#Also Maya is probably one of his most avid readers and one day she's telling him about it and hes like 'huh thats. That's sad 🧍'

[beeehar]

miles writing steel samurai fanfic for funsies at some point during the time span where he believed he killed greg and while he was writing it he was like 'yea this is fine just me projecting some of my feelings onto the magistrate for it to seem a little more realistic yk. Make the character feel human' and he thinks it pretty tame, not intending for it to be too angsty. But once he posts the first chapter it kinda blows up and all of the comments are like 'im sobbing someone sedate me' and he's like damn u guys r sooo dramatic get a grip lmao??? And then as he posts more chapters (and as life starts to go even more off the rails than what it was before hand) the comments morph from 'cryibg' to 'fu.ck you genuinely what was going through your mind when you decided to rip my heart out I'm losing it get therapy I'm serious u need help I think' and at that point he's like ok so what going on here. And then one night after he learns that he is not in fact a murderer (and after he left the letter and went to Germany) he reads through the comments of genuine concern. And that on top of everything else makes him realise that everything is pretty fucked up and maybe. Just maybe things can get better.

(meanwhile the steel samurai fandom is like where tf did go he hasn't updated his heart wrenching fic in a year I miss that prick who'd make fun of us for crying at any chance he got:((. and there are tons of theories abt his disappearance floating around. And yk that trend on tiktok with the song Mary on a Cross where it's like "no quote had ever affected me" and then shows a quote from like a famous poem or movie or something. Well ppl do that with random quotes from his (not tagged as slash but everyone picks up on it) magisteel slowburn fanfiction and that in itself ropes more random ppl on the internet into the lore that is miles edgeworths ao3 account. Like his fic has its own fandom at this point and ppl had all of these inside jokes about it and stuff)

uhh fastforward to a 35 yr old miles randomly remembering about that fanfic he first began writing under the covers in his cold bedroom in the Von karma manor so he logs in and find hundreds of comments asking if he's ok and stuff and he rereads the fic and is like Jesus Christ did I actually think this was normal back then. So then he finishes off the draft he had sitting in his docs for years and says something along the lines of 'damn u guys were right idk why I thought this was fine' in the notes and he posts it and is almost immediately flooded with relieved comments and everyone's like 'rejoice he's not dead' 'took you a while but we love a self aware king'. And then he goes and kisses his husband and smiles at his hoard of children and life his good all is well.

#miles edgeworth #ace attorney #steel samurai #I think there was something else I wanted to add and I can feel it on the tip of my tongue but I forgor #This ended up being so long it's almost 2am give me a break if half of this is gibberish #Have I mentioned that this man is all I think about #Also Maya is probably one of his most avid readers and one day she's telling him about it and hes like 'huh thats. That's sad 🧍' #Because there's no way in hell that he'll admit to writing a fanfiction it would most likely be the end of him

[ohsomanylovelywords]

Eleanor & Park: Those Infamous Three Words

As an avid reader of fanfiction and a writer myself, I appreciate ambiguity in storytelling, and I understand Rainbow Rowell’s decision to not reveal the three words Eleanor sent to Park (read her FAQ). That being said, I’ve spent an unnecessary amount of time thinking about this and I’m 80% sure I’ve figured it out. In this essay, I will

The obvious assumption is “I love you,” despite the fact this is inarguably the least likely answer, considering the Eleanor we know and love. Eleanor thinks she has seen what “love” looks like. It looks like her mom staying with Richie, their abusive step-father. It looks like being kicked out and abandoned by her family, forced to leave her own home. Too often, it looks like possession and selfishness and anger. Or fear. But sometimes, it doesn’t. Sometimes, it looks like her mom letting her move back in and saving some of her most treasured possessions in a garbage bag. Sometimes, it looks like her mom sacrificing their extra money to buy her new jeans (and, without questions, washing them in the tub after they have been stuffed down a toilet). It might even look like Park letting her read and borrow his comics, making her mixtapes, and lending her batteries to listen to them. Sometimes, love means putting someone else before yourself, no matter the inconvenience and regardless of what others might think. But, according to Eleanor, love like that doesn’t last. Eventually, it has to stop.

Throughout the story, she treats herself like a burden or a person easily discarded. Her father left them. Her mom ignores her. Even the people who were willing to take her in quickly grew annoyed by her presence. And how many times does she assume Park will simply move on, get tired of her, and finally realize she was never worth it in the first place? But, on the other hand, how many times does he try to prove her wrong? He proves his love through physical gifts, physical affection, and especially, affirmation. When she doubts his attraction to her, he consistently assures her of how strong his feelings actually are. When Eleanor tells him to stop talking about their future together, he says, “There’s no reason to think we’re going to stop loving each other...and there’s every reason to think that we won’t,” but Eleanor thinks, “I never said I loved you.” The emphasis is on “said.” If she never says or even lets herself think “I love you,” then maybe she can avoid being heartbroken when Park inevitably stops loving her back. She is convinced their relationship will end, so she denies her own feelings. For Eleanor, saying “I love you” would be opening herself up to hope, only to be disappointed again.

Park tells her he loves her over and over, even though she never says it back. When he drops her off at her uncle’s house, he tells her he loves her at least three more times, but she just wants him to say goodbye, to admit this could never work and they probably won’t see each other again. He asks her to call him and write to him, but she consistently deflects and changes the subject. She forces herself to get out of the car and to not look back. She is afraid to say “I love you,” but she is more afraid to love him only to lose him again.

He sends her letters and mix tapes for an entire year, without response. Eventually, he stops. Then, he receives a postcard, the same one he sent to her the night he dropped her off. Upon reading the three words, he sits up and he smiles. With just three words, he regains hope.

While rereading, I was on the lookout for short phrases important enough to be repeated. Possibilities: “I don’t like you”/ “I need you” / “I live for you” / “I want you” / “I miss you” / “You saved my life” / “I’m yours.” The phrase “I don’t like you” is a sort of inside joke between them, but it is four words and would also be very cruel out of context. Though, it could essentially mean “I don’t like you, but maybe I love you.” The others are said or thought during crucial moments and conversations in their relationship, though again most are not actually three-word phrases. If not “I love you,” “I miss you” is certainly possible. They often expressed missing each other even when they were still seeing each other every day, and at this point, they had not seen each other or even talked for over a year. Though, based on Park’s reaction (and Eleanor’s hesitancy to use generic or “sappy” phrases), I think the three words would be something else.

When he recognizes her handwriting on the postcard, Rowell writes, "It filled his head with song lyrics,” so the three words might be a song title or lyrics. Poems and song lyrics are both explicitly mentioned as words Eleanor has memorized. (Eleanor also memorized his phone number, so technically she could have just written: “Call me” followed by her new phone number, but a number is not really a word, and she is unlikely to have a private line or to risk her aunt and uncle answering the phone.) Possibilities: “How Soon is Now?” by The Smiths (“I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does”) / “Bad” by U2 (“I’m wide awake”) / “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division / “Two of Us” by The Beatles / “Caged Bird” by Maya Angelou (“Sings of freedom”). Obviously, some of these are four or even five-word phrases, so most were immediately rejected. If it were four words, I might guess “How Soon is Now?” but there are few three-word song lyrics significant and identifiable enough to qualify.

The poem Eleanor memorized by Maya Angelou mentions clipped wings (“His wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing...and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom”), and in Park’s reaction to reading her three words, Rowell writes, “Something heavy and winged took off from his chest.” I think this allusion could be deliberate, as the poem is explicitly mentioned in the text, which makes it significant. The teacher specifically tells his students to choose a poem “that speaks to you" and “will help you speak to someone else.” Park is mesmerized by Eleanor’s recitation of the poem, which sparks his desire to get to know her, despite having never talked to her before this. That being said, the lines of the poem are omitted from the text, so no three-word phrase stands out and the reader is unlikely to make this connection unless they are familiar with the poem. Though, this allusion could call back to his wonder at Eleanor’s ability to speak and write words in a way that makes them feel alive. 

After exhausting all of these possibilities and deeming them unlikely, I decided to rely on the surrounding context. How do we leave Eleanor before Park receives the postcard? We are told she has received countless letters and postcards and packages from Park, all unopened and unread. She tries to write him a letter to explain, but everything is too true and too hard for her to write. The scene ends with her whispering to herself, “Dear Park...just stop.” In Eleanor’s last chapter, Rowell writes, “It was bad when the letters came every day. It was worse when they stopped.” Finally, she wonders if it is too late to respond. Considering the postcard Park receives, we know she eventually finds three words that ring true for her resent feelings.

And so, I have come to the conclusion she may have written, “Park, don’t stop.” The future is still uncertain, but she realizes she doesn’t want him to stop and she is not yet ready to give up hope that they will meet again. This could also fit with the song lyrics theory. Though they never explicitly talked about Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin’” came out in 1981, only five years before they met. Regardless, I think whatever the three words are, they represent hope for Eleanor and Park.

Disclaimer: None of the quotes belong to me. Also, I do not expect nor desire confirmation from the author, but after rereading the book via audiobook (and I must say, the voice actors did a wonderful job), I just really needed to get out all of my thoughts.

TL;DR I think the three words Eleanor wrote on the postcard she sent him were “Park, don’t stop” because it would give Park hope, but seems more likely than “I love you” or any of the other three-word possibilities I’ve considered (”I miss you,” “I want you,” “I need you,” “Park, I’m yours,” “You saved me,” song titles/lyrics, etc.)

#rainbow rowell #eleanor & park #eleanor and park #literally this is as long as an essay #so feel free to read the tl;dr #if this gets even 1 like I'll be excited #I was challenging myself to write an essay about a book I enjoyed #so I could remember how I used to do it #and relate better to my students #so I really enjoyed analyzing this book #my meta #honestly so proud of myself for finishing this #it has been in my drafts for months #and this actually required a lot of rereading and internet searching