#..... i say all this but im abt to spend hours upon hours doing nothint but homework and studying fhdkskdks

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i feel like i do such a bad job at being disabled lol #i should be ~overcoming it ~not letting it hold me back ~using it as a learning experience and motivation to fulfill my dreams #or whatver the fuck #but nah im just. pissed off about it. depressed about it. feel trapped in a prepetually ill flesh prison #..... i lost some very important animal instincts when i was too young. the will to live. the fear of death. #and now. when i look at the amount of effort i will have to put in every day of my life while i likely get worse. just to do things that #to other people are ×10 times more easy to do and mondane. #i realize over and over again that i simply do not have enough will to live to put up with it all #..... even when i dont feel bad mentally..... #like yea maybe it would be worth it. there is a lot of beauty and wonder and good in the world etc etc whatever #but a bitch be tired. i do not have the want to live nor the fear of death to wake up every day and make the best of it and endure it and #put up with it #im actually in a pretty good mood lmao. but. if i could just drop dead or stop existing right now. i would #..... i say all this but im abt to spend hours upon hours doing nothint but homework and studying fhdkskdks