#Akeo/Esteban

[akeotoeste]

“Okay,” Esteban’s ears pricked at the sound of Akeo’s soft voice. The man set down his bookbag off to the side by his shoes and sat cross legged on the other side of the pile of books. Esteban tried to not watch every move, and succeeded mostly. But Esteban was still aware of everything that Akeo did.

#Esteban trying not to obsess #first time seeing each other in months #personal growth is uncomfortable #excerpt from my book #writing and crying #cannon excerpt #Akeo Barbone #Esteban Alverez #Akeo/Esteban #those lovely and unknown

[lary-the-lizard]

Rant/analysis about my own story that I’m writing:

Akeo is in love with Este and these feelings originated in the fact that Este was one of the few that saw past Akeo’s potential and appearance and recognized Akeo’s personhood. He loved Akeo as he currently was, for who he was as a person. And then Este didn’t leave or get scared of him when he made mistakes or had big feelings. Esteban made it look easy which went against everything that Akeo was being taught at home. At home Akeo had to earn respect and love but with Este he was loved and respected just because he was himself.

Esteban resisted Akeo’s romantic love because he was scared that his own love made people leave him. If he was able to be loved from a distance and not have to reveal his hurts or true feelings then he was lovable but in the untouchable way. He wanted it this way. He so desperately wanted to be loved but couldn’t allow it because his father demonstrated (accidentally albeit) that unconditional and loyal love wasn’t worth staying for so if Este kept his people at a distance they wouldn’t know how deeply he felt and it wouldn’t hurt so bad when they inevitably left.

Thus we have an impossible situation that the boys extend for a remarkably long time. They’re not ready to leave that friendship they had before where they were both loved unconditionally and actively. But things have to break at some point because Akeo can’t keep letting his heart remain neglected and Este can’t keep pretending that their friendship is able to be saved.

[akeotoeste]

“Well you should stop liking me so that you’re safe.”

Akeo smiled like what Esteban had said was funny.

“This isn’t funny,” Esteban growled.

“I’m trying to not love you,” Akeo had said, sounding almost shocked that Este didn’t already know this.

“Why isn’t it working then?”

“I don’t know.”

#child Akeo and Esteban #Akeo Barbone #Esteban Alverez #cannon excerpt #those lovely and unknown #Akeo/Esteban