#... decades gone by too.

[inkerii]

So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.

That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.

See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.

Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.

Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.

Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.

However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.

Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.

But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.

That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.

And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.

And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:

- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.

- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.

- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.

(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)

- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.

- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.

- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.

- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.

- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.

- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.

... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.

How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.

Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.

Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.

So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.

... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.

#the hunger games #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #gale hawthorne #it took me over a decade but I finally bit the bullet and decided to talk about this series #I love it so much #there's so much more I could say I had to hold myself back #like how BOTH Gale and Peeta are never fully gone even tho most people only focus on Peeta #But Gale knew what he did was wrong #It's not as clear bc he's not a pov character and katniss is too tired to try and read him but #prim's death touched him #he didn't brush it off he didnt see it as justified bc at least now its over #regardless of his reasons he still has enough sense of self to realize this #unlike y'know. characters like coriolanus who makes up so many excuses for what he did #including indirectly killing the character who is the personification of innocence and hope #like prim was #(side note I dont think any of the tbosas characters are direct parallels to the thg ones) #(theres little bits of katniss peeta AND gale in characters like snow) #(bc they're all representative of indignation and anger / compassion / fear and the need to feel safe) #(which every human being in the world has - even that bastard) #(he just chooses a different path) #(tbosas is very good btw) #(y'all should read it before the movie makes it about romance like I'm terrified it will) #ps if anyone knows how to put a read more on mobile can you let me know thx ily

[writer-room]

Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.

Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #lego ninjago #dragons rising #bonzle #finders #cole #cole brookstone #geo #fritz #spitz #text post #angst #talk #LISTEN TO ME #COLE LOST 2 WHOLE FAMILY MEMBERS DURING THAT BLOOD MOON #HES GOING TO NOT BE OKAY!!!!!!! HES DOING SO BAD #mans is a FATHER and he PROMISED he'd keep his kid safe. he promised it to the OTHERS #and hes going to have to walk back up those steps and admit to being a LIAR and a FAILURE #hes not obviously sht just went sideways but you KNOW he blames himself #geo very worriedly stayed behind w fritz & spitz FULLY TRUSTING that cole would keep bonzle safe & bring her back #he loves him so much (in a gay way. u know it to be true) so he trusts him IMPLICITLY to keep them safe. hes done it before #can you imagine the HORROR when cole comes back and hes...alone. with no one else but the other ninja (minus 1) #geo realizing what happened before the kids. the way everything just freezes and drops. cole curled so tight in on himself #and cole cant say hes sorry because he cant even look at them. he lost family hes had for over a decade & a kid he claimed his own for year #you saw how he was w child wu. you saw how desperate he was to keep bonzle safe. AND KAI IS GONE TOO??? #homeboy is having the literal worst day ever. imagine him trying to tuck fritz & spitz close while on one knee trying to explain it all #and bro jsut feels like hes literally the worst person in the world #something something 'you dont get to stay with the ninja & be happy. i tried to protect you from what hurt me as a kid' #'and instead your right in the thick of it'

[tswwwit]

just reread whump au for the nth time now, and it suddenly occurred to me what in god's name would've happened if dipper just straight up kicked the bucket right after saying, "i love you."

i can't imagine bill's reaction would've been a good one. i'm getting chills just trying to picture it, honestly.

in fact, just the image of dipper dying in general, and seeing the aftermath of that from bill's pov, has my whole body breaking out into goosebumps.

awesome.

also, let's just assume that bill hasn't yet figured out the whole reincarnation thing in this scenario aha

(i just really like angst okay? lmao)

Oh man, Bill? Oh Bill. Bill.

He would be very, very upset.

Also this is a good opportunity for the ol' classic:

#answers #There's probably a short time where he's too stunned to have a response #Which is *very* rare for Bill; he's old as hell - literally! - and seen and done pretty much everything #This of course can't last long. Bill is a being of *action*. And rage. #Bill is not taking this lying down #He's not taking this AT ALL what BULLSHIT is THIS #He didn't even get a DECADE with this mortal and what he's just GONE??? BULLSHIT #NO CHANCE NOT HAPPENING NOPE NOPE NO FUCK THAT #If the multiverse thought Bill during their 'break' was bad this is going to be orders of magnitude worse #He's experienced something he never thought he'd ever feel and never *ever* thought would be felt for him in turn #It was strange and disgustingly domestic. Grossly wibbly soft and chokingly *Sweet* with this lovely rivalry ganache #Something he won't - can't - continue on throughout the ages without. Not after he knows what it's *like* #Nothing's gonna match *that* again. Barely a decade damn it and it just. Just went. *poof*. #And FUCK THAT #The soul has to be somewhere. Lots of people can build a body. There's solutions #And if anyone or anyTHING stands in his way he's going to get rid of it without even stopping to monologue or gloat #Bill's got a mission and no psychopomp or demon or god is going to stand in his way of reclaiming what's his #Even if he has to go on a full-on quest for it. Tearing a path through the multiverse #He is GOING to get him BACK #Dipper's Last Words are going to have a greater effect than he could have imagined #Because with those ringing in Bill's brain he's not going to ever *stop* #Narratively speaking it'd be the most Character Development for Bill to exhaust his violent means #And have to bargain with someone #(Probably the Axolotl) #The biggest challenge Bill has ever or will ever face: Going up to someone. Hat in hand. And saying *please*

[lobotomyladylives]

sane person w/functional moral compass: hey I think it's bad when civilians are slaughtered and forced from their homes no matter what

these demented brainwashed individuals: oh so you think the third reich was correct & we should have another shoah. that's what you're saying. you not wanting palestinian kids to die means you want all jewish kids to die. there cannot possibly be any other way to interpret this obvious antisemitic dogwhistle

#like do you hear yourselves #these are the freaks who ran my uncle out of his synagogue that hes been going to for decades #just bc he told a guy who used to be his friend that he thinks its ''gone too far''. and that guy told everyone else #my uncle by the way IS A ZIONIST ! he wants israel to exist he just thinks the current government is way too bloodthirsty #but that alone made him a social parriah in his community #god i hate you psychopaths so much #LX3 op

[aprilshowersanimation]

Happy 20th Anniversary (!!!) to another important movie from my childhood and one of my all-time favorites, Treasure Planet! 🪐🌠🌙

#art #treasure planet #treasure planet fanart #jim hawkins #outer space #two decade anniversaries in less than a week? it's more likely than you think #i would have gone for the solar surfer scene but that was too obvious #so I went for the underappreciated map scene which RULES

[atopvisenyashill]

not an f&b aegon ii fan, not a hotd aegon ii fan, but a secret third thing (a fan of the aegon ii that only exists in my mind)

#extreme mommy issues his father figure is his grandfather & a dude who literally cannot stop committing hate crimes deeply upset that he #could have been his older sister’s male wife but his mom said no and now he has to be king #wants to be a good husband to helaena but resents how gentle she is and dependent on his protection wears his hair short bc he resents his #father’s obsession with valyria when westeros is here now and needs him to do more than just acclaim rhaenyra decades ago and aegon #his true love is his dragon and he was never going to live long after sunfyre. the son that actually DID come with fire and blood to save #his mother but it wasn’t enough never enough because he’s the oldest son but he’s also only second born and what is a second born son than #girlson who is functionally useless as anything more than a pawn to his family. #dying miserable and alone without even his mother’s love bc he came for her too late but he CAME FOR HER!!! HE SAVED HER. too bad. #she doesn’t care anymore bc everyone she really loved is dead. dying a pawn and yet the powerful man in westeros. #letting the narrative consume him alive after sunfyre is injured and finds him on dragonstone. he knows he’s doomed when he goes up against #baela. he does it because what else do you do. you’ve gone too far. killed too many. you killed your sister’s children and she killed yours #in return and now you can’t go back. no choice but mutually assured destruction with the only woman who ever saw how dangerous he was and #how desperate for loce he was. once upon a time. he was a baby bouncing in his sister’s lap on the throne. and she was beautiful and tall #and soft and smart and she told him he was beautiful and loved and pointed out every name and held him the way a mother does. #it has to end there. if the narrative eats me and sunfyre alive it has to eat her too. he won’t go down without her. #getting on my soap box #aegon the usurper

[goldiipond]

wonder got daisy out of spinoff purgatory now our next goal is to get nintendo to make her brown again. i believe in us

#skye's ramblings #daisy is one of the most insane cases of whitewashing to me. honestly #they made the only character of color in this series white. and have gone decades without acknowledging what a weird thing that is to do #i still cant think of a single named poc in the mario series besides daisy's original design like thats. kinda insane. ithink #all the human characters have blue eyes too. thats scary

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

if you want to know how the lines started to blur between YA fantasy and adult bodice-rippers, and how TikTok catalyzed the market shift, look no further than middle-aged women writing Harry Potter fanfiction in the early 2000s

#- HK #there are plenty of YouTube videos about internationally famous YA authors and the fanfic communities they created #amongst EACH OTHER. many of them go back decades together and you never knew about it because they got great PR reps #like. bet y'all don't think of The Mortal Instruments anymore. I knew Cassandra Clare had a bad reputation for plagiarism. #but I didn't know she first earned success writing incest fanfic. (and was I surprised? no lol) #and it was through that fanfiction that she grabbed the attention of Holly Black (of Cruel Prince fame) #who connected her with publishing professionals #and think about the very term 'smut' #it's gone mainstream too. a once-obsolete word you pretty much ONLY encountered in a fanfiction context along with words like #'slash' or 'squick' #x #I saw someone refer to Maggie Stiefvater as 'clean teen' and I was like 'you mean. you mean YA? YOUNG ADULT? WYE-AYY??'

[caluski]

Dupe of the day today.... Its driving me crazy bc I swear I can smell vanilla first and foremost.

#pogaduchy #It's a dupe of Marc jacobs decadence... Neither the original or the dupe have vanilla listed at all. Has my nose gone insane too

[fauvester]

Lim wondering if this is how yadek felt in the obsidian order when disposing of the regnars before refusing to draw any parallels between himself and garak for another decade

WAKHDJKDHFKJH years later lim confessing to julian about his crime and resulting dIsplay of adolescent psychopathology and julians like. That's so funny, that's EXACTLY what garak said about all the assassinations. And lim Realizes

#ELIM GARAK 'NO RELATION TO ELIM GARAK' MY ASS! THATS HIS FUCKING SON!!! #bashir tells garak about it that night and he thinks its an absolute hoot #he holds that lim would have been a promising operative because hes aggressively average in looks and behavior #i mean. not like garak ever TOLD julian about what he did in the OO. not directly. #but maybe after a few decades he's comfortable enough to obliquely discuss it as a joke #perhaps to lovingly poke fun at his beloved son whos coming around to accepting moral ambiguity #lim in his 30s like Yes well yadek i know what you went through as a state spy. because of the hotpot lizards. i know #garak: oh of course. you're a cold blooded murderer. the blood of tain and whatnot. #lim: if youd gone abroad as a cook instead of a tailor would you dispose of bodies in your slow cooker #garak: well it would have to be a very large slow cooker. i suppose if i were a professional chef it would have to be though. #lim: you could never be a professional chef. you're too precious about stains and you lack the strength of conviction the kitchen requires #(the kids refer to garaks exile as Living Abroad. like its a fun anthropologic vacation)

[milflewis]

.

#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it #my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with #and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l #lovely? #bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am #glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone #since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life #he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even #harder now. in others he is easier. #he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken #about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better #my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he #hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his #personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the #nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off #he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he #still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay #long when you call in to see her? #whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael. #not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart #i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him

[bylertruther]

going through henry's tag and experiencing psychic damage with every third post saying some of the craziest shit you've ever heard in your entire life, because the idea of henry targeting will the way he has since season one suddenly makes liking henry too uncomfortable for some people, leading them to engage in insane mental gymnastics trying to twist canon this way and that, even though that's what the story has been leading to this entire time and the show literally told you multiple times from four different character's mouths, one of which was henry's own, that that was indeed the case lol

#reading someone's theory and going 'omg! are they gonna finally say it was henry that kidnapped will in s1? :O' #only for them to finish with 'so CLEARLY it was the mind flayer 🤔' LIKE CMONNNNNNNN #LMAOOOO #personally him being disgusting and irredeemable evil is what makes him compelling 2 me idk i love being repulsed #i love characters that say Fine. Everyone Is A Monster To Someone. Since You Are So Convinced That I Am Yours; I Will Be It. #i love characters that damn themselves i love characters that are broken beyond repair i love characters that are too far gone i love #characters that never stood a chance i love Characters #we literally see him shape and wield the mind flayer and hear him confirm that it was ALWAYS him and the duffers even confirm that it has #always been henry behind the mind flayer AND STILL. SOMEHOW. PEOPLE THINK THAT HENRY WAS JUS ASLEEP WHENEVER IT COMES TO WILL #like. hello. for the love of fucking god can you put some respect on that freak's name. he is not stupid he's calculated and far more #intelligent than them all literally and canonically he has been sitting on this for YEARSSSSS DECADES EVEN #like. i just. hello. for the love of god hello

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Every single year in October we go silent, stop being able to talk to anyone no matter what happens, stop eating and lose weight dramatically fast, and every fucking year I'm like ??????

Until someone (multiple people now lol) in my life is like oh hey we just had the 13th and a huge eclipse and halloween is coming and um is that maybe affecting you

Or drops in to conversation that we did xyz exactly the same this time last year and don't we remember this and this and this and

Just. Can we not? I'd rather not.

#mid crisis we read some more of becoming yourself #and it was like an anchor to anything making sense #and i am proud of that #of being able to open the book #and do it carefully #and stay in the middle and not trigger anyone on either side too much #also did i mention that my partner of an entire decade just decided to.... not come home right at halloween? #because im sure that helped #like she just didnt come home #let me tell you living with someone for 9 years and seeing them every day and then just living with their stuff everywhere but theyre gone #it messes you up #and if you already dissociate it is WILD #and so much more happened we cant share here anonymously #i just can not with this time of year

[todayisafridaynight]

THEY TURNED OUT AMAZING I'M JUST SAD TO HAVE MISSED OUT </3 I knew I'd miss a stream sooner or later but still... owwie... However, that meant I got to be pleasantly surprised (<- understatement) by the pose you chose for Jo CHRIST ☠️ Unbuttoning his shirt does pass for a Slut Moment when it comes to him though I can't lie...

And OBVIOUSLY. AS YOU CAN SEE. I love the Arakawa <33 the red background fucks soooo hard with the blood... definitely my new favorite screenshot as well... SO EXCITED to see Mellow Sawashiro and Sicko Arakawa... they saw us saying he was too wholesome to be menacing and this was their answer... hope you don't mind me using it as my icon btw I know you used to say in your about it was fine to do whatever with credit... but you don't anymore... so I'll get rid of it if you want, sorry for not asking in advance!

Anyway crying at this recreation of The Last Supper I can't claim to know the significance of any of it but Jo and Kiryu (Joryu... if you will...) look so fucking GOOFY not to mention ANY OF THE REST

fomo is real and it's out there.. can't attend EVERY stream- truly is funny that tihis instance i actually got stuff done LMAO oops. BUT there's always next time :) where hopefully ill finish something again <:) OH BUT YEAH LMAO i was going to be boring at first and just do a headshot but i wanted to try and explore the like. .2% more Not Clinically Depressed energy he was givin so... skank behavior 😔

IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ARAKAWA THO i actually ended up redoing the lineart after stream... i was so particular bout how i wanted it to look and even now im still scratchin my chin on how i coulda done some things BUT IT'S COOL I'MA LEAVE IT. rgg found me talkin shit and wanted to retaliate with murderous arakawa but little did they know thats all i wanted !!!!!!! FOOLS. im so excited... finally got the chance to draw arakawa murderous after a year of wanting to do so..

OH AND OFC id be more than honored to let you use it as a pfp ♪(´▽｀) !! i coulda sworn i DID have that in my bio but i guess i deleted it by accident: time to add it again lol

the last supper recreation's SUUCH a cute pic, and even if kiryu's Presumably tellin sawashiro to cool it, it's nice seein jo in a Vaguely Casual setting for once (❁´◡`❁) he's not healing i think he's getting worse but for now i'll believe he's healing (❁´◡`❁)

#snap chats #i guess it HAS been five years. i cant call this game sawashiro's widow arc since It's Been Five Years #could never say he's over it but he's Probably managing it better. i think. maybe not better but the depressed prison cut's gone anyway.. #i mean the fuckass behavior daigo had was barely a year after y3 alright how bad can sawashiro be after five years #watch lad8 prove me a dumbass LMAO THERE'S. THERE'S DIFFRENCES #~4 years versus ~4 decades.. reactions miiight be a bit different.. but my joke's gone on too long and has become too serious #im gonna go fix my bio now

[bootyful-seventeen]

hey y'all, anyone have any good stress relief tehniques or habits they'd like to share cuz I've been more stressed in the last 3 weeks then I was in the last 6 months

#to cut the long story short my mom had to sell the old house cuz her broke ass couldnt afford to keep it up #eventho it is a whole ass hoarders house and was in shambles with a flooded basement a collapsing ceiling in at least 2 rooms plus mold #and the stench a dirt and dog piss and shit all over the floor really made it worse then it was #but yeah so shes been staying with me and my grandma and its been awful #she hasnt been taking any of the medicine the doctors gave her when she snapped and started a fight and also started screaming at neighbour #so shes been terrorizing us here while the house has become her second hoarders den since she dragged so much crap here #my backyard side entrance and front porch are full of her shit and my grandma hates it since she can barely step into the house #so since she kept looking for places way out of her budget i had to go do house hunting since my useless sister is busy getting lit again #so ive been showing her shit in her price range that was under 420k cuz im not a moron who looks at 800k homes when i have 570k #and each time she has a new complaint saying its too expenive or its too small or its too old when she said she wants to do renovations #but shes saying she wants to renovate a newly renovated place instead of an old one #so i just showed her a house near my sisters uni and she liked the inside & backyard but she complained that 400k for newly renovated 3 bed #that is literally a 9 minute drive from my sisters uni is too expensive when shes the one who was looking at an old ass unrenovated bungalo #that is a street over from us that is 800k and she says it looks like garbage cuz an old lady previously owned it before dying #like no shit it looks old cuz older people lived those decades and like it and she just keeps doing her bullshit again & again #cuz when i tell you her mind is gone i mean it is GONE and she starts up all these wild stories to just explain some shit #like something goes missing? the neighbours are hungarian and stole it and left the hoard of junk in her old house #she has more stupid stories to harass and stress us out with but if im gonna share that ill have to write a book about it cuz fuck #and you know its bad when no one else can stand being in any contact with her cuz she starts screaming at people about it #so the only one who even likes her anymore is my sister and thats cuz shes deep in denial about just how insane she is & how abusive she is #so yeah i need some stress relief help that maybe isnt constantly hitting up maryjane cuz i dont do weed often especially since shes here #cuz weed 'burns your brain & makes you crazy like this' when shes the only one whos ever infuriated me to astronimical levels #i know retail therapy helped before she came here but i dont want to keep spending money i dont really have #it would be great tho but shes refusing to give me the 70k she said was mine from the house sale so i can cut her out for good

[shatterthefragments]

I still have a headache but at least I’ve had a nice mocha :)

The barista didn’t charge me for oat milk either 🥹

I got to see my coworker’s lovely paintings!

We’re having frozen dinners tonight (which is good bc if he wants to bitch I didn’t make dinner fuck him and also there will be food) which is low effort for me yay

I am. In no way able to drive in to school so I’ll just work off of my laptop instead and squinty (which probably won’t help my eye hurting but ah well) maybe tomorrow. (My plan for wed work is literally to either convince mum to drive me in or to take a taxi bc I am. Not going to be able to drive on Wednesday morning)

I’ll just. Shower. Begin anew. And fucking get to it.

#idk maybe I just look extra sad today bc a few people have said so and I feel like I’m normally good at hiding it #also may have misremembered who got to the intersection first and gone ahead of my time by accident #but god knows I’ve had to wait for enough people that went before their turn so bc nothing came of it I’ll just. let it go. let it go. #shatters’ fragments #having other thoughts #having other thoughts too and it’s just. is it intrusive or just me getting bad again ? no time #to dwell on it atm whatever. I’ll be fine. I always am #but god it feels like I SHOULD look like I’m bleeding out etc etc etc #also new tattoo idea #to stew on if that Specific circumstance that would allow me to get it there would happen #which uh. I don’t want to happen #but that and the other bottom of foot tattoo idea I’ve wanted for over a decade now… #they’re BAD but I still Would Not Regret it. #besides. who besides me would know?