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ilikefandoms · 3 years

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Family Dinner - Robby Keene

Request - Hi, it's me again. You could write something in which the reader and Robby are in a secret relationship and Daniel notices that boy's passionate gaze and is curious to know who the mysterious young woman is who was leaving him like this, then asks him to invite her to a family dinner . It turns out that Daniel didn't even imagine that this girl was the golden student of Cobra Kai, almost as relentless as Tory and Samantha's number one rival. Throughout dinner, the reader does her best not to provoke a scene, even with Sam's indiscreet insinuations about her being a bad person and to make matters worse, a conversation about sexual orientation arises in a very prejudiced way from Louie and she is extremely offended after a prejudiced comment about bisexuality (she is bisexual, Robby knows and accepts this), Daniel ends up being faster and goes after her, the two talk very cute (almost father and daughter) and the two end up giving each other very well . Anyway, after all that mixture of emotions that was the night, Robby takes the reader home which leads to a lot of affection and kisses on her part (deep down, under that badass exterior she is just a big monster of affection ❤). Sorry if it took too long hahaha.

Pronouns used - She/Her

A/N - Disclaimer: I do not agree with anything that Louie says in this, it is purely for the storyline. I also kinda made Sam look like a bad guy...sorry Sam.

Warnings - Louie being a biphobic asshole, language

Word Count - 1593

You and Robby had a somewhat 'secret relationship'. You had both decided not to tell anyone, considering the rivalry between your respective dojos. Anyway, you were enjoying spending time with Robby alone.

Daniel had begun to get suspicious though. He had noticed that Robby had been acting different than usual, smiling at his phone, and getting home later. Daniel had made the fair assumption that Robby was in fact, seeing someone.

He had not-so subtilty brought up the question in conversation, taking Robby aback. Robby had admitted it though, and Mr Larusso had asked to meet this ‘Mystery Girl’, and asked Robby to invite you to family dinner.

So, here you were standing outside the Larusso’s house, having just texted Robby that you were here. You didn’t want Sam answering the door.

Robby opened the door, “Hey babe, why didn’t you knock?”

“I didn’t want Sam or someone opening it to see me,” you shrugged, “I’m just nervous I guess, what with mine and Sam’s rivalry, with Cobra Kai. Everything,”

Robby wrapped his arms around you, “It’s gonna be ok, alright. If it ends up being too awkward or whatever, we can leave,” he reassured.

“Thank you,”

He kissed your cheek, “Anytime. Ready to go in?” you nodded. Robby placed his hand in yours, and you walked in.

The Larusso’s house was beautiful, it had off-white walls, a mixture of hardwood and patterned flooring, and large windows. It was probably one of the nicest houses you’d ever been in.

“Hey Robby,” Amanda Larusso approached you, “This must be your girlfriend. I’m Amanda,”

“Y/N,” you said.

“it’s so great to meet you, Robby’s told us so much about you!” She said - even if this wasn’t true.

“No he hasn’t,” you said, with a weak chuckle.

“Okay, well... that’s true, but I hope to get to know you more today. Okay, we are eating outside today as it is a lovely night. Everyone else is already out there, make yourselves at home, and dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” she said, smiling.

You both thanked her, before heading outside to where everyone was talking. “Hey everyone,” Robby made your presence known.

“Hey Robby!” Daniel greeted, before laying his eyes on you, when his smile faded. It was no secret that you were the Golden Student of Cobra Kai, you had even been known to take Miguel and Tory in fights, and of course...Sam.

“What is she doing here?” Sam exclaimed, gesturing towards you.

Your grip on Robby’s hand tightened. You had expected this, so you decided to stand your ground, “I was invited,” you asserted.

“Who would invite you here?” Sam asked with narrowed eyes.

“Sam,” Robby said, in an attempt to calm her down.

It was at this point that her eye’s travelled down to where yours and Robby’s hands were enlaced. “Don’t tell me you’re actually dating this bitch,”

“Sam!” Daniel scolded, and just before an argument could come out, Mrs Larusso arrived, holding trays of food.

“Am I interrupting something?” She asked, her eyebrows raised.

“No, mom. We’re fine,” Sam said, partially through gritted teeth.

**********

There had been evident silence since dinner had started, it was starting to get annoying, how Sam was giving you death glares from across the table. Anthony was doing the same, although he was just probably copying what Sam was doing.

Amanda then decided to break the silence, asking you a question “So, Y/N how did you and Robby meet?”

“We met at the skate park. Robby was tried to do a new trick, but it went wrong and his board ended up flying in my direction, he apologised, we started talking, and...here we are,” you replied, giving her a smile.

“Oh that’s sweet, and from what little Robby has said, you do karate?” she questioned.

“Yeah, I do,” you said, purposefully not saying your dojo’s name - even if Sam and Mr Larusso knew, you wanted to keep the dojo rivalry to a minimum.

“She’s top of her class as well,” Robby added, “She can easily beat me in a fight,”

“Only because you fight dirty,” Sam uttered underneath her breath.

You ignored her, “I wouldn’t say easily,” you protested, “But, yeah I can totally kick your ass,” you said, letting out a small laugh. Sam rolled her eyes

“Wow, that’s really impressive. What dojo do you go to,” Mrs Larusso asked.

“Oh, um, Cobra Kai,” you said, somewhat trailing off towards the end.

“Oh. Okay, is this why this dinner is being so awkward?” she said, and no-one answered, “Obviously it is,” she mumbled.

“Aren’t they the dojo that dislocated Robby’s shoulder?” Louie asked.

“Technically that was just Hawk,” Robby defended.

“Still doesn’t excuse their shitty teaching methods,” Sam said quietly.

Your hand balled into a fist. Her snarky comments were starting to fuel your anger. Robby placed his hand over yours, gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles - an action that he knew calmed you, and gave you a reassuring smile.

“Y/N, are you new to town? I can’t recall seeing you anywhere,” Amanda questioned, seemingly ignoring her daughters comments.

“Yeah, I only moved here 6 months ago. My mom got a new job,” you explained.

“Oh, what does you mom do?"

“She’s a real estate agent,” you replied.

“Oh, that’s cool,”

**********

Conversation slowly picked up from there, although that didn’t stop Sam from making remarks. It was like she was trying to get people to think you were a bad person, saying stuff like ‘Dad, I’m glad that you taught me and Robby the right way of karate’.

It was honestly taking a toll on you, you had to work hard to make a good impression, and not act out and make a scene.

“Mom, did I tell you that Moon has a girlfriend now?” Sam asked her mother.

“Oh, that’s lovely,”

“Yeah, it’s this Piper. She’s nice,” she explained.

“Moon is the girl that was dating that Hawk guy?” Louie butted in.

“Yeah,”

“Was she just gay all along then?”

“No, she’s just bisexual,” Sam said, furrowing her eyebrows at Louie’s question.

“Sam, come on. Bisexuality isn’t real,” you fists balled as Louie continued, “People are either gay or straight, you can’t like both, that’s just... unnatural,”

“Fuck this!” You yelled. You rose from your seat, and stormed out of the back yard.

“Louie, what the fuck?” Sam, and Amanda said in unison. Robby sat there glaring at Louie for a few seconds, before standing up to go after you. Daniel put a hand on his shoulder, and muttered an “I’ll go,” and went after you. Meanwhile, Amanda was kicking Louie out of the house, using language she would never use in front of her kids in any other sort of situation.

Daniel ran after you. “Y/N! Wait,”

“What do you want?” you said, wiping tears that had escaped.

“Look, I’m sorry for what Louie said. If it’s any consolation, Amanda is shouting at him, and kicking him out,” he stated.

“You can’t control what he said. It’s not your fault,”

“I know, but I’m still sorry, and I’m also sorry for what Sam has been saying. I know you two have your rivalry...thing, but it shouldn’t have come up,”

“Yeah, thanks,” you nodded.

“You did well for handling it as well as you did, had that of been me, I would’ve thrown hands,” he said, impressed.

“Oh, trust me I wanted to. It just doesn’t give off a good impression if you beat the shit out of the people your boyfriend’s living with,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, well I guess not,” he smiled.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well like, I’m a part of Cobra Kai. I’ve been in fights with your daughter, I’m not what people call the best ‘influence’ on people. Need I say more?” you said

“I see your point, but Robby trusts you. I’ve seen him improve since you two have been together, he seems happier, and if he trusts you, then I do too,” he explained.

“Thank you Mr Larusso,” you said, smiling at him.

“No problem kid,” he smiled back, “Now, if you want to stay for dessert, we have ice cream,” he offered.

“I think I’d just rather go home, if that’s okay,” you said.

“That’s totally fine, alright? I’ll go get Robby to take you home?”

“Yes please,” you said, “Thank you,”

“Your welcome. I’ll see you soon,”

“Bye”

Robby came out a minute after Daniel had left, and immediately hugged you, “Are you okay?” he mumbled.

“I will be. I just want to go home,” you replied.

“Okay, lets go, yeah?” he asked. You replied by nodding your head, yes.

**********

You and Robby had arrived at your house, and he walked you up to the front door. “Can you stay with me?” you asked.

“Yeah of course,”

You both made your way up the stairs and into your room. You grabbed some comfy clothes, and changed in the bathroom, before coming back to Robby.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked.

“A little. Can we cuddle?”

He just laid down in your bed, and opened his arms for you to lay in. You positioned yourself in his arms so your head was on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heart beating.

Robby kissed the top of your head. You shifted your head to look up at him. He kissed your lips.

You knew that this boy would be the death of you.

@blackoutgirx

#robby cobra kai imagine #robby keene x reader #robby keene imagine #robby keene #robby cobra kai #cobra kai fanfic #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai imagine #cobra kai #daniel larusso #sam larusso #amanda larusso #miyagi do

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klovenhooves · 4 years

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Johnny Lawrence and the Five Love Languages Chapter One: Quality Time

Johnny couldn’t explain how it had come to this. It was bad enough that he was sitting here, on the edge of the parking lot outside of Cobra Kai, staring down into a can of Coca Cola, with Miguel on the other side, looking at him furtively out of his peripherals like Johnny couldn’t see him doing it. It was worse that they were currently discussing Johnny’s latest and possibly worst epiphany to date.

“So you have a crush on your greatest rival, there have been tons of movies about that,” Miguel said bracingly, turning his gaze completely out to the parking lot.

Johnny grimaced, his grip tightening on the can of soda. “I don’t have a crush, Diaz, shit, you make me sound like a high school girl.”

“Oh, sorry, should I have said that you’re in love with –”

“Not if you want to keep all of your teeth.”

Miguel laughed in that nervous way he did when he was pretty sure Johnny was bluffing, but he didn’t want to push it. Johnny couldn’t bring himself to look over at the kid to read his face – he could feel that his face was warm, and as long as he kept looking out over the parking lot, he could claim it was a sunburn. People got sunburned in California, after all. It was a worthy excuse.

After a long bout of silence, Miguel cleared his throat and tried again. “Have you considered telling him how you feel?”

In fact, yes, Johnny had considered that, if only for a fraction of a second before he realized how stupid it was. What would Daniel say, anyway? He could map out the sequence of events with no trouble: Johnny would try to tell him the truth, and Daniel would laugh, not believe him, and get angry with him for trying to pull some sort of ill-conceived joke on him. Johnny would get embarrassed, and the conversation would end the way it had began – with them angry at each other.

“That’s a stupid idea, Diaz.”

Miguel sighed. “What’s stupid is trying to bottle up your feelings. What if he feels the same way?”

Johnny almost laughed. “He doesn’t.”

“You told me I should never take no for an answer,” Miguel pointed out.

“That was when I thought you were talking about some random babe, not LaRusso’s kid,” Johnny mumbled. “It’s not the same.”

“Why isn’t it the same?” Miguel asked, and Johnny could feel him turning his knees toward him, trying to face him completely.

“You can pursue other random babes if one doesn’t like you,” Johnny said after fishing for the right words.

Miguel scrunched up his face, trying to read between the lines. Johnny could practically see the gears in his head turning. “So…what you’re saying is ‘not taking no for an answer’ works with people you kind-of-sort-of like, because you won’t get your feelings hurt if they say no. And that same strategy won’t work with someone you love because their rejection will hurt more.”

“That’s not what I’m saying –”

“Have you tried maybe hinting that you like him?” Miguel interrupted. “See if he picks up on it?”

Johnny tilted his head, finally catching Miguel’s concerned, serious gaze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, try being nice to him –”

“That’s ridiculous –”

“Okayyyyy,” Miguel said, trying to hide his smile behind his hand. “Have you heard of the five love languages?”

Johnny squinted. “There are more than five sex positions, young grasshopper.”

“No, I –” Miguel groaned, burying his face in his hands for a moment before trying again. “No, it’s – it’s this thing about how people show their love and receive love differently. Sam showed it to me, we took this test –”

“Your girlfriend made you take a test?”

“It tells you how you most like to receive affection,” Miguel’s face was darkening to pink now at the mention of his girlfriend, but Johnny was trying to ignore it. “There’s uhhhh, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts.”

Johnny took a long sip of his now lukewarm soda. “How do you know which one you are?”

Miguel shrugged. “You could take the test.”

“I’m not a nerd.”

“It doesn’t really matter anyway,” Miguel brushed him off. “What matters is what Mr. LaRusso is.”

“How do I get him to take the test?” Johnny asked. “Show up at his house, put on a disguise, tell him I’m taking surveys?”

“What? No, Sensei, this isn’t Looney Tunes,” Miguel laughed. “Just…try some of them out. See how he responds.”

“So just…” Johnny grimaced. “Give him a gift?”

“Yeah,” Miguel said. “Or try spending some time with him, or do something for him, stuff like that.”

“I don’t know, Diaz…”

Miguel turned away and looked out over the parking lot again. “Or you could just pine after your karate rival until you’re old and gray and life has passed you by.”

“What the hell kind of Lifetime movie crap is that LaRusso girl making you watch?”

***

Johnny, true to his word, refused to take the love language test. He didn’t have to take the test to know what he liked – he just needed to know how to get it. So, against his better judgment, he found himself writing down the love languages on an old gas station receipt in his apartment and trying to figure out which one to try on LaRusso first.

He still hadn’t settled on which one when his phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, startling him out of his reverie.

It was a text from Robby: “Meet at the beach on Saturday? Surfing?”

He smiled down at the text. He was still struggling with finding ways to connect to his son, but sometimes, things just worked out.

“Let’s make a day of it,” he texted back. “Bring LaRusso and his kid.”

“You mean his kids?”

“Sure, yeah, why not?”

In record time, his phone was skittering across the countertop, the phone number on the display unknown. Johnny scooped it up and answered.

“Yeah?”

“What the hell are you planning, Johnny? A replay of our first fight on the beach?” Johnny almost grinned at the sound of LaRusso’s voice. He should have known he would be paranoid.

“Paranoid, LaRusso?” he asked, and Daniel huffed over the line. “Just trying to be a good example for my kid, you know, like you told me I should be?”

Daniel didn’t say anything.

“Would it make you feel better if I called it a truce?” Johnny asked, a pit opening up in his stomach the longer Daniel was silent. Did he really believe Johnny was incapable of putting aside their rivalry for his son?

“What time?”

Triumph overshadowed the pit in his stomach. “Ten. Bring your surfboard.”

“My wha –”

***

LaRusso didn’t have a surfboard. That didn’t surprise Johnny – there was no way that he learned to surf in his time in California. He was too busy stealing guy’s girls on the beach and spending time with Mr. Miyagi. Still, he showed up, his two kids in tow, Robby lingering by the Volvo, unhooking his surfboard from the top rack.

“You actually brought a surfboard,” Daniel remarked, his eyes traveling down Johnny’s short wetsuit. “Like, an actual surfboard.”

“Some of us are actually from California, LaRusso,” Johnny replied, trying not to check out Daniel’s orange (peach? Pink?) swim trunks. “Want to learn?”

“Do I have to wear a wetsuit?” Daniel asked, and Johnny could see him squinting behind his sunglasses.

“You can borrow mine,” Johnny quipped, picking up the surfboard and turning toward the ocean, away from Daniel’s appraising gaze. “Unless you’re scared.”

“Shut up and get in the water.”

As if on cue, Robby whooshed past them both toward the water, surfboard under his hand. “Race you!” he shouted back to Johnny, who gave Daniel a proud look.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, taking off toward the water, Robby with a clear head start. Daniel watched him go, brow furrowed, mind struggling to process this borderline-friendly Johnny Lawrence.

He sat on his towel next to Sam while they surfed, pros in his eyes, since he didn’t really know what good surfing looked like, Robby completely at home, his smile so bright Daniel could see it from where he was sitting, Johnny as at ease on a surfboard as he was in a dojo.

“Did you know Robby could surf?” Sam asked, looking over at her father from behind her sunglasses.

“Nope.”

“I wonder if he’ll teach me,” Anthony said from Sam’s other side, completely hidden underneath their huge beach umbrella, his eyes still trained on his Nintendo Switch.

“Oh, you don’t want to learn karate but you’ll learn how to surf?” Daniel asked, halfway between irritated and amused.

“The ocean isn’t going to kick me in the nuts, Dad.”

“Gross,” Sam grumbled, turning a page in her book.

Daniel let them bicker, content to watch Johnny and his son surf. There was something peaceful about it, watching a fractured family come together in those small moments, like when Johnny offered Robby a hand back onto his surfboard when he fell off, or when they high-fived for seemingly no reason at all. He was reminded of Miyagi telling him about plants in his garden that simply bloom later than others.

“Doesn’t make them wrong, Daniel-san,” Miyagi had said, refilling his water can. “Just different.”

“LaRusso,” Johnny’s voice shook him out of his memory, and suddenly he was standing in front of him, dripping wet, wetsuit far too tight for Daniel’s own comfort level, sticking to abs that Johnny had no right having, not with the amount of beer he consumed on a daily basis. “Come on, your turn.”

“I – I don’t know, Johnny –”

“I’m not going to throw you to the sharks, LaRusso, trust me.”

There was something plaintive in the way he said “trust me,” that brought Daniel up short. They didn’t say things like that to each other; they didn’t say much to each other that wasn’t an insult. And yet, here they were, Johnny with an outstretched hand, water dripping down his tanned body, looking every bit a 90210 character, his eyes somehow still soft and a little bit uncertain.

“Fine,” Daniel grumbled, allowing Johnny to pull him to his feet. “But no laughing.”

“I promise nothing,” Johnny grinned, and it was a genuine, giddy smile, one that Daniel wasn’t sure he’d ever seen on Johnny’s face before. It was almost childlike, sunny in its intensity.

It made him smile too.

***

Apparently Anthony really did want to learn to surf, and Daniel found himself in the water beside his son, Johnny and Robby their respective teachers. Johnny had, so far, only taught Daniel how to straddle the surfboard so that he wouldn’t fall off, and was currently at the head of the surfboard, standing in the chest deep water, watching Anthony try to do the same thing.

“You have to find your balance,” Robby was saying exasperatedly, but he was clearly trying to suppress his own smile. “You can’t just expect it to find you.”

“It’s just sitting!” Anthony complained, shoving his wet hair out of his eyes. “How hard could it be?”

Johnny huffed a laugh and turned back to Daniel. “I’m going to let go of the board, LaRusso, think you can stay on?”

“I’ve used pool floaties before, Johnny,” Daniel retorted, and Johnny smirked knowingly. Well, that made him nervous.

“Okay, genius, here you go,” he said, releasing the board just as a wave gently rocked it, and Daniel had to lurch forward to grab the edges to keep from slipping right off.

“Tighten your legs, LaRusso,” Johnny said nonchalantly, and Daniel felt his face go hot.

“I don’t – I – what?”

Johnny’s hands gripped the surfboard again. He caught Daniel’s gaze and released it to take in the deep blush that had spread over his face and all the way to his ears. “I said, tighten your legs so you don’t fall off.” He peeled his eyes away from Daniel to find another wave coming. “Try it again.”

“No, Johnny don’t –” But his hands were already leaving the board, and the wave jostled the board sharply, this wave bigger than the one before. Daniel tightened his legs, the same way his weird cousin told him to do when he rode a horse on an ill-fated business retreat, and closed his eyes, waiting to slip off the board and into the water.

And then the board mellowed out, and Daniel was still on it.

He opened his eyes to find Johnny beaming up at him, eyes the same color as the ocean beneath him, water running down his face like it was trying to trace his skin in gold.

“Good job, LaRusso,” he said, and Daniel could faintly hear the sound of Anthony spluttering in the distance. “Now let’s try it on your knees.”

“On my what?”

***

By the time the sun went down, Daniel had learned how to stand up on a surfboard, much to Johnny’s very infectious glee. He couldn’t actually surf on it yet, the standing was hard enough, but he still felt immensely accomplished. He imagined part of that had to do with Johnny’s proud smile.

He understood, in those little in-between moments, when Johnny would tell him how to keep his balance, when he would cheer in the wake of Daniel’s very simple success, why he was such a good sensei. His enthusiasm was catching, and there was a childlike enjoyment that made the day feel more momentous, the whole thing felt very special.

Sunset found them leaning against Johnny’s car, a beer in their hands, the salt drying on their skin.

“This was fun,” Daniel said into the comfortable silence.

Johnny, beside him, jerked his head around to look at him. He looked thrilled, like Daniel had given him much better news than he enjoyed himself. That was curious.

“Really?” he asked, looking so much like a puppy that Daniel didn’t mind reassuring him.

“Yeah, really,” he insisted. “I don’t think I’m a very good surfer –”

“Everything takes practice, LaRusso,” Johnny interrupted smoothly, taking a sip of his beer. He was still smiling.

“Then why don’t you teach me again next weekend?” Daniel asked.

Johnny blinked. “You mean – you want to do this again?”

Daniel shrugged. “I mean…if you want to.”

“Yes,” Johnny said, a little too quickly. “I mean, yeah, I guess, if you want.”

“Good,” Daniel smiled, turning back to the ocean, trying not to notice Johnny’s eyes on him. “Next weekend then.”

#lawrusso #johnny lawrence and the five love languages

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failingtheoscars · 3 years

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2021 Oscar Predictions: "I Didn't See Shit" Edition

Hello everyone, Facebook has deleted the Notes feature despite my numerous stern emails, so I've been forced to use tumblr, of all things. Remember tumblr? It's that website that was made for porn. Turns out it's for blogs now. Who knew?

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

2020 - 21/24

2019 - 13/24 (lol)

2018 - Lost to the sands of time

2017 - 17/24

2016 - 16/24

2015 - ???

2014 - 18/24

And sometime in the past I entered some concert to beat Ebert and I got 21/24. This is the current record. It will not be beaten this year, because I ain't seen SHIT. But there's only 23 categories now, so I guess that helps? So let's do this.

Best Actor - This is one of those years where all the wind is blowing behind Chadwick Boseman's back - he is very good in Ma Rainey, and also he's... post-humous. If we can all be honest to ourselves, we know this doesn't hurt your chances. There's also, however, a "no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded" effect where a lot of Academy voters are saying "I know Boseman is going to win, but I voted for Hopkins!" and that was enough for Hopkins to take the BAFTA. I'm going to follow my gut here and say it's still going to be Boseman but this is way tighter than I think anyone expects it to be.

Will win: Chadwick Boseman

Might win: Anthony Hopkins

Should win: Everyone who's ever pretended to give a shit about my Oscar predictions

Best Actress - Probably the closest and hardest to call race of the night since seemingly everyone in this category could win, but I think Frances McDormand's performance wasn't flashy enough for the voters, and Mulligan's is too genre-y to win it too. I think it's going to be Davis by a fucking hair despite the rather limited screentime of this performance.

Will win: Viola Davis (???)

Might win: Mulligan

Should win: Sidney Flannigan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Best Supporting Actor - I am going to go with Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah, but I'm not as confident about it as other people are. I still think of the Academy voter pool as being old, white, and generally just afraid of the Black Panthers.

Will win: Daniel Kaluuya

Might win: Paul Raci

Should win: Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

Best Supporting Actress - Yuh-Jung Youn. I feel good about this

Will win: Yuh-Jung Youn

Might win: Glenn Close, maybe?

Should win: I'm okay with Yuh-Jung Youn taking it.

Best Animated - AKA, the award for "Most Pixar" movie, unless of course its 2001, in which you encounter the "Shrekkiest" movie exception. Still, Pixar almost never loses no matter how mediocre and underwhelming their film is.

Will win: Soul

Might win: Wolfwalkers

Should win: That scene in the Simpsons where Marge holds a potato and says "I just think they're neat"

Best Cinematography - L A N D S C A P E S

Will win: Nomadland

Might win: idk... Mank?

Should win: Yeah, Nomadland feels good

Best Costume Design - B L A C K B O T T O M (S?). It's a period piece.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: Mank

Should win: The Golden Globes, for disguising itself as a legitimate organization qualified to give awards

Best Directing - Yeah, I think it's going to Chloe Zhao. So glad she's working on a Marvel movie now. Now THAT is good use of talent.

Will win: Zhao for Nomadland

Might win: Uh... I dont know. Fincher?

Should win: I haven't seen a single 2020 movie I really want to go to bat for, so whatever

Documentary (Feature) - My Teacher's an Octopus! An Octopus Taught Me!? Meet this Octopus: Teachers Hate Him! Taught... by an Octopus!? My Teacher Octopus. Octopus, my teacher. Teach me, Octopus! Octoteach my puss.

Will win: Octoteachapus

Might win: who cares

Should win: i can neither pronounce or spell "dacumintery"

Best Documentary Short - WOW lets throw a fuckin dart at the dartboard because Ive never known the winner of these and I NEVER WILL

Will win: A Love Song for Latasha

Might win: Colette

Should win: WHO KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS

Best Editing - Ever since Bohemian Rhapsody won this oscar it broke my fucking brain so who knows anymore.

Will win: Trial of the Chicago 7: Revenge of the Sorkin

Might win: Bohemian Rhapsody, apparently

Should win: MY DUDES LETS JUST GIVE IT TO BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AGAIN LETS MAKE HISTORY

Best Foreign Language Film - DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!

Will win: Another Round

Might win: Quo Vadis, Aida

Should win: How should I know, I don't watch movies with subtitles

Best Make-up and Hairstyling - Is the award for most Make-Up? Because I think Viola Davis is carrying a legit 10-pounder around for Ma Rainey.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: The Milanese Swan

Should win: Me, for "making up" the movie The Milanese Swan. Hahaha get it

Best Music (Original Score) - Not only is Soul a movie, it's the name for a whole genre of music! You can't lose!

Will win: Soul

Might win: Funk

Should win: Jazz

Best Music (Original Song) - I haven't heard any of these songs.

Will win: Speak Now

Might win: Husavik, apparently

Should win: I can neither pronounce or spell the word "moozik"

Best Production Design - To quote myself: "9 times out of 10, the period piece wins." And to add on, the one about Hollywood does too.

Will win: Mank

Might win: Ma Rainey

Should win: WHO CARES. THERES A PANDEMIC. sorry

Best Short Film (Animated) - how would i know, stop asking me! leave my family alone!!

Will win: If Anything Happens I Love You

Might win: In the end, we're all winners

Should win: Sorry, I misread the copy. We're all wieners.

Best Short Film (Live Action) - lol

Will win: Two Distant Strangers

Might win: LITERALLY ANYTHING

Should win: well in my erudite opinion i bleh bleh bleh

Best Sound - Holy shit, they finally admitted they have no idea what the difference is between sound editing and mixing and just smushed them together. Nice.

Will win: Sound of Metal - It's got sound in the name!!

Might win: The Sound of Music

Should win: The Sound of Yo Mama. ayo gotem

Best Visual Effects - Did you know CGI stands for "Can't Get In?" It's named after what yo mama said when she tried to fit through the door to her house. lmao gotem

Will win: Tenet

Might win: i dont know

Should win: this is taking too long

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - OH GOD it's actually hard this year but I think it's going to be Nomadland just because it has the forward momentum for best picture (spoiler). Could be The Father. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't feel so good Mr. Stark

Will win: No, Mad Land!

Might win: ZEE FATHAIR

Should win: Look, I think I've only seen like... 20 movies from 2020, tops. I don't care. Honestly, I'm just happy I'm still alive at this point.

Best Writing (Original Screenplay) - You know, this is starting to feel like a lot of pressure. Like why would I ever be able to predict the Oscars? What do I know? I used to have at least seen the movies, so that gave me an edge. But this year I've barely seen any of these. I'm lost, adrift in a boundless sea. I think it'll be Promising Young Woman.

Will win: Promising Young Woman

Might win: Try Oh Love The Cigar Goes Heaven

Should win: a movie

Best Picture - Weirdly probably the only category of the whole night I feel pretty good about. I've seen Minari, Mank, Nomadland, and Trial of the Chicago 7, which are all varying degrees of good except for Mank which is varying degrees of bad. And Trail of the Chicago 7 which is an hour of good and then a half hour of really bad. Anyways I don't have super strong feelings about any of these movies but Nomadland was good, I think it has the momentum, and despite minimal Oscar controversy I don't think the voters give a shit.

Will win: Nomadland

Might win. Honestly I live in fear Green Book is going to fucking win again somehow. Some fucked up Lala Land/Moonlight scenario where Viggo Mortenson roles up in some old beater and says "woke up dis moooohnin, got some gabbagool" and then walks away with another oscar with a fat cigar in his mouth.

Should win: Green Book. It was very touching

this is the bad place

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klovenhooves · 4 years

Text

Johnny Lawrence and the Five Love Languages, Chapter Two: Acts of Service

Johnny felt like he’d been living in Groundhog’s Day. Every day he woke up, and it still wasn’t the weekend yet. He was constantly tapping his foot, jumping his leg up and down under the table, as if willing time to speed up. He wasn’t used to feeling so jittery about something – Miguel commented knowingly that Sensei Lawrence had overdosed on caffeine when he fidgeted too much during training.

He got some extra push ups for that, not that he minded, the little twerp.

And then, suddenly, it was Saturday morning, and he was jogging out to his car, keys jangling like his nerves, trying not to think about how eager he was to get to the beach. This time they would be without Robby, without Anthony, alone in the ocean.

Maybe Diaz had a point with his little love language thingy.

At least, that’s what he thought at ten in the morning. By noon, he was pretty sure the love languages thing was bullshit, because he was still waiting for Daniel to show up, and he was about to admit to himself and his stubborn pride that he wasn’t coming. He scoffed, pushing himself off the hood of his car and into the driver’s seat, trying to stifle the ripple of disappointment that ached a little like embarrassment.

He was a high school kid again, playing games with the pretty girl and hoping she knew the rules. Except this time, he was the one who didn’t know the rules.

He grabbed his phone from the cupholder beneath the radio where he’d left it to keep the sand and salt out of it. He almost didn’t look at it. What would he find there, but another avenue to hurt his feelings? Daniel probably hadn’t called.

He sighed and pressed the top button. There were five missed calls on it, and a text from Robby.

“CALL ME NOW,” it said.

He obeyed the text message, thinking ironically that whatever shit was about to hit the fan would at least distract him from Daniel LaRusso.

“What the hell did you do?” Robby’s voice was hoarse, tired, like he’d been yelling for a while already. Johnny’s hand twitched around his keys, itching to turn them in the ignition, to find his son, find the problem. He stuck his hand under his thigh and forced himself to stay still.

“What did I do?” Johnny repeated. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

He could hear something in the background, deep sounds of wood hitting wood, and running water. “Cobra Kai never dies, right?” Robby sneered. “Isn’t that what you say?”

“Yeah…” Johnny trailed off, trying to put together too few available pieces of the puzzle. “Look, I don’t know what –��

“Cobra Kais trashed Miyagi-do last night,” Robby spat.

Suddenly, Daniel’s absence made sense. “Send me the address,” he said firmly, speaking over Robby when he could hear his son preparing to deliver another painful blow. “Now.”

***

He could see the devastation before he even got out of the car. “Cobra Kai Never Dies” seared into his vision from the side of LaRusso’s favorite yellow vintage car, black and stark and painful to look at. He grimaced, shoving the door of his car open and listening for the approach.

It didn’t take long for Daniel to find him.

“Get the hell out of here, Johnny,” he snapped from the porch, and even from a distance, Johnny could see that he was sunburned, sweaty, exhausted. “Before I call the cops.”

“I didn’t do this,” Johnny answered, holding his hands up in the sign of surrender. “I swear. I would never.”

“I don’t believe you.”

That hurt more than Johnny thought it would. He blinked and looked down at the worn earth beneath his feet, almost sand. They should have been at the beach right now. They could have been having fun.

He steeled himself. As much as he didn’t want to, he was going to have to swallow his pride if he wanted to convince Daniel of his innocence. More than that, he wanted to convince Daniel so completely that he would never again believe him capable of something like this.

Because what man would love someone capable of something like this? Whoever had done this had stomped into Daniel’s sanctuary, his shrine to his dead teacher, and crushed it under their boot without remorse. Even when he was blindingly angry, drunk, miserable, Johnny would have never dared wreak havoc here.

“You don’t have to believe me,” he said. “Just tell me what needs fixing.”

Daniel took a step down from the porch, eyes intent on Johnny, so sharp that Johnny wanted to flinch away from them. “What?”

Daniel was itching for a fight, Johnny could see it in his gaze. He wondered if that would make him happy, and considered giving it to him.

But no, he would be selfish, and deny Daniel their personal brand of intimacy. Let this be a new one. “Let me help,” he said softly. “What do you need me to do?”

Daniel furrowed his brows, eyes roving over Johnny’s face like he would find the truth in the lines around his eyes. Johnny let him look, content to suffer under his gaze, waiting to be sent away.

“You really didn’t do this?” He wanted to believe him, Johnny could see in the sad downturn of his mouth.

“LaRusso, if I wanted to torture you, I wouldn’t resort to vandalism,” Johnny replied, tilting his head, giving Daniel a genuine smile instead of his typical smirk. “This has teenage kid written all over it.” Then, without thinking, he blurted, “We aren’t teenagers anymore.”

Daniel clenched his jaw, the bunched muscles protruding from the pressure. “You’re right, we aren’t.”

***

Taking Johnny through the back gate brought the initial shock back; Daniel could see the wreckage as if through his eyes – the broken pots and tipped over plants, the shredded punching bag, the toilet paper all over the trees, the spray paint. He had been trying to clear it up for three hours, at least, and it still looked like he hadn’t even started. It almost made him turn around and leave – though what he would do when he left, Daniel couldn’t tell. He was stuck between wanting to fix everything, put it all back the way Miyagi had it and going to a bar and getting wretchedly drunk.

“Holy shit,” Johnny breathed beside him. Daniel spared him a glance, enough to see that he was clearly still dressed for the beach, and felt a pang of guilt. He hadn’t called to tell Johnny he wasn’t coming – that felt like the closest thing to a courtesy he could give him when he saw the dojo. He had stood there, where Johnny was standing now, trying to reconcile the Johnny he had been thinking about against his will all week with the one who was callous enough to send his students to do something like this.

He didn’t dare hope that Johnny had nothing to do with it, lest he be wrong.

“Where do you need me, boss?” Johnny asked when Daniel didn’t answer.

“Uh,” he stammered, looking around the yard. “We really just need to get the trash picked up first.”

“Cool,” Johnny said, turning away and yanking toilet paper out of the tree beside him. “Go get some water, LaRusso, you look dead on your feet.”

“I don’t need –”

“You do,” Johnny interrupted, and there was that unfathomable softness again, apparent in the wrinkles around his eyes, in the set of his mouth. “Go get some water, and get some for my kid, too.”

Daniel stared at him for a moment, trying to replace the hardened, angry face of Johnny Lawrence in his mind with this almost reasonable one. He sighed, feeling his muscles ache with the breath, and nodded. He returned a few minutes later with cold bottles of water, holding them up for the kids to see. He could feel Johnny watching him as he passed them out, cracking his own open and drinking greedily until the bottle was empty.

When he looked back, Johnny gave him a self-satisfied smirk and kept cleaning.

Daniel felt like he was being constantly barraged by epiphanies about Johnny Lawrence lately. He remembered keenly the understanding he felt when he stood next to him at his childhood apartment.

“A nice house doesn’t mean nice things are going on inside.”

The words made so many unexplained details about Johnny make sense that Daniel kept catching himself thinking about it weeks after. No wonder Johnny had been so angry as a teenager – no wonder he’d adapted so well to Kreese’s teachings. No wonder karate had always been so important, and such a dire skill to learn.

Now, he was seeing new facets, like Johnny surfing, still boyish and energetic in the ocean, familiar and knowledgeable in the way Daniel always wanted to be about anything.

And here he was, slaving away under the hot sun, to prove to Daniel that he hadn’t trashed his dojo.

Daniel wanted to comment that he didn’t think a rich boy from Encino could work so hard, but he found that he was unwilling to break the easy peace they’d found. Instead, he helped Johnny unhook the punching bag from its hook and carried it inside with him.

“I can tape it up,” Johnny said, surveying the cuts critically. “That should hold it for a while, depending on how much you wail on this thing daily.”

Daniel nodded. “I’ll get the tape.”

He ended up kneeling across from Johnny on the wood floor, his hands holding the different gashes together so Johnny could tape them closed, his hands both careful and sure.

“I will find out who did this,” Johnny said after a while, peeling another piece of duct tape free. “I didn’t teach them –”

“I know you didn’t,” Daniel interrupted, and he could see Johnny turn his head to see his face more clearly. “No criminal worth his salt would stay to clean up the mess.”

Johnny chuckled, a genuine laugh under his breath, and Daniel smiled. He didn’t think he’d ever heard that laugh before.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” Daniel muttered, ducking his head lower, closer to the punching bag so Johnny couldn’t see it. “I should have.”

“No,” Johnny muttered, pressing the duct tape into the gash Daniel was holding closed, his fingers brushing over Daniel’s as he secured the tape in place. “I wouldn’t have called me either.”

Daniel looked up at him, accidentally catching his gaze and holding it. There was a sadness in Johnny’s eyes that Daniel could feel, radiating from him like he was trying to warn him away. He wondered why that was. He could feel the edge of Johnny’s hand, pressed onto the punching bag right near his own, warm and soft.

“John –”

“Dad,” Sam blurted, trotting up the stairs and into the house. “We need more hands to pick up the statue.”

Daniel tore his eyes away and found his daughter, face red and hair frazzled. “I’ll be right there,” he said.

“Let’s go,” Johnny said, picking up the punching bag, his voice a forced replica of his usual tone. “I’ll help you.”

Daniel was left to gape after him as he carried the heavy bag by himself back to its hook and replaced it.

***

Johnny couldn’t explain where his strange feeling of hope came from, but once it settled in, he couldn’t shake it. Something about working with Daniel to fix that punching bag, the way they spoke plainly, even if they said it while looking at the punching bag instead of each other, felt important, like Daniel was starting to see him as something other than an immature bully.

He followed Daniel and Sam to the tipped over statue, where tracks in the grass told him that Robby and Sam had already tried to pick up the statue themselves and stumbled. He could tell just by looking at it that it was too heavy for the kids to pick up by themselves, and maybe even too heavy to himself and Daniel to pick up.

“Robby, can you get me those two broken fence planks?” he asked. Robby furrowed his brows at him in confusion but didn’t argue, trotting off to grab the planks.

“What are you thinking?” Daniel asked, stepping closer to him, close enough that Johnny could smell that he was wearing sunscreen. He was reminded, again, of their plans to be at the beach.

“If we can use those rocks and the planks to get the statue just a few inches off the ground, we can probably get it the rest of the way ourselves,” Johnny said. “I had to do this at a landscaping job I did about ten years ago. Some rich Encino broad –” he caught Sam’s close gaze out of the corner of his eye. “Some rich Encino…woman…insisted that she wanted slabs of marble sticking out of her garden in the back yard, and one of them fell over. I was the only one there, so I had to get creative to get it back up.”

“You did a landscaping job?” Daniel asked as Johnny passed him a plank.

“You’re the white-collar guy here, LaRusso,” Johnny remarked, shoving the plank under the statue. “Not me.”

Daniel didn’t answer him, but mirrored his movements, setting his own plank underneath the statue and looking to Johnny for his cue.

The statue was heavier than he expected, but after a few seconds of struggling, it started to lift off the grass. Daniel huffed a surprised scoff, too out of breath to do anything else, and Johnny grinned at him.

Robby and Sam slipped in and took hold of the statue, Johnny and Daniel following, and after some clumsy struggling, the statue was upright again and looking as sturdy against the fence as it had before. The kids cheered, high-fiving first each other, and then their fathers.

“Alright, you two, why don’t you go cool off in the shade and drink some more water?” Daniel said, his eyes landing only momentarily on Johnny. They obliged without argument, trudging off toward the house with heavy feet.

Johnny could feel Daniel’s eyes on him in the wake of the kids’ absence. He turned away from him and surveyed the garden, far more tranquil than it had been when he arrived. He could hear the running water and the deep sound of the wood chimes that he’d heard when Robby called.

He could understand, in quiet moments like this, why Daniel was so protective of this place.

“I want you to try something,” Daniel’s voice broke through his reverie. Johnny turned to see him, a smile just barely quirking his lips upward, his hair tousled and messy from the wind and the work. The sun was starting to sink behind him, leaving gold behind in strands of his hair, his skin supple and dark in the sunlight.

“Is this when you tell me you have weed?” Johnny replied.

Daniel rolled his eyes and led Johnny to the edge of a pond where a round platform floated in the middle.

“Torture device?” Johnny asked.

“Get in the pond, Johnny,” Daniel said, toeing off his own shoes at the edge.

“Are there fish in there?” Johnny asked, peering in.

“There aren’t fish in there,” Daniel laughed.

“Are you sure –?”

Before he could finish, Daniel had grabbed him around the middle and pulled him into the pond with him. The water was ice cold when he went in, so cold he felt the shock ricochet through his body. And then he felt Daniel’s arms around his middle, just barely releasing so they could find the surface safely, and the cold didn’t matter.

He broke the surface, spluttering, and found Daniel grinning at him, trying to hold back his laughter. He launched himself in Daniel’s direction, catching him around the shoulders and shoving him into the water, yanking him back up only a moment later, hand tight around Daniel’s upper arm.

“You don’t want to play that game with me,” Daniel said warningly, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, grinning like a fool. “I’ve been almost drowning my cousins since I lived in Newark.”

“I grew up in the ocean, LaRusso, a body of water intent on drowning you without any help,” Johnny retorted, still holding tight to Daniel’s arm. “I think I can handle you.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows at him, and before Johnny could think of another witty retort, Daniel’s leg was snaking around his and yanking his feet out from under him, sending them both below the surface of the water.

Beneath the surface, Johnny could see the stones on the bottom of the pond, recently scraped clean of algae, if the little green spots in the cracks of the rocks were any indication. Daniel, beside him, was untangling himself from Johnny’s legs, swimming toward the surface again. Deftly, without any struggle, Johnny waited until he broke the surface, gave him time to take a breath, and wrapped his legs around Daniel’s waist, pulling him back down below again.

Daniel glared at him, his eyes almost black under the water, and pushed them both to the surface.

“Okay, okay, time out, we’re actually going to drown each other,” Daniel said, one arm sliding around the small of Johnny’s back to hold him up in the water.

It wasn’t until Daniel’s hand settled on his hip that Johnny realized he still had his legs hooked around Daniel’s waist. He just assumed Daniel would break free of the hold when he made his way to the surface.

His surprise must have shown on his face because he could both hear and feel Daniel chuckle.

“Thank you,” he said, and if Johnny hadn’t been so close, he probably wouldn’t have heard it. “For today.”

Johnny didn’t know what to say. Brushing off Daniel’s thanks would feel like he was cheapening what they had accomplished today, which, based on their track record of working together, was unheard of. But he didn’t really feel like what he did required thanks when really all he wanted was to prove to Daniel he hadn’t trashed the dojo.

And then he remembered one of the love languages that Miguel told him about.

Acts of service.

Perhaps this was the one that would work.

He watched, as if in slow motion, Daniel’s gaze drop to his lips. There was still water running down his face, settling at the point of his chin, dripping in the silence, harmonizing with the chimes at the back door to the house. He could lean in – he moved to unhook his legs from around Daniel’s waist, but Daniel’s arm around him tightened and stilled his movement.

“Tighten your legs,” Daniel said quietly, the same words Johnny said to him last week, and Johnny’s gaze snapped up to his eyes, deep, soulful brown in the shade, eyelashes still wet.

He could lean in – he watched Daniel lick his lips and reached up to grab onto the side of the pond, steadying them both against the side. He leaned in, just a fraction –

“Dad –”

Immediately, Johnny released Daniel’s waist and moved away, far enough that he bumped against the platform floating in the pond.

Daniel’s eyes were still on him, dark and unreadable. “Yes, Sam?”

“Sensei Kreese is here.”

#lawrusso #Johnny Lawrence and the five Love languages

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