal 1 0 0 1 0 +2 =13 Brighton 1 0 0 1 0 +3 =13 Burnley 1 0 0 1 0 -2 =13 Crystal Palace 1 0 0 1 0 -9 =13 Everton 1 0 0 1 0 -4 =13 Huddersfield 1 0 0 1 0 +6 =13 Leicester 1 0 0 1 0 0 =13 West Ham 1 0 0 1 0 +7

GUEST LEADERBOARD 2018-19

SCORE GUEST LEADERBOARD 120 Joe Thomas 80 Lawro

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We Asked Football Manager Whether Corbyn or May Would Do Better at the 2018 World Cup

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports UK.

When it was announced that the latest edition of Football Manager was going to sim the effects of Brexit, we were initially sceptical about the idea. Introducing grim political realities into a football simulation seemed to set an uncomfortable precedent, with the joyous escapism of the game threatened by visa complications, economic uncertainty and the possibility that we might sign Jamie Vardy only for him to retire and become a local councillor for UKIP. Now, though, with the possibility of a more humane Brexit on the cards, our objections to mixing Football Manager and politics have softened. There's been a surprise election result since then and a welcome rejection of the Conservative right, along with flagship Tory policies for Brexit Britain which included: forcing the sick and the elderly to sell off their assets, reintroducing a form of extreme animal cruelty and literally snatching food from the mouths of little children, presumably so it could be redistributed at a fundraiser for enormous industrialists in top hats and tails.

That was the perception of a fair proportion of the public when it came to the Conservative manifesto, anyway, which is one of the reasons we now face a hung parliament and considerable confusion ahead of Brexit negotiations. What Football Manager could never have predicted is that not only do we face the choice between a 'hard' and 'soft' Brexit, but there are now numerous other variables at play including the possibility of a Labour government in the near future. While it is a small mercy that Football Manager is unable to sim the effects of a Conservative-DUP coalition on Britain, the game may nonetheless be able to give us a clue as to our outlook depending on whether Theresa May or Jeremy Corbyn leads the country in the long term. After a few enquiries on our part, it seems that Football Manager have arbitrary statistical profiles for both May and Corbyn, and so we are professionally obliged as modern football journalists to engage in aimless conjecture with the game's help.

To judge which party leader would be best for Britain at this time of great national upheaval, we have compared them on the footballing criterion most comparable to presiding over Brexit, namely how each of them would do as England manager at the 2018 World Cup. Much like a successful Brexit, a good World Cup campaign requires the person in charge to strategise, mobilise national sentiment and outmanoeuvre all the clever foreigners who want us to fail. Having run our data on May and Corbyn through the enormous, clanking Football Manager mainframe, we have the definitive answers on who would do better at Russia 2018. Presuming that Corbyn would take the England job and not reject it on grounds of international solidarity, here's what the Football Manager algorithm thinks would happen if May and the man the fans have dubbed 'the absolute boy' attempted to win the Jules Rimet, with a few creative embellishments here and there.

With Theresa in charge, things start out very much in the Roy Hodgson mould of England management. She announces a strong, stable, unimaginative squad featuring Harry Maguire, Nathan Redmond, Phil Jones and Joe Hart, while Wayne Rooney is omitted, most likely on account of coming from Merseyside and hence having a suspicious whiff of Labour voter to him. Theresa goes with a 4-1-4-1 formation, shunting Marcus Rashford out wide to accommodate Harry Kane as her aspirational lone striker, and then prepares for a qualifying group which includes Bosnia & Herzegovina, Mexico and Uruguay. After a warm-up match in which she is widely ridiculed for a horribly awkward Mexican wave, few are expecting the tournament to go well.

To the relief of her supporters and the tabloid commentariat, May makes a strong start with a win over Bosnia & Herzegovina, this despite a turgid performance in which Ryan Bertrand gets the only goal. Her polling as England manager is through the roof, but this wanes considerably when the team lose 2-1 to Mexico in their second group-stage game. Having pledged to take away the players' free lunches unless they pull themselves up by their bootstraps against Uruguay, May is rewarded with a 1-1 draw which sees England knocked out at the group stage. So, much like her 2017 election campaign, her efforts at the World Cup go from mildly underwhelming to appalling. She immediately resigns in the national interest with Ernesto Valverde her probable successor, though Boris Johnson is also rumoured to be in the managerial frame.

Unsurprisingly, Corbyn is a way more exciting England manager, a cross between Kevin Keegan and Graham Taylor in that the team are exhilarating, unpredictable and defensively all over the place. He goes for an avant garde squad including Jon Toral, Troy Deeney and Jamaal Lascelles, taking the country back to the seventies with an old-fashioned, Mike Bassett-approved 4-4-2 formation. He eschews May's rampant individualism up front for a more collective effort, with Harry Kane and Marcus Rashford sharing the goalscoring burden equally. England face Tunisia, South Korea and Croatia in the group stage, and the nation is filled with a sense of genuine hope.

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Despite opening the tournament with a 1-1 draw against Tunisia in which the establishment conspire to give England's opponents a controversial penalty, the team deliver on Corbyn's 'for the many, not the few' mantra in the next match. Kane, Rashford and Dele Alli all score in a 3-1 triumph over the Koreans, with England living up to the socialist football of Bill Shankly, Brian Clough, Alex Ferguson and all the other great managers on the ideological left. Unfortunately, things go belly up in the final group-stage fixture, where Corbyn's England only need a draw to go through to the knockout rounds. Instead, they turn in one of their worst performances in recent memory as Croatia score three times in just 10 second-half minutes, adding a fourth late in the game. Once again England fall at the first hurdle, though Corbyn ignores his 'very insecure' job status – take note, backbench rebels – and decides to stay on.

What Football Manager seems to be telling us, then, is that we are absolutely fucked whatever happens in politics between now and the outcome of the next general election. Faced with the might of the rest of the world, Brexit Britain will be able to subjugate Bosnia and South Korea to its economic will, but other than that things will either grind to a stalemate or we'll get shafted by uneven trade deals with Croatia, Mexico and friends. Whether we choose Labour or the Tories, it's all going to go horribly wrong, and we'll probably end up with Ernesto Valverde launching a coup and becoming lifetime dictator of Britain. Then again, do we want a miserable slog to disaster under Theresa May, or an exciting, what-could-have been Brexit goalfest under the management of Jeremy Corbyn? Choose life, choose a fucking big television, choose Corbyn as England manager, and choose going 4-0 down to Croatia in the knowledge that this is the most fun we've had watching England in years.

@W_F_Magee

We Asked Football Manager Whether Corbyn or May Would Do Better at the 2018 World Cup published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv