mammamialetmegooo

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For people who are demanding to know how the hell “Take Me to Church” never hit #1, I went and looked it up—

That was when “Blank Space” was #1 for seven weeks.

I’m sure Taylor will be all over the charts once a full week has passed from the Tortured Poets release, but I find it delightful that Hozier finally got his #1 the same weekend she dropped a double album. Like it just feels like planets returning to the same alignment, it feels right.

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Hozier releasing a song from Wasteland baby! 5 years later is so real, the wasteland baby! Era never ends.

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No crumbs left.

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hey (with the intention of stealing a Lexus, being detectives riding around picking up clues, naming our children Jackie and Wilson and raising them on rhythm and blues)

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Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

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when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao

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the four horsemen of the apocalypse

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"how can you look so peaceful when you know I'm gonna leave?"

LIZZY MCALPINE YOU DID NOT

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"am i that good of a liar that i believe myself again?" ON THE FLOOR DO YOU SEE ME ON THE FLOOR???

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broken glass and all my ghosts are sisters and NONE of you can say anythinfg about it

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Better Than This by Lizzy McAlpine.

That's my song. I own it. She wrote it specifically for me. It is mine.

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GOOD MORNING LIZZY MCALPINE’S NEW ALBUM IS OUT

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People trying to pathologize like eating sweets and jerking off is wild. "I stopped doing this thing that feels good and I want more now ?? So this is an addiction and I have to keep avoiding it until the craving goes away" no you just want to enjoy things because you're a human being. Chocolate and porn and whatever aren't, like. Meth. It won't kill you to feel good. You don't have to be a medieval monk

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Is Pole Dance the same as Stripping?

I get a lot of comments saying something like “bro is a striper” (usually when a post breaks containment), so thought I might as well address the topic!

Please consider supporting me on Patreon if you like my videos!

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I am SICK and TIRED of seeing so much hate towards Al! Al hasn't done ANYTHING to hurt ANYONE! Al is harmless!

But I can already hear the Al haters out there!

"Al isn't original!" No shit, Sherlock! That's what we love the most about Al.

"People aren't supposed to look like that!" That sounds like a problem between you and God, and frankly, plenty of people like the way Al looks.

"Al is just too WEIRD!" Have you ever thought that you might be to NORMAL to actually appreciate Al?

I think you all need to apologize to Al right now!

APOLOGIZE TO HIM

APOLOGIZE TO WEIRD AL RIGHT NOW!

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People being convinced that "Too Sweet" by Hozier is a love song is like the "Anything But" situation all over again