#Alexis putellas imagine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

samkerrworshipper · 4 months

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twos a company, threes a crowd pt.4 | alexia putellas x reader x lucy bronze

r is loaned to real madrid and suffers with being away from her partners for so long… when the el clasico rolls around all of her problems are solved… but not without some repercussions for her actions.

warnings: angst, fluff, comfort, sadness, over working, touch deprived, sleep deprived, punishment, safe word use, injury, concussion, so much angst lol but y'all were begging for it.

Getting loaned to Real Madrid was possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to you.

You’d been blindsided by the request, you were happy at Barcelona, you were Barcelona’s star striker, an indomitable force on the field and you’d just won the Liga F golden boot, you were everything to Barca, until you weren’t. It was astronomical to your teammates that Barcelona would loan you out, seemingly it was for the money and with the hopes that you would learn some leadership skills from being the strongest in a team. Real Madrid was paying a hefty fee for your season with them, but it still hurt knowing that to Barcelona you were a mere transaction.

Everything you loved and knew were in Barcelona, your family, your girlfriends, your house, your dogs and cat, your friends.

Madrid was great, and there were plenty of upsides to the team, they were all lovely, the coaching staff was great, your new apartment was awesome, but there were things missing, your girlfriends firstly.

You face timed every day. It had been impossible for the two women helping you pack up and move all of your things across the country. Sure, they were only a six hour drive away and a hour long flight away, but it killed them both nonetheless.

They saw the way that as the season progressed you began to become more tucked up in your own shell, the bright light in your eyes slowly fading. It killed them, talking to you every night and seeing the way that your eyes struggled to meet their own anymore.

They loved you more than anything, but you were a person who needed structure, you couldn’t function by yourself. You needed attention, attention that they couldn’t grant you from hundreds of kilometres away, so you started to get cheeky and bratty. Sending them videos of you touching yourself in the shower, or explicitly disregarding text messages they were sending you. Normally, the two older women would be pissed off, and they were, but the underlying theme was that you were struggling, struggling being away and your coping mechanism was to act out for their attention. The more weeks that passed without their presence, the more needy you became for them, the desperation for your two girlfriends growing in your stomach and slowly swallowing up all of the other organs that resided in your body.

With the El Clasico match quickly approaching though, the women took solace in knowing that you would be able to spend the rest of the weekend after the game, that they’d finally have you in their arms and for even a second they could make you feel loved and less alone.

You’d agreed that before the game you’d be strictly professional, you’d stay in your hotel room but as soon as the game was over you were heading back to your old house for a few days of peace with your girlfriends. You were a little bit scared, when the facetime request chimed in from your phone the night beforehand, you were lying in your hotel bed and you couldn’t help but feel anxious. Because you knew what you’d been doing to the women the last few weeks, it had been like a game for you, seeing just how much you could push before you found the end to the Barcelona players tethers.

“Hola Bebita.”

You pushed yourself up from the bed sheets, sitting yourself up against the headboard to get a proper view at Lucy, whose face was directly in front of yours on the phone screen.

“Hi Luce.”

Your voice was as meek as ever, your throat clearing itself from the sleepy haze you’d been in.

“How you doing sweetheart?”

Lucy’s voice was so sweet, it was interesting to you, considering the outwardly explicit videos you’d been sending them over the week, progressively getting more scandalous the closer your date came to travelling to Barcelona for the game. You were expecting a angry Lucy, deiniftely an angry Alexia, especially considering that you’d broken her one cardinal rule that she’d given you before you left.

Do not orgasm without her permission.

That wasn’t to say that Alexia was expecting you to hold out for months at times, of course not, she just expected you to call or text her, so she could guide you through it, you’d explicitly ignored that rule, and you expected her to be annoyed.

“I’m okay, tired from the train, how’s Ale’s knee?”

There was worry laced in your words, when you’d received the news that Alexia had a set back with her knee you’d been gutted for her, and worried, because Alexia tended to fall down the rabbit hole when she was injured, and you just hoped that she was doing alright.

“It’s a minor injury, nothing to do with her ACL, which is good. She’s sitting out tomorrow, so she’s obviously upset, but it’s not her ACL, so that’s what matters the most. She’s in the bathroom right now, but I’ll chuck her on when she’s done. How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

Lucy’s voice was so genuine, so calm, so caring, and if you were feel less insecure you probably would have confessed all of your worries to her, but you felt so fucking desperate for Lucy and Alexia that it was starting to hurt you but you also didn’t want to come across as needy, even if you felt like you were breaking at the seems for them.

“Okay.”

Your answer was short, and Lucy frowned at it, because she knew that you were most likely feeling anything but okay. She was going to push it, but she was interrupted by Alexia emerging from the bathroom and walking over to join her on the bed, climbing under the sheets and pulling Lucy’s phone from her hands so she could look at you.

“Hola bebe, how are you?”

Alexia’s voice is gruff, and if you didn’t know her so well you probably wouldn’t have picked up on the slight puffiness to her eyes, that told you she’d probably been crying whilst she was tucked away in the bathroom, you knew her like the back of your palm though.

“I’m okay, how’s your knee?” There was some obvious tension coming from Alexia, tension that you were sure you’d get to feel in person tomorrow.

“I’ve had bigger setbacks, we still have to assess the scans indepthly and get a treatment plan in action. It’s probably just a few rough weeks, but I’ll make it.”

You nod, she always does, she never fails to amaze you with her can-do attitude and determination to always be better, to always be at the top of whatever she’s doing.

“I believe in you.”

Ale gives you a soft smile, and it doesn’t calm all of the nerves contained in you but it does manage to calm your heart down.

“We’re so excited to see you tomorrow amor, you’re going to make us proud even in that ugly uniform.”

You know that no matter what club you are at, Alexia and Lucy are always going to be your biggest supporters, but you can’t shake the reminder that tomorrow, when you step on the pitch, all of your friends and family are going to be your enemy.

It plucks at your heartstrings, and almost sends tears to the back of your eyes.

“How’s the team been? I feel like we haven’t talked about any of it with us all being so busy.”

The team was fine.

That was the problem, the team was your team, but they weren’t your family, they weren’t the support that you needed and craved.

“They’re good, Olga’s been nice and me and Raso get along.”

The two women nodded, they knew they weren’t going to get much from you, but this was even less than what they had expected.

“That’s good, you can tell us all about it tomorrow, hmm? We’re so excited to hear every single detail.”

The way both of their faces were so happy and content made your stomach do front flips.

“I’m excited to see you guys as well.”

It’s hard for you to admit, because for the last six or so weeks that you’ve been apart, you’ve internally been denying it, trying to convince yourself that you were fine without them, but in reality you were struggling more than ever.

Alexia gave you a small smile, her lips tightening upwards into a sweet smile.

“You’ve been taking care of yourself, sí? Getting your sleep and listening to your dietician?”

You don’t like lying to anybody, especially Lucy and Alexia, but in your mind in some situations, there is justification for some white lies, especially when it’s going to benefit the person you’re lying to.

“Yup.”

Your words are half empty, trying to get this conversation over as soon as possible.

“Well, we’d better let you get to sleep then, we’ll see you tomorrow bebe, don’t hesitate to call us if anything happens, okay?”

You nodded at the two of them, a little part of your heart begging for them to hang up so you didn’t have to see how happy they were together, how at peace the two of them looked lying in bed together without you.

“Bye, see you tomorrow.”

They both smiled at you, Lucy pressed a kiss to the camera.

“We love you amor, good luck tomorrow.”

You gulped, just another reminder of what tomorrow held.

“Love you guys too, see you tomorrow.”

Before you had to look at them any longer you pressed the red button, dropping your phone onto the duvet and groaning into the pillow behind you.

You’d never considered yourself as the jealous type, in the beginning of your relationship you’d been the glue that kept it all together, Alexia brought Lucy in for you, not for herself. When you’d been in Barca their relationship had grown slowly, but surely, you encouraged it.

When you’d left, you’d almost been scared that it would be the end of your relationship with the both of them, you just weren’t sure that they’d be able to sustain it, but you’d watched their relationship strengthen massively, the two of them becoming practically inseparable in your absence.

You were happy for them, so incredibly happy, but it made you feel a little bit out of place, a little bit like when you returned to Barca everything would be different, maybe all of their love was being used for each other and they didn’t have anymore to give to you.

It felt like you’d become a chore for them, a scheduled call every few nights, flowers or meals showing up on your doorstep every week from them, texts here and there asking how you were doing.

You were all trying your best, but they had each other, the both of them got to come home to each other every night, you came home to an empty apartment.

Your apartment was a shell, exactly the same as when you’d moved in.

You didn’t put out any pictures, didn’t buy any furniture, it seemed pointless to you, because Real Madrid was supposed to be temporary, you didn’t want to settle down, didn’t want to become at home in a place that you would be leaving as soon as you could.

You knew it wasn’t exactly healthy, but it worked for you, or it worked for the first little while.

The hard part though was that you didn’t have a home at all, and a person can only survive so long without having some form of home, some form of comfort.

You tried your hardest to sleep through the night, to get some rest before the game, but no sleep came to you as you lay in the lump hotel bed trying your very hardest.

The team all woke up at 7 o'clock and headed down for breakfast, you went with them but kept to yourself, sitting by yourself.

You weren’t hungry, more emotionally starved than anything.

You got a few wayward glances, but you ignored them, opting for scrolling through your phone and trying to put yourself in the right headspace to get you ready for the hellish day that was to come.

It was a 12pm game so as soon as breakfast was done the whole team was being sent to the bus to Camp Nou.

It was a bittersweet feeling, returning to a place that had so many incredibly positive memories for you, with a completely different group of people, people that you liked but you didn’t love.

Your anxiety only rose as you got even closer to the stadium, the realisation of what was about to happen setting in for you.

Stepping off the bus and into the stadium was weird, normally, it would be with your closest friends, Ale by your side as the two of you stepped foot into a place that had been the highlight of so many of your childhood dreams.

Barca had always been the dream, when the two of you were little kids it had seemed unachievable, a mere figment of your imaginations, and then it had come true, but it wasn’t your life anymore.

You kept your head down, speed walking into the change rooms and getting into your game kit as quickly as possible before walking out on the pitch to warm up by yourself.

Instead of being met with an empty pitch, you were met with a lot of your ex teammates already out warming up, and your girlfriends as well as your closest friends loitering by the sidelines.

It’s impossible to avoid them, they’re standing directly in front of the entrance to the pitch, you wouldn’t put it past Alexia or Lucy to have planned it, planned a little sneak attack on you pre-match.

You dragged your feet up and out of the tunnel, loitering a little bit as you waited for one of the women to take notice of you.

It didn’t take long, Ingrid being the first one to spot you, her big green Norwegian eyes lighting up when they landed on you, her arms lighting up almost immediately, a small squeal leaving her lips.

The whole group was quick to turn to you, both Alexia and Lucy’s faces lighting up as they took you in.

“Bebita!”

Alexia looked insane for an injured person, the Barca olympic t-shirt and leather jacket hugging her body perfectly and making her look absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

Alexia’s big arms opened to you, and you allowed yourself the luxury of walking into them.

You felt so safe, so at home, it made you sort of sick to your stomach, so much so that you forced yourself out of her arms.

You knew it was only going to be harder the more you integrated yourself with them over the next few days, because it would only make leaving that much harder.

Alexia frowned a little bit at the way you almost pushed her off of you, it hurt the Catalan woman more than she would ever admit.

“You oldies ready to get your asses kicked?”

Mapi’s jaw dropped, her arms reaching for you to put you into a headlock, the only thing stopping her being Ingrid.

“Oldies? Disculpe? It’s called being experienced.”

You smiled a little bit at Mapi, she was like your older sister, the closest you had to one.

“Sounds like an excuse for being old.”

Mapi just rolled her eyes at you, her arms opening up for a hug and you allowing her to.

“It’s good to see you, nena.”

Mapi lets you go fairly quickly, letting you take a step back from the group.

“It’s good to see you all as well, I’ve missed you guys.”

It was murmured under your breath, the loudest you could vocalise without the words hitting you across the chest.

“We’re going to have to put a stop to your scoring fun tonight I think, 4 braces in a row? Can’t let you get too big for you… what is it the English say? Pants?”

Ingrid rolled her eyes at her girlfriend and her lack of knowledge for English idioms.

“Britches, but we get your point.”

Mapi nodded, a little sparkle in her eye.

“Yes, well, me and Lucia will have to work hard to keep your magical feet at bay.”

You laughed humorously, entertaining María.

“I guess we’ll have to see, you oldies should get to warming up, don’t want to harm those old bones.”

Alexia hit you across the shoulder, rolling her eyes at you before bringing you into a brief hug and then pushing you towards your half of the pitch, where a few of your teammates were already warming up.

You went through the motions, all of it blurring in your mind as your eyes glazed over the iconic Barcelona stadium, this was once your home, it was the pinnacle of your career, not today though.

Walkingout of the tunnel, and onto the pitch, a crowd full of blue, red and yellow, normally would be the adrenaline hit of a lifetime, enough for you to walk up mount everest, but not today, today it did nothing but make you weak at the knees and sick to your stomach.

You did your best to avoid your former teammates' eyes as you shook hands before taking your starting positions.

Mapi was marking you, which wasn’t abnormal for when you were in training, but dealing with it during a game was a whole different playing field.

She was one of the best centre backs in the game, you knew this, the crowd knew it.

You were faster though, more agile, quicker on your toes.

That was your advantage, that was what you had to use against her, and you planned to do so.

The first thirty minutes saw no shot opportunities for you, Salma and Aitana both managed to slot in their own goals though, leaving Real Madrid and yourself with big room for improvement.

You put your head down, focused on what you knew you could do, waiting for the opportunity to come, and it finally did in the form of a beautiful cross from Olga that was sent directly to your head and then into the back of the net.

Your team went wild, you were shocked, completely gobsmacked at how the ball managed to somehow slot itself into the corners of the goal, you didn’t have time to wonder though, your whole team engulfed you in a big hug.

You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, the crowd booing you as your teammates pushed you back to your position gutted you, never in your life would you have expected to be booed after scoring, but here you were, standing in the stadium of your childhood dreams with a crowd booing at you.

It was then, in that very moment, that everything sort of set in for you, and as Barca kicked off you couldn’t help but find yourself stuck in position, your studs dug into the turf as you willed your legs to move.

All you could do was sit and watch the ball moving on the other side of the pitch, the blood was rushing to your ears, deafening you of the booing and making you feel like you were in a fishbowl.

You felt like a spectator, a external part of your body.

It was only when the ball was being sent your way, in the form of a pass from Bruun that you finally found yourself being able to move, your legs darting towards the ball as you searched for someone in the box, finding Raso and sending the ball soaring towards her before Mapi had the chance to land a tackle against you.

It was bread and butter, a simple pass, one that you could make in your sleep.

For whatever reason though, it came off your boot completely wrong, not making the distance nor going remotely anywhere near Hayley.

You growled in frustration, cursing under your breath as Lucy of all people took possession of the ball and sent it flying as far down the field as her bott could muster.

Ras sent you a worrying glance, a silent question of what happened, all you could do was shrug and wonder to yourself what was happening? Why was this happening?

You hardly made it to half time, your body just managing to hold itself up long enough to trudge back into the tunnel and down into the Real change rooms, where Alberto was already getting into his half time pep talk.

You accepted a gatorade and protein bar from one of the trainers, focusing all of your energy on sustaining yourself instead of paying attention.

You weren’t trying to be respectful, but today, everything was harder than normal, thinking, breathing, moving, living.

You weren’t sure why, you were fairly sure you didn’t really want to know why, you just knew that today of all days just wasn’t yours, and it made you hate every single part of yourself.

By the time half time was over and you were making your way back onto the field, your head was somewhere else entirely, everything from the past few weeks playing on repeat in your head.

You weren’t in the headspace to be doing anything at all, let alone play out a match of football, but it wasn’t like you had a choice.

It was clear Mapi had picked up on your inattentiveness, her eyebrows furrowed in concern as the both of you tried to watch the ball moving on the other side of the pitch.

She didn’t push you, she knew better than to, knew from experience that when you got pissed off on the pitch it was a ticking time clock.

The ball didn’t end up anywhere near your feet until the 80 minute mark, Barca’s midfield managing to stop any attempts at getting the ball into your third.

It was aggravating, but you were also grateful, because the longer the ball was away from your feet the further your mind began to drift to places you didn’t trust.

What happened when the game ended?

When you had to go home to Alexia and Lucy and act like all was fine, be their perfect good girl, be whatever they needed or wanted.

The ball finally made it to your feet, just above the right corner of the penalty box, before you could even look at the goals though, Mapi was edging her feet towards the ball, sending you towards the corner between the baseline and sideline, managing to boot the ball out of bounds.

You groaned as everybody set up for a corner, slotting yourself into the goals, watching as Robles set up to take the kick, she was searching for you, nestled between Mapi, Sandra and Pina.

Pina was tugging on your shirt, slowly teetering your off balance and forcing your further forwards then you’d like, closer to the goalpost as every second passed.

You heard the sound of the ball connecting with Robles foot, all you could do was jump and send your body forward to where the ball was supposed to be heading.

You closed your eyes and prayed.

All you felt was an initial contact, it lasted a second at most, the usual length of a header.

Then you felt your body continuing to propel forwards, and then there was secondary contact.

This time it was more blunt, harder, more painful, lasting longer, then there was your body thudding against the pitch, your face going down straight into the grass.

For a few seconds, it was just pure pain, ringing ears, your brain completely unable to process anything more than that.

It wasn’t until somebody rolled you over and the bright light from the sun started to try and penetrate your eyeballs.

“Y/n, Y/n, can you hear me?”

You flinched away from the hand that was dusting the turf off of your face, pushing yourself away from whoever was trying to touch you.

There were more hands though, on your neck and head, preventing you from moving anywhere at all.

This stressed you out, your ears were still ringing, your head swarming as you tried to focus on the faces hovering above yours.

“Y/n, keep still, you hit your head pretty hard, nena.”

It’s Mapi’s voice, extra soft and gentle, her head peeking over yours as she pats your hair out of your eyes and the turf off of your face.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

The other people holding your head didn’t give up, holding you still even as you tried to move.

“Nena, stay, the medics need to check your neck out.”

María’s voice is a little bit sterner, enough for you to let out an annoyed sigh but relax, no longer thrashing against the hands holding your neck and head.

“Where’s Ale and Luce?”

Your voice is meek and questioning, a little whisper.

“Lucia is standing a few feet away, Ale is on the sidelines, they’re here for you nena, do you want them?”

Of course you did, they were all you wanted right now, but for whatever reason you shook your head.

“No, no, no.”

Mapi looked half hurt by your answer, but she didn’t question it.

“Okay, that’s okay nena, the medics are almost here okay, just stay calm for me.”

Just as the words left María’s mouth a crew of medics were at your side.

“Hola, how’s your neck and head feeling? You’ve got a nice shiner on your forehead.”

You nodded at the medic, allowing a small smile to fall across your lips.

“Neck is fine, a little bit stiff, head’s throbbing but it’s fine.”

You knew subconsciously that all of the sub windows for Real had been used, that if you were to leave the pitch your team would be down to ten, and that simply wasn’t an option.

Barca might have been up by three goals, but there was a part of you that believed that you maybe still had a chance.

“Okay, well we’re just going to check your neck to be safe, then we’ll concussion test you, sí?”

You shook your head.

“I’m fine, seriously, it was only a little hit. My head doesn’t even hurt.”

That was a lie, your forehead was throbbing so bad that you were struggling to make out different colours, but there was no way you’d admit that to the team doctor, not if you had any hopes of playing out this match and the ones to come in the next few weeks.

“Small hit? Your head practically hugged the post.”

That explained the secondary hit.

“I feel fine, seriously.”

You were doing a piss poor job at trying to be convincing, you knew it, you were fairly sure the medics knew it.

“We have to clear your c-spine and head for concussion, it’s not up for discussion.”

Your body involuntarily slumped into the turf, as Mapi and whoever else was holding your head moved out of the way for the medics to continue their assessment of you.

Flash lights shone in your eyes, and your head was tossed in every which way as they assured you that your neck and spine seemed to be intact.

Once your neck had been checked they allowed you to sit up, painkillers and a drink bottle being forced into your hand.

“You’ve got a concussion, I’m not sure what stage, you need imaging and a proper examination inside the medical room, you need to come off.”

You shook your head, this was the El Clasico, this was the pinnacle of your season, you weren’t coming off for some collision with a pole.

“We’re three goals down, I’m not coming off.”

The medic furrowed her brow at you.

“Two actually, you somehow managed to put the ball in the back of the net, you need to come off.”

Again, you shook your head in complete refusal.

“Is there a sub window left?”

Your medic bit down on her lip and shook her head, after that your mind was completely made up.

“So, I’m not going off to leave my team with ten, I’m playing out the next five minutes and stoppage time, I will deal with the repercussions, when we get back to Madrid.”

You didn’t wait for permission, pushed yourself off of the ground, shoving the water bottle into the trainers hands and righting your uniform.

“Y/n, you need to come off.”

You once again shook your head, sending a thumbs up to the umpire, telling her that you were fine to continue.

You went back to your position, getting as far away from the yelling from your team doctor.

Mapi was on your mark, a very concerned look across her face.

As you took your position beside her, she leant down to whisper in your ear.

“You should be getting checked out.”

You gritted your teeth, you were so sick of everybody telling you what you were supposed to be doing, what you were supposed to be feeling, it was your call to make, nobody else's.

“I’m fine.”

The ball kicked off, the sound of the umpires whistle had stars darting across your vision, all of the background noise from the stadium made the pounding in your skull so much worse.

“That’s bullshit.”

You ran away from María before she had any more of a chance to give her opinion on your current predicament.

The five minutes were hell, your body was tearing at every seam, the throbbing pain in your head was making it hard for you to breathe, impossible to try and focus on the people around you and where the ball was on the field.

Mapi was practically dragging you around the field, her hand hovering on your jersey as she directed you around for the last couple of minutes of stoppage time.

When the final whistle blew, you practically collapsed against your best friend.

“Hey chica, let’s get you off the pitch, yeah?”

You couldn’t do much more than nod into Mapi’s jersey, allowing her to drag you over to a sideline and into the arms of somebody else, who helped to pull you down into the tunnel and into your locker rooms.

The Real locker rooms were very quiet, everybody was too bothered in tugging their cleats and kit off as quickly as possible to pay any attention to you, something you were fiercely grateful for.

You took your time tugging off your uniform, your body slowed down by the blindingly searing headache that was penetrating your head.

Most of the girls decided against showering in the rooms, there were showers at the hotels and there was an obvious overshadowing feeling that the quicker the girls could leave the stadium, the better.

You however, were in no rush to leave, so you clawed off your sweaty kit, flinging it into your cubby and then heading towards the showers.

The hot water against your battered and bruised skin was beautifully painful, it made you feel cleaner, sure your head was pounding but this was like some kind of refuge, at least until Alexia and Lucy came to find you, as soon as that happened you knew you were going to have to put up with two extremely doting and overly-concerned girlfriends.

You weren’t ready for that, you weren’t ready for the two of them to act like they cared for you, to love you so much for two days all for you to have to leave them once again.

You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t take up all that love and space all for it to be ripped away, leaving for national camp was hard enough, at least when that happened there was a guarantee you’d see the both of them after it was done.

You wanted to enjoy their company, how you loved to the most, good, rough, reunion sex. You wanted the two of them to treat you like you were an object, like nothing to them, because that’s how you felt, you felt like just an accessory to their relationship.

Which was kind of ironic to you, because the relationship had started with just you and Ale, the two of you against the whole world, it was great. Adding Lucy to the equation had been fantastic, she was the missing puzzle piece to every single part of you and Ale’s relationship.

It just made being apart from the both of them that bit harder when they got to fall into bed with each other every night whilst you were left all alone in your apartment.

When the boiling water stopped making your skin crawl you stepped out of the shower, drying yourself off procedurally before walking into the empty away rooms and getting yourself changed into a matching plain grey sweatsuit.

It was neutral, you weren’t going to go home with your Barcelona girlfriends fully kitted in Real hear, but you also didn’t feel up to wearing some of Alexia and Lucy’s clothes, it would break you down well before you were ready for it too.

Once you were done getting changed you collected up your gear, finally ready to go see Lucy and Alexia, but you were stopped in the doorway by your favourite team doctor.

“You need scans, and a proper examination.”

You knew theoretically she was right, you did need scans, to make sure that there were no brain bleeds or a significant traumatic injury, but you really didn’t want to either.

“I’m fine, a big bruise and a concussion but apart from that I’m fine.”

You’d tried your very hardest to cover up the bruise, but it was hopeless. There was a big, red, slowly forming bruise down the left side of your face where you’d made contact with the pole.

You were honestly unsure so far as to whether your cheek bone or eye socket were broken, they sure felt like they were but you figured at least it wasn’t your nose. You’d dealt with a broken nose and it was probably up there on the list of one of the worst injuries you’d ever dealt with in terms of practicality.

“You know just as well as I do that you can’t be cleared to leave without an examination.”

You rolled your eyes, an action that hurt a lot more than it probably should have.

“Maya, c’mon, it’s my few days off, as soon as I’m back in Madrid you can assess me every way you want, but just let me rest for now.”

She didn’t move from the doorway, her stare beating down on you.

“You’re going to stay with Putellas, sí?”

You nodded your head, trying to hurry the conversation along.

“I want to speak to her, if you’re going to refuse medical care then the person who you’ll be in company with needs to be aware of the complications that could occur.”

That was almost enough to convince you to get the examination, Alexia was hell when she was aware you were injured, she’d probably make you get the scans and exam.

“I’ll tell her, it’s not that big of a deal, we both know concussion protocol.”

You were really hoping she’d believe you, but you knew as soon as you saw the look on her face that she could see straight through the lie.

“If it’s not that big of a deal then you’ll let me accompany you to the Barca rooms and talk to your girlfriend.”

You couldn’t be bothered with the fight, so you just nodded your head, pushing your way through the door and navigating yourself with ease to the home changerooms.

They were rooms that you were familiar with, you knew Camp Nou like that back of your hand, it was probably your favourite place on earth.

The atmosphere, the history, everything that resonated in Camp Nou was magical.

You hesitated before pushing your way through the locker room door, pushing out all of the doubt in your mind when a Rosaliá song hit your ears and the sound of tone deaf singing rang out.

It was a beautiful sight, watching your ex teammates celebrate a well deserved win, dancing, drinking, singing, it was the magic of the El Clasicó.

It hurt your head, but it still managed to put a little smile on your face, you shrunk into the doorway, observing the utter excitement and happiness on all of the girls' faces.

Ingrid was the first to realise you’d joined them all, and before you could even really smile at her she was walking towards you with open arms and wrapping you up in her embrace.

It was nice, homey, she smelt like sweat, grass clippings and oranges.

“Hola bebita, how are you feeling?”

Ingrid was probably the best person for you to have initially run into, she was soft and kind and possibly one of the most empathetic and caring people you’d ever met.

“I’m okay, I miss you guys more than anything.”

Ingrid pulled you out of her arms, only to lean down and press a little chaste kiss to your forehead before wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“You know we will always be your home, and you’ll be back soon enough, this Real thing isn’t for forever, you’ll be back with all of us soon enough.”

Soon enough couldn’t come quicker for you, you quite literally were counting down the days before you were finally back in blaugrana.

“Yes, well I suppose that is the positive.”

Ingrid nodded at you, a big smile on her face as the both of you watched the group of girls.

“Ale had to go and deal with some press conference things, Lucy should be just finishing up in the showers if you're ready to go. I know the two of them were eager to head home as soon as you showed up.”

You smiled a little bit and nodded, as fun as the celebrations that you knew would come tonight sounded, you definitely weren’t feeling up to it at the minute.

“That’s fine, I’ll just wait around until they’re done.”

Ingrid nodded, giving you another smile.

“You’re welcome to sit wherever you’d like, would you like an ice pack for your face?”

You snorted, looking back at Maya, who already had one in her hands.

“I think we’re all good on the ice situation here, Maya is hell bent on talking to one of my carers, so she’ll be waiting around with me for now.”

Ingrid looked behind you to wave and flash another smile at your doctor.

“Good, someone needs to look after you, because we all know that you won’t be doing it. Here’s Lucia now, you won’t have to wait long.”

Your eyes locked onto your girlfriend, who had emerged from the showers, her hair damp on her shoulders. She was dressed in pj pants of all things and one of Alexia’s vintage Barca hoodies.

Her knee was strapped up and already had an icepack secured to it, something that was routine for Lucy after any game.

“Lucia, your girl is here for you.”

It was the loud and painful voice of Patri that made you roll your eyes, but sure enough it managed to get ahold of Lucy’s attention, her head rising from her phone and searching for you until she located you in the doorway of the rooms.

Immediately her face lit up, and she was running towards you as quickly as she could with one of her legs so restricted.

“Nina Bonita!”

Before you could say anything her arms were wrapping around you, bringing you to her chest as she cradled you gently into her.

“You were magnifico, mi amor, how’s the head?”

You roll your eyes painfully once again at the concern.

“It’s okay, nothing that some chill time with my favourite girls won’t fix.”

Lucy smirks at you, a big wide grin like the cheshire cat.

“Well, I think me and Ale are more than happy to amor, but let’s not forget you’ve been misbehaving the last few weeks.”

This was good, this was normal, this wasn’t life being overshadowed by pity.

“Y/n, I need to talk to a caregiver.”

You were brought out of your happy bubble by the sound of your medic.

You swivelled on you heel, pinching your face when the rotation hit you and you began to be a little bit dizzy.

“Lucy, Maya, Maya, Lucy, this is our team doctor, she wants to chat to you about my head injury, which is not major at all, I feel fine.”

Lucy’s face expression changed into something less recognisable, a mixture of concern and something else.

“Well if it concerns your health then it’s best we have a chat. How about we talk outside then, stay with Ingrid, we’ll be just a minute and once we’re done we can head home little one.”

Lucy patted you on the back, giving you absolutely zero opportunity to argue before she was exiting the change rooms, taking Maya with her.

It made you frown, but before you could follow them out one of Ingrid’s arms was wrapped around you, followed by Mapi’s, essentially sandwiching you between the couple.

“Hola, how’s your head, nena, I was worried for a good second, I’m surprised they didn’t veto you on the head injury rule to get you off the pitch.”

Mapi’s voice was a whisper, hard to pick up in the room of cacophonous sound, but you heard it.

“It’s sore, but I’ll be okay.”

Mapi whispered directly into your ear, to avoid Ingrid.

“You’re always okay, nena, that’s the problem, it’s eating you up, before you know everything inside you will be gone.”

You tried your best to keep a straight face, it was hard though when what Mapi was saying to you was making you tremble.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about María.”

She was relentless as always, she was like an annoying younger sister to you, always prodding, even if she was technically older than you.

“I’ve been where you are, before Ingrid, when I was spiralling, you know it, you saw it all, and now I’m seeing it in you. Telling you from personal experience, hiding from your loved ones only gets you so far, and worrying them only makes it that much worse. Pretending and lying, it only makes everything worse.”

It hurts, because it’s true, but you keep a straight face, determined not to give into Mapi’s games.

“María, now you’ve actually got no idea what you are talking about.”

Mapi pulls you from Ingrid, who seems a little bit confused but lets it go.

Mapi pushes you up against the wall gently, right beside the door, her hands pushing on your shoulders to keep you where she's put you.

“You might be right, I don’t know exactly what’s happening in your life. But I’ve seen the look in your eyes, whatever is going through your head, whatever thoughts your having out there in Madrid, if they aren’t getting back to Ale, then you know you’ll be in trouble, so get your head out of your ass and start to talk about your feelings instead of shoving them down your throat until you are choking on them. That cowboy shit you pulled today to put that ball in the net was stupid, you were asking for a hospital trip, you are lucky you didn’t get stretchered off the pitch, so count your lucky stars because if there is a next time I can guarantee you it will be a far worse outcome.”

Mapi released you from the wall, just in time for the door next to you to open up and Lucy to return inside the rooms.

“Have you got all your things?”

Lucy’s face was pointed and pinched, and slightly scary. You nodded at her quickly.

“Wait outside for me, I need to grab my bag.”

It was the kind of voice that Alexia used on you, the mommyish anger that she used when you’d done something to piss her off.

So, knowing what the most likely consequence of disobeying Lucy would be, you just nodded your head, stepping out of the rooms and finding solace in the silence that hit your ears.

It made your head hurt far less, the silence highly appreciated inside your brain.

Lucy took maybe 30 seconds, before she emerged from the rooms, the same solemn look on her face.

“Let’s go y/n.”

Lucy didn’t refer to you by your name, it was always a variation of some pet name, it burnt you in a way.

Lucy didn’t wait for you, she marched forward, straight towards the staff car park.

You struggled to keep up, your sore bones lacking the strength to keep up with her, but you managed well enough.

When you made it to Lucy’s car she was already seated in the driver's seat, leaving you to sling your bag in the backseat before sliding into the passenger's seat.

Lucy stayed silent until the two of you had pulled out onto the main road, until you made it to a red light, and then she was turning to you.

“You didn’t get examined, or scans, we should be going to a hospital, can you imagine what Alexia would say if she knew?”

You’d known this was inevitably coming, you’d just expected it to come from Alexia, not Lucy.

“Please, don’t tell Ale, she’s mad enough as it is, I feel fine, if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that it was just a minor concussion I would get the mri or whatever, but they take hours, and then hours to get the result, all I wanted was too come home to you and Ale as soon as possible, I miss you guys.”

Lucy took a deep breath, this situation was no different to all the other times you’d had to convince her to join in on your plans to disobey Alexia.

“You put yourself in danger, Ale would be furious.”

It’s a deliberation, like Lucy is trying to weigh up the pros and cons in her mind.

“Exactly, she would be furious, which will do nothing, I’ve already made the decision, if anything feels wrong I’ll let you know, but I feel fine Luce, all I want to do is get what I’m owed from my girlfriends and enjoy you guys’ company whilst I can.”

You know Lucy’s folded when she sighs, her eyes coming off of the road once again, the orbs softening towards you.

“Alexia’s furious, those little videos and photos have got you deep in the shit, the only thing that’s saving you from that is admitting you're injured. You might be good enough to pretend with me but I know that head of yours can’t handle what she’s ready to give you.”

You knew that Lucy was right, it was one or the other with Alexia.

“I’m not weak, I knew what I was doing, I can deal with the consequences.”

Your words are said with gritted teeth and furrowed brows.

“You're a determined little brat aren’t you, if I didn’t know you well I’d think you were fine, but you aren’t, if you were fine you wouldn’t be acting out at every opportunity you could.”

The underlying message is that Lucy isn’t just talking about your injury, which makes you annoyed, because you’d been trying so hard to mask it with defiance and cheekiness, but Lucy’s seen through it, which most likely means that Ale has as well.

“Can’t you just punish me without all the feelings and shit.”

You’re asking for a reprieve, for a break from all of the concern, all you want is to fall into the arms of your girlfriends without any feelings.

“I would love to, but that’s Ale’s job, I just get to sit back and enjoy the show.”

You bite your lip, turning to look out the window as you slowly crawl closer to your girlfriend's shared house, previously it was yours as well, but not anymore.

“Where is Ale anyways, didn’t you drive together?”

It’s a deflection, one you are fairly proud of.

“She had some media commitments, she should be home by the time we get there, we drove in by ourselves for convenience.”

It’s said just as you pull into the driveway to see Alexia’s car already parked in front of the house.

Lucy stops the car, but she doesn’t pull the keys out immediately, just turning off the ignition.

“Take a breath.”

You nod at Lucy, eyes wide as you take a forced breath.

“Alexia and I love you, when you are away we miss you more than anything, it’s not the same without you around. If you are feeling like shit because you are injured we want to know, and we won’t be mad at you, I know for a fact that Alexia will be far angrier if you lie to her about it.”

You nodded briefly, trying to absorb Lucy’s words before you opened the car door and grabbed your bag from the backseat.

When you made it to the front door you hesitated before opening it up, leaving Lucy to lock it behind you.

You toed your shoes off, stacking them on the rack that Alexia had put at the front door to prevent the mess of shoes that normally accumulated around the apartment.

You walked slowly down the hallway, into the kitchen, where you found Alexia hunched over the island, looking intently at her phone.

“Hola.”

Your voice is soft, you don’t want to break the sound barrier but you feel like you have to.

Alexia looks up and her facial expression scares you a little bit, it’s stern, but you aren’t quite sure what she’s mad about.

“Come here.”

You bite down on your lip, walking towards Alexia tentatively until you are directly in front of her.

Her hands go straight to your face, pointing your jaw downwards so she can take a proper look at the damage across your face.

“You were looking to break your neck on that corner, estúpida.”

Alexia continues her close up examination, studying the bruising and swelling.

“How bad is it, don’t you dare lie to me.”

Alexia’s face is so stern, it almost scares you into admitting just how horrible you feel, but you can’t, you just can’t.

“It’s sore, but I feel fine, it’ll bruise up a treat but it’s not that bad.”

You pray to whatever god that is listening that Alexia believes you.

“You feel good enough to take your punishment then?”

There’s something in Alexia’s eyes that you aren’t used to, it makes you a little bit tentative.

“Yes ma’am.”

Alexia’s eyebrow raises, it’s like a dance between the two of you, the both of you waiting to call each other's bluff.

“You’ve been misbehaving, sí, I think you’re well overdue, bend over the table for me.”

You force yourself to take a deep breath, it’s unlike Alexia to be so harsh, to be so forward, especially considering that you’ve been gone for so long.

You look back at Lucy, a little bit of hope in your eyes that she’ll save you with some weak excuse.

“Ale, I don’t know if that’s a good id-.”

Alexia sent a glare Lucy’s way, her hand pressing itself against your lower back to push you over the table.

“She says she’s fine, if she wasn’t fine then she’d tell me, right bebita, because we trust each other. We don’t lie to each other.”

Suddenly you feel a wave of guilt deep in your stomach, Alexia knows you’ve lied to her, that’s why she’s mad.

“Lucia, go and get my belt for me, the thick brown one.”

You blink a few times, unsure if you’ve heard Alexia right, you’ve played around with a belt once or twice, but it’s not something that Alexia regularly punishes you with, more something for a little bit of funishment, a few lashes here and there but nothing truly painful.

“Alexia-.”

Alexia must give Lucy another look because she stops mid sentence once again.

“Lucia, don’t make me ask again, or else you’ll be joining her.”

Then there's the sound of footsteps going down the hallway, into the main bedroom, rustling around for ten seconds and then returning.

You flinch when you hear the sound of Alexia tossing a belt in her hands, the sound of the buckle clinking against the leather.

She reaches for the hem of your sweatpants, you flinch away from her touch, she doesn’t question it, making quick work of tugging down your pants, leaving you butt naked.

You shiver from the sudden feeling of cold air brushing down against your skin.

You hear Alexia fold the belt in two, your senses heightened weirdly from the headache across your temple.

Then you hear her raise the leather, and suddenly you realise you can’t breathe.

Just as you hear the sound of leather slicing through the air you realise that you can’t do it, you can’t do this.

“Red-fuck-red.”

The words are choken between gasps for air and sobs, your body going limp against the counter.

It’s then that you realise the pain, the feeling, it never comes, the feeling of the belt connecting with your ass never comes, which makes you even more confused.

“Lucia, bath, now.”

There is urgency in Alexia’s voice, a discomposure that wasn’t there previously.

Alexia’s hand falls to the lowest point of your back, her other one tugging your sweatpants up.

“Deep breaths for me nina bonita, big deep breaths.”

Alexia gently flips you over, her face so much kinder and softer than it was a few minutes ago.

“You-You didn’t hit me, you didn’t punish me.”

Alexia rolls her eyes softly, it’s just like you to be completely stressed out about something that doesn’t really matter that much really.

“I didn’t need to. You safeworded, which I’m very proud of you for doing, because you weren’t feeling up to it, I just needed to remind you that it’s okay to admit that, you don’t have to be brave all the time, especially when you are injured, now, it’s time to get you into the bath and bed, no screens or lights for you, you’re on concussion protocol for the next few weeks, which means that if I can have it my way you’ll be staying with us for a little bit longer, how does that sound?”

You force yourself to take some deep breaths to calm yourself, you're still crying but the gut wrenching sobs have come to a more steady halt.

“Don’t want to be a bother, you guys need a break from me.”

Alexia looks at you with hurt in her eyes.

“A bother? Bonita, you are the glue for this whole situation. We need you here, more than anything, we’ve been broken without you here, if I had it my way you would have been on a train home weeks ago, but Jonatan is being an asshole, that cábron will thankfully be gone next year, so at least you’ll be coming home without having to bother with that, hm?”

You don’t really understand what Alexia is saying, suddenly your head is hurting too much for anything to really make sense.

Alexia seems to understand it, because she leans down to pick you up, you attach yourself to her, koala wrapping yourself around her body, leaning into the warmth that she provides.

“I’ve got you bonita, not letting go for a long time, you need Lucia and I to remind you just how much we love you, and we’ll spend the next few weeks doing just that okay, no more hiding behind facetime calls and text messages anymore, we’re here for all of it.”

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samkerrworshipper · 6 months

Text

suffer in silence | barca femeni x reader

warnings: self harm, depression, mentions of abuse, alcoholism, angst, fluff, anger, treatment of sh scars… i don’t proofread so sorry if theirs typos xo

“Y/n, can we talk to you for a minute?”

Your attention was captured by Alexia, who was flanked on either side by Lucy and Mapi. You kept your eyes centred on the ball at your feet, you didn’t want to talk to any of the olderwomen, you wanted to continue your shooting practice.

“Can’t I talk to you after this?”

It was a deflection, one that was well overused by you at this stage, normally you would deflect until the women forgot about it or you had enough of an opportunity to slip away from them.

“No, come with us.”

Alexia’s voice was as cold as Antarctica, like a cold piece of ice pressed against your skin, brutally freezing you to your spot on the pitch.

“I’m good.”

It was stupid for you to try and defy the woman, she was terrifying. Alexia’s jaw locked itself, your eyes unable to meet the older woman's cold ones. Mapi reached out, clutching down onto your bicep hard enough to make you wince, her practised fingers bearing down on your skin and yanking you towards them.

“Not a smart idea little girl, we were going to be nice and let you have a say in this but now you’ve gotten yourself in trouble.”

You were dragged behind the older women, some of your other teammates that were still on the pitch watching as you kicked your heels down on the ground in which you were being hauled along. Mapi’s grip was inescapable though, her iron-like grip on your bicep so tight that you were forced to her hip, having nowhere near enough strength to stop her from walking you directly towards the tunnel. She walked behind Alexia, letting the captain lead the way into the locker room. Once Lucy had closed and locked the door behind you Mapi pushed you down onto one of the benches, her arms falling to your shoulders to stop you from trying to escape the women.

“I’m pretty sure this is kidnappery.”

Your voice was a low murmur, you were teetering on the edge with Alexia and you knew it, you knew that one little push would have her hurling over the cliff, a storm of anger pushing her.

“What in god's name made you think it was okay to behave that way on the pitch?”

You knew Alexia had been nothing but disappointed with your conduct recently, she’d been on your ass about getting your shit together and you’d been ignoring her, for a multitude of reasons. This week though, it had all gone downhill for you. You were currently on a six day bender, something you were not exactly proud of but didn’t really have any intention of ending. Today though, everything had been so much words and early on in training you’d gotten in a tussle with Ingrid that you weren’t exactly proud of, which had then resulted in a fairly heated interaction with Frido which had ended in Keira dragging you away from the older woman to prevent anything serious happening.

“Ingrid was being pushy.”

It was a lie and you knew it, the girl was a complete golden retriever, she couldn’t hurt a fly if she tried and she’d been nothing but nice to you, for some reason she’d just been getting on your nerves today for some reason.

“No she wasn’t and even if she was that is hardly an excuse to be so aggressive to a teammate.”

Alexia’s voice was brutally harsh, beating down on you with no mercy.

“Nobody was hurt.”

Your words were even meeker than before, your confidence shrinking as the minutes went by.

“She very well could have been if Keira hadn’t managed to get to you in time.”

Alexia’s voice was pointed, she wasn’t accepting your weak attempt at an excuse.

“Okay, I’m sorry, can we be done now?”

The last thing you’d wanted after that training session was to be sitting down in front of a very angry Alexia, Lucy and Mapi on the flip side of a lecture that you were aware was probably overdue.

“No, we’re not done. Aitana talked to me this morning.”

Aitana was your best friend, your roommate, and you weren’t exactly sure what she’d told Alexia but you knew from the facial expression she was giving you that it couldn’t have been good. You racked your brains trying to think about what Aitana could have told her, she knew more about you then anybody else, she was like your sister and you were a little bit worried about what she could have told your captain.

“Aitana doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

It was another deflection, because there was a very small, niggling chance that she was bluffing and that small chance was enough for you to stay defiant. You tried to keep your eye contact with Alexia, but momentarily averted it when the vulnerability of the conversation became too much.

“She seemed to know quite a lot this morning when Salma found her balling her eyes out in the bathroom. It took a good half an hour to get her to calm down before she was coherent enough to tell us what had her so worried.”

You bit down on your lip, you still weren’t exactly sure what Aitana had told Alexia, and you weren’t stupid enough to give away information that hadn’t been revealed, so you let the sentence mellow out in the room, trying to figure out what there was for you to say.

“Aitana is antsy about the Ballon D’or, she’s hardly been sleeping lately, let alone thinking straight.”

Alexia’s eyebrows rose almost up to her hairline, her right one cocked at me, silently asking me if I was really lying to her right now. One thing Alexia hated was lying, it was her pet peeve. I didn’t think that I was blatantly lying to her right now though, just avoiding telling the truth.

“I agree, she is antsy. But she’s also an observant girl, and she’s a strong one, she doesn’t get worked up over nothing, that’s why I was so perplexed when we found her having a mental breakdown. To her credit, it took quite a lot of work from our end to try and get to the bottom of it, but she cracked eventually.”

This whole situation, Mapi’s hands secured on your arms to stop you from moving from the bench, Alexia looking down at you from her spot standing above you, Lucy standing by the door like a security guard. It was screaming interrogation, screaming some kind of intervention and it was making you feel sick to your stomach, because whilst you’d been in a fair amount of trouble over the years with Alexia and your teammates, it had never quite looked like this.

“Aitana does not know what she is talking about.”

Your words were forced out between your gritted teeth, you weren’t sure what she’d told the women, but based off of their facial expressions it really wasn’t good, the mixture of anger and concern written all over their face enough to tell you that their dismay stemmed far further than your actions on the field.

“She seemed to know what she was talking about when she told us that you’ve hardly been spending any time at home, that you are out every night, gone far before she’s in bed and home long after she’s awoken. She says that you’ve been binge drinking, and that you’ve been engaging in some other self soothing behaviours that are hardly disconcerting.”

This was the point where you could try and reason with Alexia, or you could flat out lie. You felt like you were at a crossroads, a part of you wanted to just break down, let her know just how much pain you’d been experiencing for the past few months, but you weren’t going down without a fight.

“Aitana’s full of shit.”

Your voice was nowhere near as confident as you wished it to be, you felt like your body was being washed out to sea, like you were floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean and just slowly drifting out of reach.

“Aitana has never lied to me, you however, do not have as good of a track record. I would give you the benefit of the doubt, but the shakiness, excessive sweating, clammy hands, dilated pupils, agitation and tremors are a pretty sure sign that you're coming down from a pretty bad hangover.”

You purse your lips, and ignore the way that Mapi’s hands had now released themselves from your arms and she’d seated herself down next to you, one of her palms coming down to rest on your knee. The whole approach was very different to the one that she had with you a few minutes ago, her harsh grip transitioning to one that resembled comfort.

“C’mon cariño, you can tell us what’s been happening, we’re here for you.”

Mapi’s voice was practically cooing at you, so gentle, like a piece of silk. You kept your facial expression stock still, trying your very hardest to keep up your shields that you’d been holding up with your bare hands for weeks now.

“Nothing’s happening, I’m fine.”

It was a flat out lie, so much had been happening, so much stuff that you’d never wanted the light of day to see, things that were making you feel anything but fine.

“Take off your shirt y/n.”

You felt your whole body jolt at the question. Alexia had probably seen you thousands of times without a shirt on, hell you’d probably seen eachother naked hundreds of times. But something about the nature of the request, the intention behind it, made it feel so wrong to you, especially with three sets of eyes beating down directly onto you.

“Excuse me?”

There was worry behind your words, a different kind of worry that stemmed from the pit of your stomach, a worry that Alexia knew more than she was letting on.

“You say that Aitana is lying to me, then prove to me that some of the things she’s told me about you are untrue and I’ll start believing what you are telling me.”

Parts of your body tensed up that you’d never felt tight before. The coil in your body winding itself up as tightly as it could, your whole body stilling at Alexia’s words.

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair is you lying to me, so make your decision.”

Alexia’s voice was so harsh, so protective, fired backwards at you with anger. You knew that most of the anger came from her overwhelming protective tendencies that she had for you, you were like her daughter, or younger sister, a responsibility that she took very seriously. Sometimes she was overbearingly protective, if anybody did as much as touch you on the field they were dead meat, and almost guaranteed to be on the receiving end of a brutal tackle the next time the ball came anywhere near them. She loved you like a sister, and loved you enough to have realised that right now, you were driving yourself to the edge of a cliff and she wasn’t sure how far off you were from going over the edge and she would be damned if she let you go overboard without putting up a fight.

“I’m not lying.”

It was a weak argument, one that you knew Alexia would struggle to believe, an argument she would just brush off like a piece of lint on her shoulder.

“Okay then, show me that.”

Your jaw stayed locked, Alexia mirroring the same face, neither of you wanting to recognise the others argument.

You didn’t know what to say or do, because you knew what you were hiding, and Alexia did as well. But something about airing it out, admitting it, showing her it, made all of it so much worse, like it wasn’t just something you were struggling with, it was going to be something that the three women were aware you were struggling with and that made it so much worse for some reason that you couldn’t explain.

“Come on hermosa, you don’t have to hide from us anymore, you can show us, we’re here for you.”

Mapi’s words struck your heartstrings, pulling and tugging at them intensely, bringing tears to the back of your eyes. It was like a good cop bad cop type situation, the two contrasting Spanish women taking up all of the room in your brain.

Mapi tucked gently at the sleeve of your Barcelona hoodie, a gentle reminder of what it was that they were asking of you.

“You won’t be mad?”

Alexia’s brick wall of a face dropped a little bit, the sternness and toughness on her face dissipating enough for her to give you a little reassuring smile.

“Never.”

You let out a deep breath, tugging strongly at the bottom of your hoodie and beginning to tug it over your head slowly.

Underneath you were wearing nothing more than your sports bra, so as soon as the material was removed from your body everything that you’d been working so tirelessly to hide was on reveal and it made you just a little bit sick to your stomach. What if they hated you? What if they didn’t understand? What if they thought you were crazy?

Alexia took in a deep breath, sucking in a decent amount of oxygen as her eyes darted across your upper body and stomach, raking across your skin.

“Lucia, can you please retrieve the first aid kit, it should be in the medical cupboard.”

Lucy nodded deftly as Alexia, surprise clear on her face as she took a look at your body, her eyes popping just a little bit out of her eye sockets as she looked all over your body.

Alexia, after taking a proper assessment of your body, seated herself down beside you on the bench, sandwiching you between her and Mapi. Alexia’s hand fell down to your thigh, rubbing a little circle against your knee as she awaited Lucy.

Lucy quickly returned, retrieving the medical kit that Alexia had requested and handing it over to her before sitting herself down on the floor of the rooms, directly in front of the three of you.

Alexia very quickly dived into the kit, picking out a few items before handing the kit back to Lucy and looking down at you, a lot of emotions passing through her eyes.

“I’m going to treat these, and once I’m done we are going to sit down and talk about it, alright. I’ll apply some burn cream and disinfectant, just to stop infection, it’s going to hurt but the last thing we need is you getting some form of infection, so hold Mapi’s hand and just take some deep breaths for me.”

You nodded at Alexia, taking a look down at your abdomen only to be faced with the scattered self inflicted burns and scars that littered your toned stomach. It wasn’t something you were proud of, but it also wasn’t something that you were scared of.

Alexia got to work immediately, picking up the cream and pressing a little dollop to her finger before very gently beginning to work it into the tattered skin across your abdomen. It wasn’t pretty, and you winced as the disinfectant seeped into your skin and burned.

Mapi clutched onto your hand, rubbing circles into your palm with her thumb whilst whispering sweet Spanish nothings in your ear. You clutched onto her, as Alexia continued her process, not faltering once even as you cried out and whined, she knew that she had to do this and stopping every time you exhaled was only going to make the process so much more stretched out and painful.

Once she finished with the disinfectant she moved on to a burn cream, which hurt less but still stung all the same. She gently worked it into the markings, taking time with every one to focus individually on them. Her brows furrowed deeper with every single mark she located, you wondered if she was taking a tally, it was something Ale would do. She wasn’t exactly a worrier, but she was an empath and the kind of person that took responsibility for everything, and internally you knew that this would just be another one of those things that she’d think was her fault and you hated that, because it couldn’t be any further from the truth.

The process of watching Alexia finish up with cleaning the wounds was more painful than anything else, listening to her exhale as she tucked the cream tubes back into the first aid kit and looked up at you, a unsure frown on her face. It wasn’t a deep one, not the kind that gave you frown lines, the kind that quirked the corners of your mouth up and didn’t fully reach your eyes. An anxious frown, not a sad one.

“How about we go back to my house? We can talk about this over some dinner, how does that sound cariño?”

Whilst Mapi had phrased it as a question, you knew it actually wasn’t, she knew just as all of you did that in the next half an hour everyone was going to trail into the locker rooms, and whether she wanted to admit it or not, there was a good chance that this whole situation was going to make a scene and none of you wanted that kind of attention.

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

Mapi looked over at Alexia, her eyes attaching to the slightly younger woman, a silent prayer for her to back her up.

“Sweet, let’s just get you back to Maria’s, and we can sort it out there, yeah? We’re all worried about you.”

You locked your jaw, you wanted to say no, but you also knew it would be pointless, the word no simply wasn’t a phrase that was a part of your vocabulary in this interaction.

“C’mon hermosa, let’s get out of here.”

Alexia pulled her jacket from her shoulders, draping it back over yours and zipping it up to the top, leaving none of your now treated marks on show. Mapi had already reached into your cubby, collecting the groups bags and hauling them onto her broad shoulders, the defenders muscular arms not even looking strained by the weight of your fours bags. Lucy was tasked with getting you standing, a job you thought you could do by yourself, but found to be a struggle when you realised that your legs had sort of numbed themselves, a cloudy kind of bizarreness that had spread itself out across your body. You let Lucy take the reins with you, swinging one of your arms over her shoulder to assist her with hauling you out of the rooms and directly out into the car park.

You were practically dead weight, having to focus all of your energy on putting each foot in front of the other. It was hard work for you, but you were rewarded when you finally made it to Ale’s car, Lucy helping you into the backseat and following you in, pulling you into a hug whilst she tasked herself with getting both of your seatbelts clicked in. As soon as they were, and Alexia and Mapi had taken their seats in the front they began driving.

You let your body relax into Lucy’s, not doing much thinking, just allowing yourself to exist. It was hard work sometimes, allowing yourself to exist. It was easy enough to go through the motions, to just force yourself to do the basic things, but actually existing, actually living, it fucking sucked and it was fucking hard work. When you pulled up at Mapi’s house, Lucy helped you back out of the car and practically hauled you up the stairs and into Mapi’s house. It was harder work than it seemed, you were mostly dead weight, so Lucy was dragging your whole bodyweight. When she did make it to the door, Ingrid was waiting there, with bottles of water and a big fluffy blanket that Lucy very quickly wrapped around your shoulders and with the assistance of Ingrid they managed to lift you up and onto the couch in the middle of the apartment, letting you tuck yourself into the blankets and pillows.

Ingrid was the first one to sit down with you, bringing your blanketed form into her arms and cradling you against her chest. A lot of the time they forgot just how young you were, only just 19. You’d been running with the big girls since you were 14 though, making your debut for both Barcelona and Spain that year. You were still a kid though, you were mature and you were more than good enough to be where you were, but sometimes the women forgot that you were simply just less experienced, and far younger than any of them.

“Jeg har deg vakker, der er greit.”

Ingrid’s words were murmured against your forehead as she pressed a kiss to your hairline, pressing a bottle of water to your lips. You took a few tentative sips, before pushing the bottle away with your face. Ingrid didn’t push you, she just nodded and placed it down on the coffee table before focusing back on you. Ingrid was a good soul, sometimes too much so. Sometimes she just cared too much, but right now it felt like just enough, especially considering just how much hurt you’d been forced to feel over the past few hours. Ingrid was making you feel loved, something that you’d been lacking over the past few weeks.

It was a few minutes later, or maybe a few hours, though you were doubtful over the latter because it was still light outside when Alexia, Mapi and Lucy joined the two of you on the couch. Alexia looked like she’d been crying, something you were not used to, nor expecting and it played with your head, had you made her sad? Was it your fault that she had been crying?

Alexia sat down in front of you, on the floor, finding your hands and taking them in her own, looking you eye to eye. You moved yourself a little bit out of Ingrid’s arms, not fully removing yourself from her embrace, but moving yourself so you could focus more on Alexia.

“Bebita, how long?”

The question was vague, but you knew what she was asking and suddenly it made everything feel so much more real, you couldn’t shove this under the carpet, or try and act like it had never happened, because it was happening, right now in front of you.

“Ale.”

Your words were pleading, she shook her head at you, her face gentle but stubborn.

“No, you can’t pout your way out of this. I’m not going to be mad, or disappointed, I just need you to be honest with me, that’s all I ask hermosa, just be honest with me and we’ll work this out, I promise.”

Your eyes fell to the carpet. You could feel Mapi and Lucy sitting down beside you on the couch, Mapi’s hands coming up to massage your shoulders and Lucy’s falling to your lower back, tracing gentle patterns across the skin.

“Since I was 16, I stopped when I was 17, picked it up after the World Cup, after the trials and what happened with Jorge.”

Alexia’s breath caught in her chest. She knew that she should have tried harder to support you when it was happening, knew that you weren’t fully okay after everything that had gone down at the world cup, especially after it had been revealed how the coaching staff had been treating you, and keeping it a secret.

“Okay, thank you for telling me. You’ve been going through a lot, and it’s understandable that you needed something to compensate for all the pain you’ve been feeling. But this can’t go on hermosa, not when you're harming yourself in the process. It’s not safe for your physical health or mental health. You're dependent on it, and it’s understandable, as a kid you found something that worked for you, that took away a fraction of the pain you were feeling. It helped you survive, I commend you for that, truly. You found a way to live in a world that wanted nothing more than for you to fail, good on you. But you aren’t a sixteen year old girl anymore, cowering in a corner from abuse and hate, you are 19 and you have people around you who love and cherish you, mi amor. You don’t have to rely on the same survival techniques that you used as a kid, because you aren’t a kid anymore. You can live now, go on holiday, wake up at 5am to watch the sunset, and party. You can have fun without other people's permission, you can be whoever the fuck you want to be and not have to apologise for it. That’s the best part about growing up, that you get to be whoever you want, unapologetically.”

Alexia’s words were so honest, so raw, like they were coming from the very depths of her heart. It hit you hard, right in the chest, like a punch to the stomach, because what were you supposed to say to that?

“I don’t know how to do any of those things.”

Your words were murmured from your lips, only just leaving your voice box. It was the honesty of the moment, the honesty of expressing to these women that you’d never done any of those things.

You were fairly certain that honesty was your favourite thing in the world, because it wasn’t easy to be honest. It was easy to hide behind white lies and blurred screens, but you couldn’t hide behind honesty. The best way to love another person is to be honest with them. You’d fallen in love over the years with honesty, with people's honest moments. Their unmade beds, the moments when they were drunk and crying and can’t be anything but honest with you in the moment. The look in a person's eyes when they realise that they’ve just told you something about themselves that is humiliating or not necessarily the norm, or the look somebody gives you when they’ve just woken up and they’ve forgotten where they are, or the gasp they make when their favourite character dies in a movie. You fell in love with people and their honest moments all the time, a slip up of words, smeared makeup, daydreams, breakdown, mourning, anger, laughter. When somebody is honest with you it makes you happier, it makes you more yourself with them because you trust them with you, with the real you. You become the first person that is looked at when something is going wrong, the kind of person that you can be strong for but also exhausted. You can laugh but also talk about trauma. That person for you right now was Alexia, a woman who was lying everything out in front of you and the sheer honesty that she was showing you was forcing you to break at the seams.

“That’s okay, that’s what we’re all here for. We’re going to be here to support you every single step of the way, but that starts with you making the promise that you are going to try. I understand relapse is a part of the cycle, I’m not naive or stupid, I know that you’ve got an addiction, just like any other. So I’m not asking you to stop right this minute, or try and tell you that we’re just going to turn your life around with the snap of fingers, because we won’t. I want you to promise me that you are going to try though, and come to us if you have tendencies. Surviving isn’t pretty, y/n/n, it sucks and it’s fucking hard. I just need you to be honest with us though, just tell us the truth, because there is zero point in bullshitting us when we are going to find out anyway.”

You sucked in a deep breath, nodding at Alexia’s words.

“I’ll try.”

Alexia smiled and nodded at you, taking a deep breath as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. You felt the demon that had been in your head slowly start to silence itself. For you it had always been one more mark, just another one to add the the collection. It was never about stopping, never about caring. Why would you care? You were put on the planet to serve your country, that was your job. It didn’t matter how you got there, just that you did get there. Now you were there though, and it was all coming crashing down on you. There was no reward for the years of abuse, neglect and pain. The damage to your body and soul didn’t matter, nothing did. You were just another casualty, another body left to the pile.

“You deserve a good life hermosa. The abuse, trauma and pain you had to endure, the unbelievable pain that has changed you forever, makes you a fighter. With the memoir of scars, you are a warrior born into the mess of life but you are a brave soul, one deserving of love, if you’ll accept it.”

You felt like there were glass shards pressing to your throat, digging into the skin and your oesophagus. You didn’t know how to explain it but you were angry. Angry that you were being forced to recover from something that you should have been protected from. You were too young to be this ghost of pain, children were supposed to be happy and free and yet that was something that you hadn’t truly experienced in the last five years. You could have been a little girl, and yet the people who were supposed to protect you failed you and no amount of healing would change that. You were never getting your childhood back, or not the version of it that you wished to have. It hurt, from the inside out, knowing that you were never going to have that part of your life to reminisce over, that one day, when you had kids of your own, maybe. You’d never be able to tell them the stories, tell them about your own childhood, because for you it had all been soccer.

“I’m going to try for you, te prometo que.”

Alexia smiled at you, nodding and pushing herself up off of Mapi’s rug and joining your pile on the couch, nuzzling herself into you, essentially sandwiching you in between the four women.

“We know you will tesoro, and if you fall we’ll be here to catch you, we’ve got you from now on, no more hiding from us, si?”

You nodded hopelessly into Alexia’s chest, letting yourself fall into the women and having faith that they were going to catch you, that you didn’t have to fight this battle all by yourself anymore.

#woso #woso community #lucy bronze #sister alexis putellas #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #lucy bronze imagine #barca femeni x reader #wfc barcelona #barcelona women #barcelona femeni #barca femeni #aitana bonmati #ingrid engen #mapi leon #mapi leon x reader #mapi león #marry me rn

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samkerrworshipper · 6 months

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i will wait for you | leah williamson x reader, barca women x reader

!!! completed !!!

uploaded a spoiler a week ago but this is it all done xo

You knew that this time when you went down it was different. All you’d been doing was sprinting up the sideline, your eyes focused solely on Alexia as she shot the ball a few feet in front of you. It was a good pass, a good line that had you heading straight for goal, hopefully it would secure your first in the Champions League final against Wolfsburg. It took a mere split second before you collapsed on the ground in complete agony. The umpire's whistle had blown almost immediately, your teammates huddling around you to give you some privacy whilst the medic made their way over to you, everyone trying to figure out what had happened. You were writhing against the pitch, screaming in pain that no one knew the source of. All you could do was sob and reach for your ankle as the medics tried their hardest to assess you and get you loaded onto a stretcher.

You were in unfathomable pain, resulting in the team's medics making the executive decision to pump you full of pain meds before they wheeled you off to the x-ray machines. You were a sobbing mess, the realisation kicking in that you were in so much pain and the realisation that your Champions League dream was over.

The x-rays confirmed your suspicions and you watched from the medical room as your team secured three goals against your opponents and when the whistle finally blew, they all became Champions. You watched as they all fell to their knees on the pitch, they were back to back champions, you were bedridden.

Instead of being out partying with the rest of the girls, you were put on the first flight back to Barcelona, you were in Bilbao, so they loaded you directly onto a medical helicopter and flew straight back to Barcelona. You passed out on the ride their, with the mix of disappointment and drugs mixing in your system to send you into a discomforting slumber.

When you woke up you were in a hospital in Barcelona. A series of doctors outlining to you the severity of your injury and what the coming weeks looked like for you. You tried your hardest to listen to their drawl, but it all went in one ear and came out the other. After they were done you insisted on being discharged, even with their warning words about the fact that it would be best if you stayed for another day or so, just before someone returned to take you back to your apartment and look after you whilst you were on such intense pain meds. You ignored their pleas, insisting that you go home by yourself, you didn’t want nor need their pity.

You got yourself home, in an uber, high off of the pain meds that were the only thing keeping you on your feet. You’d never liked crutches, found them extremely awkward and hard to use. You’d never believed that statement more than right now, as you attempted to crutch your way up the stairs of your apartment so you could make it to your bed. You were woozy on your feet, the drugs you were on making you sway as you tried your very hardest to focus on the step in front of you.

It took everything you had to make it to your bed, the pain, the tears, the pure need you had in your soul to just do it by yourself. You’d never felt more alone in your life, your team was too busy celebrating, your family was too busy doing other things to even think about you. By the time you made it to your bed you were completely spent, throwing yourself down into the sheets and falling into a deep sleep.

You awoke a horrific amount of times during the night, trembles of pain washing across your body directly from your ankle. It was gut wrenching pain, but you’d left your pain meds downstairs and you hardly trusted yourself on crutches during the day, let alone in the middle of the night. So you stayed in your bed, writhing in pain all throughout the night, willing for the sun to arise so you could finally get access to the medication you need so heavily. You knew there were people you could call, even if your teammates were in a different part of Spain. You knew that they would do anything to make you feel better, but you just couldn’t manage it, the guilt of taking away from their win was too much for you to bear.

When the sun finally did rise you tried your hardest to push yourself out of your bed and onto your crutches, but your legs felt like jelly. So instead of doing the rash thing and calling somebody, you pushed yourself down onto the floorboards of your room and started the gruelling process of pushing yourself against the floorboards and towards your stairs.

If crutches managed to hurt your ankle, then scooting yourself against the floors of your house was gruelling, a true struggle. Getting down your stairs was a nightmare, every single bump or nudge against the boot your ankle had been secured in was agony. The clunky thing was no help, it weighed down your ankle and made it a far bigger target for lodging itself on the edge of a stair.

Eventually, with tears flowing freely down your face you made it down the stairs and scooted yourself into the kitchen of your house, where you’d left the medications given to you by your doctors the day before. You reached up to your kitchen bench, clawing whatever you could reach for off of the ledge and brushing them down onto the floor beside you. It took all of your energy to get the medications down on the floor next to you, so you were relieved when you saw that you’d managed to scoop up the oxycodone pills from above you, which you knew would be enough to dull some of the pain you were feeling. You dry swallowed three pills, popping them into your mouth and forcing them down.

You looked across at the staircase in your apartment, your eyes were slowly becoming hooded and you knew you weren’t going to be able to make it back up the stairs, plus your apartment floor wasn’t that uncomfy right now?

You couldn’t help but slump against your kitchen bench, sleep and pain overwhelming you as you passed out on the floor of your kitchen.

“Y/n/n, babygirl, wake up for me.”

It was the feeling of a hand shaking against your face that brought you back to the world. In your drug induced haze it took a few seconds for your eyes to focus on the person responsible for your awakening.

“Ale, what are you doing here?”

You pushed her hand away from you, feeling a little bit vulnerable in your current position as she looked down at you from her position standing above you. Alexia was frowning down at you, and just as you’d finished taking her in you began to realise a lot of your team was piled into your apartment, you couldn’t make out everyone though.

“Bebita, we haven’t heard from you since the game, we’ve all been worried sick, you haven’t been answering anybody’s calls or texts.”

I tried my best to work up whatever courage and dignity I had, which was hard considering I was dressed in an oversized Barcelona champions shirt and whatever shorts the hospital must have been able to find to put me in.

“I’m fine, you can all leave, go back to celebrating.”

They all looked some form of hungover, they should be out partying, celebrating the win, instead they’d congregated in your house, which was honestly making you feel so much worse.

“I won’t have that tone pequeño, you clearly aren’t fine, if you were you wouldn’t be passed out on your kitchen floor after ghosting everybody for the last two days. I know you are in pain, but that does not warrant you pushing everybody out.”

Alexia’s voice was harsh, the voice she reserved for when she was making orders on the pitch, a voice that would normally have you quivering under her, but the mixture of the pain and embarrassment you were feeling was enough fuel for your drugged up state to use.

“Joder! I’m fine, go party, go celebrate, Estoy Bien, Déjame en paz.”

Your tone wouldn’t go over well, you knew that but the confidence from your statement was apparently fuel for you to stand yourself up from the ground on your own. You felt the shooting pain going up your leg almost immediately, as you struggled to balance with only one functioning foot. Alexia knitted her brows together, clenching her jaw as you watched her try to keep her composure, you never pushed a hungover Alexia, it never had a good result.

“I understand that you are in pain and that you don’t want to acknowledge. You need help though, and we have all come to give it, so please just let us.”

I looked at Alexia, she was standing a foot away from me, pure anguish and concern on her face.

“I’m fine, leave me alone, I know you all have celebrations to get back to, so please, go.”

I took a step on my injured foot, a big mistake that had me groaning in pain and Alexia’s arms coming up to my sides to stop me from going any further.

“Bebita, you are a part of that winning team, you deserve to be out celebrating with us, you clearly aren’t fine and we are all here to support you through that, however you need.”

You shook Alexia off of you, trying your very hardest to balance on a foot that wasn’t working,

“Vete a la mierda. Leave, get out of my house.”

You were getting annoyed and aggressive fast and quickly, something that your teammates seemed to pick up on.

“Leahhas called me, probably a 100 times, she’s worried sick about you, you can’t push everybody out forever, just because you are injured does not make you unlovable.”

Alexia’s words echoed against the walls of my house, her voice having risen to meet mine.

“Get out of my house, right now, before I call the police.”

Alexia exhaled deeply, she shooed the rest of the women that had piled themselves into my house out, leaving just you and her. You leant back against your kitchen bench, needing the assistance to keep you on your two feet, the pressure on your ankle becoming too much for you to be able to handle.

“You need help, I don’t care whether or not you know it but you do, we found you passed out on your kitchen floor and if that isn’t a big enough indicator then I don’t know what is. You can push us all out till the cows come home but it’s not achieving anything. You're going to let me take you up the stairs and back to bed, I’ll set you up with your meds and ice packs, I don’t care how much you hate it but I am going to be here for you whether or not you want me to be here.”

You glared at Alexia, your jaw set as a stone as the older women that had quickly become your adoptive older sister at Barca looked at you pointedly. There was no room for argument in her voice, like a drill sergeant.

Alexia walked towards you, taking you in her arms and letting your silent tears drip onto her shirt as she lifted you up, removing the pressure from your foot and carrying you up your stairs and to your bedroom. You cried silently into her, annoyed by the loss of your dignity so openly in front of your teammates. She helped to tuck you into your bed, elevating your ankle onto a pillow and very gently easing it out of the boot it was strapped into. The doctor’s had wrapped it up in bandages to keep it secure, so you were able to remove it from the boot to ice it. Alexia pressed an ice pack to your ankle, before procuring your meds and a drink bottle out of nowhere and leaving them on your bedside.

“Anything else you need?”

You glared straight out at the wall in front of you, lying back in your bed and refusing to look at Alexia.

“Leave.”

Alexia tried her hardest over the next week to get you to let her in. You pushed her out. You refused to leave bed besides going to the bathroom, which was not just detrimental to your physical health but also your mental health. You weren’t on your phone at all, refused to even look at it because you didn’t want to see any of the pity that was being thrown your way. Alexia tried her hardest, she came into your room at 7am every morning, prepped with breakfast that you never ate and your meds that were the only thing keeping you pain free at the moment. She tried her hardest to get you out of bed to go to your recovery appointments, but you refused to leave. Alexia was at her wits end. You needed surgery but a part of your surgery prep was that you needed to do some kind of recovery, that you needed to be strong enough to withstand that kind of toll on your body. You were depressed, something that was detrimental to your wellbeing going into surgery, if you asked the Catalan, you needed a kick up the ass, but nothing was working. Eventually, after day seven, you’d become mobile enough that she didn’t have any excuse to stay in your house anymore, you’d been very vocal about that so she’d left, apprehensively, unsure about what more she could do for you.

“Alexia, I’ve told you to fuck off.”

The sound of somebody's shoes scuffing against your doormat downstairs and your front door closing behind you was enough to make you unhappy. After seven gruelling days you’d finally gotten rid of Alexia, but now she was back and it was making you stir crazy. You could just make out the sound of her bare feet trudging up the stairs, nearing your bedroom door and opening it up.

“Leave me alone.”

You buried your head further into your pillows, pillows that were now beginning to smell a little bit too much like your. You pulled your head as physically close to the pillows as you could, twisting your body as far as you could without dislodging your ankle from its spot elevated on your bed.

“I’m not Alexia, if that helps?”

Your head shot out of your pillow and for a split second you wondered if the oxy delirium was getting to you. Alexia had been weaning you off the hard drugs, giving you less each day and replacing it with ibuprofen, which had the reverse effect on you, making you more delusional than you had been on the full strength drugs, you had more energy now though then you had a few days ago, so you could have just blamed it on you being more awake and present.

“Leah?”

You’d been avoiding your phone for a number of reasons, but number one on the list had been your girlfriend. For some reason, she was always the last person you wanted to talk to when you got injured, it made you feel guilty, ungrateful, especially considering she’d just missed out on playing you in the final this year.

“Hey baby girl.”

She looked exhausted, like she’d just gotten off a plane and it made you feel bad. Leah had spent a lot of time in your home in Barcelona, international breaks, time off, injury time, every time was enjoyable, but this time felt different.

“W-What are you doing here?”

Leah made her way further into your room, walking over to your shades and opening them a little bit, allowing more light then the very little amount that was peaking through the bottom of your shades.

“Alexia called, she said that you were in bad shape, that you needed someone and that someone had to be me. So I got on the first flight I could. She said that what you’d done was serious, full ankle ligament tears, all four of them and that you were struggling, so I got here as soon as I could.”

You let your bottom lip worry in between your teeth, as you watched Leah make her way around your room, picking up the loose articles of clothing that were on your floor, memories of Alexia fighting with you to get changed ran through your mind, a daily battle that always ended with you crying and screaming at her. Leah flung it all into your laundry basket, a little task that she always gave herself, always scared that one of us would trip and fall on a piece of clothing in the middle of the night, that fear now having escalated with crutches being brought into the picture.

“I’m fine, I would have called if I needed you, you're supposed to be with the team, they need you now more than I do.”

Leah turned back around to you, shedding her hoodie and slinging it into the laundry basket before addressing your sentence.

“Would you have? Because you didn’t and you seemed to be struggling pretty hard, Alexia called me, balling her eyes out because she was so scared that you were going to never leave bed. The girls need me, but you need me more right now, whether you know it or not, so I’m here, whatever you need, I’m here, for as long as you need.”

Leah sat herself down on the opposite edge of my bed, the one that was cold and empty. You looked at her anxiously, trying to decide whether or not you could fall into her right now, if she would catch you.

“I’m fine.”

Your tone betrayed anything you said, your voice wavering and shivering like a leaf in the wind.

“It’s okay if you aren’t, you know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

Leah’s hand came down to rest on your bicep, squeezing your arm gently.

“Leah, I told you, I’m fine, I’m good, I don’t need a doting girlfriend here trying to tell me that I’m fucking lovable, I don’t need you.”

You sniffled softly as you tried your very hardest to continue to block Leah out, a task that was proving to be a little bit harder than you’d thought. You loved the woman, with every single part of your body and soul, she was your home. But right now, everything felt so.. Wrong. You didn’t feel like yourself, you didn’t feel like the woman that Leah loved, you felt so fucking worthless.

“I don’t believe you honey.”

Leah’s voice was insecure, this wasn’t her girlfriend, this wasn’t the sweet, loving, kind woman that she loved so much. Everything about you was different, she knew all too well how injury could change a person, but never had she expected it to look like this for you.

“I don’t give a flying fuck what you believe, get out, leave me alone, I don’t want or need you.”

Your anger rose, fat, angry, hot tears leaking down your face as you pushed Leah away from you, removing her hands from your body, trying your hardest to get away from her.

Leah recoiled immediately, jumping up from the bed, while she knew you needed her she didn’t want to push you, she knew that injury’s not only broke your body, but your mind and she wasn’t ready to do that to you, not when she wasn’t sure how mentally out of it you were.

“Baby, I know that you are in pain, I know you are struggling, let me be here for you, don’t push me away because you feel like you have to.”

Leah’s words ricocheted off of your brain, not even managing to pierce a little bit of your brain. You were suffering, and there was something so poetic about suffering, something so lonely. It felt like you were drowning in a sea of nothingness, but you were too proud to try and tread water, you just let the pool of nothingness swallow you whole.

“Leah get the fuck out of my house, leave me alone. I don’t need or want you, I don’t love you, just leave, get out.”

Your voice was no longer quiet and sad, it was completely absorbed with pure anger and it hurt Leah’s heart. You’d been there every single step of the way for her when she’d done her ACL, you’d done the hard nights and days, you’d seen her at her very lowest and you’d stayed. She wanted to stay, but she knew that she couldn’t force you to rely on her, she couldn’t force you to realise that you needed your family most right now and that killed her, it hurt every single bone in her body, like she’d jumped off of a parking garage and shattered herself into pieces.

“Okay, okay, I’ll go. I’m going to go and stay at Lucy and Keira’s for a few days, if you need me I’m here.”

You shook your head at her, pointing towards the door. It was only now that you noticed Leah had her own tears brimming up in the back of her eyes.

“We’re done Leah, get the fuck out of my house and life, I don’t want to see you.”

When the words left your mouth you instantly regretted them, it was funny what anger and annoyance could do to a person. Leah’s face dropped immediately, and the tears that had been brimming up suddenly fell, silent little tears trickling down her face as she walked towards your doorway. You were the love of her life, and yet here you were pushing her completely out. It killed her, she felt like she was being gutted from the inside out and she knew that it was because you were hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. You were hurting so much, and the one person who was your last hope you were forcing out, it hurt her soul.

“I’m going to Lucy and Keira’s, if you need anything call me, or them, or Ale, we all are here for you.”

Leah’s voice broke as the words left her mouth, a muffled sob leaving her mouth as she made it to the doorway of your bedroom.

“I love you y/n.”

You let the words become empty space in the room, empty words, empty space, empty life. That was how you felt, like everything to do with you was just empty.

You’d lost faith in the world, in your world. If you asked Alexia that was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person, losing faith in yourself. When it got to three days without any correspondence from you she broke. She wasn’t going to let you kill yourself. She’d heard from Lucy that your interaction with Leah had been not great and it hurt her heart knowing that the woman who had saved you in the first place was now the person that you were pushing out.

She barged into your house, noticing how your kitchen was the same level of cleanliness it had been when she’d left a few days ago, leading her to believe that you hadn’t cooked at all. Your house was like a ghost town, eerily silent to a concerning level. She made her way through the house, tiptoeing up the stairs and into your bedroom. The door was hanging open, an invitation to Alexia, and she was a little bit taken aback to find your bed completely empty. Then the worry set in, because if you weren’t in bed or downstairs then where were you?

Alexia navigated through your bedroom and then into your ensuite, where she sighed in relief when she found you passed out on the bathroom floor. You looked like you’d been there for a while, and the consuming fear absorbed Alexia as she took in your body. You’d lost so much weight in the time since you’d be injured and you looked so much smaller then she’d ever seen you, like a little kid. Alexia felt so consumingly guilty for ever having left you, for letting you push her out and made the decision that even if you would hate her for it, she was going to force you to sort your shit out, and that started with getting you out of your house and moving in with her.

It took a lot to get you awake, and even more for Alexia to pack you a bag and then get you downstairs and into her car. You were weak though, and still fairly immobile, something that Alexia used as an advantage, hauling you over her shoulder and down into her car.

The first few days were nothing short of hell, but Alexia refused to give into you. You were force fed three meals a day, she dragged you out of her house with the assistance of Mapi everyday to go and do your recovery and she cracked down on your meds, rehab and alcohol consumption. You felt like a child, a six year old who had absolutely zero say in what was happening in her life.

After two weeks of Alexia’s crackdown the physical therapists at Barca made the decision that you were ready for surgery and your date was set for three weeks later. You had three weeks to sort out your shit, and Alexia made that clear to you.

She forced you into therapy, two sessions a week with the Barca therapist and you hated it, hated every single minute of it. Or you pretended to hate it, for the first two sessions. But the psychiatrist, as much as you hated to admit it, knew what she was talking about and during your third session you had a massive breakthrough, admitting that you had been struggling. She prescribed you anti-anxiety meds and some antidepressants and the result was almost immediate. Alexia watched the smile that had been absent from your face for the last month, return. No longer did you fight her everyday when she woke you up, you were even organising meet ups with teammates and that was the real breakthrough.

You knew that you’d hurt people, people including yourself and that to repair that you needed to get better, to prove yourself and the people around you that you could do better.

Alexia was there for you every single step of the way, and slowly you worked as hard as you could to rebuild the bond between you and your sister.

You talked about Leah with your therapist, for the first time since it all happened. You knew that you should reach out to her, should apologise, at least let her know you were doing better. But the part of you that had hurt her and yourself was terrified that the woman had moved on, that she was over you, that she didn’t trust you anymore.

So you kept your radio silence. Alexia had practically confiscated your phone, social media was the absolute worst thing for your mental health so you’d removed yourself from it. You were building a life where you were no longer reliant on the opinions or thoughts of the people around you, what mattered most was your feelings.

So you stayed isolated, relied upon yourself and Alexia and the people who truly loved and supported you. It was great, it was everything you’d ever needed and a part of you had become grateful for you injury, grateful that something had happened to make you realise that before your injury you were miserable, clinging to the opinions of the outside world to make you feel whole.

It wasn;t until the night before your surgery that Alexia got sick of you refusing to mend the one part of your heart that you needed to. In the three weeks you’d ticked off every other box, celebrated the team's win like you should have, made amendments with your teammates and coaches, worked tirelessly at your strengthening, got out of Alexia’s house and taken Narla for a walk. You were slowly working on mending your spirit, and a part of that was confronting the part of your heart that still yearned for Leah. Whether you wanted to deny it or not, Alexia knew that everyday without her was an internal struggle for you, that until you actually dealt with the situation you were never going to fully be yourself. She’d broached the subject a series of times, and every single time she was met with a brick wall, Leah was everything and nothing to you. She was the reason you woke up but also the reason you hated getting out of bed. She was your meaning to life and also the meaning to ending your life. Everything began and ended with that woman and Alexia knew it. She’d known since you’d brought Leah home for the first time when you were both only twenty two, so young, so stupid, so in love. She’d known from that night that the two of you were meant to be. That wasn’t to say that you hadn’t both had your struggles, you were both stubborn, headstrong, could never be wrong and incredibly independent, to a fault. But she’d just known that the two of you would make it, that even through thick and thin it was meant to be.

She was still certain of that. Even though she knew there was a chance you’d hate her for it, she called Leah the morning before your surgery, even if the woman couldn’t be there she should at least know that her person was having life altering surgery. Leah had been gutted, whether she had admitted it or not Alexia could just tell by the stutter that left her mouth as Alexia explained the events of what was happening to you the following day. Leah was torn to shreds. She’d spent every single day for the last month kicking herself, sitting by the phone, waiting for any kind of text or call from you and it had killed her, every single person around her had seen just how much the blonde had been affected by your absence. She’d tried getting over you, tried to remove the painful tumour that you had become to her body, but it was impossible, from the matching tattoos you both had, to the memories that were all over her house, you were a part of her life and she could never get away from it.

So when Ale had called her she’d picked up immediately, and sat gobsmacked as Alexia had explained the delicacy that was your emotional and physical status. If Leah was sane she probably would have just nodded along, wishing you a quick recovery, but Leah wasn’t. Instead, she found the first flight to Barcelona and packed together a bag before rushing to the airport, with absolutely zero idea of what she was doing.

When she touched down in Barcelona it was mid afternoon and Mapi and Ingrid were waiting at the terminal for her. Leah was flustered, tired and stressed, something Mapi could tell as soon as she saw her. She didn’t ask any questions, didn’t try and mention anything about you to her, just shepherded Leah straight out of the airport and into the car that was waiting for them.

Leah fidgeted the whole ride to Alexia’s, her fingers toying furiously with the rings around her fingers as she bit down on the inside of her cheek. Sometimes Leah thought that she didn’t think things through enough, this was exhibit A for that. Sometimes she hated it, sometimes she loved it. Even though parts of her were screaming to her that this was a bad idea, she just felt a part of her chest being tugged back towards you. That was how she’d fallen in love with you, following you around a world cup because it just felt right, you just felt right. She wasn’t ready to give that up yet, because you were just right for her, you were her forever, or you had been.

And she knew that she couldn’t force you to love her, she couldn’t even try if she wanted. But a part of her just felt so wrong about letting you go all those weeks ago, by walking out the door and not putting up a fight, like you deserved. You deserved to feel loved, and she’d left you, when you were at your very lowest point and nothing about that had sat right with her.

When the car pulled up to Alexia’s familiar house Leah felt a part of her stomach sink. What if you hated her? What if you never wanted to see her again? There were so many possibilities, so many options and variations of what could occur and it made Leah terrified, more terrified then she’d ever been in her entire life.

Mapi pushed her out of the car, Ingrid leading her towards the door of the threshold and swinging it open, forcing Leah into Alexia’s abode. It was the same as every other time she’d been in the Catalan’s house but this time felt so different, the context of the situation making it so much more gloomy and harder to face. Alexia was waiting for her, pacing back and forth in the kitchen and never in her life had Leah been more terrified of the older woman. She’d been fairly scared when she’d met her for the first time, even more scared when she’d been introduced as your girlfriend, but this topped the scale of horror. Leah felt as if she was walking into the bear's cave, a fate that she was not ready to face and wasn’t sure if she ever would be.

“She’s in her bedroom, she’s had a big day, there’s been a small change in her surgery plan and she’s stressing about it. She doesn’t know that you are here, and there’s a good chance she's not going to be happy you are here, just wait her out for me? She’s been working hard to fix everything with everybody, and you're the only person left on the list, she’s been working with a therapist, she’s trying her goddamn hardest and we’re all proud of her. She needs structure, tough love, that’s what we’ve been giving her and it's what works. There’s a chance she’s not going to want to talk to you at all, if that happens then we’ll try again some other time, but she needs you, I need you around, she’s not herself with you.”

Leah was taken aback by Alexia’s word vomit, nodding wordlessly at the older woman as she placed her luggage down on the floor. Leah felt so out of place, she’d been in Alexia’s house hundreds of times, for an array of reasons, but this whole situation made it all so different.

“I love her Ale, your sister is a hard person to love but I love her, and I genuinely believe love is the most powerful thing in the world and if it can’t get us through then I don’t know what will.”

Alexia stopped her pacing, to look at Leah.

At the beginning of your relationship she’d been disapproving, she knew that you were made for each other but that didn’t waiver the red flags that she’d seen with Leah. To her, Leah had been a playgirl, a surface person who wasn’t necessarily in it for the connection. Alexia wasn’t wrong very often, but that day she had been.

“Leah, I can’t even explain how glad I am you came. She makes it hard sometimes, sometimes I wonder why I stick around. But you and I both know just how far she’s worked her way into our chests. Head on through, she should be awake.”

Leah let Alexia wrap her arms around her, in a big warm hug. It was perfect, everything that Leah had been craving for the last month. She found herself leaning a little bit too much into Alexia’s embrace, when she realised she jumped out of Alexia’s arms like a scared cat.

“Go on kid, go get your girl.”

Leah focused on putting on foot in front of the other, as her feet scuffed against the wood floors, slowly inching towards the door that felt like it held so much behind it. When Leah finally did arrive at the barrier she raised her fist anxiously, rapping on the door three times before lowering her hand back to her side.

“It’s open Ale.”

Leah reached for the door knob, fuck it. She twisted the metal knob in her hand and pushed the door open slowly. She’d stayed the night in Ale’s spare room a series of times, but she could tell as soon as she got her first glimpse of the room that it was far more lived in when she had inhabited it in the past. Her eyes scanned the room as more was revealed, with every centimetre of door she pushed further away from herself. She was rewarded the most when she got a view of the bed, giving Leah her first glance at you.

Your whole face dropped almost immediately, with the complete shock of being face to face with a woman who you’d never expected to see again, let alone in your bedroom.

“Hey angel.”

Leah’s voice was so soft, so perfect, so gentle and it made you feel so wrong, like Leah was giving you something that you didn’t deserve. She had become a mere figment of your imagination, and even though it felt so wrong you couldn’t let her slip away this time, not without getting to hug your ex-girlfriend one last time. So you jumped off of the bed, as well as you could with the moon boot still clinging to your lower leg, catapulting yourself directly into Leah’s arms, a flurry of ‘sorrys’ falling from your lips as you pulled Leah directly into you.

The English woman was shocked, Ale’s talk having led her to believe that you were angry at her or with her, but you seemed far from it and it made Leah’s guts twist.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for hon.”

Leah’s words again came out so indescribably soft, like a piece of satin against your skin. You pushed yourself out of Alexia’s arms, sitting yourself back down on your bed and looking up at her.

“Yes I do, and I’d like to apologise properly to you. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, all you’ve ever been to me is supportive and I pushed you away, because I was scared. Everyday for the past month I’ve regretted it, and I will spend the rest of my life regretting it. I understand if you’ve moved on, but if you’ll take me back then I will spend every single day of our lives together proving to you that I am worthy of your love.”

Leah sat herself down beside you on the bed, her hands coming to rest on top of your own.

“I’d like to apologise as well, I ran away, when it got hard when I should have stayed. I’m sorry I left, especially when you needed me most. How about we make the decision to just work from it. I love you y/n, more than anything else in the entire world and I know that we can make it through this. From now on, I am going to be here everyday, thick and thin, the good and the bad, the hard and the easy. I’ll be there every step of the way through your recovery, if you’ll have me.”

You both looked at each other, really looked at each other, for what felt like the first time in years. Just iris to iris, blue to green.

“I love you Lee.”

Leah just smiled at you, opening her arms up and relaxing as you climbed into her arms, your body intertwining with hers so familiarly.

“I’m so scared Lee, what if I never play like I used to, what if I never play at all?”

It was an admission that you’d been terrified of vocalising, but with Leah you couldn’t hide, you’d never been able to.

“Then we’ll figure it out together, side by side. I know one thing and that is that you are going to work your fucking ass off and if that isn’t enough then maybe it isn’t supposed to be, maybe there is another calling for you somewhere. You are going to be fine, this surgery is what you need and I’ll be there when they put you to sleep and when you wake up, I am here every step of the way for you.”

She was right, so incredibly right and that made you feel that little bit safer.

“Your my girl, my y/n, my lover girl, you’ve got this.”

For the first time in weeks you felt like maybe she was right, maybe you were going to be fine, maybe you did have this and even if you didn’t you knew Leah would be there to pick up the pieces, to glue you back together again when it all became too much.

645 notes · View notes

samkerrworshipper · 6 months

Note

Heyy, would you be able to do a quick Alexia Putellas and Lia Wälti where Alexia comforts her after the match (maybe with smut or something cute and wholesome)? The match yesterday and X has convinced me that they’d make such a good looking couple oof 😅 thanks!

captains connection

lia wälti x alexia putellas

let’s pretend that the game happened in spain and lia got injured because i needed some pain and injury contenttttt

warnings: smut at the end, pain, injury

———————————————————————

Lia was walking down the tunnel. Never in her life had she felt so fucking affected by a reporter, but today it had just been too much. Sure, she knew that her team stood no chance against the Spaniards, but there was a chunk of hope, a slither of faith in her team that maybe they would come close, give them a run for their money. A 1-7 loss was hardly anything to call giving Spain a run for their money. They were just too good, too quick, too fast, too good for Lia to even contend against. It drilled a hole in her heart that she didn’t know existed. Lia was used to losing, but this one hurt so much harder for her and she couldn’t even comprehend why.

“Lia! Walti, wait up a sec.”

Lia pivoted directly on her bare heel, she was tired and sore and wanted nothing more than to take a quick shower and go back to her hotel, finding safety in the unfaimiliar blankets and sheets of the uncomfortable bed. She was pissed off, and definitely not in the headspace to be talking with anybody, especially another reporter or journalist, her tolerance was completely non existent.

So when she was met with Alexia Putellas running after her, there was nothing she wanted to do more than turn around and waltz as far away as she could get. Who was she to run away from Alexia Putellas? Nobody would do that if they were right in the head. Lia paused from her spot in the tunnel, stopping so Alexia had the opportunity to catch up to her. Lia leant herself against the wall, her body was beginning to catch up with her and the 90 minutes of play were starting to set in.

“What do you need Putellas?”

Lia’s words held more malice than she hoped they would, but she couldn’t refrain, she was too tired and sore to try and entertain a friendly captains chat. Alexia deepened her frown towards Lia, the sparkly glint that had occupied the midfielders eyes fading quickly.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that tussle you had with Salma was pretty rough.”

Lia frowned, she’d never had to experience this kind of encounter after a game, normally captains stuck to their own sides, especially after a thrashing like Lia had just enjured.

“I’m fine.”

When Lia thought about it, she really wasn’t fine, she was fairly certain the 19 year old had managed to crack a rib or two, the purple bruises up and down her torso evidence of just how hard she’d run into her in a fight for the ball. Salma had come out victorious, leaving Lia in her dust, rolling around on the pitch in pure agony. She refused to be taken off by the medical staff though, she wasn’t going to let her girls lose so drastically without her there to pick up the pieces.

“Are you sure, because Salma seemed pretty worried, said that she’d heard a crack.”

Lia hated this, hated the faux sympathy that was falling so easily from Alexia’s lips.

“I’m fine, what are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”

Alexia’s frowned deepened at the clear anger that was behind alias words, sure, her and the Swedish captain had hardly ever interacted, but she still felt obligated to be friendly, Lia did not share this courtesy with her.

“No, I think most of the girls are just heading back to the hotel for an early night, I wanted to make sure you were doing alright though, you seemed like you were having a rough time on the pitch.”

Alexia wasn’t exactly wrong, after the collision Lia had been in a lot of pain, it was harder to breathe, harder to do everything. It still hurt to hear the words leave Alexia’s mouth though, Lia just hadn’t been good enough.

“I guess when you win so much there’s no need to celebrate.”

Lia’s words came out as a murmur, a quiet breath that Alexia only just managed to pick up on.

“Nobody wants to celebrate a 7-1 win.”

There it was, the reminder of just how much Lia had managed to fail in one night, 7 times, 7 crucial times.

“Yes well it must be real hard being the best in the world.”

Alexia took a deep breath out, it was clear the Swiss was angry, she couldn’t really blame her, Alexia remembered the time before Spain was at the top, when they too were the little fish and it had sucked, it was never fun being the underdog.

“You’re only as good as your last game.”

Lia was getting sick of this, sick of the bull shit that was interacting with the Spanish captain.

“Alexia, what do you need, you clearly came here for something and as much as I love a social session, I’m not really in the mood.”

Everything about the dynamic was messing with Lia, why was the Catalan here, in front of her, instead of celebrating with her team.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Lia plastered a sardonic smile to her face, it was so fake it almost made her feel sick.

“Well I’m alive, so feel free to leave.”

Lia’s hand came up to point towards the other end of the tunnel, the end where she could hear music gently thudding against the concrete floor.

“Is it a Swiss thing to be so dismissive?”

Alexia’s tone was curious, she was trying her very hardest to decipher the swiss woman, but it was proving to be harder than she thought.

“It’s a loser thing to not really want to interact with your opponent that just thrashed you.”

Alexis snickered a little bit at your attempt at sarcasm, it was sadder than anything.

“Fair enough.”

Instead of walking away, like Lia expected her too, Alexia stayed in front of her, her eyes roaming across Lia’s body which was still leant against the wall, her only support to stop her from toppling over.

“Alexia, what are you doing here?”

Lia’s voice was more vulnerable then it had been all day, the exhaustion finally overtaking the defensive barriers she’d had up, breaking them right down.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay, to look after you if you weren’t, because I figured that you’d be too busy helping the other girls to even give a moment to think about yourself.”

Lia’s breath caught in her throat for a second, because realistically what was she supposed to say to that?

“I’m fine, my girls are fine, it’s my job to look after them, that’s what we sign up for, isn’t it?”

Lia figured that Alexia probably hadn’t had to pick up the pieces for a little while, she played for Spain and Barcelona, the two best teams in the world currently, there was no losing for them, no hard games, no suffering.

“It’s also your job to look after the whole team, including yourself, the girls will be fine, they’ll survive without you, what matters is that you are okay, mentally and physically.”

Alexia have Lia a small smile, a little quirk of her lips that made Lia feel like she was under a microscope.

“I’m fine Alexia.”

Lia didn’t even really convince herself, her breaths were becoming more laboured by the minute and she felt like shit.

“It would be okay if you weren’t.”

The next thing Lia knew, Alexia was cocking her head, and for some reason nothing was making sense anymore. Alexia’s face, her lips, her arms seemed so perfect, so inviting, everything that Lia craved. Lia wasn’t thinking straight, if the thoughts about it, she was thinking gay, very fuck gay. That was the joke that played in her head as she leant in shamelessly, her arms wrapping their way around Alexia’a shoulders as she moved her lean onto her body from the wall. Alexia’s lips were as soft as they looked, like pillows below Lia’s. It took Lia a total of three seconds before her brain kicked in, and she was pushing herself out of Alexia’s arms, the shame and shock setting in from what she’d just done.

Alexis just stood in front of her, smirking a little bit to herself as the Swiss captain’s face drained in embarrassment from her impulse.

“Fuck, I am so sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I’m going to head back to the change rooms now, the bus will be leaving soon, I’m so sorry.”

Lia’s voice was so terrified, terrified of the lack of self control she had. She just couldn’t contain herself, not when Alexia looked so fucking hot, with her very faint pink hair dye and with her Jersey and rustled up from the tough game. She was irresistible, insatiable, everything thing Lia was so deprived of right now.

Alexia’s hand around Lias wrist stopped her from scurrying away.

“I said I would look after you, if that’s what you need then my arms are open.”

Lia’s heart dropped, her feet forcing her to twist around to look at the Spaniard. Lias eyes searched Alexia’s face, looking for any signs that she was joking, that she was fucking around with Lia. When Lia found none her gut dropped to her ankle. It almost would have been better if Alexia had been joking, at least she could play it all off as a joke, forget that this whole encounter had never happened, but Alexia held no sarcasm or intent behind her eyes, just soft contentedness.

“I don’t want to be a bother, I can sort myself out.”

Alexia rolled her eyes at Lia’s refusal.

“Nonsense, you are very welcome, it’s up to you bebita, you come with me and I promise that I’ll look after you tjough, better than whatever you’ll manage in a shitty hotel room.”

Lia didn’t need to know Spanish to assume the meaning of the pet name that Alexia had sent her way, it made her face blush bright red involuntarily.

“I really don’t want to be a bother.”

Alexia shook her head, rubbing her thumb against the inside of Lia’s palm.

“Lia, you won’t be a bother whatsoever.”

Lia frowned to herself, because she felt like a fucking bother, like she was weighing down everyone around her.

“C’mon, your coming with me, you need somebody right now.”

Alexia didn’t gave Lia a few seconds to pull her hand away, but when she didn’t Alexia just started to pull her down the hallway, closer to the Spanish change rooms.

When the pair made it to the door, Lia stopped in her tracks, looking cautiously at Alexia, this was uncharted territory.

“I can stay out here.”

Alexia shook her head, pushing the door open wihh the one hand and tugging Lia in with the other.

“You’re very welcome, you are among friends.”

Everyone turned around when Alexia entered the room, Lia readied herself for some kind of hate, or dig at her team, but it never came, Alexia’s teammates acknolwedging the two of them before going back to whatever they’d previously been occupied with. Alexis walked Lia over to her cubby, sitting Lia down on the bench in front of it, a soft smile on her lips.

“I need to have a quick shower, you can stay or come join me, it’s your decision.”

Lia was terrified of sitting in the room by herself, or without Alexia there to protect her, but she also didn’t want to intrude on Alexia’s privacy.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

There were so many cautions with Lia, so many ifs and buts, this whole situation was so new to her and she was still struggling to work out how exactly she’d gotten here in the first place.

“I wouldn’t have given you the option if you weren’t welcome Lia, it’s about what your comfortable with. Shower or not I’m still going to look after you when we make it back to the hotel, but it’s your decision.”

Lia had become aware of the cold sweat that was plastered to her skin, and it was making her uncomfortable, uncomfortable enough for it to be a reason for her to take Alexia up on her offer. There was also so much doubt in her mind, and a little bit of fear about being vulnerable in this space, more vulnerable than she was already feeling.

“You won’t be mad if I stay out here?”

Alexia smiled at Lia, shaking her head.

“No cariño, absolutely not, just give me two minutes and i’ll be right back alright. If you need anything don’t be scared to ask, you know Jenni right, the one sitting over there, if you need anything just ask her, sí, I’ll be back before you know it.”

Lia nodded deftly, it was hard not to know who Jenni Hermoso was after the World Cup, considering her face had been plastered everywhere for weeks now. Lia knew that even if she was stabbed though right now, she’d probably not ask them for help, she felt uncomfortable enough being in a room of Spanish players when she was the only one wearing a Swiss jersey, suddenly feeling very self conscious sitting in her playing uniform.

Alexis grabbed her things for the shower, jetting off towards the other side of the rooms, leaving Lia all to herself. She stayed in her spot, a little scared to move even slightly. She stayed that way for a few minutes, just staring into space and keeping herself occupied as she internally went over the game in her brain, what she could have done better, whag she could have done to help her teammates. It was a tedious process, one that she could force herself to go through for hours.

It wasn’t until a certain Spaniard obstructed her vision that her eyes darted up from their spot on the floor.

It wasn’t Alexia, that was the big let down, instead Lia was met with the sight of Salma Paraluello, the Spanish powerhouse who was the cause of the bruises all up and down her ribs.

“Your Lia right, I’m so sorry about what happened-.”

Lia shook Salma off with a quick smile and the raise of her hand.

“Kid don’t worr, it’s part of the job, no bad blood, you did what you had to to get the ball, I’m fine.”

Lia remembered when she was as young as Salma, when she two had been absolutely petrified of everything and anything, the anxiety radiating from Salma felt far to familiar to Lia.

“If your sure you’re okay, it sounded pretty nasty.”

Lia couldn’t argue with that, she’d heard the loud crack that her ribs had made as Salma had connected with torso, it wasn’t a sound any athlete ever wanted to hear.

“I’m fine, I’ve had far worse, don’t worry about old me.”

Salma nodded quickly, smiling one last time at Lia before going back to wherever she’d come from. Lia missed being that young, when she didn’t have a care in the world, when all she was expected to do was turn up. Now there was so much more expectations for her, expectations to perform, expectations for her team tk perform, expectations that she felt like she was constantly falling short too.

She wasn’t left to her own devices for very long, Alexia returning not long afterwards, blonde hair damp and resting on her shoulders. She’d changed, into a simple pair of grey sweatpants and a red hoodie.

“Let’s get you out of your kit, hermosa?”

Lia suddenly became far more aware of the fact that she was still sitting in her smelly and sweaty uniform. She didn’t have a change of clothes though, there had been a spare hoodie in her bag, but that had been left behind in the swiss locker rooms.

Her internal worry was solved though by Alexia reaching out and offering her some spare clothes, a plain black hoodie that had a little Spanish emblem on it, and some matching sweat pants that brandished Alexia’s number 11 on the front.

“Okay.”

Lia took a deep breath, reaching for the hem of her jersey and pulling it over her head. She reached for the hoodie that was in Alexia’s hands, but Alexia pulled the hoodie away, her eyes focused on Lia’s ribs. Lia had tried her very hardest not to look, but with Alexia’s gaze directly on her body it was hard not to. She was a little bit scared at the sight, there was purple all up and down her ribs, deep, dark, purple.

“Hermosa.”

Alexia’s voice was thready, the shock evident as she continued to access Lia’s stomach and chest.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

Lia grabbed the hoodie, very quickly throwing it over her head before Alexia had a chance to survey any more. Lia slipped her shorts off quickly, before pulling the sweatpants up and over her ass and standing up, level with Alexia, whose jaw was clenched and eyebrows were knitted together on her forehead.

“My cars here, so if you feel comfortable with it we can go back to my house?”

Lia wishes she was brave enough to say no, brave enough to say that she was comfortable enough to lie to Alexia’s face and say that she was fine to be alone right now. But she was desperately seeking out something, anything that the Spanish captain could give her.

“Yes, please, if it’s no trouble.”

Alexia just smiles and nods her head, reaching behind Lia to pick up her bag and then tugging Lia along with her towards the door. She said a quick goodbye to her teammates before walking Lia and herself out of the rooms and back into the tunnel. Alexia did all the work getting her and Lia into the car, opening the car door, getting Lia sat in the passenger seat and buckled in. Lia was on a different planet, her brain fading into places that it had never been.

Alexia began driving, watching Lia with a close eye.

“How come you didn’t tell me you were in so much pain? Those ribs look broken.”

Lia sat up in her seat a little bit with Alexia’s words, the Catalan’s voice awakening her from her haze for a second.

“It’s fine.”

Alexia frowned to herself, Lia was so quick to dismiss her own pain, it made Alexia even gladder that she’d convinced Lia to let her look after her.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, captain to captain, I know how easy it is to hide an injury for the good of your team.”

Alexia knew what Lia was feeling, she’d felt it herself multiple times, it was human, Alexia had been in the same position as Lia a multitude of times, the one thing she’d missed was someone there to guide her, someone there to tell her that it was okay for her to feel this way. Sure, Lia might have been a year older then Alexia, Lia might have been a captain for far longer than Alexia, but Lia had never had someone there to support her, Alexia had Jenni and Irene, she had people there helping her, Lia had nobody.

“I couldn’t leave them out there, it was hard enough during the game, somebody needed to be there after the game to pick up the pieces.”

Alexia knew the closer they got to her house the closer her and Lia were to encountering a different obstacle, which was vulnerability.

“You don’t always have to be that person, sure, you're the captain, but it isn’t your job to always make sure that everyone is okay, not immediately after a game.”

Lia didn’t really believe that statement, if she couldn’t perform enough on the field to get a win and she didn’t support her team then what even was her purpose?

“I know what my job is, I’ve been doing it for four years, I know my team and I know my capabilities.”

It was a lie, Lia was fairly certain that never in her life had she felt like she was more of a stranger to her teammates, she tried her hardest, but recently everything had felt so much harder, football, relationships, everything. Since the break up with Caitlin she’d felt like a skeleton, a half version of who she’d previously been.

“I never said you didn’t.”

Lia wished she was at home, back in her apartment in London, hiding under the covers on her bed instead of whatever this was.

Just when Alexia was fairly certain that the tension between the two of them couldn’t thicken any much more, they pulled into her driveway. Alexia let her eyes dart over to Lia, who was sat stock still in her seat, staring directly in front of her at Alexia’s door.

“C’mon Walti, I want to get some ice on those ribs.”

Alexia pinched Lia’s elbow, an action that seemed to snap her out of her trance, enough for her to reach for her seatbelt and open her door.

Alexia struggled with the key for a few seconds, before it finally went in correctly and Alexia’s door sprung open, to reveal a fluff ball of a dog at Lia’s feet.

“That’s Nala, she’s harmless, why don’t you go and get yourself settled on the couch and I’ll find some ice and something to drink.”

Lia just nodded, walking through Alexia’s hallway like it wasn’t a completely new place to her. It wasn’t hard to find the lounge room, she just walked the rest of the way through the entry hallway and was met with an open lounge room/kitchen floor plan. Lia gravitated straight to Alexia’s couch, plopping herself down onto it. What she hadn’t anticipated was the shooting pain that radiated directly from her ribs as she pounced on the couch. It was a kind of pain that Lia hadn’t felt in a long time, like she’d just been punched in the ribs.

It took her a little bit of jostling to find a position that didn’t hurt, but when she did she relaxed into the plush everything felt a bit better.

Alexia returned quickly, a ice pack and drink bottle in hand.

“Can you take the hoodie off, just so I can have a proper look?”

Lia really didn’t want to, but she knew if she said no in some roundabout way she would end up doing it anyway, so she saved herself the labour and reached for the hem of the hoodie, tugging it up and over her head, revealing her blackened stomach. It wasn’t a pretty sight, it even made Lia internally recoil a little bit.

Alexia sat down on the couch beside her, her hands gently grazing over Lia’s skin. It was almost sensual how good Alexia’s cold hands felt, her calloused hands trailing across Lia’s ribs tracing imaginary lines like she was writing a map. Lia tried her hardest not to wince when Alexia’s fingers prodded at the pinnacle point of her pain, but the debilitating shock that was sent across her body was too much not to groan. Alexia’s hand retracted almost immediately, her eyes looking up to meet Lia’s, a deep frown on her face.

“Their cracked, I’ve done my ribs before, nothing you can do about it, it just hurts for a few weeks.”

Lia couldn’t take her eyes off of Alexia, her eyes raking up and down Alexia’s body as she took the Spaniard in. She was in close enough proximity now to truly breathe her in, she smelt like citrus and strawberry soap. It made Lia’s scent receptors tingle, the appeal deep in Lia’s body. Lia followed Alexia’s eyes, down to her chest, where they were pinned. Lia’s nipples were pebbled, easily visible through her sports bra. Normally, she’d be ashamed, but Alexia was looking at Lia like she was the sun, like she was unworldly, and it did wonders to Lia’s confidence, and the rapidly growing pool between her legs.

When Alexia realised she was being watched she pulled her eyes from Lia’s body immediately, a little bit ashamed at the lack of control she had. Now was Lia’s opportunity to be confident, to show the Catalan that her eyes and glances were the only thing keeping Lia sane right now.

Lia reached her eyes up to Alexia’s chin, forcing the Spaniard to look at her.

“Like something you see?”

Alexia flushed at Lia’s insinuation, but she didn’t make any attempts to deny, just bit down on her lip meekly.

“You're injured.”

It was a matter of fact statement, and one of the only reasons that Alexia was yet to jump on Lia.

“We can take it slow, be gentle.”

Lia needed a distraction, needed something to make her feel less invalid.

“What about Williamson?”

Lia queried her brow at Alexia, curious of what it was that the Spaniard was referencing.

“Leah? There’s nothing serious happening between us, we’ve both just recently fallen out of love with the people we thought were our everything. She’s like me crutch, we have casual sex, we’re fuck buddies, but nothing more, it’s more just a bond formed from heart break, there’s nothing exclusive about it.”

Alexia had run out of reasons, she didn’t feel comfortable fucking a taken woman, but with the revelation about Lia’s relationship she suddenly felt far less obligated to put a stop to the dirty thoughts that were circulating her brain.

“Drink some of that water.”

Alexia lowered herself to the floor, gently, her body still aching a little bit from the game. She moved to the gap between your knees, edging them further apart, all whilst you watched her.

“I’m serious Walti, no fun for you until I see you drink some of that.”

Lia rolled her eyes, picking up the drink bottle that Alexia had set down beside her, taking a few sips to appease the captain, and also so Alexia could get on with it. As Lia took sips, Alexia tasked herself with pulling down her sweatpants that she’d lent Lia and tugging them off so they pooled on the floor. Once Lia had set the water bottle down, Alexia reached up for the panties. Lia involuntarily lifted her hips, the pure desire thrumming through her veins being enough to fuel her.

“You want this?”

Alexia was looking directly at Lia’s glistening sex, she was beautiful, her clit peeking out from her folds, her hole leaking liquid desire. Suddenly, words were coiled at Lia’s throat, the desperation coming out in choken words, her body desperately wanting more than the cold air.

“Please Ale.”

Lia arched her back as Alexia’s bot mouth connected with her, her hips rolling directly into Alexia’s mouth, her body desperately searching for more contact, more anything. One of Alexia’s hands came up to rest on Lia’s hips, a warning, stopping her from moving. Alexia’s thumb rubbed rough marks into Lia’s hip bones, but she didn’t care, not in the slightest, not when Alexia’s mouth felt so impeccable. Lia’s breath hitched as Alexia’s mouth moved down from sucking on Lia’s clit to her hole, gently testing it out by thrusting her tongue into Lia’s mouth. It was pure pleasure, Alexia’s hands forcing Lia’s legs further open, as far as they would go, so she had complete access to Lia’s sex. She moved back up to Lia’s clit, nibbling on the sensitive nub but didn’t leave Lia’s hole lonely for very long, a single digit replacing her tongue. Lia was a goner as soon as Alexia started to thrust the single finger in and out, Lia’s hips grining haphazardly down onto Alexia’s face and fingers. She was a groaning, moaning mess, her stomach and pussy tightening and clenching down on Alexia’s fingers.

It was perfect, until the tightness in Lia’s stomach was too much, to sore, to bad. She winced once and i was enough to have Alexia’s head and fingers removing themselves from her body, Alexia’s head craning upwards to see what was wrong.

“I’m fine, my ribs are just cramping, don’t stop, feels so fucking good.”

Alexia wasn’t content with Lia’s reassurance.

She got herself up from the floor, rising from her knees and shaking out her legs.

“Ale, please, if you don’t help me then it’s going to be your shower head.”

Alexia smirked to herself, keeping note for later in the night.

“Hermosa, don’t fret, we’re moving to the bed, at least there you can ly down and the angle isn’t as intense.”

Alexia reached down, pulling Lia up to rest on her hip, and walking straight into Alexia’s bedroom.

Alexia didn’t fuck around, she returned back to her task with vigour and urgency that Lia didn’t know she had, this time two fingers thrusting in and out of Lia’s hole and Alexia’s tongue going back and forth between soft, broad kitten licks that spread from her lips to her clit, to intense sucking and nibbling directed straight at Lia’s sensitive bundle of nerves.

It didn’t take long for Lia to get to the edge, Alexia’s curving fingers finding the toe curling spot inside of Lia’s walls that was so insatiably perfect.

“Fuck, fuck, Ale, going to cum, can I cum? Please, been your good girl.”

Alexia smirked into Lia’s pussy, licking up whatever wetness she could find. She suddenly increased her face, nibbling down onto Lia’s nerves and thrusting her fingers in a wild pace, it only made Lia clench down on her hand harder, Lia’s body's response to her actions leading her to believe that Lia was right on the edge.

“Cum for me Lia, be a good girl and cum all over my face.”

It was enough to send Lia tumbling over the line into starry goodness, a soul shattering orgasm wracking her body, causing her to spasm on the mattress and grind down further on Alexia’s face as her body rode out the pleasurable wave that was her release. Alexia coaxed her through it gently, lapping at Lia’s hole and lips as she slowly came back down to earth. Once Lia’s body had stopped trembling, Alexia crawled up from between her legs, joining Lia on the pillows, smiling lopsidedly at her.

She leant in tentatively, Lia met her half way, getting to enjoy the experience of tasting herself on the Alexia Putellas’ tongue. It was ecstasy, pure magic, something that Lia never thought she’d experience. Suddenly though, Lia felt conscious, what if Alexia expected something in return and she couldn’t give it? As their kiss deepend, Lia reached her hand down to the waist band of Alexia’s sweatpants, but Alexia’s hand caught her wirst before it could go any further down.

“Tonight about looking after you.”

“But I want to help you.”

Alexia smiled into the kiss, it was often she was in this kind of situation.

“How about I give you two more, and if you feel up to it after that then I’ll let you eat me out, hmm?”

Lia nodded eagerly, a big smile opening on her face as she pushed her tongue against Alexia’s lips, the Spaniard granting access.

Alexia woke up how she did most mornings, the sound of rain pattering against her roof, light filtering in through the curtains, the birds chirping outside. She leant over to the space beside her, a space that when she’d last been awake had been warm and filled with the presence of a certain Swiss captain who had been nothing short of perfection all night. When she was met with cold nothingness her eyes cracked open fully, a deep frown developing on her face. The covers were pulled back, and all of Lia’s clothes from the previous night had disappeared from Alexia’s bedroom floor. Before Alexia knew what she was doing, she was springing out of bed, as naked as she was the day she was born and walking into her kitchen, to find a similar sense of nothingness. Her heart dropped with the realistion that Lia was gone, without a note, without a phone number, without anything. Lia was hurt, in so many ways and Alexia understood that, she understood that Lia had been vulnerable with her, and maybe she wasn’t ready to face that vulnerability in the daylight, where everything hurt more, everything was so much more real.

Her frown didn’t faze as she made her way back to bed, with the realisation that when she crawled under the sheets she no longer had a companion, it was just her, all by herself. Lia was in a similar predicament, lying in a hotel room all by herself, trying her very hardest to forget about the way that she’d felt so infatuated with Alexia. Captains like them didn’t have time for romance or sweet little moments, they had countries to lead, people they were responsible for. Lia would go back to London, back to Arsenal, she would be better, when she needed some love she’d utilise Leah for a night and then she’d go back to being the fearless leader that she had to be.

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