#2. I don't use social media as much anymore so I see less discourse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

destinyc1020 · 8 months

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Confession: I think this might be last post ever on tumblr, I think I might leave tumblr and social media in general. I feel like its become way too toxic and just not worth the effort nor do I feel happy using it, its just so menatally draining. In addition Im getting a little fed up of fandoms and stan culture, it used to be fairly a fun space but now it feels like a space where hatred, racism, toxicity have kinda infiltrated. Things like movies or just enjoying actors or whatever have become less and less interesting it no longer feels like celebrating but like we are in competition, like the discourse has become lets compare and be hurtful to others and their opinions and I just think fandoms have just been too invasive, too parasocial and I dont want to be in that space anymore.

I do want to say I enjoyed your blog and love how you try to bring as much joy and positivity to this space. You are one of few bright spots and keep doing what you do and thank you for cheering me up at the times I felt a little down . Its been fun but I think its time for me to bid a permanent farewell. All the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Awww..... I'm so sorry Anon. 😞

I hope you haven't left Tumblr already and are going to miss my response back to you. 🥺

Oh well.... I'll respond back anyway, no matter if you ever see this post or not. 🙃

First of all, thank you so much for your confession. I really appreciate your honesty on this topic, because I really do feel like fandom/stan culture has really gotten to a point that it's become exhausting in many fandoms... even when the celebrities themselves aren't even problematic! 🤷🏾‍♀️

It's become toxic for sure. 😞 And I, too, don't really appreciate the constant comparisons, the putting down of other actors just to raise up your faves, the spreading of lies and falsehoods in order to make other celebrities look bad, the recurring nonstop complaints about an actor's film career even though their career is going just fine, the immediate "cancel" culture just because someone isn't perfect 100% of the time, the jealousy and downplaying of another actor's talents just because it's not your fave in the role, the annoying film twitter debates, the use of RT as the almighty "gold standard" in a filming project's validity, the over-FOCUS of film critics and their reviews of certain films instead of just watching the film yourself and forming your OWN opinions, the constant bickering among various fandoms and stan wars, the overly-anxious fans who get nervous if their fave isn't in a new casting announcement every 2 months, etc.... The list goes on and on and on....

It's just exhausting.... 😫 And I feel like I see a lot of these comments bts because ppl can literally hide behind Anon on my blog and say whatever they want. 😩

So yea girl...I totally feel you. ❤️

I'm hoping you won't stay away forever, but I totally encourage and support you in taking a break away from here (or social media in general) if that's what you need to stay healthy and emotionally and mentally upbuilt. 🥰

If you ever feel comfortable and would like to come off of Anon and chat with me privately on here, or discuss this in greater detail, feel free to reach out and DM me! You'll always have a safe space. ❤️🥰

Wishing you all the best 🙏🏾🤗

#confession corner Sunday #👏🏾#sorry for the dissertation

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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hiya, do you have any blanket advice for those looking to do some solid research into self-diagnosis, especially as an autistic? good sources, common mistakes, etc? would appreciate anything because I’ve just had a long few hours of mentally spiralling into the depths of hell over trying to figure out what empathy and remorse actually are

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

Affective empathy (the type people mean when they just say empathy): The ability to recognize other's emotions subconsciously without thinking about it/trying to, and having those emotions mirrored in your own. So (for pwAffective Empathy) if someone is angry, you will feel angry (not at them). If someone is crying, you may want to cry or start crying. If someone is smiling genuinely, you will feel happy. There isn't a qualifier on this. You don't have to know the person at all, let alone care about them, for this to happen if you have affective empathy, but afaik it is stronger in those you're bonded with.

Cognitive Empathy: Being able to intentionally think about "putting yourself in their shoes" and figuring out, based on what you would be feeling/others in previous situations felt, what the person is feeling. This is something that takes some amount of effort and is usually what pwLow/No Empathy learn to do to mask empathy.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

Empathic Concern aka Compassion: Seeing someone in a tough situation or going through something that is upsetting (either to them or something generally considered upsetting like de*th) and feeling bad for them (also can include an urge to help them in some way or feeling bad you can't help them).

As for resources, I would say reading the DSM entries is always my first step in the long process of researching a disorder I think I may have. The DSM is thorough, if stigmatizing towards ASPD in some ways, and is the standard to which professionals are held in their diagnoses in the USA.

I also firmly recommend looking into anecdotal experience on tumblr, tiktok, etc etc (besides twitter which imo does not allow enough characters for nuanced discussion of mental health) to see if you relate to how the disorder tends to present. It's especially helpful to try and find pw any comorbid disorders you have talking about their experience. For example, I am AuDHD and have ASPD, which means my experience will be much different than someone with ASPD who does not have autism and/or ADHD. People try and discredit social media representation of mental health, to which I say "screw you, you just don't like that people with mental health disorders don't need to feel isolated and alone and shamed anymore". Obviously, take these as anecdotes, not guarantees on what the disorder looks like, but when you read enough of it, you'll get the vibe of what is controversial vs what most of the community with the disorder experiences.

Common mistakes: beware the loud minority/elitist assholes. There are people who are thoroughly convinced that no one with this disorder is allowed to look different than anyone else with it (Similar to people who say "you can't be autistic bc you don't act like my high support needs 5 year old autistic cousin"). There are people still using the word sociopath in an unironic way (and aren't just reclaiming it). These people will have you believe very ableist things they internalized. Notice them, block them, and move on from it.

Another common mistake is not reading into discourse about the disorder. Discourse can be stressful to read, but if you're looking into if you do or don't have a disorder, it can be very useful to see what is important enough to pw the disorder to be arguing about. You don't have to and maybe shouldn't pick a side while you're still questioning if you have it, but there is info to be gained in respectful discourse posts.

Maybe the most important: reading about stigma and ableism as tagged by people with the disorder. This will help you avoid falling into any internalized ableism and avoid getting blocked by informational accounts that could be beneficial to you learning. Do this before you post (or post again) about the disorder. Learn what is considered harmful, hurtful, ableist, and/or stigmatizing as far as the community of pw the disorder is concerned and keep it in mind in any future posts and irl discussions about the disorder.

Aside from that, I know a great post (not specific to ASPD at all) about the process of self diagnosis that I will link for you under the links to my posts about empathy and remorse. Linking specifically to a reblog with an important addition I touched on here.

I hope this helps!

Links:

It's worth noting that in this last link, OP (not Mental Illness Bingo) repeatedly remarks on it being annoying and/or inappropriate to ask blogs "do you think I might have this", and I personally disagree. That's just a me thing though. I cannot diagnose anyone as I am just a person with a (maybe somewhat worrying) amount of professionally diagnosed mental health conditions, not a professional. Even if I was one, I would not be able to diagnose you bc I am not your professional. I don't mind helping point people in the right direction if they feel I could be helpful though! I do agree that friends may be biased, and I know many other blogs have policies against answering that sort of ask, so know your audience if you ask. Just wanted to make that note here so no one things I'm vagueing them by linking that post. If I am uncomfortable with a certain type of ask, I'll make sure you guys know and probably add it to my pinned post.

Plain text below the cut:

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

I hope this helps!

Links are above, and I have added plain texts to the ones that are mine as well.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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brucespringsteendotcom · 3 years

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Hi! It's the anon about Kendallroy again. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, it's definitely given me a lot to think about! I agree with a lot of what you said, and it made me think of this:

When I talked about the whole participation from the spn fandom I should have been clear from the get go that I reblogged that post as well before everything went to shit. To be clear, while I think Kendallroy (if I understood correctly her posts) has a different opinion on that atm, I don't think anyone from the fandom reblogging before or even after phoebenatural's comment are responsible for what ensued. I think that whoever decided to seize that as an opportunity to doxx her is sole responsible there.

That being said I do still get troubled at the idea that 'invoking' us in posts means open season for them in the notes and for people to get straight up nasty. Like haven't we seen this before? I'm all for reclaiming tumblr pre-misha apocalypse times but if this means bringing back the whole harassment and vitriol there used to be whenever 'superwholock' fandom would come about then idk man it's not that fun anymore.

I reckon we've all grown up now (I use "we" loosely I know some people were literal children and thus not on social media) so I feel like we could try and not just re-enact the whole stitch as it used to be.

I don't think it's particularly fair to be made fun off on some rando's post who has 0 ground to stand on only for someone from the fandom to humble them and then bam! it's harassment time let's pull all the awful recipes on the op - sometimes dating back years ago - coming from people who 9/10 are not part of the fandom and there only for the juicy tumblr drama. (kendallroy is not the first, and won't be the last, blog that made a post that invoked the desticule in some ways in fact I've seen at least 2 recent posts that are currently enjoying insane notes rn). It's especially unfair when we often make our own posts that leave the fandom and become popular only for people to themselves get nasty on us for..... daring to post on our own blogs and discuss stuff we wanna discuss about. Like the entire premises is shitty. That being said there is a reason why tumblr drama is often linked in some ways to the spn fandom and it's because it's fun and easy to pick on us. Great! Now what to do with all of that? Well at the very least, I'd like for us not to be the scapegoat used by freaks who like acting up for clout and fun because we dare to interact with other blogs on this webbed site.

This is just a reaallyy long winded way for me to say that I think we should have banners for when we interact with other blogs like 'don't dog pile' or 'do not harass op' or smthg like the 'w*ncesties dni' banners, and instead of having 1 spn blog make a comment and then 15 more adding in their 2 sent we can just have the 1 or 2 posts that humble the op and then bam done and done. This sounds really naive lmao, like this might somehow fix the problem, but at the very least it can make sure that we don't claim whatever nastiness might come after and that we can just try and make sure we act a bit more responsibly online ya know?

This might sound silly I know. It's worth a shot? But I'm sooo tired of seeing popular blog make one post about us that blows up and back in their faces, like come on we're all here speaking to the void none of us really expect posts to blow up with 10k notes minimum and discourse for days, surely there is something we can attempt to limit the damage no?

I love the intention here; I think in a better world where the internet was less "the internet" than it is something like this would be plausible. If people want to add banners...that's great I guess? Speaking as someone who has had a post blow up and subsequently been dogpiled by a fandom, I can say from experience that those situations are irritating, and then they blow over and you're fine. The kendallroy situation is horrible and it's also an outlier. But I think the nature of this environment is that everything is blown out of proportion and becomes ridiculous very quickly. There's very little room for productive discussion and that's not really a pro or a con; it just.....is. like you said, we're all just speaking into the void. What's that post about how people are allowed to complain on their blogs and people are allowed to complain about the complaining. I think the issue is that a lot of people don't know when enough is enough. If you're gonna make an easy joke on a post at op's expense, at least check the notes to see if 10 other people have done it first! Idk about other people but the way I approach this site is that people are gonna overreact to the things I say sometimes, I'm gonna overreact to the things other people say sometimes, sometimes my post gets commandeered by people I wish wouldn't interact with me at all but again, this is a public space, and once something I say is reblogged to anyone else's blog I've already lost control of it. Is it good to dogpile and harass someone over a fandom? No. sometimes it makes funny posts though. Like I really don't think there's much of a solution here. I do think people should be more careful about knowing when enough is enough/when to log off but I can say that til I'm blue in the face and I doubt it'll change anything

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