#Also I was really trying to get my Kira characterisation right and fretting a little over it

[walkingstackofbooks]

Inquisition, but with added angst...

What if Sloan's objective in Inquisition wasn't to recruit Julian, but to break him so he'd sign away his rights and let himself be incarcerated. For the protection of the Federation of course.

And what could break our doctor more than believing he's responsible for killing one of his friends...?

--

Julian woke up in a cell so small that even sitting up, he didn’t quite fit on the bench. The Defiant’s brig. They must have rescued him from Weyoun… and then put him here? He struggled to put his last few flashes of memory together; the Vorta had tried to convince him he was a spy, which had made him realised that it was Sloan who was the real traitor. Then Jadzia, Kira and Worf had beamed in, and he’d gone to grab the Cardassian’s weapon and then… nothing. Until waking up here. He guessed he must have hit his head, or been shot, or something – but there was no lingering pain anywhere, no indication of what might have caused his unconsciousness.

It didn’t really matter. The important thing was to tell Captain Sisko as soon as possible about what had happened – that Sloan could not be trusted. Julian was well aware of how this must have looked to his captain, but Sisko was fair; he knew he would be heard out.

Someone was standing on guard, but had placed themselves just to the side of the forcefield, so it impossible for Julian to make out anything more about them than their presence. “Can you tell Captain Sisko I’m awake? Please. I need to speak to him,” he asked whoever it was.

They didn’t respond. Automatically, Julian rapped on the forcefield with his fists – and then pulled them away quickly with a stifled cry, rubbing them where they’d been stung. The forcefield shimmered and stuttered for a few seconds, but the guard either had not noticed, or did not care.

“Hello? Please, it’s really important that Captain Sisko hears this,” Julian tried again, loud and demanding. He needed to relay what he had learnt, and he allowed his righteous anger to seep into his words. “I am still his Chief Medical Officer, you have no right—”

He stopped, hearing the crewman activate their combadge. “Kira to Sisko,” she said. “He’s woken up.”

In the brief silence that followed, Julian’s mind raced. It was Kira? And she was just ignoring him? He really had thought that his friends, at least, would know he’d never betray them, even if Sisko had to weigh up all the options as captain. Did his situation look that suspicious?

Sisko’s voice filtered back through the badge. “I’ll speak to him after,” the captain said. Julian could hear the frown in his voice, and shivered at the coldness of it. “I’m needed here. Tell him whatever you think is necessary. Sisko out.”

“Nerys, you need to listen to me—” Julian stopped as she swung round to meet his gaze. Kira was smiling, but there was no warmth to it. Her eyes were alight with anger, and Julian stepped back in alarm.

“I need to listen to you?” Kira said, lips curling in disdain. “Doctor, I’m really not sure that I’d believe anything you’d say right now, so don’t waste your breath.”

Julian looked at her in astonishment. “Kira, I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m innocent!” he exclaimed. “You can’t just– I’ve been framed, Sloan’s the traitor, he’s working with them…”

Some sort of half-laugh broke out of Kira, and she spat on the ground in front of his cell. “Was it Sloan who shot Jadzia, Julian? Do remind me.”

Julian faltered for a moment, struggling to comprehend what Kira had said. “Jadzia was shot?” he replied, heart pounding, stumbling over his words. “Is she alright? I should be in the Medbay, with her – why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because youshot her, Doctor!” Kira said incredulously, as though it was a fact, and not some insane accusation. “Stop pretending you don’t know that you’re the reason she’s probably going to—” She broke off, punching the wall next to her in frustration. “Dammit, Nerys,” she whispered, low enough that Julian was sure he wasn’t meant to hear. “Don’t cry yet.” Turning away from him, she returned to where she’d previously been stood, out of Julian’s sight.

Terror flooded him. “Kira,” he said urgently, moving as close as he could to the forcefield. “Kira, please. Tell me Jadzia’s alright.”

“You shot her in the stomach, Julian,” came the quiet response. “A perfect shot, you got Dax, too. No, she’s not “alright”. You made sure of that.”

Julian couldn’t breathe. He stumbled back, legs bumping into the bench behind him, causing him to fall onto it. This was a nightmare, Jadzia couldn’t be dying, this couldn’t be happening.

Except it was.

“I-- I didn’t do it, Kira,” he said, desperately. “I don’t know what you saw, but I didn’t—you know I’d never hurt her—I didn’t shoot her, Nerys, I couldn’t, I didn’t.” Surely, surely, even if part of him was working for the Dominion, that was still true. He was a doctor, he was Jadzia’s friend, he didn’t go around murdering people.

Kira had snatched up a PADD from the monitoring station, and released the forcefield for a few seconds to shove it into Julian’s hands. It was displaying the security feed for the Medbay, and Julian could see Jadzia lying on a biobed: Worf was holding her hands on one side, Sisko stood rigid on the other.

“I wish I could believe you,” Kira said. “But I saw you tackle that Cardassian for his phaser; I saw you aim at Jadzia and I watched as you fired. Then Worf launched himself at you, tackled you to the ground, and we got out of there. There’s no uncertainty here, Julian. The person we put behind that forcefield is the same person who shot Jadzia.”

“Me,” whispered Julian. It still didn’t make sense, he still couldn’t remember anything; it was impossible to believe that he’d been broken, that he was suffering from “engrammatic dissociation”, that any of this was real. He’d been so certain that Sloan and Weyoun had been working together in some grand scheme against him.

But maybe the simpler explanation was true. He was a traitor.

His hands were shaking – no, his whole body was shaking – and his breaths were coming in short, sharp pants, faster and faster. “I-- I don’t remember,” he said, aching to be believed in this, at least. “I really don’t remember. Please, Major. I didn’t know. I didn’t, I—I swear…” He was clutching at the PADD as though it was a lifeline, although he could barely make out the figures on the screen, no matter how many tears he blinked away.

“I can’t do this,” he heard Kira say, followed by the tap of her combadge again. “Kira to Security. I need someone – no, two people – down at the brig.”

He didn’t bother trying to speak to her again as they waited for security to relieve her. What would be the point? Instead, he let the cell around him grow blurry and floaty and distant, trying to get as far away from his own thoughts as he could. But it didn’t take long for his new guards to arrive, and the sound of footsteps and voices brought him back to himself.

He had expected Kira to leave without another word to him, but as she neared the door, she turned back, looking at him fiercely.

“I should have listened when Starfleet told us you were dangerous,” she said bitterly. “If you’d been locked away a year ago…” Leaving the thought hanging there, she shook her head, and made her exit.

Julian could fill in the blanks. If I’d been locked away a year ago, Jadzia wouldn’t be dying. If I hadn’t fought so hard against Sloan, I wouldn’t have shot her. If I hadn’t been so arrogant, thinking I was the exception, a “good” augment, thinking that I could never be turned—

A faint, deep yell came through the corridors, and Julian’s eyes snapped to the PADD. Sisko was now holding Jadzia’s hand, his head bent low, whereas Worf was standing up, head thrown back as he bellowed to the heavens. The PADD dropped from Julian’s hands as he fell to his knees on the floor. His head knocked against the forcefield as he went down, but he didn’t care. No physical discomfort could ever compete with the hollow emptiness that consumed him in that instant, and he was lost to despair.

--

(Having said I wouldn't start working on anything that wasn't my Miles-keeps-dying fic [and yes, okay, I do love making Julian watch his friends die, shhh], I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since chatting with @fuzzyhairedfreak the other day - it's not quite what I had in mind then, but I blame your post for setting the brainworms in motion :P it's been very fun to write though, so thanks!)

#Julian Bashir #Julian Bashir needs a hug #DS9: Inquisition #Sloan hasn't turned up yet but he sure will if I continue this #Oh gosh am I really going to write all this? #genetically enhanced julian bashir #Also I was really trying to get my Kira characterisation right and fretting a little over it #and then 3/4 way through realised she's a hologram #It's not actually /her/ #Which is a shame because I love her #I look forward to her being real again #Dax too #Oh gosh I am actually going to write this aren't I? #WSB