#10 hours in animal crossing and I returned the game to the store I hate resource collecting that much fuck your resource collecting

[caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma]

Map of the Soul, Drabble #1

Drabble #1 - The Legendary Virginity Incident

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Word Count: 8K+

Warnings: NSFW 18+ cursing, fingering, hair pulling, hand job, oral sex (m/f giving & receiving), unprotected sex (please be safe), loss of virginity, consensual sex, biting, scratching, soulmate shenanigans, and just a healthy dose of derpyness from these two

-----------------------------------------------------

10 years may not seem like a long time from some perspectives, but when you're 15 and you've known your soulmate for more than a full decade, it's an epic feeling.

You and Kim "Elizabeth" Taehyung were attached at the hip ever since you met in kindergarten, and the two of you ran into a little trouble when his family had to move away the summer before you started high school. Luckily, you’d been able to convince both your parents and his that he should come visit for a week during the summer. A year may not sound like a long time, but it felt like a lifetime to you and Taehyung.

Once he arrived, you dragged him out of the house as soon as he dropped his bags on your bedroom floor. The week wasn’t going to last forever, and you had a lot of catching up to do. You were both walking around downtown looking for something to do and trying to make the best of this short time you had together.

"We should go to the beach," you exclaimed. "We haven’t gone in forever."

"Beach?" Taehyung replied. "Really? Sand and saltwater? That's how you want me to spend my time here?"

"I want fun in the sun, Tae-bear," you whined. "Let's go out and do something, yeah?"

Taehyung pondered your request and made a big show of propping up tilting his head and holding his chin up. Once his gaze landed on your pouty lips, he grinned and pulled you into his arms.

"Ugh, why are you so freaking adorable, babe?" Taehyung cooed. "I can't resist you when your lips get all pouty and your forehead creases up like that."

“Stop picking on me,” you pouted. “It’s summertime and there is no school. We can finally go and do stuff without worrying about any of our usual responsibilities.”

“Ok, ok,” Taehyung relented. “What can we do that doesn’t involve sand or saltwater?”

“Well, I want something outdoorsy,” you explained. “I want to become one with nature.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes at you and his smile settled into a sweet rectangular shape. Lately, you were obsessed with nature and animals and plants and flowers because you were reading Henry David Thoreau’s Walden and Taehyung just knew you were determined to follow Thoreau’s philosophical teachings of getting back to the simple pleasures of nature.

“Why don’t we go camping?” Taehyung offered. “There’s that awesome clearing near your house. We always said we were going to camp out there, but we never did.”

“Yeah, let’s do that!” you heartily agreed. “Want to go shopping for gear? I just got all that money for my birthday.”

“Absolutely!” Taehyung grinned. “Let’s go spend that bread, baby.”

Taehyung grabbed your hand and pulled you in the direction of the nearest sporting goods store and you started compiling a collection of camping gear for your upcoming adventure. Once you arrived home, your parents just blinked in confusion as you and Taehyung hauled several shopping bags and a large tent up the stairs to your room.

------------------------------

Once you’d organized everything into a corner of your room, you collapsed onto the bed and Taehyung joined you. You turned your body toward his and he tucked you into his chest by wrapping his arm around you. You played with the frayed patches on his shirt as he hummed a random tune.

“It feels so nice to be in your room again, ttalgi” Taehyung admitted. “There’s just something comforting about it.”

“Oh yeah?” you giggled. “Do all my collectibles and books lull you into a safe space?”

“Something like that,” Taehyung sighed. “You know, I thought all girls’ rooms would be the same, but yours is something different and I love it.”

“Just how many girls’ rooms have you seen, Tae-bear?” you probed. “You certainly never mentioned anything like that to me. Are you hiding things from your soulmate?”

“What? No!” Taehyung blurted out defensively. “Not really.”

You pushed off of Taehyung’s chest and narrowed your eyes at him. He couldn’t look you directly in the eye and you knew something was up.

“Ok, Elizabeth,” you spat. “Out with it. Why were you in another girl’s room and why didn’t I know about this? I thought we told each other everything.”

“We do, it’s just…” Taehyung trailed off. “It’s just something that happened before I came to see you and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

You gawked at the flush of pink spreading across his cheeks and you sat up, crossing your legs and bracing yourself against the headboard.

“What is it, Tae?” you prompted. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Taehyung sat up and mirrored your sitting position. He fiddled with his thumbs for a moment before taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly.

“Do you remember our last phone conversation?” Taehyung began. “The one after your Spring Break?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I told you about that asshole Jason who tried to force himself on me at the beach bonfire and how I broke his nose. Why?”

“Well, I didn’t break anyone’s nose,” Taehyung continued. “But something happened.”

“With who?” you demanded. “Was it with the girl you were talking to? What’s her name again? Madelyn?”

“Sadly, no,” Taehyung groaned. “Madelyn is 100% pure lesbian and she made that blatantly clear at our End of the Year Band Banquet. But I was a little bummed when she turned me down and her friend Ayla tried to cheer me up.”

“Cheer you up how, exactly?” you inquired venomously. “What did she do, Elizabeth?”

“She snuck me into her bedroom,” Taehyung admitted sheepishly. “Her parents were having a party in the backyard, so no one noticed. I only stayed for an hour.”

“A lot can happen in an hour, Taehyung,” you shot back. “Did you have sex with her?!”

“No, I promise,” Taehyung exclaimed. “No sex, just some hand stuff. It was my first time doing anything like that, so I was afraid to go any further.”

You sank into a deeply troubled pout at his words. Taehyung reached for your hand, but you pulled your hand back into your lap. Taehyung looked up to see tears brimming in your eyes.

“Please don’t cry,” he pleaded. “It didn’t mean anything, babe-”

“It’s not that,” you interrupted. “As long as we’re sharing, I have something I haven’t told you either.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened and he allowed you to collect your thoughts. Each passing second, he prayed that your tears would recede. He hated making you cry.

“I wasn’t completely honest about the incident with Jason,” you blurted out. “I wanted him to touch me, but he wanted more than I was willing to give. I only broke his nose because he was getting too aggressive, but I did consent initially. It wasn’t a random attack.”

“He still deserved to get hit,” Taehyung grunted. “No means no. Everybody should know that.”

“I know, Tae,” you sniffled as the floodgates opened on your face. “I just feel like I lied to you. I know we promised to always be each other’s first for everything, but I couldn’t help it.”

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung cooed while pulling you into his lap. “It’s ok, babe. It doesn’t matter. I think we can both admit that making that promise in the 5th grade was kinda stupid. I mean, we’re teenagers and we’re half drunk on hormones. Shit happens, right?”

“So you don’t hate me?” you mumbled into his neck. “We’re ok?”

“Of course,” Taehyung chuckled. “We’re always ok, my beautiful soulmate, no matter what happens.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned your forehead against his cheek. You had been worried about telling him the truth about Jason for months, but he seemed to take the whole thing pretty well. You could hear your mother calling the two of you down for dinner and you jumped off Taehyung’s lap to open the door to respond. Taehyung’s eyes were harboring hints of disappointment, but they quickly dissipated before you turned around to face him.

“Shall we head down?” you asked him. “I think she made Korean fried chicken.”

Taehyung stepped forward and offered his bent elbow to you.

“Well then, grab a wing,” he jested.

You rolled your eyes at his terrible joke, but still giggled as the two of you walked downstairs together.

-----------------------------------

“Tae-bear,” you called from your backyard. “Are you coming or not? We’re losing daylight.”

Taehyung bounded out the back door with a large ice chest and your mother waved as he joined you.

“Be careful, you two,” she smiled. “We aren’t too far away if you need anything.”

After she disappeared back inside, you gave Taehyung a questioning look and gestured at the ice chest.

“What?” he grinned. “She wanted to make sure we had enough snacks.”

You rolled your eyes and grabbed the handle of the fully stocked wagon. Without a word, you turned toward the wooded area behind your house and started walking away from his smug expression.

Ugh, why are you like this, Mom?

Once the two of you reached the clearing, you both started setting up the tent and organizing all of your supplies. Taehyung set up the lanterns around the campsite and started up the small BBQ pit your father had pulled out of the garage. It wasn’t enough to BBQ anything bigger than hot dog wieners or hamburgers, but it would make a great firepit for the two of you.

As you were arranging your snacks on the folding table, you opened the ice chest and gaped at the homemade sandwiches, bowl of pasta salad, and veggie and fruit trays inside.

Seriously, Mom? You never do stuff like this for me!

You spent the rest of the day snacking, exploring the woods, and playing games. You relished the purity of the woods and took a moment to absorb the peace and quiet and magic of nature. Taehyung trailed behind you picking up stray feathers, pebbles, leaves, and pinecones.

When you returned to the campsite, Taehyung decorated the ring around the BBQ pit with his treasures, and you sighed at how amazing and artistic your soulmate could be. The boy was an artist through and through, and part of you wondered whether anyone would be able to appreciate how incredible he was.

“Ready for dinner, ttalgi,” Taehyung called out after placing one last pinecone in his creation. “I’m thinking we should start the fire, roast some hot dogs and maybe some marshmallows? I bought stuff for S’Mores.”

“That sounds good, Tae-bear,” you agreed. “I’ll start the fire since I’m the Girl Scout. You get the food ready for roasting.”

“Hey,” pouted Taehyung. “I wanted to be a Boy Scout. I just couldn’t fit it into my schedule.”

“I know, baby,” you cooed while pinching his cheek. “My Tae-bear was too busy with his art and music lessons to be a Boy Scout.”

You kissed his pouty lips until they morphed into a cute little rectangle shape, and he giggled when you refused to accept his surrender. You continued to assault him with your lips while he pretended that your kisses were fatal. You both crumpled into a heap near the tent and your playful kisses started progressing into a heated makeout session. Soon, you were straddling Taehyung’s lap and slowly grinding your hips back and forth.

“Mmmm, you’re such a tease, ttalgi,” Taehyung chuckled. “Are you always this eager?”

“Just for you, Tae,” you murmured against his lips. “Your kisses make me crazy.”

Taehyung cupped your cheeks and smiled sweetly at your words. He knew you meant them, but there was still something gnawing at the back of his mind that wouldn’t go away.

It won’t always be me. There will be others.

Before the stray negative thought could coalesce, Taehyung pressed one last kiss on your forehead and patted your butt.

“Come on, babe,” Taehyung purred. “Food first, play later.”

You flashed him your signature Cheshire Cat grin and got off his lap to help him off the ground. Once you were both vertical, you began preparing things for dinner. Several hot dogs and S’Mores later, you both settled into your folding chairs and watched the cooking fire burn out slowly.

With twilight enveloping the campsite, the two of you snuggled closer together and just watched the small fire flicker against the imposing darkness around you. Only one lantern was left on inside the tent, and the rest of the campsite was enveloped in the coolness of the night. The sky was clear and full of twinkling stars and you released an exhale of pure joy.

“Penny for your thoughts, Tae-bear,” you murmured cutely.

He snapped out of whatever thought had possessed him and gave you a tight smile.

“It’s nothing,” he replied. “Just thinking about our conversation yesterday.”

You sat up in your chair and bit your lip nervously. You and Taehyung shared many firsts since your first kiss, but there had always been a hope deep in your heart that he would be the one to whom you would give your virginity. You were both already giving in to your growing sexual desires and it was a natural thing given your age. The hormones were weighing heavily on your brain, and it was difficult to differentiate that from what your heart desired.

The more you thought about it, the more you realized that this whole fantasy loss of virginity thing was just a childish notion. Real life wasn’t like that, not even close. In real life, you were just a girl who was attracted to all kinds of people, including Taehyung. In real life, Taehyung was just a boy who sometimes let his dick do the thinking for him, and that wasn’t his fault.

You’d played out the fictional scenario in your mind over and over again and the elements of the fantasy were just unrealistic. There was no way you could afford a fancy hotel suite with a massive tub and flower petals and bubbles surrounding your naked bodies while you entwined your hearts and souls together.

Real life is never like that.

As much as you wanted to wait until that fantasy could become a reality, you had to face facts and so did Taehyung. It was time to move forward, consequences be damned.

“Tae, listen,” you began. “I know we said we would wait until we were both ready, but I don’t think that’s realistic anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung gasped. “You don’t think I can wait?”

“It’s not that,” you sighed while looking down at your clasped hands. “I know you can wait. I would never question that.”

“Then what is it?” Taehyung probed. “Do you not want to wait for me anymore?”

“No,” you admitted. “I don’t.”

Taehyung inhaled shakily and you could see the hurt blossoming in his eyes. Before the first tear could fall, you quickly got up and kneeled in front of your crumbling soulmate.

“Tae-bear,” you cooed while cupping his cheeks between your hands. “I don’t want to wait because I want to do this now...with you.”

Taehyung’s breath stopped and his glazed eyes raked over your own. He could see the resolve in your pupils as they dilated and he felt a twitch in his cargo pants.

No, not yet…

Taehyung pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist. The torrent of desire building at his center was kept a bay as he confirmed your proposal.

“Ttalgi,” he murmured against your cheek. “Are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want you to do anything that you might regret later.”

“Why would I regret this?” you asked. “This is you and me we’re talking about. I know we’re still young, but I don’t want to wander through the rest of high school worrying about who might or might not get into our pants first. I know I talk a big game, Tae, but let’s be honest. I’m dumb as hell when I’m attracted to someone, and so are you. I just want to make sure that I remember this as something momentous and not regret that it happened. I want to remember it as special. Who’s more special than my soulmate?”

Damn. She played the soulmate card.

Taehyung sagged back against the backing of the chair and tried to rub the broiling lust out of his eyes. Unfortunately, you saw the motion and thought it was linked to rejection and you quickly got up from his lap.

“Look, Tae,” you pouted. “If you don’t want to do this, that’s fine. I just thought that maybe we could share this experience together, just like we do with everything else.”

Taehyung groaned at your pouty face and hopped up from the chair to pull you back into his arms. You tried to resist, but you were no match for the bear hug Taehyung pulled you into. You burrowed your reddened face into his soft chest and whimpered, which pulled at Taehyung’s last heartstring. He really tried to convince himself that this was too soon, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that you were right.

You always were.

There was no telling what could happen over the next few years, especially since you no longer lived in the same town or went to the same school. You were miles and miles apart from one another and that distance was affecting your relationship, whether you both wanted to admit it or not.

How can I say no to my soulmate?

Taehyung reached up and pulled the scrunchie out of your hair and hummed at the silken tresses that cascaded across your shoulders. He slid his fingers into the luscious waves and leaned in to kiss your forehead. The scent of green apples assaulted his nostrils and he moaned quietly at the intoxicating scent of your shampoo.

“Why do you always smell so good?” Taehyung breathed out. “I swear whenever I smell something fruity, I think of you, ttalgi.”

“It’s apple scented, not strawberry, Tae,” you giggled. “Remember, I’m the apple of my parents’ eyes? That’s why my middle name is Eris, the bearer of the golden apple and Greek goddess of chaos and discord.”

“Enough mythology, babe,” Taehyung chuckled. “If we’re really going to do this, let’s get more comfortable.”

Taehyung pulled you in the direction of the tent and you both removed your shoes before getting inside. The stacks of blankets and sleeping bags made for a comfortable bed, and Taehyung was thoughtful enough to bring extra pillows for added comfort. You reached over and turned down the lantern to a dim glow as Taehyung zipped the tent shut. He shuffled back next to you and you both cuddled up in the middle of your makeshift bed.

“Hello, beautiful,” Taehyung smiled brightly. “Fancy seeing you here.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the grin spreading across your lips. You took in the boyish features on Taehyung’s face and your breath caught when you saw him lick his lips. Taehyung’s eyes locked with your own and the sexual tension inside the tent escalated quickly.

He may look like a boy, but he certainly doesn’t act like one.

Encouraged by the hungry look in his eyes, you decided to break the tension by pressing your lips against his. What started out as a simple touching of lips quickly transfigured into a messy tangle of lips and teeth. You each tried to devour the other, and within a few moments, you found yourself straddling Taehyung’s hips and grinding your clothed center along his growing erection.

“Fuck, babe, slow down,” Taehyung whimpered. “If you keep doing that, I’m going to cum in my pants.”

“Can’t stop,” you mewled desperately. “Feels too good.”

You increased the friction along your clit and Taehyung gripped your hips in an attempt to slow your ministrations. When he realized that you were on a mission, he did some quick thinking and rolled you over onto your back. Before you could protest the change in position, you felt his fingers dipping into your shorts in search of your throbbing core.

“Oh my gods, yes, Tae,” you moaned. “Please touch me.”

“Holy shit, babe,” Taehyung exclaimed. “You’re so fucking wet. Is this all for me?”

“Mmm hmm,” you hummed while bucking your hips against his exploring fingers. “All for you.”

“Then I better not let it go to waste,” Taehyung mused while shifting onto his knees. “Mind if I take these off?”

Taehyung’s other hand was tugging lightly on the band of your shorts and underwear, and you quickly lifted your hips so he could slide them down your legs. He tossed them into the corner of the tent and made space for himself between your legs. You tried to slow your labored breaths, but watching Taehyung hover over your glistening folds with a hungry look in his eyes was absolutely breathtaking.

“Babe, can I go down on you?” Taehyung asked sweetly. “I’ve never tried it before, and your scent is driving me crazy. I need to know what you taste like.”

You nearly lost all of the breath in your lungs at Taehyung’s words, and all you could do was nod dumbly and spread your legs even wider. The sight of your dripping center was unbelievably enticing and Taehyung carefully lowered himself closer to get a better look. After inhaling the musky scent, Taehyung growled softly and gave your clit a tentative kitten lick.

“Fuck,” you squeaked. “That feels so weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?” Taehyung asked. “I can stop if you want.”

“Good weird,” you confirmed. “Definitely good weird. Please don’t stop.”

“Ok, because I really don’t want to,” Taehyung admitted. “You taste incredible. Like it’s sweet but also not. I can’t really explain it, but I know I want more of it.”

“Then what are you waiting for, Tae-bear?” you giggled. “Get to work.”

Taehyung wiggled his eyebrows at you and leaned in to kiss your nether lips. You gasped when you felt his tongue sneak forward and start lapping up the essence gathered around your center. You tried your best to writhe with each delicious pass of his tongue over your aching clit, but he was cleverly holding you in place with his upper body and giving you no room to escape.

“Ah, Tae,” you moaned. “That feels amazing.”

“Mmmmm,” Taehyung hummed against your clit, causing you to squeak. “Does it really, babe? Are you going to cum for me?”

“I don’t know,” you breathed out. “Keep doing that and I probably will.”

“Challenge accepted, babe,” Taehyung teased. “Don’t scream too loud though. Your parents might hear you.”

With renewed vigor, Taehyung dove into your center, licking and slurping and dipping his fingers into you with surprising precision and skill. Taehyung was always a fast learner and apparently that applied to everything in his life, including sex.

Taehyung’s fingers began curling as they reached new depths inside you and the sensation of them grazing against your vaginal walls caused you to clench with a mixture of discomfort and delight. Taehyung picked up on your body cues and began twisting his wrist slightly to create more friction as he pulled his fingers in and out. You felt a sharp twinge inside your vagina and a tightening in your clit and you gripped Taehyung’s wavy locks and pulled harshly. The pleasure was definitely overpowering the pain, so you decided to just go with it.

“Right there, Tae,” you whined. “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing that.”

Taehyung moaned out loudly against your clit as you continued to pull on his hair and the vibrating sensation pushed you over the edge. You bit down on your lip to keep your screams from escaping as the most intense orgasm you’d ever felt broke out across your skin. You’d masturbated before, but the outcome had never been this intense. You turned your face into a nearby pillow and cried out as Taehyung helped you ride out the waves of your climax.

When you stopped twitching and started pushing his fingers away, Taehyung finally relented. You released your ironclad grip on his hair and he shivered as you extracted your fingers from his scalp. He shook the sensation out of his roots and gaped at you.

“I’ve never had anyone pull my hair like that before,” he admitted. “I think I liked it. I almost came in my pants, babe.”

You both started giggling at his newfound discovery. He collapsed next to you and tried to cuddle you, but your mind was swimming with lust and you switched positions so you could now hover over his crotch. The outline of his hardened cock was twisted across his thigh uncomfortably, and not even his loose cargo pants could hide his impressive size.

Taehyung shifted his hips nervously as you continued to gawk at him, and he had a sneaking suspicion that you were trying to reciprocate out of some type of misplaced duty. He quickly decided that maybe he should let you off the hook before he embarrassed himself.

“Babe,” Taehyung began. “You don’t have to. It’s ok.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Elizabeth?” you retorted. “After what I just experienced, I have to know if I can do the same thing for you.”

Taehyung widened his eyes and snorted with laughter. He sat up to pull you into a sweet kiss and savored each brush of your lips across his own. You made little humming noises as he cupped your cheeks, but he chuckled and pulled away when you tried slipping your tongue into his mouth.

“If you really want to do this, babe, I won’t stop you,” Taehyung assured you. “Just go slow. I’ve never had anyone do this before, and I’m afraid that I won’t last very long.”

“Don’t worry, Tae-bear,” you sighed. “Just let me take care of you.”

You pushed at his chest until he laid back down against the sleeping bags. As you settled between his legs, you ran your fingers up his thighs and curled your fingers around the button holding his cargo pants together. You were gentle as you popped it open and pulled down the zipper. Taehyung’s bulging erection was poking at the top of his underwear waistband, and you nearly hiccupped at the sight of it.

Where the hell has he been hiding this monster?

Not being able to wait any longer, you leaned forward and started kissing and licking at his turgid length over his underwear. Taehyung hissed and pulled a pillow over his face to release a few shaky whines. You tugged his waistband down and wrapped your fingers around his stiffened shaft. The velvety texture and warmth felt wonderful as you squeezed it with your palm. The moan Taehyung released at your touch was music to your ears and you decided to test out a few things.

If he can learn on the job, then so can I.

After a few experimental strokes, you narrowed down the motion that brought the most delightful sounds out of Taehyung’s mouth. They were slightly muffled because of the pillow, but you could hear them nonetheless. You were about to try something else, but you noticed Taehyung clench uncomfortably and you realized that things were probably a little too dry for him.

He needs lubrication.

You licked your lips and smirked. You had all the lubrication he needed.

Brace yourself, Elizabeth.

You slowed your strokes and leaned in to sniff at the smears of precum spread across his bulbous head. The heady scent was certainly strange, but your curiosity got the better of you and you gave his slit a small lick.

“Oh, fuck,” Taehyung moaned loudly. “What are you doing, babe?”

Taehyung removed the pillow from his face and looked down between his legs to see your half naked form gripping his hard cock with your lips centimeters away from the tip. Your eyes met and he inhaled sharply when you winked at him. Before he could ask you anything, you pulled the head of his penis into your mouth and all sense of reality went out the metaphorical window.

“Holy shit,” Taehyung gasped. “It’s s-s-so w-warm...and w--wet.”

You continued to dip further down onto his solid length, stretching your lips, keeping your teeth hidden, and hollowing your cheeks, listening to each whimper and whine, figuring out the right combination of movements to bring Taehyung the most amount of pleasure.

“B-babe, s-slow down,” Taehyung begged helplessly. “I-I’m so close.”

Taehyung was so wound up from everything that he couldn’t hold himself together for much longer. His thighs were trembling and his fingers were clutching the sleeping bag beneath him. He wasn’t going to last if you kept up your current pace.

I've got him right where I want him. Let's see what pushes him over the edge.

In the spirit of exploration, each time you bobbed your head, you tried swirling your tongue around Taehyung’s shaft. After a few of those motions, Taehyung was clutching at your hair, trying to pull you off of his dick.

“Babe, wait,” Taehyung pleaded. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna-”

You grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from your head. As soon as he was distracted by that, you took him in as deep as you could. Taehyung released a deep throaty moan and warm spurts erupted into your mouth. You sucked and swallowed on instinct because, let’s face it, no one likes a mess (especially in a tent). When he started whimpering from overstimulation, you pulled back and wiped your mouth with your shirt.

Taehyung was gasping for breath, his glassy eyes wildly scanning the tent and his fingers reaching out for you. You nuzzled into his side and sighed happily.

“I can’t believe you just did that, babe,” Taehyung huffed out. “Not only did you give me the orgasm of my life, but you swallowed everything I gave you. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Are you kidding me, Tae?” you scoffed. “You know how much I hate messes. It just made sense to swallow.”

You allowed the temperature in the tent to cool, but the smell of sex in the air was intoxicating, as was Taehyung’s gentle strokes along your side and the sweet nuzzles along your forehead. Entranced by his affection, you allowed your own fingers to wander freely across his chest until hardened pebbles were poking through his thin shirt. Your hand slipped lower and you felt Taehyung’s dick twitch against your wrist.

“You’re hard again, Tae-bear,” you teased. “Haven’t had enough of me yet?”

“Not even close, ttalgi,” Taehyung chuckled. “There is so much I want to do to you.”

“So what’s stopping you?” you boldly challenged. “Show me what you got, Elizabeth.”

“First of all, don’t call me Elizabeth when we’re like this,” Taehyung admonished you as he nipped at your ear. “It kinda kills the mood. Second, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“How would you hurt me, Tae?” you asked. “You trying to get rough with me?”

“Not intentionally,” Taehyung affirmed. "But after fingering you, I'm not sure you can take me. You're so tight."

You stopped caressing him abruptly and sat up. Before Taehyung could utter a word of protest, you stripped off your shirt and straddled his hips. You had just enough time to unhook your bra before Taehyung sat up and stopped you. With the bra trapped helplessly between your bodies, you met Taehyung's concerned face with fiery resolve.

"You don't get to tell me what I can or cannot do, Taehyung Elizabeth," you stated firmly. "You learned that lesson when we were kids, or have you forgotten about the seesaw?"

Taehyung rolled his eyes at your reminder about an incident from elementary school and he began stroking your bare back in an attempt to soothe your anger.

"Babe, I'm not trying to tell you what to do," Taehyung claimed. "I'm just worried about hurting you."

"My body, my choice, Tae," you retorted. "I decide what I can handle, not you."

Taehyung opened his mouth to offer a rebuttal, but you shut him up with a kiss, slowly working your tongue past his lips. His self control crumbled when you reached up and tugged at his messy locks.

"Oh, shit," Taehyung whined. "I gave you a fucking weapon, didn't I?"

"Damn right, you did," you smirked while grinding your messy center against his throbbing cock. "You like it rough, huh, Tae?"

"Mmmmm, yeah," Taehyung groaned. "I'm as surprised as you are."

Taehyung's fingers found their way back to your creamy folds, and you moaned lasciviously as he plunged one and then two fingers into your swollen cunt.

The sharp lick of pain from earlier reappeared, but it couldn't compete with the waves of pleasure crashing and spreading across your nerve endings. You pushed back at his intrusive fingers, and your impatience was growing exponentially.

You reached down and wrapped one hand around Taehyung's fat cock and smeared the accumulated precum over the head and down the shaft. He felt so solid in your hand and you couldn't stop wondering about what it would feel like inside you.

It's time.

Without warning, you lifted your hips and brought one knee up. Taehyung was so focused on his own fingers that he didn't realize what you were doing until it was too late. You quickly angled his dick toward your clit and gathered up as much slick as you could. You slipped the head of his penis into your soaking entrance and immediately regretted your hasty decision.

What the actual fuck?! Oh, the pain…

In a slight panic, you tried to retreat, but it was too late. The warmth and wetness registered in Taehyung's brain and he bucked another couple of centimeters into you. You couldn't form any words, so you released a pained squeak at the intrusion and leaned in to sink your teeth into his exposed neck. Taehyung preened at your unexpected bite, relishing the sweet pain you inflicted upon him.

"Fuuuuuuck," Taehyung moaned loudly. "Oh, baby, you feel incredible."

Mistaking your squeak for enjoyment, Taehyung lifted your hips a bit and then pushed back in even further than before. You blindly clawed at his back and Taehyung reached down and tried to pull his shirt off, thinking that you wanted him more naked. In his haste, his limbs became tangled in the shirt and he began thrashing slightly to untangle himself.

Unfortunately, that just added to the assault his cock was launching on your swollen cunt. The stinging between your legs spread across your abdomen, and you clenched, clawed, and contorted your body, desperately trying to extract yourself from his clutches, but his dick was inescapable.

Somehow, you overcorrected your position and tipped sideways, drawing his thick cock out of you and earning a reprieve from the sharp pain ebbing from your dripping slit. You noted that although the pain was slowly subsiding, you felt an overwhelming emptiness inside.

Taehyung was still struggling to get the shirt off of his torso and head, so you reached over to help him. Much to your dismay, he was sharing your thoughts and leaned in at the same time, your skulls colliding harshly and drawing yelps out of both of you.

You both fell back against the soft pile of bedding and groaned with displeasure, your heavy breathing filling the atmosphere of the tent. The impact of his forehead against your own was reverberating through your brain, adding to soreness growing at your center. The entire situation was so epically ridiculous that you couldn’t even fathom your initial thought process.

Why did I think this would be easy and painless?

You huffed out in exasperation and considered posing the question to your soulmate. However, when you shifted your gaze in his direction, you realized that your adorable dork was still trapped in his shirt/straight jacket and he’d surrendered to its cottony grip. His soft belly was exposed, his chest was heaving with exertion and his erection was deflated in the aftermath of the heavy head butt you’d accidentally delivered. The bite on his neck was red and very noticeable and your ego inflated at the thought of leaving your mark on his perfect skin.

“Tae,” you giggled. “Would you like some help?”

Taehyung made one last attempt to disentangle his arms from his shirt, but ultimately gave up the fight.

“Please?” he begged. “My elbows are stupid and they won’t come out of the sleeves.”

“Well, you keep buying these tighter shirts,” you admonished him while pulling on the soft fabric. “Maybe you should go for a baggier look, babe.”

Once you pulled his shirt over his head and got his “stupid” elbows sorted out, Taehyung pouted at the mess you two made of your first sexual encounter. It was going so well until his shirt decided to betray him.

“Sorry about that,” Taehyung sighed. “I guess I ruined everything, huh? You were totally getting into it and I just had to play Houdini with my shirt.”

“Ummm, you may want to rethink that assessment, Tae-bear,” you replied. “I wasn’t getting into anything. I was trying to get away from you. I was in some serious pain and your shenanigans weren’t helping.”

Taehyung gaped at your confession and his frustration was quickly replaced by concern. He reached over and coaxed you into his bare chest.

"I was hurting you, ttalgi?" Taehyung murmured into your hair. "I'm so sorry. That was the last thing I wanted to do."

"You're not completely to blame," you admitted. "I thought I could take it, but obviously, I was wrong."

"Are you ok?" Taehyung asked sweetly. "Want me to check for any permanent damage?"

You giggled and slapped his chest playfully, and Taehyung only snuggled into your body even more.

"There's no permanent damage, you dork," you retorted. "I'm just sore. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

Taehyung sighed with relief and proceeded to trace little swirls onto your exposed skin. He began humming some unknown tune and the soothing baritone notes soon lulled you into a light slumber. You cracked an eyelid when Taehyung pulled away from you, but he was just gathering the fluffy comforter over your bodies to brace against the chill of the evening.

You sat up and turned out the dim lantern. When you rejoined Taehyung underneath the comforter, you both entwined your naked bodies together without hesitation.

Why does this feel so right?

The natural sounds of the forest and Taehyung's gentle snores coerced you to sleep, and visions of Taehyung's face contorted with pleasure wracked your dreams. You could almost hear the melodic moans and whimpers he'd released earlier, and you could almost feel his stiff rod probing against your sopping entrance.

Tae…

You gasped as you felt a hand at your breast, gently kneading and searching out your hardened nipple. You arched your back in response and a small moan escaped from your lips.

Such a good sex dream…

Or is it?!

The thought possessed your mind completely, and you tried to shake the slumber out of your mind in order to wake up.

Upon your exit from Dreamland, you found that Taehyung's hand was in fact on your breast, but he wasn't groping you. In fact, you could still hear the steady breaths behind you as the big spoon called Taehyung curled his smooth body around you. Your ass was sitting against his crotch and you could feel the heat and throb of a partial erection against you.

Still floating in an ocean of dream-induced lust, you unconsciously pressed your ass back into his crotch, grinding your growing wetness along his hardening shaft.

Fuck, that feels good. I'm still a little sore, but I seriously want his dick inside me again. Should I wake him up? Maybe we can try again? Maybe it won't hurt this time?

You tried rationalizing every possible scenario that would lead his penis into your vagina, but they all felt wrong. How could you even consider doing something while Taehyung was asleep and couldn't consent?

I can't.

You steeled your resolve and started to pull away from Taehyung, but the grip on your breast tightened and then pulled you back in. Taehyung's breath had increased in pace and it was husky and deep as he whispered into your ear.

"Why'd you stop, baby?" Taehyung grunted. "I was just about to get to the good part."

You released a throaty gasp as Taehyung's fingers slipped lower to circle your clit. The slick deluge he found only had his hips rutting against you with more enthusiasm.

"I can't stop thinking about your perfect little pussy, ttalgi," Taehyung hissed. "So perfect. So wet. So mine."

Two fingers found their way into your slippery folds and Taehyung was soon dipping both of them into your dripping cavern.

"Fuck, Tae," you whined. "That feels so good, don't stop."

"Wouldn't dream of it, babe," he chuckled. "Are you ready to try again? I'll be as gentle as I can, and this time, no failed magic tricks."

Taehyung moved his arm behind you so he could plunge his fingers back into you from behind. He drove them deeper and deeper, drawing out moan after delicious moan from your throat. The soreness was a distant memory now, and all you could think about was getting that fat dick back inside of you.

"Tae, please," you shamelessly begged. "I need you inside me."

"Ok, babe," Taehyung assented. "But you have to let me know if I'm hurting you, ok? I promise to stop and wait for you to be ready. There's no need to rush."

You looked back at his dilated pupils and pulled him into a smoldering kiss. After a few moments of stealing each other's breath away, you lifted your leg and gave him full access to the swollen sight between your legs.

"Ok, baby," Taehyung muttered while maneuvering his stiff cock to your entrance. "Here I go."

The head of his penis slipped in and you waited for the sharp twinge to return. There was a definite increase in pressure, but no overwhelming pain. Taehyung grunted against your shoulder and released a soft whine. You rolled your hips back against him and he slipped in a little further with an even louder whine.

"Fuck, babe," Taehyung whimpered. "You can't even begin to comprehend how amazing you feel. So tight and so warm and so fucking wet. I could do this all day every day and die a happy man."

"You're so big, Tae," you replied. "Give me a moment to adjust."

Taehyung nodded against your shoulder and waited. You pushed back against his hips and he slipped in a little more. After a few experimental attempts, you were getting restless. Taehyung's large slender fingers began circling your clit once more, enticing more arousal to seep forth and provide the necessary lubrication. You writhed in his grasp, and slowly but surely, Taehyung slid his dick in all the way to the hilt.

"That's it, baby," Taehyung coaxed. "Now, you're full of my cock. How does it feel?"

That was a damn good question.

How does it feel? I feel full and hot, but something's missing. What else could there be?

You leaned forward, pulling off of his lap slightly, and then ground your hips back against his. The tingle of pleasure that licked up your spine was all the answer you needed. Taehyung's throaty groan at your movement was so encouraging that you reached back and pulled at his hips.

"I think I'm ready, Tae," you cooed. "Go ahead and try moving. It doesn't hurt, I promise."

Taehyung pulled your chin over and placed a chaste kiss on your lips. You melted against his lips, but yelped when he pulled his hips back and thrust forward unexpectedly. The sensation was raw and unlike anything you'd ever experienced before. You both moaned out together and stilled your movements.

"Oh shit," you gasped. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I," admitted Taehyung. "I didn't think this could feel any better, but it does. I just want to keep doing this over and over again."

"Keep going, Tae," you pleaded. "Let's finish what we started."

The two of you proceeded to test out the waters of your sexual appetite. Taehyung discovered a fountain of stamina, you discovered new ways to bend your body, and you took turns exerting dominance over one another.

In the end, entwined in a sweaty heap of satisfaction, you and Taehyung sought out each other's lips, bringing the whole messy ordeal to a close.

"Well, we had a rough start," you giggled against his lips. "But I think we worked out the kinks."

"Speak for yourself," Taehyung grumbled. "I know there's more to me than hair pulling."

"Of course there is, Tae-bear," you confirmed. "You also liked it when I scratched your back and bit your neck."

"I guess I'm just a pain slut," he chuckled. "I can live with that."

You both settled into a comfortable position and pulled the comforter back over your bodies. The chilly night air was causing your glistening skin to erupt into goosebumps, so you snuggled together and drifted off to Dreamland with your arms wrapped around each other.

Perfect. -------------- "Babe, have you seen my laptop?" Taehyung yelled from downstairs. "I can't find it."

You unplugged the laptop and gathered all of Taehyung's accessories from the floor. Once you'd returned from your camping trip, you'd hunkered down in your room to chill and enjoy the last few days you had with Taehyung. You read your books, Taehyung drew on his laptop, and random episodes of your favorite anime shows played on your TV. It was absolute bliss.

Speaking of bliss, both you and Taehyung had a serious talk about your camping shenanigans before you made your way home. You agreed that although the whole experience was beyond amazing, certain rules needed to be set.

You both agreed that you were reckless by not worrying about protection. Sure, you were both virgins with almost no experience, but there were still precautions that should be taken. You decided not to engage in intercourse again until you had condoms and you were able to secure some type of birth control.

Teenagers can be so irresponsible.

That didn't mean you weren't engaging in other sexual activities behind closed doors. You both learned the value of pillows as a method of muffling moans and groans. You'd both experimented in your bed, and your parents were none the wiser. Things never escalated into the realms of intercourse, but neither of you cared. Pleasure was bountiful in other areas besides intercourse.

You also agreed that you needed to be completely honest with one another from now on. There would be no ill will if he or you decided to explore your desires elsewhere. There just needed to be open communication and no jealousy.

I am my own person and so are you.

The only other agreement you made was to continue your intimate relationship until one of you entered into some type of relationship. In the event of a relationship forming, all sexual shenanigans would immediately halt.

Soulmates just want each other to be happy. It's that simple.

You placed all of Taehyung's drafting tools and laptop back into his backpack and carried it downstairs. Your mom was lavishing Taehyung with homemade cookies fresh from the oven and a large glass of milk.

Ugh, spoiled brat.

You handed over the bag and he leaned over to place a small peck on your forehead. Your mother gushed at the small display of affection and made heart eyes at you when Taehyung walked away to place his backpack among his other belongings. You just rolled your eyes and grabbed a cookie from the plate.

Taehyung was going home today, but a part of him would never leave you. You became soulmates at the age of 5, but your actions at the age of 15 solidified your universal connection for eternity.

Whatever the Universe throws at me, at least I know I'll have my eternal connection to Taehyung to help me see it through.

#soulmates4life

Author’s Note: I really missed these characters. MOTS’ Kim Elizabeth Taehyung is one of my favorite self-created characters. I just adore him. I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I did. Thank you to @xxxille-girlxxx​, my lovely Goguma, for Beta reading this for me. Borahae, soulmate!

MAP OF THE SOUL MASTERLIST

@caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma​‘s MASTERLIST

#Map of the soul #bts drabble #kim taehyung #taehyung #v taehyung #bts smut #virginity #legendary bts #camping #soulmate

[xoxopandapanda]

Little Family Chapter 16

Chapters  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

FF.net

AO3

“Today is the big day, Koji,” Kagome told the toddler at breakfast. Inuyasha was walking with Shippo to the village to drop him off at Sango and Miroku’s for the next few days, so it was only the mother and the boy.

Koji looked up briefly from mashing his rice into mochi, his eyebrow lifted inquisitively at the tone of his mother’s voice.

Kagome nodded, smiling wide and looking at him.  “Today we’re going to go meet Grandma and Great-Grandpa. Maybe your uncle will be there too!” Kagome clapped her hands in excitement, leaning forward to lower her face to Koji’s. “Isn’t it exciting?”

Koji had no idea what was in store for him, but he was always willing to join the fun. He gasped loudly, a broad smile crossing his face and clapped his hands messily together. He laughed with his mother and rocked back and forth a little bit, before lifting his arms up, requesting to be held.

Kagome obliged and lifted him into her embrace, blowing raspberries towards him to continue his laughter.

She knew she should cherish the moment of happiness because as soon as the sling was brought out, he was going become defiant.

They had some success before with putting him in the sling for a few hours, while Kagome worked on the garden or Inuyasha worked in the fields with the men. But as Koji got a little bit older, and a little bit more secure in his surroundings, his personality started to come through.

And like almost every toddler before him, his personality had a bit of a stubborn streak at this age.

He was becoming willful, less likely to be appeased with hugs and kisses when upset, although a little bit of food almost always soothed his raging emotions. Shippo was also a constant source of distraction, the older child willing to play and amuse the toddler as best as he could.

But sometimes, even Shippo wasn’t enough, and a temper tantrum was unavoidable.

Koji was often the most distraught whenever he was contained in any capacity. He hated having to put on sandals to walk outside; he hated having to be bathed when he found a good and wet mud puddle; he hated have to wait for dinner when he could smell it cooking right there.

He was always completely besides himself whenever it came to taking a nap now, not willing to stay down for more than a few minutes, even with a parent next to him. Inuyasha or Kagome would lie down on their sides, tucking him close and trying to sing to him, but he would squirm and move away as best as he could from their grasp, whining and whimpering the whole time.

Whichever parent wasn’t on the futon would have to guard the door because of the mad dash Koji would make as soon as he got his feet under him. He would try to stay awake, tossing and turning, kicking his feet to keep himself active, until he was so tired, he was almost angry with the world.

Then he would crash and sleep for hours. Sometimes he slept too long, and wouldn’t go down for bedtime, creating midnight chaos in the hut as he sought to keep himself busy.

It was a gamble every morning if he was feeling cooperative that day, or if he had his own agenda for to fulfill.

Kagome often teased her husband over this mercilessly, often commenting, “I wonder if it’s an inu thing, to be so stubborn for no reason?”

Inuyasha would grunt and toss her an unamused look while he tried to reason with her. “You’re stubborn too, woman,” he would retort, snorting in her direction.

Kagome heard Inuyasha walking back up the trail, which told her that he was making ample noise so Koji could hear his father walking up. Sure enough, the bright red ears, which had become richer in color as the boy became richer in health, perked up.

Koji squirmed to get back down, ready to greet his father as he came into the house. He stood at the genkan, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet in excitement.

Inuyasha pulled back the reed door covering just enough to stick his face in and see his son standing there, a big smile pulled across his face. Inuyasha’s mouth tilted up in return, although not as big as his son’s.

Pushing forward even more, Inuyasha’s whole head was in the hut, but the rest of his body was on the outside. Kagome knew that he was trying to prolong this moment of happiness, where Koji was excited that he was home.

He also knew that this moment would only last for so long. As soon as he stepped into the hut and Koji saw the sling wrapped around his father’s chest, all hell would break loose.

Kagome continued to clean up from breakfast, separating scraps to go into the compost pile for her budding garden.

Inuyasha played a few rounds of peek-a-boo with Koji, using the door covering as his hiding place. Koji, for his part, would cover his eyes with his hands, giggling with such enthusiasm that he was unable to join in on the speaking part of the game.

Kagome silently thanked her husband for stalling the inevitable long enough for her to be able to clean up from breakfast and sort out their hut. It would be at least a day, if not longer, before they came back to it, and she always felt better when returning to a clean and sorted space.

Once she finished, she watched the game between boy and father for a while, sitting on her legs with her hands folded lightly in her lap. Koji had developed the type of laugh that squealed at the very end of it, and Kagome smiled and chuckled softly every time he shrieked.

He had become so happy and relaxed compared to their first few days with him.

She wondered if he remembered anything of his past.

Eventually, Koji became tired of the game, and stepped off the floor into the genkan to gain access to his father’s legs, which he clutched with such ferocity that Inuyasha squawked, “What do you think you’re doing there, bud?”

Koji just laughed and squeezed harder.

Kagome rose from her position on the floor, dusting her legs mildly. “Well,” she spoke to her husband, “shall we?”

Inuyasha waddled through the door, toddler-bound and unable to walk normally.

“Yeah,” he said, pushing aside the door covering and finally completely entering the home, “suppose we should.”

Koji had yet to see the baby sling draped loosely around Inuyasha’s torso, as he was focused on peering through Inuyasha’s legs to the outside.

Kagome picked up the few items they were going to bring with them through the well, including a blanket from the hut and one of Koji’s favorite bowls, on the off chance he was unwilling to eat from his grandma’s dishes. She secured the items in a large cloth, accepting Inuyasha’s help to tie it around her shoulders for ease of travel.

Kagome looked down at the boy, observing the outside world from the safety of his father’s legs. “Time to go, Koji,” she called to him. Koji looked over at the sound of his name.

Kagome squatted down and held her arms out. Koji shoved his head back between Inuyasha’s legs and gave her no more attention.

“Koji…” Kagome called again, hoping he would come to her and she wouldn’t have to extract him from Inuyasha.

A singular ear flicked at her, but he didn’t turn.

Kagome dropped her hands to her knees and looked up at Inuyasha, her eyes filled with unspoken accusations.

This was the exact attitude Inuyasha threw at her too.

Inuyasha looked away sheepishly, avoiding eye contact as best as he could.

Kagome tried one last time cooing out, “Koji baby, come here.” But the boy didn’t budge.

Inuyasha wiggled his legs back and forth, attempting to disrupt the boy from his task. “Koji,” he said, his voice loud and firm.

Koji pulled his head back and looked up at Inuyasha, questions in his gaze.

“Time to go to Mama.”

Koji rolled backwards, laying on the ground while looking straight up at Inuyasha. He tossed his arms above his head and splayed his legs out. His parents recognized that he was feeling dramatic today from this action. Kagome waited for the whines that she knew were going to come.

Silence remained, however.

Koji regarded his father fully. He narrowed his eyes when he saw the sling and his face furrowed together. Inuyasha’s ears pulled back, more out of a reflex than anything else. A face like that meant a temper tantrum was inbound.

Koji stared for a long while, contemplating his options. Kagome wanted to pick him up and just start walking, knowing he would carry on for a bit in protest, but she also knew that if she took this faster than Koji wanted to, she risked a prolonged and bigger fit.

So, she waited for Koji’s next move.

Inuyasha knew that he was now the focus of Koji’s undivided attention for the time being, because he had the sling on his body. The full body roll away from him also told him that Koji was most likely not going to tolerate being put in the swing very well, and he was probably going to be a very upset child for the majority of the day.

Inuyasha stared back at Koji, refusing to back down. Koji’s eyes began to water, and Inuyasha felt his heart break at the sight. But he didn’t waiver in his stance, nor give any indication that he was going to cave.

He and Kagome had agreed that tonight, the night of the New Moon, was the best night to go to her time. They feared that Koji might have a rather extreme reaction to his father’s human night, and worried he might make noise that animals or other things would come to investigate. If they were in Kagome’s time at least, there was no worry of a stray dog or what not coming into their home to see what the fuss was about.

That meant Inuyasha wouldn’t have to worry about chasing the critter out while appeasing a worried baby.

They had put off going to Kagome’s time until Koji had become more comfortable and secure in his surroundings, but as the first night Koji would see Inuyasha human approached, so did their options.

Koji was just going to have to tolerate being in the sling for a little while.

Koji finally looked away, rolling onto his side, then his hands and knees. He pushed him self up and crawled into Kagome’s arms, which were still placed on her knees but moved to embrace him.

He didn’t fuss or make a noise. Kagome tossed a questioning glance up at her husband, who also was confused by the turn of events.

For whatever reason, unknown to either parent, Koji had opted out of a tantrum.

Koji stood between his mother’s legs and buried his face into her shoulder. He didn’t cry our make much of a noise. Kagome held him close and rubbed his back for a moment, before scooping him up to be able to stand.

Inuyasha helped Kagome get her shoes on, so she wouldn’t have to try to let go of Koji, and together they left the hut.

They walked side by side down the well-traveled path to the well. Neither of them spoke the short journey, but they exchanged confused and concerned glances.

Koji clung to Kagome the entire way there.

Miroku met them at the well. He had agreed prior to stand at the bottom incase Koji wasn’t able to get through and take of the boy until his parents got back.

Miroku smiled at them, patting Koji’s back lightly once the family was in reach.

“Big day today,” the uncle spoke to his nephew. Koji’s ears pulled low into his hair but he didn’t react otherwise. Inuyasha looked at his friend and shrugged.

Kagome’s mouth moved into a very small smile – one that did not reach her eyes. “I don’t think he’s having any of it.”

Miroku nodded his understanding. “I can see that,” he gently spoke. “The girls can be like this too sometimes.”

Miroku looked over at Inuyasha, removing his hand from Koji’s back and smiling at his friend. “It’s all a part of being a toddler.”

Inuyasha accepted the politely worded advice from his friend, and Kagome nodded as well. Miroku made further small talk for a moment, asking how their morning went others, but there was little to say.

Kagome and Inuyasha wrangled with Koji’s death grip while Miroku climbed into the bottom of the well to prepare for the journey across centuries. Once Koji was extracted from Kagome and put into the sling, not without a bit of a fight from the boy who made his body as rigid as it would go, Kagome gave him a kiss on his forehead and kiss to his father.

“See you in a few,” Kagome told her boys before jumping down the well.

Koji’s eyes went wide at the sight of the light emanating from the well, and he leaned out of the sling just enough to look for his mother. When he didn’t see her – only Miroku at the bottom – he tensed up and swung his body back, smashing hard into Inuyasha’s chest.

“We’re next,” Inuyasha told the boy, patting his head with one large hand. Using his strength and claws, Inuyasha slowly descended into the well. Miroku kept his arms out and ready as Inuyasha put his feet on the dirt floor of the well shaft.

For a brief moment, the men looked at each other. Then, a bright light encapsulated Inuyasha, and thusly Koji.

Miroku was left standing alone at the base of the well. All went as planned.

Pulling the vines that trailed down, Miroku began his climb out of the well. He picked up his staff, left on the ground at the top and began to walk back to his own family, assured that his friends were well and safe on the other side.

#little family #panda writes #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha x kagome #inukag #inukag fanfiction #inuyashaxkagome #inuyasha #kagome

[nightglider124]

Japan: My Trip

Thought I’d put together a little photo diary of my two weeks in Japan because why not and I just like to share with my tumblr pals.

Read on to find out what I got up to.

Sunday 13th May

This was the day I flew out to Japan. I packed my bag and was ready to leave at 11am UK time. I’m not gonna lie to ya’ll, I was an emotional mess, leaving my family behind. 

You should know, I’ve never been on a trip without my family and I’ve never been out of Europe. So, going out to Japan with just my best friend was a big thing for me. So, was pretty tearful and then my mum like burst into tears; she’s a worrier. 

Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet my bestie and we did all the boring airport stuff and soon enough, we were on the plane. The sky is ridiculously pretty at different times during an overnight flight or at least, a flight that crosses different time zones. 

Pretty uneventful. I mostly ate, slept and wrote chapter 1 of CTD: Bound. 

Monday 14th May

So, I arrived in Japan’s Narita airport at 11am.

Then I went up and grabbed my suitcase as well as going and grabbing my pocket wifi - Something that is tremendously helpful if you go to Japan. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys but in London, I pretty much have wifi anywhere I go whereas in Japan, it wasn’t as easy to come across; at least not for free. 

The pocket wifi was a godsend. It can connect up to 10 devices and it lasts all day long when fully charged. Now, there were a couple times it tapped out but you just need to turn it off and turn it on again. 

It cost about £60 for 2 weeks but if you’re going with people, it works out better. Me and my friend split it so we only paid £30 each but very worth it.

But, yeah, defo recommend this for anyone who is going to Japan. It was a big help, especially when needing to look up locations and/or directions.

Next, we went and grabbed our Japan rail passes which look like so:

This was probably the best thing I bought for Japan. Not even joking. 

Even if you aren’t going very far, this thing helps so much. It’s a pass that allows you to use any trains that are owned by the JR company which is a fair amount that helps you get around Tokyo and surrounding districts. Note: You have to buy it before you fly to Japan and take the exchange form that comes in the post with you to Japan. You exchange it at the airport and they give you the passes above. Just make double sure your passport has been stamped because otherwise, they won’t let you have it. 

Anyway, this was £310 for 2 weeks but again: WORTH IT. It does depend on what you’re doing but me and my friend were out and using transport every single day. We also went far. We went to Hiroshima, Kyoto and Osaka - All covered by the passes. And for example, £310 is basically a return ticket to Kyoto so you are already making your money back. 

So, we picked these up and using them, hopped on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Shinjuku (Sound familiar, Titan fans? Yes, it’s the ‘roughest part of town’ according to Robin in the Trouble in Tokyo movie). It took about an hour and then we checked into our hotel which was: Shinjuku Prince Hotel.

It was a really nice hotel actually. The staff were friendly and spoke really good English. I recommend staying here; it’s right in the heart of busy Shinjuku and was only 5 mins from the station. We booked a deluxe twin room because two rooms worked out more expensive and it was not too shabby at all. I didn’t actually take any pictures so I snubbed some off google.

Anyway, we were running a little late and we had tickets to the Studio Ghibli museum so naturally, I was freaking out because the website expresses that they are strict on being on time for your slot. I nearly had a breakdown because... dunno if ya’ll remember but I had a right time trying to get a hold of these tickets. They sell out so quickly it is unreal. Anyway, our slot was 4pm and they only allow you to be 30 mins late. 

We arrived at 4:50pm and I was close to tears as I ran into the park it’s situated in. I was so annoyed and so scared they weren’t going to let us in. But...

They did!! The guy was so sweet; I think he could see by my face how much I wanted to go inside. He was like all smiley and was like it’s okay, go on in. I was like THANK YOU JESUS. Here are some photos:

They don’t allow photography inside to preserve the magic of visiting. And honestly, it was so nice inside. It felt just like a Ghibli movie and seeing the animation process and the short film and the original drawings... it was all so amazing. Being a Ghibli fan makes this 1000% better but it’s still great for people who aren’t as into it. My friend isn’t really into Ghibli movies but she thought it was still pretty cool whereas there was me in like awe over all of it.

Anyway, we stayed there about an hour and as you can imagine, we were frazzled af. We were tired from the flight but I wanted us to force ourselves to stay up so jet lag wasn’t as much a problem. 

After, we made our way back to Shinjuku where I took some pics from my hotel room:

Then we grabbed some McDonalds which was literally just across from us; something quick so we didn’t starve. I facetimed my family, showered and fell asleep.

Tuesday 15th May

So, the first full day we were there, it was a more chilled, sightseeing day. Nothing too taxing and we felt a lot more refreshed after a proper sleep.

First, we went and checked out the Tokyo Imperial Palace which was really pretty but we couldn’t go inside. It was mega hot the entire time we were in Japan; I thought I’d die. I hate the heat.

And because I was out in the heat all day and didn’t think to put suncream on... yeah, you can see where this is going... 

More on that later, because then we carried on to the Yasukuni shrine which is just down the street from the East Gardens of the palace. 

The shrine was cool and everything was so pretty; very tranquil and peaceful.

In the afternoon, we headed over to the Sunshine City mall in Ikebukuro where I forced my friend into the Pokemon Centre Store which was LIT.

I was fucking excited, ya’ll. I got some really cute stuff too. Got myself some Mimikyu chopsticks, an Eevee tail key holder, a Pikachu glasses case, a Pikachu makeup bag and a little Mimikyu figure bc Mimikyu is a fave and I have no cool stuff with it on. 

I also got my brother most of his souvenirs in here because we have loved Pokemon since the dawn of time. I mean, we’ve fallen out of it in recent years because all the new gen pokemon etc... we’re more for the original pokemon and original series and games. Seriously, when kids come up to me like, do you even know Pokemon I’m like bitch step back you don’t even KNOW. It’s like I got a Pokemon CD for my brother and it had a japanese version of one of the songs from the first movie and we were like screaming. That film man, don’t even look at me.

Ahem... the Pokemon store was so wicked but mega expensive like shit son. Glad I took so much money with me because I NEEDED IT.

After the Pokemon store, we went down a level to the Studio Ghibli store where I didn’t get as much stuff as I thought I was gonna. 

But, I got a Spirited Away fan with No Face on it, a Totoro and No face figure as well as a Totoro bib and hat for my niece. 

Then we went and had fooood where I noticed... I was extremely sunburnt... Like in the below pic, you can’t see it that much because it hadn’t really come out full pelt yet.

Pls ignore my hamster face but see my chest? Burny burny burnt burnt. I got back to the hotel later that night and I had the shakes where it was hot and all the heat was there rather than all over. It was horrible.

I’m lucky I decided to wear full on makeup that day otherwise my face would have gotten buuurnt. Well done, Estee Lauder foundation, well done.

But yeah, it wasn’t the best end to the day because then I was all uncomfortable and my skin was sensitive and I was mad at myself for not putting on cream so then I got all upset and cried but I think I was still tired from the journey too and I was overwhelmed but yeah; kinda sucked.

Other than the sunburn, I also didn’t pack shorts for under my dress so my thighs rubbed and were in agony as well as my vans gave me like 4 blisters on each foot so I couldn’t walk or at least was in extreme pain when I tried so getting back to the hotel was a damn hoot.

Besides all that, it was a pretty good day!

Wednesday 16th

This was the day we trekked all the way down to Hiroshima which is like a 5 hour journey by train. We had to take two trains but it was actually not too bad. It certainly didn’t feel like it took that long to get down to Hiroshima. 

One thing I will say about longer train journeys; remember to reserve a seat. Some like the one from Narita Airport are reserve only so you have to reserve a seat for it. But, others don’t need it and have “non reserved” cars but mark my words, if you’re travelling on these trains at a busy time, it really pays off to reserve a seat. We didn’t for Hiroshima and whilst we found seats for the 3 hour part of the journey; on the second train, we had to stand for like 45 minutes because there were no seats and then even when we did get to sit down, it was separated so yeah; book your train seats, people.

Once we arrived in Hiroshima, we hopped on a ferry which took us to Miyajima island. It’s about a 10 minute journey and once again, it’s covered by the JR pass. I loved that thing to death not even kidding.

Here’s some pictures I took on the ride over:

This island is home to the big red Torii gate that people may know of. I picked up some cute souvenirs and ate katsu. And there were even deer roaming around the place! A couple got married too whilst we were visiting and it was so nice. Again, it was mega hot so I was dying from that aspect but otherwise, I could live on this little island.

Unfortunately, we spent so much time at the island; we didn’t get round to doing the two other things we had planned which were seeing Hiroshima Castle and the Atomic dome memorial. I was kinda bummed by not seeing those but the last train was at 5pm and we weren’t staying the night so we had to get said train. It was okay though; it’s something to add to the list of things to see when I eventually revisit.

We got back at about 10pm and then it was lights out because we were exhausted.

Thursday 17th May

This was another sightseeing day that was fairly local considering we were pretty tired from Hiroshima still. 

We traveled over to Asakusa which has the lovely Senso-ji temple and shrine. It was really cute, the walk up to the temple is lined with all these little shops and souvenir like places which have charms and fans etc. Really nice.

Inside, they do this thing where you pay 100 yen and you shake a metal box that contains lots of sticks with numbers on. When you bring out a stick, you find the number it matches and you bring out the fortune. You get a good fortune, regular fortune or bad fortune. I got myself a regular ol’ fortune XD. 

But, they also have this rack so that if you get a bad fortune, you tie it to the rack to rid yourself of the bad fortune whereas a good or regular one; you would carry it with you.

Other than that, we hung out and then went back to our hotel for a while before heading out again to check out the nightlife of the area. Everything was mega lit up and was so nice. We went and grabbed dinner and also went and got crepes. They were a m a z i n g. Like they were so good ugh. 

After that, went back, showered and slept. Pretty uneventful day; just being touristy. 

Friday 18th May

Again, more sightseeing on this day. We went and saw the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and looked out over Tokyo.

Then, we went to the Meiji Shrine.

Aaand lastly, we went to Shibuya for the evening.

Yes, those are people dressed as characters from Mario Kart driving in the streets of Tokyo. This place was crazy. XD

After seeing the crossing scramble that is so infamous, we trekked back to the hotel and fell asleep.

Saturday 19th May

This day we literally went on trains all day to collect stamps. In Japan, they do these things called Eki stamps which are stamps you can find at stations, museums, shrines, tourist spots etc.

I haven’t got any pictures of mine but i got like 50 of them whilst I was in Japan. Going on one train line at all the stops got me like 30. 

We had nothing else planned on this day so my friend suggested the collecting stamps XD.

Sunday 20th May

This was one of my two absolute favourite days whilst I was there. It was the day I went and saw Mt Fuji and went into Aokigahara forest. 

It was approx 2 hours from Tokyo but we’d booked a tour instead of trying to do it ourselves. It worked out a lot easier. When we reached the highest point you can go to on Mt Fuji, by vehicle anyway, we had 30 mins to sightsee. We took pictures and went into the souvenir shop etc. 

My god, it was so frickin’ cold up there. Obviously. We were high off the ground like shit, it was freezing. But, pretty pictures.

We then went caving in an ice cave that is iced over all year round and is not usually open to the public. 

After that, we were taken back to Shinjuku where we grabbed food and went back to sleeeep.

Monday 21st May

We went to Kyoto on this day. We managed to see all we wanted to as well but then again, Kyoto was only a 2 and a bit hour train ride away.

When we got there, we saw the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

They were pretty but boy, was there a lot of people. I had to wait for so long to get pictures with none of very few people in it.

Then, we headed over to Kinkaku-ji which is this golden temple.

Again, very pretty.

Lastly, we checked out the Arashiyama Bamboo grove which was pretty also.

After that, we headed home to our hotel. We had an exciting day the next day.

Tuesday 22nd May

TOKYO DISNEYLAND, BITCHES.

I was excited and I can see why people hype Disneyland up. No matter which one you visit, there is this big sense of nostalgia and magic. It was unforgettable and wasn’t half as busy as some theme parks get here. But, I suppose we did go on a Tuesday.

Would hate to see it on a weekend.

The mike melonbread was delicious <3

Disneyland catered to the childish side of me and I loved every single bit of it. <3

Wednesday 23rd May

On this day, we visited Osaka which is about the same sorta time out from Tokyo as Kyoto is. Again, not too much going on. We checked out Osaka Castle.

And then, we checked out Dotonbori which was also very cool.

After that, we headed back to Tokyo. There wasn’t too much we were desperate to see in Osaka and it was raining which wasn’t the nicest.

Thursday 24th May

Last full day meant Harajuku and Shibuya for shopping day. I haven’t got any pictures but omg we went and did those purikura photo things? They are hilarious. It was funny doing them but even looking at them; they funny XD

I bought a bunch of stuff for myself as well as my family as souvenirs. It was funnn. 

Friday 25th May

The day I flew home to London :(. I was sad to leave Japan but I was really happy to be coming home. No matter how much you may call your country a shit place, there’s no place like home. 

Omg, I went over my bag weight limit with all the stuff I bought. I’m allowed 23kg and my suitcase was 27kg -.-

I paid £65 for that extra weight because I was not about to be that person who opens their suitcase in the middle of check in trying to decrease the weight XD

Pretty straight forward afterwards. I flew home and when I got to my house, my family let me have reign on dinner so we got KFC.

So, that is what I got up to in Japan. I loved every minute I was there. It is so very different than London and it has much more beauty than any city I’ve been to has.

I can’t wait to go back someday and I encourage anyone and everyone to go there. It is something else! <3

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! I appreciate it ^.^

#night in japan #night wants to travel #nightglider124

[mandimormon-blog]

Life is Messy

It’s time to put the broken pieces together, and actually complete this journal entry.  It’s Wednesday, November 1.  I have wet-looking, large eyes, (okay, not as large at the Snapchat filter) but I feel like that’s how I see myself when I visualize myself these days, using that big-eyed, big-mouthed filter, with a voice changer.  

My youngest daughter and son are playing “school” together in our ultra-clean living room, ehhh, ultra-clean-ish, since they got home, I guess I do see a few candy wrappers on the floor, from yesterday evening or maybe breakfast this morning.  I knocked on Remi’s door, and could hear her chewing in her room, apparently partaking of candy for breakfast.  Let me end this blog on a positive note though and talk about yesterday, later.  

Those wet-eyes I’m referring to are from the many tears and all of the sobbing I just finished up with, on the way home from my daughter’s Ballet Class.  I thought I was doing better.  I was feeling pretty good, but clearly, my feelings caught up to me.  The busyness and distractions can’t distract forever.   Why was I crying?  

Well while in Danville, Jude ran back to the dance studio, from Joann Fabrics, and I walked, I wasn’t going to run across the mall, keeping him in eyeshot.  Opened the door, plopped ourselves down on two small, wooden children’s chairs to wait the 1-2 minutes left of class.  We time it quite perfectly, because a six year-old (wild) boy + waiting doesn’t really mesh.  Honestly, I’m surprised he will even spend time in Joann Fabrics with me.   

I heard through the door of one of the rooms a familiar song but  I couldn’t place it.  Don’t you just hate that?  When you know a song but you can’t figure out what song it is?  This happens all of the time!   Oh, music, you’ve had such an impression on me, all of my life.  

So, Remi emerges from the room, after the other girls, with a huge smile on her face, and a little pep in her step, because she loves ballet.  She loves it.   As she and Jude talk and she giggles with another little ballerina and we make our way out to the car, and I return any messages before driving (unlike on the way over to Danville, when I didn’t even realize how far I’d gotten until I crossed the border, but we don’t need to talk about that - #distracted).  After I checked and double-checked their seatbelts, and we were rollin’ out; I asked Remi about her dance class.  Then out of curiousity, I asked if if that music I’d heard was coming from her studio or the other studio.  She said, it was her room, and she could sing it for me:  “It’s just a symphony…” in the most beautiful, little, eight year-old voice, and I started singing along with her, and then I added, “Glorious!”  

Confused, she asked me how I know the words and that song.  As I searched for it on my iPhone and we began listening to the very version she was dancing to, per her confirmation, by One Voice Children’s Choir.  She then added, “Mom! Your eyes are wet.  Are you crying?”

Sure enough, it didn’t stop.  It was probably the ugly-face look, tear-streaming, uncontrollably from both eyes at one time, that rarely happens.  I wasn’t bellowing but it wasn’t just a tear or two.   I smiled through it and tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t.  My own emotions, questions, thoughts, grief and series of recent experiences seemed to just hit me all at once. Remi interrupted my thoughts and my failed attempt to sing along,  “Mom, stop crying.  Are you going to cry like this when I dance?”   

“I probably will, Remi, I’m sorry.  This song is beautiful.  I’m so excited to see you dance to this.”

Journal Entry: 10/29

The longest week of our life is coming to a finale.

Let me begin with last week was Fall Break, an extra-longer-than-normal Fall Break.  My husband and I were pretty busy working and doing those crazy mundane tasks of daily living, plus community service.  Being totally distracted from our family and we weren’t going anywhere, so, we decided that Friday, the 20th, to take the kiddos shopping in Champaign and enjoy a “fun day” out and about.  Upon arrival at the mall, we rode the cool little animals around the mall for 15 minutes and shopped a little bit, and ate a delicious late-lunch at Red Robin.  

Gosh, even to type what last Friday looked like seriously causes my heart to hurt.  I had to get up and take a walk around my kitchen, get on my iPhone, and return to regroup.  

When we returned home last Friday, I received my passport in the mail.  This was a big, big deal.  I was stoked out of my mind for it, that I created the Snapchat “Passport” Saga, which has now caught on and is a thing.  When I say thing, I use that term loosely, because it’s only a “thing” to a few sixth grade girls.   I used the amazing jumbo-mouth filter I spoke about during my last blog, you know, with the voice changer.  That passport is going places.  Even Reis’s friends have snagged it up and used it for their own stories, “with Amanda’s Passport.”  I will share.

It’s all fun and games with you’re using Snapchat, you and your dozen twelve year-old friends, until someone pulls up to your house for your daughter and you’re alone, selfie-snapchatting yourself about to take a run “with your passport”.  

In this moment, I nonchalantly, dropped my iPhone arm to my side, as if nothing were happening here, and hopped up, and tossed my passport into the upper kitchen cabinet.  Then, answered my door.  The irony of answering that door was a very ‘deja vu’ experience I’d had about three and a half years ago, in a way.  A mother of a good friend of my daughter’s and her son came in and said they’d tried to call her and needed to speak with Reis about Jesse, her boyfriend, but wanted to filter it through me first.  

After they expressed he’d been accidentally shot, I felt the fear and chills down my spine, an instant, intense nausea, and when they asked if they could speak with her personally, I asked them to filter it through my husband first because my mind was absolutely blown.  He was still out back on the swing, Jude was in the boat, and  I couldn’t help but sob and I asked him to come and listen to what they had to say.  Then we brought the girls together, Reis and her best friend, Karma.  Since we really didn’t know what would happen, we were hoping for recovery, even possible loss of an eye, and praying for a return to normal activity.  This kid was extremely active, with a very promising future.  The kids were even planning on going to visit him early next week.  

Of course, they were nervous, crying on and off, and wanted to know how long he’d be hospitalized.  With my education in Nursing and the unknown specifics, I think my intuition was saying, “Be positive, but prepare for the worst-case scenario”.  I told the girls he was in the best possible care and I didn’t know any specifics as to what would happen.  Relatively soon after this, it felt almost instantaneously, and after hearing a myriad of rumors and stories, we received nightmare news, that he didn’t make it.  We called all of the parents together, first, before putting this onto the kids.  After they all made it there, we sat the five children down in our living room, surrounded by their parents.   

Breaking this awful news to the children, opened floodgates of tears and hugging and screaming and yelling, and every emotion all at once.  It was misunderstood.  It was tragedy.  Grief.  Hysteria.  These children are eleven and twelve.  These kids that were here ran around together constantly with this boy.  They spent time at school together, time after school until dark together, weekends together, Facetiming, Snapchatting, Instagramming, Selfie-sending, the whole sha-bang of social media communications, usually by showing their faces or whatever kind of mischief they were into, one to another.  They visited the Java on a regular basis, wreaking havoc, updating their “stories”, getting kicked out of CVS, going to the Dollar Store, Casey’s, and the park.  The community saw these kiddos everywhere.  The girls would watch Football games on Saturdays and Soccer Games, just so Reis could see this boy.  

Grief is an overwelming force that demands to be felt.  If you remember, I took a Faith Community Nursing class earlier this year, when things were as slow as they were going to be and the Grief Module was a toughy.  In order to help anyone else with this kind of experience we needed to know how we personally felt about grief and loss, and then recollect our earliest experience with death or any significant losses.  

Grief is a bomb dropped.  Yesterday there was a house, with walls, a roof, and the smells of life steaming up the windows.  Today, only rubble of a disaster.  Shards of broken confidence and the dust of dreams litter a cracked foundation.  (Stephanie Erickson, Author of Companion Through the Darkness)   I’ve also heard of the wave-analogy.  They keep coming but eventually, instead of all at once barely breathing in between, they lessen and sometimes occur unexpectedly.  In the moment, eventually and time can’t even be considered.  It’s now.  It’s in the moment.  

The morning after, I came downstairs and wrote this:

Journal Entry 10/21

I’ve been up for hours and it’s 6 AM.  I woke up startled, holding my own breath, and then reality sunk in.  Reality that seemed like a nightmare.  It’s the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones.  My eyes welled up with tears, and I made my way downstairs to check on more than a half a dozen eleven- and twelve-year old girls.  Laying everywhere, on the floors and in the beds, sleeping, soundly -- their youthful faces puffy from the hundreds of tears they’d cried over the past hours. I put my sleeve up to my face to muffle my own audible sobbing.  I just, so badly, wanted to pick my daughter up off the the floor, and hold her, and cry with her.  I wanted to take that inevitable pain away, she would feel as soon as her eyes opened and reality hit her like a ton of bricks.  That pain that’s staying for awhile and will never truly heal completely.

That numb, paralyzing feeling I had, has now shifted into another stage of grief cycle.  Grieving is so very dimensional and demands to be felt and I know, according to the textbook, that’s okay and eventually things would get easier and happier moments would come, but when you’re in it - it’s the perfect storm.  It needs to be expressed.  It takes me back, three and a half years ago, when I was wondering how my daughter, Reis, eight years old, would take the devastation learning her father had died, by choice, unexpectedly.  

Later at age 10, I witnessed the grief shift for her with the loss of a beloved pet, Amidee, which was a part of the family, this seemed to be incredibly traumatic but I later found out it was because of unresolved grief previously, and now, at age 12, her boyfriend - not to mention one of her very best friends (for several years) - and “first big crush” was gone, too, completely unexpectedly, tragically.  Three very different, yet horrific experiences shared in our home, in the very same place with her, in our living room, surely digging up deeper wounds or really catalyzing the grieving process.  

I felt her pain deeply, for my first ‘love’ had been her daddy, around her very same age.  It feels so real when you’re in it and I was crazy about that boy, as I know, and anyone who knows these kids knows, Reis is about Jesse.

The grief for this eleven year-old boy, who stood just two days before, in our kitchen, with his big, beautiful, brown eyes, his unmatched wit, and his vibrant personality -- was hitting hard, in a way that cannot be described in words.  This boy who’d been a wonderful friend to my daughter for years, and been a positive, encouraging role in her life, during this beginning transition into middle school, had been taken from this life, before the story was finished.  Such permanence.  

On the brink of complete and utter devastation, and all that encompasses that, here I am, replaying those “what if” and “why” questions, not fathoming the pain his mother is going through (thinking of my own sweet son) or this boy’s father, or his dear brother, and sister and all of their family, grieving their great loss and grieving for each other.  My thoughts traced over everyone who called this little boy a “son” because he was truly a best friend to several boys and a few moms saw him very often, anyone who loved this guy - these thoughts, on repeat, through my mind, and searching for words of comfort, before putting on my own armor for the day, to be present, a shoulder for my sweet baby girl to cry on, a game face for dozens of friends and families.  This group of friends, so close and always together, have just had their lives altered forever.  This boy was one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable, and he’s left an impression on all of hearts and minds, leaving us changed, forever.

On Sunday, Jesse and Kolton came inside, and waited on the girls to put on sweatshirts and go out into the drizzly elements.  I didn’t feel great that day, but I did snap a picture of the girls leaving and the boys were on the steps, barely visible.  That day was the same day the kids had been stalking Jesse’s photos on social media, and snapchatting him photos of them, with the line from the song, Mad World.  “All around me are familiar faces..”  This is probably normal thing for little girls in middle school, in 2017.  Then they all left but came back  through later when we were working on the flag for the boat, my husband constructed in 90 minutes.

On Wednesday of that week, he’d been inside the house, because the girls said it was “too cold” to be outside, at 55 degrees.  Reis had slumped her shoulders down and was dragging her feet around the kitchen declaring her hunger, it was 12:01 p.m..  As I leaned against the bar, on my phone, without looking up, I selfishly said, “Get yourself some food, there’s plenty here, find something.”

Reis then sent my husband a message asking him to get them food and there was a whole orchestra of messages between the three of us.  Reis expressed she hadn’t been feeling well and the only real meal she’d had, the evening before, was a salad from the Beef House.  (Real first world problems, here.)   It was true, she missed school that Monday, because she had been under the weather, but I insisted she go Tuesday if she wanted to see her friends on Tuesday evening or throughout Fall Break.   

Since she wasn’t against gluten-free nuggets and fries from the freezer bin, I whipped out the jumbo package of ground beef and made cheeseburgers, g/f mac-n-cheese, green beans, and potato wedges.  

The squad: Reis, Karma, Kennady, Ella, all sat around the dining room table, and Jesse stood next to Reis, saying he was good, each time I offered, stating he had a large breakfast.  The girls pigged out, per the norm, and my husband came in and sat in the empty seat at the dining room table, asking everyone to listen up.  This was about to get good.  My husband and I are huge fans of ‘Resilience’, and he had a way about conveying a good message to these youngsters.    

In a calm, very rational manner, he asked the girls what the word, “Entitlement” meant.  Jesse cut into the conversation, “I’m not very smart, you’re gonna have to tell me.”  Allen, gently corrected him, “You’re smart.  It’s okay if you don’t know, I want to explain it.”  

He then read from the definition (which later I was told by Reis that the girls thought Allen didn’t know the definition and that was why he was reading it), and discussed what it was to have ‘privileges’.  

*Crickets*,yet, again, but by this point, Reis sprang up and cleared her plate and began working on the dishes.  Our eyes met twice and she gave me ‘the look’ of utter humiliation and embarrassment.  

Jesse, always outspoken, commented how he really didn’t have privileges, the girls agreed they didn’t either, but Allen, again, gently corrected them all by explaining the cell phone was a privilege, not a right, as was the time the kids were able to hang out together, the sports and activities, they most likely don’t fund themselves, and the list goes on.  

All-in-all the conversation was for Reis’s benefit, and I’m positive she’ll never forget it.  I know I won’t.   I whispered to her, her friends know her dad and her friends are not upset or offended, they are just fine and dandy.  Clearly, they were laughing and conversing with him even after the “talk” was over.  After he left, and I was drying the dishes, I witnessed Reis snapchatting Jesse from across the room while Ella, Kennady, and Karma lounged on the floor and couch, and Jude, too, Jude occasionally showing Jesse his game because he honestly has always thought when Jesse, Josh, or Kolton come over, it’s to play with him.  

Later, I said something about my passport, and Jesse asked me where I was going, and I said, “To Mexico!” in an over-exaggerated voice, Reis didn’t miss a beat, because she said, “Your home country”, back to him.  I then raised an eyebrow at them both, and he said, “Yeah, did you know I’m from Mexico?”

“Jesse, I know your who your parents are, you’re not from Mexico.”  He then told me, “Yeah, I know.  But they say I am because I’m tan.”  

Later, I went into Reis’s room, and tiptoed over the bags and clothing that had been “straightened up”, when motion caught my eye outside of her bedroom window.  I peered outside to see Jesse, wearing a Sombrero along with his buddies, too, with Kolton, the Copas Boys, Davy, possibly a Kindell boy, too, and my son, in the custom  “Despacito” a boat, my husband had constructed.  The girls were standing all around, too, and I said, “Allen, come here and look at this sight.  Grab my phone.  I need to take a photo.”  I didn’t get my phone and never took a photo but it’s imprinted in my mind, forever.   

The boat evolved from a fishing pole.  My son begged me to make a fishing pole with him, so I did.  We both used sticks and tied a small ribbon to the end.  Funny thing is, we fished up some leaves because the ends of the ribbons were fuzzy enough to pick them up.  We pretended we were fishing from our dock (aka picnic table) and the tailgate of my husband’s truck, and Jude would do the commentary of our excursion.  I feels like a lifetime ago, since this happened, since so very much has happened, seriously.  

Life has a way about teaching you about priorities.  Doesn’t it?

The candlelight vigil was something I’d never experienced and a spiritual feeling I’d never felt before, ever.  It was beautiful.  A moment I remember while shuffling around trying to make sure everything was good to go, was watching my daughter walk, briskly toward the restroom.  I could see her wiping her eyes more than once on her way there, so I followed her.  When I walked up to the doorway, I witnessed her sobbing, embraced by a group of her friends, all crying together.  It was beautiful and painful all at once.  She saw me and gave me the nod (aka the head shake) that I wasn’t needed here, so I turned around and walked away.  

I can’t express how much it hurts or how helpless a mother feels when she can’t take the pain away.  She can’t make it better.  She can’t fix this.  I’m learning.  A good friend visited me during lunch, while I was in the office, yesterday.  He had heard something that made him think of Reis and of me.  

He told me about the Metamorphosis of a Butterfly.  As we all know, the butterfly doesn’t begin as a butterfly, but rather a caterpillar.  Then before the big change, it forms a chrysalis and eventually emerges, completely changed as a butterfly.  

A scientist was observing this process, and he noticed the butterfly he was observing was having trouble emerging.  So, he simply clipped the top of the sac and almost immediately and simply, the butterfly was able to get out.  Yet, even though this seemed to make it easier, the butterfly’s wings did not expand and it never took flight.  

Why?  Because the butterfly needed that experience, to breakthrough the sac without aide, in order to pump fluid from it’s abdomen through the veins in the wings, which causes the wings to expand to their full size.  It’s something the butterfly must go through to fly.  

Initially, this story hurt my heart.  I think it’s pretty normal for us, as parents, to want our children to live very uneventful, normal lives, with little suffering, grief, and anxiety.  We don’t want our child bullied.  We don’t want them to feel lonely or depressed.  Naturally, we don’t want them to hurt or to feel pain.  We want to take their pain away, “fix it”. We’d gladly take on their suffering if we could. 

Even friends feel this way.  I can’t even tell you how many kids, said to me, they wished they could take Jesse’s place, so their friends wouldn’t be hurting so much, because he was such a great person, and so Reis would be okay. 

These comments aren’t alarming because they were each saying this only out of love. 

They love Jesse, they are going to keep loving Jesse, and they love each other, yet this wasn’t their path or plan.  I assured each of them they are meant to be here, right now, for each other, and although we can’t put the ‘why things like this happen’, into words, one day we will look back on this and see what kind of growth came from this experience, how this changed our life, how we could help other people and how we were better friends.  Jesse’s charisma and goodness can be emulated in each of our lives, every day.  As hard and as cliche as it may sound, he can live on, through us.  

Yet with removing trivial pursuits, as my husband says, “You’ll find a new obsession or addiction.” That obsession is Snapchat.  

I created a “story” on Halloween Eve (Is that a thing?  Maybe I should say on October 30) the Five Step Approach to TP’ing Homes.  In fact, I sent it to all of my snappy buddies, then I had to create a collaboration of those five things for “My Story”.  It was about as epic as The Passport Saga: Oh The Places Amanda’s Passport Will Go, I mentioned.  

As mentioned, the median age of my Snapchat Friends is probably 12, and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that a Twelve Year-Old Girl is most likely my Spirit Animal.   Clearly, because that’s what I went as for Halloween.  That or “Mama Vandallama” my criminal alias.  

So, I washed my hair extensions, finally.  They’d survived Tyreischella with Boho Braids, and feathers still affixed, and Haunted Trailz, on Saturday, when I gave it my best acting skills plus the girls clipped my extensions into Whylee’s hair after the Trailz.  Those extensions needed recovery.

Ok, and to be real honest, we tried doing what the Trailz Coordinator wanted, during Haunted Trailz.  My husband was supposed to appear to be dragging me across the trail and apparently, my acting skills are rusty and maybe we shouldn’t even refer whatever I did as acting or a skill.  So, I played “dead”, trail goers would shine the flashlight on my “pretend dead” acting, which allowed my husband to come up from behind, in a creepy mask, and startle them pretty, darn good.  This lasted for only a couple of hours, because by that point we had a dozen sixth graders asking to go home to the warmth, and they weren’t going unattended.  

Anyway, shampooed extensions, lying out to dry.  A friend of mine stopped in with some money from the event over the weekend, and she mentioned another perfect addition to the ‘Four-become-Five Step How to TP Approach’, and I added that in.  I let her in on what was going down because at that point I had a pair of black panty hose on my head like a do-rag which may have seemed a little more legit since my “weave” was out on the counter.

On Halloween morning, I clipped in my extensions, to prepare my disguise for the evening.  After returning home from work that day, I opened my daughter’s room to half a dozen girls dressed in all black, as instructed.  I then put on some war paint, and was ready.  I found it pure comedy as more kids showed up to our home, they openly were being dropped off by their parents and carrying 4-6 rolls of toilet paper in their arms.  I guess there were no objections or clearly those kids had a stellar alibi-to-come.  I’m gonna go with the no objections option.

There were 8, then 9, then 11, then 16 kids in our group.  It felt a lot like the meme “I feel young until I hang out with twelve year-olds, then I remember I’m definitely 31.”  They didn’t really have a plan, and when they thought they had a plan, they actually knocked on their teacher’s door.  They were chased off a majority of the time, which is comical, and by the time we stopped in for some free hot dogs at the Old Gym, they were ready to have an “escape vehicle”.  Sadly, my husband’s truck was containing some doors and junk that wouldn’t support 12 kids, too, so we took the “Hot Mess Express” (my Mountaineer).  The juvenile delinquents put the seats down (both rows), so it was flat, and they insisted on maneuvering safely in and out of the vehicle by keeping the tailgate lifted the entire time.  Remi came, too, so she said on my console, and I always had a co-pilot.  We tried a few teacher’s houses and relative’s homes, but inevitably each and every time, the kids would come in a dead sprint back, and without time for a roll-call, I’d yell, “Are we all in?”  “YES! GO GO GO!” and I’d almost have to close my eyes and speed off.  Nice thing about keeping that tailgate lifted, even while driving down Liberty Street or Third Street was my license plate wasn’t showing.  So, unless one of the dozen kids in the back were ID’d, jail was looking like more of an idea rather than a destination for me, that evening.  “Accompanying 16 Minors” would have been epic, but I’m glad we safely and reasonably toilet papered and Ding Dong Ditched.

The spin off the DDD was we purchased actual individually wrapped Ding Dongs, and left those at most of the homes, true Ding-Dong Ditchin’.  

This morning, when I woke up I felt like I needed about 24 more hours of sleep.  I wasn’t sore from running around but the few short sprints I did partake of, I wasn’t prepared for, whatsoever.  I may run 4-6 miles most weekdays, but those are leisurely.  Laughing, talking, texting, and running, no sprinting, no loss of air or breath, just leisure -- and if you refer to it as jogging, I take offense.  

There are times when You might feel aimless And can't see the places Where you belong But you will find that There is a purpose It's been there within you All along And when you're near it You can almost hear it It's like a symphony Just keep listening And pretty soon you'll start To figure out your part Everyone plays a piece And there are melodies In each one of us Oohhh it's glorious And you will know how To let it ring out As you discover Who you are Others around you Will start to wake up To the sounds that are In their hearts It's so amazing What we're all creating It's like a symphony Just keep listening And pretty soon you'll start To figure out your part Everyone plays a piece And there are melodies In each one of us Oohhh it's glorious And as you feel The notes build Higher You will see It's like a symphony Just keep listening And pretty soon you'll start To figure out your part Everyone plays a piece And there are melodies In each one of us Oohhh it's glorious